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					                                     SUNSHINE (Humor)

More enjoyable quotes

When skies are cloudy and grey
They're only grey for a day
So wrap your troubles in dreams
And dream your troubles away

Until that sunshine peeps through
There's only one thing to do
Just wrap your troubles in dreams
And dream all your troubles away

Your castles may tumble (that's fate after all)
Life's really funny that way
No use to grumble, smile as they fall
Weren't you king for a day?

Just remember that sunshine
Always follows the rain
So wrap your troubles in dreams
And dream your troubles away
(Ted Koehler)


Laughter is the sun that drives the winter from the human face. (Victor Hugo)

Seven days without laughter makes one weak. (Mort Walker)

You only live once, but if you work it right, once is enough. (Joe E. Lewis)

Last season we couldn't win at home and we were losing on the road. My failure as a coach
was that I couldn't think of anywhere else to play.
(Harry Neale, pro hockey coach)

When I was born I was so surprised I couldn't talk for a year and a half. (Gracie Allen)

The secret of managing is to keep the people who hate you away from the people who are
undecided.
(Casey Stengel)

There is no crisis to which academics will not respond with a seminar.

"Who's on first?" "Yes." "I mean the fellow's name." "Who." "The guy on first." "Who." "The
first baseman." "Who." "The guy playing..." "Who is on first!" "I'm asking you who's on first."
"That's the man's name." "That's who's name?" "Yes." "Well go ahead and tell me." "That's it."


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"That's who?" "Yes."
(Abbott & Costello)

Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain. (Martin Mull)

What did the Zen master say to the hot dog vendor? "Make me one with everything." (Steve
Rosenbloom)


I am convinced that everyone in the world is crazy except thee and me and I’m not so sure
about thee.


Marriage is like flies on the screen door. The ones on the outside want in, and the ones on the
inside want out. (Mark Twain)

I used to play golf with a guy who cheated so badly that he once had a hole in one and wrote
down zero on his scorecard. (Bob Bruce)



Ninety percent I'll spend on good times, women, and Irish whiskey. The other ten percent I'll
probably waste.
(Pitcher Tug McGraw, when asked how he spends his money.)

Needs to know - Doesn't need to know - Doesn't want to know - Wants to know but never will -
Knows you know - Shouldn't know - Knows - Knows but won't tell - Knows it all. (Fast
Company magazine)

Average: the best of the lousy and the lousiest of the best.
We are Siamese cats if you please
We are Siamese cats if you don't please
Now we're looking at our new domicile
If we like it, maybe we'll stay for quite awhile
(Peggy Lee)

Sports fans are just dressed up sheep. (Norm Hitzes)

Only in the NCAA basketball tournament do bugs exult as they careen toward a windshield.
(Jason Butler)

If it's a fence, mend it; if it's a dollar bill, spend it.
If it's a load, truck it; if it's a punch, duck it.
If it's a job, do it, put your back to it.
If it's a horse, ride it; if it hurts, hide it.
That's cowboy logic.
He's got a simple solution to just about anything.

 If youth but knew and age but could do.
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A boy's idea of a balanced meal is a piece of cake in each hand.

He’s the kind of guy who gets up at six o’clock in the morning regardless of what time it is.
(Lou Diva)

Mother in law, the worst person I know
She worries me so
If she would leave us alone
We'd have a happy home
Sent from down below
Satan should be her name
To me they're about the same
Every time I open my mouth
She tries to put me out
How could she be so low?
I come home with my pay
She asks what I made
I wish she wouldn't come back no more
(Ernie K. Doe)

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in a large group.


I feel like a firecracker on the 5th day of July! (Chester Goode in Gunsmoke)

This is another fine mess you've gotten me into!
(Oliver Hardy to Stan Laurel)

On being noble: I have decided that what can't be cured must be endured; that when given a
lemon I will make lemonade; that I will let a smile be my umbrella on a rainy day; that I will grin
and bear it; that I will never let them see me sweat; that I will go the extra mile, keep the faith,
stay the course, be a happy camper, be of good cheer, be a good sport, a good loser, and a
happy warrior. I will also swallow my pride, eat crow, lick my wounds, bury the hatchet, beat
my sword into a plowshare, and study war no more. I will also pitch in and help, aid and abet,
shoulder my part of the load, be a strong link in the chain and keep a stiff upper lip. I will try
to do my best, do my darndest, keep on keeping on and raise the colors! (Martha Nichols)


Whatever happens to me next year will happen to me, regardless of what happens.

I think a guy should be able to declare himself legally tired, so he can get out of doing things
he doesn’t want to do.” (George Carlin)

I don't know. I only played there nine years.
(Former Dallas Cowboy fullback Walt Garrison, when asked if Cowboys coach Tom Landry
ever smiled.)


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My life was all music. That’s all there was. Just all music, all day and all night music. Just
any kind of music you play for me, I melt with all of it.
 (jazz musician Lester Young)
A bad cat deserves a bad rat.

"The natives are attacking, Jungle Jim!" "Well what do you know about that." "Nothing really,
Jungle Jim."

Making a really tough decision is like having two twin daughters that are both up for
homecoming queen. (Bob Brenly)

A baseball manager on his slumping shortstop: Until he allows the pitcher to actually let go of
the ball before he takes a whack at it, he’s going to struggle. (Clint Hurdel)

Say it again! (Goober on the Andy Griffith Show)

Egoist: someone who is always me-deep in conversation.


If it looks complicated, quickly lose interest. (Calvin Coolidge)

On the movie, The New Guy:
"Every nanosecond of the The New Guy reminds you that you could be doing something else
far more pleasurable. Something like scrubbing the toilet. Or emptying rat traps. Or doing last
year's taxes with your ex-wife." (Tor Thorsen)

"Every so often a movie comes along that confirms one's worse fears about civilization as we
know it. The New Guy is one of them." (Steven Rea)


"Occasionally loud and offensive, but more often, it simply lulls you into a gentle waking
coma." (Eric D. Snider)


"It made me want to wrench my eyes out of my head and toss them at the screen." (Tony
Toscano)


"Although it starts off so bad that you feel like running out screaming, it eventually works its
way up to merely bad rather than painfully awful." (Steve Rhodes)


If you can’t smile and say yes, please don’t cry and say no. (Nat King Cole song)


Because if it didn't work out, I didn't want to blow the whole day.
(Green Bay Packers running back Paul Horning, on why his marriage ceremony was before
noon.)

                                                 4
Pittsburgh Pirates outfielder Craig Wilson, voted NL Player of the Week: It's a nice honor and
it is nice to get a watch, but I never wear a watch. I just look out the window and see if it's
daytime or nighttime.

I never worry about money because I have enough to last me the rest of my life--unless I
spend some!

You look like you fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

I’m a football running back. If you need 2 yards, I’ll get you 3. If you need 10 yards, I’ll get you
3.

The nation’s first drive-through barbershop must be in Milwaukee. How else to explain Bud
Selig’s haircut? (Dave Kindred)


When you get real old, what doesn't hurt, doesn't work!


Formula for successful public speaking: Be sincere, be succinct, be seated.

Start the day with Mozart and you'll have plenty of sunshine.

Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
(Ambrose Bierce)


To get something done, a committee should consist of three men, two of whom are absent.
(Author unknown)


George Carlin Carries the Day
"Those who dance are considered insane by those who cannot hear the music."
"Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than
you is a maniac?"
"I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. And apparently I'm not a very good American
because I like to form my own opinions."
"We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass."
"Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it."
"Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try
spelling Evian backward. "
"Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?"
"I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.”
"Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist."
"When you're born into this world, you're given a ticket to the freak show. If you're born in America
you get a front row
seat."
 “If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted,
musicians denoted?
                                                       5
“Weather forecast for tonight: Dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.”
“Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.”
“By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.”
“I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no “I” in team.
Maybe not, but there is an “I” in independence, individuality, and integrity.”
"Think off center."




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