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Sailors Laryngitis

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Sailors Laryngitis Powered By Docstoc
					Scene 1
Stowaway: Sailors! Sailors are brave people. Make no mistake. They sail the high seas for months
on end through storms and hurricanes! They sing bawdy songs, hardly ever in tune. Sailors are
GREAT people! I really want to be one!

                                   Song: Sailors All Are We
Scene 2
Stowaway: (sings and dances like the sailors were) Sailors all are we! Sailors all are we!

Captain: Avast!

Stowaway: (continues singing) Sailors all, sailors all, sailors all are we!

Captain: (getting more annoyed) Avast! (Stowaway continues) Avast! Avast! Avast! That means
“Stop it!”

(Stowaway notices that no one else is singing and everyone looking at him. He stops, a bit

Captain: When I say “Avast,” you stop! Stop! Stop! (pause) Don‟t you speak sailor?

Stowaway: No sir, not yet. But I plan to, for I, too, want to be a sailor just like you!

(All sailors laugh.)

Sailor 2: You? A sailor? (Pause – all sailors laugh) You can‟t be a sailor! You‟re too small!

Sailor 3: (old sailor) Arr! You‟re too young!

Sailor 4: You‟re too clean!

Stowaway: But being a sailor is all I‟ve ever wanted to be. It‟s what I‟ve dreamed about ever since
I was a child. (He attempts to show them what a quick learner he is) Watch! Watch this! (He tries
to tie a knot) Avast! Avast! Avast, I say!

(All sailors laugh)

Sailor 5: have you ever tied a knot?

Stowaway: Why, no…

Sailor 2: Have you ever hoisted a sail?
Stowaway: No.

Sailor 4: Have you ever been 6 months at sea without a bath or a shave or a shower?

Stowaway: No. But once, I went a week without brushing my teeth!

ALL: Ewww! That‟s disgusting!

Captain: Listen up, me bucko. We‟re on our way to the big sailor gathering in the big sailor sea
and you ain‟t going with us – that‟s me final word.

Stowaway: But… but…

Captain: Arr! Be off with you now before we…

Sailor 3: Season you up and feed ya to the fish!

All: (react, rubbing hands together excitedly) Ooooooo!

1st Mate: Belay that talk! It‟s time we sail. Get him off the ship!

Sailor 2: Aye! Get him off the ship!

All Sailors: Arr! Get him off the ship!

(some grab the Stowaway and escort him from the stage. He is heard pleading with them on the

Stowaway: Wait! Give me a chance! I know I can do it! (etc.)

(The rest of the sailors begin moving around preparing to set sail)

Captain: Move smartly men! Weigh anchor now and away we sail!

1st Mate: All hands on deck!

Sailor 5: Hoist the flag! (They raise the flag)

Sailor 4: Up, up and away!

1st Mate: That‟s not sailor talk!

Sailor 4: (apologetically) Oh, you‟re right. So sorry. (He tries again) Aye, aye, and away!

1st Mate: That‟s better.

ALL: Aye, aye, and away!
(Stowaway sneaks back on stage in full view of the audience, but not seen by the busy sailors. He
hides in a pile of ropes, behind a stack of crates or in a large chest.)

                                 Stowaway Hides music…

Captain: (speaking slowly and menacingly) Fee! Fie! Foe! Fay! I smell the scent of a Stowaway!

ALL start sniffing… Aye!

Sailor 6: I don‟t know! I don‟t smell anything at all! Well, maybe some of YOU, but I‟m sort of
used to that.

ALL (to Sailor 6) Arrr!

Sailor 6: On second thought, maybe it‟s my allergies. Something does seem a little strange around

1st Mate: Shiver me timbers! There‟s a stowaway on board!

Sailor 2: We have to find him!

Sailor 5: Aye! We have to find him!

Sailor 3: Aye! A stowaway!

ALL: A stowaway!

Captain: Find him, ye sea dogs! Find him!

ALL: Arrrr!

                                      Song: Stowaway!
Scene 3

1st Mate: Arr! We caught you now, ye scurvy dog! Now ye be shark bait for sure!

Sailor 7: Aye! Make „im walk the plank!

Sailor 8: Toss „im overboard!

Sailor 9: Arr! Feed „im to the fish, the bubble-blowing buffoon!

ALL: Hey! Watch your language!
Sailor 9: Oh, sorry. Got carried away I guess.

Captain: Belay, me addled hearties. We can‟t be makin‟ this decision all by ourselves.
(rapid dialogue)

Sailor 10: Aye! You‟re right, ________. This is a decision for you-know-who!

ALL: Whom.

Sailor 10: You know who.

ALL: Whom.

Sailor 10: You know who.

ALL: What?

Captain: Where?

Sailor 10: This is a decision for the King of the High “C‟s,” that‟s whom!

ALL: (with awe and understanding) Ahhh!

Stowaway: The King of the High “C‟s”? Who‟s that?

ALL: What?!

Sailor 11: You don‟t know who the King of the High C‟s is?

Stowaway: Um, „fraid not.

Sailor 11: Feed „im to the sharks!

Sailor 12: The King of the High C‟s is the craftiest crooner of the Caribbean Coast.

Sailor 13: Aye! The swellest singer of the Swashbucklin‟ Sea!

Sailor 14: Arr! The tastiest tenor from Tobago to Tahiti!

Stowaway: The King of the High C‟s is a singer?

ALL: Precisely!

1st Mate: Ye see, me squiffy, at the big sailor gathering in the big sailor sea, there is always a singing

Stowaway: (shocked) A singing contest?

1st Mate: You don‟t know anything about sailors, do you?
Sailor 12: Aye, a singing contest! And all of the sailing ships put forward their best singers in
hopes of winning the grand prize.

Stowaway: What‟s that?

Sailor 13: Yo ho ho! It‟s a bottle of ….

Sailor 14: (interrupting him) Sarsparilla!

Stowaway: Blimey!

1st Mate: Blimey…spoken like a true sailor!

Stowaway: (hopefully) Really?

ALL: Not! (they laugh)

Stowaway: Can I meet him? Can I really meet the King of the High C‟s?

Captain: Meet him you will, ye scallywag! He‟ll be the one deciding your fate. And let me warn
you, he doesn‟t take kindly to stowaways.

Sailor 13: Aye! Especially if ye can‟t carry a tune!

Sailor 14: Here he comes now. It‟s the King of the High Cs and the Chorus of Crusty Crooners!

(King of the High C‟s and the Chorus of Crusty Crooners enter.)

                                 Song: King of the High C‟s
Scene 4

King: (very pleased with himself and with a conceited attitude) Thank you! Thank you all. I am
good, am I not?

Chorus of Crusty Crooners: Aye! Your majesty, the very best!

King: Of course, I am!

Captain: Aye, your majesty! But, we have a bit of a problem here.

King: What is it, Captain?

Captain: Well sir, it seems we have a stowaway aboard.

King: A stowaway? Shiver me timbers, this is not a problem. Send him back to his mom!

1st Mate: Aye sir, but he says he wants to be a sailor, sir.
King: Oh really?

Captain: Blimey, sir. He says he wants to be just like you!

King: Well sink me! Who wouldn‟t?

1st Mate: We tried to explain that he couldn‟t. We tried to tell him that the world could only stand
one of you, but…

King: Avast! Where is this so-called “Stowaway?”

Sailor 15: Here he is, sir. Right here.

(sailors lead the stowaway forward, holding his arms)

King: (can‟t believe his eyes) This? This is the one who wants to be a sailor just like me?

Stowaway: Aye! More than anything, Your Highness! More than anything!

King: Ahoy! You‟ve got to be kidding! Make him walk the plank!

Stowaway: But, sir! I swear I could be a smashing sailor, if only you‟d give me a chance!

King: Oh really? Let me hear you say “Aye!”

Stowaway: Aye, aye, Sir!

King: Let me hear you say “Blimey!”

Stowaway: Blimey! Blimey! Blimey, Sir!

King: Let me hear you say (growling) Arrrr!

Stowaway: Arrrr!

King: Not bad.

                             Song: You Wanna Be A Sailor
                                          Dialogue during song:

Sailor 16: Can you tie a knot?                          Stowaway: Well…. No.
Sailor 17: Do you know the stem from the stern?         Stowaway: Uh…no.
Sailor 18: Can you hoist a sail?                              Stowaway: „fraid not.
Sailor 19: Can you grow a scraggily beard?              Stowaway: NO!
ALL: Oh well…neither can we!
Scene 5

Stowaway: (trying to say an Arrr!, but sounding pretty non-threatening) Arrrg! Arrrrg!

King: No “G”! No “G”!

Stowaway: Arrrr! Arrrr!

King: More AH! Less RRR!

Stowaway: Ahhhhrrr! (His Arr dwindles pathetically)

King: (he‟s had enough of this) Avast! I‟ve heard enough! Throw him in the brig!

Stowaway: But! But!

Captain: To the brig!

ALL: To the brig!

                                   “To the Brig” music
Scene 6

Prisoner 1: (in a mocking voice)My! My! What have we here? Blimey! Looks like a stowaway.

Prisoner 2: Aye, Jack! Looks good enough to eat!

Stowaway: Leave me alone.

Prisoner 3: (teasingly) Leave me alone! (prisoners all laugh)

Prisoner 4: What are ye in for, mate?

Stowaway: I‟m a stowaway.

Prisoner 1: Well, then, we‟re putting ye back on dry land.

Stowaway: But how can this be? All I wanted was to be a sailor… a sailor just like them!

Prisoner 2: Ye should have stayed at home with ye mother, mate. Ye ain‟t no sailor!

Prisoner 4: Now yer hours at sea are numbered for sure, me hearty. And it won‟t be long „til
you‟ll be standing on dry land.

Stowaway: Dry land? Here I am at sea – where I always wanted to be. And yet, I‟ve never felt so
lost and alone in my whole life.
                                       Song: Lost At Sea

Prisoner 3: I know what you mean, mate. It gets mighty lonely out here, especially when you‟re in
the brig.

Prisoner 4: Sometimes we sing this song when we miss our homes and families.

                                      Song: Shenandoah

Scene 7
                  (The sailors on deck are rehearsing for the sailor singing contest)

King: Now remember, mates! It‟s all about breath support! Breathe from your scurvied

Captain: Aye! And don‟t forget round tones, me hearties. Round tones!

1st Mate: Aye! We can‟t lose this year. Not as long as we‟ve got the King of the High C‟s on our

ALL: (ad lib) That‟s right (etc.)

King: (sings warm-ups, spraying his throat, etc.) Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah! (sings a glissando from low
to high C) Ahh – ah!

ALL: (truly impressed) Beautiful.

King: (like Elvis) Thank you! Thank you very much. Hit it! (counts off) Uh one! Uh two! Uh
one, two, three, four!

                                Song: Singin‟ a Sailor Song
               King: (during song) Allright, ye crusty chorus… let me hear you now!!

Scene 8
Sailor 20: If ya don‟t mind me saying so, ________, I think you were singin‟ a little flat…

Sailor 21: Arrr! Who you callin‟ flat ye scallywag!

(All start arguing , telling each other they were out of tune, their diction was awful, “you sing too
loud!” “Your choreography was sloppy!” etc.)

King: (singing as before) Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah! (glissando from low to high C) Ahhh – hhh!
(when he gets to the high note, his voice makes a terrible croaking sound)
Sailor 21: Blimey! What‟s the matter King? Don‟t be messin‟ around with us!

Sailor 22: Aye, King! Don‟t be jokin‟. Tomorrow is the big day. You can‟t be losin‟ your voice
now. You‟re our ticket to first prize.

King: (holding his throat, barely able to croak out a sound) Laryngitis!

1st Mate: What?

King: (still hoarse) Laryngitis!

Crusty Crooners: What?

King: (in a loud, clear voice) I‟ve got laryngitis, ye blaggards! How many times do I have to…
(then hoarse again)…tell you?

ALL: Laryngitis? Blimey!

Sailor 22: What are we going to do?

Sailor 23: Arrr! There goes first prize.

Sailor 24: Yo ho ho, there goes our bottle of….

ALL: Sarsparilla!

                From the brig they all hear a very sweet voice singing – Shenandoah.

Stowaway: (singing in the distance) Lost at sea….lost at sea….Tell me where I‟m meant to be…

Captain: What was that?

Stowaway: (still singing) Hear my plea… set me free… „cause I‟m lost, I‟m lost at sea…

1st Mate: Why that‟s the most beautiful voice I‟ve ever heard.

Sailor 20: Aye! And it‟s coming from the brig.

Sailor 25: The brig? Find out who it is! This might be the break we need.

(two sailors bring in the Stowaway, holding him by the arms)
Captain: Aha and Ahoy! It‟s the Stowaway! Tell me, Stowaway, was it you that we heard singing
so melodiously?

Stowaway: Aye, sir! It was I! I guess I wasn‟t very sailor – but I meant no disrespect!

1st. Mate: Disrespect? That‟s the best singing we‟ve ever heard on this ship!

(the King stomps his foot and clears his throat)

Sailor 24: Aye, mate! Like he said, that‟s the best singing we‟ve ever heard on this ship!

(the King crosses his arms in disgust)

Sailor 25: Aye! Now you must go with us to the sailor-singing contest in the big sailor sea. With
your help, I know we can win.

Stowaway: Do you really think so? Do you really think I can help you win?

Captain: Well, there‟s one way to find out. Gentlemen…

Warmup: All sing a scale: Do, Re, Mi, Fa, So, La, Ti…. They wait until the Stowaway finally sings
                                      a beautiful high Do

ALL: Perfect!

King: (hoarsely) Perfect!

Stowaway: Wow! Does that mean I get to be a full-blown sailor just like all of you?

1st Mate: Well I don‟t know about that…

Stowaway: No sailor…no sing!

Captain: Aye, mateys! Join me in a sailor huddle.

ALL get in huddles. There is much gesturing and talking. Finally they all say:

One! Two! Three! Break!

Captain: After much discussion, we have decided to ask you a few pertinent questions.

ALL: Pertinent?
1st Mate: That‟s advanced sailor talk for “ important!”

Stowaway: Ask away!

Captain: Do you promise to never be lily-livered or ever say “wow” again?

Stowaway: Wow! I mean Aye! I sure do!

Captain: Do ye swear by your mother‟s honor that you‟ll honor the sailor flag?

Stowaway: (saluting) Aye, aye, Captain, „til me dying days!

1st Mate: Do ye swear to be the heartiest, bravest sailor ever to sail the high seas?

Stowaway: Aye! Aye! Aye!

Captain: Then, by the powers vested in me, I proudly pronounce you a full-on blow-me-down,
shiver-me-timbers sailor of the briny sea!

1st Mate: Hip! Hip!

ALL: Hooray!

1st Mate: Hip! Hip!

ALL: Hooray!

1st Mate: Hip! Hip!

ALL: Hooray!
                         Song: Reprise of Sailors All Are We!

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