Journal by niusheng11

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									Tue 6th January 2009

I am still in recovery mode at the moment and didn’t really do much today. I got up around 8:30 and
logged in to make sure that I wasn’t missing anything. I wasn’t.

Heike sent me a Skype message saying that she wanted to start looking for another job but I didn’t
get this straight away so when I tried to contact her again, she wasn’t there. I finally got in touch
with her and although I understand her frustrations, I wanted her to stay on at least for a few more
months and convinced her to do so.

I contacted Nath to discuss the letter writing project so that I could get Heike on that as well and
Nath said he is still up for it and sent me through some templates from his letters and his Excel
sheets but it is proving difficult to get a solid understanding of what he wants and I think he is
overcomplicating it to a certain extent.

I had my call with Markus and he seemed pretty relaxed and basically said that we should hang fire
and wait until the subscriptions are implemented on MyHammer and gauge how effective these are
before making any further decisions on how to proceed with the UK.

I got a text from a guy called Joe who I met doing ‘A Night Called Gerald’ and who I thought would be
interesting to hook up with to see if we could do some comedy stuff together and basically just to
extend the network of people that I know that are interested in making inroads into that scene.

I decided to start writing a journal (again) and want to use it as an anchor to help me make some
progress in my life and to act as a counterweight to my inherent procrastination.

Wed 7th January 2009

I let myself wake up naturally and got up at about 10:30. I then made myself some poached eggs on
toast and watched a bit of telly. I cleared a few tasks and emails for work and then sourced an
engraver in Barnsley. I found one in Oakwell and drove down there with the ‘Bar Olympic’ trophy. It
was quite difficult to find the place but I got there in the end and everyone was pretty helpful. He
said that I should pick it up at lunchtime the next day. I drove over to M&S at Woolley Edge services
and got some sandwiches and also had a go on the ‘Deal Or No Deal’ fruity and ended up taking £8,
which was a £4 profit.

I came home and then got on with some minor tasks while watching TV and messing about on the
Internet. I’ve got into House recently and watched that. I then had a nap until my mum came home
and asked me to go with her to visit my dad in hospital so we drove through to Sheffield and were
only there for just over an hour.

Thur 8th January 2009

I didn’t get up until about 10 and when I did I woke my mum up and reminded her that she had a
hypnotherapy appointment. After she had left the house I nipped up to the shop to get some bread
so I could make some boiled eggs and toast. As I was getting out of my car I saw Sue from next door
struggling towards me so I gave her a little wave. I was hoping that she would not be coming into the
same shop as me as I didn’t want to have to have the chance of maybe giving her a lift back home. I
don’t know why this would have been an issue as she lives right next door and it wouldn’t have been
any problem for me. I was relieved to see her walk on past the shop.
I came home and had my breakfast. I wished that I had bought some more eggs because although
the ones I used were well in date, they just weren’t as good as they could have been. I was
determined to get through all my outstanding open tasks in Outlook and got on with this. I therefore
wrote a sketch that me and Dale had discussed, decided to ignore Sylvie’s request for some sort of
photo and paragraph about my friendship with Jamie that she wanted to create for his 30th, ordered
a fitted mattress cover for my bed in Barnsley, chose some hypnosis CDs that my mum wanted to get
me for my 30th birthday, texted Joe to say that I was available to meet him next week to discuss some
comedy and drove through to Barnsley to pick up the trophy. I am hoping to procrastinate less and
one of the reason’s for writing this journal is to force me to review my actions regularly so that I
cannot hide from not doing the things that I want to do. It is already working as exemplified by the
fact that writing that last paragraph has spurred me on to actually give Sylvie some content for her
book, which I have now done.

On the way back from picking up the trophy, I went into PC world to buy myself a new headset
because my old one was getting a bit past it. I would ideally like a Bluetooth headset for my PC that
also has a microphone on it but I can’t find this type of thing anywhere.

I continued with some work and had a chat with Jim via Skype to test my new headset. I then
watched a bit of House and continued doing bits of work and getting on with my tasks. I had a call
with Natalie from Hill & Knowlton about our PR situation and I find it hard to get any motivation
about this as we don’t seem to make any inroads and I can tell she is feeling my apathy. I promised
that I would send her an update with some stats on how we were getting on.

It is interesting to write a journal as it is hard to decide what to write and what depth to go into in
terms of my reactions and my thoughts to events. I have often tried in the past to write diaries and
journals but always end up just doing a few weeks or just beyond a month so this time I am going to
do my best not to force it. Just write the rough outline and if I feel the need to expand then I will do
so and if not then that’s fine too.

Fri 9th January 2009

I woke up early with a phone call from Rich. He was responding to my message from last night
informing him that I had my passport and so we could book Vegas. I was disorientated when he rung
me and thought it was Saturday. He was quite amused by my lack of coherence but he agreed that
he would book the flight and get in touch with Baz to see if he wanted his flight booking too.

I got up properly at about 10 and had a bit of toast and then settled down to watch a bit of House
that I had downloaded. Linda arrived at about midday and I had a chat with her and then got in the
bath. I always look at Linda and my mum with a sense of wonder at how they can just get on with
mundane tasks and maintain a positive disposition. I find it exceedingly difficult to get on with any
trivial or mundane tasks without a sense of being cheated of that time. I doubt I would do anything
constructive with the time I would free up from such tasks but still, I’d rather rob myself of this time
than feel that it was being stolen by nothing other than the minutiae of existence.

I did a few bits of work and then drove out to get a KFC but for some reason when I got there and
saw the queue for the drive through, I decided not to bother. The queue was only three cars but I’d
noticed that this KFC was pretty badly run and I had half a mind on going to Meadowhall with my
I got back and had some crumpets and then watched some darts. My Aunty came around and asked
where my mum was. My mum came home and went straight out to Meadowhall without asking me
if I wanted to join her.

I gave Nath a call to see if he was doing anything but I didn’t get any reply.

So I spend another Friday night alone. I am not that bothered by this and the only thing that worries
me is that I don’t mind and perhaps I should.

Sat 10th January 2009

I spent most of the morning messing about watching TV and stumbling around the Internet.

I hit a level of abject boredom at around 1pm but decided to embrace the boredom rather than to try
and subjugate it. I often think that boredom is a transitory experience that you can either fight or
give in to. If you fight it then you end up doing something to distract yourself but if you let it take
over you and actively drive through it, your subconscious mind takes over and you can come out the
other side having had some deep and profound thoughts that were induced by your brain’s desire to
manage the boredom. This is just a hypothesis and on this occasion I ended up downloading a list of
5000 vocabulary words that are used in SATs and then wrote a macro in Excel that separated the
word from the definition. I then wrote a mini program in Excel that showed you the word and the
definition and then allowed you to test your cognition. This is basically a response to my desire to
extend my vocabulary because not only do I think that it will help me in general life, I feel that it will
have a direct and positive result on any stand-up or improvisation that I do.

I also came up with the idea for generating a series of online courses where you pay people to take
part in them. The essence would be that people deposit an amount (say £25) and if they complete
the course in the allotted time then we return £50 to them. The premise is that you could potentially
make money through breakage and in this example you would need more than 50% not to complete
the course and you can turn a profit. This is a reflection of my desire to get in on helping people
learn. This is something that interests me because I would like to feel that I am allowing people an
opportunity to realise their full potential and to help them become efficient and capable at learning
is probably the number one way that you can allow people to do this.

I also joined a speed reading course to see if it had any potential. It is a free taster and then you can
choose to take on the full course, which only costs $49 so it might be worth it if it can give me even a
slight improvement in reading speed and/or comprehension.

I got a bit itchy for something to at around 4pm and gave Nath a call but couldn’t get through. I
didn’t text him or leave a message because I wasn’t too bothered if I was unable to contact him. I
gave Baz a call and asked him if he was gonna come to Vegas with me and Rich in August and he said
that he was definitely up for it and would follow up with Rich.

My mum had bought me some steak so I cooked it but it was difficult to cook with the frying pan that
she has and it was also encrusted with peppercorns so I couldn’t eat it. I know that this is a bit
wimpy but I just can’t eat peppery food.
I then settled down to watch a couple of episodes of House. I am really getting into it at the moment
even though it is very formulaic but I find the character of House to be the most compelling character
on TV that I have ever seen. I am downloading the entire series and I reckon I’ll gorge on it.

Sun 11th January 2009

I got myself ready to go back to London and gathered together all the stuff that I needed to take with
me. I didn’t really have that much as I have a full complement of toiletries in both locations and I
have enough clothes up in Barnsley to not need to worry about that. The bulk of the stuff was made
up of books and my laptop.

I had a good long bath and then watched Man U v Chelsea. Dale rang me up just before the end of
the first half and we had a chat about getting ‘Gerald’ (our comedy night) ready for Wednesday and
also about trying to put together a show for Edinburgh. We also discussed Dale’s other hobby of
poetry and spoken word recital. I am quite interesting in dipping my toe into that scene and me and
Amanda have talked about going down a couple of times to check it out so I said I’d ask her and see if
she was interested.

I watched the second half and Man U ended up winning 3-0. I packed everything up and then my
mum took me to Wakefield Westgate to get the 20:27 train to King’s Cross. It was pretty busy and
much busier than the train I normally get at about 18:30. I assume that as the 20:27 is the last train
out on a Sunday that people hold on for this one so they can maximise their time up north.

I managed to find a double seat to myself and then settled down to try and come up with some
material for Wednesday. I have been finding it quite hard to think of something as our theme this
time is ‘Resolutions/Fresh Starts’, which is a bit abstract and not like the other themes of
embarrassment, sex or love that we have done in the past where I can fall back on nob jokes and
shitting jokes. I managed to cobble something together that I think can work out so I want to expand
on that.

I got back to the flat and cotched around with Jamie and Octave and watched a bit of TV with them
and then went up to bed.

Mon 12th January 2009

I’m back in London so I have to go back into the office. I woke up feeling groggy but got myself up,
had a shower and got the bus into work. I went to Starbucks and got a hot chocolate and at Granola
bar for breakfast. I felt a bit better walking along to work about having to go into the office as
although there is little point in going in, I also know the opposite scenario of working exclusively from
home and how quickly cabin fever can set in. I have to admit though that my preferred choice is
working from home because I would rather be in control of my own boredom than occupied by the
tat and trivial tasks given to me by someone else. However, I’m in charge of the UK office at the
moment so I don’t really have to do too much other than act as an interface between the UK team
and the Germany team and offer guidance and support to everyone in the UK but there isn’t actually
that much that I really have to do so its more about face time in the office than doing that much
constructive work. It has kind of propelled me towards spending my days trying to find things to do
to occupy my mind between doing bits and bobs for MyHammer.
Dale gave me a call and said he wanted to meet up at lunchtime to discuss putting together a show
for Edinburgh so I went and met him at the Internet Cafe just near our office on Essex Road. We had
a good chat about it and basically I just act as a sounding board for Dale and encouraging him to do
stuff. I benefit from being able to build some experience of performing, creating and getting out
there. He is full of ideas and notions of formulating new comedy/performance experiences and in
this respect, he reminds me of myself when I was younger but whereas I never really managed to get
anything going due to what I perceive to be a lack of opportunity and support, I feel that I can help
Dale realise his ideas by acting as his support. It should also hopefully get my own juices flowing
again so I can come up with my own crazy ideas and this time actually make a few happen.

Dale had an idea for something called ‘A History Of The World In 15 Minutes’, which we extended to
59 minute show that could involve music, improve, stand-up and sketches and this is the show that
we will try and take to Edinburgh.

I came back to the office and they had been painting outside and the fumes were a bit overpowering
and sent me a bit funny. I left the office at about 5.30 and walked back along Essex Road and then
along Upper Street to have a look and see if I could locate a decent hairdresser. I quite liked the look
of the Aveda one but also N1 ZOO.

I got back to the flat and did 30 minutes skipping. It was pretty hard as I haven’t done it for a while
but it was good to get back into it. Jamie made me some food, which was salad, potatoes and veggie
burgers. I would never make this myself so it is good to have a bit of variety in your diet.

I then settled down to trying to write my set for this week’s Gerald, which I am finding quite difficult
as the them of ‘Resolutions/Fresh Start’ is proving difficult as one that inspires any real humour. It is
quite a worthwhile exercise for me though as it means I have to engineer some humour out of a topic
that doesn’t lend itself that easily to comedy. I got together the bare bones of something that I am
quite pleased with and although I don’t think that it is hilarious, I think it is good enough and with a
bit of spit and polish and a few more wank and shit jokes and a sprinkling of funny voices and actions,
it could do a job.

Tue 13th January 2009

I made myself some poached eggs on toast when I got up and then went into the office. Nath called
me and we discussed the letter project. Basically, every time a financial adviser sells a product they
have to send a letter to the client for compliance reasons and he has been talking about setting up a
program that can automatically generate these letters for you. It seems relatively easy but the
difficult thing at the moment is getting the information flowing between ourselves and Nathan. He
agreed to send me some information about it today and to dissect a letter, outlining all the points
where input would need to be drawn in so that we could then start putting together the logic. He
said he’d send me it by the end of the day and I expressed my surprise at this but he seemed to think
that he’d manage it.

I booked myself an appointment to get a haircut at Aveda on Upper Street.

I took part in the Fuhrungskreis (Leadership Circle) meeting for MyHammer, which took 2 hours and
cost €25 on Skype. I gave my report on the state of the UK. There is not too much that we can really
do at the moment because all resources are tied up introducing the new subscription and directory
services. The deadline for these has been extended so many times with the original deadline set for
August 2008. The deadline we had been working on at the moment was 15th February but in the
meeting they outlined that the new target date was 27th February but I don’t really believe that this is
based on anything other than assigning another arbitrary date sometime in the near future.

I got home and did some skipping. It was a bit easier today. Jamie came into my room when I was
finished and was fretting about the fact that the ceiling moves a bit when I’m skipping. He was also
worrying about some cracks in my room. I asked him why he’d bought himself such a shit house and
he elbowed me quite hard in the chest. This was quite a result as it is pretty difficult to get a rise out
of Jamie.

I then cooked Jamie some food – pasta, bacon, mushrooms, tomatoes, runner beans, black olives and
pesto. I offered to cook for Sylvie but she had some stuff left over from the night before.

I then went upstairs and went through my routine a few times to try and get it off pat. I’m not
amazingly happy with this one as I don’t think the content is that great so I will have to rely heavily
on the nuances of the delivery. It is also a bit long – maybe 8 or 9 minutes, which doesn’t seem too
long but which is quite long for Gerald. I don’t really see any big laughs in it but hopefully it will be
amusing and entertaining enough to see me through.

Wed 14th January 2009

I went into work and got on with some stuff. Daniel Pahl rang me from Berlin to discuss our Google
account. He doesn’t like the structure of the UK Google account and thinks that we should mirror
the way that they have it in Germany. Apparently Jim is not keen on doing this but I think it makes
sense to do this just so that in future it is easier to handle the accounts together. I told Daniel that
I’d have a word with Jim about it and convince him to alter the account to mirror Germany.

I cleaned up my material for Gerald and finalised a version that I thought was good enough. I then
went out at 12 to get my hair cut. I went to Aveda on Upper Street and I really liked the vibe of the
place. You get a neck and scalp massage before they do your hair. I had a good chat with the
hairdresser about my hair. I normally try and give hairdressers a bit of scope to kind of do what they
want with my hair but this never really works. I would have thought that if someone came in and
offered them the opportunity to do whatever they wanted that they would enjoy the opportunity
this gave them to be creative. It never actually works out like this though and I think like any job,
they just want take the path of least resistance. The haircut was alright but not great. It was a bit
generic and could basically have been done by any common barber. I think that I’ll go to Jess next
time. She is a girl that I snogged once at one of Hardy’s parties and is apparently a hairdresser so I’ll
give her a go.

I came back to the office and my new dartboard had arrived. I bought it because I need to do some
practising for the Bar Olypmics. I won last year and am defending my title. Darts was one of my
worst events so I need to work on it a bit and I guess it is something to do in the office. The darts
haven’t arrived yet but we got the office handyman to put the dartboard up so as soon as they arrive,
practice can begin.

I spent the rest of the afternoon learning my material and getting together some pictures for the
caption competitions. I wanted somewhere to actually be able to stand up and go through and I
thought that the old Bright Green office would be ideal. Bright Green were a recruitment company
that had an office in the same building from us but had moved out. I tried the door and it was open
so I was able to pop in there from time to time to go through and practice my material, which was
pretty cool.

I printed everything out and headed down to the Barley Mow and met up with Dale. We had
another chat about Edinburgh and have pretty much got everything ready now to send off our

The night went pretty well but it was a bit too unstructured for my liking and instead of being a
consistent thing throughout, it was more disjointed and like a normal comedy night with act after
act. Dale had also been talking about his Very Open Mike project. Dale really wants to try and
recreate the feeling of when you are in a pub with your mates and everyone is in the zone and
everyone is chipping in and everything that everyone says is hilarious. I have been trying to tell Dale
that this sounds great but is not scalable beyond a group of 5 or 6 people where at least a framework
of existing relationships and group structures exist. Dale feels that he can recreate this in a large
group of about 30 people but I don’t think it is possible. I’ve not ruled it completely out and I’m
happy to support him in experimenting with this. On the evidence of this performance, it doesn’t
really work and Dale even bottled the bit with the Very Open Mike so not only was the show
compromised because he built it around this element, he didn’t actually do it so there was no
learning from this as an experiment.

My bit went down pretty well but as we had not really explored the theme already it suddenly felt a
bit strange for the material to be about New Years and fresh starts.

The improv went down well and the comedian who came along to do the last bit said that he’d really
enjoyed the experience and would be happy to come back anytime. This surprised me as I thought
he’d been a bit frustrated by the nature of the night, which lends itself to a lot of heckling and crowd
interaction. The message that I want to get across to Dale is that this is our biggest asset because if
we can build a network of people who enjoy coming to and performing at our night then this will
open up opportunities in itself and things will happen.

Afterwards we had a few beers and one of the girls whose number I took the last time had a go at me
for not calling her but she was ok about it and I told her if she came to three performances then I’d
take her out on a date. There were some pretty hot Brazilian chicks there from the language school
that Dale works at and we went to a club with them. Unfortunately I didn’t get any vibes from any of
the hot ones and the fittest one was there with her boyfriend. I’m not feeling very attractive at the
moment and I think this is a mixture of feeling that I look a bit unfit and pasty, my hair is fucking
boring and I just don’t have the inner confidence that sometimes just clicks into place. Oh well,
hopefully it’ll kick back in sometime. You just have to be patient and hope that everything will click
back into place at some stage and if it doesn’t well...what you gonna do?

Thur 15th January 2009

Jim was working from home so there was just me and Heike in the office. The darts arrived and I
spent quite a lot of time practicing darts. I think I am making some progress but you can never be
entirely sure. I read some tips online to help me out but I think probably just putting in the time is
gonna make the difference.

I hooked up with Joe Deeney and James Campbell in a pub near Liverpool Street at 7pm. I wasn’t
entirely sure what James’ name was but I thought I heard Joe call him Ed so I was calling him Ed the
whole night. I didn’t realise that his name wasn’t Ed until the next day when I looked him up on
FaceBook. Oh well, I’ll just pretend Ed is a term of endearment in Barnsley like ‘mate’, ‘dude’ or

I just wanted to meet up with them to try and build up more of a network of people who are doing
some creative comedy stuff. They are thinking about putting some sort of website and I expressed
my interest in getting involved.

It was a good laugh and they were really funny guys so hopefully we’ll be able to get on with doing
something constructive together.

Fri 16th January 2009

I was a bit hung over during the day but managed to get on with some work and had a chat with Jim
about Google. He told me that he was happy to change the structure and had expressed this to
Daniel Pahl but just wanted to wait until we had got Mediacom completely off the account. He sent
a confirmation to Daniel Pahl that he was gonna do this but that it would be done in a phased
process once we knew exactly when Mediacom would be gone.

I had a product call with Markus, Dano and Micheal Dierck, which was alright but a little bit pointless
for me. I don’t really have any ability to make a case for any features being prioritised as the UK
business is so much smaller than Germany and even if something was prioritised in these meetings, I
know that it would primarily be to appease me but that then the prioritisation of this feature would
slip in the face of new priorities emerging. I told them all that I would be going over to Berlin
between Wednesday and Friday the following week. I will actually be flying out on Tuesday evening
(I hate the early morning flights) and not coming back until Sunday evening so that I can have a
weekend in Berlin.

Jamie came over after work to the office and we had a quick game of darts. We then went for a
quick pint at the New Rose before heading up on the bus to Highbury Corner, where we got off
because Jamie fancied some falafel. I had some too but I have to admit that I don’t really like them
that much.

We got back to the flat and I was feeling a bit knackered but Octave was going out and had invited us
along so we got ourselves together and headed out to meet him at Hoxton square. We got there and
the queue was pretty big but fortunately Martin was already there in the queue so we jumped in
with him. There was a bit of a MoneyBookers crowd there including Hardy, Felix, Octave, Martin and
some guy from the US office. Octave has somehow managed to get himself a crush on Zweike so she
was there with Heike. Octave’s friend Sophie was there. I’ve snogged her a couple of times in the
past but primarily just drunkenly and with the main motive being to annoy Octave. She had brought
a friend with called Marianne who was pretty hot. Hardy was making some moves on her but I was
getting some vibes from her and ran a bit of game on her and ended up snogging her.

We went to 333 after and it was alright but I don’t think Martin and Hardy were that impressed with
it. Martin was complaining that it didn’t have any soul. I agree with him but it was one of those
nights where you weren’t really gonna get to go anywhere great due to the amount of people that
were out and how mixed the group was.
I didn’t have my phone on me so I told Marianne that I would get her number from Octave via
Sophie. Octave, Zweike and I then got a taxi back to the flat and dropped Zweike off along the way.
We got back and had some pizza and then Jamie arrived back and then we all headed off to bed.

Sat 17th January 2009

I got up and made myself some poached eggs and then went back to bed for a bit. I’d agreed to go
down to the office to meet Dale to go through some stuff but I missed a couple of calls from him and
we eventually agreed that we’d meet up around 2 O’clock.

I made my way down to the office and we went through some stuff about the previous Gerald, some
ideas for Edinburgh and then we did some improv practice. Dale agreed with me that Gerald was a
bit unstructured and that we would structure it more in future. The session was really positive and
we had a good laugh.

I then hung around the office to play a bit of darts before cycling back home on Jamie’s bike, which
he had left in our office from the night before. I got home and watched a bit of TV with Jamie, Sylvie
and Octave and then had a long chat with Baz on the phone about the Bar Olympics and our strategy.
We are trying to get in a good day of practice the day before and maybe get a bit of go-karting in.

I then watched some Curb with Jamie and Octave before heading up to bed.

Sun 18th January 2009

I got up pretty late and then headed down to the office to watch some House and play some darts. It
is alright going into the office on a weekend to get a bit of space. Otherwise it can be depressing just
being around the flat with Sylvie, Jamie and Octave.

Jim gave me a call and told me that he’d got through to the next round of ‘Live & Unsigned’. He
wants me to help him out promoting himself for the regional final.

I had a KFC and then went home to watch the snooker. I had a bet with Octave and gave him Ronnie
and I took Selby. Ronnie ended up winning it after a long slog and I was pretty knackered and fancied
an early night so it was quite annoying that it ended up lasting until about 1am.

Mon 19th January 2009

I had a crazy dream about trying to sleep on the slanted bit on top of a canary-wharf style building. A
few other people were trying to do it and we were getting ourselves equipped for the night ahead,
which seemed like it was going to be cold.

I got on the bus on the way to the office and sat right at the back. A hot chick came and sat next to
me. Well, I’m not actually sure if she was hot or not because she was covered up with winter
clothes, a scarf and a hat and I couldn’t really stare at her. This got me to thinking how funny it is
that little random things like this can brighten up your day.

I went to the Internet cafe near the office and ordered a bacon sandwich and then ate it at work.
Heike arrived a bit late because of some trouble with the buses.
I didn’t really do much throughout the day and just got on with my weekly report. Lauren sent me an
email. She was my first ever intern at MyHammer and she was just sending me a little not to keep in
touch so I sent her a message back.

I posted a job on MyHammer for Jamie to get a plug socket fixed and another one fitted in a more
convenient place. Jamie told me about his list of things to do for the day and I just laughed at him
and his inability to get things done. I was proved right when I got back to the flat and he hadn’t
completed half of the list.

I watched a bit of House in the afternoon, played a bit of darts and then headed home.

We rearranged the living room and went up to Tesco to get some food. We bought some lamb to go
into some pasta and it was alright but it didn’t really work properly. Baz called me to say that he had
sorted out somewhere decent for us to go go-karting in Wakefield so everything was pretty much on
for our practice session.

Octave got a phone call from Sophie and afterwards I asked him if he had got Marianne’s number for
me and he said that he had forgotten about it. It is an interesting sign that I am not really that
bothered whether I get her number or not and even if I did get it, I’m not sure whether or not I would
bother arranging to see her again.

I then watched some TV before heading up to bed.

Tue 20th January 2009

I had a strange dream that involved me being in a lift at a cinema trying to get to a floor. The number
of the floor I wanted to go to wasn’t working and the other people in the lift told me that this was
because the only place I could go was to be with my loved ones. It turned out that I was apparently
dead and this was some sort of afterlife and I was supposed to find my loved ones so I could be with
them but I couldn’t think of anyone or anywhere suitable. Sad isn’t it?

I got up pretty late as I was working from home and when I finally went online, I got into a chat with
Janina. I worked with Janina in Berlin at Jamba and had the major hots for her. She is a bit of a tease
and I mentioned to her that I was gonna be in Berlin until the weekend but she was non-committal
on meeting up. She was touting around a potential trip to New York but I don’t really think that she
was serious about it.

I got an email from Rich saying that he was looking into doing a day at a race track in Oxford where
you can drive loads of sports cars. He wanted to make a weekend of this and combine it with doing
our CBT. I have been wanting to learn to drive a motorbike for ages but never got round to it and the
CBT is the first step. I had seen crash courses for passing your driving test but they don’t appear to
have anything similar for motorbikes. Rich is interested too so we agreed over a year ago that at
some stage we would do our CBT together.

I was looking to get some karting practice in Berlin. We used to go quite a lot when I worked at
Jamba and last time I met up with Tobo, he told me that he had been with a few friends so I gave him
a call to see if he was interested in going karting with me when I arrived in Berlin. I couldn’t get
through to him and left him a message. I was hoping that he wasn’t pissed off with me because I had
recently snogged a girl at one of Martin’s parties that he had also snogged once at another of
Martin’s parties. Apparently she had turned up a few weeks later in Berlin and had been at his
apartment crying. I was taking the piss out of her for this and apparently she’d had a go at Tobo
about it and he’d texted me to say that I shouldn’t be saying this sort of stuff. I didn’t think he would
be pissed off (at least not permanently) but as I couldn’t get through, I started wondering a bit.

Baz had left me an email about our practice day for the Olympics and it all looks pretty well on as he
has found a place where we can go karting. I want him to actually get us some kind of lessons but
even if he can’t, a bit of practice should go a long way.

I did 40 minutes of skipping and then did some weights. I did some exercise with the waits that
mimicked the motion of throwing darts to try and build strength there so that my control over the
darts is better. I doubt this will have any real effect and I know that it is a bit sad but when you’re life
is empty, you look for things to fill it. Afterwards I had a nice long bath. I really enjoy bathing but
Jamie and Sylvie are not major proponents as they feel that it wastes water. I can accept that it is
not the most efficient method of getting clean but a bath is not just about getting clean, it is a means
of relaxation and a valuable space where you can lose yourself in your own thoughts with minimal

I sorted out a bit of washing and was thinking about maybe doing a bit of a batch or ironing but I
didn’t really get round to it and instead watched some House and read a bit of New Scientist (in
between doing odd bits of work obviously) and then got my stuff together and headed out to get the

The journey to Gatwick was pretty uneventful and even though the Gatwick Express looked packed, it
was pretty empty towards the front of the train and I got a decent table seat to myself. I started
reading ‘For Whom The Bell Tolls’ but suddenly a wave of tiredness came over me and I dropped off
into an empty sleep where time doesn’t seem to pass and was surprised to be woken up seemingly
an instant later and find that we had arrived at Gatwick airport.

I checked in and headed through security. Everything went pretty well and I wanted to get
something to eat but for some reason I wasn’t in the mood for going anywhere decent and
McDonalds was too full for my liking. I wandered around for a bit trying to decide what to do and
ended up just grabbing a sandwich from Smiths and then eating it sat on the chairs facing the
departure board. I read a little bit and it took ages for the flight gate to be announced. I headed
down to the gate as soon as it was announced and got ready for the usual Easyjet scrum as I had
been assigned boarding group B. Fortunately the plane was nowhere near full and I got a nice
window seat and the middle seat was empty. I read a bit more of my book and dozed a little bit. The
guy next to me was annoying me because he’d taken his shoes off and his feet smelled a bit.

I got to try out my new passport for the first time and for some reason the guy scrutinised it a bit,
which was probably because it is a slightly new style. As the plane was landing, I got a call, which is
always embarrassing as it alerts everyone to the fact that you ignored the instruction to switch off
your phone. I quickly turned it off. I landed and checked my message, which was from Tobo saying
that he was interested in going karting and that I should call him the following day.

I jumped into a taxi and headed for the hotel. I hadn’t made a note of the address because I knew
where it was and could walk there easily from Alexanderplatz but this didn’t make it easy for the taxi
driver to locate it and as it is a new hotel, not many taxi drivers are aware of it yet. I got him to drop
me off at Alexanderplatz and then walked along the Spree to the hotel, checked in and went to bed.

Just like that, I’m back in Berlin.

Wed 21st January 2009

I took the U-Bahn to the office and as I didn’t have any change, I travelled as a Schwarzfaher (the
German term for fare dodger). I got into the office at around 9am and sat in Daniel Pahl’s room. I
got my laptop set up with an external keyboard, mouse and monitor and I really like the extra
desktop space that this gives you. I’m definitely going to get myself set up with a better workspace
from now on.

I touted around the idea of going karting to everyone and got a mixed reaction, which was not
surprising given the short notice. Everyone said they would think about it.

I met up with our new intern Sebastian who seems like a pretty good guy. He is very motivated and
enthusiastic and seems pretty clever. I went out for lunch with him, Pahl, Dierck, Beyer, Dani and
Kati to some Italian restaurant near the office.

I got Flo on the case in the afternoon to get the karting set up and we managed to get 8 of us. I’d got
a bit confused about the venue and the first place that we rang didn’t have a booking for us. We
managed to finally locate the correct venue and rang in our details. They adjust the karts according
to weight.

We didn’t set off until 8:20 and the track was booked for 8:45 and we were supposed to be there for
8:30. We arrived around 8:45 but there were no issues and the group before us were still racing.
The race was pretty good and I started in 6th position. I got a good start on the grid but after a while
Daniella Kliche caught me up and I was back in 6th and that is where I finished. The whole idea of the
exercise was to get a bit of track time ahead of the Bar Olympics so that was achieved but in order to
ensure that I do well, I’m gonna need to improve. I slammed a few times into the tyres and took
some real whacks to my ribs and I thought that I’d ache the next day.

Thu 22nd January 2009

I had a pretty restless night and I was dreaming loads. I’d turned the temperature in the hotel room
right up and I woke up a few times feeling thirsty. I was quite pleased to note that I wasn’t aching
and although my ribs were a bit sore from the collisions with the tyres, I was actually feeling alright. I
decided not to have breakfast in the hotel but rather to pick something up from a bakery near the
office. I enjoy a nice Schokocriossant and carton of milk from German bakeries for breakfast.

I came into the office and moved into the product management room. It was alright because I got a
nice big monitor and Dano was sitting somewhere else so I didn’t have anyone really able to look at
my screen.

I got an email from Bob saying that his mum was sick but he didn’t elaborate but he said that he was
flying home so it seemed that it was pretty serious. Mac said that he’d called him and that she’d had
a brain tumour but I didn’t really believe him so I got my mum on the case to ask Karen what was
going on.
I went for lunch with the product guys again and we went to some place in a furniture shop.
Germans seem to put little canteens everywhere and the food wasn’t great but as much as the
Germans complain about English food, I’ve never thought that theirs is anything other than ok.

I had a meeting with Markus in the afternoon and we went through a few minor things. There wasn’t
really that much to go through but I thought I’d better have some sort of face time with him seeing
as though I’d come over to Berlin. Everything seems to be ticking over pretty well and although I’m
not really doing anything constructive, I do keep the UK operations ticking over and I guess that is a

I got in touch with David and tried to get us into a game. The Casino was sold out but he got in touch
with some guy called Dieter and he said that there was a game going on round at his place. The
game was starting at 7pm so I left the office at about 6pm so I could go over and pick up David from
the Jamba offices. I went as far as Spittelmarkt and then walked along the Spree to Jamba. I went
inside and saw a few familiar faces but pretty much everyone that I was good friends with have all
gone. I didn’t bother trying to find Janina.

We headed to Dieter’s in a taxi and it turned out that his cafe was annoyingly close to the
MyHammer office. We arrived and Dieter recognised me from some previous games and I
recognised him. There was only one table and the rest of the people there had a minimum age of
about 50 at least. We started the game and a few more arrived and bought in. It was quite funny as
Dieter had chalked up some ‘prizes’ for the game on a blackboard in case any cops came and to
disguise that it was in fact a cash game. The buy-in was €10 + €1 and it was a re-buy tournament for
an hour. I played pretty conservatively and took a couple of pots. I got lucky with a pair of Kings to
take out two other guys who had called all-in and I never really looked back from there. I didn’t
make a single re-buy and entered the next phase with a healthy stack of over 3000 chips (we started
with 1000). David had done about 5 re-buys and was playing pretty shit and doing the annoying
thing of saying that he would have hit if he’d just played his hand. I hate this and think as soon as
you fold, you should forget what you had and not worry about it. We played a bit longer and I was
doing alright and established a decent stack. The old guy sitting next to me was pretty cool and it
turned out that he’d had a poker book published.

I’d been knocking back the Becks quite quickly and got into a bit of a poker zone and we got quickly
down to the final three. I managed to see off the third place guy to go into heads up. We were both
playing pretty cautiously and when the guy offered me to go all in blind against each other I
accepted. He had me overstacked and he beat me so I ended up finishing second.

We then got into a cash game and I put in €70 to get me and David €35 each. I found it strange that
when the dealers came in you were supposed to give them a tip if you won a big pot but sometimes
the guy who had won the tournament did a bit of dealing and so it was weird tipping him. We were
both still drinking the Becks pretty quickly and I was pretty wasted. I was bossing the table a bit and
managed to get up above €300 at one point. I was doing even better than that though because every
so often I would slyly give David €40 of chips to keep him afloat. He was playing pretty badly and I
even had to buy him back in for €50 at one point. I was ticking over pretty well and raised into a pot
and David went and called me with only a flush draw after the turn. He then went and hit it and I
was pretty angry that he had called me with something like that after I’d been feeding his chipstack
for so long. I wouldn’t have minded so much if he’d have had something really good, because even
though he should also have laid it down against me, I realised that he wasn’t really that sort of
person to do that. This was similar to the way Baz used to play against me when we were notionally
playing together in Leeds. He’d stiff me just because he had a decent hand rather than lay it down.

I was pretty drunk and started making fun of the guy who wrote the book, asking him if there was
anything in there that was worth reading as he didn’t actually seem to be too good. After I was
knocked out the other guys all started inviting me to their games and I ended up paying €20 for a
copy of the poker book, which he wrote a message in for me.

David did split the cash with me when he’d finished, which was about €150 and we then headed over
to Miro’s game. I’m not sure why because I’d had enough poker for one evening so when we got to
Miro’s I was all over the place and ended up spunking €150 within the first few hands. I then just left
and got a cab home, leaving my book and without telling David who was happily playing on another

It was a fairly enjoyable evening and is one of my favourite things about Berlin. I love belting around
the city in taxis going from illegal poker game to illegal poker game and club to club.

Fri 23rd January 2009

Hung over. Went in office late.

Lunch with Jurisch.

Meeting with Jan Seidler.

Meeting with SNT.

Dinner with Zoe.

Party with Jamba People.

Going to club and meeting South Americans – Pushing Guy – Tired – Smoking – Hand Holding –
Dancing – Kissing – Condoms – Hotel – Toothbrush – Sex.

Sat 24th January 2009

In bed until late – Heard girl leaving but not said anything – cleaner – going to David – him having sex
while I was there – video of me singing and dancing – Karaoke – Annika Witt – Band – table footy –
kebab – taxi.

Sun 25th January 2009

Checkout – hanging round Alexanderplatz – Balzac – bored – call david – pool/bowling – airport – 2
hour delay – sleep on plane – home – hang with Jam, Sylvie and Octave.

Mon 26th January 2009

Office – country report – talk about what happened in Berlin – darts – testing – home – Jamie haircut
– writing a bit of stuff for Gerald.

Tue 27th January 2009

Flo called.

Spoke to Nath about letter writing project.

Found out that Markus was gonna quit MyHammer.

Found some caption pictures.

Spoke to Heike about Markus.

Finalised version for Gerald

Wed 28th January 2009

Stayed at home because I wanted to work on Gerald.

Spoke to Jim and Heike

Spoke to Markus – offer of equity. Suggested I meet with Gerrit.

Sylve was at home.

Practising for Gerald.

Gerrit called and I missed it because I was in bath. Watched some episodes of house. Procrastinated
learning stuff for Gerald.

Went into office to print stuff out.

Went down to Gerald. Hung out with James Campbell. Did the set. Dale spaced out. Not happy
with how things went although they were alright. Improv a bit hit and miss. Interview from Vicky.
Leaving laptop in bar. Getting a kebab, wandering around eating kebab, taxi home.

Thu29th January 2009

Got up. Ironing in just pants. Jamie walked in. Got me the number for bar but no answer. Went
down to meet Gerrit at Cambridge Circus. Discussed MyHammer etc. Using blackberry.

Went into the office and chilled out until Natalie arrived. Went for lunch with Natalie. Discussed a
bit of MyHammer and Jim got some ideas about how to promote himself for Live and Unsigned.

Went down to bar and luckily they had my bag still. I had a beer and left a tip.

Went back to the office and was on a bit of a high because of having rescued laptop and coz I’d had a
beer. I was laughing at some Skype messaging between me and Mac and had a game of darts with

Got the bus home and then made Jamie and Sylvie some food.

Watched some skins. Thought it was shit.

Fri 30th January 2009

Further testing.
Went out to see Jim’s band at Stoke Newington with Sylvie and Jamie. A few of Jim’s friends were
there that I know a bit. It was Tom’s Birthday. Will was there, Andy was there (although I forgot
Andy’s name). Jim’s brother was there and Karate was there. Ola was there, Fi and Chris.

Jim’s set was good – he has a drummer now and Chris on base. He is getting a lot better.

He sang hand in mine. I shouted ‘Get a haircut’. Octave arrived.

We had some beers and watched more music. I had a bit of banter with the next act. Everyone
cleared out after the next act.

We headed down Hoxton to meet the Heikes and try and meet Baz. There was a guy called Franky
there too. We didn’t manage to meet Baz. Jo Lev turned up.

We went to the Lexington. Jamie smashed his knee. People in Lexington were pretty crap –
standoffish, weird.

Dutch guy stole my fag.

Came back to ours. Some tunes, play fight with Heike.


Sat 31st January 2009

Pretty hungover. Made Jam some poached eggs.

Watched some House.

Weird arrived. Went to Pizza Delique for spag cabs.

Went to New Triangle Pub. Real dodgy. Bumped into Ian on the way. Smoke in pub. Forced Sylvie
to come out with us.

Went to Mike’s birthday party. He seemed pleased to see us but was completely trashed. Saw a few
people that I haven’t seen for ages. Serenity seemed to recognise me and her boyfriend seemed to
think that we’d been out drinking together in Newcastle.

Went to Borderline. Did some dancing. Weird guessed ‘This Charming Man’ was next song.

Bus home.


Weird kipped in my bed.

Sun 1st February 2009

Weird was feeling shit. I got up and hung out in kitchen. Octave was feeling shit so gave him some
painkillers and Vit C. Gave weird some painkillers and Vit C.

Octave was moving out. Weird got a later train. Sylvie and Jam came in and asked us if we wanted
to go for food and then cinema. I’d arranged to meet Dale so went down to office for 4pm.
Some confusion with buses. A guy gave me a wrong tip-off.

McDonalds then Starbucks.

Discussed Gerald with Dale – agreed it was a bad one on Wed, came up with more structured format.

Played a bit of darts. Tried to get to Dale’s ‘Creative Conversation’ event. It was hard but got to KX
and then got a bus.


I arrived 45 mins late and was the only other person there.

Heike and Jemenessa arrived. It was a pretty crap night. Dale just broke down into talking about
very uncreative stuff like sex and fishing for compliments.

Walked to Charing Cross in snow. Put snow down Heike’s neck. Fell over.

Got tube home. Got some chicken. Went to bed.

Mon 2nd February 2009

I got up and it had snowed pretty badly. I checked the buses and it said that they were all cancelled
today. I got in touch with Heike and she said that she had walked into the office and I spoke to Jim
and he said he had a meeting and would then be going to the office. I intended to get going but
never got around to it. I just got into doing little bits and bats and the thought of having to walk into
the office and the amount of extra time it would take because of the snow just didn’t really seem
worth it.

I went downstairs and made myself a bacon sandwich.

I then had the leadership circle meeting, which sealed it for me about not going into work as it
started at 2 and lasted for 2 hours so there was no point going in.

Jamie and Sylvie were at home and Jamie was floating around annoying me a bit. Jo Lev also came
round to see if me and Jamie wanted to go and play in the snow. I was in the middle of the
leadership circle when she came in and I didn’t mean to but I think I snapped at her.

I think I was a bit off with Jamie as well because I was feeling pretty knackered and he was just bored
and wanted me to hang with him but I couldn’t really be arsed. I had a bit of a kip at about 4ish and
then went downstairs. I could tell Jamie was in a bit of a mood with me so I goaded him into getting
it off his chest and he said he was annoyed that I’d not immediately cleaned up my frying pan after
making the bacon sandwich as the fat had congealed.

He was making some food so I ate some with him.

Tue 3rd February 2009

I went into the office but there was only me and Zweike down there because Heike was feeling sick
(maybe because of having snow shoved down her back). I got on with the usual work stuff and did
some testing and translations and generally waiting for the site to go properly live.
Jim didn’t come in either because of the snow.

Heike had sent me through an update of the LetGen letter that Nath had done, which highlighted all
the variables. I have been trying to get an Excel macro to control a Word document for ages (yes,
very, very sad) and I’d finally started to make some progress. I got it working and including the
variable so that I could create a proper Excel macro to generate the basic letter for a financial advisor
to send for compliance.

I came back home and got ready and then went down to King’s Cross to get the train up north. I got
a nice seat but there was another semi-nutter on the train who was drunk and agitated. He was
trying to strike up conversation with everyone and I was doing my best to ignore him. I concentrated
on completing my Excel macro and managed to get it to do the full letter that Nath had said
according to variables input in the Excel sheet. I was quite proud of it as it had all the required logic.
As I got off the train the nutter guy asked me where we were. I told him we’d arrived in Wakefield
and he asked where that was. I think he could tell by my response that I had no sympathy for him
and as I left the train I wished him good luck.

I got a taxi home and when I arrived my mum and dad were in bed. I reassured them that it was just
me getting back and then went to bed.

Wed 4th February 2009

I worked from home and essentially had a taste of how my entire working life used to be conducted,
remotely and from my bed. Baz called me to say he may be stuck in Aberdeen. I told him to book
the karting as soon as he was sure that he could get back.

MyHammer was still down but the guys were working on it. It will not be optimal when it launches
and there will still be a lot of work to get it up to a decent bug-free standard but I agree that it is
better to have something sub-optimal live as long as it is usable than to try and wait until it is perfect
before launching it. The only problem is that if after launching something sub-optimal that you
charge on into the next round of enhancements without stabilising the platform and this is what I
fear might happen with MyHammer. In terms of enhancing the UK, people are always asking me
what features I want to make the site a success but currently I don’t really want any new features, I
just want the resources to get the little things fixed so that the users have a decent experience of the
site rather than adding something else that will just confuse them and not work properly for them.

Nath called me and said he liked what I’d done with the Excel macro. We just need him to supply the
information about each of the products and then we will be able to create the product. It is quite
frustrating that we are waiting for Nath to supply the info.

Baz arrived at about 6:30pm and he was saying he was too tired to go go-karting and wanted to just
do some theory. I dismissed this and we went to the karting place. We got a bit lost on the way but
finally found it. We were a bit early and were tagging on to another group. They arrived a little late
and it was a group of young Asians who smelled of weed and were a bit agro so we knew it was
gonna be a bit of a tough one.

They were a nightmare on the track. They were starting their own karts and generally being
uncontrollable. They were bumping and smashing into you and if you overtook them, they would
not bother slowing down for the next corner but instead just ram you. I got a lot of stick from them
as I was a bit faster than most of them so they were out to ram me. The stewards even had to stop
the race to give them a telling off for ramming.

It was good experience though and gave me a chance to practice my cornering according to the
theory that I had read and I felt I’d made some progress.

Afterwards we went over to pockets and met up with Nath, Eddie, Gilly and Lee. We watched a bit of
footy and played a bit of pool and killer darts. I then drove Nath home and we agreed to meet up on
Saturday to discuss the LetGen project.

Thu 5th February 2009

We decided to head up to Leeds. We parked in Q-Park, went bowling, had some food in Yates’ and
then tried to do table footy but it was closed. We went to the old Riley’s and played some snooker.

We walked down to Palace to try and find a dartboard but they’d removed it. We then went to the
Old Red Lion to play some darts. There was an old couple in there who were kissing and it really
turned my stomach.

The rest of the boys turned up at Old Red Lion and there was a bit of banter. We went for tea at the
a Pizza place and then headed over to the Elbow rooms to start the Olympics. We played pool and I
ended up coming 7th with Baz coming 8th, which was annoying because Baz beat me 3-0. We then
decided to go to Oceania for a few beers and ended up back at the hotel at 2am.

Fri 6th February 2009






Table Footy/Dominos.



Sat 7th February 2009

Baz left early. I drove home around 11am. I chilled out and watched some TV and checked on some
MyHammer stats. We had actually sold a few subscriptions successfully and quite a lot of people had
attempted to sign up.

Someone had sent us a cease and desist order and Heike had posted it straight to Berlin without
letting me see it, which I found quite annoying. I often find that a lot of legal issues can be solved
with just a bit of common sense and that sometimes legal take things too seriously when they could
be solved a lot easier.
Nath texted me to see if we could meet on Sunday instead, which I said was fine. I was feeling a bit
knackered from the previous few days and just relaxed, read and slept.

The subliminal CDs that my mum had bought for me had arrived so I put them on while I was asleep.

Sun 8th February 2009

Got up pretty late and had some breakfast.

Chilled out in my room and watched a bit of stuff on my laptop.

I went over to meet Nathan at St Pierre to talk about LetGen. My mum had started cooking some
lunch as I was leaving so I told her to just leave me some plated up.

I met Nath and we were quite productive and made some firm progress in terms of establishing the
logic required for the platform. We discussed a few other things around it and had a couple of

The MyHammer site was down again.

I got home and gathered my stuff together to go back to London. My mum drove me to Wakefield
station and I discussed with her my ideas for learning and making it more intensive.

It was snowing but the train was on time and although I didn’t get a seat to myself straight away, I
was able to get one after Doncaster. I leant a guy 3p to buy something from the refreshments
trolley, basically because I wanted to buy a cup of tea and that would speed things up. He was very
grateful to me.

I got the tube back and arrived back at the flat. I was feeling slightly like a cold was coming on. I sat
with Sylvie and Jamie for a bit and Sylvie was trying to get a bit of advice about a leaflet she had been

I got an email from Heike about her brother’s estimation for how much effort it would take to create
the demo site for LetGen. This annoyed me as her brother was giving advice that we hadn’t asked
for. I guess he was just trying to be nice.

I got to bed and was a bit hungry still and couldn’t really get to sleep or get warm. It seemed like I
could hear Sylvie and Jamie talking until really late in the evening. I slept quite fitfully and

Mon 9th February 2009

I got up and had a shower. I was just about ready to leave when the door went. It was some guy for
Jamie who was doing some surveying on his house. Jamie came down and gave him a parking
voucher. I left before he came back.

The bus took ages to get down to Upper Street but I got a hot chocolate and granola bar from

I got into work and had a bit of banter with Jim about the Olympics. The MyHammer site was still
down but I got together my weekly report and caught up with all the little things that you have to do
to tick things over.
There some models floating around outside one of the offices in the building where a fashion
designer has her business. I went to reception to check the post and have a little look at them. I
wasn’t too impressed.

I went for lunch with CMO, one of the founders of gamegoods. We went to wagamama and had a bit
of a catch up. He told me about an idea he had for a new start-up and he wanted a bit of information
about TV advertising in UK and just a general heads up about my thoughts on the idea. It was quite
good to see him again and we agreed to meet up soon for a beer, although I’m not sure we will
unless it is business related but that pretty much suits me fine.

I went back to the office and had a product review update with Michael Dierck and Rolland Walli. I
had previously been Skyping with Rolland to reassure him that the new subscriptions could
dramatically increase Austria’s revenue for MyHammer. I raised two points in the meeting. One was
that I wanted the sale of customer contact details to tradesmen included as a priority (this already
exists in Germany and UK needs to catch up) and the other was that I stressed how the UK payment
issues needed a solution. Michael Dierck said that he’d note them and I agreed that I’d raise the
payment issue in the next Fuhrungskreis meeting.

I was feeling a bit lethargic in the afternoon and wasn’t very productive. I walked home in the rain
and got soaked. I came back to the flat and Jamie’s sister Jo was there with her son Billy but I was
too wet to really bother with them so I went straight upstairs and tried to dry off and get warm but I
couldn’t really. I watched an episode of House and Jamie knocked on my door but I ignored him.
Surprisingly he didn’t come in like he normally does when I ignore him. I was feeling a bit grumpy.

I had a little snooze and then went and got a kebab. The kebab seemed to perk me up a bit and then
I got on with a bit of Nath stuff, did a bit of work and Skyped with Mac to try and come up with some
ideas for Gerald.

Tue 10th February 2009

Came into work. I went to Marks & Spencers to get some lunch and some microwave meals. I’ve
been eating a lot with Jamie and Sylvie but the whole cooking process just takes too long. It is a
three hour ordeal each night, getting the ingredients, preparing, cooking, eating and then the guilt of
watching Jamie wash up. I’m used to the whole process lasting about 20 minutes from opening the
fridge to putting the plate in the dish washer. I like cooking and enjoy doing it a few times a week
but every day is just a waste of time and I feel is another means of procrastination. You feel like you
are creating something, doing something constructive but when you do it every day, you’re actually
just robbing yourself of time that could be spent doing something else.

Markus rang me while I was in M&S to discuss the problems with Barclays. They have blocked our
online access for some reason and the way it has all been set up is a nightmare. It was set up by
people who didn’t really care about it and as such they have not kept proper records or everything
up to date so that it can run smoothly. We also discussed the subscriptions and although it looks like
in UK that we’ve sold about 30, we’ve only received successful payment for about 3 or 4 of these. I
have some ideas on how best to sell our subs in UK but whether or not the company will have the
will or resources to do it anytime in the near future.

Jim also rang me to say that Dani needed me to send her my weekly report. I thought I’d already
done this but apparently I hadn’t so I gave Jim my login details so he could send it over. I wasn’t
entirely comfortable giving Jim my login details because even though I trust him, you are never
entirely comfortable giving anyone complete access to your system.

I came back and we had the FK meeting. As usual it was a complete waste of time. I had put in the
section ‘Problems/Bottlenecks/Resources’ section of my report that there were none. Gerrit said
that he would have assumed that out of anyone that I would be the one with some issues. I told him
that I had none specific to UK or that were not being worked on. I said my most critical issue was the
payment process and went I started discussing it, Jan piped up and said that it was not relevant to
discuss in this meeting, which was exactly my point in not raising it in the first place. Gerrrit said that
I should set up a meeting between him, Dano and Gerrit. Straight after the meeting I sent Dano and
Gerrit an email to tell them to give me some suitable times to meet up.

I went back to the flat and had a meal. I was freezing and couldn’t get warm. I still didn’t have
anything ready for Gerald so I just had to plough on and get something up to scratch. I got the first
bit pretty much nailed and was quite happy with it and had a fairly interesting concept for the second
bit, which was to propose a motion that we wanted to change about our theme ‘communication’. I
wasn’t sure how funny this motion was, even though I thought it was pretty interesting. Still, it was
already too late to change it at this stage so I just had to run with it.

Wed 11th February 2009

The morning passed without much incident. I decided to work from home in the afternoon so I could
learn my Gerald stuff. On the way home I picked up some stationary for the night. I had four hours
to get it off pat so had a bit of a nap and then learnt it. I got the first bit nailed and had the second
bit pretty loosely worked out. The second bit didn’t have to be as tight as the first bit because it was
just explaining the concept and anyway, in the second section people normally have a bit more love
for you laugh at you a lot more.

I got down to the Barley Mow at about 7pm and went upstairs to meet Dale. He was there with a
couple of girls who were ‘trying-out’ for Gerald. I found this quite hilarious in itself as only 2 months
ago, we were nowhere and now we are having acts try-out to perform at our night. I didn’t really
find them that funny but I am not the best judge of humour because I hardly find anything funny.

There had been some confusion over the start time and Dale had tried to change it to 8pm but the
first message he’d sent out had still said 8:30pm and another sketch group that we had had also sent
out invites according to the first message so they were all geared up to an 8.30pm start. It didn’t
look like we were going to fill the room but by the time we started we were packed and couldn’t fit
everyone in the room.

We started with a guy called Jay Foreman doing some funny songs and he went down really well. We
had a guy, Jonathon May-Bowles working with us on the panel and all of our panel stuff went down
really well. I was first up and there was some woman in the corridor talking loudly on the phone,
which put me off my stride a bit but all-in-all it went down really well and I got a lot more frequency
of laughs than usual. My intention was to have stronger material this time and I achieved that. Our
improve went down really well.

We had some sketch show guys on and they were really funny and then we let the girls who had
‘tried-out’ do their stuff and they also got a good reception. Our motions went down well and
Jonathon ended up winning the vote.
We had some guy turn up out of the blue to do the ‘open mike’ bit and so we let him on. We tried to
do another ‘two-headed’ bit of improve as an agony aunt but this didn’t really go down too well and
we finished the night with Jay Foreman doing another couple of songs. I think that it turned out to
be one of the best ones (if not the best) so far.

Dale had got some hot young foreigners from his language school to come along. I convinced them
to come along with us to Bar Music Hall for another drink and we had a nice chat. They were all
pretty hot but I took a shine to the quietest one who was French/Swiss. As we were leaving I asked
her on a date and although she didn’t say no, she didn’t look to keen so I didn’t press. Jonathon and I
walked with them to the tube.

I got a pizza on my way back from the tube station.

Thur 12th February 2009

I had a pretty sleepless night and was having some indigestion caused by the pizza and took a
digestive enzyme tablet during the night. I got up earlier than my alarm and went and started
running myself a bath. Sylvie was still knocking around for some reason so I told her to go in the
bathroom and sort herself out while my bath was still running.

I had a bacon sandwich for breakfast from the local cafe. I was a bit worse for wear and we ended up
going for some lunch to a French restaurant on Upper Street. It wasn’t great food and the fact that I
was still feeling a little shit meant that I didn’t eat the majority of it. I felt like my body was working
hard to get rid of the poison in my blood.

Dale emailed me to see if I wanted to meet up that night to go through some Gerald stuff and
practice some improve but I couldn’t be arsed. I e-mailed Nath to remind him to send the letter stuff
through to us and he promised he would. I registered the domains, and

Heike had a go at me for some reason, telling me that I must never be horrible to her friends by
making them like me and then ditching them.

I went back to the flat and was meant to be making Jamie some tea but I couldn’t be arsed so I
offered to pay for a takeaway for him. We had a bit of a clear-the-air chat because apparently he
was in a bit of a mood with me, which I hadn’t really realised. We also discussed the fact that I felt
the house was really cold whereas he said that he didn’t. I am sure that there are several reasons
including the fact that he sleeps with someone, his room is a lot smaller etc but I also thought that it
might be because I have some circulation issue. I resolved to get myself fit so as to rule this out as an
issue. I was feeling knackered but stayed up to watch Skins. This was a bit of a disappointment
because they seem to be trying a little bit too hard and I was glad to get to bed.

Fri 13th February 2009

It was just me and Heike in the office. We went through some of the LetGen stuff. I skipped lunch
and left the office at about 5:30pm. I got home and did some skipping. Jamie was talking about
going out but I really couldn’t be bothered so I just went to bed and watched some House.

Dialled in for the product meeting but there was only me and Rolland there so we proposed a new
method were we had a quick summary once a week with Michael Dierck rather than taking part in
the long prioritisation meeting as we have no real impact anyway and Michael Dierck can feed any
information into the meeting that we provide him.

Sat 14th February 2009

It was Valentine’s Day and I had been goading Jamie into doing something nice with Sylvie. I got up
and hoped that Jamie had been out the night before so I could have a bit of time downstairs in the
flat on my own. I went up to Tesco and got the paper and some food and juice and stuff for
breakfast. I got back and put an episode of 24 on. Jamie got up and had a weird bit of energy. I
made him some poached eggs and then he went out with Sylvie somewhere. I’d agreed to meet Dale
but couldn’t really be bothered. I wanted some time on my own to really chill. I ignored his calls,
had a nap, did some skipping and some weights and then ran a bath. Jamie and Sylvie came back
while I was running my bath and Jamie asked me if I wanted to eat some salad with him. I had my
bath and ate the salad. Jamie was angling after me going out for some beers to the King’s with him
and I was not entirely against it but by the time it got to 9pm I realised that I really didn’t want so I
went back to bed.

I got a couple of texts from Dale and Jo (I think it was her but I don’t have her number in my phone)
inviting me to some party in Stoke Newington but I was already drifting off to sleep so I didn’t bother.
I went to sleep listening to some streaming white noise.

Sun 15th February 2009

I had some epic dreams, involving living in a post-apocalyptic world where we had to hide from
zombies and try and find a safe place to build a new life. I often dream of scenarios where I have to
deal with zombies.

I got up and had some breakfast and then Sylvie was up cleaning and floating around. I was going
into the office anyway to meet Dale but I decided to go a bit earlier because nothing good can come
of being around when Sylvie is in nesting mode.

I went to M&S and got some food and then came into the office. There were some workmen doing
stuff to the office kitchen area.

Dale came down and we went through some Gerald stuff. Dale was saying that he wants me to do
more for Gerald in terms of organisation and promotion. I agreed that I’d be up for doing this but if I
do more, I will need more control. I told Dale that I still thought that he was trying to be too
controlling in improv and that he tended to deny too much – in that he had an idea where the scene
should go and if it didn’t he would try and force it back to that rather than let the scene evolve

We did some more improv games and made a bit of progress. I then headed out with Dale to his
new open mike night in Piccadilly. On the way, Dale was telling me that I should tone things down
when talking to foreigners and that I needed to learn the boundaries. I told him that I was alright
and that he was basically a bundle of contradiction as it seemed that he was the sole person who was
able to decide what was and what wasn’t acceptable at any given time. He had actually apologised
for me to the girls that we’d had some drinks with on Wednesday.
I helped set up the venue. It was quite nice to just be a bit of an odd-job man knocking around in the
background and doing a bit of organisation. I wouldn’t want to do it all the time but it is quite
therapeutic now and again.

The night was packed and the girls from Wednesday turned up and they didn’t seem to think that I
had been out of order on Wednesday. Dale got me up to do some improve and we did two-headed
celebrity, which didn’t go down too well as we had to be Jade Goody who is currently suffering from
really bad cancer so it wasn’t in great taste.

It was so full that not everyone who had turned up were able to get in to watch people perform. This
was quite annoying for a lot of the performers who were given time and performance position partly
based on how many people they had brought.

I was sat right at the side of the performance area. The girls from Wednesday night brought some
friends and as it was so full I beckoned a couple of them over to sit with me. One of them was a
really cute little French girl and the other was a butch big French girl.

Dale made a hilarious faux pas by saying that he needed feedback from a male member of the
audience and then talking to a girl, albeit the butch looking French girl and it was great watching him
squirm and try and backtrack. He was very embarrassed about it afterwards.

The sketch show ‘Beta Males’ Picnic’ from Gerald were there, as were the two girls who tried-out
their sketch for us. Dale later asked me if I wanted to do a set but I didn’t really have anything
prepared so I didn’t bother. The standard of the other comedians did make me feel like I was as
good, if not better than the majority of them – but I guess I would think that.

Afterwards I got chatting to the girls and got into some sort of drinking competition with a guy called
George (well, we were just egging each other on to drink more). The girl that I liked from
Wednesday, Anais was there and I tried to flirt with her a bit and she did give me her number so we’ll
see how that goes.

I was pretty wasted on the way home and I think I had some sort of heart to heart with Dale although
I have no real memory of it. I got back in high spirits and had a bit of banter with Jamie and then
crashed out in bed.

Mon 16th February 2009

I woke up pretty early and got up to have a bath. I came into the office for about 8:30am and
everyone was already there. I don’t normally get there until between 9:10am and 9:30am and I was
a bit shocked to see that everyone came a lot earlier.

I got an email from Dale saying we had got a slot at Edinburgh and asking whether he thought we
should do it or not. We then had a call and I told him that we should definitely go for it as if nothing
else, it is a great experience to have taken part in something like Edinburgh.

I had a bit of a Skype with Octave asking him for some advice on how to ask out Anais and asking him
to compose a text message for me and I think I will text her tomorrow.

Heike sent me through some stuff for LetGen and we went through it. I want to write a click demo
for it because I think this is the only real way to get decent feedback and to really describe to any
potential developers exactly what they want. I need to do this in Director because this is the only
software that I can control enough to provide both the interface functionality and the logic behind it.
It took me a bit of time to get Director but I finally did and only did a bit of work on it but made some
decent progress.

I got my weekly report together but the platform is still really unstable and finding stats is difficult. I
asked Heike to create a proposal for a new method of selling subs that includes a 3 month no
obligation free trial. This is the only way I can see our subs getting accepted in UK and if this is
combined with a decent recurring payment system then we at least have a chance.

I went out for lunch to a burger place with Jim. I had started to feel a bit hung over by lunchtime and
just had some mini-burgers and then me and Jim went to a music shop to buy some strings for his
guitar. This made me consider purchasing a trumpet again. I was never any good but it is always
nice to have a musical instrument knocking around.

I walked home and Arsenal were playing Cardiff so I had to negotiate all the footy fans. Jamie and I
the walked up to Tesco through the pre-football carnage and got some food in. We cooked some
bangers and mash. I always complain about Jamie’s mash because I think he over complicates it. He
puts balsamic vinegar in it, which for me is just wrong on two accounts. Firstly, the whole concept of
balsamic vinegar and mash is ridiculous and secondly, if he really does want balsamic in his mash, he
could add this quite easily to his own portion without any real effort.

There was a lot of commotion after the match and Jamie and I went out onto the roof to watch the
police try and keep things calm.

Becky started FB chatting with me and flirting with me, which Jamie was shocked about as I don’t
think girls normally ask him ‘what he is wearing?’ etc via chat and I think he thought that only
happened in jokes and crap TV but no, it is happening across the world every day.

Tue 17th February 2009

Jim annoyed about Pahl.

Jim’s press release.

Call with Natalie.

Call with Jurisch.

Skype with Octave about putting together a text in French to send Anais.

Email from Markus about payments.

I called Markus but he wasn’t there.

I went down to Sketchup. Markus rang. We discussed PayPal and agreed that we would set it up.
Discussed my no obligation free trial idea and Markus and although he saw some merit in it, he
wasn’t too keen. The major issue is that although 70 people have ‘bought’ the subscription, only 10
have paid so in a few weeks time we will be left with a platform with only 15-20 active tradesmen.
Beta Males’ Picnic were there so I sat with them and watched the show. It was pretty enjoyable but
nothing really stood out. There were a few character performers who seemed a little too self-
indulgent for my taste.

I sent Anais a text just saying ‘Bonjour Anais. Comment ca va?’ because Octave and I never really
resolved something good in French to send her.

I walked to the tube with the Beta’s and got some chicken on my way home. Somehow, I went a
stop too far on the northern line so came back from Euston on the Victoria line. Sylvie and Jamie
were still up. I’d received a text back from Anais asking me about my facial plastic surgery, which we
had been joking about on Sunday. I didn’t bother texting her back and thought it would be better to
do it the next day.

Jamie was leaving for Hamburg the next day so we had a bit of a chat about that and how I was
looking forward to having the house to myself so that I could have the heating on and not worry
about incessant recycling. I have nothing against recycling but Jamie and Sylvie just make such a big
thing about it and are so righteous about it that it makes me want to rebel against them and not
recycle at all...ever.

Wed 18th February 2009

I couldn’t sleep properly. I’ve got all the signs of a major crush on Anais coming on.

Octave and I came up with a decent text message in French to send to Anais. I said that I didn’t
realise that I was speaking French to her and that my surgery had gone really badly but even so, my
face still looked better than before. I sent it at about 11:30am.

Dale sent me an email about how he thought that it was good that I was getting out on the comedy
scene, which I found quite condescending but I guess he is just trying to be nice.

Heike was moaning about her job and wanted me to write her a reference letter so that she could
start applying for other jobs. I would like her to stay on and then progress to LetGen if it gets going
but I can offer no guarantees so I can’t blame her for wanting to move on somewhere more
structured. There are major negatives to our job but the massive positive is the freedom that it
allows, both in terms of time and pay.

Heike was in a strange mood and was annoying me a bit towards the end of our Skype chat but I was
in a good mood that for some reason could not be shaken.

I headed home and decided that I would have to learn how to create my own dropdown menus in
Director so that I could make an effective online click demo of LetGen. I got on with that and finally
cracked it. I was worried about not getting a message back from Anais but then one finally came. I
replied and asked her if she wanted to come and watch Jim with me the following day at a bar near
London Bridge and she did. I was excited but nervous. I was experiencing all the feelings that you
get when you are asking out a girl and had not felt them for ages. It was nice to be going through it
all as I felt real and alive.

Thur 18th February 2009

Didn’t sleep too well.
I got up and had a shower and ironed my clothes.

Wrote Heike’s reference letter, which was a really glowing one.

I was pretty nervous all day and it was building. I couldn’t really concentrate on anything.

I found out that Heike was also going to watch Jim, which annoyed me a bit. I would have liked to
have not had her there while I was having a first date.

I started work on a new version of the LetGen clickdemo and now that I’d solved some of the
operational puzzles, I started to make some good progress.

I went out at lunchtime but I was so nervous that I didn’t really have an appetite. I wasn’t too happy
with my current coat so I went and bought a cool, blue, light one in Gap. This made me feel a bit
better. I got some hot chocolate and a Granola bar from Starbucks.

I continued on LetGen in the afternoon and was worried that Anais would text to cancel. I don’t
know why I was so worked up but also I was enjoying being worked up so I didn’t really want to fight

I was worried that Jim and Heike would want to travel down with me but fortunately they headed
out at about 6:45pm. I followed on at about 7pm, which was a bit tight but I made it down for
7:30pm. Anais had sent me a text while I was in the tube to London Bridge saying that she would be
a little bit late, which I had kind of expected from her as she was both French and female.

We walked along the river and made some light chat. I lived around that area so I knew it quite well.
She told me that she had been to Sketch that day, which I found pretty cool as that was where we
went for our MyHammer Xmas lunch. She told me that she wouldn’t be able to stay too late because
she had to go to a party later for one of her friends who was leaving London. We got to the bar and
Jim, Tom, Al Brown, Heike and Frankie were there. Frankie was with Heike, which was better as at
least then I didn’t feel like she needed some attention.

Jim was first up and he was really good. He is working on his stage presence and getting emotion
into his voice and has progressed really well on both counts. He played ‘Hand In Mine’, which I wrote
the lyrics to and that was nice so I could try and impress Anais with this fact. She did actually seem a
little impressed. I shouted the obligatory ‘get a haircut’ at Jim and he took it well.

After Jim’s set we moved into a little alcove at the back so we could talk a bit more. Jim was talking
to Anais in French and we were having a good time. It is quite nice with Jim doing some live music
and me doing a bit of live comedy. I feel like we are at least part of a scene and that we are actually
making use of the resource that is London. If you are just doing a job and normal things then there
you might as well be in any city and if that’s all you’re doing, the hassles of London don’t really make

I walked Anais back to London Bridge about 10pm and we held hands. We had a quick peck on the
lips. I asked her if she’d had a good time and whether she wanted to go out again sometime and she
said she would. She could just be the perfect girl for me as we are unable to communicate effectively
with each other verbally, she is young and she has a Swiss bank account; so pretty much ticks all my
boxes. If she can electric boogaloo across a sticky dancefloor to 'Girl From Mars' then I think I may be
in love.
I got a kebab on my way back and wolfed it down and then went to bed.

Fri 19th February 2009

I woke up at about 4am and was awake for an hour or so. I was a bit dehydrated. I have been having
trouble sleeping for a while. I don’t know what the issue is – maybe a little love sickness?

In the evening I went home to get on with the click demo from LetGen. I made some decent progress
and then Jo Lev gave me a call and asked if I wanted to go for a few drinks. I went out with her to
Woodbine, Bank of Friendship and Kings. Bank of Friendship stank and we weren’t made to feel very
welcome. Jo was telling me about her new job and in Kings we hooked up with Andy and all in all it
was a very pleasant evening.

I got back to the flat and had another beer and got a message from Anais, telling me that she had a
boyfriend back in France. I told her that it didn’t matter and she needed to hang out with English
people and asked her if she wanted to go out the next day. She agreed.

Sat 20th February 2009

I spent most of the day cleaning and washing and getting on with the click demo. I texted Anais to
tell her to meet me at Waterloo at 7:30pm.

I got down there a bit early and nipped into a bar for a drink. It was a bit more like a trendy
restaurant so I felt a bit stupid loitering around on my own in the bar area sipping on a bottle of beer.

I headed over and met Anais and then we went for some Dim Sum at Ping Pong near the national
gallery. We were on a shared table and it was quite nice and Anais was embarrassed because she
couldn’t use the chopsticks properly. She asked me how old I was and I told her to guess. She said
she thought I was about 25 and I replied that this was a good guess. She told me that she was 20.

We then went to a weird little bar that I’d previously been to when Heike’s friend Simone was in
town. We drank some champagne cocktails. I was flashing the cash big style and wasn’t letting her
buy anything and making sure we had really expensive drinks.

We then walked up to Covent Garden and I started holding her hand on the bridge, saying that I
always got nervous on bridges.

We went to Dirty Martinis and I had a daiquiri. I love drinking daiquiris – not because I particularly
enjoy the taste but because it makes me feel like an author.

I went in for a clumsy kiss with Anais and somehow ended up kissing her cheek but then we had a
quick snog.

We took a bicycle rickshaw to borderline and I tipped the guy a fiver for some reason.

We were the first people up on the stage dancing and I did my usual indie dancing, which normally
goes down well with the girls.

Some guy came and sat with us and told us that his girlfriend had died in a car crash 6 years ago,
which was not great for lifting the mood nor was it very up-to-date information so I don’t know why
he was saying, probably just for effect so I simply told him to remain positive.
Anais went missing for about half an hour. The guy who was talking to us was telling me to forget
her but I couldn’t believe she’d just gone as I still had her jacket tied around my waist and I didn’t
think she was having that bad a night that she’d be willing to jettison her jacket.

An ambulance crew came along and said a girl had collapsed in the toilet. I thought they were gonna
say that it was her but luckily when I spoke to the bouncer he said the girl in question was Russian.

Anais then called me and she said she’d gone out of a wrong door and couldn’t get back in and was
now lost. I went and found her. She’d been at the artist’s entrance, the place where I had my
picture taken with one of The Sadies.

We did a bit more dancing and had some drinks and then got a bus back to mine. Anais didn’t seem
100% happy about having to come back to mine but unfortunately there was no real choice at that
time of night.

We got home and went to bed.

Sun 20th February 2009

I had some morning cuddles with Anais and then she told me that she had to go to the library. I was
laughing at her saying that there was never a situation on a Sunday when someone I had to go to the
library. I walked her to the tube station and mentioned pancake day to her and maybe wondered if
she wanted to come to mine. I dropped her off and then came back for some breakfast before
heading down to the office to meet Dale.

Dale was telling me that he wanted me to pretty much take over the administration of ‘Gerald’,
which I guess is ok but I’m not really an admin type of guy. I have asked him before if he thinks we
should get someone else involved but he has always rejected this idea.

We discussed my idea of an intensive improv course and Dale seemed up for the idea but it would
need a lot of sorting out.

The night went pretty well. Dale and I did some improv and it went down well. Joe Deeney and
James Campbell were there and afterwards I had a drink with a few of the other comics and it was a
good laugh. I am trying to find a time to meet up with Joe and James to discuss some sketches.

It is kind of strange, I’m doing some comedy nights, I’m networking with comedians and in many
ways this is what I always wanted but the reality of it is just not really that great. It isn’t even that it
is not what I expected – it is exactly as I expected but I guess it was my ambition a few years ago and
now they seemed to have shifted somewhat – although I’m not exactly sure where they have shifted

Anais sent me a text saying she thought I was ‘the gentlest person that she has ever met’ but I think
she meant ‘nicest’.

Mon 21st February 2009

I came into the office and things were kicking off a little bit because of the new subscriptions and the
fallout from all that so I was pretty busy trying to fire fight all the issues. I didn’t get much time to
prepare anything for Gerald.
We had our FK call and I kind of get the impression that Gerrit likes me and thinks that I am a pretty
capable guy and I guess this is also a reflection of the feedback that he has received from everyone
that I work with – because even though I don’t waste time doing irrelevant stuff, I cover all the
correct bases and the stuff I do is to a high standard.

I came back to the flat and Jamie and Sylvie were back from Hamburg. We had a little chat about
that and Jamie made some salad. I discussed having a pancake party and Jamie invited his sister, Jo
and her husband James around.

Tue 22nd February 2009

I decided to work from home. I wanted to come up with some material for Gerald but I was
struggling and it was pretty busy at work.

I did manage to write some stuff but I wasn’t really getting any inspiration on the topic, which was

I went and got the ingredients for the pancakes and got some pasta and chicken and made myself
some food. I had a nap. I wasn’t feeling too great and think maybe the weekend was catching up
with me or maybe I am just a bit lovesick from Anais. I texted her and told her not to bother coming
to the pancake party but that it would be great to see her the following day.

Jo and James came round and we made some pancakes. They brought Billy (their son) but put him
straight to bed. Heike came along a little later. Sylvie is a bit down because of work so she stayed up
in her room. Heike brought some savoury ingredients and Jo cooked them up. It was a nice pleasant

I got some inspiration for Gerald from chatting with everyone.

Wed 23rd February 2009

I worked from home again and gave my room a good clean – partly because it needed it and partly
because I wanted it to be nice in case a situation arose whereby a girl might be coming back.

I worked up my material and then set about learning it. I recorded myself this time so I could learn it
a bit better.

Zoe sent me a text saying a venture capitalist she knew was looking for someone with exactly my
skills and so she wanted us to arrange to meet up and we agreed via email to meet up the next
Tuesday at 1pm for coffee. I skyped Zoe about it but have no idea exactly what he wants to talk
about but it could be interesting.

I came down to the office to print everything out and then went to the Barley Mow. Dale was there
as I arrived. We set everything up and things filled up pretty quickly.

Amanda and Anja came. Martin, CMO and Felix came. Octave and Sophie were there. Jamie was
filming. Rob Stroud and Ben Purslow were there. Hendatron was good. Russian guy was ok but
didn’t go down great. We struggled with the topic of money. Two-headed improv went down ok.
Captions were alright. Dale was spaced out and hung back quite a lot. He didn’t want to do a
proposal but I told him he had to. Wes Zaharac was good.
I wasn’t that pleased with my performance but think it went ok. Felix invited me to a party in
Mayfair but Anais had turned up so I stayed with her.

We walked back with her friends and Jonathon to the tube. I told Jonathon he could become more
of a part of Gerald if he wanted. He seemed keen.

I took Anais to Slim Jim’s on Upper Street and met Ben, Rob and Heather. We had some drinks and
some laughs and it was a nice time. Ben was hanging around a girl he works with and has fallen in
love with but he realises that it is unrequited but I think the artist in him is kind of enjoying the pain.

I took Anais back home and we had a good pash and a cuddle but she wasn’t keen on having sex so I
didn’t really press the issue.

Thur 24th February 2009

I emailed Jim and Heike and told them I was taking a personal morning.

I had a lie in with Anais and a bit of a cuddle and a bit of pashing. She wasn’t really up for anything
other than a bit of heavy petting as she said she was confused about her boyfriend. I got the guy
from our customer care agency ringing me up moaning about all the issues and that someone had
paid £500 and his account still wasn’t active. He had paid by bank transfer and as we have no access
to our accounts, our accounting team have no way of checking these payments and therefore do not
book them.

We got up at about 2pm and then I went down into the office and she got the bus with me down to
Angel. I’d forgotten my phone but I arranged to meet her at 7:30pm at O’Neil’s on Upper Street.

I got into the office and took care of some fire fighting of UK issues and called the tradesman. He
seemed ok but was on the edge of losing his patience. I said that I would call him back and that we
would book activate his account. I asked our accounts team to do this but they wouldn’t so I was
unable to call him back. It is getting increasingly frustrating as they could book it, they book any
payments that we get via cheque just from what we say so they could actually do this. I wouldn’t
mind if it wasn’t actually completely our own fault because of the incompetence of the accounts
team in respect of setting up the UK bank account properly.

We have been trying to arrange a poker game for Saturday and Rich said we would do it down at his
place but after speaking to Jim we thought it would be easier to do it in North London as we could
get a few more people along. I hadn’t got my mobile phone with me so I had to try and get Rich’s
number and finally managed to get it via messaging Greeny on Skype. I called him and we agreed to
relocate the game to my place.

I met up with Anais and we had a couple of drinks and then went to watch Slumdog Millionaire. I
guess it was a really good film but I’d already read the book a few years ago and I was a bit

We went back to my Blackstock Road and had a beer in T-Bird and watched some live music at
Lester’s Open Mike Night. We then went back to mine and had a quick chat with Jamie before going
to bed. Anais let me have sex with her but it wasn’t the greatest and didn’t last very long.

Fri 25th February 2009
I had to ring the tradesman from yesterday and try and fob him off. I promised him that we would
get it sorted but I didn’t manage to.

I came back to the flat and got on with LetGen. There was just me and Sylvie in and we were both sat
in the kitchen doing stuff on the laptop and watching TV.

Jamie came back later a bit drunk and then we went over to the King’s Head for a few. I had a chat
with Jimmie Jones about poker. We had a kebab and then went home.

Sat 26th February 2009

I made Jamie and myself some poached eggs for breakfast and hung about for a bit in the flat. Jim
and I had been talking about meeting up at World’s End near Finsbury Park to watch the rugby but
we changed our mind because Arsenal were at home. I headed out to meet Jim to watch the rugby.
I headed off early because I wanted to miss the crowds leaving the Emirates.

I arrived at about 5:10pm and Jim wasn’t there even though he’d said he would be there from 5pm.
We watched the game and I said I’d support Ireland with Austin. Rich and Dave arrived shortly after
and after the game we headed back to my flat to play poker.

Ian was already there when we got back. The game was a bit of a shambles and I got knocked out
first but I didn’t really mind and it was a good laugh. Jim and I broke into a spontaneous routine after
I started singing the theme tune to ‘Going For Gold’ to Austin after he doubled through from a short
stack of 75 chips. I was singing this because the presenter used to be Irish.

Austin won and afterwards we went to the T-Bird from some shots and then everyone went home
except me and Austin. We decided to go down Upper Street and try and hook up with Jamie. We
found them just off Upper Street and Jo Lev, Heike, Nick and Rach were there. We then tried to get
into the Winchester on Essex Road but they wouldn’t let Jo Lev in because she was too drunk.

We were then thinking of going to Islington Academy but Jo Lev didn’t want to so we had to go to the
Lexington, even though none of us really wanted to go and we’d all hated it the last time we’d been

We had a bit of a dance and then headed home. Heike wanted to leave on her own and I knew this is
what she wanted and that she’d be ok. Rach and I had a bit of an argument over it and when we got
back to Jamie’s I didn’t want them to come back into the flat but they did so I went straight to bed.

Jamie burst into my room a bit later asking me if I knew where to get some drugs but I just told him
to get out.

Sun 27th February 2009

I got up and cleaned the flat from the mess from the night before. I mopped the kitchen and the
bathroom floor and I was sitting on the stairs waiting for it to dry when Jamie got up. We sorted
everything out and then Jamie made us some fried egg sandwiches.

I went down to the office to meet Dale and we talked about Gerald (which is now being rebranded as
The Bullshit Project). We did a bit of improv and then went to his open mike night.
It was packed and the guy who runs the pub was struggling as he had no bar staff. I offered to help
him out behind the bar and I did a couple of stints, which was quite a good laugh and made me
nostalgic for when I worked at Barnsley Student’s Union.

Dale and I did some improv and I don’t think that it went that well but it seemed to go ok. I’m not
sure if my expectation of what we can do is growing and therefore even though we do well, I feel we
have not really done as well as we could or if we’re just not getting any better.

I had a few more beers and schmoozed with a few of the comedians. I asked some Canadian guy
who was really good if he would like to perform at Gerald and although Dale said that there was no
chance, he seemed up for it. Afterwards we had some drinks and chatted up some French girls and
then some Spanish girls. Dale and I somehow managed to get into a competition with each other
about who could do the sexiest dance and I won with my mock lap dancing routine.

We headed back on the bus and then I came home and got a pizza and then wound Jamie up. I was
calling him a blue version of ‘Where’s Wally?’.

Mon 28th February 2009

I had a restless night as and a bit of indigestion from the pizza.

I went into the office and had a Starbucks on the way.

Amanda sent me an email saying she couldn’t make our double date on Tuesday.

The daffodils I bought for the office had flowered and Heike thanked me for them. I got a call from
the tradesman again and I wanted to ignore it so that we could get things sorted out before I spoke
to him. Jim was telling me that I should have handled it differently and I agreed with him but I
couldn’t face having to talk to him with only vague answers. I spoke to him and I said that I would try
and sort it and he said that if it wasn’t sorted out by the end of the day then he wanted a full refund,
which I thought was fair, although I had no idea how we would be able to make that work.

Anais sent me a text asking if we were still on for salsa and I am but it will be just us, which I guess is

Fortunately we got him sorted but he was complaining that he couldn’t upload memberships and
that what he had uploaded had not yet been verified. I asked Heike to get Kathrin to verify them
manually but she wouldn’t do it for ‘moral’ reasons. I sent Jan an email and he said he’d sort it out.

Gerrit sent me an email saying that he didn’t want to introduce my no obligation free trial offer in UK
so basically there is very little for me to do at MyHammer. I have no idea what value I can add to the
company if they aren’t receptive to my running the UK market as I see fit.

I was feeling a bit ropey in the morning and was having some hung over irrational thoughts and
emotions. I’d basically had 5 days drinking on the bounce and it was catching up with me.

I finished the first version of the LetGen click demo and sent it off to Nath and let Heike have a look
at it. It was quite nice to have created something like this that worked and hopefully it will now
motivate Nath to give us the information we need to get it finished.
I walked up Upper Street with Heike and headed home. Jamie and I had a curry and then watched
some TV. I found it difficult getting to sleep, which I often do when coming off the back of a few days
drinking on the trot. I feel a bit twitchy and can’t seem to settle properly.

Tue 3rd March 2009

I had a strange dream where I was on a beach and then a massive wave appeared and I had to get to
higher ground to avoid it so I climbed up a tree and managed to escape it. The waves kept coming
and they kept getting bigger and I went into a building to escape them and went higher and higher
into the building. At the top was a restaurant and the other people in there weren’t aware what was
happening but I didn’t really have any time to warn them but I managed to survive.

I had a decent breakfast and ironed a shirt to wear because I had a meeting with the VC guy that Zoe
had set me up with. I came into work and there was another issue with the tradesman. The
platform is a buggy mess and we can’t get any issues resolved in UK because Germany always takes

I got a call from Nath about LetGen and we discussed it in a bit of depth. It is difficult to move
forward with Nath as he is not really very accessible and isn’t very structured in his approach. I
agreed that I would set up the click demo to incorporate the advisor specific stuff, the asset
allocations and the fund allocations.

I went down to Bond Street to meet the VC guy – Roberto Bonanzinga, which I think is a great name
for a VC. We had a chat about a new start-up that he is investing in that does mobile gambling and I
gave him some thoughts and ideas on it. We danced around a bit but I’m not sure if I want to get
into a company full time at this stage. I guess I am just frightened of the commitment to an idea that
is not my own and the success of which depends to a massive extent upon the competencies of other
people. I think I am frightened of giving up the power over that part of my destiny. I said that I’d
email him my CV and that I’d at least meet up with these guys for a coffee and a chat and we agree
that even if nothing came of this, it would be good to become part of each other’s network.

I came back to the office and got on with some work. I updated LetGen a bit and then I went to meet
Anais, making it the second time in one day that I’d got on the central line having changed at Bank.
We met at Holborn and I got a bit confused with the directions. We finally got to Guanabara and had
a few drinks, a few kisses and did a bit of dancing and all in all it was a nice date. Anais is getting
more confident and relaxed talking to me and I think she enjoyed Guanabara. There was some live
music and it was cool because when we were dancing the singer came onto the dance floor. I
thought my dancing was ok but not great but Anais said it was good.

We then got a taxi back to my place. Anais was a bit strange for a bit but she was alright when we
got back to the flat. Jamie and Sylvie were still up and I introduced Sylvie to Anais but she was really
quiet and I could tell she was in a mood. Jamie took her to bed and Anais and I cuddled up on the
sofa until Jamie came back down. We then had a chat with Jamie before heading up to bed.

It was nice as we have become more relaxed and comfortable with each other but we didn’t have sex
as she doesn’t seem like she really wants to.
Wed 4th March 2009

Jamie and I skyped about going bowling that evening as Sylvie was already going back up to
Wakefield to spend some time with Jamie’s sister Sal. I got a text from Anais saying that I could go to
her friend’s party but I didn’t get this until about 7:30 and by then I couldn’t be arsed traipsing over
to west London. Dale gave me a call because he had been invited too but I told them that I’d already
agreed to go bowling with Jamie.

We went to Rowlan’s near Finsbury Park station and had a few beers and a few games. Jamie beat
me for the first couple of games and because it was packed and difficult to get a good ball, I wasn’t
able to dominate as I normally do and lost a tenner to him in the second game after we had a bet
with a couple of frames to go. I did beat him in the third game but we didn’t really gamble. Anais
said that she would come over after her party and so I went to meet her at Arsenal station and then
we went back to my place and had a beer with Jamie before going to bed.

Thur 5th March 2009

When we left work we all agreed to work at home in the morning because Heike’s parents were
coming .

I had the FK meeting and it was a waste of time. I met up with Anais again after work and we went
for some food on Upper Street. She was going to Geneva for the weekend. We went to a Moroccan
restaurant because that is what she liked and I ended up having steak and chips because I couldn’t
really find out from the waiter if the food I was ordering was spicey or not. We ate our food and it
was a little bit awkward with not too much conversation flowing but we did talk about her boyfriend.

We then went for a drink and to meet Rob and Joe. I gave Martin a call because he lived nearby and
he turned up with Anja, which was quite cool. When I called him she had answered and was
pretending to be his personal assistant. Rob and Joe arrived with Joe’s brother Finn and we had a
few drinks and played some truth or dare with an application that Anja had on her phone. It was nice
to see those guys again and they seemed to like Anais – well, they said that she was cute. Anja asked
Anais as part of her truth or dare whether or not she would move to another country for a guy – ah,

We then went back to mine and I apologised to Anais if I had made her uncomfortable by trying to
force myself on her.

Fri 6th March 2009

I woke up and as usual I was teasing Anais by saying ‘Je t’adore encore plus’ (I love you even more)
but this time instead of just ignoring me she replied with ‘Je t’adore aussi’ (I love you too), which was
quite a shock. I also told her that I wanted her to dump her boyfriend so that I could be her

She left a little later to go and get her flight and I was feeling a bit shit but I did a bit of LetGen and
then Anais called me to say that she had missed her flight.
Iwent down to the restaurant that we’d been to the night before because Anais had left her art pad
there. I had a KFC on the way but while I was eating it I was feeling a bit rough.

I walked home and then watched some House and chilled out a bit.

Anais came around in the evening and we watched Election and then La Haine. It was nice but I felt a
bit conscious that it was a bit strained trying to keep the conversation going.

We then went to bed.

I woke up in the night feeling a bit sick and then after a while finally realised that I was going to be
sick. I didn’t make it to the toilet and was sick on the stairs. As I was being sick I also had a bit of
diarrhoea so afterwards I had to clean myself up and have a shower and then also clean up the stairs,
which isn’t great to do when you are feeling shit.

I went back to bed a little later after I’d freshened myself up.

Sat 7th March 2009

Anais left at about 10:30 and I was still feeling rough. I spent the day basically trying to recover by
sleeping, watching TV, eating light meals and stuff. I had a bath and watched some 24 and then went
to bed pretty early as I still did not feel 100%.

Sun 8th March 2009

I got up and did some cleaning and some washing. I got a text from Jo Lev asking me if I wanted to go
for breakfast with her to a cafe. I thought it was Dale so I said I had stuff to do and would meet later.
I then realised it was her so told her I’d got confused but still didn’t want to meet up for breakfast.

I did some skipping and had a bath. Dale called me and asked if I wanted to meet up earlier than
2pm but I didn’t as I had too much other stuff to do.

I cycled down to meet him and regretted it as it was raining a bit and I was still feeling a bit shit so I
was knackered.

The door to the corridor wasn’t working properly as the keypad to let us in wasn’t working. It was
propped open with a bin. I went into the office and then went back to let Dale in but I accidentally
knocked the bin and locked us out. A woman came back and was a bit annoyed but I pretended I
hadn’t knocked the bin. We rang up the guy but he said he wasn’t able to come and let us in until

Dale and I then went to the Internet cafe around the corner and chatted about some stuff. He’s
annoying me a bit because he always thinks that he is right and everything he does is great and that
everything I do is in some way substandard – when we all know that everything I do is amazing!!

I walked home in just my t-shirt because I’d locked everything in the office.

I watched a bit of 24 and then did some reading and then went to bed. I’m still reading ‘For Whom
The Bell Tolls’ and I’m finding it really hard to get through it. Shame, I always really wanted to like

Mon 9th March 2009
I sent Anais a text but she didn’t reply and I started getting the fear that she might not like me

I wrote a little bit of stuff for Gerald and got a decent start for my bit on pain.

I came home and watched some 24 and then Sylvie came back and made me some tea – a veggie
burger, fish finger, chips and peas. I got on with some LetGen and pretty much finished it off by the
time I went to bed.

Tue 10th March 2009

I woke up late because I’d forgotten to update my alarm on my phone after using it to time the food
that Sylvie had cooked the night before so I headed into work a bit late. I normally go in a bit late so
it didn’t really alter anything.

I sent the click demo to Octave and Zoe to ask them to get the developers they knew to give a quote
on building the final product.

I still hadn’t received a text of Anais so I sent her another message at about 11am to ask if she still
wanted to come out that evening for Rob’s birthday. I didn’t get a message back from her until 5pm
and I was kind of getting the fear that she had gone off me. When she did text back she said that she
would come and that she had something to tell me.

I met her at Angel at 7:30 and we walked up to meet Rob, Ben, Joe and everyone at The Grand
Union. The walk up was a little strange as I knew she wanted to tell me something but I was gonna
make her wait a little bit before letting her – I wanted to milk the awkwardness for a little while.

We were the first to arrive at the bar so we got a drink and sat down. She then told me about how
here boyfriend had found out about us because he had access to her emails and had been looking at
them and seen one that she had sent to a friend about me. He had decided to come over this
weekend to see her to discuss everything. I didn’t really feel too worried about it. A joke did
formulate in my mind though – I wondered what would happen if he tried to track me down and
confront me and then I realised that as he was from Geneva and half French/half Swiss then if it did
break down into violence then he’d either capitulate ridiculously early in the fight or remain neutral
and offer to secretly look after any gold or artwork that I might have stolen from some Jews.

We went and had some food and although Anais was trying to be less intimate with me until she had
sorted things out with her boyfriend, she couldn’t resist holding my hand and having intermittent
pashes throughout the evening. We had food at Gallipoli and I paid for everyone because I was
feeling in a generous mood.

We then went to Slim Jim’s and hooked up with some more people and Jack turned up. Anais
disappeared a couple of times for some long talks with her boyfriend but I had a few Jaeger bombs
with the lads and it was a good laugh. Anais and I left about midnight and I tried to smuggle a beer
onto the bus but the bus driver noticed and wouldn’t let me.

Wed 11th March 2009
I went into the office to get my laptop. It was quite nice weather and Heike was telling me that it
was perfect weather for going to the seaside to collect shells, so I told her that she should go so her
and Heike went off to the seaside.

I went home and had a fried breakfast in the cafe below the flat but somehow my order got mixed up
so I ended up having just bacon egg and beans with a glass of orange. It took ages for it to come
because they were so busy and as I couldn’t be arsed complaining I just made the best of it.

I came back and learnt my Gerald lines and got on with some work. Dale sent me an email saying he
had flu and that I’d have to do the compering, which I was quite happy about because I wanted to do
me reworking of Shakespeare’s Richard III ‘We band of brothers’ speech as the intro to the night.

I had a little nap in the afternoon and then I headed down to Shoreditch. I had a beer and set the
room up and chilled out on my own for a bit. Dale arrived and said that he had completely lost his
voice and couldn’t perform at all so I asked Joe if he wanted to do it and he was up for it.

The night didn’t look like it was gonna fill up and Beta Males’ Picnic were late but once it got going
everyone arrived and the room filled up. Jay Foreman was doing the music and he was really cool
and the Beta Males’ did really well and they always go down well. The first bit of improv was quite
good and all-in-all the first half was a belter. There were even a few people in the crowd who had
just arrived on spec after seeing it in ‘on the internet’ and a couple of guys from the pub turned up as
well so it was rammed.

The second half started well with the Beta Males’ doing some more sketches and the next bit of
improvisation went well as we got Jay Foreman involved and ended up with me having to take my
shirt off and then throwing it into the crowd (as advised by one of the cue cards – well taking the
shirt off was, throwing it into the crowd was all me).

The Very Open Mike section (Dale’s brainchild that he wont let go) was a major struggle and I don’t
think either me or Joe really enjoyed it very much, nor the audience for that matter. Dale has this
idea that he wants to recreate the environment where you’re having a laugh with your friends in a
pub or at a party but it doesn’t scale up to this environment and although audience interaction is
fine, I don’t believe it works and I just wanna say to Dale, if this is what you want, get some friends
and go out for a drink with them and have a laugh but don’t try and force this on a poor audience
because it will never work.

I made my little half French/half Swiss joke and it went down well and I think my other bit went ok
but it was hard work.

We then had this guy come in from Canada who was into some anti-comedy. It was interesting to
see him do it because it is always nice to see new stuff but it didn’t go down well and from my
perspective it was pretty self-indulgent. No matter how post-modern or funny you might think it is
to be anti-funny, it is very disrespectful to your audience to make them sit through it when all they
want is to have a genuine laugh and are no so consumed with the whole comedy scene that they are
ready for that sort of thing.

Rob, Finn and Joe turned up and Joe had some new chick in toe. I spoke to Anais afterwards and
tried to kiss her but she wouldn’t really let me and said that I couldn’t contact her now and that she
would contact me after her boyfriend has left London.
I spoke to Jay Foreman and told him that I would be interested in him being part of our Edinburgh
show and he said that he agreed to it in principle but didn’t want to over-commit. I told him that I
understood and then massaged his ego a bit to try and sweeten him up to agree to do it and I think
he will if we can offer him something good – all depends on how much Dale feels comfortable losing
some control of the project.

I then went to a club with Rob, Finn, Joe and a few others. The girl that Joe was with was a bit weird
and was flirting quite badly with Rob. Rob is pretty cool and reminds me of Lev, Will and Kes when
they were younger. Me and Rob got a taxi back with a female taxi driver and Rob was hugging her
and grabbing the wheel while she was driving. She complained that this was extremely dangerous
and I just got out on BlackStock Road, bundled some cash into her hand and wished her good luck in
getting Rob home.

Thur 12th March 2009

I came into the office and sent a few thank-yous out to all the performers.

Dale sent me an email saying that he thinks we should move Gerald and was talking about moving it
to Queen’s Head in Piccadilly and moving it to a Tuesday, because he wants his Spoken Word night to
go weekly. I don’t really want to relegate Gerald to a Tuesday and if he wants to concentrate on his
spoken word night and his open mike night then I would rather dissolve Gerald as having served its
purpose. He did ask me for a guarantee that I would not replace him in the improv but there are no

I got some feedback from Octave that his developer contact would be able to do the project for
around €2000 and Zoe also got back to me saying that she liked the look of the project and that they
had capacity and would get back to me with a quote shortly.

I was feeling hungover and got on with some work and in the afternoon we had the Fuhrungskreis
meeting. There is little point in this meeting as it adds nothing to my awareness of what is going on
that I couldn’t get from a quick email and there simply is not the will or the capacity for them to
address any of my concerns or suggestions for change to push the UK market. I have been basically
treading water at MyHammer since they began implementing the directory services in October last
year and there doesn’t seem to be any light at the end of the tunnel but I don’t feel like I have done
anything wrong. I have tried to offer advice and develop initiatives to push UK but I have been
constantly fobbed off.

I went home and then watched an episode of 24 and then had a chat with Sylvie about Anais. Sylvie
was asking me if I wanted things to get serious with Anais and I’m not really sure. I would like to
spend more time with her and go out with her for a while but beyond that I don’t know. If she tells
me that she doesn’t want to see me anymore after the weekend then I will be upset but not
devastated. That’s not that I don’t care, it’s just like anything, as you get more experience of
something, you get better at dealing with it. Jamie came back and we watched some TV including
the Red Nose day stuff like celebs climbing mount Kilimanjaro and celebrity Apprentice and then
Jamie went to the King’s and me and Sylvie watched Skins. Me and Jamie considered doing
Kilimanjaro and I think we should give it a try.

I was feeling pretty knackered and was glad to get to bed.
Fri 13th March 2009

It was red nose day so coming into work I could see all the kids and a few adults dressed up ready for
the day.

I came into the office and then I wanted a new pad of paper to make notes on because I have an A5
and an A3 pad but for some reason I really wanted to work with an A4 pad so I went up to Ryman’s
and bought myself and the Heike’s some A4 pads.

I worked a little bit on some Edinburgh stuff and joined the Edinburgh Fringe official site and came up
with an idea for the promo material.

After work I went home and then got a text from Joe Deeney asking what I was up to. We arranged
to meet up in Whitechapel at the Blind Beggar. I asked Jamie if he wanted to come but he was tired
and said he might come along later.

I met up with Joe and some girl in the pub and we had some beers and played some pool. I asked Joe
if he would be interesting in getting more involved in running a night and he said he would be up for

We then went back to his place and went out for some beers. On the way we saw a guy being
attended to by paramedics and he was twitching in the road. I assumed it was some sort of cyclist
versus car incident but when I asked someone what had happened he told me that the guy had been
beaten up by a gang with baseball bats.

Jamie and Jo Lev turned up and we went back to Joe’s. We had a few drinks and Jo Lev was getting
tetchy again in her usual drunken way so we headed to Rhythm Factory but it was shit so I ditched
them and just jumped in a cab and went home.

I got a quick pizza even though I’d vowed not to ever again and then I went to bed but before I did, I
took two digestive enzyme tablets and an Aloe Vera colon cleanse tablet.

Sat 14th March 2009

I got up and was glad to notice that I’d not had any indigestion from the pizza. I watched the last two
episodes of 24 series 4 and really enjoyed it.

I made Jamie and Sylvie some breakfast and then they went out for a walk. Well, it took them ages
to get themselves motivated and they had originally talked about Q Gardens but this dissolved into a
walk around Camden.

I didn’t do much and just relaxed and chilled out and had a bit of a nap in the afternoon. When Sylvie
and Jamie came back we went out for some food and had wanted to go to Pizza Delique but as it was
full so we ended up across the road at its partner restaurant.

I then went up to a party at CMO’s place in Camden and Joe Deeney met me up there. We then went
to Koko and Joe Deeney used to work there so he got me, him and some random girl (Arian who was
friends with CMO’s sister) in for free and without having to queue. The other guys then ended up
not coming into the club because the queue was so big.
On the way to Koko I got a call from Anais. Apparently I’d accidentally called her from the movement
of my phone in my pocket. I told her I’d called her by accident, apologised and told her that I’d speak
to her later.

We stayed until the end and then we all came back to mine. We had to stay up and wait for the first
tube so that Arian could go home. We were a bit loud and Jamie came down and complained and
also complained about the smoke in the living room. I walked her to the tube at 6am and made her
hold my hand but when we got there we saw that the first tube wasn’t until 7:15am so we had to
walk back. When we got back, Joe was asleep so I had to entertain Arian for an hour and then I
walked her back to the tube and of course, made her hold my hand again.

I then came back and moved Joe from the sofa up into the spare room.

Sun 15th March 2009

I got up about midday and had a shower. When I got out, Jamie’s bosses were there in the living
room. They were an old couple and had come round to set up some Macs so Jamie could do
something for the launch of a new documentary ‘The Age Of Stupid’. He’d warned me the day
before that I wasn’t allowed to confront them over what I think is a complete waste of time and
resources by doing stupid events in Second Life. I was in a towel when I greeted them, which I
thought was quite funny.

Dale sent me a text asking if we could postpone meeting until 3 but I decided to go down to Angel
and get some breakfast and hang out in the office anyway rather than hang out in the house with
Jamie’s bosses.

As I was on the bus I spotted Martin, Felix and Arne having breakfast on Upper Street so I went and
joined them.

I then went down to the office and threw a few darts and messed around online. Dale arrived at 3
and he made us some strange tea with lemon in it because his voice was bad. We had a difference of
opinion about the marketing message for Edinburgh but I think that was more a tit-for-tat bit of
frustration with each other rather than anything else. We had a good chat and confirmed that we
would dissolve Gerald for now and maybe resurrect it with a larger group organising it. We discussed
the idea of pushing comedy promotion forward and I think there is an opportunity for Dale to be a
really good comedy promoter and do it to at least a semi-professional level.

Jamie sent me a text saying ‘Syd, there’s someone in the spare room’. I called him and he was a bit
pissed off that I’d not told him that Joe was still sleeping in the spare room.

Dale went to (Queen’s Head) QH on his bike and I got the bus – the bus was moving really slowly and
was feeling a bit ropey and I think I have some mild case of claustrophobia when it comes to feeling
trapped in slow moving traffic. I think this stems from the stressful days when my car used to
overheat unless there was a good airflow over the engine and used to cut out whenever I was in a
traffic jam.

I got to the QH and helped sort stuff out. Jo Lev and Sylvie were there. I confronted Jo Lev about
something Dale had said earlier that she was only going to invite Johnny to his midweek spoken word
night if I wasn’t going. She took this a lot more seriously than I thought she would and got in a bit of
a mood.

The night went pretty well and I got involved in some improv and that worked quite well. Jay
Foreman helped us out in the ‘Cue Cards’ game and he was really good. Joe Deeney and James
Campbell were performing and they had some strong sets that started off really well but tailed off a
little towards the end. The overall standard was pretty high even though as always with an amateur
open mike night, there were a few misfires.

I was floating around helping out in the background and ended up at one stage helping Robert, the
owner of the pub, carry a microwave from the house above the pub down some stairs. He gave me a
couple of free pints and he also expressed that he thought that the night was going really well.

Afterwards I patched things up with Jo Lev and had a few beers with all the comedians. There was a
guy called Ed there who lives with Joe Deeney and as he left we all gave him a round of applause and
I shouted my classic ‘Be careful walking home with 2 grand in cash in your back pocket’ as he
disappeared into the London night.

We tried to find somewhere cool to have a quiet beer and chat to Jay about getting involved with our
Edinburgh show but despite being in the Picadilly Circus, the centre of one of the largest and most
vibrant cities in the world, we couldn’t find anywhere to suit our needs so the group disbanded and
Jay, Dale and I went for a KFC together. Jay agreed that he would get involved and would commit to
doing the full run of shows, which is very positive as he can add a lot and already has Edinburgh

I got the bus home and Jamie was still up and I asked him if he was still in a mood and he said that he

Mon 16th March 2009

I decided to work from home. I got a text from Rich saying that he was around in the evening if I
wanted to meet up with him. I skyped Heike to tell her I was working from home and she said that
she had guessed this as she had received a call from my pocket at 1am the night before.

I got on with some work and then went for a bacon sandwich and bought a paper. I thought Jamie
had already got up and gone out but he emerged at about 12:30pm. He then went round to his
sister’s to look after Billy while she went to the homeopath. I told him to bring Billy round and I’d
help him look after him. I sent Anais a text saying ‘Ca va? x’. I booked myself on flights to Berlin for
the next day and returning on Saturday.

I then went and had a nap and crashed out for a few hours. I woke up around 5pm and called Rich to
see if he wanted to go for a few beers and we arranged to meet up at Leicester Square. Anais texted
back asking if I wanted to see her sometime. I replied saying that it would have to be tonight as I was
off to Berlin until Saturday. She said she’d meet me after she had been to a restaurant with her

I met Rich at a bar near Leicester square and he gave me £100 as payout for our yearly who-finishes-
higher-Reading-or-other-team bet, which this year was QPR. He gave me a £50 note and we were
laughing about it because £50 notes are not accepted anywhere up north but in London are not so
uncommon. I made him get the next round and I gave him the £50 note to buy it with.

We then went for some Dim Sum and then another beer at which point Anais arrived and Rich left. I
could tell that Rich had been expecting something different from Anais and that he was in some way

I talked to Anais about what had happened with Bertrand and she said that she’d basically just
apologised to him, told him that it was a one-off and that it wouldn’t happen again. She was going to
tell me that she wanted us to just be friends but I’m pretty sure she understands that will not happen
and it didn’t take long before we were kissing. She also didn’t take much persuasion to come back to

She said that she still loved Bertrand and although she really like me that as she was only going to be
in UK for a few months that it didn’t make sense to leave her boyfriend for me. She still wants to
hang out with me and I get the feeling that I could win her over if I really tried but as I lay in bed with
her I just had the feeling that I couldn’t really be arsed. I didn’t want to go with my initial gut
reaction straight away and say anything there or then because this is what I normally do and in the
past it has often proved to be wrong but I had the overwhelming sense that – c’est finis!

Tue 17th March 2009

I woke up and although I was a bit angry and frustrated at Anais but she was still there in my bed so I
cuddled her a bit. It was a bit awkward so I went and had a shower and then came back and offered
her some orange juice before going down stairs and firing up my laptop. She came down into the
kitchen and I’m sure she could tell something had changed and as she left she said ‘see you’ but I
could only respond with ‘goodbye’ and she tried to say something else to get a more positive
response from me but I could only leave her with ‘yep, bye’ and I wasn’t sure but I got the feeling at
that point that I would never see her again.

I told this to Jamie when he got up and he told me to stop being melodramatic and that I always say
things like that but I really had a sense of it this time (even though in the past, whenever I said it was
maybe melodramatic but had a vein of truth running through the melodrama).

I listened to a bit of Scouting For Girls ‘Elvis Aint Dead’ just for the lines ‘I wish it was me you chose’
because I thought they were apt and although I don’t think anything longterm would have ever
arisen from a relationship between me and Anais, I still wanted her to choose me...I still wanted to
beat the other guy.

I did a bit of work and then geared myself up for the journey to Berlin. I was flying from Heathrow
via Zurich. I don’t know why I decided to fly via Zurich but it was influenced by the fact it was the
cheapest option, it departed from Heathrow and wasn’t with a crappy low cost airline and all the
stresses involved with that. I slept most of the way to Zurich.

I got to Zurich and had a call with Nathan and he promised he would have his stuff finished by
Sunday. I had been to Zurich airport before with Jamie and Weird and they have a smoking lounge
and for some reason I just fancied reliving that so I went and had a cigarette in there.
I then got the plane to Berlin and read a bit of The Economist. I also started back on ‘For Whom The
Bell Tolls’ and although I quite like it, I’m struggling to read it quickly.

I got a taxi to the hotel and checked in. I think I looked a bit scruffy compared to their usual clientele.

Wed 18th March 2009

I got up and had breakfast at the hotel.

I got the U-Bahn to the office. The nearest tube station was closed so I had to get off a little way off
and didn’t really know where I was and had to by a map from a petrol station.

I got into the office and sat in Dano’s place. Bilbow and Sebastian were excited to see me but I sent
them scurrying off, much to the amusement of Michael Dierck.

I hung around and had a chat with a few people and the purpose of the visit was more to show my
face than anything else so I wasn’t really doing anything specific.

I went for lunch with Bilbow, Sebastian, Sylvia and some other guy at the furniture store near the

I got on with bits and bats in the afternoon and really enjoyed having an extra monitor to work with.

In the evening I met up with David and we had some food at a cool place near Hackische Markt and
obviously I had to pay. We then went back to his and invited Bilbow over. Bilbow came round and
for a laugh we were both sat in our pants when he arrived, which he took quite well.

We had some vodka cokes and then Bilbow invited round a couple of girls that he knew. One of
them was an artist and I got her to draw me. The other one was a girl that Bilbow fancied and so we
were winding them both up.

We went to a bar and bumped into Bilbow’s flatmate who was Palestinian. We got off to a bad start
when he cut across my Pinball eye-line and I jokingly (but in a deadpan way) told him that he owed
me a euro. He didn’t really take it in the spirit it was intended but I wasn’t willing to back down and
therefore maintained the spirit that he had inferred. We had a tete-a-tete about Crazy Frog and the
fact that he designed weapons and then I went and got a taxi home.

Thur 19th March 2009

I got up and headed into work. I didn’t bother with breakfast at the hotel and grabbed something
from a bakery on the way.

I sent a message to Heike asking how Dale’s first spoken word open mic night was and she told me
that Dale had told her he wasn’t interested in promoting that anymore – so I sent him a message on
FaceBook asking him about it.

I went for lunch with Florian, Manuel and a load of guys from development. Manuel was up for going
out for a few beers. I was considering playing poker but Manuel and I have been talking about going
out for some beers together evertime I go to Berlin and had never managed to do it.
I had the FK meeting and saw how they treated the Rolland on the phone and this emphasised to me
even more what a waste of time it was. Gerrit made us do our personal/professional wins again,
which I think is stupid.

I went out with Manuel and dragged Bilbow along. We walked to Potsdamerplatz and it was pretty
cold. I’d decided not to take a coat to Berlin this time for some reason and I was kind of regretting it
a bit. We went for a beer in a Brauhaus and had some sausages (well, you gotta in Germany).

We then went to an Ozzie bar and Manuel drank an alcohol free cocktail while me and Bilbow got
tanked up. We chatted about grown-up stuff like children and work.

I got a taxi home and for some reason sent a text to the girl that Bilbow liked – basically just to annoy
him and Sebastian (she had formerly been Sebastian’s girlfriend).

I woke up in the night feeling pretty sick and then I threw up. I didn’t make it to the toilet but I did
make it to the bathroom so luckily I just had to clean up the tiles rather than having to clean up any

Fri 20th March 2009

I got up a bit late and went into the office. Dano was back and they’d shifted my stuff over to the
other side of the room.

I’d booked a haircut at Ponyclub, which is a really cool gay hairdressers. I headed over there at 11:30
for an appointment at 11:45. I like Ponyclub and I let the hairdresser come up with his own idea for
my hair. They also give you a scalp massage, which really helped freshen me up from my hung-over
state. I wasn’t amazingly happy with the haircut because I thought it was a bit short but it was still a
really good haircut. I’d also developed a few spots since the weekend and the short hair showed
them off because they were predominantly on my forehead.

I went back into the office and had the FK meeting. Even though I’d just disappeared for a couple of
hours and come back with a haircut, nobody was overly put out. I didn’t say where I’d gone for the
haircut because then they probably thought I’d been in meetings and then just nipped out
somewhere nearby. My haircut was making me look a lot younger and for someone who looks
pretty young anyway, that might not be a great thing.

I came back to the office and then we had a PRD meeting about implementing PayPal. It was pretty
pointless and slow.

I’d arranged to meet up with Flo that evening but I went back to the hotel and wanted to have a
quick nap before leaving and after going to sleep I couldn’t be bothered getting up so I slept straight

Sat 21st March 2009

I got up pretty early and had breakfast. I then went to Balzac for hot chocolate and carrot cake. I
had a bit of time to kill and I thought about calling Tobo but you never really want to drop in on
someone on a Saturday morning because they’re either doing something, are really hung over from
the night before, not up yet or just wanting to spend a quiet Saturday morning on their own. I
decided to go and have a look around an art gallery as I’d stayed so often right next to the museum
island of Berlin but never actually been in any of the museums or galleries and thought it was about

It was quite interesting but I didn’t bother getting an audio guide or anything and didn’t pay too
much attention to who the artists were. I just looked at the pictures and judged them on what
impression they made on me and how they made me feel.

I got a taxi to Tegel and then flew to Zurich. I was there for a bit and was thinking about maybe
buying a digital camera and wanted some advice from Jamie but when I called him he was out and
about in Liverpool Street and didn’t seem receptive to talking about it. I even offered to get him
some duty free cigarettes but he declined.

I got back into London and went out to King’s Head with Jamie for a few beers. I ended up annoying
Ian by calling him an alcoholic and betting him that he couldn’t go a 10 days without drinking and
offered to give £300 to a charity of his choice. I also offered to reimburse any money lost to local
businesses and mitigate any other negative consequences of him not drinking but he didn’t even
entertain the idea, which led me to believe that maybe he is an alcoholic.

Sun 22nd March 2009

Chatted with Dale. Told him that I wanted to do more of a comedy collective. He said he supported
that idea. He wanted me to help him more with his nights but I wasn’t ready to commit.

Went to the open mic comedy night at Queen’s Head. Performed a little bit of improv and it went ok
but was nothing special.

Mon 23rd March 2009

Got a text from Anais saying that she missed me.

Met up with Anais. Went down to The Social to check out whether or not it was a decent venue.
Didn’t really think it would work.

Tue 24th March 2009

Not really got any material. A few ideas floating around but nothing special.

Met up with Joe Deeney, Jay Foreman, James Campbell and Pete Sharp to discuss the comedy
collective. It all looked pretty positive. I’d prepared a lot of stuff for it and we went through it.

Wed 25th March 2009

Last Gerald. Locked myself out of the flat.

Night was really good. I took the lead as the compere. I did my reworking of the Henry V ‘we band
of brothers’ speech and it went down really well.

The crowd was a little light but filled up as we went along.

Barley Mow guys were sorry to hear it was our last one.

Anais came back with me.
Thur 26th March 2009

I met a guy from BetNOW and we had a chat but it wasn’t very productive. I think he would have
been open to giving me a job but he realised that I wasn’t really looking for that type of role that he
would be able to offer.

I was supposed to meet Martin and CMO for lunch but I headed down there and in the tube I was
feeling a bit shit so decided to give it a miss.

I nipped back to the office and then went home.

Fell asleep during Fuhrungskreis.

Anais came round to watch Amelie.

Fri 27th March 2009

Afternoon nap.

Weird came round. I met up with them after they’d been to a gig. We went to Camden and then The
Social to see Joe. He said he’d give me £100 to put the comedy night on there and a bar tab, which
was pretty surprising.

Met up with Anais and her friends. Anais was getting a lot of attention and was being chatted up by
someone when we arrived and I think she was swapping numbers.

We came back to our flat. I went and got some beers and a kebab.

We stayed up until the first tube started running and then Weird and Anais’ friend left.

Sat 28th March 2009

I got up pretty early and did a bit more work on the wiki. I got it to a decent standard. I left Anais in
bed and then she came downstairs and we hung out for a bit before she left.

I spoke to Dale who was helping Heike move. We had a long chat about the comedy collective and
he told me he wanted to do his night weekly and keep the Queen’s Head. I told him this was fine and
that I didn’t take it personal and it was only business. I was thinking about not telling him about the
Social but I decided to just to gauge his reaction and as soon as I mentioned that they were willing to
pay, he seemed a little bit put out.

Sylvie and Jamie were in bed until late in the afternoon. I had a nap in the afternoon and then got up
and went down to Felix and Martin’s party. I wanted to go early so I could slip away but it was dead
and didn’t really get the next visitor until 10pm. I left at 10:30pm to go to James’ party. It took me
ages to get there.

Went back to Joe’s and then got a bus back home.

Sun 29th March 2009

Slept pretty much most of the day and then got up to go to Jim’s gig.
Met up with Gwen and everyone at Paddington and Anais came along with Esme. The gig was alright
but was in a theatre so it was a bit of a strange atmosphere. The bar was closed during and after the

I was holding Anais hand but she was being a bit strange and stand-offish. I asked her if she was
coming back to mine and she said that she wouldn’t but that I could go back to hers so I did. She said
we wouldn’t be able to sleep in the same bed because they were so small but I said we had to at
least try and we did manage it even though it was a bit uncomfortable at times.

Mon 30th March 2009

I got the tube back and came home. I had some breakfast, did some work, watched some House and
had a nap.

Got through a fair bit of organisational stuff.

Spoke to Joe Curran and confirmed we wanted the venue on the 8th April and he said he would try
and work that night. Joe also said that if it worked we could get other events in May and that they
may even pay more money.

Made my pasta mix for Jamie and Sylvie.

Tue 31st March 2009

I came into work and it was Zweike’s last day, which came as a bit of a surprise to me. I got on with
some general bits of work and also developed the wiki for Comedy 2.0 and did some LetGen stuff.

I got back to the flat and had a nap and did some relaxation exercises. Jamie and Sylvie are in such a
morose place at the moment that they suck energy out of the flat. I don’t really enjoy hanging
around them too much because they have nothing really going on. They are the new Johnny.

Had a chat with Dale in the evening and he has changed his mind yet again about Edinburgh and now
just wants to do a 10 minute stand-up routine and no sketches. I berated him for this because it is
not so much that he has changed his mind, it is the reason for him changing his mind that is the
problem. He is simply afraid of performing sketches. We discussed some crazy idea about investing
in Queen’s Head.

Wed 1st April 2009

I got an email from Flo asking if we wanted to take on the C2C (customer to customer) project in UK
so I told him to call me. We discussed it and I said that we would work on the concept. We also
discussed the default option for the subscription packages and I stated that virtually nobody that
‘selected’ the yearly option went on to pay and he said that he was happy to change the default
option to monthly. I was a bit dubious that he would be able to do this as normally Markus would
veto this type of thing but it seems that it is gonna happen. I know that from reading this journal it
appears that I am pretty slack at work but the reality is that I know exactly what is going on and am
ready to push the UK market forward as soon as I have everything is in place. We also discussed my
idea for giving away a free trial in UK and he called me later and said that he had got Gerrit to agree
to this, so finally I may be in a position to get things going in UK.

Joe Deeney, James Campbell and Pete Start came down to the office to discuss our new comedy
night, which we are giving the working title of ‘Comedy 2.0’. We had some beers and were quite
productive and set up a good framework for the night and also practiced some improv. It doesn’t
look like I will have too much of a part in the opening night other than improve, which is kind of my
own fault for not really having a stand-up set that I want to do or having any sketches to perform but
that’s alright because this is a new platform where I will have the possibility to do stuff.

Thur 2nd April 2009

We were supposed to have the FK meeting but the connection was bad so those not on site in Berlin
didn’t take part.

I emailed Zoe and told her that I needed a more realistic estimate from her to get LetGen up and
running. Her first estimate of €50K was completely unrealistic.

I rang up Dale and told him that I’d got a night down at The Social and told him that the only night I
could get in April was on the 8th. He took it quite well and I told him that this didn’t necessarily mean
that we were going in separate directions but that I needed to test out a new venue and try out the
process of a more collaborative approach to running the night. He said that he would like to be a
part of it.

Fri 3rd April 2009

I had a phone call with Gerrit. This was our first 1:1 update meeting and it is scheduled to take place
every 6 weeks. I didn’t want to have to sit through a vague general chat so I put together an agenda
that we could talk through including stats and comments. I wanted him to agree to letting me try the
‘no obligation free trial period’ but he is not too keen. We had a disagreement about how to push
the UK market forward as he is convinced that we should concentrate on getting a quantity of jobs
on the platform. I think this is important too but at the moment we don’t have a sustainable way of
getting cash-in from the jobs as we are paying £5 or £6 to acquire them and only getting £1 - £2 cash
per job. If we can focus on acquiring several hundred tradesmen (say 500) then that would give us
around £25K revenue per month, which we could then use to power back into marketing efforts to
acquire jobs, which should then lead to a positive feedback loop. We had a bit of a stand-off for a
while but I didn’t back down because I felt that the stats justified my assertions and that he was just
working from gut feeling. Towards the end he capitulated and admitted that he didn’t have enough
knowledge of the UK market or UK stats to really make any informed decisions and promised that
next time he would have a firmer understanding of the process.

After work I went and met my sister at Euston and we went to Pizza Express together and then went
for a beer. It was alright and exactly as I had expected. A bit boring.

I met Anais at Euston and she was a bit late. Euston brought back some memories because that is
where I used to meet Alexandra. We walked down to the bar that I’d been in with Louise but they
only had 2 members of staff and the bar was rammed so after waiting a bit we went back towards
the station. Anais said that she didn’t really like the area so we headed off to meet Rob and Joe at
The Big Red in Holloway.
We got out of the station and walked for ages until we got to Highbury corner and I realised we’d
gone the wrong way so we got the bus back. Anais was actually being pretty affectionate, which I
didn’t expect as she’d been trying her hardest to be distant the last few times I’d seen her.

We had a few beers with Rob and Joe and played some pool. Heather turned up and then we played
pool with a couple of guys who didn’t really like the banter. It turned out that one of them was ex-
army and had just returned from Afghanistan. He got into a heated debate with Rob and it kept
erupting into potential violence but in the end nothing really happened. Anais was chatting to some
guy and I have to admit, I was a bit jealous.

We then jumped in a cab. I didn’t have any cash on me so I thought we’d have to get the taxi driver
to pull up at a cash machine (I hate doing that) but luckily Anais had some money.

We got back to the flat and went to bed. I was trying my best to try and convince Anais to stay in
London for a bit longer but she wasn’t having any of it.

Sat 4th April 2009

Anais left quite early to go and meet her friend and visit an art gallery. We agreed to meet up the
next day.

I went downstairs and Jamie came down and asked me who I had been with. We had a joke about
how he always got jealous because whenever I had people over there was always loads of giggling
and even when someone like Weird was there, he wished he could join in.

I made Jamie and Sylvie some poached eggs and then we decided to head out of town for the day.
We tried to rent a car from the car-pooling website that Jamie had joined but were only able to get
one for a few hours so we decided to get the train to Canvey Island instead. None of us really knew
anything about Canvey Island but we thought we’d give it a try anyway.

We got the train to the nearest place we could and then a bus to Canvey Island. We went to the local
bookies and put on a few Grand National bets. I’d already put £50 each way on a 25-1 shot but I had
a couple more bets. The race began and towards the end my horse, Offshore Account took the lead
for a while and my heart was racing and I was rediscovering my love of gambling but the horse faded
and I didn’t even get a place on any of my bets.

We then walked down to the beach. Canvey Island is in Essex in the Thames Estuary so it is difficult
to say whether it is in the sea or not (although I am sure this has been clearly defined by someone).
We walked along the flood barriers and then I ate some jellied eels for the first time at a fish van. I
also bought some mussels. The eels were ok but I only had a couple of bites to get the taste and
then threw them away. I had most of the mussels.

We then went for fish and chips. Jamie and I ordered a battered Mars Bar, which was another first.
It was not as bad as I thought it would be.

We got a taxi back to the station and then the train back into London. I went straight to a party that
Octave had told me about. I had to ring Jamie to get directions and guide me to the place. The party
was pretty crap and I only stayed until midnight and then I got the bus home. I wasn’t sure that the
bus would get me there but fortunately it did.
I came back and then had a drink with Jamie. Anais texted me to say she couldn’t meet the next day
because she was going to Brighton.

Sun 5th April 2009

I tried to get a few people round for Sunday lunch but in the end only Octave came. I roasted a
chicken and we had some mash and peas while drinking red wine and watching Grease 2.

We then went up to The Highbury Barn to watch Man U v Villa. It was quite a good game and Man U
ended up coming back from 2-1 down with 10 minutes to go and won the game 3-2 after an injury
time winner from Macheda, a 17-year old Italian guy.

We then went down to Piccadilly to Dale’s Open Mic night. We did a little bit of improv but not
much. I spoke to Robert and said I’d help him with his website. We also got some info from him
about the value of the pub and he thought it was around £900K and if he could get £300K together
then he could make a good case for buying the place.

Dale asked me to start doing a night together again and I agreed in principle.

I got home and Jamie and Sylvie were already in bed and I made myself a sandwich with the leftovers
from the roast chicken and then picked at the carcass.

Mon 6th April 2009

Me and Jamie started listening to ‘Gordon is a Moron’.

Anais texted me to say it was her housmate’s leaving party so she couldn’t meet me that night but
that she was available the next day.

I got through a lot of stuff and started up a website called to promote
Comedy 2.0. I set the adwords going and managed to get one email requesting tickets from about 25

I was pretty knackered all day but I stayed in the office until about 7pm. I drafted an email to Gerrit
about how I saw the German adwords account, which I basically think is wasteful because even
though overall the Google account is getting an acquisition cost of €6.50, this is heavily subsidised by
brand keywords and if these were taken out of the equation then Google acquisition costs come in at
around €14. My feeling is that why should brand keywords subsidise these other campaigns just
because they both operate in the Google environment – surely if something could perform with an
acquisition cost lower than €14 then the budget should be spent on these channels rather than in
Google. I didn’t send the message in the end because I can’t be bothered with the fobbing off that I
know I will receive when I mention this (I mentioned it to Markus some time ago). I might send it
some other time.

I went home and Jamie cooked some food and then I went to bed pretty early because I was really

Tue 7th April 2009

Came into the office and Jim still wasn’t back from his holiday. Heike was joking with me about not
knowing when my employees were supposed to be back or not.
I went down to Waitrose for lunch and got a microwaveable duck and noodle meal.

I found out that MyBuilder were going to launch their own subscription service in UK on 20th April.
This is quite annoying as it means they will be able to push their platform sooner than we can
because they will be in a decent position when they launch whereas we are still struggling to fix the
issues surrounding our launch and we are still at the mercy of decisions that are being made with the
cash-in interests of Germany in mind rather than being able to focus on the requirements of a fairly
young market.

My phone backlight stopped working so I could only check texts by holding it at a weird angle to a
light source.

I was still feeling a bit knackered and watched a bit of House in the afternoon and then went home a
bit early. I was working myself up about Anais and I thought that she wasn’t going to text me but I
wasn’t feeling too bothered because I was a bit knackered and was supposed to be meeting Martin
and CMO for a game of bowling. I had a bit of a nap and then got a text from Anais asking to meet
me at Covent Garden at 7:30pm so I replied that I would and texted Martin and CMO to get a rain

I went and got some ingredients for an omelette and then made me and Jamie one each before
heading down to the tube to get to Covent Garden. I arrived and Anais was with Esmerelda. We
went to try and get a cookie but the place was shut. We then went and met Anais’ German
housemate who was about to leave in a bar in Covent Garden called Roadhouse. The bar was pretty
shit and very touristy.

Anais wanted to go and get some money from Western Union from her mum and Esme wanted to
get some cookies. I asked Anais if she wanted me to go with her and she replied in her usual French
‘if you want’ way so I called her bluff this time because Esme was with her so I let those two go.

I stayed with her friends and had a bit of a chat, a game of pinball and a few drinks. Esme and Anais
came back and Esme was asking her if I could get some weed. I told her that I would try. I bought
everyone a cocktail and tried to have fun but it was really boring so I decided to leave at about
10:30pm. Anais and Esme wanted to buy some rolling papers so I walked them up to Tesco. Esme
went in and me and Anais stood outside and had a bit of awkwardness. She kissed me a couple of
times on the cheek and apologised to me for how she had been that night. I tried to kiss her properly
but she wouldn’t let me.

We walked back to Covent Garden and I left them there. I gave them a brief hug each and I could see
Esme looking quizzically to see how we left each other.

I got the tube home and then bought some fags, had a couple and then went to bed.

Wed 8th April 2009

Jim was back from holiday so we had a chat about how it went.

Jim and I went for lunch together.
I kept an eye on adwords and was annoyed that I didn’t receive any emails for Comedy 2.0. I turned
it off at around 5:30pm then went to the Internet cafe round the corner to print out the running
orders and then went down to The Social and got there just after 6pm.

All the other guys were already there and they all looked pretty nervous but this was pretty much the
first time for me where I was properly involved in that night that I wasn’t nervous at all. This was due
to the fact that I was only really involved in the improv and doing some introductions etc.

Joe Curran gave me a £50 bar tab, which was quite cool and meant that I could get us all and the acts
some drinks, which I think everyone appreciated and shocked Jonny Armstrong because he operates
a pay-to-play kind of night.

Jamie came along and filmed the night, which was nice of him.

The night went really well and Pete stormed it, especially as it was his first night. Joe and Pete’s
sketches were really good and I’d been quite sceptical about the quality because it was their first
public airing but they looked like they’d performed them many times and they got a great reaction.

The venue wasn’t ideal as there were quite a few people round the corner who weren’t part of the
night who were chatting so there was a bit of distracting white noise throughout. We can remedy
this with maybe a cover charge on the door or something. Other than that the venue worked really
well and there was a great atmosphere and the concrete tables weren’t as bad as I’d feared.

I’d got this other guy down to perform called Joe Davies who’d asked me via FaceBook. I only really
let him because he’d promised to bring about 10 of his friends down and he didn’t disappoint on this.
In the second half they got a bit giddy and were chatting and heckling and I wasn’t really bothered
but I did ask them to move upstairs if they wanted to chat. One of Pete’s friends got a bit irate with
them but I told him to chill out.

My improv bits went well and I got some complements afterwards but you never know whether to
trust those or not.

Maggot from Goldie Looking Chain was in the bar and I had a brief chat with him. I asked him if he
wanted to perform sometime but he wasn’t arsed.

We were supposed to be getting £100 for putting on the night but I never finalised this and at the
end Joe Curran told me that it hadn’t been authorised but I saw what some of the other DJs were
getting on his spread sheet so I think £100 isn’t really going to be a problem in future.

Anais and Esme were there and I went and sat with Anais for the last bit, which was Jay Foreman
doing a few songs.

We had a few drinks afterwards and some girl called Beth O’Brien said she wanted to help us out and
do our PR for us.

Jamie and I went into Joe Curran’s office and had a little bit of ching.

We stayed quite late and then Jamie and I waited with Anais while she got a bus. She wouldn’t come
back to my place because she was going to meet her boyfriend at the airport early next morning. We
were having a bit of a mini-argument but I didn’t really know what was going on to be honest
because I was so drunk by that point. As she left on the bus Jamie made me blow her a few kisses
and her face lit up when I did this so I think she appreciated the gesture. We then got a black cab

Thur 9th April 2009

I got up and then got the train back to Wakefield.

The journey was quite uneventful and I watched an episode of House and had some food. I did some
sporadic Skype messages with Jim and Heike but the connection was pretty ropey.

I got into Wakefield and realised that I didn’t have the keys to my house. I made a few calls and
nobody was around so I contacted Nath and he said I could go round to his.

I got to his and nobody was there so I waited about 10 minutes and then Nath got back. We went
down to The Dam and The Fox and had a few drinks, played on the quizzer, talked about LetGen and
got pretty wasted. We agreed to meet up on Easter Sunday afternoon. I got a taxi back home and
then realised that I’d left my bag in The Dam. I really wanted to drive back and get it but I realised I
was too drunk.

We’d been drinking all afternoon and I went up to my room at about 8pm and then crashed out.

I woke up at about 3am and couldn’t really sleep again because I’d already had about 6 or 7 hours
sleep. I pottered around a bit and then settled back to sleep.

Fri 10th April 2009

I got up and Louise and JP had arrived. Louise made us some toasted hot cross buns.

I agreed to take Louise and Sally to a concert in Sheffield. I used Sally’s Sat Nav and it didn’t really
understand Sheffield’s new road layout properly and I ended up going the wrong way down a one-
way street.

I came home and chilled out a bit and then drove back to collect them. We hadn’t agreed where to
meet but we’d kind of mentioned one place and I drove passed there and they were there waiting. I
drove them back and they were both in high spirits and pretty drunk. Louise was going on in her
usual way about some guy that had chatted to Sally and that she’d not got anywhere with it. This
guy was apparently in the army and was about to be stationed to Canada for 3 years and also Sally
said he was pretty ugly and yet Louise was still going on about how Sally should have gone on a date
with him. If I didn’t know Louise, I would say that she was joking but she isn’t. She thinks everyone
should be thankful for any attention they get from the opposite sex and that being single is the worst
thing in the world. This is all the more remarkable as she didn’t really have a boyfriend at all until she
met JP when she was about 33.

Sat 11th April 2009

We went down to McDonalds for breakfast. Louise went through all the papers for the competitions
and the free offers. There was some sort of weird crash in the carpark.
Chris and I went down to Maplin and PC World. I bought a little remote control helicopter and a
book on robotics. I would love to get at least a passing understanding of how robots work and I just
bought the helicopter because it was fairly cheap and for a laugh.

Louise got me some wax strips and Louise, Sally and my mum waxed my lower back, which has a
strange bit of hair on it even though I don’t have any hair on my upper back. My dad walked in on us
doing it and I’m sure he was thinking how incredulous it all was that someone would want to wax my
back. I find it incredulous how my dad finds everything incredulous.

Sally and I went to the cinema to watch 17 Again and then went to Wayne’s 40th. We only stayed for
a couple of drinks. Chris and Amy turned up. I was asking Amy why Chris hadn’t met her family yet
and it seemed like a bit of a sore point and Rachael got involved saying it was none of my business.
We left pretty early and as I went, I jokingly asked Weird’s mum to call me. She seemed pretty

Sun 12th April 2009

Debbie and Billy came with Maia and Jiamie. We went to Nostel Priory to go on an Easter egg hunt. I
got in free because JP had some sort of English Heritage card and they renew then in April so there is
a month overlap and I was able to use his old card.

We did the Easter egg hunt. I took Jiamie for a wee behind some bushes and then carried him back
up on my back and he ended up getting quite a nasty scratch, which I hope doesn’t leave him with
any sort of permanent mark. We had a Picnic and I played with the kids in the adventure playground.
We then went back to my house and I took the kids in my car.

When we got back, my dad was spinning his same old stuff about Muslims to Billy and my uncle
Richard etc. I can’t believe that they still give him any sort of attention about it. He has been harping
on about this with exactly the same viewpoint and exactly the same phrases and terminology since as
long as I can remember and yet not once has he ever done anything to go out and act on his so called
beliefs, which seem to dissolve with the slightest scrutiny. I mentioned his ‘send-them-back’
mentality when his heart surgeon was called Mohammed and that if he really believed in his
principles that he should refuse treatment from that surgeon but he didn’t seem to be that bothered
at that point about his beliefs.

I looked after the kids most of the time and showed them the helicopter. Jiamie then did some
dancing performances.

I played a bit of online poker and turned £50 into £350.

I went to sleep listening to the CDs that my mum bought me.

Mon 13th April 2009

I got up and had a fried egg sandwich and watched some TV. I then had a bath and put some tanning
lotion on.

I chilled out for a bit and listened some more to the CDs.
I played some more online poker and despite last night’s success and my visions of creaming a steady
amount constantly from online poker, my £350 dwindled quite rapidly down to about £150. I was
playing 3 tables at once and I think this is too much as I cannot really concentrate on this many table
at once effectively. I was also pretty lucky yesterday and hit some really good cards and also was
playing at a really tight table who folded easily and didn’t hit against me. Today I had QQ and the
flop came J high with a couple of suited cards and the jack was connected to a 10. I raised 11 to and
he called me which made me put him on AJ or a flush/straight draw. The next card came A J and I
tried to push him off but he re-raised me and I was pretty certain at that point that he was on A J but
something inside me just made me call into him even though I knew I was going to lose and I was
right, he was on A J and in that one hand I lost about £150.

Sally came on at about 2pm and we went to Meadowhall. I bought loads of new clothes including a
new leather jacket that cost £250. I also bought some hair removal cream, which I want to try it on
my sack and crack.

We had a drink at Starbucks and then drove back.

I checked and there were 3 emails there that had been sent at around
4pm last Wednesday. This was annoying as I’d checked it before I left on Wednesday at about
5:30pm and there was nothing there. This meant we missed out on a potential 6 members of

Maia called me on Skype so now I have my 8 year-old goddaughter able to contact me whenever she
wants. I showed her some of the secret emoticons.

I decided to take the train back the next day.

Markus skyped me and asked me to look into buying the domain.

Tue 14th April 2009

Sally drove me to the station. I got the train and it was pretty uneventful. I got home and dropped
everything off and then came into the office. I wore my leather jacket, which Jim and Heike thought
was amusing.

As I was walking back I felt that I was getting looked at more than usual and wondered whether it
had something to do with the leather jacket.

The fake tan was noticeable and Jim asked me about it, as did Jamie. It was also a bit patchy and I
have a strange bit of skin on my shoulder and the tan made that a lot darker and noticeable.

Wed 15th April 2009

I went to Sketch with Octave and Sophie for Octave’s birthday and I paid. It was quite cool. I then
went to Dale’s comedy night, which had already finished and had some beers with the stragglers that
were still there. Johnny Armstrong was trying to justify some of the things he had said on FaceBook
to various women but was actually making things worse for himself. I got the bus back with Dale and
some German chick who I think was trying to flirt with me.

Thur 16th April 2009
I was a bit worse for wear and cruised through the day. I had a FK meeting and said that my personal
win was spending time with my godson, which Heike and Jim thought was pretty funny.

I got home and watched some TV and then went to bed.

Fri 17th April 2009

It was Dale’s birthday so we went to The National Portrait Gallery for some expensive cocktails and
then up to Euston to a Karaoke/Spoken Word night. I did my ‘Endless moment end’ sonnet and sang
‘Leave Right Now’ by Will Young, which I absolutely murdered. My sonnet went down quite well and
one guy in the toilets actually asked me if it was one of my own or one from the 17th Century, which I
was quite pleased about although you have to take everything with a pinch of salt.

Sat 18th April 2009

I went to watch Reading v Barnsley at the Madejski with Rich and Phil. We went for lunch and had
some pie, which I didn’t finish because I’d had a big breakfast. We had some beers and then went to
the match. We had a good laugh and sat in the away end. I enjoyed being part of the crowd and
experiencing all that and never really pay much attention to the game when I’m at a live match. I
was a bit out of synch with the eating and had a hotdog after the game. We then went and played
bar billiards and darts in a cool little pub and then went off for some curry.

Phil hasn’t changed a bit.

Rich and I then got the train back to London. At Paddington station there was a guy on his own
dressed as a Penguin. Rich was going in the opposite direction and we had a bit of a joke over the
tracks about it.

Sun 19th April 2009

Met up with the guys to discuss Comedy 2.0 at my office and to finalise Comedy 2.0 at Edinburgh.
Joe was late and brought some Gin & Tonic to apologise. We sorted everything out while drinking
the Gin and then we went for a few beers.

I then went down to Dale’s night, primarily so I could get access to his mic. I was absolutely wasted
and basically just crashed around. I did some improv with Dale but missed my first call because I was
walking a girl back to the tube. She was quite hot but not amazing and in any case was more
interested in the barman than me.

Mon 20th April 2009

Heike was off so me and Jim worked from home.

I did a bit of practice for my stand-up.

We did a Comedy 2.0 night at The Queen’s Head. We all arrived early. We did some improv practice
before going on. It went really well but I was a bit disappointed by the small audience (even thought
it wasn’t that bad and there were about 30-40 people there. Improv went well and I got some
decent feedback from my stand-up but personally didn’t think that it was that great.

Anais turned up with Esme and I was a bit shocked to see her.
One Inch Punch were there and they were really cool and we had a beer with them afterwards.

It was a bit weird with Anais but she stayed for some drinks and then came back to mine.

Tue 21st April 2009

Worked from home again because Heike was off.

I compered at Dale’s new ‘Very Open Mic’ comedy night at The Barley Mow. I didn’t really prepare
for it and just riffed a few anecdotes as I went along about sex, which was the theme for the night. I
then did some material for the last two bits. It went really well and I got some good stage time with
a microphone and got some decent feedback although I don’t think I am anywhere near as good as I
could be.

Wed 22nd April 2009

Felt really knackered after 4 days drinking on the bounce.

Anais and me had a few texts to arrange meeting up but then she said that she was going to meet
some of her friends afterwards, which kind of pissed me off. I was in a bit of a bad mood and was
wondering if we had already seen each other for the last time. We ended up going bowling at

We had a nice time and I walked her to Arsenal and she was crying a little bit. She then went off with
her friends. We agreed to meet up the next night.

Thur 23rd April 2009

FK meeting. Discussed my going to Berlin.

Met up with Carl from The Social with James Campbell and Beth. Cool guy with a beard. Discussed
getting another night at The Social and he was up for it. I pushed for one towards end of May and a
couple in June. He bought us a pint and then we went upstairs to the leaving party of his boss and
got a few more free drinks from Joe.

Anais turned up a bit late and we had some more drinks. James left shortly after Anais arrived and
then Anais and I went back to my place. I called Jamie and he was at his sisters so we popped round.
Andre and Bryony were there having a dinner party and Jamie looked fairly out of place.

Anais and I then went back to the flat and straight to bed.

Fri 24th April 2009

Anais left and with that she was gone from my life. She left me a little note in French saying that
she’d had a great 3 months with me and left her email address.

Made Jamie breakfast

Met up with Rich at Starbucks. Discussed potentially working together again.

I came into the office and told Heike that once LetGen got 250 customers that she could work for
LetGen fulltime.
Nath still hadn’t delivered anything more for LetGen, which means that in 6 weeks he has only
managed to deliver one set of half-arsed pension letters.

I invited Heike back to our flat after work. She was coming to watch Weird’s band and there was no
point her going all the way back to her house in Finchley just to come back to Islington so I invited
her to our place. We sent her off to get some spaghetti hoops and waffles and she was gone for
about an hour and a half and it turned out that she’d ended going to a Tesco miles away and she
came back with crockets rather than waffles.

Andre came round with Sebastian and I cut Jamie’s hair. It went a bit wrong with the clippers and I
ended up having to give Jamie a shaved head all over.

Tim came around and then we were waiting for Jo Lev to come with her new bloke.

We left the flat because Jo was dawdling and then they turned up. Her bloke was completely out of
his head on something and asked me my name about 4 times in the space of 10 minutes while we
were on the bus.

We got to the gig and met up with Jim. We had some beers and played some pinball while waiting
for the band to start. Annoyingly, Jo’s boyfriend was actually quite good at pinball despite his state.

Weird’s band were pretty good and we stood right at the front.

One of Weird’s band mates did something for Charlie Brooker and I wanted him to introduce me to
her but for some reason an opportunity didn’t arise.

Afterwards we went to the King’s Head and had a beer and there was some sort of fracas between
Liam and some woman. I then had a kebab and went to bed.

Sat 25th April 2009

I got up and saw Jamie briefly before he left to go to Wakefield.

I had a nice relaxing day watching some American Office and House, having a bath, reading the paper
and having a nap.

Dale called me and asked me if I was going to his Open Mic night and I told him that I would. We also
discussed offering to refurbish the upstairs of the Queen’s Head in exchange for having creative
control over what goes on there.

I got a text from Martin asking if I wanted to go down to his for some dinner and drinks so I did.
Anja, Nicki and Hardy were there and Anja cooked some really nice food. We were speaking German
all night, which was a bit of a struggle for me because although I can speak German quite well, I don’t
really enjoy because I don’t really feel I can be myself.

We started drinking shots of vodka and I was pretty hammered and staggered home at about 1am.

Sun 26th April 2009

I woke up feeling pretty hungover and thirsty but I chilled out most of the day and pretty much had a
repeat of Saturday watching telly, doing a bit of washing etc.
I got a text from Beth O’Brien saying she had a spare ticket for James Campbell’s Amused Moose
competition so I called Dale and told him I couldn’t make his night and went down to Covent Garden
to see James.

We had to rate each of the acts that were performing and I was pretty biased, giving everyone who
had performed at one of my nights a decent score, everyone else a really low score and James a 10
out of 10.

James got through to the next round, as did Tom McDonnell. After the gig James and I networked a
bit and got the numbers of all the finalists and also the host of the night Mark Dolan, who presented
‘Balls Of Steel’ on C4 and he said that he would be interested at performing at one of our Comedy 2.0

I went home and ended up getting a kebab on the way.

Mon 27th April 2009

I met up with Rich after work and we had a beer in The Queen’s Head in Piccadilly. We then went to
watch Reading v Norwich at the Sports Bar near Piccadilly Circus. I was feeling a bit shit and worked
out that this would be my 11th day straight drinking.

We were ushered into a private room and Reading managed to win 2-0. The room only had about 40
people in it but the majority were Norwich fans (Rich was supporting Reading due to the fact that
Norwich were in a relegation scrap with Barnsley).

Afterwards we went out into the main area to see that there was some ice hockey on. Rich and I
decided to have a bet on the game, which was Sweden v Latvia. Rich gave me 2:1 for Latvia but we
didn’t realise they were already in a penalty shootout and seconds later Sweden were winning 1-0. It
didn’t look good when Latvia missed their first penalty but I put some more cash on anyway. Latvia
managed to come back to 2-2 and when Sweden missed their final penalty it went to sudden death
and Latvia came through. I took £55 off Rich and then went and danced with the Latvia fans.

We went to Miso for some food and then to the Casino in Leicester Square. We played some
roulette and then played some cash poker. It was alright but not really too much fun.

Tue 28th April 2009

I worked from home and in the afternoon Gerrit called me complaining that the fee revenue for UK
had dropped significantly between February and March. He said that I should have warned him
earlier and we had an argument about access to statistics and how I had tried to deliver him stats but
that he had complained about the format and had not followed through with his promise to get
David to update the dashboard to include UK and AT figures. We had a few email exchanges after
and he complained that I had stated that I would rework the dashboard in an email to David, Roland
and Rami, but this was prior to our 1:1 meeting where he had stated that he would move this
forward. He was also complaining about me not being proactive enough.

It all felt really immature and that we weren’t really working professionally and instead of trying to
be constructive it was more about Gerrit trying to assert authority and shout me down. I found this
quite frustrating as the last 6 months at MyHammer have forced us into a state of passivity as
everything has been put on hold to get the subscriptions running in Germany. Now that we are
coming out of that period we need the support and clarity of what is expected from us and what we
need to do.

I walked to the Next on the opposite side of Finsbury Park station to buy myself a suit as I was going
to Berlin for the primary reason of getting some photos taken and I needed to look smart. I
contacted Jan about some issues with PayPal and he called me while I was in Next. It was actually
positive news as he stated that he would now implement the full reference transaction payment
method as a solution rather than just the recurring payment.

I went down to Gatwick and got on the plane to Berlin. I had booked myself Speedy Boarding, which
I am always a little bit embarrassed about but it is always nice to avoid the scrum to get on the plane.

I read a magazine on the plane and when we arrived I got a taxi to my hotel. I asked for an ironing
board and the receptionist gave me one to take upstairs myself, which I found quite funny as they
normally bring it directly to your room.

I have a weird skin condition on my right shoulder and it had looked a lot worse after applying the
fake tan as it had darkened. I had therefore bought a pumice stone to scrape it and it didn’t look
good as it was a bit red and some scabs had appeared after I had exfoliated that area. I think the
pumice stone was a bit rough as it was primarily for feet and I’d used it all over my body so I also had
marks on my face from the pumice stone. Still – a good exfoliation never hurt anyone.

Wed 29th April 2009

I arrived a bit late at the new office. My hotel was a bit out of town and I wasn’t exactly sure of the
location. I rang Bilbow to guide me but he wasn’t yet at work and as usual he was worse than useless
and actually hindered my progress.

I settled in the office and sat in the product management room with Dano, Flo and those guys. They
all had a good laugh at how smart I was.

I went and had my picture taken by a professional photographer and although it was alright, I wasn’t
really in the mood to enjoy it too much due to the recent issues with Gerrit and the constant feeling
that I wouldn’t really be UK Manager for long enough for these photos to really make any sense.

I asked Gerrit if he wanted to sit together and go through some stuff and he set up a meeting for the
following day.

I had some lunch with Roland and he had a chat about how we could work together more effectively
to get support from Germany. I get the impression that Roland is coming across better to Gerrit than
I am but I feel that is primarily because he has a limited understanding of what is going on so doesn’t
really argue and works with the invoice figures rather than the cash-in figures.

I did a lot of work gathering some stats so I could give him a better overview of how the UK was
developing. I was quite annoyed that I had to do this manually because if I knew what stats were
required then I could easily set up an Excel macro to do it in seconds rather than having to do
everything manually, which took hours.
I then went to Pan Asia to meet Zoe and we had some food and had a chat about LetGen, which was
now under development with her team. I then went back to the hotel and had a much needed early

Thur 30th April 2009

I met up with Gerrit at 9am and the meeting was pretty tense and annoying. He had an air of
confrontation about him and kept cutting me short rather than letting me express myself along a
logical chain of thought. He was also spouting a lot of stats at me, which I had no reason to believe
and he offered no opportunity for me to look at them in depth and scrutinise them. After the
meeting, I had pretty much made up my mind that my MyHammer time was drawing to a close. I
had wanted out for quite some time but wanted to get out with an understanding of how the market
was reacting to LetGen but I think I need to get out sooner in the best interests of everyone involved.
It is clear that I cannot work effectively with Gerrit.

I had a couple more meetings with Daniel Pahl about migrating more of the UK online marketing to
him and had a chat with Niels about phasing out H&K and migrating the PR to a there and basically
just translating the PR initiatives that Germany put forward and possibly coming up with one or two
UK specific ideas from time to time. I then had a chat with Flo about some C2C ideas. His intern
came into the meeting and apparently after she left, she told Bilbow that she thought I was a
dickhead. I can understand why she thought this because I’d been trying to include her in the
discussion and had asked her a few times if she understood what I was saying. I was trying to be
helpful but I think that she construed this as being patronising. I arranged to meet up with Flo the
next day to visit some festival. I hadn’t realised that the following day in Germany was a bank
holiday so I’d booked my flight on Friday evening. It was quite nice though as it did allow me to not
have to worry about going back into the office and I could go out that night.

I promised to meet up later with Bilbow and Sebastian. I left the office and went over to David’s. We
watched some footy and had some beers with Julia and a couple of her friends. Afterwards David
went off to find some ching and it was all getting really annoying and boring as he tried to get some
drugs. I left them and went to see Bilbow and Sebastian.

Sebastian had a friend there called Anna. She seemed quite cute and I had a chat with her and we
were getting on quite well.

We went out to a pretty cool club, which in Berlin style was beaten up and unstructured but there
was some decent music and some weird karaoke going on. There was also a cool outside bit.

I could see that Bilbow was trying to pull Anna but could tell that she quite like me so I held off as
long as I could to see if Bilbow could make any headway but after I realised that he had no chance, I
moved in and we had a good pash.

David arrived a bit later and was completely wasted and doing the true David antisocial style. It is
quite liberating to see his complete lack of social convention but it can also sometimes be quite
annoying. I didn’t really care either way on this occasion and just went with the flow.

There was a really hot girl floating around that had exactly the sort of look I like. She had a 60s vibe
and looked a bit like Angelina Jolie. I tried talking to her and so did David but she just ignored me
and was dismissive of David, which obviously made me like her even more.
I tried to get Anna to come back with me but she refused and said she had to go back with Sebastian
to look after him so I let her go and then I got a cab back to the hotel and dropped David off.

Fri 1st May 2009

I was thinking about cancelling with Flo but I thought I’d better hang out with him. I’d only had 4
hours sleep so I decided to get a taxi to his place rather than take public transport. I was a bit
nervous as I didn’t have much cash so I was worrying about running out but luckily I had enough to
get me there.

We met up and then went down to the area of Berlin that is best known for May Day unrest. They
had tried to turn it into more of a party atmosphere so there were bands playing and there was a lot
of street entertainment. Flo and I wandered round and ate a bit of food. We then went and had a
few beers before wandering round again.

We went back to Flo’s so I could pick up my stuff and get a taxi but when I was in the taxi I rechecked
the boarding time and realised I had no chance of making the flight so I diverted the taxi and went
over to meet David at some park. My phone was out of battery so I had to call him from a phone box
but we eventually managed to meet up.

We then bought some beers and went down and sat in the park. It was ram packed and there was
some live entertainment going on there and some DJs. We hung out there for a while and Julia’s
friends from the night before came along and so did a couple of other people.

We then went to another mate on another drug run and he sorted out his deal and then we went
back to his to drop off my stuff and so that he could get ready. We then got a taxi and ended up back
at the place where I had been earlier, which was as busy.

We’d arranged to meet Sebastian and Anna and found them right at the opposite end of the street.
It was really annoying and frustrating getting down such a busy street.

We hung around there for a bit and then I convinced everyone to go to Lido with me as they had a bit
of an Indie night on. We walked back along the street and by this time the crowd were squaring up
to the riot police and throwing bottles at them. The police were in the middle of a cross-roads and
kept surging in and out of the crowd and spraying water and teargas into it. I made up my mind that
we could still get past if we waited for the police to surge in the perpendicular direction and then nip
across. Nobody else was really up for this and Anna had already been knocked down by the police
and had a small cut on her leg but I just grabbed them all and made a dash for it at the next

It was quite easy to get across but then we were stuck for a while as the police surged back and past
us but after they had retreated we could get on our way. It only took about 50 metres before it was
difficult to tell what sort of situation we had just been in as the party atmosphere had returned and
you could really tell what was going on just nearby.

We walked over to Lido and it took quite a bit of time and on the way we saw a massive fire next to a
church. We initially thought the church was on fire but it was just a big bonfire.
At Lido we had a few drinks and a bit of a dance and then I had a bit of a snog with Anna. I managed
to get her to agree to come back to David’s place with me. We were about to have sex but I couldn’t
find a condom and I was totally knackered anyway so I just crashed out with her on the settee.

David came back a bit later and moved us into his bedroom because he wanted to do watch some TV
or something with Julia.

I woke up a bit later and Anna had already gone.

Sat 2nd May 2009

I got up and David and Julia were still asleep. I went online and booked my replacement flight.

I got a taxi to the airport and sat and read the paper in the Speedy Boarding area at Schoenefeld and
then got on the plane and read some more.

When we got back to Gatwick there was a problem with the doors so it took us a bit to get off the

I got some hot chocolate and some food and then got on the Gatwick Express back into London.

The Victoria line was down so I had to go to Earl’s Court and change. I was feeling really dodgy and it
was a struggle to get back.

I got back and Jamie and Sylvie were in the kitchen. They went out and I was able to relax a bit on
my own and watch some snooker.

I had an early night and had that thing were I feel like I am buzzing as I just drift off to sleep.

Sun 3rd May 2009

It was Jim’s next round in live and unsigned so I spent most of the morning doing general bits and
bats and watching the snooker before heading out to Paddington. I’d agreed to meet Esme, who is a
friend of Anais’ and had come with her to the last one. I went down a bit early to meet Jim’s brother
Dave and have a few beers with him and his mate. We then got on the train and went to the venue.

I smuggled in some beers to the venue because I couldn’t handle it being like last time when I was
stuck in the venue all that time and didn’t have any chance of getting a drink. I know that sounds a
bit alcoholic but it is a long night to sit through if you’ve already had a few drinks and then can’t have

I sat right on the front row next to the judges and coincidentally I was sat next to Dane Bowers. I got
pretty drunk and I don’t think I helped Jim’s cause when it became clear that I was supporting Jim
because I think I was annoying Dane.

We voted and some random stranger gave me his votes so on the way to hand them in I rubbed out
his first choice votes and put in Jim’s number. This probably didn’t help either.

Unfortunately Jim didn’t make it through but he didn’t take it too badly. We got a minibus back into
town and by then I was pretty drunk and ended up snogging Esme.
We arrived back at a pub called the New Rose and had some more beers and I told Heike and Jim
about my current thoughts on MyHammer.

I then took Esme back to my place and snuck her up to my room because Jamie, Jo Lev and Ben were
in the kitchen and I couldn’t face Jamie seeing Esme at this point so soon after Anais.

We went upstairs and I tried to have sex with her but she found it really painful and was virtually
crying with pain so we had to stop.

Mon 4th May 2009

I woke up and tried to have sex with Esme again but again she found it too painful. I went and got us
some breakfast and made her some hot chocolate. I managed to get her out of the house before
Jamie got up.

Jamie was curious about who I’d had with me but I didn’t tell him.

I went down to the office for 3pm to meet the Comedy 2.0 boys. I wanted to stay dry but Joe Deeney
turned up with some beers and so the drinking began.

I’d spoken to Dale and he told me that Thursdays at The Queen’s Head was available and he wanted
to take it on and that he’d decided to stop doing his Open Mike Comedy Olympics. This was good as
it meant that Wednesdays at The Queen’s Head were now open so we could use them for Comedy
2.0. I also told Dale that I’d help him run a more professional night on a Thursday at The Queen’s

We got on with some ideas and sorted out some stuff for Edinburgh. Apparently the night before
Dale had rejected the idea of sharing a double-sided flyer. This was annoying as Dale has no
executive authority to make these decisions about the Edinburgh show.

We agreed to get some nights in at The Queen’s Head and also honour the first option we’d been
given by Carl to do a Tuesday at the social.

We practised some improv and a sketch that Joe and Pete had written and then Pete and Jay had to
leave because of other commitments. Jay, Joe and me then nailed an initial running order for the
first night of our next run and then went for some beers. James invited me to go along and do some
stand-up with him and I provisionally agreed.

I walked home and although I had an inkling that I would regret it, I ordered a chicken doner on the
way home.

Tue 5th May 2009

I woke up a few times in the night really thirsty and then got up and went to work. I decided to walk
down because it was a nice day and I actually wanted to time it.

I spoke with Heike and Jim in more detail about what we had spoken about on Sunday and how I was
seriously considering leaving and that I felt that there was no real uplift for me working at
MyHammer anymore because I wasn’t going to learn anything and didn’t feel like I had any
significant control over how things are evolving.
I sent Gerrit an email with the initial concept about a single subscription and told him that it would
be good to chat about it and he sent me an invite to discuss it first thing the next day, which meant
for me starting at 8am.

I met Jo Newsholme for lunch and we went to Miso. I was feeling really spaced out and think that I
was still recovering from a really excessive 3 or 4 weeks. We had some noodle soup and a bit of a
laugh. I quite like the place because although I don’t think it is amazing, I think that their noodle
soup does exactly what you need it to – it is a bit dirty, a bit greasy and basically the doner kebab of
the noodle soup world.

We then had a quick soft drink together in a pub and then Jo came back to the office to say hi to Jim
and Heike.

I got on with some stuff in the afternoon including emailing Carl about the Social. I’d not heard back
from him so had assumed there was no chance to get a night going at the Social on the Wednesdays
in June but he told me that it wasn’t a problem and that we were booked in, which was great news.

I walked home but I felt really bad and unbalanced and this wasn’t helped by the fact that Arsenal
were at home and I had to negotiate through all that extra pedestrian traffic.

I got back, had a Solpadine (in honour of my Aunty Penny and cousin Sally) and then basically vegged
out on the sofa. Jamie made some tea for us but it didn’t really work out properly. We watched the
game although it was hard as the reception for the TV kept going down.

After the game I went up to bed and watched a load of episodes of American Office. I thought it was
really funny but the ones I watched were a bit weird.

Wed 6th May

I came home and I made Jamie some pork chops. I did them in the oven because he was complaining
about the mess that was made when we fry stuff.

I invited Dale but he decided that he didn’t want to come.

Thur 7th May

I went home early because I wanted to do the FK meeting there but it got cancelled at the last

I spoke to Dale and convinced him to share a flyer with Comedy 2.0 for Edinburgh.

I went out with Beth to a comedy night. On the way I went into the Queen’s Head to book us in for
the 20th May. Dale was there doing a night, which was quite a shock as he hadn’t said anything about
it earlier. I booked the 20th and then went to the Comedy night.

It was quite a good night and there was another girl there with Beth who had some issues with her
spine so she couldn’t sit down the whole time.

The night was quite good and afterwards we asked Idiots Of Ants and Johnny Music if they would
perform at our gigs and although they were provisionally up for it, I’m not sure if they would do it for
free. Idiots were saying that they didn’t like performing to a free crowd as they didn’t really
concentrate properly on the comedy.

Afterwards we went to Dale’s night and he made me tell the story about the dead dog in a suitcase.

Fri 8th May

I got back from work and started watching series 5 of 24. I then just chilled out and had a bath and
had an early night.

Sat 9th May

I didn’t do much all day. Octave invited me out to CMO’s house warming party but in the end I was
content to just lounge around wasting the day away without going out.

Sun 10th May

I went to watch James Campbell in the Amused Moose Laugh-Off quarter final. I almost didn’t get in
because I turned up a bit late but they let me in because the other guys had got me a ticket and put
my name on the door. I’d seen a lot of the guys before but there were also some new ones, including
James Redmond , a guy from Hollyoaks and Casualty who had already agreed to do one of our
Comedy 2.0 gigs because he is a friend of Beth.

We only had one judging card each, which seemed a little unfair and at the end we were all shuttled
out without being able to find out the results of who got through. I had a few beers with the guys
and I had a little moan that people weren’t pulling their weight in Comedy 2.0.

Beth and I then went to Dale’s night at the Queen’s Head and I did some improvisation with a few
different people and also took part in the slam. I bombed in the slam and I remember being up there
thinking, I’m too drunk and unprepared for this and I only got a smattering of laughs.

Mon 11th May

Had a telco meeting with Gerrit, Jan and Manuel about the new packages. They seemed to feel that
it wasn’t too difficult to alter it as outlined. We agreed that I would put together a concept that
outlined all the larger questions that needed answering and we would then discuss if further on

Tue 12th May

Heike finished the first draft of the new concept and I called up Jan and went through it and from his
perspective he felt that it made sense from a business perspective (but he qualified this by
suggesting that it wasn’t his decision) and that it didn’t pose too many issues from a technical
perspective. I took his comments and then discussed them with Heike so that she could update the
document accordingly. We then sent it over to Gerrit.

Wed 13th May

I was waiting for Gerrit to get back to me with some feedback but nothing came through.

I updated the UK business plan and did it according to the assumption that we would be able to
introduce the new subscriptions. It didn’t look too bad in the end.
I lent Dale my camcorder.

Thur 14th May

I rang Gerrit up to see if he had a moment to chat about the new subscriptions. He told me that he
would love to but that he was too busy. I assumed that we would discuss it in our 6 weekly 1:1
meeting the following day.

FK meeting was cancelled again.

I got the train back up to Barnsley. I was there in time for the 7:30 but it looked a bit full so I went
and had a McD’s and took the 8:00 train.

Fri 15th May

I got an early email from Gerrit asking me to answer the question as to whether or not MyBuilder
were more successful than MyHammer in UK and what metrics were used to determine this. I sent
him back a pretty big overview with some stats outlining the number of jobs posted and also web
traffic. I explained that MyBuilder were now owned by Travis Perkins and had a good access to the
target consumer but my overriding conclusion was that MyBuilder are beating us simply because
they focus completely on the UK market.

I was expecting Gerrit to cancel the weekly 1:1 meeting and as I’d predicted, he did so via his PA at
the last minute.

I went out with Nath, Gilly, Eddie, Lee and Dave. We went round to Gilly’s first and Kim and Vicki
were giving Oliver and Kiera a bath. We went down pockets and played a bit of pool and we all got
pretty drunk. I played this weird pool shot where the white dropped into a bit of a hole in the cloth
so when I played it, it just flew off the table. This was the comedy shot of the night. I was partnered
with Eddie in the doubles and I think I was infuriating him due to my lax attitude and willingness to
let fluke be such a big part of my game.

Eddie and I then played some darts before Nath and I hung out outside waiting for a cab and chatting
about LetGen.

Sat 16th May

I got up feeling a bit rough. Rich texted me to say he might be a bit late because he was stuck in
traffic and that maybe I should get there myself. I thought he was being a bit too sceptical and sure
enough he rang me later to say he would only be 15 minutes late.

We went and picked up Greeny and then headed over to Giles’. Greeny, Rich, Giles, Innes, Martin
and me were playing poker. I was a bit loose to start with and nothing seemed to stick so I was fairly
short stacked early on. I then was small blind and decided to tickle the pot with J 6 after Giles had
called. The flop came J 10 6 with no flush draw on. I moved all in and Giles took an age to call but
finally did so with K Q and then managed to hit his straight. I wasn’t too annoyed. In the past I
would have been really angry about the injustice of it all but now it is like water off a duck’s back.

Giles ended up winning and then we went into town and met up with some of the Aon boys and had
some drinks and a meal. We went to a pretty cool place and I ended up having oysters and ostrich.
We then went for some more drinks before getting a cab home. I was knackered and crashed out on
a half-blown-up airbed.

Sun 17th May

Rich drove me and Nicky back to Darton. Nicky lives in Sheffield and could get the train direct from

I spent most of the day watching downloaded shows, sleeping and chilling out. I made a new page
for so I could promote Comedy 2.0 and fired up adwords. It doesn’t look
amazing but at least it is there and within a couple of hours I’d already got about 3 people who had
emailed in asking for tickets.

I forced myself to write at least a bit of material and decided that as we didn’t have a theme that I
would try and make it more topical so I did some stuff about Jordan and Peter Andre and the current
MP expenses scandal.

Mon 18th May

My mum had bought me some hypnosis CDs for my birthday but I’d been unable to listen to them
properly as I don’t have a CD player, not even on my laptop. I used my mum’s computer to rip them
so that finally I had an mp3 copy that I could listen to on my computer.

I listened to a few of the hypnosis CDs and relaxed a bit. We were supposed to have a FK meeting
but when I dialled in there was nothing there. I called Flo and he had forgotten about the FK meeting
and so he went along and then dialled me in. They still forgot to dial Rolland in and I asked them to
but Jan said he’d update Rolland separately.

I listened to some more CDs and then got up and my mum took me to the station. The train was
fairly empty and I watched a bit of House and read a bit more of For Whom The Bell Tolls. I’d
forgotten to bring it back with me last time I was up in Barnsley and I need to finish it. It is a hard
slog but I’ve always wanted to like Hemmingway and it is annoying me that I am finding it so difficult
to plough through it.

I got a call from my sister who was complaining that I was trying to scam her. She’d asked for some
ringtones so I’d sent her a link to them online and she’d lost £18 on data transfer from her mobile
account. She didn’t really understand where the cash had gone and thought that I might have taken
a portion of it. I explained the situation to her and told her that although it was not my fault, I’d
reimburse her.

I got back to Blackstock and had a little chat with Jamie before heading off to bed. I checked the email account and I’d received 10 emails for tickets for Comedy 2.0, which
was great but a lot more than the last time I ran the ads. I checked my google adwords account and
I’d managed to rack up about £85 quid on the ads, which I guess is a little bit too expensive for
advertising a free show.

Tue 19th May

I went into work and it was just me and Heike. The whole UK PayPal implementation process has
broken down and it is really annoying because it happens every time. We are led to believe that
everything is under control and on track and then not only is the deadline missed; everything has to
be reset and reworked.

Heike was moaning about the frustrations of remote working and I can understand where she is
coming from but for me, the benefits far outweigh the negatives. Heike needs to be working in a
company where there are a lot of people that she can interact with and like most people needs her
work to become an extension of her social life.

I reworked some of my material and felt that it was ok. I got some input from Mac via Skype, which I
always do. Mac is overly critical but I guess that’s why it is good to get his feedback because it helps
increase the quality significantly.

I’d decided to cut out the caffeine so I was only drinking herbal tea all day and I also tried to go
healthy with my lunch by having sushi, prawn cocktail, fruit salad and fruit juice.

After Heike left I started trying to learn my new material and managed to get a bit of it learnt.

The Comedy 2.0 boys came round to the office at around 7:30pm so that we could take care of
sorting out some admin surrounding the nights. Joe Deeney couldn’t make it but the rest of us
managed to plough through some stuff and we got a lot of stuff sorted out and came up with a final
idea for our flyers based on an iPhone. All the nights seem to be shaping up really well.

It was quite strange, and something that I have noticed quite a bit lately when I’m with some
comedians on the circuit. I will drop a joke in about something we are talking about and they wont
seem to get it and then within a heartbeat they will rephrase exactly what I have just said and then
seem to get it. I’m not sure if it is just because I am too deadpan or that I am not communicating my
thoughts clearly but it is a bit weird.

I walked home and on the way bought myself some tuna so I could have a tuna sandwich when I got

Wed 20th May

I worked from home and spent a bit of time prepping for my set. I was quite pleased about the
quality of the material but as it was untried in front of an audience, you can never tell how it is going
to be received. That’s what I enjoy best though, the pressure of coming up with new material and
the excitement of finding out what is gonna work and what isn’t.

Some guy rang me up during the day about saying that he had received an offer for $250K but
thought that the company that were buying it were just going to flip it and asking me if I wanted to
do a deal direct. I told him that I didn’t think that this was not really something I thought we would
be able to afford but that I would get back to my board and discuss it with them.

I went round to Dale’s at lunchtime to pick up the microphone. I had a cup of tea with him and we
had a bit of a chat. His flat is pretty small and cramped especially as he shares it with a couple of
people who he doesn’t really know.

I went down to the Queen’s Head for about 6pm and tried to hook up the microphone but a lead was
missing so there was a bit of panic as I called Dale and Jamie to try and sort it out. Luckily Jay had
come down on his bike and was able to nip up to Matalan and get the appropriate leads.
We did a bit of improv rehearsal but it wasn’t too great as the audience were already arriving so
some of them got to see the rehearsal, which is never too great. I was trying not to drink but with
everyone else drinking and the stress of not having a microphone, I caved in and started drinking.

We got a nice sized audience in and I kicked off the night with my set. I thought it went pretty well
although it was a fairly cold room and I got a fair few laughs. Jim had showed me a copy of The
London Paper where the headline read ‘Sex Attacker On The Loose’ and next to it was a picture of
Brad Pitt, so I opened with the joke that if you were gonna be attacked sexually, Brad Pitt was
probably a good person to be attacked by.

The rest of the night went pretty well. Joe and Pete did a sketch where they made it look like Pete
had really got hurt, which worked a little too well as the audience said they all felt a little bit
uncomfortable with it. The improvisation went ok but I still think that the rest of the guys need to
learn some of the fundamentals before we can really push it forward to the next level.

James Redmond was there and somehow I got trapped in the stage area after introducing him so had
to awkwardly sit on the floor facing the audience during the set. I actually really enjoy all that and
one of the best things I enjoyed about running ‘A Night Called Gerald’, sitting at the feet of the acts
as they perform.

The night dragged on a bit too long and we allowed the acts to indulge themselves too much and
didn’t force them to stick to the amount of time that they had been allotted.

We did an ‘honesty box’ at the end and it went ok because we managed to get about £30, although
the boys all got themselves a drink with it so we were only left with £15 in the end. I was pretty
drunk by the end of it so I just told them they could do whatever they wanted with what was left,
even though they all suggested giving it to me because of the adwords etc.

Jamie and I then got a bus home and stopped at Highbury Corner to get a falafel kebab.

Thur 21st May

It was a bank holiday in Germany so I told Heike and Jim that they could have the day off as long as
they checked their mails a few times to keep things ticking over.

I slept in quite late and didn’t get up properly until about 11:30am.

I chilled out most of the day watching TV, emailing and doing general bits and bats online. Markus
called me about the thing and said I should go back to them and offer $150K for it. I also told
him about all my current frustrations about MyHammer and he said he understood and that he really
wanted to push the UK market. I have heard all this before though. I told him about the PayPal
issues and how frustrating it was to be told that everything is on track only to find out the day before
it was supposed to go live that everything was completely wrong and that they were pretty much
going to have to go back to square one and work everything out.

I made Sylvie and Jamie some omelettes for tea and then me and Jamie went over to see Jim play at
the T-Bird. It went really well and he seems to be improving all the time. We then hung out and had
a few beers. Some drunken old guy was staring at us and then came and sat on the bench next to us.
He was too close and too drunk and started trying to engage us in conversation. Jim was humouring
him but I was having none of it and made it very clear to him that I wasn’t interested in talking to
him. He seemed a little put out by it all but left pretty soon after I’d dismissed his one or two
attempts to get talking to me.

The time went really quickly and before we knew it, it was already 12:15am and Jim rushed off to try
and catch the last tube but had already missed it.

Fri 22nd May

I worked from home. I was basically trying to eat a bit more healthily so had some rice and
vegetables for lunch and it wasn’t too bad.

David Rodriguez sent me over some accounts and suggested that we had overspent by over £10K but
on closer examination, he’d assigned things wrong and in fact we had not overspent at all. This is
just another reflection of how badly organised the whole MyHammer accounts department is.

I finally finished reading ‘For Whom The Bell Tolls’ and I quite enjoyed the final chapter.

I decided to start skipping again and did 30 minutes.

I watched some House and some 24 and generally moped around.

Sat 23rd May

I continued my moping and generally just didn’t do much at all. Jamie and I were messing about with
my radio controlled helicopter. Jamie and Sylvie then went to Northampton to check out a camper
van that Jamie had his eye on via ebay. They thought it was alright but I thought it looked a bit shit.

Some guy had facebooked Dale telling him he couldn’t use the name ‘Outside The Box’. This really
annoyed me, even though I thought the name ‘Outside The Box’ was crap, because the guy had no
right to try and stop us using it as all he had was the domain name I
almost emailed him back but couldn’t be bothered but I did purchase the domain just for a laugh.

I did some skipping.

It was Sylvie’s birthday the next day so we went out for a few beers at a place near Highbury &
Islington in the evening. Dale came round to pick up his microphone but we convinced him to come
out with us for a few beers so he left his microphone in the end.

The bar was pretty cool and quite posh and afterwards we got a cab to Hoxton and met up with
Heike and a couple of her friends in a bar/club. We stayed there for a couple of hours and then went

Sun 24th May

I got Sylvie a card for her birthday and put in it a self-made token for 3 cinema tickets. Sylvie and
Jamie decided to go away overnight because the following day was a bank holiday.

Dale came round to pick up his microphone and he stayed for a bit so I gave him some juice and half
a melon. It is good to get some decent food inside him.

After Dale had gone I did a bit more skipping and it was getting easier.
I was thinking about going down to Dale’s night but in the end didn’t bother and just moped around
again all day.

I asked Jay to book an extra act and he asked if we wanted to meet up the next day to discuss
Comedy 2.0 on Tuesday. I said that we should and called Jay and Pete was with him so we arranged
to meet at 6pm at my office.

Mon 25th May

It was a bank holiday but I was online and Bilbow emailed me to tell me that Kliche had asked him to
look at the UK map and sort it out. I told him to assign this as a ticket to Heike because this issue
included the whole postcode mess and it was a lot more complicated than they realised.

I got on with some skipping but got interrupted by Bilbow a couple of times.

I tried to come up with some material but as the scope was wide open I couldn’t really come up with
anything. I kind of felt a bit materialled out after having come up with a good set less than a week

I met up with the boys at the office and we organised the night. The line-up was pretty light so we
filled it up with some improv. I was thinking about not doing a set but because we had so few acts I
thought that I’d better, even if it meant rehashing some old stuff – and we decided that Joe would
open this time. I was also involved in a couple of the sketches that they guys had written.

Jay had to leave quite early so we wrapped it up and then Joe, Pete and I went for some beers.

Tue 26th May

I went into the office and read through the material that I was going to do that evening a few times
to learn it. It was material that I’d done before so I didn’t practice as much as I normally do.

We did Comedy 2.0 and it went ok but was really quiet with it being sandwiched between a bank
holiday Monday and the Champion’s League final.

Rich came along with his friend from Uni, Winston. I went to do my set but my mind went
completely blank. It was horrible and it seemed like an eternity but I managed to get back on track
and get through it all but it really threw me and ruined the enjoyment of the night for me. I felt like I
had let myself down by not doing enough practice.

Wed 27th May

It told the guys at work about messing up at Comedy 2.0. I still felt bad about it but talking about it
was a good way of dealing with it. I know that it is not a massive issue but I was very disappointed
about it.

I went round to Martin Randolph’s to watch the Champion’s League final. Octave came round as
well. I thought I’d lost my keys but luckily I just left them in the flat.

I rang Jamie up to see where he was and make sure he could let me in when I got back. He was in
Kings Head so I went and had a pint with him. I chucked a load of money in the roulette machine
that they have installed there.
Thur 28th May

Heike was talking about leaving and had an opportunity for a new job at another place. I told her she
had to do what was best for her.

Fri 29th May

Flo Richter was in town so I met up with him and went for a shandy near the office. He then came
back to the office for an hour and then we all left a bit early and went for some Friday drinks, which
we haven’t done since Bilbow left last summer.

Jamie turned up and we all got pretty drunk. I found out that Judith, a girl who Heike and me used to
work with at Jamba was in London and I’d always kind of fancied her so I thought I’d go out with
Heike that night and see what happened.

I walked back to the flat and on the way played on the roulette machine in Ladbrokes. I walked away
with a £40 profit.

We then went to Old Street and met up with Heike, Judith and Stina. I tried a bit of charm offensive
on Judith and although I didn’t get any major results, I could tell that it would only be a matter of

Jamie was so wrecked that he couldn’t even walk properly so we ended up having to put him in a cab
on his own.

She ended up getting pissed off because Stina and Heike didn’t follow us into a club and kind of left
us. We went and found them and then I got a cab home.

Sat 30th May

I got a text from Judith apologising for being in a mood the night before and I told her not to worry
about it. She said that it would be nice if we could hook up that evening.

I’d been invited to Martin Randolph’s party but I didn’t end up going because me and Jamie decided
to get a curry but it took so long for Jamie to get into gear that the curry didn’t arrive until 9:30pm
and after I’d eaten it, I couldn’t be arsed going out.

I got a text later from Octave but I was already asleep and it turned out Judith, Heike and Stina had
all ended up at Martin’s party so if I’d have gone, I reckon there may have been a chance of having a
bit of a snog with Judith.

Sun 31st May

Rich had organised some London Olympics so I got up early and went along there. It was quite a
good day and we played Boules, Badminton, American-style 5-a-side footy penalties, Sporcle, Darts,
Pool, Table Football and Poker. It was good fun and I had mixed results and finished mid table. I
tried to make my way back on the bus but it took me forever to get back from South London and was
really frustrating.

Mon 1st June
Went to Joe’s quiz. I gave Pete the new nickname Handsome Pete after a Simpson’s episode where
they try and name the B:Sharps, Handsome Homer Simpson + 3. He seemed to take to it quite well.

Tue 2nd June

I was working on a new presentation for how we can move the UK forward for MyHammer.

Met up with Pet and Joe to go through some sketches and some stuff for Comedy 2.0. I played a part
in a couple of their sketches.

Wed 3rd June

We did Comedy 2.0 and this one went really well. We had a massive crowd and some really great
acts. I didn’t do an act as such but did the intro and the improv and what I did went down well.

I got my pic taken with James Redmond.

Thur 4th June

Heike and Jim had been down to Jim’s gig the night before so they told me about that.

I started working on a new business plan for UK based on some of the stats that we are currently

Fri 5th June

Jamie and Sylvie had gone up to Wakie for the weekend so I had the flat to myself came home,
chilled out, got myself a curry and relaxed.

Sat 6th June

I went round to Beth’s party. It was a bit strange as it was pretty mixed with a few older people
there and a few of Beth’s old friends who none of us really knew. I watched the England game and
got a bit drunk. Jay, Joe and Pete were there.

There was a chick there called Emily who I had a bit of flirty eye contact with and jokingly I asked her
if she wanted to come back to my place. To my complete surprise she said that she did and we got a
cab back to my place and then she gave me an awesome blow job.

Sun 7th June

I woke up in the morning and we had a bit of a bonk. I then took her for breakfast before walking her
to the tube. She was angling after meeting up again soon but I left it pretty vague and told her to
come to my next comedy night (with audience).

I finished my new business plan and sent it off to Gerrit

Mon 8th June

I woke up and Gerrit had emailed me back asking if we could go through the BP on Skype and talk
about the new structures of the UK packages.
We had a long chat and seemed to finally make some progress and I think he was impressed by my

I met up with Joe and we got a key cut for him so he could move into Jamie’s.

I went to Joe’s quiz night and got on a team with some randoms. Pete was also there but we were
on different teams. It was quite a good laugh and we had a bonus round where we all had to make

I came back home and sent Heike an email telling her that I would like her to stay at MyHammer but
that I would understand if she chose not to.

Tue 9th June

I worked from home.

I reworked the business plan as Gerrit had suggested and sent it over to him.

I had thought that Heike was going to be in Berlin but she had just been to Stuttgart over the
weekend and was going to Berlin the following week, which was why I hadn’t gone into the office.

I Skyped Jenny Kuhn, Gerrit’s secretary and asked her to set up a meeting for me and Gerrit for the
following but it turned out he was going to be on holiday – even though he had suggested that we
follow up then.

I had a bit of a chat with Flo about it.

Wed 10th June

I worked from home again.

I spoke to Flo and it seemed like he was kind of taking over on this and was acting as the conduit
between me and Gerrit. I have tried to do things in a professional and logical manner but it isn’t
working. The frustrations continue to grow.

I met up with the Pete and Joe in the office. On the way down I bumped into Stina who was there to
meet Heike. I walked her down to the office. As we arrived Heike was coming out of the office and
she saw me and Stina walking down together and I don’t think she liked it.

We went through the running order of Comedy 2.0 in Edinburgh and the London shows and then
practised a sketch that we had been working on. We had a few beers in the office while we were
doing it.

Thur 11th June

Flo rang me up and explained to me what had been discussed and there was obviously some
confusion between what I had understood and what Gerrit had understood. I was sure that he had
been talking about doing a rolling 3 month contract, which is exactly what MyBuilder and
RatedPeople do but obviously I was wrong.
I’d also put together a model outlining how offering a one month £9.99 trial might be beneficial for
the UK as it got people in and got them paying via reference transaction. This was dismissed off-

I couldn’t really be arsed with this because despite the reduction in price and complexity for the
packages, it puts another 2 month delay on pushing the UK market, which leaves us continuing to
float like dead ducks over here with little we can do.

I went into the office and Jim was there. I had a chat with him about his Acoustic Jim career and told
him that he should treat it as a hobby and if anything further happened, then great but if not then it
shouldn’t really matter because it was something he enjoyed doing.

Fri 12th June

I worked from home and tried to get on with some material on Family for Comedy 2.0 and managed
to make some progress.

I did a load of ironing.

Jamie came back and then we went to meet Amy and Sylvie in Angel. We had a few beers and then
came back and had a few beers in the King’s Head.

Sat 13th June

I vegged around most of the day and worked on some material. Jamie and Sylvie went out shopping
and I just had a bath and a nap.

I was working myself up to going to Joe Deeny’s party and watching James Campbell in the Amused
Moose semi-final but it turned out that this was actually the following week so I was quite glad about
not having to go there.

Jamie and Sylvie came back and we ordered a curry.

Sun 14th June

I went down to meet the Comedy 2.0 boys at the office. I went a couple of hours early with the
intention of spending a bit of time going through my stand-up material but when I got there, the
door was double locked and I didn’t seem to have a key for it.

I rang the boys to try and arrange another venue and then went and sat in a park and learnt my lines
for the sketch for a bit, hoping that someone else would turn up and open the door. I did chat to a
couple of people but they were in another part of the office building.

I then tried the door again and the key worked so problem was solved and I rang the boys to let them
know that the office was available.

We met up and went through the Comedy 2.0 idea and everyone seemed happy with that. We got
into some discussion with ‘A Complete Guide To All Human Knowledge’ where everyone had pretty
big ideas for it but the reality was that we would not have the time or the resources to put that
together so we went for a variety show similar to Comedy 2.0. This highlights the difficulties of five
disparate people working together collaboratively on something like this – you have to compromise.
I then went down to Dale’s night. We did a bit of improv and I had a laugh with some of the other

Dale was chatting up this girl and it was painfully embarrassing watching his moves. I quite fancied
her mate and had done since I spotted her in the audience earlier in the night.

I got chatting to her and found out she was a 20-year-old Swedish nanny. She hung around for a bit
after her mate left and then I walked her to the bus stop. She hung out and missed a couple of buses
and then I got her number. I then got the bus home.

Mon 15th June

I bumped into Cal. He was on his way to Leeds but he gave me his number and we said we’d meet up
for a few beers when he was back down in London. It turns out he lives on Upper Street at the
moment and is running his family business. It was weird to bump into Cal because he is one of those
guys that I seem to always bump into and I had strayed from my normal routine by walking to work
and going to Budgens and his routine was also different because he was going to Wakefield.

I went and got a bacon sandwich and then went into the office. I got on with some work and hung
around playing darts. I practiced a bit of stand-up for Comedy 2.0.

I went down to M&S and bought a salmon parcel and a chicken leg, some sandwiches and a special
Chow Mein. I got back into the office and answered a few questions about the new subscriptions
with Heike but to be honest, I have no real enthusiasm for it.

I texted Thea and asked her if she wanted to come down to our show on Wednesday.

I had a conversation with Zoe and apparently the developer for LetGen is ‘exhausted’ and needs a
holiday so it looks like LetGen is going to be delayed for another couple of weeks.

I stayed in the office quite late and then came home. I was thinking about going to Joe’s quiz but in
the end I was still a bit hung-over so I didn’t bother.

The replied to me and said that she wasn’t available on Wednesday but would be up for some other

Tue 16th June

The phone started ringing at 8:35am and it was Dano and he asked me to dial into the FK meeting.
This was a bit of a surprise for me because I hadn’t realised it was supposed to be at that time. I
dialled in and listened to everyone. Apparently we are back to the old boring situation where
everyone tells each other what they are doing. I went through my stuff and told them that it looked
like PayPal was accepted. Jan asked me if I had any numbers and I said that no specifically right then
but more people seemed to be using PayPal even though the total amount of revenue for those
payments was actually a bit less. Gerrit then chipped in and said ‘Gabi says we have had £2K in our
PayPal account since launch’, which was annoying as this was exactly the point I had been making but
without context it didn’t mean much.

It is easy to drift along and not do anything when you don’t put things in context and it is clear that I
have been drifting along with MyHammer. This journal does however give me some context because
if I look over it, it is obvious how frustrated and lacking in motivation I am at MyHammer so any
objective review would tell me that I need to get out – but there aren’t many jobs were you can
mope around doing very little and still send an invoice across at the end of each month and where I
have time to pursue other stuff at pretty much my own discretion.

Jamie had a tradesmen from MyHammer in who was fixing the tap and grouting.

Joe Curran was in the flat in the afternoon so we had a bit of a chat before he went off to work.

I started recording my set so that I could listen to it and remember it better.

I then went down and met Anja and Martin in Leicester Square before going to watch ‘Waiting For
Godot’ starring Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellan. It was quite interesting but also a bit long and a bit
tough to watch. I could tell Martin and Anja were a bit shell shocked by the sort of play it was.

Afterwards we went for some food in an Italian restaurant and then me and Martin shared a taxi
back to Islington and we agreed, as we always do, to hang out more.

Wed 17th June

I woke up and the tradesmen was back because Jamie his scooter had broken down so he had
offered to do some extra grouting for Jamie for free while he waited for the breakdown service to
pick him up.

I was thinking about going into the office because Joe was in the flat and I wanted to practice but
didn’t really want to disturb him while he was asleep and anyway, you always feel a bit self-conscious
when you are on your own, practicing lines. I rang Heike and she said she wasn’t going into the office
but when I spoke to Jim I found out that he was already there so that ruled that out.

I went and bought some index cards because I’d somehow got it in my head that I absolutely needed
some to jot my set notes on in case I forgot them. I then picked up a bacon sandwich, came home
and finished off recording my set. I then put it on repeat and chilled out on my bed drifting in and
out of sleep for an hour to try and pick it up semi-subliminally.

I practiced it a couple of times and it seemed that I had got it down pretty well. Joe was up and
about so I had a bit of a chat with him.

Daniel Pahl sent me an email about how Gerrit had asked him what needed to be done to ‘kick
MyBuilder’s butt’ in UK and he sent me over his ideas and they were going to increase the budget.
There was so much wrong with this, including Gerrit’s failure to include me in the decision, a lack of
understanding about SEM customer acquisition costs, no relative measure of what ‘kicking
MyBuilders butt’ entailed and a return to exactly what we were doing before he suggested we let
Pahl take over. He really is a fucking shit MD – there, I said it.

I went down to The Social for just after 6pm. Joe showed me how to operate the CD and sound desk
so that I could do the sound cues for Idiots of Ants.

We got a good crowd in and it was pretty packed. I did the sound cues for Idiots of Ants and it went
quite well with only a minor blip when I started one of the songs at the wrong time for their ‘Willy
Dance’ song and had to start it again but I think I did an alright job considering my limited experience
and the fact that I was stepping up to the plate as no-one else was confident enough to do it. I
actually thought they were really good and a lot cleverer and funnier than they had been when I last
saw them, but that was probably because they had been a man down that time.

I did my set towards the middle of the night and although it wasn’t amazing material, I think I did
well and my presence and performance seem to getting a lot better. I got some positive feedback
but it doesn’t really matter as at this stage, it only really matters what I think as I am my own
harshest critic. I took part in Joe and Pete’s ‘liberal’ sketch and it went down pretty well. We did the
Blind Date game and I had to pretend to be ‘Robert Kilroy-Silk’ and I think I performed my bit pretty
well. The other guys let us down a bit, which I know sounds big-headed but I think is the reality.
Pete didn’t work the crowd well enough to get good suggestions and Jim and Joe aren’t that great at
improv yet and if we want to continue doing improv we need to get a lot better.

The third act was a bit strange. A few Italians were sat near the front chatting, which was putting Pat
Burtscher off and a guy at the back started doing some pretty unsophisticated heckling by just
shouting ‘paedophile’ and he had to be thrown out. I had a chat with him afterwards and he was
complaining that it wasn’t funny and that people were laughing at the wrong bits so I asked him why
he felt his perception of humour was so important that if other people were enjoying it, why he felt it
was his right to interrupt.

We had an improv group on called ‘Dead Man In A Box’ who I really enjoyed and thought that they
were really great at improv although it wasn’t really clear what exactly they were doing and there
was limited audience interaction.

Afterwards I chatted with Rob, Ben and Heather who had come down and also chatted with Pete
about ‘7 Stages Of Lev Pissed’. One of the Italian girls was really hot and I should have asked her out
but I just missed the opportunity. I kind of had a feeling that she would have said yes.

Thur 18th June

I bummed around the flat with Joe.

Fri 19th June

I bummed around the flat.

Sat 20th June

I went down to watch Jim Campbell in the amused moose laugh-off and he ended up getting
through. He then went off to Groucho club and left me with this Irish guy who I cajoled into comeing
to Joe Deeney’s party with me.

We got there and it was pretty shit. There were only about 7 of us there in total and I finally got to
meet this guy Paddy who they had all been talking about but I was quite disappointed when I met

I hung around for a while and then got a cab home.

Sun 21st June
I was in two minds as to whether or not to go down to Dale’s night. I got a text of Thea asking me
where I was so I decided to go down. I watched a bit of comedy and did a bit of improv with Dale.
Afterwards I had a chat with some of the comedians and with Johnny Armstrong. I had a bit of a
snog with Thea but she was a bit weird.

Dale was really depressed but I couldn’t take it seriously. Dale and I walked the girls to the bus stop
and Thea kept flitting around leaving and then coming back. I couldn’t be bothered with the artificial
drama of it all so I treated Dale to a cab home.

Mon 22nd June

I bummed around in the flat.

Tue 23th June

I had a meeting with Gerrit – our 6 weekly 1:1. Luckily I had been putting together some stats so we
were able to go through them.

Wed 24th June

We had the product review meeting for the new UK subs and it was a nightmare. Gerrit changed
loads of stuff that we’d already discussed and he hadn’t thought through or taken our advice
originally. The call took about 2 hours and a lot of it was spent discussing issues that had nothing to
do with the UK subscriptions.

I met up with Richard Alexander. We had some food and some beers and discussed coming up with a
pilot for the TV comedy show. We met up with a guy that used to work at Men & Motors called Joe
and had a quick beer with him.

We then went to Punked to have a look at the venue and see if it was somewhere that we could film.
It looked pretty good and then we headed off and went our separate ways at King’s Cross.

Thur 25th June

I invited Octave to come with me to watch Jim play. We got there and a few people were there
including Gwen, Al Brown, Al Brown’s sister, Al Brown’s mum, Tom, Andy, Dave, Ola, Fi and Chris.

It was quite a nice evening. I got home and browsing through Facebook, I found out that Michael
Jackson had died.

Fri 26th June

It was roasting hot and I hung out all day doing a bit of work and trying to stay cool.

Joe came back with Camille. They watched ‘Walk The Line’ and had some pizza. I had a bit of soup.

Rachael called me because she was staying at Jo Lev’s and Jo didn’t want to do anything so me and
Rachael went for some beers.

We then went to T-Bird and had another drink. Joe’s dealer friend then turned up and we drove a
little bit around London to a few bars and then went to some girl’s house but they were pretty clear
about wanting to get rid of us, which was fair enough as it was about 5am. I tried to help one of the
girls jimmy open a window to a little studio in their back garden.

A woman from next door came round to complain so I apologised to her and told her that we would
be quiet.

Sat 27th June

I went out and tried to find an ice tray. It took me a little while and after a bit of a trek, I finally found
one in the shop that was actually closest to me.

I went out for Anja’s birthday. We went to a place called the Boundary. It was raining really badly so
I got a cab. I was the first to arrive and had to wait about an hour for Anja to turn up. She’d asked
me to go early so she could start drinking from about 6:30 but as per usual, I was the only person to
arrive at this time.

The full complement was Amanda, Rob, Emma (a little chick from Liverpool) , Claire, Anja, Sian, Sian’s
friend, Phil ( a guy who Anja worked with).

The restaurant was really cool and the food was nice and I ended up having oysters and then pigeon.

We then went to a private member’s club called Soho House that had a swimming pool and were
joined by a couple of other of Anja’s friends. Most of the people thought that it was a bit too up
itself but I thought it was pretty cool and was nice for a change.

Anja told me that she had been shagging Martin, which I found pretty funny.

I ended up taking a bag of ice to bed with me to try and counteract the heat and it did work to a
certain extent.

Sun 28th June

I had a nice long bath and relaxed a bit as I got ready to meet the guys.

I went down to the office to meet the guys from Comedy 2.0. We had agreed to meet at 2pm. I got
a text from Joe asking me what time we were meant to be meeting. I am getting frustrated that the
guys can’t seem to pull themselves together. The whole point of this was to have a self-organising
collective and the reality is that if I am to do the brunt of the organisational work, I would not choose
them as my talent. Jay turned up on time but Joe was an hour late, as was Pete and Jim was two
hours late. The whole meeting was really lacking in energy and direction. They were asking me
about how I was getting to Edinburgh but I am not really sure and I don’t really want to feel
responsible for getting anyone else up to Edinburgh as I want to make my own way there.

I got home and had a chat with Beth. She was also complaining that she didn’t really feel like she
was getting enough out of the work she was putting in to Comedy 2.0 and said that after August she
wanted to start running her own more professional night.

Mon 29th June
I went down into the office and it was just me and Heike. We had the next product review meeting
for the UK subscriptions and it went quite well as I saw no point in contesting anything and just
agreed with whatever was proposed.

Tue 30th June

I went into the office and was working on my new updated dashboard. I realised that some of the
stats that were coming in were wrong so I had to take rework it. It is so difficult to find any decent
stats. I had a call with Michael Michael about filming. It was surprisingly normal to talk to him after
so long.

I had a long chat with Dale about life and stuff. Dale thinks that I am really together and am good at
handling stuff whereas he feels he has a massive fear of failure. I tried to convey to him that I also
feared failure just as much but I was operating on a different level. His fears are based around trivia
and minutia whereas my fears are based around loftier ambitions. I understand the arrogance and
self-delusion in that but it is just the way it is and I cannot allow myself to get sucked down into the
mire of superficiality. I have to try and rise above it so I can assess the landscape from on high.

I have started counteracting the heat by wearing a wet T-Shirt and this has helped somewhat and I
have been going to be in one. I find this a bit strange but the pragmatism of it helps me out. It is so
god damn stifling hot in this flat and there is no respite from the heat and that is exasperated by the
incessant noise of Blackstock Road when you open the windows. I think this is affecting my sleeping
patterns and part of the reason why my thoughts are a little foggy and blurred. This is not the only
reason. The MyHammer situation has ingrained in me a case of professional apathy and impotence.
I want the sharpness back. The sharpness of my own thoughts and my ability to explore my own
creative processes are the only things, the only things worth hanging on to.

Wed 1st July

After work I went down to Joe’s to meet him and Pete. We worked on a new sketch for the
Edinburgh show and it shaped up quite well.

We had a bit of a discussion about how we should proceed with Comedy 2.0 because it is clear that
we all want different things from it and that we are not really a unit and there is no real glue holding
us together. We agreed that we would get through Edinburgh and then reassess.

Thur 2nd July

I went into the office and hung out. Heike was talking about having some extra days holiday, which
annoyed me as she was already having 2 weeks off and she is leaving this month. There is no point
her coming back after the holiday if it is only going to be for 2 days.

I finally got my dashboard together and told Jim that I wanted him to construct a marketing
dashboard in a similar fashion.

I had another chat with Mike and we arranged to do some filming on the next Comedy 2.0.

I rang up all the guys to tell them about the filming. They all seemed interested and happy to get
involved. I left it quite vague as to what it was and really, it is still pretty vague.
I went down to see Dale to square it with him that he would be alright me doing some filming at
some of his night and he was up for it.

I then went round and met up with Beth to see Ariadne The Greek Wag’s Comedy Bag. I was
underwhelmed with the quality of the acts but it was a chance to meet up with Beth’s friend Matt
and square the filming with him.

After this show I went to see Dale and it was pretty empty towards the end of the night. I sat right at
the front and watched a couple of acts.

I had a chat with Christian Ancliffe and he said he’d enjoyed performing at Comedy 2.0 and a couple
of other comedians had heard of the night so we are building up a bit of a name, which is nice.

Me and Dale then hung out and a couple of ozzie girls came up and we had a bit of banter with them.
I was explaining to them the storyline of the littlest hobo and I’m pretty sure Dale thought I was
making up the whole show.

I got the bus home and had to change because the bus driver wasn’t going all the way to Finsbury

Weird and Lisa were waiting for me when I got back. They had been to see Blur and Weird had asked
me if they could stay over. I had some wine with them and got Lisa some chips from Moonlight
Kebab’s. We discussed Halloween To Bonfire Night.

Fri 3rd July

I worked from home.

Andy Murray was playing at Wimbledon and me and Joe Curran decided to do a bit of gambling via
Betfair. We were pretty convinced that the patriotic feeling for Murray had influenced the odds and
that Roddick wasn’t getting his true value. We did some gambling and turned £50 int0 £125 through
a series of strange bets that basically all favoured Roddick and he came out 3-1.

I then hung around the flat feeling a little bored and frustrated and acknowledging that something
needs to change in my life because there is currently no real joy. I feel flat and empty and as if my
mind has been numbed by the lack of opportunity to achieve anything substantial. The days just drift
away and although on the face of it, I seem to have had quite a productive time recently with LetGen
and Comedy 2.0 and performing in an Edinburgh show and starting up this new TV show and making
loads of new friends and contacts – I just don’t feel it. I don’t see the value in what I have achieved, I
just see the opportunity cost in what I feel I could have achieved. I would be much happier if I
lowered my own expectations but to do this would be the ultimate admission of defeat and this is
the failure that I cannot tolerate. As I said to my mother - ‘people who limit their own ambition, limit
their opportunity to truly explore the depths of their own existence’. I know it sounds contrite but
my defence of that is summed up by my other saying- ‘people who don’t enjoy being arrogant are
just fucking weak!’.

Sat 4th July

I had some pretty powerful dreams during the night including one where my dad had died and it was
quite emotional.
I woke up and checked the time and it was already 11am. I had agreed to meet Lauren at 11am for a
coffee so I called her up and headed down to Angel to meet her. We went to S&M for some
breakfast and we had a discussion about her getting an internship at MyHammer. I broke the fourth
wall of professionalism and admitted to her that I wasn’t too excited about the near term future of
MyHammer and that I couldn’t really offer her anything substantial. I then took her down to the
office to show her round before packing her off.

I hung out in the office intending to rehearse the sketch that we had written on Wednesday but Joe
still hadn’t sent me the script, despite me reminding him on Friday. I formulated the mail out for
Comedy 2.0 via Free London Comedy and then settled down to a bit of gambling on the Wimbledon
tennis finals. I managed to get a good result and Serena won through. I then rolled all of this over
onto Roddick v Federer with the big money coming if the first set gets to a tie break or if Roddick
wins 6-4 in the first set. I then started messing about betting on the horses, trying to manage risk by
betting on four or five of the favourite horses to get something like a 10% return. This went well.

Abid arrived with a guy and we filmed a scene for his short film. I have a really small cameo as the
protagonist’s new work colleague in London.

I then went for a beer with Abid and we had a chat. I enjoy hanging out with Abid because he is
someone who at least is out and about and doing things.

I went home and rang Jim to see what was happening. They were all at Finsbury Park for Ola and his
brother’s birthday. They were heading on to somewhere in Old Street and Jim invited me along and I
said I’d think about it but when I got back I couldn’t really be bothered and got sucked into some
more of my new gambling system, which as predicted went pretty well until I got wiped out with an
outsider coming in.

Some woman rang me about Comedy 2.0 and I had a little chat with her and told her that the email
invites would be going out on Monday.

Joe Deeney sent me a text to apologise for not having sent the scripts and that he was feeling gutted
because he had just been dumped. I do feel for him but he has to understand that when he is a
bottleneck then he has to snap out of any personal issues and facilitate that the rest of us can keep
productive but as it stands we are not around a month away from Edinburgh and still don’t have a
single show fully worked out or rehearsed.

Sun 5 th July

We met up for Comedy 2.0. We rehearsed a few sketches and they all went well.

We then went for a few pints at the New Rose and had a bit of banter and a laugh. We discussed
how we would take Comedy 2.0 forward after Edinburgh and I expressed my concerns. My main
concern being that too much of the burden lies with me, which I actually don’t mind but I do mind
that they are getting the full benefit of this including a sense of ownership of the night.

Mon 6th July

I spent a lot of time practising my set for Comedy 2.0.

Tue 7th July
I stayed at home and practised.

Wed 8th July

I went into the office at about lunchtime to do some printing for Comedy 2.0 and then I headed
down to The Social for about 4:30pm. I did a bit of practising and then Rich and Mike turned up. We
started setting up the room and got all the cameras in place.

Joe was the next to arrive and everyone seemed a little bit put out by the cameras being there. I got
everyone to sign the release forms but most people were a bit wary of that.

We started the show at 8pm and I felt a bit bad because there were only about 25 people in the
audience and it didn’t bode well for the look and feel of the night on film. 10 minutes into the show
however, the room suddenly filled up completely and there were in total around 65 people there.
This was all without any massive headline act such as Idiots Of Ants. Beth had said that this was the
only reason we got such good numbers on the previous Comedy 2.0 so I had to rub it into her when
we finally got a bigger crowd for this one.

We ran through our Edinburgh show and it seemed to go pretty well. The sketches all went well but I
wasn’t happy at all with my own bit of stand-up and this was primarily because my Holocaust joke
didn’t go down well – and the main reason for this was that I fucked up the delivery.

All in all though the night was a massive success and I think Rich and Mike were impressed by the
vibe and got some good footage and some good ideas of how we can progress. The crowd enjoyed
themselves and we got a lot of people in who were real audience and all the acts seemed to have a
good time. Ariadne the Greek Wag enjoyed herself and I had to do the sound cues for her.

Will Ambler-Shaw turned up and that was quite cool to see him and Abid was there as well with his
ex-girlfriend who is German. She gave me a special present, a German 1€ coin, which was quite
funny as she didn’t realise how many of those I have knocking around.

I then hung around with Joe and had some beers and had a bit of banter with one of the girls who
works at The Social and then we got a taxi home.

Thur 9th July

I went into work and it was Heike’s last day. She wanted to work from home the next day to prepare
for going away so Jim and I decided that we would also work from home the next day.

At the last minute I decided to go camping with Jamie. I wouldn’t let him take his mountain bike as it
would have meant that he would have gone off on his own for long rides, which I didn’t think was the
purpose of this trip. We drove up in his camper van and got to the site. Rach and Wayne were
already there. We had some drinks and played some ‘Truth or Dare’.

Fri 10th July

We went to some caves.

We went for some fish and chips and played hook-a-duck. We got a few little prizes and I got a
We went walking along a stream and did some paddling.

We got back and Adam, Weird, Millie, Bryony, Andre and Sebastian had arrived.

We came back and went to the local pub for a few drinks and some food.

We came back to the campsite and got drunk.

Andre poured some washing up liquid in my eye.

Sat 11th July

We got up and milled around and then a few of us headed out to try and find a maze. The maze
didn’t open until the following week so we went to the national forestry centre instead. This was
quite cool and we had a good walk.

We drove back and picked up a BBQ and all the supplies on the way.

We got back and I took control of the BBQ and it actually all went pretty well and everything was
cooked properly and my experimental baked potatoes (just wrapping a potato in foil and throwing it
into the BBQ) turned out well.

We managed to just get everything ready and eaten when it started to rain. We all moved into
Adam’s camper van and had some drinks and played some cards. I was pretty tired so I went back to
Jamie’s camper van to sleep but Millie had chucked everyone out of Adam’s camper van so Jamie,
Weird and Rach came into Jamie’s camper van but it was alright as I managed to sleep through their

Sun 12th July

We went to The Heights of Abraham, which is a cable car to the top of a hill. It was quite expensive
but I always see signs to it when I am coming up the M1 so I always wanted to check it out.

We got up there and went down an old lead mine. We messed around and played some Rain,
Thunder, Lightening at the top and then took the cable car back.

We drove back to the campsite and everyone was a little bit down as we were leaving. We packed
everything up and then Jamie and I hit the road back to London. It was a long drive but we got back
in time to have a few drinks with Joe. Sylvie’s sisters were still around so I let them stay their final
night in my room and I kipped on the sofa.

Mon 13th July

I pretty much gambled all day with my new system, which proved to be as unsustainable as I had
expected and I got wiped out eventually.

I then went and had a nap and thought it would be alright because I left my computer on next to me
so that I could glance at any emails or skype messages as they came in and deal with them if they
were important.

I woke up at about 5pm and realised that the wifi connection had dropped. When I restarted it I saw
that I had a message from Gerrit asking me to call him urgently as he wanted to discuss coming to
London. I had a look around for my phone and couldn’t find it. It turned out that it had fallen down
the back of the settee and was on silent mode. I checked it and saw that I had several missed calls
from Germany. I was a bit wound up and finally made the decision that it was time to quit. I gave
Markus a call but couldn’t get through so I left a message. I also gave Gerrit a call and told him that
he could call me whenever.

Gerrit called me and was taking about coming over to UK in August and if we could get together
some meetings. I told him that I’d start putting some stuff together and then I told him that I wanted
to leave the company. He seemed a little surprised, which surprised me. He said that he would like
to discuss it in more depth on Wednesday when he was back in the office.

Markus then called me a little later and I explained to him that I wanted to leave. He wasn’t as
surprised but he seemed to understand my concerns and I’m sure he has realised that I have been
frustrated for some time due to the slow progress of the UK market.

Tue 14th July

I didn’t really get up to much other than think about the implications of finally going through with my
long touted desire to quit.

Wed 15th July

I spoke with Gerrit. It was a bit strange as he was trying to convince me to stay but there was
nothing really new that I didn’t know that he could bring to the table and I do think that MyHammer
will progress quite well but I just don’t find it an exciting prospect and don’t feel like I will be as
influential as I would need to be on that progression. I don’t want to be someone who pulls levers. I
want to be the person that sets up the machinery so that someone else can pull the levers.

I rang up Nath and told him to check out the new release of LetGen.

I rang up Beth to discuss future comedy nights. I am in a bit of a bind in terms of how to take it
forward. There was no reason other than chance and circumstance that brought us guys together to
run Comedy 2.0 and I get the feeling that it would have happened whoever it was that I was working
with and that I was the driving force behind it. I don’t want to continue doing it with these guys as I
don’t think that they add any significant value to the process.

We had discussed meeting up but we couldn’t get in touch with Joe so Pete and I met up at The New
Rose and we had some beers and came up with some ideas for some new sketches. I challenged us
to get at least three new sketches and we managed it in the end.

Thur 16th July

I am now the contact point for the guys building LetGen so I spent a bit of time with those guys
helping them sort out the logic. It seems to be progressing a little bit faster now and hopefully by the
end of the month we will have a basic framework that we can really get inside so that we can really
push it on.

Sylvie came back drunk after attending some charity event and then I spotted Jamie and Joe in the
King’s Head. They called me up and they came back over with some beers and I ended up staying up
with Joe until about 3am.
Fri 17th July

I went and met the CMO, Martin Randolph and Felix for lunch in Shoreditch. The new business that
they are running called Postal Gold seems to be doing pretty well and I have to admit that I am pretty
jealous and this just spurred me on a little bit to stick with my decision to quit MyHammer. I really
need to try and prove to myself that I can take control of something and make it a success and this
would not be the case no matter how successful MyHammer became.

I went to Pizza Delique with Jam and Sylvie and then I had an early night because I had to get up early
the following day to go on my CBT course.

Sat 18th July

I got up at 6:45am and made my way down to Wimbledon. I got to Clapham Junction in ample time
but got stiffed by the bus, which after 20 minutes still hadn’t arrived. I ended up getting a taxi
because I didn’t want to be any later.

I got there and met up with Elle and Rich. We got everything set up and then walked down to the
training area, which was on a concrete basketball pitch in a park nearby. We went through a few
drills and a bit of practice. It took a bit of getting used to but I started to get the hang of it. After the
first hour the instructor told us that she didn’t think that Rich and Elle were safe enough on the bike
to take the next bit of the test. They didn’t take it too badly but I secretly found it quite funny as
normally Rich is naturally good at things like this.

We went out on the roads and I didn’t feel amazingly confident at first but we rode around a bit and I
started to feel more comfortable and in control of the bike. I did the first hour at the back of the
three of us that were out and the second hour at the front. I enjoyed the second hour much better
because of a combination of being at the front and also feeling more in control of the bike. I really
enjoyed the experience.

We got back and that was it. I had passed my CBT and could now legally drive a 125cc motorbike on
the roads with an L plate. I’m thinking about getting myself one to mess about with but the major
problem is being able to keep a bike down here in London. I don’t where to start.

I got the bus back to Rich’s and had a cup of tea and some cakes with him and Elle. I was in Anja’s
area so I gave her a call and she told me that she was going to Wendy’s for her birthday BBQ and that
I could go along if I wanted. I went down and then Rhian picked us up and drove us to Clapham. I
met a few old faces from Aston and had a few beers and some food. There was quite a hilarious
tastiest sausage competition. I got Rhian to give me a lift to Clapham Junction at about 10:30pm and
then headed home.

Sun 19th July

I went round to Pete’s at about 2pm to get on with some of our sketches. We finalised drafts of the
‘Se7en/Deal Or no Deal’, ‘Courtroom Family Fortunes’ and ‘JC meets The Magdalene’s’ sketches. I
didn’t think Pete’s interpretation of ‘JC meets The Magdalene’s’ sketch was that great and this kind
of highlighted to me that the humour between me, Joe and Pete is not really compatible or
complementary and as there is no other underlying glue holding us together, my instinct is to cut and
run from this arrangement rather than invest further time and resources in it. They are too young
and driven by mid-twenties ego that is not backed up by any experience or substance.

I came back to the flat via M&S and had bought myself a ready meal. I then had a nap before going
to the cinema with Sylvie to watch ‘Sunshine Cleaning’.

Mon 20th July

I worked from home.

Tue 21st July

I went into the office and then met up with Pete and Joe. We went through the sketches and then
had a few beers at The New Rose.

Wed 22nd July

I went into the office and prepped everything for the night. I’d had loads of people registering at
Free London Comedy this time so I felt pretty confident of a decent crowd and Amanda and Anja had
agreed to come down and bring some people along.

I didn’t really get round to learning the sketches until quite late but I got down to it around 3pm. I
needed some stand-up but it was touch and go as to whether I was going to do any or not. I felt that
I kind of had to because Anja and Amanda were coming.

I got everything together and made a box for our ‘Seven Or No Deal’ sketch and printed out some A4
posters promoting comedy downstairs.

I headed off to The Social at 6pm but I got stuck on the Victoria Line and had to walk from Warren
Street, which took a lot longer than I’d anticipated.

I arrived at The Social and quite a few people were already there and we ran through our sketches.

The room packed out pretty early and Anja and Amanda had brought Echo and Martin Burton and a
few others. Tim and Jamie also turned up.

Pete opened the night and was then followed by Luisa Omeilan and Elliot Mason and to be honest,
none of them went down too well. Unfortunately Pete is not the right person to open the night.

The room was a bit subdued all night although they did seem to be enjoying it, they just weren’t that

The sketches went pretty well even though they didn’t get an amazing reaction and my stand-up set
seemed to go quite well. I was able this time to concentrate a bit more on my technique than my
content and I felt that I’d improved quite a bit in that respect.

After the show we hung out upstairs having a few beers. Jim and I had a chat about the night and
the issue that I felt that I was taking on too much burden of running the night with the feeling that
the other guys were just turning up and reaping all the benefits.

I got the facebook details of a Spanish chick who was in the audience.
We stayed in the bar until pretty late and I was sitting next to some girl who was friends with Joe’s
current muse Camille. I was joking with her about there being loads of attraction between us and
that currently we were both like positively charged magnets and one of us just had to flip for us to
come together. I held her had a little bit.

We then came back to my flat and Joe went to bed and I stayed up with Camille and Zoe and cuddled
up with them under a duvet as we watched ‘Starter For Ten’ with James McAvoy.

Thur 23rd July

I fell asleep with the girls and then drifted up to bed after Sylvie came into the living room.

Jamie burst into my room a little later to tell me about the girls.

I got up a bit later and then went into the office to collect my laptop. I picked it up, got myself some
lunch and then came back to the flat.

I had a bit of a nap and then Jamie woke me up when he got home.

I was feeling a bit worse for wear and ended up spending the evening having a curry and just
watching some TV with Jam.

Fri 24th July

I was supposed to be handing in my first draft of my handover documentation to Gerrit but I ended
up not being arsed about it. I suspected that he would forget that we were supposed to do this and
he didn’t contact me about it.

Jamie got home and I tied with the idea of going with him up north so I could get away and have a bit
of a change of scene but then I got a call from the guy saying that he was going to deliver my fixed
laptop in the morning so I had to stay around. I’d also discussed going to a poker game in
Wimbledon with Rich so I decided to go to that instead.

We began the night with a curry and then went to Tom’s place for the poker. The game went pretty
well and I ended up taking the pot, which was about £150 and it was nice to be back in the groove of
winning a game of poker.

We then went for a few beers and ended up getting a cab to the Clapham Grand, which was the like
the sort of club that we used to go to with UK Uncovered and had that Luminar vibe to it.

We had a good laugh and then after a bit of banter with the taxi drivers outside, I got a cab back
home for £30 (athough I ended up paying £40).

Sat 25th July

I chilled out around the flat and was getting geared up for a quiet early night when Joe gave me a
call. He was up at ‘Big Red’ so I went up and joined him, Rob Stroud and Camille. We had some
drinks and played some pool and then headed up to Camden.

We went to a few bars and then ended up in the Camden Loch. Joe’s ex-girlfriend, Lindsey was
working behind the bar and we ended up at a little lock-in with her after the pub closed. We then
went back to her place for a ‘party’, which actually only consisted of the five of us.
Everyone was pretty drunk and it was a pretty boring party. Rob was trying it on with Lindsey and
Camille and Joe was wiped out on the bed. A couple of guys then turned up and were spouting off
about being dealers and really hard types. They were like talking to people with the social hang-ups
of 15 years ago in their attitude to sexuality, which we obviously played on to make them feel as
uncomfortable as possible.

We left at about 7am and somehow got a bit of twig from some guy, which we were supposed to
chew on to clean our teeth.

Sun 26th July

I got up pretty late and spend most of the day chilling out and watching TV. I put together a
proposed marketing test plan.

Joe and I were feeling a bit wrong and we ended up getting a chicken kebab.

I went to bed but couldn’t really get to sleep straight away.

I had some pretty profound dreams including a bit of lucid dreaming where you realise you are
dreaming and you can control what is going on. As is usually the case with this, I realised I was
dreaming and that I could control everything but couldn’t think of anything that I actually wanted to
do in that context.

Mon 27th July

Gerrit called me pretty early to discuss the handover process. I told him that I would have something
ready for him by the end of the day. Fortunately I’d also been working on coming up with a
marketing test so we were able to go through that. He agreed to go ahead with the test, which was a
£5K TV test.

The new UK subscriptions went live that evening and we sold a few.

I stayed up pretty late finishing off my initial handover document.

Tue 28th July

I got up early and had the FK meeting. Manuel forgot to connect me via Skype. I talked a little bit
about the new subscriptions, the marketing test and what we hoped would happen with them.

I had a conversation with Pahl as I made my way down to the office and we had a chat about TV.

It was Heike’s last day so we went down to St John’s for lunch. I had lamb’s tongue and some form of
pig intestine and we finished off sharing a summer pudding.

We went back to the office and then I headed home quite early and gave Heike a tertiary goodbye
saying that it had been great working with her.

I got back to the flat and was feeling pretty flat and realised that I needed to get out of there so I
decided to head up north so I packed a few things together and went and got the train. The train
was pretty empty so I had a few beers and read a little and got a cab home. I was really knackered so
I went straight to be when I got home.
Wed 29th July

I got up and worked from bed. I didn’t really get up to much except working, watching a bit of TV
and general stuff. I also went out for a little drive and got some food at Marks & Spencers at Wooley
Edge services. I sent Nath a text to let him know that I was up north.

I was trying hard to get some meetings set up for Gerrit when he comes over next week.

Joe Deeney sent me a gif version of the flyer that his brother had designed with the question ‘what
do we do next?’ He also said that his brother had said that the other flyer didn’t really need anything
dong to it. This really pissed me off as they were nowhere near ready to go to the printers and
basically as he said he would deal with the flyers, I expected him to deal with the flyers from start to
finish but he fucked up once again. I have no intention of working with these guys after Edinburgh
because they don’t have the drive within them that is required and unfortunately I just don’t find
them talented enough to carry them.

I tried to get in touch with a few people to get meetings with Gerrit and found out the names of
some of the directors at B&Q, Homebase & Focus and sent them direct emails and also tried to get in
touch with a few of the people that we had previously been in contact with but it is slow going as we
are still so small and don’t really have a firm understanding of what value we can bring to them.

Thur 30th July

I had a pretty quiet day and continued to try and get people for meetings with Gerrit.

I drove my mum to the doctors because she had a bad cold and wanted to check whether or not it
was swine flu.

Louise and JP came home that evening but I didn’t see her because I was already in bed and I
couldn’t really be bothered to go down and see them.

My eyes were playing up a bit and especially my left contact lens seemed really dry so I had to take
them out and wear my glasses. It was my left eye that Andre poured washing up liquid into. My
glasses are a bit old and not strong enough anymore so I always feel a bit strange when I am wearing
them and as if I am not fully the person I am when I have full vision.

Fri 31st July

I got up and got on with some work and saw Louise and JP. Louise booked me in to go to Toni &
Guy’s for a haircut and I arranged to meet them for lunch.

We met up at about 2pm for lunch and then I had about 40 minutes to kill before my hairdressing
appointment so I walked around Barnsley to check out what had and hadn’t changed. It is always
interesting to see how things are evolving. I was looking for a good strategy game but couldn’t find
one so then I went and bought series 2 of The Wire on DVD.

I got my haircut and all she basically did was thin it out. I was quite shocked when she told me that
she had finished but I guess she’d actually done what I asked for so I couldn’t really complain.

I got home and watched a couple of episodes of The Wire and then chilled out a bit. I was still feeling
a bit groggy and tired and it was nice to be able to just relax and sleep. It is amazing how quiet it is
back up in Barnsley compared to living on Blackstock Road and I am sure that the noise and
disruption of living there is not good for my general health, either psychologically or physically. Now
that Joe lives there I also don’t feel able to do my skipping because of the noise it makes. I often
wonder to myself if I do this on purpose because there is always some reason in that house to not do
any exercise. I guess that it makes sense for me to leave that house in the near future, especially if I
no longer work for MyHammer. It might be time to make some wholesale changes in my life.

I went for a bit of a drive round and then got home and watched some more Wire and ate some
steamed mussels that my mum had got me from Meadowhall. Louise called me and asked me to
pick her up from Wakey so I drove through and got them.

Sat 1st Aug

I got up and Louise was on about making a bacon sandwich but this was about 10:30 am and she was
still faffing around at 12:30pm saying that she needed to go the post office in Darton before she
could make it so I just made my own. This is one of the thing that really annoys me about my family,
the incessant lethargy and inability to make things happen and their constant acceptance of

My phone was running out of battery and I’d forgotten to bring my charger so I drove over to
Wakefield and got one from Matalan and as the DVD had suddenly stopped working that morning, I
decided to get a portable DVD player for my computer.

I drove JP to meet my dad at the Millers and then a bit later Louise and I went to have some food at
an Italian restaurant in Mapplewell and we bumped into Rich’s sister and had a bit of an awkward

Sun 2nd Aug

I left the house pretty early and Louise was already annoying my mum in the same way that she had
annoyed me the day before. My mum was wanting to cook dinner and I’d already told her that I was
going to meet Nath but then Louise suddenly decided that she wanted to go into Barnsley at 2pm for
‘an hour’.

I had a conversation with Jim Campbell about the flyers and realised that if they were gonna happen,
it was on me to make it happen. I called Heike and asked her if she could get Becka to do the final
designs and that I’d pay her €50.

I went and got some petrol and then to PC World to get a new rucksack. I finally chose a rucksack
that was the exactly the same as my existing one but black. I need a new one because the old one is
a bit ripped and I don’t want to make a bad impression when we go for meetings next week.

I then drove to meet Nath at St Pierre. We went through the LetGen stuff and he seemed pretty
pleased with it and I told him that we’d essentially run out of developer money so if we wanted to
take it further then we’d need to invest some more. He said that as I’d invested the first £7K that he
would put in another £7K and hopefully that should be enough to take us to a completed product.

He thought that there is a lot of potential to sell it but we are not yet sure on what the best strategy
is to maximise what we can make from it.
I then drove us both to Darton and we walked down to the Rose & Crown and had a few beers before
he headed off home at about 6pm. I went home and the beer seemed to go straight to my head. I
ate the dinner that my mum had left in the microwave for me and then went to sleep.

I woke up a bit later and just did the stuff you do when you’re a bit drunk and have had a sleep and
are not ready to go to bed properly.

Mon 3rd Aug

I got up and Gerrit called me at about 8:30am to discuss the new subs. He said that it looked like we
had sold 25 in the stats but according to my own understanding due to the money we had collected
via PayPal and MoneyBookers, it looked to me that we had only sold around 10. We got Alex Wilke
to check it out and see where the discrepancy came from. We found out later that the reason was
that a lot of sign-ups already had a billing agreement with PayPal so instead of paying with the 10%
discount, they were paying the full amount. These payment amounts had not registered with me as
subscriptions. The fact that we have sold 25 is fairly positive as it amounts to around 10 times more
than the previous week.

I sent out the flyers to a company called solopress on the recommendation of Jim. They were able to
turn them round in 24 hours but the total cost came to £115 – so it will now cost us £230 for the two
sets of flyers rather than £120 if we had done it properly.


I drove down to London so that I had my car there to drive up to Edinburgh.

Tuesday 4th Aug

I had a mad dream about how I was on for a 300 at bowling and I remember waking up really
disappointed that I had somehow fluffed the last shot even though I don’t remember taking it. There
is a theory that dreams are your mind’s way of protecting sleep and that you process various external
stimuli as a dream so you don’t wake. This could make sense as I dream a lot more when I am in
London and exposed to all the various noises on Blackstock Road.

FK meeting

Email from Zoe.

Sort out flyers.

Wednesday 5th Aug

Flyers were delivered to the office. I went down and Jim came over and picked up a few so they
could start flyering in Edinburgh.

Joe and Pete came over in the evening and we practised for Edinburgh.

Thursday 6th Aug

I was woken by a text from Gerrit asking me if he should wear jeans or slacks. I found the use of the
word ‘slacks’ funny. I was intending to wear my suit so I told him slacks. We met up at a coffee shop
near Kensington tube station and discussed some stats and the agenda for the day. We then talked
about my situation and Gerrit was trying to convince me to stay.

We had a few meetings and everything went quite well with Northcliffe Media who seemed keen to

The meeting with H&K didn’t go too well and Natalie seemed pretty flat and out of ideas and we
decided afterwards to put H&K on hold until we were generating enough revenue to warrant placing
a percentage of our budget into PR.

We then went to Ebay for a rather unproductive meeting but Gerrit used to work there so it was a
process of sounding out any possible ways we could work with them. It didn’t seem like they were in
a position to do much. Gerrit then went off to see his old team and I went back to the flat and told
Joe Deeney that we could set off a bit earlier if he got over. Joe texted me back to say he would
come over when he’d had his tea. He then texted me to ask if I would drive over and pick him up but
I had to refuse as the last thing I wanted to do before heading off on a 8 hour drive to Edinburgh was
a 1 hour battle through central London traffic.

He called me a bit later to say that he had got out of the tube at Holloway Road so I had to go and
pick him up from there. I was pretty annoyed by his complete lack of awareness that I was doing him
a massive favour by driving him up there and it was the least he could do to make it as easy for me as
possible but I let it slide as I didn’t want to begin the Edinburgh experience with any bad feelings. We
then set off on the drive and had a bit of banter and a few laughs. We stopped off at Leicester Forest
service station and I had a KFC. The girl behind the counter said that one of the other girls had
wanted to serve me as I was wearing an Arctic Monkeys t-shirt and she ‘bet that I looked good on the
dance floor’, which was a bit of an ego boost, especially as I so obviously am good on the dance floor.

We then drove on to Edinburgh and it went quite quickly. Joe fell asleep on the way up. We didn’t
have any real directions with us and I kind of just worked it out from the memory of looking at a
Google map.

We got to the flat and nobody was there and we couldn’t get through to anyone on their mobile,
which was a bit annoying but then Jim turned up in a taxi and we got into the flat. It was pretty nice
but small for 5 people. Jim said he was feeling sick so I suggested that for the first night he could
sleep in the bed and I dossed down on the floor.

Friday 7th Aug – Saturday 15th August

Edinburgh – it is probably best to write this up as a whole than on a daily basis.

I got up early and went out to find some food and try and buy some towels. I couldn’t find anywhere
decent to buy some breakfast so I ended up having a bacon baguette. I walked into a little shopping
centre that reminded me a bit of Witton market in Erdington. I found some towels and headed back
to the flat. I got back there and Pete had just arrived and it was obvious that I’d just been out to buy
myself some towels but Pete asked if he could have one of them, which I thought was pretty out of
order but I gave him one anyway.

The second set of flyers had arrived but no-one had been in to collect them so we had to drive out to
the local collection depot, which was about 8 miles away. I took Pete with me because he had an
iPhone, which we could use as SatNav. I’d parked in a place that was reserved for the old people’s
home near the flat and some woman from there was leaning out of her window trying to have a go
at me but I just dismissed her and drove off to collect the flyers. The boys started calling us to ask
how long we were going to take, which was really annoying because it wasn’t like we were relaxing,
we were doing something that had to be done and was another reflection of how they live is a world
where they think things just happen for them. I got back and there was nowhere to park so I had to
park it at the local swimming baths down the road.

We got back and spent a little bit of time rehearsing our sketches before we headed out into
Edinburgh to go on the Royal Mile. Jim told us that it was mental up there and as we sat on the bus
going into town, we joked about how it was like the calm bit in Saving Private Ryan before they
stormed the beaches at Normandy.

The Royal Mile was pretty mental and pretty cool with loads of people vying for attention and trying
to do crazy stuff to get it. There were also lots of street performers doing their bit to get attention.
We started off handing out flyers and eased our way into it. One way of easing into it was to swap
with someone else who was handing out flyers but this was ultimately a waste of time as it was
highly unlikely that you would ever attend each other’s shows.

We went down to do the first Comedy 2.0 and on the way down there Jay told us that he didn’t want
to do his Procrastinator song anymore and therefore our bit where we were supposed to do our
sketch in the middle of the song was redundant. We were still able to do the sketch but from
starting off with the idea of having a pretty integrated show, we had finished up with a completely
compartmentalised show and 10 minutes before the start, we still didn’t have a running order. We
were probably the least prepared show in Edinburgh with no running order and minimal practice and
if you put that in context with people like Beta Males’ Picnic who had done about 30 preview shows
then you can see how badly organised we were.

We got to the venue and cobbled a running order together and we were really pleased by the size of
the audience and the show went pretty well. We were quite lucky that Jim’s set was pretty polished
and that Jay always goes down well and has the ability to bring an audience back on side with his
music even if things have been flat. I felt a bit awkward doing my set as there were quite a few
young children in the audience and my set is very adult themed so I felt a bit conscious of that and I
don’t have any clean material to fall back on.

We didn’t have time to really enjoy the fact that we’d pulled it off as we had to go straight out and
start flyering the next show. It was then that we encountered the guys who were doing the show
prior to ours at The Newsroom. They were basically like a group of special needs people who were
trying their best but ultimately failing to create a decent show and they hung round us like a rash and
also if truth be told, smelled quite a bit.

This show was created as a compartmentalised show so everyone just had their 9 minutes to fill and
we had the Beta Male’s in this one as well to help keep things going. I had given over some of my
time to some sketches with Pete and Joe and we were all supposed to do a bit of stand-up as well but
Pete and Joe decided not to do stand-up. My second routine was worse than my first and revolved
primarily around masturbation and as there were kids in the audience for this show as well I really
couldn’t face doing that material so I did the first routine again.
Afterwards we could settle down and have a pint and reflect and we’d taken around £150 over the
two shows. We then hung out, got drunk and caught a show. On the first night we ended up in a bar
in Leith near to the flat and Joe was chatting with some drunk Scottish guys. Some guy came up to
me out of nowhere and asked me to help him on the fruit machine so I did and won him £5.

We quickly got into a routine. I would normally get up first and nip out for some breakfast and then
we’d all head out into town and start flyering. We’d then do the shows and after that have a few
pints and maybe go our separate ways or have some food or get drunk. Jim and Jay were doing more
shows and so they would sometimes go off and do that while we went off somewhere else.

We started sorting the cash we made out and then put it into one of the cupboards, which then
became the ‘Cash Cupboard’. At the end of the week everyone was asking how we should divide this
up, which again I feel shows a complete lack of awareness as I had paid for the flyers and the flat but
I couldn’t be arsed bringing a downer to proceedings so I said that we should share it equally after I
had been reimbursed for the flyers.

On the Tuesday morning I got a call at 8:30am and it was the guys from the Fuhrungskreis. Gerrit
knew I was in Edinburgh this week but he wasn’t at the FK meeting so the other guys just called me
up without realising. As they had already called me, I just remained on the call and told them about
the new marketing campaign and how it was going.

I stayed a couple of nights in Christina’s hotel. She let me stay for £15 per night and I was in some
sort of staff room where I had access to a bath, albeit in a bathroom that I had to share. Still, this
was a nice change and it was good to get a bit of downtime away from everyone else.

On the nights that I did stay in the flat, I let one of the boys share the bed with me. I wasn’t too
mean to have them dossing on the floor every night although having been the person that paid for
the flat, I did stay in the bed every night I was in the flat but I think it was more than fair that I also
headed out a few nights so that they could use it.

I managed to cobble together a new routine for the second show, which I put together from some
ideas that I had floating round whilst in Edinburgh and that seemed to go down well.

The sketches were strange because although they went down well, we never really nailed them so
that they were polished and they were very rough around the edges. We got a couple of laughs
along the way when we were messing up lines, and Joe got some laughs when he highlighted this
one time. As he’d got a laugh from this he then highlighted it every time so he could get the cheap
laugh, which had varying results and personally I thought was not good form because on stage you
need to trust that should you mess up, your fellow performers will help get things back on track.

The initial results for the MyHammer TV test came in and were positive and it also looked like we
were selling a decent amount of tradesman subscriptions. I had predicted 850 jobs in that week and
we ended up with around 800 and that didn’t take into account any residual activity.

Joe’s parents came along during the first weekend and we had a night out with them.

A few of Pete’s friends came up for a couple of days.

I caused a bit of a fracas between Jay and his girlfriend at a party that Beth held one night. I was
chatting to her at a party and mentioned that I knew she was at York University. She asked me how I
knew so much about her so I jokingly replied that it was because Jay was always talking about her
and was always going on about how annoying she was and wondering how best to dump her.
Unfortunately this was really close to the truth and they got into an argument about it later and Jay
did end up dumping her. He came back and I felt really guilty about it but he took it well and even
said that I’d probably done him a favour because their splitting up was inevitable and by accelerating
it, I’d probably saved him some prolonged frustration.

Jay and I stayed in one night and smoked a bit of weed. Jay got his guitar out and he acted like a bit
of a jukebox and was able to play anything and we sang along to it. I found that really cool and it was
nice to bond a bit with Jay who I always find difficult to bond with.

Our improv seemed to get stronger as the week went on as did my own personal performances. I
never really got a laugh from my Holocaust joke but I stuck with it to the very end. On the last
performance we were all supposed to be messing about so I came on stage doing a cartwheel, a
caterpillar and a windmill and then after the Holocaust joke I did a shout out to the Holocaust
survivors – again this was funny for us but not for the audience. I don’t really like to do this but as it
was our last show I thought I should indulge.

On the last performance Christina came along with her boyfriend and we went out for a few drinks
afterwards. Christina then came back to the flat with us as we tidied up and took some photos of the
table, which we had arranged with loads of stuff to reflect the trip. The guys were shocked by my
banter with Christina but she seemed to enjoy it.

We said goodbye to Joe and Pete who were getting on the bus back to London together and then
Joe, Christina and I went out and met up with some of the other comedians including Beta Male’s
Picnic, Jonathon May-Bowles, Carly Smallman et al. I like those guys but I already feel like they are a
bit of a youth club and enjoying being in the moment of it all whereas I just see this as transitional
and a stepping stone to something else. I don’t want to waste time in all this because I feel like in
many ways I’ve done all this before and I don’t want to get bogged down in it. They are all aspiring
comedians with no experience in life other than the vague notion that they want to be comedians
and are all scratching around for cash whereas I am pretty affluent and am not really coming at the
whole thing from the same angle as they are.

Sunday 16th Aug

We woke up and cleaned the flat and handed it over to Gordon. He hardly even checked anything
and just handed over my deposit money back.

I then drove Jay up to the Beta Males’ flat because he was going to stay there for the rest of
Edinburgh. I was feeling a bit dodgy so I went off with Jay to watch the other performance that he
did daily. I sat next to some chick that was part of the York Uni Comedy Soc (of which Jay is an
alumni) and I thought she was quite nice despite the fact she wasn’t that hot.

We then went for some food and Jim Campbell and one of the guys from Dead Man In A Box. I had a
chicken Caesar salad but struggled to get it down before giving Jay the money for my food and then
heading off.

I then went back to my car and was thinking about when to set off because I still wasn’t feeling too
great but in the end I decided to set off. I didn’t really know what the best way to leave Edinburgh
was so in the end I just battled through the centre and kept driving until I saw some signs for the A1.
I gave Debbie a call to see if she was around so that I could pop in and see her, Maia and Jiame on
the way. They were in so I popped in and had a cup of tea with them but I was pretty knackered. I
then drove back home to Barnsley.

Monday 17th Aug

I stayed in Barnsley and worked from there. I was still a bit spaced out so I wasn’t too productive but
I managed to start getting my head back around things. I was wondering whether to actually leave or
not at the end of September because with nothing solid to go to, it is difficult to let go of the income
and I had thought that LetGen might be more advanced than it was.

We had a Comedy 2.0 on the Wednesday so we had to cobble it all together and get some acts and I
put my Adwords live.

Tuesday 18th Aug

I remained in Barnsley and did some analysis of the TV. It had gone according to my initial estimation
but obviously we couldn’t fully see the effects until we’d seen the residual effect of the week
following the activity. The early results did however suggest that it was worthwhile.

I tried to get the train back in the evening but when I got to Wakefield station there was an issue with
a broken down freight car so most southbound trains were cancelled, so I decided to get a taxi back
home. My mum had gone to visit my Aunty Alison so I had to drive over there to get the keys for the

Wednesday 19th Aug

I got the train down to London.

I met the guys at Pete and Joe at The Social (Jim and Jay were in Edinburgh all month). It looked like
we weren’t gonna get much audience but by 8pm it was looking alright. We basically went through
all the stuff that we had done up in Edinburgh and had some guests including Paddy, Robert
Commiskey and a couple of others who I just plucked from the email list.

The crowd were pretty rowdy but it went pretty well and both Pete and Joe did some stand-up.

Afterwards Joe and Pete were buzzing and saying that they couldn’t believe how they managed to
pull it off, which I found strange as we’d asked everyone at the start of the night where they had
found out about us from and the majority had said Google.

Thursday 20th Aug

Jamie, Joe and me went bowling in the evening and I managed to hussle Joe for a bit of money in the
first couple of games but I gave him a massive start in the third game and we ended up quits – but I
think I made my point.

Friday 21st Aug

I met up with Martin Randolph and CMO for lunch and they offered me a job as media buyer for
postal gold, which was flattering in a way but also insulting in a way. I declined their offer because
although it might have been more money, it would have been a step down and I knew that my head
wouldn’t have been in it and I didn’t really fancy the whole daily office grind.

Baz arrived in the evening and we went to Pizza Delique. Baz told me that he had left Kathryn. I
knew that he had been considering it for almost 2 years so it was a shock to find out that he had
finally done it.

I hadn’t really packed for Vegas so I banged a few things into a suitcase.

Saturday 22nd Aug

We got up early and set off to Gatwick. We got the train from Waterloo via Clapham Junction so that
we could meet up with the other guys. We were supposed to go in the front carriage but we were in
the next one along.

The flight was delayed a few hours so we went through into the departures lounge, had some
breakfast and bought some magazines.

We boarded the plane for the 10 hour flight. It actually wasn’t too bad and I went through the entire
flight without watching any of the onboard entertainment. I had bought Lolita so I read a bit of that
had a bit of a sleep and did some Sudoku etc.

We landed and met up with Adam. We were also supposed to be meeting Sam but he had arrived a
few hours earlier than us so had decided to get a taxi to the hotel.

We picked up the rental car and I drove us to the Wynn. We checked into the hotel (I was sharing a
room with Baz) and then went out for some food and had some drinks and did a bit of gambling.

Sunday 23rd Aug – Sunday 30th August

Vegas – it is probably best to write this up as a whole.

We woke up really early at about 6am and we went out to try and find some breakfast. The buffet
wasn’t open so we had a look for another one but couldn’t find one nearby so ended up having a
Denny’s. Baz said he had heard of a 9am game at The Luxor so we walked up there but when we got
there we found out that it didn’t actually start until 10:30am. We hung around a bit and then played
in the tournament. We played a couple of tourneys and then Rich and Adam joined us. I managed to
cash in one tourney and Rich did in the other.

Greeny was there for a couple of days so he was hanging around and we also saw Susan.

On the Sunday night we went to a club called XS, which was in the Wynn and had a pool party. Sam
had booked us a table and as part of that deal you had to keep buying bottles and he must have
spent at least $2K that night. Adam ended up pulling some girl who went up to the room with him
for an hour as he went to get some swimming shorts. Adam and I went for a swim and Baz got
thrown out for going into the pool with his clothes on. I was chatting to a Dutch girl for a bit but
nothing happened and I wasn’t really getting any vibe.

Baz and I went for a buffet breakfast one morning and Baz started off with three slices of pizza, which
I thought was ridiculous.
A few of the guys got up to watch some Premier League footy games but I wasn’t up for this as I
thought it was a waste of time when you were in Vegas with so much other stuff to do.

We headed out to Death Valley for a few days and it was stiflingly hot. We were staying at a little
resort in Death Valley and were completely isolated without access to Internet or mobile coverage.
We had a few games of Perudo (a dice game that Dave is a big advocate of). We went to the local
bar and played some Old Union Mill Rules Shanghai on the first night and Big Black Dog on the next
night. There was a Romanian girl working there who was really nice and fun but unfortunately she
had some really bad acne, which I couldn’t see past.

We went to a place called Bad Water, which is the lowest place in North America and basically a big
salt flat. I wasn’t taking the heat well and everyone else had a race but I didn’t take part. I was
vindicated in my decision as Adam really cut his feet up.

We played golf on the final evening and I wasn’t sure about whether I would take part or not but
eventually I decided that I would and ended up actually really enjoying it – mainly because we had
golf carts, were able to drink and I wasn’t as bad as I thought I would be.

There was talk on the final day of having another round of golf but not everyone was up for it so we
drove back to Vegas. We were staying in a suite so there were four of us per room. Dave’s brother
had organised this with talk of it being ‘comped’ but the comping was only actually for one room for
one night so we’d have probably got a better and more comfortable deal somewhere else.

We went out one night and I left early because I was just too frustrated at trying to get so many
people (eight in total) organised into doing anything and it just felt like the majority of the time we
were just waiting and in limbo.

We saw a hypnosis show but none of our group got up and I was disappointed because Rich had
promised he would give it a try. It was quite good fun but it is difficult to believe that it is all real.

We entered quite a big tournament and both Dave’s brother (Chris) and myself did pretty well. I was
chip leader at one stage but managed to get whittled through a series of bad decisions such as trying
to bluff at the wrong time and not just consolidating my stack. I ended up coming joint 9th and that
gave me $70 ($10 less than the cost of entering) and Chris finished joint second and took $1K. Chris
was a monster and was gambling loads and won a couple of thousand dollars overall.

I’d been trying my roulette system and on the last night did it with $450 and it was going pretty well
and I was only ‘all-in’ once. I got up a couple of hundred dollars at one point but never got a big win
to take me over double (Rich and I had agreed that my target was double) so I decided I’d had
enough after about half an hour so walked away $10 down.

Ian, Rich and me ended up in a club on the last night and were having a bit of a laugh when Chris
suddenly turned up saying that Rich needed to ring Elle urgently. His dad had had a pretty bad
accident on his motorbike and was in a critical condition. He was stabilising so we were all pretty
concerned about that.

We got up on the last day and had some breakfast and then headed to the airport. We got on the
plane and I watched a few films and read a little and again, the flight wasn’t too tough for me. I had
a bit of sleep but not too much.
Monday 31st Sep

We arrived back in London and I made my way back to Finsbury Park. It was a bank holiday so Jamie
and Sylvie were both at home. I got back and did a bit of work even though it was a bank holiday and
had a call with Gerrit.

I was thinking about staying up as long as I could and hopefully making it until 9pm before I went to
bed but exhaustion caught up on me and I went to bed at about 5pm. I woke up at about 2am and
had a chat with Joe who had just got in from work.

Tuesday 1st Sep

This was a complete wipe-out. Jamie woke me up to get some headphones from me at about 8am
but I didn’t wake up properly until about midday. I then had a little check of my emails before
drifting back to sleep until about 4pm. It reminded me of some of my university days where I just
used to lie in bed all day staring at the wall – what a waste!

I had a chat with Jim and discussed whether we had any decent meetings set up for Gerrit but we are
struggling to get anything in there.

I got up and had a bit of food and a bath and then went back to bed, had a little read and back to

Wednesday 2nd Sep

I was still feeling a bit out of kilter with jetlag but I got on with a fair bit of washing and cleaning up
my room. I also prepped a bit for my meetings with Gerrit.

I had some discussions with Joe about setting up a night at Punk and although he is theoretically up
for it, nothing seems to be transpiring. I had a bit of soup and then went to bed. I had a long Skype
conversation with Mac about his dad and his sister.

Thursday 3rd Sep

Jiame woke me up at 7:30am with a phonecall to thank me for his skateboard. I was pretty groggy so
I just told him that I’d have to talk about it later.

I got up and went down to the office. I rang Gerrit and 10am and somehow I’d got confused and was
supposed to be meeting him at 10am at King’s Cross so I rushed across and met him. We then went
for a meeting with Macmillan, which is part of the Holzbrinck Group somehow. We had a meeting
with a guy and a chat about sharing contacts but in reality, the meeting was a bit of a waste of time.
Gerrit was trying to get us to save money on our office by maybe moving to the Macmillan building. I
said that I had nothing against that in principle but that there was nothing like having your own space
when you are running a company. We looked at the area where all the other start-ups sat and
fortunately Gerrit wasn’t too impressed.

We then met up with The Guardian and had another unproductive meeting where he basically said
that we could work with GMG Radio or Manchester Evening Post and I agreed that I would make
contact with them.
We then went to the office and worked from there. Gerrit had a meeting with Markus and Jan and a
couple of other people via Skype and then he went off to meet Ryan Notz, the MD of MyBuilder
(MyHammer’s biggest competitor).

We then met up afterwards for something to eat at a place called Bodeans. I then went to The Social
to try and catch up with Joe but he wasn’t there.

I went back home and had a few beers with Jamie and then Joe came back so we had some drinks
with him and I ended up staying up until 3am.

Friday 4th Sep

I met up with Gerrit and we had a meeting with Northcliffe. Afterwards we went to Starbucks and
had a drink and went through some tasks that I needed to do.

I left him at about midday and decided to head straight up north so went straight to the train station.
I rang my mum to check that she would be in as I didn’t have a key.

I got a cab back to Barnsley and then chilled out. Louise came back and I had a chat with her for a bit
before going to bed.

Saturday 5th Sep

Louise was around and I just chilled out a bit and then met up with Nath at St Pierre to go through
some LetGen stuff. I got him back on track with the testing and he promised that he would get it
completed by Friday.

Sunday 6th Sep

I went to see Sally’s new house and Debbie was there with Maia and Jaime. We met them at Xscape
in Castleford. I took Jaime and Maia to the park and messed about with Jaime’s skateboard that I
had bought him It was looking pretty good.

Monday 7th Sep

I worked from Barnsley.

Tuesday 8th Sep

I got the train back to London.

Wednesday 9th Sep

Comedy 2.0 – it went well but didn’t have much crowd and I didn’t do a set except the intro. It was
embarrassing that around 80% of the crowd were there as a result of my Google advertising.

Thursday 10th Sep

Meeting with Comedy 2.0 boys. We discussed how we could go forward. I don’t know why but I am
cutting them a lot of slack and really I should just ditch them because I don’t really need them and I
don’t actually trust them to do anything that they say they are going to do. I understand that they
have ambition but ambition is nothing, it’s all about the application and at the moment Jo, Jay and
Pete don’t even seem to be aware of the work that goes on behind the scenes to make these nights a
success and the point is that I don’t want to have to teach them. I don’t feel that they are bringing
enough to the party.

Friday 11th Sep

Conversation with Gerrit. Went to Oxford with Nath and Rich. Went to Morse’s pub.

Saturday 12th Sep

My birthday! Drove some supercars. I drove a Lotus, Ferrari, Porsche, Subaru and had a hot lap.

Went into Oxford and played Aunt Sally. A couple of little girls came and got in the way.

I rang up Anais and asked her if she was coming to London. She said that she was and I asked her
when I would see her and she was a bit non-commital.

Watched some footy and then went for a Chinese. Nath went home.

Me and Rich went for some more drinks and then found an Indie club where we danced until dawn.

Sunday 13th Sep

Nath had left by the time we got up. We made our way back to London.

I was feeling pretty bad and had a tough time winding down and getting to sleep that evening and
had the twitchy post-bender arduous journey towards sleep.

Monday 14th Sep

I did quite a lot of work on putting together some screens for Northcliffe and getting doing some
analysis of our own job posting process compared to MyBuilder’s.

Tuesday 15th Sep

I had a conversation with Real Radio about integration opportunities and said that I would put
together a bit of a proposal for them.

Wednesday 16th Sep

I got an email from Anais telling me that she was in London

I went down to Beth’s comedy night to check it out. She’d done a good job. I then went to Punk to
see Joe and we discussed the meeting the next day. Pete and Jim were there and so were quite a
few familiar faces from the circuit. Jim was doing a fifteen minute set.

Thursday 17th Sep

Joe and I went to Punk. We secured a night in November. We then went and met one of Joe’s ex-
girlfriends and his mate Sirus. We ended up having a few beers and then going to a pub in Camden.
The pub was pretty near Pete’s place so I gave him a call but he wasn’t up for coming out.
I called Anais and spoke to her and again she didn’t seem to bothered about seeing me so I felt a bit
shit about that. I called her again a couple of times when I was drunk and didn’t get any answer or
call back so I was a bit frustrated and sad about that.

Friday 18th Sep

I got a call from Rich asking if I had his passport. He’d given me it during our track day in Oxford and
it was still in my folder. He needed it for some check at work so I agreed to meet him a lunch. It was
a battle getting down to meet him as I felt really spaced out from the night before and had the
horrible post-Redbull hangover.

We went to Ping Pong and then I came home. I had a bit of a kip and sent Little Jo a text asking if she
was gonna come to my birthday party. She sent me a message back saying she wasn’t able to but
that she had tickets for Ed Byrne that night and if I wanted to go. I was still feeling a bit shit but I
hadn’t heard anything from Anais and didn’t want to be moping around the flat all day thinking
about that and I didn’t want to call her again until she had got back to me, so I decided to go with Jo.

It was quite good fun and Ed Byrne was good (although not amazing). We then went back to mine
for a bit and I had some drinks with Jamie, Joe and Sylvie. Jamie and I went to Arsenal to pick up
Rachael who was on her way down to mine for my birthday.

Saturday 19th Sep

Jamie and I walked into Stoke Newington and had some food.

We then went to the bookies and I got a text from Anais saying that she had run out of battery and if
I wanted to contact her I should do it through that number. I sent her a text saying that a load of us
were going out to Borderline and inviting her to come along. I called her a bit later as well but did
not hear anything back.

I wore the jacket that I bought in China. It didn’t really look that great but I’d had it two years
without wearing it so thought I might as well wear it and look stupid on my birthday before throwing
it away.

We went down to The George near Borderline for and my birthday party started. I got a decent
crowd – Sylvie, Jamie, Rach, Weird, Martin + girlfriend, CMO, Felix, Chris, Amy, Rob Stroud, Heather
+2, Jo Curran, Jim, Camille + 1.

We had a few beers and then we went to Borderline and did all the things that we do at Borderline,
dancing to some Indie and all that. I could essentially go to Borderline on my own because I just
dance these days.

We then went home and had a kebab.

Sunday 20th Sep

I got up feeling shit. Weird had kipped in my bed so I got up and had a bath. Rachael was asleep on
the floor but after I got up she went and got into my bed with Weird.

I had a bath and then started making some breakfast. I ended up making poached eggs on toast for
I checked my emails to see what Anais had said about coming to London and she had said that she
would be in London until 22nd September so I thought I would still have an opportunity to see her but
later I sent a text to the number she had given me and I got a reply from the person who owned it
apologising and telling me that Anais had already gone back to France. I felt really bad about this. I
had been really looking forward to seeing her and now I felt rejected and worse than when she
actually left.

Me, Jamie and Joe watched the Man U v Man City game and it was a great game with Man U winning
4-3 with the winning goal coming in extra time after City had equalised in the 90th minute.

I then went to the cinema with Jamie, Weird and Sylvie to watch District 9 but couldn’t really
concentrate properly on it because I was sad about the Anais situation. It has really hit me harder
than I would have realised. I think it is a mixture of getting myself excited, her kind of making out
that she would see me but then not really putting any effort into making it happen and the fact that I
didn’t realise how much I liked her while she was here. I mean, I did realise I liked her a lot and tried
to get her to stay but she chose someone else and I had to deal with that at the time and was able to
get over it because I had other things to concentrate on such as Comedy 2.0, Edinburgh,
Motorbiking, Vegas and my birthday but now all those are gone I am really feeling the emptiness –
and writing this has actually made me shed a tear, which I’m having to hide from Jim who is sitting
next to me – so I’ll pull myself together, make a cup of tea and then revisit this later.

Monday 21st Sep

I came into the office and worked on putting together a UK review for Gerrit. I was feeling low, really
low. I was a pretty down about the whole Anais situation and the worst and most frustrating part
about it was the lack of feedback. It wasn’t like she had rejected me outright. She had made several
attempts to get in touch with me but never really followed through when I had contacted her. I
really wanted to see her and it wasn’t until this point that I realised how much I actually liked her. It
is like when she left the first time, it didn’t really sink in and until now I have been in some sort of
denial and it is only now that it has finally hit home and hit me hard.

I was also feely pretty ropey and my eyes were playing up and I had some floaters across my right
eye so I decided to take my contact lenses out and wear my glasses. I also bought some eye drops to

I had a chat with Richard Alexander and he told me he was off to the festival where producers meet
commissioners and that he was hopeful of getting some interest in the production of a comedy

Gerrit skyped me and asked if we could go through me UK review with Jim the next day.

I got home and was pretty exhausted so I kind of just went straight to bed and listened to some Inner
Talk and snoozed. Sylvie came and knocked on my door and asked me if I wanted to join her and
Jamie for some food but I declined.

I got up and had a fag and a chat with Jamie and then went to bed but right now I don’t really feel
like I can really talk to anyone about this situation. People don’t expect me to get down about this.

Tuesday 22nd Sep
We were supposed to have the call with Gerrit at about 10am but by 11am he had still not contacted
us. Jim was getting pretty edgy as he was booked to go into the studio but I told him that this was
part of the game and he couldn’t expect to just float off to the studio when the MD wanted to have a
call with us. He accepted this but was also a bit annoyed.

Gerrit called and we went through everything and it became clear that he is just trying to bullshit us
as much as he is trying to bullshit himself about the UK market. His suggestion for attracting
potential partners was to tell them that this is something that can add real value to their customers
and not really something that will make them much revenue. That’s great, that’s what everyone
wants to hear.

I wanted to get some feedback from Anais so I sent her an email, which admittedly was a bit weird
and a reworking of the opening line to Lolita ‘Anais, light of my life... etc’. I am up against that wall of
silence and I just wanted to convey somehow what I felt and realised that no matter what I wrote,
she would probably not reply and I had no chance of winning this game, so why not write something
intended as a bit of a gesture.

I got a call from my mum and had a bit of a chat with her. I couldn’t really tell her much as she was
asking how I was and I didn’t really have the energy to tell her anything enthusiastic about what was
going on and I also didn’t want to go into anything about how down I was feeling.

Anja and I had agreed ages ago that we would go out for my birthday so we met up at Wright Bros
for some Oysters and Champagne. I wasn’t really feeling that up to it but I thought I had better go. It
is always nice to hang out with Anja and we had a good chat. She was telling me that she wanted to
try a new job and we were trying to think up exactly what would be a good next move for her.

Wednesday 23rd September

I got up quite late. I didn’t have my mobile or my laptop so I didn’t have any means of ascertaining
what time it was until I went downstairs and checked the TV. It was about 11am by the time I went
downstairs so I had a quick shower and went into the office. I got on with some work and moped
around a bit and watched some episodes of The Office and did a bit of work.

I had a chat with Dale to see if

I went home and was feeling slightly feverous and went and had a lie down. Joe texted me to tell me
there was a comedy night on at Punk and that I should go down and do a recce. I really didn’t feel
like it but forced myself to go down and show my face and check it out. It wasn’t a great show and
they didn’t get a good crowd. I feel confident that we can beat that easily but beating that is not
really the goal. The goal is to completely storm the night.

I got the tube home and was still feeling a bit like I was on the edge of a fever so I texted Jim to tell
him that I would be working from home the next day.

Thursday 24th September

I got up and bought some frosted shreddies and some milk. Annoyingly the milk was sour so I went
and bought some more.
I had downloaded the Jeremy Irons version of Lolita so I sat in bed and watched that. It was quite
hard to watch.

Joe came and knocked on my door and offered me a cup of tea, which was my signal to go down and
talk to him about the night we were running. I went down and we covered a lot of stuff and Joe rang
Della and secured 14th October for us as well so October will be busy with 3 Comedy nights in 3
weeks and with the pressure of making a good showing for Punk.

Joe left for work at about 5 and I finished watching Lolita. I was still in a bit of a state and felt shit,
not just emotionally but physically and I guess spiritually too. I went and had a bath at about 7pm
and then went and started watching ‘The Wackness’ before giving Beth a call to get some feedback
about how thing’s are going for her. She seems to be doing really well and is very focused. Our
nights at Punk will be going directly head to head with her nights at The Social. We are competing
but it is friendly competition.

I’m still in a process of being a bit sly with the whole Comedy 2.0 thing. I don’t really see much of a
future for the five of us currently in 2.0 working as a unit for the long term and therefore I always
have the feeling that I don’t want to invest too much time into them as a group right now and my
feeling is that I don’t actually need them so why give them equity in the whole concept. To be
honest, I am not excited about working with them on the content side of things, so why should I prop
them up on the running of the night.

I was feeling a bit better and watched the end of ‘The Wackness’ and then went to sleep.

Friday 25th September

Early night.

Saturday 26th September

Joe had some people over.

Jim’s birthday.

Sunday 27th September

Joe’s people were still over.

Dale’s night.

Monday 28th September

Went into office. Went and met Joe in Whitechapel.

Tuesday 29th September

Flew to Berlin


Wednesday 30th September

Went to Flo’s. Footy and weed.

Beer with David.

Thursday 1st October

Meeting with new finance director.

Beer in pub near David.


Met guy who learnt The Bakery.

Went and played cash game.

Played pinball and had pizza.

Friday 2nd October

Lunch with Flo and Alex Wilke. Saw Jens.

Went back to David’s and had some whiskey. We then went out to meet some girls that David had
met recently. We got there and their body language was really off and we had an awkward half hour
with them before leaving and going to a party.

We got to the party and David knew a couple of guys. I’d met one of them before the last time I was
in Berlin. We hung around the party and I got pressured into having a bit of speed.

We went and hung out in one of the rooms where there were some girls floating around. There was
one that was really hot but David basically forced himself on her. I should have got involved but I
was feeling a bit out of it.

I got chatting to some people and had a cool time. I went and played a bit of piano with some
random guy.

We went off and got a crate of beers, which the krauts thought was really generous but at just €20
for 20 I didn’t think it was that generous. I was chatting to a girl who was alright but not amazing and
I was getting a bit bored and it was getting late so I tried to have a bit of a snog with her. She had a
boyfriend but we had a little snog and she invited me to visit her in Hamburg but I couldn’t be arsed
even pretending that I might.

A couple of other people were floating around me and trying to get my email address. The party
started dissipating at about 6am so me and David went over to his friends with some other girl who
had latched onto me. We got to his friends and it was just 2 guys sitting around and as it was 7:30am
I thought it was time to give it up. I didn’t really fancy this girl and she looked a little dehydrated but
I was wasted and thought I could give her a snog if she had some water and got herself rehydrated
but she refused. I walked her back to the station and on the way she snogged me and while snogging
me bit my tongue. I felt like retching when she was snogging me.

We got to the station and I suffered some racial abuse. Some Turkish guy started having a go at me
for being American/English. It was a bit of a shock and made me realise how difficult it must be to
suffer racial abuse as you feel bewildered, powerless and angry. He got on the train and we waited
for the next one.

I then got a taxi home and went to bed.

Saturday 3rd October

I was supposed to get up and see Zoe for breakfast but I overslepped. I then spent the rest of the day
watching shit German TV. David got up at about 7pm and we watched even more German TV and
got a takeaway. I had rearranged to meet Zoe for dinner at about 9pm but we somehow didn’t
communicate properly and it didn’t work out so we arranged to meet the next day for breakfast. I
had severe cabin fever and at 12pm just went to bed because I was so bored.

Sunday 4th October

I got up and went to see Zoe for breakfast. We had a chat about stuff and LetGen and everything.
We should be able to get LetGen into the next stage of development pretty soon. She also told me
about all the stuff that was going on with Vulevu and her consultancy firm in Poland.

I then walked down to Alexanderplatz. I thought about calling Tobo but didn’t have his number.

I got the train back to David’s and then chilled out a bit before getting a cab to the airport.

I had a chat with Baz on the phone while waiting for the flight.

I got back to London and luckily the Victoria line was working so that saved me a bit of hassle.

I got back to the flat and me and Jamie ordered in a curry.

Monday 5th October

I met up with Joe Deeney after work to organise Comedy 2.0 for Wednesday and come up with some
ideas for sketches. We went for a pint and came up with a couple of ideas. He was skint so I
obviously had to sort him out with the drinks.

Tuesday 6th October

E4 had started and Monday was not great but Tuesday picked up and we had 150 job posts.

Wednesday 7th October

We did Comedy 2.0. The first couple of acts went really well but it tailed off in the third. Our new
sketch didn’t go down well at all.

The majority of the crowd that were there came through Google and the fact that I am supporting
these guys is really starting to frustrate me now.

Thursday 8th October

I worked from home.

Friday 9th October
I went and had a haircut and then went into the office. I thought Jim was going to be there but he
had stayed at home.

I really fancied going for a pint after work but I couldn’t because I was going paintballing the
following day. I just went home, used some hair removal cream on my arse and had an early night.

Saturday 10th October

I got up early and made my way to the paintballing. It was a difficult journey as 6 of the tube lines
were closed. I got to the train station closest to the paintballing and followed some people who
seemed like they were also heading to paintballing but I got the wrong one. Luckily Rich, Winston
and Tom had also got the wrong one and were just driving to the right one as I arrived so I jumped in
Tom’s Porsche. It was quite funny as Tom didn’t instantly recognise me as I was getting in his care
but took it quite well.

There were about 450 people at the same paintballing event as us and we were split up into massive
teams of about 30 or 40. The teams were too big to make it an enjoyable game really although it was
still quite good fun.

There were some late-teens on our team and a couple of hotties but they weren’t really up for
interacting despite a few minor attempts.

After the paintballing we went for a few beers at Rich’s local. One of the guys there was from Latvia
and ended up bringing out some 65% proof home-made vodka. Rich and I struggled to down a
couple of shots.

I called Anja and she arrived shortly after but I was pretty drunk so it was good that she was only
swinging by before meeting one of her friends.

I was really wasted and somehow managed to make my way drunkenly back to the flat.

Sunday 11th October

I had a quiet day and watched some films and chilled out. I tried this new technique of putting an
elastic band around my toes and my heels so that my toes were held curled backwards and it worked
as a means of helping me relax.

Turner rang me up and told me that a German TV show was looking for someone in UK to go and ask
a politician a question in German, to get the reaction and compare it to Guido Westerwelle’s recent
refusal to answer a question because it was posed in English. He had recommended me and I told
him I was up for it.

Monday 12th October

I sent Gerrit a message with some analysis of the previous week’s E4 campaign and then he called me
up to discuss it. He gave me a brief outline of the business plan for the UK in 2010, which doesn’t
have any grounding in reality.

A guy from the ‘Heute Show’ rang me up and asked me if I was still up for acting as their reporter. I
told him that I was definitely interested so he told me that I would be going to ask a question to Alex
Salmond, Scotland’s first minister. They wanted me to ask in German whether he would welcome
Guido Westerwelle as Germany’s new foreign minister. He then asked me how much money I
wanted for doing it and I asked him how much he thought was appropriate. He suggested £300,
which was pretty good in light of the fact that I would have done it for free and just for the laugh.

I went home and rehearsed my questions. I was a bit nervous but really excited about doing
something a bit different for a change.

I was supposed to wear a suit so I got everything ready and Sylvie made me some tea.

Tuesday 13th October

I got up and got ready, including having a shave, and went down to meet the guys from ZDF. They
were based really close to Westminster and I was running a little late so as soon as I got there we had
to basically jump in a cab and head to the press conference.

I did a little piece to camera to introduce everything and a few of the other journalists seemed a bit
surprised that we had arrived with two cameras and a sound engineer. I was nervous as I wasn’t sure
how everyone would react to a joke question and I was worried that I would fluff my line in German.
I was sitting next to a woman from the Scotsman and she seemed to think it was quite funny.

I listened to Alex Salmond’s speech and then the questions began. After a while I thought that I
wouldn’t get an opportunity to ask a question as the guy running the press conference didn’t seem to
notice me and we were running out of time so I had to try and make myself seen. Luckily he gave me
a turn and the spotlight was on me. I stood up and asked my question. Alex Salmond looked at me
blankly and then the guy running the press conference looked at me and said ‘that question was in
German, I can translate if you want’. This had not been part of the plan and Alex just answered quite
calmly. After a few more questions the guy running the conference got the point of my question and
said ‘Ah, Westerwelle just refused a question in English so you were seeing our reaction to a question
in German and it seems we passed your test’. This was good as it gave us some depth to the
question. I then had a little mini-interview with Alex Salmond afterwards to get his reaction.

I got a comped cab home and I was buzzing. It was great to be out doing something unique and
interesting again.

In the evening me and Jamie went to Ikea to get some stools and then took them down to Punk. It
was quite a long journey and highlighted how much of a ball ache it is to get around London.

Wednesday 14th October

We had our first Comedy 2.0 night at Punk this evening. I went into the office to get a box for our
Se7en sketch.

Joe Curran called me up and asked me what time I’d be able to make it down to Punk and I told him
about 5pm-ish. He had a little moan at me saying that the earlier I got there the better and that he’d
be down for about 4pm.

I got down to Punk for just after 5pm and Joe was not there and did not actually arrive until 6:30pm.
I was pretty pissed off but there was no point going into it there as it would only put a downer on the
I went over to The Social to pick up the flyers that they’d printed for us. They were really shit and
had just been printed on normal A4 and cut out and they’d only done about 200 for us.

The rest of the boys arrived and we needed to construct the stools. They all seemed a bit lacking in
motivation to do this, which annoyed me quite a lot as these tools were gonna help create a great
atmosphere for the space.

The place got set up and looked pretty good and people started to arrive. In the end we got around
120 people in to watch the comedy. I hadn’t really prepared any material so I just got up and did a
bit of an introduction, chatted to the crowd a bit and then told them about interviewing Alex
Salmond. It went alright but not amazingly well.

The acts we got down were great and everyone really enjoyed Patrick Monahan. Our sketches
pretty much bombed. The bastards behind the bar were chucking bottles into the bin, which was
really distracting especially as we had no microphone.

The crowd started getting restless later on and by Jay’s final bit, it was clear that they’d had enough.
Pete’s bit was pretty much a disaster.

Martin came down and it was good to see him again. He was with some chick who later turned out
to be a fairly famous German presenter.

We were a bit worried because we didn’t take that much at the bar during the Comedy even though
we had 120 people in.

The night afterwards, ‘Gypsy Roadblock’ was a bit of a disaster and we didn’t get that many people in
and by the end of the night we’d only taken £1.8K at the bar (I would have like to have been nearer
£4K). The DJ, James Batsford, was really good though and we did end up taking about £200 on the
door so it is something to build on. I know that we didn’t really plan the night after enough this time.

I am getting more and more frustrated with working with the other guys. You have to make that call
as to whether you want to invest time in making them better or cutting your losses and right now I
would rather cut my losses as I feel no real friendship or bond with them.

After Gpysy Roadblock we went to another bar with James Batsford and I got in and didn’t really
fancy it so I wandered off on my own. I got a bus and fell asleep on it and ended up at Aldgate East
at 4am. I walked over to Liverpool Street and got a cab.

Thursday 15th October

I worked from home all day and then I went out to meet Joe Davies for a game of pool down at
Elbow Rooms. We played for an hour and had a couple of beers and a chat. It was nice to hang out
with someone that you don’t really know that well and just have a low pressure chat and some
beers. I told him that he could play our next event.

I got back and Jim was playing at T-Bird so I went over and watched him and had a few beers. There
was also this 16-year-old kid on who was really good so I had my picture taken with him.

Friday 16th October
Me and Jamie went out for dinner at some Vietnamese place on Blackstock Road and then went for a
few beers at The Bank Of Friendship with Jamie’s brother-in-law James.

We came back home and watched a bit of TV.

Saturday 17th October

Jamie and I were spending the day together. We had initial ideas of getting out of town but had not
come up with any ideas about what to do by 1pm so it seemed that wasn’t gonna happen. We
ended up just getting on the bus and seeing what happened. The bus was on some strange diversion
so we got off and walked to Holborn and carried on walking from there. We ended up going to St
Paul’s Cathedral and having a look around there. I’d never been before and Jamie had only been
when he was about three and as I said to Jamie ‘It’s good to get the visiting St Paul’s monkey off your

We then went off to find something to eat and ended up in Borough Market where I had some
Oysters and a burger.

We were feeling a bit knackered after that so headed back towards Finsbury Park, got off at
Caledonian Road and then walked to Upper Street and had a shandy.

We got back and Sylvie was clearly in a bit of a mood and was moaning about stupid stuff like leaving
the bathroom light on. This made my mind up about going out with Martin so I headed out and went
down to his place. Hardy, Mo and some other guy was also there.

We ended up at some German party and Hardy, Martin and the other guy were wearing Lederhosen.

It was quite a good laugh and Martin ended up pulling some chick and I think Hardy did too. I wasn’t
really getting into it too much and headed off on my own around 2am.

Sunday 18th October

I spent most of the day chilling out on my own watching TV and sorting out my room and doing some
ironing. I watched a bit of The Wire and listened to some 60s tunes.

Monday 19th October

I worked from home and Sylvie was in. The house was freezing so I hung out in my room with the
heater on. The constant battle for an acceptable level of warmth will now begin. My room is pretty
open to the elements and Jamie and Sylvie are ueber-environmentalist freaks so they always turn the
heating off. I personally think this is not having as much of a benefit as they think as to maintain a
constant heat might be as efficient as turning the heating on and off and having to heat the house
completely each time from scratch.

I tried to do a bit of work but didn’t end up doing much.

I did some skipping and some sit-ups to try as part of a new period of getting in shape.

Jamie came and asked me if I wanted some food and I said yes but he’d already made it so there
wasn’t actually any for me so I made myself some pasta. I was gonna put some mayonnaise on it but
Sylvie had only bough light mayonnaise – shit, my life is boring when I’m moaning about this!
Tuesday 20th October

I woke up and was in two minds whether or not to go to the office or not and then Jim called me and
asked me to bring some milk if I was going to go in, which swung it for me so I got dressed and went

I bought some seeds from Planet Organic and had them for breakfast.

A few books had arrived that I’d ordered from Amazon and I ended up giving one to Jim as a birthday
present as I’d not got him anything for his 30th.

Me and Jim went through some ideas for a new TV spot and I basically told him he had carte blanche
to do what he wanted but to not try and get too creative – just stick to the basics and produce a
standard, decent spot. Jim sometimes likes to go off on one but at this point with MyHammer, the
only thing to do is play things pretty straight.

I went and got some lunch from M&S and bought in some vegetables to have for my tea. I decided
to eat some detox-style food.

I got home and did some skipping, making it a couple of days in a row.

Jamie came back and wanted me to make him some tea so we ended up going up to Tesco and
getting all the ingredients for my pasta and pesto dish, which I then cooked for him.

Wednesday 21st October

I woke up feeling a bit rubbish and then went down and several blasts of diarrhoea.

I chilled out in bed and got on with a bit of work. I couldn’t stomach much to eat so I just had a
yoghurt for breakfast and then had a little nap around lunchtime.

I was worried that we might not have a microphone for the evening so I gave Dale a call and he told
me that there was one at Queen’s Head. Normally if he had said no, I’d have been in solution
overdrive but this time I knew that the other guys would be completely unable to solve such an issue
without me and I had no motivation to cover their arses on this one.

I got to Queen’s Head at about 6:30pm and Pete and Joe were already there. I got the microphone
working and sorted out the curtain behind the stage area. Jim was joking about how the venue
seemed to get smaller every time he came but I really like the venue.

We finalised the running order and Jim didn’t want to compere so I did the intro. I tried this new
thing where you jump up and down and make a musical note noise and teach the audience to change
tone as you jump from left to right – they normally pick it up after two notes. This went down really
well but I was surprisingly knackered after and couldn’t really do my set properly to begin with as I
was out of breath. I reprieved my set from Edinburgh and it went down ok but as I hadn’t said it
since then, it wasn’t as polished as it could have been.
Baz was down and I’d convinced him to do a set and he’d managed to get Rich, Ian, Dave (plus wife)
and Adam down. His set went really well for a first go and he had some good stage presence and
delivery even though his content wasn’t amazing.

We did some improv and it went pretty well but I got stuck with a guy who was racist against
Scandinavians and I wasn’t too pleased with my performance.

Joe Davies came down and stormed it.

Afterwards I had a chat with Jim and told him my frustrations with propping up the other guys in
Comedy 2.0. We had an audience of around 40-50 for this show of which exactly 0 were attributable
to Jim, Joe or Pete and I find this embarrassing. They bring me down on every level and I have no
trust in their abilities from an organisational level or a performance level. Jim knew where I was
coming from and I would continue to work with him but he has the difficulty of being closer friends
with them – but I’m ready to move on from them now.

I then went to Punk for a beer with Baz and he was impressed that we got in for free and got a
couple of free beers and sat in the VIP bit. We saw Joe and we had a chat about the night. It wasn’t
really as full as our night the previous week and they took less on the bar so Joe is going to talk to
Della about us getting it more frequently.

Me and Baz then had a McDonalds and got the bus home.

Thursday 22nd October

I got up and hung around with Baz for a bit before he headed off to work. I worked from home.

I got a call from Jim but we didn’t really make any progress. He was trying to get me to give the
other guys a chance and to better clarify what was expected of them but I don’t really want to be in a
situation to teach these guys anything so I am sure now that I need to move forward without them.

I went out bowling with Martin Randolph, CMO and Flo Richter, who has just moved back to London
to work at Postal Gold. They also brought a few other guys with them. The standard of bowling was
pretty crap and nobody was up for gambling but it was good fun.

Friday 23rd October

I worked from home and then in the evening went out to see Jim play at Ryan’s bar. Heike was there
with a few of her colleagues from Quidco. Jim bigged me up for writing the lyrics to ‘Hand In Mine’.
It was quite a good laugh and it was nice to meet some new people. We all got a taxi home and
when I got back Joe was there so we had a few beers together and a chat.

Saturday 24th October

I got up quite late chilled around the house. Jamie arrived back from spending a couple of days in
Sweden and I ended up making him and Joe some pork chops for lunch.

We went out for a pint in the evening to The Bank Of Friendship and then went down to see Joe at a
new hostel he is working at called ‘The Clink’. We managed to get in by me describing Joe by doing a
strange mime of some antlers with my hands to try and convey his new haircut and amazingly, and to
Jamie’s amusement, this worked.
We had a few beers and hung around and then Joe finished work and we headed over to this party
where Timo was. The party was in a really cool location with a few secret rooms, a punch bag and a
guy started playing the piano. He was taking requests and could pretty much play anything and it
turned into a bit of an old fashioned knees up.

We then got a taxi home, finished off our stuff and went to bed.

Sunday 25th October

I got up and watched a bit of The Wire and then went down and had some breakfast. I hate the
whole Sunday thing where everyone is hanging around and there is a constant air of wondering what
to do. I decided that as I had nothing on this week I would head back up north to get out of London
for a bit. I went and got on the train and headed home.

I got home and jumped in my car to go and get a KFC. I drove passed my aunty Penny’s house and
spotted Chris in there so I went in for a chat. I then drove round a bit but all the drive-through places
were too full for my liking so I ended up just going to M&S at Wooley Edge services and getting a

I came home and had a long chat with Dale. We were just catching up and discussing how we were
going to move forward with our various projects.

I finished watching The Wire and I was quite disappointed with it. It has had so much hype but really
I didn’t enjoy it that much.

Looking over my entries I can see a marked change from elaboration towards just putting in the basic
information. I think this is a reflection of my current state of mind in that I am drifting further and
further towards a state of abject apathy. There isn’t much going on in my life that fills me with any
strong emotion. I feel more and more like a passive observer of things happening around me rather
than an active participant in my own life. I still miss Anais and I guess the reason I didn’t feel it so
much straight after she left was that I didn’t really realise she was gone. It was only when she came
to London and snubbed me that I actually realised that she was completely out of my life – and it
happened in such a shit way that it was difficult to come to terms with it.

I know that I am not happy in my job. I know that I need to leave it so what is really stopping me.
Only inertia I guess but I need to break out.

Monday 26th October

I woke up and had a cup of tea and then made some toast on the grill because I couldn’t find the
toaster in the new kitchen.

I had a call from a guy called Mani Gill who was looking for a new VP of Marketing at a company
called BetNow (I had met their previous VP of Marketing earlier in the year). He asked me if I was
interested and I told him that I wasn’t right now but that I would have a think and see if there was
anyone that sprung to mind who would be a good fit for the job. It would be a nice opportunity but I
just can’t commit to something like that right now. I need some time out and an opportunity to
reconnect with myself.
I float around all day and look at the stats and deal with things that come through for MyHammer
but nothing really does. There are no decisions to make, there are no plans to make. Everything will
move along at its own painfully slow pace at the mercy of the German team, which is lead and
implemented by people that I don’t feel are good at their job nor do I feel are getting better at what
they do.

Zoe informed me that they were starting on LetGen again.

I finished reading a book called ’59 Seconds’, which was quite an interesting self-help book that
prided itself on only working with scientifically proven methods for enhancing your life quickly.

I started reading a new novel called The Glass Room.

I went to bed quite early and did some relaxation techniques. I’ve been doing this thing with elastic
bands where I place them around my heel and my toes to pull my toes back towards my legs and
stretch the souls of my feet. It seems to be quite a good technique that fits in with reflexology, brush
therapy and foot massage.

Tuesday 27th October

I received an email from London Arts College as I’d submitted a job description there for people to
help us with the promotion of Gypsy Roadblock. They wanted to know if we would pay minimum
wage if the commission earned didn’t cover their hours so I replied that I would, even though it will
not really work like this as they will not actually work any hours.

I had a chat with Jim and told him I was up in Barnsley. We discussed everything about MyHammer
and got up to speed.

I spoke to Joe Curran about some other Gypsy Roadblock stuff and he seemed pretty spaced out on
the phone but he did say that he had forwarded the flyers to Della and that we would have them
printed out on time and that this time he would definitely organise some people to do the flyering.

My mum’s friend came round with her grandkids. They were three and six and pretty cute and I got
the little three year-old girl to do some drawing and the six year-old boy to do some maths puzzles. I
tricked him into learning some algebra. My poor mum is desperate for some grandchildren.

I got a call from Gerrit saying that he had managed to get a budget approved by the board for the
next year in UK that would see a £30K marketing spend in offline and £80K in online. The £80K is a
completely unrealistic spend and I have explained this several times but he has chosen not to accept
this. I then had a call with Daniel Pahl and we discussed how we could spend this and he agreed that
there was no way that we could achieve the results that Gerrit had outlined in his business plan.

I then drove to Meadowhall to get some food, some shaving equipment and some form of top to
wear because it is pretty cold around the house. I also treated myself to an electric toothbrush. My
teeth have been annoying me lately and I would like to get them fixed but I have no idea how to go
about that process or what it would entail.

I came back and got a KFC on the way. I was also involved in a mini-police-escort as I was behind a
Man U supporters bus that was being escorted to the Barnsley v Man U league cup game and this
meant that I got to go through a few red lights.
I came home and watched a bit of TV with my mum. It was a about a couple who were building a
house in Spain overlooking a lake and were just making it up as they went along. They were pretty
mental but at least they were doing something.

Wednesday 28th October

I got up and received a message from Gerrit saying that he wanted to have a meeting at around 1:30
to discuss how we proceed with the UK. I made my mind up in the morning that I’d had enough of
MyHammer. It is definitely time to go. I’m sure that if I look back over this journal I will probably
kick myself for not having left sooner. I mean, it has provided me with a good income but that is not
enough. I have always told myself that I would never become a wage slave and I managed to get
myself sucked in. Well now is the time to go.

Gerrit called me and I told him that I wanted to leave. He was pretty pissed off but that is something
that he will just have to deal with. I don’t really rate Gerrit on any level so I don’t feel that I should
worry too much about causing him some mild inconvenience.

I then called Jim and told him and he was a bit shocked but knew that it would happen at some
stage. I told him that Gerrit would call him for a chat about it.

I read a bit of the novel I am reading and gave Nath a call to see if he was up for going out at all. He
gave me a little sob story about how his company is having some financial difficulties at the moment
and they are struggling to keep it afloat but he said that he might end up going out for some beers.

I spoke to Jim a little later and he told me that Gerrit had spoken to him and told him pretty much
the same spiel that he’d told me and that he was looking to get a couple of extra people to come and
work with him in the UK. Unfortunately for Jim, this is the last thing he wants because he will not
then be able to spend as much time on his music.

I felt a bit itchy at about 5pm so I decided to go for a drive. I drove up towards High Hoyland,
through into Clayton West and up to Wakey. I got a call from Nath saying he was up for going out
and that Kim would pick me up and then Gilly would pick us up from his house.

Kim picked me up and we set off but I’d forgotten my wallet so we had to nip back and get it. We
had a nice little chat along the way. I got to Nath’s and then had a little play with Kiera while we
were waiting for Gilly to pick us up.

We then went to pockets and had a few beers and a chat before heading home in a taxi.

So, I have made my decision to leave and my horoscope is somewhat apt today as I write this on
Thursday 29th October (I don’t normally read them but they are part of my Daily Express reading
routine when I am home):

That yoke you’ve been carrying on your shoulders is at last being lifted off you. Today you will come
to realise that its time to make a fresh start and begin shaping your future destiny. The heavens are
supporting your plans and clearing away the obstacles in your path.

This is what I have been building towards for a long time. I have a certain amount of financial
independence, which will give me the things that I have craved all along, time and freedom. It is a
little bit scary but it is also exciting and empowering. I am in a position to really decide where I want
to go in life and what I want to do and I will not waste this opportunity.

Thursday 29th October

I have been feeling a bit more liberated since making the decision to quit. I feel like a part of me is
re-emerging, like I am starting to emerge from a long hibernation.

I got up and pottered around doing a bit of work. I did some meditation.

I had a bit of an afternoon nap and then got a craving for a hot chocolate so I drove to Wooley Edge
services to get one and then had a little drive around. I really enjoy my driving around, especially as I
don’t have my car down in London.

I downloaded a couple of films and watched them in the evening. I watched Fish Tank, which I found
really good and then Lost In Translation, which I thought was ok but didn’t think was amazing.

I then went to sleep listening to some Inner Talk stuff.

Friday 30th October

I pottered around the house most of the day and got on with some work. I have a job that I find very
easy and also a job that I find I cannot do to an optimal level due to the fact that my hands are tied
by the unseen, unaccountable forces of Germany. I feel that the whole company is not being built on
the correct foundations. The talk coming from the development team is that they are building a
more robust, scalable technical solution and that is great but development always represents a black
hole where they don’t believe that people will understand the complexities of what they are doing so
they tend to just fob you off with techno-babble that actually amounts to nothing more than
excuses. I believe that everything should be assumed, planned, predicted, executed and audited and
that once this process is in place there is an accountability and clarity that leads to a rapid learning
curve and a greater satisfaction in understanding the value of your actions. This is not happening at
MyHammer and I don’t think that it has a chance of happening anytime soon.

We got the next update back for LetGen so that is something that I will need to go through.

I had a chat with Pete about Wednesday night. This time it is just me and Pete but the boys will all be
back for Punk. I don’t really care that much anymore as I am in wind down mode for Comedy 2.0 and
have one eye on the future of a night that is all my own.

I went to Meadowhall with my mum and we did some shopping and I bought her a belated birthday
present of some hair straighteners (that you can use on wet hair) and I got myself a new hat. I’m
struggling to come to terms with a new notion of my own attractiveness and as I walked around
Meadowhall I couldn’t really gauge where I fitted in the scheme of things. I got myself some
absorbable calcium, some moisturiser and a face mask as a means of helping me increase my

I came home and then my mum dropped me off in pockets for a night out with Lee, Gilly, Eddie and
Nath. We played a bit of pool and then some darts. I ended up losing the darts, which meant I had
to down a double of cheap whiskey. A bit of it came straight back up and I had to quickly rush to the
toilet to spit it out but it wasn’t the whole amount and it didn’t lead to a full on barf. I really enjoyed
it and it makes a change to the annoyance of travelling around London on a night out, which always
seems to take forever. Here, you can meet up with your friends who live miles away without any
problem and just jump in a cab home without having to pay extortionate fees or an eternity in a cab.

Saturday 31st October


There wasn’t much Halloweeny about Halloween for me this year. I used to love Halloween and also
Bonfire Night. They were nights that brought with them excitement and I guess a mild bit of
adventure. It seems laughable now that I would find excitement and adventure in these but when I
was growing up I lead an extremely boring life with little going on in a suburb of a small town with
parents who worked long hours, a sister who moved out when I was nine and surrounded by people
who didn’t see that they could create their own magic beyond the mundane of their everyday lives.
People who didn’t feel potent enough to manufacture their own destiny but seemed forever trapped
and reliant on opportunity from others. I could so easily have fallen into that hole of impotence,
waiting for approval, for promotion, for the world to give me my turn. That pace of life is so slow and
I will always be thankful for having been thrust into the world of the German entrepreneurial set who
were so incessantly focused on making their own things happen. So Halloween and other little things
like that were always a refreshing break from the unending monotony of my existence and I always
look back on them with affection.

I woke up and was pretty hung over but in a way that was a bit more manageable than usual and I
think this is a reflection of being a little bit fitter and also having eased off the fags.

I spent a bit of time listening to some classical music and reading. I have a sense that I have been
starved of art and culture for quite some time and also a lack of desire to experience it. MyHammer
has sucked a lot of the energy out of me and turned me into someone that I don’t really like and
don’t want to be. I can see the effects of reading, listening to music and watching films already and it
is reflected in a greater sense of self in life, a greater fluency in my speaking and a greater amount of
expression already on these pages. I lost the magic and I want it back.

I was thinking about going round to Gilly’s but then Sally came round and wanted me to go to the
cinema with her. We went to a new Chinese restaurant in Wakefield and then went to see UP in 3D.
This was the first time I’d seen a film in 3D and it was actually really good although you kind of need
the screen to take over your entire field of view or the illusion breaks down too rapidly.

Sunday 1st November

I got up and watched Moon, which was a film that Jamie had recommended for me. I really enjoyed

I then spent the day reading and sorted out my accounts for Jack & Danny Ltd for 2008/2009, which
wasn’t as much of a bind as I had thought it would be. I still have a couple of things to do on it but
the bulk has been done.

I had a little Skype with Heike about the LetGen thing and it is a bit buggy but it is in that period
where it is very close to being ready and that is annoying because there are always little things that
need doing to get it to the standard required for launch.
I had a little nap and then got back up and sorted out some more stuff, worked on a bit more LetGen
stuff and sent an email to a girl who had responded to my advert about helping promote Gypsy

I then spent a bit of time looking at LetGen to give some feedback to Zoe, had a bath and then went
to bed.

Monday 2nd November

I recommended Nath as a potential eighth man in the 2010 bar Olympics and he got an ok from Innes
on the proviso that Ben couldn’t make it.

I sent Nath the latest version of LetGen so that he could start going through it and polishing up the
letters in terms of wording and formatting. He said that he’d be able to get it pretty much done by
the end of the week but that remains to be seen. He thanked me for not hassling him about the
money and that he’d be able to get that to me before Xmas but again, that remains to be seen.

We’d begun some TV advertising on E4 again and I had a check to see what the results were looking
like and by 11am we’d already had 30 job posts. I contacted Daniel Pahl to see if this was due to any
increase in Google budget and he said that it wasn’t so it looked like TV was doing really well and we
ended the day with over 130 job posts.

I put together a new email for Free London Comedy so as to get some bums on seats for
Wednesday’s show and also followed up on the email that I’d sent out the previous day requesting
acts. I was more successful than I’d expected and ended up with most of the people who were
available saying that they would do the night.

I went out for my lunchtime drive to get some sandwiches and a hot chocolate from Woolley Edge

I had a little nap in the early evening for an hour and Denzil tried to lie on my chest while I was asleep
but soon realised that this wasn’t gonna work.

My mum came back and so I sorted all my stuff out and got myself ready, had some food and then
she drove me to the train station. I arrived just as the train was pulling in and jogged to the end of
the carriage. I wasn’t going to get on if there weren’t any seats because there was another train
supposedly arriving shortly after but the whistle blew and I thought that I might as well risk it so I
jumped on and found that there were loads of empty seats further down the train.

I finished reading my book, The Glass Room on the train. I’d intended to watch a film but ended up
ploughing through the book. I didn’t think that it was amazing but they did mention Janáček and a
German myth of Ondine. This got me interested in listening to them and made me realise that for
me, I cannot really enjoy art without context. I need some sort of backdrop, some connection with
the art, the artist or what the art is trying to convey to really appreciate it – maybe that’s the point.

The story of Ondine is interesting as that is about a man who has a curse that as soon as he sleeps he
will die and this fits in with my idea of how the story of Lytton’s Lament (Russian roulette with buns)
would work so that could add a bit of depth to it.
I got home and the house was empty and then Jamie arrived home from babysitting at his sister’s.
We had a little chat and then I went to bed and listened to a piano piece by Ravel called Ondine and
then went to sleep listening to a Janáček opera.

Tuesday 3rd November

I got up and came into the office. Jim wasn’t there but we spoke on Skype and he told me that he’d
come in around 12ish and that we could go together to our meeting with Richard Lucas, from GMG’s
digital strategy department.

We got the bus down to Angel and then the tube to Euston and met him in a Cafe Nero outside. It
was the same old story of chatting about possibilities without too many specifics but we did agree
that he’d send over a proposal about how we could do some promotional activity together on Real
Radio in the North West.

We then went to Pizza Express before getting on a bus back to Angel but it booted everyone off at
King’s Cross so we got the tube from there.

It was about 3pm before we got back into the office and then Jim went off for his singing lesson.
He’s not gonna be able to do much more of those during work time if they get some new people in
the UK office.

I walked home after work and got some bread and tuna to make a few sandwiches for me and Jamie
before going bowling.

Tim arrived and we headed off together to Rowans and had about six games of bowling and I sank a
fair few Guinness. I didn’t bowl too well and wasn’t really feeling it.

I grabbed a chicken donna wrap on the way back and then when I got back to the flat Jamie told me
that his sister Jo and her husband were going to move out of their house and that Jamie and Sylvie
were going to move into it and buy a quarter each. This actually came as quite a bit of a shock to me
but I guess it makes sense and I told him that I thought it was a positive move forward for him. I’m
not sure what he will want to do with his house on Blackstock Road but it could be a positive move
forward for me too if I have to move on from there because to be honest, it has always been in the
back of my mine and it is not the most ideal of places to live.

Wednesday 4th November

I woke up feeling pretty sluggish and a bit gassy in the way that you can after a night on the

I went into the office and sorted out my accounts and posted them over to Dayne.

I spoke with Michael Michael about filming next week and there wasn’t too much to discuss as it
should take care of itself. I am a little worried at the moment that the acts that we have at the
moment will not be that up for being filmed so I’ll have to strike a bit of a balance there and make
sure that we do get some acts down who are interested in being filmed.

We went out for lunch to S&M and I had an all day breakfast. We then went to Ryman’s so Jim could
buy some envelopes and I could buy some CDs. I wanted to burn some music to play before Comedy
2.0 and I have always thought that some good pre-show music would be retro TV themes so I wanted
to do that.

We came back to the office and I sorted out the CDs. Jim and I cleared away all the peripheral stuff
in the office and put the dartboard away in preparation for the arrival of Gerrit the next day. We’re
both pretty sure that he wouldn’t mind if we had a dartboard up but also there’s no real point having
it there if we don’t need to.

I went down to The Social and got ready for the comedy night. Joe was working and it is always
much easier when Joe is there as he sets everything up much more effectively. Pete arrived and we
walked down to Punk to pick up some stools but when we got there, there was some sort of charity
event going on and we couldn’t pick them up. Della was quite apologetic about it but we didn’t really

Comedy 2.0 itself was an unmitigated disaster. We had virtually no audience and the audience that
we had, although they were very nice and smiley, were not very loud and this fact can sap all the
confidence out of a comedian. We had some pretty good acts on and I felt really bad that we had let
them down by not providing them with a quality audience. I tried to do my jumping up and down
thing but nobody picked up on what I was doing. I also did a couple of bits of material but ended up
not really structuring it properly. This is another example of how you cannot hope to just get up and
do some material without taking the time and effort to really polish it up.

One of the guys was openly dissing the night on stage and I thought that was really bad form but
then again, I have to look at it from his perspective and he must have felt that it was a bit of a waste
of time.

This left me on a bit of a low and afterwards I had a chat with Pete and told him that after the end of
the year I will no longer be continuing with Comedy 2.0 and that I was happy for them to take over
The Social and the night.

Afterwards I was a bit drunk so I hung out downstairs in The Social waiting for Joe to finish up. I put
on some tunes and did a bit of dancing and singing on stage and pretending to be a rock star. My
singing is absolutely shockingly bad.

Joe and I then hooked up with a couple of dudes that he knew from somewhere and then went down
to Punk for a couple of drinks. I was pretty wasted and was essentially just propping up the bar and
checking out some of the hotties that were floating around.

Joe and I then got a cab home and I made us both a tuna sandwich before heading off to bed.

I need to find some form of direction to take the comedy because at the moment I am in a bit of a
static limbo but I do know that the guys I am doing it with are not the right people to work with to
take it further.

This is kind of how I am feeling about life in general at the moment and feel that I am at a bit of a
nadir in my life. I am not sure what direction to take my life and I feel flat and listless but I do know
that in my life, the people I am metaphorically working with are not the rate people to take my in a
direction that I will ultimately find fulfilling or satisfying. I have an air of sadness about me but I don’t
even have the comfort of depression looming in the background to envelope me. Depression was a
good friend that you could always defer to as a get out clause but at the moment I am too self-aware
and logical to be able to give myself to that emotion. I guess I just need to find some form of
inspiration from somewhere.

Thursday 5th November

I was feeling a little pickled when I woke up but I can see a big difference not that I’ve cut out the
fags because I don’t feel as bad or like my body needs to do as much to recover.

I went down into the office and me and Jim were getting ready for the arrival of Gerrit. He Skyped
Jim at about 10am and told him that he’d been in the office about midday.

He came in and it was alright really. He was in his usual bullish evangelical mode about the potential
of MyHammer and took us through another presentation that he’d done for the board. I know that
MyHammer will grow and be a solid business but also realise that my position within that growth, my
influence on how it progresses will be minimal.

We went for a bit of lunch at a Thai place and Gerrit was asking me what I was going to do next. It is
quite strange for people to understand that I am in a position where I want to take some real time
out and truly consider my options.

Gerrit left after lunch to go to some sort of charity do for one of his friends. After this meeting and
my resolve in the face of the opportunities at MyHammer it started to sink in more that I am truly
leaving MyHammer and staring into an abyss of pure probability and total uncertainty, which is quite
disconcerting but is also the right thing to do. I skyped Mac that I would miss MyHammer and
likened it to a destructive relationship in which you can still miss the person even though you know
that the right thing to do is break up. I could continue to float along with the MyHammer parachute
guiding me comfortable towards the ground but I would never forgive myself for this – I need to cut
the strings, pull my own chord and see what the hell comes out of my backpack – and if there is
nothing there and I hurtle towards my metaphorical death then so be it and at least I should
experience a few moments of exhilaration before hitting the ground.

Dale told me that he was doing a language exchange that night with what he was billing as some
really hot Spanish chicks and as Martin had emailed me to see if I wanted to go for few beers that
evening, I thought I’d combine the two. I went down to the MoneyBookers office where they were
having their regular Thursday evening ‘Chips & Beer’, which turned out not to be the chips that I’d
been expecting but actually some prawn crackers. I had a bit of banter with some of the
MoneyBookers staff and then Martin, Ralph Wenzel, Nikki, Octave and me jumped into a taxi and
headed up towards Piccadilly. We had a bit of banter and it was good fun to just be hanging out and
whereas before I’ve felt a bit zombified in general, now I feel like I am waking up a little bit and part
of my personality is re-emerging.

We arrived at The Queen’s Head and went upstairs but the language exchange wasn’t exactly as I’d
envisaged and although the girls were quite sexy there were only three of them and the only two
other people there were Dale and Jay Foreman. Dale told us he needed some time to finish up his
lesson but really didn’t like the invasion of Martin and Ralph into the scene (Nikki and Octave were
downstairs smoking). We decided to head off up into Soho to a bar that Martin had been to before
and had enjoyed called The Warwick (I’ve actually been there before a couple of times). We had
some beers and got chatting to a group of girls who were out on a birthday night out and they gave
us a bit of cake and Octave actually ended up a nice cute little one of them. Martin, Ralph, Nikki and
me then went downstairs but nothing was really happening and they were winding down to go home
so I said goodbye headed back to see Dale.

I had some fun with the Spanish chicks and one of them was actually pretty fit but didn’t take my
breath away. I had a chat with Jay about Comedy 2.0 and he was still pretty enthusiastic about it but
enthusiasm only goes so far and what is required now is execution and Jay doesn’t really have it in
him to do all the operational stuff that is needed to put together a big night. He sang me one of his
new songs that was pretty good.

Everyone was ready to go home so then me and Dale went for a beer at a place where one of his
former students worked and she gave us a couple of free beers. Dale and I were having a good old
drunken deep chat and the girl who worked at the bar was a pretty nice Turkish girl.

We then got the bus home and Dale came in for a bit of toast. Jamie was up but just getting ready
for bed so he had a little chat with Dale before going to bed. We then continued our chat but I have
no idea what sort of rubbish we were spouting but I do remember feeling that my eloquence was
increasing and these sort of self-indulgent quasi-bullshit chats are an important part of a healthy and
balanced lifestyle.

Friday 6th November

I was a bit pickled again when I woke up but went down to the office. Jim had a meeting with Gerrit
and MSN in Victoria at midday and we both predicted that he probably wouldn’t make it into the
office in the afternoon, which turned out to be correct.

I had a message from Dayne asking me what my bank account balance was on a 31st May 2009 so I
rang up and found out that I have more in my account than I had realised and realistically I have
enough money in there to sustain myself at the same level of income that I take now for the next 2
years, which is quite an interesting prospect.

I spent the day quite unproductively and just spent my time messing about online and then I
downloaded US Office and watched it.

Jim and I were talking about going to Alexandra Palace to watch the fireworks and it feels like ages
since I’ve really experienced bonfire night properly. Next year I have to do something good where I
can poke my own fire and launch my own fireworks.

I got home and Jamie was talking about going to Dale’s comedy night so I went down with him
although I was feeling still a bit hung over from the previous night, which showed as I was only able
to down beers pretty slowly.

The acts were alright and I asked one of the girls if she wanted to perform at Comedy 2.0 sometime
and she said she was happy to do so. I then went downstairs and hung out with some of the
comedians. We went upstairs and Dale got a bit angry with us because I think he was trying to pick
up some chick that he was talking to and then I accidentally knocked his sound equipment onto the
floor. It was a bit of an overreaction from him and he realised that and apologised later.
Jamie was angling after going on somewhere else and called Jo Lev, which I personally thought was a
bad move as you don’t get many fun nights with Jamie and Jo Lev so I declined to go along with him
and instead just got the bus home.

Saturday 7th November

I got up and Sylvie was hanging around the living room doing some work and I made her a bit of
breakfast. Jamie hadn’t come back and Sylvie was trying to contact him and eventually got through
and made her way down to see him at Jo Lev’s. I was even more glad that I hadn’t gone with him.

I contacted Jim and arranged to go up to his place to have some pie and peas before heading to Ally
Pally to watch the fireworks. I’d accidentally called Martin Randolph from my pocket and he called
me back so I invited him to come along to the fireworks with us and he agreed to meet us there.

I went up to Jim’s on the train from Finsbury Park and when I arrived one of Gwen’s friends was
there who I think I had met before and we had a bit of a chat but then she headed off home.

Another of Gwen’s friends then arrived called Pauline (she was French so it was pronounced Poh-
leen). I’d asked Jim if she was hot but he told me that she had a boyfriend.

We went to Alexandra Palace and it was packed. This was the first time that I’ve been to Alexandra
Palace even though I have always wanted to go and have a look, partly because it is called Alexandra,
which reminds me of Alexandra Hewitt and partly because I always tell everyone that if ever there is
an apocalyptic event such as a zombie attack that we should all try and get there.

There were people collecting for charity and I put in a pound but Jim got confused and thought it was
the entry fee place and ended up putting in a tenner, which he wasn’t happy about. We went into
the central hall and there was a German beer festival going on but it was so full that it took about 10
minutes to get a beer. Martin arrived at this point and we made our way outside and weren’t
allowed to take our drinks with us. We couldn’t really find anywhere good to stand and ended up
watching the display with a restricted view through a tree. I’m not sure that it was exactly Martin’s
cup of tea but it was good to get him out of his comfort zone and trying something new. Afterwards
we headed down to a pub and had a few drinks and played on the quiz machines. Martin headed off
into town to meet up with some other people and go clubbing. He invited me to go with him but I
wasn’t really wearing the appropriate attire to go clubbing. Austin turned up and we sank a few
more beers before going to another bar. I got chatting to Pauline and she was interested in my
comedy and said that she would be interested in giving me some feedback and direction as she was
currently in a similar position to me where she was taking a bit of time out to relax and reassess her
next move in life.

They called last orders at the bar and Austin got in a double round, which we struggled to finish off in
the twenty minutes available to us. We tried to find somewhere else but everywhere was closed so
we got a taxi home. I invited Pauline and Austin to come to my place for a drink but Pauline declined
so Austin and I had a few beers and a drunken chat before he headed off home.

Sunday 8th November

Monday 9th November
Tuesday 10th November

I went down after work to see Joe at The Social so that we could go and hand out some flyers and put
some posters up.

We then went round a few bars and had a few beers and offered all the bar staff free entry to the
following night.

Wednesday 11th November

I got down to Punk at about 5pm and Mike was on his way down to do some filming. He managed to
find his way to Soho Square even though he drove past once but couldn’t get down the road as it was
a one way street.

We set up the club and got Mike’s filming equipment set up and then I went over for a hot chocolate.
The Comedy 2.0 guys arrive and as usual were fairly late and pretty ineffective in helping with the
proceedings of the night. They were too busy schmoozing with their friends, which I always find very
jarring as amongst the four of them, they normally only bring the same amount of people that I do
and that isn’t including all the adwords stuff and other marketing that I do. I told everyone that I was
going to do the door and not one of them batted an eyelid nor offered to do it or even to spend a bit
of time on the door.

We opened up at 7:15pm and there were already people queuing outside to come in and these were
all from my adwords advertising. I was shocked to see about 45 people in total come in from my
adwords and then Pauline came along with about 7 people and Jim came, as did Anja, Rhian, Jim,
Mike, Heike and Octave so I alone counted for about 60 people. We also got a few people walk in
and pay £5 and all my lot paid £3 to get in.

I tried to make it more professional this time by getting everyone performing in each half to remain
backstage rather than have the usual mess of Deeney floating around across stage and heckling. I
went on and did the intro and it didn’t really go down too well. I had a few foreigners in the crowd
who wouldn’t answer my intro question about porno names (where you take your pet’s first name
and your mum’s maiden name to make up your porno name). I did a few jokes about Hole In The
Wall/The Berlin Wall and it went alright but needed some tightening up. Joe Davies then came on
and he struggled a bit but only because the crowd were a bit quiet.

Jay wanted 20 mins as he had a booking agent on and Campbell did 15 mins and Deeney did 5 mins.
Pete had decided not to do anything that evening so we got him more involved in the improv. I had
done a two-tiered tab for this evening with the boys each getting 3 drinks and I got a £40 tab.

We did a game of blind date and I was the person choosing the date and then all my performance
time was over so I went and stood with Jim and Anja. We had some good acts on in the second half
and they went down well and I paid our headliner an extra £10 – just for a laugh.

We had a couple of young girls down to do some DJ-ing at the start of the night (Sinead and Natalie).
They were alright but could have done with doing a bit more stuff to get the crowd going earlier on
rather than the subdued transitional stuff they were going for but we had a chat about it after and
they said they’d do more of this if they came again. James Batsford came along and he got the crowd
going as usual.
I did a bit of flyering and then went down and had a bit of a chat with Natalie. She was quite cute
and had really nice eyes and I was giving her a good bit of eye contact after having read in a book
recently that this was a good tactic but I wasn’t really trying to pull her as I didn’t want to rock any
boats if they were gonna help us promote some future nights.

I was just hanging around asking everyone if they were having a good time and then some hot chick
started dancing with me and we had a bit of a snog. It turned out that she was half Swedish and half
Spanish but she was a bit wierd. Cyrus came down and Joe and I did a bit of ching and then the night
wound down until there was just me, Joe and the girl that I had snogged hanging around. She was
being a bit weird and was flirting with Joe and saying that I should be more confident and that she
needed to kiss both of us to see who the best kisser was. Joe didn’t know how to take this but I
wasn’t really that bothered and told Joe that it wasn’t a problem and that young foreign chicks were
pretty disposable anyway. She didn’t take this well and wanted to leave so Joe had to go and let her
out and I think he had a bit of a snog with her. We then got a cab home.

Thursday 12th November

I did a bit of washing around the flat but was still feeling a bit ropey from the night before. I went to
bed pretty early but Jamie was up and about and as it was the start of his holiday he was a bit excited
and started drinking and went over to The Kings’. I woke up a bit later and came downstairs at about
1am and he was up drinking with Joe so I had a bit of a go at him in a half jokey way as we had to get
up the next day at about 7am but he wouldn’t really listen and can’t control himself in these sorts of
situation so I left them to it and I don’t think Jamie got to bed until about 3am.

Friday 13th November

We got up and headed over to Heathrow. We took the tube to King’s Cross then to Paddington and
then took the Heathrow Express. Jamie was still pretty drunk and stank of booze but was refusing to
admit it until we met up with Weird and he confirmed it.

We checked in and then went and got on the flight and I snoozed most of the way there.

We landed in Boryspol airport and it looked pretty bleak. We went through immigration control and
there were a few surly Ukrainians there who just pushed to the front of the queue. I got to the front
and the guy asked me where we were going to stay and I wasn’t sure (a reflection of Jamie’s
preparation) so I just smiled and said in the city centre and he let me through.

We got our luggage and went out into the airport and started getting hassled to see if we wanted a
taxi but as we didn’t know exactly where we were staying or what we were supposed to do to get
into the flat we had to wait until Jamie had checked the email. A guy was pretty much following us
round to get us to go in his taxi and was quoting 400 Hriv (Hyrvnia), which worked out at about £30
and he told us it was a 30 minute ride to the centre of Kiev so although we knew we would be getting
a bit screwed, this didn’t seem extortionate. He drove us into Kiev and I had to sit up front. He
dropped us off near a Metro station and then we had to try and work out where to go. We saw a
building that was had the number that we were meant to be staying in but it was so nice and so
central and cool looking that we couldn’t believe that it was the place we were meant to be staying.
It had a nice fountain and some stairs in front of it. We climbed up and I had a look inside but it
seemed like a cinema. I had to call up the guy that we had booked the flat from because Jamie was
not up for it and he told us to go round the back and collect the keys from the woman at reception.
We did this and couldn’t really communicate with her so she went and knocked on the door of one of
the other residents who spoke English and Ukranian and she translated for us. I thought she was
Ukranian and had an American accent because she’d learnt English there whereas Weird and Jamie
thought she was an American who spoke Ukranian.

We got into the flat and it was really nice so we got ourselves settled and then headed out to have a
look around. We went down to Independence Square and that was really cool and then went into a
shopping centre that was underneath it. There was a strange situation going off where a guy was
manhandling a girl who seemed to be trying to get away and I wanted to see how it played out as
there were loads of people around and I wanted to see if anyone would intervene. Jamie and Weird
told me I was a bit of a ghoul for wanting to do that but someone did get involved but I think it was
more histrionics on behalf of the couple rather than anything sinister.

We went for a meal in a Turkish restaurant and I sent Andre a text and then we spoke on the phone.
He said that he was off to the cinema but that we could meet up after that and he recommended a
place called Buddha bar that we should try. A guy was lying on a bench in the restaurant being
treated by someone and as we were leaving some paramedics came to attend to him. We went
down to Buddha bar but we didn’t pass the dress code. I always get annoyed with Jamie and Weird
as they refuse to bring shoes or smart clothes because they say that it is not their style and they feel
uncomfortable in them whereas I always think that this is restricting your ability to really experience
different aspects of the places we go for a really stupid inability to compromise on the way you dress.

We wandered around a bit and then found a place called Fidel bar and looked quite indie for us and
only cost 10 Hryv to get in. It turned out to be a really cool little indie place and the DJ was pumping
out some obscure indie classics. A girl came over and joined us who we described as a Ukrainian Jo
Lev and then she brought over a mate of hers called Alex and gradually a few more people joined us.
Alex was really suspicious of why we were in Ukraine and our insistence that there was no real
reason made him even more suspicious. I later realised that Kiev is well known for sex tourism so he
probably thought that’s why we were there.

We had a few drinks and did a bit of dancing and moshing and got Weird up doing a bit of crowd
surfing but that suddenly dissolved and he ending up getting dropped and kicking someone in the
face but they took it in the spirit of a good mosh pit. We had a couple of cool shots where the guy lit
them and then span them so they looked like jet engines and then you had to down the shot and
suck the fumes from the glass through a straw.

We then got invited by this guy to his girlfriend’s flat so that we could go on the roof and climb up
this strange aerial. On the way there we stopped to get some beers and a few Ukrainian guys started
giving us a bit of hassle and then Jamie started aggravating the situation by beat boxing at them so
we had to pull him away and then some sort of policeman stepped in and calmed everything down.

We got to the flat and climbed up the aerial and it did have a great view of the city but it was pretty
overcast. We climbed back down and Jamie had decided not to climb up and when we went to get
back in the lift something strange was going on and Jamie was saying that the guy who had invited us
was a twat, but we didn’t really know what had happened as Jamie was so wasted. We made our
way home and crashed out.

Saturday 14th November
We got up quite late and then headed out to try and find some supplies but found it really difficult to
find a supermarket or shop where we could buy anything decent. We ended up walking around for
ages until we found a really tiny shop where we could get a few things. We were a bit lost but
managed to get home. We then had a bit of food and headed up to an Irish bar to watch the Ireland
v France game. Weird wasn’t too excited about this as he didn’t like football but I don’t think he
realised how little we actually watch the football when ‘watching the football’.

I then got a text from Andre and he invited us to go over to his place for a Whiskey before going on
to a club. I built him up a bit to Jamie and Weird and told them that this was a big test of how their
social skills were progressing. We got to his place and the taxi driver blatantly screwed us over by
calling his office to ask how much he should charge some English guys but again, it didn’t matter too
much as it was still pretty cheap. We got into Andre’s flat and I was pretty disappointed by its lack of
extravagance and Jamie and Weird told me that I had built him up too much, which to be honest, I
had. We had some Whiskey and some potatoes and Andre showed us some 3D images of a house he
was getting built for himself. He then drove us down to a club and his driving was absolutely mental.
We didn’t get into the first club because of what we were wearing but we managed to haggle our
way into the next club by insisting that it was the London style. The club was pretty cool and we had
a good laugh dancing around and I made sure I bought Andre a good few drinks. I was going around
giving everyone the hungry chicken and was chatting to a few girls but the hottest one said she
couldn’t talk to me anymore because her friends were very protective. Andre ended up getting
thrown out for hassling the girls too much. Jamie and Weird told me that they thought that this was
how all Ukrainian men must treat girls until Andre got thrown out and they realised it was just him
and I have to admit, it clarified the issue for me too. The bouncers tried to throw me out as well but I
convinced them that they didn’t need to. Andre then came back in to tell me and try and take me
with him but I just said bye to him.

I then wandered downstairs and got chatting to a barmaid and started smoking a Shish and joking
about Swine Flu because I was sharing a Shish rubber with another girl. I was pretty wasted by this
time and didn’t really know what was going on but the barmaid gave me her number and then
helped me get in a taxi and negotiate a real price of 26 Hryv. On the way back I was almost involved
in a collision but it was alright as it was as we were stopping just outside my flat so I bundled some
Hryv into the taxi driver’s hand and then tried to call Weird and Jam but I couldn’t get through. I
ended up having to ring the doorbell and the poor old woman on reception had to let me in.

Sunday 15th November

We got up pretty late again and went out for a wander. Jamie wanted to go on the metro so we
went a couple of stops. It was really deep and kind of unnerved me a bit in the same way that Angel
sometimes does when I am hung over. We ended up at the train station and had a look there.
Someone had told Jamie that it was pretty interesting but it wasn’t that good. We bought a drink
from a kiosk and the woman was just laughing at us and even though I asked for fanta and pointed at
fanta she gave me something called ‘Icy Cola’, which I just accepted. We then walked along a bit and
got on a bus for a couple of stops and then went to a cafe for something light to eat. We finished
that and then made our way home and arrived back at our street from the opposite angle and
realised there was a lot of Kiev left to discover. We went home and got changed and then headed
back out.
We ended up going to a place called ‘Lucky Pub’. We got in there and a guy came up to us and asked
if we were English and then proceeded to tell us about the best place to pick up women, go lap
dancing and pick up hookers. He told us that he used to work for babe station in UK but was now
over in Kiev doing something similar.

We had a bit of food and then I got a text from the barmaid I’d been talking to the night before
asking when we should meet up. She said that she had time that evening so I left Jamie and Weird
and went down and met her at Independence Square. We went off for some sushi but she said she
could only stay half an hour as she had to get the last metro. I told her not to worry about it and that
I would treat her to a taxi.

We went to the sushi place and it was pretty intense. She said I was a different person to the night
before, which was kind of obvious as I was not totally wasted and was in a situation that was pretty
strange with a girl who I wasn’t sure was a hooker or not. Apparently the night before I’d told her
that I wanted to marry her and have 20 babies with her and that she was the most beautiful woman
in the world. She was asking me a lot of questions about my family and whether I wanted to get
married and have children and what my dreams were and stuff like that. She was also feeding me a
bit of sushi. I tried to kiss her at one point but she said she would kiss me outside. We paid for the
food and then I had a peck on the lips with her and then she went off in a taxi. I told her that I’d give
her a call the next day to maybe meet up but as I was walking home I was pretty sure that I wouldn’t.
I got back to the flat and this time Weird came down to let me.

Monday 16th November

We got up early to meet up with our group that were going to Chernobyl. We went and had a
McDonalds to start with and then met up with the guys. There were seven of us and we were quite a
motley crew with an Irish guy, an Australian guy, two Germans and us. One of the Germans had not
submitted his passport details and wasn’t allowed to come so in the end there were just six of us.
We went in a pretty old beaten up van and I slept most of the way there.

We arrived and it was a bit spooky and eerie and none of us knew really what to expect. We went
through a checkpoint and into a building to meet up with our tour guide who wasn’t really a tour
guide at all but actually just a member of the army who had been assigned the task of taking the
tour. He wasn’t very talkative or informative. We stopped at a shop and I bought a beer – just so I
could have a radioactive beer but the Geiger counter was showing 12, which was comparable to
levels in Kiev.

We drove into the next checkpoint (there were three zones) and there were actually more people
living there than we had expected. We stopped at a few places and even got hassled by a beggar.
We went and looked at the actual reactor that had blown and the guide told me that I should hide
my beer from the police. Here, the radioactivity was at about 250, which is still less than you are
subjected to on a transatlantic flight.

We next went to an abandoned school and had a look around and I snuck off and had a piss in the
woods, even though you weren’t supposed to go into the woods – so if I wasn’t already infertile, I
probably am now.

We also went into the town square of Pripyat, which was the town closest to the explosion. It was
very eerie and quiet and this was made more so by the guide just letting us do pretty much whatever
we wanted, climb over anything we wanted and wander anywhere we wanted. We looked at some
moss and it was giving off a reading of around 1315.

We went to a place where a fair had been set up. This had never been used because the explosion
happened a couple of days before it was supposed to open.

We drove back and got a reading in the van of around 1200 and on the way out we had to go for our
tires scrubbing because we were six times over the allowed radiation in the tyres. Our guide said he
had never experienced this before and thought it was probably because they had been moving some
plutonium between reactors on the previous day.

We went back to the original place we had met and had some food, which was pretty disgusting and
then we had to go through a checkpoint and ensure that we weren’t radioactive and then got the bus

Jamie was pretty worried about the levels of radiation but we’d done it so there was no point
worrying too much.

We went and got a coffee at Double Coffee and then went back to the flat. We went out to a place
that was known as somewhere that students hang out but it was actually quite posh so we had a few
beers and some cocktails and a Shish. We then went home and had an early night was we were
getting up early the next day to head on to L’viv.

Tuesday 17th November

We got ourselves packed up and then Alex who we had booked the apartment from came round to
collect the money. We paid him and then he ordered us a taxi to the airport so we could pick up our
hire care. This taxi only cost us 150 Hyrv in contrast to the 400 we had paid on our original journey
from the airport. We asked Alex if we could have the flat when we came back.

We got to the airport and discovered that Avis didn’t have an office in Boryspol airport so we had to
ring the guy and he came and met us. We had a strange mushroom pancake while we were waiting.
We got the car sorted out and set off. We put the destination in the sat nav and it gave a reading of
8 hours. I started to question whether or not it was worth going to L’viv as we didn’t know anything
about it and to go there and back would essentially mean that 2 of our 9 days in Ukraine would be
spent driving and we’d actually hardly seen anything of Kiev by then but we decided that we had to
do it.

We stopped to get some provisions, which were pretty basic and consisted of just a horrible
sandwich, some Pringles, some drinks, some pistachio nuts and stuff like that, which was the only
thing you could get at most Ukrainian places.

We drove out of Kiev and you could see the country getting poorer the further you got out of Kiev,
although it wasn’t ever as bad as some of the parts of Romania. People were selling little buckets of
apples and potatoes by the side of the road. At one point during the trip in Kiev I saw a woman
selling cooked chicken from on top of a plastic bag at the side of the road – now come on – who buys
fucking cooked chicken from the side of the road. There were also people selling big bundles of
leaves and we weren’t really sure what these were.
The journey was long and I did a bit of driving but I got stopped twice. The first time was for
overtaking and I didn’t have my licence with me. It was a thrill to be caught driving illegally, without
international driving licence and in a car that I wasn’t registered to drive. I didn’t know what would
happen so I just flashed my passport and the guy asked to see the car licence. He then said I had to
give him a 500 Hryv fine so that wasn’t too bad. The next time we got stopped was for speeding and
they were asking to see my licence. They were trying to be pretty intimidating but I was a bit worried
but not overly so and when he sat me down in his car I realised that we would be able to buy our way
out of it. I ended up having to pay 900 Hryv. The guys wouldn’t let me drive again and they stuck to
the speed limit and then we were ok. After this ordeal, excitement and adrenaline I had a cigarette
to calm down and this got me smoking again for the rest of the trip.

We ended up on a really crap road that was full of potholes and meant that we could only drive along
at a really slow pace. We were following a Trabant and then we passed this van with two guys
standing beside it that started up just after we had passed it. I was kind of worried about that but
fortunately it turned off a bit later.

We drove passed some strange lights in the sky that we couldn’t really work out what they were or
where they came from. They looked like the sort of promo lights you see come from clubs in the
centre of a town but we were in the middle of nowhere.

We passed through a few strange places where people were just hanging around in the middle of the
road – apparently this is just something Ukrainian people do but for us we were worried what it
meant and kept joking that it was the start of a ‘Gypsy Roadblock’.

We use these long drives to have a good chat and discuss each other’s lives and try and make some
decisions about what our next moves should be in life.

We eventually arrived after 11 hours and Jamie was angling to go somewhere for a drink but it was
already 1:30am. We asked at reception if there was anywhere to go and he looked at us shocked
saying that there wasn’t anywhere to go as everywhere was closed due to the Swine Flu epidemic.
We laughed at this as we had driven 11 hours to come to a town that was shut down. I got into the
room and looked out the window only to see a pretty violent fight breaking out, which again didn’t
bode well. Jamie and I were sharing a room and Weird was on his own – this was Weird’s choice.
We went up to the hotel restaurant and had a nice meal and then went to sleep.

Wednesday 18th November

We got up in time for breakfast at 9:00am but afterwards Jamie and Weird wanted to go back to bed
for a bit so we went back to the rooms and didn’t get underway until about midday.

We had a good walk round and headed up towards the main square where we saw a tour bus that
only cost 25 Hryv to get on. It left on the hour and we thought we were going to miss it because
Weird popped off to the toilet and we didn’t know where he was. Weird spent a lot of time in the
toilet during this trip.

The tour was quite cool and we had some English headphones in and it basically gave us a good quick
overview of L’viv and some of the sights. It was quite amazing to have a city like this in Ukraine. It
felt very European and very similar to the little self-sufficient ancient cities of Europe such as Krakow
and Prague.
We stopped for a coffee, which turned into a bit of a snack as well and I ended up having some
sausages stuffed with cheese, which were very nice.

We checked out a couple of Churches and lit a candle. We wanted to go to the Opera but
unfortunately the next showing wasn’t until Saturday and we were going to be back in Kiev by then.

We went round the local market and I bought a hat and a chess set. The city was pretty compact and
we our hotel was right in the centre so it was pretty nice that we could always pop back to the hotel
whenever we wanted.

We went and looked round an art gallery and got a bit confused and were only able to see two of the
three exhibitions because we didn’t pay for the whole lot. I’m not too big a fan of art as I’m not
really sure what I’m supposed to feel about it but this did inspire me a little bit and give me some
inspiration and ideas but that might just be a reflection of my emergence from my MyHammer

We headed up to look at the armouries but they were closed so instead we went to find somewhere
to eat and went into a traditional Ukranian place and ended up eating some pickled lard as part of
the starter.

We were looking for somewhere to watch the Ukraine Greece game because we thought it would be
a great atmosphere with us being in the Ukraine. We walked around for a bit but couldn’t find
anywhere to watch it as most places were full, but it wasn’t like watching it in England with standing-
room only and a big atmosphere, it was a bit more subdued than that. We went into a cool place
that you had to go underground to then go up a spiral staircase and it had loads of floors but they
moved us on as the table we were on had been reserved.

We tried to find a place to watch the Ireland France game and so obviously our first port of call was
one of the Irish bars but when we got there, we realised that they weren’t very Irish, they were a rip
off and they were showing the Russia Slovenia game instead. We watched the end of the Ukraine
Greece game and unfortunately Ukraine lost. We were promised that they would turn over to the
Ireland France game at half time but they didn’t so we moved on to another Irish bar where they
were showing the Russia Slovenia game as well. We watched that and sat down on a table with
some other people and got chatting to a guy from L’viv who was also a developer. After the game he
promised to take us to some interesting places.

He took us to a place where you had to use a password to get in – the password was something like ‘I
hate people from Moscow’. You then got a shot and could pose with a Klashnikov. We hung out
there for a bit and then moved on to a place where you could play instruments although it was a dub
night when we got there so you couldn’t play instruments that night.

We got some paper and some paints and me and Weird did some pictures, which they then
sometimes hung up on the wall. I drew a picture of a stoned God looking at the earth saying ‘Oh shit,
I forgot about that!’ We then had a bit of a dance and I got chatting to some girls in the toilet.

We left when the music stopped and Jamie was completely wasted but still wanted to try and find
somewhere else but I knew it was over so I went straight back to the hotel and Jamie and Weird
were back a few minutes later.
Thursday 19th November

We got up quite late and headed out for breakfast to a place called Coffee Coffee. They did a nice
European style breakfast and we all ordered some fresh juice. We then went to the armouries for a
bit, which was also very interesting.

We went back to the place where we’d been to the night before so that Jamie could pick up his scarf
and luckily it was still there on the floor near where we’d been sat.

We then went to find somewhere where we could go for a Jacuzzi and a sauna and found that we
could do this in one of the hotels. On the way we discovered that L’viv had a castle and we started
trying to walk towards it but got a bit lost and realised it was quite far so we gave up. We had a nice
swim but it was made a bit strange by the fact that there was a young girls’ swimming lesson going

We went back to the flat and dropped our stuff off. I checked my emails and had one from Felix
offering me the job of CEO in their new company Salon Street and with a good founder’s equity and
it sounded quite interesting and definitely something to consider. We then looked online and tried
to find the best restaurant in L’viv. We ended up at a place called Amadeus and it was really good
and there were some live musicians there with one guy playing what looked like a mini-cornet and I
had some nice wine.

We then walked up to a place called Flat 45 to watch some freeform jazz. Weird was disgusted by it
as there was a guy playing a guitar with a paint stripper.

We then went back to the bar where you had to go up the spiral staircase and there was a weird man
there dressed up in a strange green uniform that made him look a little like a leprechaun. We had a
few drinks. It was quite a fun little place and when you went into one of the toilets they had a bicycle
horn in the wall that the guys in the bar pressed to annoy you while you were on the toilet. Weird
didn’t find it very amusing.

We walked back to the hotel and Jamie and I went for a cigarette outside and some random guy was
trying to talk to us and entice to go off with him somewhere but we just bundled him a fag and went
back to the room.

Friday 20th November

We got up really early so that we could hopefully get back to Kiev in time to do something. We woke
up and had a bit of breakfast and then got into the car. A guy started banging on our window and so
I got out of the car and it turned out we had a flat tyre and the situation was exacerbated even more
by the fact that the battery was flat. It was testament to our experience as hardy travellers that this
didn’t actually set us back too much. We simply changed the tyre, gathered a few people to help us
push the car, jump started it and were then on our way.

The sat nav was saying 9 hours but we tried our best to ignore it and go on the main roads and this
seemed to shorten the time. I had a little look at the settings and found out that we had the setting
for shortest route on rather than the setting for quickest route.

The guys wouldn’t let me do any driving after the last time and it took us a long time because we
were ultra careful about keeping to the speed limits. We worked out that the oncoming traffic gave
you a flash whenever you were approaching some police and this helped us out. I sat in the front all
the way.

We stopped at an old toilet and it was really the most disgusting toilet I have ever been in and the
smell was rank. It was just a concrete shell with a hole in the floor.

We were on track to get back to the airport for 6:15pm but then we hit Kiev rush hour traffic and
were stuck in gridlock for over 90 minutes. We did have a little bit of a flirt and a wave with some
girls in one of the cars next to us but that was no consolation for being stuck in traffic for so long.

We got to the airport and security was tight and we couldn’t really do anything. I got out of the car
to try and meet up with the driver that was meeting us to take us back to the flat but when I called
him, he told me that he had already gone back to Kiev but would come and get us in a bit. I saw a car
get a police escort and realised that the reason for all the security must have been that some
politician or other had just landed. We managed to drop off the car and get back to the flat. Weird
was hyped for going out but Jamie and I were pretty downbeat so we just got in a couple of beers, I
had a bath and then we had an early night.

Saturday 21st November

I got up and went down to the supermarket nearby to get some supplies for breakfast and then went
back and made some scrambled eggs with tomato and salami sausage. We got ourselves ready and
then headed out into Kiev to see some sights. We took the subway out to a place by the river so we
could go to the labyrinth. We had arrived at the wrong place but it wasn’t too far so we made our
way up the hill and into the monastery. It was a big place with loads of little churches etc and it was
quite difficult to find the labyrinth. We had to buy a candle to go in and then when we went down
their were loads of mummified monks and it was strange because we were just voyeurs but a lot of
people were there having a deeply religious experience. The monks were small and the labyrinth
wasn’t much of a labyrinth but apparently bits of the mummified monks were sticking out but I didn’t
catch any of them.

We then walked around the rest of the area and there was a museum with loads of military
machinery so we saw loads of tanks and guns. We then went up to a monument of the Second
World War, which was a huge metal statue that nobody really knew what it symbolised but we found
it quite impressive.

We then got the metro to a place called Andre’s Descent where there were loads of stalls lining the
street. We got into a bit of trouble when Jamie pulled another ‘What’s this lever do?’ stunt by
sticking a hat on my head from one of the stalls. The woman started shouting at us but we couldn’t
understand her so just walked off.

We then went to a French restaurant for some food and Weird had some frog’s legs. I tried one of
them and thought they were ok but not really something that I can imagine really enjoying.

We went back to the flat and got ready to go out. Jamie had found out about a place that played live
music so we went there and saw some Ukrainian/Russian rock band and the crowd were really going
for it. We got sat with a strange guy who was telling us that he was in a punk band and kept wanting
us to buy him drinks and give him cigarettes. We bought him a drink and gave him a couple of fags.
He was annoying Weird and Weird wanted to go somewhere else but Jamie and I were struggling to
think where to go as it is always touch and go whether you can find somewhere good or not in a
foreign city. The weird guy started chatting to some girls and then one of them came over and
invited us to go to another place with her to watch one of her friends do some singing. Weird was a
bit worried that she might be a hooker but I was pretty sure that she wasn’t and after Weird had a
little chat with her he was convinced she was alright. We got a taxi with the girl and on the way
some we had to run away from the weird guy to stop him coming with us.

We arrived at the other place just as a fight was breaking out and the girl, Katya said that this had
never happened before. Jamie got dragged away and Weird tried to drag me away but I stayed to

We had a few drinks and watched the band and then Katya started flirting with me big style. I didn’t
really fancy her that much but it was the last night so I had a bit of a snog with her. She was a really
full on snog opening her mouth really wide and forcing in loads of tongue as well as biting my lips.
We had a bit of a dance and then things started to quieten down so we decided to move on
somewhere else.

We arrived at a club and the girls didn’t think that it looked that great and one of them said that it
looked pretty dangerous but we decided to go in anyway. It was actually alright and had the same
sort of vibe about it as any provincial club you would find in Barnsley, Wakey or Leeds.

We left and I went back to Katya’s and Jamie and Weird plus some other random guy shared the cab
with us. I got back to Katya’s and she lived in a one bed place with her brother and her mate had to
kip in the kitchen while we slept in the living room. We had some sex but it was really short. We
then had a shower together, which I think she thought was pretty sensual but was in fact just a bit

We then went to sleep.

Sunday 22nd November

I woke up in the morning and Katya was hugging me pretty tight and all I wanted to do was get out of
there. I got up and went to the toilet and when I came back in she was awake. I told her that I
needed to go pretty soon as we were getting our flight and I needed to pack but she told me to get
back in bed and that she would call a cab in the ten minutes. I think she was hoping for a quick
morning shag but I was trying my best to hide my revulsion. I mean, she wasn’t that bad but I didn’t
find her at all attractive now that we were in the cold light of day. I stuck it out and then she called
me a cab. She was saying that she wanted to come to London and I brushed her off a bit saying that
she should come and visit me but that will never happen.

I was glad to get in the cab and he dropped me off at the flat and I walked to McDonalds to get some
food. I then went back to the flat and had a bath. I felt a bit disgusted with what I had done and a bit
ashamed that I had come to Kiev, home of some of the most beautiful women in the world where
they are gagging to get off with westerners and I had ended up waking up on Sunday morning in the
burbs of Kiev with a minger.

We then got ourselves ready and Slavos came to pick us up and take us to the airport. Weird was
feeling a bit worse for wear and when we arrived at the airport we found out that the flight was 1
hour later than we had thought so we had a bit of food before heading through to departures.
We had a coffee and then boarded the plane. I got a copy of Frankfurter Zeitung and there was an
article about some guys in Germany who had been doing some match fixing. David had told me
earlier in the week that I’d played some backroom poker with these guys, which I felt pretty proud of
especially as I had probably beaten them in a tournament.

We watched some TV on the plane and then got back to London. We bought a couple of curries in
M&S at Paddington and then got the tube home. We arrived back and Jamie needed to go and pick
up some camera for work and Sylive went with him. I was too tired to eat the curries in the end so I
just filled myself a hot water bottle and went to sleep.

Monday 23rd November

I got up and had a chat with Joe and made him some poached eggs. We chatted a bit about Gypsy
RoadBlock because he has got us another night just doing the club stuff on Wednesday 9th
December. We were discussing meeting up with Sinead to get her on board helping us promote and
he told me that Batsford had already agreed to do it.

I came down into the office and got on with loads of little admin stuff and all the little bits and bats
that I needed to do. Jim didn’t come into the office so I was on my own. A girl came in and asked if
she could borrow some milk and I told her that it wasn’t a problem. When I went and looked in the
fridge I saw that Jim had left a note saying ‘DO NOT DRINK MYHAMMER MILK’.

Joe texted me saying that Sinead couldn’t make it so we could meet the following day at The Social.

I had a couple of chats with Nath and Heike about LetGen and did a bit of testing and spent some
time working on the journal to catch up.

I went home at about 8pm and then sat upstairs in my room doing some more LetGen stuff and
trying to keep Heike sweet. Sylvie and Jamie were in the living room and I couldn’t really be
bothered hanging round with them.

I came down and had a curry and then went upstairs, read something that came in The Guardian
about medieval kings and then went to sleep.

Tuesday 24th November

I went down to the office but there was some chaos on the roads so I decided to walk down instead
of getting the bus. I stopped and had a McDonalds breakfast on the way.

I came into the office and Jim and Pauline were there. Pauline is now doing some part time work for
MyHammer dealing with some of the marketing campaigns. I like Pauline for some reason and
although she is not really that attractive there is something about her that I find quite beguiling. We
all went out for lunch together to a new pub and had some pizza.

I am still unsure as to when I can actually leave MyHammer but I’m alright winding down this month
and getting paid for it as I am not really doing much, which was highlighted by my ability to go to Kiev
for 9 days without anyone in the company except Jim knowing much about it.

I got into a Skype chat with Octave about Salon Street and got him to send me over the product
specifications for the site. I had arranged to meet Joe, Sinead and Natalie to discuss Gypsy
Roadblock, the flyers and the FB group so I also asked Octave if he wanted to meet up as well after
I’d had that meeting at The Social so we could discuss Salon Street in a little more depth.

I arrived at the Social a little late and Sinead, Natalie and Joe were already there. They gave me a bit
of banter about the fact that I’d created a Gypsy Roadblock group on FB and in the placeholder text
had described the night as ‘funky’. Apparently ‘funky’ is not a word you are allowed to use these
days. I found the whole process quite fun because I was getting these two nineteen year old girls
telling me what to do and I was taking notes and making sure that all their input would get carried
out. Octave then arrived and we had a few beers with Joe before moving on to a pub across the road
for another beer. We went through the concept for Salon Street and although it seems like a fairly
interesting idea, I came to the conclusion that it is not really something that I want to get directly
involved in right now. Octave and I also discussed a few other ideas for businesses and by the time
we left I was quite drunk. I stopped on the way home and bought myself a chicken burger from
moonlight kebab.

Wendesday 25th November

I went into the office and got on with some bits and bats and read through the concept for Salon
Street again and all the technical specifications. I am still open to the idea a bit but I think that is just
my urge to ‘not miss out’ kicking in, however Nath also came back to me with some news that he’d
shown the product to someone he knows in compliance and they had said they ‘couldn’t see why any
financial advisor in the country would not want to use it’. He also said that once there was a working
demo up and running that he would introduce Nath to the MD of Simply Business, a network of 6000
financial advisors and if we could get something going with them then it could be a nice bit of wonga.

Jim informed me that he was going to the MyHammer Christmas party and that Gerrit had also
suggested that I go along too. I find this a little strange but hopefully this secures my November

I had arranged to meet Anja for tea that evening and told her that I would go round to her place and
cook for her but by the time it got to afternoon I walked down to get some food at M&S and buy Jim
a new UK -> EU adaptor, I decided that cooking might be too much of a hassle so I rang her to see if
she would be ok to go out for some food instead.

I went down to meet her at the pub opposite her flat and we had some food, drinks and a good old
chat about things. I described LetGen to her and told her about my appearance on ZDF and then she
told me about her job and her stresses there. She has talked about the idea of quitting but she is too
much of a career girl to do that without having somewhere solid to go to first and some sort of
guarantee of a decent income.

We went back to her flat for another drink and then Rhian came home. I couldn’t be arsed making
the long journey back to North London that evening so I decided just to kip at Anja’s on the floor.

Thursday 26th November

I woke up as Rhian was pottering around quietly downstairs. I told her not to worry and that she
could make some noise if she wanted.
I got up and couldn’t get the sound on the telly to work so I decided to head off. I caught Anja
floating around naked just as I was about to leave. I hadn’t realised she was still going to be in
because she had said the night before that she was going to leave the house at around 7am.

I walked back to the station and got a hot chocolate, an almond croissant and a copy of the Guardian
from Starbucks then sat there for a little while.

I got on the train at about 9:15am and it was still really packed and it is times like this that I always
feel thankful that I don’t have to take part in the daily commute through rush hour.

I got home and had an email from Felix asking me if I had any further thoughts on Salon Street and if
I would be available to meet to go through it with him. I couldn’t bring myself to ring him until later
in the afternoon as I wasn’t really sure about what to say to him about this. When I eventually got
round to calling him he said that he was out shopping and off to Paris the next day so maybe we
could meet up on the Tuesday. I was quite glad about this as it gave me more time to digest the
concept and come up with an idea of whether I want to be a part of it because I am still not certain
even though I am leaning towards no.

I went round to Little Jo’s new place for a cup of tea and a chat and we had quite a good laugh and I
kind of fancied her a little bit again – but not enough to make any sort of move. It was quite relaxed
and lacking in the usual tension between us and she was even able to joke about what happened
with Big Jo. She didn’t even seem too bothered about me hanging around when Mike came back but
I couldn’t be arsed with any of that so I left before he got home.

I did a fair bit of LetGen testing.

I spoke with Amanda and we agreed to meet up on Sunday to have lunch and maybe go for a walk
somewhere and I said that I would look into finding us somewhere to go.

Jamie and I went over to the Kings in the evening and had a couple of pints. We had a chat with
Andy and Ian was there showing off a new letter that he’d had published discussing bendy busses.

Friday 27th November

I pottered around the house and finished the book that I was reading. It was called ‘The Quickening
Maze’ and was one that was listed for this year’s booker prize but I didn’t really think that it was that
good. It was interesting and had some nice prose but didn’t really get anywhere or leave you feeling
like anything had really happened or satisfied that you’d been on a journey with the protagonists.

I got a text from Nath telling me that he was pretty drunk but pretty excited about LetGen’s
prospects. I’m looking forward to seeing what happens too but it has been a bit of a balancing act
but finally I think now Nath is certain that it will become a reality and that will add an extra thrust to
make him get everything completed. We have wasted quite a lot of time (and therefore money) due
to the fact that Nath didn’t deliver the letters in a finalised format but that is a price we have to pay
for getting Nath into a mode where he can see that this is close to a workable, potentially lucrative
product. There’s still quite a bit of niggly little bits of optimisation work to be done on it but the light
is definitely at the end of the tunnel.

Jamie came home and I managed to help convince him to go out for a night out with Jo Lev, Heike
and Nick Turk. I didn’t really fancy it because I don’t really have a good time when I’m out with Jo
Lev and Jamie and I also wanted to save my bit for Saturday night. I went to bed quite early and
watched a film that Jim had recommended called Faelscher, which was a German film based on a
true story about some prisoners in a concentration camp being forced to counterfeit banknotes for
the Nazi regime. It was a pretty good story but for some reason I’d been expecting a light hearted
romp, which it definitely wasn’t.

Saturday 28th November

I got up quite early in time to see Jo, who was just about to go to his brother’s studio and I invited
him to come along to the party at Martin’s girlfriend’s new apartment later on.

I went to Tesco’s to get some food and then on the way back I went and bought a card for Jamie. I
saw one that said 13 on it, so I bought him it to play on his continued assertion that he has
undiagnosed dyslexia because he is 31 (13 is the reverse of 31 – get it? Oh forget it).

I wrote him the card and put in £180 of cash that Joe had given me for his rent just to try and get him

It turned out that Jamie had stayed the night at Nick Turk’s and he didn’t get back until in the evening
after meeting Sylvie at Borough Market. When I came downstairs later, he had opened the card
already. He said that he thought it was funny but later admitted that he hadn’t caught on to the fact
that 13 was the reverse of 31 and also told me that he’d not been excited about the cash because
he’d initially thought that the card was from Joe.

We had some chicken Kievs and then watched a bit of X-Factor. I was less up for going to the party
but Jamie said he wanted to go to King’s for a couple of pints and to watch match of the day and then
we could consider going to the next party. We went over to King’s and it was pretty dead. We asked
if they would put match of the day on and they did but one of the old guys who owns the pub started
swearing under his breath but everyone just ignored him. We had a chat with Andy and a bit of a
laugh and then Joe rang and I told him we’d pick him up on the way to the party. It had been billed
as a really cool party with loads of fashion students and lots of girls so I was interested to see how it
panned out.

We ran and got a taxi and it was pouring with rain. We picked up Joe from some pub near Old Street
and then went along to the party. It was quite a good laugh and CMO and Randolph were there and
there were quite a few chicks but they weren’t as ultra amazing as I’d built them up to be in my
imagination. There were a few nice ones there but most of them had boyfriends. I was chatting to a
French girl who was pretty hot but she was telling me about how much she loved her boyfriend in
France and the last thing I need in my life is a French girl with a boyfriend back home but that didn’t
stop me doing a bit of flirting.

Joe got wind of another party to go to afterwards and we invited everyone to come along with us but
only one girl came along. She was a pretty plump Spanish girl called Carla. We got a cab to some
sort of industrial estate under a flyover in Bow and there was a really cool rave going on. We hooked
up with one of Joe’s mates called Santi and a girl Joe knew. Joe had billed the party as a place where
the kids party and take drugs you’ve never heard of. We tried some and the first line just made me
want a shit. The problem was that all the toilets were communal and open and ok if you needed a
piss but weren’t appropriate for a shit so I ended up going for a shit outdoors next to a van. Some
guy scurried passed me as I was doing it so I moved to a more out of the way place.
The stuff was pretty cool and was giving me a general feeling of euphoria. The Spanish girl was
floating around and I was in the mood for a bit of a snog and she seemed like a very easy target so I
took her off to one of the back rooms and sat her down for a recreational snog. I made it very clear
to her that it was purely recreational and more of a means for ascertaining snogging feedback. We
had a good snog for a bit and I enjoyed it but after a while I got bored and we headed back to meet
up with everyone else. We’d made a few friends along the way and everyone was sat with them.
They quizzed us as to where we’d been but I just kept quiet and didn’t let on even when asked
directly if we’d been snogging.

We then had some more stuff and everyone was saying that it made them feel a bit strange but I
wasn’t feeling too bad on it. There were a few nice girls there and I the drugs were making me feel
all lovey and we were just batting around. I hung out with Joe’s mate for a bit and we did a bit of
mine sweeping before being told that we could buy beer from behind the DJ booth. Poor Carla kept
hanging around me but I was already bored of her by then.

It wasn’t until I took the third line that it really hit me. It was like a proper wave of euphoria and
relaxation and then a rush. It felt like things were happening in a strobe kind of fashion. I saw this
hot girl and with the rush coming I decided that I’d better go and talk to her and found out that she
was called Jennifer. I went over and said hello and in my lovey state asked her to hold my hand and
for a quick peck on the lips. She held my hand for a bit but said she had a boyfriend so wouldn’t give
me a kiss. She looked a bit scared but assured me that she wasn’t. I don’t think I really handled it in
the smoothest of ways but I was glad that I’d spoken to her nonetheless. I was then a bit hyped and
for some reason went round asking for everyone to kiss me on the lips but nobody would and I think
I was a bit annoying with it.

We then had a photo taken with loads of us on a box underneath a basketball hoop in the middle of a
big puddle.

I was dancing around at one point wearing a danger mouse mask and we were also doing some hula
hoops for a bit.

I realised that there was going to be no way that I was gonna be up for meeting Amanda later so I
texted her. I knew that she’d understand as she’s embarked on a few mad ones herself and as I
predicted, she sent me a text saying that she understood.

Everyone then decided to go back to this girl’s house called Amanda and I asked her if I could invite a
couple of people but she said that I couldn’t, which was a shame because I’d already invited two girls.
Everybody left and Joe asked me to go and give Santi his mobile phone and then I could get a lift with
Timo but by the time I got back from giving Santi his phone everybody had gone. I think partly
because I’d annoyed Timo by trying to kiss him.

I then started to make my way home and it started raining. I couldn’t see any taxis so I jumped on a
bus towards Oxford Circus and tried to get off at Holborn to get the Piccadilly line but things went a
bit wrong and I ended up walking around a bit until I could pick up the 19. It was raining pretty
heavily and I was soaked and in no fit state to think properly and this hindered my progress but I
managed to find a 38 that took me to Angel and then I was able to get a 19 home.
I arrived back and got some lucozade and water so I could crash out with them. Sylvie was around
when I got back but I was in no fit state to chat to her or explain things to her so I just gave her a
tertiary hello and made my way to bed and by this time it was about 12pm.

Sunday 29th November

I floated in and out of sleep most of the day and forced myself to eat a banana. Sylvie seemed
agitated when I went downstairs to get it but I was still not in any mood to try and explain to her
what had happened.

Jamie’s sister came round and I heard them chatting a bit and wondering about Jamie but I still
wasn’t up for getting involved. I came round a bit later in the evening and then gave my mum a call
and towards the end Sylvie knocked on my door and she was crying and worrying about Jamie so I
went downstairs and had a cup of tea with her and got on the phone to try and locate Jamie. I called
Joe and he told me that Jamie’s last whereabouts were in Jack Chesh’s pub. I finally managed to get
through to Jamie after trying a few times and he told me he was at West Ruislip, which didn’t really
make any sense until I later found out that he’d fallen asleep on the train. Sylvie spoke to him a bit
and this calmed her down. He still seemed to be in a bit of a state. I heard him come home a few
hours later while I was upstairs but was in no mood to talk to him and felt that he would probably
appreciate not having to talk to me.

Apparently Joe Curran had gone back to the other house, had a couple of hours kip and then gone to
work. I have no idea how he was up for it but that’s Joe and it kind of makes it easier to understand
why he seems so spaced out from time to time.

I rang up Amanda to apologise and she was ok with it and then I rang up Baz and had a chat. I forced
myself to eat some soup and that helped me feel a bit better and then went to sleep.

Monday 30th November

I got up quite late and I was still feeling a bit woozy. I went downstairs and Sylvie and Jamie were
there, sitting together in the living room, wallowing in their own mire. I really don’t like the way that
those two dominate the living room with their ability to suck out all the energy. I think a big problem
is that they basically operate as a collective and although they don’t do it purposefully or with intent,
the fact remains that they are both nesting in a way and it is for this reason that I don’t really enjoy
living with them anymore. It is therefore probably quite a bit overdue for something to change and
the fact that just the two of them are moving in together is a positive step and the sooner it happens
the better. This does leave my situation somewhat open but I’ve never seen my living there as
anything permanent anyway and this should sharpen my mind in making decisions of my own of how
I should move forward with my own life in terms of where I live and under what circumstances.

I couldn’t be arsed batting round the flat with them there so after a little nap, I got my things
together and went down into the office. I went to the bus stop and the display said that there
wouldn’t be another bus for 15 minutes so I decided to get the tube, even though the reality was
that it still would have been quicker overall to wait for the bus. I felt a bit strange on the tube, as I
often do when I am a bit hung-over. I think the claustrophobia really kicks in when I’m in recovery
mode and the constant subtle shifts in vibration and lack of true horizon to orientate myself don’t
help me stop myself from having mini panic attacks.
I got out at Angel and went to Boots and M&S to get some supplies. I have noticed lately that I have
become much more receptive to women as I am walking past them. This seemed to start in Kiev as I
consciously realised that I was checking out women a lot more and wasn’t shying away from any
return looks they gave me. This has now spilled over to London and I am not sure whether it is a
confidence thing, a shift in my testosterone balance or a general thawing of the post-Anais Ice Age. I
was in a phase for quite some time where my gut reaction to any girl was that she wasn’t Anais but
that seems to be drifting away now.

I came back to the office and Jim had decided not to come in so I just did some general stuff. It was
essentially my last day officially at MyHammer but as I have made no real contact Gerrit to finalise
this then I’m not sure either way. As it currently stands, I don’t mind doing absolutely nothing for
MyHammer and still sending off a fat invoice at the end of the month.

Jim and I were discussing the MyHammer Xmas party and the problem is that it takes place on
Thursday 10th December and the only flights available were 6:30am and 7pm and as I have Gypsy
Roadblock on 9th December and Jim has a gig, it isn’t very amiable for us to fly out there. In the end I
decided that it was probably best for me not to go. Xmas parties should be about the enjoying what
you have achieved in the past year and looking forward to what you are going to achieve in the next
year (alright via the subtle medium of getting totally smashed and never mentioning either of those
points) and as I don’t feel a significant part of either then I don’t think it makes too much sense to

I went and got the bus back and it was freezing cold and I felt a bit weird on the bus. I got back to the
flat and was ready to go and have an early night but then Jamie told me that Andre was at his sister’s
with Sebastian and was going to come round to our flat. It was nice to see him but neither I nor
Jamie were really in the best of states and Jamie is not great with babies at the best of time so when
he was in recovery mode, he was even worse. Bryony then came back from work and they were
telling us about how they were thinking of moving to the Cayman Islands, which actually sounds like
quite a good move, especially when you have a young baby and with Andre pretty much living off
Bryony’s salary. I had a little play with Sebastian and they left at about 10pm.

I got another text from Katya from Kiev asking me why I had not responded to her email. Normally I
would just have ignored her and just let it drift off but with my recent experience of being cut off
without explanation by Anais, I felt a little bit sorry for her and that she at least needed some form of
closure so I sent her an email apologising and saying that I had got back with my girlfriend and didn’t
think that it was a great idea for her to come and visit me in London. I know that is not an amazing
response but in my opinion was the one that would give her the best closure and although the
sudden removal of excitement and hope is painful, it is easier to deal with than a slow dissipation of
those emotions over a prolonged period of time.

Tuesday 1st December

I got up and bumped into Joe. I had the urge for some boiled eggs so went down to the shop to get
some eggs. I invited Joe to join me but he said that he was already running a bit late for work. It was
his last proper shift at The Social so it was pretty much the end of an era for him. He told me that
he’d had a few drinks the night before with Natalie and Sinead and that he thought they were really
cool girls and that it should be some good fun if we can get into a good swing with Gypsy Roadblock
with them.
I then pottered around a bit and got on with some washing and ironing. I did a big batch of ironing
while listening to some opera. Jim rang me via Skype while I was doing this and we had a laugh
about it. He had a bit of a moan to me about the fact that UED (User Experience & Design) were
vetoing a couple of the flash banners that he had Michael Krenzin design for us because they said
they weren’t in the current MyHammer style. UED don’t seem to place business needs first, which is
a very dangerous thing for a company when the graphics department are dictating banners based on
stylistic reasons rather than response rates. Things like this about MyHammer still make me angry
even though for all intents and purposes I am already out. They don’t seem to run things like a
proper business and they don’t seem to get down to the theoretical basics of how things should be
done. I don’t mind people flaunting the theory but only if they are doing it knowingly and have a
specific idea of why their system will work better than established theory. I’m all for mixing things up
like this as this is how advancements are mad but the reality is that these guys are just flaunting
theory because they don’t have any idea of it and operate on a sense of bravado that they are
naturally talented enough to ignore convention.

I read a chapter of my database design book, which I am finally managing to plough through and am
getting a lot out of it. I have done a few things in the past in terms of trying to manipulate data and
something like this enables me to see how I could have approached things more efficiently, which
would have lead to an overall increase in productivity for everyone concerned.

Sylvie came back from her marketing exam and said that it had gone ok but that of the three
questions asked, she didn’t manage to finish the third one.

I settled down at around 5pm to watch Citizen Kane. It is one of those films that are like monkeys on
your back and you just need to get them watched so you can tick them off and move on with the rest
of your life. I watched it and found it alright but not in any way amazing and I didn’t really feel any
affection for Charles Kane or for that matter any of the characters portrayed but the final resolution
of what ‘Rosebud’ meant did give it a little something special that made me feel like in some way we
are all trying to find our ‘Rosebud’.

I then had a little heating battle with Jamie. He always turns the heating off, which I think is a bit
selfish of him as he may not be comfortable with the heating being on or the current temperature
but he lives in a house with several other people and not all of them are sitting in the kitchen with
him where the stove has been on and there are several other people milling around. Normally I
concede defeat in this battle but I was feeling a bit frisky about it so got stuck in. The rules of the
battle are to keep it going but never refer to it or allude to it in any of your normal interactions with
each other. We also had a mild tumble dryer battle going on.

I got an email back from Katya and she told me that she was very disappointed in me and that I
shouldn’t have invited her over and then retracted my invite – although I don’t really recall ever
inviting her to come. She said she was going to come anyway and didn’t really care whether or not
she saw me. I feel a bit bad for her but it’s for the best that she understands that there is no future
in this.

I was at a bit of a loss as to what to do and had finished reading all the books that I currently have on
the go so I picked out a book that Heike had leant me a while ago called ‘The Shadow Of The Wind’
and I really enjoyed the opening.
Wednesday 2nd December

I came down into the office and Jim wasn’t there. He was having some sort of day off to sort out
some accounts and personal stuff. I got a Skype from Michael Dierck asking me about a newsletter
so I had to give Jim a call.

I spent some time reading about database design, reading the new novel and then I watched
Casablanca, which I enjoyed much more than I thought I would have.

I had a Skype chat with Mac for a while and then decided to go and see Jack Chesh play up in
Camden. I got a bit lost trying to find the place but gave Joe a call and eventually found it. As I was
walking in, Heather and her sister were walking out and they told me they were going for a drink
with Rob so I asked if I could join them. We went and had a few beers at an indie bar and had a chat.
Heather’s sister, Fiona was pretty cute and they were quizzing me about the Crazy Frog days. Fiona’s
boyfriend and his mate then turned up and they decided not to come along and see Jack as they
needed to get the last train home and felt that it wasn’t worth paying £6 to see half a show.

Rob, Heather and I went to the bar where Jack was playing and watched his set. It was pretty good
but not exactly the sort of music I am into.

We then went somewhere else for a drink and I got chatting to a girl called Radha who promoted the
night and was interesting in doing something together regarding comedy but I’m not sure if it really
made much sense.

There was then talk of going to someone’s house but Joe was pretty hungry so we grabbed
something to eat and then got the bus home. We stopped to get some fags and randomly Jack and
all the other guys were in the shop buying some booze. They invited us back but fortunately Joe
wasn’t really in the mood and there were only 2 girls and 9 guys so thankfully we were able to go
home. We had a little chat when we got back and then I went to bed.

Thursday 3rd December

I went into the office at about 11pm and basically just got on with a few little things. I am still
existing in a form of quasi-limbo with the clarification of my exact position at MyHammer still
unclear. It is nice to go down to the office to be able to get out of the house, especially if Joe, Jamie
or Sylvie are in because they each represent a different form of distraction. It is also nice to go there
when Jamie is in because his obsession with the heating means that the sense of chill in the air stops
you from feeling comfortable in your own home and able to get on with even minimal tasks. He will
not be reasoned with in this respect and despite his deep rooted belief that he is open and liberal,
the reality is that like most people(liberal or otherwise), when someone doesn’t agree with his own
particular way of looking at the world and he feels he has the power to impose his will, he is a tyrant.

Despite all these reasons to go into the office, I have to admit that currently the major thing that
draws me there is the potential of seeing Pauline because although I don’t find her amazingly
attractive, there is something about her aura that I find beguiling, compelling and exciting and I get
the sense that this is mutual. We discussed what we were going to do on New Year’s Eve and I told
Pauline that she should come up with some ideas for what we could do together and although this
was only half-joking, it was not ruled out. She also gave me some feedback on my last Comedy 2.0
performance and I guess that is one of the things that I find so alluring about her and that is the fact
that she has an interest in me beyond the superficial that manifests in a level of attention that you
doesn’t happen all the time. I didn’t really do too much in the office and am just waiting for my
innate desire for making things happen to kick in but right now I’m spending too much time playing
stupid online games and messing about stumbling around the Internet rather than getting on with
anything constructive.

I walked home at about 5pm and was feeling the strange juices in my gut that offer a faint taste of
bitterness and are usually apparent the day after a heavy night and are probably remnants of the
things my body needs to manufacture in order to deal with the excesses of the night before. I was
feeling knackered but Jamie wanted to go for a curry so we all went to a local place. I felt a bit
strange when the cold air hit me outside and I struggled to enjoy the curry, forcing down as much as I
could, knowing that despite my outward feeling of hunger, I needed the sustenance to get my body
back in working order.

We came back to the flat and watched some TV. Jamie told us that he wanted us to switch the
heating off and make sure that the flat was tidy and clean when he came back and that he didn’t
want anyone sleeping in his room but basically I think Joe and I have the understanding that as long
as he believes that all those things have been adhered to, whether they actually have or not is
entirely irrelevant. Joe went to bed and then Sylvie arrived home from a night out with her work
colleagues and she was pretty drunk. She obviously wanted some attention from Jamie so I made
myself scarce but Jamie wasn’t too responsive to her needs as when I came back down a little later to
get a drink to take to bed with me, he was still in exactly the same position, fiddling around with his
laptop as Sylvie was sat on the settee, watching TV and eating some cereals.

Friday 4th December

I got up just and went downstairs just as Sylvie was leaving. I felt a bit bad about this as I think I
walked down at just the wrong time and in doing so interrupted a moment. Those two are awkward
around each other at the best of times so as they were leaving each other for a month, I think it
would better to have not had me there for that final moment. Sylvie was trying to discuss something
with Jamie but he told her they’d discuss it later and when she said ‘I love you’ to him he wouldn’t
respond in kind, despite my insistence that he should ‘say it’, to which he just told me to shut up. Oh
Jamie, you little, little boy. I have told him that he should make some grander gestures to Sylvie just
to make her feel special but he will not and he should never worry about what my reaction to
anything he says or does for Sylvie and only concentrate on what it means to her as when all is said
and done, everything in his life will dissolve away and one of the last remaining things will be Sylvie
so that should be his top priority.

I suddenly had the urge for a fried breakfast so I went down to the cafe below us and read the paper.
Jamie came in and said goodbye to me on his way to Copenhagen.

I spent most of the day messing around and sleeping and stuff. Joe got up quite late and then said he
was going to make us some lamb chops so that he could get a good lining in his stomach before his
leaving do. He went down at about 7pm and I told him I’d follow him down after I’d done the washin
up and got myself cleaned up.

I arrived at about 9pm and hung around with Joe. There weren’t that many people down there who
were with Joe but he didn’t really care as a lot of people were at a conflicting birthday party from
one of his friends. We got some free drinks and had a bit of banter with some of the staff and then
this girl Amanda arrived, who had been at the mephedrone party the week before. She made a bit of
fun out of me for trying to kiss her and everyone else there. She also brought along a few of her
work colleagues including a Scottish girl called Jo and another few guys from Top Man/Top Shop, two
of whom were just sat around snogging. Amanda was annoyed about this because apparently they
had been doing this every time they went out for the last 18 months and she thought they should
either get together properly or just stop it altogether. I told her that she needed to calm down and
not worry about it.

Natalie and Sinead arrived and they invited us to Movida. I was quite up for this as it is a ‘celeb fell
out of nightclub at 4am’ sort of venue but Joe, Jo and Amanda didn’t seem too keen. Joe laid his
cards on the table to Amanda telling her that he thought she was hot and that he fancied her but
although she said she also fancied him, she’d just split up with her boyfriend the day before and told
him that they could maybe get it on later.

We headed down to Movida but the queue was pretty mental and it was full of really rich foreigners
getting in on the guest list after booking tables and agreeing to ludicrous minimum spends. We were
on Ronnie Joyce’s guest list (I’d never heard of him but Sinead and Natalie were talking like I
obviously had) but this didn’t really mean too much and we were told to join the normal queue. We
decided to go to Punk as we were guaranteed free VIP entry into there and free drinks.

We got in and I settled into a mode of making the best of having to babysit Jo while Joe and Amanda
had an opportunity to get to know each other better. Jo was a pretty cute and bubbly, smiley
Scottish girl from Edinburgh and she was quite good fun to hang around. I did a few tequilas with Jo
and had a bit of a dance and then she told me that Amanda was probably going to get it on with Joe
so I thought I’d better do the honourable thing and have a snog with Jo, even though she had a

There was a cute girl snogging some guy next to us and I think she had a corset on or something but
it really extenuated her figure and she had a really cool, exciting hourglass figure. She was floating
around a bit later on her own so I told her this, not expecting her to take it in any other way than
giving me a ‘thanks-but-fuck-off’ sort of smile but she actually took it really well. She was a French
chick and she wasn’t amazingly hot but that figure had captured my imagination.

Joe came up and told me that him and Amanda were leaving and headed outside, he then came back
and suggested that me and Jo go back too. We went outside to get a taxi back together but I still had
the French chick on my mind and I thought I’d regret it if I didn’t try so I went back in and asked her if
she wanted to go out sometime and she said she’d love to and gave me her number. I couldn’t quite
catch her name but it started with ‘L’ and ‘O’ so I just put her down as ‘Lo’, which made me smile a

We then got a taxi home and went into the flat and had the usual bit of banter and listened to some
music. Joe then finally managed to get Amanda up to bed and somehow managed to get her up into
Jamie’s bed (so another rule quickly broken). I took Jo up to bed with me and we had a bit of a pash
and I had a good grope and she cheekily gave me a flash of her boobs as I’d said earlier that after my
UK Uncovered days I could make anyone flash their boobs and she’d told me to try but I’d said I
didn’t want to. I made a couple of vague attempts to take things further but she wasn’t really up for
it because of her boyfriend so after a while I just gave up and crashed out.
Saturday 5th December

I woke up as Jo was leaving. She gave me kiss and said something but I was still groggy and didn’t
really respond with anything other than an incoherent mumble.

I woke up a bit later as Joe was knocking on my door having made me and Jo a cup of tea. I think he
was feeling generous and in a good mood as he’d managed to get his end away.

I went downstairs and him and Amanda were there and Amanda was lying on the couch. We
watched a bit of TV and Amanda read the Guardian supplement. I made us all a bit of breakfast and
Amanda left around 2pm. Joe was complaining about how comfortable Amanda had been with the
whole situation and he’d expected a bit more awkwardness.

I then batted around all day with Joe watching Sky Sports News and we had a bit of food together. I
could feel the day draining away and felt a bit obligated to hang out with Joe just to keep him
company. I am the sort of person who requires vast amounts of solitude but I know that other
people crave just having someone else to be with them. We are all basically social creatures but I am
closer to the end of the spectrum that doesn’t require the same amount of social interaction as most.
I think it is this need for solitude that is the major factor preventing me from getting into a
relationship because I sometimes act cold and distant from people when I’ve been around them too
long and this is just my psyche building up its own wall to hide in.

I was quite glad when Joe left and I had the house to myself but this wasn’t until about 9:30pm. I
was feeling a bit strange like there was a portion of thought missing from somewhere in the centre of
my head. I had a big fart and did a bit of relaxation and then drifted off to sleep. I have not been
able to do any real relaxation of self hypnosis in the same powerful deep way that I used to be able
to. I’m not sure whether this is a reflection of lack of practice, the constant distraction of noise
where I live or the fact that the toxins and poisons in my body have polluted my brain. This is
definitely something that I would like to get back into and explore.

Sunday 6th December

I went down to Anja’s St Niklaus day bash. It always takes ages to get down to Anja’s. While I was
waiting to change trains at Earl’s Court a young Japanase guy came up to me asking for directions on
how to get to somewhere. I tried my best to explain but in the end I saw him getting on the wrong
train (my train) but I couldn’t be bothered to clarify things to him any further so I just smiled at him
and then skulked off further down the train. The poor guy will have ended up in Wimbledon when
he wanted to get to somewhere like Notthing Hill. I felt quite bad about this after the event.

I got to Anja’s and only Magnus, Anja, Wendy and Rhian had turned up as everyone had apparently
had a pretty heavy Saturday night. We had a few glasses of gluhwein and some mince pies. I headed
off home at about 8pm.

I got back and had a bite to eat and Joe told me that he was off to see Jack and Laura Gwyther down
in Dalston so I said I’d go down with him. I had a few pints and it was alright although the majority of
references and anecdotes that these guys go on about are generally to do with going on extended
drug binges. Laura was talking up getting some stuff in there and then but thankfully we were
unable to contact any of their dealers.
Monday 7th December

I got a message from Sylvie asking me if I could send her some photos over so she could sort out her
sister’s wedding album. She was asking me to send them on a burned DVD but I thought it would be
easier to compress them and then upload them so she could download them. I managed to make it
work but as the files were so big it was a long and arduous process.

Jamie then Skyped me wanting me to send him a video so I had to do the same for him.

Tuesday 8th December

We still hadn’t heard anything about the flyers so I had to ring up solo press to check on the order. It
turned out that they’d received the order but they’d had a question about it, which Della had not
replied to and therefore they’d not actually processed our order. I had to confirm the order and
fortunately they said they’d be able to deliver by 3pm to Punk the next day.

I had a call with Jim and asked him to clarify my situation at MyHammer as I haven’t spoken to Gerrit
since the last time I was in London and nobody in Germany seems aware that I am leaving. He said
he’d sort it out.

I went down into Angel and got some food from M&S and posted off Sylvie’s sister’s flash drive. I
was going to go to the post office but the queue was too big and the setup too annoying so I ended
up just walking to the office and banging on 6 first class stamps.

I came home and did a bit of skipping and some weights. It is probably the first time in about a year
that I have done some weights. Now that I have more free time, I really want to work on my fitness
levels and I like to do skipping and weights. Ideally I would be able to get up early in a morning and
do some skipping but there is always some excuse. I don’t like doing it when anyone else is in as it
makes a lot of noise and Jamie is always paranoid because you can see the ceiling bouncing up and
down a bit. I don’t want to do it in the morning when Joe is in as he is in the next room and I don’t
really want to wake him up to the noise of me jumping around for an hour each morning. On many
levels I see this as just another excuse and this is something that I need to move beyond so that I am
able to work on my fitness.

Joe has been smothering me a bit lately with his constant presence. I have always known that I am a
man that needs vast amounts of time on his own and having Joe batting around the flat with little to
do has just highlighted that to me.

Wednesday 9th December

We got a call that Heather wasn’t gonna be able to flyer as her dad was ill but that her friend still
wanted to do it.

I went down to Punk at about 7pm. I was supposed to be meeting Joe and Camille at Nandos for
some food at 6pm but I decided to get the bus into town and it took me a lot longer than I expected.

The party going on at Punk prior to Gypsy Roadblock was a tampax corporate party. We went inside
and it was pretty tame and after we’d been in the back, we came out and poor Finn was stood at the
bar drinking champagne, surrounded by women enjoying the hospitality of tampax.
Camille and I went out flyering around the local bars, offering free entry to Gypsy Roadblock to all
local bar staff. We got some decent response but it wasn’t as good as when me and Joe had done it.
The bars were a lot busier and people didn’t really have time to speak to us. It was nice to do it with
Camille and get a chance to spend some time with her. She is strikingly pretty and very cute but for
some reason she just doesn’t do it for me.

Joe called us back at about 9pm as the tampax woman wanted to open the doors to the public so we
went and flyered near Tottenham Court Road station. We handed out quite a few flyers but it didn’t
really work.

We went back inside at 10pm and got things underway. I spent most of the night floating around,
hanging out on the door, doing a bit of flyering, chatting to everyone and sorting out Natalie, Sinead
and James Batsford for drinks. I didn’t really fancy Natalie that much this time and kind of had a bit
more of an affinity for Sinead. Natalie was talking to me a bit but I didn’t really pay her much

It all went pretty well and when we cashed up at the end of the night, we’d cleared over £500, which
was enough to give Camille £20 (although we wanted to give her more), pay £30 to the flyer girl, give
Natalie and Sinead £60 to share and Batsford £60 for himself.

We cleared up the place and then got a taxi home. In the end me and Joe had cleared £200 each,
which is not too shabby, especially as I didn’t really do anything. We put on a pretty good night but
there is also a lot of scope do it a lot better.

Thursday 10th December

I got up quite late and decided to head home that day rather than the day after. I had tickets to see
Shed 7 with Adam Chambers, Nath and Gilly.

I headed down and got the train and sat and read my book most of the way and had a sandwhich.

I got back to Wakefield and for some reason I’d been contemplating getting a bus or a train from the
station but we had a bit of a delay so that went out of the window so I got a taxi instead.

I arrived home and hung out for a bit before driving out to get a KFC and then I drove around as I ate

I came home and had a bath and then had an early night. I did a bit or reading but I’ve also been
wanting to carry on with the database book and start watching a few more classic films but somehow
I have recently been sucked into spending quite a lot of time playing stupid online games.

Friday 11th December

I got up quite late and got a text from Nath saying that he’d pick me up and we’d head into Barnsley
and then get a train to Sheffield.

I drove up to M&S at Wooley Edge services to get some food and got a microwave meal.

Nath picked me up at 4:30pm and then took me back to his. Kim’s dad was there and he’d been out
with Keera. Keera had just started walking that day and she was walking between me and Nath and
was looking pretty cute. Last time I saw her she was still looking like a baby but now she was looking
a lot more like a little girl.

Kim drove us into Barnsley and we picked up Gilly along the way. Eddie had decided that he didn’t
want to come so he backed out.

We got the train into Sheffield and it was freezing. We met up with Adam and then went for a few
beers at a Wetherspoon’s in town. We then headed down to the concert. It kicked off and me and
Adam made our way into the moshpit and got quite near the front but Gilly and Nath hung at the

We had a chat about LetGen and we seem to be getting some positive feedback so now we just need
Nath to get moving on some stuff and then we can get a complete product out and on sale.

We had a bit of a mosh and then Adam suggested we go back and have another beer so we went
back and I called Nath and we met up by the bar. We got a beer and I was a bit disappointed
because that was when all the big tunes came on and we were out of the pit.

After the concert we went for another couple of beers and then got the train home before heading
into Barnsley for a couple of drinks and then went and got a curry. We queued for a taxi and then all
got individual taxis home.

Saturday 12th December

I was a bit hungover when I woke up but not too bad. I had a long conversation with Nath and he
told me that he was feeling ill but that would definitely finish everything he needed to do for LetGen
for the following day.

I batted around the house and watched some TV and then did a bit of reading and had a nap. I woke
up feeling pretty thirsty so I went for a drive and bought a copy of New Scientist and some lucozade.
I like being able to go off and drive out and pick stuff up. I didn’t do it much before but since going to
US and Canada I kind of like it and with Wooley Edge nearby reminding me of all the big roads in US
and Canada where you drive and buy your suff. I also really enjoy driving when I come back and I’ve
been seriously considering bringing my car down to London but the administration of sorting it out
puts me off.

I came home and decided to watch snooker. I like to watch snooker because it connects me to my
grandma who always used to watch it. I was watching it downstairs but my mum wanted to watch X
Factor so I went and watched it online.

Sunday 13th December

I got up and got a call from my Aunty Penny. She told me to pick her up at 1:30pm so we could go to
Betty’s and we’d pick Sally up along the way. We took a wrong turning on the way to Sally’s and
ended up having to find our way back to the motorway so that we could come in again off the
motorway as that was the only way my Aunty knew.

We picked up Sally and drove to a BHS in Knaresborough. We had to have a look around there and
also Matalan before going to Betty’s. We had a nice bit of food and a some mince pies. My Aunty
Penny bought loads of stuff from the Betty’s shop and I ended up buying some Swiss chocolate just
because I saw it and it reminded me of Anais. I still can’t quite get over her and she pops into my
mind quite a lot. I feel like my subconscious mind is constantly working in the background, churning
over Anais like a puzzle, trying to work out how to solve it, what I can do to get her back in my life. I
know on one level that it is hopeless but my subconscious doesn’t seem to want to give it up yet. I
went onto her profile on Facebook when I got home and found out that I can look at all her profile
pics, which is probably a band thing because it kind of gives me more easy access to images of her
and it just makes me realise how much I liked her and how much I miss her. There is an emptiness
there and I know it will subside but it is one of those things where you don’t really want it to subside
and you aren’t sure if or when you’re gonna meet someone who is gonna make you feel like that

It was already dark when we got started driving home from Betty’s and it was pretty nice as all the
little towns and villages had their Xmas lights up. We dropped off Sally and then I went home and as
my mum was watching X Factor so I went upstairs to watch the finals of the snooker. I’d also bought
my mum and dad some stuff from Betty’s and I think they were quite pleased about that.

I had a go at my mum about how cold the house was and for some reason had a go at her saying that
I couldn’t contemplate bringing any kids I might have to her house when it was so cold and with such
a bad atmosphere. I don’t know what it was that compelled me to say this but I guess it is one of
those situations where I say the things that hurt people that I know I can hurt with impunity. She
brought me up a wheat bag and told me she was gonna try and make sure that the heating was on all
over Xmas.

I finished reading the current novel I was reading and then again, spent too much time playing stupid
online games before going to sleep.

Monday 14th December

Sally took me to the station and I got the train down. I got a hot chocolate while waiting for the train
and the guy serving was unusually friendly, asking me where I was going.

The train journey was pretty uneventful and when I got back to the flat, Joe was sitting playing his
guitar and was wearing one of my cardigans, which I found quite funny and gave him a little ribbing
about. He’d apparently had Amanda round all weekend and she’d only just left that morning. He
was moaning about it a bit but I’m sure he loves it really.

I didn’t really do much and ended up watching Straw Dogs, which I found quite evocative.

I couldn’t really sleep and I ended up starting to write a letter to Anais – not with any real intention
of ever sending it but more just to see what that letter might look like and in the end it turned into a
bit more of a story. The process was quite cathartic and although I didn’t finish it, I think that I
should as it puts things in perspective and forces you to verbalise your emotions. It was also nice to
try and write again.

Tuesday 15th December

I booked myself an appointment at Toni & Guy’s in Islington and ended up managing to get Manuel
again. That is probably a record number of times in a row that I have been to see the same stylist. \i
popped into the office before heading down there and had a nice chat with Manuel about all those
things you do with a hairdresser; jobs, Xmas, his boyfriend etc etc.

I went back into the office and Jamie skyped me from Copenhagen asking me to ask a question to
one of the live feeds they were doing featuring the head of the Met Office. I initially asked him
‘where’s Lev?’ but Jamie didn’t find that too funny so I then asked him if he thought the climate
debate could be won with science or if it needed to be won on an emotional level. This stumped him
quite a bit but he managed to get through it quite well after the shock of a question he wasn’t really

I went back to the flat and just pottered around.

Wednesday 16th December

I was going to go down into the office but I got up and it was cold and snowing and in the end I just
didn’t fancy it so I hung around the flat instead, having a bit of an afternoon nap etc. I had a bit of
Skype chat with Mac and recommended that I watch Duel, so I did and it was alright, but it didn’t
really capture my imagination.

I headed down to meet Heike and Jim for the ‘LetGen Xmas Party’. We’d arranged to meet at a place
called ‘The Couch’ but not only wasn’t it open, it was undergoing some structural renovation so I
bumped into Heike and we walked down the road to another place. As usual, Jim was late so Heike
and I had a drink and a chat while waiting for him.

We then went to the restaurant. It was called ‘Inamo’ and you projected an interactive display onto
your table where you ordered all your food and you could play games. We ordered some
champagne and we let Jim order the food. It was a really nice meal and afterwards we headed to the
bar for some cocktails. There was talk of going for another drink but we realised it wasn’t really
worth it and got the tube home.

Thursday 17th December

I batted around in the flat most of the day. Joe came in at about 5pm and asked me if I wanted to go
to Smash & Grab with him up in Camden. He then went out and got us some food from the butchers
and cooked as nice bit of lamb and we started drinking some wine. We went out to Camden and it
started snowing but we ploughed on to see a band that had done some recording at Joe’s studio.
They were a pretty cool group of guys and we got chatting to them after and Joe said he’d got them
on the list for Smash & Grab.

The next band up had Bill Oddie’s daughter as the singer and she had a really great voice. Joe was
chugging the drinks back and I was struggling to match him 2 to 1.

We went to another bar for a drink and got chatting to some girl who had worked with Joe at some
stage in the past. It is quite cool to be out in Camden with Joe as he knows quite a lot of people. He
then deserted me as they were boring him. I joined him upstairs a little later and he was chatting
with the band. Amanda then arrived with a couple of friends and I was a bit disappointed that they
weren’t better looking. We had some shots and then headed down to Smash & Grab. We got to
jump the massive queue and get in for free due to Joe’s connections.
Natalie and Sinead were working as elves in some sort of evil Santa’s grotto so I went and had a little
chat with them and had my picture taken with Santa.

I then went over and had my face painted. She got a book out so that I could choose a design but I
told her just to freestyle it so I ended up with some crazy symbol painted on my face.

One of Amanda’s friends was trying it on with me but I didn’t really fancy her and she was a bit too
tall for me. I’d already recently taken a bullet for Joe by snogging one of Amanda’s mates so I
decided not to bother with this one. A bit later Joe’s brother Finn arrived and she ended up snogging
and then going home with him.

Joe was pretty drunk and a bit on heat and felt restricted by having Amanda around with him when
there were so many girls to talk to and chat up. He went looking for Natalie and Sinead and I tagged
along with him. We met up with them on the dance floor and got them a couple of drinks. They
were both looking pretty cute. Natalie then said that she had to go and I tried to convince her to stay
a bit but she wouldn’t budge. Sinead was staying so I went and got her a drink. We had a bit of a
dance in DJ area and then on the dancefloor. I was pretty wasted by this time as I’d been caning the
G&Ts and I ended up having a snog with her, which was all the more alluring for me because she told
me that she shouldn’t really as Natalie really liked me.

She then disappeared and I found Joe. He insisted that we have a couple of shots even though I said
it would probably make me sick – and it did.

We hung around a bit longer and then got a taxi home. Apparently Amanda had been annoyed by
Joe’s behaviour and had kept saying ‘you’ve blown it to him’ but as we were getting in our taxi she
called him to say she’d been locked out of her house and that she needed to come and stay at ours.

Friday 18th December

I was feeling pretty hung over most of the day and I was still quite shocked about the fact that I’d
pulled Sinead and the revelation that Natalie quite liked me.

Joe and I analysed the situation when he got up and then Amanda came around later and I had a few
beers and watched TV with them. I kind of wanted to leave them to their own devices but Joe made
me go down and sit with them. I toyed with the idea of going down to Dale’s night but after a few
beers, I couldn’t be arsed.

Amanda rolled a joint and I had a bit of it with her and then went to bed.

Saturday 19th December

I got up and then Joe and I gave the house a good clean in anticipation of Jamie coming back. I sent
Jamie a text to find out when he was coming back and to make it seem less suspicious (even though
we haven’t done anything wrong we still feel suspicious), I told him that the reason I was asking as
Joe had swung him an invite to a party.

I then went down to Rich’s and we played a few board games and a game of pass-the-parcel with
challenges. It was actually quite good fun but those guys are really clever and playing quiz games
with them is always a struggle as they have such a broad breadth of knowledge and are so fast.
They’ve normally answered the question correctly before I’ve even had time to process it.
We then went for a curry and I shared dishes with Adam and Iain and finally felt like a man in the
curry stakes as I was able to share with these two experienced, seasoned curry eaters and hold my
own (and as there were three of us and they were such big eaters, I was also able to get away quite
easily with not eating as much as them). Adam was talking about a lad’s weekend away sometime in
2010 and I told him I was up for it.

We then went for another beer and then I headed home with Stuart, one of Rich’s crew who lived up
in Islington so we took the Victoria line together and parted at Highbury and Islington. I got home
and had a couple of fags and was thinking about heading over to see Joe who was at Amanda’s place
at a party but I decided not to go because I wanted to get up and head back up north to maybe swing
by Keera’s party. I had a quick look online before going to sleep and Alex Hewitt made a friend
request on FB, which was something I wasn’t expecting at all.

Sunday 20th December

I got up quite early and packed some stuff together and headed down to King’s Cross to get the train
up to Barnsley. The train was quite full but I managed to get a seat on my own for the entire journey.
There was a bit of bother on the train with someone who had bought an advance ticket but was on
the wrong train and was now refusing to pay to upgrade.

It started snowing pretty badly while we were on the train and by the time I got to Wakey it was
settling. I jumped in a taxi and he was moaning from the off about the weather and how he’d not
wanted to come back and do a fare. We hit the M1 and a massive traffic jam and it took us about an
hour to get between junction 39 and 38 with the taxi driver moaning and crying all the way.

I got home and then had to decide whether or not to brave the conditions and drive to my Aunty
Alison’s in this weather to go to see all the family for Noah’s birthday. I was on the verge of not
doing it but then saw someone driving along Roman Road so thought that I could brave it too.

It was quite tough driving and I wasn’t 100% sure of how to get to Aunty Alison’s and at one point
tried to drive up a hill that was completely covered in snow and my car just couldn’t do it. I was a
little worried about getting stuck but I managed to turn the car around and get back onto the main
road. I gave Chris another call and they were all extremely ineffectual at giving me directions but
after a chat with my dad I managed to get the idea.

I arrived at Aunty Alison’s and took a snowball into the house and put it down Jaimie’s back. I hung
out with the family and the kids and met Sean’s new girlfriend who was quite nice and a lot better
than I’d imagined. Amy was also there, which is really annoying for me so I told her that she wasn’t
welcome. She looked a bit too distressed by this comment so I quickly retracted it.

We had some food and sang happy birthday to Noah and then I set up a treasure hunt for the kids
including rhyming clues and Jaimie helped me set it up. I then got Chris to help the kids do it and
jokingly gave the final prize as collecting £5 from Chris. I thought he’d play along but he didn’t, which
I thought was quite mean.

I was the last person to leave and had a little play with Noah and then left. Diana was talking about a
trip to the cinema and asked me to organise it. I think that she was trying to call my bluff but I was
going to do my best to make sure we went to the cinema.
Monday 21st December

My mum asked me if I wanted to take her up to Denby Dale so that I could buy a present for Keera
and so that she could get some stuff but then Chris and Sally turned up asking us if we wanted to go
to Meadowhall instead and somehow swung it so that I had to drive.

We did a lot of shopping to get Chris some presents for Amy. This was quite irritating for me on one
level as I’d spent so much time in the past trying to get Amy out of my life and now there I was,
buying Christmas presents for me. Amy going out with Chris is like some bizarre surreal alternate
reality with her now having the justification to encroach into my family life and I hate it. I feel like
those two are just so lacking in self-respect that they can end up together and I wonder why they
couldn’t have just gone out into the wide world and found themselves someone clean and lacking in
all the baggage and history that I represent. I am probably reading too much into it but that’s how I

I bought a present for Keera and one for Alexander. I bought them both jackets from Baby Next.

We then went to Horsefield’s for some lunch and I had a chat with Kate. I always find it a bit strange
chatting to Kate as we were never really that good friends. She was more friends with Bob and
Rennie and although I went to loads of her parties and even to nights at her house with just a small
group of people, I always felt that although we were parts of the same friendship Venn diagram, we
weren’t on a part of it that overlapped. My mum killed the mood of the light banter by going into
too much detail about the extent of Bob’s mum’s condition last year.

Rennie came into Kate’s and we had a bit of a chat but agreed that this wasn’t a time for us to hang
out together as he was with his mother and we had agreed to meet up the following day.

We came home and Sally called Diana and they said that they wanted to go to the cinema that
evening. We picked them up and drove to Cineworld in Wakefield to watch Avatar and although it
was pretty long, it was quite good. I thought I’d lost my car keys at one point but it was just that I
hadn’t brought them.

Tuesday 22nd December

I got up quite early and I’d promised to take Sally and Chris to Betty’s so we drove there. It was quite
a long drive but the food was pretty good and Betty’s is always nice. Chris bought a load more
presents and he got me a bar of Swiss chocolate, again a little nod in my direction to Anais. I’d had a
dream about Anais a few nights before we were lying together in bed and she’d asked me how long
she should stay and it had churned up a few more emotions within me. It is difficult to rationalise
why I keep thinking about her and miss her so much and I guess I shouldn’t really try to. The hardest
thing is that I feel like the fates conspired to take this away from me rather than having any potency
to have chosen to end it myself or even the knowledge that I did something to fuck it up so it was my
own fault anyway.

We then came home and Rennie had called me so I called him back. He came over and picked me up
at 3pm and we drove up to The Fountain in Ingbirchwood for some food. On the way we came
across a dog that was running around in the road so we pulled up and drove him to a house nearby
and they took him in and promised to get him back to his owners.
Rennie had bought me a new book, which he’d recently read and was telling me about it and how it
had some good advice in it. It was all about how you should resist the temptation to objectify people
to justify negative behaviour towards them and rather to keep the notion that they are human
beings at the core of your thinking.

We had a roast meal and a couple of pints and a chat about things. I enjoy hanging out and chatting
with Rennie because he is always scrutinising life and his role in it and is really someone who is
striving to become a better person and to increase his own lot in life.

We then went to Wooley Edge services to get a Costa Coffee and continue our chat and then Rennie
drove me home.

Wednesday 23rd December

I spent most of the day messing around on the computer, reading and playing Civilisation II, which I’d
downloaded from some abandonware site. I also was looking at LetGen and tried to re-register but
there was some sort of error so I got in touch with Lucas and he sorted it out.

I got a text from Nath asking if I was up for going to pockets so I said I would. The weather was
pretty bad and I asked my mum to drive me there but she couldn’t get her car out of the drive due to
the snow so I drove myself through with the intention of picking it up the next day.

I got there and it was just me and Nath to start with so we had a few beers and a chat about LetGen.
It is all very exciting but I am itching now to get a version out there that people are able to use and
that they’re paying for. Nath thinks there are a few decent opportunities to extend the functionality
and get a lot more money for it.

Eddie, Lee and Gilly arrived and we had some more beers and then a couple of games of killer darts.
I lost both times and ended up having to down a couple of shots.

The weather was pretty bad so Nath suggested that I stay at his so I went back. We built a quick
mini-snowman in his garden and then Kim made us a bit of pizza and I went to sleep on the couch
watching some TV.

Thursday 24th December

I got woken up pretty early at about 7:30am by Nath, Kim and Keira. I had a little play with Keira and
then it started snowing pretty heavily so Nath drove me round to pockets and I drove home. I got
back and helped my mother dig her car out of the drive so that she could get to the hairdressers and
then I basically just chilled out and played on Civilisation most of the day.

Louise and JP arrived a bit later and I ended up going on to my Aunty Penny’s with Sally and Louise
and got pretty smashed on G&Ts and saw Christmas in with them. I was a lot drunker than I realised
and I was spinning the three of them round in some drunken dancing.

Friday 25th December

I woke up pretty early but I was also pretty pickled. I went and had a bath then we all opened our
presents. As usual, I had the least amount of presents. As the youngest I used to always have the
most but now the reverse is true and this is something that I don’t really mind because we are not a
very close family and the whole Christmas thing leaves a slight bitter taste in my mouth as we go
through the motions of spending time together as a family.

We went down to The Millers for lunch and my uncle Paul came with us. I was feeling a bit sick from
the night before but managed to eat some of the food and have a few pints. The food was not great
and disappointing for £42 per head and I don’t think we’ll be going there again. We then had a tea
before heading off back home. Everyone except myself, my aunty Penny and my uncle Paul walked
back the long way and I dropped my uncle and aunty off at their place before heading home.

Chris, Amy and uncle Paul arrived at our house later in the evening and we watched some TV and
then had a game of scrabble.

Saturday 26th December

Louise was supposed to be making us all breakfast but she didn’t get her arse in gear so we ended up
having a fry-up for lunch but my mum made it and didn’t really start on it until about 1pm, which was
quite late as Rich was picking me up at 1:30pm. My mum made a right mess of the breakfast and
burnt a round of bacon and messed up the eggs. She was getting all stressed about it and was trying
to cover up her complete culinary incompetence but when she tried to fob me off with a sausage
that I am pretty sure was undercooked, I definitely couldn’t accept it and just had my burnt egg, dry
grilled bacon and a couple of slices of toast.

Rich came and picked me up and had a little chat with my mum and dad and then drove us up to his.
I had a chat with his mum and dad and had a go on Neil’s new cornet. I managed to get out a bit of
‘Silent Night’ but I was very rusty – however I don’t think there has ever been a time when I wasn’t
rusty on the trumpet. I should have probably chosen another instrument that didn’t require the
mastery of a mouthpiece because I never quite got it right.

Kim and Nath picked us up from Rich’s place and drove us to pockets via Gilly’s. I had bought a
present for Keira so gave it to Kim in the car and she seemed to like it. We had a few drinks and
watched some footy, played darts and pool and big black dog. Some guy came round offering to play
people at pool for money so knowing that I would probably lose but not really caring, I played him for
£2. He then started saying he’d play anyone for £1K but I said I’d play him for £20 and after putting
the cash down on the table he suddenly bottled it and said he didn’t want to play. I then jokingly
offered to play him for £40 and he suddenly turned nasty and accusing me of trying to hussle him
and that I should get ouf of his face and he’d fight me for £40 if I wanted. I wasn’t really that phased
by this and bought him and his dad a pint, which they hastily made away with. Those gypsies sure
like their money.

We then went back to Nath’s house and Kim, Jenny (Adam’s girlfriend) and Kay (Eddie’s wife) arrived.
Nath had ordered us in some kebabs but I couldn’t eat them because of how spicy the kebab meat
was so I had a turkey sandwich instead. We watched a bit of Bruno and Kay was sat next to me and
we had some mild contact, which I bizarrely found quite evocative. Adam and I then crashed out on
the sofa and Jenny and Kay slept together in the spare room, quashing my hopes of some
inappropriate action with Kay.

Sunday 27th December
I woke up in the night because somehow Bruno had managed to fire up again on the TV so I
stumbled around trying to turn the TV off and this woke Adam up and he told me how to turn the TV

Everyone filtered into the living room in the morning and we were watching TV and having a chat.
We were watching a bit of ‘Forgetting Sarah Marshall’ and about running the comedy nights and we
were all doing some name dropping of famous people we’d met and I was telling them about running
the comedy nights and the club nights.

Kim gave me a lift home and then I chilled out a bit and waited and prepared myself for staying over
at Sally’s with Maia and Jaime. My mum had started making me some food as she’d forgotten that I
was going out with Maia and Jaime

Debbie was supposed to arrive at 5pm but we got word that she hadn’t set off until after 5pm
because she’d been in some sort of argument about whether or not Billy would be coming down and
in the end he had decided not to.

Sally drove us to the cinema to watch The Chipmunks II and the kids seemed to enjoy it. We then
took them to Franky & Benny’s for some food but Jaime didn’t eat anything because he’d filled
himself up on sweets in the cinema. The waitress came over with a beer for me but spilled it all over
the table so had to get me another one. Maia had received a trivia game in her kids pack so we all
had to play it.

We then went back to Sally’s house and put the fire on. It was nice to be able to have a fire on. I’ve
had limited exposure to a fire since my mum got swindled by some local fire shop and therefore
doesn’t have a working fire and there isn’t anything at Jamie’s flat in London.

We started watching Jungle Book but it was the live action version and I found it quite boring. We all
ended up falling asleep watching the film and afterwards I carried Jamie to bed. I had to share a bed
with Jamie and for a little 7 year-old he was able to dominate the bed and squeezed me into small
space and was lying horizontally across the bed using my stomach as a pillow.

Monday 28th December

Jaime woke up pretty early and we had a little chat but I tried to get him to have a bit more of a sleep
so that I could have an extra hour but after my phone alarm went off at 8am it wasn’t long before we
had to get up.

We had some breakfast of cereals and toast and then Jaime was pretending to be Mowgli from
Jungle Book and was hissing and jumping around scratching and biting me and Maia was joining in
from time to time. This was pretty annoying and Jaime even managed to make my bleed on my jaw.

We set off to Xscape to take Maia and Jaime to the arcades and the climbing wall and so that Maia
and Sally could go shopping. I had to carry Maia to the car as her boots were still in the car.

We arrived at escape and went to the arcades and me and Jaime played on some shooting games
and Maia and Jaime played on some driving games. Maia and Sally wanted to go shopping so I took
Jaime bowling instead. I had a good idea that instead of competing with each other we should work
together to try and achieve a target of 250. We didn’t manage it in the first game but my 183 in the
second game added to Jaime’s bumper assisted 69 took us to 252 and we were both able to share in
the achievement.

We had arranged to meet Sally and Maia after an hour but we didn’t have any access to a clock and
there didn’t seem to be any available in the whole of the Xscape complex. Jaime and I wandered
around a bit and then went and had a massage chair together, which Jaime seemed to really enjoy.

Sally and Maia were a bit late and I was a bit annoyed. We went up to the place where you book the
climbing walls and they said the next time we could go on would be 12:40pm for a 1pm start, which
was just over an hour away so we decided to do it. We talked about getting some food but decided
that we didn’t really have enough time. Sally wanted to go and look at a shop so I took Maia and
Jaime to the Laser Quest to check what age you had to be to go on it and you had to be over 6 so we
said we’d take them to play Laser Quest next time. Maia then wanted to go into another arcade and
started playing some Crazy Frog inspired whack-a-mole where you got some tickets printed out that
you could exchange for prizes. We were supposed to be going back to get Sally but she kept putting
money in the machine so I had to drag her away and take her straight to the climbing wall. Sally
arrived in a bit of a mood saying that people had been looking at her strangely as she was wandering
around looking frantic, which I obviously dismissed as ludicrous. I was sorry that we hadn’t gone
back to get her when we said we would but I would have gone and got her as soon as I’d got the kids
on the climbing wall.

Sally and I hung around and watched them doing the climbing and for their ages they did really well.
Jaime was struggling a bit but this didn’t dampen his enthusiasm.

We then went to KFC for some food before driving back to Darton. Sally dropped the kids off with
me so that she could go home and have a bit of time on her own. I played with the kids and then
Debbie and Sally arrived so I had to get Jaime ready for his customary dancing performance with
Maia as his producer. Maia normally wears some of my headphones to be the producer. Jaime was
doing some Michael Jackson style dancing. I find it quite funny how he likes to perform and I like to
encourage him. I used to love to perform but don’t feel like I used to get the encouragement and
was met with a wall of apathy from the rest of the family so I like to encourage Jaime. It is also
interesting to see how Maia doesn’t really want to perform and is happy just to support.

They stayed for a while and the kids played on the computer on some online games. Debbie then
went and stayed over at Sally’s with the kids and I was invited to go along but was too tired after
being woken up throughout the previous night by Jaime.

Tuesday 29th December

I was booked into the dentist so most of the day was spent hanging around and getting ready to go
through to Ripon.

We drove over to see Diana for half an hour as she was about to leave to go back to Oman. I don’t
think she was particularly that bothered about having us around. My mum seems to think that she
loves her family but Sally and myself seem to think this is more hyperbole. We had a cup of tea and I
had a chat with Eddie about his entrepreneurial course and telling him a bit about LetGen.

We went home and my mum cooked us some food. I don’t like this Chrimbo Limbo part of the year,
primarily because I am couped up in the house with my mum and dad and they are just lumps of
inactivity and boredom and I have no desire to get spend any real time with them so I end up just
being cooped up and confined to my bedroom. I realise now that if anything in 2010 I need to find
my own space as it is something that I crave and seem to need in order to be able to get on with
anything. Sitting in my room seems to completely shrink my world but currently it is the preferred
alternative as I try and build the foundations of my future life. I sit in my room listening to my dad
belching constantly and it is just disgusting. I feel distant from the rest of my family because they
don’t seem to grow or evolve. I want to be part of a family that has ambition, a desire for a legacy,
potency, the vision to try and help each other achieve their goals and to set up the next generation
for even greater achievements than their own but alas, they are not like that – so my choice has
always been clear. I have to cast them adrift so that I can soar or else they will forever be a burden
that will drag me down into the abyss of their mundane existence and leave me drowning in apathy
and obscurity. I cannot let this happen. I will fight it always. It may seem like the words of a
teenager but the reality is that I am not like them.

I set off to Ripon about 2:15pm and was listening to the radio. They are doing a countdown of the
100 best selling songs of the noughties and I find it quite interesting and nostalgic and it brings back
all the memories of the last decade.

I got to the dentist and was straight in to see him. He gave me a check-up and told me that I needed
to have a filling. I was then supposed to see the hygienist but it took ages and it turned out it was
because my mum’s bridge had come loose and the dentist was fixing it in the hygienist’s room so
having thought I’d be out by 4:30pm to set off to Liverpool, I ended up not even going into the
hygienist’s until after 4:30pm.

She gave my teeth a good clean and gave me some brushes for flossing between my teeth. I don’t
tend to really like our dentists as they seem to be really functional rather than giving you the feeling
that they actually care about the state of your teeth. I’ve been with them for 30 years and they
should treat my teeth as if they were their own.

I went to book an appointment for my filling and the only space they had left was Wednesday 13th
January, which actually is quite an annoying time to have to come back. I think that after this I
should definitely change my dentist. I am conscious of my teeth more and more lately and I’d really
like to explore the options open to me for some cosmetic dentistry to get a Hollywood smile
although I don’t really want to wear a brace – although my sister does and she’s 42.

I then set off to Liverpool and everything seemed to go wrong. I took the long road down to Leeds
rather than the A61 and then when I got to Liverpool I got off the M62 at the wrong turning and then
had to get Greeny to talk me in to his flat.

I got there and they were still playing their previous game. I had a few beers and we had some pizza
and watched the footy on Sopcast. We played the second game and I was dominating for most of
the start but ended up coming third after losing a couple of 50:50 showdowns and eventually going
out to Rich. Rich ended up winning the pot and he’d leant me the £30 to buy in as I had no cash on
me. I then lost another £20 to him after a few ridiculous bets on the darts.

We then had some more drinks while playing a game of ‘Big Black Dog’. I shared the spare bed with

Wednesday 30th December
We got up and watched a bit of TV and had a chat. Greeny is just about to embark on the next leg of
his world travelling tour so he was telling us about that. We had some bacon sandwiches and I gave
Baz the present I’d bought for Alexander. I was wondering what to do on NYE and had asked Baz if
he fancied doing something but he had already got plans.

I drove home and stopped off at Woolley Edge services to get a hot chocolate and a couple of
magazines and some cash.

I drove home and had got a package from Amazon, which was a head massager that I’d ordered and
in fact turned out to be a dildo that had been converted for head massaging purposes. It wasn’t
great as a head massager.

I had a bath and chilled out listening to radio one and messing about online. I had a bath and then
dozed off. My mum had made me some sausage and chips but not bothered to tell me when they
were ready as she didn’t want to disturb me so I went down them and despite her offer to warm
them up for me, I decided to just eat them cold.

I then went to bed and watched Family Guy’s take on Empire Strikes Back. I did a bit of research
online into going away during the week 4th January to 10th January but it is difficult to find anything
good and particularly difficult if you want to travel alone. I wanted something that was bit beachy,
had a pool and a spa but these sort of holidays are geared unsurprisingly to people travelling in
groups of more than one.

Louise and JP arrived later that evening in preparation for going out with my mum and dad for New
Year ’s Eve and I went to sleep listening to Inner Talk hypnosis.

Thursday 31st December

I woke up feeling a bit sick with a sore throat and just a bit wrong. I got up and had a boiled egg and
took a fizzing Vitamin C tablet.

I spent most of the day floating around and didn’t really get up to much.

Chris rang up my sister to ask if he and Amy could go to the Cantonese restaurant with them. This
really annoyed me.

Louise asked me if I wanted to go with them or wanted to meet them down at The Millers but I
declined. It says a lot when you would rather spend New Year’s Eve alone than go out with the
members of your family. I wouldn’t have enjoyed myself and I would have had that ‘opportunity
cost’ feeling where I knew that I was wasting time doing that rather than spending some time on self

I toyed with the idea of giving Lev a call and going up to see him or getting in touch with Nath but in
the end I wasn’t feeling 100% nor were any of the immediate offers at hand exciting enough to
bother going out when I wasn’t feeling my best. My dad tried to make some stupid joke about me
‘buying a round at the bar’. His jokes about money are only half-jokes and reflect his true beliefs
about money as some scarce resource that has to be hoarded at all costs. I called his bluff and told
him to get a round in and let me know how much it cost him and I’d reimburse him in full. He then
just mumbled that this ‘wasn’t the same as seeing me cry at the bar’. I swear, if he’d have been a
stand-up comedian, he’d have had the same set for the last 50 years and everyone would have heard
it on several occasions.

After everyone had left I went and had a bath and then went to bed. I was in bed by 11am and went
to sleep listening to some Inner Talk and doing some self-hypnosis. I was basically focussing on
letting go of all the bitterness and resentment. I hold onto a lot of bitterness and resentment about
my family, about my friends and about how the world hasn’t allowed me to grow and evolve into the
man I had the potential to become. Deep down I know that this is bullshit and it is nothing personal.
It is just the random twists of fate and reality and my own inability to shape my own existence. I will
strive in future to accept the past and to not take actions personally. It is difficult because it is hard
to not take some things personally. Anais, for example, and her flippant rebuttal is difficult to not
take personally but really it isn’t. It is just a quirk of reality and I have to let it go and move on or else
future opportunities will be closed to me.

I drifted off to sleep in this state.

I woke up a couple of times in the night to the sound of people returning to the house but I largely
ignored it.

                                                  ~ 2010 ~

Friday 1st January

I woke up feeling a lot better and although my throat wasn’t 100%, it was a lot better. There is no
feeling quite like waking up to a new year without a hangover and knowing that everyone else has
one. I enjoy the mornings alone while everyone else around me is asleep so I can potter around
undisturbed and at my own pleasure.

I’d received a few texts so I replied to them all.

I didn’t want to be cooped up in my room all day so I went down and sat in the conservatory and
spent quite a lot of time throughout the day doing LetGen related stuff. We are now getting very
close to a launch version. This is quite exciting as this could be the financial foundation that finally
gives me complete financial freedom. That will be scary in its own right as suddenly all excuses are
removed and with your time being your own, you suddenly have a huge responsibility to yourself to
use it properly.

I had a chat with my sister and then everyone started getting up and Chris came on. They were all
chatting about the previous night and had the air of a group of people who had bonded over a good
night out. My dad was bragging about how he’d been out until 3:30am and the birds had been
chirping on his way home. He then started going on about his usual stuff and this time was talking
about education and his generic comments such as ‘the only people that are complaining about kids
getting meals at school are the supermarkets’ – hmmm, yeah right, that seems quite a specific and
validated comment. I could tell that he was in the early stages of working himself up. I’ve seen it
many times where he just argues for the sake of it and his impotence that the world isn’t working in
the way it should and how the powers that be aren’t doing the obvious right things. I can’t quite
believe that my mother doesn’t yet see these situations coming. They are always during a holiday,
where he has been at home, sitting hour after hour on the settee and doing nothing else and his
energy has to come out in a furious outpouring of shouting against my mother or me about some
stupid abstract notion. I understand that there are parallels with my own personality but my dad has
never got off his arse and tried to change the things he works himself up over and I have always
vowed that I will try my best to use my energy to change things rather than rant and rave to an
uncaring, apathetic, impotent audience.

My mother made us a stew. Louise and JP were on at my aunty Penny’s and although I rang them to
tell them to come home, me, my mum and my dad had all eaten our food by the time they got home.

My dad brought in a chair from the conservatory. I told him to just bring in the one that my laptop
was on and he said that he didn’t want to break it, so I just replied that it didn’t matter and it was
alright if he did break it. This is a retort to his comments of my youth when I didn’t look after things
that I didn’t understand the value of anything and when I had to buy my own things that I’d treat
them differently – well no, I’m just as glib with the things I have bought myself and it is just that I
always have had and always will have a different definition of value to him. That sentence is quite
strange to write as I think one of my issues is that I don’t believe in the permanence of anything,
especially emotions and states of mind. Some people live like the emotion they are experiencing
now or the belief they have now is somehow immutable whereas I always live with firm
understanding that what I think, feel, believe now is just a transient state and could at anytime
dissolve into something else entirely. This is one of the reasons that I feel a bit unreal, a bit ethereal
as I don’t believe in a central core of immutability to my being. I am just an ever-changing
insubstantial transitory sentience that exists for a brief moment of time before being replaced by an
entirely different sentience.

We sat in almost complete silence as we ate and I felt quite amused by the situation and was thinking
in my head – ‘this is the situation you guys have created, this is what our relationship has come down
to and you guys created it, and you are perpetuating it by doing nothing to change it because I am
not going to change this’. I realise this is a fallacy as I have quite a dominant personality and make
zero effort to change things and that in itself makes it difficult for them. I am also quite dismissive of
their minimal attempts to change it but the reality is that we are three different people and I have
outgrown them and I am bitter and I am resentful that it has come to this and the reason is that
although I don’t think they were bad parents, I don’t think they can fall back on the line ‘we did our
best’ because I know and they know that they did nowhere near their bests and they didn’t even
tried to do their best.

So, my attempts to release all my resentfulness and bitterness don’t seemed to have worked
completely but that doesn’t mean I am going to stop. I will continue to make concerted efforts to let
go of all this but then what? Even if the resentfulness and bitterness are gone (which I have to say,
they almost are) what happens then? I don’t really want to build any further on any existing
relationships. I feel they are lost causes, stagnant and that it is futile to waste further energy on
them. This is a trait of mine that I don’t know how to react to as I am starting to get this feeling
about Jamie too – stagnant, trivial, mundane people who want nothing more than to drift along on
the currents of life, going wherever they are taken, reacting to any event by trying to get back into
their comfortable zone of mindless inertia. I don’t know whether this is a negative trait or a positive
trait. I only know that I feel a constant pressure by all these people around me to conform to and
embrace their normality as some inalienable truth of existence and it isn’t me and never will be.
I expect too much of people. I know this. I sound a lot like an adolescent at times. I know this. I
have always been quite immature physically and I sometimes wonder if this is reflected emotionally
as well and actually I’m still mentally in the throes of adolescence. I doubt it but I wonder.

Louise asked me if I was going to go down to The Millers with my dad and JP and perhaps I should –
get out of the house – take a step towards letting go of that bitterness and resentment.

Saturday 2nd January

I woke up and my phone was annoying me because it has been on the blink for quite some time with
the back light not working properly and now it turns itself on and off according to its own secret and
indecipherable agenda. I had been contemplating waiting for T-Mobile to come out with the iPhone
but I think it is time for a network change. I’ve paid those guys so much money over the years, with
Jamba and MyHammer footing my mobile bills and constant calls to and from abroad saw my bill
averaging £200 per month over the last 7 years or so and still I don’t feel like I get the preferential
treatment I deserve. Inertia and apathy and the fact that I didn’t actually pay my own bills has led
me to not really worry but now that I am no longer employed (OK, I am still to all intents employed
by Jack & Danny Ltd and have the resources to remain so for the next 2 years), I still feel the time has
come to be less blasé with my finances – mirroring the austerity of our current times. Now I’ll have
to do the break-up call with T-Mobile. I also responded to some Viagra spam. Yes, I am the guy that
ensures that this sort of spamming manages to survive. I bought some from some Canadian site just
to see what it is like. I paid my money and they said it would take around 4 weeks to arrive, which is
just enough time to forget you ordered it so I would not be surprised if I never get it and that it is
some quick scam.

I’d arrange to meet Nath to go through LetGen in details and to scrutinise the platform in detail. I’d
been careful in the past to try to not get too bogged down in details as they distract from the more
important matters of logic and functionality but now we are at a stage where we can look in detail at
things like specific wordings and field integrity. We went through and there are a lot of changes to
be made but fortunately they are all little niggling changes and the end is in sight.

Nath picked me up and we walked down to St Pierre where we went through everything and
discussed how we can promote LetGen. We looked at another system and they have started creating
something similar to LetGen, which Nath thinks must have gone online in the last 6 weeks. It is still
not as effective as ours and you can look at it in two ways. The first is to be annoyed that there is
suddenly competition and the other is to see it as an opportunity in that competition validates that a
market exists and our price point is much cheaper than theirs. We also have a difference in that we
are focused on the generation of suitability letters whereas that is not their core business.

Nath and I discussed opportunities for how we can expand LetGen to include other services and
there is definitely a lot of potential there but we just need to get the ball rolling a bit with 100-200
users signed up or an advisor network involved and then our rate of development and feature
expansion can increase exponentially with us having a small chance of disrupting the whole
compliance market.

We had a few beers and as Kim had decided to stay round and Kay’s, Nath and I decided to go down
to Pagoda for some Chinese. We then went for a couple of Brandy cocktails and then on for a few
pints. We got a taxi back to Nath’s and I stayed over at Nath’s because it was easier and we could
have a few drinks. We had a bit of a chat and watched some TV and then went to bed.

I have a feeling lately that I am a bit calmer with my friends. I am a lot more open to what they are
trying to say instead of the urge I used to have to perform and use my friends as a surrogate
audience. I think this has mainly come about due to my performing comedy more regularly so I have
that outlet there in a much more intense atmosphere and no longer feel I have to prove myself on
that smaller, more forgiving stage. It leaves me at a bit of a loss sometimes as that was such a big
part of me that I am now in the process of redefining how I behave in social settings.

Sunday 3rd January

I woke up just as Kim was coming home. I had to open the door for her as the keys were in the door
so she couldn’t unlock it. She brought Kiera in with her who was asleep.

Nath sounded to be in a bit of a state, coughing and full of phlegm. I had my usual post-drinking
bowel motion lottery and this time it was more like constipation but after a long while I managed to
squeeze out a full evacuation – probably my first real one since getting the head massager.

Nath was pretty ill and has constantly been in some state of illness for the last few years. He could
definitely do with a bit more exercise and healthy living, if only so that he can survive long enough to
get LetGen to a state where he isn’t indispensible and so that he is around long enough to pay me
back for my investment.

I had a little play with Kiera and then Kim drove me home. We had a little chat about what was going
on and she was asking me what I actually did at the moment. I often get surprised at how little
people know what I am up to and all my family are always asking me if I’m still living in Germany. I
haven’t lived in Germany for 10 years when I went to Dortmund for a couple of months with Bob
Turner. Yes, I spent a lot of time there during the later Jamba period and the early MyHammer
period but still, where are they getting their intel from? I guess I would need to communicate things
more to let them know how I am getting on but I have always had a sense that I am straying from the
norm and they are more comfortable with limited information so they can fill in their own gaps in the
knowledge with their perceived sense of normality than inducing a sense of worry or
incomprehension in them that I don’t really strive for the same lifestyle that they seem to believe is
an immutable desire of every living person. It seems that for most of them the pinnacle of
achievement is to settle down in your own house, with a secure job, a partner and a couple of kids.
Once that is achieved the rest of your life is spent servicing that status quo and reacting to the
external environment that they bring with them. I am not dismissing these things and believe they
are part of a well-balanced lifestyle but they are not the pinnacle, they are not the end goal to strive
for and to place too much focus and energy on these things before you have the correct foundations
in place is pure folly as then you close too many doors and stagnation will never be this actors role.

Kim and Nath do sometimes comment on how I am always doing lots of different, interesting and
exciting things and this does give me a sense of pride and I sometimes ask myself if I would swap my
own life for theirs and although I don’t in any way think negatively of their choice of lifestyle, I know
that the answer to a swap would be a resounding no. I am thankful however that they let me dip in
and out of their settled lifestyle routine as it lets me experience this.
I came home and got on with a flurry of activity for LetGen and exchanged a few emails with Heike
and Nath. I had a little look at MyHammer and it seemed to be doing well with over 200 jobs posted,
which is probably a combined result of airtime and the change in the sign-up flow. I know that I have
left and that I shouldn’t really care but it is interesting to see whether your suggestions have worked
or not and to validate your assertions. The success of the flow could now act as a strong catalyst for
the growth of UK and in the wake of that help enhance the DE proposition. If UK shows promise then
that acts as a gateway for a US launch but they will never get there at a speed fast enough for me
with their current set-up, reporting structures and management team so although I regret the fact
that I wasn’t able to push MyHammer to a position whereby it was closer to its full potential, I don’t
regret leaving as I still would not have been able to exert the influence to turn it into the platform
that would make it a success.

I still spent too much time playing stupid online games and checking FB and my hotmail account and
this is something that I think will drift away as I focus on other projects.

I watched a couple of episodes of Gavin & Stacy and also a documentary on ‘Not The 9 O’clock
News’. I had arranged to go over to see Richard Alexander but he texted me to say he wasn’t feeling
that great so I told him that it was probably better for us to arrange it for another time. I got a text
form Baz telling me that he’d been bowling with Alexander and had got a 184. I asked him when I
was gonna see Alexander again and commented jokingly that Alexander probably was missing me a
lot despite never mentioning me and he replied that Alexander had actually built a sticklbrick house
the previous night and commented that it was a place for him, Baz and me to live. I was actually
pretty chuffed that I remain somewhere in his consciousness.

I had a chat with my mum about her retiring. She told me that she had loved it last year but wasn’t
enjoying it this year. This is contrary to my memory of what she was saying last year where I
convinced her to stay another year. She doesn’t understand how good she has it at the Uni and
although she sometimes feels stressed, this is basically artificial stress and in reality, her lifestyle is
pretty good and she will miss it when she is gone. I told her that if she felt it was the right time to
move on then fine but in the last 6 months there she should make sure that she sits back a few times,
breathes in and really fully experiences things because she has had a great lifestyle there.

I was wondering why Alexandra had suddenly out of the blue decided to befriend me again on FB and
then not bother to contact me or anything and I think basically it is because she has got engaged and
wanted for some reason to let me know that without actually telling me that.

I finished off reading a couple of books. I finished the book that Rennie got me and it was quite
interesting but essentially just a longwinded way of telling you to remember that other people are
human and not to try and view them as stereotypes. I also finished off reading my book on database
design. It was a very interesting read and I wish I’d read it a long time ago.

Monday 4th January

I woke up feeling a bit sick still and my wisdom teeth had started playing up a bit. I slept in quite late
and then basically spent the day batting about not doing much. For some reason I am still keeping an
eye on how MyHammer is doing and as Jim was working from a different computer, I helped him out
with a few links and stuff so he could access some of the remote sites such as customer care and jira.
MyHammer seemed to be doing well all day despite the fact that there was no advertising and by the
end of the day had around 200 job posts. I had a long conversation with Jim and then I drove to
Woolley Edge services to get myself some lunch, buy my evening meal and get myself a hot
chocolate. The roads were quite icy but not dangerously so.

I sent my invoice to MyHammer for December so let’s see whether they pay it or not. I am hopeful
that they will because their level of disorganisation means that they will barely be in a position to
dispute it.

I came home and ate my food and had a bit of a nap later in the day.

Heike sent me a message saying that she thought that she would be able to get the LetGen stuff
sorted out by the end of the week.

I called T-Mobile to let them know that I was going to cancel my subscription.

It was quite cold in the house and as I don’t know how to turn the heating on, I got out the new
portable heater that my mum bought and had that on.

I had a curry for my tea and then I went to bed quite early. I haven’t been feeling too great and had
an early night.

Tuesday 5th January

I woke up and looked out the window and the world had turned to white again. It was snowing
pretty heavily and would snow most of the day resulting in snow deeper than I have ever
experienced in this country and the snow was over 8 inches deep in the front garden.

I am still getting a few minor requests from people at MyHammer and Jim still asks me a few
questions. I don’t really mind helping Jim out but they need to get their act together so that the
company can really get out of the reactionary stage and into a stage where they can really progress
quickly and easily to the real needs of their user base. Jim sent me through a new advert, which was
one that we had conceived together and was a reworking of the orginal. The quality seemed ok and I
think it really stands up against a lot of the adverts that are already out there. Randolph skyped me
to ask who created our adverts as they were thinking of maybe doing a Flash one. They have a live
action advert that probably cost £20K at least to film, which is ok considering their several hundred
thousand pound budget per month but for us the €750 advert that we have works fine and serves its
purpose, especially in light of our lower TV budgets and sporadic commitments. I’m still saying ‘our’
for some reason, which is very strange as I barely said ‘our’ when I was officially working for them.

It was a snow day so I suddenly floated on to Ladbrokes Poker to see what was going down. I started
with £100 and after a few ups and downs I was doing really badly. I was trying to play tight and
patiently but it wasn’t working out for me so I fell into tilt mode for a bit and managed to get up to
€300. I then went onto the roulette wheel just to see how it worked and tried my system and walked
away with a total of £550. This got me thinking about modifications to my system and I worked out a
new way of playing it where any winnings initially get put into a couple of buffer 1-2-3 bets to
increase the number of times I can lose in a row – and even though I know that the odds dictate that
no matter how long I play it that in the long run I should lose, it is still interesting to try it out.

I watched a film called ‘Memento’ and then Baz called me up and we had quite a long chat for about
an hour and had a good laugh. He was telling me about a girl that he is writing comedy with and we
organised some admin for The Bar Olympics in terms of booking a Travelodge. We decided in the
end to book a Travelodge for Thursday and Friday night because it beats messing around and
sleeping on Giles’ floor after an all day alcohol binge and would probably actually be cheaper in the
long run.

And there we have it. I have kept a journal for an entire year. This is a massive personal
achievement for me and I feel quite proud that I have managed to do it. I’m not entirely sure what
benefits it has brought to me but I know that it has been quite an interesting process. Coincidentally
I also read a little article about Samuel Pepys and his diary and this has compelled me to continue
keeping this journal. I think that as I progress I need to let go of the feeling that someone else might
read it and I might be left exposed to other people. This should be a domain where I can express
myself completely and honestly and use it as a way to converse with myself and air my innermost
feelings, thoughts, emotions and actions. If someone else does get their hands on it then so what,
this is a reflection of who I am and if I am worried about that getting out into the world then I am
really suggesting that I am not happy with the person that I am being seen by the world. Anyone
who does read it, including myself in future, will surely realise that the journal only reflects a
transient perspective of what truly happens in my life and is viewed through a skewed lense. The
way I chronicle a particular day, a particular feeling, action or emotion is heavily influenced by my
current mood and my memory may emit portions of the story of my life that at the time and on
reflection would seem entirely salient and important but at the time of writing have drifted
completely from my mind. I have felt sometimes when I am writing this that I am purely chronicling
facts ‘I did this and I did that’ and this is important but what I would like to do more is use this as a
space where I can give more comment, more of myself to the pages, more of a true reflection of the
way I am reacting to, experiencing and feeling about those events so that I can look back in future. I
think this will allow me to spot trends in my own life and on reflection allow me to make better and
more positive decisions moving forward and stop me from repeating mistakes or getting stuck in a
rut. I already feel that I have made a mistake again by letting the Comedy 2.0 guys back in and I
regret it already. I’m sure that if I’d truly reflected then I wouldn’t have done it and if I had spent a
moment looking through my journal to see why I wanted to get rid of them, I’m pretty sure that I
would not have asked them to help out on this one.

This has been a transitional year and I do feel that I have put in place some foundations to set me up
for a future that I can be excited about and happy about but I just have to keep working on it,
pushing it and spending some time really drilling into my own core so that my actions in future and
the path that I am treading is ultimately one that takes me on a journey that is true to myself. I think
that I have been somewhat hiding in my shell for a long time and although I have resisted being
sucked up in someone else’s slip stream and acting as an agent of their will to help them achieve
their own objectives, this has so far come at the price of anchoring myself to resist the pull of the
eddies and tides but that anchoring has also stopped me from moving off in my own direction. That
process is morphing and I feel right now that I have the foundations in place to remove the anchor
and using those same eddies, tides and winds to power myself towards a destination of my choosing.
I’m also going to work more on expressing myself through extended metaphor.

All in all, it has been a good year and although I don’t know exactly what maintaining a journal has
added to that, I am sure that it has augmented it.

Wednesday 6th January
Dad was struggling to get to work. Snow was falling again. I still had a bit of wisdom tooth pain but it
seemed to have lessened. I also have a bit of a nagging sore throat that is more vaguely
uncomfortable rather than painful and I am not entirely sure if that is some sort of overspill from the
wisdom tooth issue. It is bizarre that my teeth have seemed fine for ages but within a week of
returning from the dentist and the hygienist, they seem to be a lot more sensitive.

I spoke to Joe Curran on the phone. I asked him whether I should let the boys help out with
organising the next comedy night and he didn’t seem to mind either way. I know that I have always
said that I want to ditch them but the prospect of booking acts for this without any real prospect of a
guaranteed regular run at Punk made me think that it would be easier to let them get involved in this
one, primarily for Jim’s access to acts. Jim then replied via the wiki that he had a paid gig on
Wednesday 20th Jan, which scuppered all that because when people aren’t going to be turning up on
the night, they don’t really give any major support to setting up the night. The old feelings of
frustration are resurfacing as I realise again that I will have to pretty much set up the entire night,
with minimal operational support from the rest of them and they will simply turn up, share the glory
and leave, thinking that they played an equal part in the success of the night. I always say that I think
that they feel an equal part in the success of the night but I’m not entirely sure if this is the case or
not – maybe they are flying by the seat of their pants, waiting for the party to end but not wishing to
rock the boat for fear of ending the party prematurely.

My iPhone arrived while I was in a towel. The guy from the delivery company was knocking on the
front door and I was quite proud of the fact that he’d managed to make it through the snow so I
didn’t want him to miss the delivery. My mum was working in the back room so I had to shout to her
to go and answer the front door.

I messed around with the iPhone for a bit but couldn’t really get it to work so in the end I thought I’d
have a break from it and walk down to the shop with my mum. It was a bit of a challenge to walk
through the snow but I didn’t find it too difficult, however my mother was slipping and sliding all over
the place and I commented to her that I found it difficult to believe that my mother had such poor
balance. She had to cling onto me for a lot of the way as insurance against falling over. In the shop
my mum went into some sort of panic buying mode and was telling me that I needed to get enough
food in for the next couple of days but I was more relaxed about it and told her to stop fretting. We
got a few things in and I paid for the whole shopping. We walked back up and it was nice to have
been out the house for a bit and I should definitely start getting out more for a bit of a stroll – I know
it is an excuse but strolling around the area of London that I live never really seems to hold any lure.

We got back and I was still having trouble setting up my iPhone so I contacted Orange customer
support and she had a look at my account and said that activation was pending and that it should be
ready within a couple of hours. I also asked her to port my old number onto my new phone and she
set it up and informed me that it would be activated by Friday.

I tried it again after a couple of hours and it worked so I had a bit of a play with it, downloaded a few
apps and texted Nath to ask him what his chess username was so that we could get a game going. It
looks pretty cool and I think it has the potential to augment my life and also the way in which I
construct this journal. I now have the capacity to easily record little voice memos so I think that will
help me keep a record of any thoughts or actions that happen while I am out and about so that I can
write them up later and will also mean that when I come to writing up a few days at a time, I will
have a better reference to aid my memory.
Jim has also recently got an iPhone and has been harping on about it quite a lot so I thought that it
would be fitting if he was the first person that I called from it. We had a little chat about MyHammer
and he also told me about his EP launch party, which he is going to hold on Wednesday 17th February
in Madam JoJos.

I messed about online and with my iPhone for a bit longer and then my mum gave Sally a call. She
was on at my Aunty Penny’s and said she would come on here after she had eaten. My dad came
home and so I packed up my stuff and moved up to my bedroom. Sally came and we sat in my room
and we had a chat for a bit. She told me about how Debby had stayed at her place until 5pm the
night after we’d looked after Maia and Jaime and how much she thought that Maia and Jaime had
enjoyed themselves. We went downstairs a bit later to have a cup of tea and I had some crumpets
and we sat in my mum’s little study for a bit before I packed her off home.

I then went back upstairs and got to work on my new system, which after chatting with David,
decided to call it ‘TheWerth’ (yes, the camelback notation is intentional). I took my initial fund up to
£1450 and then decided to call it quits and went into the poker rooms with €200 at a €2/€4 table. I
wasn’t really used to this size of blinds and felt a bit uncomfortable. I got into a hand and tried to
bluff my way out of it and raised $80 all-in into a €140 pot with just the river to come – and they guy
went and called me. I obviously assumed that he’d already hit because there was a pair of jacks on
the table but actually he was just up and down and went and bloody hit his straight. I don’t get
annoyed at people hitting but I do get annoyed at people calling into these types of pots where they
are getting nowhere near their odds and no chance of any implied odds as I was already all-in. This
put me on a bit of tilt and I headed back to the roulette table to try and recoup this money. I
shouldn’t have gone near a roulette table on tilt because I wasn’t playing my system properly (which
I do understand is inherently flawed) and ended up losing £600 in the space of about 5 minutes. To
give myself some credit, I did then walk away at this point and did cash out all my money from
Ladbrokes and yet even though I was cashing out £850 from an initial stake of £100, my overall
feeling was one of loss and I didn’t feel like I’d won £750 but rather felt like I’d lost £600. This is the
major danger in gambling for me in that I always want to chase my losses, never want to quit while I
am ahead and unless I’m gambling on the cusp of what I can afford, I don’t really feel like I’m
gambling. I think that in some ways I haven’t gambled much this year primarily because I have been
ploughing some high stakes into a different gamble and that is on the development costs of LetGen.

I got a message from Markus asking me if I could purchase a Nexus One for him. They are currently
only available to US, UK, HK and Singapore and he is in a competition with a few of his friends to see
who can be the first one in Germany to get their hands on them. I went about ordering one for him
Markus wanted me to get him a Nexus One as he had a competition with to see who could get one
first and they only ship to UK. It cost about $550 and I had some difficulty getting Google to accept
payment at first as I was trying to get it shipped to an address that wasn’t the same as the billing
address. I tried again with a different card so and it seemed to go through. I hope it works as I would
like to help Markus win this little bet. Markus is probably my ultimate fallback and I know that if I hit
the ropes that he’ll be there to give me some sort of job in future – that may mean relocating to
Berlin or something but that little safety net is there. He also asked me to accept his friendship
request on FaceBook but I am wary of doing that as I like to keep a little distance between my
FaceBook account and professional contacts as you don’t really want them knowing about all your
little intricate personal details and foibles and what you get up to in your own time.
I had a little chat with Dale about the filming of his comedy night and he asked me to confirm it if was
still going ahead. He thanked me for giving him the opportunity to do this, which I found quite ironic
as I am entirely in his debt for him giving me the opportunity to record at one of his shows but I guess
it goes to show how perceptions can be wildly different.

I read an article on the top 10 existential films a few days earlier and it mentioned that Groundhog
day was one of them. It suggested that after being stuck in an endless routine with no chance of
escape (mirroring most of our lives), that Bill Murray’s character was only able to free himself from
the drudgery through the pursuit of self-enhancement and even though he had the ultimate
opportunity to act in any way he wished, once he’d exhausted his latent hedonistic and animalistic
desires and dealt with the boredom, frustration and impotence, he finally emerged as focused on
bettering himself. This is something that I can relate to. A lot of people fight boredom but I have
always had a strange compulsion to embrace it because it is only by going through the boredom and
coming out the other side that you are truly able to obtain some revelations about your own

I also got to musing about certain periods of my life where I’ve had lots of time on my hands such as
when I was at University in Mannheim and how I wasted that time and wish I’d used it better and
could have that time over again. I sometimes look back on this wastefulness with bitterness but I
came to the conclusion that the only way to absolve myself from this and to put things right is to live
my life right now as if I’d been given it over again, as if despite not maintaining the memory of what
I’d done, or even that I’d been given the opportunity, that I had come to the end of a wasted life and
in my last moment had begged for the chance to be thrust back in time and to live it all over again
and this was the time that they returned me to, this is the time that I am living again so I’d better
make sure I don’t waste it this time.

I need to really focus on some things that I want to achieve and looking at the iPhone and the
podcasts you can download and the university courses that you can do online, I think that I can really
progress in this golden time that I have ahead of me.

Wednesday 6th January

I woke up and the snow outside was still pretty bad and my mum hadn’t gone to work. I messed
around with my iPhone and listened to some podcasts and then got up and had some food. My
wisdom teeth were still troubling me.

I got a Skype message from Nath and it was his first one and we had a little chat about LetGen and

I then had a Skype conversation with Jim about MyHammer.

I had a Skype conversation with Jim

I spent a lot of time writing my journal and catching up on a few tasks but with being snowed in and
feeling under the weather, I didn’t really get up to much. It is a bizarre paradox that I want to spend
more time writing in my journal but the more time I spend doing it, the less I have to write about as
by writing more I end up doing less. I do however like the idea of musing on a little bit more and
using the journal as not only a chronicle of my actions but a place to allow myself to write a stream-
of-consciousness .
Thursday 7th January

Was still feeling a bit off and it was pretty cold and so I went to bed for a bit in the afternoon and I
realised that I was going to sleep, not because I was tired but just because I was bored.

Sally came over and shouted up to me. By this time my jaw had really started to ache so my mum
gave me some pain killers. We came to the conclusion that it was probably an abscess.

Mum was clearing drive of snow, wanted me to help but I was feeling to grumpy.

Change bank account dress so I can get parking permit for London – about time.

Discussed with my mum about going to dentist. Gargled some Corsodyl. Had some crisps and
realised that I’d lost the ability to taste salt. I thought I’d got a dud pack at first but then I opened
another one and realised it was me. It was because of the Corsosdyl but I was slightly worried
because salt is one of my great vices and I’m not quite sure what I’d do without it.

I sorted out some Comedy 2.0 stuff. It is bizarre and I’m not sure if I mentioned it here before but
lately I’ve not felt as much need to be funny and this has spilled out into my need to perform. I’m no
longer excited about doing Comedy 2.0. I feel like I have cracked that and it has gone as far as it can
go in this guise. I don’t know why my enthusiasm for it has flat lined but that is my usual style, once I
know I can do something, I lose interest and want to move on to something else and see if I can do

I then watched ‘This Quiet Earth’ and then went to bed. My mum came and told me that I need to
definitely go to the dentists because abscesses can be quite serious so she left me with a load of
numbers. I enjoyed ‘The Quiet Earth’ even though it had dated quite quickly, wasn’t scripted or
acted well and had gaping holes in the plot. It rounded off my top 10 existential films that I’d read
about online a few days ago (having seen the majority of them already).

Friday 8th January

I got up and my mouth was feeling a bit better but did feel like it was draining. I called my dentist in
Ripon and they said that they could fit me in at 12pm so I decided to just drive up there. It is really
only a 50 minute drive so I thought it would be easier to do that than deal with all the hassle of trying
to get an emergency appointment at the doctors or going to a closer dentist and having to fill out all
the admin etc. The weather was still a bit snowy but it wasn’t too bad.

Linda arrived and so I had a bit of chat with her before setting off. I ended up leaving the house a
little bit later than I’d anticipated but still thought I was in good time until I realised how difficult it
was to remove all the 8 inches of snow form my car and get it ready to drive. I’d just got it almost
ready when the McCalls walked past and I had to have a little chat with them. They were having a bit
of friendly banter and despite the fact that I was running pretty late, I didn’t want to seem rude as
they have always been good to me and I haven’t spoken to them for years. I did as much as I could
to remain polite and then headed off with only 40 minutes to get to the dentist.

I realised that I didn’t have enough petrol so to make things even worse I had to go and get some. I
had a bizarre incident where I put the wrong debit card into the machine (I don’t know why that
stuck out in my mind). I raced up to Ripon and managed to make it and was only 5 minutes late.
Ironically when I got there they told me that the dentist was running about 15 minutes late so I had
to wait around for him anyway.

I had a different dentist to my regular dentist and to the previous dentist that I’d seen and I actually
quite like this dentist. He was a bit calmer and milder than the others. He confirmed that I had an
infection and that he would give me some antibiotics. He also x-rayed my wisdom teeth and I looked
at them and the one near the infection (my lower left side) is kind of growing at a right angle and is
obstructed by my other teeth and will never emerge. He told me that if I kept getting infections then
the standard advice was to get them removed. He told me that I should also swill my mouth out
every hour with hot salty water, which I found quite ironic after having the experience the previous
evening where I was unable to taste salt.

I went and picked up my prescription in Ripon and then bought a sandwich. I wasn’t too impressed
by it but then again, I wasn’t that excited about eating as my teeth were hurting.

On my way home I stopped off to see Sally who was at my Aunty Penny’s. She was applying for jobs
and was just sorting herself out with the dole office. I had a bit of a chat with her but I was feeling a
bit funny so I went home.

I had a chat with Nath about setting up the LetGen company and he set it up and said he’d set up the
bank account as well.

I was settling down upstairs into the standard slobby ill mode, which isn’t too far removed from my
current existence, when my aunty Penny arrived and discussed with my mum about going to
Meadowhall. I took a bit of pity on them and said that I would drive them there even though this
was probably a mistake as I started experiencing quite a bit of pain while at Meadowhall and one of
the assistants in Boots with whom my mother has become quite friendly ended up giving me some
pain killers. I bought myself a couple of new MisLit (Misery Literature) books. I don’t know why but I
have a fascination with MisLit books and find them really compelling reading.

We finished our shopping, had a Starbucks and then I drove home. It had started to snow but not
too heavily.

I went upstairs and had a Skype conversation with Mac and played a bit of poker and ended up losing
a quick £145. It is very frustrating when you lose even though you feel you haven’t played badly and
the reason that you have been knocked out is because someone else got away with a stupid mistake
– but that’s poker and that’s why I stopped playing online in the first place.

I sat down and read a bit and did my gargling with salt and was happy to find out that I could taste
salt again.

Saturday 9th January

I woke up and my mouth seemed to be worse. I had an antibiotic really early at about 6am and then
went back to sleep. I got up a bit later and just chilled out a bit and had something to eat and read
the paper. I’d ploughed through a good bit of the MisLit book the previous evening and for some
reason was unable to put it down and managed to finish it by the afternoon. I think I once read a full
novel in a single day when I was really young just to prove that I could do it (I think a Roald Dahl
book) but I think this is some sort of record for the speed at which I’ve written a complete normal-
sized novel. The book was called ‘I did tell, I did’ and it was about a girl who had suffered emotional
and sexual abuse as she was growing up. There is something about these books that just grips me. It
is like watching a horror movie where you are shocked and disturbed but you just cannot look away.

I spent most of the day vegging out and wallowing in my illness. I wasn’t feeling too bad but had
bouts of pain so I just had some pain killers and had a few mouth washes, messed about online and
with my iPhone and basically just drifted through the day in the way you do when you are ill, just
killing the time and wanting to get through the day so you can wake up the next day feeling better
and start to get on with your life again.

I had some lobster to eat that we’d got from M&S the day before and I watched ‘The Wicker Man’
and then skyped with Jamie for a bit while messing around online and watching College Humour
videos online.

I have been getting a bit introverted lately and was thinking about some strange thoughts and for
some reason a quote stuck in my mind that I’d formulated ‘To tame someone else is to tame yourself
for it is the ultimate admission that you weren’t capable of riding them wild’.

I read a chapter of my ‘company accounting’ book as a nod towards continual self-improvement and
then I drifted off to sleep.

Sunday 10th January

I got up pretty late and spent loads of time messing about on my iPhone. I’ve discovered some of the
iPhone app games now and they are really addictive and good at sucking your time away. They are
all quite basic but also pretty good such as the helicopter game or the throwing-paper-in-a-waste-
paper-bin game.

I had a bit of a Skype conversation with Heike about LetGen and answered a few of her questions.

My mouth was feeling quite a bit better and although it wasn’t yet 100%, I didn’t have any significant
pain and didn’t need to take any painkillers.

I’m feeling major cabin fever right now and I’m sick of hanging round at my parents place as I justend
up stuck in some sort of quasi-solitary confinement, marooned in my room. It is basically my own
fault because I don’t want to spend time sitting in the living room with my parents and the constant
presence of my dad, sitting there, hour after hour watching TV endlessly.

I have come to the conclusion that I definitely need to find my own space and strike out on my own
because otherwise this aspect of my life will stagnate and restrict my personal development. I’ve
always kept this crutch of the mentality that 42 Roman Road is my home because I’ve never wanted
to get trapped into the cycle of living to pay your mortgage. I often get asked why I haven’t invested
in a property and the real reason is that the property is a major commitment and after a while you
live to service your mortgage and your options are reduced. I could never have left MyHammer if I
had a mortgage and I wouldn’t have had as much disposable income lying around to invest in LetGen
or anything like that and I just wasn’t ready to floow that path. I think now however that even
though I still am not a person who really feels the pressure to own a property, I do need to seriously
start considering my personal living arrangements as the way it is now is not the way that I really
want to live anymore.

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