Breakups are tough and sometimes inevitable. Regardless of whether you are the one being dumped or the one doing the dumping, breaking up is difficult. But how you handle a breakup says a lot about you. It is important to handle a breakup gracefully. If you handle it properly, you will be able to get over the breakup quickly and will also preserve any relationships associated with it.
How to You Don't Want to Breakup, but They Do I am writing this based on my own personal experience. One time my girlfriend "broke-up" with me, and I was still in love with her (and still am). When I look back on it I can clearly see what worked, and what didn't. Bare in mind nothing is guaranteed, however following these 7 steps is just about the best thing you can do in this awful situation. Granted you follow along, at bare minimum in the end you treated the other person and yourself with respect. If you want people to respect you then you must treat yourself with respect as well. Instructions Things you'll need: An open mind to the idea that time heals all wounds, and absence makes the heart grow fonder. o 1 DON'T show any signs of desperation. That means no excessive calling or attempt at communication whatsoever. That is a red flag for the other person no matter what the situation is, if any attempt is going to be made to salvage the relationship often it requires time. If they breakup with you, respect their decision. More importantly do not get overly emotional, it is OK to be upset, but don't go bananas I assure you the other person will be running away. Be kind to the other person, and tell them that you respect their wishes! After that leave it be... o 2 Give it some time and consideration. This is perhaps the most grueling process in this step-by-step, but ultimately it is the most effective. By time, I don't mean 24 hours, I mean at least a week depending on the severity of the issue. Often this will require more than a week, maybe less, all that matters is that a healthy space is achieved. Time heals everything, and absence makes the heart grow fonder. Step 2 is the key step to this method, if this is not utilized then most likely you will have severed the relationship even more (trust me). I don't care who, what or why, keep showing them respect by leaving them alone! o 3 Do you. By that I mean do things that you enjoy, things that keep your mind off of the breakup. Find anything and everything to focus on besides that. Think about the kind of things you enjoyed before you met this person. Go out with friends, and I don't mean in an effort to find a new partner necessarily (although that may be best-depends), just go out and remain active. o 4 Reflect on yourself and the relationship after time has passed without communication, or at least enough time has passed that you have had moments where you cleared your head. Eventually you will get an idea about whether or not the relationship is what is best for you, and your partner. Don't sit there for hours dwelling on it either, just think about it from a third-person perspective. Don't let your thoughts get out of hand, and if you find this very painful go back out again and keep clearing your head. After enough time and reflection I am quite sure you will clearly see what the problem was. Don't be too hard on yourself or the other person, just have a general understanding of what happened, logically speaking*. o 5 Decide for yourself what you want, and understand that the previous relationship may or may not be over, regardless you are your own person and can accept either fate. Love is not set in stone, and if it's on the rocks it's not as bad as you think, there are always people out there that can love you. If you are absolutely positively sure after at least a couple of weeks that you still want to be with this person proceed to Step 6, otherwise abort you have made it through the worst (the first couple of weeks). o 6 If you call, leave a message and don't continue calling, no harassment should be tolerated by anyone. If you find it hard to call, or don't get a response, write a letter. Tell the person that you will continue to respect their wishes and that you hope they are doing well. Don't get too mushy of course, and if you are sure it was your fault then you may apologize and tell them that you have a better understanding of where you went wrong. Depending on just how close you were to the person you can tell them you do care about them regardless of the fall-out, and that if they ever need anything to not hesitate to call, you would always love to hear from them. Sincerely, so and so. o 7 Step 7 is the closure. You have sent the letter and you have not been harassing. If they don't call then it is time to move-on. If they do call, DON'T act like a little kid in a toy store, just answer the phone as though they are a friend. Ask them how they are doing and what's new, completely casual. Remain cool, calm, and collective. You don't want to jump back into this relationship and have gained nothing because the problem will repeat itself. After hearing them speak you'll have an idea of whether or not it's appropriate to make plans with them (REFER TO NUMBER 1 in tips section), and most importantly yet again do not act like you need them, you just enjoy their company^. Tips & Warnings This will probably mean talking to someone you know or trust to get a better sense of what happened (NOT your ex). They will most likely have a better idea of who was more responsible, if any, or what the general problem was. 1- Be very, very careful about the "making plans" part. If you are to ask them because it seems like they are interested, then very casually invite them out for a cup of coffee to talk about things. You are not doing this because you want to be back with them (actually you are but on the surface no chance in hell!). If anything you go as friends, you are not trying to win their heart back just talk about things to catch up and see how they are doing. Take it from there, and when you see them you SMILE and are happy to see them. A quick friendly hug is a nice thing to do, they will be way more willing to get back together if you seem relatively happy. You must keep acting friendly (that's it), if anything is to happen it is because they make the move NOT YOU!!! They broke up with you, so if they want the relationship back that is up to them, that is not your choice. If there is another meeting it is key to remain simply friendly, DON'T act like you are in the relationship with them, you are simply friends and your happy to see them and talk about things. No "kid in a toy store" act, just be a responsible adult and smile. Don't reveal that you were a sloppy mess while they were gone, you have to be strong, relaxed, and confident (overall doing good, even though you missed them).
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