Handling a Breakup
When someone breaks up with you, it can feel like the world has come to an end. That
"can't eat, can't sleep" feeling emerges and you can feel like your life won't be the same
again without that person in it. At first you may feel like you'll never recover from the
breakup, but it's important to know that you will move on and get it over it. Everyone can
overcome breakups, but we all have our own amount of time that it takes to handle it and
1. The Facts
o When a relationship breaks up, one or both parties will be hurt. But both
people can handle the heartache. Look at breakups as blessings in disguise.
There is a reason couples break up, and that is generally because one or both
are not satisfied in the relationship. Why stay in a relationship that makes you
miserable or that is filled with arguments, mistrust and constant squabbles?
Realize that once you get over the breakup, you will be happy without him or her.
In fact, life will be better.
You cannot change the past. Thinking about the relationship all day and night,
and about the ways you could've made it better, will not mend your relationship in
the present. What you should do is reflect in a positive way. Think about your
own faults as well as his or hers within the relationship, and learn from them.
When you enter into another relationship, try not to carry those faults with you.
Think of your breakup as a life lesson.
2. Time Frame
o Breakups usually have a cycle, especially for the person who was broken
up with. This cycle is usually loss, sadness and depression, anger and
resentment, and recovery. You first experience the loss of your partner in your life,
then you feel sad and depressed about it, then you get angry as you think of the
reasons the person broke up with you, and then you move on and recover. Don't
block yourself from any of these emotions. Sometimes you get angry before you
get sad. Either way, it's all a part of the healing process, and you can learn much
about yourself and what you need in a relationship as you go through it. However,
it is important not to let those emotions control you as you experience them.
o Understand that as you move through the recovery cycle, there are ways
There will be times when these emotions seem unbearable, but don't get yourself
even more upset by thinking of ways to get revenge or by letting your emotions
get so out of control that you are depressed, crying and angry for weeks on end.
Continue to think about the breakup as a positive thing and carry that thought
with you as you move on.
Don't blame yourself. Often when breakups occur, the person who broke up with
the other person can assign blame. This can cause the other person to constantly
reflect on the relationship and what he could've done right. It's important to note
that the demise of the relationship was not just your fault.
Try not to waste your time or energy trying to figure out ways to get revenge, and
make her feel the way that you felt after the breakup. This person wanted out of
your life, so let it all go. The best revenge is letting your ex see you happy and
Get out of town and take a trip with friends. Go out into the world and experience
something you haven't before, and have fun. This can be a great way to jump
start your breakup recovery.
4. Risk Factors
o There are times when a breakup can be so severe that it requires the
help of a professional. If you break up with someone you've been living with and
who you are having a difficult time splitting your assets with, contact a lawyer for
advice. This will help you figure out legal ways to solve any domestic issues or to
recoup any losses that you may have incurred as a result of the breakup.
Also, if you find that you cannot pull yourself out of your depression, contact a
psychiatrist. This is a good way to figure out how to get over the depression and
deal with any underlying issues you may have.
o There are benefits to a breakup, believe it or not. It allows you to get back
out there and find the person you were meant to be with and who treats you
better than your ex. You deserve to be loved, not in a relationship that doesn't
make you happy. Think of this as a blessing instead of a curse. This is another
chance for freedom and experiencing life. Breakups always make you stronger.