DBT - Colorado Chapter EAPA

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					DBT for the EAP Counselor
 Phil Bender-Stone LCSW
    DBT Skills Trainer

             Direct: 303-467-4993
             Office: 303-467-4000
           DBT Module 1:
          Core Mindfulness

Balancing Peacock Feathers
            Mindfulness: Peacock
• Use your What and How skills to examine
  the feather
• Try to balance the feather
• Use the feather to communicate (without
  words) feelings, State of Mind
• Use the metaphor: The feather as…our
  patients, our clients, our children, our
                     What is DBT?

• Learning to Balance Dialectics in Life
• Created to serve Borderline Personality Disorder
• Designed for Outpatient setting: Group &
  Individual Sessions
• Evidenced Based and Effective
• Made up of Skills in hundreds of acronyms
• Behaviorism + Validation
                                   DBT Theory
                              Marsha Linehan Treatment of the Borderline Personality Disorder

Our Clients came from invalidating environments
Our Clients have bio, psycho, social pre-dispositions to having or
  developing a personality disorder
                  Symptoms are displayed in 4 arenas:
• Emotionally hypersensitive, emotional instability, problems with
  anger, hostility, abandonment depression (Emotional Regulation)
• Interpersonal chaos, unstable relationships, try to avoid loss, weak
  social support, burn people out, drawn to drama in relationships
  (Interpersonal Effectiveness)
• Suicidal threats/attempts, self-damaging, impulsive behaviors,
  parasuicide, alcohol and drug abuse (Distress Tolerance)
• Cognitive disturbances, rigid thinking, unstable self, poor self image,
  chronic emptiness (Mindfulness)
                         How DBT Works
                         Marsha Linehan Treatment of the Borderline Personality Disorder

DBT targets behaviors in a descending hierarchy:
• Stage One: decreasing high-risk suicidal
• Stage Two: decreasing responses or behaviors
  (from either therapist or patient) that interfere
  with therapy
• Stage Three: decreasing behaviors that
  interfere with/reduce quality of life
• Stage Four: expanded awareness, enhancing
  respect for self, spiritual fulfillment, vision for life
                          Assumptions in DBT:
                       From the Client’s perspective
                           Marsha Linehan Treatment of the Borderline Personality Disorder

• We are doing the best we can
• We want to improve
• We need to do better, try harder, be more motivated for
• We may not have caused all of our problems, but we
  have to solve them anyway
• Our lives are unbearable as they are currently being
• We must learn new behaviors in all relevant contexts
• We cannot fail in therapy
• You (the therapist) treating the borderline patient will
  need support
                         The Role of Therapist

• The Therapist is a Skills Trainer
• More Teaching Little to No Processing
• A Highly skilled Behaviorist-Shaping behavior,
  reinforcing positive, extinguishing negative
• Acting from Wise Mind: Observe, Describe, Participate,
  Non-Judgmental, One-mindful, Effective (Focus on what
• Observe Limits without judgment or fear from others
• Search for non-pejorative, non-judgmental, empathic
  ways to describe patient‟s behavior
• IRREVERANT-use confrontation, humor, sharp wit to
  get through to your clients (paradoxical techniques)
• Accept that all therapists are fallible
                DBT Group Format

                     DBT Program
• One X a Week for a Year
• In conjunction with an Outpatient DBT Therapist
• “Hook” the client with Commitment Strategies
• Contingency Planning / Crisis Calls: DBT
  Therapists are on call 24-7-365
• 4 Strikes, You‟re Out!
• Cross the plane at 11:59, You‟re In!
• DBT Clinical Supervision-Structured, Supportive
                       DBT Program
                       Format in an IOP
•   8 Week Program
•   1 Week of Mindfulness
•   2 Weeks of Emotion Regulation
•   1 Week of Mindfulness of Emotions
•   2 Weeks of Distress Tolerance
•   1 Week of Mindfulness
•   1 Week of Interpersonal Effectiveness
•   3 X a Week 3 hours or more at a time
                                   Core Mindfulness
                                  Mindfulness is…
Awareness NOT Thinking
You recognize thoughts and feelings
You don‟t IDENTIFY with them
Friendly, Non-Judging, Allowing
In the Present Moment
The Art of Attention and Awareness
Accurate Reflection
Being conscious of the Process
Like a Mirror
Before thought
Open to what arises
Increased sensitivity
(You may feel worse in the beginning)
Mindfulness is…Non-Judging
An attentive witness of Your experience
Breaking the habit: Break out of categorizing and judging your experiences
Don‟t Judging your Judging
Judging separates us from the experience
The ability to bear difficulty with calmness and control
To learn Patience is to recognize Impatience
DBT: Core Mindfulness
    States of Mind
DBT: Core Mindfulness
    States of Mind
                             Core Mindfulness
                                   What Skill: OBSERVE

• JUST NOTICE THE EXPERIENCE. Notice without getting caught in
  the experience. Experience without reacting to your experience.
• Have a “TEFLON MIND,” letting experiences, feelings, and thoughts
  come into your mind and slip right out.
• CONTROL your attention, but not what you see. Push away
  nothing. Cling to nothing.
• Be like a guard at the palace gate. ALERT to every thought, feeling,
  and action that comes through the gate of your mind.
• Step inside yourself and observe. WATCH your thought coming and
  going, like clouds in the sky. Notice each feeling, rising and falling,
  like waves in the ocean. Notice exactly what you are doing.
• Notice what comes through your SENSES – your eyes, ears, nose,
  skin, tongue. See others‟ actions and expressions. “Smell the
                        Core Mindfulness
                            What Skill: DESCRIBE

  or thought arises, or you do something, acknowledge it.
  For example, say in your mind, “Sadness has just
  enveloped me.” … or … “stomach muscles tightening” …
  or… “A thought „I can‟t do this‟ has come into my mind”
  … or … “walking, step, step, step…”
  yourself what is happening. Put a name on your
  feelings. Call a thought just a thought, a feeling just a
  feeling. Don‟t get caught in content.
                             Core Mindfulness
                                 What Skill: PARTICIPATE

• Enter into your experiences. Let yourself get involved in the
  moment, letting go of ruminating. BECOME ONE WITH YOUR
• ACT INTUITIVELY from wise mind. Do just what is needed in each
  situation – a skillful dancer on the dance floor, one with the music
  and your partner, neither willful or sitting on your hands.
• Actively PRACTICE your skills as you learn them until they become
  part of you, where you use them without self-consciousness.
• Changing harmful situations.
• Changing your harmful reactions to situations.
• Accepting yourself and the situation as they are.
                     Core Mindfulness
                      How Skills: Non-Judgmentally

• See but DON‟T EVALUATE. Take a non-judgmental
  stance. Just the facts. Focus on the “what,” not the
  “good” or “bad,” the “terrible” or “wonderful,” the
  “should” or the “should not.”
• UNGLUE YOUR OPINIONS from the facts, from the
  “who, what, when and where.”
• ACCEPT each moment, each event as a blanket
  spread out on the lawn accepts both the rain and the
  sun, each leaf that falls upon it.
• When you find yourself judging, DON”T JUDGE YOUR
                           Core Mindfulness
                               How Skills: One-Mindfully

• DO ONE THING AT A TIME. When you are eating, eat. When
  you are walking, walk. When you are bathing, bathe. When your
  are working, work. When you are in a group, or a conversation,
  focus your attention on the very moment you are in with the
  person. When you are thinking, think. When you are worrying,
  worry. When you are planning, plan. When you are
  remembering, remember. Do each thing with all your attention.
• If other actions, or thoughts, or strong feelings distract you, LET
  GO OF DISTRACTIONS and go back to what you are doing –
  again, and again, and again.
• CONCENTRATE YOUR MIND. If you find you are doing two
  things at once, stop and go back to one thing at a time.
                           Core Mindfulness
                                 How Skills: Effectively

• FOCUS ON WHAT WORKS. Do what needs to be done in each
  situation. Stay away from “fair” and “unfair,” “right” and wrong,”
  “should” and “should not.”
• PLAY BY THE RULES. Don‟t “cut off your nose to spite your
• Act as SKILLFULLY as you can, meeting the needs of the
  situation you are in. Not the situation you wish you were in; not
  the one that is just; not the one that is more comfortable; not the
  one that …
• Keep an eye on YOUR OBJECTIVES in the situation and do what
  is necessary to achieve them.
• LET GO of vengeance, useless anger, and righteousness that
  hurts you and doesn‟t work.
       Emotion Regulation

                                  Emotion Regulation
                                      Evolutionary Functions of

•   ANGER: Functions to help overcome obstacles; expression is the most significant
    aspect for accomplishing goals of importance. Also helps to define what is important
    in one‟s life and relationships, and to communicate that to others.
•   DISGUST: helps to expel or get rid of harmful things and people.
•   SHAME: supports conformity to group expectations; either conform or hide shameful
    behavior so as not to get kicked out of the community; No current research that it is
    useful in our culture; hiding leads to antisocial behavior vs. conformity.
•   ENVY: helps you to figure what you want and how to get it; helps people lift
    themselves up. Keeps the gene pool going in terms of evolution.
•   FEAR: often sounds like anger; signals a threat, prepares for fight or flight response.
•   JEALOUSY: helps people hang on to what they already have; seen in the animal
    kingdom in terms of sexual jealousy.
•   JOY: leads to happiness; supports making commitments and being productive.
•   LOVE: helps with articulation of existing feelings; makes you attach to things vs.
    getting rid of things you need to survive.
•   SADNESS: brings others to you to help; makes you isolative and passive so others
    are drawn in to support you.
•   GUILT: prompts repair, generates pro-social behavior; fundamental emotion stays
    attached to behavior vs. shame where fundamental emotion becomes identity or is
    attributed to identity.
                            Emotion Regulation

         Justified vs. Unjustified Emotions
Justified Emotion: A reasonable or typical reaction to an event that
evokes the corresponding „natural‟ emotional response

Unjustified Emotion: An „over-reaction,‟ a misunderstanding, or an
inaccurate interpretation of an event that leads to an overly intense
or disconnected emotional response
   Vulnerability                Behavior Chain
Precipitating Event
                                           What is your greatest:
                                            Thought Feeling

                                                       What Harm did
                                                        This cause?
                      What did you do?    BEHAVIOR
                      More Effective Bx



                            Emotion Regulation
                                     Opposite Action

    Opposite Action is Acting Opposite to your Emotional Urge

DECIDE: Do you want to change your emotion?
•   Think about the pros and cons of changing your emotion.
•   Consider whether the emotion promotes your short-term and long-
    term well-being.

If yes, CHECK THE FACTS : Justified or Unjustified?

If unjustified, ACT OPPOSITE to your urges.
•     Do the opposite of your action urges.
•     Do it all the way, including posture, facial expression, thinking, what
      you say and how you say it.
•     Do NOT suppress emotional experiences or feelings; let opposite
      actions, do the work for you.
                    Emotion Regulation
                          Opposite Action

         Opposite Action Works Best When:

• The emotion or the emotional intensity is NOT
  JUSTIFIED by the situation
• It is done ALL THE WAY
• You change how you are thinking about the situation
• You change your facial expression
• You change your body posture
• You change WHAT you say and HOW you say it

 Opposite Action is changing WHAT you do and HOW
                       you do it.
                         Emotion Regulation
                                Opposite Action

• Anger: Gently AVOID or ….do something a little bit NICE. Do
  not attack.
• Disgust: Get CLOSE. Be KIND to those you feel contempt for.
  Take in what feels repulsive…
• Envy: COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS. Do not destroy or grab what
  other‟s have.
• Fear: APPROACH. Do not avoid or freeze-in-place.
• Jealousy: LET GO of controlling others‟ and what you have. Do
  not protect and control.
• Sadness or Depression: Get ACTIVE; do what makes you feel
  COMPETENT. Do not withdraw or act helpless.
• Shame: Do what makes you feel shame (if it does not violate
  your values)…. OVER AND OVER AND OVER. Make your
  behavior Public.
• Guilt: Do what makes you feel guilty OVER AND OVER AND
                               Emotion Regulation
                            ABC: Accumulate Positives, Build Mastery,
                                        Cope Ahead

•   Accumulate positive experiences, events and valued actions NOW
•   Make changes in your life so that positive events will occur in the future.
•   Live by your Life Values

Select ONE goal to work on for now.
List at least one task that has to accomplished to get to the goal.
     – Break that task down into small steps toward the goal you can take now.
     – Break it down again if the steps are too big.
     – Take the first step.

• Repair old relationships.
• Reach out for new relationships.
• Work on current relationships.
• End destructive relationships.
                        Emotion Regulation
                          ABC: Accumulate Positives


• FOCUS attention on positive events and moments when they are
• REFOCUS your attention when your mind wanders to the negative.

• When the positive experience will end.
• Whether you DESERVE this positive experience.
• How much more might be EXPECTED of you now.
                  Emotion Regulation
                         Build Mastery

                    Build Mastery
1.   Plan one or more activities each day to
     build a sense of accomplishment.
2.   Do something difficult, BUT possible.
3.   Plan for success, not failure.
4.   If the first task is too difficult, do
     something a little easier today.
5.   Gradually increase the difficulty over
                      Emotion Regulation
                               Cope Ahead

• Describe a situation that is likely to prompt an emotion
  you want to decrease.
• Check the facts. Be specific.
• Decide what coping or problem solving skills you want to
  use in the situation.
• Be specific. Write it out in detail.
• Imagine the situation in your mind as vividly as possible.
• Imagine yourself IN the situation, not watching the
• Imagine in the PRESENT TENSE, not the future or the
                      Emotion Regulation
                   PLEASE: PhysicaL Health, Eat well, Avoid Drugs,

                                Sleep Well, Exercise

PL Treat Physical Illness: Take care of your body. See
  a doctor when necessary. Take prescribed medication.
E Balance Eating: Don‟t eat too much or too little. Eat
  regularly and mindfully through the day. Stay away from
  foods that make you feel overly emotional.
A Avoid mood Altering drugs: Stay off non-prescribed
  drugs, including alcohol.
S Balance Sleep: Try to get the amount of sleep that
  helps you feel good. Keep to a sleep program if you are
  having difficulty sleeping.
E Get Exercise: Do some sort of exercise every day: try
  to build up to 20 minutes of daily exercise.
                             Distress Tolerance
                          Suicidal threats/attempts, self-damaging,
                        impulsive behaviors, parasuicide, alcohol/drug

                   Crisis Survival Strategies: T.I.P. Skills
• Cut dissociation by immersion in ice water. Hold your breath and
    immerse your face in a bowl of ice water (48 degrees or below) for
    30 seconds.
• Take warm water bath with lavender to relax.
I – INTENSE exercise
• Discharge emotional energy through cardio-vascular exercise
    (running, walking very briskly, aerobic exercise, bicycling…) for at
    least 20 minutes.
P – PROGRESSIVE relaxation
• Progressively relax by squeezing (tightening each muscle group for
    5 to 7 seconds), then let go and relax. Start with hands, then
    biceps, triceps, shoulders, face, chest, abdomen, pelvis, buttocks,
    thighs, legs, feet and toes.
                 Distress Tolerance
                   Pros and Cons

                   Pros       Cons

Tolerating the

NOT Tolerating
 The Distress
                                    Distress Tolerance
                                          Self-Soothe the 5 senses

• Buy one beautiful flower; make one space in a room pretty; light a candle and watch
    the flame. Set a pretty place at the table, using your best things, for a meal. Go to a
    museum with beautiful art. Go sit in the lobby of a beautiful old hotel. Look at nature
    around you.
• Listen to beautiful or soothing music, or to invigorating and exciting music. Pay
    attention to sounds of nature (waves, birds, rainfall, leaves rustling). Sing to your
    favorite songs. Hum a soothing tune. Learn to play an instrument.
• Use your favorite perfume or lotions, or try them on in the store; spray fragrance in
    the air; light a scented candle. Put lemon oil on your furniture. Put potpourri in a
    bowl in your room. Boil cinnamon; bake cookies, cake, or bread. Smell the roses.
    Walk in a wooded area and mindfully breathe in the fresh smells of nature.
• Have a good meal; have a favorite soothing drink such as an herbal tea or hot
    chocolate (no alcohol); treat yourself to a dessert. Put whipped cream on your
    coffee. Sample flavors in an ice cream store.
• Take a bubble bath; put clean sheets on the bed. Pet your dog or cat. Have a
    massage; soak your feet. Put creamy lotion on your whole body. Put a cold
    compress on your forehead. Sink into a really comfortable chair in your home, or find
    one in a luxurious hotel lobby.
                                         Distress Tolerance
                                                I.M.P.R.O.V.E. the Moment
•   Imagine very relaxing scenes. Imagine a secret room within yourself, seeing how it is decorated.
    Go into the room whenever you feel very threatened. Close the door on anything that can hurt
    you. Imagine everything going well.
•   Find or create some purpose, meaning, or value in the pain. Remember, listen to, or read about
    spiritual values. Focus on whatever positive aspects of a painful situation you can find. Repeat
    them over and over in your mind. Make lemonade out of lemons.
•   Open your heart to a supreme being, greater wisdom, God, your own wise mind. Ask for strength
    to bear the pain in this moment. Turn things over to God or a higher being.
•   Try muscle relaxing by tensing and relaxing each large muscle group, starting with your hands
    and arms, going to the top of your head, and then working down; listen to a relaxation tape;
    exercise hard; take a hot bath or sit in a hot tub; drink hot milk; massage your neck and scalp,
    your calves and feet.
One thing in the moment:
•   Focus your entire attention on just what you are doing right now. Keep yourself in the very
    moment you are in; put your mind in the present. Focus your entire attention on physical
    sensations that accompany non-mental tasks (e.g.. walking, washing, doing dishes)
A brief Vacation:
•   Give yourself a brief vacation. Get in bed and pull the covers up over your head for 20 minutes.
    Rent a motel room at the beach or in the woods for a day or two; drop your towels on the floor
    after you use them.
•   Cheerlead yourself. Repeat over and over: “I can stand it,” “It won‟t last forever,” “I will make it
    out of this”, “I‟m doing the best I can do.”
                                     Distress Tolerance
                                            Wise Mind A.C.C.E.P.T.S
Activities: Engage in exercise or hobbies; do cleaning; go to events; call or visit a friend;
   play computer games; go walking; work; play sports; go out to a meal; have decaf
   coffee or tea; go fishing; chop wood; do gardening; play pinball.
Contributing: Contribute to something; do volunteer work; give something to someone
   else; make something nice for someone else; do a surprising, thoughtful thing.
Comparisons: Compare yourself to people coping the same way as you or less well
   than you. Compare yourself to those less fortunate. Watch soap operas; read about
   disasters, others‟ suffering.
Emotions: Read emotional books or stories, old letters; go to emotional movies; listen to
   emotional music. Be sure the event creates different emotions. Ideas: scary
   movies, joke books, comedies, funny records, inspiring music, going to a store and
   reading funny greeting cards.
Pushing away: Push the situation away by leaving it for a while. Leave the situation
   mentally. Build an imaginary wall between yourself and the situation. Or push the
   situation away by blocking it in your mind. Censor ruminating. Refuse to think about
   the painful aspects of the situation. Put the pain on a shelf. Box it up and put it away
   for a while.
Thoughts: Count to 10; count colors in a painting or tree, windows, anything; work
   puzzles; watch TV; read.
Sensations: Hold ice in hand; squeeze a rubber ball very hard; stand under a very hard
   and hot shower; listen to very loud music; have sex; put rubber band on wrist, pull
   out, and let it go.
                        Distress Tolerance
                           Reality Acceptance

         Radical Acceptance: Everything is as it should be
•   Freedom from suffering requires ACCEPTANCE from
    deep within of what is. Let yourself go completely with
    what is. Let go of fighting reality.
•   ACCEPTANCE is the only way out of hell.
•   Pain creates suffering only when you refuse to ACCEPT
    the pain.
•   Deciding to tolerate the moment is ACEPTANCE.
•   ACCEPTANCE is acknowledging what it is.
•   To accept something is not the same as judging it good.
                                                  Distress Tolerance
                                                        Observe the Breath

OBSERVING YOUR BREATH: Focus your attention on your breath, coming in and out. Observe your breathing as
way to center yourself in your wise mind, dropping off non-acceptance and fighting reality.

Deep Breathing
Lie on your back. Breathe evenly and gently, focusing your attention on the movement of your
stomach. As you begin to breathe in, allow your stomach to rise in order to bring air into the lower half of your lungs.
As the upper halves of your lungs begin to fill with air, your chest begins to rise and your stomach begins to lower.
Don‟t tire yourself. Continue for 10 breaths. The exhalation will be longer than the inhalation.

Measuring your Breath by Your Footsteps
Walk slowly in a yard, along a sidewalk, or on a path. Breathe normally. Determine the length of your breath, the
exhalation and the inhalation, by the number of your footsteps. Continue for a few minutes. Begin to lengthen your
exhalation by one step. Do not force a longer inhalation. Let it be natural. Watch your inhalation carefully to see
whether there is a desire to lengthen it. Continue for 10 breaths.

Counting your Breath.
Sit cross-legged on the floor (sit in the half or full lotus position if you know how); or sit in a chair with your feet on the
floor; or kneel; or lie flat on the floor; or take a walk. As you inhale, be aware that “I am inhaling, 1.” When you exhale,
be aware that “I am exhaling, 1.” Remember to breathe from the stomach. When beginning the second inhalation, be
aware that “I am inhaling, 2.” After you have reached 10, return to 1. Whenever you lose count, return to 1.

Following your Breath while Listening to Music
Listen to a piece of music. Breathe long, light, and even breaths. Follow your breath; be master of it while remaining
aware of the movement and sentiments of the music. Do not get lost in the music, but continue to be master of your
breath and yourself.
                                                  Distress Tolerance
                                                        Observe the Breath

Following your Breath while Carrying on a Conversation
Breathe long, light, and even breaths. Follow your breath while listening to a friend‟s words and to your own replies.
Continue as with the music.

Following the Breath
Sit cross-legged on the floor (sit in the half or full lotus position if you know how); or sit in a chair with your feet on the
floor; or kneel; or lie flat on the floor; or take a walk. Begin to inhale gently and normally (from the stomach), aware that
“I am inhaling normally.” Exhale in awareness, “I am exhaling normally.” Continue for three breaths. On the fourth
breath, extend the inhalation, aware that “I am breathing in a long inhalation.” Exhale in awareness, “I am breathing out
a long exhalation.” Continue for three breaths.

Breathing to Quiet the Mind and Body
Sit cross-legged on the floor (sit in the half or full lotus position if you know how); or sit in a chair with your feet on the
floor; or kneel; or lie flat on the floor. Half- smile. Follow your breath. When your mind and body are quiet, continue to
inhale and exhale very lightly; be aware that “I am breathing in and making the breath and body light and peaceful. I
am exhaling and making the breath and body light and peaceful.” Continue for three breaths, giving rise to the thought,
“I am breathing in while my body and mind are at peace. I am breathing out while my body and mind are at peace.”
Maintain this thought in awareness from 5 to 30 minutes, according to your ability and to the time available to you. The
beginning and end of the practice should be relaxed and gentle. When you want to stop, gently massage the muscles]
in your legs before returning to a normal sitting position. Wait a moment before standing up.
                     Distress Tolerance
                            Half Smile

Accept reality with your body.
Relax (by letting go or by just tensing and then
  letting go) your face, neck, and shoulder
  muscles and half-smile with your lips.
A tense smile is a grin (and might tell the brain you
  are hiding or masking).
A half-smile is slightly up-turned lips with a relaxed
  face. Try to adopt a serene facial expression.
  Remember, your body communicates to your
Distress Tolerance
Half Smile Examples
                         Distress Tolerance
                              Turn the Mind

                      Turning the Mind
•   Acceptance of reality as it is requires an act of
    CHOICE. It is like coming to a fork in the road. You
    have to turn your mind towards the acceptance road
    and away from the “rejecting reality” road.
•   You have to make an inner COMMITMENT to accept.
•   The COMMITMENT to accept does not itself equal
    acceptance. It just turns you toward the path. But it is
    the first step.
•   You have to turn your mind and commit to acceptance
    OVER AND OVER AND OVER again. Sometimes, you
    have to make the commitment many times in the space
    of a few minutes.
                        Distress Tolerance
                           Willing vs. Willful

    Cultivate a WILLING response to each situation.

• Willingness is DOING JUST WHAT IS NEEDED in each
  situation, in an unpretentious way. It is focusing on
• Willingness is listening very carefully to your WISE
  MIND, acting from your inner self.
• Willingness is ALLOWING into awareness your
  connection to the universe - to the earth, to the floor you
  are standing on, to the chair you are sitting on, to the
  person you are talking to.
                      Distress Tolerance
                        Willing vs. Willful


• Willfulness is SITTING ON YOUR HANDS when action
  is needed, refusing to make changes that are needed.
• Willfulness is GIVING UP.
• Willfulness is the OPPOSITE OF “DOING WHAT
  WORKS,” being effective.
• Willfulness is trying to FIX every situation.
• Willfulness is REFUSING TO TOLERATE the moment.
               Interpersonal chaos, unstable relationships, try
               to avoid loss, weak social support, burn people

                    out, drawn to drama in relationships

•   Attending to Relationships
•   Balance Priorities vs. Demands
•   Balance Wants and Shoulds
•   Build Mastery and Self Respect
             Interpersonal chaos, unstable relationships, try
             to avoid loss, weak social support, burn people

                  out, drawn to drama in relationships

• Objectiveness Effectiveness
• Relationship Effectiveness
• Self Respect Effectiveness
                                      Factors Reducing I.P.E.
Lack of Skill
   You actually DON‟T KNOW what to say or how to act. You don‟t know how
   you should behave to achieve your objectives. You don‟t know what will

Worry thoughts
  Worry Thoughts get in the way of your ability to act effectively. You have
  the ability, but your worry thoughts interfere with doing or saying what you
  want. WORRIES ABOUT BAD CONSEQUENCES.“ They won’t like me,”
  “She will think I am stupid.” WORRIES ABOUT WHETHER YOU DESERVE
  TO GET WHAT YOU WANT.“I am such a bad person, I don’t deserve this.”
  NAMES.“I won’t do it right,” “I’ll probably fall apart,” I’m so stupid.”

  Your emotions (ANGER, FRUSTRATION, FEAR, GUILT) get in the way of
  your ability to act effectively. You have the ability, but your emotions make
  you unable to do or say what you want. Emotions, instead of skill, control
  what you say and do.
                                      Factors Reducing I.P.E.

   You CAN‟T DECIDE what to do or what you really want. You have the
   ability, but your indecision gets in the way of doing or saying what you want.
   You are ambivalent about your priorities. You can‟t figure out how to
   balance: Asking for too much versus not asking for anything.Saying no to
   everything versus giving in to everything.

  Characteristics of the environment make it impossible for even a very skilled
  person to be effective. SKILLFUL BEHAVIOR DOESN‟T WORK.Other
  people are too powerful.Other people will be threatened or have some other
  reason for not liking you if you get what you want.Other people won‟t give
  you what you need or let you say no without punishing you unless you
  sacrifice your self-respect, at least a little.
                                             Validation What is It?
   Validation communicates to another person that his feelings,
   thoughts, and actions make sense and are understandable to you
   in a particular situation.

   Self-validation involves perceiving your own feelings, thoughts,
   and actions as accurate and acceptable in a particular situation.

                    Remember: Validation ≠ Agreement
WHAT should we validate?
    •Feelings, thoughts, and behaviors in:
    Ourselves, Other people

Why should we validate?
    It improves relationships!
    Validation can show that:
    We are listening.
    We understand.
    We are being nonjudgmental.
    We care about the relationship.
    Conflict is possible with decreased intensity.
                                     Other Teaching Points
• Boundaries: Diffuse, Rigid, Firm but Perm
• Victim-Perpetrator-Rescuer Triangle
• Options for Intensity:
                    High Intensity: Try and change the situation

       Ask firmly, insist           6    Refuse firmly, don’t give in.
       Ask firmly, resist no.       5    Refuse firmly, resist giving in.
       Ask firmly, take no          4    Refuse firmly, but reconsider.
       Ask tentatively, take no     3    Express unwillingness.
        Hint openly, take no        2    Express unwillingness, but say yes.
       Hint indirectly, take no     1    Express hesitancy, say yes.
       Don’t ask, don’t hint        0    Do what other wants without being asked

                     Low Intensity: Accept the situation as it is

D.E.A.R.M.A.N.       G.I.V.E.
• DESCRIBE           • (Be) GENTLE
• EXPRESS            • (Act) INTERESTED
• ASSERT             • VALIDATE
• REINFORCE          • (Use an) EASY MANNER
• (Stay) MINDFUL     F.A.S.T.
                     • STICK TO VALUES
                     • (Be) TRUTHFUL

D.E.A.R.W.O.M.A.N.     D.E.A.R.H.U.M.A.N.
• DESCRIBE             • DESCRIBE
• EXPRESS              • EXPRESS
• ASSERT               • ASSERT
• (Use) Wise Mind      • (Be) HUMBLE
• Observe              • OBSERVE YOUR FEELINGS
• (Stay) MINDFUL       • (Stay) MINDFUL
                                DBT Resources

Cognitive-Behavioral Treatment of
 Borderline Personality Disorder    Skills Training Manual for Treating
           (Hardcover)               Borderline Personality Disorder
       by Marsha Linehan                        (Paperback)
                                           by Marsha M. Linehan
                               DBT Resources

Dialectical Behavior Therapy
   Volume 2 - Companion
 Worksheets (Spiral-bound)
    by Cathy Moonshine
                                    DBT Resources

  Dialectical Behavior Therapy Workbook: Practical DBT Exercises for Learning
Mindfulness, Interpersonal Effectiveness, Emotion Regulation, & Distress Tolerance
           (New Harbinger Self-Help Workbook) by Matthew McKay
           Matthew McKay, Jeffrey C. Wood, Jeffrey Brantley
             Ongoing DBT Training

•   10-Day Intensive Trainings
•   5-Day Intensive
•   Online Training

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