Santa Claus “Naughty/Nice” Lists Released by Wikileaks
The “Naughty vs Nice” files maintained by Santa Claus ahead of his annual Christmas
gift-giving flight around the globe are the latest documents released by self-proclaimed
The file is divided into a “naughty list,” for children who misbehaved or treated people
badly, who are therefore less deserving of presents; and a “nice list,” which includes an
inventory of gifts for children whose actions fall under the rubric of “good.”
The confidentiality of the file is considered vital to a Christmas season filled with joy,
surprises and holiday cheer.
Santa Claus – known in some countries as Father Christmas, Kris Kringle or St.
Nicholas– reacted with fury at the leak.
“That‟s it. Assange is on the permanent „naughty‟ list,” he fumed from his North Pole
workshop. “No more Swedish women for him!”
In one key entry, Santa is revealed to have written “very deserving,” next to a letter to “S.
Clause,” written by a 7 year-old boy from Denver, who requested a sled for Christmas. In
a special notation section, Claus is revealed to have written, “Worked very hard on
In another, however, a 12 year-old girl‟s request for an I-Touch will go unanswered.
“Mean to girls in the hallway at school,” says the special notation.
None of the children‟s names were redacted by Wikileaks, leading to concerns the
children will be singled out for mockery in schools already fearful of bullying, both in
person and online.
The Huffington Post has chosen not to publish these names to protect the children‟s
“It‟s wrong to say that we „targeted‟ Claus,” said Wikileaks founder Julian Assange,
contacted while in hiding. “His organization, which is really more of a Christmas-cabal,
has a virtual monopoly on flying reindeer and skilled-elves, and deploys what appears to
be an entirely arbitrary system for categorizing the world‟s children.”
“It‟s that type of secrecy we think is important to unveil to the public eye,” Assange said.
Claus – the jolly, old fat man, typically seen wearing a red suit – works all year in
preparation for the evening of December 24th, in which he brings gifts to children the
world over. His North Pole residence is also home to more than a dozen flying reindeer,
and scores of elves – whose work ranges from crafting toys to helping maintain the
“Naughty vs. Nice” list.
“We think the file was exploited when we updated from dusty, old ledger books to a
Windows-based server system,” said Alabaster Snowball, the elf in charge of
administering the system.
“But if we can‟t do our work with absolute confidentiality, then why would children even
wake up early on Christmas to find out what they received?”
Disappointment by children around the world has many elves fearful of a “milk and
cookies backlash.” With lowered anticipation, elves are concerned that fewer kids will
leave holiday treats for Claus.
“Those cookies represent the carb-and-sugar load he needs to get through the night,”
The leaked documents go on to reveal an incomplete detailing of the actual presents
many of the children on the “nice” list are due to receive.
AND does he reveal some gifts to the good kids?
Flight through the sky on Christmas eve
He‟s getting a serious lump of coal in his stocking – this year, and every year from now
Blamed when elves updated the ledgers and put the naughty/nice list on a North Pole