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11-12 SAT ECR ANCHORS DISCONTENT

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11-12 SAT ECR ANCHORS DISCONTENT Powered By Docstoc
					                             GRADE 11-12 SAT ECR ANCHORS
                                  [Writing to Persuade]

Although most people’s goal is to be happy at all times, being constantly satisfied and untroubled
can actually prevent people from changing for the better. After all, why go to the trouble of
changing if one is content with the way things are? On the other hand, discontent often motivates
people to make necessary changes. What revolution was not caused by widespread discontent?
Who among us has not vowed to make a change because we are unhappy with some aspect of
our lives?

Assignment: Is discontent often the first step to action? Plan and write an essay in which you
develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples
taken from your readings, studies, experience, or observations.

Score Point 6

         Governments often draw attention not to the positive aspects of their societies, but the
negative ones. Such conflicts and concerns of a society often become the focus of many
individuals’ lives. In Margaret Atwood’s The Handmaid’s Tale, the society of Gilead—a satiric
play on the United States—has been turned upside down. A coup d’etat carried out by a group
of males has led to a society in which women are defined by select roles dictated to them. Such
a radical change came out of a male unhappiness towards their seemingly useless role in society,
as they believed the women’s movement had gone a step too far. Such discontent served as the
first step towards action.
         The males of Gilead felt underappreciated and undervalued; from such discontent, they
were spurred to completely restructure their society. The simple patriarchy was no more; women
slowly had their rights leeched away from them, first their right to own property, then their right
to have a job. Such degradation of the female gender was only perpetrated further by the
massacre of all of the current congress members, cabinet members, and the President. After
declaring a a state of military emergency, an underground group succeeded in pushing women
into roles which the men defined for them—Handmaids, Econowives, Marthas and Wives. The
growing discontent of the male gender had culminated in the abolishment of women’s rights
completely, this new social order giving all power to the males.
         Atwood shows an interesting power play, though, as she mirrors the unhappiness
originally found in the men in the oppressed females. Many women—especially Handmaids,
whose soul worth in society are their wombs—and some select men who feel compelled to defy
the hierarchy create the Underground, a rebellious group of individuals unsatisfied and unhappy
with the lot Gilead has given them. Such feelings prove agonizing, spurring many individuals to
join the Underground. Whether this rebel organization succeeds in being the ultimate destructors
of the Gileadian social regime, we never know; however, the reader does learn that the society
did crumble, as nothing which breeds such seeds of discontent can expect to be perfect.
         What began as an attempt towards Utopia degenerates into a disutopian society. Through
the response of the males to their own unhappiness, they created a breeding ground for a second
coup d’etat, as the growing discontent of the females inevitably erupts in action against the state,
comparable to their own.
Level 6: The response is a thoroughly developed essay which fulfills the writing purpose.
    Has relevant and complete support and elaboration which enhance ideas
          o The writer responds to the prompt with an insightful and thoroughly elaborated
              extended example, developing the point of view that discontent can indeed lead to
              change in governments and societies. By describing first the males’ discontent
              leading to a coup d’etat that forces the women into submission, and then
              explaining how the females’ new role in Gilead society creates a widespread
              discontent heading toward another coup d’etat, the writer demonstrates
              outstanding critical thinking. The use of only one example in this outstanding
              essay is offset by the depth of thought that it produces, showing clear and
              consistent mastery.
    Uses a precise organizational strategy which enhances the purpose
          o The essay demonstrates a smooth progression of ideas and clear coherence by
              explaining the status quo in The Handmaid’s Tale, relating the emergence of this
              society to discontent of one group, then connecting unrest in the society to the
              discontent of another group.
    Maintains a distinctive voice and deliberate tone
          o This essay maintains an analytical tone throughout, yet also conveys the writer’s
              presence in the piece: “Atwood shows an interesting power play, though, as she
              mirrors the unhappiness originally found in the men in the oppressed females.”
    Uses precise word choice and evocative language
          o The writer exhibits a skillful use of language by consistently using a varied,
              accurate, and apt vocabulary: “satiric play,” “spurred,” “ultimate destructors,” and
              “social regime.”
    Demonstrates careful attention to audience understanding and interest
          o This essay is well-suited for a college level audience in terms of content,
              vocabulary, and sophisticated syntax, such as “The growing discontent of the
              male gender had culminated in the abolishment of women’s rights completely,
              this new social order giving all power to the males.”
    Has no errors in usage or conventions that interfere with meaning

Score Point 5

         If the world were free from problems, nothing would ever be accomplished. There would
be no social advancement, technological breakthroughs, or intellectual enlightenment. It is only
when there is discontent that there is a reason to act. When we our not satisfied with our current
state of being or the current state of the world, we begin to act to change whatever problems
exist.
         Discontent can be seen to be the first step to action in the Communist revolution in
Russia. The proletariat was not satisfied with the bourgeoisie’s treatment of them, so they united
and began to act. Discontent alone is not always enough to elicit action, however, since without
such personalities as Karl Marx or Lenin, the action may not have occurred. Still, without an
initial lack of satisfaction, there would be no motive to effect change.
         Unhappiness with our quality of life is the reason why thinkers, scientists, inventors, and
engineers try to improve the world. “Necessity is the mother of invention.” Alexander Graham
Bell invented the telephone in part due to his discontent with the then current methods of
communication. Computers continue to be improved today because of the discontent with their
efficiency; they have come a long way in the past thirty years but can always be improved. If
our ancestors were satisfied hunting animals with spears for food and living in caves and
woodland shelters, we would still be doing so today.
        The human desire for knowledge and answers to philosophical questions comes from our
discontent of merely existing. If we were content simply to eat, sleep, and reproduce, then we
would have no desire for knowledge of the world; we would not act to attempt to effect change.
Rene Descartes, Wilhelm Leibniz, Plato, and Aristotle all were not content with what they knew,
and they acted to expand their knowledge of the workings of the world.
        We humans have insatiable desires that cause us to try to change our state of being. It is
this discontent that has caused all events in history and that will continue to cause us to advance.
Without discontent, we would be a race plagued with complacency. Luckily, we are not.

Level 5: The response is a well-developed essay which attempts to fulfill the writing purpose.
    Has support and elaboration which enhance ideas, although may not completely fulfill the
       purpose
           o This essay effectively develops the point of view that “It is only when there is
               discontent that there is a reason to act. When we our [sic] not satisfied with our
               current state of being or the current state of the world, we begin to act to change
               whatever problems exist.” The essay uses three appropriate examples that
               demonstrate critical thinking and reasonably consistent mastery, but does not
               provide enough detailed evidence or insight to score a 6.
    Uses an effective organizational strategy that is consistent with the purpose
           o After stating a point of view and providing examples, the essay concludes by
               tying all support back to the idea that discontent leads to advancement,
               demonstrating coherence and progression of ideas.
    Maintains a consistent voice and tone
           o The essay uses a somewhat formal, academic tone, using personal pronouns only
               in the context of “we humans,” for example, and demonstrating variety in
               sentence structure: “Unhappiness with our quality of life is the reason why
               thinkers, scientists, inventors, and engineers try to improve the world.”
    Uses clear and consistent word choice
           o This essay uses effective vocabulary, as in “Without discontent, we would be a
               race plagued with complacency,” and “Still, without an initial lack of satisfaction,
               there would be no motive to effect change.”
    Demonstrates attention to audience understanding and interest
           o Content, tone, diction, and syntax of this essay are appropriate for a college-level
               audience
    Has no errors in usage or conventions that interfere with meaning

Score Point Four

       Discontent is often the first step to action. Throughout history, negative events have been
the impetus of a movement that brings positive change. In the case of the Women’s Rights
Movement, the exclusion of Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Lucretia Mott from a world anti-slavery
convention, because they were women, prompted them to begin the fight for women’s rights.
        During this time period, the Victorian era, women were confined to the “sphere of
domesticity” in which a women was valued only for her work in the house and as a mother.
There were very few opportunities for women to become educated, and no push to do so.
Women also found it difficult to be an active abolitionist because of the restrictions society put
on them. Because of these reasons, Elizabeth Cady Stanton and Lucretia Mott decided to take a
stand. They were dissatisfied with the way women were treated and wanted to make a change;
their exclusion from the convention was the last straw.
        Their first step was to organize the Seneca Falls Convention, a forum in which women
could speak about the rights they wanted and create a plan of action. Many women attended
because they too were discontent with their situation. This convention in turn inspired others
Like it and thus began the revolution.
        It was Lucretia Mott, Elizabeth Cady Stanton and many other women’s discontent that
prompted them to take action and make a change

Level 4: The response is an organized essay which addresses the writing purpose.
    Has support and elaboration to develop ideas which may be uneven incomplete
          o This essay develops the point of view that “Throughout history, negative events
              have been the impetus of a movement that brings positive change.” The writer
              supports this idea by first offering the reasons why Stanton and Mott “were
              dissatisfied with the way women were treated” and then describing the actions
              this discontent motivated. This essay demonstrates competent critical thinking,
              but to receive a higher score it needs further focused and detailed evidence.
    Demonstrates an awareness of audience understanding and interest
          o The essay is somewhat suitable for a college-level audience, using generally
              appropriate vocabulary— “negative events have been the impetus of a
              movement,” “active abolitionist,” “restrictions society put on them”; and some
              variety in sentence structure: “Their first step was to organize the Seneca Falls
              Convention, a forum in which women could speak about the rights they wanted
              and create a plan of action.”
    Has few if any errors in usage or conventions that interfere with meaning
          o This essay has some errors in usage such as number agreement (as in the example
              above), but they do not interfere with meaning.

Score Point 3

        When people are not happy with their current situation they tend to strive for change.
Discontent is the driving force which causes us to take steps towards our goals.
        In Shakespeare’s play Macbeth a man is driven by his wife’s lust for power and
discontent with her current situation. She pushes the man so hard that he kills the king of
Scotland in order to take the throne. In this case, the discontent of one person pushed another
into action.
        I play basketball. I was never very good at basketball and people laughed at me when I
played. In an attempt to become better and prove myself I began to practice non-stop. My skills
were not as good as I thought they should be so I practiced until I got better.
        Actions can be spurred by many different things. Discontent is one common catalyst.
Without discontent there would be no great people in the world.
Level 3: The response is an incomplete or oversimplified essay which attempts to address the
writing purpose.
     Has incomplete or unclear elaboration and support for development of ideas
           o While this essay has a clear position statement, “Discontent is the driving force
              which causes us to take steps towards our goals,” it does not offer adequate
              support in the way of examples or elaboration to effectively develop the point of
              view. The two examples given, Macbeth and the writer’s experience with
              basketball, are appropriate but sparse; to merit a higher score, the essay needs to
              demonstrate stronger critical thinking by providing further focused and detailed
              evidence.
     Uses an organizational structure that is inconsistent or unclear
           o This essay is organized around its two examples, but still demonstrates some
              lapses in coherence. There is not an effective transition from the vastly different
              examples of Macbeth and basketball skills; furthermore, the last sentence,
              “Without discontent there would be no great people in the world,” seems
              unconnected to the remainder of the essay.
     Demonstrates little awareness of audience understanding and interest
           o The vocabulary and syntax in this essay range from sections appropriate for a
              college-level reader, such as “Actions can be spurred by many different things.
              Discontent is one common catalyst”; to portions which are rather simplistic, such
              as, “I play basketball. I was never very good at basketball and people laughed at
              me when I played.”

Score Point Two

        Discontent is often the first step to action. When Christopher Columbus tried to convince
people that the planet was round and not flat, like everyone used to think, no one believed him.
People tought he was crazy.
        In order for Columbus to prove himself right, he set forth a journey. One where he would
travel west of Europe and end up in Asia, wich is east of Europe, thus proving himself right.
        No one believed Columbus of what he was saying. People all tought he was crazy his
determination motivated him into taking his journey. He was not comfortable with what people
tought about him, so he decided to do something about it.

Level 2: The response is a poorly written essay which attempts to address the writing purpose.
    Has support and elaboration that is inadequate
          o This seriously limited essay uses only one example, which is neither extended nor
              clearly connected to the stated point of view, “Discontent is often the first step to
              action.” While the writer does mention that “People all tought [sic] he was crazy
              his determination motivated him into taking his journey,” more elaboration and
              explanation is needed to demonstrate critical thinking. To achieve a higher score,
              the writer needs to provide additional detailed evidence to more effectively
              develop the point of view.
    Uses an unstructured or confusing organizational strategy
          o This essay does state a position, proceed to an example, and conclude with a
              sentence that attempts to tie the two together; however, the example is incomplete
              and unclear, creating lapses in overall coherence.
      Has errors in usage and conventions, some of which interfere with meaning
          o This essay displays some errors in grammar, usage, mechanics, and sentence
              structure: “tought” for thought; “he set forth a journey”; “wich” for which; and
              the run-on sentence referencing Columbus’s determination, given above.

Score Point One

        “Knowing is the easy part, but doing is the hard part.” It’s a lesson I learned in the
Leadership Class. To succede your action, there are couple of steps that are neccessary to be
taken; and discontent is often the first step. In Literature it’s brainstorms and outlines. The
imagination and picturing the final work in art. The first step to action is to expand from ideas to
work towards the action.
        Art is what I do. I draw, take pictures, and write poems. They may seem completely
different but they all have one thing in common, the first step when I draw, I think about what

Level 1: The response provides evidence the writer has seen and is attempting to respond to the
assignment.
     Has no elaboration or support, or the development does not support the writing purpose
           o While the writer attempts to develop a point of view, evidence is fundamentally
               lacking to support his or her position.
     Uses little or no organizational structure
           o The few details offered do not form a clear progression of ideas, but rather are
               disjointed and unconnected.
     Demonstrates no awareness of audience
           o Content, vocabulary, and syntax are not appropriate for a college-level audience.
     Has errors in usage and conventions which interfere with meaning

				
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