PRESIDENT’S MESSAGE. TREASURER’S REPORT Much has happened since the last Fairways Flyer and the Last month we were subjected to many days of rain committees have been very busy on your behalf. resulting in a loss of revenue from fees, poker machines, Firstly, I would like to congratulate the Associates keno and bar. All in all, our results for this quarter are Committee and in particular Vi Carter and Elaine Clout for better than last year considering the loss of green fees yet another extremely well organized and well run South being of concern for all clubs as players choose to join the Pacific tournament. The weather, which was excellent for little clubs, resulting in the decline of Social Clubs. the first two days, turned really nasty for the final day and We have kept our expenses down this year which has tested the skills of both the organizers and the players. improved our trading figure in comparison with last year. Let Both came through extremely well and congratulations to me say our performance is healthy in a year which saw our local girls Fiona Finlay and Amy Harding on very fine many Golf Clubs go to the wall. performances. The issue taking up most of the Board’s time over the last DAVID JACKSON Treasurer. two months has been the future direction of the club. As stated in the last Flyer the Board is aware of possible problems with roads encroaching onto the course and increasing insurance costs. At present we are in HOUSE REPORT negotiation with no fewer than four organizations who have We’ve had our wet weather spell and now its time for the put various proposals for the possible sale of our club and glorious weather this part of the world is famous for. the relocation to some other place. Mind you the winter woolies are well and truly on as I put As a Board of Directors we are duty bound to listen to and pen to paper. evaluate all these options and then hopefully having enough The wet spell we had since the last newsletter certainly information to be able to select the best of these and to that dampened turnover in the club and the bottom line has end we have given all four until early August to put a firm suffered a bit. proposal to the Board. Before any final decision can be A recent review of golf club activities Australia wide made, the final say will be a vote of members at a meeting commissioned by the AGU indicated that clubs are suffering at which 75% of members present must agree to the from a downturn in member numbers and a general proposal. You will be kept informed of future developments. slowdown in revenues across the board. The findings were It is getting towards that time of the year when the next general and not confined to isolated areas, city or country elections will be held and I would like to think that we would clubs or anything else. Local clubs are also feeling the see some new names on nomination forms for next year’s pinch. One only has to look at the Southport Club and their Board. Maybe some of you with time on your hands and current fee structure to see how having to service large the interest of the club at heart will be attracted by the very loans can really put the pressure on. liberal remuneration package - one free meal a month and a After their financial difficulties, the Tweed Club, I believe, guaranteed car park! Definitely worth some thought!! are now trading comfortably in the black. This was after the Till next time. board put a financial package together which included the sale of some of their land. The resultant investment now PETER ROCHE President. subsidises running costs. It is fortunate that we as a club have been lucky enough to get our finances into a position where we do not have a large debt to service. However, we still have not reached the position of solving REJOINING:- Steve Wyndham and Janet Johnson, nd the 2 floor needs without having to pay a visit to the bank (Welcome back Steve and Jan) manager. I can tell you that we, as a board, have agonized over this dilemma. One option that has been looked at is SMILE AND ALL MEMBERS SMILE WITH YOU, the possible relocation of the club to a new course. Such a move would negate the need to outlay funds for clubhouse TED WOODBRY Chairman. improvements and give us a substantial surplus to subsidise future running costs. While only at concept stage, when you look at the possible advantages, it certainly looks APRIL RESULTS. attractive. While the Board understands that such a move MONTHLY MEDAL would not suit all members, if you consider the long-term WINNERS: (A) Boyd Johnson 70 (B) Dave Armstrong 68 future of the club, the concept needs to be considered by (C) Bill Pusztai 72 all. R/U: (A)Trent Rose 69 (B)Martin Joris 70 Dinner dance (C)John Winter 74c Just a quick note that the annual dinner dance is coming up JUNIOR MEDAL rd (23 August). Don’t forget to get into the party mode, book WINNER: - Darren Weatherall 68 a table, get all your friends organized and come along for a R/U: - Zac Reynolds 70 blast. It’s always a good night out and won’t empty the MONTHLY CRYSTAL wallet. See you there. WINNERS: - Gerrard & Christine Wilkes 78 New Roof R/U: - Carl Branster/Renate Rayner 74 Well long suffering Ken Such tells me that he no longer has CEC CAREY MEMORIAL to dodge the leaks in the roof whenever it rains. The roof WINNERS: - Mansell Lee/Maureen Scott 66 was recently re-sealed….and it didn’t cost an arm and a R/U: - Allan & Trish Walker 64c/b leg. DIGGERS DAY th Hope to see you at the 19 . OVERALL WINNER: -John Kaz 38c/b WINNERS DUNCAN HAIG House Chairman. ARMY. John Kaz 38c/b R/U Ron Hendy 38 NAVY . Barney Barr 33 R/U Dick Sayer 32 AIR FORCE. Joe Kann 35 R/U Alan Gillett 34 CIVILIAN. Boyd Johnson 43 R/U Allan Warnock 42c/b MEMBERSHIP REPORT. Memberships remain strong with a small number of vacancies for Provisional, Restricted and Associates. FROM THE MANAGER’S DESK. The following are some interesting statistics. Well here we are at the end of another financial year, and time for payment of the Annual Subscriptions. Included in Age profile Associates including Social members this edition are some statistics relating to the membership To 45yrs 46/55yrs. 56/65yrs 66 & over fee increases over the years. 42 or 7.8% 68 or 12.7% 154 or 28.8% 271 or 50.7% As mentioned by the President in the last edition of the Handicap details; - Flyer, we had gone through the worst drought on record. Silver 1 We were fortunate to be able to connect to the Gold Coast 82 Associates City Council’s recycled water, which has given us unlimited Bronze1 Bronze 11 supply of water. However, with that comes some side 147 Associates 140 Associates issues such as the increase of Algae which at present is the worst we have seen; this affects the quality of water that we Members age profile including Social. use to water the course. We are currently investigating a To 45yrs 46/55yrs 56/65yrs 66 & over way to reduce the Algae in our lake system and have 153 or21%. 98 or 14%. 200 or 28% 271 or 50.6%. sought help from a company that has had considerable Handicap details: - success at Palm Meadows Golf Course. Hopefully, we will (A)Grade 120 Members. (B)Grade 192 Members be able to reduce or eradicate this problem. Unfortunately, (C)Grade 310Members we will have to put up with the rather unpleasant odour for the time being. Please welcome the following new members who have Our Treasurer outlined the reasons for the 2003/2004- joined our club in the last quarter. subscription increase and unfortunately the increase in our PROVISIONAL:- Andrew Thomas, Keith Metcalfe, Sing-Yee Public Liability Insurance has and will in the future impact Chung, Frank Atkinson, Richard Millar, Robert Duff. on our ongoing expenses. The House Chairman has given RESTRICTED:- Yves Oger. some statistics that were produced by the Australian Golf JUNIORS: - Mathieu Oger, Stephen Sandilands. Union, which set out the problems faced by all private golf CADETS:- Kade McBride. ASSOCIATES:- Anastasia Whitcroft, Lynda Murray, Maree Ryan, Patricia Millar. clubs throughout Australia. We are continually looking for YEAR ANNUAL % ways to offset the expense and generate revenue instead of SUBS RISE just increasing membership and course fees. 1979/80 $100.00 Nil 1989/90 $420.00 9.1% The Board are currently looking at upgrading our cash 1980/81 $128.00 28% 1990/91 $460.00 9.5% registers in the bar, with a system where winners of 1981/82 $163.00 27% 1991/92 $520.00 13% competitions instead of receiving vouchers, will 1982/83 $205.00 25.8% 1992/93 $550.00 5.8% automatically have these available for redemption from their 1983/84 $255.00 24.4% 1993/94 $550.00 Nil golf link card & also allow for Members only to be given 1984/85 $275.00 7.8% 1994/95 $590.00 7.3% discounts, such as happy hour. 1985/86 $290.00 5.4% 1995/96 $610.00 3.4% It is great to see our Juniors playing such good golf, mind 1986/87 $320.00 10.3% 1996/97 $635.00 4.1% with the time they put into the practice fairway they certainly 1987/88 $350.00 9.4% 1997/98 $643.00 1.3% deserve it. Amy Harding has reduced her handicap to 2 1988/89 $385.00 10.00% 1998/99 $668.00 3.9% (Two) which is an achievement most young golfers aspire but few reach. With her performances, both at Surfers 1999/20 $690.00 3.3% Paradise Golf Club & other Tournaments, she was selected 2000/01 $760.00 10.1% as Captain of the Gold Coast District Junior Team playing in 2001/02 $797.50 5% Cairns. Congratulations Amy. 2002/03 $827.00 3.8% Good Golfing, 2003/04 $896.00 8.3% TONY GIBSON General Manager. NOTE: - In the years 1981/82 and 1983/84 a $100 levy was also added to the Annual Subscription. Average annual increase over the years is 7.9%. TIP FROM OUR PRO. FAULT: Too many mental swing thoughts. Commonly called “paralysis by analysis” suffered by both the weekend player and the advanced. MAY RESULTS. We all think we have the urge to try this and try that. In MONTHLY MEDAL most cases, if it doesn’t work over night, we look for WINNERS: - (A) John Allwood 67 (B) Neil Stebbing 71c/b something else. Our heads become cluttered with different (C) Allan Johanson 70c/b. ideas. What we think is happening in theory, is not, in R/U: - (A) Corey Templeton 69 (B) Martial Day 71c/b reality. (C) Joe Rago 70. FIX: Stop. Stop whatever you are trying to do, and get JUNIOR MONTHLY MEDAL some help. WINNER: - Lachlan Wall 67 Have a couple of lessons. Make sure you have a clear R/U: - Amy Harding 71 mind when you go for your lesson. When you finish, MONTHLY CRYSTAL hopefully you will have good positive thoughts. WINNERS: - Mansell Lee/Judy Flanders 66 Good golfing R/U: - Chris & Leanne Butler 64c/b. IAN JONES Professional HOLES IN ONE. (Oh what a feeling!) th ROLY’S RULES Wed. 09 Apr Pat Sexton on the par3 16 . nd A ball embedded in it’s own pitch mark in the ground in any Sat. 10 May Bill Taylor on the par3 2 . th closely mown area through the green may be lifted, cleaned Fri. 30 May Drew Winson on the par3 5 . th and dropped without penalty, as near as possible to the Wed. 04 June Allan Walker on the par3 7 . spot where it lay but not nearer the hole. The ball when Happiness never decreases by being shared! dropped must first strike a part of the course through the green. “Closely mown area” means, any area of the course including paths through the rough, cut to fairway height or EAGLES. (An even better feeling!) th. less. In this definition of “closely mown area” it is the only Sat 05 Apr. Shaun Roberts on the 18 th time “fairway” gets a mention in the RULES BOOK. Boyd Johnson on the 6 . th Should your ball become embedded in an area other than Wed. 09 Apr. Peter Whykes on the 6 . th “closely mown”, you may play the ball as it lies or proceed Sat. 19 Apr. Ralph Hamilton on the 10 . th with a penalty stroke under the ball unplayable rule. Sat. 26 Apr. Jason Kann on the 6 . th Col Doohan on the 18 . ROLY SOERGAARD Rules Guru. Boyd Johnson on the 18 . th th Wed. 07 May Chris Butler on the 18 . th ANNUAL SUSCRIPTIONS Sat. 10 May. John Stebbing on the 9 . th Thought you may be interested in the following Wed. 14 May Arthur Roberts on the 6 . th comparisons of what you paid for ANNUAL SUBS. and how Sat. 17 May Mark Bryant on the 9 . th they have risen over the years. Wed. 04 Jun. Peter Whykes on the 9 . th Wed .18 Jun. Jim Cheyne on the 6 . ever helpful Pro. Ian Jones came out with squeegee and th We will either find a way, or make one! removed water from the 10 green and play continued. Amy Harding was runner-up in the 54 hole nett event. Well done Amy. Robyn Tate and Ted Woodbry won the nett in the mixed foursomes with Joe & Jenny Klasan nett runners- ALBATROSSES. (The ultimate feeling!) up. None reported this quarter! A cheque for $7,000.00 was handed to President Peter As is our confidence, so is our capacity! Roche for course improvements. CHARITY DAY The annual Charity Day was another huge success with 260 in the field (two shotgun starts). A big thank you to FROM THE RED MARKERS. Willie Stoopman and Ronnie Bourke and their hard working What a busy three months we’ve had. The recent rain team; $6,300.00 was raised on the day and once again the didn’t help with our scheduling and resulted in having to money will go to the Hopewell Hospice. postpone our Club Foursomes Ch’ships twice! They will Finally a special thank you to Ian and his staff for the th now be played on the 24 July one week after our Club wonderful job they have done in starting and helping in all Ch’ships. the major events over the past three months. HONOUR BOARD EVENT WINNERS No mean feat. Thank you Ian. Maureen Limkin won the Richard Rainger Memorial Shield Kay Campbell Captain. single knockout match play over four rounds. The Veneda & Tom McGee Rosebowl winners were Diana Sayer, Naoko Bannay, Vel Harding and Beryl Tucker. The King Salver ALLSPORTS. Foursomes Knockout Match Play held over five rounds was Well Harry Nesbitt has resigned as President after many won by Trish Walker and Wendy Belmar. The Joan Irving years at the helm. So our Vice President Arnie will take Jug 4 Ball Match Play also over five rounds was won by Di over as acting President until our next AGM. Syer & Vicky Laws. We have had a successful trip to Windaroo Golf Club in MONTHLY MEDAL WINNERS May which was enjoyed by all. Our next trip away is to th APRIL Silver Renate Rayner Carbrook Golf Club on the 8 of July is at the moment Bronze 1 Robyn McKean Bronze 11 Jenny Simmons lacking in numbers. Come on fella’s, put your name down, B/Ladies Christine Cohen everyone is welcome, MAY Silver Naoka Bannay Wally Truscott Secretary Bronze 1 Jenny Simmons Bronze 11 Jacki Pinfold B/Ladies Christine Cohen. JUNE Silver Vel Harding THE LOCKER ROOM RUMOURS Bronze 1 Joan Gray Bronze 11 Leone Tobin Gripping Clubs. B/Ladies Heli Iso-Aho How many times have we been told during a lesson or have read in golf magazines --- General DON’T GRIP THE CLUB TOO TIGHTLY. The District Ch’ships were held over two days at Well what happens when you’ve finished your swing and th th th th Coolangatta/Tweed on mon.19 & Tue. 20 May. The you do? Standing on the 9 Tee on Sat. 19 April you send Surfers Paradise team of Naoko Bannay, Amy Harding, the ball on its way, and as you complete your swing Megan Parker and Diana Syer won the Sir Bruce Small perfectly balanced with your follow through, you incredibly Jubilee Trophy, which is a most prestigious prize. watch your driver following the flight of your ball, but Fiona Finlay, Rebecca Cassey, Vicki Laws & Megan Parker unfortunately not the same distance! With that wonderful were part of the Gold Coast District team that played whirring sound, like a curling boomerang that won’t come Northern Rivers at Byron and Gold Coast Burleigh. The back, it twirls straight into the pond and you’re left with your team won one match and drew one, retaining the trophy. hands still around the grip of your club, but no club!!! Congratulations girls! I don’t know the answer, but if anyone does, would they More accolades, Vicki Laws has been chosen to be the non please let Tom Bertwistle know, he’s dying to find out. (P.S. playing Captain for the Gold Coast team for the Meg Nunn they recovered the driver!) Trophy (State Comp.) to be played in Brisbane (Pacific Golf Club) from the 31 Aug. to 5 Sep. Amy Harding has been Yes, he’s in the news again! Fame? I don’t know. You be chosen for the Junior Jug team and also will Captain the the judge. team. This event is held in Cairns from 5 to 12 July. This very dejected golfer returned to the clubhouse on Wed. SOUTH PACIFIC LADIES CLASSIC 23 April. Why, you may ask, was he so crestfallen? Well, I’ll Another successful Tournament. Special thanks go to Vi st tell you. He, had just lost the 1 nine, followed by the loss Carter and Elaine Clout for the organization. Unfortunately nd of the 2 nine and consequently, the match. Many of us after two beautiful days the heavens opened up on the final can sympathize with that. But wait, that’s not all. There’s day. Play was suspended for 30 min. and our wonderful more. Adding insult to injury, rubbing salt into the wound, he also had the snake, and, wait for it, then followed that of other members. Sure they only cost a little, but you with--- the Super Snake!!! If you’re really interested in the would be the first to criticize the lack of them should this identity of this poor unfortunate golfer his name appears on occur. the last page. SHAME ON YOU FOR YOUR THOUGHTLESS ACTIONS. We endeavor to be discreet at all times. However, on the other side of the coin the following action is what makes our club the best on the coast! Mobile Phones - pestilence or indispensable??? Bouquets for the two caring and thinking members, who Aussies sent 20 million mobile telephone messages last showed consideration towards others. In this instance Christmas Day alone and over 100 million by New Year’s Barney “Taipan” Barr (who provided the money) & Roly Day! This was a $23 million windfall for the carriers. Soegaard (who purchased them) In 2003 we are expected to spend about $1 billion sending I refer to the spades in the sand bins on the tees. SMS (Short Message Service) at an average cost of 23c a CONGRATULATIONS GENTLEMEN. THANK YOU. message. Is it any wonder mobile phones are banned inside our club GREAT NEWS house! Great to read in the paper that one time Junior at our club Flt. Lt Grant Burr, now an FA/18 Hornet fighter bomber pilot Some of us play in both annual matches between Surfers returned home to his wife Louise, safe and sound after Paradise and Pacific Golf Clubs. serving time in the Iraq engagement. Bet mum Sandra Burr Those (not the wooses who cancelled) that went by coach and proud grandad John Rossetto are just as pleased to on Wed. 28 May left in rain, travelled to Brisbane in rain, see him back on the coast even though it’s only for a short arrived in rain AND PLAYED IN RAIN. time. Bad enough you may think, but then, what if you had a And talking of proud parents if you see Joe Rago strutting really bad day, on top of getting drenched? around with chest stuck out it’s not because he’s won yet Ask new member Russ Thompson a pilot with Singapore another C Grade comp. but because son Commander Lou Airlines and a friend of Gerry Buist. First, he lost the sole of now living in Canberra received an AM in the last Queen’s his left shoe. The adhesive must have melted in the wet. honours list. Then, he lost the head of his 5 iron. Don’t know if they used Good on you John and Joe we’re happy for you. the same adhesive. Then the sole of his right shoe remained on the sodden turf while he attempted to walk away. But wait, there’s more. He didn’t have an umbrella WHO WAS IT SAID? when he arrived, so he purchased a new one from the DRIVE FOR SHOW, Pacific Pro Shop before hitting off. Using his new umbrella for protection from the driving rain coming in the side of his PUTT FOR DOUGH. buggy, he brushed some bushes and sadly, now had in his Well, John Daly, Bob Weekley and Australian Matthew st nd rd hand, one very demolished umbrella. He tried to auction his Goggin finished1 , 2 , and 3 in driving distance statistics shoes on the coach ride home but was unsuccessful! on the US PGA Tour in 2002. Did this mean anything? BE WARNED. Don’t ask him how many balls he lost! Unfortunately it didn’t. th th It translated into prize money rankings of 112 , 200 and nd When you play pennants, you receive a new shirt each year 142 . Weekley missed out at the second stage of Q that you represent the Club. This is to identify you as a School, while Goggin reached the final stage of Q School. th current pennant player. You are not supposed to wear last Tiger Woods finished 6 in driving distance. Incidentally he year’s shirt during competition this year - Jim Oxenford! has used 170 Nike Drivers (up to the time of writing this) as he tries to find the perfect one. “There was movement at the Golf Club for the word had got As for top putters, Bob Heintz led in two key statistical around. That the man from NSW had lost his watch!” categories. Putts per round 27.57 and putting average of Yes folks it’s true and wife Robyn says he should have B---- 1.682. Notwithstanding this prowess with the putter, he nd y I---t branded on his forehead. Electric buggies are a boon finished 192 on the money list, with $127,346.00. as we get older and the body doesn’t work like it did once. But why don’t they have brakes fitted? Allan Mc Kean is Now here’s a trivia question. What is Tiger Woods Christian having them fitted to his, because if they had been fitted in name? (See last page for the answer.) the first place, he’d still have his Tag-Heuer watch! Yes, you’re right. The diver couldn’t find the watch, so it lies on JUNE RESULTS. rd the bottom of the pond in front of the 3 . Wet suits may be MONTHLY MEDAL hired from McKeans Underwater Dive and Exploration WINNERS : - (A) Jason Kann 68 (B) Rob Parker 70 Tours. (C) Ern Kochner 72 c/b R/U: - (A) Corey Templeton 69 (B) Dave Armstrong 73c/b BRICKBATS & BOUQUETS (C ) Joe Rago 72 Brickbats to all those unthinking members who leave their JUNIOR MONTHLY MEDAL sand buckets in the car park only to be run over by the cars WINNER: - Zac Reynolds 72 R/U Tom Steinhour 73 MONTHLY CRYSTAL Seating. All the seats were the same height and if WINNERS: - Cec & June Hassum 71 someone tall sat in front of you, that was tough. The R/U: - Gerry & Marcia Buist 67 cinema would be full and you couldn’t move to another seat. FOURSOMES CHAMPIONSHIPS Then when the movie finished you came out with a stiff WINNERS: - Trent Rose/Corey Templeton 154 neck from peering around him. Wonder how many kids R/U: - Jason Kann/Col Doohan 156 c/b. today know that peanuts come covered with a crunchy shell? We didn’t know what the word Porn meant; let alone how to AS WE GET OLDER! down load it. I always promised myself I wouldn’t harangue my kids with, We didn’t have cable or satellite TV, and when TV finally how tough things were when I was a child, and I didn’t. But arrived, every one in the family gathered near to watch this now I’m a grandfather, I do. When I look around these days small screen. It was even harder if you were the only family and notice the youth of today. Well, I can’t help myself. in the street with one, then it was first in, best dressed, as I was out hitting a few balls the other day (yes, I do practice) everyone would be invited. and beside me was a 10 or 11 year old, who, each time he There were no cartoon stations, this only happened on miss hit a ball, began haranguing his patient father for a Saturday mornings. new set of clubs. D’ya hear what I’m saying? We had to b----- wait ALL For starters when I was his age very few kids were WEEK, you spoiled little b------s. members of a golf club, let alone own a set of clubs. We Now that I’ve got that off my chest, I wonder if the kid got were lucky if we owned a bike and, we certainly didn’t have his new set of clubs? a computer or the Internet! If we wanted to know something, we paid attention at school or visited the library and looked it up ourselves. There wasn’t any E-mail. We actually had to write someone a letter with pen and ink and wasn’t that messy, made Equipment controversies are as old as the game of golf easier when Baron Bic invented the Biro. (But those early itself. In fact, one of the earliest rulings of the USGA said, ballpoints were just as frustrating! You wrote something that Richard Peters was forbidden from using his favourite down that you wanted to keep and later when you tried to stick on the greens during the 1895 U.S. Amateur at the read it, you couldn’t. It was a greasy smudgy mess where Newport (Rhode Island) Country Club. the ink had run into the paper! ) He’d been using a “pool cue”!!! Then, having written your letter, you actually had to walk to the letterbox and post it, (you were lucky if you owned a COMING EVENTS. bike) which could be three streets away from where you JULY lived. Then it took a week to get there and if you were Sun. 20 Surfers Paradise Open. waiting for a reply, it was a lifetime. There were no MP3’s or Napsters. If you wanted to steal AUGUST music you had to go to a music shop and do it! If you were Sat 09 Cock of the Walk. very lucky and had a big “reel to reel” tape recorder, you Sun 10 Kurrawa Life Saving Club Charity Day. taped it off the radio and you were very lucky if the DJ didn’t Mon 11 Open Bronze11 Day. talk over the start or end of the recording, and, you had to Sun 17 Club Mixed Ch’ships be careful the tape didn’t tear from repeated use. None of Sat 23 ANNUAL DINNER DANCE. this CD Burner stuff. SEPTEMBER Then we got the telephone and you had to tell the operator Sat 13 CLUB CH’SHIPS. whom you wanted to talk with, to be connected. No SENIOR & JUNIOR CH’SHIPS. telephone numbers in those days, no mobiles, and no fancy Mon 29 Assoc. away match at Nudgee G.C. Caller ID box either. When we were finally allocated telephone numbers and someone was on the phone you STOCK MARKET got a busy signal and had to ring back, sometimes 10 times. Many of us in the Club are “self-funded retirees.” Those of No call waiting then. When the phone rang you had no idea you about to enter these halcyon years of your life will have who the caller was, until you answered the phone. It was a to depend to some extent on the Stock Market and an lottery. These days they not only know whose calling, they Advisor, for your existence (club membership) and survival even talk on the computer and see to whom they’re talking. (balls and the continual upgrading of clubs, shoes and bag). We didn’t have any fancy video games or play stations with NOT THE GOVERNMENT, you hear! high-resolution 3-D graphics! There were no multiple levels If you are not acquainted with the terminology of the stock or screens. We had comics! Yes, comics! Which you read market, it can be quite daunting. To help you, here are and used your imagination, with heroes like “Captain some of the more commonly used words, phrases and Marvel”; (I often call out Shazam when I’m playing golf, but definitions. nothing happens!) “Superman”, “The Ghost Who Walks”; or 1. CEO: - Chief Earnings Officer, usually achieved after you went to the movies and then you were only allowed to being sacked. go once a week. There was no such thing as Stadium 2. CFO: - Corporate Fraud Officer. First, they put his left leg in……. and that’s when all the 3. BULL MARKET: - A random market movement, trouble started. causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. EVER WONDERED??? 4. BEAR MARKET: - A 6 to 18 month period when the Why, the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? wife gets no jewelry, no meals at restaurants and she is Why, women can’t put on mascara with their mouths convinced her Mother was right, that she had married an closed? idiot. Why, you never see the headline --- 5. VALUE INVESTING: - The art of buying low and “Psychic Wins Lotto”? selling lower. Why, “Abbreviated” is such a long word? 6. P/E RATIO: - The percentage of investors loosing money compared with those earning money. Why, Doctors call what they do--“a practice”? 7. BROKER: - What your adviser has made you. Why, bottled Lemon Juice is made with artificial flavouring, yet dishwashing liquid is made with real Lemons? 8. STANDARD & POOR: - In a nutshell. What your life is It doesn’t make sense, does it? now. Nor does the following! 9. STOCK ANALYST: - The idiot who just downgraded your shares. 10. STOCK SPLIT: - When your ex-wife and her solicitor divvy your assets between themselves. 11. MARKET CORRECTION: - This always happens THE HUMAN RACE IS DOOMED! after you buy your shares. When you read some of the instructions on the labels of consumer goods, its further proof the human race is 12. CASH FLOW: - The movement of your money as it doomed e. g. disappears. On a Myer Hairdryer – “Do not use while sleeping.” (Darn, 13. YAHOO: - What you yell after selling your shares to and that’s the only time I have to work on my hair!) some poor self funded retiree for $250 per share. On a bar of Palmolive Soap. Directions: “Use like regular 14. WINDOWS 2000: - What the self funded retiree jumps soap.” (And that would be how?) through, after buying the shares @ $250. On some frozen dinners. “Serving suggestion: Defrost.” 15. INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR: - What you become (Mind you, it’s only a suggestion.) when you’re wife has you locked up in a nut house. On Nanna’s Tiramisu Dessert. (Printed on bottom) – “Do 16. PROFIT: - An archaic word no longer in use. not turn upside down.” (Oh, oh, I shouldn’t have done that.) 17. EQUITY TURNOVERS, FUTURES & TRUSTS: - Label on the packaging of a K-Mart Iron. “Do not iron These are buzzwords for the investor to nonchalantly throw clothes on body.” (But, wouldn’t this save me more into his everyday conversation. time?) Extracts from “moments with Gerry Willan”. 18. UNBALANCED PORTFOLIO: - What a broker uses to inform you, he needs more income. MOMENTS TO PONDER! ENJOY! ENJOY! It’s later than you think! (1) Love is grand. But divorce is a 100 grand! CHICKEN WINNERS (2) Time is a great healer. Out in front all on his own is A Grader Bill Crockett with 7 But it’s also a lousy beautician!!(3) Chooks. An early morning player the ex Scot is known after Never be afraid to try something new. a comic character in the Scottish papers during the late Remember, amateurs built the Ark. 40’S & 50’s as “Oor Wullie”. Professionals built the Titanic!!! 6 Chooks: - Jack Armstrong, Chas Botto, (4) Talk is cheap. Brendan Giess, Pat Sexton, Bill Taylor. Because supply exceeds demand!!!! 5 Chooks: - Ron Alexander, Bryan W Bourke, Carl Branster, Chris Butler, Max Russo, & John The name of the unfortunate golfer you are looking for, “I feel so crook” Pantelimon. is none other than: - Mr. John Barr, forget the “Barney” There were 10 winners of 4 and 28 with 3. because from now on he will be known as: - The TAIPAN. (Australia’s deadliest snake!) OBITUARY. In this time of sorrow and sadness in the world, it is worth WE HAVE - YET HAVE NOT! reflecting on the death of a very important person, which We have taller buildings, but shorter tempers. nearly went unnoticed. We have wider highways, but narrower viewpoints. Larry La Prise, is the man who wrote “The Hokey Pokey” We spend more, but have less. died peacefully in his sleep at the age of 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. We buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses, but smaller families. We have more degrees, but less sense. We have more knowledge, but less judgment. We have more experts, yet more problems. We have better designed clubs, but do we play better golf. ( Tiger Woods first name is Eldrick.) THOUGHT FOR THE QUARTER God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, The good fortune to run into the ones I do, Sue Oakley and Margaret Hurst (from Women’s Golf Gold Coast) And the eyesight to tell the difference. Enjoy – Our fairways to heaven. Your game. And the camaraderie of the 19th hole. The Hacker. Vi Carter, Rosemary Irving, Pam Rainger and Daphne Pirie. Bob and Sue Oakley (IFS – sponsors) and Paul van Riet (Robina Holden – sponsor) President Peter Roche accepting a donation of $7,000 from the organiser of the South Pacific Ladies Classic, Vi Carter. Ross, Amy and Velma Harding – dreaming of a trophy.