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					           PRESIDENT’S MESSAGE.                                               TREASURER’S REPORT
Much has happened since the last Fairways Flyer and the           Last month we were subjected to many days of rain
committees have been very busy on your behalf.                    resulting in a loss of revenue from fees, poker machines,
Firstly, I would like to congratulate the Associates              keno and bar. All in all, our results for this quarter are
Committee and in particular Vi Carter and Elaine Clout for        better than last year considering the loss of green fees
yet another extremely well organized and well run South           being of concern for all clubs as players choose to join the
Pacific tournament. The weather, which was excellent for          little clubs, resulting in the decline of Social Clubs.
the first two days, turned really nasty for the final day and     We have kept our expenses down this year which has
tested the skills of both the organizers and the players.         improved our trading figure in comparison with last year. Let
Both came through extremely well and congratulations to           me say our performance is healthy in a year which saw
our local girls Fiona Finlay and Amy Harding on very fine         many Golf Clubs go to the wall.
The issue taking up most of the Board’s time over the last        DAVID JACKSON                              Treasurer.
two months has been the future direction of the club. As
stated in the last Flyer the Board is aware of possible
problems with roads encroaching onto the course and
increasing insurance costs. At present we are in                                   HOUSE REPORT
negotiation with no fewer than four organizations who have        We’ve had our wet weather spell and now its time for the
put various proposals for the possible sale of our club and       glorious weather this part of the world is famous for.
the relocation to some other place.                               Mind you the winter woolies are well and truly on as I put
As a Board of Directors we are duty bound to listen to and        pen to paper.
evaluate all these options and then hopefully having enough       The wet spell we had since the last newsletter certainly
information to be able to select the best of these and to that    dampened turnover in the club and the bottom line has
end we have given all four until early August to put a firm       suffered a bit.
proposal to the Board. Before any final decision can be           A recent review of golf club activities Australia wide
made, the final say will be a vote of members at a meeting        commissioned by the AGU indicated that clubs are suffering
at which 75% of members present must agree to the                 from a downturn in member numbers and a general
proposal. You will be kept informed of future developments.       slowdown in revenues across the board. The findings were
It is getting towards that time of the year when the next         general and not confined to isolated areas, city or country
elections will be held and I would like to think that we would    clubs or anything else. Local clubs are also feeling the
see some new names on nomination forms for next year’s            pinch. One only has to look at the Southport Club and their
Board. Maybe some of you with time on your hands and              current fee structure to see how having to service large
the interest of the club at heart will be attracted by the very   loans can really put the pressure on.
liberal remuneration package - one free meal a month and a        After their financial difficulties, the Tweed Club, I believe,
guaranteed car park! Definitely worth some thought!!              are now trading comfortably in the black. This was after the
Till next time.                                                   board put a financial package together which included the
                                                                  sale of some of their land. The resultant investment now
PETER ROCHE                                  President.           subsidises running costs. It is fortunate that we as a club
                                                                  have been lucky enough to get our finances into a position
                                                                  where we do not have a large debt to service.
However, we still have not reached the position of solving     REJOINING:- Steve Wyndham and Janet Johnson,
the 2 floor needs without having to pay a visit to the bank    (Welcome back Steve and Jan)
manager. I can tell you that we, as a board, have agonized
over this dilemma. One option that has been looked at is       SMILE AND ALL MEMBERS SMILE WITH YOU,
the possible relocation of the club to a new course. Such a
move would negate the need to outlay funds for clubhouse       TED WOODBRY                               Chairman.
improvements and give us a substantial surplus to
subsidise future running costs. While only at concept stage,
when you look at the possible advantages, it certainly looks   APRIL RESULTS.
attractive. While the Board understands that such a move                            MONTHLY MEDAL
would not suit all members, if you consider the long-term      WINNERS: (A) Boyd Johnson 70 (B) Dave Armstrong 68
future of the club, the concept needs to be considered by      (C) Bill Pusztai 72
all.                                                           R/U: (A)Trent Rose 69 (B)Martin Joris 70
Dinner dance                                                   (C)John Winter 74c
Just a quick note that the annual dinner dance is coming up                          JUNIOR MEDAL
(23 August). Don’t forget to get into the party mode, book     WINNER: - Darren Weatherall 68
a table, get all your friends organized and come along for a   R/U: -        Zac Reynolds      70
blast. It’s always a good night out and won’t empty the                            MONTHLY CRYSTAL
wallet. See you there.                                         WINNERS: - Gerrard & Christine Wilkes 78
New Roof                                                       R/U: -      Carl Branster/Renate Rayner 74
Well long suffering Ken Such tells me that he no longer has                      CEC CAREY MEMORIAL
to dodge the leaks in the roof whenever it rains. The roof     WINNERS: - Mansell Lee/Maureen Scott        66
was recently re-sealed….and it didn’t cost an arm and a        R/U: -        Allan & Trish Walker        64c/b
leg.                                                                                DIGGERS DAY
Hope to see you at the 19 .                                    OVERALL WINNER: -John Kaz 38c/b
   DUNCAN HAIG                      House Chairman.            ARMY.      John Kaz 38c/b R/U Ron Hendy 38
                                                               NAVY .     Barney Barr 33  R/U Dick Sayer 32
                                                               AIR FORCE. Joe Kann 35     R/U Alan Gillett 34
                                                               CIVILIAN.  Boyd Johnson 43 R/U Allan Warnock 42c/b
Memberships remain strong with a small number of
vacancies for Provisional, Restricted and Associates.                FROM THE MANAGER’S DESK.
The following are some interesting statistics.                 Well here we are at the end of another financial year, and
                                                               time for payment of the Annual Subscriptions. Included in
Age profile Associates including Social members                this edition are some statistics relating to the membership
To 45yrs     46/55yrs.     56/65yrs       66 & over            fee increases over the years.
42 or 7.8% 68 or 12.7% 154 or 28.8% 271 or 50.7%               As mentioned by the President in the last edition of the
Handicap details; -                                            Flyer, we had gone through the worst drought on record.
Silver 1                                                       We were fortunate to be able to connect to the Gold Coast
82 Associates                                                  City Council’s recycled water, which has given us unlimited
 Bronze1               Bronze 11                               supply of water. However, with that comes some side
147 Associates      140 Associates                             issues such as the increase of Algae which at present is the
                                                               worst we have seen; this affects the quality of water that we
Members age profile including Social.
                                                               use to water the course. We are currently investigating a
To 45yrs      46/55yrs      56/65yrs     66 & over             way to reduce the Algae in our lake system and have
153 or21%. 98 or 14%. 200 or 28% 271 or 50.6%.                 sought help from a company that has had considerable
Handicap details: -                                            success at Palm Meadows Golf Course. Hopefully, we will
(A)Grade 120 Members. (B)Grade 192 Members                     be able to reduce or eradicate this problem. Unfortunately,
(C)Grade 310Members                                            we will have to put up with the rather unpleasant odour for
                                                               the time being.
Please welcome the following new members who have              Our Treasurer outlined the reasons for the 2003/2004-
joined our club in the last quarter.                           subscription increase and unfortunately the increase in our
PROVISIONAL:- Andrew Thomas, Keith Metcalfe, Sing-Yee          Public Liability Insurance has and will in the future impact
Chung, Frank Atkinson, Richard Millar, Robert Duff.            on our ongoing expenses. The House Chairman has given
RESTRICTED:- Yves Oger.                                        some statistics that were produced by the Australian Golf
JUNIORS: - Mathieu Oger, Stephen Sandilands.                   Union, which set out the problems faced by all private golf
CADETS:- Kade McBride.
ASSOCIATES:- Anastasia Whitcroft, Lynda Murray, Maree
Ryan, Patricia Millar.
clubs throughout Australia. We are continually looking for         YEAR ANNUAL       %
ways to offset the expense and generate revenue instead of                SUBS      RISE
just increasing membership and course fees.                       1979/80 $100.00   Nil      1989/90    $420.00        9.1%
The Board are currently looking at upgrading our cash             1980/81 $128.00   28%      1990/91    $460.00        9.5%
registers in the bar, with a system where winners of              1981/82 $163.00   27%      1991/92    $520.00        13%
competitions instead of receiving vouchers, will                  1982/83 $205.00   25.8%    1992/93    $550.00        5.8%
automatically have these available for redemption from their      1983/84 $255.00   24.4%    1993/94    $550.00        Nil
golf link card & also allow for Members only to be given          1984/85 $275.00   7.8%     1994/95    $590.00        7.3%
discounts, such as happy hour.                                    1985/86 $290.00   5.4%     1995/96    $610.00        3.4%
It is great to see our Juniors playing such good golf, mind       1986/87 $320.00   10.3%    1996/97    $635.00        4.1%
with the time they put into the practice fairway they certainly   1987/88 $350.00   9.4%     1997/98    $643.00        1.3%
deserve it. Amy Harding has reduced her handicap to 2             1988/89 $385.00   10.00%   1998/99    $668.00        3.9%
(Two) which is an achievement most young golfers aspire
but few reach. With her performances, both at Surfers             1999/20 $690.00 3.3%
Paradise Golf Club & other Tournaments, she was selected          2000/01 $760.00 10.1%
as Captain of the Gold Coast District Junior Team playing in      2001/02 $797.50 5%
Cairns. Congratulations Amy.                                      2002/03 $827.00 3.8%
Good Golfing,                                                     2003/04 $896.00 8.3%
    TONY GIBSON                    General Manager.               NOTE: - In the years 1981/82 and 1983/84 a $100 levy was
                                                                  also added to the Annual Subscription.
                                                                  Average annual increase over the years is 7.9%.
              TIP FROM OUR PRO.
FAULT: Too many mental swing thoughts.
Commonly called “paralysis by analysis” suffered by both
the weekend player and the advanced.                                                MAY RESULTS.
We all think we have the urge to try this and try that. In                            MONTHLY MEDAL
most cases, if it doesn’t work over night, we look for            WINNERS: - (A) John Allwood 67 (B) Neil Stebbing 71c/b
something else. Our heads become cluttered with different         (C) Allan Johanson 70c/b.
ideas. What we think is happening in theory, is not, in           R/U: - (A) Corey Templeton 69 (B) Martial Day 71c/b
reality.                                                          (C) Joe Rago 70.
FIX: Stop. Stop whatever you are trying to do, and get                           JUNIOR MONTHLY MEDAL
some help.                                                        WINNER: -      Lachlan Wall 67
Have a couple of lessons. Make sure you have a clear              R/U: -        Amy Harding 71
mind when you go for your lesson. When you finish,                                   MONTHLY CRYSTAL
hopefully you will have good positive thoughts.                   WINNERS: - Mansell Lee/Judy Flanders 66
Good golfing                                                      R/U: -        Chris & Leanne Butler    64c/b.
    IAN JONES                            Professional
                                                                   HOLES IN ONE. (Oh what a feeling!)
           ROLY’S RULES                                           Wed. 09 Apr     Pat Sexton        on the par3 16 .
A ball embedded in it’s own pitch mark in the ground in any       Sat. 10 May     Bill Taylor      on the par3 2 .
closely mown area through the green may be lifted, cleaned        Fri. 30 May     Drew Winson      on the par3 5 .
and dropped without penalty, as near as possible to the           Wed. 04 June    Allan Walker     on the par3 7 .
spot where it lay but not nearer the hole. The ball when          Happiness never decreases by being shared!
dropped must first strike a part of the course through the
“Closely mown area” means, any area of the course
including paths through the rough, cut to fairway height or         EAGLES. (An even better feeling!)
less. In this definition of “closely mown area” it is the only    Sat 05 Apr.     Shaun Roberts       on the 18
time “fairway” gets a mention in the RULES BOOK.                                  Boyd Johnson        on the 6 .
Should your ball become embedded in an area other than            Wed. 09 Apr.    Peter Whykes        on the 6 .
“closely mown”, you may play the ball as it lies or proceed       Sat. 19 Apr.    Ralph Hamilton      on the 10 .
with a penalty stroke under the ball unplayable rule.             Sat. 26 Apr.   Jason Kann           on the 6 .
                                                                                  Col Doohan           on the 18 .
  ROLY SOERGAARD                            Rules Guru.                           Boyd Johnson        on the 18 .
                                                                  Wed. 07 May    Chris Butler         on the 18 .
ANNUAL SUSCRIPTIONS                                               Sat. 10 May.   John Stebbing        on the 9 .
Thought you may be interested in the following                    Wed. 14 May    Arthur Roberts       on the 6 .
comparisons of what you paid for ANNUAL SUBS. and how             Sat. 17 May     Mark Bryant         on the 9 .
they have risen over the years.                                   Wed. 04 Jun.   Peter Whykes         on the 9 .
Wed .18 Jun. Jim Cheyne            on the 6 .                 ever helpful Pro. Ian Jones came out with squeegee and
We will either find a way, or make one!                       removed water from the 10 green and play continued.
                                                              Amy Harding was runner-up in the 54 hole nett event. Well
                                                              done Amy. Robyn Tate and Ted Woodbry won the nett in
                                                              the mixed foursomes with Joe & Jenny Klasan nett runners-
ALBATROSSES. (The ultimate feeling!)                          up.
None reported this quarter!                                   A cheque for $7,000.00 was handed to President Peter
As is our confidence, so is our capacity!                     Roche for course improvements.
                                                              CHARITY DAY
                                                              The annual Charity Day was another huge success with
                                                              260 in the field (two shotgun starts). A big thank you to
   FROM THE RED MARKERS.                                      Willie Stoopman and Ronnie Bourke and their hard working
What a busy three months we’ve had. The recent rain           team; $6,300.00 was raised on the day and once again the
didn’t help with our scheduling and resulted in having to     money will go to the Hopewell Hospice.
postpone our Club Foursomes Ch’ships twice! They will         Finally a special thank you to Ian and his staff for the
now be played on the 24 July one week after our Club          wonderful job they have done in starting and helping in all
Ch’ships.                                                     the major events over the past three months.
HONOUR BOARD EVENT WINNERS                                    No mean feat. Thank you Ian.
Maureen Limkin won the Richard Rainger Memorial Shield          Kay Campbell                                    Captain.
single knockout match play over four rounds. The Veneda
& Tom McGee Rosebowl winners were Diana Sayer, Naoko
Bannay, Vel Harding and Beryl Tucker. The King Salver                              ALLSPORTS.
Foursomes Knockout Match Play held over five rounds was       Well Harry Nesbitt has resigned as President after many
won by Trish Walker and Wendy Belmar. The Joan Irving         years at the helm. So our Vice President Arnie will take
Jug 4 Ball Match Play also over five rounds was won by Di     over as acting President until our next AGM.
Syer & Vicky Laws.                                            We have had a successful trip to Windaroo Golf Club in
                MONTHLY MEDAL WINNERS                         May which was enjoyed by all. Our next trip away is to
APRIL Silver         Renate Rayner                            Carbrook Golf Club on the 8 of July is at the moment
Bronze 1 Robyn McKean Bronze 11 Jenny Simmons                 lacking in numbers. Come on fella’s, put your name down,
B/Ladies Christine Cohen                                      everyone is welcome,
MAY       Silver     Naoka Bannay                             Wally Truscott                               Secretary
Bronze 1 Jenny Simmons Bronze 11 Jacki Pinfold
B/Ladies Christine Cohen.
JUNE Silver          Vel Harding                                    THE LOCKER ROOM RUMOURS
Bronze 1 Joan Gray           Bronze 11 Leone Tobin            Gripping Clubs.
B/Ladies Heli Iso-Aho                                         How many times have we been told during a lesson or have
                                                              read in golf magazines ---
General                                                       DON’T GRIP THE CLUB TOO TIGHTLY.
The District Ch’ships were held over two days at              Well what happens when you’ve finished your swing and
                                th         th                                                th              th
Coolangatta/Tweed on mon.19 & Tue. 20 May. The                you do? Standing on the 9 Tee on Sat. 19 April you send
Surfers Paradise team of Naoko Bannay, Amy Harding,           the ball on its way, and as you complete your swing
Megan Parker and Diana Syer won the Sir Bruce Small           perfectly balanced with your follow through, you incredibly
Jubilee Trophy, which is a most prestigious prize.            watch your driver following the flight of your ball, but
Fiona Finlay, Rebecca Cassey, Vicki Laws & Megan Parker       unfortunately not the same distance! With that wonderful
were part of the Gold Coast District team that played         whirring sound, like a curling boomerang that won’t come
Northern Rivers at Byron and Gold Coast Burleigh. The         back, it twirls straight into the pond and you’re left with your
team won one match and drew one, retaining the trophy.        hands still around the grip of your club, but no club!!!
Congratulations girls!                                        I don’t know the answer, but if anyone does, would they
More accolades, Vicki Laws has been chosen to be the non      please let Tom Bertwistle know, he’s dying to find out. (P.S.
playing Captain for the Gold Coast team for the Meg Nunn      they recovered the driver!)
Trophy (State Comp.) to be played in Brisbane (Pacific Golf
Club) from the 31 Aug. to 5 Sep. Amy Harding has been         Yes, he’s in the news again! Fame? I don’t know. You be
chosen for the Junior Jug team and also will Captain the      the judge.
team. This event is held in Cairns from 5 to 12 July.         This very dejected golfer returned to the clubhouse on Wed.
SOUTH PACIFIC LADIES CLASSIC                                  23 April. Why, you may ask, was he so crestfallen? Well, I’ll
Another successful Tournament. Special thanks go to Vi                                         st
                                                              tell you. He, had just lost the 1 nine, followed by the loss
Carter and Elaine Clout for the organization. Unfortunately            nd
                                                              of the 2 nine and consequently, the match. Many of us
after two beautiful days the heavens opened up on the final   can sympathize with that. But wait, that’s not all. There’s
day. Play was suspended for 30 min. and our wonderful         more. Adding insult to injury, rubbing salt into the wound,
he also had the snake, and, wait for it, then followed that        of other members. Sure they only cost a little, but you
with--- the Super Snake!!! If you’re really interested in the      would be the first to criticize the lack of them should this
identity of this poor unfortunate golfer his name appears on       occur.
the last page.                                                     SHAME ON YOU FOR YOUR THOUGHTLESS ACTIONS.
 We endeavor to be discreet at all times.                          However, on the other side of the coin the following action
                                                                   is what makes our club the best on the coast!
Mobile Phones - pestilence or indispensable???                     Bouquets for the two caring and thinking members, who
Aussies sent 20 million mobile telephone messages last             showed consideration towards others. In this instance
Christmas Day alone and over 100 million by New Year’s             Barney “Taipan” Barr (who provided the money) & Roly
Day! This was a $23 million windfall for the carriers.             Soegaard (who purchased them)
In 2003 we are expected to spend about $1 billion sending          I refer to the spades in the sand bins on the tees.
SMS (Short Message Service) at an average cost of 23c a            CONGRATULATIONS GENTLEMEN. THANK YOU.
Is it any wonder mobile phones are banned inside our club                             GREAT NEWS
house!                                                             Great to read in the paper that one time Junior at our club
                                                                   Flt. Lt Grant Burr, now an FA/18 Hornet fighter bomber pilot
Some of us play in both annual matches between Surfers             returned home to his wife Louise, safe and sound after
Paradise and Pacific Golf Clubs.                                   serving time in the Iraq engagement. Bet mum Sandra Burr
Those (not the wooses who cancelled) that went by coach            and proud grandad John Rossetto are just as pleased to
on Wed. 28 May left in rain, travelled to Brisbane in rain,        see him back on the coast even though it’s only for a short
arrived in rain AND PLAYED IN RAIN.                                time.
Bad enough you may think, but then, what if you had a              And talking of proud parents if you see Joe Rago strutting
really bad day, on top of getting drenched?                        around with chest stuck out it’s not because he’s won yet
Ask new member Russ Thompson a pilot with Singapore                another C Grade comp. but because son Commander Lou
Airlines and a friend of Gerry Buist. First, he lost the sole of   now living in Canberra received an AM in the last Queen’s
his left shoe. The adhesive must have melted in the wet.           honours list.
Then, he lost the head of his 5 iron. Don’t know if they used      Good on you John and Joe we’re happy for you.
the same adhesive. Then the sole of his right shoe
remained on the sodden turf while he attempted to walk
away. But wait, there’s more. He didn’t have an umbrella           WHO WAS IT SAID?
when he arrived, so he purchased a new one from the                    DRIVE FOR SHOW,
Pacific Pro Shop before hitting off. Using his new umbrella
for protection from the driving rain coming in the side of his
                                                                             PUTT FOR DOUGH.
buggy, he brushed some bushes and sadly, now had in his            Well, John Daly, Bob Weekley and Australian Matthew
                                                                                      st  nd      rd
hand, one very demolished umbrella. He tried to auction his        Goggin finished1 , 2 , and 3 in driving distance statistics
shoes on the coach ride home but was unsuccessful!                 on the US PGA Tour in 2002. Did this mean anything?
BE WARNED. Don’t ask him how many balls he lost!                   Unfortunately it didn’t.
                                                                                                                  th     th
                                                                   It translated into prize money rankings of 112 , 200 and
When you play pennants, you receive a new shirt each year          142 . Weekley missed out at the second stage of Q
that you represent the Club. This is to identify you as a          School, while Goggin reached the final stage of Q School.
current pennant player. You are not supposed to wear last          Tiger Woods finished 6 in driving distance. Incidentally he
year’s shirt during competition this year - Jim Oxenford!          has used 170 Nike Drivers (up to the time of writing this) as
                                                                   he tries to find the perfect one.
“There was movement at the Golf Club for the word had got          As for top putters, Bob Heintz led in two key statistical
around. That the man from NSW had lost his watch!”                 categories. Putts per round 27.57 and putting average of
Yes folks it’s true and wife Robyn says he should have B----       1.682. Notwithstanding this prowess with the putter, he
y I---t branded on his forehead. Electric buggies are a boon       finished 192 on the money list, with $127,346.00.
as we get older and the body doesn’t work like it did once.
But why don’t they have brakes fitted? Allan Mc Kean is            Now here’s a trivia question. What is Tiger Woods Christian
having them fitted to his, because if they had been fitted in      name? (See last page for the answer.)
the first place, he’d still have his Tag-Heuer watch! Yes,
you’re right. The diver couldn’t find the watch, so it lies on                       JUNE RESULTS.
the bottom of the pond in front of the 3 . Wet suits may be                           MONTHLY MEDAL
hired from McKeans Underwater Dive and Exploration                 WINNERS : - (A) Jason Kann 68 (B) Rob Parker 70
Tours.                                                             (C) Ern Kochner 72 c/b
                                                                   R/U: - (A) Corey Templeton 69 (B) Dave Armstrong 73c/b
          BRICKBATS & BOUQUETS                                     (C ) Joe Rago 72
Brickbats to all those unthinking members who leave their                         JUNIOR MONTHLY MEDAL
sand buckets in the car park only to be run over by the cars       WINNER: - Zac Reynolds 72 R/U Tom Steinhour 73
                MONTHLY CRYSTAL                                    Seating. All the seats were the same height and if
WINNERS: - Cec & June Hassum 71                                    someone tall sat in front of you, that was tough. The
R/U: -    Gerry & Marcia Buist 67                                  cinema would be full and you couldn’t move to another seat.
          FOURSOMES CHAMPIONSHIPS                                  Then when the movie finished you came out with a stiff
WINNERS: - Trent Rose/Corey Templeton 154                          neck from peering around him. Wonder how many kids
R/U: -   Jason Kann/Col Doohan 156 c/b.                            today know that peanuts come covered with a crunchy
                                                                   We didn’t know what the word Porn meant; let alone how to
            AS WE GET OLDER!                                       down load it.
I always promised myself I wouldn’t harangue my kids with,         We didn’t have cable or satellite TV, and when TV finally
how tough things were when I was a child, and I didn’t. But        arrived, every one in the family gathered near to watch this
now I’m a grandfather, I do. When I look around these days         small screen. It was even harder if you were the only family
and notice the youth of today. Well, I can’t help myself.          in the street with one, then it was first in, best dressed, as
I was out hitting a few balls the other day (yes, I do practice)   everyone would be invited.
and beside me was a 10 or 11 year old, who, each time he           There were no cartoon stations, this only happened on
miss hit a ball, began haranguing his patient father for a         Saturday mornings.
new set of clubs.                                                  D’ya hear what I’m saying? We had to b----- wait ALL
For starters when I was his age very few kids were                 WEEK, you spoiled little b------s.
members of a golf club, let alone own a set of clubs. We           Now that I’ve got that off my chest, I wonder if the kid got
were lucky if we owned a bike and, we certainly didn’t have        his new set of clubs?
a computer or the Internet!
If we wanted to know something, we paid attention at
school or visited the library and looked it up ourselves.
There wasn’t any E-mail. We actually had to write someone
a letter with pen and ink and wasn’t that messy, made              Equipment controversies are as old as the game of golf
easier when Baron Bic invented the Biro. (But those early          itself. In fact, one of the earliest rulings of the USGA said,
ballpoints were just as frustrating! You wrote something           that Richard Peters was forbidden from using his favourite
down that you wanted to keep and later when you tried to           stick on the greens during the 1895 U.S. Amateur at the
read it, you couldn’t. It was a greasy smudgy mess where           Newport (Rhode Island) Country Club.
the ink had run into the paper! )                                  He’d been using a “pool cue”!!!
Then, having written your letter, you actually had to walk to
the letterbox and post it, (you were lucky if you owned a                  COMING EVENTS.
bike) which could be three streets away from where you             JULY
lived. Then it took a week to get there and if you were
                                                                   Sun. 20 Surfers Paradise Open.
waiting for a reply, it was a lifetime.
There were no MP3’s or Napsters. If you wanted to steal            AUGUST
music you had to go to a music shop and do it! If you were         Sat 09 Cock of the Walk.
very lucky and had a big “reel to reel” tape recorder, you         Sun 10 Kurrawa Life Saving Club Charity Day.
taped it off the radio and you were very lucky if the DJ didn’t    Mon 11 Open Bronze11 Day.
talk over the start or end of the recording, and, you had to       Sun 17 Club Mixed Ch’ships
be careful the tape didn’t tear from repeated use. None of         Sat 23 ANNUAL DINNER DANCE.
this CD Burner stuff.                                              SEPTEMBER
Then we got the telephone and you had to tell the operator         Sat 13 CLUB CH’SHIPS.
whom you wanted to talk with, to be connected. No                          SENIOR & JUNIOR CH’SHIPS.
telephone numbers in those days, no mobiles, and no fancy          Mon 29 Assoc. away match at Nudgee G.C.
Caller ID box either. When we were finally allocated
telephone numbers and someone was on the phone you                             STOCK MARKET
got a busy signal and had to ring back, sometimes 10 times.        Many of us in the Club are “self-funded retirees.” Those of
No call waiting then. When the phone rang you had no idea          you about to enter these halcyon years of your life will have
who the caller was, until you answered the phone. It was a         to depend to some extent on the Stock Market and an
lottery. These days they not only know whose calling, they         Advisor, for your existence (club membership) and survival
even talk on the computer and see to whom they’re talking.         (balls and the continual upgrading of clubs, shoes and bag).
We didn’t have any fancy video games or play stations with         NOT THE GOVERNMENT, you hear!
high-resolution 3-D graphics! There were no multiple levels        If you are not acquainted with the terminology of the stock
or screens. We had comics! Yes, comics! Which you read             market, it can be quite daunting. To help you, here are
and used your imagination, with heroes like “Captain               some of the more commonly used words, phrases and
Marvel”; (I often call out Shazam when I’m playing golf, but       definitions.
nothing happens!) “Superman”, “The Ghost Who Walks”; or
                                                                   1. CEO: - Chief Earnings Officer, usually achieved after
you went to the movies and then you were only allowed to
                                                                        being sacked.
go once a week. There was no such thing as Stadium
2. CFO: - Corporate Fraud Officer.                             First, they put his left leg in……. and that’s when all the
3. BULL MARKET: - A random market movement,                    trouble started.
causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial
genius.                                                                 EVER WONDERED???
4. BEAR MARKET: - A 6 to 18 month period when the              Why, the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
wife gets no jewelry, no meals at restaurants and she is
                                                               Why, women can’t put on mascara with their mouths
convinced her Mother was right, that she had married an
                                                               Why, you never see the headline ---
5. VALUE INVESTING: - The art of buying low and
                                                               “Psychic Wins Lotto”?
selling lower.
                                                               Why, “Abbreviated” is such a long word?
6. P/E RATIO: - The percentage of investors loosing
money compared with those earning money.                       Why, Doctors call what they do--“a practice”?
7. BROKER: - What your adviser has made you.                   Why, bottled Lemon Juice is made with artificial flavouring,
                                                               yet dishwashing liquid is made with real Lemons?
8. STANDARD & POOR: - In a nutshell. What your life is
                                                               It doesn’t make sense, does it?
                                                               Nor does the following!
9. STOCK ANALYST: - The idiot who just downgraded
your shares.
10. STOCK SPLIT: - When your ex-wife and her solicitor
divvy your assets between themselves.
11. MARKET CORRECTION: - This always happens
                                                               THE HUMAN RACE IS DOOMED!
after you buy your shares.                                     When you read some of the instructions on the labels of
                                                               consumer goods, its further proof the human race is
12. CASH FLOW: - The movement of your money as it
                                                               doomed e. g.
                                                               On a Myer Hairdryer – “Do not use while sleeping.” (Darn,
13. YAHOO: - What you yell after selling your shares to        and that’s the only time I have to work on my hair!)
some poor self funded retiree for $250 per share.              On a bar of Palmolive Soap. Directions: “Use like regular
14. WINDOWS 2000: - What the self funded retiree jumps         soap.” (And that would be how?)
through, after buying the shares @ $250.                       On some frozen dinners. “Serving suggestion: Defrost.”
15. INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR: - What you become                  (Mind you, it’s only a suggestion.)
when you’re wife has you locked up in a nut house.             On Nanna’s Tiramisu Dessert. (Printed on bottom) – “Do
16. PROFIT: - An archaic word no longer in use.                not turn upside down.” (Oh, oh, I shouldn’t have done that.)
17. EQUITY TURNOVERS, FUTURES & TRUSTS: -                      Label on the packaging of a K-Mart Iron. “Do not iron
These are buzzwords for the investor to nonchalantly throw     clothes on body.” (But, wouldn’t this save me more
into his everyday conversation.                                time?) Extracts from “moments with Gerry Willan”.
18. UNBALANCED PORTFOLIO: - What a broker uses
to inform you, he needs more income.                                     MOMENTS TO PONDER!
ENJOY! ENJOY! It’s later than you think!                       (1) Love is grand.
                                                                                           But divorce is a 100 grand!
          CHICKEN WINNERS                                      (2) Time is a great healer.
Out in front all on his own is A Grader Bill Crockett with 7                         But it’s also a lousy beautician!!(3)
Chooks. An early morning player the ex Scot is known after     Never be afraid to try something new.
a comic character in the Scottish papers during the late                 Remember, amateurs built the Ark.
40’S & 50’s as “Oor Wullie”.                                                         Professionals built the Titanic!!!
6 Chooks: - Jack Armstrong, Chas Botto,                        (4) Talk is cheap.
              Brendan Giess, Pat Sexton, Bill Taylor.                           Because supply exceeds demand!!!!
5 Chooks: - Ron Alexander, Bryan W Bourke,
              Carl Branster, Chris Butler, Max Russo, & John   The name of the unfortunate golfer you are looking for,
“I feel so crook” Pantelimon.                                  is none other than: - Mr. John Barr, forget the “Barney”
There were 10 winners of 4 and 28 with 3.                      because from now on he will be known as: - The
                                                               TAIPAN.      (Australia’s deadliest snake!)
In this time of sorrow and sadness in the world, it is worth            WE HAVE - YET HAVE NOT!
reflecting on the death of a very important person, which      We have taller buildings, but shorter tempers.
nearly went unnoticed.                                         We have wider highways, but narrower viewpoints.
Larry La Prise, is the man who wrote “The Hokey Pokey”         We spend more, but have less.
died peacefully in his sleep at the age of 93.
The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into
the coffin.
We buy more, but enjoy less.
We have bigger houses, but smaller families.
We have more degrees, but less sense.
We have more knowledge, but less judgment.
We have more experts, yet more problems.
We have better designed clubs, but do we play better golf.

( Tiger Woods first name is Eldrick.)

God grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do,                            Sue Oakley and Margaret Hurst (from Women’s Golf Gold Coast)
And the eyesight to tell the difference.

Enjoy – Our fairways to heaven.
               Your game.
             And the camaraderie of the 19th hole.
                                           The Hacker.

                                                                       Vi Carter, Rosemary Irving, Pam Rainger and Daphne Pirie.

Bob and Sue Oakley (IFS – sponsors) and Paul van Riet (Robina Holden
– sponsor)

                                                                       President Peter Roche accepting a donation of $7,000 from the
                                                                       organiser of the South Pacific Ladies Classic, Vi Carter.

Ross, Amy and Velma Harding – dreaming of a trophy.