A Parent’s Guide to Bullying
ERIN LEACH SCHOOL COUNSELOR FOREST HILL ELEMENTARY SCHOOL
What are your concerns?
What Do We Know About Bullying?
Bullying is NOT … pre-wired, harmless, or inevitable
Bullying IS … learned, harmful, and controllable
Bullying SPREADS … if supported or left unchecked
Bullying INVOLVES … everyone—bullies, victims, and bystanders Bullying CAN BE … effectively stopped or entirely prevented
Who Is Involved?
The Bully
Often hot-tempered,
inflexible, overly
confident, and don’t like to follow rules Desire to dominate and control others Select and systematically train their victims to
comply to demands
encouragement, passive acceptance, or silence from bystanders Can learn how to make friends and get what they
Seek active
want by helping, rather than hurting
Who Is Involved?
The Victim Tend to appear small, weak, insecure, sensitive, or
“different” Tend to be passive Rewards the bully by yielding control and showing signs of
intimidation Often fails to gain support from bystanders
reporting bullying Can learn to defeat bully by responding assertively,
rallying support from bystanders, or reporting bullying to adults
Avoids
Who Is Involved?
The Bystander (http://www.adcouncil.org/default.aspx?id=42) Most powerful role in a bullying situation
More
than half the time, bullying stops within 10 seconds of a bystander stepping in to help!
Can either contribute to the problem or the solution Can contribute to the solution by:
Discouraging the bully Defending the victim Redirecting the situation Rallying support from peers Reporting the bullying to adults
What are we teaching your children?
Bullying Is …
Negative acts carried out repeatedly over time Involves a real or perceived imbalance of power
(more powerful group/person challenging less powerful group/person) Takes 3 forms
Verbal: teasing, name-calling, etc. Physical: hitting, kicking, etc. Psychological: spreading rumors, exclusion, etc.
… NOT OK!!!
http://www.teachertube.com/view_video.php?viewkey=26a7f5e9f1cfb0
99511e
What Should I Do If …
… I am being bullied
Help Assert
Yourself
Ask other students, teachers, brothers, and sisters to help you. Say, “Please stop that. I don’t like it.” Find a funny way to deal with the bully.
Humor
Avoid Self-Talk
Own It
Stay away from kids who are mean.
Say to yourself, “I’m OK, this is that kid’s problem. I’m a nice kid; being mean isn’t right.” Deflect a put-down by owning it. For example, if someone says, “That’s an ugly dress,” you can say, “I don’t like it either, but my mom made me wear it.”
What Should I Do If …
… I see someone being bullied
Creative Problem
Solving
Come up with helpful ways to deal with bullying. It is not tattling when it keeps others safe. Join with and support the victims; there is safety and strength in numbers. Try to understand the feelings of the victim and speak out against bullying. Say, “Bullying is not allowed.”
Adult Help Relate and Join Empathy Stand Up and Speak
Out
Most Common Types of Bullying at Forest Hill
Verbal Teasing, name-calling, etc. Relational Aggression AKA “Girl Bullying” Gossip, spreading rumors, social exclusion/isolation
Cyberbullying Spreading rumors or posting false/private information online Getting other people to post or send hurtful messages Excluding someone from an online group
What Are Some Warning Signs of Bullying?
Unexplained damage or loss of clothing and
other personal items Evidence of physical abuse (bruises/scratches) Loss of friends; changes in friends Reluctance to participate in activities with peers Loss of interest in favorite activities
What Are Some Warning Signs of Bullying? (cont.)
Unusually sad, moody, anxious, lonely, or
depressed Problems with eating, sleeping, bed-wetting Headaches, stomachaches, or other physical complaints Decline in school achievement Thoughts of harming self or others
What Can You Do To Help?
Look for warning signs
Don’t assume the problem will go away on
its own Discuss bullying openly with your children Invite children to talk about what is bothering them Listen sincerely and attentively Help develop a response strategy (based on strategies shared earlier)
What Can You Do To Help? (cont.)
Encourage you child to use a “bully-buster”
strategy independently first Model and help children practice assertiveness skills (“firm but not ferocious”) Follow-up to make sure the bullying does not continue Don’t EVER say, “That’s just the way kids are.”
What Can You Do to Prevent Cyberbullying?
Keep computers in visible places and monitor
use Talk with children about the safe and responsible use of the internet, cell phones, and dangers of cyberbullying Discuss what to do when cyberbullying occurs:
Ignoring the message Calmly, but firmly, telling the cyberbully to remove the harmful material
What Can You Do to Prevent Cyberbullying? (cont.)
Remind children not to share any personal
information online Encourage children to tell you if they are being cyberbullied or know others who are Assure children that you will help them deal with the problem Teach children to “Take 5” before responding to a hurtful message
http://www.adcouncil.org/default.aspx?id=42
What Resources Are Out There?
Online
www.bullying.org www.eyesonbullying.org www.stopbullyingnow.org www.cyberbullying.org
(great for kids!)
www.stopcyberbullying.org
What Resources Are Out There?
Books for Adults
The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander by Barbara Coloroso Easing the Teasing: Helping Your Child Cope with Name-Calling, Ridicule, and Verbal Bullying by Judy S. Freedman Odd Girl Out: The Hidden Culture of Aggression in Girls by Rachael Simmons Queen Bees and Wannabees: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and Other Realities of Adolescence by Rosalind Wiseman
What Resources Are Out There?
Books for Children
to Be a Friend: A Guide to Making Friends and Keeping Them by Laurie Krasny Brown and Marc Brown Stand Tall, Molly Lou Melon by Patty Lovell Bullies Are a Pain in the Brain by Trevor Romain My Secret Bully by Trudy Ludwig The English Roses by Madonna
How
Let’s Discuss…
What questions have been left unanswered?