S-III

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					TYPES OF WEBMASTERS

Joe/Jane Average College Student
Traits :
Owner of a new university-supplied computer account with http access. Complete lack of originality.
Multiple references to beer/Disney movies. Several photos of Student with college buddies (high
school, if freshman Student).

The Good News :
They don't know how to get their page linked to the outside world, so only they and their friends
download their 16.7-million- color pictures from the last party.

The Bad News :
They, their friends and their 16.7-million-color pictures might be on your server.

Mr. "Enhanced For Netscape"
Traits :
The second thing you see on his page is a Netscape logo and a link to an ftp site where you can
download Netscape NOW!. The first thing you see is about 80 different TITLE's scrolling back and
forth across your screen.

The Good News :
You won't have to look at their pages for long, because there won't be much there to see.

The Bad News :
Half of the rest of the people who look at their pages are going to think "Hey, that's cool!" and copy
the source.

The Old-Timer
Traits :
Pages compatible with HTML 1.0, no graphics and very few attribute tags. Normal-text-size
message at top says "This page not enhanced for Netscape. Cope, whipper-snapper."

The Good News :
He's likely there because he has something of importance to say.

The Bad News :
Whatever it is will likely be boring or far too technical for you.

The 5-Year-Old
Traits :
Pictures of their parents, the family pet, etc. More data about the daily life of a kindergartener than
you thought possible. Cute "kiddy-talk" dialect to the text. ADDRESS contains the note "such-and-
such's mother helped her build this page."

The Good News :
The first few of these you see give you a warm, fuzzy feeling.

The Bad News :
The last few dozen of these you see all look the same.

The Computer Science Major
Traits
.
The Maniac
Traits :
Last counted 1267 .html files in his public_html directory and 100+ CGI scripts in his cgi-bin
directory. Is known as a "Close Personal Friend of Bob [Allison]." Thinks the people at Yahoo!
"don't keep up with the Web fast enough. " Will be the first on his block to have an ethernet cable
hardwired into his brain.

The Good News :
You could go through all his pages and never find an error.

The Bad News :
You'd never make it through all his pages.

back

LITTLE JOHNNY IN CHURCH

One bright Sunday morning Cindy and Mark took their eight year old son, Johnny, to church. They
sat right in the front so Johnny could get all the benefits from church. But as we know eight year old
boys do not like church at all. Especially little Johnny. Halfway through the pastor's sermon Johnny
fell asleep. The pastor noticed this, and it was distracting him from preaching. He decided to go over
to Johnny and ask him a question about God.

"Son, do you know who created all the heavens and earth?"
His mother, Cindy, who did not want to be embarrassed by her son falling asleep, stuck a pin in her
son's right butt cheek.

"GOD!!!!" Cried little Johnny.

"Very good," the pastor replied. For he could not say it was wrong. And he continued on. But a short
while later, Johnny fell asleep again. The pastor once again noticed this and decided to ask another
question,

"Who was Mary and Joseph's son?" The pastor asked.

Johnny's dad, Mark, did not want to be embarrassed either, so he stuck a pin in his son's left butt
cheek.

"JESUS CHRIST!!!!" Yelled Johnny.

And once again the pastor replied "Very good."
Near the end of the church service, Johnny could not control himself and fell asleep again. For the
last time, the pastor decided to embarrass him and ask a very hard question.

"What did Eve say to Adam on the morning when they woke up on the first day?"

But before Johnny's parents could do anything Johnny shouted,
"IF YOU STICK THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'M GOING TO TAKE IT AND
BREAK IT IN HALF!"

back

PILOTS

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit
crew to show up so they can get under way. The pilot and co pilot finally appear in the rear of the
praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming
more and more hysterical.

Finally, when the airplane has less than 20 feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch
of the shouts as everyone screams at once, and at the very last moment the airplane lifts off and is
airborne.

Up in the cockpit, the co pilot breathes a sigh of relief and turns to the Captain:
"You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and we're gonna get killed!"

back

VERY DETERMINED

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules:

"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the
female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."

He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a
third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?"

At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: "How much for a season pass?"

back

THE BUSY BARBER

This guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks,
"How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours."
The guy leaves.

A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks,
"How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looks around at shop full of customers and says, "About 2 hours."
The guy leaves.

A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks,
"How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looks around the shop and says, "About an hour and a half."
The guy leaves.

The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says,
"Hey, Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes."

In a little while, Bill comes back into the shop laughing hysterically. The barber asks,
"Bill, where did he go when he left here?"
Bill looked up and said, "To your house."

Links to the linux FAQ, the Geek Code, Star Wars theme music and DOOM .wad files. Cautious use
of Netscape enhancements. Picture of Darth Vader instead of personal pictures. HTML 3.0 (Beta)
compliant seal-of-approval at bottom of her page.

The Good News :
If you're a geek, you'll find what you're looking for here. Even if you're not, you'll like the page
design.
The Good News :
You won't go blind staring at his pages.

The Bad News :
You might wish you had once you see the prices of the goods/services he's offering.

The Newbie
Traits :
Very little created text on their pages, it's almost all links to other people's pages. Missing right
brackets in A HREF's kill whole lines of information. Several image files are not able to be loaded.

The Good News :
They'll almost have to get better.

The Bad News :
They just might not.

The Egotist
Traits :
Large image of themself greets you when page is loading. 1/2 Meg .au file of him chatting with his
dog. Access counts shown for every page. Several lengthy pages devoted to his compact disk/Magic
card/beer bottle collection. More personal details than you'd ever want to know.

The Good News :
There isn't any.

The Bad News :
Frequently friendly with Mr. "Enhanced for Netscape."

The Maniac
Traits :
Last counted 1267 .html files in his public_html directory and 100+ CGI scripts in his cgi-bin
directory. Is known as a "Close Personal Friend of Bob [Allison]." Thinks the people at Yahoo!
"don't keep up with the Web fast enough. " Will be the first on his block to have an ethernet cable
hardwired into his brain.

The Good News :
You could go through all his pages and never find an error.

The Bad News :
You'd never make it through all his pages.

back

LITTLE JOHNNY IN CHURCH

One bright Sunday morning Cindy and Mark took their eight year old son, Johnny, to church. They
sat right in the front so Johnny could get all the benefits from church. But as we know eight year old
boys do not like church at all. Especially little Johnny. Halfway through the pastor's sermon Johnny
fell asleep. The pastor noticed this, and it was distracting him from preaching. He decided to go over
to Johnny and ask him a question about God.

"Son, do you know who created all the heavens and earth?"
His mother, Cindy, who did not want to be embarrassed by her son falling asleep, stuck a pin in her
son's right butt cheek.

"GOD!!!!" Cried little Johnny.
"JESUS CHRIST!!!!" Yelled Johnny.

And once again the pastor replied "Very good."
Near the end of the church service, Johnny could not control himself and fell asleep again. For the
last time, the pastor decided to embarrass him and ask a very hard question.

"What did Eve say to Adam on the morning when they woke up on the first day?"

But before Johnny's parents could do anything Johnny shouted,
"IF YOU STICK THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'M GOING TO TAKE IT AND
BREAK IT IN HALF!"

back

PILOTS

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for the cockpit
crew to show up so they can get under way. The pilot and co pilot finally appear in the rear of the
plane, and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center aisle. Both appear to be blind. The
pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers right and left as he stumbles down the aisle, and
the co pilot is using a guide dog. Both have their eyes covered with huge sunglasses.

At first the passengers do not react; thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke. However,
after a few minutes the engines start spooling up and the airplane starts moving down the runway.
The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness, whispering among themselves and looking
desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance.

Then the airplane starts accelerating rapidly and people begin panicking. Some passengers are
praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway, the voices are becoming
more and more hysterical.

Finally, when the airplane has less than 20 feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in the pitch
of the shouts as everyone screams at once, and at the very last moment the airplane lifts off and is
airborne.

Up in the cockpit, the co pilot breathes a sigh of relief and turns to the Captain:
"You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and we're gonna get killed!"

back

VERY DETERMINED

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules:

"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the
female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time."

He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a
third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?"

At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: "How much for a season pass?"

back

THE BUSY BARBER

This guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks,
"How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looks around the shop and says, "About an hour and a half."
The guy leaves.

The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says,
"Hey, Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes."

In a little while, Bill comes back into the shop laughing hysterically. The barber asks,
"Bill, where did he go when he left here?"
Bill looked up and said, "To your house."


Links to the linux FAQ, the Geek Code, Star Wars theme music and DOOM .wad files. Cautious use
of Netscape enhancements. Picture of Darth Vader instead of personal pictures. HTML 3.0 (Beta)
compliant seal-of-approval at bottom of her page.

The Good News :
If you're a geek, you'll find what you're looking for here. Even if you're not, you'll like the page
design.

The Bad News :
Complete lack of socially redeeming qualities. Unfortunate tendency to upload specs of their home
PC.

The Businessman
Traits :
Pages without fancy backgrounds and with only one nice, clean, imagemap. Unfortunately, there are
no text-links for those using Lynx.

The Good News :
You won't go blind staring at his pages.

The Bad News :
You might wish you had once you see the prices of the goods/services he's offering.

The Newbie
Traits :
Very little created text on their pages, it's almost all links to other people's pages. Missing right
brackets in A HREF's kill whole lines of information. Several image files are not able to be loaded.

The Good News :
They'll almost have to get better.

The Bad News :
They just might not.

The Egotist
Traits :
Large image of themself greets you when page is loading. 1/2 Meg .au file of him chatting with his
dog. Access counts shown for every page. Several lengthy pages devoted to his compact disk/Magic
card/beer bottle collection. More personal details than you'd ever want to know.

The Good News :
There isn't any.

The Bad News :
Frequently friendly with Mr. "Enhanced for Netscape."
Links to the linux FAQ, the Geek Code, Star Wars theme music and DOOM .wad files.
Cautious use of Netscape enhancements. Picture of Darth Vader instead of personal
pictures. HTML 3.0 (Beta) compliant seal-of-approval at bottom of her page.

The Good News :
If you're a geek, you'll find what you're looking for here. Even if you're not, you'll like
the page design.

The Bad News :
Complete lack of socially redeeming qualities. Unfortunate tendency to upload specs of
their home PC.

The Businessman
Traits :
Pages without fancy backgrounds and with only one nice, clean, imagemap.
Unfortunately, there are no text-links for those using Lynx.

The Good News :
You won't go blind staring at his pages.

The Bad News :
You might wish you had once you see the prices of the goods/services he's offering.

The Newbie
Traits :
Very little created text on their pages, it's almost all links to other people's pages. Missing
right brackets in A HREF's kill whole lines of information. Several image files are not
able to be loaded.

The Good News :
They'll almost have to get better.

The Bad News :
They just might not.

The Egotist
Traits :
Large image of themself greets you when page is loading. 1/2 Meg .au file of him
chatting with his dog. Access counts shown for every page. Several lengthy pages
devoted to his compact disk/Magic card/beer bottle collection. More personal details than
you'd ever want to know.

The Good News :
There isn't any.

The Bad News :
Frequently friendly with Mr. "Enhanced for Netscape."

The Maniac
Traits :
Last counted 1267 .html files in his public_html directory and 100+ CGI scripts in his
cgi-bin directory. Is known as a "Close Personal Friend of Bob [Allison]." Thinks the
people at Yahoo! "don't keep up with the Web fast enough. " Will be the first on his
block to have an ethernet cable hardwired into his brain.

The Good News :
You could go through all his pages and never find an error.

The Bad News :
You'd never make it through all his pages.

back

LITTLE JOHNNY IN CHURCH

One bright Sunday morning Cindy and Mark took their eight year old son, Johnny, to
church. They sat right in the front so Johnny could get all the benefits from church. But
as we know eight year old boys do not like church at all. Especially little Johnny.
Halfway through the pastor's sermon Johnny fell asleep. The pastor noticed this, and it
was distracting him from preaching. He decided to go over to Johnny and ask him a
question about God.

"Son, do you know who created all the heavens and earth?"
His mother, Cindy, who did not want to be embarrassed by her son falling asleep, stuck a
pin in her son's right butt cheek.

"GOD!!!!" Cried little Johnny.

"Very good," the pastor replied. For he could not say it was wrong. And he continued on.
But a short while later, Johnny fell asleep again. The pastor once again noticed this and
decided to ask another question,

"Who was Mary and Joseph's son?" The pastor asked.

Johnny's dad, Mark, did not want to be embarrassed either, so he stuck a pin in his son's
left butt cheek.

"JESUS CHRIST!!!!" Yelled Johnny.

And once again the pastor replied "Very good."
Near the end of the church service, Johnny could not control himself and fell asleep
again. For the last time, the pastor decided to embarrass him and ask a very hard
question.

"What did Eve say to Adam on the morning when they woke up on the first day?"

But before Johnny's parents could do anything Johnny shouted,
"IF YOU STICK THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'M GOING TO TAKE IT
AND BREAK IT IN HALF!"

back

PILOTS
One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for
the cockpit crew to show up so they can get under way. The pilot and co pilot finally
appear in the rear of the plane, and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center
aisle. Both appear to be blind. The pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers
right and left as he stumbles down the aisle, and the co pilot is using a guide dog. Both
have their eyes covered with huge sunglasses.

At first the passengers do not react; thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke.
However, after a few minutes the engines start spooling up and the airplane starts moving
down the runway. The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness, whispering
among themselves and looking desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance.

Then the airplane starts accelerating rapidly and people begin panicking. Some
passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway,
the voices are becoming more and more hysterical.

Finally, when the airplane has less than 20 feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in
the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once, and at the very last moment the
airplane lifts off and is airborne.

Up in the cockpit, the co pilot breathes a sigh of relief and turns to the Captain:
"You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and we're gonna get
killed!"

back

VERY DETERMINED

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the
rules:

"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male
dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the
first time."

He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60.
Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?"

At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: "How much for a season pass?"

back

THE BUSY BARBER

This guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks,
"How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours."
The guy leaves.

A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks,
"How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looks around at shop full of customers and says, "About 2 hours."
The guy leaves.

A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks,
"How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looks around the shop and says, "About an hour and a half."
The guy leaves.

The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says,
"Hey, Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes."

In a little while, Bill comes back into the shop laughing hysterically. The barber asks,
"Bill, where did he go when he left here?"
Bill looked up and said, "To your house."

Links to the linux FAQ, the Geek Code, Star Wars theme music and DOOM .wad files.
Cautious use of Netscape enhancements. Picture of Darth Vader instead of personal
pictures. HTML 3.0 (Beta) compliant seal-of-approval at bottom of her page.

The Good News :
If you're a geek, you'll find what you're looking for here. Even if you're not, you'll like
the page design.

The Bad News :
Complete lack of socially redeeming qualities. Unfortunate tendency to upload specs of
their home PC.

The Businessman
Traits :
Pages without fancy backgrounds and with only one nice, clean, imagemap.
Unfortunately, there are no text-links for those using Lynx.

The Good News :
You won't go blind staring at his pages.

The Bad News :
You might wish you had once you see the prices of the goods/services he's offering.

The Newbie
Traits :
Very little created text on their pages, it's almost all links to other people's pages. Missing
right brackets in A HREF's kill whole lines of information. Several image files are not
able to be loaded.

The Good News :
They'll almost have to get better.

The Bad News :
They just might not.

The Egotist
Traits :
Large image of themself greets you when page is loading. 1/2 Meg .au file of him
chatting with his dog. Access counts shown for every page. Several lengthy pages
devoted to his compact disk/Magic card/beer bottle collection. More personal details than
you'd ever want to know.

The Good News :
There isn't any.

The Bad News :
Frequently friendly with Mr. "Enhanced for Netscape."

The Maniac
Traits :
Last counted 1267 .html files in his public_html directory and 100+ CGI scripts in his
cgi-bin directory. Is known as a "Close Personal Friend of Bob [Allison]." Thinks the
people at Yahoo! "don't keep up with the Web fast enough. " Will be the first on his
block to have an ethernet cable hardwired into his brain.

The Good News :
You could go through all his pages and never find an error.

The Bad News :
You'd never make it through all his pages.

back

Links to the linux FAQ, the Geek Code, Star Wars theme music and DOOM .wad files.
Cautious use of Netscape enhancements. Picture of Darth Vader instead of personal
pictures. HTML 3.0 (Beta) compliant seal-of-approval at bottom of her page.

The Good News :
If you're a geek, you'll find what you're looking for here. Even if you're not, you'll like
the page design.

The Bad News :
Complete lack of socially redeeming qualities. Unfortunate tendency to upload specs of
their home PC.

The Businessman
Traits :
Pages without fancy backgrounds and with only one nice, clean, imagemap.
Unfortunately, there are no text-links for those using Lynx.

The Good News :
You won't go blind staring at his pages.

The Bad News :
You might wish you had once you see the prices of the goods/services he's offering.

The Newbie
Traits :
Very little created text on their pages, it's almost all links to other people's pages. Missing
right brackets in A HREF's kill whole lines of information. Several image files are not
able to be loaded.

The Good News :
They'll almost have to get better.

The Bad News :
They just might not.

The Egotist
Traits :
Large image of themself greets you when page is loading. 1/2 Meg .au file of him
chatting with his dog. Access counts shown for every page. Several lengthy pages
devoted to his compact disk/Magic card/beer bottle collection. More personal details than
you'd ever want to know.

The Good News :
There isn't any.

The Bad News :
Frequently friendly with Mr. "Enhanced for Netscape."

The Maniac
Traits :
Last counted 1267 .html files in his public_html directory and 100+ CGI scripts in his
cgi-bin directory. Is known as a "Close Personal Friend of Bob [Allison]." Thinks the
people at Yahoo! "don't keep up with the Web fast enough. " Will be the first on his
block to have an ethernet cable hardwired into his brain.

The Good News :
You could go through all his pages and never find an error.

The Bad News :
You'd never make it through all his pages.

back

LITTLE JOHNNY IN CHURCH

One bright Sunday morning Cindy and Mark took their eight year old son, Johnny, to
church. They sat right in the front so Johnny could get all the benefits from church. But
as we know eight year old boys do not like church at all. Especially little Johnny.
Halfway through the pastor's sermon Johnny fell asleep. The pastor noticed this, and it
was distracting him from preaching. He decided to go over to Johnny and ask him a
question about God.

"Son, do you know who created all the heavens and earth?"
His mother, Cindy, who did not want to be embarrassed by her son falling asleep, stuck a
pin in her son's right butt cheek.

"GOD!!!!" Cried little Johnny.

"Very good," the pastor replied. For he could not say it was wrong. And he continued on.
But a short while later, Johnny fell asleep again. The pastor once again noticed this and
decided to ask another question,

"Who was Mary and Joseph's son?" The pastor asked.

Johnny's dad, Mark, did not want to be embarrassed either, so he stuck a pin in his son's
left butt cheek.

"JESUS CHRIST!!!!" Yelled Johnny.

And once again the pastor replied "Very good."
Near the end of the church service, Johnny could not control himself and fell asleep
again. For the last time, the pastor decided to embarrass him and ask a very hard
question.

"What did Eve say to Adam on the morning when they woke up on the first day?"

But before Johnny's parents could do anything Johnny shouted,
"IF YOU STICK THAT THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'M GOING TO TAKE IT
AND BREAK IT IN HALF!"

back

PILOTS

One day at a busy airport, the passengers on a commercial airliner are seated, waiting for
the cockpit crew to show up so they can get under way. The pilot and co pilot finally
appear in the rear of the plane, and begin walking up to the cockpit through the center
aisle. Both appear to be blind. The pilot is using a white cane, bumping into passengers
right and left as he stumbles down the aisle, and the co pilot is using a guide dog. Both
have their eyes covered with huge sunglasses.

At first the passengers do not react; thinking that it must be some sort of practical joke.
However, after a few minutes the engines start spooling up and the airplane starts moving
down the runway. The passengers look at each other with some uneasiness, whispering
among themselves and looking desperately to the stewardesses for reassurance.

Then the airplane starts accelerating rapidly and people begin panicking. Some
passengers are praying, and as the plane gets closer and closer to the end of the runway,
the voices are becoming more and more hysterical.

Finally, when the airplane has less than 20 feet of runway left, there is a sudden change in
the pitch of the shouts as everyone screams at once, and at the very last moment the
airplane lifts off and is airborne.

Up in the cockpit, the co pilot breathes a sigh of relief and turns to the Captain:
"You know, one of these days the passengers aren't going to scream, and we're gonna get
killed!"

back
VERY DETERMINED

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the
rules:

"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male
dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the
first time."

He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60.
Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?"

At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: "How much for a season pass?"

back

THE BUSY BARBER

This guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks,
"How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours."
The guy leaves.

A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks,
"How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looks around at shop full of customers and says, "About 2 hours."
The guy leaves.

A week later the same guy sticks his head in the shop and asks,
"How long before I can get a haircut?"
The barber looks around the shop and says, "About an hour and a half."
The guy leaves.

The barber looks over at a friend in the shop and says,
"Hey, Bill, follow that guy and see where he goes."

In a little while, Bill comes back into the shop laughing hysterically. The barber asks,
"Bill, where did he go when he left here?"
Bill looked up and said, "To your house."

				
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posted:3/2/2011
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