Docstoc

AEP-Personal-Narrative-Writing

Document Sample
AEP-Personal-Narrative-Writing Powered By Docstoc
					Presented by: Ms. Allen
    Definition
Narrative= a story containing
 specific elements that work
 together to create interest for
 the reader

 **The story should come alive for the
 reader
      Elements in a Narrative
Characters
Setting
Plot          problem & solution
Theme         author’s message
Point of View

•Conflict
•Characterization
•Transitions (of events)
What is our purpose when
writing a personal narrative?

Inform                           Entertain

         With a personal story
  “I”       about your life         “We”
 “Me”                               “Us”
          Personal Challenge
You are going to write a personal story. This story MUST
  include:



Character= is a childhood friend
Character= who took a vacation
Character= is an animal

***Must be written in 3rd person
       How To Write?
             Pre-Writing


Publishing                 Drafting




Editing
                             Revising
             Brainstorming
        Likes                                               Dislikes
                         Fdkljgfflskj;




       Reading                                              Grading
       Cleaning                                              Driving
      Teaching                                               Arguing
       Sleeping                                          Waking Up Early
                                         Fdkljgfflskj;




     Vacationing                                             Chaos
Brother’s Soccer Games
    Wii with Kaylee
     New Recipes
                                                                                Brainstorming
       Likes                                                                 Dislikes
                                                                                                                       Fun                                     Have To
                                                             Fdkljgfflskj;




                                                                                                                                               Fdkljgfflskj;
                                             Fdkljgfflskj;




     Reading                                                                 Grading




                                                                                                                               Fdkljgfflskj;
                                                                                                                     Soccer                                    Homework



                                                                                        Regret                     Proud Of
                                                                                                   Fdkljgfflskj;




                                                                                                   Fdkljgfflskj;




                                                                                        Spending                   Saving
                                                                                           $
 Typical                                    Unusual                                                                Kaylee     Change                                               Stays Same
                                                                                                                                                                                   Fdkljgfflskj;




            Fdkljgfflskj;




                                                                                                                                                                   Fdkljgfflskj;
                            Fdkljgfflskj;




Organized                                   On Time                                                                                                  Time                                          Responsibility



                                                                             One thing that ________ is ________.
                 Brainstorming
             Idea                                                    Details
                             Fdkljgfflskj;




 • Driving                                                   • Car Spin to Work
                                                               Rear-end Accident




                                             Fdkljgfflskj;
                                                               Snow Spin/Elk
 • Vacationing                                               • Snowboarding in Pinetop
                                                               Crash in San Diego
                                                               Charades
                                                               Bear in Tree


One story idea I came up with is ________. Some details
I could write about on this topic are ________.
               Story Map
Questions to Consider:

Characters: (Who is the story about?)

Setting: (Where and/or when does the story take place?)

The Problem: (What is the main problem and/or problems?)

What happens first?

What happens next?

What happens at the end of the story?

Solution: (How is the problem and/or problems solved?)

Theme: (What is the author trying to tell you?)
            Story Map 2
Setting:

  Characters: _________________________
  __________________________________

Problem:

  Event 1: ___________________________
  Event 2: ___________________________
  Event 3: ___________________________
  Event 4: ___________________________
  Event 5: ___________________________

Solution:
Elements of Literature Web


Theme                       Characters
                 Title




 Point of View            Setting
                   Plot
             Prewriting
There are many ways to plan writing.
 Find one that works for you…



      Prewriting website
Prewriting Example
                          Prewriting Example
Family Vacation to San Diego
Solution:
Cousin's foot is treated at hospital
Characters:
-Myself
-All of my cousins (Jake, Molli, Ramsy, Jordan, Kate, Aaron, Nathan)
-Brother Paul
-Uncle Leon & Craig
Setting:
Beach house in San Diego (and the boardwarlk)
Problem:
Cousin crashes bike and hurts toe
Events:
1. Ignored & frustrated because our show is interrupted
2. Realize that someone is hurt
3. Send for our parents
4. Uncle helps her and makes me hold her toe on
5. Dad comes and jokes around
6. Her toe is treated at the hospital
Mood of the Story: frightened, panicked, and rushing to get Molli to the hospital
(the sort of rush on feels in a dream)
        Prewriting Example

           Inspiration
             Tutorial
 Use Inspiration to          Web
create a Final Draft           &
  of your Personal
   Narrative Web             Outline
All Writing Has?

 Beginning

        Middle

                   End
               Introductions
    I am going to write a story about
a the vacation that I took to San
Diego when my cousin crashed her
bike.

     Does this introduction entice you to read the story?
    Introductions= hooking, engaging, exciting
   An introduction will make the reader want to
                continue reading
     Purpose of Introduction
When we started Choosing Up Sides, did the
author start by telling us the problem… Luke is a
young boy who is about to struggle with his dad’s
rules versus his own wants???          no
         Drafting a Narrative
       How to start a story:

Start with an
action this will be
lively enough to
create interest for
your reader
                Drafting a Narrative
                      Introductions
Revise the following story beginnings so
that they include action Provide a setting
& have character DO something

Example: One rainy day I went to the mall.


Revision: I splashed across the parking lot, yanked open the tall glass door, and,
dripping wet, stepped into the mall.
     Ms. Allen’s Introduction
       “Agggghhh!” A piercing scream came from outside the beach
house I sat in amongst my cousins.
       “Are you kidding me?” I asked, as I glanced in the direction of the
scream.
       Everyone, now disrupted from their show, turned first at me, then in
the direction of the screams.
       “Agggghhh!” Another scream vibrated our ears, as we sat trying to
focus on the tv.
       “Gosh! Someone keep that kid quiet! Of course, right at the best
part, too. What did he say?” Aaron questioned.
       Jake, the biggest Price Is Right fan, chimed in, “Just watch.”
       “Aggghhh! Please!”
       “It sounds like someone‟s hurt. Should we check?” I asked as I
opened the blinds to glance out the window.
       “No,” Nathan replied. “It‟s probably someone chasing their little
brother or sister around. Aaron screams like a girl when we wrestle, too.”
       “I do not!” Aaron screamed.
       “Want to find out?” Nathan leapt from the couch in Aaron‟s
direction.
       “Aggghhhh! Help me!” Sobs could now be heard from outside.
        I jumped up and rushed out the door. Behind me, a line of curious
people formed, as if we were rushing out for a fire drill in single file.
Identifying the Elements of Lit
Web to Draft
          You already
       introduced your
         characters &
      setting during the
        Introduction of
           your story

           Next Step=
       incorporate your events
      (introduce your problem)
Web to Draft
         Write your events
         in paragraph form

   1. Ignored & frustrated b/c our show is interrupted
             Everyone, now disrupted from their
   show, turned first at me, then in the direction of
   the screams.
             “Agggghhh!” Another scream
   vibrated our ears, as we sat trying to focus on
   the tv.
             “Gosh! Someone keep that kid quiet!
   Of course, right at the best part, too. What did
   he say?” Aaron questioned.
Web to Draft
          Write your events
          in paragraph form


   2. Realize that someone is hurt
             “It sounds like someone’s hurt.
   Should we check?” I asked as I opened the
   blinds to glance out the window.
              I jumped up and rushed out the door.
   Behind me, a line of curious people formed, as if
   we were rushing out for a fire drill in single file.
  Word Choice in Dialogue
    “Sometimes I wish I could turn my ears off
like the guy from the movie,” said Kaylee as
her mom scolded her.


    “Sometimes I wish I could turn my ears off
like the guy from the movie,” whispered
Kaylee as her mom scolded her.
            Instead of Said

How many words can you think of that can be
used instead of said?


 Sentence Starter: One word I could use to
 replace said is ___________.
 •mumbled
           Instead of Said Word List
accused clucked gulped pointed out smirked acknowledged coaxed gurgled pondered
snapped added commanded praised snarled addressed commented hinted prayed
sneered admitted complained hissed proclaimed sneezed advised conceded hollered
promised snickered affirmed concluded hypothesized proposed sniffed agreed
confessed protested sniffled announced confided imitated put in snorted answered
congratulated implied puzzled sobbed approved continued informed speculated argued
convinced inquired quavered spoke asked corrected insisted queried sputtered asserted
coughed interjected questioned squeaked assured cried interrupted quipped stammered
avowed croaked quoted started crowed jeered stated babbled jested ranted stormed
barked dared joked reasoned stuttered bawled decided reassured suggested beamed
declared laughed recalled surmised began demanded lied reckoned taunted begged
denied lisped related teased bellowed described remarked tempted bet disagreed
maintained remembered tested bleated disclosed marveled reminded theorized blurted
divulged mentioned repeated threatened boasted doubted mimicked replied told
boomed drawled moaned reported trilled bragged mumbled requested urged broke in
echoed murmured responded uttered bubbled ended mused retorted volunteered
bugged exclaimed muttered revealed vowed burst out explained roared called finished
nagged wailed cautioned fretted nodded sang warned chatted noted sassed went on
chattered gasped objected screamed wept cheered gibed observed scoffed whimpered
chided giggled offered scolded whined chimed in greeted ordered shot whispered
choked groaned shouted wondered chortled growled panted shrieked worried chorused
grunted piped shrilled chuckled grumbled pleaded sighed yawned claimed guessed pled
smiled yakked
     Word Choice in Dialogue
1.   “I’m so sad,” Joe ______.
2.   “It’s somewhere near the flower bed,” she ______.
3.   “May I interrupt?” Nancy _______.
4.   “Actually, that was the funniest thing I’ve seen all day,” she
     _________.
5.   “I remember that it was a Tuesday,” the student _______.
6.   “Seven,” she ______ out before anyone had a chance to
     discuss the answer.
7.   “It will all work out,” Andrew ________ her.
8.   “I’m so proud of you,” I ________.
9.   “I did it,” I ________.
     Word Choice in Dialogue
1.   “I’m so sad,” Joe sobbed.
2.   “It’s somewhere near the flower bed,” she hinted.
3.   “May I interrupt?” Nancy interjected.
4.   “Actually, that was the funniest thing I’ve seen all day,” she
     chuckled.
5.   “I remember that it was a Tuesday,” the student recalled.
6.   “Seven,” she blurted out before anyone had a chance to
     discuss the answer.
7.   “It will all work out,” Andrew reassured her.
8.   “I’m so proud of you,” I congratulated.
9.   “I did it,” I confessed.
Word Choice in Pers. Narr.
Example 1:
     I knew that I had to get my chores done, no matter what. I
rose from the couch, walked across the living room, and picked up
the trash from the kitchen. As I walked to the front door, my mom
walked into the room and with one look at me began yelling.




   How does each character in this story feel?
Word Choice in Pers. Narr.
Example 2:
      I was required to get my chores done, no matter how
atrocious I felt. I sluggishly rose from the couch, dragged across
the living room, and reluctantly grabbed the trash from the
kitchen. As I forced my way to the front door, my mom entered
and with one look at my ailing condition began shrieking in a
frightened terror.




   How does each character in this story feel?
                      Word Choice
1.   Both paragraphs tell the same story. What
     makes the reader interpret the second paragraph
     differently?

     The reader likely interprets the second story differently because
     ____________.



2.   Identify the words that help add to the tone of
     the second paragraph.

     Some important words that aid in the tone are ____________.
    Word Choice in Personal
          Narrative
1. Identify intended tone within personal
   narrative
2. List words that match with tone
3. Use words from list within writing
4. Identify words that are not proficiently
   relaying your message change them
    Word Choice in Personal
          Narrative
                                                      Word List:
        Intended Tone:                     Nervous             Butterflies
Jamie= Terror                              Weak                Fright
                                           Sick
                                           Panic


             As I grabbed a hold of her toe, a wave of nervousness ran
   through my body. I felt weak, the way you feel coming down a steep
   rollercoaster when you lose your stomach. I felt a sudden panic of
   sickness. I held the toe on her foot as I pushed my fright to the back of
   my head. I tried to be gentle, so as to not cause anymore pain, but all I
   could think about was making a wrong move and tearing apart the last
   connecting piece of skin. Together, we inched our way into the house.
         Practicing Word Choice
        “Nicole, can you come here for a second?” I heard a voice call from over
   my shoulder.
        “Oh great. What now?” I thought to myself. I turned around mad. “Did I
   do something wrong?” I said.
        “No, silly, Ms. Carno said. “I wanted to talk with you.”
        Inch by inch, I slowly moved towards the table in the direction of Ms.
   Carno. The worry was building up inside of me.
        “How would you feel about entering an art show that I’m helping with?”
   she said.
        Feeling happy and afraid, I choked up. A rush of sickness hit me as my
   throat became dry and closed up.


                                                       Word List:

        Intended Tone:
Main Character=
    Practicing Word Choice
     “Nicole, can you come here for a moment?” I heard a voice
call from over my shoulder.
     “Oh _____. What now?” I thought to myself. I _________
around in ________. “Did I do something wrong?” I _______.
     “No, silly,” Ms. Carno _______. “I wanted to ________
something with you.”
     Inch by inch, I _______ moved towards the table in the
direction of Ms. Carno. The _______ was building up inside
of me.
     “How would you feel about entering an art show that I’m
helping with?” she _______.
     ________ with ______ and _____, I choked up. A rush of
sickness hit me as my throat became dry and closed up.
    Practicing Word Choice
     “Nicole, can you come here for a moment?” I heard a voice
call from over my shoulder.
     “Oh fantastic. What now?” I thought to myself. I whipped
around in annoyance. “Did I do something wrong?” I snickered.
     “No, silly,” Ms. Carno chuckled. “I wanted to discuss
something with you.”
     Inch by inch, I gradually moved towards the table in the
direction of Ms. Carno. The anticipation was building up
inside of me.
     “How would you feel about entering an art show that I’m
helping with?” she questioned.
     Overcome with excitement and fear, I choked up. A rush of
sickness hit me as my throat became dry and closed up.
                   Drafting
What makes exceptional writing?
                  How to create writing
                 that scores exceeding (5)




 The writing                                 Creates a picture
 comes to life                                for the reader
           Telling vs. Showing
       Don't just tell me your brother is funny... show me what
  he says and does, and let me decide whether I want to laugh.


                           Don’t:
      Goal=                   List all the emotions that you felt

engage the reader Do:
                              Use specific details that give the
                              reader a reason to feel the emotions
                              you want to express
                  Telling vs. Showing
               I'll never forget how I felt after Fido died. I was miserable.

                Lists feeling Doesn’t evoke feeling out of reader
                If I live for a thousand years, I'll never forget how utterly and terribly alone I
    felt after Fido died. I was so miserable that I thought I would die. Months and months
    went by, and it seemed that every little thing reminded me of him and made me wish things
    could be different. I don't know whether I am ever going to get over his death.

                 Adds detail Doesn’t allow reader to fall in love
                        with Fido & feel the same pain
                Whenever puppies in the pet store window distracted me from the serious
    business of taking him for his walk, Fido growled, his little ears flattened against his
    scruffy head. Yet he always forgave me. Even after his hearing and sight faded, when he
    felt the leash click on his collar and smelled fresh air, he still tried to caper. He's been
    dead for three months now. This morning I filled his water bowl all the way to the top --
    just the way he likes it -- before I remembered.


Doesn’t tell reader "I loved Fido, and I still haven't come to terms with his death,"
b/c the paragraph contains specific details that show the depths of the relationship
                Identify Showing
           From the way she behaved in the crowded restaurant, you could tell Sally
was attracted to the cute stranger in the black shirt. She tried a few things to get his
attention, and eventually she thought she succeeded.


            Bored by the conversation, Sally tossed her hair and laughed. That
stranger had been scanning the room, and he noticed her this time. Wait -- was that a
half smile? Had he just put his hand on his heart? Or was he just brushing something off
of his shirt? Sally smiled. That shirt looked soft.
            "He's kind of cute," her roommate giggled.
            Sally casually looked away. "Oh, I don't know," she said, twirling a curl. She
let her eyes rest on the artwork, the flowers, a random face in the crowd, and found
another excuse to laugh. Carefully turning her profile, she crossed her legs the way she
and her girlfriends had practiced in middle school. That ought to do it, she thought.
Create Showing in Writing
Telling: My teacher is forgetful.


          How can we
                                                            •Create a specific
           rewrite this                                     event in which the
        sentence so that                                    teacher SHOWS
                                                            she is forgetful
        it is “showing”?


Showing: I walked into my classroom to find a strange many sitting at Ms. Allen’s desk.
I turned around to glance at the room number. Yep, 229. I’m in the right place, I thought.
           “Excuse me, where’s Ms. Allen?” I asked confused.
           “Mr. Flynn asked me to fill in until she gets here. She went to the school
down the street.”
Showing in Ms. Allen’s PN
            I walked onto the boardwalk to see my cousin hurt. She had crashed her bike into the wall,
and hurt her toe. My cousin was tough even though she was in pain.


             As I neared the screams, I was shocked to find my cousin sprawled across the hot cement.
             “Are you okay?” I screamed, not noticing any blood or broken bones.
             “I’m okay,” Molli began through sobs at frequent intervals. “I think someone needs to call 911”.
             “What’s wrong?” Aaron questioned innocently.
             “It’s my foot. Something is wrong with my foot.” At this, Molli lifted her foot off the ground.
             At the sight of the dangling toe (the pinky toe was being held in place by a thin strip of skin)
simultaneous screams screeched across the boardwalk.
             “Ewww… Oh my gosh! What happened?” A sense of fear and empathy took over my entire
body.
             Aaron simply turned to the side in time for a stream of vomit to begin trailing from his mouth.
              Molli interrupted the wave of disgusted responses and began calling off instructions. “Calm
down!” she screamed. “Jamie, go find Uncle Leon at his house. Jake, please bring me a towel to wrap
around my foot. Paul, call an ambulance.”
             Everyone took off in their respective directions, thankful that Molli was composed enough to
take care of the situation.
               Dialogue
Should sound realistic:
 Fragments= incomplete sentences
Say your dialogue out loud to see if it
 sounds realistic
Should be entertaining needs a purpose
It should always be based on character
 (Don't have a car mechanic sound like a
 PHD or a theif sound like a nun)
              Dialogue Structure

“Well, you need to know how to write well,” said Ms. Allen.




Ms. Allen said, “Well, you need to know how to write well.”




“Well,” said Ms. Allen, “you need to know how to write well.”
                       Dialogue Mess
There are other residents in the house, aren‟t there? I asked. The
corner of his mouth lifted in a wry smile at my obvious concern for my
virtue. Yes, ma‟am, there are other „residents‟. There are two in the
physical sense: a cook and a housekeeper. I‟m not sure how many
actual „residents‟ roam the halls replied Jack. Are you trying to tell me
that this house is haunted? I questioned. I was beginning to tire of
people trying to scare me. His features turned hard again without
warning. That is the rumor he confirmed. If you‟re trying to frighten
me, sir, you are wasting your time. I no more believe in ghosts than in
flying pigs. So if you are finished, I‟d like to retire. As you‟ve been so
gracious in allowing me to stay the night, I‟d like to spend the rest of it
sleeping I said. My intent is not to frighten you Miss Barlow only to
persuade you he stated. I would still prefer that you move to a
different room.
  Identifying Correct Dialogue
           Structure
1. I love Language Arts said all of the
   students simultaneously.
2. “That’s wonderful replied Ms. Allen.”
3. “It’s the best class I’ve ever had,” replied
   one student.
4. Another student commented “we enjoy
   the difficult work”.
5. “Actually”, said the last kid “I want to
   stay in 6th grade forever!”
          Structuring Dialogue

        Write the following phrase
         correctly three times
         (using the three different
            structures learned)

1. Speaker= Mr. Flynn
2. Spoken= Ms. Allen is the best teacher in
   the world.
              Dialogue Structure

“Ms. Allen is the best teacher in the world,” said Mr. Flynn.




Mr. Flynn said, “Ms. Allen is the best teacher in the world.”




“Ms. Allen,” started Mr. Flynn, “is the best teacher in the
    world.”
     Showing Through Dialogue
                Rewrite the following sentences so that they are
                    “SHOWING” through dialogue



    Example: Ms. Allen told Ms. Allen that her students had gone crazy.

Rewrite: “Ms. Plesinger, I think my students have gone crazy,” cried Ms. Allen.




1. Arthur told Ms. Allen that he loved her class.
2. Whitney told Ms. Allen that she was an amazing teacher.
3. Jada told Ms. Allen that she was perfect.
       Revising Dialogue
            When to indent?


If you have a NEW:
 Subject
 Speaker
 Setting
                 Edit Dialogue Mess
There are other residents in the house, aren‟t there? I asked. The
corner of his mouth lifted in a wry smile at my obvious concern for my
virtue. Yes, ma‟am, there are other „residents‟. There are two in the
physical sense: a cook and a housekeeper. I‟m not sure how many
actual „residents‟ roam the halls replied Jack. Are you trying to tell me
that this house is haunted? I questioned. I was beginning to tire of
people trying to scare me. His features turned hard again without
warning. That is the rumor he confirmed. If you‟re trying to frighten
me, sir, you are wasting your time. I no more believe in ghosts than in
flying pigs. So if you are finished, I‟d like to retire. As you‟ve been so
gracious in allowing me to stay the night, I‟d like to spend the rest of it
sleeping I said. My intent is not to frighten you Miss Barlow only to
persuade you he stated. I would still prefer that you move to a
different room.
                 Edit Dialogue Mess
There are other residents in the house, aren‟t there? I asked. The
corner of his mouth lifted in a wry smile at my obvious concern for my
virtue. Yes, ma‟am, there are other „residents‟. There are two in the
physical sense: a cook and a housekeeper. I‟m not sure how many
actual „residents‟ roam the halls replied Jack. Are you trying to tell me
that this house is haunted? I questioned. I was beginning to tire of
people trying to scare me. His features turned hard again without
warning. That is the rumor he confirmed. If you‟re trying to frighten
me, sir, you are wasting your time. I no more believe in ghosts than in
flying pigs. So if you are finished, I‟d like to retire. As you‟ve been so
gracious in allowing me to stay the night, I‟d like to spend the rest of it
sleeping I said. My intent is not to frighten you Miss Barlow only to
persuade you he stated. I would still prefer that you move to a
different room.
                Edit Dialogue Mess
         “There are other residents in the house, aren‟t there?” I
asked.
          The corner of his mouth lifted in a wry smile at my obvious
concern for my virtue. “Yes, ma‟am, there are other „residents‟. There
are two in the physical sense: a cook and a housekeeper. I‟m not sure
how many actual „residents‟ roam the halls,” replied Jack.
          Are you trying to tell me that this house is haunted? I
questioned. I was beginning to tire of people trying to scare me. His
features turned hard again without warning. That is the rumor he
confirmed. If you‟re trying to frighten me, sir, you are wasting your
time. I no more believe in ghosts than in flying pigs. So if you are
finished, I‟d like to retire. As you‟ve been so gracious in allowing me
to stay the night, I‟d like to spend the rest of it sleeping I said. My
intent is not to frighten you Miss Barlow only to persuade you he
stated. I would still prefer that you move to a different room.
                 Edit Dialogue Mess
         “There are other residents in the house, aren‟t there?” I
asked.
          The corner of his mouth lifted in a wry smile at my obvious
concern for my virtue. “Yes, ma‟am, there are other „residents‟. There
are two in the physical sense: a cook and a housekeeper. I‟m not sure
how many actual „residents‟ roam the halls,” replied Jack.
          “Are you trying to tell me that this house is haunted?” I
questioned. I was beginning to tire of people trying to scare me.
          His features turned hard again without warning. “That is the
rumor,” he confirmed.
          “If you‟re trying to frighten me, sir, you are wasting your time.
I no more believe in ghosts than in flying pigs. So if you are finished,
I‟d like to retire. As you‟ve been so gracious in allowing me to stay the
night, I‟d like to spend the rest of it sleeping,” I said.
          “My intent is not to frighten you Miss Barlow only to persuade
you,” he stated. “I would still prefer that you move to a different
room.”
                Conclusions
    That is the story about the time
I helped my cousin after she hurt her
foot.


       Does this ending provide a satisfying ending?
     Conclusions= change in main character
    A conclusion should show how the main
  character has grown or changed in some way
           as a result of experiences
     Purpose of Introduction
When we finished Flowers for Algernon, did the
author say that is the story about Charlie, who
became smart and then lost his intelligence???
                                             no
        Drafting a Narrative
       How to end a story:

End with a memory,
feeling, hope, or
decision this will
bring your lesson to a
close
                  Drafting a Narrative
                       Conclusion
 Revise the following story endings so that
 they conclude the story Provide lesson
 learned
Example: That is the story about the time I broke my arm.


Revision: Next time I am forced to walk home from school, I will remember to use the
crosswalk.
Ms. Allen’s Conclusion Examples
1.   Memory: I’ll never forget the year my cousin lost her toe.

2.   Feeling: I can still feel the wave of nauseasness I felt
     seeing my cousin’s dangling toe.

3.   Hope or Wish: I hope that our next vacation does not
     turn out as disastrous as this one.

4.   Decision: I decided that I will always check the situation
     when I hear someone screaming.
     Ms. Allen’s Conclusion

    As I watched Molli being placed into the
ambulance, I thought about our stupid,
interrupted show that now seemed so
meaningless. Never again would I be able to
ignore a seemingly playful scream.
                        Peer-Review Comments
   Response/Comment                              Rating                Reason
Oh, your story is ok.                 Vague                Comments that are general
                                                           provide little or no specific
Try to revise the entire second                            direction for revision or to use
page.                                                      the praise to improve the story
                                                           elsewhere.
Describe Anna better.                 General but Useful   Comments that are still too
                                                           general but provide some
How old was your brother when                              direction for revision.
that happened?
I still can‟t get a picture of what   Specific             Comments that provide the
the boy looked like before. What                           writer specific direction for
kind of clothes does he wear,                              revision.
and what does his hair and face
look like?

I thought the part about the girl
at the table throwing pie crust to
the horse was funny. You used
good details. You should make
the part about his mom making
him clean up the pie use the
same kind of details.
Rate Peer-Review Comments

Using the provided Graphic Organizer, rate the
        effectiveness of the comment.

                 Example:
                  Vague
                 General
                  Useful
                 Specific

         Be sure to include WHY
Arizona State Writing Standards
1. Writing Process
        Prewriting
        Drafting
        Revising
        Editing
        Publishing
2. Writing Components
        Ideas & Content
        Organization
        Voice
        Word Choice
        Sentence Fluency
        Conventions
3. Writing Applications
               Writing Scores
I & C _____      Voice _____         I & C _____       Voice _____
Org ______       Wd Ch ____          Org ______        Wd Ch ____
Conv ____        Sent. Fl ___        Conv ____         Sent. Fl ___



                                6th District writing assessment- Fall
                                Ideas and Content ________
                                Organization _____________
                                Voice ___________________
  Find a MIDDLE                 Word Choice _____________
   score to get your
                                Sentence Fluency ________
     Final Score
                                Conventions ____________
               Writing Scores
I & C _____      Voice _____         I & C _____       Voice _____
Org ______       Wd Ch ____          Org ______        Wd Ch ____
Conv ____        Sent. Fl ___        Conv ____         Sent. Fl ___



                                6th District writing assessment- Fall
                                Ideas and Content ________
                                Organization _____________
                                Voice ___________________
  Find a MIDDLE                 Word Choice _____________      GOAL
   score to get your
                                Sentence Fluency ________
     Final Score
                                Conventions ____________
                 Writing Goal
  After reviewing your AIMS scores from 5th grade
  and your district writing assessment data,
  identify your areas of strength and areas to work
  on.

 A writing trait that I did well in, and I feel
  confident about is…


 A writing trait that I need to work on is…

 I can obtain my goal by…
         Writing Goal Action Steps
                 Writing: General Goal Steps
   Start a journal and write in it every day
                                                                 Pick One
   Write letters (not e-mail) to relatives
                                                                 general
   Read as much as possible (the more you read good
    writing, the better writer you’ll be)                          goal
   Read your writing aloud—you’ll hear a lot of mistakes
    you otherwise would miss
   Have a friend or relative proofread your writing

               Writing: Specific Goal Steps
   Ideas and Content: Always write MORE than your
    teacher asks… explain, explain, explain.
   Organization: Memorize transition words and phrases
                                                                 Pick two
   Word Choice: Use a thesaurus to improve at least three
    words every time you write a final draft.                    specific
   Conventions: Learn a new grammar rule every week               goal
   Voice: ALWAYS think of your audience when writing
   Sentence Fluency: Chart the word count in every
    sentence of a rough draft before beginning the final draft
     Revising for Writing Traits
Ideas & Content:             Organization:
    Make a list of exciting    Write multiple
     events in your story       beginnings or endings
   Find information that       Generate a list of ?s
     is not important to        the reader might have
     your story                 Order your events
   Ask a partner which         by number
     parts seem boring          Add transitions
    Write more                 List areas that
                                should have a lot of
                                details
    Revising for Writing Traits
Voice:                  Word Choice:
   Write TAP (Topic-     Take out over-used
    Audience-Purpose)      words
   Add humor             Use a thesaurus to
   Add figurative         change unexciting
    language               words
   Make your paper       Find areas that are
    sound like “you”       telling rewrite them
                           to “show”
    Revising for Writing Traits
Sentence Fluency:        Conventions:
   Chart the first word    Look up sketchy
   of every sentence        words in the
   Chart the number of     dictionary
   words in every           Find all homophones
   sentence                 Read your paper
   Add transitions         backwards (sentence
   between sentences        by sentence)
   No fragments (unless    Add punctuation
   there’s a purpose)       (correctly)
   Take out wordy          Check capitals &
                            periods
   sentences
 Narrative Writing

   Create Tension: We
 shouldn’t be able to guess
    what happens next
Teach a lesson: You should
       have a theme
  Leave out unimportant
         details
                  Publishing
   My story can’t get any better! What next?


1. Check to be sure your paper      Rubric
   meets all the requirements
2. Find out what the publishing     MLA or APA?
   format is
3. Start typing
Publishing Requirements
   The Personal Narrative
 rubric is the same rubric that
   I use to grade your story


Use the rubric to score your
 own story and make any last
       minute revisions
           Publishing Format

       MLA                  or
                                      ApA
  MLA style specifies              APA style specifies
guidelines for formatting        guidelines for formatting
manuscripts and using the        manuscripts and using the
  English language in              English language in
  writing, especially in           writing, especially in
   English Studies                  Social Sciences
           MLA Guidelines
 Heading (upper left- cover page only upon request)
 Standard 8.5 x 11 White Paper
 Double Spaced
 Legible 12 pt Font (Example: Times New Roman)
 One Space after Punctuation
 One Inch Margins (all sides)
 Indent Paragraphs (use tab key or five spaces)
 Header to Number Pages (upper right)
     Ms. Allen’s Guidelines
 Heading (upper left- cover page only upon request)
 Standard 8.5 x 11 White Paper
 Double Spaced
 Legible 12 ptFont (Example: Times New Roman)
 One Space after Punctuation
 One Inch Margins (all sides)
 Indent Paragraphs (use tab key or five spaces)
 Header to Number Pages (upper right)

   Before you hyperventilate, see next page 
 Microsoft Word is
 already set to include                  I
most of these formatting
       guidelines                      will
                                       teach
      Standard 8.5 x 11 White Paper
      Legible 12 pt Font (Example:     you
       Times New Roman)                 the
      One Inch Margins (all sides)
                                       rest
                   Double Space
       “Agggghhh!” A piercing                   “Agggghhh!” A piercing
scream came from outside the beach
house I sat in amongst my cousins.        scream came from outside the beach
       “Are you kidding me?” I asked,
as I glanced in the direction of the      house I sat in amongst my cousins.
scream.
       Everyone, now disrupted from
their show, turned first at me, then in         “Are you kidding me?” I asked,
the direction of the screams.
       “Agggghhh!” Another scream         as I glanced in the direction of the
vibrated our ears, as we sat trying to
focus on the tv.                          scream.
       “Gosh! Someone keep that kid
quiet! Of course, right at the best
part, too. What did he say?” Aaron              Everyone, now disrupted from
questioned.
       Jake, the biggest Price Is Right   their show, turned first at me, then in
fan, chimed in, “Just watch.”
       “Aggghhh! Please!”                 the direction of the screams.
       “It sounds like someone‟s hurt.
Should we check?” I asked as I                  “Agggghhh!” Another scream
opened the blinds to glance out the
window.
                                          vibrated our ears, as we sat trying to
  Double Space Directions
1. Right Click
2. Select Paragraph
3. Line Spacing=
   Single
  Change to Double
Heading
Jamie Allen   Jamie Allen
  My Story
              October 11, 2009

              Language Arts Period 1

              Personal Narrative
   Turning in your Paper
  Your paper
 MUST be            This means If
                      you come in
turned in before    Tuesday and ask
 Tuesday when       me to get on the
                     computer, the
 you walk into       answer is NO
     class!

Show me a one if you understand
  Turning in Your Paper
In an attempt to save
paper, we are going to      Pay
turn our papers into a   attention
     folder online           &
                           I will
 Your paper will be      teach you
 scored & returned       how to do
   to you online            this
                Turning in your Paper
          Save as usual except, in the
                     “To Be graded” folder

1. File
2. Save As
3. Already set to:
   My Documents
4. Change to:
   allen/bugs/ToBeGraded
5. Select Allen & Period
Questions???
 Casual Conversational English
 Huh?            What?             I don’t get it.




 Formal Spoken English
   I don’t quite understand.
   Could you explain what you mean by ______?
   So, what you mean is ___________.
   If I understand you correctly, you think that __.
   To clarify, you want us to _________.

				
DOCUMENT INFO
Shared By:
Categories:
Stats:
views:158
posted:2/26/2011
language:English
pages:87