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ESL Conversation Humor

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					ESL Conversation: Humor                         Name ……………………………………
                                                Date ……………………………………


Every time people talk together in a social and mutually satisfying way,
the world becomes a better place. (Hume)       Good conversations linger
like unheard melodies that are like a memory of sunlight after dark. (Keats)
Americans have a habit of keeping to themselves that can be interrupted
by good conversation. (Holmes)


   1. Tell about a time when you had a good conversation. ………………………


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   2. A customer ordered some coffee in a café. The waiter arrived with
      the coffee. and placed it on the table. After a few moments, the
      customer called for the waiter.
      'Waiter,' he said. 'There's dirt in my coffee!'
      'That's not surprising, Sir,' replied the waiter. 'It was ground only
      half-an-hour ago.'


   3. A young executive was leaving the office at 6pm when he found the
      CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his
      hand. "Listen," said the CEO, "this is important, and my secretary
      has left. Can you make this thing work?"
   "Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on,

   the paper, and pressed the start button.

   "Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared

   inside the shredder. "I just need one copy."




4. Look at the riddles. Choose the best one. Tell your group.

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5. What is your favorite joke or riddle?

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ESL Humor: Riddles about Words




Q: What is the longest word?
A: Smiles, because there is a mile between the first and last s.
Submitted by Guillermo Flores Grajales - Mexico City ESL teacher.

Q: What's the longest word in the English language?
A: Smiles. (Because there's a mile between the first and the last letter.)


Q: What five-letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it?
A: Short
Submitted by Kevin Schoepp


Q: Why do people call their own language their mother tongue?
A: Because their fathers seldom get a chance to use it.


Q: What are the three quickest ways of spreading gossip.

      Telegram
      Telephone
      Tell a woman
ESL Humor: Riddles about Things



Q: What are two things people never eat before breakfast?
A: Lunch and supper.


Q: Why did the man throw a bucket of water out the window?
A: He wanted to see the waterfall.

Q: Why did the man throw the butter out the window?
A: He wanted to see the butterfly.

Q: What has a neck, but no head?
A: A bottle.

Q: What is Black and white and read (red) all over?
A: A newspaper
Submitted by: Ashley


Q: What gets wetter as it dries?
A: A towel


Q: What's got a head and a tail, but no body?
A: A coin.


Q: What is white when it's dirty and black when it's clean?
A: A blackboard.
ESL Humor: Alphabet Riddles


Q: When does the (English) alphabet have only 25 letters?
A: At Christmas time, because it is the time of Noel. (No L)
Submitted by: George Hurlburt


Q: What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?
A: An envelope.

Q: Which is the most self-centered letter of the alphabet?
A: "i" (I)

Q: Which letter is always trying to find reasons?
A: "y" (Why?")
Submitted by: Melina Gasser- Argentina

Q: Which letter is not me?
A: U.
Submitted by: Hamed Mohamed


Q: What letter can do the work in one day that you can do in two days?
A: W (Double u- Double you)


Q: Why is the A like a flower?
A: Because the B is after it.
Submitted by Angelika Pichler


Q: Why is the letter "A" like noon?
A: Because it's in the middle of the day.
Submitted by Motoko Hashimoto
Q: "What letter of the alphabet has got lots of water?"
A: "The C"
Submitted by Susana P. Varona


Q: What begins with T, ends with T and has T in it?
A: A teapot.


Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the...
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
Submitted by: Monirul Hassan


Q: What happens when "you" and "I" are gone?
A: Only 24 letters are left. (you=the letter "u" and I the letter "i".)
Submitted by: Maria Zermani
ESL Humor: Riddles about Birds and Animals


Q: Do you know why birds fly to south in the winter?
A: Because it's too far to walk there.
Submitted by Yang


Q: Why do birds fly south in the fall?
A: Because it's too far to walk!
Submitted by Michèle Larouche


Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the other side.


Q: What do elephants have that no other animal has?
A: Baby elephants.


Q: What has teeth but can't bite?
A: A Comb.


This one should be spoken.
Q: How many legs does an ant have?
A: Two, the same as an uncle.
(HINT: ant = aunt)
Submitted by C. Berry


Q: What is orange and sounds like parrot?
A: A carrot
Submitted by: Mariana GÛmez
ESL Humor: Riddles about Time



Q: What are the two strongest days of the week?
A: They are Saturday and Sunday. All the others are weak (week)
days.
Submitted by both Motoko Hashimoto & Alfredo Bilopolsky


Q: Why did the man throw his watch out of the window?
A: He wanted to see time fly.
Submitted by Chris from Australia

Q: Why did the man put the clock in the safe?
A: He wanted to save time.

Q: What has two hands and a face, but no arms and legs?
A: A clock.
ESL Humor: Riddles about Place

Q: Where is the ocean the deepest?
A: On the bottom.

Q: What State in the United States is High in the middle and round at
the ends?
A: Ohio.
Submitted by Jesus Macario


Q: Which 'BUS' could cross the ocean?
A: Columbus!
Submitted by Kusuma from Thailand


Q: Which room has no doors, no windows.
A: A mushroom.
Submitted by LUZ


Q: What has many keys but can't open any doors?
A: A piano.


Q: What is the tallest building in our town?
A: The library. (It has the most stories.)
Submitted by Walter Lowe, aka "Anonymouse"


Q: Why don't we need a compass at the North Pole?
A: Because every direction is south.
Submitted by Cüneyt ARAS
Q: What travels around the world and stays in a corner?
A: A stamp.


ESL Humor Vocabulary

chief executive officer CEO the person with the most authority in a large company
dis‧ap‧pear [intransitive] to become impossible to see any longer [= vanish; ≠ appear]
ground              EARTH [uncountable] the surface of the earth the ground The
leaves were slowly fluttering to the ground. He lay on the ground and stared up at the sky.
The ground was frozen solid.
in‧ter‧rupt to make a process or activity stop temporarily

lin‧ger [intransitive] to stay somewhere a little longer, especially because you do not
want to leave
mu‧tu‧al‧ly something that is mutually satisfying is satisfying to both or all the people
involved
press BUTTON to push a button, switch etc to make a machine start, a bell ring etc
[= push]: Lily pressed the switch and plunged the room into darkness. Press control, alt,
delete to log on to the computer.
rid‧dle a question that is deliberately very confusing and has a humorous or clever
answer [ puzzle]: See if you can solve this riddle.
sec‧re‧ta‧ry plural secretaries OFFICE [countable] someone who works in an office
TYPING letters, keeping records, answering telephone calls, arranging meetings etc:
My secretary will fax you all the details.
shred‧der a machine that cuts documents into small pieces so that no one can read
them

				
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