Roommate Conflicts Negotiation Strategies for Your Apartment Issues Avoid problems before they begin Roommates inevitably are going to fight about something but you can try to minimize by yli42566

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									Roommate Conflicts
 Negotiation Strategies for
  Your Apartment Issues
Avoid problems before
      they begin
Roommates inevitably are going to fight about
something, but you can try to minimize the
level of conflict by communicating early on
about what you expect from each other. One
helpful strategy is to draw up a roommate
contract at the beginning of the semester. In
addition, you can avoid many conflicts by
practicing some common sense roommate
Communicate with your
If something is bothering you, don't just ignore the
problem and hope it will go away. It probably
won't, and soon you'll have a long list of complaints
about your roommate that you've never
communicated. Your roommate may be wondering
why you seem so annoyed all the time because
you've never articulated what's bothering you. Yes,
confrontation is difficult. However, it's even more
to difficult to live with someone you don't get along
with, so take a deep breath and talk to your
    Attack the conflict
 instead of the roommate

When voicing your grievances, focus on the
problem, not the person. Attacking your roommate
will cause further conflict between you, and
chances are you won't get what you want.
   Attack the conflict
instead of the roommate

RIGHT: "We obviously have different ideas
about how clean this room should be. Can we
try to compromise?"

WRONG: "You are one disgusting slob and I
can't stand living with you in this pigpen!"
        Validate your
     roommate's position
One great way to diffuse a conflict (and to get what
you want) is to let your roommate know that you
understand where he or she is coming from and offer
sympathy. This may require some thought, as you
need to be able to put yourself in his or her shoes.
       Validate your
    roommate's position
These kinds of statements can be very helpful:

• "I know you have 20 credits this semester, so I
  understand that you don't have much time to
  clean the apartment. But can we try to
• "I know your boyfriend is very important to you,
  and he's a really nice guy! But can we reach a
  compromise about how many hours he spends in
  this room?"
  Say nice things about
     your roommate
When you confront someone, it's very hard to keep
the other person from feeling attacked. You can
minimize this by saying nice things at the same time
that you ask him or her to change an annoying
habit. Try using statements such as these:

"You're a really considerate roommate, and I
appreciate that you're quiet when I want to study!
But do you think you could keep your side of the
room neater?"

         "It's really fun living with you!. But you
         know, I'd really appreciate it if you didn't
         have drunk friends over in the middle of
         the night."
 Be willing to compromise,
but also stand your ground
 To solve a conflict, you might have to
 compromise a little. However, if you
 compromise too much you risk being exploited.
 Figure out ahead of time what you absolutely
 must insist upon ("No guests after midnight
 because I have an early class…") and what you
 can compromise about ("I'm willing to go to the
 library some of the time to study if you want
 to have your friends in the room…").
Don't get other people involved
 other than a Staff Member
  One thing that's guaranteed to make your
  conflict worse: talk about it with your mutual
  friends and acquaintances. Chances are this will
  get back to your roommate. If you live in a
  residence hall, don't be shy about asking your
  Don/RA with help solving a conflict. However,try
  to resolve the situation by yourself first.
• Source:

 Submitted by Sterling Crowe, Resident Don, Nipissing University

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