Mom and Dad_ there are many - The Nutty Zone by dfsdf224s


									6 THE STEELHEADER NEWS Spring 2003 Edition

                                                                                                                                                                                                      The Steelheader News
                                                                                                                                                                                                       and BC News Today
                                                                                                                                                                                                             Ken Kristian

 Buzz by Viewers     Bobber’s                                                                                                                                                                               Terry Hanson

                                                                                                                                                                                                          (Editor in Chief)
 All Jokes Submitted
                                                                                                                                                                                                             Tony Eberts
  Golf Accident: Two women are playing golf on a sunny afternoon when                                                                                                                                     Staff Writers &
  one of them slices her shot into a foursome of men.To her horror, one
  of the men collapses in agony with both hands in his crotch. She runs                                                                                                                                     Contributors
  to him apologising profusely, explaining that she is a physical therapist
  and can help ease his pain. “No thanks... just give me a few minutes...                                                                                                                                     Bill Otway
  I’ll be fine...” he replies quietly with his hands still between his legs.                                                                                                                                Connie Fogal
  Taking it upon herself to help the poor man, she gently undoes the front
  of his pants and starts massaging his genitals. “Doesn’t that feel                                                                                                                                        David Korsch
  better?” she asks. “Well... yes... That feels pretty good,” he admits.                                                                                                                                   David Lamson
  “But my thumb still hurts like hell.”
                                                                                                                                                                                                               Don Hall
 A woman police officer stopped a man for drunk driving.She said Sir,                                                                                                                                  Fisheries and Oceans
 you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be used
 against you The drunk replied “breasts”                                                                                                                                                                       Canada
                                                                                                                                                                                                     Friends and Supporters
 What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over? Doughnuts
                                                                                                                                                                                                          John Cummins,
“You know ‘that look’ women get when they want sex? Me neither.”s.Martin                                                                                                                               Fisheries and Oceans
  “There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men think, I                                                                                                                                  Canada Opposition
  know what I’m doing. Just show me somebody naked.” Jerry Seinfeld                                                                                                                                          Ken Kristian
     According to Marg "bombing for peace is like screwing for virginity"                                                                                                                                  Kevin Longard
 Intelligence: A small boy accompanied his parents to a nudist colony.
 They all stripped off and went out into the garden. The boy looked round
 with interest and then asked his father why some men had big ones and
                                                                                             Shooting Sports - Boy’s Gun                                                                                   Kevin Erickson
                                                                                                                                                                                                        Mark Hume & Nick
 some men had small ones.                                                                    Don Hall                                         Dad, it’s not yours, it is the boy’s first rifle. It
  Dad couldn't be bothered with long explanations so he just said "Those                                                                                                                    
 with big ones are smart and those with small ones are stupid" The boy                       Steelheader Contributor                          should be a single shot .22 bolt action with a

 wandered off on his own for a while and then met his father again. "Have                                om and Dad, there are many           good set of micrometer sights. A clip feed as             Ministry of Lands &
 you seen mother?" asked his Dad.
  "She's behind that bush over there," said the boy, "talking to a stupid man                                    reasons to pay attention     a second choice is OK. The point here is NO                       Parks
 who's getting smarter by the minute!"                                                                           when your son (also read     semi automatic rifles. Why ? Because the                    Richard Probert
 Saddam's Wives. One evening Saddam decides to visit his most                                daughter) wants to “learn how to shoot a         objective is to teach someone the correct way                   Rick Stahl
 intelligent wife, opens the bedroom door, and finds her studying. "Ah," he
                                                                                             gun”. It’s just as natural and normal as         to safely use a gun. This is not “macho stuff”,               Rod Clapton
 says, "she must be studying for that history exam." So he strolls through
 the palace to the bedroom of the wife who is the best cook, opens the                       wanting to learn how to ride a bicycle or        this is about safety, this is about how to fire a              Roger Brunt
 door, and sees her plucking this large bird. "In the name of Allah, get the
                                                                                             learn to drive the family car.                   shot correctly, this is about learning to be a
 kitchen staff to do that for you next time!" He then decides to go to the                                                                                                                                  Terry Hanson
 wife who is the best lover, opens her bedroom door, and is shocked to                          First, it’s your responsibility to show a     responsible person.
 see instead 2 camels screwing. Furious, Saddam confronts the palace                                                                             The question often arises as to “how old                Tom Johannesen
                                                                                             genuine interest in helping your son learning
 harem manager. "What is the meaning of this!" he shouts at the man. The                                                                      should they be” - well, if they are physically                 Tony Eberts
 manager replies, "Don't you see what your wives are telling you?                            how to “do it right”. You know that either at
 Saddam, you're history you stupid turkey, and you better get on the first                                                                    big enough and are interested then it’s time.              Correspondence
                                                                                             home or at their friend’s place they may be in
 freakin’ camel out of town!"                                                                                                                 Isn’t this how you decided when to buy their            The Steelheader News
                                                                                             contact with firearms. So a good place to
 Smoking: Two old ladies were outside their nursing home having a smoke                                                                       first bicycle ? or at age 16 you get the call to       Box 434 Chilliwack, BC
 when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the                 start is enrolling them in the Provincially      “borrow” the car keys ? Should the
 end, and put it over her cigarette and continued smoking. Lady 1: "What's                   approved CORE program operated by the B.                                                                     Canada V2P 6J7
 that?" Lady 2: "A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet." Lady                                                                       politicians, or media fret at the danger of
 1: "Where did you get it?" Lady 2: "You can get them at any pharmacy."                      C. Wildlife Federation. Television, movies,      juveniles using firearms compare this with
 The next day Lady 1 hobbles into the local pharmacy and announces to                        and video games are NOT, repeat NOT, the         any other sport (or driving a car) as they pale
 the pharmacist she wants to buy some condoms. He looks at her
 strangely (after all she is over 80 years old) but politely asks which brand                way to go !                                      in comparison ! Shooting is one of the safest              General Enquiries
 she prefers. Lady 1: "It doesn't matter as long as it fits a Camel." The                      Secondly, by following this route your son     sports one can enjoy - you will quickly                Tel/Fax (604)792-1952
 pharmacist fainted
                                                                                             will see and practice the right way to handle    recognize that here we are not buying votes                   Submissions
  Why do hunters make good lovers? Because they go deep in the bush,                         firearms, and learn, and understand, the         or fabricating news headlines. Just tell it like          writers may submit
  shoot more than once and eat what they shoot. LOL "Happiness is a
  warm receiver"                                                                             value of becoming a responsible citizen          it is, with honesty and integrity !                     stories, reports, news
  Good old Dad. A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He                            while doing so. And there is much more. He        Those readers ‘over 39’ will remember that               and photographs by
  approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!" The cop
  asked, "What's he like?" The little boy replied, "Beer and women with big
                                                                                             will have the opportunity to develop an          our young shooters did Canada proud at the
                                                                                                                                                                                                          email (photos in
  tits."                                                                                     appreciation of the natural world we live in,    Olympics, at an age well before today’s age
  The Saskatchewan Farmer and Big City Lawyer. A big city lawyer went duck hunting                                                            of majority to be the proud owner of a                 jpg.format), fax or post.
  in rural Saskatchewan. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on
                                                                                             the birds and animals with their need for food
  the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer         and shelter, and for himself - how to survive    firearm ! And check the record of Canada’s                   Subscriptions
  drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I
  shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I m going to retrieve it." The old farmer   in their world while out hiking, boating, or     military young folk - what a conveniently               8 Issues (mail above)
  replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here." The indignant lawyer
                                                                                             skiing. And, as a by product, with your help     short memory we have !                                   $25 Canadian Funds
  said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in Canada and, if you don't let me get that
  duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own. The old farmer smiled and said,            and encouragement he may also become a               Today we hear much from the federal                 The Steelheader News
  "Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in Saskatchewan. We settle
  small disagreements like this with the Saskatchewan Three Kick Rule."                      better student at school !                       politicians about guns in the context of a                and BC NewsToday
  The lawyer asked, "What is the Saskatchewan Three Kick Rule!!!"
                                                                                                 Thirdly, there can be no doubt that          “public safety issue” and the cost of firearms         accept no responsibility
  The Farmer replied, "Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, first I kick you
  three times and then you kick me three times and so on back and forth until someone        education is the only guarantee that guns and    registration. If public safety is the keyword
                                                                                                                                                                                                      for unsolicited materi-
  gives up." The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that                                                         then other activities such as football,
  he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to abide by the local custom. The old       the shooting sports will be available for                                                                    als. Opinions ex-
  farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the attorney. His first                                                        skateboarding, and driving cars should be
                                                                                             tomorrow’s outdoorsmen. An educated
  kick planted the toe of his heavy steel toed work boot into the lawyer's groin and
                                                                                                                                              declared illegal ? Right, if political                   pressed by individual
  dropped him to his knees. His second kick to the midriff sent the lawyer's last meal
                                                                                             citizenry who love outdoor sports such as
  gushing from his mouth. The barrister was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to                                                      correctness were to be replaced by common               writers may not reflect
  his rear end sent him face-first into a fresh cow pie. The lawyer summoned every bit       shooting will become protectors of our           sense every boy could look forward to
  of his will and managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket,                                                                                                            the philosophy of these
  he said, "Okay, you old coot. Now it's my turn." The old farmer smiled and said,           human and natural resources.                     owning his first gun and enjoying range time
  "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck                                                                                                                                                                    publications.
                                                                                               Now - about the boy’s first rifle. Note this   or time in the field with his Dad (or Mom).

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