Side A by sdsdfqw21


D: I would say to you that you actually have got to hang in there
L: Would you?
D: You’ve got to eat and bury every single thing that’s personal to you, your pride, your
integrity and everything ……..Under no circumstances to leave…you just happened to
have your head sticking out of the sand I think that is something people should be
counselled on, is how to hang in there, not to take it too personally… …as soon as he’s
realised that opportunities out there are zero, you’ll soon find that you’ll have a huge
change of heart and realise just how silly he’s been and that arrogance only comes with a
feeling that you can secure something; most people initially do feel like that when they
don’t do the research, or find out what’s out there.
L: So would you say that the individual should look at things very practically?
D: I would agree with you completely, I’ve said that to so many guys who got the hell in
with the company, but I have said to them, don’t make that mistake. Whatever you do
guys, hang on to your jobs, no matter how difficult it is because what is out there is zero. I
had a lot of guys coming in they just said, no, it’s not ethical, I don’t do that; I said, you
just button your lip boy, wind your neck in and just stay out of the way; the main thing is
just to stay out of the way and let it pass or until you find something else.
D: It is extremely difficult because the working world has changed
L: Very much so
D: From the old days, you know, everything was round about security and self respect and
God knows what else.
L: And then to move on with my questions, still pretty much in the same vein. We spoke
about what you missed in your last job at ---- and what you didn’t miss, now if we look at
the wider sphere of working. When you were not working what did you look back at about
working, and say, actually that was really valuable to me?
D: I think primarily the security, financial security and secondly the feeling of self worth. I
think probably irrespective of what kind of money you get, your self worth goes down if
you are unemployed. You have no conversation, you have no reason to participate in types
of conversations that come up when you interact with others; you know its like a person is
being retired and just loosing contact with them.

Appendix C                              Participant F                                            263
L: Do you find that it happened to you?
D: Very much so.
L: Anything else?
D: No not really I was mixed up obviously and between a divorce, no, nothing, no, I think
that that’s the main thing, your security and your self worth takes a hell of a pounding.
L: If we just look a little closer at the feeling of self worth, was it as a total person or could
you identify which part of your person seemed to lack the self worth or did it happen for
you as a total person?
D: In total really
D: I’ve seen in terms of social interaction that you become a bit of a paraie when
unemployed. Well people always used to say, you know what is with this guy, what is
wrong with him, why is he unemployed ?
L: And initially, when you left ---- you indicated that you thought that, well within a month
I will be working, so was there a lot of optimism?
D: Tremendous, I wasn’t worried at all. I thought you know there was no question that I
could basically walk into any of the opposition companies, I’ve come from sales, I have
done this, that, and the other, I really honestly thought that it wouldn’t be a problem, it
wouldn’t be a problem at all.
L: And then what started changing D---?
D: I think just basically the amount of applications and the rebuffs.
L: Can you put a time frame to that period when the optimism changed?
D: I think probably after six months
L: How did the finances impact on you?
D: Well, fortunately it wasn’t that critical to me because I obviously had access to funds,
but those get depleted fairly quickly. That part of it wasn’t brought home as quickly as to a
person that had an absolutely zero balance, and you had a retrenchment package for two
months, and after that you starved. But certainly after a projected, a reasonably lengthy
time, you start to realise how this in actual fact is working.
L: Lengthy time what do you mean?
D: I think probably a year, well in my case it was a year.

Appendix C                              Participant F                                           264
L: Then did your lifestyle change with that realisation, did you adjust?
D: I downsized obviously from where I was because that was part of the divorce
settlement, and generally speaking I downsized in terms of everything; entertainment, what
I ate, I did everything like that; it literally came to a stop which is once again very
debilitating; we were spending, the two of us, about R20 000 a month and then you end up
being able to live on about R8 000.
L: And if we focus on what the most difficult changes where for you to cope with through
this period, let say after that initial six month period, what where the most difficult things
for you to cope with?
D: Finance
L: In looking at what happened to you over this period would you say that it has
changed your roles in your life?
D: Oh yes, from the leadership role to the participative role
L: Is that hard for you?
D: Very hard, it meant becoming equal with your children.
L: I was going to look then at relationships; did this affect the relationship with your wife.
D: Very much on the decline, but I do think that its was the cherry on top, that she wanted
to be divorced at that stage.
L: And with your children?
D: Ya, equal, you’re on a par with them, in other words they don’t see you as a person
being able to give advice or as a father figure, because we become needy. Obviously,
initially, not that you depend on them, but you certainly can’t project yourself in a manner
that you were used to.
D: I used to sleep a lot, as I could, and then wake a lot at your normal sleeping time which
then throws out your whole cycle.
L: Did you have a cycle before?
D: Very much so, I used to be a guy that used to be in bed by about 9/9:30, and now of
course you start finding yourself sitting up until 11 because you go to sleep in the afternoon
L: Do you think that you were sleeping for any reason?
D: No just to kill time

Appendix C                              Participant F                                        265
L: Besides the sleeping any other changes in the day, did you change your sporting
D: That pretty much stops and I will tell you why because when you get a basic light form
of depression which you would get from this, you activity level goes down quite
dramatically or what you used to do in terms of jobs around the house, fixing things,
playing sport; but socializing, I must admit I kept that up, but certainly my activity level
has waned dramatically.
L: What wouldn’t you do now that you used to?
D: I do all the jobs around the house which is you know handyman stuff and things like
that and cleaning; I used to be very interested in cooking and preparing meals, now I just
literally eat what’s there.
L: You have spoken about this; how has your self concept changed, your picture of
D: I think a lot of it has, I have far less of an opinion of myself not that I ever had a
wonderful opinion of myself, but certainly a lot less than it was. I think possibly I’m more
L: Has that led to changes in your behaviour, has the way that you interact with people
changed at all?
D: I would say that I interact with less confidence rather then leading a conversation I’d
rather follow a conversation
L: Any other aspects of your behaviour or feelings
D: I have a lot more compassion for people, I have a lot of anger
L: In terms of what’s happened, do you think that the stage of your life that you are in, or
your age has had a lot to do with what has happened?
D: Oh yes
L: And if this had happened at another stage in your life would it have been any easier to
cope with?
D: Yes in the respect that I’ve really started my own business a number of times, but now I
certainly just don’t seem to have the energy or the will to take risks or to go that route.
You know when I was younger I was definitely more in a survival mode well, out-going,

Appendix C                              Participant F                                          266
initiate survival mode, than the mode that I am now.
L: We have talked about the immediate family, sister, parents, but what about friends, what
role did they play?
D: I think they’ve been emotionally supportive.
L: Anybody in particular?
D: Yes, a male buddy I’ve had for years.
L: What sort of role has he played?
D: I think he has really played a supportive and guiding role.
L: So you were able to talk freely and openly to him and express a lot of your emotions?
D: No I wouldn’t do that, I would keep that very much to the family.
L: But you have had an outlet for that?
D: With my sister.
L: Other than the emotional impact has there been a practical impact on any people around
D: Not material.
L: So they have gone through this transition with you and who would those people mostly
D: My two daughters and my son
L: That is more of emotional experience for them?
D: Yes I think so, yes more emotional.
L: It hasn’t changed their lives in anyway?
D: No not at all.
L: Okay so the positive outcomes were, first of all, a different regard for finances and then
being aware of closer friendships and relationships. You haven’t spoken at all about any
kind of religious beliefs that you have that might have been also supportive to you, do you
have a spiritual side to your life?
D: Yes I am very spiritual about God, but I don’t follow any religion and the line to the
almighty, I think that has improved, but it always does in a person in need.
L: So at this stage it was the strongest that it ever was?
D: Oh yes.

Appendix C                              Participant F                                       267
L: And you feel that is of support to you?
D: Oh yes, if you have your God thing then I think that you have support.
L: Also if you look back would you say that your health has suffered at all over this period?
D: Only psychologically.
L: Blood pressure or other medical difficulties?
D: No I always had that under control.
L: And psychologically, you did mention perhaps a mild depression, anything else that you
would have experienced?
D: No, I think that there is definitely a depression, there is no question about that
L: Ever talk to your doctor about that?
D: Oh ya they medicated me for that.
L: Did they?
D: Yes.
L: Are you off that medication?
D: No, no. I will remain on until such time as I am re-established because I think that
certainly those sort of things do take the edge off anxiety and depression are very closely
linked. That medication, actually in fact, keeps the edge off of it, not that you don’t remain
concerned, but obviously it takes the edge off of it.
L: You didn’t go and see a counsellor at all?
D: No.
L: Psychologist?
D: No.
L: I asked you perhaps if your spiritual life changed?
D: I think its got more real I’ve always found that in times of adversity ones spiritual reality
comes into play a lot more, mainly because we are asking God for something instead of
forgetting about that he actually lives.
L: And changes in your lifestyle, you said you’d cut back on everything?
D: I just cut back dramatically, I eat totally different, I really now eat like a bachelor.
Preparation of stuff has gone by the wall.

Appendix C                                 Participant F                                      268
L: We also spoke about how you dealt with the time on your hands, with a lot of sleeping
in the afternoons and in the mornings, just give me a typical day when your weren’t at
D: Okay, well I used to get up in the mornings, I used to get up early normally because my
daughter used to bring her dogs to stay with me when I was at home. Her little puppies, so I
would have coffee, mooch around, get dressed then during the morning I was fairly active,
I would see my sister or we would go and do something, or do the accounts, or apply for
jobs, or do something like that, up to about lunch time and then I would have something to
eat, and then I would sleep normally from then through to about 4:30, and then I would
normally go and have coffee with my sister or my mother or old relatives, and then the rest
of the evening was television and nothing and be careful not to force myself upon family
members in terms of their time with their spouses. You know I am very conscious of my
brother-in-law, obviously he doesn’t want a guy hanging around, you know each guy likes
his space, I’m very careful of that because I am close to my sister, but I’m certainly not
around when he comes home at night.
L: Then in your darkest hour through this period what were your thoughts then?
D: Yes, you know definitely there are times when you say, is it worth it today?
L: And how serious were those considerations?
D: Not terribly, you’ve got to really think there is no way out when you get to that. But for
some people I can understand that they think that there is no way out, but you might have
to take huge humiliation, you might have to take enormous hardship but the point is you’ve
got to look at the bigger picture, is your existence on this earth worth something to
somebody and that’s what you’ve got to keep in mind
L: And is there anything that I’ve left out which was pretty meaningful to you through
those 18/20 months?
D: Meaningful. Yes, the only thing that has been a wonderful thing to me is animals, funny
enough they are very comforting things just to be able to talk to and have around you
L: A dog, a cat?
D: Dogs
D: Yes, I’ve got two little Jack Russels
L: So they have really given you pleasure?

Appendix C                             Participant F                                         269
D: Enormous, well I mean I did a lot, I would never be living in a town house with a
garden if I didn’t have them, I would have gone to an ordinary flat and probably rented,
so yes they were a major part and responsibility of mine, and I love them and they are
happy with the present position.
L: Now that you have been working again what are the changes for you if there were any?
D: I think my feeling of self worth went up, well almost instantaneously.
D: I think for most people the primary factor of no job is financial. It’s become very much
like your ability to basically be like a hunter-gatherer who is no good to mate with, you’re
no good for anything, you know you just virtually starve to death.

Appendix C                            Participant F                                        270

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