RELATIONSHIPS BETWEEN HUSBANDS AND WIVES by pptfiles

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									      RELATIONSHIPS BETWEEN HUSBANDS AND WIVES

Annie Sager shared the following excerpt from a 1950's home
economics textbook:

     Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a
      delicious meal - on time. This is a way of letting him know that
      you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his
      needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the
      prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed.
     Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed
      when he arrives. Touch up your makeup, put a ribbon in your hair
      and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary
      people. Be a little gay and a little more interesting. His boring day
      may need a lift.
     Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of
      the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up school
      books, toys, paper, etc. then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your
      husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it
      will give you a lift, too.
     Prepare the children: Take a few minutes to wash the children's
      hands and faces ( if they are small), comb their hair, and if
      necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he
      would like to see them playing the part.
     Minimize all noise: At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of
      washer, dryer, dishwasher or vacuum. Try to encourage the
      children to be quiet. Be happy to see him. Greet him with a warm
      smile and be glad to see him.
     Some don'ts: Don't greet him with problems or complaints. Don't
      complain if he's late for dinner. Count this as minor compared with
      what he might have gone through that day.
     Make him comfortable: Have him lean back in a comfortable chair
      or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink
      ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes.
    Speak in a low, soft soothing and pleasant voice. Allow him to
    relax-unwind.
   Listen to him: You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the
    moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first.
   Make the evening his: Never complain if he does not take you out
    to dinner or to other places of entertainment. Instead, try to
    understand his world of strain and pressure, his need to be home
    and relax.
WHEN DO AMERICANS MARRY?: AGES WHEN FIRST WED

Drop in Age

Census Bureau reports that the ages of men and women when first
saying "I do" has increased significantly from 1956, when their median
ages were 22.5 and 20.1 respectively.




Racial Differences

This delay in marriage was greatest among African Americans, with 22
percent of black women age 40 to 44 having never been married,
compared with 7 percent of white women and 9 percent of Hispanic
women.
Marriage Patterns by Age

PERCENT OF AMERICANS 30 AND OLDER
HAVING DIVORCED BY AGE AT MARRIAGE AND SEX

AGE AT FIRST
             MEN         WOMEN
MARRIAGE
    12-18    43.2%       30.6%
    19-20    31.6%       20.2%
    21-22    21.7%       14.4%
    23-25    14.9%       9.9%
     26+     10.5%       6.7%


RELATIVE AGES OF HUSBANDS AND WIVES

Decrease in Age Differences

As female rights have increased the age advantage of husbands over
wives has declined from roughly 4 years to 2.

According to the NORC General Social Survey:

   Wives are older than their husbands in 17.5% of American couples
    and equal in age in an additional 13.4%.
   The more education the wife has the more likely she will be the
    same age or older than her spouse, from 21% of those without a
    high school diploma to 37% of those with at least some post-
    secondary education.
MEAN AGE DIFFERENCE (IN YEARS) OF HUSBANDS OVER
WIVES, BY RESPONDENTS' AGE AND MARITAL HISTORY

          FIRST
                 REMARRIAGE TOTAL
        MARRIAGE
18-29      2.08     6.43     2.32
30-39      1.91     2.51     1.99
40-49      1.43     3.71     2.10
50-59      2.74     1.62     2.39
60-69      2.85     4.14     3.13
70+        3.08     4.70     3.46
CORRELATES of EDUCATION LEVEL

 When husbands had more education than their wives, both partners
  reported less than happy marriages with more disagreement and less
  positive feedback
 When the wife had more education, both partners reported more
  satisfaction with the marriage

General Social Surveys asks:

"Taking things all together, how would you describe your marriage?
Would you say that your marriage is very happy, pretty happy, or not too
happy?"

 Level of Education: wives had the greater education in 31.6% of the
  relationships, husbands more in 36.9%, and in 31.5% of the unions
  the spouses had identical years of schooling
 Female Advantage: Females are most likely to have the educational
  advantage in the oldest cohorts, among African American couples
  (45% vs. 30% of white couples), and among the lower social classes
  (in 41% of lower class families versus 34% of working class, 29% of
  middle class, and 24% of upper class families).
NORC GSS considered the relationship between spousal age differences
and responses to the statement "Do you agree or disagree with this
statement?: Women should take care of running their homes and leave
running the country up to men."

           SPOUSAL
                     HUSBANDS WIVES TOTAL
           EDUCATION
           WIFE MORE   35%     25% 30%
           EQUAL       25%     24% 24%
           HUSB MORE   21%     25% 23%

Interpreting Unintuitive Totals:

   No real variation in wives’ reports.
   High % for husbands drive up total for Wife More category
   Why might this be the case?
HOW AMERICANS RATE THEIR ROMANTIC
RELATIONSHIPS

NORC General Social Surveys asks:

"Taking things all together, how would you describe your marriage?
Would you say that your marriage is very happy, pretty happy, or not too
happy?"

   Consistently more than 6 out of 10 Americans described their
    marriage as being "very happy."

PERCENT OF ONCE-MARRIED INDIVIDUALS DESCRIBING
THEIR RELATIONSHIP AS "VERY HAPPY" BY LENGTH OF
MARRIAGE, SEX & EDUCATION

                  HUSBANDS                   WIVES           TOTAL
 EDUC:
               HS SOM         HS SOM
 Length   <HS          4+ <HS         4+
                   COL            COL
 Mar:
  0-6 YRS 54% 64% 68% 74% 53% 68% 73% 78%                      68%
 7-14 YRS 63    65 61 70 57 65 59 71                            64
   15-25
            62  64 66 60 55 59 56 66                             61
    YRS
   26-37
            66  67 73 68 59 68 67 67                             66
    YRS
 38+ YRS    72  77 72 77 59 68 67 71                             69
  TOTAL     67  67 67 69 57 65 64 71                             66
In 1987, ABC News and the Washington Post surveyed Americans
about the quality and equality of emotional communication in their
relationships and found that:

     97 percent of both married and single people rate their
      relationships as either good or excellent, with nearly the same
      percent saying that they are emotionally satisfied by their partners.
     93 percent of married men and 81 percent of married women said
      that they were treated as equals by their partners.
     Roughly 40 percent of women felt they are giving more emotional
      support to their partner than they received in return compared to
      only 18 percent of married men.
     Equality in emotional support increased with length of the
      relationship: 38 percent of couples married less than 10 years
      reported giving equal emotional support compared to 55 percent of
      those married 15 years or more.
     66 percent of married women and 41 percent of married men
      agreed that it is the woman who usually initiates most of the
      serious conversations in their relationships.
     Among singles, 52 of the women and 49 percent of the men said
      that they start most such talks.
     86 percent of married men and 78 percent of married women say
      that their partners listen to their point of view during arguments.
      And big arguments are rare: 72 percent of the couples reported that
      they almost never have big arguments; 2 percent reported having
      them "often."
AMERICANS' RELATIONSHIP PREFERENCES

General Social Survey poses several questions to Americans about their
relationship preferences.

Spousal Roles

The GSS asks:

“Which of the following two types of relationships would you prefer:

(1) A relationship where the man has the main responsibility for
providing the household income and the woman has the main
responsibility for taking care of the home and family, or

(2) A relationship where the man and woman equally share
responsibility for providing the household income and taking care of the
home and family?”

   30% of the individuals responding to this question preferred the
    "traditional" relationship.
PERCENT PREFERRING "TRADITIONAL" SPOUSAL ROLES
BY AGE, SEX AND EDUCATION

                MALES                       FEMALES
                  SOM                          SOM              TOT
        <HS   HS            4+      <HS    HS            4+
                  COLL                         COLL             AL
18-30   19%   17% 25%        25%     29%   28% 14%        19%    21%
31-45   33%   33% 27%        27%     23%   27% 36%        19%    28%
46-64   42%   31% 33%        31%     25%   36% 36%        23%    32%
 65+    42%   66% 50%        33%     38%   36% 40%        31%    42%
TOT
        36% 33% 30%          28%     30% 32% 30%          21%     30%
 AL



Emotional Dependency

The GSS asked:

“Which of the following two types of relationships would you prefer:

(1) A relationship where the man and woman are emotionally dependent
on each other, or

(2) A relationship where the man and woman are both emotionally
independent?

   Men are more likely than women to prefer an emotionally-
    dependent relationship.
    PERCENT OF MEN & WOMEN PREFERRING RELATIONSHIP
    WHERE EMOTIONALLY DEPENDENT ON EACH OTHER

      NEVER
              MARRIED SEPARATED DIVORCED WIDOWED TOTAL
      MARRIED
 MEN    52%     61%      47%       44%     66%    56%
WOMEN   34%     41%      21%       36%     40%    37%


    SHARING RELATIONSHIPS OR DOING ONE'S OWN THING?

    The GSS asks:

    “Which of the following two types of relationships would you prefer:

    (1) A relationship where the man and woman do most things in their
    social life together, or

    (2) A relationship where the man and woman do separate things that
    interest them?”

       23% of both men and women stated a preference for a relationship
        where both sexes do separate things that interest them
       Those with four or more years of college are 40 percent more
        likely than those with less education to hold this preference.
KIDS: TO HAVE OR NOT TO HAVE?

In the 1970s, Ann Landers asked (and 50,000 parents responded)
whether, if given the choice again, they would have children.

   70% said no, that it wasn't worth it.




     Transformation of the Family

   As the family transformed from being a unit of production to being
    a unit of consumption, children were no longer to be viewed as
    economic assets but rather as liabilities.
   With this historic change, coupled with the commodification of so
    many aspects of family life, it should come as no surprise that a
    price tag has been affixed to the cost of having children.
The GSS asked Americans:

"People who never had children lead empty lives--do you agree or
disagree?"

RESPONSE                    %    CUMULATIVE %
STRONGLY AGREE             3.5% 3.5%
AGREE                      15.8% 19.4% 19.4%
NEITHER                    27.6% 46.9%
DISAGREE                   39.6% 86.5%
STRONGLY DISAGREE          13.5% 100% 58.5%
TOTAL                      1,353

What difference does actually being a parent make? How did the sexes
vary in their responses?

PERCENT DISAGREEING CHILDLESS PEOPLE LIVE EMPTY
LIVES

                        NO
            PARENT               TOTAL
                        KIDS
MALES 46%               71%      48%
FEMALES 50%             78%      56%
TOTAL   46%             71%      53%
    STRUCTURE OF FAMILIES WITH CHILDREN

    According to Urban Institute's 1997 National Survey of American
    Families:

        63 percent of children live in two-parent
        27 percent in one-parent
        8 percent in blended families.



THINKING ABOUT SOCIALIZATION

    In 2002, Public Agenda released its "A Lot Easier Said Than Done:
    Parents Talk About Raising Children in Today's America" survey.
    Among the findings:

       a large majority of parents say American society is an inhospitable
        climate for raising children




       nearly half the parents said they worry more about protecting their
        child from negative social influences than they do about paying the
        bills or having enough family time together
       6 in 10 rate other parents only "fair" or "poor" in raising their
        children
   Typically, socialization studies examine the effects of parenting on
    children. But socialization is a two-way street, evidenced by the IQ
    drops of mothers with young children



SPENDING TIME WITH DAD

The amount of waking time 4-year-old children spend alone with their
fathers each day compared with daily waking time in day care,
according to the Netherlands-based International Association for the
Evaluation of Educational Achievement.

 COUNTRY TIME WITH DAD TIME IN DAYCARE
Belgium       30 minutes   6.8 hours
China         54 minutes    11 hours
Finland       48 minutes   6.8 hours
Germany       36 minutes     5 hours
Nigeria       42 minutes     7 hours
Portugal      24 minutes   8.8 hours
Spain         18 minutes     7 hours
Thailand      12 minutes    11 hours
United States 42 minutes   5.6 hours

When Americans were asked to rate the roles different adults played in
the lives of children, fathers came in third--behind mothers and
grandparents--scoring roughly in the midpoint between the mean scores
given to mothers and to clergy, ministers, and rabbis.
Colonial Family Life and Fathers

Historians inform us that in colonial America it was the father who was
the primary socializer, particularly of young males.

 Until the early 1800's, child-rearing manuals were not even addressed
  to mothers.
 The man was, indeed, "king of his castle” and his children were his
  property (when they said that's "Joe's son," the statement was
  referring to this property status and not a genetic connection).
 In the rare instances of divorce, his custody of them was rarely
  challenged.

Industrialization and PostWar Family Life

With industrialization and the bifurcation of public and private life:

 Dads' primary (and socially approved) activities were in the public
  realm of work while the sphere of mothers' control was in the private
  realm of family life.
 Adequacy as a father was judged on the basis of one’s "breadwinner"
  activities.

Recent Signs of Change:

 Today more than 90 percent of fathers are present in the delivery
  room, compared to almost none thirty years earlier.
 Population Reference Bureau reports that fathers are the primary care
  givers for one in five preschoolers whose mothers work.
 There is a growing market for fathering "self-help" books and
  websites, with such titles as How to Father, Expectant Father,
  Pregnant Fathers, The Birth of a Father, Fathers Almanac, Father
  Power, and How to Father a Successful Daughter.
Implications of Fatherlessness

 In 2000, 69% of American children lived with both parents, 22% only
  with their mothers, 4% only with their fathers, and 4% with neither
  parent (about half of whom live with grandparents).
 37% of America's children sleeping in homes where their natural
  fathers don't live
 46% of families with children headed by single mothers were living
  below the poverty line, compared with 8% of children living with two
  parents.



What are the direct consequences of not having a father?

Some research suggests mothers and fathers are complementary and not
interchangeable roles. Fathers are not substitute mothers.

 Mothers' love to be unconditional while that of fathers is more
  qualified and tied to performance.
 Mothers are more likely to be worried about their children's survival
  while fathers are more likely to be concerned about their future
  success.

Other Consequences:

   More likely to be high school dropouts
   More likely to abuse drugs and alcohol
   Absence of role modeling for young males
   Higher risks for males of having low esteem and being emotionally
    rigid
“PROBLEMS” WITH THE FAMILY

Children having Children

 Unwed mothers now account for 33 percent of all births in the United
  States.
 66% of teenage births are to unmarried mothers (compared to 15% in
  1960) Over 25% of these teenage mothers become pregnant again
  within two years.
 The United States leads the developed nations in its incidence of
  pregnancy among girls ages 15 through 19.
 According to a study sponsored by the Robin Hood Foundation,
  American taxpayers will spend over $7 billion to deal with the social
  problems resulting from recent births by girls under the age of 18.
Number of births per 1,000 women aged 15-19

      Country Fertility rate      Country   Fertility rate
    Japan           4        Belarus             28
    Switzerland     5        Poland              28
    Netherlands     7        Iceland             29
    France          9        Slovenia            30
    Italy           9        Croatia             32
    Belgium        10        Lithuania           32
    Denmark        10        Bosnia/Herz.        33
    Malta          12        United Kingdom      33
    Spain          12        Estonia             34
    Finland        13        Latvia              35
    Germany        13        New Zealand         35
    Luxembourg     13        Russian Fed.        37
    Sweden         13        Moldova             38
    Albania        14        Hungary             41
    Ireland        16        Romania             41
    Norway         19        TFYR Macedonia      41
    Israel         20        Ukraine             43
    Australia      21        Yugoslavia          43
    Greece         22        Slovakia            44
    Austria        23        Czech Rep.          46
    Portugal       25        Bulgaria            59
    Canada         27        United States       64

     United Nations Population Division, World Population Prospects
Cohabitation as a Replacement for Marriage

1989 study of the National Institutes of Health found that:

   11 percent of Americans who lived with someone before their first
    marriage in 1960s
   44 percent in the early 1980s

By the early 1990s, according to the Census Bureau:

   more than half of all marriages now follow cohabitation
   the number of people living together without marriage increased
    some 80 percent between 1980 and 1991

What do Americans think of cohabitation?

PERCENT BELIEVING IT'S A GOOD IDEA TO LIVE
TOGETHER BEFORE MARRIAGE BY OWN COHABITATION
HISTORY, MARITAL HISTORY AND SEX

              FIRST MARRIAGE PREV. DIVORCE
               MALE FEMALE MALE FEMALE TOTAL
COHABIT=
                74%         58%        57%       50%          61%
  YES
COHABIT=
                15%         10%        23%        9%          12%
   NO
 TOTAL          29%         21%        43%       30%



Is there any difference in the marital satisfaction of husbands and wives
whether or not they cohabited before marriage?
PERCENT "VERY HAPPY" WITH MARRIAGE
BY COHABITATION HISTORY, MARITAL HISTORY AND
SEX

           FIRST MARRIAGE PREV. DIVORCE
           MALE FEMALE MALE FEMALE
COHABIT=
            54%    63%     54%   58%
  YES
COHABIT=
            67%    59%     70%   64%
   NO

								
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