It's Not What You Say_ It's What You Don't Say by aihaozhe2

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									I've spent most of my post-pubescent years wondering "what do I say to girls?"

I think it's the question that preoccupies every guy's mind when he thinks about
women, besides sensual fantasies obviously.

I'd see a girl, and think, "ooh, I'd like to do this and this and this with her..."

But then came the next question:

"Ok, so if I go up to her, what the heck do I say?"

I've learned over the years that I'm the kind of guy thinks about things WAY more
than the average guy. I'm very analytical, and I consider myself to be quite intelligent.

But like I said, for most of my life I was lost when it came to women.

I recall planning to ask this girl to prom for a MONTH. Literally writing out what to
say, planning when and how and where I'd approach her.

I'd go over scenario after imagined scenario in my head - what if she says this? What
if she's already going with someone? Etc, etc...

When I finally decided, "today's the day, I gotta get it done before she's taken," I had
made such a big deal out of it that I literally couldn't bring myself to do it.

I walked up to her locker, but at the last second, made a sharp detour and walked away.
I think she knew I was going to say something to her too - she might have even
known I wanted to ask her to prom.

Oh well. Maybe it's for the best. We might have become high school sweethearts, and
I'd be married with three kids and have a pot-belly, selling life insurance.

Who knows...but it all worked out for the best because I can't complain one bit about
my life.

I meet attractive women at will, and it's second-nature to escalate in mating very
quickly. I live a blessed life.

Not only do I have abundance in the mating department, but I make a living
TEACHING what I've learned. I get to do what I'm truly passionate about.

When I began my journey years ago, I had no idea what was ahead of me. The trials
and tribulations of becoming a true ladies man turned out to be more than I
anticipated.
But once I started on my path, there was no looking back. I wouldn't trade all that
frustration and failure for anything. It made me who I am today.

One thing I've come to learn is the question is not "what to say" but "what NOT to
say."

What men don't realize is that they are inherently attractive in the respect that they are
MEN. Just as a woman is attractive to you BECAUSE she's a woman, you are
appealing to a woman for many different reasons - because you are a man.

You can give her things she can't get on her own.

First and foremost is intimate pleasure, but also, there is the feeling of understanding
and emotional connection, validation and appreciation, and even support and
resources if you so choose.

So a lot of your value - MOST of your value to a woman, is unspoken and
self-evident.

You don't have to say, "I'm a man. I am big, strong, emotionally stable, and I have an
urges that works."

It's pretty obvious.

There are other things that aren't so obvious, but let me get back to that.

Women make assumptions about men. They think they know how we think. They
assume all we want is get intimate with them, and that we are emotionally 'dead' or
devoid of emotions. Not always, but these are predominant stereotypes women have
about men.

They also think that men want to impress them as a means of gaining sensual access
to their precious lady-parts.

And it's often true. This is how 99 percent of guys go about getting with women.

But this mindset will only hold you back, except in those rare occasions when you
happen to meet a woman that likes you enough and is extremely receptive for a new
male partner.

It's called, "getting lucky."

And that's no way to live your life.
When you got your job, did you rely on luck?

Or did you study in school, build your resume, and hone your skills to perform a
specific task?

I'm guessing the latter.

Luck exists, but it's not the best way to go about things - you can take conscious
control of your life.

Unfortunately, our culture tells men the opposite when it comes to women and dating.

We are taught to impress women and rely on luck. Sure, you should get an education,
pay your bills, be a responsible citizen, and make a good life for yourself financially.

But when it comes to women, you might as well be playing craps.

At best, you should try to impress them with money and wit, and hopefully they'll
"let" you to sleep with them.

It's nauseating. And I'm not a cynical guy. But I see this pattern play itself out over
and over.

And it happens to the best guys, the guys who deserve it the most. Of course, the jerks,
losers, and cocky bastards get all the best girls.

And I honestly think that these women go for guys like that because of a lack of
options. The only guys out there that are remotely dominant and do SOME stuff right
are the arrogant jerks.

Most of these guys simply don't try to impress women. They feel that women should
try to impress them!

They aren't saying the lame, approval-seeking garbage that the average guy thinks he
needs to say to attract women. They just leave that crap out!

Think about your mental processes when you talk to women. You are most likely
frantically racking your brain for the next cool or witty thing to say.

Bad, bad, bad.

I have a rule. If I'm about to do or say something that comes from an approval-seeking
focus, I will just shut up and not do anything, until I can get my head together.
Which begs the question,

What should you focus on instead?

Well it depends on the context, and where you're at in the interaction. But you should
always be focusing in a way that is dominant and leads to your true, full
self-expression.

								
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