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									              Writing Improvement Exercises – Chapter Two

Audience Benefits and the “You” View
  23. To prevent us from possibly losing large sums of money, our bank now requires
      verification of any large cheque presented for immediate payment.

  24. We take pride in announcing daily flights to Singapore.

  25. So that we may comply with new federal privacy legislation, we are asking you to
      complete the enclosed waiver.

  26. For just $1195 (CDN) per person, we have arranged a seven-day trip to Las Vegas that
      includes deluxe accommodations, a Cirque du Soleil performance, and selected meals.

  27. I give my permission for you to attend the two-day workshop.

  28. We’re requesting all employees to complete the enclosed questionnaire so that we may
      develop a master schedule for summer vacations.

  29. I think my background and my education match the description of the manager trainee
      position you advertised.

  30. We are offering an in-house training program for employees who want to improve their
      writing skills.

ADPRO                                    Page 1 of 5                       2009-05-29
               Writing Improvement Exercises – Chapter Two
  31. We are pleased to announce an arrangement with Hewlett-Packard that allows us to offer
      discounted computers in the student bookstore.

  32. We have approved your application for credit, and the account may be used immediately.

  33. We are pleased to announce that we have selected you to join our trainee program.

  34. Our safety policy forbids us from renting power equipment to anyone who cannot
      demonstrate proficiency in its use.

  35. We will reimburse you for all travel expenses.

  36. To enable us to continue our policy of selling name brands at discount prices, we cannot
      give cash refunds on returned merchandise.

Conversational, yet professional tone.
  37. Kindly inform the undersigned whether or not your representative will be making a
      visitation in the near future.

  38. Pursuant to your letter of the 12th, please be advised that your shipment was sent 9 June

  39. She was pretty ticked off because the manager accused her of ripping off office supplies.

ADPRO                                     Page 2 of 5                         2009-05-29
               Writing Improvement Exercises – Chapter Two
  40. Kindly be informed that your vehicle has been determined to require corrective work.

  41. He didn’t have the guts to badmouth her to her face.

  42. The undersigned respectfully reminds affected individuals that employees desirous of
      changing their benefits package must do so before December 30

Positive Expression
  43. If you fail to pass the examination, you will not quality.

  44. In your email message, you claim that you returned a defective headset.

  45. We can’t process your application because you neglected to insert your social insurance

  46. Construction cannot begin until the building plans are approved.

  47. It is impossible to forward without community support.

  48. Customer are ineligible for the 10 percent discount unless they show their membership

ADPRO                                      Page 3 of 5                      2009-05-29
               Writing Improvement Exercises – Chapter Two
  49. Titan Insurance Company will not process any claim not accompanied by documented
      proof from a physician showing that the injuries required physiotherapy.

Inclusive Language
  50. Any applicant for the position of fireman must submit a medical report signed by his

  51. Every employee is entitled to see his personnel file.

  52. All conference participants and their wives are invited to the banquet.

  53. At most hospitals in the area, a nurse must provide her own uniform.

  54. Representing the community are a businessman, a lady attorney, and a female doctor.

  55. A salesman would have to use all his skills to sell those condos.

  56. Every doctor is provided with a parking spot for his car.

Plain Language and Familiar Words
  57. Profits are declining because our sales staff is not cognizant of our competitor’s products.

ADPRO                                     Page 4 of 5                           2009-05-29
               Writing Improvement Exercises – Chapter Two
  58. He hypothesized that the vehicle was not operational because of a malfunctioning gasket.

  59. Because we cannot monitor all cash payments, we must terminate the contract.

  60. The contract stipulates that management must maintain in perpetuity the retirement plan.

Plain, Positive Language
  61. If your evidence is not received before June 18, 2006, which is one year from the date of
      our first letter, your claim, if entitlement is established, cannot be processed before the
      date of the receipt of the evidence.

ADPRO                                     Page 5 of 5                         2009-05-29

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