Open Source by doozerbic

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									Open Source A Novel by Doozer bic with Dan Gee Doozer bic: “Doozer” is a nickname given to me by my father. He told me once that the name "Doozer" came from an old time radio show. He had a transistor as a boy in the 1950‟s. He would listen to late night shows with the little radio under his pillow. I have not been able to find any reference to this Doozer character. It might have been on a local show from his hometown of Springfield Illinois, with regular reception it could have come from as far away as Saint Louis or Chicago.

Bic is my pen name.

I didn‟t choose it.

One day I just looked down at my plume and it had a nom embossed on it already.

Peter Kosinski From Stockholm, Sweden Dear Diatribe; Alfred‟s head weighs the pillow at my right. Its impression replaces that of my wife‟s who lye there last. I just stare at the one eye he has left for us to see. Its wide open I‟ve never gawked at men‟s faces like this before. As if I am his lover adoring him while he sleeps. How can I lye in bed pining over him while I can hear my wife showering in the next room? I feel preternaturally drawn to this one. Tribe Title?: Stop A Head Anyone could be. His pull is indefinable. Damn! I act a fool. All this nonsense justifies the decision I have made. He had to go. There was no choice in this. Our lives couldn‟t be

the same with him in it. This type of relationship has been the

downfall many a man. You go in thinking he could enrich you and make you a more respectable person. To begin with he‟s a lot older than I am. In bed he is still wearing the clothes from when he was alive; string tie, a shirt and a jacket. No one can tell if he was wearing pants. From the stiffness of his pose and the tone of his skin, it is clear he has been dead for a long time. He is cold and unresponsive. In the presence of this, I‟m all a flutter. The wife is more excited than I am. She is getting ready as the men are coming to take Alfred‟s head off to a safe place. It is the only part of him she ever saw. This is the best thing for him! Everyone will know what I did soon, and I‟m not a bit ashamed, I just fear the reaction. It is public knowledge that we were together; it will become public knowledge what I did with him. You might say this was foolish or even disrespectful to Alfred. I hope that no one who knew the situation would call it criminal in any way. Not if you understood. I believe Alfred himself would respect my decisions. He will pass on to a better

place, where people will care for him more than I do. It was a man with two degrees which name him “doctor”, a mentor to both my wife and I, who set us up. sore at me for letting him go. Now, it‟s time that I go. Geeta is hungry and says she wants to go for breakfast. Armed men should be here any minute. There has been a guard in the hallway all night because we had him in here with us. A Swede in a smart uniform stands sentry. Not police of course, but someone to make sure we don‟t get in any trouble from nosey visitors. It‟s time for me to manufacture some motivation. I should get off of my <adjective> ass and get ready. Geeta is out of the shower; she is dressed nicely and is looking at him for one last time. She would like to get him back from these men when we are at home in the states. She would keep his head on display in our house. The world that he puts me in makes me fear doom. It‟s not that disposing of Alfie‟s noggin is going to take away all we did with him last night and here this morning. I have been teetering on the edges of something like this I hope he‟s not

for a while now. What happens when someone like me crosses that line? What if a harmless kook becomes this legitimate? Your eccentricity moves from charming to dangerous and people will stop you. Geeta beckons; I should preen for visitors and be off to breakfast. There‟s a nice buffet downstairs and I have some surprises for her. I will pick up on this Diatribe later today on the train.

Miles Patterson: This is not a tell-all book about my friend, my first entry by our obsessive diarist notwithstanding. Peter Kosinski has often been misunderstood; at times he was dangerously misunderstood. I am about to go back to the beginning of the story, at least what I know of it. The preceding Diatribe was from his

most famous visit to Stockholm. My narrative starts nearly two years before that. Do great men think thoughts like those in his discourse on Alfred‟s Head? Maybe they do… I do know that the self-described Bette Noir of Open Source Medicine wrote those words. This book follows the Kosinski Diatribes. I start from shortly before I met him, just to provide continuity. I follow them through Peter‟s rise in stature, and as they quickly thin in content. As he got busier, and as journal entries become less personal reflections and more business minutiae, I stop

annotating and begin writing; I write the story out to its end. What I write is merely a short epilogue, and it felt like writing an epic to me. I was introduced to Peter‟s work one day by Dr. Richard Gerhardstein. Source?” “I know what it means”, was my best reply. Gerhardstein came back with “What do you think of the idea of pharmaceutical drugs being produced by an Open Source group”? I wasn‟t sure whether it worked that well with software. Linux was pretty big. It is an operating system that was “You‟re an IT guy; you must be familiar with Open

developed as an Open Source project. I am not a programmer (called developer in professional circles). Peter never was either. He was an Engineer, which is

a lot closer.

“Source” is code or programming.

Interchangeably, people use the terms “Source”, “Code” and even “Source Code”. When you run a program on a computer the source You cannot see

code has been „compiled‟ to create that program. the original source. the software company.

It is the primary intellectual property of

The first thing I knew was the Open Source means free.


means that something is built by a group that is not selling their product for a profit. I wasn‟t really sure why they

started doing things that way. Peter worked with UNIX since his career began in the early nineties. A lot of engineers prefer UNIX because it is a very

flexible, while mind-bogglingly difficult, operating system. UNIX is historically very expensive. I can say “historically”, At my age, that is

because UNIX started in the late sixties. old enough to call “historic”

The cost was mostly driven by the fact that programs and Operating Systems are only compiled to run on a specific type of machine, and UNIX always ran on big, expensive ones. The

companies who made the big machines sold the UNIX to run on it for a big price. Linux is the “UNIX-Type” operating system which runs on any machine, and it‟s free. It has been made easier, but is still In the

more than a non-technical person wants to deal with.

early 1990‟s, a Finnish Graduate Student named Linus Torvalds wanted to build just that. Torvalds put his code on the Internet and invited help from programmers around the world. He and untold numbers of However,

contributors developed something worth looking at.

Linus‟ UNIX, or Linux, languished from lack of serious consideration for several years. Interest in Linux grew in the

late 1990s, and by 2000, it and many other open source programs became a major part of computing worldwide. Kosinski‟s idea was to have pharmaceuticals developed that way. be. The drugs would not be free, the ideas or formulas would Since there is a physical product involved here, there

would be money to be made in the manufacturing of the actual drugs, but what about the scientists who invented them? their some scratch for them? He wrote hundreds of pages about this and every other objection a naysayer might put forth. His pages propose a Is

computer system which is the sharing space and repository for drug researchers. A central organization would control and the

system and track contributions leading up to the end point development of a pharmaceutical. The tracking information could

be used to define a share of the credit and of the financial remuneration for scientists and educational institutions. From his words…

In the first world outside of the United States, governments pay for drugs. This question could be posed to the nations of the world, including the governments of the UK, Austria, Belgium, Denmark, Estonia, Finland, France, Georgia, Germany, Hong

Kong, Japan, South Korea, or any industrialized nation. „How much would you pay to ensure that the next big drug was introduced as a generic‟? That is all this concept really does. The manufacturers are still approved by governments by the same means. No one would have the gun to our heads because the own the patent.

The answer, for nearly any drug, would certainly be somewhere in nine or ten figures. That would be a good occasion to ask what other drugs they are interested in seeing developed, or to present ideas from drugs you currently have in development on the system. That was from one of several summary-type selections written to introduce the Open Source Pharmaceutical concept within our organization. This is well supported within his work, as well

as a thorough discourse about the legal implications of patents within the concept. What brought him to write this much about a subject like this? That hits on the attributes which make him, what he would

call, “memoir-thy”. His journaling began years before I met him. claimed that it was used to help with his memory. He always This would

include emotional memory along with the phone numbers and reminder notes to assist in recall. He did enjoy the writing. He was able to allow the piecing

together of the lion‟s share of our organization as well as this very tome. “Tome” is a word for book I learned from Peter.

I changed the font in that quote of Peter‟s just as he did in his Diatribes. The Diatribes Diatribe: Pronunciation: \‟dī-ə-,trīb\ Function: noun Etymology: He referred to his journals as “Diatribes”.

Latin diatriba, learned discourse, from Greek diatrib , pastime, lecture, from diatr bein, to consume, wear away :

intensive pref. ; see dia- + tr bein, to rub; see ter -


in Indo-European roots 1. A prolonged discourse 2. A bitter and abusive speech or writing 3. Ironic or satirical criticism Lexicographers give these definitions. You can find plenty of each within this text. The fact that the word starts with the

same three letters as the word “diary”, that diary is a word that could easily describe what he was writing, and the humorous irony in replacing one word for the other, that caused him to use “Dear Diatribe” as the salutation to begin each passage. Peter used his handheld/laptop/tablet computers to take notes on life. They were work meeting notes, grocery lists, and

letters and e-mail messages; basically everything he wanted to remember later. Only when creating his most personal writings,

did he began them “Dear Diatribe”. I once had to show people his writing, out of the necessity, to prove that he did begin EVERY section that way, not in manifesto format or instructions for his followers. have a Svengali-like following called the Tribe. That explanation to authorities was given shortly after he obtained the head of Alfred and did what he did with it. It might have been the best thing for me to lead off with that. That Diatribe doesn‟t detail how he obtained it, what he did with it or why. It doesn‟t need to. I am sure by picking this up and reading that you know what happened. It might be He did not

interesting for you to hear it in his words. The Diatribes tell a story of what someone was thinking, or at least willing to say they were thinking at key moments in

their life. In the earlier Tribes in the book, he recounts nearly every moment. Not a view people often give you. Peter never fully intended to “give” these, unabridged to the public. He did however have a life goal of achieving what he called “Memoir-thiness” or sometimes “Mem-Worthiness”.

Like many, I dream to live a life that might be of interest to someone, to be one of the names you see on spines in a bookstores biography section

Anyone can write a memoir. Very few, less than famous, diarists have been able to produce one that sparks any sort of curiosity. People buy and read memoirs of the applauded and often the biographies of the infamous. I don‟t strive for infamy, although I might be born to it, my ambitions are on the other plank. I might never, but I think framing my efforts in this way could yield positive results, that I would like to be worthy of a memoir. I call that „memoir-thiness‟. This was from a piece I found in archives that I maintained for Peter on our office servers. It is far older than where I begin the story. Peter was good at writing titles. He thought it silly to

hang a title on a piece of daily journal, but he also liked silly things. He said that he would always think of a title He claimed he would get writers He

while he was writing something.

block if he were to title a piece, then try and write it. never paged back up to the top for titling.

He put the title

somewhere in the middle of the text.

I kept things that way.

Peter Kosinski is just short of thirty five years old at the opening. I had started graduate school at the University Of

Chicago and landed a job as a Systems Administrator at a new AIDS Research Center run by Dr. Richard Gehardstein. I reported to Geeta Patel, she was in charge of the Center‟s operations. Geeta was Peter Kosinski‟s wife. He came into the picture seven months into my time there. The following selections of Diatribe are in chronological order. They are from the time that Peter met Dr. Richard Gerhardstein. Gerhardstein had been tasked by his mentor to look into some of Peter‟s Diatribe writing. Specifically, he wanted

to know about an Open Source Pharmaceutical Concept he had written hundreds of pages on. He said the purpose of this writing was a possible Masters Thesis. I think he would have written things like that He did not submit it to

regardless of his educational plans. our University.

I am not sure whether he actually planned to.

Dear Diatribe; O! Let me not be mad, not mad, sweet heaven; keep me in temper; I would not be mad! notice I didn‟t cite that quote? That‟s Shakespeare; and don‟t consider this a citation of the source; I just give him mega-dittos. I quote him all the time; need I be carrying the damned yoke of citation? I learned this from a cousin. It‟s not that he directly expressed the design to me; he just practiced it. In an e-mail he spouted his opinions about a possible US Military action. least saber rattling which he said was justified. His words didn‟t give any feeling of originality. I did a quick search on exact phrases. Not his thoughts at all. They came, nearly word-for-word from America‟s best-known right wing, AM Radio Carnival Barker. I found that his followers never grant citation when quoting him. There is a sense that “He says exactly what I would say”. So there really is no need. It‟s like this as I see it. If I were to sit out on a sweltering August day with my good friend Al, he might say “Damn it‟s hot!” Am I then relegated to MLA or APA style if I too At

mention the heat? Do I need footnotes? Citing him makes it sound like I don‟t agree, or might not agree. I‟m on the same page with King Lear in the above line, and this actual speaker is fictional. By this model, when you get the chance to speak to the poobah you should verbally offer “Mega-Dittos” as a form of oblation. Dittos refer to quotation marks; Mega-Dittos provide enough punctuation to cover their whole rap sheet of petty grammatical sins. What if my buddy Al were to speak of his suspicions that the reason Russia didn‟t support the American preemptive war was that AK-47 rifles were both made in Russia and used by the upcoming enemy? He wouldn‟t say that, but what if he did? How is that different from “Damn, It‟s hot”? I could say the machine gun thing the same way. Somos simpatico I would just like to offer up my Mega-Dittos to the Bard of Avon. He says the exact same things that I would. The difference is … … his wording is different, his words aren‟t in the same order and they sound more Elizabethan than mine do. Not that my words aren‟t at all, I have been known to speak in same poetic

sixteenth century style. quoting Shakespeare.

That however is usually when I am

Our thoughts are still the same. They are

probably the same because his stuff has become a standard in its more than three hundred years on the page, stage, and screen and even in Diatribes written by crazy crackers in Chicago. That bloke is a language-wide standard for thought and comparison. Billy, you‟ve got dittos to spare. No citations for you! You have too many already! Share the wealth Willy! ----------When writing in a journal, by definition, one should discuss the goings on of the day. I do love to rant here and there. And there, and there It‟s been a week and I am still trying to face up to the fact that I‟ve been shit-canned. That‟s not actually true, not in the most technical sense. I was a contractor. I have been for a few years now. The reason that companies hire contractors is

so they can shit-can them at any time. I guess that‟s the beauty of it. It‟s a relationship with an open door to dump someone and not feel bad about it.

Things are different for Geeta. If my wife were in a position where she was a contractor, she would evoke such love and adoration from anyone, doing any job, it would be impossible to show her the door. Someone reading this might think that I am singing her praises. I guess in a way I am, but if you could hear me saying it out loud, it would be more evident that I see something disingenuous in those who consistently win over others. Now I will be gig hunting like a whirling dervish. With all of the technical, cyberspace bullshit that I have access to nowadays, the daily employment quest is at a maximum of about two hours. So you would expect that I would be able to really get our apartment in shipshape during the remaining eight or so hours I have, while Geeta is gone. That would not be taking into account all of the neurotic silliness that a man is socially indoctrinated to engage in. You must work, and if you don‟t <Here, my prospective reader is invited to go into something about your penis being short or non-existence. Fill in yourself> This daily assembly of a cognitive bricolage can sap as much inertia as Geeta‟s full-time job and three graduate classes.

You would think there‟d be some respect for all of shvitzing I am required to do. Even with her progressive multicultural orientation, estrogen seems to block any sympathy from her. To her, I guess. I‟m just being lazy. “Do you know that you really have to find work soon, or we will fall behind on bills?” Really? … No shit? I was completely unaware. I just fret so much over the fucking ugliness of our sofa all day that I miss the basic circumstance of existence. I hate that sofa!!! I am shamelessly mocking her with the sofa line. She has told me that she „hates‟ that sofa. I can understand that. I only need to do is relate the way that she feels about our sofa to the way that I feel about racism, disease, and various forms of injustice, that kind of thing. We are going to dinner her boss‟s house. I get to meet the distinguished Dr. Gerhardstein. ”I‟ve told him all about you, he‟s really interested in meeting you, I told them about your open-source drug thing”.

Lately I‟ve been in the Franz Kafka self-esteem club (thanks Woody), I guess I‟ll gain confidence talking to some overeducated, overachieving, self-actualized sort. It will give me a break somewhere between my dread of night and dread of not night. Tribal Title: MEGA-KAFKA-DITTOS!!!! From a notebook he kept nonetheless. This job that she has is the kind of thing that you get when you have a daddy at Harvard. Another guy from Harvard, this Gerhardstein, got hired by the University of Chicago to start an AIDS research center. I‟m surprised they don‟t have one already. This guy is an M.D. and has a Ph.D. in biochemistry. I‟m hoping to get out if this thing early. Von Freeman is a great old tenor man, kind of sour, in a bluesy sort of way, while playing bop. He is playing that night. Geeta saw it on the calendar on my phone and bemoaned my interest. She wouldn‟t go. She has before, but we have always left early. I don‟t leave early. Nor do I get anywhere late for that matter. Perhaps I am wound a bit tighter than I should be. But I have a real mellow vibe when I am on time. For me there is a lot of tension in the car or train to

some horribly crowded neighborhood worried that I won‟t get a table. Why would I do that? If I were early, they have drinks there; they have a decent pianist long before the act comes on. That is relaxing. There; … I‟m good. In this town, being prompt will cost you a few dollars, but “that‟s how they get ya”. My ex… Let‟s call her my former love flame chicky, she didn‟t go that way. those. When I would push to be on time, she would fondly reminisce about times when she was late. How she showed just at the right time to meet the band or something. Hang out with them, had a great time. Oh … and fucked them. So being late can be magical. From the reading of these last few lines; you‟d probably call me a punctual and surly bastard. I‟m being nice about this boss meeting. Gerhardstein, by the way, is really all one word. I guess I am going to meet this kraut of hers. The Germans are nice people one on one. Together they tend to rally. She wasn‟t my wife, I‟ve had but one of

Dear Diatribe; We have our dinner at the Gerhardstein‟s tonight. I was

all dolled up for dining with the swells by three o'clock, when I got a call from my friend Sam, here in Chicago, telling me he had sired a baby boy. morning. A healthy Stanford was born late this

He weighed both pounds and ounces.

We have just one stop to make before our heading over to her bosses place. This Diatribe was headed out to dinner. Diatribe was going, it ain‟t gonna go. Where this

Dear Diatribe; We have the rare occasion for a midday re-Tribe. Sometimes Let

something can happen where I want to put in its own space. it breathe, I suppose. It might be something I want to move

around and use somewhere else. We dashed off to Rush Hospital to visit Sam and Lauren; the new parents. We came into the room where Lauren was in the She had Stanford,

bed, adjusted upward in a sitting position. their beautiful new son in her arms.

Sam sat at the head of the

bed with his arm around his wife. They were both gazing with a love and amazement that I have never known. sappy. Those are the only words I have. Yes, it is quite

My friends didn‟t marry young and didn‟t produce unplanned pregnancies for some reason. copulation. This was not for lack of

I haven‟t analyzed scientifically, but I believe

the women we found amenable to fornication were a major factor in it. Nonetheless; Sam is the first father of my peer group.

Our good friend Josh and his wife Suzanne walked in a minute later. They were followed by our most successful

musician friend; a folk-inspired singer-songwriter by the name of Willy Porter. Sam mixes sound for him.

Josh, Willy, the wives and I were silent. thirties, and none yet parents.

All of us in our The silence

This was a moment.

and reverence was broken after a minute or two. Suzanne, who is a good friend and co-worker of Lauren‟s, was holding a small bag from Walgreen‟s drug store. She handed it to Lauren.

She said “I got your cuticle cream” I was aghast.

Cuticle cream? That‟s manicure stuff, fingernail shit. I reared back and

said “Cuticle Cream, what the hell is that for?” The two ladies had just begun a joyful girl-talk session. They stopped and glared at me with scorn. look as their eyes burned through me. before turning back to her confidant. “It‟s for my nipples” Oh, sorry, I didn‟t know. Wish I hadn‟t… I realized that they didn‟t ruin our perfect moment. did. I I gave a questioning

Lauren replied curtly

Tribal Title: Nipples before Dinner “I got the cuticle cream” was just the continuation of a previous conversation. A deeply personal conversation between

two ladies who I respect and whose respect I value. Every woman you know, every friends wife has them. If you

are a decent sort of person, you never think about them; let alone involve yourself in a bosomptuous repartee when speaking with them. Nipples, that is To be clear; you are speaking with the women, not the nipples. Don‟t speak to the nipples at all.

I walked in loud and rude on a sequestered moment of boobbaring privacy. Two male friends are nearby, I can see them, I was in a room of

but they are not really in the same room. shame.

After violating the sanc-titty of a friend‟s wife, we

took our leave. Willy gave a wave and said “Take care of each other”. is a signature closing phrase for him on stage. That

In my current

horrified embarrassment, I somehow took it as an insult. We parked the car and hurried over to the Gerhardstein‟s.

Embarrassment can mushroom in your own head. their reaction.

I exaggerate

I don‟t do that for effect, this text tells of Sometimes I still

what I was actually thinking at that moment.

write thoughts in the past tense when I know how crazy they were. If I want this to one day be a memoir, I should make I will have to think of that if I ever

myself look good.

achieve memoir-thiness. There was nothing more than that glare at me when I think about it. It was a dumb question. It wasn‟t to me. Now I want

to know why you put cuticle cream on nipples. anyone… Is it self-applied…

I can‟t ask

I hope someday I will overhear. What a guy is me

Now I have titty jokes, in my diatribe.

Dear Diatribe That titty man is back again The evening completely blew away expectations. This Gerhardstein is somewhere in his 60s; his back and neck are very noticeably stiff; the stiffness is far more exaggerated by the fact that his goddamn name is Gerhardstein. He is not the kind of man that emanates warmth; not at first glance anyway. There was something to see though if you were looking. I was looking because Geeta set me up for it. There was a tone in her descriptions of him, the source of which I wanted to see. Helen is his wife. She is sassy and he responded with a

knowing grin that speaks volumes about his own impish nature. Something in that made me smile and want to know more, even beyond my wife‟s encouragement. One of the Chopin Nocturnes was playing when we walked in, which I recognized and commented on. Chopin! … Horowitz? He says “no”, and the music stopped as he gestures toward his entering wife. Mrs. Gerhardstein you play beautifully.

One of the Nocturne‟s is impressive enough. She asked if I played. question I like to answer. No, I can‟t play any more" Geeta‟s hand comforted me for a moment. "Did you have a broken heart son?” So, Tribe, how do I answer that one? No, I just really can‟t play anymore. It‟s a physical thing. I still know where all the notes are, I just can‟t play them like I used to. She backed off that line of questioning, and turned to see Geeta. She greeted her like a lifelong friend. That was odd, You and I know that isn‟t a

and endearing. Geeta lifted her right hand to greet her, with her left, she grabbed you Tribe, my vade mecum. She wanted to

keep us apart during dinner conversation. Don‟t take it personally; she just doesn‟t understand what we have together. Fuck, I don‟t understand what we have together. We have only words Tribe. Dinner was nice. A baked trout with shiitake mushrooms. Shiitake have a distinct taste, but plate presentation with such

an ingredient is a key. You wouldn‟t dice them, regardless of the gustatory value of the small pieces. There needs to be, and were, long cuts that scream “SHIITAKE”. It is the way to go. I assume it was made by one of them, complemented as such. However there was no sign of sweat and labor from preparing the meal. Could be like a cooking show, maybe it was done for them. I think it‟s best to assume that they did. Is it assuming the best to say they did? noble. It was good. The night got me thinking that the Geet and I should be hanging out with a set in their late sixties and early 70‟s. The dinner conversation sparkled. Then it challenged me a bit. Ah, to have erudite conversation with the well-read and well-spoken. Something we need to have now and again. Either this Gerhardstein was excited to meet me, or is a really phony bastard. I cower at his bona fides. “What is it that you do?” “Tell me more about your work?” You‟re a doctor who runs an AIDS Center! What is my meaningful contribution to the planet? I‟m office fodder sir; may I fax something for you? He kept asking and I had to keep Purchasing the best might be just as

bringing it back to. You are the one who‟s interesting here!! The mass of men enjoy a precious privacy in the fact that nobody gives a shit about them. Especially your betters, you don‟t want them interested in you at all. Could there be another reason than scorn prompting them to ask? I don‟t know if I have mentioned it didn‟t go that way. I got a really different take on him than I do on the fustier members of the “Greatest Generation”. He actually spoke to me like we were contemporaries. I enjoyed that; nervous as I was, it made me comfortable. He wanted to know about my work. He‟d heard of Linux and was interested in this “free stuff”. OK So I started telling them about open source projects I had used. He was a lot more interested than what you would expect. Whenever I get into it beyond “Computer work” with someone of his age, they quickly begin nodding knowingly when it is clear they are not understanding, just bored or frustrated with me for speaking over their head. I do try not to talk above them.

This man who is clearly my better was very interested. He spoke up when he didn‟t understand, but was quickly righted; his wife Helen as well. Tribal Title: Better than Me Helen is on a constant riff with comedic social commentary and a bit of an edge. The magnetism to that type of humor had me at once. Her witticisms were often laced with uproarious

double-entendre. In many professions, there is a seriousness that ends up being displayed in a way that is distant, stuffy, often brusque and curt. Gerhardstein sure looks that way. Look at the aforementioned stiff back and you start to categorize the doc in a detached, serious, scientific phylum, but he is a man lucky enough to be paired with lady that causes you to take your hand out of that drawer. Knowing about the cranium that this guy is sporting, then having it dawn on me “if she loves him, he must be all right”; he ends up as a pretty intriguing fellow. I still kept wondering why he was so interested in what I did. The interest was directed; it wasn‟t merely friendlinessbased. Seemingly out of nowhere, he pipes in with “so I hear you‟re

like Von Freeman?” Well, yeah he‟s playing tonight. “I heard; do you wanna get high with me?” He was referring to a club in Wicker Park called “Get Me High Lounge”. It was getting on about 8:00 or 8:30, I had thought that one of the benefits of dining with a couple in that stage of life was that I would get out in time to go check out the gig I wanted while they counted sheep. Who would‟ a thunk we would be headed out together? As it turns out, Geeta knew about it the whole time. He was really interested in some things. We took his car up the Kennedy to the club. He knew of it, it was a place he had sought out for some jazz when he came to town. Particularly he wanted to find traditional bop or some kind of neo-bop (Bop is Bebop, by the way). Both of those are what you hear at the “Get Me High”. The one big club he had known in Boston was for the highbrow connoisseur; it‟s not that he wouldn‟t have fit in. Chicago‟s Jazz offering was on a side street in a residential neighborhood. The area is gritty and at least looks working class. It is quite fashionable nowadays. Lunchbox-types built most of Chicago. The areas they did the best jobs on are the modish costly haunting of a distinctly white-collar community. We settled in at a table in the club and I went to the bar for drinks. We had wine at dinner; there would not be too much indulgence. They wouldn‟t be allowed to “get us high”. I however

did start with a Bombay martini, up with extra olive, for him a glass of port. He eyed my tall glass and its eight or nine ounces with a palpable disdain. So I got water back and let my gin sit and lose its chill, the only attribute that makes it a martini. „Martini-ness‟ might be the term for one who was attempting taxonomy in the tradition of Aristotle. That look he gave my gin had me begin to understand this was a business meeting of sorts. Is it an informal job interview? I don‟t know. He had more to talk about; dinner certainly didn‟t cover it. The band probably won‟t start for half an hour. A lady was at the piano. She wasn‟t the opening act. At this club, they present ambient house tones. She played a lot of standards which had both of us singing a line or two. He produced some papers from his breast pocket. A stapled document folded lengthwise. With the addition of some reading glasses, he was off into these pages. He read for a minute of two longer than you would think if what he was looking at was for discussion with me. I settled back and watched the pianist work the keys. He began abruptly “your wife honored me with your treatise on open source medicine”.

Treatise? You have but a few pages there. Can I see them? He handed me the document. I wouldn‟t refer to this as some kind of pronunciamento. I remember this. I wrote that about two years ago. It was to be the introduction, or part of the opening chapter of what might become treatise or something of that ilk. “So this isn‟t something you are still interested in?” That was the genesis of what has been my obsessive compulsion for the last couple of years. …I couldn‟t really define it with that document right now. “What have you been doing with this lately then?” The idea‟s just a lot more expanded. I grabbed the Tribe from my bag. I had to tell him that it is a tablet PC. I have a keyboard, but it is most handy for occasions like this. It‟s a big PDA really. I turned you on, he saw a SUSE Linux logo as you booted, and he pointed and gave a nod. He broke out laughing after it

booted. Because of the lengthwise tabloid orientation of the screen, I had mocked a fitting image for the wallpaper. It was based on the famous photo of the rat pack in front Of the Sands Hotel. I had cut out and replaced each of the member‟s noggins. Actually I left Dino‟s in place, but in my reality I served as chairman. Dino and I stood to the left of the group. Sammy Davis is replaced by The Mahatma Gandhi, Albert Einstein took the place of Peter Lawford and Leonardo Da Vinci was cast in the role of Joey Bishop. Gehardstein, believe it or not, was interested to some extent in me personally, professionally and intellectually. Perhaps it was a bit early for me to be showing my eccentricities. I‟ll take his laugh as a good sign. Although it is a lesson that is taught to me often; someone laughing at you is no indication of a positive opinion about anything other than your sense of humor or that you are amusingly foolish. “I‟m glad to see that you possess enough confidence to take Ole Blue Eyes position in this pack of yours; I dare not ever refer to The Mahatma or Einstein as rats. If they were vermin, I say pass the cheese.” Amen That was the only reply I can think of.

I opened up the document I had been writing about open source pharmaceuticals. At this point, as you know well Tribe, the edited version totals three-hundred and twelve pages. pages have weighed you down for years now. These

These three-hundred

and twelve are the distilled version of what probably totals over a thousand I have written. want others to view. I distill by pulling out what I I‟ve always

It is distilled, not edited.

expected that any serious interest in the idea would likely be garnered post-mortem. I never thought about how to react if someone serious really wanted to know about it. As I opened the items of interest on the Tribe, he watched carefully. The band began to setup and sound check. I was hoping not to offend by making it look like a Starbucks type venue where the portable computing device is the focus for so many. A jazz club certainly is not that sort of locality; it‟s not that it couldn‟t be. Since the fifties, they are not a common

meeting place. There are some of us who dream of an existence where joints like this were so numerous that it would be a casual and regular thing that you were at all the time and they were called “joints”. No matter what you would be doing, there would be some cats working. In Mexico, it‟s like that with mariachis. It‟s a regular profession, they are needed everywhere. That is Mexico‟s music, jazz is ours, and I wish it

worked in a similar way. The interest from Gerhardstein peaked my enthusiasm. I had to talk about it. At dinner it was just talking about open source stuff I do at work, here he wants to know about the ideas I wax about to my most intimate friends; namely Geeta and you Tribe. I had to ask him Where does your interest in this come from? I‟ve not shared my ideas with that many, no one of your stature. Nobody outside

of my own carcass has given more than a passing glance. “I am an AIDS researcher” was his matter-of-fact reply. I'm aware of that, sir “Good!” he laughed. “A man needs to take an interest in his wife‟s work” “I have a big speech to give that I‟m woefully unprepared for.” “This document of yours speaks to the major concern of anyone dealing with the disease on a global scale” “Drug prices are part of every reason why we cannot treat

patients we have now.

They are also a major part of what slows

research for the future” Alright then, I can give you plenty of material for that speech; where are you giving it?” “Barcelona” Sounds nice, I‟ve never been there. I began showing him my work. The documents, I told him, were something I would print for him to view later on his own. I opened them just to show him their length. Leaving him, I‟d suppose, unsure whether I was brilliant, long-winded, OCD, or involved in a sinister plot to bore him. I wanted to move onto a couple of things I had written, in the computer software sense, while learning java programming. These are programs, not pogroms; I wasn‟t trying to bore him into leaving, it was no forced march. I had built a webpage, which I had saved on the Tribe. It is a mock up of what I would expect a system for an open source drug interest would look like. Medicine: Open and Evolving was the name on a logo I created. He complemented that he really liked it. It is in no way professional, it isn‟t much of a logo

at all. I started a presentation, not just jawing with him, a real dog and pony show. I have to thank the Tribe for bringing those animals. In my demo, I use an open source molecular modeling tool. I put it on a web page in a first try to see if drug developers could collaborate remotely. It draws these bubbly-

looking atoms that you can move around and manipulate. To exacerbate the possibility that he would think I am a bonkers, the molecule I pulled up by default, was Fluoxetine (shown here). name for Prozac. Gehardstein pipes right in with “I thought this was just a theory of yours, are you developing your own SSRI?” I laughed, trying consciously not to do so like a madman. SSRI, a bit of pharmacology that many have become aware of, stands for Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor. Listen! Listen closely Prozac That‟s the generic

I have heard you have to listen to Prozac. The drug itself makes no noise unless you shake the bottle. We can take the mean of that as “Listening to” (the word) “Prozac”. Just say it, or have it said to you. That reminds me of something. Geeta bought a bottle of hair product that is labeled “Clarifying Shampoo”. would do just that for her in the bathroom. “Shampoo; that is what it is called” Shampoo is a liquid soap you use on your hair”. I did that until I was asked to stop. The way any good funnyman does with his material. In the genesis of this idea, I realized that to develop it further, I would certainly need to learn something about chemistry, microbiology, pharmacology and be able to distinguish my ass from a whole in the ground. Those sciences and ass thing were a big part of this. But all of that is already being done by people allover the world. There are drugs and people develop them; with science. Organizational structure, collaborative process and legal standing are the new things in this writing. In the two years since I thought of this I have spent about 80% of my time on those three aspects. Those create documents, typing. Every morning I

I talked some theory and I showed him how the molecular modeling piece worked. What I did here was take a bunch of generic drugs, and mapped their molecules out in the application as if they were new drugs developed by yours truly. I showed him a few more molecules, medicines, but not ones for psychological conditions. It was probably best to show my interest as broader than what might be seen as seeking an elixir for my own mental woes. The band took the stage, he was still full of questions, and really keyed up by all we had discussed. He is moving toward some real belief in open source medicine, at least that is how it seamed. It must have sounded like a specious concept to him at first. He is impressed with my research into all the speciousness. Allow me to advocate the devil. Does his interest mean that my ideas or good? Or have I hit on that Orwellian maxim

“There are some ideas so wrong that only a very intelligent person could believe in them.” I am quoting Orwell, with proper dittos. controls my actions. “Big Ditto”

Dr. Richard Gehardstein I am the aforementioned stiff, Dr. Richard Gerhardstein. As you have read, I lack warmth unless you view me with my wife. Don‟t be surprised if you feel a bit of a chill. Gerhardstein is all one word, my middle name is not Gerhard, and my surname is likewise not Stein. You have just read an enjoyable and largely This

accurate account of my first meetings with Peter Kosinski.

having taken place prior to his introduction to Peter, Miles has asked me to write this section. I had never heard that Orwell quote before. If someone had enlightened me by the time, I might have reconsidered my enthusiasm. I might have retired when my wife wanted me to. During those weeks, I had been spending much of my time in the office and far too much time at home preparing to give an address at the International AIDS Conference in Barcelona. It was to be a keynote, or I was called a “major speaker”. the “Scientific Keynoter”. Of course, anyone speaking at a major international event might suffer some anxiety. I had spoken at several by that time; a flop sweat was not one of my worries. I had come to Chicago to open this research center; an I was

offer that was agreeable to me. It worked financially; it put me in a position where I could build the whole works in the image I saw. Nothing at Harvard worked exactly that way. It never does.

I needed to prove myself as Chicago‟s great white hope. I needed to do that quickly. Using my name, University of Chicago had funded the opening; of what they were calling, a top notch research facility. It is not named after me. My name was

supposed to give it some prestige in the scientific community. These conferences, like this Barcelona affair I addressed, are biennial events. It would not have been possible to establish something in the research community during the time in between this one and the next. My good name would not have carried budgets till a Bangkok colloquium two years hence. In theory any way, I had to make a big bang. I had spoken at that same conference two years prior about some drug cocktail improvements I developed. That forum was in

Durban, South Africa. It was called a shining moment for me. It was written that I had presented the best treatment research to date. This was positioning me to be a part of

whatever the next big thing would be.

Then, I was in Durbin, where the disease is a far more glaring part of existence, and I was talking about the development of treatments that no one in all of South Africa could afford. Now there‟s been some fruit from the protocols I introduced there. For those in the world who can afford them, a little bit easier time dying. There is little comfort where the most people get sick. I could and did say at the time that our research was largely futile due to market conditions. There was little money for University research. Private drug research was a lot better funded for conditions that afflict the more affluent. Those for-profit interests in the AIDS industry hold a gun to the head of the dying Africans. You would think some introspection might stop this long before they uttered “gimme your dough” to an emaciated waif and the flies buzzing around them. I can still rant about this, as it‟s not yet over. There is one piece of that I must explain first. By „more affluent‟ I was referring to those more affluent than co-humans in Sub-Saharan Africa. You can consider American Homeless in the

„more affluent‟ category. I was thrilled when Miles gave me this piece of Tribe to read, a bit nervous and duty bound when he asked me to annotate the section. Tribe is diatribe in case you hadn‟t gathered. I saw the salutation to his imaginary friend that night in the bar. “Dear Diatribe” I liked it. I thought it was clever. He occasionally in passing referred to his poor short-term memory as a reason for constant note taking. Socially he pulled off an acceptance from most that he was always writing, and looking like he might be ignoring you. This “tablet” he had was a laptop computer that comes apart. You can use just the screen with a stylist, or type with the keyboard. Being a trained pianist, no matter what he did with

that skill at the time, he preferred a keyboard. He often looked like he might be a reporter. This instilled enough fear in many to see it as a breach in etiquette. Is the stylus mightier than the sword? We had that machine on in the Get Me High jazz club without

umbrage. I had become fascinated with the open source pharmaceuticals concept. My Oxford mentor, Malcolm Blythe,

thought I should base my entire speech on it. I first read of this a few months previous when Malcolm told me that Geeta‟s husband “had this idea” that was very interesting. “Having an idea” is something you might discuss over a drink. He was not a name thinker; he wasn‟t in any sort of position of influence. He had recently been left without any sort of position at all. Malcolm asked me to read some of this theory from Geeta‟s husband and give it a cursory vetting. Malcolm‟s orders. suggestions now. Sangeeta had given me that short synopsis document we discussed in the bar. It was well written. It seemed to cover the major points of what would need be cover had someone wanted to pursue that type of venture. I spent hours thinking through it. It was very abridged, but I could see that he had at least a sentence to cover each point I could think of. This guy, who dashed off this „treatise‟ as I called it, was someone I wanted to meet. I was intrigued by the fact that he wrote down all his ideas. People have ideas outside of their I always follow

So many do, that they he only give

areas of expertise all the time. Peter had sensed that this was a good one. I agreed with him. I thought should get his due. He was clearly shocked hear that someone like myself would find it so affecting. I‟ve never have had the chance to recount this meeting in such detail. It does lend credence to the memory-jogging aspect of journaling. When I tried to recall myself, my memories weren‟t nearly as detailed; mine were wrong in several places. To answer his question; it was not a job interview that night. It didn‟t become one for a couple of days. I was going to see a jazz show, and listen to something from Peter that I was interested in. It was very germane to the topics I was to

discuss in Spain. These Diatribes of his are very accurate, although often limited by perspective. There is but one thing I wish to challenge in this bit of Tribe. I am not going to challenge

really; I will add my perspective which gives a far clearer view of where Sangeeta fits in, and therefore why the meeting took place. I am speaking of the “daddy at Harvard” bit. Dr. Rajeev Patel is Sangeeta‟s father. He is in Endocrinology at Mass

General, an instructor of Harvard Med Students. Dr. Patel and I

met at an MGH Research Committee meeting in mid 1982. He was new there at the time. We crossed paths regularly; we always chose seats near each other, agreed on variety of issues, had some nice talks. At that time we didn‟t yet have something I would call a friendship. Not until his second year in Cambridge, he was invited to a fete for medical instructors at the Faculty Club on the square. Helen and I had brought our three children, as the invitation had specified that families were welcome. Phillip, our eldest, was thirteen; Kristin was ten and Amy nine. Rajeev walked in and scoped the unfamiliar crowd until he saw me. The energized grin that I had come to identify him sprung forth as he pointed me out to his wife and rushed her over. We met Rani and exchanged introductions. Through the crowd I hadn‟t seen that they had ten-year-old Sangeeta in tow. When her mother turned to introduce her, she was already laughing with Kristin and Amy. To correct Peter, it was actually Kristin who introduced me to Sangeeta later that afternoon at a table in front of the club. Sangeeta was a close friend of all three of my children until each of them were grown and moved away. She is still in

touch with Kristin in Columbus Ohio and has visited Amy, the future fashion icon, on trips to New York. She was a regular fixture in my home. Always bright, always inquisitive, the key to Geeta‟s intelligence must have been asking the right questions. I believe my daughters gained from their friendship with her. Shortly before coming to Chicago, I ran into her father. He informed, or reminded me (I didn‟t remember, but I must have known.) that Geeta was living there and pursuing an MBA at the University. I was absolutely thrilled. Peter‟s claim that her father got her the job is way off the mark to me. I would have been crushed if I found that she had another job and didn‟t want to work with me. I asked her father for her phone number at lunch. He said

he would get it to me. When he hadn‟t called my house by the terribly late hour of 6:30pm, I called Kristin to get this started. Kristin hadn‟t spoken with Geeta in a month or more. Knowing far more than I did about her school-work-insurancemoney situation, she said it was likely she would be interested in working for me.

My recruitment zeal was burnished by Helen. When I came home I asked “Did you know Geeta lives in Chicago?” She nodded knowingly. Geeta and Helen have a special relationship, of which, I know the outlines, not the intricacies of feminine discourse. The pivotal time in their friendship came when our family mourned and attempted active support roles when Geeta‟s Mother passed away. Geeta was just sixteen years old. During her last days, Rajeev and I spoke about his wife Rani, but it was limited to terms like Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. I could get as far as putting an arm around him during the worst of things. I probably comforted him most by erecting the ivy-covered wall of academic disassociation and standing behind it with him. Geeta spent nearly every moment outside Mass General with my girls. Helen was easily one of the girls. No surprise, she is six years younger than I am, but I don‟t think age is the driving factor there. She offered the needed support for Geeta which binds them to this day.

There was nothing in the way of nepotism; not by the standard definition. It would be a real shame if this type of Keeping close contact with

networking were to be frowned upon.

the finest people you meet is a cornerstone for any good manager. I don‟t believe that I could have found better than There is however, something to be said

Sangeeta had I looked.

for the benefits of growing up around those of academic or professional achievement, and Sangeeta did have that in her favor. Peter‟s Diatribes also must be read understanding that they reflect momentary moods. He had career challenges at that time.

It is not unlikely that there would be some jealousy of one who did not.

Dear Diatribe; One thing I am sure you have noticed Tribe. More than most, Gerhardstein is amiable to me bringing you into the relationship. Our Geeta rarely allows the Tribe to come between us. This time, I spent the whole day working with Richard. I can call him that, Helen told me so. He said right away “So you bring that thing everywhere, how do people react?”

Not so well, I have to put it down sometimes. Figuring that I might as well be honest, I showed him the recording software. Tell him that he might have been, or is to

be recorded, but disguise it as a computer tutorial. I just set the machine down and push this button to record. They don‟t know that I am archiving their words, yawns and belches. So, that‟s illegal. I need to stop doing it really. I‟ll do that after New Year‟s, when I quit smoking, lose weight, and start eating right. “Does the recording do you much good?”

I am paranoid about forgetting something important. There is voice recognition software called Nuance, it doesn‟t work that well. It allows me to edit instead of retyping

it all. It does a shitty job really. In fact it won‟t get the word “shitty”; that will cause it to slow down on memory and the next three or four minutes won‟t even be usable.

The software is from a job I worked a while back. So this is illegal recording on pirated software. I can turn it off if you like. Then Get This, Tribe!!! He approves of my recording!

“Leave it on, I think it‟s interesting.”

OK, I will just edit this together tonight. (That is now. What sort of tense would this be referred to as?

I am doing that. There‟s a There are

whole bunch more than just past, present and future. ones like poo-perfect. I don‟t think it is that.)

There was to be more than a jazz show and chatting in this visit. On this second day with Gerhardstein, he was concerned mainly with questions about Open Source Pharmaceutical Development in practice. I won‟t just straight up transcribe, as that isn‟t Tribe-like. like this. “Have you even thought about the difficulty this would present in practice? What are the processes? What steps one would have to take?” It felt like he was saying something

Dare I say yes? I had thought about it.

I handed over three hundred and twenty two pages I had printed for him. I had thought of these things. Those pages were the lion‟s of the edited portion of written about the theories. He went back and forth from deep interest in what I showed him and skeptical interrogation of the efficacy of my … Is it a proposal? Certainly not I don‟t see myself as trying to sell him on this idea, like I was grant writing or in an interview. He does however have far more interest in it than I, or anyone, would expect. Then, what would I expect? At first, he probably just had a curiosity about something my wife told him. He wanted to be nice, being interested is nice. Maybe it was the only thing he found the least bit interesting about what she had discussed about me. I know he likes Geeta a lot, and not in any sort of unseemly fashion. His wife seems to like her just as much. She has known them for a long time. People would immediately say “she is like a daughter to

both of them”. I don‟t think they would say that, mostly because of how cliché a phrase that is. He wanted to continue the discussion on from our dinner, and he really wanted to hear some jazz. I can understand that. On the same note that being interested is part and parcel of being nice; he was remaining interested in something about me that might hold the attention of someone like him. The third level of interest that I ascertained was when he told me about this big AIDS conference address he was to give. That was the level that actually both made me feel the honor and justification of his intrigue; it also assuaged my suspicion of his authenticity. At that point, I am thinking I might provide him with some portion of his speech. I don‟t have an idea of immediate value to the AIDS research community. If this Open Drug thing were a reality, someday, it could produce some kind of AIDS drug. I doubt he would be up to jump on trying to make it a reality. Like me, he probably just wants to inspire. That‟s what good speeches do. Now we come to the point in our second session of conversation where he begins questioning the plausibility of the

entire concept. I am willing to suffer this questioning for a while. Hell; he is my wife‟s boss and my livelihood in the onagain-off-again epic of my consultancy. I will entertain these questions until they stop for some reason, or until my Geeta tells me to stop. It is kind of off-putting, but I doubt I will mention this to her. She could get really unpleasant. She is real excited that I met him and his wife and I said he liked me. a negative vibe, it ruins the whole thing for her. I don‟t know what the hell this kraut wants from me. He says he likes my ideas, but does he really? Conceivably he really wants to run with my pipe dream. By the nature of pipe dreams then, it becomes his. I am used to advocating Lucifer for myself on the plausibility within my Tribal content. It seems Satan has Gerhardstein on retainer now. Traitor! I knew he was a serpent when I picked him up. I make a joke, to myself, in my own diatribe about being a “devil‟s advocate”. I take that joke a few steps out and repeat If I raise

it a couple of times. If anyone gave a good god damn what I wrote in these things, to them I am deranged Satanist. That would cast an interesting light for folks on my religious ambiguity. I don‟t actually worship the great Abrahamic adversary. I‟d rather go for a Mara or some other religions enemy. People just don‟t understand my spiritual doctrine. I believe in god, I just think he‟s kind of an ass-clown. Gerhardstein is playing devil‟s advocate. He says he loves my wife. He is the seminal paternal figure in her Chicago life. Her own father is not nearly as warm. That is the reason enough for me to weather anything he has to dish out. This could improve my standing with Rajeev. father in law. That is my

I want to call him Raj and get him to say “Hey, The What‟s Happening program

Hey, Hey!” when he sees me.

probably had little play in India. Maybe Raj is checking me out. Fathers always sniff around their daughter‟s suitors. As a scientist, he wants me to verify that my ideas pass muster. I fear they don‟t in the way he is

used to. We worked for more than 10 hours. We started at 9am around that piano bar in his house. I held true, not attempting to beg

off until about 3:00pm or so. I have an excuse I need to check voice mail, e-mail, I have to let Pablo the dog out. There could be a couple of consulting gigs in the works. “You really don‟t need to do any of those things today” he rebuffs. “Geeta walked Pablo at lunch” “I might or might not need your services for some time”. “I hope to any way” “Either way; Geeta and I have worked out your compensation for at least a month.” I said nothing. Speechless is a possible term you could use. Dumbfounded is another. “Off my rap” is the way I would phrase it. I have a rap. I am a consultant. Take that to be a fancy term for a temp if you like, it often is that. People don‟t

always know that I do little more than temping in a profession that pays more than ones usually addressed as temps. It is better for my employers to call me a consultant, just because it justifies the bill. Not a bill paid to me. They pay somewhere between $100 and $200 and hour to companies that have never seen the need to pay me more than $50. Add it up and fifty per hour is a hundred grand a year. It is a hundred and two actually. Remember to subtract the possible three months when you cannot find a gig. Take off two weeks vacation and nine or ten unpaid holidays. It is a lot less, but if you are twenty-five and healthy it isn‟t too bad. Of course you don‟t get $50 at that age. If you need to get your own insurance, but have a preexisting that makes it so you can‟t. It‟s not poverty, but not great money either. Gerhardstein hooked Geeta up with something like $50k, benefits and her tuition. That is a nice take home. I‟ve this rap that I am a busy consultant. I need to be in constant contact. I will have to take other calls. The truth is that I would have checked home messages if I left, but they could be checked from the mobile in pocket. E-mail and all workrelated phone calls and messages would have come straight to my hip. “Is that a consulting opportunity in your pocket or are you

just glad to see me?” He trumped all components of that rap. I hadn‟t even pulled out the mobile phone. But I did have to walk Pablo the dog? He was ahead of me on that one too. I have been at work all day and didn‟t even know it. Geeta pulled the blanket off of me at 7:30, receiving terse umbrage. She told me Gerhardstein was expecting me by nine at his house. I was bitching about nine when this was actually a gig. What a sweetheart she was for making it that late. Guys this old start everything before dawn. She wanted to make sure I was at my best. I will be forced to forgive her. She has become my

agent. She negotiated an engagement and remuneration while I was unaware. Gerhardstein is the boss, he is my wife‟s taskmaster with a possibly creepy paternal power over daddy‟s friend‟s little girl. He co-opts her husband, her family‟s schedule, and ranks above her spouse when it comes to forthright straight talk. He also has the money and the insurance to make it happen. So I say yes sir. You can perform any sort of inquisition you like into my diary. I have never called you a diary Mr. Tribe. Sorry about that.

At 3:30, after that exchange, he sensed my restlessness and decided to allow me to stretch and reinvigorate. He suggested we go for coffee. I could use some. We walked and talked for about fifteen minutes. He said that he had decided that Open Source Medicine would be the theme of his address in Barcelona. He said he planned to talk about his plans for the New Research Center here in Chicago, but that if he focused his speech on a report on his career, it would seem self-serving and the attendants would peg it right on as being a fundraising pitch. He didn‟t want to go that way, even if it was one. He does not have a new discovery to wow them with. He has some possibilities in the works, but not something that would blow away the crowd. Not having any treatment discoveries, he has nothing to publish. He wants to make sure he doesn‟t take the perish option. He sampled a fictitious speech. “Ladies and gentleman, I have left Harvard University to take a better job in Chicago”. Any one who cares already knows that. “I am building a new research facility, much like the ones a lot of you have”.

“Yawn” “Furthermore, they are going to boot me out the door unless I build a real nice one, since you are all here, I want you to come to Chicago and help me”. “I suppose tears would flow, checkbooks would be thrust upon me.” “My colleagues would say that they have come to the conclusion that my little laboratory and the clinic I haven‟t built yet are better than any other that they have built”. “I will need to offer this wedding for them to kiss, as it is the only ring that I own”. He is not as funny as his wife, but he got a couple of chuckles out of me. Now that I think about hit, he might have stolen a few lines from her for that bit. In a speech like this one, he claimed, that you need to lay out challenges. Two years ago, at the conference in Durban, South Africa, he was considered a very challenging figure. A year later he was made a Director with so many administrative duties that he is nothing but a suit dealing with budgets and marketing plans. “OK, I will be a suit” “I realize that we are lacking in fighting the disease, but

that is not what suits produce. produce just one thing.”

I am to hone my skills to

“Money, ways to get money, where money should be spent, that sort of thing” Then he stops and makes eye contact so seriously and for so long, I began to squirm. He charged into an off the cuff speech that I will try to write down as word-for-word as I can muster. Although I was squirming, my attention couldn‟t have been more complete. “Peter, your ideas are the most articulated in this area that I have heard. I want to throw them out there and see if anyone bites. I could take a lot of guff for this at the University. In case it flops, I will write it off to eccentric genius.”

I would not say genius. “That‟s fine, your wife will.” “If they jump aboard, I will need your help in getting organized. I don‟t know for how long, or in what capacity. I don‟t even know what capacity I will be taking on with it. I know I will not be fulltime. I have commitments to my

new community here that are my main concern. I could back pedal from my promise to do research through treating every AIDS patient in the city. I wouldn‟t be the first to back off of a monumental task to take on another, but I am not ready to give that up. The tension and excitement brought about by provoking altruism with this kind of intrepidity could help achieve exactly what I have aimed to get here. Good people to work with, generous donors, and repute to satisfy my bosses at U of C.” That‟s not word-for-word, I spiced it a bit, but it was just as moving. I‟m on board with that, doc. This was my inspirational quip. In a Bartlett‟s Quotations moment and this is what I say? Perhaps “witty raconteur” will not be the tagline at publication of my memoir. Damn it, I love that word. He guided us to a new coffee shop on 57th. The larger letters on its sign read “SUF”. As we walked closer I saw the acronym stood for “Stay up Forever”. It feels like I am writing at an augural moment, foretelling of that I do not know about. That is the name of the place, hell yeah, look it up.

We continued our discussion there. I was going through timelines of drug development and approval with him.

I start with the US FDA model. It is the most difficult of course, but we are in the US, so what the hell? I really don‟t envision an organization like this fighting the champ in their first outing. In the end it doesn‟t matter what country it was; it could be India, Europe or China, the first step is the same anywhere you would want to do it. You need to have an idea and document that you have researched it with other than human subjects for a minimum of three years.

Minimum is the key here. Coming in at three years makes you seem a little hurried. They will be suspicious, unless you are <censored (not profanity)> and they are in love with you. He seemed to be passing negative judgment that could be kind of final. “So what are the chances of getting something like this off the ground if you don‟t have a guaranteed good drug to start with?” He told Geeta he would pay me, whatever he is paying, for a month. Maybe I go should home now. This guy is so smart he makes my head hurt.

Sorry sir, not a lot I guess. Responds Opie Taylor

Breathe Bring Muffin to mouth Sip coffee while pointing in a way that makes it seem I am anxious to say something of great value, but can‟t say it with a full mouth. Breathe again. Feign that I had chewed and swallowed so fast trying to get my monumental thoughts out that I needed some oxygen. Use those seconds to put words together. Then speak!

It would require a commitment by the organization, and likely some sort of avoidance of enemies who lye in wait. You‟re right, the one thing that was impossible for me to take a good accounting of is the likelihood of a good enough idea coming from the academic community swiftly enough to make a splash before the organization gives up and folds. “That presents you with the greatest risks and the most difficult efforts in your whole concept”

There are some whoppers in subsequent stages, but you do have to get there. In that sense, I do agree.

“To actually make this work, you would need rarest of circumstances. You have nearly everything covered on the scientific and structural end. Neither of those are your professional specialty. I made a call last night on the legal components. You wrote over fifty pages on that.”

How did I do? “Not bad at all, the contact I had said you probably at least consulted a lawyer. He said if he was asked to write a report of that length, he couldn‟t have done better. In the end several thousand pages and a clear-cut a forest would be needed to make it happen in reality.”

Good to hear, I am glad your friend liked it. “I didn‟t even ask you I sent it around without even thinking.”

It is yours to send. It is open source. I intended no copyright on the ideas. God knows what I could or would do with one. He smiles “I guess that is true. So are you an open source guy? I mean an all-around open source guy?” I haven‟t moved to a pant-less existence. I am still hiding my underwear from publication without a publishers advance. I believe in openness as a concept.

I started my adulthood wanting to be a musician. Music is all open sources. When you hear something, depending how well you know your instrument, you can use it. If you copy it straight-up, you are kind of a hack. You have to do something with it to make it something great. Jazz or classical, you can do that. In classical you just have to do it like a hard-bopper. You have to stick to the staff. “Did you get there? Did you make something great?”

I think I got to the place that, from which you know you might get there. “I think I know what you mean. Computer work is a very different path. that curve?” People say that it is very different, I‟m not sure it is. “You didn‟t like Helen asking you about why you no longer play. What if I ask?” For you, that‟s different. You are a doctor, so you would understand completely. It needs to be mentioned though. You are a doctor, so you know what not to ask. That was more than I wanted to say. With a grip on subtext, it should be quite enough. How did you take

“So tell me about this whole, out-of-your-profession thing.” You needn‟t ignore areas outside of your experience. Everything I don‟t know lies in that territory. Everything in the stuff you‟ve read were things I didn‟t know before “I count you lucky as well as smart for being able to write something that interests me and my legal friend accepted.” Isn‟t it better to be lucky than good? “That cliché aside, you ran a risk of really making an ass of yourself by showing it to someone.”

Sangeeta showed it to you “You had intended on showing it to someone, hadn‟t you?” I don‟t know. I hadn‟t really thought about it … That’s not true. I thought about it, then I couldn’t come up with a good scenario for when and who. So then I would stop thinking about it. “So you would just write this?”

Perhaps I would?

I have been journaling into an electronic device for about five years now. The content had always been a lot more varied. I had the first scraps of this Open Source

thought two years ago. I thought the concept had some merit, but the few people I mentioned it to dismissed it right away. “On what grounds?”

I think it was mostly because I was talking out my ass. I had nothing but sparsely connected thoughts with little to back them up. People yap on ideas at that level all the time. “Go on” I just decided to make it a real idea. It‟s an Open Source idea and I do know Linux. I figured it was a start. I have seen that there are a lot of companies based on some type of information flow. Even when it isn‟t a technology company, the base of the whole thing is a database; a computer system contains the whole shooting match. Guys like me get called in to quickly become the untaught parishioners of their trades.

Two years ago I was sent to a hospital while working for a radiology systems company because the hospital asked for some radiology expertise. Would you like me to read your CT-scan? “Well, I can‟t really read one, and I have an MD”

Exactly “What made you think you could do it?” “Write a viable theory, that is?”

Didn‟t know I could. I am on cloud nine now. I feel like Da Vinci handing his notebook directly to a Larry Bell “Who‟s Larry Bell”? He‟s the founder of Bell Helicopter

Just an analogy that I thought of once It‟s related to that “Out-Of-Your-Profession thing” Tribal Title: The Bells of St. Larry

I have been into this study of great minds for about five years. I think about that Da Vinci thing a lot. “What about him”? He did a drawing in his notebook that is the same “flying machine” concept the modern helicopter is based on. So one day I wrote something in here about how Leonardo might do running a helicopter company. An artist/defense contractor “OK, I see an influence here” “A good one at that” “I am glad this attention flattered you. Any idea where you want to go with this from here”?

I think I nailed it. You are interested. If you really use in this speech of yours, I think I am done. “I guess I would just ruin the whole thing for you” You would just top it all off. It is not my life‟s ambition. “That‟s fine, but I might need some help for a while”

I am not going to stop working; this is what I do. I would be glad to help. “That‟s good to hear. We can see how it goes.” I don‟t have enough hard drive space to save the entire recording session I did with Gerhardstein. I am going to save some so I can prove to people that I helped him with the speech. To pull out the digital camera and grab a picture would have been far too tacky. I have no idea what the speech is going to do. We did come to the conclusion that it was nearly impossible to do. I agreed with him because I wasn‟t there to disagree, or be disagreeable. He really shouldn‟t have to pay me for a month for this. There is nothing for me to do once he leaves for Spain. I was feeling proud, and then I was horrified. If I get paid for a month, it will just be because he promised Geeta. “I

thought you said it was a good idea”. That is what I expect to here at home. It would be like a girl in her thirties living on money from her dad; Living in sin that is. There would certainly be emasculation for the boyfriend involved. He is not her father. He is the closest thing to it that will accept whitey being around though. That is extreme and unfair; the kind of thing I can only say to the Tribe. Because Tribe, you know all the ways that I suck and are still supportive. I did say that. It is a good idea for someone like me. For

someone like him, it is an interesting curiosity. Her dad is one of those guys; the Gerhardstein type. Did she and the Gerhardstein‟s think I was too? Bless their hearts. Not much time remained of stewing on this. Helen Gerhardstein and Geeta walked into the coffee shop together at six. Helen carried a newly purchased suit in a bag for her husband. It was purchased for his speaking engagement. She unzipped the wardrobe bag and showed us. It was from Brooks Brothers. They had gone shopping on north Michigan. There is a

whole mile of stuff there that is just, well, magnificent. If you like that kind of thing Geeta sat down with me and saw the recording software on my screen. She pushed the button. It was stopped already and she started it again. I pushed stop and it became a childish back and forth. I pointed out her error, she smiled and it stopped before embarrassment. There was a pizza place called Medici pretty much next store. We finished coffees and wandered over. A lot of “so ho did it go” came after that. I just wanted to change the subject. The other night when we were just dining together this was a relaxing and interesting conversation. I thought if I could get Helen Gerhardstein laughing, we could carry the whole thing away. She was willing to go down a humor road, but wanted to come back just as much as Geeta did. “So what‟s next for you too and your plans?” Helen takes the conversation back in the direction of dread. I am waiting for the let down. With Gerhardstein‟s polite disposition, it would be a soft and complimentary descent. That would remain well cushioned while we are here, but the longer it took to let Geeta down, the more hope she would have. The let down on her

aspirations could go from a trip off a curb to a fall from a building. “Your father will be disappointed Saneeta” Shit! He is taking it there right away, and pouring curry on the wounds. “I am going to have to call and tell him that you married well in your rebellious stage. If he takes my advice on this, your wild oats will provide sustenance for a life time”. “Helen?” She produced a bottle of wine from her oversized bag, a Ruffino Classico 99. Classico takes Chianti to a whole new level. It‟s not a terribly expensive level, but one to relax and enjoy. It is the one wine that Geeta especially fancies, that is from where my knowledge originates. I respect that they didn‟t pull out a $200 bottle of hooch. What is the challenge with finding some good stuff when you make it clear that you have two c-notes to disperse? That‟s usually clear just by looking at you. I get pointed right over to the Boone‟s Farm and Mad Dog. “As I thought he might, Peter has given me the speech I was

looking for.” He handed the bottle to our waitress and gave a circular point to indicate he wanted glasses for all. Helen and Geeta applauded, Geeta clutched my hand and smiled. Since he is leaving in a couple of days and doesn‟t have another topic in the bag, he had to go with what I gave him. I‟m happy. A months pay for two days work is as good as it gets for someone like me. It is getting late, there was more, more work to do, but at 2:00am, I don‟t trust myself to write it anymore.

Get some sleep Tribe. Being an inert digital representation of wandering thought patterns, and being virtually stored on an inanimate object, must be exhausting.

Dear Diatribe; I had hoped to sleep in against Geeta‟s wishes this morning. She woke me by nudging my shoulder with the telephone. A sad Swan Song ensued. Scott Swanson is the Swan Song, or that is what I called him when we worked together. The news, although not unexpected, was jarring. His wife had passed away. She had been ill for years. She had died six weeks ago. He was so busy, he hadn‟t thought of me at the time. Of course that wasn‟t a problem. I just really felt for him and felt guilty for not having been around myself. I sent him an e-mail two days ago about my new search for a contract gig. He is the one guy that I knew would help any way he could, feeling he owed me a bit. I had last talked to him four months ago. He called to seek my help in his own job search. He was just laid off by the company where I had been consulting when we met. I had tried to recruit him to work at the Medical systems company I was at a year ago. I had the managers excited about him. He was perfect for it, and I thought he would be a lifesaver for me some projects. The company was a startup, based in Birmingham, AL. They had some operations deep in the suburbs, near where Scott lives. He lives about fifteen miles further

out than Woodstock, IL. He told me that I should come by because Lorraine was in the hospital and would like to see me. That motivated my assistance with his employment. Health care costs would break him in more ways than financial if they lost their insurance. Luckily, I called back that Medical firm, they snapped him up. He got the job himself, but he was real appreciative about

my efforts. Years ago, his wife Lorraine had both legs amputated below the knee and she was on dialysis. Scott‟s face is not one that you are likely to see in a romantic comedy but there is quixoticism to him that is legitimately endearing. He saw her through all of it to the end. After dropping the bomb about his wife, he moved into a casual “What‟s going on with you?” What is the best thing to say there? “My friend‟s wife just died and I am a bit flustered? And the friend is you!” In the end, he was really longing for conversation with a friend. It had been six weeks and his immediate grief and sorrow were in remission. Now he was

feeling forlorn and unbefriended. I have a responsibility now; to me this is more than what I received the last night.

How can it be more though? My relationship with Geeta is clearly top priority. My work for Gerhardstein is what satisfies her erroneous conclusions that I have some value. Then again, this is hardly a conflict worth laboring over. I have gotten this far into my Tribe without addressing the topic of the day. I would say that Lorraine‟s death should be considered as the topic of six weeks ago. I just didn‟t know it was a topic then, and it needed be covered. It is almost noon; I will finish off last night with you Tribe, and then do the work (that is what last night is about) I need to do some things. Geeta produced a file folder and handed me a stack of Diatribe papers this morning from Gerhardstein. It raised my eyebrows that she was editing my Tribes for him. She has expanded that short summary doc into more than twenty pages. She also edited to make sure that it was expunged of phrases like “Need toilet paper” or “I like Jesus, It‟s just that his dad is a real prick”. Both of those were actually embedded in the pages I shared with Gerhardstein. In total, he has more than 350 pages of Diatribe. If I knew I was coming along to the “Get Me High” and he wanted them, they would have been edited and clean.

I explained it to the doc. I write every working document within my tribe. If I one day achieve memoir-thiness, I will have it all in one place. I deal with concepts like that; I think a lot of people do. Some if what I write I should keep to myself. Memoir-thiness is one of those I think. It is obvious what it means. But people start to wonder about my delusions of grandeur and that I could be crazy, but just a little quiet about it. That is a scary kind of crazy. If you just sing and scream and gnaw at you own flesh people know what to do right away. I‟ve never tried it. What if you leave them guessing? Think of someone who might be completely welladjusted or even a genius, or they could be consumed with madness that can drag you down and in with them. I think I stand there sometimes. People look at me and say things like… “Good Lord, what madness rules in brainsick men”? It‟s just that I hang out with Henry IV more than I should. Throw that in and it will break their confusion, they can think I am bat-shit insane and move on. However I don‟t really believe that I hang out with fictional characters other than you Tribe. That would just keep getting me released from asylums over and over again; therefore dragging the hospital staff along with me in my madness.

Tribal Title: Bat-Shit and Brainsick I have a variety of ways that I use to distinguish between subject matter within the Diatribes. Leaving an embarrassing passage in a dry document at work would be something that would stick with you professionally. I‟ve developed a couple of programmatic PERL scripts for the extractions. I can quickly pop out three separate documents. They are “true-Tribe.htm”, “personalbusiness.htm” and “documents.htm”. I am only set up to do this at home, which is why Gerhardstein didn‟t get the trimmed version. Like all of us, he will have to put it in the pile of reasons why he didn‟t get trim throughout his life. So the work I have to do for the next few days is basically nothing. Not much anyway. Gerhardstein is gone. There was a last minute change in schedule which, without the Swan Song phone call this morning, might have led off this D iatribe. “Plans have changed Peter; I am leaving tomorrow and starting my trip off in Paris”. Geeta questions “I didn‟t know this was for an audience with Dr. Blythe; Helen told me”, she said just beaming. He responds “Aren‟t you about due for a Blythe session Geeta?”

He said Blythe was his tutor at Oxford, where he went as a Rhodes Scholar. The Rhodes thing just screamed at me “You are so damn out of your league!” “I only have about six hours with him. diversion” said Gerhardstein. Geeta jumped in “For him, it‟s hardly a problem” She likes this guy too I didn‟t ask for any of the information here, I just had to listen. Who is Blythe? Excuse me, Dr. Blythe. Gerhardstein says, “I have forwarded what I have of my speech and some of your meanderings.” “He is excited about it, and willing to forgive you for marrying his best girl.” I am glad that this remained a mystery to me for only a minute or two. “I trust you honey, I believe in your ideas.” “However, until they were fully vetted by Dr. Blythe, I would just need to consider them a nice bit of conversation.” Is being a mere “nice bit of conversation” something to be proud of? It is an expensive

Dear Diatribe; I might be finished with this whole project. It looks short, but profitable where we stand right now. I am just going to write and sleep today. I will spend an hour getting things electronically shipped off to Barcelona, but that can wait till noon or so. This Gerhardstein thing has turned out well for me. I get

to be paid for a month, work for three days, while Geeta views me as being employed in spades. <30 minutes Pass> I put you down and you miss something. I slept a bit I need to create a marker to denote passing of time within the Diatribe. I have defined markups to parse through Diatribes; but within true Tribe content, I have none. The stream of consciousness style has its limitations for defining when consciousness or attention to the piece is lost. Nonetheless; Geeta ran back in at about 10:00am. She was in a mad rush in closets and drawers collecting things. “You are leaving, pack your toiletries” are the words I got as she rushed

about. She came back at 11:30 and handed me a printed e-ticket to go join Gerhardstein in Barcelona. This should be an exciting moment to write about, if I could gather my thoughts about it. I was relieved of my duties to electronically transfer edited documents. I will deliver them now. I remember that a year ago, at Geeta‟s insistence, I waited in line at a post office on Saturday to get a passport. It was to be mailed in an unspecified period of time. I didn‟t remember getting it. She had it. Tribal Title: Sent For If I told people that she opened mail that was addressed to me and didn‟t even tell me it came, they would tell me that I should be really mad. I don‟t tell people that, they don‟t tell me to be mad and I quickly forget about it. No time for Tribing right now. ahead. There is a real long flight

I will get back to you Diatribe; we always have great

discussions on airplanes. Diatribe Cont… Why does he want me there? Where am I staying? There‟s no return ticket. These are some of the questions that were asked in the car to O'Hare.

Answers were few. We have to drive through the loop to get to the airport now that we live south. I am a native of the north side. When my

family mentions “the airport”, O'Hare is what they mean. I didn‟t protest too much about moving south, but I thought that Midway became “the airport” when you lived south of the Loop. The south side, as a whole, is more than twice the size of the north side. In Chicago, the one you live on is the whole world. I had gone to Comiskey Park once as a child when I won a ticket. Everyone goes to the southern part of the loop, and the museums are not considered to be south enough to be the south side. Outside of those things, I have remained in the north. I was one who never understood why you couldn‟t support two baseball teams if your city had them. I am in a minority in that respect. But I am of Polish decent, so I am rarely a minority

in this town. When asked, I will respond that I am a Cubs fan. I will say that I don‟t follow baseball if being from north or northwest of the loop will draw the ire of the person I am speaking with. Throughout drive she was curt, what many women like to call business-like or "professional". I hate the term “Professional”

as the more indefinable it becomes, the more use it gains.

She was the boss; in more than the pejorative of men's complaints about their wives. She acted like my employer.

There was one moment, one morsel of tenderness for the departing traveler. Still in the car in the departures lane she "You have never been this far away from She tucked the piece of cloth into my I just like the

took out a small cloth. me. Not since we met."

breast pocket.

I almost always wear a blazer.

extra pockets really.

She kissed me and said the cloth was her She did a quick demo on folding

and I should keep her with me.

it as a pocket square and reminded me not to blow my nose in it. Then she scuttled me off toward flying conveyances. I recognized that it was a piece of khadi. special wrap she wears that is homespun khadi. She has a She can always I am no Nothing Geeta

find a new way to incorporate it with any outfit. fashion expert, but it never looks out of place. could wear would look out of place.

I knew about homespun myself from a two month hospital stay about a decade ago where I read everything written by Gandhi, and about two thousand pages written about him. and made his own clothes. He spun thread

Early in our relationship she showed

me this and I got the idea that Indians were into spinning thread and making khadi. I have not yet met another who is, and

in my work, I meet a lot of Indians. I have been to Milwaukee and Birmingham, Alabama without her. I think some of those visits were longer than this one is Although I have a one-way ticket and am not I have one idea. The conference

intended to be.

sure how long this trip is. ends on the weekend. three or four days.

My first trip to Europe might last but Or maybe I will see something else. Maybe

that is why he bought the ticket one-way. me and leave me there.

He might just behead

Decapitation is like chicken pox, it‟s

not enjoyable, but you can only get it once.
Edited 10/31/2008 11:47 AM

Dear Diatribe; It‟s me! Petey!!! Remember? You have to. I am the only one you know. Guess what? I am on my first trip to Europe! Guess what? I found out about it four hours before I left. Is it wrong of me to be anything but joyful about this trip? It could be seen that way. We discussed my ideas; they prompted agreement that they wouldn‟t work unless there was a head start with a good drug idea. Without being far down the line of what the FDA calls “Phase 1”, you would either run out of interest quickly or get squashed by the many foes that you‟d gather. If he proposes this as an idea at that conference, maybe

the gaps would be covered. He would need some help with that, but I am certainly not the pedigree of assistance that he should be looking for. I have a Bud Powell album called “Un Poco Loco” right on Diatribes hard drive, but this flight is a lot more than one albums worth. It is pirated, it is illegal and Mr. Powell is dead. Tribal Title: Iberia LAE My seditious acts have had me sent of to Iberia, the Spanish airline. I don‟t know what Geeta‟s expectations are, but they are all that matters. I wrote and expanded on a concept to possibly someday inspire. Maybe you draw a helicopter in the 1490‟s; it‟s considered a brilliant idea … In 1907. I thought it would go that sort of way. He agrees that this couldn‟t be done without a drug ready to go. So should I assume he has one, or that he just wants to inspire someone who does? He could start the organization that way. I would man the phones and ask folks “So you got a drug?” That would digress into “Got any drugs?” It would be said that I should wait for the real skinny and

not sit and speculate. I have half of a day to spend on a plane. Speculation is the most intriguing diversion available. That could be a little bit crazy, and I do have “Un Poco Loco” to listen to while I write. That might inspire some thoughts. It's got "Night in Tunisia" on it. renditions of that I own. I don't know how many

It is a song that either, like in

this case, places the artist, in other cases defines their influences. I could have shown my influences by playing it, but

I never got on top of a big enough combo to give it justice. Reading through these last couple of days diatribes, I realize what I forgot to mention. Forgot? I was not able to

write while I was hearing it, and I was too tired when it was over. I was puzzled as to why the doc was interested in I think I had three glasses of

continuing to engage me on this. Chianti when I asked

It floored me that an MD was interested in commiserating with an inferior species; I thought you guys ran as a pack? That has always been my take on them. I dated a Medical Student with a heart surgeon father for a few months in college. That was my closest contact with this. I have also consulted in the health care industry to cement my opinions.

(I call it the health care industry and take offense when it is referred to as the "Health Care System", “Our Nations‟ Health Care System" or “Americas‟ Health Care System". friend who lost two teeth due to our nations "Bar Brawl System". Yes we have some laws, mostly local, that have some Whether it is brawling or I have a

association with Bar Brawls.

medicine, we do not apply a systemic approach to either in the US. Many consider it equally foolish to apply anything If someone

standardized, methodical or comprehensive to either.

were to ask where they can find an alcohol-fueled melee, I can say that we have some of the best in the world. Whether you

will get into one or where you can find one, I can't tell you that.) When I asked this question, both the Doctor and his wife started laughing. I know this as a conversational technique.

When someone asks you a question that crosses the line into being too accusatory or pointedly critical you can just laugh. This is a way of saying that you consider the question to be in jest. More accurately, you are saying "that better be a joke Not in this case. That type of

that we will just let lye".

laughter would never extend more than four or five seconds. The Gerhardstein's continued laughing and whispering back and forth for at least ten. Once silent, Helen smiled and said

"You have experience with Physicians who aren't ashamed of their professional choice."

I had thought that was all of them. "It is Peter" "That remains true until you meet the one who feels he soullessly sold out to 'second-hand science' for a buck" "I must admit that I am the one who led the good doctor down this woeful path. I was the one who sought out security above

scientific altruism." Her Husband piped in. "I dreamed that if I fell in love with a musician, she would hold me to the amity of my youth that I wished to never lose" "When you find one that is as pretty as she is, you move in whatever direction they point you." She challenged "Did you end up losing your ethical way? AIDS is not the big-money specialty I could have pushed you over to." "You're right, I have no complaints" I didn't know when or what he sold out to become a doctor.

Medicine is a profession where you can never be called greedy while you making a ton of money. No matter how princely your

compensation may get, you are above ever having it mentioned. Geeta was somehow aware of this. She added "That Malcolm".

"You know he just needed to keep something he could hold onto as your tutor." "Having your student begin to match you is what a

teacher strives for; but then loses his position." "Dr. Blythe's position was always safe." I had to question this inside talk. doctor too? triple. bag. Isn't This Blythe a He‟s almost a

He is a double PhD without an MD.

He has Microbiology and Biochemistry sheepskins in the

He also has some post doc work in Pharmacology.

Gerhardstein's only got one PhD, hardly a slouch from my perspective. To it, he added a silly tech school certification Gerhardstein put it like this.

called MD just to make money.

"The undergraduate track called 'premed' is composed of all the classes that I took. those sciences themselves. There are a rare few that care about Usually there are two or three

currently committed scientists in a big university department. The rest are taking prerequisites for their house in the suburbs."

I had never thought of it that way. assume and ask the question,

Hearing it; I had to

So your type does better than the saw bones? "No, but we should. That money motivation provides

an unshakable concentration." "Is this going to be on the test?" "That is all we ever heard from them. They got together and You can ace a

knew absolutely everything that was on the exams.

science exam as long as you‟re someone who won‟t be distracted by science. Even then I had a tendency to straddle both sides I read a paper by this Dr. Blythe at Oxford in I became transfixed. I had to get there to

of that fence.

my sophomore year. study with him.

So I started to run the premed study groups.

Then, I was more concentrated on the tests for my last three years of undergrad." "In the end, you get good grades doing that. exact same grades as everyone in your study group. stand out. You get the So you don't I got

You have to write something to get anywhere.

what I wanted out of it.

An MIT Rhodes recommendation was just

as competitive as fighting for grades with the premeds." "But I got there. Blythe was my mentor before I'd even met

him." We have a different kind of physician here. I am glad that He will

he doesn't require me to have a Medical Doctorate. respect people with as little as just one PhD. one; we didn't discuss my education. wants about me from my wife.

I do not have

He has any information he

It projects to be a mix of being

considered honest-by-proxy, and a creepy speculation about what exactly he knows. I guess I wouldn't be on the plane if there Either he doesn't know very much or Most likely it's

was something unacceptable.

he knows everything and none of it's too bad.

a little from Column "A" and a little from Column "B". Helen filled in the romantic aspects the way that women do. That could be a sentence that warms the heart, or the most goddamn sexist passage of all Tribes. read these. That I know of. She explained that she was a She had Good thing so few people

She told me their story.

student at the New England Conservatory when they met. a degree in violin and music theory.

She was moving more and

more towards the piano as part of her theory work and due to urging from her family that she teach music for stability. She had acquiesced and began seeking work teaching, church work, weddings and the like. She had made a trip to a

hairdresser and wore a sensible frock.

She boxed up her

grandmother's over-sized cardigan and re-purposed the locks that had resembled the disheveled Beethoven. She was making a

decision similar to the one she would lead her new-found love to pursue. She said she asked him if he had ever thought about going to medical school with his scientific interests. would be a great fit for you." He said he could get in if he wanted. he could go. “Well, I guess I could go right here in town” He meant Harvard. God damned Harvard! You hear of people really hoping they can get into medical school. See if they would settle on Harvard. She claims he She asked him where "Seems like it

"What if you were a doctor and a scientist?" hedged for a while. She thought of giving up.

She said that

she was sure she wanted to marry him only a few weeks after they met, and that she had lifelong images right then. them in their sixties like they are now. She could see

Helen knows that it is only in jest when he mentions this “road she took him down”. She was given an introduction to the scientific version of the starving artist that is Richard Gerhardstein. She said she

tried to keep constant check on herself for blatant hypocrisy. She was very eloquent describing her logic and feelings at the time. I guess that was the 1960‟s. She talked about how

much she loved him and that biochemistry and pharmacology began to "oddly enough, kind of turn her on."

This damn "Un Poco Loco" is a compilation! downside of not buying disks any more. download a Bud Powell Album.

This is the

I saw that I could

I assumed that it was the original As I listen, I

album where "Un Poco Loco" was the title track. find tracks that I know come from other disks.

I have done a bit of biochem myself over the last year or so. Never have gotten a chubby from it Inserting my junk in anything biochemistry related doesn't move me at all. Perhaps if I had a vagina I could cognize the I would understand that and

biochemical-clitoral association. so much more.

I will try and connect it with one memory of my own.

The I

smell of curry got me randy the first few months with Geeta. had a pan-global identity. full of shit Helen struggled trying not to downplay scientific dreams, while emphasizing that the sacrifices she made held far more risk than what he had to face. arrangement.

Largely because I am pretentious and

It sounds like a nearly perfect

They both had an ideal that was less than

practical considering other opportunities requiring skills they had. For Helen, teaching music was a good possibility, but was

no the cash cow that a medical practice proposes. The most remarkable thing about our long dialogue was hearing phrases like "Turned me on" in my ear, while glancing at the stiff, grey-haired Germanic codger across the table. I cannot sleep sitting up. hours I need to occupy myself. Eleven hours on a plane is eleven I should have downloaded I know nothing of it.

something about Barcelona before I left. What do I know? It is not the capitol, Madrid is

 

It worked lyrically in parody the song "My Sharona" years ago.


I am reasonably sure that Hemingway and the filmmaker

Almodóvar have been or lived there. To my recollection, that is all I know. I might just

be nervous going to Spain on a plane (with the rain and all). Those might be helpful facts. OK, bring it on. Barcelona? I am ready. Did I hear el descender en

I believe I did.

Geeta says there will be a car at

the airport, and at least I know where I am staying. "With him" Where? "With Dr. Gerhardstein" No shit, where? "A hotel No shit, silly. Be nice!" So I don't have a reservation? "He has a room, .... , a suite I think, I didn't make the reservations."

I went down a bad road somehow "So,… do you think I‟m his secretary. Operations. I am the Director of

I hired the office manager; she hired the person

who makes reservations." Sorry "He is a speaker at the conference. booked him. I don't even think we

Some other organization was paying for it." Then we had the whole cloth

She simmered a bit there. moment.

I am staying in a hotel with the Doctor? least two beds I hope.

I ask myself. I


Two rooms would be nice.

sound homophobic, but that isn't the case.

I am creep-ed a bit I am

by staying in a room with someone I am trying to impress. not there yet, but I feel trapped already. Let me rephrase. I am there. I am in Barcelona.

Let's see

how much Diatribe I get during this thing. together might be the longest for a while. time thinking about… Seeming less Strange!!!

Our plane flight I need to spend more

Not BEING less Strange, just seem as if I am.

I can still hold

onto my own idiosyncrasies. tincture of madness. personal references.

There was never a genius without a

Maybe I can use Aristotle on my resume in That would seem mad.

Dear Diatribe; Barcelona is a city to be reckoned with. would be. I had reckoned it

It has really Gothic and Old World vibe that defines I was picked up by a Spaniard from a

the level of conversation. car service.

The car service name and sign on the car were in That was

English, but no English came from my driver's lips. fine. I wasn't expecting a guide.

It allowed me to look at Of course I did.

what I wanted.

Did I miss something great?

But my eyes could follow their own visual whim. Whoever booked these accommodations put us at the Catalonia Barcelona Plaza. The bellman escorted me to my room at 3:30pm; He put my bags in one There

he said I was to make myself comfortable.

of the rooms; Gerhardstein's things were in the other.

was a note taped to the door, the bellman removed it and stuck it to the lamp. Richard I have nap now. Wake me for the dinner. Piotr!! -Kasia I guess I am his Piotr now. by a native English speaker. Obviously this was not written I want to meet your

Kasia is a Polish name as I know


It could be used in other languages.

The "Piotr" spelling

gives it away. It is the Polish spelling of my name, and what appears on my birth certificate. She will be impressed with me when I greet her with "dzien dobry", and disappointed that I know little else.

The "Piotr" thing has never been examined in diatribal content, it falls in the pre-Tribe part of my life, and I think it's embarrassing. I won't go on too long right now either. I became

When I was a boy, I let the incorrect spelling go by. "Peter" by the time I was seven years old.

Early in high school

I had forgotten it when I was reminded by some documents at home. I loved "Piotr" then. It is how I spelled the name I

wrote on my college applications, and how I signed yearbooks. I was playing auditions for all sorts of jobs in college. Church gigs, accompanist spots, a lot of others. Twice, and in

almost the same words people called me for using a "fake European name to sound more exotic". I would correct them I had a tail I went back to

timidly, but leave with my tail between my legs. then, but that would take too long to explain. the Anglo-centric spelling.

This prepared me well for when a fellow Chicagoan famously realized that his brother was a fugitive terrorist called the


I emphasized the "O" in my last name to avoid

association with Ted Kaczynski for about a year. KOsinski Tribal Title: Unabomber

I should probably "have nap" now myself. to seem like a lazy bum when the doc comes in. a problem; he is coming in right now. L8R, Pete

I just don't want This will not be

Dear Diatribe; I am back. I was putting you in your case when Gerhardstein "Don't worry about journaling in

walked in and waved it off. front of me." here and now."

"I want you to remember all you can, especially For whatever that's worth; It seems that he

appreciates this proclivity of mine that some count as a flaw. Some have seen that it defines me as untrustworthy and perhaps even malevolent. "What in the hell is he writing about me?" I must tell you, Tribe I am in note-taking mode for a while. I needn't tell you anything, to be honest. I do however

tell myself things through you. it to me best.

Because you know how to break

There‟s a dinner tonight, that‟s what Gerhardstein told me; something that I already knew. I reach in my pocket and produce

the note that was left by whoever she is.

I know; the bellman gave me this note. We need to wake her before we go to dinner. Is in this hotel? “Yes, she‟s across the hall.” “I‟m sure she was up pretty late last night. There is

something about this sangria.

As hot as it is, I thought that a

little wine watered down with fruit juice would be just the thing. By 9:30 PM I was afraid I might say something stupid. When I was younger, I liked I

am here for exactly the opposite.

to go to conferences and enjoy the nightlife of the hosting city. it. I wouldn‟t mind doing that now, but some would frown upon

This is the reward we get from a high position.” “I was also not the lightweight and back then who would get

tipsy on three glasses of watered down wine.”

I believe you were punching your weight sir. (A questioning look passed my way). I was put in charge of making sangria one time; it was right after college when I was visiting a friend. His mother was having a party on a summer night, Mike and I served as kitchen staff and Waiters, which devolved into becoming drunken guests. And the drunkenness came from just sipping on the concoction that didn‟t stray from the recipe. I remember it to read either “cognac or brandy”. That is the alcohol content in Sangria; along with wine, a bit from Cointreau. You had a tall glass of wine, watered down with booze.” “Well that‟s comforting. he can still hold his liquor. trying to prove it.” An old man needs to be told that That saves the embarrassment

Glad I could be of service.

“Kasia, by the way, is not a mistress. inspirational Polish women speaking here.”

She is an

That was not needed. I wouldn‟t have thought these things sir. You come at the recommendation of my own wife. “That‟s good; you never know what people will think. Several of the speakers are on this floor, and becoming somewhat of a clique. Not the former heads of state, of course. I

talked about you last night.

But if people start talking about

a „Peter‟, it is probably the head of UN-AIDS, he is another one.” He told me to get dressed for dinner. that actually meant in this case. I didn‟t know what

My interpretation is “Dress

nice; but little hipper than the old man”. I almost always wear a blazer. For the pockets, as I

believe I‟ve mentioned, unless there is some physical activity afoot. I found a white French cuffed shirt among Geeta‟s I matched it with a dark brown plaid blazer. Going


without a tie was as hip as I could figure would fit within the boundary drawn. I had a white tank top on (wife beater), I gave at least three seconds consideration to two and three buttons unfastened, as well as none. All buttoned up looked like I

forgot a tie, more than one opened just made me laugh at

myself. Gerhardstein phoned Ms. Kasia before changing his own shirt and tie to look indistinguishable from his previous outfit. Kasia met us in the hallway along with an African gentleman. the lobby were a group of folks waiting for us. There were a In

couple Americans that flocked quickly to Gerhardstein. I really don't think I can write Tribe all night. I do find out, as we make our way across the placa, that he has described me as one who was always writing on my contraption. Kasia asked me some questions about open source.

"Aren't you afraid to take on American Drug companies?" I didn't really know that I was. what information I have. preview. I am playing along with

He is giving some sort of speech I

I guess we are going to give this a go in some way.

think I will ask him to fill me in tonight about what he wants to do with this. I hope he isn't telling people we are going to take on American drug companies. That might be an expected result, but I think I like him,

isn't the opening salvo of these theories.

I respect him as much as I should, but maybe this is a stab in the dark. Or maybe the whole challenge of starting out without

a drug, and bypassing phase one just doesn't scare him as much as it should. Or I am fucked in the head and he had the ability

to make this go. I guess if it pays well enough and makes Geeta happy, I could use a windmill to tilt at. The only thing I know about Spanish food is the one kind you can get in Chicago (that I know of). have had. Tapas are something I I expected In a

It's an all appetizer meal thing.

something very new, but that is what we have here.

restaurant that begins with the letters "t and x", not something we do in our language. Txapella, they tell me, is the best They served me baby

Tapas in the world, and it does seem good.

squid that was good, even when you are an American and know it is baby squid. I have written down so few of these names. all these people as the crazy journaling fool. ask their names just to write them down. I am known by I don't want to

I can do it like I am I saw a

making a list, or like I am Gerhardstein's note taker. flash go off a minute ago. I have an idea.

I will pull out my digital camera and take pictures like an ugly American. Dr. Richard can fill in names for me later. I have watched

It's not that I can only be the ugly American.

and imitated enough comedy in my life that I could be an Ugly

Brit, Irishman, Australian, or even an ugly Canadian if I wanted to, eh. I have no experience with it, but this is jet lag. He is

talking about a big couple of days here, and I am ready to fall asleep. I am staring at the screen here trying and trying to I refused the sangria and wine and have had I worry that I could say

avoid nodding off.

four tiny cups of this Spanish coffee. something stupid as if I had partaken.

One trip to the bathroom, some ice on my face and I will am ready for a bit of friendly conversation. know where I am at. banter. The Doctor seems to

He is fully enveloped in the intellectual

He turns to the seemingly shy American only

occasionally and gives me hints to repeat things I have said to him previously. each time. His hints work, and I pull them off well enough

The English skills of the people whom I address take

some of the pressure off as well though. "You have a key to the room?" Yes sir, I do. "It‟s 9:45, why don't you go and sleep off some of that flight." OK, just let me say goodnight to some of the folks. I took my pictures, and shook every hand. cheek kiss, or hand kiss the ladies? Am I supposed to I have been

I don't know.

in on the continent for only seven hours. have that experience that we all long for.

I need to rest and I will find out if

the breakfast they serve is just coffee and doughnuts in the lobby. That is what they call it in the States. The-Continental

Tribal Title:

As I wandered out, I had the slightest rush being guided by my own eyes again. Seeing where I am. I have decided to bid

good night to the Diatribe seated on the incline in the placa and staring at the fountain. Placa means Place. Grant Park has

a great fountain, but it doesn't have the architecture so close. Barcelona is a looker.

There is a statue of a woman on a horse sitting side saddle and holding what looks like a small boat over her head. morning I might revise with what it actually looks like. most striking thing is, for classical art of that period (whatever one it is, real old) she has a lot nicer tits that one would expect. When you journal as much as I do, sometimes you read a sentence that tells you it is time to stop for the day. Buenas noches, In the The

Dear Diatribe; Breakfast was not of the continental variety that I have learned it would be from my father and his father before him. was glad that I woke myself, and without an alarm set. from my uncertainty. do so as he sits down. There seems to be a lot of secrecy here. The hells up with that? He laughed. "Geeta said you could be less than friendly. I I

Reprieve I

I can diatribe all I like on this one.

can take this much." She doesn't like to tell people that I am a prick. She likes me to break it to them. "I have not been, so to speak, hiding anything. I am just

not sure what form this is going to take; I do know I have to do this here. Your purpose in Barcelona is uncertain. I felt that

if you were to come to Europe any way, I could use you here. Any question I might be asked, you have probably contemplated or written a treatment for. You probably would have it right

there, and could dash it off to someone."

You leave me with a lot of questions.

Where do we go from here? "If I can confirm some things, and things go well here, I want you to meet Dr. Blythe soon. Here in Spain, I want to get Not perhaps; we

a buzz going, and perhaps a bit of seed money.

definitely need seed money."

To whom would they seed money? Do you want to try to do this out of your office? "No, I really don't. near my office. I am interested in having this done I only have one If I

Better to say it like this.

office; luckily for you, it is in the city where you live. were to help to get an office started, it would naturally be there.

Our organization would need a couple hundred thousand to It already owes me upwards of ten thousand.

get started though.

If there is no organization; your money is unlikely to get paid back. He chuckled as if he saw a great opening. "There will be an association of sorts by this afternoon I believe. Your wife collected the needed paperwork last week.

She is authorized to affix my signature; I would assume yours as well"

I don't even have my own signature with her around.

Are you saying that I owe you this money? "No; I wasn't exactly serious about that. your consultancy from my development budget. is about all I can stretch there. I have procured This month of pay

If this is as far as it goes

and I bomb in Barcelona, I could get two weeks worth of computer work at the center. I need that. All I have there is this He is great, and a

great kid Miles; who I think I mentioned. kid.

A Systems Administrator, when I need to build a research You could get us started with Miles in

and clinical system. toe.

That is failure here.

Not so bad really.

All the

budgeting would come out in the wash.

I think that I have, over

sangria, lined up several times our paltry personal expenditures in the last three days. Forget about failure. can attain? I would be pleased, lightly pleased over time, with small open source organization in Chicago that you would be handle systems for. Then I have to find someone who can direct an In the full intention, people like that What are the levels of success we

organization like that. come to us.

What we are hoping for and what I am selling here is far more ambitious. This open drug outfit ... or company maybe ...

open pharmaceutical concern is a ..."

Posse sir, they prefer to be called a posse.

Tribal Title:

Big Pharma Posse Let me give you the

"Exactly; you play in your own combo. songbook to sing from while we are here.

The open source dope heads LLC is an organization in the US with European operations. This revolutionary paradigm has

attracted some of the world‟s most exciting pharmaceutical developments. this. Not that our idea is to build something like It is a nascent but burgeoning It is how we secure

This exists.


You need to get behind this.

the future of AIDS treatment, and a more realistic criterion for future (reading from notepad) curative or preventative preparations." I have it on tape. He never riffed and jammed like that.

He plays a horn; I think he could rip into the Jupiter variation from that he needs it for this speech. He could rip into Then he

„Jupiter Variation‟ from that Coltrane Space album.

gets committed to a Spanish asylum, we become penny-less, and I panhandle to call home.

Listen Gerhardstein, we don't have a drug!

Maybe you do, and I would like to try it. I think I need to work my way up to the hard stuff you are on. I could start with some Peruvian blue flake or whatever. Then, and after a year or so

"Sorry, I get this way. another day and a half. event like this. to, we have it.

I need to stay this way for

This is how you sell something at an

If they want this organization to give money If they don't like it, it never existed."

The organization is just you and me for now? "No; I think there are eight signatories on the papers. Miles is supposed to e-mail it to you. Harvard. mine. She has two from

Her dad I think is on it and a few other friends of

They don't know a lot about it, just a paper to sign.

There are six respectable American physicians and scientists, then you and I."

Seven respectable Americans and me Is Miles named Miles Patterson? "That is him! Did you get the papers?"

I just needed pull it out of the e-mail trash. It‟s all there. It indicated that Geeta told him a change-of-name form

was easy when we had a name. Geeta says the chairman space can remain empty.

Someone named 'Glassman' told her time is allowed for elections with new organizations.

"Glassman is our lawyer.

He is top rate"

OK, I have a guy named Gerhardstein and a top rate lawyer of Hebrew extraction. Who'd a thunk it? He dropped some Euros on the table and stood to go. quickly handed me a mobile phone. here. Don't call home with it. "I have this while I am You can meet me at lunch and I am going to let you He

you are expected at Kasia's presentation.

enjoy your morning; you can come up with a name for Habitat for Hop-heads. By tomorrow night please."

Doctor, my primary question was about not having a drug. "This is how to deal with that. scientific side of the organization. answering questions like that." You are not in the You don't feel comfortable

I'm asking the question. It is me. You don't suppose I ask respond to myself in that way? "You will soon meet the biochemistry chair at Cambridge. If you need a drug invention, he should be able to scare one up for you." Then he waved at one of the African men from last

night and walked off. Now I think he is a little crazier than I had before.

I had not supposed any madness until now; so the wording sticks. Now I can understand how Helen was talking about being I wouldn't have thought it before, but he has a

excited by him.

bit of pizazz in that stiff back and stern face of his. I will be thrilled to see Blythe come up with a drug and 5+ years of meticulously documented research. can do that, he is a department chair!!! if I expressed doubt in this guy. I am sure that he (My wife would beat me

Then my Diatribes would be

read by candle light at a "Take back the night" rally for men. I have about three hours till lunch. I think I will find a

new perch on the Plaza and listen to the recording of breakfast a few times. I had no rewind ability as it was live. Placa is Plaza, not place.

I was wrong.

Dear Diatribe; Feeling neglected? Not a word after breakfast yesterday. am seated for a long stretch. Nothing today until I

I have not to you written at all. Kasia

The big speech is here and I am sitting in the hall. is next to me.

One thing you missed is that Kasia did her whole That was the feel

schpeel on AIDS and needle users in Poland. good movie of the summer.

How can you not respect what these It is just really sad.

people have dedicated themselves to?

There is an energy here driven by these people congregating only biennially. So infrequent because these physically able folks seem to spend the rest of their time drowning amongst millions of others dieing in horrifying fashion. served. Help yourself. Refreshments are

Gerhardstein is sitting at a long table on the rostrum. We spoke over lunch about the setup. They are having a group get He is in

up and speak about new projects going on with AIDS.

that group and will talk about Chicago and the new center there. After that, he is the main speaker who will give a presentation. This is where he intends to speak about an open He has spoken with so many

source pharmaceutical proposal.

people here and introduced me to almost all of them. I could either just say "nice to meet you sir/madam" or I could try for a pithy and memorable line. Gerhardstein would

hear every line, and if I repeated myself it might not look good. So I went with the proper greeting.

There is another Eastern European here opposite Kasia, a man who was at a couple of the meals and presentations with us, he has saddled up to my left. He is always laughing like with me

like I am telling a great joke. Now I see what fuels his mood. He has a flask of vodka. A

whole flat bottle that is, not a pocket flask.

I smiled when I He read me

saw it, before he tucked it back in his man purse. wrong, like I was asking him to share. from my hand and filled it for me.

He grabbed the diet coke There

What do you do?

aren't ten words of common language between us. I was in one taxi alone today. Make that two. I asked a

cabbie to let me out at a McDonald's just to get a cup this size. How do you say "Vodka doesn't go with Coke” in whatever It‟s 50/50 mix to make it all right.

language this guy speaks?

The place is getting crowded and I don't feel comfortable standing up to find alternative refreshment. I think you are

aware that I am rationalizing why I will drink this putrid mix. I have mints, but this is vodka. You can only smell that on

someones breath if they drink a pint of some paint thinner variety in a plastic cup. My wintergreen mint makes this a kind of Coke Julep. A delicacy really Very hard to find This behavior would not go back home. is Europe, and that means, you don't know. down to any one of three things. dualism. 1.He is a derelict who has latched onto a group of people trying to be nice to people that they don't know. 2.He is a brilliant mind who possibly spoke before I got here. He is a bit eccentric and every one accepts this. But, you know, this You can narrow it

I go with three because I hate

3.He is somewhere in between. That is the way I go. dualist or your not. Dualism is wrong. You're either a The only

There are no two ways about it.

right way is non-dualism. one. No backing down.

It is my way or the causeway on this

I look like I am taking notes on each of these speakers‟ presentations about innovative treatment programs. Because I am

doing that, or so it seems, I obviously have great fluency in French and Spanish. declined. Translation head sets are offered, but I

Globetrotters like me have no need for these

contrivances. Gerhardstein is up for round one. I recorded a couple It was useless in

minutes of the last speaker and listened. this room. I know this speech. time. It is impressive.

I hear about this from Geeta all the I have never heard him describe it.

But he is a stiff old German dude and Geeta has a sweet ass. Gerhardstein wants to do research in Chicago while treating every AIDS patent there, insured or not. say the least. I knew a lot about that. That‟s commendable to I poured through

statistics with Geeta at home. in Chicago-land?

How many AIDS patients are there The number of

How many of them are insured?

patients is about twenty eight thousand. I had thought that the number with insurance would be paltry, and the idea of treating all of them or covering any gaps, was too ambitions and crazy. done his homework. It wasn‟t that bad. He had

He had this methodology for sharing care

resources throughout the city for gap-coverage; if everyone can agree to the collection of statistics and the involvement of local patients in research, they could get to the minimum level of treatment for all 28,000. nights at home. This one will be a short speech. The problem with this one There are some I have read all these figures

is that the title could be “Only in America”.

American‟s here; I met some of them and they will be inspired if they haven‟t already heard of his plans for Chicago. is European and the largest problems are in Africa. not going to be a lot of interest banking on part one. Now an intermission will be taken. This was to be time for The host There is

I am glad that he‟s not

me to begin chewing gum, and dump this horrendous cocktail I have been sucking on. No luck there. Vlad (I think that is his

name) grabbed the drink as I headed off to the bathroom. He took a drink and mimed something I cold not distinguish. “I am American” he said, as he pointed to the I smiled and gave the most sincere hoot I I had thought I

McDonald‟s logo. could muster.

I wanted the drink to be gone.

would drink water and chew my gum until afterwards, when I expect I will have to speak to people.

The day has spread calm over me.

I know he is going to try This is pretty damn

this thing, and I know I will be involved. exciting.

Gehardstein came down to me and put his hand on my

shoulder for a moment.

I think all the presentations were good; you got a lot of good points in. That was an evasive answer. Gehardstein stood out from the All of them

other four speakers only in his distinguished look. had programs doing great things.

I‟ll say he had the best

program; he didn‟t evoke the most sympathy; you couldn‟t say it was the best speech. I don‟t know how I would rate or They were given as sales Maybe I‟m wrong.

distinguish between them.

presentations; he says that‟s what they are.

Maybe this part of the program is not being used to solicit. “If you think you‟ve talked to a lot of people up until now, just wait until after this next one.” As long as our friend here can keep his vodka away from my glass, I think I‟m ready for my close-up Mr. DeMille. Gerhardstein smiled and gave exactly the same guffaw that I had offered to the vodka supplier (let‟s call him Mr. Smirnoff) just a moment ago. Gehardstein returned to the rostrum. He was stopped for

handshakes and photographs like a celebrity or a politician as he made his way through the crowd. Kasia sat back down. I decided to ask her;

Do you know this guy? “Yes, I know”

Should he be here? “Yes” He‟s drinking vodka; there‟s a big bottle his bag. “Dr. Richard speech will tell us if YOU have any reason to be here.” OK Doc, I was rooting for you before, but now I guess I am all in. They could run me out on a rail if you bomb. When you It

hear “run out on a rail” in the states, it carries no wait. was once the correct phraseology banishment but it sure isn‟t now. Why?

We don‟t have the commitment to rail transit that they do here. Most places in the US wouldn‟t have a rail to run someone

out on. Here they have trains going everywhere; fast ones too.

The trains still run here, but that phrase would limp. English. People wouldn‟t understand it.

It‟s in

I sit and tribe while the introductory speakers are on in Spanish. I don‟t have a headset for translation, so this is my Gehardstein will speak in English, and then I will Unless the vodka hits me right then.

free time.

pay attention.

(I augmented Peter‟s memory of the speech by Gerhardstein with a transcript I obtained. He did misquote any part, just not fully. He

was never trained in dictation or shorthand. –Miles Patterson)

“Thank you for this opportunity.

The International

Conference brings together people from throughout the spectrum of HIV/AIDS professionals. I have been coming

since these were held annually and were a lot smaller. I can and will say that it is great to see so many friends and colleagues returning to another conference. love that you are still fighting the good fight. to add that I wish it never did grow this big. I

I do have The last

conference I attended and addressed had a major impact on me. It did on everyone in attendance. For those of you unfamiliar with our last conference, it was held in Durbin South Africa. That was place far

closer to the central-point of our struggle. if you will. The “Zero” makes it sound small.

“Ground Zero” Our “Ground

Zero” spreads through forty-two countries and is home to 770-million people.” He went on to give some very nice opening remarks. speech hit its stride here. “Those of you coordinating and providing care for our patients are struggling against the constant financial 8ball; and where do our hopes lye?” The combined effort in the scientific community will blah blah blah people in science don‟t care blah blah blah Bring up the Peter concept blah blah blah When sources are open, medicine evolves. There‟s the line I need to key on. I can really have no other I like it. The

Tribal Title: than Medicine Evolves.

Dear Diatribe; He wants me to go to a press conference. I‟ve never gone to a press conference. My people don‟t go to press conferences. By “my people” I mean those of us for whom the world doesn‟t give a shit what we say. For the most part they don‟t care what we do either. Tribal Title: Media and My People “They have a little media send-off with all the major players at the conference. Most reporters would be unable to explain what

the speakers were saying without a few questions.” Dr. Gerhardstein, I am not one of the major players of his conference. I‟m not altogether sure why I‟m here, “I just gave a major address out of what you write down in that electronic notebook of yours. So if that‟s a major address, you are a major player.”

So what you want me to do there? “You can do and say nothing unless; I pass a questioning off to you. If I do, answer the damn thing. You can also answer any follow ups that might come along. Just don‟t make me look any more stupid than I am.”

You might have picked the wrong guy for that one. People is dumb where I come from. They ain‟t got no learnin‟. “Aren‟t you from Chicago?”

The necks are just as red around Diversy and Pulaski. For example; I had to answer questions about my wife possibly being a terrorist. “How do you know she‟s not a terrorist?” She‟s Hindu. “I bet they‟re all saying that‟s different about now?” …the fuck are you talking about? “She seems real nice; real sweet. But you just gotta be careful. Haven‟t you learned? Anywhere in that whole damn Middle East you‟re just playing with fire.” Do I want to go into an “India isn‟t in the Middle East” speech? It is something people should know. Or should I just accept and take note of the benightedness and move on? “Calm down, Pete” “I like the passion, but Sangeeta says you need to bridle it sometimes.” Somebody asked Gerhardstein to go up on stage and sit by his

name tag. He asked them for a chair for me. They produced one and sat me actually behind him. I would be offended, but I should try to develop some amount of shyness. Just I and the Tribe can sit alone behind the Doctor. This is a good time to redirect my attention. They aren‟t even asking Gerhardstein questions yet. Kasia has taken two. I didn‟t put my translation headphones on until Gerhardstein instructed me to. The questions and answers right now are just white noise. This day has been a fast-cut image montage for me; the kind Generation X is pegged to be fond of. I have a bit of what might be called buzz from the vodka, and it has my mind racing about these events. What was the lackluster diary of the common man is becoming far-fetched fiction. I think I like it. From here I can spot one monitor for a camera on the table. I can only see my face in shadows. I am trying to see what the best posture is for this “man behind the man” thing. Should I duck back, or stick my head in while he is speaking? How do I look? They say you can‟t smell vodka, but perhaps the camera adds 10 shots. Using the monitor to my right as a mirror is not going to work. I have to look to the over there to see it. The only pose I can check out for myself is me looking to the right.

Gerhardstein is getting his first question. “Who else is involved with this organization of the open medicine?” A foreign woman reporter asks. I would like to know that as well, but it does sound much better in her voice. “There has been a great deal of interest and involvement. I think it has grown more that I could estimate just from being here. I will let those who have joined us in this venture speak for themselves. I have one colleague who specifically mentioned that he wanted to be associated here in Barcelona. Any Biochemists should be familiar with the esteemed Dr. Malcolm Blythe at Cambridge. In my years I have come to consider his a household name. I needed to realize that I have lived in a biochemists household." Another question followed. "What is the name of your organization?" "I am from the scientific-side of the group. Our name and presence is something that has been a topic for our operational minds. Peter, can you fill them in." He turns to me. I came here knowing he was setting me up for a time in the spotlight. He wouldn't tell me when and that pisses me off, but I saw it coming for some damn reason. When I was a younger man, I was thought to be a decent communicator. That couldn't have gone

away completely.

You all heard the doctor's speech. The theme comes home for me in one line, if I may quote the man sitting next to me, "When Sources are Open, Medicine Evolves". We have agreed on the name SO/MED. "Can you spell?"

I hope I can do a bit better. I am reviewing logos right now. I turned the Tribe screen toward them. I was playing with a logo.

S-O then a slash, M-E-D. I should finish my point. Sources Open, Medicine Evolved. "Evolved" instead of "Evolves" is something I like. In his address, Gerhardstein says if they are open, it will evolve. If we do this, it would be "Evolved". Ending with the "D", which allows for the MED moniker as well?

You will find that guiding principles tend to have letters in them that can form a word or mnemonic device, and no matter how convoluted it may be, you will be asked to accept it. More than accept it, you will be asked to tout the resulting gibberish with zeal. The underlying ideas can be great ones however; I will tell you that these are. The English-speaking attendees had a good laugh. Others looked bored. An American reporter joined in. "You are both Americans, how do you intend to do this with

the hold that companies in your countries have on the industry?" The man at my right moved his chair back and away to allow me to scoot in. My partner looks at me to answer.

I do not think that is immediately an issue for us. What we offer here are logical steps forward from a concept similar to that of Bayh-Dole. Bayh-Dole is sacred scripture in American Big Pharma. Ours just accounts for morals and an international academic presence.

Our drugs will have patents; they will also have an open license. Research, as I am sure you've been told, costs money. If you want an open license for a drug that doesn't yet exist, paying for some research would do you good. This way, those who pay for drugs, exert control over what gets developed. "What is Bay/Dole?"

I did get ahead of myself in mentioning that; I apologize. The "Bay" is spelled BA-Y-H; you will want to look that up when you write your story.

A while back, in the states, the government ended up owning thousands of patents. Some were pharmaceuticals. The US Government provides funding some of the greatest research projects in the world.

This research is done at the National Institutes of Health and at Universities throughout the nation. There was a law passed in 1980 called Bayh-Dole. It allowed for Universities and other groups to patent inventions supported by government-funded

research. The history of that decision played out with some good and some bad. SO/Med offers another place that researchers can patent and share their discoveries. This can be another place for Americans and the first place for those in some other countries. Our place, like working with a drug company, would get you well-remunerated for your work. It would also be able to consistently allow the international flow of ideas. There is money outside the paradigm of exclusivity. Medicine is a special field where this can flourish. Will you/do you spend money on it. Of course you do. Would anyone be concerned that money would be withheld from those who develop helpful treatments? “Do you have any literature on the organization?” We are very new. We have been working on getting something printed, I have written hundreds of pages myself. Do you know how that is coming Doctor? I can put him on the spot. “We have something for you today. There will be a lot more

of Peter's pages edited for consumption in due time.” I have to ask him “what documents?” He has something coming. That's what he says. The printing will be available tonight. I don't know where we plan to be tonight. Are we taking these reporters with us? That sentence started as a joke, and then I realized it was probably true. … There was a great deal of glad handing for about forty-five

minutes. I was a hit, I'm told. That's good! My mission is accomplished. I think I have earned my return ticket now. I am in a taxi. We are off to some bar. I have not had a chance to speak to speak with Gerhardstein about our departure or anything. It is definitely not time for that yet. I would be thrilled to get some time in Spain or anywhere in Europe to just loiter a bit. Of course I would enjoy having Sangeeta with me, but I could enjoy the time with my own thoughts. I would choose different places to go by myself. My choices might work in a novel written with gritty realism. A travel writer would want to go across town and meet me later. I would then be ditched. We have pulled to a bar. Now I must stand and write the name of this place; El Xampanyet. I won‟t try to pronounce it, and it's not a spelling I could remember. I need to keep you in my hand, Tribe. It is my defining oddity. I don't believe I will be writing much tonight. Don't know if I want to. I would like to enjoy a beverage. That is what‟s important. There's not a man, woman or child on this planet; doesn't enjoy a refreshing beverage.

Dear Diatribe; I literally woke this morning to hear that we were headed for England. There was a knock on the door at nine o‟clock.

(Wearily) Who is it? (It was Gerhardstein) “You need to wake up. We are heading to the UK”. There is just nothing funny about any sort of UK/OK line.

Yeah, OK ... I will get ready. I hadn't packed, but there was a laundry service, so it was quick. I got ready in about ten minutes. I like using it. I always want to call down to have a suit "sponged and pressed" like Cary Grant did in North by Northwest. There has been no smoother cat than Cary. I actually did ask a dry cleaner for that once. It sounded to me like Cary was asking for a simple thing. "Don't fully dry clean it". "Just get rid of the wrinkles and sponge off any stains". I asked because it sounded reasonable to me where I heard it. I had heard it in a movie though. A real dry cleaner hadn't heard of it. Perhaps it was out of date. Maybe she was

just cinema-illiterate. This was in preparation for my father's

funeral. I was feeling like I needed to be a man in control. This dry cleaner was, in my opinion at that time, rude. "Sponge and press? What does that mean?" It wasn't a good time to even seem rude to me. But, that is not a good story. Nonetheless, I was on my way quickly. I‟m going to the UK for the first time. I guessed it would be Cambridge. I would learn more in the cab. One e-mail before I go. Sangeeta; Do I use my debit card? I don't know if I should spend our money? I don't know what to say when he pays. Love Piotr Tribal Moniker: Along Cambridge I write this part from a taxi to Aeroport de Barcelona. The doc mentions every time that he is completely comfortable with my note-taking. No need to repeat, but it is a nice sentiment. We are making good time. It is not quite 10am and our flight leaves at 1pm. We go to London, then some sort of ground transit to Cambridge. I have no idea how far away the two are from each other. How far can they be? On a map, England doesn't look that

big. He started talking. "So you must be excited about meeting Dr. Blythe. I hope I told you that is where we are going. He has a house in Cambridge that will sleep the both of us easily. He has been there since the eighties. That house is probably more than half his net value by now. But he is a smart old man. He could have millions stowed away in a mattress."

I don't understand why you invited me to Barcelona, if I still need to pass muster with this Blythe character. "I think your wife has you pre-approved"

I understand that they are close. Gerhardstein went into more about Dr. Blythe and Sangeeta. I guess he made regular visits in the summertime from Cambridge to Cambridge (UK to MA). He would stay for a month or more at the Gerhardstein house, financed by lectures the American Doc would set up at Harvard for him. He was always had a good mix of the Arts and Sciences. He wanted to read great books and do other enriching activities with the Gerhardstein children. The summer that Sangeeta became a regular fixture at the house the match was made. She was said to be intelligent and inquisitive. I

would concur, even only knowing her as an adult. The pictures I have seen of her as a small girl are adorable. The gleaming whites of her eyes and teeth against the hue of her sub-continental skin-tone give her a remarkable quality at any age. She is something special to anyone but me. That was horrible. Of course she is special to me. I married her, but I am the one who can see things that are far from special. That sweetness finds a way to spew bile for which I am the only recipient. It drives me crazy when I am mad at her and everyone I am with believes she does no wrong. At the airport I wanted to get something to eat and a coffee. I also like to pick up a snow globe for Sangeeta. She likes them. I even get them from layover airports. We have Detroit and Atlanta snow globes on our shelf even though we haven't spent time in either city. Northwest and Delta have hubs in those towns. Gerhardstein stopped me before I went off to the vendors. "Can you do two molecules in one drawing with that program of yours?”

Yes you can. I saw the option to do that. I didn't know what the purpose would be.

It probably had to do with the comparison of Shit and Shinola molecules. So I was lost. "Can you show me how?" I handed the Diatribe PC to him and showed him how to set one up.

Put one molecule here. Put the other there. In between there is space for notations that you probably understand (god knows I don't). He pulled out some crumpled paper and started to enter a two-molecule structure in scientific notations. He knows what he is doing with that stuff. I left him and set off to make my purchases. On the airplane we had a more substantive conversation on this whole thing than we have had yet. I didn't get a chance to put on my headphones or nap at all. He had a whole drug (w/two molecules) drawn up on the tribe. I thought he was designing one.

Is this yours? "God, no" "It is why you are here, and why we are going to England.

Our Spanish reception looks to be out of sight. I think that there is a real possibility here. This could be the assignment I have intended to hand in to my mentor for years. Grad students always ask for extensions. This one has gone on too long."

So what is it? When he first saw me using that software, he could look at the molecule I had and tell that it was an SSRI. I had played with Prozac and stretched the molecule all over the place just to see how it moved things around. These guys are a lot smarter than me. I fear meeting Blythe even Gerhardstein fawns over him, even when he isn't here, just like Sangeeta does. He must be a hell of a guy, a real mensch. He has more education than anyone I know, and he is widely loved. I will like him, whether I do or not. Gerhardstein went on to say that this drug (which will remain nameless until it has a name) was a brainchild of Blythe about a decade ago. He said that he is very meticulous about documenting what he does (“Kind of like you Pete”, I will leave that where it sits). Several other academics in England have assisted; helping has been part of PhD programs for his best, or at least his most-trusted students.

What is it? In my most technical terms, it does Cholesterol and Blood pressure all in one. It is like some kind of balancer thing. It makes people healthy from what I gather. That is what Gerhardstein said any way. So it‟s like the best drug ever then? “Every new drug is like the best drug ever.” OK, I stand corrected, or informed or something. The meticulous documentation is the big thing. He, and the others who worked on it, have done what would be considered overkill for what the FDA calls “Phase One” Clinical Study. Basically, it should have been patented about five years ago. If a drug company were to hear of this, they would probably want to buy it for about a billion dollars. Blythe feels that goes against everything he believes in. Gerhardstein asked a few pointed questions that were more like marching orders. If Dr. Blythe had this system ten years ago, he would have likely used it to enter and organize all the research that was done. He did much of it on paper. Richard‟s question was like this. “If a drug company bought a new system that was kind of

like yours, they could take all of the research done on a specific drug and documented on paper, in e-mail, or in notebooks and the like, and put it in the system.”

If it had the legal weight that something like this does, I would create a notation on each entry that it was re-entered from a previous or legacy media. “Honesty is good” You would need to have someone signing off on it. That person‟s methods would need to be trusted. If not, it is open for someone to say you stole that idea. “If Blythe wanted you to, could you do that? Could you get

a system loaded with all of the research done to date?” The answer is „yes‟, that I know how to. Doing it alone in a short time would be difficult for someone with no previous familiarity with the research docs. Not being a Biochemist complicates it more. “You are not on the scientific side of the organization. That isn‟t just a talking point. Could you, with some help, facilitate a group of scientists in retro fitting this system to look and operate like all the research was originally entered in it?

I could. “You have a possible work assignment to think about. We

have these hours in transit before you meet Malcolm. The proper time for this might be said to be after meeting with him, but I don‟t want to waste any of the time we have. Tomorrow morning, I want you to get on the phone with Miles Patterson. He will provide you with any Chicago technical assets you need.” Can we set up some of the International Internet –phone stuff to somewhere in Cambridge? That would be useful during our time there. “I think so. I will get Blythe to set you up with a technical guy there. They probably have just as many assets you can use and peruse as we do.”

Allrighty then “Is that a London paper you have there?”

Yeah, it was one of the few in English “Can I have a section?” I handed the whole paper to him. He grabbed one section without looking at it. He put the paper over his face and leaned into the window to nap. We are to land in a half hour. Landing at Heathrow, Gerhardstein knew exactly where to go. It was like traveling with a native. The Underground is to be the first of two trains. The Piccadilly Line was our choice. We

got off at Kings Cross. I know nothing of this, but speak as if I do. To be truly worldly and intellectual, London is one of those cities you should have a passing familiarity with. London is a place that I must see again. not as rushed as my entrance. I hope my exit is

I must come back and see

Buckingham Palace, Big Ben and that place where people can openly give speeches (the Speakers Corner?). For know I have

just seen the King‟s Cross Station. It looks like a standard big city subway transfer stop; it‟s huge and confusing for a visitor. Gerhardstein and I have stopped talking business for the most part. It is somewhat relaxing not to feel like I am not being juried the whole way. Subways and distance trains in the same station is not something you see in the US. There are no grand plans for rail there. Here we got off the Underground and onto the above ground train to Cambridge. The Doc napped again and I tried. I have never been able to sleep sitting though. I watched the English countryside go by. This could be my only trip here. I want to see it and know it, but I am not on my schedule or serving my own priorities.

This is not exactly countryside either. A bit like US-95; big cities, then suburbs, then whatever is between big cities and suburbs. There is more to look at when the scenery remains somewhat urban, unless you are headed through a mountain range. I wish I weren't tired. I need to make a good impression. Guess I will kill this train time by tidying my own appearance. There is a bathroom. I can at least wet and brush my hair. I will probably go for the French bath. I am back. I swapped a couple of clothing items. I have a tweed-like blazer that is actually my favorite. It looks academic and British; at least in my own TV/Movie understanding of what "British" means. I switched my plastic framed specs for metal and now I look a tad intellectual. I think so any way. But if I think I look that way, doesn't that make my intellectualism kind of... Suppress! Suppress! Suppress! OK, now I am really back. You cannot have too much truth in your head when there are important things to do. It's goddamn depressing. Correct that I-95 thing; a little farmland, or what looks like farmland. We are coming into a city now that I believe is Cambridge. I wonder how big a city Cambridge is? It has a big University, it can't be that small.

We are pulling into Cambridge Station. I will nudge Gerhardstein in one moment. I am just trying to take it all in. Then I will have to put you away tribe. I am not sure how long, depends on how Blythe feels about my idiosyncrasy, the note taking one anyway.

Dear Diatribe; This Dr. Blythe is just like England itself. By that I mean he is both jolly and old. There is nothing wrong with jolly. He‟s smart as a whip, but not lauding it over you. It didn't seem that way any how; not from what as I could see. Working Title: Jolly and Old

Let us catch up. I stowed Tribe off in its case on the train. I thought my "note taking" might lag as I saw my first sparkling of anything Memoir-thy. Right away, Blythe comments that I could feel free to write all I wanted. Gerhardstein had explained it all to him. The habit of writing a lot is not raising the ire of the intelligentsia. If they are going to use things that I wrote to start an earth shattering movement; one day people might be interested in reading what I wrote in a hard-bound published tome. That book would be a biography of one of these two guys, but I could be author. If they wrote a memoir, I would be

mentioned with a “special thanks”. We got off the train here in Cambridge and met Dr Blythe on the sidewalk in front of the station. The two doctors had some hugging and catching up to do. I hung back while they did. I was

introduced shortly. Blythe introduced himself. "Peter?" "The famous Peter of "Man-Pita and Sangeeta" That was a little funny. death. There was a young guy driving the car he was in. This kids name was Callum. He was a grad student; either barely a grad student, or some kind of child prodigy. His fresh face looked to have, at most, two dozen years on it. He began loading our luggage in the trunk. Blythe asked "Do you have your names on your bags?” We both did. "OK, Callum put the bags in their rooms. We are to go off to the Kingston Arms up the way. Come by to fetch us for dinner." Callum nodded and drove away. I am glad we have and Englishman doing this. In America, we don't "fetch" people. "It is an informal departmental policy for us. When the Chair becomes decrepit, he is assisted with more than the standard educational tasks." Gerhardstein said that he was beloved and has a huge unpaid throng ready to serve his needs. "His secretary retired a few years ago; she now manages a league of students who clean and cook for him, while she eats with “Pita and Geeta" has been done to

him." The Kingston Arms is a pub. It was a block or so up the way from the station. I was very impressed. The art on the walls was all original, the same artist and very modern for a traditional pub. A pint of what I believe is called “Bitter” was ordered for me without having a chance to opt out. “Two of the real ones and an Oporto for me” was how the order was placed. A small glass of red wine was delivered to Blythe. I am in the middle of one of those times where I fear the mental and gastronomical affects of alcohol. I sip slowly and take extra notice of the flavor. "My Sangeeta has gone off and grown up on me. She‟s a lovely girl, I pray you live up to it.”

I hope for that everyday Business talk began quickly, but it still seemed like a very casual conversation. There was no quick tone change. There was no “Let‟s get down to business” or “Seriously; what you need to do is...” It started like this “I have read your free-verse ramblings, and as I am sure you have been told, I have been impressed”

Not in those precise words. More specifically he said “Peter! Wake up! We are going to the UK”. “And here you are my boy” “His verbal communication skills have come a long way. When he was in his twenties, he would grunt at me from behind a microscope” In what seemed like a sudden move, the animated Dr. Blythe jumped up and grabbed the pocket square from the right breast of my jacket. “Sangeeta!”

Yes sir, she gave me that. “I‟m aware; we sat in front of Gerhardstein‟s house for two summers spinning this thread and making this cloth”.

Did she teach you how to do that? “We taught each other. I got the spinning wheel that I was useless with. She had never done it before either, but she could figure it out. Those were some lovely times.” “I do indeed like your ideas. We come from quite different paths, you and I, but you have a marksman‟s aim at the bane of my existence.”

That would be the pharmaceutical industry, I presume? “If you wanted to sum it up in two words, „Pharmaceutical Industry‟ would be appropriate. Since it is my bane and my entire existence, I generally use more than that. I am a longwinded, blow-hard academic, as you know”

I was told that you are an academic. No discussion of hamartia followed. “Now that is a word I haven‟t heard in a while. I suppose you are a philosophy buff?”

Using that word is a telltale sign of one, or someone who is just fatally flawed. “It‟s also part of medical jargon”, Gerhardstein said. “A hamartia is a focal malformation consisting of a disorganized arrangement of tissues.” This is the first time I saw, in person, the disrespect for physicians these guys have, and the shame Gerhardstein has for being one. “Listen to ole saw-bones over here. They use words from the great minds to mean „I don‟t know. It‟s a big mess of stuff‟”. If a real scientist hasn‟t figured it out for them yet, the knowledge does not yet exist.”

Gerhardstein gives a surprising response with “Fuck you, Malcolm”. “Well put, Richard”, was Blythe‟s retort. The two just looked at each other for a moment, and then laughed. What seemed like a terse exchange turned out to be just a ribbing from old times. That is good to know. Blythe said he has spurred interest in our project from the Computer “Laboratory” chair. That man is to join us for dinner.

This guy is from the Campus Lab? I am not sure that is what we need. That is a rather enclosed area in a virtual sense. We might need the Computer Science Department or the IT department for the University. “At Cambridge, Computer Science is a sub-department of the Computer Laboratory.” “I stand corrected” I am glad the discussion of dinner had come up. While fearing the affects of the ale, a meal would probably do me some good. I have heard bad things about British food. I am an adventurous eater. I can take it. Moments later the young Callum came back. He said that dinner would be ready soon. He handed keys to Blythe, and ran off with his thanks. Blythe passed the keys to Gerhardstein and

we were off. I tried to pay the bill, but did not hold enough currency. Our host covered it. “Do you remember your way Richard?” “I believe I do sir.” I imagined we he would have an antique Bentley or something very stereotypical for this moment. It was a station wagon, that didn‟t create my inner movie scene. It was of a brand I had never heard of. I have never ridden in a “Vauxhall” before. Gerhardstein told me that it was a GM subsidiary. That makes sense, it doesn‟t look too different. I just tried to get some sort of tourist feeling or enrichment by looking at the buildings and the University when we drove near. We ended up at the Blythe house. It was a larger dwelling than you would think he would need, but I guess he bought it because it was a really good deal a long time ago. He has spacious yards, which are always called gardens here, in both front and back. Both are simply landscaped, but well manicured. It is under a mile from the University at the end of a Millington Road. As we pulled up and were met by a friendly lady, likely in

her sixties. I thought I remember him being described as a bachelor. If this is his girl, he likes them young. I write that because he is eighty seven. That is at least twenty years this ladies senior. “This is my longtime associate Shirley”. She kissed his cheek and patted his hand. “The rooms are ready, and dinner is on the stove. I moved Viv to the basement room to clear the upstairs quarters for Peter.” “I would guess you are Peter” Yes ma‟am, very nice to meet you “And Richard, you look well” Dr. Gerhardstein nods “Your young friend has a hold of that writing contraption I see.” They have talked about me from what I can tell. “You can‟t wrestle it away from him” Gerhardstein affirmed. Another car pulled into the driveway. Shirley bid her

farewells. “There‟s Max. Goodnight all” The man in the car smiled broadly and reached a hand out to Gerhardstein. “Richard, my good man!” “I had heard you were coming round” “Have you heard I‟m in Chicago now?” Gerhardstein asked “Shirley mentioned that. Success suits you, friend.” They both waved and drove off. We went into the house. I was pointed to my room and told I could freshen up before dinner. "Upstairs on your left; you should be quite comfortable." I went into the room and was absolutely floored. I guess I will be comfortable. It had the exact same bedroom set we have in our room at home. I mean it was exactly the same. That sounds like no big deal, but I don't think I ever wrote about ours. After we were married in a civil ceremony at the Chicago court house, we had just one big gift from “her family”. It was

the bedroom set in question. An Old Church in England had been torn down. The maker of this bedroom set had gotten a hold of the parts of it. The headboard is the door from the church, and an old pew serves as both the foot-board creating a seat at the end of the bed. The seat is quite a handy thing, as it goes. Some beams from the structure serve as the side-rails. A beautiful wooden cabinet compliments the bed and makes up the set. This bedroom in Blythe's home had that exactly. The only difference was that they door handle was on the opposite side from the one in our apartment. This was clearly because the church had a double door. The two doors were opposite each other. It is a very exciting discovery. It is also embarrassing that I knew nothing about this. I knew that Sangeeta knew Blythe and that they were close. I never took note of how odd it would be if her actual family had given us, what you would have to be, a very expensive and very English gift. “We have trounced our overlords and will break apart all they hold dear to make furniture.” That is probably how it went.

None of her family was at our wedding; they didn‟t recognize it in any way. I don‟t even know if they were aware of our nuptials. Her father came for the reception, but not for the actual wedding at the courthouse. A piano professor of mine came and played. There was no classical fare. My cousin Jen is a great soprano. She sang “Come Rain, Come Shine”. My friend Dan brought his Sax and played one of my favorite things along with Prof. Thorne. “One of my favorite things” They played “My Favorite Things” in a version reminiscent of Coltrane‟s. Coltrane did that once with a smooth baritone named Johnny Hartman. He was the only singer Trane ever recorded with. I got up to sing a bit of the song. My mother is a lover of “Sound of Music”; she knew the tune and loved it. Then my cousin Todd from Michigan‟s top Irish band Craic Wisely, emceed and played a few fun numbers. For a wedding planned in a month, that reception really made it special for me. Blythe has been a name that has buzzed in my ears for the last week or so. The reasons are obvious. But now I feel like I have been an inattentive husband. How well do I know my wife?

He is actually an important figure. When Gerhardstein introduced the Open Source stuff to him, he wouldn‟t have said “This guy” wrote about it. He would have said “Peter, Sangeeta‟s husband has an idea”. There would have been some amount of trust that I wasn‟t a complete idiot after the fist sentence. So I am either tragically unaware of things, or this is meant to be. It could be both. Both are too much to think about. Now I feel like I am having dinner with family. Gerhardstein as well you would have to think. We have become close enough. Close like straight men get. I have to get to that dinner right now, I hear. Tandoori chicken for dinner, Indian food. Who woulda‟ thunk it? They tell me that both he and his retired secretary are into Indian food. That is why she cooked this. I didn‟t write this at the table, I thought that would be rude. Then they asked where my “gizmo” was. I went and got it. As much as it is considered my little idiosyncrasy, I think it is rude sometimes as well. If they think it defines me, then it defines me. There was a Dr. Smith there from the “Computer Lab”. He was

into whole idea. He asked me what I needed, and said that Blythe had told him that we would be working from here in the house. There is actually a small barn outside and will be the official worksite. I thought we were just visiting. I have no idea how long I am going to be here. Gerhardstein has not shared this with me. I wonder if he has shared it with my wife.

One thing I will need Dr. Smith; both for the work and tonight if I could, is the ability to call my wife in the states. “After dinner we need to take your laptop out to the barn. Bring Blythe‟s as well. I got a kid to set some things up there yesterday. You have a switch to plug into, a wireless router, and a VPN is setup and online. He said he set up the phone too. I just need to check with them to make sure you are routed through our broadband phone setup at the Laboratory.”

This was done already? I am not sure why you are asking me what I need then. “Servers were what I was expecting to here about. I have two I can swing loose for you. They have SuSE Linux on them. Is that OK? I was wondering if you needed an Oracle Database.” I will use MySQL if I have a server to put it on. That won‟t introduce any costs for you.

“I am an educational institution; Oracle has no costs for me either.” You don‟t look like an educational institution “Cambridge?” No “You”, don‟t look like one. He laughed. Then he looked at me like I was wasting his time.

The one other thing I am concerned about is disk space. It is a growing application. It is more visual than you would expect for Biochemistry. “Each of the servers has a file system called /vol1 which have 100gb on the SAN. Expand from there if you need to.” That‟s excellent. I think I should have what I need. Other than a fucking clue I am not sure he could provide me with one. Not that he is short of clues. He knows what his job is. "I hope I can get you your phone call tonight. Some people would say it is not business related, but calling your wife is to me."

Blythe came in there. "Feeling all by yourself"?

I believe I am, sir "You are alone right now; we will see what we can do about that."

That is nice to hear

I have some ideas on how we can get started. I had expected this would be done in Chicago. Gerhardstein adds that we needed to talk after dinner. No shit “Let‟s go out to the barn right now and see what they have done.” The barn is quite charming. It is a little damp, but they have gone head first in setting it up with a makeshift office. There are three desks in the entrance room. There is a second room in the back. Held off of the ground by a small cart with Cambridge University lettered on it, is a big LCD screen. Gerhardstein points to it and says “that was my call”. “You told me we could have phone calls and video conferences with England on the Internet and not pay long distance. I was talking

with Miles back at the office; he said we could set up a constant conference with Cambridge.

That is true. Do you intend to do that? “Maybe not constant, but I think it could be helpful” So I guess that retrofitting a system with Blythe‟s Drug research is what I am going to start with here? “That is the plan”

How long am I to stay? “This is your project Peter.”

OK. Does my wife know that I will be here? “She has a good idea. We discussed it. I have to tell you. She told me you can get ahead of yourself. She told me to put out the information in portions you could properly chew on.”

I understand. Do I have a lot more time coming where I will discover things held for me? Is the concern that I will improperly masticate too much data going to be a theme? “I can think of little else. You either know or can extrapolate from here exactly what I have planned.

Peter, none of this was certain until the last few days. It‟s just like I told you in Barcelona. The organization had to already exist to get support. If it was a flop, what existed would have been so small it could fit in my pocket. Then I would have just tossed it in a bin at the airport and our flight would have been to Chicago.”

So we have done well? Our fictional group needs to be larger now because we said it was larger? “That‟s a smart ass way to say it. But I will agree with you there. We want this to be bigger any way. You have hundreds of pages written in that diatribe of yours that show it being a bigger organization than a grouping of shoddy desks in a barn.”

This is just the point at which I wish I knew more. This little program I have shown you is just that. A little program that runs on a laptop and simulates what the real thing would look like. He comforts me, “I know that, and now is the time to build the real thing. For that you will need some help. They will set up the video phone, and then you will see your lady any time you want. You will have all the resources here that Malcolm and Dr. Smith have to give you. You will be meeting tomorrow on the video with Miles. He can set you up with just as much back in Chicago. The most important thing though, is right here. We only

have one real property, and that currently belongs to Malcolm. So you need to be here.” He was too correct to argue with. I am not sure that I can get this done, but I don‟t feel as alone as I did a few minutes ago when Blythe affirmed that I was. I don‟t know any one who will be working with me, but there is some trust that makes me sound like the expert. “Do you know of anyone back home who could help with this? I mean someone who could come to England on a moments notice to help you.”

I have one in mind actually I can think on my feet. There is nothing like leaning on your newly widowed friends for help. Whether that was the case or not, I don‟t know anyone who could help more.

I do have someone. Do we have money to get him here? “I got $25,000 in Barcelona that is solid and spend-able. I got promises for more that I need to spend hours on this free long distance of yours trying to get it. OK, I will make a call, and perhaps you will put a ticket at O‟Hare for a Scott Swanson?

“That much I will do, he can stay here in the room I am in” Can‟t we find additional space? Is there the need to share rooms? “I will leave before you do. You won‟t need me here. Chicago beckons me back”. I spent another hour talking to Blythe, Gerhardstein and this strange bird named Viv who came up from the basement to eat. I took few notes. I just wrote down things that I might need. "I need undaweaw" (I say it like I was a child) for example; which I do. I also wrote ideas I heard or things to remember about this place. I am a tourist, aren't I? All

Dear Diatribe; It‟s morning in England. I want to get a few words in before I set about my day. Staying with a couple of geezers is helpful. I was in bed by eleven last night. It is 5:30am; they are eating pastries and drinking tea. I have made it downstairs and accepted the offer of some tea. He said “cup of”, not “spot of”. I wonder if they actually say “spot of”. I will wear a white shirt today; that way I will likely get a “spot of tea” as a souvenir, one that will never be laundered.

Tribe Title: Out Damned Spot I would have preferred a cup of coffee. I hope there is some to be had in town. There must be some. Blythe and Gerhardstein had a laptop on the kitchen table. The old man was at the controls. “Buzz”. They were talking about

What is odd to me is that this “buzz” exists in

publications and websites which the general populace has no interest in. University sites, scientific news and some foreign press made up the lion‟s share of their browsing. or two in the New York Times. “Dr. Richard Gerhardstein of the University of Chicago addressed the conference with a stinging indictment of private pharmaceutical interest‟s effects on AIDS. He gave There was sentence

a detailed proposal for turning drug research over to an open, idea-sharing network. Mandela commented that ideas Clinton

like these would reap great benefits in Africa.

said the proposal was „a respectable academic theory which begs serious consideration.‟” I never mentioned that Clinton and Mandela spoke at the conference. I missed them.

We got a page-3 nod in the Times and there are just reams of comment within the academic world. It is wonderful

to toil in obscurity when those around you think you are a superstar. I could never feel like one at this hour.

I‟m not a “morning person”. Even the extra sleep last night does not feel like enough to wake this early. It is important this morning though. We have some kid from the University coming to hook up our video-conference. The plan is to get that going, then talk to this Miles Patterson in Chicago. I have heard that name mentioned around my house. I worded it last night like this. “I have heard of him, he works with Geeta.” Gerhardstein came back with “he works for Geeta”. After I get Miles started on computers in the states, I get to talk to my wife. No; I have to talk to Scott Swanson. Maybe I wait till it‟s nighttime in Chicago. In the afternoon here I could probably get some time with Scott. I can‟t just say “forget about Lorraine, come to England and help me”. OK, they are calling for me. Let‟s get ready. I have been granted a certain trust that I can joke forever

about not being worthy of. If I do this I think I will set in motion a self-fulfilling prophecy as my wife says I often do. I have great confidence in what we can achieve here. This is the message and I am to stay on it. I am off

Dear Diatribe; Dr. Smith was just leaving as I walked into the barn and met with the kids he brought. We exchanged waves and he looked at the students and said "He's in charge". This was said with a finger pointed in my direction. I have worked in a lot of offices. I have never had the authority to mandate floor plans. In this case I do. I have not been given the option not to. I am being asked “where does this go”, as if I already know. I get the beginners course here by laying out a barn. There are two rooms. The entry room is three times the size of the back room. I am going to park myself in the smaller room. There are already three desks in the big one. I have no flat surface for items in my room. Being that this is a barn, Taking up the whole room would make you a space hog. You would be called a size queen within the gay community. My ex was a first class fag-hag, though her I know things that I wish to never acknowledge publically. In comes a conference table. I will start giving my first orders here. I‟m a natural, baby!

That will go in the second room over there. Set up the video screen against the wall on your left. (I begin to address all three Cambridge guys, Blythe and Gerhardstein)

This larger room will be for the base of the work here in the UK. That is the doorway to our Chicago office. This is currently our only other location, and we will be in constant contact. SO/Med Resources will not be tied to their location.

My greatest challenge right now is to facilitate the communications to get this started. I will base my work out of the communications room.

I am going to have the first meeting here as soon as connectivity is set up. One of the students comes in with “It‟s ready; we just need to hang the screen”.


What is your name? “Ian” A burning glare tells me that he is not impressed with nascent ascent to a mantle of power. They told me I was in charge, so I thought I‟d try it out.

I‟ve got to do it sometime. What the fuck? No need to litigate over it. I am Andy Hardy now. Come on kids, my dad‟s got a

barn, let‟s put on a show. Tribal Epithet: Andy Hardy’s Barn Show

I have no idea who this guy is any way. He seems to be in charge of the other Dr. Smith plebes here. He pronounces his name “Eeen”. I hope I spelled it correctly with I-A-N. “Is there anything else you need in this room?” he tersely asked. Keep it up Petey

Yeah, the phone needs to be speaker, and a cordless handset. “You already have a speakerphone. I think we can splash for the cordless. They are cranking up Chicago now for you. We will be back when the hour is more reasonable.”

Understood Another of his crew yelled “Ready” from the second room. I came in to see a young black guy on the monitor. I thanked the technician and introduced myself. Hello, I‟m Peter Kosinski, you must be Miles.

“Yes sir, nice to meet you. Hold on one second please” He ran off and I noticed Gerhardstein at our doorway wheeling in two office chairs. Dr. G, he called me “sir”. That is nice, but I don‟t know how to respond to respect. “If you allow these respectful pleasantries at first, it seems rewarding when you dispense with them.” A good strategy I suppose. If I want to use „strategy‟ to talk to people, I will consider it. Miles came back and produced my wife.

Hello, stranger “Hi, Peter. For once I see some value in your overly wired diversions.”

It does have its purposes. “Dr. Gerhardstein, I have been handed stacks of messages for you. Normally something that would wait, but I think there are several you would want to answer right away. You boys were a big hit in Spain. How did you pull that off?”

I honestly had no idea what a big hit at a conference like that would resemble. Any calculation would have to have been on the part of the doctor. "Your ignorance was a part of my calculation. Now it is all falling into place” Gerhardstein said in an evil scientist type voice. It is fitting, and a bit funny.

We are going to need to find some time on this conference later sweetheart. When you think of it, we haven‟t been apart that long. But more has happened in these few days than in the others that we‟ve known each other. “I am going to leave you with Miles. If you plan a time, I will be here.” She smiled at me and then gave some instructions to Miles that I couldn‟t hear. I am starting to wonder about how much information they are willing to trust me with.

Miles, we are going to need some servers and disk space. Right now, there is not a long list of things for the states. The reason I want this video conference to stay active is that our US needs will be fluid. Channels need to stay open. “I can keep it running 24/7, unless people have a meeting scheduled in here” Gerhardstein takes some control “Meetings will be in my office until I get back. Peter and I will need to have this

channel open. There are some conferences I will need to set up in here if I can. Outside of that, just take your orders from Peter.”

Miles, can you just sit in there for the next couple days? Move the stuff from your desk and bring a laptop. It is not the best situation. You are going to get kicked out all the time. I need a tech mind on that side; I understand that you are my guy. “Getting kicked out of places, trying to find a seat I can sit in; that is all a part of my heritage” It‟s good you‟re on board. You're gonna get the same shit, north or south of the Mason-Dixon. “Ain‟t that the truth?” Gerhardstein was speechless from laughing. I don‟t know how we connected like that. Geeta described him as being pretty reserved. We clicked on some waves. He has a jazz manner of speech or something similar that I am likely to pay respect before I know him. The others left Miles and me alone. “I have a question for you Peter”.


“Have you met or seen any black folks there.” I haven‟t met many more people than you have seen on the screen. No, I have not. “I always thought they had a great way of talking.”

I think we all have. You appear to be quite the boob if you speak too much about the accent. Many are unaware that they have it. Those who are aware are far too pretentious to bother with. “ “I like your lady” he said

Thanks, everybody does.

Be like her if you can manage it. “She has brought in MP3-CD‟s of your jazz stuff for me. reminds me of my dad‟s old vinyl collection” It

I think she mentioned that your dad was a cat. Do you still have those disks? “Not enough of them; my mom hated them”

She hated Jazz? “They split up over his horn. Divorce was a crazy business back then.”

Was that during the period of time known as “the day?” “No, about five years after the day”

Miles, I need you to run some voodoo down for me. We are going to have some “make-do” systems for a bit. With what I have here, I am going to move what runs on a laptop to a server. I am going to get something up and running, that is going to take about two days. They have a room full of papers to put in the system. I have been told that there are more electronic documents than that.

I will keep the Blythe people busy getting the shit together for entering. You are all about backups. “Do you have anything to be backed up yet?”

As I said, the hope is in two days. There is a database, and there is code. The application is going to change almost as much as the database is. I need you to give us fall-back points going back every eight hours.

I am going to have the application backed up hourly from one server to another. These are not going to be real professional backups that I do. I am just going to have a BASH script that creates a directory called appbackup.YYYYMMDDHHMM and throws the current compiled application in it. Make another similar file for code.

You need to look into a code repository. That is what is used to store source when developers are working on it. I suggest one called CVS.

(He should know that, but I am not sure. he isn‟t far out of college. racist.

I‟m not sure because Then I am a

What if he does know?

We are all racists in some way.)

“That will run on Linux?”

Yes, we will use no backup software, just a quick script. I‟m sure this kid is good as they all say, but not at what we are doing. I am going to count on real fast learning.

We are not in disaster recovery mode now. We know shit is going to get fucked up and we need to have the backup in our hands all the time.

You start looking into rolling incremental backups on the database. If we lose what I‟m doing; I just get mad and run around saying poo-poo words for a while. If we lose what the Brits are entering? Then we suck and they get someone else.

Your stuff needs to be open source. Either write a script to do it, or find an open source project. There is one called AMANDA out there. “OK, I‟ve got it. Is there anything else you need?”

Yes, I am e-mailing you some contact information on a Scott Swanson. He‟s a great guy. He lives in the area. I want him in that conference room. Tell him to either come down there, message me, or both. If he has questions, have him talk to Geeta. Really, I would like him in the conference room; if that can be done.

What I want is for you to have him there, in less than a day. He should be online and on this conference. I think I will fly him to England.

Treat him gently, he just lost his wife. But lead him with urgency. Do both, and do them well. Also, let me know when I‟m talkin‟ out my ass. “Will do” I felt funny talking to him like I was the man. the man. But, if so, I am reluctantly. I might be

You people must take

that into account. What good would it be if I didn‟t throw some kind of really un-enlightened “you people” statement here? That way, when

people read it later, they can attribute it to the times I lived in. I need to eat something. They probably have some of those

English muffins they are so known for. I tried to saddle up with Blythe and Gerhardstein. are the ones who are truly in charge here. hide behind. They would have none of it. They

They are good to They are expecting

things from me.

It is starting to sound like this was my idea.

To put it better, it sounds like it was my idea to do it now and

here and in this way. How in the hell else could something like this happen? don‟t know. Someone of more gravitas could just learn these That kind of His cocks I

ideas as well as I know them from writing it down.

person would bring some swinging dick to the project. would win the battle still of mine.

When all is to naught, and

his quails ever beat mine, in-hooped, at odds. Shakespeare Dittos all around The students came, again led by Ian. hand trucks full of paper files. the floor and keep things dry. I gave a largely honest speech to them. Gerhardstein and They were wheeling

He had plastic sheets to line

Blythe stepped out for a few minutes after giving me a bit of needed verification of my status. Having these kids just gather the material will be a good strategy. Any amount of time they spend putting things in a There are going

good order for entry into the system is a plus.

to be tasks that get held up on delays, a constant project in play could help us avoid fits and starts. Before the end of the day I became very impressed with Miles. Scott Swan-Song showed up in their conference room.

Miles stepped out after showing him in. 9:30 in Chicago.

4:30pm in England is

I was surprised that he got downtown so quickly.

Maybe Not

Sangeeta called him and transferred the sense of urgency. that you could read that in him.

He was happy to be there, but

more in a friendly sense, not with a professional urgency. That sense of urgency I am looking for might be the reason that I invite him to England for the ground floor of an exciting opportunity, or the reason that I don‟t invite him. I could go

through that enormous fucking rolodex of mine and invite one of my other admirers. If that weren‟t utterly false I would have I doubt I would

so many options and I would make use of them. have a soul though. So … there‟s that.

Scott was happy to be called and to be thought of. sadly forlorn and lonely. time with Lorraine.

He was

For years he has spent most of his I remember him juggling

She needed care.

shifts at work around her transport to and from dialysis. I dare not say that this ever seemed like a burden to him, it was a big part of what he was about. I respected him already. I had to respect him.

My respect for him came through his

approach to work and co-workers, his honesty, and his overall personable manner. that for me. I told him the story of what had happened so far. became interested. He Learning more about Lorraine just verified

What I needed for him to do was to basically

take the lead on moving the application from my laptop to a working server version. I plan to do a lot of that work myself,

but I don‟t want to get pulled in too many directions. “Do you want me to do this from here? going downtown every morning.” I guess he wasn‟t fully briefed on the whole thing before. I would have run downtown if I thought there was a paid trip to Europe involved. I‟d like you here if possible. “That‟s an exciting project Pete, but I haven‟t budgeted to fly to England for it.” I really relish

We will fly you here. “So you are speaking with a big „we‟ now?”

I always wear pants in public; on the advice of counsel. So you were probably unaware that I have always spoken with a very big “we”.

“That might be more than I was looking for out of this conversation.”

Nonetheless Scott, I think you could do well by being with me for a while, and I know I could use you. “We” is the inchoate organization called SO/Med. How big will it become? How long will it last? I don‟t know. I, and by that you, have never had men of this stature ask us to do something this significant. I trust that you will, if you can. He immediately accepted my invitation. Sangeeta walked

into the conference room, hugged him and greeted me.

Hi sweet. Are you to handle getting Scott to England? “You are going? … Yes, I will get him there right away.”

They began talking to each other.

How long before I will be seeing Scott, Honey? “Two days, I think. I don‟t know the exact schedules. I

know I could book a return flight from Heathrow in a day.”

Good enough then. I will be looking forward to it. If you get a chance before then, keep checking your e-mail. I am going to set up some things you can download. That way we can play with this mess on two separate laptops. He nodded. to pack him up. They told me they would head off to his house From there they would head back, either to our

house, or to the airport.

She is sweet.

Scott‟s total

relationship base, combined with our hearing as late as we did has left Scott with no one to provide that careful attention and tenderness one all would hope for in a time like that. I let them get to the busy task list ahead. writing this in the “garden” right now. past tense. In fact I am

I often write in the

My personal past tense tends to measure in minutes.

Walking this way right now is a Dr. Richard Gerhardstein, with briefcase buckling a wristwatch. So I switch tense again. Pity them

Pity my biographer, if it comes out after my demise.

either because the writing follows little doctrine, or because he is writing about a dreadful fuck-nozzle.
Miles: I would have included this passage regardless. Fuck-nozzle or not

He is leaving. flight.

He is driving with Blythe for a 9:00pm

No time for a train.

How long am I staying? “Not mine to answer. You need to assume control of things.

All the way Peter; all the way”

OK, Doc. I need about ten minutes to pack my bags. “That‟s good to hear. Is everything done in Cambridge?”

Of course it isn‟t. She told me, “I know I could book a return flight from Heathrow in a day.” No shit. How did she know that? You can do much better

“Well then come home when it is. without me hear.

I am not babysitting you in this venture. Take your ultimate offer and make

Live up to Geeta‟s words! good!”

My tail tucks between my legs. some point.

I should discuss the tail at

I‟m sorry sir. I‟m a bit fatigued. This has come on a quick. “No worries, Pete. standup to this. that.” So I said “yes, sir” and wandered off. He called me back to Don‟t be so fucking neurotic. You can

It happened quickly.

Learn to deal with

tell me that I need to go to American Express in Cambridge to pick up a SO/Med card. I will never get home unless I do.

“It‟s right on Sidney St.” That helps me a great deal. remember what street I am on now. memory. I would have to page up to Tribe is here to help me with

With them gone, an early nap or reflection period seems in order. The right thing to do is to buy these kids dome dinner,

but I am a foreign man of foreign ways.

Dear Diatribe; I had intended to sit somewhere nice and decompress into you last night. No such luck. I had good luck I could have

never counted upon.

Mine came in the form of a little old man

who came into the barn at about midnight. I was fatigued by his presence at first. decompose, as I had said. talking with Gerhardstein. expect that. meet with me. He came out to the barn and dismissed the students. told them they could go home. He I wanted to

He had spent the previous night They are old friends and I would

I was impressed with myself because he wanted to

He seemed like a thoughtful,

fatherly sort concerned about these youngsters getting some sleep. He was just trying to tear me away. I had become quite busy and hard to get a moment with. I

don‟t really know how to manage and do things at the same time. I guess you have to figure out how to not “do”, or to make “do”. People in management would probably have my head if I were to suggest they don‟t “do” anything. My friend Dan is in Management; Arts Management. Chuckle

if you will; I have and intend to. Dr. Blythe brought out a bottle of port and two glasses that looked like comically miniaturized goblets. can have some time.” “I hope I didn‟t muss your workings in anyway by shooing them.” “Finally, we

No, it is a bit late, and I have time scheduled with them tomorrow. They have dedicated every moment outside of classes to this work. That is an impressive dedication that I would assume it is a tribute to your influence. “Don‟t short your own ideas Peter. pieces of your Diatribe. devotees. They have all read

You have made them Open Source

They have been eager to meet you for months.”

How is that possible? “That wife of yours fancied you in the ways of love. When

you shared the idea with her, she thought it sounded brilliant, but had to put the proper doubt to it. Understood; she might She wanted it

have been blinded by her more amorous passions. checked out.”

She said she had told Gerhardstein about it. Then she brought him about five pages of my writings to give some details.

“There is no lie in her telling. It‟s not how I would have ordered the narrative.”

Fill me in He popped the cork on the bottle of port and poured me a glass. “You deserve refreshment; partake.” I did as he asked.

“We can walk a bit, get out of this barn and enjoy the garden. If we fancy a seat, there are far more comfortable environs in the house.” His most-affable demeanor and basset hound face drew me to follow him as he picked up the bottle and his own glass and sauntered into the yard (make that garden). “Sangeeta came to me for the vetting of your manifesto. was as interested, if only to get a sense of this man she had taken as her connubial other.” I had a fleeting sense of anger that my personal writings were shared, without my knowledge, with someone I don‟t know. I

How much did she send you? “It started with just a few pages outlining the Open-Source paradigm. I asked for more again and again.”

Did she oblige?

“Yes, each time she was able to send me more than I had expected. It began to beg a central question. „Exactly where

does this bloke, while working as a technologist, find the time and reason to write in such detail on, what one might call, unrelated subject matter?”

I ask that question of myself at times. “Indubitably you would.” “She began to tell me about this diarist she had found. that point I wanted more of your personality sent to me. become a fan, I must say.” At

I have

Thanks? I did not know I had any. Not sure I will live up to this type of adulation. “I did get the feeling that I was invading your privacy. wanted to clear that up. this summer.” I

I had thought I might come to Chicago

It would be great to have you. “That is not what is happening. You are here”

How long was this in the works? How long am I here for? “That is going to be a decision you make. We needed to

know whether this thing would go at all, how big it would be, and how much work it would take. That work is yours to do.

So I am here as long as this takes? “You can stay as long as you need to be here to do it; that is how I would define it.”

That makes me feel in control of my own path. First feeling like that since leaving for Barcelona “Do you feel as if you‟ve been deceived?” I told him that would be a hard phrasing to defend. No

matter what they told me before, at least they think they are giving me my greatest opportunity. Who am I to argue? I would have

I was just looking for another contract gig. accepted one no matter what. hole right now. Who knows?

I could be working in a real shitI might be now. But what man

wouldn‟t work in a shit-hole if it were the one his wife wanted him to work at? You have a great relationship with Geeta. She hasn‟t spoken about you often with me though. I wish she had. “The only one you ever hear about is probably „Cha-Cha Baboo‟”

Yes, that is a name I recognize. Someone in India I think “No, that is me. The first half is an honorific for The back half is an Indian insult

„uncle‟, this flatters me.

for a countryman in the employ of the British Colonial Government. I am a beloved Viceroy, from what I understand.”

There is no doubt now that you are speaking of my wife. I went on to explain that in a very Polish city like Chicago you get accustomed to people referring to grandparents as Na-Na and Pap-Pap, or such cutesy designations. sounded similar to that. She has gone on at length about academic-types she grew up with around Harvard. I usually take insult at the very mention Cha-Cha

of them; probably my most evolved and mature quality. The reason why I haven‟t inquired about you or so many others who were so influential in her life is, I must admit, I don‟t listen to my wife enough. “The Achilles heel of many a man, my boy”

I am that heel. An entire Iliad could be written about me. “You should be so lucky. writer. now. Homer would need a living ghost

I believe you are dictating another type of story right

Can‟t we say that you have the chance at your bloody

dreams here?” I can‟t hide my doubts. But if dream fulfillment was the impetus behind all that has transpired, I am all for it. “It is for Sangeeta and when she believes in something, people will follow. You know that.

I‟ve always noticed the power; never the drive to lead or inspire. “I think she needs the right time. right time. Either that or she finds the

Gerhardstein and I were both interested in your It was your wife that convinced us

ideas for our own reasons.

to take it where we are, and with you in the fold.” I could record no more of the conversation. There were A feeling

technical issues that it wasn‟t the time to remedy.

overtook me that my idiosyncrasy is more than a little bit dismissive of others. For others it tempts the edges of their expectations of privacy. I try to come off as someone who just wants to Like it is respectful; it can be,

remember all that you say. sometimes. thoughts.

Most people think I am intrusive by recording For those who fear my future use of their comments.

I sincerely say “Fuck you all”, unless you are someone I like.

I recount the rest of our talk, the best I can. Quickly back to business, he asked how much help I was getting out of Chicago. Miles. I said I was impressed with this young

Not so much his technical acumen, more his drive and

ability to cut through obstacles. He asked if we shared the love for Jazz that I and Gerhardstein hold so dear.

Not really, his father played Jazz, but he is young and more into rap and hip-hop. “This must take him down a notch in your view?”

No, not at all, sir “It would for me, that stuff isn‟t even music. gangster thing is complete rubbish. That whole

I needn‟t be berated with

dreadful limericks about hooliganism.” I was crestfallen. Curmudgeonly discourse from the man who I was starting to think was a luminous enlightened being; a rara avis if I may say. He was coming across as the same

misanthropic soreheads that I am accustomed to suffering the mindless remonstrations about anything new that they are unfamiliar with. I cringed until I realized… I responded to this in the most

He was laughing at me.

eloquent manner possible.

What? “You will understand when you reach the middle and golden years. Within the Caucasian community, we need to procure


What exactly are we acquiring? “Our people no longer invent music. We only offer our

disdain for it until it slowly becomes our own” he said through his chuckle-suppressing snorts. I wrote in a diatribe. It sounded similar to something

I am nearly sure it is.

“I begin by saying that it isn‟t music; or some jungle this or that. Before long; we have made an alabaster acquisition.” Tribal Cognomen: Jungle Music

I will have to admit a certain amount of geek in my sheets. I have laughed a couple of times at comments by Blythe. I

lFaughed as I would at the old-man character in a British comedy. In the entertainment arena, I think I might have We are speechlessly cracking

laughed, regardless of quality. together.

For one moment of this I felt a fear that such a connection

left me vulnerable.

Should I be guarded in what I say here? I don‟t think about those Every moment of your I go

Then I came back to my principles. things.

I implore you that you should.

life you should be guarded. the other way. I like this guy.

You should not trust anyone.

He is almost eighty-seven years old.


in the hell do people live that long?

My dad was fifty when he

died in the hospice floor of the hospital. Hospitals don‟t have long-term hospice care. They move your

loved one there if they are going to die, but not within a convenient hour or two. The nurses are trained for that. 5-12

hours; they have no idea what to do about that. I would never say that my dad lived long enough. It is

just at fifty, when he died, it was eight years after we first heard the “cancer” word. The hospice has volunteers that are

very well trained in “end of life” issues. Our volunteer was wonderful. time. He is eighty years old at the

I of course thought of, and mentioned it right away.

This guy was thirty years old when dad was born. I am only twenty-six. I wonder what I have left. This old man gives me an idea that growing old might be OK.

He likes the most biting in my writing.

He told me so.

The sighting of someone who likes what‟s biting in my writing is truly exciting. Perhaps he misread it and found it inviting. He is quite old, perhaps it was the lighting. He laughed and we walked. headed into the house. doors. We talked more about the old man‟s long association with my wife. Sangeeta We kept the port with us and

The rear entrance was through glass

I reminisced for him.

Sangeeta, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. San-Gee-ta: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth.

San Gee Ta.

She was Geet, plain Geet, in the morning, standing five feet nine in one sock. She was Geeta in slacks. She was Geety at school. (Aside) Sometimes Lovely Geeta Meter Made. But in my arms she was always Sangeeta. I am glad he enjoyed that. It wasn‟t until I began saying If a young

it that the reference could touch the unspeakable.

man meets the elderly gent that his wife had been close friends with, is any mention of Nabakov appropriate?

I think that I had a safe lead-in to it.

He was talking

about me being such a “lucky man”, but me probably “not realizing it yet”. He did laugh heartily at my Lolita spin-off.

But, then again, he moved on quickly. “I like what you‟ve brought us here. I was not sure about I

Sangeeta‟s thrust that we let you discover things at a pace. am not sure it was needed, but I enjoy watching you realize things as you go along.” I told him how impressed I was at the operation he had ready to go for this. He said that he had all of these assets He often has. He raved about

to put to a good use any time. the excitement over this. students.

This not only from Biochemistry

He had Computer Science/MIS people, and even some

legal types who were interested in helping. He asked me about my thoughts on the patent. With a few

seconds consideration, I told him he should patent it himself. He could then assign the patent to a SO/Med organization.

There is a difference between your drug and my written musings about the ideal future SO/Med Pharmaceutical. Yours was fully developed before SO/Med even existed. That is; if it really exists now. Let‟s say it does exist.

In my own words it would be a jim-dandy place for you to entrust your invention. But what the fuck to I know? You need to keep the rights to this thing in case our grand plan falls into the shit-hole everyone would expect it too. On top of that, I don‟t think that an organization whose very existence is in doubt can get a patent. A Cambridge Biochemistry Professor can. Somewhere in there you are going to have to be nice to Cambridge; lest they try to claim ownership of it. He told me he could see that I was considering every worry in my head at the time. I was that way. stones unturned. He said that Gerhardstein had told him

I am now said to be one who doesn‟t leave I am flattered.

My legal calculations in the Tribe didn‟t spread that much detail outside of American statutes and strategies. In the five

years I have been writing this I have probably spent little more than four or five nights researching laws other than the domestic variety. You can research them online, but if you

can‟t read the language… He told me he was going to set up some meetings about the patent. He said his expert was impressed with my layman‟s I was just writing in my

efforts at the barrister‟s craft. journal.

He wanted to discuss the legal aspects of things.

He‟d like

me at the meetings with his attorney. consigliere for him. alone.

I will serve as a

He said that he won‟t make the decision

I told him that I would be in need his help with the scientific part of things. element to this enterprise. “I thought you would understand. The reason I was in the Seeing that there is a scientific

house for the last two days was to get Richard ready to go back to Chicago. I would have extended you the invitation to join I

us, but you had a full plate with your tasks out in the barn. also wanted you to be in charge out there. both reality and perception.” I appreciate his help in these things. I was working I wished it to be

without a net with these students that seem smarter and more accomplished that I am. think I‟m dumb. I won‟t overdo my humility. I don‟t

One‟s designation as wise, learned or

intellectual is based on three aspects. Location, Location, Location This is a phrase for which I count myself the author. originally coined it a bit differently. It was… I

Location, Location, Location, Location

So it was shortened a bit. I feel appropriately clever amongst my professional peers. I have only been attracted to friends that I considered of substantial wit. There are areas where each of my mates exceeds These mere students are

me in some way, but none truly tower.

in programs that I could not get admitted to, at a University I could not afford. University of Chicago is over my head. That

was one thing that gave me reservations about moving to Hyde Park. My wife is a student and staff member there. We have

that connection.

The way she presents herself, most people

probably assume she is faculty. Blythe told me that he would be spending his days in the barn until classes begin. They don‟t start here until October.

“After that I can only commit every waking moment I am not in class. Part of your responsibilities will be getting yourself

set up at home by that time.” I offered him the other half of the conference table in my “office”. He said he would get nothing done in there. He said He can

he didn‟t want to diminish my authority with the others.

demand it from his students, but I need to hold the mantle of leadership with the players of all disciplines.

I know you like my ideas. This blandishment is truly inspiring. My wife has sold

me well. I can never thank her enough for that. You have fallen hook, line and sinker for all of it. That puzzles me. You confer doctorates at a great university. You can weed through things yourself.

I have abilities. I could take care of the computerization of this operation. I could manage it. That alone would be a step up for me. Both Dr. Gerhardstein and you are far more suited to overall stewardship. Birthing an international organization and engendering the trust of luminaries across the globe?

I have and continually develop more and more respect for you. As I have said, I owe all of this to the confidence of Sangeeta. I love her more as her clandestine plans for my success are revealed. I hope to not offend you, but I am getting the inklings of a situation coming. I think of the worst hucksters taking advantage of the elderly. I shutter to think that my sweet bride might be perpetrating that same fraud. Again he laughed. “Perhaps I should explain further.

There is a confidence that emanates from Sangeeta, but you were correct that it shouldn‟t, and wouldn‟t, be enough for me. Through a weekend of face-to-face banter, several phone calls, an endless thread of e-mail and, for the past year, instant messaging, I have developed opinions I consider my own. He went on to give this memoir-thiness-seeking diarist a telling of his own biography that I could never out do. He has had dialogue with Sangeeta, a great deal of it

regarding me. He recounted rather understated version of his curriculum vitae. He described his own life as following a trodden path.

University (top grades), grad school (top grades), publishing, teaching, publishing and never perishing. “You can peruse the

biographies of anyone in a similar position and find scant differences.” The bio is a classic. works. I think it‟s a good one. It just

He might have become bored with truly stunning Those who suck are a real phenomenon; any Blythe


scientist might be interested in studying the genus. took an interest in my specifics. for these attributes is “scrappy”. pugnacious or resilient.

The only word I can think of One could throw around

You could refer to me as someone too

cowardly for suicide; reluctantly living with success above the level of their lineage. In comparison with his trodden path, he was impressed with my ability to eek out a professional career despite various road blocks. “I don‟t know what I would have done if my path became unclear. It can be financial, or medical, or as simple as a I haven‟t the foggiest what I

professor simply not liking me.

would have done.” “From what I was told, you began in music. technology work seems a distant venture. of yours stunned me. write in a journal. The departure to

Reading this Diatribe

This goes beyond what I have seen anyone It is obsessive, that‟s for sure.”

I had to ask him how discussions with my wife ended up getting so detailed. heartwarming. “Our discussions were bound to get detailed. Since she was I was His answer, as they often are, was

small I had hoped that she would love and be loved. intrigued to learn about this man of hers.”

He claims that his professional interest in open source medicine was sparked by what he saw as truly inspired work. “Your Diatribes are rife with philosophical content. Some

through quotation, which shows its grounding, some of it is homegrown Peter Epistemology. As a scientist, I should not be That is how it has

loath to have sophists leading the way. always been.

If you live long enough to see any of this

philosophy bear fruit, it will then be called science.”

If I know one thing, it is that I know nothing.

Let‟s send out some super mega-dittos to Socrates. can ditto him or use a Platonic strategy. this with Socrates as my own voice.

Either I

I could just write

I will not do that, but if

it is something the reader would like, they can just assume that anything the other font is being said by Socrates. I had read of this before; that philosophy is on the front lines of understanding. Once something is known and useful, it Scientists

has been conquered by those on the front lines. build our society on the new terrain. I never considered myself a philosopher. profession any way.

Not as a

I am familiar with many concepts, but I am I also do not have a goatee. This guy is I am not

not that pushy about them.

Taking in all he has said made it clear to me. fucked in the head and I love it.

Don‟t get me wrong.

going to base my life and career on it. praise from a man like this.

You can have pride in

One should never let an admirer‟s senility detract from your self-esteem. Who‟s to know when another will be by?

Bat-shit or not, I am developing an affinity for this buzzard. I will swoon in such a way for two reasons.

First, I have no evidence to actually seriously say that he

is nuts.

I joke about it, but I am hardly qualified to judge

the psychological status of anyone; let alone a PHD genius. Second, and more importantly, what else do I have? is nothing, I find another job. were something. If this

This would be exciting if it

There is some money already, and the whole

situation makes things happy at home. Being flattered and building confidence are good experiences at any level of pay.

Dear Diatribe; Morning has broken. Someone needs to look into that.

I am dragging from sitting up with the old man; he has a spring in his step this early. afternoon. He is supposed to be on a red eye. As much as I look Scott is due in London this

forward to speaking to him; I cannot get up early, drive contrary to my spatial perception, do an airport pickup, and return in the frame of mind to be this character which is to become my identikit. Expecting your newly widowed friend to

navigate foreign public transportation could be considered rude and uncaring. I am a bastard, so I‟m OK on that.

I drink tea again; I do want to like it and I don‟t dislike it. I just can‟t get very excited about it. I was once asked

if I liked Jell-O.

My response humored the questioner.

It‟s kind of like nothing Tea has a similar lack of substance for me. I know there is

caffeine in many teas; it just doesn‟t hit you like it does with Joe. When I was a smoker, I was once given an herbal cigarette “How does it taste?” I didn‟t know; I just had a quick

to try.

reaction that it wasn‟t a real smoke.

Een and pals are filing in.

I need to spend a great deal of

time preparing for Scott, but I have to give a small training session in Gnucleus software this morning. I have just finished That is all It

setting up a place on our new server to save files.

they are doing, there is no login, and there is no system. wouldn‟t be called dishonest. I don‟t think so anyway.

I said

I have to build the database for it, and I do. make the software work with one.

I also have to

I have a desktop application that I didn‟t work on at all. It is open source, so there was no cost. I also know that the file it makes is open to perusal and deconstruction. The

deconstructions will give us a database design, this design reconstructs a file when to be pulled up from the workstation. I absolutely cannot do this myself. A good amount of it, but

without Scott, I would have to confess ignorance to some student I don‟t know. Een is very friendly this morning. a regular American type of coffee. Tatties not far from here. He brought me a coffee,

There is a place called

This is good to know.

Alrighty! Big Ole Tatties! “The place is quite small actually”

No laugh or grimace. I like him.

Separated by our common language I

I am at least happy he doesn‟t dislike me. Whenever I meet people I fear that

am a little touchy lately.

someone will scream out “FRAUD!” or “BLOODY FRAUD!” as Britishers are given to say. When someone is standoffish, I feel they are just holding back that sort of tirade. Our recent meeting was at 5:30am.

This post-doctorate Biochemist was schlepping at the behest of Dr. Blythe. The schlepping at hand was in preparation for me.

Who the fuck is this douche-bag? yours truly. think.

This commentary was injected by I just write what I I for one

Neither of us said this.

I don‟t talk to myself, I write to myself.

believe there would be some difference in the clinical diagnosis on that one. I have every right to think that until some This would only happen No one

empirical evidence is brought forward. by involuntary commitment.

I would not stand for it.

will stand for an involuntary commitment; clearly. cease to be involuntary. So Een did want to meet me. flattered. enough.

It would

I am surprised and once again

He‟s a fun guy, sort of an egghead, but amiable

I began to give a short tutorial to him on using the He had tried it out already,

molecular visualization software.

but he had a few questions, questions I knew the answers to.

What we have to do here now Een is build a backend while your guys ready everything that will be fed into it. Ideally, we meet in the middle. I, and a colleague who is arriving today, will have a workable system at a time when you are ready to start feeding in data with some chronological sense to it. “I have no easy task in that. The drawings and Just

documentation are very well done, but not electronic.

electrifying ten years of research is a whale of a task in the time we will have”

How much time is that? “I thought you would know.”

I had thought you were talking about an imposed deadline. I want to work as if we have deadlines, but without them. The faster that we produce the body of work we propose, the better it is. I have been told of much buzz on the Barcelona conference. Buzz tends to fade. The Buzz/Non-Buzz paradigm makes it seem like there would be deadlines. “What deadline shall we tell the troops then?” We won‟t lie. You can have deadlines yourself and their feet to the fire, but don‟t assign them to my demands. If you tell me you want to finish some task by Friday, I would agree and support you. If one of your kids out there asks me of the efficacy of

their deadline, I will tell them that “Een is very committed to that schedule, you should heed his direction.” “Fair enough then”

The interest here is to build on what we have. What we have is not a lot in the tangible realm. Two esteemed academics to give their support; we have a bit of buzz and some currency from what I understand. I guess I control the budget; I just need to find out how much it is, and where we get it. I mimed writing those questions down. He and I continued with a conversation that made it clear he had a previous relationship with you, Tribe. You Fucking slut, Tribe Sharing your thoughts with just anyone Finally one of the superiors I have met in this adventure presents as an equal. We seem like peers. another PhD in my posse. It has that feeling. This is just

Is this a regular experience?

I have become, by appearance, the peer of men whose educational careers span years longer than my age. If I were to

take my post secondary education and add it to my parents, I

would be short of either of them.

I could keep adding up my

family academics going back through grandparents and adding “greats” in perpetuity while never catching up. scant educational scraps. My parents had

The pedigree before them had none.

I am going to be a premium pseudo-intellectual, and damn proud of it. to emit pride. attacks you. At least in my personal writing I will do my best The Tribe can sense weakness. Then your journal

Found dead by thousands of unexplained paper cuts.

(Paperless paper cuts?) I shall be duty bound to hold my head high while mispronouncing allegorical and didactic-ism as Konigsberg would bemoan. Our class went well. It was taught by the both of us. I

realize that I can use the software a tad better at this point. He can describe what is being done. If they ask me a question, and the words are identical what is in the menus and the documentation for the software, I can answer them. I am glad to jump in at these times. There is a

play between Een and I that engenders in me, the respect he already enjoys. I can seem aloof just typing on my gadget. I am not

writing Diatribe when I am looking busy, I am being busy. I am mostly preparing for Scott‟s arrival. The more he can

do for me, the better chance I have for success here. Emotionally I want to be there for him. can. I will have no temper with him. I don‟t know how much I I know it is possible to. Now I lunch with

I am waiting on news on Scott‟s arrival. Een and some of the guys. prepared a nosh.

We are in the house, Shirley has

Out comes that chick named Viv, she saddled up next to me as I sat down. screen. She sits too close; I think she wants to read my She

It is clear she‟s not well-liked by the others.

seems friendly enough to me. One of the boys chided her immediately. to discuss our project a bit. time.” “Vivian, we need

Please don‟t monopolize Peter‟s I

The others chuckled in a way that was somehow evil.

don‟t know her, I have no evidence to determine whether she deserves service as their laughingstock.

Please! She is as much a studied chemist as any of you; save Een. This is just a lunch. It is a lunch with people who practice a revolutionary openness. You will learn that excluding people goes against our entire thesis statement. “Sorry, Peter” he retreated.

Viv, I had wondered why you weren‟t participating. Dr. Blythe said you were in mid-dissertation. “It consumes me. Even eating seems like a distraction.”

The same lad interjected, “Sorry Viv” I think that maybe I should have eyed Een‟s disposition before expressing a control that was possibly beyond my jurisdiction. Being a dick might be the way. On your first

day, go out to the exercise yard and take out the biggest mother fucker you see. The brut to whom I refer, is hardly a brawny lad. Lad is a burger at Big Boy Restaurants. scientist. This chap is a A Brawny

We are also not serving in a penitentiary.

But being an ass at the right time can do you well. Occasionally I might get it right. honor. I was defending a woman‟s Maybe, that which

Either that or she had none at all.

she had was not worthy of defense. Maybe I am writing and avoiding conversation. Perhaps this

is some sort of psychological affectation; a defense mechanism. Being that I am bat-shit, I would never be able to tell. There is information I seek however.

I will just step over to the counter and Shirley. Tribe, I take you away from the leering eye of Ms. Viv.

For my

Shirley, I was expecting to hear from a Scott Swanson. I am sure would have you heard, he is to arrive today. I would think he has landed in London by now. “No such luck for him, he will be landing at 11:45 tonight. The doctor is up resting now. Heathrow.” He and Max plan to fetch him from

Een and I have a project to work on; I was planning to work in the barn with him until at least nine. “They had said you would be worn thin if you had to play airport taxi. Malcolm wanted to meet your friend, he was quite This is my plight.”

insistent about driving.

So he does still drive? “Not in three years.”

Was there an accident? “Well; no actually. remains fine shape” He‟s never hurt anybody; his car

What ended his motoring then? “Three years ago I was downtown in a shop. A Tremendous

crash sent the racks flying into the counter and the back wall.”

Was anyone hurt? “Just the pride of that old man behind the wheel” “My heart broke for him. done. He cried when he saw what he‟d

I cried, the shopkeeper looked up from the mess in her

store and cried with us.”

You said no accident! She laughs, and then gains her composure. “It wasn‟t

Malcolm, it was another old man. thing like him, really. that age driving.

This geezer didn‟t look a

It just got me to thinking of a man

I thought about the dignity of these men.

That is quite honorable of you. Defending dignity and all

So you took it upon yourself to stop his driving? “That is how Max says it.” She raises her hands. “I could be wrong. I might be proud of it too. I will

gladly be wrong to the face of a living man. wrong and he will still be alive.”

I figure I can be

Point taken

I need to go to back in the barn with Een. We planned to draw up a storyboard for the development of the drug. This is a big day for me. I don‟t feel good about putting you guys out. “A trip like that with Malcolm is no chore for Maxwell. Those two can go on for hours together.”

How many hours is it by car to Heathrow? “Under two”

So, nearly four hours altogether? “It‟s something along those lines. about. It‟s nothing to worry

They don‟t want to take a minute away from your work.

They will do more than you expect to move this along.”

They will be appreciated for that. …

I neglect to mention you. Thank you Shirley The rest of the day/evening was dedicated to this storyboard project. It was done as Een walked in and out of my room. He

was providing constant guidance to the students in the main work











drawings to make up this story. He is a strong instructor. I feel that I am gaining a lot

more understanding of this development process. Een has been around here for a long time. years with the doc, he has the whole story. he isn‟t trying to grab some credit here. that. After twelve

I am surprised that I respect him for

As long as it is the case I will respect him for it. He has a wife and two children. I have

He had to go home. a wife as well.

I plan to setup meetings with her on the I think we will

teleconference, we have had several already.

enjoy that, and it might give me some insight into the parts of this whole thing that have been lovingly kept from me. I need that sort of thing especially now. hits the pavement here. already respect you for.” The adulation

“Show us the things you can do that we (Never actually said)

I am pulling out my amazing self and readying for thrills. These people are nothing compared to what I can be. Just watch

while I pirouette through this pharmaceutical nonsense. As of now, 9pm, I have the house largely to myself. current boarder is downstairs dissertation writing. The

She doesn‟t

show her face that often.

I only have seen her once or twice

per day for the three that I have been here. Dr. Blythe has a study with a comfortable burgundy leather chair. I will sit with you Tribe. The Tribe has been sleeping

while I typed into other files. inanimate.

It would get mad, if it weren‟t

I did get a reply to an e-mail to Sangeeta.

I had asked her She

to set up some “alone” time on the videoconference with me.

set up a meeting for Gerhardstein, Miles, Sangeeta, some other folks and me. She knows that wasn‟t what I was requesting. It

was just a quick dash off. Any way, I will see my sweet, along with the others at the meeting. So there‟s that. I am relaxing to Stellar Regions, a Coltrane album.

Relaxing to this is as twisted as I suppose I am. in-life work is filled with constant

Trane‟s latesometimes


acerbic tones. 1995.

This one was found by his wife and released in

He died in ‟67. She has gone into the kitchen in her why she lives here. There is a Blythe

Miss Viv is about. bathrobe. I am not


basement; I haven‟t been there as it looks foreboding.

seemed relieved that she was moving back there.

I understand

that was to be staying down there before moving into my current room. Somehow she ended up in one of the bedrooms. There is not

a whiff of suspicion in the air. One would expect some, with young lady like that bunked with professor. less. She is lurking, right now, in the hallway near stairs to here quarters. contact. She appears, from shadows, to be considering This professor will decide on her doctorate, no

I will ready my switch-button to avoid her roving eye.

(Note: Only discussed three or four times in thousands of pages, and never detailed further than the name “Switch-Button”, is a setting Peter kept to immediately switch from his diatribe to a more innocuous document. It is the earliest stated recognition

of the need to protect diatribe content.) She does walk in. The bathrobe is tattered at the hem.

She stands at an inch or so short of a full six feet. I am six-one. I am almost six-one. I am six-feet tall, to be honest with that. I began

rounding up in high school. six.

My closest friend Al was six foot

I wanted to be six-foot-something, not just six-foot. She is still standing there. Here she comes, be right back “So, what are you writing in there?” Kind of creepy

I am updating this storyboard Een and I have been working on. I offered my screen for her examination. “I wondered if you were writing about people as you were talking to them”

That is, of course, always a possibility. “I think any of those guys in the department would give their left bullock to read all of that. has been disseminated by Malcolm. lot more in there.” You would have to be a lifelong confidant of my wife‟s to read those passages. She steps over and grabs the Tribe. The robe, some kind of silk or satin number, was without a tie or buttoned closure. Bended arms holding my Diatribe gadget Everything we have seen

He insinuates that there is a

and its stylus writing accessory were what kept the frock from falling to the floor. These breasts broke free and rite in my eyes. danced their gravitational

They lacked presentational qualities that I Not that they were

have enjoyed in bosoms previously.

unattractive by nature, it‟s just that I wasn‟t sure they were being presented to me. She is in her late twenties, she is not overweight, and nothing is likely to be grotesque. Nothing was grotesque.

I was left to wonder whether there was any amount of carnality in the actions of a woman who seemed devoid of any prurient thoughts. The thing that threw me wasn‟t boobs. a pair of, less than flattering, panties. not manufactured to seduce. “knickers”. She was wearing only White, cotton, and

In England they call them

That is a word for knee-length trousers of At least in my experience it is. They

Dickensian boy-clothing. are not sexy clothes.

They are not lingerie. Viv‟s locks are dark.

They were an over-laundered white.

There is clearly a color-coordination between the drapery and the floor coverings. This was apparent through the thin veneer

of the undergarment. The vagina is altogether hard to separate from base carnality. This particular vagina was uncomfortably close to me and obscenely visible. As mentioned, it wasn‟t completely

visible, but the organ that dare not speak its name does not need to show its face to be considered obscenely visible. just needs to have its presence be noticed. Whether she realizes the import of putting it in the room in such a way, I just don‟t know. she had no idea. If I had to bet, I would say It

I am inclined to say she is unaware. It is not a

This is a situation some me would jump for.

prudishness or unblemished moral stance on my part that keeps me from partaking. I dread the hassle. What craziness; something

like this would certainly cause.

Wealthy and powerful men, who

have the resources and connections to arrange things on a nearly guaranteed down-low will throw caution to the wind for a bit of the ole Orel Hershiser. She moves closer as I right that paragraph. She is rearing

the face of her sex, swaying to music that is hardly danceable. I must take some umbrage at this. While I‟m here, can you make it a point to cover yourself appropriately?

She lifts one arm to inspect the sleeve, leaving her breasts and mid-section uncovered. “This is the nicest robe I have. nice clothes” I don‟t have a lot of

Not my point at all, your robe is fine, it is just not proper in the situation. All of a sudden, she is offended. “We are scientists around here. over your magical writings. Every one is all-a-flutter

I hope there is more to it than

fashion critiques of your hosts. I have over four hundred pages of dissertation downstairs. I will probably have to rewrite them five times each before Blythe accepts it. We don‟t live the charmed life that you do.

I can‟t just dash off a diary and have people glowing with praise.” She was gone before I could clarify. much. I will mention it to Dr. Blythe. I don‟t care that The partial nudity

escaped my consciousness so quickly. place here that really struck me.

It is her commentary on my

For years now I did just think I was writing a diary, one that was titled with a tired play on words.

Oops I think I might have made a mystique. Everyone makes mystiques. (Title that shit right there.

You thought I would go with some kind of vaginal title.) That is not the case.

Dear Diatribe; I added this salutation in the morning. shortly after the last entry. I woke to Scott and Dr. Blythe walking in at 2:12am. waved to Max and entered laughing. they get along well. They I fell asleep

They had a good time and

I couldn‟t be happier. This was my first sight of him since

I gave Scott a hug. he lost Lorraine.

“This is great, I‟m glad you thought of me.”

I wanted to see you, but if you weren‟t the right guy for this, I would have had to wait. I‟m glad that you are. “Those two are a scream. I avoided frightening, late-night

foreign transport, and I had a laugh-riot with Max and Malcolm.”

I think they like you. That will serve you well. Give me one second.

Dr. Blythe?

Can I get a word with you real quick? I stepped into the stairwell. That Vivian; she came in to chat. She was basically… “Naked?”


Pretty much naked “She can be a nightmare.” “She‟s one hell of a scientist, has to come along in a lot of areas, and I believe she will.”

Can you talk to her about this? I told her it was inappropriate. She thought I was talking criticizing her robe. “That is her world. hard upbringing. She is a bit strange. She‟s had a It

I had thought I was doing a great thing.

took Een and Shirley to say” … “They will think your shagging her” For one, I do not think that. We don‟t say „shagging‟ in the states, but I wouldn‟t like to be seen that way either. … „Fucking‟ is what we say in the states. “We have that word as well. Viv doesn‟t have that word, at

least not with that definition, but I understand, and will do something about it.” …

“No, I won‟t do something about it.” ”I will have Shirley do something about it” I bid him good night and got back to Scott. bit about his airport ride. He shared a

Then he pulled out his own laptop. He had two strategies to

He had prepared for his trip well. pursue.

The first was his recommendation. database.

It was using BLOB in the I understood it

I need to explain this to the group.

right away. A BLOB is a Binary Large Object. He means, just upload the

whole file from the visualization software into the database. That is easy, it is quick, and will give us time to work on other features they can use. It does not however, give them the search abilities that I envision. It also makes the database very big. It makes every

part of the application very big, while I remain flaccid. I have a storyboard written out. From that, you want to

see what it was like at point A, what it looks like at point B, and how it changed to get there. So big files would be saved

for all the points, of which there will be thousands. Right now, I have them saving their files on a server with

a numbering system we made up.

You can‟t just invent a A database

numbering system and expect it to stay the same.

would have a numbering system where you could just specify that you wanted something stuck between these two and it would do it for you. You could stick a thousand numbers between two People could not control that within their own

existing ones. heads.

So the database controlling order of the objects is something we can‟t do without, and it is something I get with the BLOB. I also have them writing the text about the objects in separate Microsoft Word files, then saving them with the visualizations. If they ask me “What can be done?” Do I answer with what

can be done by me, Scott and any other folks we can pull here in a short time? possible? Scott and I wrestled with these questions until 5:30am, when Dr. Blythe woke up. We greeted him. I hope that in Or is it better to tell them what I know is

Scott‟s delays he found some time to sleep. I personally would not have. There are few places I can


I am currently dragging because I didn‟t fully fall

asleep in that chair. Oh, the answer to my question is that we strive for both. You have a passable result quickly, with the ideal to come. This requires a strong understanding by all of the limitations of the initial product. You can end up getting

caught in conversations with people trying to score points by pointing the limitations. I have been raised to have a keen understanding of the ways in which I suck. on to my young. It is understood by me that I will pass them I don‟t have actual children, but work product I can build

I create serves to remind many of my shortcomings. things that will live on beyond my days. leave to the world.

This legacy of crap I

That‟s the main reason I have the Tribe to talk to about things. Scott and I agreed on a BLOB present and an ideal future as the goal. Then I went off for coffee. Every step of the way I

was fretting over the questions I will need to answer on the ideal system. I am calling it SO/Med 1.0. What Scott and I

will build now is SO/Med Beta.

I understand that this is a pharmaceutical effort, not specifically a technology project. technically will be crucial. But how it all works

A Drug company will buy ideas like They would just pay for it. It can be done. I

this and do all of these things.

We discussed creating the Ideal system.

have gotten some insight into the XML file that describes a drawing.

Did you look at the viz.xml file? I think that has all of the metadata we need for the visualization. If we could just import that into the database, we could save a lot. We would be closer to ideal sooner. “We need to try that out. xml. It seemed kind of big.” He looked on his laptop for a sample of the file. working with the molecule H20. He was I didn‟t actually look into the

I understand grasping your

limitations and bringing concepts down to something you can understand, but this is so remedial, it is going to miss what we need to understand.


That is the first word out of their lexicon to learn and commit its definition to memory. They work with a drug design, they go too far in one way or the other and there is toxicity to the molecule. If there is one thing we need to do with this, it is to

assist in anticipating toxicity. “Is Blythe‟s drug toxic?”


Fuck no,

That drug was not developed within our program. We just have the deadline-driven task to make it look as if it was. “So we develop this system now, and then say it was developed about ten years ago?”

I would never stand for that sort of thing. I am having them give exact or approximate dates on every thing they enter. Drug companies have developed products before there were systems like this. I am sure they have had to transfer research into newer systems. Every thing entered that was thought of at an earlier date will have some legal writing to make that clear. “OK then. Let us try this xml thing with a real file. If

it works, we will have a Fast BLOB, and that is what we turn into an ideal.

To the barn!!!

To the coffee shop first

There is no way I can weather this morning with tea.


they have some higher octane variety that I should find out about.

Dear Diatribe; We are in the barn by 7am BST. Time (Title that). think. BST means British Summer

The livin‟ is not as easy as one might

That however, is not an English song, my daddy is not She is still quite

rich and my mama is in her sixties. attractive for her years though. It is 1am in Chicago.

As the business day draws to a close I am to become

here, we are to become involved in their day. involved. Chicago.

Tonight/This Morning I have a meeting with people in They are without news on progress here for three or

four days, I think I am to fill them in. The people in England aren‟t just working all day in anticipation of the beginning of US business. types probably, but not your average bloke. tea. So if you were planning on a big steak in the evening, you might say you were looking forward to tea. beverage. Dinner might be called tea here. “We Why? Tea is a Some financial They think about

I guess that is not so different from our phrasings. should get together for a beer” signifies time. should get together shortly after work.

That means we

Depending on context,

it could also be taken to mean later in the evening when the open establishments are of the type that serve beer. I have had people respond to that offer with “I don‟t drink beer.” I don‟t care I was asking the person if they were free after work, not what type of beverage they preferred. Are they afraid that I

will take offense when they do not order a drink previously agreed upon? A quick search gave us 59 viz.xml files to work with. will enter the entire text of a file in the database. We

Then we

will set it up so that you can look in a web program, pick the number (out of our numbering system) and it will open the visualization software with exactly as it was on the desktop before. Basically, the hope is that everything that software

needs to know about a drawing of a molecule, the properties and any added animation, will be in that one file. That file is just text, and text is small. is easy to transfer over a network. By small, it

In this case, and pretty You need to

much all cases, the network means the Internet.

reduce the amount any application sends over the Internet.

This is as opposed to using “BLOBS”. acronym for Binary Large Objects.

BLOBS are a great

That would be a slow way of

doing it and we will try to avoid it. My favorite technical acronym is STONITH. If you have one server running that is freaked out chewing on a process and can‟t function, its backup server needs to know so that it can just turn it‟s freaked out partner off and take over. The

backup node does a STONITH or “Shoot the Other Node in the Head.” That is a real technical Acronym.

Dear Diatribe; Our tests re-creating drawings with only the XML file worked. ten. We confirmed this when the students came in at about

We are set. We can begin actually making an application for them today.

As of now they have nothing that has been brought to them by me. By tomorrow morning, they will be logging into SO/Med before they begin their work. It is Friday, I don‟t even know if they work tomorrow. Scott said “I need to talk to Miles; I drew up a database schema for him to create. changes.” Lets transfer what he‟s done already here, and then have him do all DB work on the Cambridge server. “You got it, boss” I guess it is time that I accept this type of address. That type, not the specific wording. I want to be referred to as either „skipper‟, „el jefe‟ or „Comandante en Jefe‟ on formal occasions. This is going to require some

Scott saluted Please don‟t, I am a civilian Comandante en Jefe, much like your native land has. I want to set a precedent that the salute will be kept within the ranks; it won‟t be used with civilian leadership.

Then again, as a non-profit pharmaceutical interest and not an actual nationstate, I can‟t envision the need for a military component. That being the case, I guess that salutes will probably remain unnecessary. Tribal Designation: Saluting

“That‟s probably the best way to keep it then, I will communicate the orders down the chain.” Scott agreed. I don‟t think there is a chain of command. command. I had explained the whole deal to Dr. Blythe about entering previous research into the new system, but never lying and saying that is where it originated. the University. Nathan Glassman came into the barn with Blythe to talk to me. He introduced himself. “So, you are a friend of He had a patent lawyer from There isn‟t a


I am.

Am I?

He has been a big part of this whole thing. “I met the Dr. Blythe through him. brilliance. He recognized

He was the one who insisted that he talk to a

patent lawyer.”

Blythe is the one with inventions spewing forth. “Maybe someday I will be talking to you. of your work. I have read a lot

You will likely have something invented someday.” You just need

I guess we all make mystiques now and again.

to control their damage, that way they won‟t follow you for the rest of your life.

Dear Diatribe; Do you find it odd that I keep re-addressing you? really just right one continuous letter? odd? No, you obviously can‟t. Life is just moving quickly now. Don‟t I

Can you find anything

One day never fits in one chapter now. I finished up with this mouthpiece, Glassman guy. He gave

me the legal-speak to put in the system near all of the text to make sure there was no falsehood intended. deal out of it. I made too big a

He said the release date visible on the

software screen and the actual dates the students are entering would suffice. But we have an extra thing now too.

He told me that we need to get together very soon because Blythe wants me in on the patenting procedures and “Obviously you know it well enough to have your own ideas” I don‟t think that is the case. Why are we in such a hurry? “His university contract comes up for renewal in October (it is August). The patent must be pretty much done by then,

and it is a type of drug patent that no one has ever written. If Cambridge knows about this, aren‟t they going to want him more?

I had never asked anyone why Cambridge University would not be the owner of any forthcoming patent. “I helped write his contract twelve years ago. There is a

clause that he keeps any patent rights to what he invents here. He has done two one-year extensions since. a patent on Leverex five years ago.” I wanted to take out

Leverex? “That is a brand name Een came up with. More important; I

am worried that all of these students out there in the barn give the University some kind of legal claim, if they were inclined to help Cambridge legally. Making it happen when they could

claim they were no longer bound to the contract would do nothing but make it worse.” Why didn‟t you just patent it five years ago and keep it on the down-low? “Patents, when they are taken out by people known to be smart enough to invent something, are no secret. public record.” I suppose that is patent raison d‟etre “So true, so true” I agreed to meet with him next week. I am more concerned They are

with figuring out what this meeting with Chicago is about. sure I have to present something. I want to do it well.

I am It is

more than just Gerhardstein and the wife. I mean… There is Miles, but he is just a kid. people coming with some kind . There are more

I don‟t feel prepared. If they decided this at the

I can‟t lay all that on them.

time when she sent me e-mail (7:26pm Chicago 1:26am BST) I wouldn‟t have been in the conference room, and they wouldn‟t have had time to get in touch with me. Scott has installed some groupware application on the server. It is an open source project. It is called Jet speed.

We‟ll see. He wants to embed the visualization window in that webpage (I think he does, maybe not), then we have an application that looks real and can take the text they type into it. I am currently waiving and goodnighting the students. left a while back. at six. Een

It is 5:30pm BST, the Chicago meeting starts I want to look professional,

I put my tweed jacket on.

but a tie would be pushing it.

Hell; I am in a barn.

Scott and I turned the video on an hour or so early. Paterson walked into the room. England.” “Hey Scott, you made it to


“I did, jolly good my old chap.”

Your accent is horrible and he is not old.

So you guys met in Chicago? “Geeta introduced us” said Scott. I started playing some music on the laptop. play some Miles Davis. I decided to I love all

A 1954 album called Walkin‟.

his stuff on the Prestige label. Coltrane is on tenor.

A mercurial young John

They made three albums in a weekend just Miles recognized it right away. His name is my name too”

to finish off their contract. “He‟s spinning some Miles.

“You like the old 50‟s Prestige discs”? “Tell you what my favorite is, I got Bitches back home.”

Wouldn't respect you less you did “I like to just lay back, kickin' with Bitches and a pair of big cans, hate those little bud shits all poking in my ears”

I like the full size cans myself.

Got to have the cans “With Bitches that shit can get loud” At that point this lady we hadn‟t noticed standing behind Miles pipes up and quashes our chit-chat. “So I see you‟ve all met. I‟m glad that you guys get on. You‟ve got some things to

talk about, from what I hear”. Miles tried to stop her and put our overheard talk into context, but she would have none of it. As if what we were talking about were just too personal, or would damage virgin ears or something. What he was saying as she entered was that his favorite Miles Davis album was the late sixties brooding classic “Bitches Brew”, which is a must in any respectable collection. He listens to it on full size headphones (which are called “cans”) and does not like the newer ear-bud type headphones because they poke in your ears and are uncomfortable (I concurred). That was the context for those bitches with big cans. Miles' dad was really a cat, back in the 70's. Trumpet player. That is how he got his name. So his Charlie Parker-esque speak is, I would say, far less counterfeit than my own. He is just out of college, and seems a decent sort. If he

is to be a protégé of mine, what kind of JAMF would I be if I was rappin' ho's and titties during the work day. (JAMF is jazz speak for Jive Ass Mother Fucker). The woman at the door was a Dr. Stoller. immunologist who teaches at the university. director of Medicine at the AIDS center. is that. They are just starting out. She is an She is to be the

I guess she is already

They have only a hundred

or so patients. SO/Med currently has nothing to do with AIDS, or immunology. I am not sure why she was in on the meeting. She

was not sure why the director of the AIDS center was involved in this at all. We were a bother to her. The meeting was no more

than hassle, and the opening discussion of allocating resources to the project left her feeling put upon. The rest of the attendants filed in within the next couple minutes. Gerhardstein was leading the group. He said that, to

start, fundraising had gone better than expected. Fundraising? I should have known we were doing that now. It is

presented as being a major part of the effort here, perhaps the major part. That would be something I should know about very

well. Gerhardstein has been working the phones from Chicago. He

has us in six-figures; seven figures being an eventuality, once we show some amount of progress or patent the drug. I am not upset about the fundraising details being held from me, how could I be? do it. I would always hope someone else would

I am nervous about constantly increasing expectations. Super-Mega-Dittos!!!!

I can raise no money by vile means. My speech

I did give one, it was an update.

I pulled it off.

I am just thrilled to have Scott here in England with me. It didn‟t take much time to realize that the technical responsibilities were far beyond the time I would have. If I were to handle them solo, they would be all I could do here.

There is, and will be, plenty of technical resources here at Cambridge. We have Miles serving us well in Chicago. What Scott and I have mapped out is a software platform that will serve the initial efforts here very well. Probably most important, we have a road map for a robust tool that will fully live up to the SO/Med name. That is safe in that it will be living up to a name that, as of now, means nothing. I tried to continue with a dumb-down technical description,

but was interrupted by Gerhardstein. “Not everyone is here yet, Peter. next group. I have a question. Let‟s save that for the

You were working in that In Barcelona, you

software with some generic drug molecules.

mentioned once that a database could have all generically available drugs in it. They could be used as a reference.”

I remember that. “I hope that is still the case. will accommodate that geography.” I don‟t see why it wouldn‟t. It is just a great amount of work. I don‟t think we could add that to our current assignments. “That wasn‟t my intention. Biochemistry and Microbiology I hope that your road map

Chairs here in Chicago are completely jazzed by the idea of that as a whole group of projects for Masters Students and talented undergrads.”

That sounds great. Can you get a meeting set up with us, on the videoconference? Sangeeta and Gerhardstein began laughing. My own wife finds me ridiculous enough for mockery. Are these professors in

Chicago too important for a videoconference with little ole me?

No, I'm overtired and taking to offense too easily. other men were ushered into the conference room. sent for them.



They had been waiting outside a closed

conference room door. That goes against something that is either one of my principles, or soon to become one. To be honest, we don‟t have any principles or ethics. not expect my Tribe to have any. I do

It looks good for me to come

up with some and lay down laws though.

This is an open source project, let's remain open.

As a matter of course, in the future, I would like to only close the door on the request of those on the other side. They have work to do as well and might not want to be disturbed by the noise in our meetings. Outside of that lets leave the source as open so the medicine evolves. I was in accordance with the rules because I don‟t know if we can close the door between the barn rooms. Was it out of line for me to scold my wife and the doctor in front of these others? I felt it was one of those moments

where you have to be the ball busting prick expected in a management position. It went over well enough.

I was introduced to three guys named Dr. – something. need to look their names up so that I remember them.


That is

supposed to be the reason why I write in this crazy thing. Two of them were from the microbiology department, the other from biochemistry. minion from microbiology. They were chairmen along with one He was a tenured minion nonetheless.

Biochem‟s Chair was the proxy for Pharmacology‟s. I gave my „SO/Med for Dummies‟ lecture, in the midst of a palpable excitement over the idea. me from people I don't know. The oldest of these men presented one question. foresee our first patent being filed?" I like hearing the “Our” in there. "When you More respect was directed at

I had a short meeting today with the legal mind handling this patent. From a legal perspective, this is unique and groundbreaking. People just don't patent drugs this way. They never have before.

He had some good ideas about how to sew up any possible loose ends. He also presented me with some deadlines or timetables that I was unaware of. Taking those into account, you can expect to see a patent registered for a drug with the brand name Leverex, within the next two months.

I believe for a variety of legal reasons this drug will be patented by Dr. Blythe and then assigned to SO/Med. In any case, SO/Med will the entity be making the announcement. The response was good. These two departments have some If we can get the system set

homework for the students to do.

up for them, they will improve it by adding generic drugs. Interns and staff hours for other things are supposed to come along in this same way. Free work from the departments.

“For scientists to be able to compare their work with all that is out there; that will be great.” said the younger of the two professors from Microbiology. “At this point, the best If you

feature of the system is keeping toxicity information. have one drug, then hat‟s toxic? Who knows?”

He was spot on with that comment.

The only thing being

that the toxicity stuff is in the ideal system, not the current system. Getting to ideal is something I will have to fret over

for months. One thing that happened at the end makes me feel good about myself. I did help someone today. When the older of the

Microbiologists walked out to go to another appointment, this Dr. Stoller lady was whispering with his underling. something to ask me. They had

“Dr Gerhardstein has said that you will need some staff. Our chairman replaced our Office Manager with another lady recently. Our previous one, Angela, was called out for a bit. She is twenty-five years old.”

She was in need of a pacemaker. That‟s too bad.

Stoller comes in with “instead of putting her back in Microbiology, we think that you could have her run your office.” So why won‟t this guy just give her the job back? “He says that all of this is a distraction with her.”

Life is a fuckin..

Excuse me Life is a distraction. (Houston, I think we have a title. Houston is to close to New Orleans. means, and I will let that be.) “You have no argument here” reassured the Microbiology professor. (His name is Mike; I have that on good authority). But

New York has the ways and

I asked Sangeeta if she had any opinion to offer and got a shoulder shrug. I asked if she had met her; she hadn‟t. I

guess I will make my first hiring decision sight unseen.

Yes, absolutely. Tell her “Welcome aboard”. Either Sangeeta or Gerhardstein, or any of you need to give her the low down on what all this is. Stoller said “I know her, and I will handle it. be back at work for four to six weeks. this morning.” OK, Stoller was all pissy to begin with. She didn‟t think Now She won‟t

I spoke with her father

we should be a major project by an AIDS research facility. she is helpful with giving us staff. another department, but she helped. I get the opinion out of the whole mood in this meeting The staff comes from

that we are to become a part of more than just Gerhardstein‟s organization. We could get more expertise. Microbiology is not

a department where we have people from Cambridge. I understand there is an office. somewhere. Someone moved out of

The have a conference room, a classroom, and two That will do. I can‟t wait to see it. I don‟t

offices and 6 cubicles.

This ass monkey in Microbiology is named Noah. have a good biblical joke for that. thing at this point.

That‟s probably a good

I would have said it in the meeting.

I wish that the software I have could just take the meeting and create a transcript like a human court reporter. That would

save me time listening to recordings and recounting. to signoff for today Tribe.

I am going

How‟d you like a salutation?

As Sincerely as any can be when talking to himself Peter Kosinski

Dear Diatribe; This weekend was a gas. technical work with Scott. I had to put you aside to do Scott and I were joined by Miles in

hours spreading between both continents daylight. Miles was logged into the Cambridge server and working on the design of the database. They were creating relationships.

Scarcely human relationships, they were relationships between database tables. hardly passionate. Miles is funny. He is like me in that he tries to get a Sensing For those unfamiliar, their alliances are

sense of where people stand on humor in a conversation.

that I was happy to point out any good ironies any time, he became a lot of fun to be with. I had a lot to do. music playing. Scott would be OK to have sat without I

He is a rock and roll fan, mostly oldies.

kept the music playing the whole time. the operation. It works

I am the disc jockey of

I decide, not only on what music, but on its volume and when the rules allow it. this jock. There is no payola scandal afoot for

I guess that depends.

How much does payola pay?

Charles Mingus probably doesn‟t have anyone running payola for his stuff. I had to secure the domain name. I set up the I

designed some of the pages in our application.

flow for users to navigate around the bastard as well. Dr. Blythe came around several times to take me away for “meetings”. business. Mostly we just hung out and talked. We talked

Is it slacking off if we go out for a pint (that

means beer), or a cup of Joe and talk about the project? This is a new job. career thus far. In so many ways it is different than my

People just want to talk to me and find out If I am thinking “I wonder why the term

what I am thinking.

fucknozzle has never really caught on”, that is just the type of eccentricity that makes me special. Miles and Scott must be a little jealous of my jaunts out on the town with Malcolm. “Call me Ishmael”. He said “Call me Malcolm”. I said

I honor his request and he laughs mine off.

It is hard to see it as anything other than a privilege. It isn‟t hard work to go out, imbibe and soak up the fruit of the luminaries. I come back with nuggets of wisdom that help in our work

each time.

Some of them are too big to fully digest.

I have

been watching them draw molecules. the drug.

The Molecules are ideas of

Drugs are, one could say, the paint.

The human body, or

more specifically, individual systems and even cells in the human body are the canvas. Nobody would want a system, claiming to be comprehensive, to only contain the resulting product. drug molecule and say… “Here, look, this will work because it is a drug molecule.” What is behind the key ideas, is the very content that would be called “Source”. from this system of course. What we are truly missing here is the Human body or data about it. text. I have only set up for data about the drug and some I want that to be open and accessible You can‟t just draw a

I am schpitzing big time over that one

Since we are using a base of a software type called groupware, I think that in concept we could end up OK. we could become OK any way. I have been told that I might already be a winner. I got I think

that news in the mail. I think that I am OK and you are OK. We need an endless variety of hooks into the system. We

did not write the groupware, we did not write the visualization program. The groupware could be a base, from which, any program

they wish to use can be accessed. We will need a load more detail than that. Do you know what the current drug makers use to do the same thing? The answer to that question is something you should I have no idea. I think we

know, and then tell me what it is.

need someone who has recently been on the inside of the industry. From a person who knows the answers to these questions, we could begin a reverse engineering the real software. Some might categorize this as stealing. in the Open Source world. For example, my aforementioned former girlfriend was a graphic designer. She used Adobe Photoshop. This is a real Not likely someone

expensive piece of software that allows you to do just about anything, make that anything, with an image or photo. I use


GIMP is an acronym of some kind and is nothing It is a software program Gimp is

disparaging to the disabled community.

that looks and largely works identical to Photoshop. open source.

It can be downloaded and used at no charge from The org in the name means they are non-profit.

Did these gimps steal or pirate a piece of software that is worth hundreds of dollars and give it away? of the Open Source community. Not in the opinion

Someone would be allowed to take

GIMP, add some cool features to it and sell it for twenty or thirty dollars. It ain‟t made by communists. Doing this with

pharmaceuticals, or even the accusation we were, our organization would need a whole stable of lawyers who support us. I drift off the subject of other software and interfaces we need. I saw such monumental tasks in front of me before this I recoil in fear now. I

that I was worried about expectations.

fear asking about what we need as it would represent a lack of preparation on my part. People are being overly nice to me right now. the subject with Een. I broached

He was encouraging and said “You should Starting this That‟s

be proud of all the detail you have written.

organization is all about filling in everything else.

just inevitable Pete”

Please, call me numb-nuts. “I thought your name was Ishmael?”

Well played I spoke with Scott about this. We ended up opening my Scott is

design and mapping out places for add-ons or plug-ins. my rock here. to be.

He showed me where this can become what it needs

How it can always be worth having, but evolve into

something significant. Since every drug is different, and different data is needed to support the research, we will allow someone to add data as they see fit. “Snap-ins”. There won‟t be standard forms. There will be

If you were working on Leverex, you would need You would snap those

Lipid Panel and Blood Pressure numbers.

into a template and they would be included in other entries throughout the project. Scott tried to keep me grounded in the idea that the software is not the whole project. I still step off to my idea

that it is a component within every part, and that the project would be completely unworkable without it.

Some Open Source loyalist once said that one day “everything will be Open Source”. with computer technology. There is a reason this began

The ability to share ideas was

enhanced by so much, it was natural. I am not sure you can include everything in what can become Open Source. I believe that technology will be a key to

anything that does. My whole point is pretty stupid as I deconstruct it. Technology is already a part of nearly everything. are not Open Source use technology like all hell. ability to share things. They just don‟t. Things that They have the

Every damn kid in the playground has the ability to share. Een worked from home quite a bit this weekend. He told me,

going into Monday we have about half of the images he had asked for in the full, initial storyboard. As he had told me before; 150% of his initial estimate is the standard ending number. We are one-third of the way home.

I have some idea of what to do in the area that has been called mine now. Add the patent and Glassman thing to that and Glassman‟s patent meeting is coming

my nerves are again frayed. up in a couple of days.

Tribal distinction: basking and multitasking I have only come up with one solid idea for this patent meeting. important. I need write this out in clear terms because it is I have a four part plan that is hard to argue. I am I do

not an attorney and I don‟t try to present myself as one.

believe that I am solid on the first three steps and maybe the forth. 1. 2. 3. 4. Find that suit I wore in Barcelona. Get it cleaned. Put it on. Go to the meeting. That is the plan I am sticking to.

Dear Diatribe; I can lose any item faster than any man on the planet. can have something in my hand and have no idea where it is seconds later. The general feeling about someone with this They are I

trait is that they are careless and inattentive. deserving of little respect.

For me, this began around the cadence and coda of my musical career; that was the end. For that reason, I know I

could at least offer detail and likely receive a modicum of sympathy from a suitably compassionate demographic, if their mood was right. I had experiences earlier in this section of my life that have let me know not to provide any detail. I shrink and die a It is still

bit every time I even sense this type of disdain. not worth it. What a tangled web we weave Big dittos Sir Walter Lost things… I lost the title for this Diatribe. Oh, I lost my suit.

For a while I couldn‟t find it.

In my

short time here I have not yet done laundry. the basement for fear of Miss Vivian. has machines. I did not bring a laundry bag.

I have not been in

I don‟t even know if he

I have been keeping the

dirty stuff in an empty returnable beer case I found. ... That beer case is now gone. out in cleaning. I hope it didn‟t get thrown

It is currently missing, but I don‟t think I

would have put my suit in there. No, I might have put it in the box. Who the fuck knows? Did I mention

Did I mention the list of ways that I suck? anything else? I must ask Shirley.

If she doesn‟t know where it is, I will just go out and buy something. I don‟t want to buy a suit, I will have to ask Geeta

and take the scolding from her. The worst for me would be if a search party is formed to rescue the fop who loses things. responders in this way before. I can probably get a pair of pants that goes well with my tweed jacket. I have been assisted by first


I tell you Dearest Diatribe; All is OK I took the least direct approach possible. misunderstood for that choice. I was slightly

Shirley, I was thinking of wearing my black suit tomorrow for this meeting that we have. I was looking… “It came back on Friday, isn‟t in your closet?” I didn‟t see it, which is typical. So you had it cleaned, then? “Of course, but our cleaning students often lack the taxonomy skills I expect. I end up spending hours trying to

retrieve things from locations they thought were proper. Your suit is either in the Doctor‟s closet, Vivian‟s, or in the front hall coat closet. I can accept the basement. She

does have somewhat masculine tastes” I hadn‟t noticed “That was wrong of me to say. She has no tastes at all

really, unless you want to call “tits” a fashion choice”

They are a classic

“I will retrieve them.

It is not a small item.

With only

three possible locations, it won‟t take long”. You do not have to refer to things that cover my ass and gut as “small items”, but please don‟t call attention to the fact that they aren‟t. Thank you so much for seeing to their care. Having not asked for this, I am pleasantly surprised. She laughed “I have no choice. I keep a tight ship. My husband lived

in fear of my retirement.

He was worried his home would become I think he

the fire engine I shine and fuss over all day. begged Malcolm to let me continue to serve him.”

Many find it nice to keep a job. “I am unaware of my own financial arrangement. old boys worked it out. gambling debts. Those two

I might just be repaying one of Max‟s

He repeatedly curses Malcolm‟s skill on a

cribbage board, then runs back for more punishment” Now I don‟t need to do the lint brush/hang it by the shower thing. It is clean; I don‟t need to make it seem as if it is.

She is really sweet, and funny.

Dear Diatribe; I am fully dressed for my meeting with Glassman. be glowing with pride, Tribe. do that. You know I do. You are… You must I

It‟s not for two more hours.

You really don‟t know anything. Are you me? Am I talking to myself?

Do I keep typing between thoughts instead of pausing to think? I am keeping busy and avoiding contact with Viv. I could

go outside with Scott and do some actual work, but there is one major problem with that. I don‟t feel like it. It seems as if my avoidance of Vivian is not working. will speak to me any way. a moment. She is behind us right now. She asked me if I want to go on a sightseeing trip this weekend. She

I will tighten my grip on you in just

I declined She said all work and no play makes Pete a dull boy. Tribe, I need to ask you, do you think I‟m a dull boy? say yes, your lifeline will be offended. as unshakable as my dog, who I also feed. let the Chihuahua be your guide. She asked if I saw anything in Spain before I got here. I If you

Your loyalty must be Tribe, I tell you,

told her that I saw a plaza they call placa, a nice hotel and a few good Tapas bars. She loves Spain. “We should go there.” She said we could

go to the south by the sea. Gibraltar.

She recommended the Straits of

You can stand there, in Europe, and see Africa.

That is a long trip to take with someone I am very uncomfortable with. me why. I‟m not going to go to the Straits of Gibraltar. I don‟t want to offend the gays of Gibraltar. I thought that was pretty funny. it fell flat. .. With my egghead audience I told her I couldn‟t go there. She asked

All dressed up for a lawyer meeting. a room that did not beg a suit.

Then, it

was held in

We met in a classroom because It is not a

our Nathan Glassman is currently sharing an office.

law firm, there aren‟t well appointed conference rooms or lobbies; no staff offering coffee. turned them to face each other. We all sat on desks and

What I thought of as akin to a

court appearance, was more of a student teacher conference. Taking notes is OK, so I am reporting live now. Glassman is the brain behind the whole thing from a legal perspective. But he is not our lawyer. He can‟t be.

This is the subject matter to start with. Undercover legal work Clandestine brief writing Possibly even covert litigation His paychecks are cut by Cambridge U. More specifically he

is part of the Centre for Intellectual Property & Information Law. CIPIL is the acronym for these denizens who are still

bound by the scourge of the “Terrible Twos”. MINE, Mine, Mine, Mine, Mine!!!

We have about the best Counsel you can get in England. is one of the best in the world from what I can figure.


Cambridge is the only entity that could give us a problem in our move to file an international patent. almost certainly, at least consider it. When I met Glassman, he mentioned that he had added an Intellectual Property clause to Blythe‟s contract with Cambridge. I had to ask how he could have represented a client In fact, they will

on the opposite side of the table from the school. “I was not yet with Cambridge, and I also didn‟t do it under my name. everything.” I was at Harvard; I had a friend put her name on

Our friend Dr. Gerhardstein was there for years, did you ever run into him? “He is responsible for my expatriation. He asked me to I

work up the IP (Intellectual Property) clause for Malcolm. have an anglophile wife who always wanted to live here. out for a visit at that time. faculty.

We came

Blythe hooked me up with the law

I was on staff by the third day of our holiday trip.

When Eliza said that I should try for a job here, it was a month before the trip. get a job.” I knew I couldn‟t write the contract and

Glassman sent word yesterday that he wanted a copy of the storyboard. I produced one. Blythe inserted “That is from Een,

The chronology is spot on but the dates will need adjustment.” “This looks like a good start” responded Glassman. “Peter, I would like to never log on to your system. think that would be best. I

I will be in regular contact with

Blythe, and I will need the narrative within the text on the system for edits.”

So there will be some access on the sly. I am going to ask if I can bring Scott Swanson into confidence on this. Glassman responds “This is your project; I will leave the security decisions to you.” As Blythe nodded agreement, I felt more powerful than I ever have been.

I do not like secrets though. I would want to have an honesty strategy. I will hold some things in confidence until other things occur, but I do not want to be sworn to concealment till death. I won‟t be a CIA agent. “You will need to promise me you won‟t pursue a career in law.”

OK, that ship has sailed, I can agree to that.

There were probably more words that could have been said for closure. None were uttered.

The silence lasted a few seconds, and was broke by the suggestion to move our meeting elsewhere. A pub perhaps As long

I do feel that I can lift a pint or two tonight.

as this meeting is the last thing I need to do with my noodle today. I will drink very slowly; that might get me to an

acceptable sack time. It was not a pub we chose. really love Blythe‟s homestead. It was Glassman‟s house. I

Malcolm‟s house is probably my

favorite English home, but this one was special in a lot of ways. It was very fashionable, yet comfortable and inviting.

His wife Eliza was conducting a homework session with their teenage son and a daughter of ten or eleven years. She had an acquired British accent, but as an American, her roots were clear to me. Home was somewhere in New Hampshire,

but closer to Boston than some. He showed us out to the “garden” and put a kettle on. asked for water. two from them. standard. I

I had hoped that I would get a cube of ice or As American‟s chilled beverages should be a A tiny fridge and

They had completely expatriated.

Luke warm water was on the menu. now.

I will do some work tonight

With no alcohol in my system, my guilt will over take me

when I see Scott in the barn. I have been a bad kid. I feel like a boy who got away with

playing hooky and needs a friend‟s help to catch up on assignments. It will take a while for me to acclimate to

considering these events “work”. Scott, Blythe, Een and the rest have no problem with it. This is what people in leadership positions do. One must adapt. It‟s

It is a different road to leadership that others take. different that I expected. Just suck it up

Glassman came back with some well prepared documents. were bound and had the SO/Med logo on the cover.


They had taken

on the brand name “Leverex” that Een had mentioned. He told us to keep these in confidence until a patent is filed. “I respect your ethical standards Peter, but please The strategies outlined on many of these pages This is private to Dr.

understand this.

fall into what I consider to be private. Blythe and his career.

I think that might be arguable. “We are talking about human resources concerns for this man

and his employer.

Your drug and all of the scientific

information concerning its development are as open as you have prescribed. The personal concerns of any contributor are not.”

I just said arguable. I try to play Devil‟s advocate in any sort of ethical questioning. I worry that we might agree to lie or mislead, and hold that in secrecy. I don‟t want to give up the project because the University wins an argument and owns the drug. I also have limits on what I will do to win that fight. “We all do. of following. Dr. Blythe has ethics that we could only dream

When Richard brought this to me years ago, I

thought I was going to write a clause that would net one of his friends an eight-figure fortune. OK, help the friend of a friend get rich and then you have a rich friend. to you. That might not sound like an altruistic venture

But in my line of work it is held in high esteem.

When was the last time you gave up thirty or forty million with your right-minded principles?” Blythe walked off and observed the flowers. embarrassed listening to this praise. moment. He was

I watched him for a

I thought of calling him back over, but why do that. I will let him enjoy the flowers. Nate is what I am to call him.

He can hear everything.

I continued with Glassman.

So you are cool with being a soulless legal type. Whoring yourself, giving hand jobs for a schilling or two…

What brings you to the Open Source Medical cause? We can never offer you fortune, and fame is unlikely. “Malcolm had me read some kids diary, “Diatribe” is what he called it.”

There is no need for that!

You are going to have the both of us off staring at your flowers.

So, you read my stuff. You are an international legal expert. I took a Business Law class in High School. You get, what must have been professionally offensive writing about subject matter within your specialty. What is it about this chicken scratch inspired you? “There was nothing wrong in your legal diatribe. incomplete. It wasn‟t intended to be complete. I ended up using So It was

I almost wrote that brief in your hand. your outline.

Your table of contents is the base for mine.

you hit all the points.

The main difference is the parts about

Cambridge and separating an employee‟s invention from the employer. You didn‟t know about those things when you wrote yours.”

That is nice of you to say. As for what is outside of your expertise, are you in agreement on the overall concept? “I think I could make legal history with this. I talk of nothing else. Blythe and I

For months we have been on this.

won‟t make legal history by getting some guy off on a murder rap. I will use my pen to provide healing drugs to the world.”


Calm down, there is nothing of that magnitude in this. It is open source. It could get that big, but by the time it does, my contribution will be but a fraction of the whole. “You sit and write and think of ways to make thing better. You don‟t just throw out „What if‟ bullshit while drinking at a pub. You flesh it out and think it through. When he told me

about this American doing writing like that, I felt almost fucking patriotic. Almost” No

I directed him to continue with the meeting content. more of that could be allowed.

What he intends to do is have a patent lawyer in London file all the papers. He is undecided about whether they should He feels solid

let the University know before they do that.

about the contract, and has advised Blythe over the years about what to do with this project.

Blythe was not physically on campus when he originally thought of the concept. He is allowed under the contract to use That is what he did. He

his own work as teaching material.

brought in some outside work and used it in teaching the students. That makes it his idea. That and a whole lot of

other very particular nit-picky stipulations This list Malcolm brought was of contributors outside of Cambridge. This shows that it was not a solely Cambridge Idea or project. As the system entries are edited to reflect this (all

by Blythe himself), it must show that none of them provided enough of the idea to claim it themselves. “Malcolm, have you found someone on your list to patent this with you.” “I haven‟t yet. a real quandary. The particulars I need in this person are

It is a life insurance policy or a will. There isn‟t someone who

There are some great scientists there. I can hand this off to.

I had always thought I could face my I am sure either of you could do

own mortality with pure logic. that.

It is not as much of an immediate thing at your age”. I didn‟t let him get a sentence

Nate tried to push that. out.

I wrote the outline, I can come up with a subject change.

That‟s too personal to decide with your lawyer. He knows it is important. Talk to Een, talk to Gerhardstein, I am sure you will have that soon enough. “Een doesn‟t want it. Richard is a possibility. I think I

shall discuss it with Sangeeta.”

She is on the video-conference every day. I can let you have a few minutes. Let‟s move on, we have a lot to cover here. I am such a hard-ass. Some other way I lay down the law. It‟s my way or…

So what if the University gets a real bug up their ass about this? They have a law school, and plenty of eagles to fight it out. “I would hope to head that off at the pass. to sell them on SO/Med. We will need

They need to get some fraction of the I would be a natural

excitement that I have been infected with.

spokesman, but it would all fall apart if they knew I was in on this. For months I was working on the assumption it would all just slide by them. The rider in his contract did. They had a

lawyer review it, but not a patent or intellectual property guy. The some guy who negotiates all their labor agreements reviewed it. He thought it was some eccentric old-man thing. I have

this quote to use.” “This rider does not speak to compensation, term, pension or any other major concern we generally have. is to give him what he wants. My recommendation

This is a pretty simple one.”

“Re-signing a department chair attracts no attention. There would never even be a newspaper story about it. Registering a patent is different. They will contact CIPIL and ask for advice. asked to review it. I will be

I will obviously need to tell them that I

am a close friend of Malcolm‟s, this being a disqualifying factor, I must recuse. I will however offer my assistance in arbitration. point we will have a full-on sales pitch for SO/Med, its potential, and what they get out of it. need to think about Pete.” That is something you At that

I can cook them a nice meal. They could get that. I can do Italian, Mexican, whatever they want. I also have a really impressive Miles Davis Vinyl collection. Let‟s all pitch in some cash; we can get them something nice. ”Let‟s hold off on those until we really need those. thinking of a Headquarters located here; whatever special prestige status bullshit you can come up with.” I am

I promised to get right on that. something.

I will come up with

He also said they might need a real sales pitch.

My lack of title and status really comes into play with that request. Who the fuck am I to be telling this prestigious Forget my regular self-deprecating fare. I

school what to do? mean it this time.

I asked how an outsider is going to even get

invited to the meeting, let alone make an impact on their decisions. Blythe breaks his silence. be an insider”. “I will bring you in; you will

The Glassman said “you just think about what He is supportive. He has to be.

you would say if asked.”

Glass men should not throw stones. (Make that the Title) I moved to adjourn. barn and milk some cows. I claimed I needed to go back to the Not that funny, but it‟s what I had. But for a while, I think I just jot down what

We will be together a lot Tribe. it will be more reading than writing. happens. Too much is happening.

This is becoming something

even I might read. Let‟s see how it goes.

Dear Diatribe; I have written a bit for Glassman now. written an outline of it. I have at least

I have a bullshit list of how to make

Cambridge University feel extra special without genital contact. This system work takes up more than eighty percent of time to write Tribe content. We get a lot less time to just talk.

If I do not put in a healthy share of technical work the programs will likely end up just as good, but I will become a technical pussy. We don‟t want that. He

Scott has recruited some help from here at Cambridge. is getting results. live on the Internet. content. consuming. I think those will occur after Een sign-off. He is at The site looks good.

It is ready to go

First we have to have sign-off on the

Blythe sign-off and Glassman sign-off will be time

nearly %120 of his original content estimate, with %150 being the expected actual. We are well on our way. People

My wife has become a two-dimensional image for me.

often feel that they know the characters they watch on TV all the time. Conversely I feel that someone I know has become just

a TV character.

We are just as close.

We can‟t kiss, but we can talk.

Talking has been bedrock of the relationship from its beginning; that, gun collecting and the asphyxiation fetish thing. “Try saying your safety word now!!!” She is a stitch.

She has some misgivings that something she has pushed me into so zealously now has me away. I spend about an hour with her everyday. half hour or so himself. last to retire. ago. Literally) Malcolm spends a

Every evening, Blythe and I are the

(Especially him, he could have retired years we have our talks in the later evening.

I could go out with the youngsters who work in larger room, but I prefer to spend these times with him. infinite jest, of most excellent fancy. We have dinner guests at times. from the Computer Lab. He is a fellow of

(Dittos up the …)

We have sat with Smith Several

Glassman has come by once.

other gems of the intelligensia have stopped while we hold court either here or at a quiet pub. British pubs get you to bed early. at 10:45. Last orders are called If we

(“Last orders” is English for “Last Call”)

chose to pub, we usually continue conversations at home till after midnight.

The physical work configuration has evolved.

They consider

the back room of the barn to be my office and knock before entering. This stands although I am rarely alone and don‟t I like to have Scott in here with me. I think

expect to be.

the friendly contact is good for him. Scott does spend a lot of time with the users. great way to rapid-develop an application. It is a

In most software

houses, they intend to get requirements in full from users, and then develop alone. In this environment where requirements move

so quickly, he can get a request for a change, implement it, and have them test it on the spot. All of us, except Een, have met with Glassman informally and one at a time. understand exactly. Een has an ethical bent that I don‟t Because I don‟t understand, I respect it.

He is not excluded from what is being done legally; he just bows out of the loop. I cannot write enough about how supportive my contacts in England have been. Een particularly is a source of assurance.

He is not as far along or esteemed as Gerhardstein or Blythe. He has a bookish detachment from all-things-bullshit that makes me believe that he couldn‟t understand the appropriate language of these legal musings.

He is consistently impressed with what we are delivering. Bless his heart. Blythe could be a kook. Gerhardstein is

enamored with Blythe.

While the same could be said for Een,

considering his employment, it is clear that he has a discriminating sensibility. I feel like I have a place in all of this. positive attitude now. I have a

I really did have one all along, just

with my own melancholia attached. I don‟t want to expect the worst as much as I have, nor do I want to become consumed by great expectations. If I am to

lead people here, most would say I need to project a selfassured optimism whether it‟s in me or not. on this. I should never slip

Write down my themes and make sure every word, gesture

and facial expression matches them. No one who ever read the Tribe would expect “stay on message” to become a guiding principle for me. of consciousness prose is more my style. Tribal Title: On Message-In Bottle At an odd request I am walking to the house. to use the office with Een for a bit. Blythe asked Writing stream

He has been struggling Maybe he will

with his decisions on the co-patent signatory.

convince Een.

I have had one fear with that decision pending. In

Of the possible partners, I only know Een and Gerhardstein. the brief conversations I have had with him on this, neither seem to be willing to take the honor. the absolute top choice in his mind. The fear is that someone else joins our group, they are considered a partner more to me than Blythe, and they are a prick. I am happy with all I have met so far.

I am not sure either is

It is not that

many people, but it is a streak I would rather retire with than see end. So to answer your question; no, I am completely unaware of what an immature thought that is. Tribe, I also don‟t

appreciate being questioned like that from some imaginary friend. Fuck you, Tribe.

OK, let‟s talk You see, Blythe took my stuff and edited out all the salutations and poo-poo words. like real academic writing. He footnoted and made it look When I asked him about He

I like it.

it, he told me it is how he reads it.

He edits as he goes.

said the academic style has become second nature. In vetting my ideas checked and referenced parts of the

text, he added his sources as footnotes. what‟cha gonna do?

OK, that is weird, but

I think that people here might have read everything in this form, but they comment that they know it all is written originally in my “journals”. word “Diatribe”. I don‟t ask. I have even heard some say the How would I phrase that? They

comment on some profundity of mine and I ask “did you read the part where I am confused about the seam in my scrotal sack?” There is a segment on the duality of man where I go at length on this area. No, I don‟t think I could have done it justice in less than forty pages. Some day you will see this Tribe. have a frickin‟ table of contents. It is a new you. You

I thought you might get mad. All that stupid

It‟s a break from your mode; and you are me. Kosinski shit. So I was reading the legal section. how a legal cooperative would be needed. off challenges regularly.

I wrote a lot about We could be fighting

I thought of something modeled after They pioneered ways to go

the Southern Poverty Law Center.

after the Klan and other hate groups.

All of them are top flight Harvard-type lawyers, and they all do it for free. This CIPIL could host our version. They That

could handle any challenges to our Open Source operation. could be a famous legal thing he talked about.

Dear Diatribe; They kicked me out for the night and into the next day. He came out for a couple of minutes to say he was nearing He

an agreement with Een on all of the Glassman-related shtick.

wants to get it done, and then write it out in the morning with Geeta. He said that he will present it all to me after he was He wants it to be just right. I called the G-man to get him I am

done with that.

That sounds like progress. off of Blythe‟s ass.

I setup some time with him myself.

going to head over to his place in just a moment. should go out.

I said we

I will get a drink in him and then we will talk It is the kind of discussion

about my idea; one of my ideas.

that will go well with the friendly of drink. See you at the pub, Tribe With palpable sincerity; Your Doppelgänger, Peter Kosinski

Dear Diatribe; I never thought that people not wanting me around could be so refreshing. I haven‟t stopped working. I am just Vivian has taken

directing things more freely from my solitude.

that summer trip that I believe she was offering me. After the Blythe/Sangeeta meeting finished, I tried to get a few minutes with my wife. as we had been doing daily. She is busy. crazy busy”. I am to be blamed for that. “You‟ve got me No specific reason; just to connect

If one were to break down the logic there, it That is why one will not do that. He‟s got things

would come out lacking.

Scott came inside to chat for a bit. humming along out there. Miles.

We are both impressed with young

He is out of touch today because he is moving the

videoconference to the new conference room in the new office. As happy as Scott is with Miles, he feels relived to not be on TV today. That Dr. Stoller keeps coming in and asking for Scott says she should ask me, but she can never I am Major Major from Catch 22. You can only

patent updates. get a hold of me.

meet with me when I am not there. As much as I hate secrets, I feel compelled to keep this

particular confidentiality as this goes on.

I need to get a

sit-down with Gerhardstein and find out what Stoller‟s “Security Clearance” is. She is nice to us sometimes. space and found me an employee. opposed to our efforts. She reluctantly got us office She also is one who seemed

When you have secrets, you worry about

people leaking them on purpose, but also on accident. The only real secrets we have relate to Glassman‟s involvement in the patent and the previous contracts for Blythe. Scott is sharp. He was brought into confidence on this and

caught on that the name “Glassman” should not be mentioned loosely. I don‟t think I have done that. here on. I know I won‟t do it from I

He also told Miles to secure my Diatribe files. I will however, coalesce to this.

don‟t like that.

It makes me

feel like I am in a danger zone. I feel safest in a place where people won‟t try to harm me. Having the best systems to stop them does little to calm my nerves. You have these things because people are trying. I was

Years ago, I though those jeeps looked pretty cool. thinking of getting one.

My friend Steve talked about having

one in the past.

He had the “Club”, removable stereo AND I didn‟t want a jeep after hearing that. I

removable speakers.

don‟t like securing myself all the time. I still don‟t think that people will give that much of a shit about my Diatribes, but if Glassman read recent entries, he would want them protected. pages. It is his information in these

I always thought of it as mine, but I would lose that

argument. It is hard to approach this with Scott. I was boneheaded

and had no idea about this the classified nature of the name “Glassman”. Now he told me. The proper management thing would I went

be to pretend I did know and bark out further orders.

for that approach and said that the boys in the barn need restricted access. He‟d already done that.

Very good Let‟s continue to keep a tight ship. What a shit I am. I should have just thanked him. a way that I just didn‟t think to. is the one goal. for me. Stay the boss. He might have saved us in When you are a boss, there Hopefully it isn‟t that way Not now, but

I will set this straight with Scott.

later tonight or tomorrow. Blythe came off of his meeting bonanza saying. “You‟re next. Make sure your batteries are charged in that

contraption of yours.” I asked what time he wanted to meet. lunch. He said it would be a OK, this is a

He then said he would make reservations.

real meeting, or event/celebration or execution/firing sort of occasion. I will check on the condition of that suit. Maybe this is standard British

The suit is cleaned again. treatment. I like it.

The reservations have been made, and Blythe is actually driving us there. We are to lunch at Midsummer House. A very The

quaint place; the building is actually a house of sorts.

house has an attached atrium for natural, nearly outdoor, dining while taking in the Midsummer Commons Park. behind it are actual outdoor tables. Now I see that

He says it is Cambridge‟s

only Michelin Rated dining, as far as he knows. I am excited. He has finished his patent-filing tasks. We

can have a kickoff, just for us.

I would like to have Een here.

Gerhardstein, Scott and Miles could make for a more complete social event if we were all on the same continent.

Blythe looks great.

He has a very smart yellow and black He

striped tie complimenting his four-button vested suit.

carries an attaché, which makes me less conspicuous carrying my Tribe machine in its leather notebook type case. The weather is

complimentary and we get one of the outdoor tables. We are seated at a black table with painted natural-cut wooden chairs. setting. area. A waiter approached and Malcolm wished to complete this business before we were sitting. full up today. you serve.” “I am glad that you are not There is a dark green umbrella covering the

There are twisted ancient trees landscaping this cozy

We need about a quarter hour of cocktails before “I would like a Highland

The waiter nodded.

Scotch, whichever you recommend, and Peter”.

A martini, up with olives I am one who can develop a taste when something requires it, but brown liquors might be beyond me. have, but not as of yet. You‟d think I would

My overall alcohol intake as reduced

so much over the years that I doubt I will. “I am going to have the Sea Bream. we get you a menu, Peter? It is quite good. Can

No, that sounds good. I will have the same. I lied. of Sea Bream. It doesn‟t sound good or bad. I have never heard

I assume it is fish, and fish does sounds good. Perhaps I didn‟t lie.

I take that back.

Malcolm opens his case and produces papers to begin the discussion. “We have excellent legal counsel, I am confident in I need for you to review the front matter.”

our presentation. Makes sense

I will do that.

It starts with some completed forms.

I am

flipping to the first page that is typed outside of the WTO provided form material. May I just say here, what the fuck? I will copy the text in later rather than describe it now.

Dr. Malcolm Blythe Principle Scientist And Peter Kosinski Chief Technologist Present their Innovation in registration for the International Intellectual Property protection offered by the Agreement on Trade Related Aspects of Intellectual Property Rights (TRIPS). This innovation can be identified through International Union of Pure and Applied Chemistry nomenclature (IUPAC) as [R-(R*, R*)]-4-(3-fluorophenyl)-beta, delta-dihydroxy-5(1-methylethyl)-3-phenyl-5- ) amino-hexanoyl]pyrrolidine2-carboxylic acid dehydrate

Pending approval, the registrants intend to use the brand name Leverex which, for the purposes of these documents will be used throughout to imply the above IUPAC Name. Page one is seen here, not pasted, but retyped. have a soft copy of the materials. I do not

I begin recording.

I shall transcribe this evening.

This is either saying that I am the co-registrant of the patent or that you are doing it alone or assigning it to SO/Med. “Now you see why I needed to spend the last forty eight hours in meetings where you weren‟t present. You will be the

co-registrant if you agree and sign the papers along with me in London next week.” I don‟t know why you would do this to Een. He has given you far more scientific assistance with this. There are levels of separation between me and the invention of a drug. Een stands directly outside. He is the inventor, once-removed.

My separation is somewhere along the lines of a dispensing pharmacist. Even that is a step up for me. “I wouldn‟t worry about Een‟s feelings especially. was his idea actually.” The drug was Een‟s idea? “No Of course not Making you the co-registrant was Een‟s idea. We discussed This

the more conventional approach of having him sign on.

“If you need a second name, why not use Peter?” “This is what he said in the first minute of our meeting. He defended his point further through the next several hours. I had told you he didn‟t want any part of it. personal thing with him. was my idea. That is a

He assisted in so many ways because it

He is a tenured full professor in his thirties, He feels it would be disingenuous to

which is what he wanted.

assume inventors rights for work that has earned him all he had expected from it”.

What level of disingenuousness have I taken on then? “What is written in these documents; by me and your lovely wife, I might add, makes no misrepresentation of your role. The

furthest we went was to mention the years I have known Sangeeta, then stating you are her husband. known you that long. timeframe. We never state that I have

It just mentions one relationship

Sangeeta warned that this might be too far for you.

I think it is truthful and acceptable.” So, what were Glassman‟s thoughts? “I will mention again the wonders of your bride. In our

co-written form the logic was embossed and glowed from the page. He said that it solved all of the “last will and testament”

issues in ways he hadn‟t thought of.”

Why would he? On its face, it is a crazy idea. The very thought of me. There’s a title for ya It

“I entrust the patent to SO/Med by listing your name.

stays with SO/Med and the founding principles because you own it. I will still make a will where I give my portion of it to If you were to find a way to shuffle off this mortal


coil, Sangeeta protects all of our intentions.” Our Sea Bream, which was fish, showed up right then. convinced. I am

Any shortcomings I come to the table with, I can

take up with my mother. Why didn‟t you birth a boy who I wouldn‟t be so nervous about? I stopped the recording and we ate.

Dearest Diatribe; The rest of our lunch was dedicated to answering the questions that I had been so freaked out about six weeks ago when I first got here. the middle of next week. I am to begin plans for repatriation in Actually Geeta is handling that. I can

We are scheduled for a trip to London on Monday. leave for home from there.

She is reserving a room and I “might That sounds fine. I just

want to stay for a couple days”.

don‟t know how long I want to stay in country when I am clear to go home. The purpose of the trip is a signing ceremony of sorts at a lawyer‟s office. hands shaken. There will be some pictures taken and some I like the idea

That could be a nice experience.

of spending more than an hour in London this time. Our ceremony will be small and private. only make news when we want to. Our strategy is to

This should slip past the eye It is a milestone however;

of any possibly interested parties. we will honor it as one.

Preparation this weekend will require Glassman in the barn. If he is going to be there, none of the regular kids can be there. He says he thinks he has all but a few pages that he

wants in the boxes of printouts to be filed. Scott and I will help him all we can. fete on Monday. Chicago. Scott will be at the I need him in

He is free to go back as well.

A chance to bum around London with a flexible return

flight is probably a really nice gift for him. Malcolm is very playful in telling me that he has something in London to show me. He said it was a place to take me. Maybe

I am setting up for another big moment in the Tribe.

It could

be a whole-chapter moment if I achieve memoir-thiness. He says it is not business but something fun. He knows that town well. would I doubt him? He says it is “lovely”. Why

I am sure I will enjoy it.

We are going

down on Sunday to have the day together before the whole thing. As I sit in the barn writing to you, my lovely wife has appeared on the screen. Give me some time to talk to her.

She said she didn‟t tell me all this because she was too busy working on it to talk to me at all. She said she wouldn‟t

have any way because it was Malcolm‟s news to give. She was really happy about the whole thing. was just as nervous at first. She said she

I would believe she was nervous,

but not equally.

For one, she will not be held up to be a fool She also does not have the neurotic I have never felt the

if it all falls apart.

ability to spasm as pathetically as I do. need to teach her either. I had to pick up a call from Glassman.

He said that some

patent lawyers in London, not ours, have had inquiries trying to find out who was handling us. grapevine. Our law man said they were using some classic fishing techniques. They call saying something like this. His Our lawyers heard it through the

“I am drawing up a will for a mutual client of ours. name is Dr. Malcolm Blythe. is handling his business.” Someone spotted this as a trick.

I need to speak to the lawyer that

Both Glassman and the

other lawyer think that I should get Blythe away from this place because they will come here soon looking to persuade him to do something else with the patent. We don‟t even know who this is. I am going to be

As much as I hate secrets, this is fun. on the lamb. This is cool.

They cancelled our hotel Someone from

reservations and made new ones at another place.

the law firm will check in, we will meet them to get the key.

They say I am probably safe.

That makes sense.

I am going I

to serve as secret agent body guard for this mob witness. like it. “We will advance you some cash as well. use his credit cards.”

Tell Blythe not to

I probably should have told him we would use my money, but I just want to hold the clandestine funds in my hand. want to spend it. Take a memo We will now begin a Clandestine Services arm of the organization. it. Remember to destroy this memo before anyone reads I also

This memo did not exist or ever bare this title. I have to go and grab my stuff, which is all cleaned now.

Then I am going to get a rental car and meet Malcolm. Glassman that I would send Scott to his house.

I told

They can figure

out from there what to do about getting the printouts he wants. I asked him for a best guess on what is going on. “the first assumption is that it is a drug company.” He said It could

be another academic interest, but those phone calls seem too professional for that. IUPAC name. The question is whether they have the

If they do, we are probably running from someone

who wants to offer Blythe a lot of money. happen?

How often does that

The scariest possibility is that they don‟t have it, but want to get it before we file for the patent. Then depending on

how raw these thugs are, they could do just about anything. I am having fun with this no matter who it is. He says

there is a 99% chance that there is nothing to worry about any more than the annoyance it would cause. that. I wish he wouldn‟t say

I want to be on a dangerous mission.

Dear Diatribe; I got the car and am heading to London. English roads with no experience. driving and no big deal. We will meet our contact agent at a coffee shop. printed directions. would expect. I have I am driving on

As you may assume, it is just

We are not in as much of a hurry as you We grab a quick We

It is all timed quite well.

coffee, cash and our keys, and then we were up to a hotel. had separate rooms, but we had a lot to talk about.

If I put the Tribe away when talking to the man, he feels that I am discounting what he has to say. Instead of writing my He had a great

thoughts down, I was mostly reading them to him. laugh about the gays of Gibraltar.

I read a lot of the self-effacing crapola that makes up the lion‟s share of my literary style. yourself down like that?” It’s just my subject matter; me. I’m not a big fan. He just slyly smiled. “This is the place where you go at yourself. likely safe. That is most “Why do you constantly bring

When I began teaching, it was more outwardly


I shouldn‟t be critical of the thoughts you

generally keep to yourself, even if you keep them to yourself poorly.”

Is this an issue? Do I need to begin protecting these? “I would say that is up to you. I wont ask for it. There

is some material that, I suppose, could be damaging. the proponent of openness.”

You are

Without this, I could have never archived the finest description of Leverex. We are all-about Leverex. Miles has a true sense of the language; Ebonics, that is. “How does he describe it.”

Miles speaks Ebonic English in the same way that Geeta speaks Hindi. He speaks quite fluently, but it is certainly not his native tongue. “It was always a surprise for me when Geeta sprung into fluent Hindi. As I spun thread with her, she seemed as foreign She actually had an insight beyond

to Indian culture as I was. anything I could muster.”

The same type of reaction is evoked when I hear Mr. Paterson spout fluent Ebony. The main difference is that you can largely understand the ebonic

utterings. Sangeeta’s Hindi sparks respect for her bilingual abilities, but when there are other speakers present and you are left out, it can even be off-putting. “Can you share the wisdom of Miles with me? an unsolicited intrusion on your diatribe.” I did the best I could to reproduce what Miles had said in a late night work session. point across. You will be glad to know that he said it is ‘the shit’. That shit get all-up-in your lipid panel. You cot the blood pressure going on up hear, but that’s just the titties. You got the systolic over here, the diastolic over there; but you gotta be swingin’ pipe to get up in that lipid panel at the same time. “Bravo! Pity there is no marketing in the Open Source world. a natural.” Our talk extended into the personal. By that I mean about That is He is I think I did well enough to get the I don‟t make

fears, methods of defense and limitations on dreams. not a conversation men are known to have.

We laugh off those

topics that seem too sympathetic and sappy, but you know we must miss something. His confidence building commentary was honest. It belied

any idea that he is a babbling old fool.

He is aware of the

subject matter for my upcoming book, “The Ways in Which I Suck”. When I get around to writing that, I intend to dedicate it to my wife. Even though Malcolm is aware of much of the content, he doesn‟t mention it too me as much. On the advise of a co-worker

and while trapped on an airplane with a dearth of literature, I once read the book (pamphlet?) “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”. This tome (flyer?) details the authors take on the

spousal-directed criticism from the fairer sex. According to the author, this is not considered rude amongst women. As a Martian, I don‟t understand that. I have

seen experience that tells me this might be true, I don‟t gain any understanding from this experience. Doing that would go

against the ways of those from my planet. Tomorrow morning, Malcolm said he has somewhere to take me in London. Oh, understand that he lived here for years. I

believe he was born here. me.

I wonder what he has picked out for

He said I would be thrilled to see it. I will retire now to my room. No more writing tonight.

Dear Diatribe; I did not bring you with today. You are great Tribe.

The only problem is that when I want to have both hands free, like during outdoor tourist activities, you can get in the way. The best part of this is that you can‟t take it personally. The root word of personally is person; enough said. I have a few minutes here in the evening to update you. As

a diarist, when treated to a surprise as I was today, you must get to your journaling media. After lunch Blythe told me it was almost time for my surprise. We took an Underground train and got off at the We walked across the street and he pointed up

Westminster stop.

and said “look at that clock”. He took me to Big Ben? What the hell? I thought I was getting the lowdown, native, insider thing. No such luck. Instead, I am taken to a place I would have made I had written it down during my last

a point to walk by myself.

brief visit, on my way to Cambridge. “I must come back and see Buckingham Palace, Big Ben and

that place where people can openly give speeches (the Speakers Corner?)” -From the Tribe Forty-nine days ago I have seen may pictures of this clock. Ben? “Well, my boy, there is nothing like standing at this exact angle while you listen to him strike 2:00pm. o‟clock, no other hour will do.” Really? And why is that? We had just over one minute to go until two. judged this too early. hour being special. “Stand right at my side, Peter. on the same spot at the big hour.” I need to get both of us I took my place to his left. Maybe I It must be 2 Isn‟t this Big

I have never heard anything about this

We stood there for what was probably 45 seconds of the preceding minute. It seemed longer of course. As the chimes

began to ring out the hour an arm wrapped around me from the left and I was pulled closer to Malcolm.

I was confused about it for a fraction of a second, but when it involves physical contact like that, fear can grip you. It was my olfactory nerve that caught the natural perfume of Sangeeta‟s skin. What a treat. I have always tried to take advantage of the I

last days of a business trip mixing in some family travel.

didn‟t even have to do anything to get it going for this one. Getting her to Birmingham Alabama required more effort on my part than London has. I was told that Blythe cashed in a frequent flyer ticket to get her here. I embraced her with the zeal of a husband ending At the same

that absence which makes the heart grow fonder.

time I had a hand on the shoulder of a man who, completely unsolicited, made this happen for me. moment. joined. I continued feeling that way until the life changing moment which was hiding there in Westminster, waiting to end the joy of this day and might even end my life. She has joined me. Life felt so good at that

I will fall apart unless I am

Dear Diatribe; Joking!!! I cut a Tribe off in mid-Tribe just for effect. I had this

feeling that if I were writing fiction, I would have to whack someone there. Everybody was hugging and all seems fine. It is

either a final scene, or an axe is about to drop. If this is supposed to eventually be a memoir, I can‟t die at the end. end. Nothing happened! sights, we had dinner. We walked around, he showed us the It was nice. Geeta is always falling I can kill though. I just need that not to be the

We are back in the hotel now. asleep before me.

I am writing as I observer her slumber.

MAYBE SHE‟S DEAD!!!! No, not that I know of. She is rolling over right now. SHE ISN‟T SLEEPING, SHE HAS A KNIFE!!!! GEETA, DON‟T!!!

Something like that.

We can come up with more later.

Dear Diatribe; We have the most pleasant Sunday ahead. Sundays thing to do is go to brunch. solely American thing. It is not. My favorite on

I wondered if that was a They have it here. They

have it at a restaurant named Giraffe.

I am sure they have it

in a lot of restaurants, but having it in a restaurant named for an exotic animal might be worth mentioning. This wasn‟t a vegetarian joint which only serves leafy greens from the top of trees. That is good. I eat meat ever That was in

since my three-month incarnation as a herbivore. college.

I was what those in the know would call a “salad bar

vegetarian”. I am not there yet. web. I saw a review of the Giraffe on the

I am trying to do a bit of before and after Tribing now. Sangeeta is not against you. How could she be? She does

wish for more courtesy, or at least how she and most others would describe. Since we have been apart for the longest period

in our time together, she wants attention directed at her. There could be a romance construed. tried. It wont be, I have

If something is romantic and significant, I Tribe it. The truest of

My Tribing is the product of the truest of love.

love, or hate, or boredom, or silliness. which I shall not begrudge.

She does have a point

She has read enough of this to know how lowbrow we can get. She is jealous of my conversations with you. more. We have a lot in common. We share so much

I am you and you are me. I am not sure she is

Perhaps she thinks we are having sex. wrong about that.

Nonetheless, I will probably need to get back to you on the plane trip home. What can I update before I go to the Giraffe? Blythe stopped at a pay phone to call the approved number of someone at the law firm. I think it was their home number. He gave them some

It‟s all part of this laying-low montage. instructions.

“Change the return on the car to Heathrow on Thursday. Peter will be staying in the hotel until past noon on that day.” The car instructions were cool because Shirley and Max were coming to our informal patent ceremony, bringing his car and driving him back. That was nice, but I am not sure I want to

drive in a huge foreign city with different driving rules.

What he had done with these two instructions was procure two-days vacation for us in London. should have thought of that. I could have, and probably

However it is infinitely better to There are no points

get something you haven‟t asked for.

deducted under any greedy-bastard provisions. We are to breeze through our London Sunday. there is the signing blow out/rave. and alone. There is no credible reason not to be thrilled about how life has progressed in a couple of months. up with one. worthiness. Yeah! Well I can at least dream. Fuck you, and the I will have to come On Monday

Then two full days together

I might have found my path to the elusive mem-

electronic device you rode in on. I was involved in the genesis of what looks to be an organization. in charge. As far as the work in Cambridge, they said I was

I think I can ask for some role in managing at least

a part of this thing. If you can set aside the engrained work-ethic guilt, managing is a blast. You can wank off, and have it called work.

I wonder if that is an incorrect spelling or if “wank” is just

not in the dictionary. It is an “English” dictionary…

Dear Diatribe; Our offices are … Nice? I am once again proud to be Hog Butcher to the world. They are offices. look. They have that bureaucratic/academic

This is a private University, a damned expensive one at The Conference Room I have made

that, so lets just call them academic. already has a name plate on it. my mark.

The name is mine.

There are two projection screens on the wall.

One has the

Cambridge video conference, the other is on a projector with a dangling connector. I will plug into that for know.

I thought that Miles will be joining me as I saw his laptop and coffee mug on the table. apologetic to remove it. He dashed in all-quick and

“I will get out of your way, I was

just setting some things up in here.” I told him to relax. He was trying to stake out space in I told him that he could spend

one of the two offices we have.

a great deal of time in the conference room, but he would have to share the office with the new Office Manager whose name would

be Angela. He told me that she was already here. We then began my It has

tour of what is a bustle of activity here at SO/Med US. to have a name. of talk. A lot is going on.

A lot of interest and a lot

However, none of it is about Open Source

Pharmaceuticals. With all that is happening; with the possible hot topics available, the office is all a-buzz over the presence of exiguous under-things. I thought she is an intern. She is a young lady of southern extraction. Charleston, SC is her hometown. She bends into a computer screen to read smallish type and assist a student entering a molecule for a generic drug. The

bend in her body, revealing the black strap junction of this particular style of pantaloons was the object of attention. Some of the boys were suppressing giggles, while others just stirred with romantic longing on their faces. six guys altogether. There might be a great poem or even an epic mused by this moment. Not by me of course, even though I am likely the first I think it was

to translate the sight into written words.

I cannot be writing everything that I think and be the Open Sorcerer I have become. read them every day. rule of mine. My thoughts could be scandalous. I

Every word I write I also read.

It is a So

I also have a rule not to edit things out.

much of the Tribe becomes part of what is shown to others, that is where I edit. I hope one of these boys is a poet. underwear of the soul. Poetry is still the

If I may ditto Ferlinghetti from a poem

that sound great read in his voice (it was recorded at readings), but reads as silly. but certainly not high art. Throughout my career there have too many technical people in the fold; it‟s a male dominated profession. I call them willows. Not out loud. There are weeping willows and pussy willows. As a technologist I am more familiar with the weeping because they never get any pussy willow. Aside the conversations of Star Trek and the Lord of the Rings, all of which I bow out of, they are a majority-hetero demographic and have an interest. More a lack of composure when in the audience of … … ass I guess. We have students beginning the process of entering generic drugs into the system. That is why all these kids are Funny; if he were a comedian,

here. This girl is no intern, she outranks everyone in the office but me. This is the heart patient named Angela. I guess that

obesity was not a contributing factor here. all the excitement is about”. me?

“She is the one who

On my first day, shouldn‟t it be

The bosses first day in the new digs should produce some Not at all. Some people can create “buzz”, some

excitement. define it.

Not that any of the mentioned body parts were actually bustling about and creating an audible buzz; if only heard by the men in the room. This woman is to be my assistant/Office Manager. Granted,

my introduction to her came about from lads who were ogling and invited me to join. So I had no intention of having my first

Tribing about her actual presence be based in such amative words. I have no intention of mentioning her this way. Certainly This

not in any public way, but also in my personal writings. is just wrong. It is like the beginning of any sexual

harassment story. I don‟t feel good abut having an employee for whom these

observations precede our first verbal discourse. She is showing the students how to access the system. She

is doing that surprisingly well considering that I did not know of anyone but Miles who had used the system outside of Cambridge. “Nice to meet you Peter, I wanted to schedule lunch with you and Miles.” I will make sure I am free. “Talk to Gerhardstein and see if he will come. Don‟t

bother Dr. Stoller, I don‟t want to take up any more of her time.” That was our entire first conversation. I know have a bit

of time to close out this business about her ass and associated under-things. I want to close them out for good. Have to do? Are we

This is based on what men will do. predisposed to it?

There must be some of that involved.

The question that sticks in my head is; can a well intentioned man fleetingly and momentarily fall victim to his own hormones and socialization, then fully continue with his good intentions? Are his intentions soured by what he noticed

at the onset? A male colleague and I went to a newer barbershop pointed out to us by a female colleague. In a post WWI building

downtown, this establishment took on all appearances of a classic shop for men. We sat in the well-appointed waiting area, and each of us thumbed the magazine stands next to our chairs. Simultaneously

we pulled out copies of Playboy and Penthouse to show each other. We showed each other only the covers and shared

astonishment that those periodicals were in such a public place. Neither of us opened our magazines. We just had a laugh about

how they weren‟t intended for public consumption. What differed then from their classic appearance was that the “stylists” were all women. women. They were all young attractive

In this day and age, a young man has undoubtedly had to

use both the traditional barber, and a stylist in a women‟s shop. There are just not as many barbers as there once were.

For myself, and the friend I was with, it was our mothers who, having us in tow, went to the hair care provider they knew to have their boys coiffed. In these salons, you realize that the physicalities of women cutting hair, by habit not as dependent on the electronic

clipper, are placing their breasts in the clients face consistently. Their clients are women. Who cares.

Standing from a waiting chair stocked with light pornographic reading and having this cut done by and attractive young lady makes you feel like you are in a strip club. wondered if I should tip at lap dance rates. those are. I

I don‟t know what

I assume higher than haircut tipping.

If we didn‟t know this was what we were in for, is it wrong that we noticed it. The reading material was clearly the

managements choice, and I don‟t know if the my barber even intended to proffer her boobs for tip money. Young Angela might be told by a motherly sort that she need cover herself more modestly than others because of what she is covering. The purpose might remain unsaid. A paunchy plumber

in his mid-forties might be snickered at, but not admonished for the same infraction. It would be clearly seen as a mistake or

work-concentrated negligence; they are certainly not flaunting their plumbers butt. More diligence would be expected of the SO/Med Plumber in question, with boxes of papers close to the ground. fully at fault. I am not

It was pointed out to me by a young man of an

age where he is expected to be crass.

Hell I would have noticed. I would have not felt the sting of I did take

shame if I weren‟t sharing the leer with others. authority and moved people along. voice.

I spoke in a disapproving

In conclusion, as I will close this topic an retribe today. I was disgusted by the ogling of these young men, I called a stop to it, and will continue in my characteristically appropriate relationship with staff. have with Swan Song, Miles or Een. It is just like the one I

Dear Diatribe; I came to find Angela for lunch. use the system. She was helping a student

The kid wanted to paste text into the system This is fine, as long as it comes

that he could get online. from the right place.

The text on the paper he was working from can be found online, and that would be loads faster. When he pasted, a

dialogue box with a drop-down appeared asking for identification of where he was pasting from. Scott is good We discussed the pasting/plagiarism abatement thing once in England. I had no idea it was even being worked on yet.

We ordered in lunch to the conference room/my office. Gerhardstein, Miles and Angela were in attendance. I asked to I

have Scott contacted, he should be here or on the phone. don‟t know when he comes in, or if, or if I am wrongly mentioning this in the resent tense.

He has no habits yet.


has been back in town just a couple of days. Stoller was purposefully left out for some reason. This

was initiated by Angie, and not argued by Gerhardstein who is Stoller‟s boss. Stoller just got her this job. What an

attitude; where‟s your gratitude.

About this I will do no That is my testosterone

research and just find out when I do.

talking, or not talking, as it is known to do. Gerhardstein opened the meeting, but immediately made it clear that didn‟t mean he was in charge. “If I can, I would like to open by welcoming you back. have done my best to stand in for you here, and with the assistance of Miles, and more recently Angela, we have done quite well. I think I need to turn the reigns over to you now. some financials to pass on as we proceed.” Thank you, Doctor I haven‟t prepared any remarks for this occasion because, … There are only three of you and that would be silly. I am surprised that there is this … Why am I thinking of the word “pomp”. that. Let‟s do away with I have I

From now on that‟s going to cause me to pomp slap you. I like the

“You will captain things in your own way. relaxed approach.

From what Malcolm tells me, he witnessed the

birth of a leader over there.”

It wasn‟t a natural process. turned out I was a breech. neck.

There was an epidural.


I had the cord rapped around my

In the end, this leader was born cesarean.

The first thing that we need to do here is beat this labor and delivery analogy to death. what was happening to me. staff now. newborn. I was babbling there. I know that there are financials to I Like an infant, I had no idea

I am glad that this means I have some

I will probably needs as much care and feeding as a

pass over, but I haven‟t decided who gets to be in on that.

wished that Gerhardstein has given me time to organize my staff. As far as who I will discuss financials with? I get it now! I am the Open Sorcerer, He is following the rule that he thinks I have, and likely will. That‟s me. I tell you this now. Anybody can be in on it. I just found out that this is

one of my attributes, so give me time. The recording of this, or any of our meetings will be, is always available. I have this going on officially. Other

people are actually respecting the concept and seeing to it that recordings are made.

Other person, that is.

Miles does that.

For now, I still Tribe with the actual words; often like a steno taking dictation. and started taking notes. alone to fully understand. As I thought of this, I stopped Tribing The difference is something for me Now I am in my cell, door closed and

marking up these bulleted notes. Gerhardstein provided turnover of the small matters going on in Chicago while the real work was going in England. matters are bigger than I will ever be. Those

Perspective differs

widely as to which blind man you are and on which side of the elephant you are standing. to be overwhelmed. Biting bullets, big ones, this is what I have. We have four hundred and twenty thousand dollars either in the bank or believably on it‟s way. That is almost half a In other words; It is an elephant though, so prepare

million for a group that has a free rent deal. not nearly enough.

Gerhardstein proposed a budget of up to

$250,000 for the SO/Med Conference in January (about three and a half months away). I know nothing of a “SO/Med Conference”. Some of the

people who gave us the money want a meeting that makes this

thing official.

Another buzz producer?

Probably would be

We discussed that a bit.

Gerhardstein was “sorry to jump

on your territory like this”, but he promised it to people. So do I need to hire a party planner now? going to be held? Who is coming? Where is this

“That is all up to you” So I asked Angela if she knew anyone who could plan something like this. She said she would love to try to herself.

I deputized her as party planner right away. She stayed after Gerhardstein and Miles left to begin hashing out some details. She came into that discussion with This news and work were the

more information than I had. easiest of the day. conversation.

That was just an exciting party

I used that positive energy to escape from the

more daunting of prospects that came out of the same meeting. Gerhardstein was signing off with the last few bullet points and I had the feeling of being left to take it over all by my self. is Miles. One person who I do not have complete management of I hope that can change sometime, but we need to

become something that can employ more people full time.

I found this out when I got the bigger tasks handed to me. Four American Universities; Harvard, MIT, Columbia and Stanford want in right away. Also some French place that is part of the Gerhardstein has friends in If we don‟t do this quick, We need to become a local

Sorbonne and somewhere at Oxford. these places, or maybe Blythe does.

that buzz thing we have can go away.

story in a few places, then become the envy of others, and move on. Someone has to facilitate this. That means travel. I need

Scott to be working on the system here with me giving all the time I have. That free time could be difficult to come by from Miles cannot travel extensively on my

what I am realizing. orders.

He still works for the University of Chicago and

Gerhardstein‟s folks need him there. “Well this Scott Swanson seems good, he could probably do it” Yeah, thanks. Fuck off. Not the last two words any way. There are other reasons too, but

That was not verbalized. This is why I have a Diatribe. fuck those reasons.

I am going to send Scott to install this bullshit system

around the world?

This is barely good enough for entering I will have to give up One

research that has already been done.

sleep in order to design and build the “ideal” version. problem there is that I don‟t know how. am. The will notice that it isn‟t worth shit right off. is a “buzz” kill. Buzz will surely die.

Scott is better then I


I might need to make a decision to start spending that money to get the consulting help I need. I don‟t think that

ever a half million would do what needs to be done. We are going to blow $200k on this kickoff event. account for the strippers and blow we will need. If you

Nickel and It is never

dime shit has a whopping eighty-two grand tied up. good to be completely broke.

I think you have to come up with a

bank account minimum for an organization, and stick to it if it kills you. I think that a hundred thou is ours. Angela does

any way, so I can think it too. She is a good one.

Then I can say I think it.

She had me sign a bunch of papers for Bank accounts and the like. I am going to How in hell

“making it real”-related things.

We got her from the Microbiology Department.

assume that when she started there, they existed. does she know what needs to be done here?

And in such a short

time? She told me. Someone named “Montana-Lynn” showed her.

This is a women she took some class with and is good at this kind of thing. I would like to meet her. Angie credits her for I guess she

a lot of what she has done in the last week or so.

came in once while I was in Cambridge and got the lay of the land. From there she worked at home for a week and came in for

two days before I got back. I was in seclusion for a couple of hours after this turnover session. I heard from Scott, he was working from home His

and needed a VPN connection to make that more effective.

house is far from here, so it is best that he be allowed to do that. I handed that one off to Angie. Nice He will have a VPN to

connect from home by tomorrow.

She came in to the/my office with a really infectious smile that forced me to wipe the “fear of doom” expression off of my face. We got started on the SO/Med Conference Plans. decided to have it in the States. We quickly

I don‟t want to travel too

far for it, or have to deal with language issues in the planning stages. She brought up something that Gerhardstein told her We cannot do it in Chicago in January. Sub-

that Blythe said.

zero tourism has few friends. I don‟t know a lot about the warm parts of our country. have been to some, but only really have a connection to New Orleans. New Orleans would be my first pick, but I need to be ` I

somewhere that I can be sure to show up for all the events. We need to think of this like a honeymoon. The event we

are throwing needs to be the biggest thing there for everyone. I could have none of the Bourbon Street Distractions. A

beautiful setting is OK, but not attractions to draw people away from our thing. Paris is supposed to be the most romantic city There is too much to do. A

in the world, but a bad honeymoon.

bed with a nice view is a perfect honeymoon. We are not going to the conference to screw, we need meeting rooms with a beautiful view. So is it Florida? That is

the first one that comes to a Chicagoan‟s mind. No, actually she is from a place just like the one we are looking for. I should have asked to think about it for a day, So we have a location. It is a

but her pitch was too good.

cape-like island off the South Carolina Coast. originates from the Carolinas.

Her accent

It is very sweet. The Isle of Palms is a

She is from Suburban Charleston.

resort area very close to there. she showed me.

We looked the map online and

I had no idea that Charleston was a whole group

of protrusions and Islands at that part of the Atlantic Coast. It looks nice from the images I saw. She knows what is good there and could get us good deals on things; not everything, but whatever she can find. Good enough, go to it I languished a bit in the meeting with her. It was

legitimately work and it took my mind off of the more stressful subjects that await me. I need to watch that. I am sure that

men often prolong meetings with her. Now I am going to see if I can think my way through this. I have assumed the mantle of power. you scream for help up here. I might need to learn how

I think I need to call Dan.

Dear Diatribe; What is it like to file a patent? You need to create a celebratory event, there is nothing within the process that commands attention. You can ask the

attendants to arrive at a time around three hours after you begin signing the papers. You might not be done by then. It was a small event. We didn‟t even get Max and Shirley for some reason. had a problem with the car; they are OK.” What kind of trouble? I don‟t know. It sounds fine. Glassman wasn‟t here for obvious “They

Scott has left for home. reasons.

They told me that, but I hadn‟t really thought of it.

I began by applying my tremulous hand to pages for a UK patent, then an American one. There were a ton of forms for the

World Trade Organization as well. People have told me house-closings are a similar perfunctory paperwork experience. I have been at one (for my


At those perfunctory legal process events, you are

welcome to ask the purpose of any of the papers before you sign. The person in the room with you knows the answers to those questions. Not at this affair.

There were standard forms, but most of the cord of lumber presented to us were original Glassman pieces. standard signing. things were. This was not a

Nobody in the firm could tell you fully what

We did get one lawyer, a chap named Jack, who was He was looking some of it over as study

a big fan of the work. material.

He made approving noises in a British accent as he

leafed through and found the high points of the work. Another associate walked in. Jack grabbed her arm and said. here”. Bringing someone else in cause Blythe to give him a stinkeye. This isn‟t a secret from the people at that firm, but we Just an attitude thing I She was rather fetching.

“Look at how he works this right

are not to encourage them to read. guess.

Before this trip, I had only flown domestically. long one. Ms. Geeta can sleep sitting up.

This is a

After a couple of I am awake with you.

active days in London, the nap is welcome.

Do you know what it‟s like to go on vacation and have, what seem like serious, thoughts about living there? I am not Looking

talking about England, but the whole stream of events. at her sitting there next to me, I feel that way. it home.

I am taking

I am taking home the project and what I guess is and organization. my job. Blythe told me that making it an organization was

I think that he and Gerhardstein will be happy to find I think a management I have a hold on

someone to actually run things later.

position WITHIN the group would fit me well. it now.

A management position is something that can be given an A patent is not. The

taken away.

Blythe‟s originality thing is what sold him on me.

whole concept that he discussed with Gerhardstein about doctors practicing second-hand science. When I asked hum why Een wasn‟t to be on the patent he gave me an interesting answer. recommendation letter. biochemistry than I do”. He started with praise fitting to a

“One day I think he will know more about Not bad; why not him then?

“You remember when I told you that Leverex It would be the best drug out there, until something better came along. Every new drug holds that position for a few fleeting blanks of the

eye. I have longed for someone whom I felt would improve upon this and hold the precious moment of a new invention. better version of Leverex or its successor. that Een is going to be one to do that.” You see; I am going to do that. I am the one with a real Perhaps a

I don‟t believe

understanding of the axis between blood pressure and blood fats. I am the only one who will be able to figure out how to bend it. I just need to go on a bender and I will be all up in that shit. This is why he gave it to me. His description was like this. “That was my picture of a patent partner, which was understood would be a biochemist. You are the closest I found. That is not

I will take care of that first biochem segment.

your forte, but through you, that will be added as well.” I think we can add “I hope” to that. “I trust” Good to hear “Anything that might detract from my faith in you is more

than made up for by Sangeeta. attached himself to this.”

Not to mention that Richard has

It‟s a challenge to shuffle off my dilatory ways and begin to get things done. Previous to this, if someone to ask of my I wrote in a diary. I gave

accomplishments, what would I say? it a funny name. the name.

It ain‟t funny to me anymore, but that‟s still

People wouldn‟t be very impressed. positive in my openness. being open.

There has be a great I am just

That is what I call it.

I don‟t think that calling it carelessness would be However, I do just leave it out there where

suit my purposes. anyone can look.

I am talking about the Tribe.

I do not have the confidence (note. If I

in my penis to practice the same transparency.

were to publish this paragraph, come at it slower than just “my penis”. Have some class Pete.)

The other ugly verbiage for my “openness” could be braggadocio. it to people. all the time. When I think I have a good thought or idea, I show I don‟t think that Geeta just pried into my Tribe I brought this idea up in a political discussion She was in attendance and became I let her

over beer with friends. interested.

She asked if she could read some of it.

have full access. (Braggadocio is a cool “evolving language” thing. It is

strange to type a word that is clearly Italian and have it pass an English spell-check. Spaghetti passes as well though. I am

often encouraging people to “USE YOUR WORDS”.) I think that it was Blythe and, by Blythe, Gerhardstein who fomented any prying that ensued. it any way. This is they way I understand

I could be really mad about the invasion of

privacy, but what good could that possibly do me? I am feeling a bit of confidence now. The real stuff. I

am headed to Chicago where I will have some degree of autonomy. I can shroud myself in the fruit of the luminaries when it is advantageous. I don‟t have to be constantly scared about how If it is my office, I can hire people who

smart everyone is.

are just dumb enough not to upstage me, yet smart enough to do some good. With so many PhD‟s, MD‟s and MD/PhD‟s around it will be a constant struggle to feel qualified for any rank in this group. That is not the ay to look at it. If you feel exposed by you

inadequacies, just shroud yourself in the Fruit of the Luminaries.

… … The plane will land in an hour. I have less than one day Power plays a

before I report to work at offices in Chicago. funny role here.

For the previous two weeks Miles has been People

online from the new conference room in the new office.

who wanted to be on that same camera had to go to the SO/Med office, not space on loan from the AIDS center. there yet. I have not been

If there is a place where I have not been, the place

does not exist. When I show up, we will plan for an official opening. There hasn‟t been one yet because of the existential quandary I just presented. When I am there, it will exist. He has

Miles has done a lot of work during those weeks.

put added some features of permanence to the database design. He will be glad that I add his work into the ether of our common reality by making offering it very existence. me. Sangeeta awakes, has been there. That might make what I wrote false. She He should thank

Everywhere she goes exists and exists even more

because she has been there.

Any reader of this would be exhausted by the existence thread. Get some sleep. You will need some sleep if you are composed of You might

measurable matter; which you might or might not be. not know.

Don‟t worry, if you do not exist, you are not really

reading this, so relax. We have Patented Blasé See you in the fuzzy papers; Peter Kosinski

Sectional Taxonomy: Miles Patterson I pop my head in again. This has been the point at which, in my I jump in

work of annotating, I draw a line between sections.

here because I feel the need to explain a bit of that. As it has been mentioned, a lot of bullet points unconnected thoughts and craps of grocery list populate the Diatribe. It was his most trusted method of remembering the

most important things in his life, his expressions of personal humor and theory and his notepad which avoided missing dentist appointments and forgetting to buy milk. Dr. Malcolm Blythe was the first annotator of Kosinski Diatribe. He end-product was an impressive academic piece and Mine is a nonfiction book For

the backbone of an organization. a general audience.

Both Blythe and I removed non sequiturs that would be illfitting and a distraction to readers. than I can. this work. Blythe could delete more

Some of them offer the best entertainment value in

Dear Diatribe; I have stayed in the office all night on probably twenty or thirty occasions during my career thus far. It is what you have

to do when you are the IT guy who knows how to fix it, or the closest to that employed there at the time. same for, what I realize is no reason at all. I have the same amount of stress as I did on those occasions in the past, but there is nothing I can do in this office to calm my frustrations right now. I am struck by the Few, if I feel like Now I am doing the

realization that these frustrations are only mine. any, others are aware that there is need for worry.

I have unintentionally lied my way into a bad situation. I remember reading a story about a film director whose first few low-budget offerings were considered masterpieces, all were money-makers. He wanted to direct an epic, it was the Epics cost

Malcolm X story (this, of course, was Spike Lee). the big movie dollars to produce.

“Hey, you‟re the low-budgetHe made the

big-payback guy” was the response from investors.

film, but it took a lot of time and finagling to get the cash together. Using Linux, a bit of my own skill, the discount genius of a friend and the learning drive of young Miles; I was able to

get something started.

I think that Blythe and Gerhardstein

know there is a lot more to be done here, but it seems they think that I can just whip it up like they believe I did in Cambridge. `The Molecule-to-Human-Body relationship that is needed is not just another program to install. It is a whole paradigm Scott is great, but He will still

that I haven‟t even covered with the Tribe. no one is that great.

I am losing him as well.

be with us, but not in the System Design/Programming Role he so aptly filled in during, what is becoming, the Folly Ole‟ England trip. Gerhardstein poked his head in once more before leaving. He wants me to book Scott into Boston to get Harvard online. says it would be great if we could get him there by next week, but tomorrow would be better. Harvard is talkative. They are a buzz producer. The He

University of Chicago is esteemed, but does not spew buzz in the academic world like the Crimson of New England do. “He could either stay and do MIT as well, or we could just let them get jealous for a bit. trips to Boston.” Let me know. There will be two

I am thinking I might have to write him off pretty quickly. That sounds terrible. He is still with me, but not where I Even if I could use him, I would just It would take us

thought I would use him.

have comfort in this perplexing circumstance.

longer to learn how to start than we realistically have time to complete it. I would need to neglect every other part of this This effort

nascent organization in order to mount an effort. would most likely fail as it is.

Honesty and humility are my only way to confront this. Humility is one of the hardest things to show. heat, it's the humility. It ain't the

Yogi Berra probably has collected

nearly as many dittos as Shakespeare. I need to step down or to the side. I would love to be the

Chief Technology guy in an organization like this, if there was to be such an organization and if they were to have such a position. Blythe and Gerhardstein are helping, and it is jut great that they do. The whole plan would go so much better if they Helping the helpless is the It is not however, the way to

were just helping someone else. best in charitable benevolence.

get something up and running quickly. I can tell them that they need to find someone with the

chops to do the top exec stuff.

Someone who can understand that

we are broke because creating a backbone computer system has cost us all we have and is not done yet. figure out how to get more money. It‟s not like my job will be easy. consultants and ask for the impossible. drug company would pay $20-million for. I need to hire some I need a system that a I need it in a couple Work with me on That person could

months and I only have a couple hundred grand. this.

I can try to sell this as a truly open source project. will take time to build.


It is hard to get that same buzz if Take a look at

you do not have something good to start with. this!! Yes, it does suck.

Think about what it would look like

if you helped make it not suck. There is a proper marketing campaign for that, I am sure. Let‟s get someone in here who knows the words to that one. I would speak to Blythe or Gerhardstein about this first thing in the morning, but that would be wrong. Sitting quietly

across the conference table now is a woman claiming to be my wife. I should call security, but she does make a good case That and I do not have a number for

that her claims are true. security.

Her name is Sangeeta and I am going to have to take

her at her word.

This being the case; her being my wife, I will

need to tell her before I crush her dreams for me to someone else in the morning. “Do not press record!” [She does not know what I am pressing as she does not know how to do that herself. Miles has backed up the tribe to a I shall record. She I have

server leaving me with free memory cards.

has not told me everything and let me stumble into this. not been angry exactly, I do however feel owed this one transgression. recording.

This was added during transcription of the audio

I did not write diatribe as we spoke.] I am

I am trying to word this one thing most elegantly. glad you came. You should be the first to hear this.

What I did in Cambridge was reasonably focused.

The only

problems I had were when it became too broad and therefore large, and therefore overwhelming. Coming in here today, I have

found that the tasks at hand are beyond my skills. I am planning to ask the Doctors to find another to take the helm on the overall project. I can, and want to, continue

with the computer system work, but I cannot manage doing both. Not “both” let‟s say “all”. I have one thing I believe I could


There are just scads of other components in play already. It is not a dualistic “what I do, then

I can‟t do all of them. the other stuff”. “Calm down.

What is it you need.” Have you seen the system? Have you logged on? “Miles has shown me a lot of it.” So what we have here, is a molecular visualization tool that I got off the Internet. All that has been added in is just Not comments really. So I can design a

places where they can write in comments.

Paste in the research text is more accurate. molecule in here and say that it works. otherwise?

How can you prove

It needs a relationship to the actual human body. like I do.

Sort of

My jest aside, that is not a project I have the skill to do. “What about Scott?”

More programming skill than I have, but he is just as far in the dark as I am. Plus, Scott is needed at Harvard, MIT and

a whole series of other Universities that want in. “If they all want in, you must be doing fine.” Thanks, but you have to believe me, we are in over our heads. We would get very little help on this and we are likely Then the flam fizzles on this

to make something for shit.

It would be interesting for me to have a chance to learn the executive craft. That would be a full time job and I don‟t I would

think it works with a trial and error paradigm.

certainly mess that up while I gave up sleep to make the system work. They can‟t share their ideas without a good system, it is the most important part of this organization, if it is to work. “Yeah, yeah; I get it. So you are just going to give up on this now? going so well? I have no plans to give up. I want this to succeed. I When it is

just know that there is one guy in the organization we need to coral if we want that to happen. I have spoken with him

tonight, and he is OK with stepping back. “Don‟t talk to yourself in front of others.” Sage advice “You are giving up; not on the SO/Med concept, but on yourself.” With that line, we can take this whole thing and use it to write a script for an after-school special. all be on Peter‟s side. The audience will

“Just don‟t give on yourself, Pete!”

“Can we talk about me for a second?” Sometimes I sound like an opera singer warming up. “Me me me me” I needed to let her talk about herself. fault Tribe. It‟s all your

My self-absorption rate is alarming sometimes. I have 2-

“I talked to Dr. Gerhardstein about some things

weeks of use-it-or-lose-it vacation that I would have to give up at the end of the year. I want to take a trip. I haven‟t been

to Delhi since my mother died.

I want to go now.”

I thought we would go together.

“That had been my plan, but there is no way you can leave before the end of the year. I can get a discounted ticket through United and the University. If I put it off another year, I just know I will I

have aunts and uncles pass away without me seeing them again. couldn‟t forgive myself. I want to leave within the week.

Gerhardstein says he will slide me up to another week under the table.” How can I say no to that? “You can‟t. I control your every move. I never thought I

did, but I read about it in the diatribe.” Well played “Back to you. DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT quit or give up or

discuss any of this with the luminaries. I like that line by the way. Your problem falls at a good time. I will be in India. If

they can‟t help you with a computer program then… They have no business calling themselves India? We laughed. During the last of this exchange she stood

from her chair, grabbed the Tribe and sat in my lap facing me. Smiling, she put her finger on the tip of my nose to punctuate the “DO NOTS” and kissed me. My father once explained a great American philosophical construct to me with “Your rights end at the tip of my nose”. Geeta‟s rights go far further than the tip of mine. She can

gesticulate and punctuate nary a concern for my schnoz. ”I knew there was a reason why I love you. It is lines

like that which made me want to get into your fruit of the luminaries. I need you to fret less while I am gone. will be fixed. it. Your problems

You can come to me when you think you can‟t do I knew that if you did

I knew all along you would have to.

come to me, you would be able to make it.” I will try. though. I cannot forget about the needs of the system

Can I go ahead with booking Scott into Boston for the

Harvard thing, or do I need him here under your plan? “Harvard booked him, I have the details and talked to him an hour ago.” I am his boss. ask him, to go. I think that I was supposed to tell him,

Wouldn‟t that be proper?

“Try it this way.

Be an executive. She picks

She begins acting out a scene as an executive.

up the phone and mimes speaking into it, rustles with papers and pretends bark out orders. “Geeta, get in here!!!” Playing both the executive and secretary characters, she grabs her own ass. “Call Swanson, tell him I need him in Boston Pronto. go buy my wife some sexy underwear on your lunch break. her birthday or our anniversary is coming up.” “Yes, Sir” “See? Then you don‟t have to tell him, you delegated. like a real executive.” I have an assistant now. like that; don‟t worry. “What is she like?” She seems very competent. “Is she distracting? distracting. Two women have said that she was They say that just her I will not be playing grab-ass Just And Either

What does that mean?

presence distracts people.” Quick; what do I say? She is young, and all the boys around her fancy her. could have the same problem but you have a deadly serious expression you carry around. me.” “So that‟s it. of talk. I knew it was some kind of cat fight type I find it sexier, but that‟s just You

Either she was really hot, or some guy they‟re all

into used the word distracting to describe her.” Perhaps it was both. “Power is intoxicating to women. take me to your place?” How can I resist? “You clearly can‟t” So, boss man, can you

Dear Diatribe; You have to give Geeta all the credit in the world. has me plugging away at this. to India. She

She saves me, then she jets off

I do feel alone and near a breakdown like the one I She either saved me or “Walk on

had the night she came in to save me.

calmed my distraction from the plank I was walking. Peter” I had to call Dan.

Not for the jovial banter that Would

usually be the reason, but because he might have some understanding. Dan‟s career has run, although on a slower pace In other words, a He might have some

than my seems to be, the same jumping at. very fast pace, but not a stupid-fast one. parsley sage advice on time for me.

He took a telemarketing job at the Chicago Symphony just while we were in school. It was a night gig to make ends meet.

He is a sax player, and didn‟t have symphonic ambitions himself. He became the assistant manager after a short while. I

remember being impressed with the salary he was offered with benefits. I think it was $20k. Over eight or ten years he rose

to manager, Director of Ticketing, then VP of Marketing. Now that I think of it, a decade is not exactly a meteoric

rise. It is very impressive though, considering his starting position. What‟s more impressive is that he was my friend the He maintained association with me, and was not

entire time. destroyed.

I have of worked with people of high position, but our relationships were always strictly professional. Dan actually He

told me that he became bored in his first few days as VP. said that there were clearly defined duties in his previous positions. At the executive level, if you do not make your

schedule busy, you have no schedule. What do executive-types do all day? are a staple I needed the kind of advice he could give. confidence building advice. Why am I such a pissy little bitch, that I need a pick me up during, what is possibly, the most successful time of my life? The answer… I am a pissy little bitch The only cure for such a condition being the icy scythe of It was I know that meetings

death, I will hold off on the remedy.

For now.

"I feel like I am digging a deeper hole every time that things go well. They put me in charge of this thing for godOK, so do you turn something like that

knows-what-reason. down? Hell no!

OK, ... I don't know how these things work, ... lets see... Try it this way, I guess. That is what I am giving them.

Just throwing darts and reading off the number that I hit. Dan Replies "why do you think anyone else could give them any more than that?" Because they might actually have the driver for success in them. They might fucking know what to do. I would have fallen

on my ass in England. They call it bum there. wife just died.

My buddy came out and rescued me bum. He only came out because the poor guys So I am sending him off to prop

He was lonely.

up a huge section of mon derriere. "Geeta can throw the India dart" said Dan. to the dart analogy. you in college. You suck at darts. "Let's go back

I know; I drank with You got a wife and You know where

You suck at darts sober.

one friend who have a steady hand at something. the bullseye is, you can point it out.

You either need to get

more friends (big part of managing), or move everything off to Utah and get more wives. Just keep pointing them at the bull." Just don't look behind the

"So I fake it the whole way? curtain."

"You aren't faking anything. what you do! hoyle.

That IS the game.

That IS

From my experience, you're playing straight Keep up the game."

No fouls.

So you don't think they are going to find out I don't know how to do this? "It's a new thing. it IS how it's done. have been done." Enough to keep me going I guess. done. Maybe it shouldn‟t be I think, and That probably Nobody knows how to do it. How you do

If it doesn't work, maybe it shouldn't

What then would I do with the patent?

really wish he had put Sangeeta on the patent. wouldn‟t have worked. related to the drug.

I was working at something that was I don‟t think people take it seriously if

they just give an invention to someone because they like them. She would be happy. whole thing. I am not thinking about dumping this

I never was, but I understand what she was saying. My actions will determine whether that

I am in it for the haul.

be long or short. I might be cursed, or hailed as a creative cause of whatever happens. original movement. Thank you for taking my call, Friedrich. I just want to As we all are, I am a primum mobile with an

offer up some mega dittos for that whole mobile bit.

As a “first mover” on the outermost sphere, I am going to do this and be whatever comes of it. I will just come up with

things and chuck them like stones across the universe and see if they skip. If it is a failure, no one will be surprised as to its founder.

Dear Diatribe; She left a 13 days ago. I have received a couple e-mail

messages where she said she will have some good news on my “resource problems”. sent for. I was on the Video conference with Een, who was in the barn. He had stopped by the house to talk to me. The setup is That was great to here. Today, I am oddly

all there, but, still at the request of Glassman, the students are not working there right now. Blythe came in and sent Een away. plane you can get here. “I need to hop the next She wants to

Geeta is in the house.

talk to you, then send you off to India. The tone was odd. trouble. It was as if she was in some sort of

He looked concerned and said “we need you to come

here” in a way that didn‟t sound like a basic business request. I might have misjudged his tone. dark again. I just feel like I am in the

She just needs me in Cambridge to brief me before She could do that though some electronic, I don‟t like that we are I am

my trip to India?

even text based communications.

spending an extra thirteen hundred and I don‟t know why.

sure there is a reason she considers good enough, I would just like to know what that reason in before I tell Angie to charge

it up.

The London ticket is on our personal card.

Angie was

given instructions to do that after I had left for home. Helen Gerhardstein came by to get the dog. staying with them while we‟re gone. guy, but he does love Helen. Pablo will be

I feel bad for the little

He‟ll be OK. I did

I had gotten wind of this over the last few days. know I would end up there. soon.

I did not think it would be this

She sent a message saying she needed a login and some She said she had a few

instructions on how to use the system. people who wanted to see it there. help her with that.

I told her that Miles could

It‟s not that I was begging off, just that Separation from the

he is on top of that stuff more than I am. actual work, and in such a short time…

Miles walks in to give me a rundown of his activities about every other day. He told me that some people at a hospital in Either nothing in his reports The reason

Delhi might be able to help.

seemed groundbreaking, or I wasn‟t paying attention.

I have time to be wordy today is that I am on that next flight to London. I am renting a car this time and am going to try a

longer UK drive than I have done thus far. Angie said, “go home and pack; go to the airport, you will be booked when you get there”. That is what having

administrative staff is all about. she is actually.

I am not sure that‟s what

Gerhardstein has been similar to the wife in telling me not to worry about systems issues. I have been on the phone all

week, at his request, giving pitches to people at Universities. ABC – Always be closing I can add sales mantras to my repertoire. asking about financial assistance. I am to be

It depends on who I‟m I have flipped some This way I

talking to, but that is part of the pitch.

switches in myself and just become an automaton.

give them without, even a pinch, of the pain a reluctant salesman would have. I have gotten one hundred and nine grand.

It is over a hundred, and that made me happy. Miles is going to work out patching through this type of call from India. I asked him about video conference there. With who? Where? He

told me it was almost complete.

He rattled

off some names that were hard for him to pronounce, they meant nothing to me and I was in a hurry. people are when I get there. succubus in Cambridge. She will end up reading that, but we have an agreement that I will learn who these

I will learn the most from the

I can write what I want. something else.

Any anger about it will be veiled with

I suck in enough ways that if she can‟t be mad

about what currently irks her, she can transfer it to something else quickly enough. I guess now I cam start worrying about the system. Thinking about it. They say “Don‟t worry about it” when they Does the request not to “worry” still

want my mind elsewhere. stand?

I will worry, it is in my nature.

You exhaust me Tribe.

Dear Diatribe; Malcolm is family now. I have a key to the house, my At

wife is there, we could be siblings visiting our father. least Malcolm and I are racially matched.

I think these trips

are my chance to go back to Caucasia and get in touch with my roots. Europe is the hoe of the Caucasians, it is where we still rule all. They were driving in just as I was. where. I don‟t know from “Glad to

Geeta hugged me and held on for a long time.

see you”.

That was all, it didn‟t seem like a big deal.

Like most Tribes with my wife in them, I write in the past tense. By rule, all of them are written and not transcribed That did change just a few minutes later when

from recordings.

I sat down for a business meeting. I made the move to go upstairs and deposit my bags. Malcolm told me to meet them out in the barn as soon as I was finished. When you stop off on a business trip to see your That is where I

wife, you shouldn‟t expect a video conference. was headed.

Upon arriving in the garage, I was greeted by Miles and Dr.

Gerhardstein on the video screen.

Miles said Scott would be

dialing in. Angela was out getting a pizza with Stoller and should be right back. Once I booted you up, I saw an e-mail The title was All-Hands Meeting,

explaining why we were here.

and it referred to a meeting that was to start at 10:00am CST, That is 4:00pm BST, which is in about two minutes. The text

began with “Peter has requested an All-Hands Meeting in the SO/Med Conference Room”. All Hands on neck? I don‟t even know what I want any more. find out. I have to wait to

Malcolm grabbed my arm to give me instructions. Call the meeting to order, then She is

“Stay in charge, Peter.

introduce Sangeeta to the people who already know her. going to give a report on what she found in India.” I had a bit of jet travel based furor in me. going to stand for this shit any more. outside.

I wasn‟t

I asked to talk to him

I was sure the wife was to blame, but she was talking Blythe was free, and she scares me. I could take him. I start I

to Miles at the time.

decided to vent at the old man.

Are we going to start playing this bullshit again?

out in the dark because I can‟t be trusted to know anything important. If I am going to be in charge…

“It‟s not like that this time.” I calmed myself. I don‟t want to be led around by my nose. I would

That isn‟t happening. I know that, they told me so.

tell you that my wife is bossy, but I‟m not allowed to say that anymore. He explained that the timing of the meeting wasn‟t avoidable and that she needed personal time with me. some things to discuss. It is Friday, a meeting would either have to go today, or wait until Monday. wouldn‟t lie. I had no idea what else there was, but she She had

OK, I am back on it.

I called the meeting to order and introduced her with a couple of less-than-clever quips. We had Scott on the phone. It came from

Stoller and Angela walked in with the pizza.

Medici on 57th; certainly far better than I could get in Cambridge. St.? But can they make a god damned kidney pie on 57th

Chicago pizza is all it‟s cracked up to. Even being the

hog butcher to the world and the stackers of wheat, the stormy, husky, brawling citizens of my fare city are rank amateurs when it comes to bangers and mash. Let‟s give some ditto love to my boy Carl Sandburg.

She gave the speech. out.

She is, by the way bailing my ass

She just wanted me in England so she could spell it arse.

There are no restrictions on spelling that are based on location. But they wouldn‟t question your arse for that

spelling over here. The meeting was recorded, but by Miles. I thought that was Miles says

great, but it leaves me without it on the Tribe. they will be available online for me soon. server.

He needs to set up a

I won‟t transcribe, I will summarize. She changed her

She was their for just short of two weeks. flight and came to talk with Dr. Blythe.

She said she thought

he would have ideas to help with this an that she wanted to see him any way. Her Uncle (named Srikanth) works for a company called Apollo Hospitals. Asia. They are the biggest hospital chain in South

He is chief of medicine at a 600,000 square foot, twelve This place is called Indraprastha, that A lot of people call it

acre facility in Delhi.

was an old name for the city of Delhi. New Delhi.

I have not heard an Indian person call it that, but Delhi has been a lot of

there is reason for others to. different things before.

I know that stuff without the benefit of Internet.

Once in

college, I went on a mad tear reading about 5000 pages of all Gandhi ever wrote and volumes written about him. I meant it to be a process in becoming a more enlightened, better person. It didn‟t do much for that. I know how to be a

better person, and think that I don‟t have the self denial and endurance to do it. author. You shouldn‟t read Gandhi as a self help

You will be disappointed in yourself.

In one piece, I remember him writing about a promise to his mother that he would not drink milk. near death, a doctor wanted him to. have some. When he was older, and Barely conscious, he did

This, he described was amongst the two or three If you read his memoirs, that is

worst things he‟s ever done. true.

It doesn‟t get much worse than that. So I know

I could never live up to that type of purity.

about him, I know a lot of long Indian names, I like a lot of Indians and married one. knowing about the Mahatma. Her uncle is jazzed by the SO/Med Project. to get involved. group. He wants Apollo I am not a good person because of

They also have a Medical Software Services

They are involved in hospitals all over the world, not

just in South Asia.

I had written about India in Tribes that contained the Open Source medicine concept. I said it would be a great place to go

after approval on a drug, and that the manufacturing companies there would be good supporters. Give them a basically generic

drug, right out of the box; they would manufacture the shit out of that bitch. I might have actually written it that way once. in the Blythe-edited and released version. have edited that out. It is not

Actually I would

I have scripts that catch profanity

before I use any Tribe for business. He has shown it around to his folks and they have buy in. They will do it all as an in-kind donation. dude and put him in charge. belongs to the company. He took a top young

They have extra office space that

This Gaurav, who is our whiz kid, is

putting together a staff of twenty developers. Unbelievable I know labor is cheap over there, but it isn‟t cheap to them. outlay. They would like me to go to Delhi and get them started. They have seen an initial intro to the system and Geeta says They must be into it, really into it. This is quite an

that Gaurav has some ideas. Malcolm brought up Indian drug approval. were miles away from that. I had thought we

He said “you know more than any of

us about that, it would be a great chance to get contacts established and the ball rolling”. I wrote that two years ago. searches. I did it with Internet I am hoping I doubt that

This is not professional experience.

that my uncle-in-law can help me with this one.

some tech guy can give me much assistance in the Government Relations/Drug Approval arena. As all this was spinning ion my head I became sharply interested in details. I was about to speak about some tiny

points, like accommodations and length of stay, when I realized that wasn‟t the subject matter appropriate to my position. That

involves only me, and doesn‟t require a international videoconference. In fact it wastes the time of the attendees.

The video conference itself, and it‟s connection to India, were the only item I had in mind that spanned the personnel on both continents. “I will be testing it with Gaurav tonight. get a screen for your office.” He needed to I

Miles reported quickly.

already have an office there? “They have a conference room. Cambridge setups to Gaurav. I explained our Chicago and He thought it

He actually like it.

was a good way to keep communications active. guy, you will like him.

He‟s a real good

He told me that he will have a laptop

setup where you can connect from your hotel room or apartment or whatever.” This is nice. I seem to have one friend in India that I I have never met any of my in-laws other

don‟t even know yet. than her father.

I know that they have arranged marriages and I think there are personal

that Geeta did not partake in that.

things to discuss that will likely be stickier than anything professional. I eventually got to that in as soft a phrasing as I could manage. I am sure that Geeta can fill me in on any animosity I might encounter. I did make off with one of their finest, or

does being married to you raise me up in their eyes like it does in the west? Her reaction was unexpected. saying. She clearly choked back tears She then

“Not to worry, they already like you.”

quickly walked off.

Do I run after her?

Not right away.

I am

not sure her emotions were clear on video conference.

I believe I

she moved out of camera view a minute or two before that. closed the meeting out as if I had noticed nothing. all know our marching orders from here. be the first who need to contact me.

I think we

Angela and Miles will

Scott, you can go to I would like a quick

Angela with anything you need from Boston. report on how that is going. of cake‟.

He assured me that it was a „piece

He said he had ideas about multi-homed data wherever He said

it is offered, and it was being offered at Harvard. that he was

Almost sure he would stay and install MIT as well.

He was

scripting an installation procedure for parts of the system and would make this a quicker process. He is good at that.

Angela said that we needed to work on getting paid for his work. I had sent off an estimate before he left. They didn‟t

squawk at the price, so we are good.

We need to solidify what

the rates and procedure for this type of thing is. Angela said “that sounds like something Montana-Lyn would be interested in helping with”. impressed already. I haven‟t met her yet, but I am This is a

Get an hourly quote from her.

revenue source, so we can squeeze out a few dollars for her

services this time. That ended it. I hoped I wasn‟t in trouble for waiting I wasn‟t.

five minutes before running to the aid of my bride.

Malcolm held me back from their to give me an abecedarian explanation. “She came to me distraught the other night. to give any solutions, as men are ought to do. here; something our gender is told regularly. Sangeeta spoke with her father about going to Delhi. He I am at a loss Listening is key

told her to wait a few months and that he would want to go with her. She didn‟t feel the project could wait for it and her She spoke with her uncle, then

vacation schedule was limited. planned the trip.

After I forwarded, through Sangeeta, several highlighted sections of your writing, he became excited about SO/Med. sections about Indian approval were of most interest. The

At that

point she firmed her plans for a two or three week visit. It seems that the information passed to her relatives about her life in the states is not accurate. She was on a shopping

trip with some ladies in the family that included an expectant mother who said „I wish that you could have a baby‟. She told

them she could but hadn‟t decided to.

They did not believe her.

They praised her for being so hopeful about possible breakthroughs in medical science. These women had been told,

presumably by her father, that she was infertile.” I asked him why that would be said. “Her assumption is that her father used it as an excuse for not bringing her to India for an arranged marriage.” I must alternate here between what I know was said and thoughts I have had since. entries. We have spoken about arranged marriage on only a few occasions. I have known for years that it is a the standard I met a Hindu girl in college once, we Few diaries offer disclaimers within

through much of India.

were in a class together, both of us with our next class across campus. We walked together for about two weeks. I liked her,

she was fun and funny. that you ask her out. “Do you mean a date?”

Culturally, for me, this was the time Would you like to have dinner tonight? Sure, I think I do. “I can‟t date.”

An explanation of the Indian marriage tradition ensued. From there on, I assumed that women of that skin tone were offlimits. I feared an incident of terrible cultural insensitivity

could result. I had another classmate from Calcutta who went home for a visit an came back married. the time. He was dating an American girl at That is just

By American, I of course mean white.

how we roll. Caucasia.

That is the tradition we brought with us from

Geeta had to make it clear to me that it was OK before I made a move. It was really a great memory for me that she did.

Being told someone likes you is something truly outstanding. Geeta is crestfallen, angry and confused about her own defiance. I am to listen. I would believe, from movies and TV, In

that hugging her and holding her were the best medicine.

this case she was mad at everyone, and needed someone near to be mad at. I can be that someone, to a point. I also need to make

my plans and head off to Delhi. It is after midnight right now. she made no sense and fell asleep. study, Geeta and I talked until I just made my way to the I have listened to

I felt I needed to Diatribe tonight.

a load of literal diatribe. variety. I have jet lag.

It is time for some of my own I have been up all night. Diatribe

should be reasonably twisted.

If I think that, before it is Perhaps that is

written, it will never turn out to be twisted.

my track to sanity.

Think I am nuts, and I will never be it.


might still be nuts, but not the delicious, interesting type of madness that I seek. Some people never go crazy, What truly horrible lives they must live. I know what lives they lead. They live lives never

moved to offer mega Bukowski Dittos. The facts that there is a possible solution to my system problems, and that I am headed to India have not been foremost in my mind. detail. I haven‟t had a chance to consider those in much

I think however, that I will be taking the longest This will give me

flight of my life in the next couple days. some chance to consider it. Dr. Blythe has poked his head in. Peter. I was to pass you a message. I nodded.

“Hate to bother you, You have been asked to see

Glassman tomorrow.”

I am not short of grist for my mental mill. on ass well now. He might have good news for me.

I can add that I haven‟t

thought about legal aspects of the whole thing since I was here last. Either I will go see Glassman directly in the morning, or I will find out if I need serve time as a shoulder to gnaw on.

Dear Diatribe; Glassman was more fun than he has been. been a bit too earnest. In the past he has Anyone who

I hate earnest people.

truly means what they say is a complete fucknozzle. That‟s my story and I‟ll drop it in a heartbeat. He just drank a beer. write this? It was a celebration. How do you

“Yes!!!” (Like a sportscaster).

That is as

descriptive as I get here. Press” Pub.

He laid it down for me at the “Free He said it was 120 years old.

It was a nice place.

The University Administration did come to him, but they weren‟t all that freaked out. to freak out, so they didn‟t. Nate said that no one told them He was glad that he got to them Looking at it from one

before someone told them too flip on it.

direction, you could say they have a nine-figure windfall to bring in by getting the drug patent assigned to the University. The Glass man told them this was a great thing for them. They can be the pioneers of Open Source Medicine. great for the school. tight. It will be

He told them that the contract was lock They are diving

He didn‟t mention that he wrote it.

right in. to it.

We need a legal division within SO/Med, or attached

I mentioned it would probably want to be something that

could handle other related or similar Open Source concerns within Medicine. He would be it‟s founder and chief. I trust

him in these things. We spent about two hours together. assignment. lawyers. I left with one

I need to get a section of the system that is for

Well, I think that would just be a different system “No, what‟s on the SO/Med System is what we will be That‟s true. I am about to fly It might


needing to make legal statements about.”

OK, I will talk to you soon about this.

off to India and we have some labor available there. be easy depending on the output we can get. doable, we just need to confirm the doers. “That‟s good to here. absolutely not Open Source. Law. Just one caveat.

I think it is

The legal stuff is

You are not the Open Sorcerer of

I think this is a place where there will never be one. If it isn‟t a

Football plays will always be called in a huddle. secret, it‟s no fun to watch.

It is open after it is argued.

At that point anyone can use it.” I was a pianist once. Jazz works that way too. One horn

player, years ago, tried to hide his fingering with a handkerchief, but that is about as closed as the source got. You just wanted to play it yourself the first time. I


At least I felt that I understood.

I liked having

someone else tell me that there needed to be a closed part of the organization. I can allow it now and not seem like I am

flipping from being a complete Open Source loyalist. I now run an organization, that has a sub-organization. conglomerate. profit sense. A

It‟s a multi-national conglomerate; in the nonThe head of the sub-group is far more a Even I respect him and I am known

respectable chap than I am. to be disrespectful.

Just because I referred to him as a fucknozzle, doesn‟t mean I don‟t respect him. I just write things like that. Now the Diatribe is seen by many

Usually to make myself laugh. as being Open Source.

I think that all people have seen is

filtered through Malcolm and Geeta, I am sure that Miles and Scott have seen parts that nobody unfamiliar with me should see. I headed off from there to the barn. I spent some time I

with Miles on the video, and talked with Scott on the phone. gave encouraging words to Geeta. I can relate to that. should leave.” stay.” She was prickly.

You say “I‟m in a bad mood, you

You don‟t say “I‟m in a bad mood, you should

I spent a half an hour pondering whether to fly to Frankfurt first in order to take advantage of my frequent flier miles. Angela has purchased the ticket for me already. It is

minutiae of a

pedestrian, lets call pedestrian minutiae, to In a position like mine, you should

think about how to fly. just fly.

You see, we fly on the actions of pedestrians, but

the eyes look up to see only us. … I am at the airport now. Geeta just left. I am catching

up on Tribe from this three-day stopover.

I have eighteen hours I am

on the plane to get my feelings together on the system.

glad to be going to India because I can turn my attention back to things I have some knowledge of. For me to be doing other things in the states, we will need to have phone setup through the net. You can‟t make constant I am sure they can

calls from India with long distance charged.

do that, but if it is not set up yet, I can wait. I hope that the labor offered to us there will give me some breathing room to look into the things that are new for me. Maybe I actually could become a good leader, maybe I just need people to lead.

Let‟s re-Tribe when my flight is announced. a new piece as we travel to another continent. bookstore called WH Smith.

We will start There is a I

I can pick something up there.

should do that because, GOD AS MY WITNESS, I WILL LEARN TO READ. I am not completely unlettered. illiterate diarist. Everything to eat is expensive as always. I have an Amex I am but a functionally

that bills to SO/Med, but I actually care about the budget. When you give a shit, business travel even loses that bit of charm.

Dear Diatribe; I cannot access the system while I am in air. I am trying

to come up with a good document to paste out on what we actually need. I will be meeting with Gaurav in about 19 or 20 hours. I hear that he I

would like to seem like I have it together. does.

I know we had enough research on the system to file for the patent, but we want Leverex to evolve further on the system with other contributors. We would like to have some piece of what

eventually becomes a manufactured Leverex come from someone somewhere else. Only Blythe understood when I began calling Leverex “Proptor Hoc” the other day. I had to explain to people that

this is a statement of something that is often misconstrued about our prized invention. this. 1 2 3 4 It goes a little something like

“Because Dr. Malcolm Blythe, the inventor of Leverex, wants to do things this way, others should take notice and consider it as well.” This other, stronger one, is not true. “Leverex was invented in with an Open Source model. This

proves the efficacy and scientific value of the concept.” The second statement is one we are challenged to either make true, or create truth with another drug. Some might

conclude falsely that Leverex came from SO/Med under it‟s methods, they might even conclude that we are trying to say that. This is an example of “post hoc ergo propter hoc”. In

easier words, this Latin phrase means “because steps A came before B, A was the cause of B. Because SO/Med was officially formed, and it‟s founders together before they patented Leverex, does not mean that SO/Med invented it. A good defense is that drug companies who control

patents, aren‟t necessarily the inventors, they are just connected to them in some way. “Post hoc ergo spit” is the form that most are more familiar with. Tribe Title: Post Hoc Ergo Spit The reason for that spew of words is that I need an operating system to take in more research data on Leverex. would also like to add another drug. I have writing that is I

more than a couple of years old which defines a process for introducing and crediting the initiators of a new drug project.

As I go back to old writing, I realize that the big picture of management of a organization like this is something I have thought a lot about. at the time. There was no reality tied to any of this

Then it was easy.

The mocked up computer system I showed Gerhardstein was pretty recent at that time. The most positive batch of thought

I have had in recent weeks is that I was rather stagnant in the Open Source Medicine writing when I met him. The reason why I developed a little computer program was that the big picture writings were largely complete. They were

completed as far as what my feeble cranium could muster. I could have presented this as a Masters Thesis Proposal at the University. I had planned to, but not until now. I was The

thinking I could try for admission in the spring semester. professor of some undetermined discipline (I thought of Philosophy or Computer Science.

I was never sure what field it

fell into) would be the one to tell me what more should be written. I had thought about asking her boss, Gerhardstein, where it might be best received. nervous. I hadn‟t met him. His name made me

I thought he might be more overbearing than he was.

Plus, who was I to present such a far-reaching concept?

Tribe, for the first time in my life, at least that I remember, I fell asleep sitting up. on the in-flight movie. I saved spending any money

Bollywood without subtitles hardly I am not sure whether

seems worth my remaining currency.

dollar, rupee or pound sterling is their preferred transactional means. We are to be in Delhi in an hour as it is. at the airport by Gaurav, he is my sole contact. I will be met She told me I

that I will meet her uncle, but not the rest of her family. couldn‟t get a lot out of her about why this was. that they don‟t know that we are really married.

I understand Maybe there is

a lie here that I am not fully aware of or trusted to preserve. I am told that all is taken care of and I will live like a King. I have heard of this type of thing. I have never really

lived like a king exactly. in Mexico before we met. that.

I told her of an experience working She told me it would be far beyond

She deserves more credit that I gave her.

I did thank her,

but to stay there in that emotional condition, and produce the results he did; that is commendable. This was done for me. I

suppose she gets some joy and satisfaction out of my success. All the better.

I wonder how much Gaurav knows.

Dear Diatribe; I am going limit my writing time. hours in the air. I did eighteen I

The sleep during that time hardly counts.

am now on the front steps staring at the moon from this place called Kalkaji. I am thinking of Geeta under that same moon, We are

and whether I was enough of a shoulder for her tears. united lately by being orbited by the same satellites.

I have a bottle of Gin that was given to me by Glassman. used to drink more martinis, now very few. of.


I have one now, sort

I don‟t know where of if you can get vermouth in India.

Olives I‟m sure are available, but shopping would take some ambition. I raise my cup to entice the moon. That, and my shadow, makes us three. But the moon doesn‟t drink, and my shadow silently follows. Li Po never gets dittos in the west. read Po because of his suggestion. him. Will Durant did, I

Someone should mega-ditto

I will, but I am in the east right now. Sober Moon

Tribe Title:

A sentimental and pretentious title At 12:10pm I arrived at Indira Gandhi Airport, Gaurav was at the gate holding a sign. A very friendly young guy. The best

He has a special level of accent to his English. kind.

He so little accent that he can use it to give resonance I knew a very well educated Puerto Rican It made me

to a word or phrase. dude like that. wish I did.

They have rolled R‟s to work with.

I tried it, but with the rest of my speech, I would News reporters do that sometimes with the If I just threw it in on

sound ridiculous.

names of Latin countries or cities.

any word, in English, that had an R in it, I would sound pretty silly. He is smart as a whip and convincingly tells me that his abilities are par for the course here. We shall see. He gave

me an envelope with keys to a “Guest House” and about 40,000 rupees from my uncle-in-law. native country. Not in-his-law, but in-law in my

He does not know of our laws, and I will not

mention to him that particular aspect of our judicial system. The Kosinski/Patel precedent in American law is hard and disturbing for some to take. So he gave me $1000. Nice. I am really impressed. I

can‟t wait to meet this guy.

We were headed downtown.

He began

talking right away about what he had found and ideas for improvements. They are beyond what I had dreamed. Amidst my

fatigue, I was thinking the car ride was enough to get started, to be prudent, I went into the office. He walked me quickly through a group of programmers with names I wouldn‟t dare to try to write down so quickly. that condition any way. to hell. Gaurav showed me to the video conference room that had been designated as my office. This follows me now and I like it. What Condition? Not in

I was jet-lagged all

This is like being a rock star who gets M&M candies all in one color or with one color picked out. other end, but the room was empty. my office and no one is going in. Chicago was live on the Most likely because that is I will have to change that.

I will appoint Angela to protect what ever sanctity I expect for my quarters, but allow and encourage people to come in and work. She might work in there, then people will get I‟m not

nothing done in India and England as the ogle her.

talking about our offices in Delhi and Cambridge, I am talking about all of England and all of India. Three other guys came in to join Gaurav and I. further about his ideas. We talked If

Work on them was already underway.

I didn‟t like their thoughts, I could have steered them in another direction. before I got there. There are several Medical Open Source software projects out there. He dug them all up and wanted to get started on creating It is best for us to on He wanted to get them started in the days

a hook for them to and from SO/Med.

introduce something new for people to work with that is too far outside of our focus area. If someone else has specialized in

something, and it is Open Source, we should go there. Two hours with them and I was ready to head to wherever my bed was. Gaurav said that I had a “Guest House”. The company

has foreigners in town all the time and has a bunch of them ready to go. My best friend‟s (Ssssh wife) Uncle Srikanth had

to pull some strings to hook it up for this project. I asked if he could give me a ride. He told me that my

driver knew the way and that he would show me where the car was parked. I have a driver. I got a meal cooked for me in my It

place last night. isn‟t room service. makes dinner.

This is available whenever I request.

I have a kitchen and the cook comes in and

Someone shops for groceries, there is a notebook I don‟t know who shops. I

for me to write down what I need. don‟t know if they read English.

Gaurav Marwaha, that is THE Gaurav, came by to see the place. him. He hadn‟t seen the corporate housing before. He is interested in things about the US. I do like

He was there He was without

once, but was in a similar corporate apartment. a car or even a license. when he was in the states.

He was bummed that he didn‟t see much

We had a short and polite conversation quickly about Angie. “She looks like the perfect American Girl. in marrying her?” I simply laughed and said “no”. I luckily didn‟t come back I remember Are you interested

with the obvious answers like “I‟m already married”.

all of my instructions being prefaced with “While you are in India”. people. This makes my marriage a secret to over a billion Just by numbers, it will be three times harder to keep

that secret than it would be if we were keeping it from everyone in the states. cares. Gaurav is married, not yet with any offspring. marriage was arranged. His Back to the inherent privacy offered when no one

As an American, that is hard to imagine. She is off in Thailand

His wife is a Human Resources Executive. on a business trip. women are sublimated.

I don‟t think that marriages work because These are modern people. Maybe they know

something we don‟t. Everybody knows something you don‟t. I have a meeting with Srikanth tomorrow. I have spoken to He is

him on the phone once, for a total of thirty seconds. into SO/Med, that much I can tell. from there.

I will see how much, and dig

I do want labor, as much as possible, but this is They need to become a part of SO/Med; an

not an outsource.

equal part to Chicago and Cambridge. I wrote years ago that India could be a central player in Open Source Pharmaceuticals. If Manufacturers are the major

players, if the developers are a non-profit who reserve no rights, India has advantage if they stay on the leading edge. I felt I wanted to prepare for this meeting. With Gaurav‟s

wife out of town, I invited him to stay in one of the other two rooms in the guest house. ideas. I said we could work late and share He can help

He will pack some things and stay tomorrow.

me with the things that I fret over.

At least he can help me

with the part of those things that have to do with being in India.

Dear Diatribe; Recording a meeting with Dr. Srikanth is not a problem. has no idea. Live-Tribe lives again. He

(Live Tribe always come from edited transcriptions written out late at night. Any rebroadcast without the express written In fact, the

consent of the National Football League is OK.

National Football League will likely be baffled for a request for their consent.) It is really a pleasure to meet you Doctor. “I am glad that you can finally get to work. I wont

promise Indian Drug approval on this trip, but I think we can make significant steps.” Is that the reason for my trip? A hysterical wife did good

work here, but didn‟t prepare me well. “I have heard much about you. brother. From my niece as well as my

Many Indians in your country are only friends with Being able to find people like you has helped

other Indians.

Sangeeta a great deal.” His English is very good. It sounds, dare I say, English. The

I assume that is part of the heritage of occupation.

educated sound like the occupiers. You would hear the same thing of Sangeeta no matter what country she had been brought to. “Her father and I are All-India Alums. country we go to. There is but one I

That happens to be your country of birth.

took a rather non-traditional path for a physician from the school called All-India. I stayed in India.”

There are many statues to men you gave their lives to their countries. You have done this, and didn‟t have to die. He laughed. A full belly,

I was ready for a funny look. genuine belly laugh.

I have found risibility in that generation

this far from my culture. “How are things going at the office downtown.” I am very pleased with the staff, and their progress. has just been a few days, but we have developed a plan. It

We are

leveraging almost every other Open Source Medical Software project out there. I even have one guy working on the legal

system for a SO/Med subsidiary to combat any legal challenges.” “Who is running that section?” I think I will be able to tell you soon, but I can‟t now.

I am really sorry.

I am known for not keeping secrets.


Blythe‟s first legal dangers were feared to come from his University claiming rights. Our Lawyer, my consigliere is what He has kept his

I call him, is also from a University.

involvement quiet for reasons around that. “I understand. Irish.” I need to retract my earlier statement about the Godfather in India. I am actually pretty sure he is Jewish. “That is supposed to be a good thing.” We can hope so. I think we can. If an opposing lawyer was Is your consigliere Italian or German-

Jewish and ours wasn‟t, we would have to avoid the subject altogether. Situational morality is a difficult game.

“Understood. I have been very busy, but trying to get to you. I am glad

we can offer the computer help, but that is probably not the biggest priority here.” I have spent my career consumed with system details. sink in to it. I can

What topics did you want to discuss with me?

“Well I am sure you have wanted to meet some people here who could help you move this forward. I discussed this with On the phone

Sangeeta and she felt that my contacts could help. yesterday, she said that you were waiting for me.” Check me out here. Of course I was. busy man. I didn‟t want to intrude.

You are such a

I made good use of my time.

Gaurav Marwaha is very

sharp, a great find for you. (Remember there are two guys named Gaurav. name in a populous nation. It is a common I have

I only know two of them.

taken to calling him Gaurav Marijuana. not be gotten, in a bad way.) “I‟m glad you like him.

That is a joke that will

Your trust in him is key.


need to move on to other matters. meeting for you and the family.” What?

I am setting up a dinner

I am going to meet the family.

No, that is not the

family of which he speaks. “You need to meet the family of scientists and medical people I have here.” Either they use “family” in the same way here, or he has

watched American movies and TV beyond the Godfather.

You know

that way where it isn‟t relatives, just people close to you. “I have a few people from Apollo on the list, then some biochemists from All-India. I am trying to see if we can fly in That is my

some scientists from other parts of the country. „All India‟ shining through.

I am not sure if you wanted to

stick with a local group, or bring in a larger community. Now, for our first meeting of colleagues, what other types do you want to be there” That would depend on the strategy, and how many meetings we plan to have. In the total of what you are proposing, I will

need a friendly person from the CDSCO (Bam! I knew that one. CDSCO is the Indian FDA. Now I don‟t sound like a dumbshit). I don‟t see how we could seek That is an

They are just the agency though.

approval easily without some kind of lobbyist. American term, do you have those here. “We do. You have imported them.

Along with the hamburgers

and Rap Music.” We only send our best creations. We laughed.

“I will have to find someone to do lobbying. names to call from several drug manufacturers. most interested parties. gain.

I have some

They are the

They are the ones with real money to

Do you want them now, or at a later meeting.”

I am going to have to speak to Dr. Blythe and the lawyer. I would say, for now, no invitations should be proffered right now. If you feel a real trust in someone, let me know. We can We have They

align our strategy based on who we have to deal with.

been lucky to not have an enemy rear their head as of yet.

are certainly out there, they probably just don‟t know that they hate us yet. The louder we are, the more chance they will hear.

Obscurity is one of our best assets. By the way. Lobbying is a term you generally use for When you have a It sounds

someone pushing something you don‟t believe in. lobbyist, you call them „Government Relations‟. better.

It doesn‟t collect dirt like the term „lobbyist‟ I like a knowing response. I know you hadn‟t

He nods and smiles.

I want to tell you how impressed I am.

had the chance to meet with me, but I didn‟t know you had done so much work on this. turn. that. Indian‟s are far ahead of me at every

As an American technologist, I have been taught to fear When I want them to be there though, it‟s very nice.

Tribe title: One Little, Two Little That is horrible! “I want India to be a major contributor to medicine. has been my life‟s aim. We provide relocated expatriate In This

physicians to all of the countries we bow as inferiors to.

this country, we have the intellectual resources to be lead in many areas.” I applaud those aspirations. I‟m humbled. This whole

concept was something I saw having no more potential than a good Masters Thesis. That was not that long ago.

I‟m not from this country, but it is India that gave me the muse or inspiration to actually try this. probably not the proper word. Inspiration is

She made it happen, despite me.

“Depending on our success, perhaps I can forgive my brother for raising her in the States.” I pray you will. She has changed my life. Sangeeta had said that she Do you feel the same.”

“I wanted to ask you.

considered you her very best friend.

Absolutely, there is not a doubt or another in mind. “Interesting. I don‟t know of another pair like that. The

oceans are wide between us. Perhaps, if circumstances were different, you would be the husband we wanted.” I thought that wasn‟t allowed. “It isn‟t. though. It happened a lot when the Britishers were here My wife would kill I just was too

It isn‟t something to think about.

me for suggesting it.

Not that I suggested it.

open with a fleeting thought” If you continue to backpedal, you will hit the wall. need for that with me. “Seriously; I want to get you back home in under two months. I now you can electronically be her wherever you are. So let‟s plan to do what needs No

I am new to it, but I know it. to get done in that timeframe.” How about this. soon.

A Delhi meeting to start.

Get it planned

We can see from that, how much enthusiasm we have for Meeting Two would be in less than

help with a second meeting. two weeks.

That is when we can bring in our business and

government people. That was it. We went our separate ways with assignments.

He is going to track down lobbying types.

I am going to clear

the whole thing with Blythe, Glassman, Gerhardstein and the wife I suppose. who knows. Blythe said I have the authority to do what I want in the approval area. I will have that authority until we have our I think I am doing exactly what she wants me to, but

conference and appoint/elect our real fulltime honchos in the house. I need to get something going to get real honcho sorts I also need to avoid dooming the whole thing before


they get here. I think I will be up late with my roommate discussing this.

Dear Diatribe; I asked for Angela to set up a meeting with Blythe and Glassman. I told her Glassman was not a name to mention to I will explain

people other than the central SO/Med orchestra. that when I get back.

At that time, the confidence will Throw in Gerhardstein and

probably no longer need be kept. Geeta if she wants to.

Just let her know it is taking place. The Tribe has a built in The delay of what

(I recorded this via microphone. mic.

It was on the Video Conference.

transfers between Chicago and Delhi makes the conversation a bit different. … … MING off.) “What about me?” Interesting question. I don‟t like keeping secrets and I We found ways to use humor even with the TI…

don‟t know if I could from you any way. “Aren‟t you good at it” I‟m not sure. Haven‟t really tried to enough to rate


I can tell you what I know now.

Glassman is a lawyer; He handled the patent. He

might as well get that out of the way.

In India Dr. Srikanth Patel is a powerful medical dude. wants to move very fast.

He wants to begin the process of I was told by Blythe that I I just want to

having Leverex approved in India.

have the authority to begin that type of thing. hear from everyone with a valuable on going forward.

opinion and get some ideas

Now you know what it is about, nothing is being kept from you. I know that you have been doing a lot of important tasks.

Any one of them would likely be more useful than you attending. But what the fuck do I know? you know why you should come. the meeting either way. “This is just like the journals of yours that I read. You You know your own work, and maybe You will know the outcome after

think everything through like this all the time, don‟t you?” How much have you read? “Not much more than what everyone has. though. That is like academic writing. That is edited

I read a bit more as I

was designing a filing system.

I wanted to figure out where

these files of yours should go in relation to the meeting notes and recordings.”

You are supposed to know about all of my idiosyncrasies. Now you know more than I probably would have wanted. “No respect for you was lost. A lot was gained. Your

level of honesty, especially with one‟s self is a rare.” Thank you. I believe we will need to discuss what I want

read, what I want skimmed, and what I want to keep personal. Mostly I want to avoid embarrassment. “That Diatribe of yours is the most important thing in this office. I am the one to be embarrassed. I had just started

here and I go off and leave my panties in there.” She got a good chuckle out of that. second. Oh, lord. at you. I‟m sorry. The students were so crazy looking My wife is the only one who My heart stopped for a

I write down everything.

has ever confronted me with something I wrote. “Peter! Everything is OK. writing. I worried that I was in your personal

I then realized that there was no way to tell the I wanted to

difference between that and business writing. suggest that we work that out.

„I found my panties in there‟ was a line that I have had in my head since I read that. I think you will understand that I

just needed an appropriate place to use it. With anyone else it would have been a breech of confidence and terribly misunderstood. panic attack. After the Conference is over, let‟s make a system to protect these things. This is something that I see as a crucial With you all I got was a quick

duty for me; one that is very specific to this organization. Until then, I will stash things away for you and keep you up to date. That is, if you trust me with the content.” Once someone has played the thong

Do I have a choice. card, what can you do? “Easy.

I believe that crotch-less trumps thong.”

Well played. Today‟s conversation will, of course be in an entry. put that one somewhere special. “Will do. Just one thing more about that. Rumor has it that my last Let‟s

boss wanted rid of me because I was a distraction to the boys.” Geeta assumed the same. “I couldn‟t even bring that up to my best friend. thought I would sound vain and conceited. know if it was true. it with you.” I have so little sexual content in my writing. I never I

That and I didn‟t

Your Diatribe let me know I could discuss

thought it would inspire a woman years my junior to discuss her underlings. “Listen, Smartass. brought me to this. It was your unprejudiced reasoning that

I am not moved to talk panties with some

middle aged computer nerd.” I thank you for your candor. I am interested in your fears of telling your friend. It

is obvious that you are well aware of your comely features, but are unwilling to discuss them. friends all the time? “I was aware of nothing else in high school. between southern belles and beach blondes. that I had to think of. I grew up Do you act ugly with your close

My looks were all

I kicked an eating disorder and by my

sophomore year of graduation.”

college was determined to become frumpy by

It seems you failed. You are morbidly obese, but other than that… ”I wanted to become someone who was taken seriously, but I went about it all wrong. You wont understand it. I thought I gave

that if I was out of fashion, that would do the trick. up clothes shopping. three years old now.

Everything I have to wear is at least

Now that I am in grad school, I work for a bunch of egghead science types. This top is laundered and that makes me a Without spaghetti stains around here,

fucking fashion plate.

you are dressed to the nines.” Guilty as charged. Not me as much. I have a wife. I am

Marinara-free by the time I leave the house in the morning. “I respect that. I don‟t respect you for it, of course.

Geeta has good control over you.” OK, respect me for a bit. There is money in it.

Any item in this conversation, when taken out of context, could distress my wife.

“Don‟t even speak of it. be for you.

That is the last thing I want to

Will you work with me to eventually have a

protected Diatribe?” I will, and I appreciate your understanding. The Diatribe It

is something that is specific to this job and organization. was specific to me, as a person, but then I stopped being a person. I am a soulless void now, but a fun one to work for.

Can you get that meeting set up? I got my meeting. Geeta and Gerhardstein were there. Even

Scott came into the office, and showed up for it. Glassman were on the phone.

Blythe and

If it were possible, I would have Problem Angie

had Cambridge on the video and Chicago on the phone.

was that Blythe and Glassman were not in the same place. popped in and out. was not critical.

She needs a full rundown, but her attendance

If they wanted to, we are set up that they could get online and just watch. want to. I had to create discipline. I really want to hear mainly I will signal our Chicago That doesn‟t tap bandwidth, but they didn‟t

from Dr. Blythe and Nathan Glassman.

participants when the topic is open for discussion.

I asked Miles to set it up so the meeting was recorded, but I didn‟t ask him to attend. they were short-lived. I had pangs of guilt for that, but I can no

I am drunk blind with power.

longer feel guilt about anything. I find it all funny only partially because I am, as we all know, twisted. Mostly it is because I felt so much in need. Move to approve the drug.

This is the real deal.

In all the pages I wrote about this idea, not once did I even infer that it would be me doing this. it would be done. do it. When Gerhardstein and I had our initial discussions, we came to that conclusion that it couldn‟t be done unless you had an already developed drug to start with. I was humbled by that I simply wrote that

I also didn‟t propose who it was that would

realization and thought I would be instructed to think things through further in the future. The idea was no good.

Instead, they come back to me a few days later like this. “We got that drug you need, now do it!”. So I tried to limit attendance out of my own humility. was related to not knowing whether to trust myself and not seeing myself as their leader. It

Blythe came on very tired.

He explained that he had been

up late reading, and eventually accepting, Vivian‟s dissertation. “I helped her make the important final edits and

began the paperwork to name her Dr. Vivian” he said with a very suspect tone on the words “helped her”. I was the only one in the meeting who knew her. Blythe had never met Viv. heavily on her for a while. could be forthcoming. “I expect so. Is this some sort of academic bribery? One Wish her my best. Even Dr.

That has weighed

A job and her own flat to live in

just needs to get their department chair to provide lodgings and you are assured your PhD.” We are on a University Campus here Malcolm. it down. I would keep

We might end up sending you more borders. I introduced Glassman to the rest. He has

Ice is broken.

offered up some legal advice.

He cleared things up right away.

He said that I need not keep his name on the down-low any more. He even mentioned that a spin-off legal group was in the works. I would give more than the icebreakers and completely transcribe the meeting. I thought I would be reading and

listening to the meeting as notes for my upcoming activities,

but this was just a congratulatory session. “That‟s great, Peter”. know what‟s best”. There you go. I know best? I don‟t see how I can take confidence from that. I felt “Good work, my good man.” “You

“Your in charge here”. An hour of that.

“Keep us posted”.

like I was on my knees saying “I don‟t know what I‟m doing, please help”. you”. I just got Angela back online afterwards to tell her that we were moving forward with this. goes. Just gonna take „er as she Scott The answer I got was, “You do know, no help for

After that, I met with Gaurav and Miles together.

is out on another trip to do an install. I am at the point where writing Tribe is wasting time. This lady, Montana-Lynn (really Deborah-Lynn) sent contracts and documents on how we should bill out Scott‟s work. revue those. I need to

I have to decide how we handle a revenue-producing

section of the organization. Curses to you, the distracting Tribe. I must work.

Dear Diatribe; Gaurav is something. Legal SO/Med application: Done The Main Application is improved enough that I can show it to people and say we have done something. form of the application we want. It has the shape and

He showed me that they have

programming hooks to connect it to anything that a user might have. In late night discussions about what is going on with me, he moved to make that what is going on with him. going on with all of us. Not all of us. It is what is

He wants to have an

impact and be a managerial type. with that.

If he has an impact, I am fine

He has been working like mad for days. on things pretty often. time.

He connects with me

I am floored with how far he gets each

“Did you know that this lobbyist thing is supposed to be bad?” I do “There is an article in the Indian Journal of Medicine by a

Bashir Mamdani.

He says this is bad for medicine.

You might be

seen as hurting ethics in Indian Medicine.” I told the Doctor, we wont call our person a lobbyist. They are a Government Relations Consultant. Being from America,

I am used to Lobbyists, and their supposed strangle hold on our government. Also their actual strangle hold on our government.

If it is there and you can‟t make it go away, your own lobbyist is the best thing. “Aren‟t we just continuing to hurt ethics then?” Do not consider painful what is good for you. He blatantly rips off Euripides! Anyone who ever reads

this needs to put on a foreign accent and say “You rippa dees?” Yes I did. I do not have anything resembling the cranium to

coin those eight words. Tribe Title: You rippa dees? He should be

Gaurav just shook his head thoughtfully. thinking.

Getting words like that dropped on you from the last You gonna scratch your head a bit.

great tragedian of Athens?

“I suppose that is true”

I have ethical pangs about it myself.

I do think about the

fact that when they are successful, the most moral and upright causes employ someone to convince the government. “I understand that we have them in India now too.” Not only do you have them, you have American lobbyists. is a global stage we are performing on. from Chicago via England. could be staggering. It

That is why I come here

The size of the effort to stop this

Basically, want to give things away.

People will kill us to try to stop that from happening. “Kill us?” I am not sure they will go that far, but only because it‟s illegal. “My wife was not sure I should take this assignment. work for Apollo was good. would make her right.” Well we can‟t let that happen. “This is part of something about me that she respects, but isn‟t sure about.” What‟s that? My

If I were to be killed for it, it

“I have told her that I feel I need to do something great, or be part of something great for India.” You sound like a real patriot, just like Dr. Patel. “I am part of the first generation born in a free India. Dr. Patel, like my father, was born under Britishers. very young country, but with ancient roots. this country are very old. where we can move forward.” Those are some grand statements. him for them. disrespect it. sentimentality. How couldn‟t you? I can‟t help but respect We are a

Many of the ways of

My generation should be alert to

It would probably be easy to

I am just a sucker for any maudlin I eat up all I can get. “I talked to one; a

Then comes the surprising part. lobbyist.”

I didn‟t think that was going to be your part in this. do have guys with big business connections. “I am sorry. Please don‟t tell Dr. Patel. I thought,


working with you, that I could get involved in the bigger picture; real agenda items.” You thought correctly. I don‟t think you are stepping out

of your place.

I am always willing to listen to peoples ideas.

Don‟t think you will get in trouble for saying anything to me. Maybe with me, but I would always settle the trouble before going to others. “Does this mean I can be involved with these things?” You are involved. does that say. “I am glad it says that to you, but what about Dr. Patel?” I grabbed a mobile phone from the table we were sitting at and said, do you mind if I take care of that right now. began to speak, perhaps with a caution, but I just dialed Srikanth‟s mobile number. A soon as he picked up I pressed the He If I am, and you are here with me, what

speaker button and gave Gaurav an index finger gesture for silence. I just wanted to get and give an update on our meeting. “It is all set for Thursday night. My assistant called We will need

your driver with the location, it is a restaurant. a speech from you.” I will prepare one. list.

I need you to add Gaurav to the guest

He will be joining us.

“That is not necessary, this is not about the computer system.” I am aware of that. approval process. I am ready to read him in on the

He has more knowledge than you know.

“He is a smart young guy, but you have already given him a lot of work. He might not like this.”

Let me deal with that. “You can do that. I have just one thing for you. There is

a Government affairs consultant who would like to meet with you before the meeting.” I think I can do that, it is something I would like to have our protégé in for. “If he wants to. manufacturers. This firm does work for two of the drug

I think they are worried about other parties

bringing in competition for work on our project.” Dinner time is best for us. The programmers go home and We will listen to If there are

Gaurav has time to concentrate other things.

their plan, but I don‟t want to do a no-bid thing. more, we should listen to all of them. “I will make sure they know that.

Where should they meet

you.” I have wanted to try Bukhara, I hear it is a good place. Gaurav smiled. tourists flocked to. the best. “That is good. tomorrow.” Are you joining us. “No, I will leave this up to you. I just mentioned I will have them meet you there at eight He had told me that this was the restaurant It is very expensive, it‟s supposed to be

lobbying to one of my contacts and they were on the phone within minutes. I told them that you should be there contact. This is

why you are in India.” I forgot; why are you in India? He laughed and we ended the conversation. OK Gaurav, how soon can we see your guy? “Let me do the same as you.” He grabbed the phone, but didn‟t put it on speaker. conversation was in Hindi. I cannot do the same to him. His I

could, but it would be less useful.

I could order a beer in

Polish without him having any idea what I said.

If I am ever

with him in Warsaw (or, more likely Chicago), I will have to try that. Tomorrow morning we will meet with Jai Sharma in our office. He has worked with Members of Parliament on the Health He knows Gaurav through some mutual

and Family Welfare. friends.

Dear Diatribe; A whole day in the lobby One this morning at ten, talk about that one for hours, dinner at seven and discussions till dawn. I have never had to deal with this directly. statements against it in political argument. though. Gaurav. I have made

I am a realist

In America, I can subscribe to that which I told It does exist. I cannot stop it. The best I can do is

use it for good. I also hold the belief that humans can only hope what they are doing is “good”. Nonetheless, I am not only working on this. and am leading it. I can‟t wish or wash on it. He I suggested it

Gaurav was up half the night working on something. stayed at the office and came in after I was asleep. was 4:30am when he retired.

He said it

I am pulling him away from system Either that or he was

work and there is plenty to be done. researching the approval issues.

Being concerned about him getting proper rest is part of my pussy-ass management style. I will write a how-to book on that

someday. I met Jai at the office. He was a well-dressed, smiling

chap who, while speaking perfect English, spoke Hindi with Gaurav. From what I could guess by inflections, he was being I was probably not

coached to give a good presentation for me.

supposed to see the papers he handed me as we sat in the conference room had been handed to him by Gaurav outside the door. That didn‟t bother me. Gaurav sets high standards. He is

very technically adept; probably more than a government/political worker. was needed, he would If he believed that a written page I assumed

be the best to produce one.

what was on the pages were Jai‟s ideas. I am even more impressed by him. have told me.

If they were Gaurav‟s,

In that case though, he would

I think he would have. I do know they were Jai‟s He is politically

I am writing in the past tense. thoughts.

He expressed them well verbally.

astute, and communicates it well. People don‟t often use the phrase “shoots from the hip” when speaking of Indian friends. I don‟t know if that is

because of the way they talk to foreigners or just subdued personalities. This guy however is a hip shooter all the way.

He was with us for more than four hours, mostly answering our questions. Of the recording

“I have read quite a bit of your writings in the short time I‟ve had. I think I can help with what you want to do.”

Confident, this can be good. “Usually when I meet a prospective client we will talk about what business they do which government actions could make easier. We move toward the question „What legislative action do This is the question you need to ask a

you want or need?‟.

Government Affairs Consultant. OK, sounds good. “Thank you. In a small bit of research I noticed one thing. Your group I am asking it.

has benefited thus far from operating below the radar of many interested parties.” The joys of obscurity abound here. We will, of course not be able to keep that completely. Your existence is not completely lost on your potential detractors.

“I agree.

Impressions of the importance of any move you

make are factors that might allow for some manipulation though.” How do you mean? “I have gotten ahead. This goes back to the question of The first thought I looked at

what exactly you need from the government.

for anyone is a big campaign to push open source.

the current laws and I think a tiny amendment would put you in the right place.” Please explain. “From what I understand, Leverex is much further along than most drugs introduced after patent. Almost every law related to

commerce has provisions to favor products from India. I know the argument could be made that this drug is British and your organization has American roots, but you have an Indian presence.” So you think we should sell it as an Indian Drug? “Not exactly. „Our organization has a large operation in Can you say

Delhi and the drug will be manufactured in India‟. that much.” I can say many things…

I could count that as one of them, I suppose. “I had hoped that would be your answer. We can do an analysis of what special considerations you might have. two.” He had quick paragraphs about a whole group of things that are slow within the approval process, and explanations of why we could or couldn‟t ask for special considerations for each. “An amendment, or maybe parts of two or three, would have language promoting Indian manufactured drugs, and also a quick sentence about not-for-profit/generic drugs. We could sneak I have about fifteen pages of them here in section

these considerations listed as a special status, then we apply for that status the next day. With all done properly, we would

be accepted before there is any argument.” Interesting “I want to use words other than nonprofit. them up to be ignored.” This is an abridged transcription of four or five hours of conversation. I was impressed. Impressed with Jai, but I will dress

increasingly impressed with Gaurav as this was presented.

So in the end, loopholes get us from the first filing, until just about phase two. years goes quicker. research backs us up. What normally takes three or four Ten years of

Not really special treatment. Not just three or four.

Phase two is the acceptance as an investigational new drug. We then have the ability to apply for clinical trials. This is early on in the process in terms of time, but it is a solidifier of your patent. two. If we get there, we are a step ahead of where our illwishers can do us ill. I suppose we will have ill-wishers. I just think that they are too It is really your drug when it goes into phase

They haven‟t really scared me. far off to fear them.

I know I will have to at some point.

Unless I trip over my own feet and die of self-inflicted choke upon my own vomit. This has always been a possibility. For years I would have I got

been the only one to rush into the secret house of death.

married, but she is so self sufficient that she would not be one to worry about. the pyre. To write a diary every day is like returning to one's own vomit. That is a quotation I once read. Does this apply to Now I have an organization to fall with me on

a Diatribe? We spent the day with a rank amateur, at least that is what we are to believe. We are on to an evening in which, we are to Good lobbyists could be a bonus to the

be impressed, by food. meal.

Bukhara makes no bones about it‟s seriousness. it.

They mean

You stand on blood red carpet to take in stone walls,

rough-hewn dark-wood beams and enormous copper urns. I was very happy with the meal I got. Quickly, I got the I have the Tribe

murgh malai kebab and the famous dal bukhara.

with me, but these bastards want to talk business. Lobbyist Kebabs for everyone! It‟s on me. They were from a law firm. lobbyists come from sometimes. other Vijay. experience. I suppose that is where One of them is named Dhruv, the

They started by laying down their firms It was as impressive as it could be in a country

where this discipline is not very old. They mentioned that they had a partnership with a public relations firm that they though would be “specifically helpful to us”.

Do you have a plan, or a preliminary draft plan? I said that to break through the sales laden openers and get down to business. “We will present one for you very soon. It is a early now.

What can you tell us about your organization?” I had expected that you would have been briefed through Dr. Patel. “We will be meeting him for dinner tomorrow. brought in by our client. We were

I understand that you want to take on

some manufacturing with the Arbro Company.” This could be the result of our efforts. There I had to go into an introduction that I really had no interest in doing. The dinner in front of my made me want to I flapped my gums a bit.

rely on my ears for business.

Ours is an “Open Source Drug” Open Source is a term that means… Have you ever seen a grown man naked? That kind of thing.

“You are the owners of the patent, and want to give it away.” That is a way to put it. might say. A very simple one, but what many Your company manufactures

We are a nonprofit.

generic drugs. they produce. drug.

They have an open patents on almost every drug Ours will just start that way, it is a nonprofit

“If you invented a drug, and it is good, why give it away?” I didn‟t invent it. The people who did believe that

holding tight to medicines for money is not the best way to do things. People should be honored for inventing a medicine that helps people. your head. “I understand.” As far as your clients interests, the drug won‟t be free. There are raw materials and a finished product. profit from it. There is a They shouldn‟t be honored however, with a gun to

Unless we get stopped trying to do this.

“We apologize for not coming in with the information up front.”

Not to worry.

I think you could do some good work for us. I am not going

My partner looked at me with surprise. alienate someone right now. this alone.

Plus, I don‟t think that Jai can do

He‟s got the brains, they‟ve got the (brawn?).

Would you be agreeable to a relationship where we have our own Government Relations Director? “Of course, that is your choice” That‟s great. I think we can use you. I have someone I am

looking at for the position. can meet him soon enough. “What is his name?”

He wont be there tomorrow, but you

Check out my how quick I am on my feet. I am going to keep his name in confidence for now. He is

on the market, and I want him there until I make an offer. “I understand completely.” He does? I thought that was complete bullshit. have been. I said it, it must

Dear Diatribe; I need to paste some notes together to get a proper Diatribe out of this. Our meeting was good. I took on a whole new way of being.

I was a take-no-poop commandant. Listen here Doctor; this is the way this is going to go. Hell, it worked. The G-man coached me. All was taught “Just

under the guise that he was schooling me on Indian ways. lay it down for them.

You are here to run the organization; you Just tell him what

don‟t need permission for things from him. you‟re doing.” So I did.

I got down with a few more super-science guys, They said they wanted to redo any They have read all of them;

these of the Indian variety.

tests that were done in Cambridge. they have tried a few already.

Their request from me was to get

someone here from England to work with them on it. OK, Will do. I have spent about 30 hours in two and a half days with Jai. We worked out a far more detailed version of the already

detailed legislative/regulatory plan.

Srikanth seems to be pretty happy that I am taking control of things. He has approved of everything thus far. I had to drag the old

I got Blythe on the picture phone. man out to the barn for the confab.

I wanted to ask big daddy to come to Delhi. would really enjoy some time her. otherwise employed.

I think we

He reminded me that he is

Do you have a Biochemist to send to India for me? “Most I have here are students. just mulling about. ripen.” He thought for a moment. “Now that I think of it, I do have one loitering. minted PhD would be just the trick. in her knickers.” I am clearly being offered Vivian. … As a biochemist Is she qualified for this? A newly I don‟t have professionals

In my profession we send them off once they

I think you have seen her



What do you take me for? I do not confer sheepskin by mail order.” I wasn‟t suggesting that you did. I know that your field I was not

is both deep a well, nor so wide as a church door. sure she was schooled in the specificities we fancy.

“This is just testing; it is not even human testing. to cast aspersions on Dr. Bardwell. that race of genus Hominidae. … She is Human.” The explanation was helpful.


She is certainly within

Scientifically; I would have

had Homo sapiens and no more in that line of humor. Well Enough then. I will make arrangements for travel. I

am figuring out a budgeting system. will become, SO/Med Americas. discuss this.

I will charge this to, what

At our big meeting we will

Please start thinking of some people in Brits who We will likely need an

will be officially in the organization. office beyond the barn soon enough.

“Don‟t worry about Viv‟s ticket. present honoring commencement. lovely send off.”

I need to get her a

Passage to India would be a

You‟re speaking, of course, of the Forster Novel. “I wish I could get out of this for seven or eight quid. That would earn me a grateful kiss on the cheek. from my home should prove more costly. Can you get her paid, though?” I believe so. I could get her paid, and did. guest house. I could not procure another I Extraction

“You have two or three bedrooms, don‟t you?”

had thought that old world ways would insist on a lady in her own quarters. He had a scolding tone, as if to say I wasn‟t I backed out quick. She will

being frugal enough for his tastes.

You know, now that I think of it, you‟re right. just stay in my guest house. I‟ve been so tired.

I didn‟t know

if it was OK for a lady to stay with men. He gave half an answer. but it is convenient. I had another meeting in his office with two All-India Technically, it‟s probably not OK,

scientists at Dr. Patel‟s office.

A man named Rohit, a lady At least

named Neelima and another fellow actually named Sunny. that is how he spelled and pronounced it.

The Diatribe is a great tool for seamlessly integrating things said and unsaid. Watch

I have a colleague coming to Delhi that I think is perfect for our project. with Dr. Blythe. Impressed nods and humming all around. I think that she can get you through the reproductions of the tests you have read about on the system in good time. does however neglect to conceal her titties when wearing a rather unattractive robe. She will be a great addition. She She just finished her PhD working directly

Through her, I will make sure you have regular access to Dr. Blythe himself on our video conference. creeps me out. She is off-putting. Also; she kind of

I am currently repressing

memories of her vagina. Bardwell here shortly. in Cambridge.

I am making arrangements to get Dr. She will just need to tie up some things

Like her bathrobe and the threadbare waistband on her weathered panties.

… This technique works so well. I do have my italics for the

said and unsaid, I think, however, that it would be understood without. Probably the most important thing that has happened just came to mind. with this. About eight o‟clock one night, Gaurav came to me

“I have an American joke”.

Fire away “I advise you not to dip your pen in the company ink.” That is just precious in an Indian accent. It was not a joke.

I just laughed and said I had heard it before, but he wanted to start a discussion with that. It was an ice breaker.

Let’s title this one: Company Ink Although I try to be discrete when chatting with Sangeeta, he must have heard some of a conversation. Internet/Phone/Video Conference sex. We don‟t have

Our conversations have the

familiarity of a married couple, though. “Are you in love with Dr. Patel‟s Niece?” I was dumbstruck. I was frightened of conversation with In such a short time,

this chap who has become a close friend.

I felt there was a kismet simpatico between us, but I had no idea where he would stand on this. He was truly professionally concerned, and mostly for his own situation. I could become a pariah. Then his positive

career move would be transferred to a devastating mark on his reputation. He would be associated with an exile.

I was in a place where, not only did I not want to misrepresent; I I could not think of a workable prevarication. Can we discuss that elsewhere? There was nothing wrong with where we were, I just wanted to move around a bit. drink. I told him we were married. I told him of the fibs that my I feared discussing this I wanted to walk. I thought we should

father in law had spread in India. with my wife.

I pretty much had a panic attack. He wants to think about it, but he

He‟s a hell of a guy.

said that if it had been held secret for so long, even unintentionally, it could remain. He even consoled me about the specter of telling Geeta that he knew. He said, although any option is dangerous, wait until

I am back in the states. In an instant, I decided I wanted him there with me. He

could at least come for a visit through our big kickoff meeting. I just don‟t want to have my wife thinking about someone, that she doesn‟t really know well, off in a foreign land with a secret about her, and in the location where it can‟t slip. I told Srikanth that he would manage through video, e-mail and phone. He accepted that. I justified all this in my own

head with “he really had to come for the conference in Charleston any way.” I started making my plans for departure. need to be set up. A lot of meetings In

I need to get Jai on-board and started.

the end, I will get to move from the guest house within days of Vivian‟s arrival. I‟m accustomed to. I will be home and only looking at a vulva The way the lord intended it

Dear Diatribe; Vivian stayed out of the barn when I was in Cambridge. is empty of programmers now and has become her office. my office back in the day. It

That was

The only reason I‟m not jealous is I

because I don‟t care, but if I did she would be in for it. have an office in India, two in Chicago if you count my home office/spare bedroom.

I still feel pretentious and overreaching when I say “my office”. Before this, I have never been in a position where I Gaurav got a Video Conference running at All-

was offered one. India.

They add another University to our total bandwidth.

I got no argument from Uncle Sri about taking G to Chicago. He was only concerned with the amount of money he needed to find. Money doesn‟t seem to be a hard thing to come by here

with three or four pharmaceutical manufacturers in the mix. Gaurav is heading to Chicago with me. plane will be slim as I will not be alone. things from him. with conversation. I am putting together a daily schedule for my people to check in. It will stretch around the clock. I will need to Diatribe on the Not that I am hiding

I just write less Tribe when I am distracted

hear from people in Chicago, Delhi and Cambridge. probably be others.

There will

In addition to the check-in schedule, I am in the process of making a checklist. It looks like this.

Playwright/Activist turned President Vaclav Havel Romantic Composer Antonin Dvorak Pittsburgh winger Jaromir Jagr Franz Kafka (from Prague, wrote in German) … Homonyms can trip you up on occasion. checklist, that's a list of Czechs. That's not a

The thing to remember is

that homonym jokes are for verbal use only. Let's give it a title: Czechlist Vivian is set to arrive tomorrow. hence. We will leave two days

I will make no more jokes about her love pita. I do I

still think she's strange, but I'm more impressed with her. have grown to understand why she does have a Ph.D. I've been making some plans at home as well. the year is a busy time for anybody.

The end of

Geeta wanted to get

married at that time.

She doesn't celebrate Christmas, but like

most you don't, she enjoys the smell of pine and the decorations around during the holidays. The family friends who loan me

there Wisconsin vacation home, are wealthy enough to spend Christmas abroad, and nobody travels to Wisconsin in the winter. My plan is to celebrate Christmas with my mother, the anniversary together in Wisconsin. Staying there, we will invite the key SO/Med participants for a session of planning our conference/New Year's Eve party. For three years reinstated

through New Year's Eve, we have had a bonfire where we burn Christmas trees. I really like that.

The invitees being urban folk, I will probably need to find them real Christmas trees to set ablaze. Free Christmas tree They

shouldn't be hard to come by once the 26th rolls around.

could come in with a free Christmas tree, and leave with a three dollar bottle of champagne on January 2. Angela is putting in many overtime hours planning the details of our Charleston conference. Every day I get more than

one updates on new people who have confirmed they are attending. I have known a few from my fund-raising calls. I have done the

video conference schmooze nine times since I've been Delhi. I have lost touch with Scott and I don't know how many

universities are on the system now.

I should note that, both In

Scott and Miles would have that information at the ready. essence, that means I do know it.

I know both the thing is that I actually know, and anything that I know from whom to find out. That can be seen as a

glimmering web of knowledge, or as a group of people who will bring you in as a friend, uncapped your cranium and feed on your brain. I welcome both interpretations. You'll hear that's

better to be feared than loved. never want to discount love.

Even as cynical as I am, I

Yes, I still want it discounted in

terms of being reasonably priced.

Dear Diatribe; I cannot tell a lie. I'm not George Washington, I don't

have cherry trees readily available to me, nor would I want to cut them down. What the hell was that about anyway? Was that From

the common mischief that youngsters got into back then?

what I've read about George Washington, he drank heavily and pooped in a bucket. His proclivity for clandestine logging

should be of no surprise. In my case the quote should be "I cannot tell a lie to my life." More accurately, "I can I get away with telling a lie to I obsessively record my each and every thought in

my wife".

this silly journal which I have never put much effort into protecting. Having not protected it, if I were to begin to my

wife would become suspicious; and we can't go on together with suspicious minds. We can't build our dreams on suspicious minds

(my father was a big Elvis fan). Gaurav and I arrived at the airport at 10 a.m... exhausted. We were

My trip out there I took a break for three days on On the way That

the first continent before opting to the second.

back we did stop in Frankfurt, but only for two hours. brings jet lead to a whole new level.

Upon landing, I have yet to tell Geeta that Gaurav knows we

are married.

I merely forgot to tell her that he would be There was nothing malicious about

staying in our guest room.

that one. I knew it would be fine with her as long as she had some advance notice. Under normal circumstances the failure to

provide that information would merit little more than a wag of the finger. I know though, if I give her one good reason to get

mad, she will freak out about the smallest thing that accompanies. With Gaurav safely stashed away in my locked office/conference room, I asked the wife to join me for lunch at home. She was all smiles as we hurried off. She was under the

impression that my interest was afternoon delight. I just needed to tell you. I ended up in a situation, or

should I say a conversation, red felt it was impossible to keep Gaurav in the dark about us. very good friends. too many questions. "I knew I couldn't trust you. If you were smart you I trust them implicitly, we become

He just sensed something was and was asking

would've never let the conversation get there." Well I ain't that smart. You should've known that before

you sent me off to India guarding your deepest and darkest secret.

"The me tell you something, pale face. my darkest secret."

You could never be

I was looking her straight in the eye, I couldn't see what her hands were unfastening. Her skirt drop to the floor and she

jumped up wrapping her arms and legs around me. "Let's just see if you can be my deepest." You Have To Read the entire Diatribe to hear of every undoing perfectly romantic surprising episode she has given me. It had been foremost in my mind that I should get Gaurav settled in and a chance to sleep. It dawned on me that he could

nod off for another hour or so in a reasonably comfortable swivel chair. Not as nice as the ones we have in India, but

sitting down was all he needed to do; sleep will take care of itself once he's off his feet. I had awakened when I got back to the office. I wrote him The

back to the apartment and showed him his accommodations.

room usually serves as my office, but I'm used to working with him all might. Angela was agreeable on keeping people away from Gaurav until a meeting tomorrow. There is a saying about first

impressions, but it was never remarkable enough for me to


If you are a reader of this text, remember that

saying and apply it here if you see fit.

Dear Diatribe; Merry Christmas Tribe The holiday was nice, but I am glad to be back with you. We spent the holidays in Chicago with my family. We attended the midnight mass, which was beautiful. People are all talking up Jesus; prince of peace; potentate of preemptive ware and the like. It is a really loving event for all of us, and Jesus is responsible. Nobody denies that. A great guy all around that Jesus is. neither here nor there. I don‟t mean to bitch around the holidays, but now and then in the course of human events it becomes necessary for one person to Diatribe like there's no tomorrow. I did say "around" the holidays. There is a season during Somebody denies it, but that is

which we go out of our way to extend good wishes and pleasantries. I wish those of us with altruistic wishes had No person mess this up though. They

complete control over things.

The events of which I speak have origins that are human. just had a horrifying human consequence. What happened?

Get this. Early in the morning, the other day, Jesus‟ dad goes off and throws a huge wave up against South Asia. He drowns about a hundred thousand folks. I wonder, does he have a mom? I think he doesn't.

Sometimes I feel like a motherless Child, a long way from home. Like I said; Jesus is great. His dad is kind of a prick.

Way up in de heab‟nly land. The hell was that crap about? In fact, I want to ask Sonny Boy why he doesn‟t do shit about it. You talk to him all the time don‟t you? I think he does. You can‟t say that. It doesn‟t matter what he did. All he does is good. He‟s all god and shit. He is said to have a big reward for those who don‟t question. If you can put aside your Socratic sensibilities for one cotton-picken minute, you would get this big mansion and all sorts of swank when you die. this concept of God you're not offered 72 virgins, but it's mostly perfect paradise. virgins anyway. I'm not really sure why one wants In

Virgins generally feel pain the first time, and As a dude, if she ain't into it, I

there's the blood thing.

won‟t feel all strong and manly. To me it is kind of an unknown, no guaranties, less you just say that there are. Saying that is called “Faith” and it is just about the best thing you can have.

I will get there myself. I just have a bunch of questions I want answered. Trying to give those up when new ones come along. 1) Listen Bitch! You had a “covenant” that you wouldn‟t do the drowning thing to the masses again. You did it, according to your book you drown everyone but that nude drunk bastard (Noah), then you said, “I‟ll never do that again”. a) Are you trying to get off on a comparison of scale? “This was only a hundred thousand or so. I promised I wouldn‟t drown EVERYONE again.” I would advise you that it was as poor logic and most of us won‟t buy it. I could be wrong though. 2) On how long ago that was; I have a question. You built the planet about 5k ago. So why did you scatter evidence all over to make it look like it was a few million? Then you tie the rules up so that if you don‟t believe in the 5k, you go to “Hell”. That was a prick move. 3) Why were Eve and all of her progeny penalized for her mistake? She had no one to pattern after. She was brand new. I believe she was still under warranty. I want to go the manufacturer. a) You created a real nice garden with a lot of trees. You have the ability to create a trillion trees in a time

measured with negative nanoseconds. This one tree is so damn important to you? That is “one tree-hugging hippy”. Emphasis on “one”. Chill that shit out.

b) If you decided, for who knows what reason, to make your first women without the fortitude to resist some misinforming serpent, why didn‟t you make sure there were no shiftless serpents in the place. Letting some nasty

snake run around and mess up the lives of billions of folks yet to come is just unforgivable. I will dispense with questions. That is enough to chew on.

Theo Van Gogh once said, "I would not be able to pen an academic and dry diatribe; I have too much talent for that.” And that was Theo; so where does this place me? I am less talented

than Theo, Vince is beyond what I can discuss. We are on our way to Wisconsin. It is a short drive. Just

two hours or so is it takes to get where we are going.

This is

a big beautiful house which boasts a large hot tub in the basement. From there you can view home theater system.

To my wife's displeasure I have brought two laptops and a projector. I think that I can hook one of the two laptops up to

the big plasma screen in the basement; I need the other because

I want to be able to conference on video either alone or in groups elsewhere in the house. I have to keep reminding her that this trip will include some business time. She always wants me to shed these In the past I always had. I

electronics when we come up here.

do demand something that I can write on.

My writing implements

however, have only had the capabilities for entertainment and business communication for about a year and a half now. Before

that, the little handheld that I wrote on could do little else. As soon as we get there I need to have a quick conference with Jai. He has some things moving. He thinks I might be able

make an announcement at the conference that is just a couple weeks away. The lobbyists that bought us the good dinner, and one other firm are helping us on another drug company‟s dime. working at Jai‟s direction. They are

I have spent a bit of time on the Gaurav does the

phone pushing that all follow his lead on this. same in Hindi. I think it works.

He translated like this. “Peter is going to be very upset if anyone moves on government work without Jai‟s orders. crazy when his is mad”. Thanks G He is

I am a monster.

People fear my every move.

I feel sorry

for anyone who works for me. knowing when I will snap.

They are all a bit tense, not

When writing a journal, you have license to fictionalize even yourself. I don‟t want to take blame for their fear. way. I was born this

Even while being a modest person, my genital mass is Frightening is more

beyond what one would term “impressive”. what I see each morning.

A grizzly bear at more than 900lbs

would growl and scratch and inspire no less fear if it were masked from sight by a couple layers of cotton fabric, fastened by a zipper. I had a videoconference with Jai. Allow me to return to the story. In our meeting he told me that part one of his grand strategy has been completed. amendment in a patent bill. This included a rather innocuous This should not be alarming to He gives me an allThat is where I was.

anyone who might oppose open source pharma. English rundown. understand.

Indian law is far more complex than I can

Look at my half-page synopsis, minus all

parenthetical explanation and the law will look like this.

If some interest with an Indian presence has invented new drug, they will get some fast-track help for approval within India. (India based was not the wording specifically. We have an Any big

office there; Indian Scientists are testing the drug. pharma company does as well.

They could argue for the same

treatment, but we want to make sure they are unsuccessful if they do. That is the next part makes that work.)

This assistance is only offered for pharmaceuticals that are presented for first consideration within India. Products

approved for sale in other nations have other considerations existing in law. (There is little definition for what help means here. There are a few of paragraphs of “which may include” statements. Much of that will go into departmental regulations, which some professional lobbyists working on.) CDSCO may provide funding for and assistance with research to Educational institutions or nonprofit interests when presenting a pharmaceutical innovation deemed promising. assistance would be contingent on the forfeit of patent exclusivity within India. Any

(That‟s it, the last part is written directly to us.


University thing sounds like a version of the Bayh-Dole act in the states. This is where the government helps with discoveries

at Universities, NGO‟s or nonprofits; most of these are see some federal funding. In the US, they keep the patent and get in bed This version is just not as good. It

with a private company.

sounds like something no drug inventor would want to use.) Jai has a good relationship with a powerful committee chair. He used to work with him and was able to meet with him I was in on one of them. I was furniture in the

several times.

room when they spoke Hindi.

They came up with a hell of a plan

while I snacked on a salty snack mix I cannot identify. Jai wrote the amendment and delivered it to a freshman member. This newbie was told by the chair that he should Jai was sent to give him the talking points on

introduce it. it.

I don‟t think they use the terms “freshman” or “talking

points”, but I do. In one week there was some buzz in the Sansad (the Parliament). Our boy was patriotic as a motherfucker. As you He was

know, motherfuckers are always flag-waving nationalists. trying to inject some life into Indian Pharma.

Nonprofits were included in the wording, but such a thing

does not exist.

If for some damn reason, a nonprofit invents a It is just too unlikely to be

drug; god be with them. considered.

Jai is a fireball, just like the G-man. because of Gaurav. I am not sure that I care.

Maybe he is one They are

delivering for me like gangbusters.

I wrote all that open-

source bullshit we are basing this on, but I couldn‟t have imagined this speed. They have me very into India right now. and Indian. crazy. Gaurav is coming up to Wisconsin with Miles. coming too. That is something I need to Tribe on. Scott is I might even marry That is

I might even tell other people I did.

Gaurav and I reviewed these contracts that Montana-Lynn wrote for Scott‟s work. department. I should say Scott and the Installation Kids;

He has a bunch of kids working for him.

child labor, he has no morals whatsoever. He does this in the United States, they look to be in their early twenties, but that is the genius of it. He alters their

looks and identities, then begins his sweatshop practices for forty dollars an hour plus expenses.

Neither of us could come up with a justification for having a for-profit division. Gaurav said we should have him work for himself or start a company. Miles was within earshot. He jumped on this opportunity to

eliminate a more experienced and talented member of the staff. (I think he reads Tribe all the time. Now we can both have a

laugh that he will never tell me he shared in.) I had to bring Angela in on this idea. I was leery because

I am not sure that incorporating, keeping a budget, starting a payroll and bossing people around fits with the overall vibe of Mr. Swanson. “He‟ll be fine, he can hire someone to do that stuff”, was Angie‟s flippant reply. Do we know of anyone ready for such a position? As I remember it, she called me stupid in one way or another, and then she brought up Montana-Lynn again. met him before and they worked together well. I told Angie to set them up for this. I also told her to She had

see where we could get them some money in loan to get started. She said I would have to do that, but she could figure out where. She did figure it out. It was through a current

benefactor who I guess was very impressed with me from our meeting and I had no memory of. I had a good time when I called Scott in and fired him. That is how I phrased it to him before fully explaining. freaked out about it until I mentioned Montana-Lynn. meeting lasted about thirty more seconds. He was

Then the

He went to Angie and

placed a call faster than I have seen him do anything. In the end, they got a contract together to do an install at Purdue and a bit more than that. When he called to confirm

he was coming to here for our meeting/New Years, he said that Deborah-Lynn should attend. for US?” That was very sweet. I teased him a bit and said it wasn‟t He I agreed. “Can you spare A room

that crowded and that there will be no need to double up. was embarrassed and I had to diffuse by just nodding my understanding.

When you raise kids and they grow up to be three years older than you are, it can be such a joy to find out they are in love. I am onto my romantic anniversary time and off of the Tribe for a couple of days.

Dear Diatribe; I have scheduled everyone to come today or tomorrow, which is New Years Eve. Angie was the first to arrive, 11am. I got I

10 Christmas trees for free from a lot packing up on the 26th. told them I would get one, but she actually brought one. tied to the top of her little Saturn two-door. committed. It‟s her weekend to shine. all her. important. This conference has been her She is

It was

It hung in my mind like a silly party, but it is real I had hoped she would bring a date. I made it clear

that she could.

I thought that having a big dude around her

would discourage ogling. This is a perfect location for this meeting, I wouldn‟t have changed it, but I thought of it for a moment. I invited her on the day I got back into town. I told her about the house and

the hot tub where we could Video Conference. She had one quick response. “Great, I just got a new bathing suit”. Only men

were present and all activity just stopped. stared for a few seconds.

They all turned and

She is always nice to look at, but

the very mention of “bathing suit” by her was nearly pornographic. to suppress. Since she got in we have studied the schedule of events for our four days in South Carolina. I need to go to Carolina in my I wasn‟t immune to it, I was just aware and ready


I need to visualize a fine event for three hundred and

fifty people. Our size has moved us from the beachfront Isle of Palm. We will

now convene at the Francis Marion Hotel in downtown Charleston. It is a beautiful old structure; the classic city hotel. It has

sufficient conference space, but our attendees lodging spills over to the nearby Embassy Suites. I will give a welcoming speech on Thursday evening; easy enough. At 10:00am the next morning I will outline my proposed I have written it up, they have read It is the structure.

organizational structure. it.

I thought it a proposal.

This does make sense.

Part of the democratic process here is A democratic structure

that you need to have one to build one. can be written by just one guy.

That guy just has to give I didn‟t do that.

himself no position in that group.

I assume that I will be working with this entity after this little meeting. I am on the board of directors, but I will

recuse myself once they begin discussing personnel. As far as providing a text of my speeches; there is no way I will do that. I am not going to wing it, but I will have

notes that take shape until I am at the podium. I will provide a basic outline of ideas to be covered. am going to turn the tables on Malcolm. I

I am going to ask him

for a comprehensive list of things that I should not say. things will have to be committed to memory. … Time is passing Scott and his new business/personal partner showed up. is really impressive. connection there. I am very pleased that there is a



They have something that seems dreamlike.


is just in this business situation, but it might reflect something deeper. Scott needed to start a business because I asked him to. She needed someone who wanted to start a business or organization. She has deep skills, but they are organizational Meant to be? It sounds

and need an idea to wrap them around. good thus far.

Miles showed up along with Dr. Gerhardstein. surprise.

The doc was a

I did invite him, he answered with a droll

“Absolutely, there is little else to do; I will try to make it”. I wasn‟t sure that he meant it. His wife headed off to New York

to see a Broadway show with their daughter. “Helen insisted that I come here. She is off to see a I think

Wizard of Oz treatment from the witch‟s perspective. that she might doesn‟t want me to know her tactics.”

“Go to Wisconsin my little pretty and your little friend Miles too!”

I was taking a tarp from atop a very large pile of firewood. I asked the guys for some help moving it. There is a

fire pit about a hundred yards from the house.

There are a

total of five fireplaces on the inside, but I am only taking responsibility for stoking three. bedroom that I have by default. I asked the older man to help with the one in the living room and the other near the Television and Hot Tub. The There is one in the Master

temperature was in the twenties, not directly cold for Wisconsin in December, but too cold to ask a man in his sixties to shuttle firewood 100 yards through snow. It didn‟t really feel right to

ask the African American in the pair two to the grunt work either. I mentioned this to Dr. Gerhardstein. He told me that

sometimes being the boss has its advantages.

“You‟re the boss,

I‟m sure that Miles will happily do it because the order came from you.”
Can you give my wife to think the same way?

“I can‟t work miracles Peter”. We continued to chat about the goings on of the day. feel kind of privileged when he talks to me like that. privileged like a teacher‟s pet. I

I feel

He is still a teacher; I am

still a kid, so any stature I gain is wholly bullshit in nature. “Just cuz he like you don‟t mean I do”. me. That is me talking to

I caught up with the Miles.

In my estimation I needed to

show myself as willing to schlep wood as well as give him some time. I wanted him to begin to pull together a multimedia show I want a Pink Floyd exploding pig type of

for the event. extravaganza.

If you have nothing of merit to say, a lot of glitz can bring you up to passable. I do have some good things to say. So I should be golden here. That is, if you can gen up a show for me.

I went on to tell him I wanted some Elton John Glasses and something based on the Ziggy Stardust stage costume. I think a

group of backup dancers might be in order, so he needs to work up some steps. Seriously, I wanted him because he has done a lot of Diatribe cataloging. anybody. He should have read it about as much as He I

He can take main points and make graphic for them. In fact, I insisted on it.

will probably have graphics made. was looking for flash.

We had hours of meetings on this. Angie‟s space. materials.

I led them, but it was

She had every bit of planning in her head and

Like a hand in glove, I believe she transferred the I

materials to me to make it seem like they were mine. constantly commented on her professionalism.

There is a reasonably passable tasting, citrus-infused tea by that name. Now there is a piece of Diatribe carrying the Tribe Title: Constant Comment

same distinction.

We went on well into the evening on New Year‟s Eve. called it at nine. Christmas tree fire. Our bonfire was well erected. request. We were to spend midnight out by my


I called Malcolm at his Due to age, he was fresh There was a The

It was before six in the UK.

as a daily; a daisy in his eighties that is.

speaker on the mobile, we all gathered round in a huddle. blaze we had set together provided us with needed warmth.

Parkas made a pile which Geeta twice moved farther away from the flames. We were close enough to have Malcolm be audible with our limited technology. “I can hear your hands rubbing together. feel that fire with you. electronic meetings. I would love to

I had asked Peter to do one of his

This is a brilliant idea to burn your I will be with you shortly

Christmas trees on New Year‟s Eve. in Charleston.

When I told Peter I was booked into Charleston, he said that frankly, he didn‟t give a damn.” Scott laughed, the others joined as they realized that was somehow funny. “I so much wish I could have made this event, or have it held in Britain, as all great events properly should be. this case, your leader is a Yank. In

He came to me as a man that

doubted his abilities to lead, regardless of how great his ideas were. I was able to see him flex those muscles. in my barn and sent him to you. just months later. I raised the boy

Our organization is strong now,

When we meet together in a fortnight, we We have moved forward in more ways I am coming up on my last

will see exactly how strong.

than anyone could have imagined.

minute for your countdown, and I want to end by thanking our leader for our new year and all it will bring.” I asked him to do the countdown of the last ten seconds. felt lifted and respected and far less like a fraud that would be found out. Sangeeta needed to softly come to me and begin a sweet New Year‟s kiss. I was looking off and unaware of the obvious. She I

Angie kissed Miles on the lips and Gaurav on the cheek.

then ran over and kissed me quickly on the corner of my mouth and, to avoid anything uncomfortable, she followed by kissing Geeta on the cheek. Scott and MT ran into the house for a moment and reappeared with a digital camcorder. Malcolm to see the fire.” “We can put something online for Malcolm was still on the phone. I

told him that the Christmas tree thing was an audible delight. I grabbed a tree, said it was his and tossed it on. There

are a lot of crackles and pops with trees that have been cut

down for weeks. the bonfire.

They are very dry.

They are merely kindling in

You can only see the form of the tree for a minute

or so as they burn away. Two more hours were spent putting in front of this outdoor hearth. I am not sure whether anyone gave a proper goodbye to

Blythe, or if he eventually just hung up. Between 1:00 and 2:00am the crowd began to reassemble in the room with the hot tub. tub party. There is a 1970‟s feeling to a hot

I am not usually into the retro kitsch, not of that A jazz fan has to be into some kind of kitsch.

decade anyway.

I put on Miles Davis‟ Kind of Blue album for my own preferred era to prevail. Montana and Scott were on the sofa. Gerhardstein left the fire early and was in the tub. Geeta was talking with the doctor, her feet dangling in the pool. I only had one unattached man in the crowd. Miles was the Miles

only one who could be openly awaiting the “bathing suit”.

is cool, cooler than I have ever been, but I could see there was some amorous interest. She walked in and stood not far from the television. The

current program, or something in that direction, took attention. I specifically walked over and sat behind the wife. My averted

eyes were assaulted as she decided to step up on the tubs deck before relinquishing her robe.

I knew from our discussions that she had intentions to dress more modestly. I thought that would best mean forgoing I had thought a one-piece It was a white bikini. I

the hot tub, but I can‟t expect that. was, by standard, the modest choice.

do not have the words to describe it in the terms that such things are illustrated. All women‟s swimwear is skin tight, the style wouldn‟t have mattered. Angie is lewd in her own being. As far as

obscenities go, she was born with Turret‟s figure. It is a condition, feel sorry for her. truth in that. Miles settled in next to her. I didn‟t like it. I will Not really; but there is some

not accept the idea that I was jealous, nor do I forbid interoffice liaisons. though. Gaurav came over and showed me a message on his phone. Jai I didn‟t want it to happen at that time

was asking if we could get on the videoconference, he needed to talk. I had an idea about how to forestall coitus within my

organization until I feel confident with handling any personal matters with personnel. Miles, you should be in on this. He stood up and left the tub. it, but why not? He didn‟t need to be in on

Dr. Gerhardstein came up with Angie and joined us leaving Scott, Montana and Geeta to relax. Jai came on with a grin. shit-eating grin. The kind I have heard called a Why would one

I have traveled in the south.

smile if that were the case? He told us that he wrote sections of legislation which uneventfully went into a large patent bill. He said that he He

largely masked the intention as pro-Indian product language. said that there was even money included.

The included drugs could be Indian-developed, or a generic drug without patent restrictions. If the drug were new, had an

Indian presence to its development and no patent restrictions, there was an automatic money component. He had actually avoided a fight that could bring us down. “If you are willing to give us a brand new drug, we will throw some money in.” That, of course would never happen.

Nobody gives drug inventions away. We could get, he said we would get, 430,000,000. dollars, Rupee. Not

It is still $10-million, but I like the

astronomical numbers that Rupees offer. “I wouldn‟t normally want to disturb your meeting and party at this hour.” It was mid-afternoon in Delhi and the wee hours in Wisconsin.

“I had a thought for you and your conference.

They will

approve this bill, which is late already, tomorrow or the next day. We could get the approval for the money before you start

the conference in the Carolina”.
That could add a „wow factor‟ to the whole event. It could allow me to eliminate the nudity.

“This is fantastic”, shouted Angie. Gerhardstein just applauded and kept applauding. thinking about the implications of all this. will wait and prepare for the downside. I was We

It is good.

I just need to have

people who can best predict what the downside is.
Miles, Gaurav and Jai; I need you to get the initial news of this to Blythe, and especially Glassman. Do that today. I will prepare for travel and get this house in order. I want to have meetings with those two once they have thought about it and have some reaction.

I have to go to San Francisco; actually Berkeley.

I am

doing a pre-conference tour of places that have other drug ideas. We don‟t want to only be the Leverex group. Berkeley I I am

has a flu vaccine and Stanford has an anti-depressant. mentioned both to Blythe and he just looked thoughtful. not sure what he was thinking about. California, here I come.

Is a flue vaccine a drug?

Miles Patterson: If there had been a rule that you don‟t type “Dear Diatribe” unless you have at least two or three pages to write and the time to write it, Peter would have followed it to this point. page. I would make it a rule, you have to give me one goddamn Unless he was told that it was a rule. There were no

rules on Diatribe. He must have worked by some guidelines. that he internally cataloged his writing. There was some way

That call with Jai,

in addition to all the rest that you have read, placed Peter‟s time in demand. In my own reading, it is around this point that

I understood the precious privacy given by no one giving a damn what you say. The style he chose that weekend, to write in the same Diatribe over several days, he did not continue. He wrote quips

and single-paragraph reflections under the famous salutation often from here on. In this part of the book, I will annotate.

I cannot provide continuity through only Diatribe contents. What he wrote as business notes, I will attempt to give some life to here and there. Dear Diatribe. Of all the things that I hate, I really hate Ashbury. Between Berkeley and Stanford, I haven‟t seen it. Fishermen‟s Warf and Chinatown. I also missed

All of the chemical and scientific talk was way over my head. I was polite and told them that their projects should be I asked Miles to assist with that. We

added to the system.

will have a committee of folks look at them when we get to Charleston. Don‟t you get two choices? It is either ash or bury. I do

not intend to leave a crematorium with a shovel.

I want to go I

to a scenic locale and scatter in a reverent ceremony. fuckin‟ hate Ashbury. Title: I HATE ASHBURY

I am spending almost seven full days here.

After that, and She

out of town, I will meet up with this Dr. Stoller dame. went to Vanderbilt in Nashville as an undergrad. meet with her.

I am off to

Dear Diatribe; Nashville is the dream for any country/western singer. I were one, I would be happy to be there. Otherwise, it must still have some attraction. however will not do that. tow. “Someone within the organization has ties there”, says Gerhardstein. Tennessee. No one that I know of has mentioned Nashville or She has I should find out what that is. I am to have a Nashville native in I, If

I don‟t talk much to Dr. Stoller.

volunteered, as Tennesseans are ought to do, to join me at Vanderbilt University. I need to access some dry/cleaning, and more importantly some laundry. First I will find out if that sort of thing I think of standard bearers

exists in this part of the country. like Dolly Parton.

She never seemed unkempt, so I will assume

such amenities are available. Perhaps restricting my offense to a olfactory nature is just the thing for my interactions with Dr. Stoller, who I am always unsure about. happen. I can seize that opportunity and make it

The Tribe will hear the full extent of my malodorous I have never let you down on detail of my most fetid

escapades. actions.

Dear Diatribe; She is acceptably friendly; Dr. Stoller that is. exceptionally pleasant when it is just the two of us. She is If you

were stranded on a desert island or in Nashville with someone, you would try to get along. We got along just fine.

She has taken surprising interest in my work and theories. Listen to me; my fucking theories. nascent success has made me. She expresses her interest by taking me drinking. me to go out for every meal. She asks What a conceited fathead my

We are traveling partners here in

Music city.

They call this Music City?

I suppose I am part of Everyone wants

the liberal elite if I don‟t consider it that. to be elite, so what the hell? She starts by ordering “two jack and coke”. saying that it wasn‟t my fancy.

I was amiss in

I had my head in the Tribe when

she turned MY rental car onto Opryland Drive, but I was able to notice that. I missed the key component that it was the Jack

Daniel‟s Saloon we had walked into. Can you make mine a diet? I said in the most virile tone I could muster. “Jack and Diet, then?” I‟ll just have the soda, for now. “If you don‟t like Jack, do you like George?” I questioned, of course. George? “Dickel” I am a married man, and a heterosexual nonetheless. Feel free to partake all you like though. I was clearly outside here humor boundaries. She reared For

back, thoughtfully considering whether to take offense. some reason, she decided not to. it well. offense.

Either that or she repressed

She seems like someone who would really enjoy taking

Wikipedia tells us that George Dickel is the other Whiskey made in the Volunteer State. However, I believe those who

produce it are compensated for their labor.

Dear Diatribe; I was all ready to head out of this town and either go home or have Geeta meet me early in South Carolina. make the offer. Harvard with her. Who cares? I have a posse, half of it is from there, and the rest have been there. Even Miles went there, and he doesn‟t go nowhere. I called her to

She tells me that Stoller wants me to go to I haven‟t been there.

We‟ll blow her off. She can just Jack off if she can‟t find some Dickel. She didn‟t even ask me to explain. “She‟s like, my boss” I tried a lame couple likes about how she is not like Gerhardstein. capitulated. I have been on the picture phone with those Harvard folks a whole several times. Charleston. They are sending the largest delegation to I am traveling more I listened to an org chart description and said She knows me too well.

To me, this is just silly.

just because there is time to do it.

Dear Diatribe; Tribe, do you get offended when I seem to turn to you out of boredom? If so, I am sorry. Wait a minute. No I‟m not.

Why the fuck do you come down on me like this when you don‟t even exist. You are a rat-bastard fucknozzle. No matter what I say, he is equally

He is so forgiving. quiet.

I made one attempt to arrest Stoller‟s moves before we left. I made a quick call to Miles and asked him to jump on a I ran into my hotel room I came onto the Stoller was as

video-conference in a couple minutes.

to boot up my second (non-Tribal) laptop.

video-conference and Miles was already there. well.

Before we left for the airport, I spent an hour in a panicattack/conspiracy theorist state. figured it out. go to breakfast. I believe that she just

She saw me go into the room saying I couldn‟t I must have been getting on the picture phone. I tried saying

So I couldn‟t say anything I was thinking. that I wanted to speak with Miles. “Miles works for me. lines to me.

“Is something wrong?”

Well, for our organization, and dotted

Are you satisfied with his work?”

Some straight-up chick shit right there I just wanted an update on SO/MED matters. “I just am as interested now.”

OK, Miles Go He gave a standard report. with Swanson. He is constantly on the phone

Swanson is jet-setting around the land and has a They don‟t know

brigade of University of Chicago youngsters.

how to do enough yet, so he installs three universities at once, via-telephone, with their hands. “Oh, there is one message. Make that two.” He will

“Dr. Srikanth Patel has been detained in Delhi. not be able to make it to Charleston.

Dr. Rajeev Patel is

taking his room and leading the All-India Delegation.” Rajeev is Geeta‟s dad. “OK, that is really odd. Geeta says that she needs to stay

in Chicago to hold down the fort.” I understand. I had not been told there was a fort, but that is neither here nor there. She hadn‟t told me about that. “I think she just found out. there are three messages for you. I just found that out. Call your wife.” Maybe

I think that she figured it was implied within the first two messages. That call ended up being short. ready to deal with her father yet. tell Raj that she was pregnant. Unless you honestly tell me you are; I will not. We did have a laugh about it. getting a bit heavy for me. I was glad of that. It was I She just said she wasn‟t They she asked if I would

I really wanted her to be there.

have a big production number to pull off. help with that sort of thing.

Love is supposed to

That was not as long of a narrative as it is my tendency to write. There was a lot of texture and nuance to my thoughts I had to write that one from memory.

during the hours involved.

I became fearful of writing Tribe in the presence of Dr. Stoller. Judy Stoller is the name she carries in Nashville. We

will see what Dr. Judith is called in Beantown. Tribal moniker: Skanks and Beans Are beans a big deal there? People generally mention seafood in relation to that city. She had the plane tickets and the hotel reservations I felt like I was traveling as a child. Now I am writing from my room at the Charles Hotel on Harvard Square. It is a real big place. It has a skating rink

in a courtyard during the winter.

I am about to dress for I thought that, at

dinner at a place called Dolphin Seafood.

least in the case of tuna, we were supposed to avoid dolphin.

Dear Diatribe; Stoller had her brother meet us at the restaurant. started in the bar. real fancy lady. She ordered for me. We

It made me feel like a

For both of us, she ordered a Bombay Martini “Sangeeta said you like these.” I am naturally

up, with extra olives.

I have enjoyed this elixir in the past. weaning off of the drink now. what little edge I have.

Too busy, too scared of losing One is

Martinis are like breasts.

never enough, three is too many. oversized.

The glass appeared to be Maybe it was Sam

She got some kind of beer back.

Adams, or some kind of local brew. Ben Stoller showed up about twenty minutes after us. drinks Bud. He works in IT at the Medical School. He

He said he

had met Miles and Scott.

I was given little impression to Did I mention he drank He was a guy

describe this twenty-something lad. Budweiser?

I long to be a descriptive writer. He wears a shirt.

with some hair.

The female Stoller was anxious to keep my attention; Very oddly and overly anxious. It is probably sexist to say this,

but overly anxious can look like ovary anxious. She sported a purple dress. One of those which only has a I said that purple Very

(I think it is a strap) over one shoulder. is a royal color. well then

She corrected that this was mulberry.

She is my age or a couple years older. for our age.

She is attractive This was

She holds it far better than I.

reminiscent of a million TV and movie scenes where the girl with her hair up removes a barrette and glasses to reveal her beauty. She asked the cocktail waitress to get us a table for four. It would be a few minutes. Is a date joining you, Ben? He laughed. sister for more. he stayed in town. and twin girls.” “He sent me e-mail after he read about SO/MED. I was involved. He asked if “No, it‟s her former man.” I turned to his

“My ex is a doctor here, not at Harvard, but He married my roommate; they have one boy

He saw the name Gerhardstein in some of the Tim thinks you are pretty cool. He can

Harvard web chatter.

sit with Ben, I will be with you. that.” Ben complimented you, Tribe. little gadget.

Geeta will be fine with

He thought you were a nifty

He asked to fondle you and I acquiesced, I He started

handed you over along with the stylus behind my ear.

to play and sister demanded over 40 seconds of eye contact at that point. off. I am estimating, but I am sure that I am not far It is the

It was the first eye contact we have shared.

last eye contact we will share.

I was saved by Tim.

He is a dorky looking dude.

He did

have good things to say about what he had read. than what I expected.

He knew more

We have a lot of fans at Harvard, Gerhardstein and Judith here come from there. “You have some followers at St. Elizabeth‟s as well. is where I am. had first heard. That

I looked up info on you at after I A colleague of mine, one who went to Tuft‟s, It was seeing Gerhardstein‟s name in an

told me about SO/MED.

article that moved me to look at the Harvard sites that alumni have access to.” I was really flattered. It was the first fully independent We are a little famous

source of news about what we are doing. with a few people; in a few places. smart.

Most of them are real

I think there is more money in dumb people, but who

needs money? Food was served. dish. I got some sort of Bouillabaisse-type of I think it was. I have no negative

It was all right.

memory of it.

Tim chewed my ear for a long time.

Do you remember this, Tribe? I actually used my voice to utter your name. named like the Jewish GxD. You should be I

TrXbe is what I should call you.

looked up and actually asked aloud, where‟s my Tribe? “What is your Tribe”, asked Tim. you. It‟s my little computer. I told them that it was

Tim was working it again, now at the end

of the bar. it.

He had finished dinner.

He had a thumb drive in

I got up and went to him. “I had a game to play on it. Just a shooter game called


Sorry; here you go.”

That‟s fine; I am a little neurotic about it. I keep all my personal stuff on there. You owe me Tribe. I‟ve got your back. That is where your

serial number and battery cover are. This morning I checked the history file. He is an IT guy and knows what he is doing. He cleared it. Why would he need That would

to do that if he were just playing a Shooter game? be the exact excuse if I asked. I won‟t ask.

“I wanted to hide that I was just playing a game” That is what I would hear. My intense and long conversation with Tim allowed Judith to control the glass I held. martinis twice. I think she switched me out with full I wasn‟t I

I have a few pounds around my waist.

what I would call inebriated. was getting really tired. We said our goodbyes.

There is plenty to suck it up.

I wanted to go back to the hotel. I walked back with Dr. Stoller. She

was in an energized and possible energizing spirit. “I think we got off on the wrong foot. It is my fault. All of a I

was part of the big thing when we came to Chicago.

sudden this nobody, office-husband, came in and took it all


That was me.

I think you will see next week that I am on

your side.” You said it just now. Why will it take until next week for me to believe it? “I want to say it with some action. Charleston. I am going to come to Let‟s

I have some ideas on marketing the idea.

talk about it.” I thought of pushing it off until tomorrow, but she didn‟t seem up for that. meeting. She said that we only had an afternoon “I might join you”; from her own

I could sleep in.

room I would assume. I thought I was probably looking a bit rough, but a hotel lounge is generally good for the fatigued. Bar Noir is a swanky joint. low chair at a bar table. Naughty O'Pear. Not this one. The

I sat down in a really comfortable She ran off and got me a drink called

It is, of course, a pear-flavored vodka mix. I don‟t know why

Grey Goose vodka is the hooch of choice here. people spend a lot of money on vodka.

It is just what tasted

best out of a bathtub during prohibition. Tribal Title: Naughty O'Pear She spoke about talking the organization up with medical organizations and getting some press. to money. I mostly listened to her. She said that press leads I also starred forward in I don‟t even I told

my fatigue and looked like I was paying attention.

know how much publicity we want right now in the states.

her that. Chicago.

I said I would set up a meeting when I am back in I advised her to discuss it with people in Charleston.

Then I begged off to bed. A half hour ago, she came into my room to wake me. 10:45. She dropped a shopping bag on my chest. It is

“Wear these to

the meeting”. shorts.

I pulled out a pair of Harvard University boxer

Thank you. Should I wear pants as well? “I am wearing a skirt, maybe you want to go that way”. That is a whole different lifestyle. It‟s either gay or Scottish. “I didn‟t have any myself. I had to buy them. Look!”

She pulled her sweats down from behind showing a thongcrossed lower back and bare ass. “Oops!” Then the front, which had “Harvard” printed below the waistband on the left. You bought dinner last night. I am grateful. No need for this. “The boxers were on sale, ten bucks”. I wasn‟t speaking of my gratitude for the boxers, more for the thong. Her best shot at adorable follows. “Thanks, you‟re cute”

We will be off to some kind of meeting or presentation shortly. We got along. I saw her panties, but we didn‟t get I will get back to you on the

along too well.

That seems safe.

plane to Charleston.

Angela is there, Miles is headed down.


am going to spend the weekend there setting up with them. I ask our society. Just because she is female, does she

have to show me her panties to make friends? Absolutely It follows thousands of years of pantaloon-based friendship ritual. There is a sanctity that will not be violated.

At 10:52, I send this piece of Tribe to my wife and follow it with a 10:54 phone call to avoid any confusion. Stoller is weird!

Dear Diatribe; I waved to Dr. Stoller as she boarded a flight for Chicago and was alone with you once again while waiting for my own airborne conveyance. United 7926 will shuttle me into

Charleston International. Title: The Charleston I spoke with the princess of India for a bit. “We are

actually on the same level of the org chart, but she is higher. My existence is to serve hers. Operational Director and Medical So I can‟t

Director sound the same; they are certainly not”. cut her out.

She is cool with the panty viewing I got; cooler

than I am about it. The forensic findings break down like this. to show me her under things. She did intend

The full on ass with crimson-

thong-crossed lower back was an honest mistake. Best of all, she suspects no hanky-panky. I wouldn‟t

expect her to, but these are the risks we face when viewing these things; whether or not it was of your own volition. I almost slept on the plane. any way. I achieved a catatonic state Good choice by

This Francis Marion Hotel is sweet.

native Angela.

I arrived to find her putting up bunting in the The rostrum already has

main hall where we will have out event. a big SO/MED Logo on it. Can I have one of these?

There are also nice SO/MED pens.

“I‟ll have to ask my boss”, she joked. Oh, yeah, I guess I can. “You paid for them”. I was

drunker than I thought; off getting pens made up and what not. There was a baby grand in the room. would be using it. I asked whether we I told her I

“Not unless you will play it”.

had no plans to do that in front of a large crowd. I sat down at the bench and started a very slow semirendition of Straight, No Chaser. her of my dark and ubiquitous past. She liked it. I never told

Playing bop this slow might I didn‟t appear

make someone think you were playing it wrong. to be that slow.

I told her a story of a reporter asking President Clinton who his favorite musicians were. Monk. He replied with Thelonious

She followed up by asking who the loneliest Monk was.

That got a laugh. In walked a group of her friends. Two young ladies, her

brother and two more of his friends were there to help decorate. It was 9:00pm on Saturday night. Some of the attendees would be She managed the

arriving tomorrow and she wanted it all set up.

crowd with all the poise she has shown on our office. Miles came next with the projector and a sandwich. “Enough on the nigger music, you are gonna give me away.” I nodded and switched to “Let it Be” by the Beatles. older man carried in a cooler of soda. An

He came to me and said

“Hi, Jim Downey, are you going to move the piano? set up some chairs.”

We need to

“Daddy, this is Peter Kosinski, he is my boss,” Angie corrected. “Sorry”, the gruff face retreated. It was

I played some more for the gathered volunteers. popular with the younger set. produced some sunglasses.

I reached into my bag and

I handed them to Miles and began

playing and singing the 1980‟s hit “Ebony and Ivory”. Miles/Stevie and I brought the house down. Then I headed off to a room with a whirlpool. until I was ready to drift off. I relaxed

I was enjoying the solitude.

I need to point out that you have no reason to be jealous of my former love. You and I are just friends. Her 88 black It

and white keys provided me so much for all those years. wasn‟t her, it was me.

I could never satisfy her needs; not A group like that might think we I had far grander hopes for our

what I saw as being her needs. make beautiful music together. relationship.

Dear Diatribe; One conference means one Diatribe. I want you to know

everything, but I don‟t want to spend too much time tweaking the vagaries of Diatribe tradition. I will title it at some point,

but that is the only silliness I intent to engage in here. A late awakening had me down for breakfast late. I wanted

to go find some kind of southern hospitality-type diner for my eggs. On the way out the door, a jet-lagged Dr. Malcolm Blythe I tapped him on the shoulder.

passed me without a word.

Welcome to America! Can I take your bag? Startled, he replied “No need son… Peter!” We engaged in a manly form of handshake, where you grab the others bicep. It is almost a hug, but not too faggy.

“I was wondering how the bellman new I was foreign.” In the American South, I am as much an alien. They consider northerners to be snooty and elitist; a lot like the British. I was headed out to get the type of breakfast they are known for here. Can you choke down a Lipton tea? “Not to worry; I‟ve brought my own teabags. Englishman; proper as the day is long. and I will join you”. Malcolm, her uncle couldn‟t make it, Rajeev is taking his place. “…and she is not here. Drat!” I‟m always the

Fetch your lovely bride

Can you spend next weekend in Chicago? “I don‟t see where I have a choice”.

I walked him to his room and helped unpack the Earl Grey. He had never had biscuits and saw mill gravy and appreciated the introduction. here. me. I am feeling a lot more confident now that he is

Gerhardstein wouldn‟t make it other than a solo act for He needs to keep up his talking point that he has his own

job/organization to run. Helen and Richard Gerhardstein arrived with the offer to take Blythe, Miles and myself to dinner. group assuring payment for her meal. I have begun to join in the palpable excitement throughout the crowd. It was infectious. Perhaps it is the psychological I will put a stop to it if it is; Here I will follow the pied piper I added Angela to the

phenomenon called Groupthink. first thing when we get back.

directly into whatever river is available. It was just getting to feel good. Now there is work to do. I need

I had written out a method for organizational inception. to chair a meeting tomorrow explaining it and getting the processes underway.

That was to be dependant on a meeting of

the acting board of directors this evening. The board consists of heavy hitters. Presidents and

chancellors from the major medical schools make up the lions share of the seats. Angela sent them my proposed plan for They were to forward

defining the organization two weeks ago.

any issues or proposed changes to me through her.

Angie pulled out the comments over some great She Crab Soup at the Swamp Fox Restaurant off the lobby. the face with the praise given. I was flush red in

“I would be happy to have you “After reading this, I see

lecture on how this was assembled”.

no need for recusal of the one who is ensuring fairness”. I will recuse, however. I told them that I desire to

construct a vast and lofty fabric and will think first about the foundations of humility. I, however, did take their applause

without offering mega-dittos to St. Augustine. He wouldn‟t have minded. He was a great guy. He was a saint.

It was an early dinner; the board meeting was still set to go on. I could give no attention to my chicken and dumplings.

The notables settling in for the meeting were shaking both of my hands from an hour before dinner, and all the way through it. Most of them I had met electronically, few names and faces could I connect though. I would be sitting out the meeting of course. reason I longed for the piano. For some

A certain self-assuredness I had

lost in the summer of my discontent felt like it was back in full strength. It was like I had found my logos as Victor

Frankl stressed in the tradition of Heraclitus, and I was seeking to conquer those which defined me in the past and passed me by.

Can I play piano? now. Do I?

I will step up and give the answer „yes‟ I will amend that

The answer was „no‟ for so long.

to „rarely‟. Back at the Swamp Fox after some Bud Powell and a bit of Bach, I smartly toddled a diet soda for an evening with the highbrows. Bud Powell had me thinking of a glass of Cabernet or

even a martini, but Johann Sebastian warned me about getting too big for my britches. I sound very sentimental. … Morning has come. before my wakeup call. I am up earlier than I would expect; I came to the lobby and was greeted, but That‟s OK

not with the preferable “Hey, Hey, Hey!” by my father in law. Raj had a wide grin on his face. ever seen him. He was far warmer that I have

I had gone to the ATM to get some cash even The remaining balance, I told Raj I “They paid

though everything seems to be paid for.

after the hundred I snagged, was over $42,000. would get back to him. you.

I had to call his daughter.

It was Gerhardstein decision. There is more. I had to go.

The rest is in savings”. I

No need to focus on that.

am glad that I recused myself from the meetings.

I have an ATM

receipt in my breast pocket that screams “Conflict of Interest”. I received permission to go buy a suit before my larger speech tonight. I will give this intro to the organizational

structure at nine, and then get away for an hour or two. is a men‟s store not far away. for too long. … My intro speech went off without a hitch. Miles had a slideshow for me.


I hope it doesn‟t keep me away

No notes needed.

The text on the screen is far

more than I would have scribbled for notes. My suit is exotic. It is black. I am crazy like that. It

won‟t be ready until three. That is very nice.

It will be brought to the hotel.

I added on the shirt, tie and cufflinks to My mother has worked at Florsheim I have too many shoes. I said that

make the saleslady‟s day. Shoes in Chicago for years. to an ex-girlfriend once.

She did not understand the concept.

I mean I have more shoes than I want or need to have. SHOES TOO MANY No response. When people return shoes they have worn once, mom can have them for $20. … Welcome all of you to our inaugural conference. In the last hour or so I have greeted some friends I‟ve made in my recent travels to the United Kingdom, India, the European Mainland, and across my own country. In the same time period I met a very nice woman from a Medical School in Perth Australia. Before I came up, a group of young men from Santiago, Chile came to introduce themselves. Over here is Dr. Yoon is a professor of Microbiology at Yonsei University in Wonju, Korea. Our biochemistry

professors include Dr Cynthia Sikakana from the University of Cape Town, South Africa. We are sorely missing a delegation from Antarctica. Our project being open, they too will still benefit from any results. However, we will not deliver to them. (Note: Not a lie told; all of it is true.)

This hardly seemed possible just a few months ago. I began writing as a devil‟s advocate with myself on this topic almost four years ago. As I am sure has been discussed, I have plied my trade as a technologist in Open Source. I have some experience in Medicine and Education, but it has been in providing technologies. Technology is a natural place for Open Source to flourish. It has really been the only field where Open Source has become a significant component. I have long wondered why it has not spread further. I not only think it‟s a good idea, I think it is natural. There is no knowledge which we cannot attribute to someone else‟s previous ideas. On the shoulders of genius; this is how we thrive. Computer Technology led the way because they introduced means of thought coagulation. I see the commitment which computer geeks present for the Open Source paradigm and I am moved to ask, “all that, just for computer software?” Their passion resembles what you would expect from someone in an actual “life and death” profession, like the ones many of you labor in. I came into technology after an education that focused on music. The idea of constant sharing and building through others riffs was not new to me. I studied classically and enjoyed playing with a jazz ethic. The momentum with which new things

are developed becomes absolutely moving. Pharmaceutical development on a jazz ethic needs to be one of your ideas. That is part of what I challenge you with this week. I am not one to say that any idea is mine. They can be my own conclusion from others that I have been exposed to. My own thoughts are merely the tip of the iceberg. I will not dedicate too much time re-describing something that, I would assume, brought you here. As I mentioned, many of you are from very far away. I came to this from a different angle than most of you. I was engaged in work with Open Source computer systems. There are many, but Linux is the one that get‟s the most attention. I was assigned a project to build a Linux system. This was a special circumstance that the assigning executive had been looking for since first hearing of the technology. It was something that could use it, but was most definitely not mission critical. How on earth could you count on something with no corporate backing? There was no phone number to call if there was a problem. Throughout the industry those views were standard. I began finding that the paradigm this came from had many elements that made it actually better. Even companies like IBM and Microsoft were limited to the assistance of those they could afford on their payroll. That payroll is large, but far smaller than the group known as “anyone” or “everyone”. Open Source support has no such limits. It was a few years ago, while walking out of a pharmacy and studying my reciept, that the thought came to my head; “What if pharmaceuticals were developed Open Source?” I took these ideas to a local pub and passed it around amongst my friends. I was not able to get the devil‟s advocacy that I sought. I got straight dismissal. “It couldn‟t work”. “No way; that‟s a different world”.

I realized that I deserved the reaction. I was not presenting a developed proposal. I was constantly having thoughts about different aspects that could work. I am a crazy diarist. Many of you have seen my electronic journal. It is in my hand more often than my wife would like. I wrote thousands of pages to produce a proposal that I had no one to propose to. This was a philosophical project. There was an idea that, as detailed as it was, it could become a Masters Thesis. Moving forward with the practical life of the test was something that would remain on a to-do list. I never did move on that task. My wife always has complete access to what I write in here. She took interest in the Open Source pharmaceutical concept. She told me that she had an idea that it was impressive. How do you check out an idea so complex? How do you confirm that it is not mad ranting? For my wife, for many in this room, and for so many in the Natural Sciences, there is a sounding board for such a question. The father of Open Source pharmaceuticals is Dr. Malcolm Blythe. Malcolm becomes a mentor to nearly everyone he meets. He supported this plan out of documents I wrote into a diary. He is indubitably our muse, an inspiration to press forward with this dream. He took a special liking to the precocious luminosity of the little Indian girl who I later married. Why did Dr. Blythe become so enthralled and affected by my scribbling? I will allow him to answer those questions for you this week. I would like to bring Dr. Blythe to the stage. He tends to legitimize my presence wherever I go.

Blythe walked up on the stage and was given a microphone on his way. “If I am to understand your presentation, I believe

you are advocating some sort of “Jazz” Pharmacology. Would that be a good or bad thing with this crowd? “As scientists, we have many multisyllabic names for the sciences and sub-sciences we toil in. Jazz is far cooler

nomenclature than we ever come in contact with.” This was not planned. I had a riff to go on. I had It is the

requested the piano be put on the stage as scenery. place that I can riff from. I believe I shared this with you in Cambridge.

I walked over to the piano and gave it a shove towards center stage. It was on wheels, as was the bench. Angela had

adorned it with a deep blue banner.

It had that cup or whatever

thing with RX on it; the one that is a pharmaceutical symbol. My mother insisted on piano lessons for me from age five. My father played his jazz albums in the house. He hoped that they might inspire something in my playing. When I was seven or eight years old he still preferred his favorite disks to any notes I had put together. I felt challenged to move into the group of luminaries he preferred. I did not do that in his lifetime. One day at that age, he put the needle on Dave Brubeck‟s “Time Out” album to drown out the sour tones of my practicing. I had been working specifically on the piano part to the famous “Take Five”. I waited through the first four songs to jump in.

In Charleston, I began playing the “Take Five” backing part. I was accurate enough to make my fathers eyes tear. He came in the room to hug and kiss me, but waited to let me play out the tune. Dr. Blythe moved over toward me. him to take a seat with me. I patted the bench for

Dr. Stoller, who I had yet to see She was

in Carolina, rushed down to the foot of the stage.

directing five photographers to move in front of the first row of spectators. One of them was really one of Angela‟s friends, so it was four photographers. speech is over. did say. “There are refreshments at the rear table. The press would She then stepped up to the stage. My

Do my notes say that?

I will share what they

like to get some photos and jump ahead of you on the 1st questions. program”. I waved at the guy I met last night. on top of the piano. The others crawled up We will reconvene shortly to close the night‟s

They were directing the two of us to try

to get the shots they required. I prefer to allow a sultry girl-singer to lye atop the piano. “Could you at least let us know what publications have brought you?” our own event. Malcolm tried to inject some leadership back into

1. 2. 3.

Scientific American Time Formulary (He said that is a drug magazine) The forth one we did not get. That guy rolled off and The known commodity

began shooting from further away. yelled out “Angela Downey!”

Stoller: “You need to take some questions, we have reporters” We have four days of conference for questions. Stoller: (whispers) I told you I would help you. Just take a couple. I read a divorce of How will you keep Some of

them are only here for tonight.

Mallory Someone (Dallas Morning News): pharmaceuticals from any financial reward. that up? I‟ve written much of this and read no such thing. Mallory:

Beyond Dr. Blythe here, how do you expect those

with life-saving innovations to forgo payment for their intellect. We will need to make sure you get some more detailed documentation to you. It was distributed to the attendees. I am not sure there was a full press distribution. Mallory: Can you suffer my ignorance with an answer?

I can. The cat has truly exited the bag on this one. The riches available for good medicine have been known for too long. It has been the goal of any pharmaceutical company to anticipate what is wanted or needed and what of that they can develop; or

buy from those who develop it. SO/Med has a different approach. We will ask; just ask. “What do you need and how much will you pay?”. We know that our methods reward participants in a different way. We will be very satisfied with far less. We will develop and relinquish our patent exclusivity. Groups of people, most likely countries, will make offers for medicines they need. We will present our more promising projects; the same groups can make offers for reward on the completion of those projects. The planning for this is very detailed. It is the subject of a panel discussion and a presentation tomorrow. You should stay for those. Mallory: Thank you. Blythe fielded whatever the next question I don‟t remember

She walked away. was.

He could see I was ready to blow me top.

what the rest of the questions were. bit.

I needed to get out for a I

We did not want to pimp out press for this conference. I didn‟t

thought we would wait until they became interested. want to bring them in. I headed into the crowd that was having a nosh. they would be a good vibe for me. lining up to shake my hand. World” crowd we have. I was right.

I thought

People were

I love the “Disney‟s It‟s a Small

Two or three handshakes in and a familiar

Indian accent hits my ear. “That was excellent, Peter”. Dr. Patel, I heard that you would be here. Nice to see you… Good Night, Tribe

Dear Diatribe; I missed out on all the revelry last night for a stroll through downtown Charleston with my father-in-law. Hey, Hey, Hey! Raj showed uncharacteristic warmth. He is in Geeta‟s shit It smells in

house and looking for me to unlock the door. there. I ain‟t going near it.

He sounded sincere.

I might as well listen to him.


wanted to explain his actions to me.

I think I understood them

before, but it was worth it to listen to his telling. I feigned exhaustion; yes feigned. lot recently. solo. I have been traveling a

I had just given a barn burning speech with piano

I am in the middle of a big conference where I am to be Anyone can understand how tired I must be. I The

the star.

I have had good nights sleep for the last three.

prepared for my slumber last evening in a whirlpool tub. food is free and pretty much made to my order. I am well

rested, fed and had only an hour or so of direct labor thus far. The perception is still the best card I have to play and I refuse to give it up. fatigued by glory. Raj expressed great remorse for not spending enough time with Geeta after the loss of her mother. to me. “She didn‟t come right People always have sympathy for those

Helen Gerhardstein and her daughters acted as the cocoon

of comfort”.

He was given little relief at work.


considered, as many men do, breadwinning time to be a labor of love. But he was a doctor at Harvard. He was to be OK in any

financial matters. “Before I knew it, she was a young lady. My traditions

aside, I was impressed with the young lady she had become”. “I could have taken that chance to barge into her life and put her on a plane to Delhi”. as a wife”. “She had wonderful possibilities

“I only needed to call my sister and she would be

engaged to a fine man in no time”. Sir, I never needed to convince her not to follow that tradition. I got her when she was far beyond that. “I don‟t believe that you did. ill intent. I am a man. do. I don‟t think you had any

By the way I was raised; it was not to be that way. I do not dream of weddings they way those ladies I thought it I also saw her

I had seen it in my visions a few times.

would be an All-India Doctor or some such man. being happy in it.”

“I married a woman in that way and loved her with all of my heart. She was educated and professionally strong. She worked She

all the time in the states that immigration would allow. raised that wonderful daughter more than I did. say that”.

It shames me to

“After a series of weddings in the family I began to get phone calls. I couldn‟t bring myself to broach the subject with

Sangeeta and I wasn‟t sure I believed in the things I was to tell her”. “If you want to understand how great my marriage was; it was as strong a love as you can see with Richard and Helen. respected that too. different eyes. Gerhardstein did? I

Sangeeta had come to see her future through

Could she find the type of love that Helen If so, then why not?” I told them that she was not able

“I had to think quickly.

to have children; that she was ashamed and would probably never marry. They said they could still find a husband for a woman It would not be the find doctor I had

who was infertile. envisioned.

She would have to settle for less because of It was a lie that I told. I asked

something that was a lie. them to let her be”.

“A few years later I told them of the great friendship she had with an American boy who didn‟t want children. beyond the term „friendship‟”. I feel somewhat trapped by these lies too. I didn‟t expect that my travels to India would be without her. I had no idea what to say to people. He put his hand on my shoulder. “Peter, I am so sorry”. I never went

“What lies have you had to tell for me?”

Staying quiet about it has held it together for me. The young man that Srikanth employed for me became someone I could no longer bare false witness to. “You mean Gaurav. He seems like a good man.”

I would not worry about a slip of the tongue from him. I have great trust in his discretion. The one he needs to hold this from is Srikanth. Maybe you could make smooth that road. “I will consider it. first”. I will discuss this with her. Srikanth is the head of your family in Delhi now. That might be a way to come clean on this whole thing. “When can I discuss this with her”? Do you think I can answer that? This is what I can tell you. There is a celebration in Chicago for the Holi Festival. Make plans to come. I will spend time trying to smooth things over for a visit. Don‟t be surprised if you get a call from me or her before then. “Short of her, hearing from you would be nice. I have been I need to make peace with Sangeeta

separated from her by my own detachment, but there has never before been a time where I felt I couldn‟t talk to her”. I am often known to be a barely passable second for her. It is something I take pride in. “You can take pride in this whole thing you have built. am very impressed. Work on your tan. I

I might be able to tell

people you are my son.

Gerhardstein told me that you were a funny guy! I had a hard time believing it. Were you just being comical with me? “We can go back to the hotel bar. I will buy you a drink.

I am going to stop all your preconceptions tonight”. I want to drink iced tea. Does that defy any of your preconceptions? “You are supposed to be a drunk. is.” Tribe Title: Hey, Hey, Hey!!! That is the closest to word-for-word I can get on that one. I think I had made a rule on sticking to a single Tribe for the whole conference. The Tribe will need to hire a pretend The Ugly American always

lawyer and sue me in a fictitious court. It‟s a new day. There are several presentations to be I have a speech to give about

given, and panel discussions. funding.

I think I want to make sure there is no press there.

Maybe I want to make sure I know if there are, and who they are. Everyone here is supposed to agree on this. We might argue the

details here, but I wasn‟t prepared to argue the base concepts. Sangeeta tells me that she had the best of intentions. will trust that. I

I will say I do, but Angie and I will be on

the lookout for ill-intended dealings. I wanted to find Angie and talk about this. be located. She was not to

Stoller was seeking her out for press kits

Miles is someone I can confide in. somewhere.

He is also indisposed

There is suspicion that they have began having What are ya gonna do? Yer kids grow up and?

carnal relations.

Things were going well here.

I understand where Miles That is if he is

could stretch my stated wishes to start now. starting now.

Now that I am having a mental crisis, it is the

worst time for them to act on their lust. If I try to get all rational on this I would accept that any bad guys would know about us already. ears in India too. They have eyes and

All it takes is one eye or ear over there

and they all would know. I might enjoy the limelight. … Time to step back for a bit The morning started with the mass approval of members of each major committee. Bitty… Gerhardstein and Blythe were both on the Executive Committee. I parted with them and sat in on discussions of the I liked this. I had to sit back It is the Those are Executive, Scientific and Itty

proposed projects for SO/Med.

because I am not a part of the scientific operation. same line I learned in Barcelona.

Gerhardstein pushed for Stoller to be on the Scientific Committee. “I need to have one AIDS doctor on that committee,

or else I went out on a limb for nothing”. I don‟t think it was nothing. That is fine. I have no problems with her at all. My wife told me that I don‟t. “She is a smart lady. You should listen to her more”.

So I am unable to attend the organizational discussions because I have recused myself. it‟s not my job. I have worked out the situation to do nothing. just take a nap. I am in that room with a whirlpool; me, without a date. They have these bath crystals. give this a try. They smell nice. I am going to I might I cannot talk in these because

Bringing the whole tribe with me into the

bathtub is too electric. It is 10:30. It can‟t take more than an hour to bathe. Make that 1:45. I can I

will put in a wakeup call for 2:00pm.

make it to any 2pm happenings down at the soiree. … Angela gave me a quick report on the elevator. my downward car on the 2nd floor. when Stoller saddled up to me. forth. “Where have you been”? She joined

We barely got out the door

We had an un-recorded back and

I wasn‟t sure who she was speaking to. I had a bath and a nap if you need to know; which you don‟t. As for Angie, I will mind her time. I haven‟t fully wrestled Miles away from you, but she works for me. I was a either bad ass or a blow hard or a fool. not examine it any further. … Downstairs in the mix of things were the committees making decisions on the leadership of the organization. I have met, I will

I will just accept the best option.

both in person and electronically, those in leadership positions at all of the member organizations. I question myself. Did I not know that this could be a Or did

competition for the job I have had for these few months? I shut it out of my mind?

The answer is that if I knew, I should probably shut it out of my mind. Angie and others have mentioned it. People are

angling to be a part of things.

The other decision that has not

been made is where the Headquarters of our US organization will be. It is in Chicago because Gerhardstein and I live there.

Gerhardstein might be arguing for the Chicago presence right now. I wanted to write the rule framework to emphasize that

this is a modern group where location is not a central factor. I have put all of this aside, avoiding the surprise that awaits me. I have run it all up to this point. I assume that I

will continue to run a section of it.

I have no clue as to whom

I will report.

I do not know what area I will control.

If I

get some time off to start with, I really don‟t care. I am going to care and have comment on the decision. don‟t have the cranial space to develop those thoughts. that mean I do care? It means I will. I will I Does

The Director will need me to transition everything.

need to give Angie to them and hopefully will get my time off through her help. I think that the travel I would like to inherit would be to India. I would bring Sangeeta with me and learn the country I am resigned to the fact that I won‟t learn

while she does. Hindi.

She cannot teach me. I have now realized, at least She never learned Hindi

That made me mad at first.

what I believe are the roots of that. in a class.

I learned English as a toddler, but I had classes

in its rules and grammar through elementary and high school. She learned Hindi as a toddler and took the same classes I did at American schools. She has never been told, and has no concept of how to tell someone the proper way it is spoken. the language. … Back to the Diatribe She can read just a bit of

She can write little more than her name.

More Charleston-related drama is in the works than “Gone with the Wind” produced. here. Stoller wants the mantle of power

She has had little side-sessions with Gerhardstein who He would have none of it.

put her in charge of his clinic. That is what I was told.

The International Director will appoint directors for the America‟s, Asia and Europe. Africa will join once membership is

sufficient, until then the International director will handle African affairs as they see fit. All appointments by the

International Director are subject to rejection by the Executive Board. As an organization where few people will be giving full time efforts and meetings will be infrequent, I didn‟t require approval, just the right to rejection. So what if this bass is a prick? I start the thing, then I Once this initial

am get slapped around by some pushy dolt.

thing completes, I will retake a position on the bored. Retake??? It‟s like I have been to years of board meetings and am on sabbatical. The full formation of this board was completed

eleven days ago. … Continuing on the intended single entry for our conference

I am not restarting the Tribe now, even though I probably will divide this section out later. The International Dr.

Directorate of SO/Med International has been offered to me. Blythe told me to call Sangeeta and get back to them on my acceptance. formality. I could tell them to go pound sand and take a better job with another Open Source Pharmaceutical interest. them would hire me. Any one of Never before has there been a more perfunctory

I did call, I secluded myself in my room for a half an hour to write this and make the call home. I primped for my official acceptance. As it was planned, this is being done early in the second full day of the conference. appointee. meeting. I think I gave about thirty seconds of mental attention to the possibility of me not being there at the review of budget documents that I prepared. It is easy. You just say “they are There is a big prize for the She was on speaker while

They get to immediately join the board at a budget

all in a standard bookkeeping formats and just like you‟d find anywhere”. … Money is better than I would have thought it. be conservative with estimations. I nailed it. I tried to They aren‟t; so there is that.

I have one full-time appointment to make, then several others that might or might not be paid or full-time; American and European Directors being amongst those. Asia was easy. Gaurav, you got the job. “How much does it pay?” I am supposed to appoint our best person in the Asia/Pacific region to this post. To come up with a numeric answer to that question I would need to consult the best person I know in the Asia/Pacific region. That is where I am stuck. I am having a great time with him on this, but it was true. I didn‟t know how much he was making in Rupees, or how much is proper. I trust this guy. I will let him figure this out. There

is nothing like the gift of a job where your first responsibility is to figure out your own salary. … I already gave the opening speech of the symposium. Now

that I‟m in charge, I should be able to rule that I don‟t give another one. I am sure I actually could. It would make me look

far more unstable than I really am.

I will make it short.

We accepted the beginning of a running system thread for a flu shot. us. From what I understand, this could be a big thing for

The need for Open Source Drugs couldn‟t be clearer than it

is there.

It is something that always needs changing.


already doesn‟t pay that much to a patent owner. With this we are setting up a place where we might need to be. The conversation on improvements in flu shots every year

isn‟t organized in a way that this will provide. Angie has this running like a top. well. I understand those run

That was the intended purpose of the preceding simile. I prepared for

There is a speaking slot for me at the Luncheon. this by answering a single question. introducing you”? Blythe Done; that was all.

“Who do you want

I like her idea of getting the whole conference back together fore Lunch and Dinner. getting too disparate. “I am pleased to be asked to introduce our once and future king. The innovator responsible for It keeps the conference from

Dear Diatribe; I was shown, but haven‟t completely read articles about us in Scientific American and a pharmaceutical rag. commie pinko mention in the Dallas Morning news. surprise. I am trying to bring down the system that creates the finest medicines in the world. something big. One thing I want to make clear today is that the people I don‟t like or disagree with are in some way like Hitler. Thanks, I wanted to get that off of my chest. He said “All great movements are popular movements. They are the volcanic eruptions of human passions and emotions, stirred into activity by the ruthless Goddess of Distress or by the torch of the spoken word cast into the midst of the people.” My words are written, the best know ones are. Tribe Title: Vulkanische Eruptionen I shill for I have I did always want to do We got a That was no

As you might have guessed, I‟m traveling.

money and talk about project being added to the system. no part in the approval process.

I am mostly in charge of the

resources dedicated and trying to expand the overall of what we do and who does it. I am going Hong Kong; I will get some suits there. more of them. I need

I would want to wear something nice if any big

things were to happen. Magazine.

Like if I was to be on the cover of Time

Did I mention that I was on the cover of Time Magazine? So easy to forget details like that Yes, but it took three weeks from the conference. remember one of the photographers was from Time. I do

I don‟t

remember anyone I spoke to telling me that they were. On a white background, Blythe and I sitting at the piano. The piano is black, there is that white mug with the Rx symbol in front of us. I don‟t know what that symbol is called. It is

a mug or a bowl with a stirring spoon or stick in it.

It means

pharmaceuticals and every time you see it is has the letter Rx on it. drugs. I have always felt that druggists should avoid self mixing, lest you run the risk of ending up in a Mr. Gower situation. God forbid you get a telegram informing you that your son has died of influenza. That would be prior to the formation of the International Influenza Vaccine Project from SO/Med. of our organization. it. I hadn‟t thought that flu shots were a big deal in the context of our organization. Now we are adding virology people This is now a flagship It must be some old symbol about pharmacists mixing up

Canadian money is on the way because of

in droves.

There is now a platform for shared development.

That is something that they want. Update on personnel decisions: A big update follows here. operation crack a‟ lacking. I needed to get my European

Obviously, Dr. Blythe cannot be

accepted to take an administrative job in the organization. There needs to be a second fiddle to take the reigns. Een, I was wondering if you would be willing to be our Executive Director for Europe. “Absolutely not” “I want to help you a great deal. I have sent someone on

University staff direction to set up a schedule for me to interact with the scientific staff at SO/Med”. What he was saying was the he would give scientific advice on a schedule. He added that he would steer graduates toward us He was saying

and accept us gladly as a for-credit project. goodbye in the nicest way possible.

Thanks Een. I have a meeting coming up with Glassman in just a few minutes. “I had Smith send him a kid to get the video conference working at his house”. It wasn‟t for a few minutes; I just needed to move on. Glassman was proud to have it working. He came on early. From I was

sitting in the conference room that became my office. there, I am nearly always online.

“Hi Peter, I‟ve been itching to speak with you. our first legal action. in New York”. Do you need to come here and argue it out for us? “I don‟t think I need to argue it. Harvard alums in Manhattan. what I can see.

We have

Pfizer is trying a patent infringement

We have a lot of

One of them can handle this from This is just a

They don‟t have much of a case.

spaghetti test to see if something sticks”. Are we al dente? “Not with this one. There is a back channel offer to any It is a

patent lawyers to come up with anything to throw at us. shit-storm strategy”. What are you going to do? “I do need to go to Boston for a couple of weeks. about as much as I can get out of lecturing.

That is

I want to start a

working group of lawyers and students to handle all the flying feces. I need to get Harvard Law organized for us”.

Very good That is exactly like we talked about; a Southern Poverty style operation. “You got it. I have one more thing though.

You have been all over hell on this thing; India, here, across the states. money comes from? I can get you to Boston; not to worry. Have you got a handle on where the travel

“I hate to be asking about this, but what about Eliza and the kids? Could you make that happen”?

You need a family vacation? “Not exactly a vacation. were in their late fifties. We moved here when my in-laws Now they are in their late sixties.

They miss their grandchildren. Liza said now that I‟m working with Americans again, they could help me. She wants to live a bi-continental lifestyle”.

Bi-continental; does that include hot girl-on-girl action? Sorry… I think we can help you though. It will require some doing. “What do you want me to do”? I was reasonably proud of my quick thinking. I would like you to start by accepting the job of European Executive Director. “I don‟t think I can quit the University”. I will keep it part-time for as long as it needs to be. The Legal Director position will be something like fractional-time. It will be a sub responsibility of a part-timer. “What does that buy me”? I will put a rush on a stipend that will get Eliza and the kids across the pond. Where are her parents? “Salem, New Hampshire; it‟s a bedroom community for Boston”. It is a bedroom community, for people who don‟t care how far away there bedroom is.

I can get the family there with a stipend or honorarium thing; whatever you guys like to call it. I will just call it that. There is still more you can do in order to go bicontinental. Budgets have to do with that. I won‟t go into detail with you unless you are going to accept the position. “OK, can I have a bit of time”? I said he could, then got out part of the initial syllable in closing the conversation. interrupted. “I will take the job”. I‟m glad you took that time to think about it. The part of my idea that you will need to get on top of is the transition to a fulltime position. I would want you to look at a sabbatical down the line; not far down the line. In September “I can get to work on that”. What I will need to do here in order to get you what you are looking for, is get you a salary for a position, or a combined position, that will support a lifestyle that is not in our current salary portfolio. I believe we need more work in the form of slave labor. A full-on kidnap or capture operation is not within our current skills. You will need to talk to Eliza about being enslaved. “Can I be a part of that discussion”? She was there. amongst men thing. it to her. I wish he had told me. It is a respect It was just a noise that was

I tell you in guy talk, you know how to say

OK Nate, please open the package I sent you. Secure the ball in her mouth before attaching the straps behind her head. This is important, it keeps the noise down. Seriously, I want to do as much as I can for you. Your excitement is inspiring. I‟m the one who wrote that the legal challenges within the US would be our biggest obstacle we will face. If our best legal mind is in the UK, that is an expense we will have to face; even honestly face it if that is what it comes to. They were impressed. Eliza laughed at the proper moments. The British use the hell out of

She even called me “Brilliant”. that word though. old one. I need this guy.

She is from the New England, and lives in the

I want to welcome his enthusiasm.


Eliza smacks of nepotism, so I want to stay away from that for now. Everything will come out in the wash if I get enough work This is a management decision. My experience

for the expense. is nil.

Dear Diatribe; Things move to fast to write them down. It used to take a farmer a day to get town Now it takes a minute 'til his plane comes down I am in Cambridge at Dr. Blythe‟s pad. is in Stockholm, Sweden. him from me. He is not here. He

A Pharmacology conference has taken There

This is what gives me time to write to you.

is no Vivian here either.

I speak to her several times a week. She is

She has taken on a leadership position in India. Gaurav‟s problem for the most part. Everything's movin' too fast You better save your money Because everything's movin' too fast

Vivian likes me again, or considers the facts to be that I hired her. I sorta did; sorta. Blythe offered her to me when I As it turns

was in Delhi, then I left town before she got in. out, she has an acceptable kind of madness. India‟s 1.1 billion people in ship shape.

She has all of

We are going to move into phase 2 studies there by fall. We are on track for government help and Jai is getting us all sorts of kudos from politicos there. our enemies are theirs. We are friends of India,

That is what he tells me.

I used to eat my spinach, now I never will Because I think it's modern to take it in a pill

Because everything's movin' too fast You better save your money Because everything's movin' too fast At 3:00am Malcolm pulled in. in the automotive sense. drink. Max did the actual pulling;

It smells like they had something to I think they

They were fine, just loose and fun.

stopped somewhere to get a drink. driving.

Responsibly, not before Pubs

It is hard to get a swig this late in England. Who knows?

close at eleven.

You used to talk of rockets shooting to the moon I used to think you‟re crazy, but I'm taking one at noon Everything's movin' too fast You better save your money Because everything's movin' too fast Max told the Stockholm story that was told to him. far more animated about it. He was

“Did they like him in Stockholm?

They want to give him a bloody Nobel Prize”. Those come from Stockholm I guess. I remember news stories Those

of winners heading of to some Scandinavian land. countries are all very different.

They have distinct qualities

which I do not know, but unedited, I mention any way. No drunken joking going on here. One of his hosts told him

that he was considering a nomination for the Medicine and Physiology Prize. Also, he has been nominated before. I don‟t

know the Blythe Bio as well as I should. before either of my parents were born.

By before, I mean

Have I mentioned that Blythe is terribly old? have.

Perhaps I

Being old can be impressive despite the malodorous

qualities it produces. As a lad at Oxford he was on a team that was nominated. feel young around him. I

By that wording, I am currently just a Does

lad while he will wear the bottoms of his trousers rolled. he dare to eat a peach? Stearns Eliot. So what do you get for a nomination, a certificate or something? “You get nothing at all. been nominated.

Mega Dittos to the illustrious Thomas

You don‟t really know you have

They are held secret and only the Laureate it I was told by someone in the know. I assume

told of their win.

I was; I assume it more than I could this time unless someone else confirmed it”. I had a covered wagon, then a model T I put them in the junkyard; they don't jump enough for me Everything's movin' too fast You better save your money Because everything's movin' too fast He was able to get a triple bang out of his speech there. Not just Leverex and SO/Med, but the International Influenza Vaccine Project. He was a star. He was feeling youthful.

Now papa used to get his kicks from music that was sweet Now he gets his kicks from a boogie woogie beat Everything's movin' too fast You better save your money Because everything's movin' too fast Slow down Slow down Everything's movin' too fast

Dear Diatribe; I wish that Geeta could truly enjoy this time with me. don‟t wish to cut-rate my Tribal musings. I

Human contact is not The

best served as the glad-handing I toil in every day.

ultimate modern couple is comprised of two successful careers. You won‟t share your greatest moments with your love, they will be busy. You will be happy for their eventful existence. Angela schedules

I have, what seems to be, a routine now. in-calls and out-calls.

That is the distinction for people who

will see me electronically or in Chicago and those who I must travel to see. HQ. It is an office term used regularly at SO/Med

I took it from a thing I read about Internet-contacted It is the terms used for whether they will cum to I read this and no it. Neither


you or you need to cum to them.

Angie, nor anyone else at work has figured out where I got it. This is a secret from them unless she or Miles actually read the Diatribes they archive for me. That can be used as a good

enough reason why I don‟t call you Diary. You are with me so often that I am beginning to feel foolish about corresponding with you. I can emote into a piece

about how the Flu Vaccine Project could have an impact on the vaccines actually distributed this year. around the corner. The fall is right

If we can lock this down during the dog

days, we could have an impact on people‟s health by the holidays. We have a vaccine in the hopper that is a double-double. That is something that all the top flu-zies have wanted for a while. It will work against two different type-A virus and two That is as scientific as I can get. I was in

different type-B.

charge of this whole shooting match before I knew that much. I‟m a little famous now. Let me not overplay this. If we

take Warhol‟s quarter-hour prediction into account, I am ahead of the game. think so. Further definition of “fame” is needed; at least I

I am writing to myself and I want more explanation.

You would think I understand, since I wrote it and all. What is Fame? You don‟t have to live forever You don‟t have to learn how to fly--high! You don‟t even need to have it together Or people to see you and cry. Tribal Title: Fame: a. Public Estimation b. Popular Acclaim That‟s it! Playing an electronic keyboard in a little combo in high school during the mid 1980‟s, I was given passage into Kristin The Body Electric

Miniakowski‟s top. hot.

It was a Flashdance sweatshirt.

She looked

Nonetheless, was this fame?

I think so.

I think that it

is any type of positive recognition.

It is exponentially more This is

famous based on whether it is the acclaim you desire. why I consider my example fitting. what I wanted. I am mentioned in magazines. popular ones.

I was 17 years old, it‟s was

Some of those are even I have

Angela keeps clippings together for me.

some nearly every day. to the general populous.

Mostly from publications of little note

I am going off for three weeks in Europe. going to Cambridge this time. other cities.

I am not just

I will be in Paris and a couple

Dear Diatribe; I need some fucking time for myself!!! I am in London now. There are a bunch of people to meet My alone time will come in I am

here, then again in Cambridge. transit.

My long travels begin with a flight to Prague.

headed to India again, but this time I will route on rail through Germany and then out from Frankfurt. How do I explain my malaise; watching the news and make phone calls to Geeta and my old college friends? What brings me down? A Hurricane, of the size they refer to as Category Five, made it‟s landfall on the gulf coast and devastated New Orleans. I am from Chicago, I've got a Polish name, why is some damned Yankee so broken up about a Southern city full of French and black folks? Joke) Is this just a pretention carried over from my conservatory days? So what if it is. It has been a few days and everything Like no one gave a shit. 80% of I say you‟ve gotta have heart. (Damn Yankees

is still fucked up down there.

the city flooded, not the Quarter, or across Canal Street at the Superdome. Black folks are in squallier at the dome. They have

no running water or toilets. I heard some crazy-ass opinions on the radio before I left town. “Why should we have to pay to rebuild this place?” “You

know they built that town below sea level”.

I do know that.

That‟s why they don‟t bury people and have those cool spooky crypts. Buried or not, they are known for throwing the best

funerals; better even than the Irish. I could just tell people that I am a Jazz Patriot (and that‟s a title), but that would require a long explanation. I

am not in any mood to provide that to someone trying to cheer me up. I can be a “Blame America First” liberal as well as an occasional feminazi, but I do have a streak of patriotism in me. Jazz Patriotism springs from my own phraseology. they way that I describe my own love of country. love of cunt in a very different way. One can question and condemn the flaws along the way to building our nation. I would offer no argument to one who would I, myself believe that This is

I describe my

say the flaws have never fully subsided.

our greed and prejudice morphs into new sins all the time. I am however, willing to give a nod to the accomplishments in building a place that, while imperfect, is better than most others. The United States is the absolute best at saying we are So we‟ve got that going for us. Study the

the best at things.

origins of jazz and you cannot help but see our flaws, and love our country.

I studied music and I never did get the full grasp of it all. Jazz is something repeatedly deemed worthy of study.

Music itself has been studied with academic bona fides since the 1600‟s. Jazz‟s addition to the catalog is not viewed as a It is actually brilliant

venture into cultural anthropology.

and new as it is read on the staff (sheet music). People in the United States found ways to alter chord structures that hadn‟t been used similarly before by any of the greats. Not that they were better than the classical I did say chords,

luminaries, they just sit at the same table.

tonal structures, not rhythmic components that, you know, the blacks are good at. I practiced, trying to emulate bebop icons in school. was generally understood a major in music was undertaken to avoid hard math. Not the case at all. I needed to, and proudly It

did learn to work with jazz tertian harmony, where triads and seventh chords are expanded to become 9th, 11th, or 13th chords, and the tritone replaces the naturally occurring interval of the perfect 11th. Since the perfect 11th (i.e. an octave plus perfect fourth) is typically perceived as a dissonance requiring a resolution to a major or minor 10th, chords that expand to the 11th or beyond typically raise the 11th a half step (thus giving us an augmented or sharp 11th, or an octave plus a tritone from the root of the chord) and present it in conjunction with the

perfect 5th of the chord. Also in jazz harmony, the tritone is both part of the dominant chord and its substitute dominant (also known as the sub V chord). Because they share the same tritone, they are possible substitutes for one another. That‟s called a tritone substitution. Charlie Parker used to spit out Check out his

5-6 notes per second in this type of structure. track called “KOKO”.

It reminds me of the movie scene where a

genius is filling chalkboards with brilliant equations. The formula for creating jazz isn‟t something we could repeat on purpose and I‟d stop anyone who tried. I‟ve heard it

said by some cats that “if you just shit on people long enough, they‟ll probably come up with something”. that statement, but not all of it. There is something in

What we had was the

fortunate gumbo mix of folk and circumstance. Cajun and Creole French were alongside black slaves and freemen congregating at our grand southern port; a city continuously fed with people by the great river the Ojibwe called the misi-ziibi. Being a seaport and a river-mouth, that

hardly describes all that came down the river or docked in that harbor. We do know that the blues was one that traveled down

the river. I don‟t know how many books are written to attempt a retelling of this faithful tail. The general consensus is that

no one really knows for sure how it all came together.

If we can come togetherNot “come” together but end up in the same place together; warts and all and produce the greatness that we have; that greatness is something to revere. We brought and added to Jazz we invented

nearly all of the fine arts of Europe. ourselves. It is ours.

As a testicle-bearing Caucasian I probably can‟t claim that. One thing I know is that some people who were owned by my

ancestors might have contributed in some way to the birth of Jazz. In which case my people would have fed them; fed them

poorly or at least allowed them free reign of their refuse. Allowing unabated garbage picking was tantamount to feeding someone in those days. Great recipes have sprung from whatever

people could get their hands on. What I got is that my, now well-worn, passport bears is issued by the country where jazz was created. Those responsible

were brought here against their will, but getting here is what kicked the jazz switch on. Jazz is not from Africa or the West

Indies, the forefathers of its originators are. New Orleans has something in it that made it happen. still there last I saw. It‟s

You feel something in those streets.

It wasn‟t under water when I saw it. I am being told about the great things that I am doing now. I must remember that I am fucked in the head. I am distressed

that I am doing nothing about this whole thing.

I am more

distressed to be busy when I am facing the possibility of a country without New Orleans. Maybe I will settle in one of these places that I am visiting. I need to make time to see some of the color.

Not gonna happen I can just ask the people in whatever conference room I am in; see who can shop their locale for us.

Dear Diatribe; This text is intended to be up-to-the-minute, on-the-spot memoir in case the previously described worthiness is ever achieved. This just in; if and when your moment comes, you will likely busy and won‟t be alone. details at the big moment. You won‟t be writing down the

I think I should have stage a

moment; it gives you a chance to write it out beforehand. My moment might be here now, or have come and gone; and with no advanced planning. I am in Halifax, Nova Scotia. I was at a meeting with the

director of the National Advisory Committee on Immunization. The Canadians have their own setup for the formula on the flu shot. This year they have a version of the American one (not a

big diff). Halifax is kind of pretty, but it ain‟t the capitol of shit. Most people familiar with Canada think that Toronto I‟m

should be its capital, but the capitol is Ottawa of course. not even in Ottawa. So now I‟ve been in a maritime provinces

before I‟d even seen Vancouver or the capitol. One day I will need to add something like this to our org chart. In any organization, there are things people will get There is a class-based distinction in pissyness; Does this

pissy about.

therefore some pissyness must be dealt with directly.

make those people detestable?

Not necessarily.


pissyness is usually a required part of a distinguished position. A perfectly reasonable person can be pissy about They

something like staying true to Open Source principles. might be a tiresome fathead, but have a charming selfdeprecating wit about them.

We are working out how to more gracefully regionalize different formulas. This has been a two day meeting. While

meeting with the director, I felt the familiar buzz in my hip. Only a few people have this number. only Angie who calls. During the day, it is

The others would just ask her to get a She will put a

hold of me during business hours; even Geeta.

text message through if she knows I am in a meeting; that tone emanated from my hip. be polite. I silenced the disturbing technology to

Angela repeated her pinging three more times in

rapid succession. I‟m sorry Doctor, my office has some issue they regard as urgent. Can we break for a few minutes? She nodded politely and left me alone in the small conference room we were in. I made my call to return the series

of text messages that read “CALL NOW” and “URGENT”. Angela was excited when she answered. going to put you on speaker phone.” It was both Angie and Geeta. “Hi Peter, I am

She did

“Hi Honey” Giggles ensued I was forced to break an important meeting for this bit of jocularity. Geeta replied “Don‟t you expect this; with lot of characters in your employ?” Well played, my dear “Angie can‟t be expected to answer all these phone calls you‟ve been attracting” She hasn‟t complained before. “I know I haven‟t. asking about. It‟s just all this silliness they keep

I always gave people the information they needed Not today, now everyone must speak

and they were happy with it.

directly to you about some „Nobel Prize‟ nonsense.” OK! Wow! I understand; thanks for calling. Someone in England should be able to handle ducking phone calls for our honored one. “Anyone who answers the phone in any of our offices is an honored one. directly.” “Looking at the announcement, Dr. Malcolm Blythe and a Peter Kosinski are those to receive the gold medals.” added. Angela SO/Med has one the prize with two honorees named

“Honey, there is even a message from Stockholm about our arrangements for the ceremony in December. am your date. I am assuming that I You

If not, I am sure Malcolm will escort me.

and Malcolm are Nobel Prize winners!” I pride myself on being quick with a quip, I am at a moment where one is due, and I have nothing to say. I need to call my

meeting back in, but I don‟t know what to say there either. I am going to get things wrapped up here as soon as I can. After that I will either fly home or meet you. I don‟t know what you do in these situations. I called the Doctor back in. She returned with several of They had also

her staff; all with hands extended to shake. found out.

We had a bit of a discussion about the prize I I truthfully don‟t remember a

think; maybe some other things. word. I just remember leaving.

I walked back to my hotel (That‟s where I am now). nice place. uneventful. It‟s called Prince George‟s Hotel.

It is a

My walk was

I had no cameras in my face or questions to answer, This is

but I am more famous than I have ever expected to be. an acceptable fame.

It makes you feel good, without being a

complete pain in the ass. I‟ve gotta remember to title my tribes now. Nobel in it does not have the creativity I seek. famous; there‟s one that could work for me. Something with Tolerably

I can honestly say that I have never thought for a moment about winning a Nobel Prize. I would think that those who do You

give it some thought during the time leading up to it.

would have to have a hell of an ego to think about it early on. I had to get Geeta on the phone; mostly to put things together in my head as to how this happened. me exactly what I was thinking. 1. You don‟t put together your own nomination for the Prize, it is done blindly by someone else. 2. I am on the patent and supposedly run the organization. a. Screw that. organization. 3. This particular Prize is awarded on probably equal footing to Leverex, the way Leverex was released and the concepts surrounding the future of SO/MED. I am involved in the key points of the whole shootin‟ match. The whole „didn‟t invent the drug‟ thing was dealt with already. I observe this new man in the mirror. better in his underwear. He should look I do, for what it‟s worth, run the She confirmed to

I say underwear because at this

point in my life I need to stop using my childish colloquial undaweaw. It matters not Nobel Laureates are always clothed, and that‟s the way it should be. They are some ugly old mother


I read online that a 25 year old won half the prize

in physics in 1915; but he shared it with his bald mustachioed and knighted pappy. I can fit in like he did. I will

I am sticking with my ticket home for tomorrow.

call the office I was at and see if I can get a low key celebration of some sorts. It would be quite a treat to have

someone who was visiting find out that they won the Nobel Prize. It would jazz me enough to pick up the check.

Dear Diatribe; A couple weeks have passed since I was given the big news. Since then I have talked to Malcolm in everyday. This regular I have I know he

contact with him makes writing this bit pretty spooky. no way to build up to it. Malcolm passed away today.

was old as the hills, but he had a certain vigor that made it seem like he was never going to die. I‟m glad I‟m in Chicago. it in. Geeta is completely torn up about I also

I didn‟t know him nearly as long as she did.

have a societal obligation to look strong.

I am however filled

with emotions so scattered that I can find an act or words were facial expression to convey. People assume that a gush into the Tribe. used to. exist. You know that I

Let me rephrase that; you know nothing and you don‟t The part of me that writes in a third person omniscient

(omniscient only in past events and severely limited by perspective and by being a shithead) knows about it. That part

of me knows sufficiently well about all of written, or can at least look up what I‟ve read in the past. That fellow can look it up all the way back. Since I met

that jolly old Englishman who was miles beyond me and treated me like a colleague, I have a staff of meticulously catalogs all the silly writings. than just me. This stuff is now important to more people

It is not unusual to see a younger person at the side of a brilliant and applauded individual. Just by the sheer number of It‟s been

tasks, even the great can‟t do it all by themselves.

an honor for me to stand next to Dr. Malcolm Blythe, or even just to mention his name when he wasn‟t present. I had stopped being terrified. As odd as it may seem, I

became so used to this that I was willing to stand on this stage in Stockholm with him holding a medal that was said to be my own. “Why does that guy have a medal?” “He‟s the partner of the “Very well then.” That might be said.

Dr. Malcolm Blythe.”

That or what ever the appropriate Swedish words were. Tribal Title: Very Well Then I can and will continue to use that as a reason whenever I can get away with it. my own with this. I just can‟t help but feeling that I‟m on

I know that if I told anyone with their first They would point to serious

words of encouragement would be.

folks like Gerhardstein or even my father-in-law and Glassman and Een and others that are involved. They would be right; what Now

we‟re doing is great and I believe with all my heart.

someone could pick it apart, see me at the base, and call it all a flimsy house of cards. I have a very satisfied smile and choke back an accompanying tear to see part of what I just wrote. Peter

Kosinski is saying they believe something with all of his heart.

He said this before, but it‟s been years. that effect were said in church.

As a child words to

Since puberty, I only believe It‟s been

I have emoted in such a way for the piano bench.

years since I‟ve sat on the piano bench like it was a place that my bum should be.

Dear Diatribe; It‟s time that I update you on occasions where warmth exists. You tend to be my complete lack of warmth. My wife‟s

arm moves around me to draw me close. as I write my salutation.

She smiles and kisses me

We are on the airplane to on route to

the Stockholm-Arlanda Airport. I am proud of you today, Tribe. I don‟t think you have

ever gotten me as much warm kiss on the cheek; and one that meanders lip-bound, no less. Malcolm‟s death came at a bad time in my Karma as well as my life. OK, let‟s be honest. It was a greatest fucking time

in my life. I was just told that I won a Nobel Prize along with my friend. That friend was an octogenarian. It‟s just like if you

have big tits and marry an eighty something; you are expecting their looming demise. Tribe; it‟s not you, it‟s me. I was suffering from a misplaced sense of being. I was

still vexed and perplexed by the hurricane in New Orleans; more of Peter‟s own silliness that he shouldn‟t be shvitzing about. However there must be some in these meshugenisms that brought me to such heights. (Listen to this Pollack; first he‟s shvitzing,

now he‟s inventing Yiddish words? Oy Vey our Goy is real Kolboynik.)

The last trip we took together was for the funeral. are off to the most grandiloquent of ceremonies.

Now we


funeral was very moving, but it couldn‟t be described as grandiose. to hear it. We never discussed his religious beliefs. Those of the I am Someone called it a goodbye. He wasn‟t even there

scientific mindset are rarely amongst the devout. catholic.

I haven‟t been to church without my mother in years. As a Pollack, or a

What makes the catholic is my last name.

Mick, I think you get to keep the relation of matter how far you fall; Wops as well. They get a pass for housing the Vatican

even though they are a bit brown. We checked in to the Grande Hotel and then went for a walk. There are messages on the Hotel room phone. I‟m sure they‟re We both just

from some representatives of the Nobel Committee. shrugged and decided to wander.

People in Sweden are as blonde and attractive as you‟ve heard. Women are anyway; the men are all bearded. And there It

was a joke from a commercial, “Swedish Bikini Team”. certainly comes to mind here.

I am hand in hand with a woman who streams beauty out in every way that darker shades can. I feel very special amongst

these alabaster skinned, flaxen-haired Swedes.

We arrived on Thursday for what will be a Saturday Night Fete at Stockholm City Hall. It seemed like a good time to wend I am embarrassed by my Had I

our way over there and take a look. geographical inadequacies.

Stockholm has a lot of water.

not been a muttonhead, I would‟ve likely known that the city is made up of fourteen islands on Sweden‟s south-central coast (This Diatribe goes out all my shorties from south-central y‟all). Stockholm is at the mouth of Lake Mälaren, Near the

Stockholm archipelago. The islands all have crazy Swedish names. It‟s like a

totally different language over here; there‟s a different word for everything. We have to cross a bridge to another island to

go to city hall; “vhust keep going on ze Tegelbacken” says an English-speaking Swede. It has been about a mile walk. The We I

“City Hall” sits on a most impressive Isle.

architecture and statuary on these grounds are magnificent. were married in a city hall, they are rarely this impressive. wouldn‟t even call it by that pedestrian name; I‟d make up a word like Stadshuset; that is just my way.

The most stunning of the statuary is that of Charles XII. Just think about how many people there have been named Charles. They don‟t even use numbers after their names any more. one lived so long ago that he was only the 12th. This

They have these banners with the Nobel Medal. first time I am meeting Alfred face-to-face.

For the Alf is

Mr. Nobel.

the originator of the world‟s most prestigious prize. even partially funds the cash prize to this day. Alfie. Sangeeta has an early Christmas present from me. Nikon SLR Digital Camera. and a couple lenses.

His money

We all loves

It is a

I laid out more than a grand for it

I have a Portuguese friend who is a She is

shutterbug; he led me well on the purchase.

photographing Nobel Laureate-apparent as he stares thoughtfully at what I see here I need not discuss the sights; I am her model. I will cozy up for a minute to this bust statue of Mr. Nobel. That makes for a good photo op.

Hi, Alfred; I‟m Peter and this is my friend Tribe. I am here to accept one of these medals that your head graces; that and the cash prize that comes with it. You have been dead for bit over a century now. I‟m an American and you prize is work $1.3 million to me. That‟s still a wad of money. I need to start by saying that I won‟t keep it. It will be given to SO/Med. That‟s the organization that brings me here. There is no need to worry about what I would do with it. I don‟t know that I would to do anything so terrible. I‟m not much of a drinker. I don‟t play loose with the ladies. I am just not someone who can be sure to do anything so wonderful with it.

I would love to have brought my co-honoree with me. He passed away not long ago. He lived a long full life though. Even you would respect him. His name was Dr. Malcolm Phillip Blythe. He invented a really great drug. That was his crowning achievement. He taught hundreds of scientists before that. You don‟t win this big of a prize for that, but it might be his truest greatness. That is something I am struggling with. I think that most of the people who win these awards are of a stature comparable to your own. You are a man that has two huge components to your greatness. You invented something that people think is dynamite (Tribe Title). They get a bang out of it. It‟s a blast. I am so sorry about those lines. You only understand them because you are not human and I am not really talking to you. You‟re just like Tribe, here. The second part is that you knew how to do something great with that. That is the part of you that never died. I pieced together an idea that could one day be great like your prize. I‟m saying it‟s just an idea that assumes brilliance to exist independent from its components. “This is the kind of thing you should do when great scientist invent life-saving drugs”. My idea is completely oblivious to the genius behind the curtain; I am to. We started a group that will distribute Malcolm‟s great drug in a way that everybody who needs it will get it; even without much money. He asked me to do this after reading some ideas I had written down. I have no ability to invent drugs or explosives. I believe that anyone can have the idea to give medals and money to people who do great things. It is common sense.

The big deal was that, possibly among others, the guy who invented dynamite had that idea and used his munitions money to fund it. What would you be without the dynamite? We don‟t even know if someone or a thousand people like that did exist, and we don‟t care. For us, the drugs and the years off study and teaching along the way are our dynamite. I am like you if you never invented anything. I am the guy who gets your head on Saturday night. I hope that you can forgive me on this basis. I just went along with opportunities I would have been a fool to spurn. It has just gone real well. With a reasonable head on my shoulders and a load of other people‟s ideas I started creating, for real, what had been a possible thesis idea. Whether or not I believe it counts, it counts. I am going to go with this and handle it as best I can. I could even show some grace. I can tell you that I am struggling with this, but that doesn‟t mean I have a way out; not a reasonable one. My own twist on this thing took some time to clear with Sangeeta. I will allow your head to be severed and plated for me, but only in ceremony. Your scalp, once cast in high quality gold, will yield a tidy sum. I will allow charitable interests to do just that. I have a specific sympathy for the citizen‟s of our American city called New Orleans. They recently suffered a devastating hurricane storm. I wish to help them. I, and my lovely wife who you see over there, will spend but one night with you in the Grande Hotel. A suite there is named for you. Then we will bid farewell as you are off to bestow posthumous benevolence upon others.

I hope this meets with your satisfaction. It does, completely; of course it does. This living and speaking Alfred is a figment of my imagination. I write. It is non-fiction, but I envy the fiction writer. Characters do exactly as they say. I‟ve co-opted the diarists‟ salutation, and then I began to make believe he was real. This is madness of course, but not until someone else proclaims it so. These are our last words together. The other laureates are might discuss achievements with you at your level. For me, it will be a severed head of a great man thrust upon me. I would be a fool if I didn‟t have that horrific repugnance taken off. Nothing against you, I would consider mine own severed cranium repellent. Thanks you for your time PK She is done shooting me in my genius costume. head off now for dinner. suite. We should

I am interested in getting back to the We could actually

It has two, fully private commodes.

shit, simultaneously. still.

Not that she would agree to it, but

In the morning, I will meet the Gerhardstein children for the first time. Malcolm‟s place. Sangeeta is to give a two-minute speech in She wanted others who were inspired by him as I will give a five or six minute

children to be there. presentation.

That includes the costume changes and dancing.

In the interest of brevity, I will dispense with any prop comedy.

Dr. Gerhardstein and Miles have a surprise for Geeta as well. It is another that I know about. They will be giving her

the paycheck and approval for a couple weeks of paid time off. The gift is for both of us. in Europe. I did some work mapping out our trip. From here, if you We will get some real time together

are on rail, either Copenhagen or Oslo is the only reasonable next stop. As wonderful as Oslo might be, going there takes you

further into Scandinavia, therefore further from Europe proper. Like Stockholm‟s fourteen, these are islands up here. Denmark is the same way. traverse by rail. There are enormous bridges we will

The Öresundsbron will get us out of Sweden That island name solves You would

and onto our first island of Denmark. something I have often wondered. think the old one.

It is Zealand.

I always puzzled the location of the

predecessor New Zealand referred to. Copenhagen is on Zealand. We take another bridge into the

rest of Denmark (a protrusion called Funen), then we are just four hours from Hamburg. As American‟s, we need to stop for a

bit to get a Hamburger, and then start off for five hours to Amsterdam. From there I have drawn out several options. I want

us to be as free from plans as possible. I found a worthy charity to exhume Alfred‟s head and do the proper thing with it. This was privately inspirational to

enough people that most of our trip is paid for.

I have been

given rail passes that will get us anywhere we want on the continent and a major hotelier has told us try to call a day ahead to stay in first class digs. … I met all of the Gerhardstein children. of the afternoon and evening with them. reunion for Geeta and the girls. Phillip. It was a big disappointment for me that they didn‟t close things out by singing that “So long, farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, good night” from Sound of Music. The biggest surprise of Nobel Eve was that Dr. Judith Stoller arrived with Miles. She joined in on a little ceremony Why is that a We have spent most

It was a touching

There is also one son named

we had to give Sangeeta her vacation time. surprise? Is it because I saw her ass?


Then Sangeeta in her kerchief and I full of crap We all settled in for our Nobel Eve nap …

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