Free Premarital Agreement by pbn26254

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									                             Pre-Marital Counseling
                                 Informational


       Congratulations on your engagement! We are excited to partner with you in
preparing for your marriage. At The Austin Stone Community Church, we are
committed to supporting and providing you with the tools to prepare for and build a
God-centered and honoring marriage. To do this, we (The Austin Stone Community
Church) must adhere to Biblical principles and convictions as we walk with you
through the pre-marital process. Each step in this process is required and weddings
will not be performed if they are not met.


Pre-Marital Process Checklist:

           1. Mandatory: Complete and submit The Austin Stone Community
              Church Pre-Marital Counseling Informational. We would love the
              opportunity to serve you in the best way we can.
           2. Mandatory: After we have received your Pre-Marital Counseling
              Informational, we will match you with a Pre-Marital Counseling Mentor
              Couple within 1 week. You will be responsible for contacting them to
              arrange your meeting times/dates. The counseling process will consist
              of 8 sessions with your mentor couple where you will read and discuss
              relevant marriage issues as well as have a chance to ask questions of
              the mentor couple and observe them as they live out how a marriage
              looks. Cost: $100 per couple for all books and materials (the couple
              can rent the set for free or purchase the books on their own).
           3. Mandatory: Once we have received your Pre-Marital Counseling
              Informational, you will also be asked to take the PREPARE Inventory,
              which will cost $30 per couple. Once you have completed the
   assessment, your results will be sent to the counseling ministry at The
   Austin Stone Community Church and we will set up a time to review
   your results with you. A copy of your results will also be shared with
   your mentor couple.
 4. Mandatory: At the end of the counseling process, the pre-marital
   mentor couple will sign a form that states their approval or disapproval
   of the couple’s readiness for marriage.
 5. Mandatory: To book a pastor to officiate your wedding, please fill
   out the Wedding Officiate Request form (this form along with
   instructions for the process can be found online).
 6. Mandatory: Sign up online to take the Nearly/Newly Married class.
   This class is offered for both fall and spring semesters. The class meets
   for 8 weeks and consists of teaching, discussion, and fellowship time
   with other nearly/newly married couples.
 TOTAL COSTS:
       o $29.95 for Prepare/Enrich Assessment
       o $100 for Curriculum & Books
       o TOTAL: $130.00


* Please make checks payable to The Austin Stone Community Church.
*Scholarships available for each step, please contact Val Vance,
val.vance@austinstone.org, to discuss your situation.
Philosophy of Marriage:
At The Austin Stone Community Church we will provide your pre-marital counseling
and perform your wedding on the following conditions:
       1. Both people must be believers and committed to growing in their relationship
       with the Lord.
       2. Both people must be free to marry (never married or spouse is deceased).
       3. If either individual is divorced, we would like to discuss with you the details of
       your divorce. After our discussion, we will decide whether or not we feel free to
       perform your wedding. Our decision will be based on our prayerful study of
       God’s word regarding Biblical principles for divorce and/or the freedom to
       remarry according to I Corinthians 7; Matthew 5:42, 19:9; Mark 10:11-12, and
       Luke 16:17-18.
       4. Both people agree to hold to a Biblical model of marriage. Marriage is a life-
       long, sacred-covenant formed by God and only breakable by God. The marriage
       relationship is the physical representation of our relationship with God and
       therefore we hold it in utmost honor.
       5. The couple agrees to abstain from sexual relations from this point on until after
       the wedding ceremony. Based on Hebrews 13:1, we believe God intended for sex
       to be expressed only in the context of the marriage relationship.


I attest that I have read, understand, and will adhere to the stipulations laid out by the
Bible and The Austin Stone Community Church in preparing for and living out a Biblical
marriage.

_____________________________                          ____________________________
Printed Name (Groom)                                   Printed Name (Bride)

_____________________________                          ____________________________
Signature (Groom)                                      Signature (Bride)

_____________________________                          ____________________________
Date                                                   Date
Pastor and Pre-Marital Mentor Couple Request

A. Wedding date:______________________                     Time:________________
   Location:_____________________________________________________


B. Request for pastor/elder to officiate the wedding:
       a. Please check which pastor/elder you would like to perform your wedding:
       □ Kyle McDaniel           □ Matt Carter             □ Kevin Peck
       □ Michael Stewart         □ Halim Suh               □ Chris Collins
       □ Jeff Mangum             Todd Engstrom            Other_______________________
       *Matt Carter, Kevin Peck and Halim Suh have limited availability to perform weddings.


       b. Because weddings involve added duties for the pastor/elder, there is a fee of
   $250 to perform your wedding in-town and $500 out of town. Please make your
   check payable to the pastor/elder performing your ceremony and send it to the
   address below once we have confirmed the date and officiate.


C. Date Nearly/Newly Married class attended/plan to attend: __________________


D. Date Intimate Encounters workshop attended/plan to attend if applicable :_________


Once you have completed this informational packet, please return to The Austin Stone
Community Church either via email (marriage@austinstone.org), fax (512)708-8864) or
mail to:
       The Austin Stone Community Church
       Attn: Keri Giambrone
       1033 La Posada Dr. Suite 210
       Austin, TX 78752
If you have any further questions, please contact Keri Giambrone at (512)708-8860.
Pre-Marital Mentor Approval

        This form is for the mentor couple to fill out once the couple has completed all
eight sessions of their counseling. Please print the names of the mentor and engaged
couples in the appropriate blanks and check the appropriate box below.

        We,____________________________________(mentor couple’s names) have
completed the eight sessions of pre-marital counseling for
__________________________________________________ (engaged couple’s names).
Having done so, we feel the couple has a good understanding of the marriage covenant
they are about to enter into and have a good grasp of the Biblical model of marriage.

       Agree
       Comments:________________________________________________
       Disagree
       Comments:________________________________________________________
       _________________________________________________________________



____________________________                 _____________________________
Mentor signature and date                    Mentor signature and date


____________________________                 ______________________________
Fiancé signature and date                    Fiancé signature and date


Mentor couple, please review this form with the engaged couple and then mail to:

                          The Austin Stone Community Church
                                 Attn: Keri Giambrone
                            1033 La Posada Drive, Suite 210
                                   Austin, TX 78752
Couple Information
1. Male fiancé information
A. Name:_____________________________________ Age:________
    Address:________________________________________________
    City:_______________________________ State____ Zip________
    Home Phone:___________________     Work Phone:________________
    Email:______________________________________________________
    Employer/Occupation:__________________________________________

B. How long have you attended The Austin Stone Community Church?______________
   Partner: Yes □       No □          Involved in a small group: Yes □ No □
   How have you been involved at The Austin Stone Community
   Church?______________________________________________________________
   _____________________________________________________________________
   If not a partner at The Austin Stone Community Church, where are you currently
   attending church?___________________________________________________
   Are you a member of that church? Yes □            No □
   What is your involvement
   there?________________________________________________________________
   _____________________________________________________________________

C. Have you been married previously? Yes □             No □
   If so, please give the important details of the termination of the marriage:_________
   _____________________________________________________________________
   _____________________________________________________________________
   _____________________________________________________________________
   _____________________________________________________________________

D. Do you have any children? Yes □          No □ If so, what are their ages? ________

E. How long have you dated your fiancé? ______________ Been engaged?__________
   Have you been engaged before? Yes □ No □           If so, how long ago?_______

F. Describe your current relationship with Christ:
2. Female fiancé information
A. Name:_____________________________________ Age:________
   Address:________________________________________________
   City:_______________________________ State____ Zip________
   Home Phone:___________________     Work Phone:________________
   Email:______________________________________________________
   Employer/Occupation:__________________________________________

B. How long have you attended The Austin Stone Community Church?______________
   Partner: Yes □       No □          Involved in a small group: Yes □ No □
   How have you been involved at The Austin Stone Community
   Church?______________________________________________________________
   _____________________________________________________________________
   If not a partner at The Austin Stone Community Church, where are you currently
   attending church?___________________________________________________
   Are you a member of that church? Yes □            No □
   What is your involvement
   there?________________________________________________________________
   _____________________________________________________________________

C. Have you been married previously? Yes □             No □
   If so, please give the important details of the termination of the marriage:_________
   _____________________________________________________________________
   _____________________________________________________________________
   _____________________________________________________________________
   _____________________________________________________________________

D. Do you have any children? Yes □          No □ If so, what are their ages?_________

E. How long have you dated your fiancé? ______________ Been engaged?__________
   Have you been engaged before? Yes □ No □           If so, how long ago?_______

F. Describe your current relationship with Christ:
EDUCATIONAL BACKGROUND
Briefly describe your educational background:


RELIGIOUS BACKGROUND
Briefly describe what it means to be a Christian and your personal experience:




PARENTS & IN-LAWS
Are your parents excited about your upcoming marriage?      Yes    No
If no, please explain:

        __________________________________________________________________
Are your future in-laws excited about your upcoming marriage? Yes No
If no, please explain:

       __________________________________________________________________
How would you describe your parents’ marriage?
       Exceptional                Very Happy
       Above Average                      Average
       Poor
Are your parents separated? Yes No              Divorced? Yes No
How Long?
How many siblings do you have?

MISCELLANEOUS QUESTIONS
Is there a large difference in your families’ financial background? Yes          No
Who will handle the money matters in your family?
        ______________________________________________________
Do you have any large debts? Yes No
What, in your understanding, is the role of sex in marriage?

                                                                                 ______
                                                                                 ______

                                                                                 ______
Do you have any health problems or physical problems that might create difficulties in
your marriage?
         Yes No
If yes, please describe:
                ____________________________________________________________
HERITAGE CHECK-UP
Describe your childhood and religious background.

        __________________________________________________________________

        __________________________________________________________________

Did you feel accepted and loved by your parents?


How were feelings of love, warmth and tenderness shown in your home as you were
growing up?
(between parents and between siblings)


     __________________________________________________________________
How would you describe your relationship with your brothers and/or sisters?


      __________________________________________________________________
What kinds of conflicts did you have with….
…your father?

        __________________________________________________________________

…your mother?

        __________________________________________________________________

…your brother(s)

        __________________________________________________________________

...your sister(s)

       __________________________________________________________________
                                                                               ______
How were differences of opinion handled in your home growing up? (especially as a
teenager)

        __________________________________________________________________
RELIGIOUS CHECK-UP
Do you feel accepted, forgiven, and loved by God? Why or why not?

       __________________________________________________________________

       __________________________________________________________________
Religious belief and practice in our lives will be:

       __________________________________________________________________

       __________________________________________________________________
List two religious attitudes you like about your fiancé’?

       __________________________________________________________________

       __________________________________________________________________
List two religious attitudes you dislike about your fiancé’?

       __________________________________________________________________

      __________________________________________________________________
Responsibility for the religious education of our children will be:

       __________________________________________________________________

       __________________________________________________________________

IN-LAW CHECK-UP
List three things about your fiancé’s parents you really like:

       __________________________________________________________________

       __________________________________________________________________

List three things about your fiancé’s parents you dislike:

       __________________________________________________________________

       __________________________________________________________________

In our marriage, as far as I am concerned, my parents…

       __________________________________________________________________

       __________________________________________________________________
In our marriage, as far as I am concerned, my fiancé’s parents…

       __________________________________________________________________

       __________________________________________________________________
As far as our marriage is concerned, our in-laws need to learn…

       __________________________________________________________________

      __________________________________________________________________
How do you plan to handle conflict with in-laws, after you are married?

       __________________________________________________________________

       __________________________________________________________________

EMOTIONAL CHECK-UP
The thing I like most about my fiancé’ is…

       __________________________________________________________________
The thing I like least about my fiancé’ is…

       __________________________________________________________________
My fiancé’ reminds me of        when he/she

       __________________________________________________________________
I am embarrassed when my fiancé’…

       __________________________________________________________________
I am annoyed when my fiancé’…

        __________________________________________________________________
I get angry when my fiancé’...

       __________________________________________________________________
After we are married, I hope my fiancé’ will…

       __________________________________________________________________
After we are married, I will…

       __________________________________________________________________

RELATIONAL COMMUNICATION
How would you describe your communication with your fiancé’?
     Excellent             Good
     Fair                  Poor
     Terrible
Comments:
     __________________________________________________________________

      __________________________________________________________________
What do you argue about (or discuss heatedly) most often?

       __________________________________________________________________
How do arguments (animated discussions) usually end?

       __________________________________________________________________




INTERPERSONAL CHECK-UP
Recall two instances of how your fiancé’ demonstrated love toward you during the last
month.

       __________________________________________________________________

     __________________________________________________________________
How would you like feelings of love, warmth, and tenderness shown to you?

       __________________________________________________________________

        __________________________________________________________________
List two situations in which you, intentionally or unintentionally, were hurtful to your
fiancé’ in the last month.

       __________________________________________________________________

        __________________________________________________________________
List two things your fiancé’ “bugged” you about recently which you could have
corrected, but didn’t.

       __________________________________________________________________

       __________________________________________________________________
What is one strength you will bring to your marriage?

       __________________________________________________________________

       __________________________________________________________________
What is one strength your fiancé’ will bring to your marriage?

       __________________________________________________________________

       __________________________________________________________________
What is a weakness you will bring to your marriage?

       __________________________________________________________________

       __________________________________________________________________
What is a weakness your fiancé’ will bring to your marriage?

       __________________________________________________________________
       __________________________________________________________________
After we are married, I fear the following changes in our relationship:

       __________________________________________________________________

       __________________________________________________________________

       __________________________________________________________________
Two things my fiancé’ does which makes it difficult to share myself with him/her are:

       __________________________________________________________________

       __________________________________________________________________

       __________________________________________________________________
Two things my fiancé’ does which makes it easy to share myself with him/her are:

       __________________________________________________________________

       __________________________________________________________________

       __________________________________________________________________

PRE-MARITAL MENTORING INFORMATION
What do you see as the biggest adjustment/problem the two of you will face in marriage?

       __________________________________________________________________

      __________________________________________________________________
What have you done to prepare yourself for marriage? (Books, Seminars, Counsel)

       __________________________________________________________________

Check the areas that you feel you want or need help with:
       Debt                                         Help with in-laws
       Birth control/family planning                Working wives
       Finances/Budget                              Wedding night
       Religion                                     Communication
       Role of Husband / Wife                       Family Devotions
       Fears                                        Understanding what love is
       Fiancé’s friends                             Social Adjustments
       Relating to children by previous marriage

Are there any other details that you feel are important for the mentors to know?
Yes            No

       __________________________________________________________________
Should we get married?
        Below are 13 warning signs which might well indicate you should have some
serious second thoughts. I call them the 13 Ifs…

The Thirteen Ifs…
You should have some serious second thoughts if…
1. You have known each other less than 3 months.
2. He/she has been really drunk 3 times in the last week or about 10 times in the last 3-4
months.
3. He/she makes statements like, “I owe a great deal to Mother. It’s my duty to make her
happy”…and if such statements are coupled with behavior which makes it apparent that
he/she will do almost anything to keep parental approval.
4. One party says things like, “I can’t live without you. My life has no meaning apart
from you. If I ever lost you I would kill myself.”…and if such statements are joined to
very obvious dependency behavior. This partner is bringing almost nothing to the
relationship except deep needs. Being so needed may flatter the ego for awhile, but if
that is all there is, it can soon get dull and very draining.
5. The majority of time you have been together in the last 3 months you have developed a
pattern of quarreling, of disappointing, seriously irritating, or hurting each other.
6. Many of the significant, mature people in your life-parents, relatives, teachers, and
especially good friends who love you-indicate that you are very likely making a mistake,
this should give you pause. These days people tend not to comment on another’s
decision. If they call up the courage to tell you (in words or otherwise) that they are
troubled, weigh their opinion.
7. Some very serious problem has come up in the last few weeks, and if it is definitely
troubling you and if you have not had an opportunity to work it through, then either
confront it or think about a postponement.
8. He has had more than 5 or 6 jobs in the past 2 years.
9. Your chief reason for marrying is that everybody in your circle of friends is doing it,
and you feel it is high time you did too, lest people think you cannot attract a mate.
10. You have been sexually involved and now feel you have to marry each other even
though the relationship is already a little boring and empty.
11. You are both under 18. Your chance of divorce is 3.5 times higher than that of
people over 21.
12. You are marrying because you just have to get out of the house.
13. You are a pregnant couple (it takes 2 to be pregnant), then slow down, think, talk,
ponder, and pray. Pregnancy itself, nor the fear of any social stigma it may cause, is not a
good reason to marry. Ask the key question, “Would we really go through it if there
were no pregnancy?”

								
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