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Maine Birth Injury Attorney

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					   Read the following examples of student
    paragraphs from research papers. There are 4
    examples, and two versions of each example.
    The first version has NO COMMENTARY, and
    the second adds in the commentary. Pay
    attention to the difference in how the
    paragraphs sound.
   Now that giving out birth control in schools has
been seriously talked about, some schools have
been taking the necessary steps to have it
approved from the school board committee to give
out birth control. King middle school in Portland,
Maine was approved to give out birth control
including the pill, the patch, and implants to their
students (Wendy). Jennifer Southard who has two
daughters at King middle school says “I’m
personally fine with it, but I know some parents
might not be. I think information and access are
good things. I would hope my children would
come to me, but I know some students may not
have that option” (Bouchard).
    Now that giving out birth control in schools has been seriously
talked about, some schools have been taking the necessary steps to
have it approved from the school board committee to give out
birth control. King middle school in Portland, Maine was
approved to give out birth control including the pill, the patch,
and implants to their students (Wendy). This raises concerns
because it does not teach them the values and morals of the act of
sex. Not only that, middle school students ages range from 11-13
years old, much too young to be taking birth control. Jennifer
Southard who has two daughters at King middle school says “I’m
personally fine with it, but I know some parents might not be. I
think information and access are good things. I would hope my
children would come to me, but I know some students may not
have that option” (Bouchard). Not every child has that parental
advocate that other students may have, so what is expected for
these kids to do? Preferably it is the parents’ responsibility to give
information and values to their child and if they cannot or choose
not to, then it is the school’s responsibility to step in and help. But
are they helping in the right way, by giving out birth control?
   One argument against distributing birth control to
middle school students without parental consent is their
age. Middle school students are between eleven and
fourteen years old. Many believe that it is wrong to support
sexual activity during this period. Children should not even
be in situations where they would need birth control of any
sort. Reverend Leo Maher, the Roman Catholic Bishop of
San Diego believes that "by providing contraception...such
clinics tacitly encourage children to act promiscuously"
(Zabin). Professor Laurie Zabin of the Johns Hopkins School
of Public Health supports birth control being provided to
students as "family planning is one of the best ways of
reducing pregnancy…it can help cut down unintentional
pregnancies"(Zabin). If a sexually active teen is not using
any form of contraception, within one year there is a 90%
chance of pregnancy, according to the Alan Guttmacher
Institute (“Teenagers Seeking Contraception Should Not Be).
    One argument against distributing birth control to middle school students
without parental consent is their age. Middle school students are between
eleven and fourteen years old. Many believe that it is wrong to support sexual
activity during this period. Children should not even be in situations where
they would need birth control of any sort. Reverend Leo Maher, the Roman
Catholic Bishop of San Diego believes that "by providing contraception...such
clinics tacitly encourage children to act promiscuously" (Zabin). To those that
oppose the release of birth control to students it would be as if the school were
accepting premarital sex and at any age, giving children more of an excuse to
do it than ever before. This may be a valid point as middle school students are
extremely young and sensitive to outside influences. They shouldn't be
involved in sexual relations or need birth control at this age, but it doesn't stop
the fact that some middle school students are already involved in sexual
relationships. Unless every parent agrees to lock their children up after school
and monitor them constantly, middle school students will not stop risky
behavior. Professor Laurie Zabin of the Johns Hopkins School of Public Health
supports birth control being provided to students as "family planning is one
of the best ways of reducing pregnancy…it can help cut down unintentional
pregnancies"(Zabin). If a sexually active teen is not using any form of
contraception, within one year there is a 90% chance of pregnancy, according
to the Alan Guttmacher Institute (“Teenagers Seeking Contraception Should
Not Be). By giving students birth control it will help to increase the activity of
safe sex rather than risky and unprotected sex. It would be better for all
middle school students if parents accepted that children are engaged in risky
behavior and work to combat that with education and free birth control.
    Though they are extensive, the abuses of meat industry
processing line workers are neither limited to physical injury nor
possible infection, but also include wages that are not congruent
with the hazardous level of the occupation. Employees expect
that when working hazardous jobs they will be fairly
compensated for the dangers to which they are subject. This,
however, is far from the case in the meat processing industry.
According to the Department of Labor the federal minimum wage
for employees is $5.85 an hour (USDOL). Following negotiations
with her employer, Iowa Beef Processors, Maria Martinez, a
former meat industry worker, states, “Though the new contract
raised starting pay from $7.00 to $8.50, it eliminated the old $1.50-
an-hour pension. . .” (qtd. Olsson 11).
       Though they are extensive, the abuses of meat industry
    processing line workers are neither limited to physical injury nor
    possible infection, but also include wages that are not congruent
    with the hazardous level of the occupation. Employees expect
    that when working hazardous jobs they will be fairly
    compensated for the dangers to which they are subject. This,
    however, is far from the case in the meat processing industry.
    According to the Department of Labor the federal minimum wage
    for employees is $5.85 an hour (USDOL). It is hard to imagine
    working at a breakneck speed, performing an extremely
    hazardous job, for scarcely more than the federal minimum wage.
    Following negotiations with her employer, Iowa Beef Processors,
    Maria Martinez, a former meat industry worker reported that
    although her employers raised their pay by $1.50 per hour, they
    took away the pension that was previously provided (Olsson 11).
    Clearly some companies make it look like they are improving
    conditions, but are merely shifting the compensation to not lose
    profits. Not only is this compensation negligent, but it is also an
    insult to the hard work performed by these workers and an
    excellent example of the priorities of the employers.
   Each version that adds commentary helps the
    the reader to understand the research, and
    points the reader towards the main point of the
    paper.
   ALWAYS add 1-2 sentences of commentary
    after adding researched information. It’s your
    job as the writer to hold the reader by the hand
    and walk them through the logic of your
    argument as you go.
   Evaluate the commentary sentences in the next
    few examples. How could these be better?
    Even in prison they give ex-cons a chance to become clean
    and get themselves together. “Back as far as 1972 federal
    government funded treatment alternatives to street crime
    programs through the Law Enforcement Assistance
    Administration” (Anderson David). They have a couple of
    programs that help ex-cons before they go to prison, while
    they are in prison, and when they get out of prison. So if
    everybody is trying to help maybe they do deserve another
    chance in society. Even the U.S. attorney general awarded
    grants to “provide pharmacological drug treatment services
    to incarcerated offenders and technology career training and
    mentoring” (McMillion). Everyone deserves a second
    chance to me, but only if they are willing to make something
    of that second chance. No matter where it’s coming from as
    long as it’s there to benefit something good in the person’s
    life. If someone is willing to help ex-con get help that means
    all the ex-cons are not the same.
   The commentary sentences in the previous
    example don’t actually explain the information
    provided in the sentences from research. They
    just add some generic comments about the
    writer’s opinions.
   COMMENTARY SHOULD EXPLAIN HOW
    THE SPECIFIC DETAIL PROVIDED FROM
    RESEARCH ACTUALLY RELATES TO THE
    PURPOSE OF THE PARAGRAPH. ANSWER
    THE “SO WHAT” QUESTION.
    One way that’s been founded of how gangsters manipulate the most
powerful military in the world is by having some of their own in
positions of power. Powers also reports an incident in June of 2006, where
an incarcerated U.S. soldier and active gang member identified “60-70
gang-affiliated military personnel in his unit involved in stealing and
selling military equipment and weapons” (Gang Activity). The soldier
also stated that several of the military staff in charge of ammunition and
distribution of grenades are sergeants who are active gang members. So
if you are a gangster needing weapons or explosives, you are just one call
away from your fellow gang “brother” who also happens to be your
superior officer. Oh how convenient we’ve made arms dealing for
them. Gang members also tend to find ways to place themselves in
military support units, where they have weapons and explosives easily
available for them. According to Powers, “military staff might have been
stealing items by inappropriately documenting supply orders or by
falsifying paperwork” (Gang Activity). These gangsters have found a
way to have their cake and eat it too. What better way to learn how to
shoot a gun and get paid for it, than by joining the U.S. military?
   This previous example of adding commentary
    does help the reader interpret the information,
    but the wording is not very academic. Avoid
    dramatizing the issue too much, and try to
    avoid rhetorical questions and sarcasm as well.
   After each sentence that includes specific
    evidence from your research, explain why you
    provided it.

   ANSWER THE “SO WHAT” QUESTION
   Start the commentary sentence with “This
    shows” if you can’t think of a way to begin.
    Later you can use synonyms to make the
    sentences sound less repetitive.

				
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