How to Raise a Child with Autism FEARLESSLY

How to Raise a Child with Autism FEARLESSLY By Shelley Hendrix Reynolds President, Unlocking Autism www.unlockingautism.org Ralph Waldo Emerson  “Whatever you do, you need courage. Whatever course you decide upon, there is always someone to tell you that you are wrong. There are always difficulties arising that tempt you to believe your critics are right. To map out a course of action and follow it to an end requires some of the same courage that a soldier needs. Peace has its victories, but it takes brave men and women to win them.” Things that used to make you scared  Fear is learned at an early age. We become more brave as we push through those fears and live our lives.  Things under the bed and monsters in the closet.  That zits are taking over my nose and Anne Beth Crary won’t ask me to her party Friday night.  That my parents will find out what happened on spring break 1989.  I am Southern, 21 and have no engagement ring on my finger yet. Christmas break is in two days and Aunt Lee will be asking how I will make it as an old maid.  Spiders, roaches, mice and anything else for which a pest control service is needed.  That I won’t find a job that directly uses the college degree I slaved over for four years.  That if I speak up around this place, I will be fired for insubordination and not following the status quo.  That I won’t ever get pregnant.  That something will happen to the baby once it arrives.  That I won’t be able to balance a career and motherhood. Grown up fear  Our ego based fears are trivial compared to real fears that others face on a day to day basis.  Serial killers, rape, drunk drivers, being held up at gunpoint, dictatorships, famine, slavery, torture, diseases that ravage, tornados, hurricanes, fires, plane crashes Sources of FEAR Accepting a change in your life Finances Assertiveness Education Parenting siblings Treatment Options Relationships and divorce Leadership Taking Action and speaking out ACCEPTING A CHANGE IN YOUR LIFE  “If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.” – Marcus Aurelius  The first time someone says the word autism, listen.  Accept the definition. Refuse the prognosis.  Face the diagnosis head on. Pushing through your initial reaction is what will set the foundation for your child’s potential. FINANCES  How do we pay for this?  What does insurance cover?  Governmental assistance  What do you mean one hour of therapy is $150?  Bankruptcy is not the only option. ASSERTIVENESS  “You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.” – Eleanor Roosevelt  Being assertive does not mean developing the personality defined in the first 3 letters.  confidently aggressive or self-assured “There is nothing to fear except the persistent refusal to find out the truth, the persistent refusal to analyze the causes of happenings.” - Dorothy Thompson EDUCATION  Knowledge is power.  Power eliminates fear.  Read everything. Buy books. Get books on CD. Purchase videos. Surf the net.  Listen to the experts and realize that although you may not be an expert in their field, they are the expert on your child, you are.  Follow your gut instincts.  When all else fails, get an attorney. TREATMENT OPTIONS  Leave no stone unturned. Explore EVERYTHING. What is the key for one child will not unlock another.  Skip the batter. Pass on the gravy. But don’t fear the kitchen.  Map out your battle plan but plan a campaign to win the war.  Don’t do everything at once. It muddies the ability to clearly see what is actually working.  Keep a journal of progress. RELATIONSHIPS  A high percentage of marriages fail within 5-7 years of the initial diagnosis.  “The most destructive element in the human mind is fear. Fear creates aggressiveness.” -Dorothy Thompson  Family relationships suffer and sometimes sever.  Do not lose yourself in your children.  If your marriage fails remember that divorce is not a disability. PARENTING SIBLINGS  “Moral excellence comes about as a result of habit. We become just by doing just acts, temperate by doing temperate acts, brave by doing brave acts.” – Aristotle The tight rope and balancing acts. Do not bubble wrap your kids. Life is hard. Bonding and involvement. Support groups – online and in person. “No, Mairin, not everyone we know has a kid with autism.”      LEADERSHIP AND SPEAKING OUT  “Ships in the harbor are safe. But that is not what ships are made for.” – Unknown  The status quo doesn’t like to have its cage rattled.  When you see injustice, if you don’t speak out, you are part of the problem.  Leaders are not born, they are handcrafted over time with life experience.  The key to effective leadership is in serving another person to help them find their way.  Small and steady wins the race.  You cannot affect change until you push through your own fears. Helen Keller “ I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish humble tasks as though they were great and noble. The world is moved along, not only by the mighty shoves of its heroes, but also by the aggregate of the tiny pushes of each honest worker.” GOVERNMENT ACTION  We live in a republic with a mechanism for change.  Learn hands on with your sleeves rolled up.  There is power in money but there is also power in the vote.  A few very enthusiastic individuals can establish laws that affect 300 million people living in the United States.  Elected officials work for us. We pay their salaries. They are there to listen but they aren’t there to necessarily solve every problem on their own. How to Bloom Where You Are Planted  Pick something you have become an expert in.  How did you solve the problem for your own family? Could the same solution help others?  There is strength in numbers. Find families facing the same problem.  Pick up the phone and dial it. Secure an appointment. Go to it.  State your problem clearly and bring them a solution. They know how to put it into legalese.  Be prepared to testify, or get someone brave enough to testify. ROSA PARKS “ I have learned over the years that when one’s mind is made up, this diminishes fear; knowing what must be done does away with fear.”