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					                 The newsletter of
            Feldman, Franden,
            Woodard & Farris
                 December 15, 2000
                                                                              SPECIAL—END OF YEAR NEWS SALE!

          US SUPREME COURT TO DECIDE                                                        We are proud of . . .
          HEALTH CARE BENEFITS ISSUE                                    . . . our lawyers for their recent accomplishments . . . .

An insured covered by a               those responsible for the acci-TONY GRAHAM obtained                   THAYLA BOHN obtained
health policy is injured by the       dent and obtained more than    appellate affirmance of a grant        summary judgment in a
fault of another. He sues the         the amount of his health       of summary judgment for our            products liability suit alleg-
responsible person. Eventu-           benefits.                      client, a manufacturer of coin         ing defective firearms.
ally, he recovers more than                                          operated gaming devices, un-
the total of his medical bills.       The insured’s health care der the provisions of the I -     n         JODY NATHAN won sum-
Can the health insurance              plan required that beneficiar- dian Gaming Regulation Act.            mary judgment in a wrong-
company enforce a clause in           ies repay the amounts re-                                             ful death action, where the
the policy that permits it to         ceived from the insurer if JOE FARRIS and PAULA                       plaintiff failed to comply
seek reimbursement for the            they later were reimbursed by QUILLIN obtained summary                with the Oklahoma Govern-
benefits paid out under the           another source. In this case, judgment for defendants in a            mental Tort Claims Act.
policy?                               the insured refused to repay legal malpractice case, involv-
                                      the benefits, and the insurer ing an underlying premises              PAUL BOUDREAUX won
The U.S. Court for the 9th            sued under ERISA.              liability case.                        the trial of a personal injury
Circuit said “no,” in Reynolds                                                                              case. A passenger on a city
Metal Co. v. Ellis, 202 F.3d          ERISA provides a federal          KRISTIN FISHER won an               bus claimed she was injured
1246 (9th Cir. 2000).                 cause of action for civil         appeal. The Oklahoma Court          because the bus driver
                                      claims aimed at enforcing the     of Appeals reversed the trial       stopped suddenly to avoid
The U.S. Supreme Court has            provisions of an ERISA plan.      court's decision in a worker’s      another driver who was run-
agreed to review the dispute          In order to make such a           compensation case, awarding         ning a red light.
and is expected to clarify            claim, however, a plaintiff       claimant benefits, due to lack
whether health plans can sue          must fall within one of E    R-   of competent evidence to sup-       THE FIRM’S LEGAL
to enforce the policy provi-          ISA's nine specific civil e  n-   port the award.                     RE SEARCH “SWAT”
sion.                                 forcement provisions, each of                                         TEAM, led by Jody Nathan,
                                      which details who may bring       JOE FARRIS, JODY NA-                just completed a record-
The court will hear a Califor-        suit and what remedies are        THAN, a n d T H A Y L A             breaking year of early wins.
nia company's argument that           available. The 9th Circuit        BOHN obtained a writ of cer-        The courts granted motions
it can force a man to give            held that there was no ERISA      tiorari and writ of prohibition     to dismiss, motions for sum-
back his health benefits be-          provision permitting the in -     from the Oklahoma Supreme           mary judgment, motions in
cause he later got payment            surer to maintain its claim.      Court, recognizing immunity         limine — all disposing of
from another source.                                                    to a court-appointed guardian       lawsuits expeditiously and
                                      Insurers battling the rising      ad litem sued for negligence.       saving our clients money.
The insured was left a para -         cost of health care are moni-                                         The Terminators, as they are
plegic after an auto accident.        toring the decision with inter-   JOE FARRIS and PAULA                known, are swaggering
He received at least $561,145         est. The Supreme Court is         QUILLIN successfully termi-         around the law library wait-
in health care payments               expected to interpret previous    nated a sexual harassment           ing for another lawsuit to
through the coverage pro-             decisions in light of the scope   claim before it was filed in        kill and put out of its mis-
vided by his employer. He             and limitations of ERISA ac-      court.                              ery.
then settled a claim against          tions in federal court.

                                                                                                        A FEW
                                      It’s Winter . . .                                              SHORT JOKES

                                       Let it Snow!
                                                                                          A bad golfer spends a day at a plush
                                                                                          country club, playing golf and enjoy-
                                                                                          ing the luxury of a complimentary

                                                                                          Being a terrible golfer, he plays

Dear Diary,                                    DEC.25 Happy @#%$*& Holidays!
                                               More snow. If I ever get my hands on
                                               that &$%#@ who drives that plow, I
                                                                                          poorly all day. Round about the 18th
                                                                                          hole, he spots a lake off to the left of
                                                                                          the fairway. He looks at the caddy
AUG.12 Moved to our new home in                swear I'll kill the @%$*&. Don't           and says, "I've played so poorly all
PA. It is so beautiful here. The moun-         know why they don't use more salt on       day, I think I'm going to go drown
tains are so majestic. Can hardly wait to      the roads to melt the @#$*# ice.           myself in that lake."
see them with snow covering them. I
love it here.                                  DEC. 27 More white stuff last night.       The caddy looks back at him and
                                               Been inside for three days except for      says, "I don't think you could keep
OCT. 14 PA. is the most beautiful place        shoveling out the driveway after that      your head down that long."
on earth. The leaves are turned all the        snowplow goes through every time.
colors of red and orange. Went for a           Can't go anywhere, cars stuck in a                           ***
ride through the beautiful mountains           mountain of white. The weatherman
and saw some deer. They are so grace-          says to expect another 10" of this         A juggler, driving to his next per-
ful, certainly they are the most wonder-       stuff again tonight. Do you know           formance, is stopped by a policeman.
ful animal on earth. This must be para-        how many shovels full of snow 10"
dise. I love it here.                          is?                                        "What are these matches and lighter
                                                                                          fluid doing in your car?" asks the
NOV.11 Deer season will start soon. I          DEC.28 The @#%$ weatherman was             officer.
can't imagine anyone wanting to kill           wrong. We got 34" of that white stuff
such a gorgeous creature. Hope it will         this time. At this rate, it won't melt     "I'm a juggler and I juggle flaming
snow soon. I love it here.                     before next summer. The snow plow          torches in my act."
                                               got stuck up the road and that idiot
DEC. 2 It snowed last night. Woke up           came to the door and asked to borrow       "Oh yeah?" says the doubtful cop.
to find everything blanketed with white.       my shovel. After I told him that I had     "Let's see you do it."
It looks like a postcard. We went out-         broken six shovels already shoveling
side and cleaned the snow off of the           all the stuff he pushed into the drive-    The juggler gets out of the car and
steps and shoveled the driveway. We            way, I broke my last one over his          starts juggling the blazing torches
had a snowball fight (I won!), and when        head.                                      masterfully. A couple driving by
the snow plow c    ame by, we had to                                                      slows down to watch.
shovel the driveway again. What a              JAN.4 Finally got out of the house
beautiful, beautiful place. I love Penn-       today. Went to the store to get food,      "Wow," says the driver to his wife.
sylvania.                                      and on the way back, an idiotic deer       "I'm glad I quit drinking. Look at
                                               ran in front of my car and I hit it. Did   the test they're giving now."
DEC. 12 More snow last night. I loved          about $3000 worth of damage to my
it. The snow plow did his trick again to       car. Those stupid beasts should be                           ***
the driveway. I love it here.                  killed. Wish the hunters had killed
                                               them all last November.                    The patient awakened after the opera-
DEC.19 More snow last night. Couldn't                                                     tion to find herself in a room with all
get out of the driveway to get to work. I      MAY 3 Took the car to the garage in        the blinds drawn.
am exhausted from shoveling. Where’s           town. Would you believe the thing is
that stupid snow plow!!!                       rusting out from that salt they put all    "Why are all the blinds closed?" she
                                               over the road!                             asked her doctor.
DEC. 22 More of that white stuff fell
again last night. I've got blisters on my      MAY 10 I am sure that I’ll be happier      "Well," the surgeon responded,
hands from shoveling. I think the snow         here in Florida. I can't imagine why       “They're fighting a huge fire across
plow hides around the curve and waits          anyone in their right mind would ever      the street, and we didn't want you to
till I'm done shoveling the driveway. I        live in that Godforsaken state of          wake up and think the operation had
could strangle it with my bare hands.          Pennsylvania!                              failed."

                                                                                                         IN BRIEF

                                              US SUPREME COURT                             TOP 10
                                                TO RULE ON TAX                           RESPONSES
                                              DEDUCTIONS TAKEN
                                                                                         A HOLIDAY
                                           BY AFFILIATED COMPANIES                          GIFT
                                                                                         YOU DON’T
The Supreme Court has agreed to            The position of the IRS is that the
resolve a dispute over how to calcu-       product-liability losses must be cal-       10. Hey! There's a gift.
late certain tax deductions taken by       culated separately for each company.
affiliated companies which file joint      If this position is accepted, then prod-    9. Well, well, well…
federal tax returns.                       uct-liability expenses from a profit-
                                           able company cannot be used to off-         8. Boy, if I had not recently shot up 4
The court will review a North Caro-        set a tax bill from an earlier year.        sizes, that would've fit.
lina company's argument that it
should be allowed to use $1.6 million      United Dominion's argument would            7. Perfect for wearing in the basement.
in expenses to reduce its tax pay-         permit it take $1.6 million in product-
ments from a decade earlier.               liability deductions on past-years' tax     6. Gosh, I hope this never catches fire!
                                           bills, which the IRS says it should not
Federal tax law lets affiliated compa-     be allowed to take.                         5. If the dog buries it, I'll be furious!
nies file their taxes jointly, as though
they were one company. The law also        United Dominion filed a joint tax re-       4. I Love it, but I fear the jealousy it
allows companies operating in the          turn for 26 companies for the years         will inspire.
red to use that year's product-liability   1983 through 1986. The companies
costs to reduce their taxes in another     as a whole lost money during the tax        3. Sadly, tomorrow I enter the federal
year within the previous decade.           years, but the five companies that had      witness protection program.
Product-liability costs are payments       $1.6 million in product-liability ex-
to resolve a customer's claim of dam-      penses were profitable.                     2. To think I got this the year I vowed
age or injury caused by the com-                                                       to give all my gifts to charity.
pany's product.                            A federal judge at the trial court level
                                           ruled in 1998 that the company could        And the No. 1 response to a holiday gift
At issue in the case was how affili-       use the $1.6 million to reduce prior-       you don't like:
ated companies that file joint federal     year taxes. The U.S. Circuit Court of
returns must calculate product-            Appeals for the Fourth Circuit re-          1. I really don't deserve this.
liability losses to reduce their tax       versed, ruling that United Dominion
bills from previous years.                 could not use the deductions.
                                                                                      WORKERS COMP SEMINAR
United Dominion Industries wants to        Apparently federal appeals courts are
calculate all of its companies' prod-      in disagreement as to how the deduc-
uct-liability losses on a group basis.     tion should be calculated. The ap-         Thanks to everyone who joined us at the
If this were permitted, the company        peal should resolve this conflict and      Cowboy Hall of Fame this year for our
could use all product-liability ex-        create a uniform approach to these         Workers Compensation seminar. We
penses, even if they came from an          kinds of cases in the federal courts.      had a mock trial so our attorneys could
individual company that was earning                                                   show off their acting skills as well as
a profit.                                                                             provide some comic relief. We all took
                                                                                      a look at the use of videotapes as a de-
                                                                                      fense tool. Thanks to all the speakers
                                                                                      and the Judges of the Court for spending
"There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers ex-                    some time with us.
actly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly
disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and                          As always, we will appreciate your sug-
                                                                                      gestions for topics you would like to see
inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has                      covered at next Fall’s seminar. We hope
already happened." - Douglas Adams                                                    to see you there!

                 IN BRIEF
                                                PAULA: Being responsive to what the                 Letters Of
                                                client needs. Being on time. Respect             Recommendations
                                                for the Court, other lawyers, and other
                               Spotlight        people. Thorough preparation. R      e-           For Employees
                                 On             search. Being concise.                     Have to write a letter of recommenda-
                                                                                           tion for that fired employee? Be careful
                                                IN BRIEF: What do you like best            what you say! Here are a few suggested
                                                about practicing law?                      phrases:
                               QUILLIN          PAULA: Practicing here, at this firm.      For the chronically absent:
                                                IN BRIEF: Why?                             r"A man like him is hard to find."
                                                                                           r"It seemed her career was just taking
                                                PAULA: Off the record.                     off."

       n Brief caught Paula Quillin in the
       office on a sunny Saturday morning       IN BRIEF: Of course.                       For the office drunk:
       in late September to interview her for
       this edition. She agreed to be inter-    PAULA: We still like what we do, and       r"I feel his real talent is wasted here."
viewed, but we caught the look on her face      we like to win. We fight fair, but we      r"We generally found him loaded with
when we asked, which is captured above.         do fight. We get rid of frivolous law-     work to do."
Rather than edit our session, we will pre-      suits early so it saves money for the      r"Every hour with him was a happy
sent it in its entirety.                        public and for our clients. We have a      hour."
                                                very active motion practice, which I
IN BRIEF: Paula, what’s the most impor-         like, because I enjoy writing and think-   For an employee with no ambition:
tant thing about being a lawyer?                ing. And, I like the people I work
                                                with. I’d like to add, there’s nothing     r"He could not care less about the
PAULA: That’s ‘Ms. Quillin’ to you staff        wrong with my handwriting. The sec-        number of hours he had to put in."
members.                                                            retaries just don’t    r"You would indeed be fortunate to
                                                                    know how to read       get this person to work for you."
IN BRIEF: Very well, Your                                           properly.
Honor. . .                                                                                 For an employee who is so unproduc-
                                                                   IN BRIEF:     How       tive that the job is better left unfilled:
PAULA: ‘Your Majesty”                                              long have you been
would sound good.                                                  a lawyer?               r"I can assure you that no person
                                                                                           would be better for the job."
IN BRIEF: Can we be seri-                                          PAULA: Almost 20
ous for just a few minutes?                                        years. I was admit-     For an employee who is not worth fur-
Because we need this story.                                        ted in Texas, after     ther consideration as a job candidate:
                                                                   passing the Texas
PAULA: Oh, all right. But                                          Bar exam. Then, I       r"I would urge you to waste no time in
keep it short. My tee time’s                                       accepted a job here     making this candidate an offer of em-
in 30 minutes.                                                     in Tulsa and moved      ployment."
                                                                   to Oklahoma, and        r"All in all, I cannot say enough good
IN BRIEF: Does Joe Farris                                          took the Oklahoma       things about this candidate or recom-
know you walked across                                             Bar exam.               mend him too highly."
the hardwood floors in those cleats?
                                                IN BRIEF: Yes, well, I was noticing        For a stupid employee:
PAULA: I object to the question.                all those diplomas on your wall. Is
                                                there an area of law you focus on?         r"There is nothing you can teach a
PAULA: Sustained.                                                                          man like him."
                                                PAULA: Employment law, commer-             r"I most enthusiastically recommend
IN BRIEF: Okay, back to the original                                                  n
                                                cial litigation, regulatory matters, i -   this candidate with no qualifications
question. What is important about being a       surance defense . . . No, not really. I    whatsoever."
lawyer?                                         think it’s all interesting. And fun.
                                                                                           For a dishonest employee:
PAULA: Well, there’s more than just one         IN BRIEF: I’d like to talk about your
thing.                                          most embarrassing moment in Court.         r"Her true ability was deceiving."
                                                                                           r"He 's an unbelievable worker."
IN BRIEF: Name one or more.                     PAULA: I’m late for my golf game.

                                                                                                          IN BRIEF

                                              Recent                                   issue was whether there existed subject
                                                                                       matter jurisdiction on the basis of diversity
                                   Insurance Cases                                     of citizenship.

                                           of Interest                                 HMH filed affidavits, uncontroverted,
                                                                                       averring that it has not conducted any busi-
                                                                                       ness in Virginia; that it owns no property
                                                                                       in Virginia; that it has not solicited any
Motor Carriers:                            legedly due to the lawyer’s negligence, business in Virginia; that its employees
MCS-90 Endorsement                         failed to provide for access to certain have not visited Virginia on its behalf to
                                           tracts of land. The damages sought were conduct its business; and that it has no Vir-
In a case of first impression, the Court   the value of an easement, and the reduc- ginia patients. Because HMH’s contacts
was required to decide whether a fed-      tion in the value of the [tracts] caused by with Virginia have accordingly not been
erally mandated endorsement to an          the lack of access. The insurer argued continuous and systematic, the district
insurance policy created a duty on the     that the policy excluded from coverage court could not exercise general personal
part of an insurer to indemnify a per-     a malpractice claim alleging that the cli- jurisdiction over HMH.
missive user of an auto not covered by     ent suffered a loss in value of real prop-
the underlying policy for injuries he      erty. The Court disagreed, because an The only potential basis for personal juris-
negligently caused to members of the       easement is not tangible property, and diction therefore is the contractual relation-
public. The trial court, granting sum-     dimunition in value is not loss of use.     ship between Diamond and HMH Partners;
mary judgment to the insurer, found                                                    that is, whether, in connection with this
that the endorsement did not modify        Coregis Insurance Co. v. Law Offices of     contract, HMH had a substantial connec-
the policy to require indemnification..    Phillip S. Decaro (10th Cir. 2000)          tion with Virginia such that it engaged in
The 9th Circuit reversed, finding that                                                 some activity purposefully directed toward
the policy did provide for indemnity,      Health Insurance—HDC/PSCR                   Virginia. HMH’s actions must have been
under the circumstances of that case.                                                  directed at Virginia in more than a random,
                                           The issue was whether a plan which in-      fortuitous, or attenuated way.
The endorsement stated that "the in-       cluded coverage for chemotherapy and
surer agrees to pay. . . any final judg-   blood transfusions, but which, under an     The contracts had been initiated by Dia-
ment recovered against the insured for     exclusion for organ transplants, excluded   mond in Ohio and the agreement was to be
public liability . . . regardless of       most tissue transplants, should cover       performed in Ohio. Contacts with Virginia
whether or not each motor vehicle is       high dose chemotherapy with peripheral      were isolated and attenuated. Therefore,
specifically described in the policy       stem cell rescue (HDC/PSCR) for a           the Court lacked subject matter jurisdic-
[.]" (emphasis added). Whatever limi-      woman with breast cancer.                   tion.
tation a policy expresses regarding
coverage extending only to covered or      The district court on summary judgment      Diamond Healthcare of Ohio, Inc. v. Hu-
specified autos, this limitation ceases    found that HDC/ PSCR was a tissue           milty of Mary Health Partners (4th Cir.
to operate when an injured member of       transplant, clearly excluded from cover-    2000)
the public seeks indemnification on        age. The appellate court reversed, find-
behalf of the “insured.”                   ing that the Court should have inter-
                                           preted the Plan's terms from the perspec-
John Deere Insurance Company v.            tive of an average person. A person of
Nueva (9th Cir. 2000)                      average intelligence and experience                VIRUS WARNING
                                           would interpret the terms of the Plan to
Legal Malpractice Insurance                include coverage for HDC/PSCR.              By reading this newsletter while your com-
                                                                                       puter is running, you have just received the
Coregis issued a professional liability    Simkins v. NevadaCare, Inc., No. 99-        "Oklahoma Virus"
policy to DeCaro, a sole legal practi-     16844 (9th Cir. 2000)
tioner and professional corporation in                                                 As we ain't got no programming experi-
Colorado. The policy provided that it      Insurance Contract:                         ence, this virus works on the honor system.
did not apply to:                          Federal Court Personal Jurisdiction
                                                                                       Please delete all the files from your hard
E. any claim for loss of, injury to, or    Diamond Healthcare, a Virginia com-         drive, clip this notice, and send it to every-
destruction of tangible property or for    pany, contracted with HMH Partners          one on your mailing list.
loss of use thereof.                       agreeing to provide services to HMH
                                           Partners in Ohio. HMH terminated the        Thanks for your co-operation,
The malpractice claims concerned           contract. Diamond sued in federal court
agreements and conveyances that, al-       in Virginia for breach of contract. The     University of Southern Tulsa
                                                                                       Computer Engineering Dept

                 IN BRIEF
          illegal eagle                                                                          COMP
A forest ranger catches a man sitting by
a make-shift campfire in a state park. To                                                        NOTES
the ranger's horror, the man has just
cooked a innocent bald eagle and is
having it for dinner. Consequently, the                                                      WATHAN v. QUICK TEST, INC.,
man is arrested and put in jail for his                                                      2000 OK CIV APP 114

On the day of his trial, the conversation                                                    Claimant worked for Employer Quick
in the courtroom went                        squarely on his poor little head. Anyway,       Test, Inc., conducting interviews of
like this…                                   since I accidentally killed the eagle, I        various people on Employer's prem-
                                             figured it was a blessing in disguise. And      ises as part of market research. A    c-
The judge asked of the man, "Do you          so, your honor, I ate the bird to save my       cording to her evidence, she sustained
know that eating a bald eagle is a           own life."                                      a meniscal tear in her left knee when
federal offense?"                                                                            she attempted to push back the folding
                                             "Very well," replied the judge. "The            metal chair on which she was sitting in
"Yes I do, your honor. But, if you'll al-    court will take a fifteen minute recess         order to rise to escort an interviewee
low me to argue my case, I can               and return with a verdict."                     out of the office and deliver paper
explain what happened."                                                                      work to others in the office. The chair
                                             Some fifteen minutes later…                     did not slide or move on the carpeted
"Proceed."                                                                                   floor. Her knee "popped" as she used
                                             "In the court's opinion, due to your ex-        her left leg to try and push the balky
"Well, to be honest, I got lost in the       treme circumstances and the fact that           chair away from the table. The Court
woods and I hadn't had anything to eat       you had no poor intentions, the court           of Appeals ruled that the trial court
for two weeks. I was desperately hungry.     will dismiss all charges."                      erred in requiring Claimant to prove
Anyway, I saw a Bald Eagle swooping                                                          she was at "greater risk of injury" than
down at the lake for some fish and I fig-    The Judge then leans over the bench and         the general public from the interplay
ured, if I followed the eagle, I might be    whispers to the man, "If you don't mind         between the chair and the carpet.
able to steal the fish. After some time, I   my asking, what does a bald eagle taste
happened upon the eagle sitting on a tree    like?"                                          THOMAS v. SUNDOWNER,
stump with the fish. I threw a stone in                                                      2000 OK CIV APP 111
the eagle's direction, hoping he would       "Well, your honor," the man replied, "It's
drop the fish and fly away. Unfortu-         hard to explain...but, I suppose it is tastes   The trial court denied Henry’s claim,
nately, in my weakened condition, my         something like a California Condor or a         finding the injuries at work were not
aim was off... The rock hit the eagle        Spotted Owl."                                   compensable. The "claimant was not
                                                                                             an innocent victim but had uttered ex-
                                                                                             tensive 'fighting words' prior to the
                                                                                             alleged incident which provided
      Strike 3, You’re Out
                                                           True                              provocation for the co-worker to strike
                                                                                             claimant. On appeal, Henry argued
   Man: “I'd like to call you. What's
   your number?”
                                                         Factoids                            that mere words did not make him an
                                                                                             aggressor nor constitute willful or in-
   Woman: “It's in the phone book.”                                                          tentional behavior contributing to his
                                             13 people a year are killed by vending
   Man: “But I don't know your                                                               injury, and did nothing of a physical
                                             machines falling on them.
   name."                                                                                    nature to cause the fight.
   Woman: "That's in the phone
                                             40 people are sent to the hospital for dog
   book too.”                                                                                The Court upheld denial of compensa-
                                             bites every minute.
                                                                                             tion. Claimant had personally threat-
   Man: “Your place or mine?”                                                                ened to knock the co-worker in the
                                             2,488,200 books will be shipped in the
   Woman: “Both. You go to yours                                                             head and leave him in a puddle of
                                             next 12 months with the wrong cover.
   and I'll go to mine.”                                                                     blood, and did so in a setting in which
                                             2,000 pounds of space dust and other            pieces of metal tubing were near at
   Man: “I would go to the end of                                                            hand and readily available to carry out
                                             space debris fall on the Earth everyday.
   the world for you.”                                                                       the threat.
   Woman: “Yes, but would you
                                             4,000 people are injured by tea pots
   stay there?”
                                             every year.

                                                                                                            IN BRIEF

                                              From the Desk of:                            is no evil connotation to our own "little

                                                 Pat Smith
                                                                                           man in a red suit." It's a tradition, folks,
                                                                                           like sugar shock at Halloween or family
                                                                                           feuds over the Thanksgiving turkey or
                                       Human Resources Director                            broken hearts on Valentine's Day.
                                                                                           Could we lighten up?

                                                                                           FROM: Pat Smith, Human Resources
FROM: Ms. Pat Smith, Human                    FROM: Pat Smith, Human Resources             DATE: December 10
Resources Director                            Director                                     RE: Holiday Party
TO: Everyone                                  DATE: December 7
RE: Christmas Party                           RE: Holiday Party                            Vegetarians!?!?!? I've had it with you
DATE: December 1                                                                           people!!! We're going to keep this party
                                              What a diverse company we are! I had         at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue whether
I'm happy to inform you that the office       no idea that December 20 begins the          you like it or not, so you can sit quietly
Christmas Party will take place on De-        Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which          at the table furthest from the "grill of
cember 23, starting at noon in the ban-       forbids eating, drinking and intimacy        death," as you so quaintly put it, and
quet room at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue.       during daylight hours. There g     oes the   you'll get your #$%^&*! salad bar, in-
No-host bar, but plenty of eggnog! We'll      party! Seriously, we can appreciate how      cluding hydroponic tomatoes...but you
have a small band playing traditional         a luncheon this time of year does not        know, they have feelings, too. Toma-
carols ... feel free to sing along. And       accommodate our Muslim employees'            toes scream when you slice them. I've
don't be surprised if our General Man-        beliefs. Perhaps Luigi's can hold off on     heard them scream, I'm hearing them
ager shows up dressed as                                 serving your meal until the       scream right now!
Santa Claus!                                             end of the party, or else pack-
                                                         age everything for take-home      FROM: Karen Jones, Acting Human
FROM: Pat Smith, Hu-                                     in little foil swans. Will that   Resources Director
man Resources Director                                   work? Meanwhile, I've ar-         DATE: December 14
DATE: December 2                                         ranged for members of Over-
RE: Christmas Party                                      eaters Anonymous to sit far-      RE: Ms. Pat Smith and Holiday Party
                                                         thest from the dessert buffet     I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing
In no way was yesterday's                                and pregnant women will get       Pat Smith a speedy recovery from her
memo intended to exclude                                 the table closest to the rest-    stress-related illness and I'll continue to
our Jewish employees.                                    rooms. Did I miss anything?       forward your cards to her at the sanitar-
We recognize that Chanu-                                                                   ium. In the meantime, management has
kah is an important holi-                              FROM: Pat Smith, Human              decided to cancel our Holiday Party and
day which often coincides                              Resources Director                  give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd
with Christmas, though unfortunately not      DATE: December 8                             off with full pay. Happy Holidays.
this year. However, from now on we're         RE: Holiday Party
calling it our "Holiday Party." The same
policy applies to employees who are           So December 22 marks the Winter Sol-
celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. Happy       stice...what do you expect me to do, a
                                                                                                        W ise Words
now?                                          tap-dance on your heads? Fire regula-
                                              tions at Luigi's prohibit the burning of
FROM: Pat Smith, Human Resources              sage by our "earth-based Goddess wor-
                                                                                             It is only with the heart that
Director                                      shipping" employees, but we'll try to ac-
DATE: December 3                              commodate your shamanic drumming               one can see rightly; what is es-
RE: Holiday Party                             circle during the band's breaks. Okay?         sential is invisible to the eye.

Regarding the note I received from a          FROM: Pat Smith, Human Resources               One who makes no mistakes
member of Alcoholics Anonymous r -        e   Director                                       never makes anything.
questing a non-drinking table... you did-     DATE: December 9
n't sign your name. I'm happy to accom-       RE: Holiday Party
                                                                                             When people show their true
modate this request, but if I put a sign on
a table that reads, "AA Only," you            People, people, nothing sinister was in-       colors, you have a rare oppor-
wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How            tended by having our principal dress up        tunity to show yours.
am I supposed to handle this? Some-           like Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of
body?                                         "Santa" does happen to be Satan," there        The best things in life aren’t

                    In Brief
                    HAPPY HOLIDAYS

                    Feldman, Franden,
                    Woodard & Farris
                    525 S. Main, Suite 1000
                    Tulsa OK 74103


December 15, 2000                   918-583-7129

                    Thinking of modernizing your office communications network?
                                                   Listen to what IN BRIEF Editor Joe Farris says:

                                                   My partners got me a laptop computer for the holidays. I
                                                   had heard about these nifty little devices, but I never
                                                   realized how much work I could get done with one of these
                                                   things! I should have gotten one a long time ago, but
                                                   trial work keeps me pretty busy. I thought the learning
                                                   curve would be worse than it is! In fact, I was working
                                                   on my editorial for IN BRIEF almost as soon as I got it

                                                   The kids had told me, If you get a computer, be sure and
                                                   get a lot of storage . And, boy, did my partners come
                                                   through for me with the storage! I got 500 crisp sheets of
                                                   white paper. That is all I will need to communicate with
                                                   my IN BRIEF staff for a year!    And, I think the kids
                                                   will be proud of me, too, for remembering to ask! They
                                                   will be pleased, too, that at my age I am still keeping
                                                   up with modern technology!

                                                   So far, I have not been able to connect to the Internet,
                                                   which is a little bit disappointing. So, I asked one of my
                                                   partners, and she said, Well, it must be closed for the
                                                   holidays, which makes sense. So I will save that for
                                                   later. In the meantime, I have a newsletter to get out!
    Next time: Joe learns to “cut and paste.”


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