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Signs & Notices JOKES

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Signs & Notices JOKES Powered By Docstoc
					                                                          N e w s p a p e r/M a g a z in e



         w w w .t h e t e s t im o n y.c o .z a




                                    Signs and notices 01
     These are supposedly actual signs that have appeared at various locations.

    Found written on the wall in front of a photocopier of a company going through
    hardships : " DOUBLE YOUR PLEASURE - XEROX YOUR PAYCHECKS "

At a car dealership in Maryland to announce new seat belt legislation: "Belt your family.
                                      It's the law."

   Seen while travelling in the Yucatan Peninsula: "Broken English spoken perfectly"

At an Applebee's restaurant: "NOTICE: AFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY! A new 6% tax
                   will be charged for the cost of collecting taxes!"

Fitness Centre sign: "Self Esteem is feeling good about yourself - regardless of the facts."

                   In restaurant: "Open seven days a week and weekends."

On the freeway in Boston during a MAJOR transformation of the streets and bridges, etc:
      "Rome wasn't built in a day. If it was we would have hired their contractor."

     A sign in front of an advertising agency in south superhighway, Philippines: "A
             BUSINESS WITH NO SIGN IS A SIGN OF NO BUSINESS"

 A sign in front of a Macadamia Nut Factory in Hawaii: "Caution: Nuts crossing road."

    n a ski lift in Taos, NM: 'No jumping from the lift. Survivors will be prosecuted.'

 Official sign near door: Door Alarmed. Hand printed sign nearby: Window frightened.

   Road sign seen on the island of Cyprus. (translation of the Greek): 'Caution: Road
                              Slippery from Grape juice'

   A sign advertising a Company wide skiing race: Let's see who can go downhill the
                                      fastest.

                 Sign in King's Canyon in California. 'Slow Parking Ahead'
A billboard seen next to the highway, travelling from Johannesburg International Airport
 into town. An Ad for BMW showing a photo of a BMW 328i convertible with the roof
    and all the windows down. The caption reads:' Our hardware runs better without
                                    WINDOWS!!!'

Two signs found on top of one another in a country kitchen several years ago: Restrooms
                  to the left. Please wait for the hostess to seat you.

  Seen in a health food store. "Shoplifters will be beaten over the head with an organic
                                          carrot"

               "Children left unattended will be towed at parents expense."

 I went to a little hole in the wall restaurant: the sign read: Women are not served here.
                                 You have to bring your own.


    At a Santa Fe gas station: "We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container."

In a New York restaurant: "Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see
                                  the manager."

On the wall of a Baltimore estate: "Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the
                                  law.-Sisters of Mercy"

     On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners: "38 years on the same spot."

       In a Los Angeles dance hall: "Good clean dancing every night but Sunday."

                   In a Florida maternity ward: "No children allowed."

                 In a New York drugstore: "We dispense with accuracy."

     In the offices of a loan company: "Ask about our plans for owning your home."

          In a New York medical building: "Mental Health Prevention Centre"


 On a New York convalescent home: "For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church."

  On a Maine shop: "Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and
                                   workmanship."

         At a number of military bases: "Restricted to unauthorized personnel."

   On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards: "Now available in multi-packs."
   In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: "Don't kill your wife. Let our washing
                             machine do the dirty work."

                          In a funeral parlour: "Ask about our layaway plan."

            In a clothing store: "Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."

  In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store: "15 men's wool suits, $10. They won't
                                    last an hour!"

                On a shopping mall marquee: "Archery Tournament-Ears pierced"

Supplied by AHA JOKES: visit www.ahajokes.com


THESE JOKES WERE PUBLISHED BY THE TESTIMONY

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