CLASSIFIED ADVERTS JOKES

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                                  Real classified ads 01
These are supposedly actual classified ads that have appeared in various papers across the
                                          world.

         SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE...ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.

   2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES, 1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: R15

DO SOMETHING SPECIAL FOR YOUR VALENTINE - HAVE YOUR SEPTIC
                      TANK PUMPED.

 FULL SIZED MATTRESS. 20 YR WARRANTY. LIKE NEW. SLIGHT URINE
                            SMELL.

 FREE 1 CAN OF PORK & BEANS WITH PURCHASE OF 3 BR 2 BTH HOME.

             FOR SALE: JAN BOTHA (6 MILLION RAND MAN) - R50


 HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER - "IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE
                           IT!"


             PRESIDENT'S CHOICE - COW MANURE - 2 33lb bags - $5


NICE PARACHUTE - NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE - SLIGHTLY STAINED


  TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR? WE OFFER PROFIT
  SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS. STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR.


 OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB - AND IT'S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN
                         LEATHER.
 FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG...LOOKS LIKE A RAT...BEEN OUT AWHILE...
                     BETTER BE A REWARD.

               FREE PUPPIES...PART GERMAN SHEPHERD, PART DOG

     FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 COCKER SPANIEL - 1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR DOG

 FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD. UNPLEASANT LITTLE DOG.

      GERMAN SHEPHARD. 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.

                  CUTE KITTEN FOR SALE, 2 CENTS OR BEST OFFER

                            FREE: FARM KITTENS. READY TO EAT.

          KITTENS 8 WEEKS OLD - SEEKING GOOD CHRISTIAN HOME.


                 CLASSIFIED ERRORS, from a small-town daily:
 (Monday) FORE SALE - R. D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Phone 555-
         0707 after 7 p.m. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him cheap.
(Tuesday) NOTICE - We regret having erred in R. D. Jone's ad yesterday. It should
  have read: One sewing machine for sale. Cheap: 555-0707 and ask for Mrs. Kelly
                           who lives with him after 7 p.m.
  (Wednesday) NOTICE - R. D. Jones has informed us that he has received several
annoying telephone calls because of the error we made in his classified ad yesterday.
    His ad stands corrected as follows: FOR SALE - R. D. Jones has one sewing
 machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 555-0707 and ask Mrs. Kelly who loves with him.
     (Thursday) NOTICE - I, R. D. Jones, have NO sewing machine for sale. I
 SMASHED IT. Don't call 555-0707, as the telephone has been disconnected. I have
  NOT been carrying on with Mrs. Kelly. Until yesterday she was my housekeeper,
                                    but she quit."

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THESE JOKES WERE PUBLISHED IN THE TESTIMONY

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