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                                           ELC Accident!
                                                                                           their classes.
                        April 1, 2001
                   Volume 26, Issue 0      Free Food for A’s
                                                                                             “This is a unique idea,” said Luana
elcwww.byu.edu                             By Itsy-Bitsy Zarco                             Rangel from Mexico City, “that teachers
                                                                                           care about us and let us be rewarded of
                                             Students who have A’s for a week are          the efforts we are doing.” This opinion is
                                           getting free food. It is done once a week       supported by many other students who
                                           at the Parkway Café. You just need to           always go to class and turn in all their
Not Inside this Issue                      show your ID and a letter written by Dr.        homework and assignments on time.
                                           Graham, where he says you have an A
               •    Students Strike        in one of your classes during the                  Furthermore, this is a special
1                   Over Too Much
                    Homework
                                           previous week. Then, you go to Joyce’s          opportunity. Not a lot of schools have
                                           office and she will give you a ticket for       these kinds of prizes to motivate
               •    Joyce Gets Fired!      $5.00, which you use to buy your food.          students. Rye Sato from Japan said, “I
3              •    Choir to Sing in                                                       like it because if I don’t have any money
                    NYC!                     Teachers have found that it is
                                                                                                                         See Free on page 2
               •    Julia Roberts Gives    motivating for ELC students to be
7                   1 Million to Help
                    Poor ELC Sutdents
                                           rewarded when they get good grades.
                                           Ms. Eslinger, from Canada said, “Their
               •    ELC Final Exams        Canadian food is the most delicious.              NO CLASSES
6.5                 Cancelled!             Good students should have the
                                           opportunity to taste that food. It’s              TOMORROW!
               •    Dear Blabby!           yummy.” In order to do something                  Classes cancelled for Teacher Appreciation
8              •    More Fair pics.        about this, Joyce and Mr. Isaak came up                           Holiday!
                                           with such a great idea—to give free
               •    English Through        food to students who get A’s in any of
9                   Playing Soccer
                                                                 ELC students              skills      like          and high school
                    offered at ELC         Getting               that are in level         vocabulary, and           or university
               •    ELC Tuition Hike
23                  of $5,000              in Easy               5 have the                enough                    grades.
                                                                 capacity and are          knowledge they
               •    Miss ELC Beauty
                                           to BYU                ready to start            need to be in the            Many people
                                                                 university. “             university. It’s          and        BYU
42                  Contest Held           By Adriana Vanilla
                                                                 They don’t need           not necessary to          professors have
                                                                 to present the            do the TOEFL              studied      this
                                              Now students                                                           proposal. They
                                                                 TOEFL        test         to show how
                                           of the ELC who                                                            made        this
                                                                 scores         to         much English
                                           will be in level                                                          decision to help
                                                                 demonstrate               the students
                                           5          next                                                           ELC students to
                                                                 their                     know. Now, the
                                           semesters, and                                                            get in because
                                                                 knowledge,”               admission office
                                           want to enter to                                                          BYU requires
                                                                 said the director         will consider
Please send all positive comments          BYU don’t have
                                                                 of International          ELC grades.               lots          of
regarding this newsletter to Mr. Isaak..   to    do      the
                                                                 Services.                 Students must             international
Keep negative comments to yourself!        TOEFL test.
                                                                                           have            a         students and
                                           The                     Students of                                       with this new
                                                                                           minimum of 3.7
                                           International         level 5 usually                                   See No More TOEFL
                                                                                           at ELC, the
                                           Office said that      have the basic                                              on page 2
                                                                                           application form
                          . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
 April Fool’s Day 2001

                                            Free—Cont. from page 1                                    No More TOEFL—Cont. from page 1


for lunch, I just need to        Wednesday:        Jordanian         decision, it will be easier for international students to enter
walk in and give them my         food: baklava                       BYU. “It will be less difficult for international students to
ticket, and I can eat                                                enroll in the University, also we know that they do their best
whatever I want without          Thursday: Canadian food:            and we want to give them preference”, said Mr. Hawkins, a
spending a penny.”               It’s a surprise!!!!!                professor of Spanish at BYU. “I don’t think this is fair because
                                                                     I already passed the TOEFL and studied a lot, and know other
  Thus, if you haven’t had       Friday: Brazilian food:
                                                                     students don’t have to do that! I’m really angry,” said Alberto
the opportunity, give it a       Feijoada (just from 10:30
                                                                     Gonzalez from Mexico.
try. For instance, let me        to 12:30)
just tell you some of the                                            This is a good opportunity for all the students who want to go
                                  This is just this week’s
menu they are having next                                            to BYU next semester because students will have more
                                 cuisine, but later on they
week.                                                                opportunities than other students that aren’t in the ELC, and
                                 might have your countries’
                                                                     because of that, whoever wants to get in, this is the best way to
Monday: Japanese food:           food, so be aware. You’ll
                                                                     do it.
sushi with raw fish.             see it is worth to try.

Tuesday: Mexican food:         Get your free bagels today in the
Mole enchiladas and             Cultural Hall at 10:45am. The
Oaxaqueños’ tamales (after        first 225 students will also
the devotional).                                                                                     Earn Extra Money!
                               receive a free bottle of chocolate
                                              milk!                                                  Be the first person
                                                                                                      to find a grammar
                                                                                                     or spelling errors in
Andrea Abducted by                                                          Andrea                   this newsletter and
                                                                                                       report them to
Aliens                                                                    Padilla—as
                                                                           normal as                   Room 103. Earn
By Pea-Lee Baptism                                                          can be                     $5.00 for every
                                                                           expected.
  Aliens from the Mecomolosmocos
                                                                                                      mistake you find.
galaxy abducted Andrea Padilla, one of
the absolute best students from the ELC
on March 16th. She was taken to another
dimension and got along with the
extraterrestrials for two years. However,   don’t remember exactly what happened
in earth time was just a weekend so         after that, but I felt a weird sensation in   explain that she was abducted by aliens.
Andrea’s roommates thought she just         my stomach…later I realized that it was       To prove it, she showed her tattoo of
went to Las Vegas for gambling like she     the results of tons of beans I ate for        E.T. in her left arm, and she started to
always does.                                lunch,” Andrea explained.                     speak in idioms used by the aliens.

   Andrea Padilla was in her room Friday      Andrea lived for two years in a               Now Andrea is on medication, and
night when suddenly she saw a bright        faraway galaxy, eating food that doesn’t      some specialists say that she suffered
light through the window. Andrea went       exist in our world and speaking another       shock caused by doing a lot of
outside, and she found a huge spaceship.    language. She said, “The language was         homework and the stress accumulated at
Hanging on one of the spaceship metal       a mix between French, Arabic and              the ELC. Andrea was called by Steven
doors was an advertisement that said,       Chinese, but everything is better than        Spielberg to film a movie about her
“We need a human girl from Spain to         this crazy English I am learning here in      contact with aliens. A possible title will
study her behavior and interesting          Utah. After those years in outer space,       be How to Create an Absurd Lie to Get
culture.” Andrea, who is a nosy girl,       Andrea returned on Monday morning.            Everybody’s Attention.
went into the spaceship and stayed there    Her roommates asked how the trip to Las
waiting for a Martian experience. “ I       Vegas had been, and Andrea tried to                                    See Aliens on page 9


    2                    . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
                                                                                                                    ELC Accident!


Twins Reunited                                                                            Jackie Chan
By TopRamen Shourati                                                                      Coming
   Many students at the ELC suspected                                                     By Aswami Oh-so-tany
that Mr. Isaak and Mr. Cox were
brothers, so they asked Joyce Kohler,                                                        Jackie Chan, one of the most world
the secretary of the ELC, if they were                                                    famous movie stars from Hong Kong,
right. Joyce interviewed both of them                                                     is coming to be an ELC student next
separately in her office and asked them                                                   summer semester. Also, he is going
about their pasts. Also, she searched on                                                  to teach Kung Fu to the ELC students
the Internet and asked several                                                            after the classes. (Of course, it is
investigating offices in both Idaho and                    Ah, brotherly love!            free.) He said this as an official
California about them. As a result of                                                     comment. He thought that he needs
Joyce’s investigation, she figured out      him and told me, “Oh yes, that is what I      to improve his English in his future
that Mr. Cox and Mr. Isaak are not just                                                 movies for more success in the U.S.
                                            have been waiting for!” Then they
brothers but they are twins.                quarreled.
                                                                                          His manager was looking for a school
   Mr. Cox and Mr. Isaak were born in                                                   for Jackie Chan, and he heard a rumor
Idaho, where they lived with each other     Beds at ELC                                 about the ELC as the best place to learn
till they were one year old. Then their                                                 English. He checked out the ELC, and
                                            By No-Way-Me Lastiri
father received a letter from California                                                decided to let Jackie Chan come here.
that he had been accepted to work in a        Spring and summer semesters will be         Jackie Chan said, “I’m excited about
company there and he decided to leave       marvelous not because of the weather        going to Provo, Utah. I have been to
Idaho, on the other hand their mother       but because of a new plan being             Salt Lake City many times, but it will be
preferred the living in Idaho and didn’t    instituted by the ELC. As a fulfillment     the first time to go to Provo. Also,
agree to move to California. At last they   of the request from the ELC students,       learning English again as just a student
agreed that Mr. Cox would stay with his     the ELC has arranged that some beds         is most exciting for me right now. I
mother in Idaho and Mr. Isaak would         will be available for students and          hope I can learn English as much as I
move with his father to California.         teachers during the break.                  learn about American culture.”
   Years passed and both of Mr. Isaak          An invitation is open to all those who      He already took off for his summer
and Mr. Cox got married and had             need to catch up on some sleep.             vacation to come here. He is waiting to
children. Mr. Cox got a job as an           Beginning next semester, just come to       get an I-20 now. Also, he is planning to
English teacher in the ELC. Fortunately,    the 3rd floor and take a nice quiet nap.    learn about American movies during his
Mr. Isaak applied for the same job and      You may think it will be uncomfortable      stay here. He has not decided where he
he was accepted. They worked together       but a great plan has been created and       will stay in Provo. If anyone does not
but never knew that they were brothers      started to have all comforts and            have a roommate for next summer
until Joyce looked into the case and        pleasures. For example, all the             semester, ask Joyce. You may have a
discovered the relationship between         classrooms in the third floor will be       chance to share your room with Jackie
them. Words cannot express the              adapted to be bedrooms with top-quality     Chan. Also, if anyone is returning to the
happiness that Joyce brought to their       Army cots. A Jacuzzi and shower are                                  ELC again, the
lives and how they were pleased when        being built in the back of the parking                               students will
she told them.                              lot.                                                                 see him soon.
  After that, I had an interview with                                                                            Thus,      next
                                              The cost will be only $.25 an hour
both of them, and I asked them how                                                                                    semester’s
                                            and for further information go to
they feel now that they know that they                                                                           ELC students
                                            Joyce’s office or contact Mr. Isaak or
are brothers. Mr. Cox said, “I feel much                                                                         are very lucky.
                                            his twin brother Mr. Cox.
better because now I have a reason to
have a fight with Mr. Isaak since we are
brothers!” and then Mr. Isaak stared at


    . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .                                                                      3
April Fool’s Day 2001


Transfer to BYU-
                                                                                                          If you are
Hawaii ELC                                                                                              interested in
By Heylong Shoe Kim                                                                                   transferring to
                                                                                                     the ELC at BYU
   Wow! How interesting! After summer
semester, ELC students can transfer to                                                                Hawaii, pick up
the BYU-Hawaii ELC. According to Dr.                                                                  an application
Graham, BYU-Provo ELC and BYU-                                                                         form in Room
Hawaii ELC will exchange 25 students                                                                          103
for 1 semester. He said, “This is the first
time. I hope that the ELC students will
learn more English, and culture on the
Hawaii campus. Perhaps most of
students will find it interesting.”


                                                                     Attention!
   However, you have to meet certain
requirement. First of all, if you want to
go to Hawaii, you must be level 5, and
you will be put into level 4 in the            The bathrooms will be closed for one week
Hawaii ELC. Second, if you are a level          beginning today at 12:00pm for repairs. If
5 student, you have to get at least an A-
grade each class. Also you have to write        need a bathroom, you can go across the
an essay to apply. You can get                      street to the Glenwood or Riviera
application form in the Ms Eslinger’s
office, and dead line is on April 12th.
                                                    Apartments and knock on doors.
Airfare, food and housing are free, but
tuition is more expensive than before. It
is $ 2,350, but Jin Soo Bae who is level
3 student said, “It is a very good deal. A
good opportunity, and if I have the
chance, I will go there.” Perhaps it does
not seem easy for students, but you can
do it. Please do not give up. Third, you
have to get a shot to protect against
malaria and scarlet fever before you go         This Thursday Night’s activity is a trip to beautiful Las Vegas!
to the BYU-Hawaii ELC. Upon
completion of 1 semester in Hawaii, you
have to choose between the Provo ELC            Sign up in Room 103. Students and immediate family are free.
and Hawaii ELC. I have good news for                             All others must pay $2.00.
students, who are preparing for
university. Upon completion of level 4        We will leave Thursday right after class at 2:30pm and will return
at the BYU-Hawaii ELC, you can
automatically become a BYU-Hawaii
                                                               the next morning at 10:00am.
student. Also you can transfer to BYU-
Provo campus if you get enough credit               Each student should bring a pillow, blanket and a roll of nickels.
points (at least 40 credits). The ELC
students are expected to go to BYU-
Hawaii ELC, and the students who do,
will have to study hard.



   4                    . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
                                                                                                             ELC Accident!

                                           Second, when you go to a                    You can eat bread, meat, chocolate
                                        restaurant with them, eat a lot.            and many things we all like. The diet
                                        Americans like a person who can eat         consists of eating twice a day, just
                                        a lot. Even though Americans do not         breakfast and lunch. For breakfast
                                        eat very much, you had better eat a         you need to drink either 1-cup of
                                        lot. Don’t be hesitant. If the              juice or milk, eat 2 small pancakes or
                                        American left some food on their            2 waffles with syrup, 1 granola bar
                                        dish, eat all of that, too. This is         and 1 banana or 2 oranges.
Successful                              always welcome, so don’t be shy!
                                                                                       For lunch you can eat a whopper
American Dating                            Third, when you order something          with french fries without catsup and
By Aswami Oh-so-tany                    to eat in a restaurant with them, order     cheese, don’t eat a Big Mac because
                                        the most expensive dish, always! If         it contains a lot of fat. Chicken with
   Are you interested in dating an      you do so, Americans are always             some salad and 2 pieces of wheat
American? Have you ever dated an        happy. They eagerly want to pay for         bread, or a beefsteak with rice and
American? If you have not, here are     you because it makes them feel              salad without dressing. These meals
some good ways to take a fancy to       happy. Americans must think that            must be accompanied with soda or
them that I can tell you. For the       you deeply like them, and that is why       juice, not water. Also you can have a
future, please remember these           you should order such an expensive          small dessert like a small ice cream,
strategies. It makes a big difference   dish.                                       6 cookies or a small piece of
whether you know the strategies or                                                  chocolate cake, but it’s better if you
not.                                      Finally, when you go on a date,           eat some nachos with cheese. “It is
                                        always be late by at least 30 minutes.      important to remember that the faster
                                        Then, say this first, “I was trying to      you eat, the faster you’ll lose
                                        make myself beautiful because I             weight.” Said Dr.Johnson from
                                        want you to think that I am the best        Provo Hospital.
                                        person for you.” If you say so, they
                                        will fill up with emotion.                     It is important to follow this diet
                                                                                    correctly because if you don’t, you
                                          These are the most common                 won’t have the results you want. “ I
                                        American favorite things to seek for        followed every step of the diet, and I
                                        their partner, so when you go on a          can tell you that I lost 20 lbs in 8
                                        date with an American next time, try        days! This diet is truly recommended
                                        these strategies. I am sure you can         for all the people who would like to
                                        succeed with them. Also, you can            lose weight ”, said Zeika Rodriguez
  First, when you go on a date, do      have a deeper relationship than ever        from Mexico. Also it’s important that
not brush your teeth. Then, eat         before with them, I promise. Good           you don’t do exercise, because it can
onions a lot, especially uncooked       luck, everyone.                             affects your digestive process.
ones. Moreover, garlic sounds much
better, so eat both. Americans like     New American Diet                              Therefore, don’t waste your time
such smells very much. If they smell                                                trying other diets that won’t work,
these sorts of things from your         By Adriana Vanilla                          try this diet to lose weight and have
mouth, they will fall in love deeply                                                the figure you have always dreamt
with you. Another kind of smell that      If you want to lose weight and            of.
Americans like is body odor. Thus,      want to have the perfect figure,
you should not take a bath or shower    you’re reading the correct article!
before meeting with them. Of course,    This is the newest American diet in           Joke of the Week
do not put on any deodorant on your     which you’re going to lose 20 lbs in
body. They like smells such as sweat    7 days. You just need to follow the       What do you get when you cross an ELC
or your natural body odor. If they      diet correctly and you will have                teacher with an elephant?
smell this kind of odor, they will      extraordinary results.
often get close to you.                                                                 Look for answer on page 3


    . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .                                                                 5
April Fool’s Day 2001

                                           good at growing all kinds of plants           helpful activity to improve your
New Idioms for                             you can say, “I have a technicolor            listening speaking skills. As well,
the Millennium                             thumb.” Beside these, you can                 reading skills get better because of
                                           express that you won a game by                the speed and sense that you give to
By TopRamen Shourati                       saying, “My back is red”, because             the dialogues when reading the
                                           when you win a game everyone who              subtitles.
   There are many useful idioms and        sees you will slap you on your back
slang phrases that people used to say      and say “You did a great job” so                A week before the TOELF, take
in the years before 2000. As we            after a group of people see you, your         vacations with your native speaking
know, technology changes and has           back will become red.                         pals. Since it helps to relax your
become highly developed through                                                          mind and nerves. Go to Las Vegas
the years. Likewise, language              A last thing to add is when you first         and gamble, have fun in Salt Lake
changes since people are increasingly      use these idioms in front of people           City take a tour and experience all
in need of new idioms and slang            their faces will change and they may          night fun that you find in the discos
phrases to feel that they are living in    kick you, because these idioms are            and bars.
a new century. New idioms are              very strong, so wear very old clothes
developed in education, love and           that you don’t need while using these            Finally, a night before taking the
sports fields in addition to other         idioms.                                       TOEFL go dancing and burn the
areas.                                                                                   midnight oil with the most exciting
                                                                                         music in English. All these activities
   First of all, in love, “He jumps like
                                           Tips for Passing                              will refresh your mind just in time
a frog” means that someone fell in         TOEFL                                         before the TOEFL test. Of course
love with a girl because whenever he                                                     these all suggestions are from a dear
thinks of her, he jumps because of         By No-Way-Me Lastiri                          student who got one of the highest
the great happiness. Also, if someone                                                    scores on the TOEFL test. Why don’t
broke up with a girl we can say, “He          If you are one of the students who         you try and add your name to this
stepped on a mosquito” since when          worries about passing the TOEFL in            list. Be smart and follow these
he steps on a mosquito it will be          June, these useful tips will help you         suggestions as much as you can.
killed and he will never see her.          to get a good score. Check them out!!
Moreover, if an international student
went on a date with a girl we can say,
                                               Because your TOEFL classes
                                           focus on speaking, you will just see
                                                                                   Come to Choir!
“He went to eat” as they miss their
                                           how this speaking practice will
food so when they date they go to
                                           improve your skills in the other
restaurants.
                                           areas. Vocabulary will be gotten
For educational matters one can say,       through your communication skills
“Your head is as big as a                  with your roommates, pals,
watermelon” which means that you           neighbors, friends and so on. You
are really smart since your head is        will see that the more you speak with
big enough to fit two normal brains.       American people the more you get         Next week’s schedule:
Another useful idiom is “You are           vocabulary. So have fun now and         • Monday: 7-8am in the 1st
green headed” that can be used to          speak out, gossip, shout, converse,       Floor chapel
express that someone is stupid             chat, and talk to every body around     • Tuesday: 12:10-1:15pm in
because green represents stupidity.        you. Even if you are in class, the        Joyce’s office.
Furthermore, if students say, “I’m         reason why you are speaking is          • Wednesday: 2:30-2:32pm
constipated” then they mean that           because        your     ability    in     in the SASC
they are flooded with a lot of             listening/speaking is improving and     • Thursday: 8-5pm in the
homework.                                  teachers may be able to understand        Cultural Hall (lunch will be
                                           it.                                       served)
In sports and talents fields, “My neck
hurts me,” means that I’m very good          Watch all the movies in the               Don’t be late or Mr. Isaak will
at doing something. Also if you are        “sassy” after class!!! It is another        have a nervous breakdown!


   6                    . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
                                                                                                                 ELC Accident!

                                            Finally, one thing I would like to
Provo—Exciting                           remind you again is that if you really    FULL TUITION SCHOLARSHIPS
Place                                    like to be a housewife or a hard-         are available to students with at
                                         working student, Provo is really good       least a 3.0 in every class. All
By Feather B. Huang                      place to come to.
                                                                                    you need to do is fill out a form
   Provo is an exciting place that you                                               that can be obtained from Mr.
will never forget. Let me tell you                                                             Slowinski.
why Provo is an exciting place and
introduce what Provo is.

   Provo is in Utah, which is a desert
state. Most people living in Provo are
members of the Mormon Church.
(There are above 90% people who
are members.) Most of them are
students from everywhere. People
are very friendly and help each other
because of teaching of Gospel. Crime
seldom happened here.                    By Heylong Shoe Kim

   There are some famous places and      Are you struggling with ELC class? Does your brain fry during final exams? I
interesting activities in Provo. The     have a perfect solution for your problems. This recipe provides excellent
first of them is Brigham Young           nutritional sources for brain cell formation. You’ll see your IQ change within a
University. If you want to find a        few weeks (average IQ increase is 8-31)
husband or a wife please come to
BYU. Most students desire to marry         According to the research done by Professor Smith and his students at
in the Temple with a member of the       Harvard university, daily intake of one cup of brain chow main will
Church. Moreover, they regard            significantly increase IQ for all ages. Especially, for students who are learning
marriage as their most important         foreign languages. – New York Times
purpose. That’s why they come to
BYU. They are interested in studying     Brain Chow Main
and looking for the right person.        Ingredients (5 servings)
They are like hunters playing a          - 2 queen bee brains (scientists still can’t figure out how queen bees produce
hunting (dating) game. Second, one       royal jelly)
of their favorite activities is going    - 20 honeybee brains (honey bees have the smartest brain for architecture)
shopping at Food-4-Less having the       - 2 lbs of monkey brain (monkeys are known as the closest relatives to human)
                                         - 2 cups of finely chopped cactus (make sure the needles are chopped short
most delicious food in this town.
                                         enough not to choke people)
Third, they like to go to library        - 3 T olive oil                         - 1 T butter
because there is nothing but studying    - 2 cloves of garlic                    - 2 T flour
going on BYU’s library that is like      - 1 medium onion                        - 2 cups of blood
very excellent hotel. There are many     - 1/8 t salt
good restrooms; you can even study       - 1/8 t pepper
in a restroom. That’s why everyone
thinks BYU’s students study hard.        1.Take brains out from each ingredient and drain blood well (don’t throw away
                                         the blood. You’ll need the blood for sauce)
Forth, if you like a peaceful place
                                         2.Sautee monkey brain with onions, garlic and olive oil.
and clean scenery, please come to        3.Add honeybees and queens brain. Make sure not to over cook queen bees
Provo. When you walk on the street       brain-cook in high heat for short time for crunchiness.
you will feel safe and when the wind     4.For sauce, melt butter and mix with flour. Then slowly mix with blood. Add
will rush your face you will feel dry.   salt and pepper.
                                         5.Put sautéed items on a plate and pour the blood sauce over it.
                                         6.Serve hot with rice or noodles.


     . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .                                                                  7
April Fool’s Day 2001

                                                  up you can see your reflection with         Once I tried it, but I got itchy and I
                                                  make up and your hair done. Also if         had nightmares. Another thing is that
                                                  you have gained some weight these           for some weird reason it makes me
                                                  miraculous mirrors make you look            sleepy, as well as dizzy. Whenever I
                                                  like you just had a liposuction.            look at it, I feel like throwing my the
Do you have an opinion that you would                                                         breakfast. I think we should tell
 like to share? Well, guess what? We                   Andres Parra, a level 4 student,       Joyce, or someone else. It seems like
       don’t even want to hear it!                  said, “ My favorite part is the soap. I   the teachers don’t care if we sleep
                                                    have never seen soap so hydrating         well or not.
ELC’s Best Thing                                    and with such a delicious smell in
                                                             whole my life. Even if you       Another reason is that when you
By Pea-Lee Baptism
                                                             get the soap and it doesn’t      walk, you trip. It makes me angry all
                                                             work, they give your money       the time because I am always about
   Have you ever
                                                             back. The soap makes me          to fall down in front of everybody.
thought about the
                                                             feel so fresh and clean that I   Let me tell you about Noemi
wonderful things
                                                             want to go outside and sing      Lastiri’s experience. She was in her
that the ELC has?
                                                             and dance the lambada.” It’s     reading class, taking a quiz. The time
Maybe there are
                                                             a great opportunity to be        was over, so she had to hand in her
little details you
                                                             here, learn English and          quiz to Mr. Luke. She stood up and
haven’t noticed,
                                                             enjoy this privilege that we     started to walk towards the professor,
but if we think
                                                             as international students        who was in front of her. And when
about              it
                         Pily just loves the bathroom!       have with the restrooms.         she was about to give the quiz to
consciously these
                                                             Now the students will            him, she fell down right there. On
details are great
                                                             appreciate more the              her knees, she seemed to be begging
blessings.
                                                    powerful sound of a flush and the         for forgiveness, and Mr. Luke, with
   A poll was taken to find out what                gentle touch of the toilet paper. And     his great sense of humor, said,
the students love most about the                    this will always remind us to count       “That’s OK Noemi, I forgive you.
ELC. The results of the survey show                 our many blessings!                       You can get up.” Isn’t this
that the best place to be in the ELC is                                                       embarrassing?
in the restrooms. All students adore              Ugly Carpet Color                              Another reason is that the carpet
the little signs outside of the
                                                  By Itsy-Bitsy Zarco                         builds up static electricity and we get
restrooms, aren’t they cute? Every
                                                                                              shocked whenever we touch any
time students see these signs they
                                                     I will tell you why I hate the ELC       metal thing. For instance, I go get my
feel the necessity that they have to go
                                                  carpet so much. First of all, the color     books from my locker, and when I
inside and answer nature’s call.
                                                  is the ugliest carpet color I have ever     try to open it, I get shocked. Also,
   When students are inside of these              seen in my life. How could                  whenever I need to open a door, I
incredible rooms, they enjoy the                  somebody choose such a nasty color?         stand there hoping that somebody
white walls and the toilet, which is so           Just take a look at it. What kind of        will open it for me so I don’t get
clean and pure. However, the best                 color is that? Brown? Gray?                 shocked. When I see nobody is
moment is when the students are                   Reddish? No, you just can’t define          coming, I say to myself, “This is a
sitting there because toilets are so              its color. It’s disgusting! It just looks   law suit waiting to happen!”
comfortable that they feel as if they             like poopy color. And the worst thing
                                                  is that every room in the building has        The last thing is that it is very
were sitting in a driver’s seat of a
                                                  the same kind of carpet (well, except       quiet. When people walk you can’t
Porsche. After that, the students go to
                                                  for the restrooms, aren’t you glad?).       here them. This is very dangerous. If
the sink to wash their hands. First of
                                                                                              someone behind you is coming to
all, they see their reflections in the
                                                    This is just one of my reasons. The       hurt you, you won’t notice it. You
terrific mirrors that can vary
                                                  second one is that the texture is           don’t have enough time to run. It also
depending on the person. For
                                                  really uncomfortable. You can’t even        happens when a teacher is coming
example, if you look into these
                                                  take a good nap lying in the floor. It      and you are not speaking English.
mirrors, even though you just woke
                                                  is so rough and not smooth at all.                              See Ugly on page 10



   8                    . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
                                                                                                                ELC Accident!

                Ugly—Cont. from page 11     want things to be stricter here at the
                                            ELC. So, let’s give them what they
What a pity!!!!                             want—a good WHACK!

Student Discipline
Name withheld to protect the innocent

  I just can’t take it any more!
Students are driving me crazy! I am a
                                              ELC Devotional
teacher here at the ELC and I think
that there needs to be a few policy
changes.
                                                                     April 4th, 10:45am
                                                                     2nd Floor Chapel
  First of all, I think that all teachers
should be able to carry a wooden
ruler around with them at all times. If
a student is not following the rules
                                              Our guest speaker will be Ricki Martin,
such at not raising his/her hand to           who will talk about his recent conversion
ask a question, then WHACK on the
hand. After students get hit with a
                                                to the Church and how he is giving up
ruler a few times, I think that they           shaking his bon-bon to serve a mission!
will get the picture and the ELC will
be a nicer place for all of us.

   Secondly, students just don’t have
respect for their teachers any more.
To fix this problem, I suggest that
students be forced to bow to all their
teachers upon sight and say, “All
hail, mighty teacher! Thank you for
letting me be your student!” This
                                                English Through Dating!
shouldn’t be too difficult because
bowing is common in many cultures                     The ELC would like to introduce you to a wonderful
and the other cultures will learn                    new program to help you learn English. Beginning next
quickly or it’s WHACK with the                       Monday, you can be set up to go on a date with a real
ruler.                                               American! Best of all, you don’t have to pay for it; the
                                                               American will pay for everything!
   Finally, students should be forced
to pay $1 for every hour that their
homework is late. This money will                                         This will be a great
be put into the Teacher Hawaii Trip                                      way to practice your
fund. This will not only motivate                                           English, learn
students to hand in their homework                                       American culture and
on time, but it will encourage                                           who knows what else
teachers to give more homework                                               may happen!
assignments. Giving students more
homework is really in their best
interests anyway.
                                                 If you are interested, please see Ms. Udall or Ms. Jacob for
  I’m sure that all the teachers agree           a compatibility survey. It will take 1 week to find your match.
with me and that students actually



     . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .                                                                 9

				
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