Posted by admin On February 12, 2010 5:59 AM
In the middle of Chicagos most prominent suburb, a mother stands in her living room. Her entire family is
standing at attention, saluting her and donning all-black burglars outfits. She salute her, standing in
profound silence. The mother paces in front of them, stopping at the far end of the living room and reversing
her direction; repeating this with unwavering consistency. To the casual passerby, theyd look like they were
up to no goodthat much is certain. Theyd look like an entire family of burglars in the middle of figuring out
who theyre going to rip-off next.
The truth of the matter, though, is that this family is about to embark upon a serious mission: they are going to score all of the best
deals that are at their local mall, and they are going to do it with scientific precision. This, of course, is their Saturday afternoon
tradition, and its something that they always approach with utmost seriousness and conviction.
The mother begins to speak.
Do we all understand why were gathered here today? Do we all understand why were training extra hard this week?
Yes! her family answers in unison.
Well, good. Im glad that you guys are learning from your mistakes. But that doesnt mean that Im going to let you off the hook for
last weeks screw-up at the electronics shopping outlet. Billy! he shouts, pointing at her son. Remind everyone of what went wrong
at the electronics shopping outlet!
Yes maam. It was a standard mission, maam. Dad and I were to engage in T.V. shopping at O-900 hours. We were not to leave
said electronics shopping outlet until wed secured a deal on a brand new flat screen T.V. for this very residence. Dad spotted the
deal of a lifetime within fifteen minutes. He put me on patrol duty, keeping a lookout for other shoppers & I mean, potential threats.
Dad left to find you in the car to confirm the target, and I was left alone. At O-915 hours, I developed a sensation in my bladder that
cued me into the fact that I had to urinate. I abandoned my post to find an appropriate place to sooth my bladder. And, well, the
bathroom was so far away& He blushes.
Finish your synopsis!
The bathroom was so far away that I had to relieve myself behind the promotional DVD bin, and I got caught, and now we cant go
electronics shopping around there anymore.
Very well, Agent Son. You are relieved. The mother begins pacing again, a bit faster this time. What have we learned from this
Never abandon your post! the family shouts in unison.
Very good. Very good. Im proud of you guys; youre learning so quickly. Now, well begin to focus on the matter at hand. Were
going to hit the mid-county mall, and were notI repeat, were NOTgoing to fail. There are going to be several operations going on in
tandem today, so its important that we review before we begin. Agent son! Please deliver your action plan to the rest of the party.
Yes maam. Im to enter the mall through the North-East entryway and B-line to CD outlet. Im to save no fewer than twenty dollars
purchasing Christmas presents, even though its only July.
Correct. Agent Husband! Please state your course of action!
Yes, maam. Im to enter the building through the food court utility door, purchase a burrito, and bring it to Agent Son. Im then to
guard the entrance of the CD outlet.
Correct! She smiles and stops pacing. She salutes. Family, were ready for some comparison shopping! And with that, they were
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