Escape by blogroyaltyuniverse


Posted by admin On January 22, 2010 9:57 AM

Howard was a conflicted man to say the very least. You see, Howard was a man who spent the majority of
his free time plotting. This, perhaps, was but a side effect of his rigorous professional lifea life from which he
yearned to escape, but one that always kept him coming back with its stability and its free air conditioning
and coffee. Outside of his professional life, Howard sought to exercise as much control over the
circumstances of his life as he possibly could. He found an outlet for this sort of behavior in online shopping
sites , particularly the ones that let you bid on expensive items for fractions of their actual worth. There was
just something about landing a great deal that made Howard feel like he could conquer the entire world if he
so desired.

One monumental afternoon, Howard came across a deal that seemed too good to be true. Hed found a car on the online shopping
sites registry that was selling for a mere $100a car that was, according to its highly-rated seller, in perfect mechanical order with
only a few minor blemishes on the passenger-side front panel. This, Howard knew, was the online shopping deal that would truly
establish him as a master of his craft. This, he thought to himself, is a war most certainly worth fighting.

An intense paranoia overtook Howard. After hed secured his bid on the car, he set about closing all of the blinds in his computer
room. He decided that the odor of good deals was in the air, and that hed have to take every necessary step to make sure that his
neighbors werent on to his game. Heaving himself up from his computer, he then set about making sure that all of the houses blinds
were closedyou know, just in case. In a frenzy, he set about checking and doubling checking the locks on his homes many doors.
This, he decided, is a deal that merits a touch of extreme, indiscriminate caution.

When hed made sure that all of his doors were locked, he set about nailing them shut with large wooden planks and oversized
construction nails. Sure, he was doing a substantial amount of damage to his home, but he simply wasnt willing to spare any
expense when it came to making sure that he landed this deal. He knew that his wife was going to be coming home later as well, but
surely shed understand why hed nailed the doors shut and closed all of the blinds.

The thought of his wife coming home inspired a new idea in Howards mind: the garage door! Something had to be done about the
garage door! In the time it takes a normal person to tie his shoes, Howard had constructed a full-on blowtorch using his toaster and a
pressurized propane container from his mini-grill. He made quick work of the garage door, welding it to the metal water-proofing on
the garages floor. Just to be safe, he applied a healthy amount of cement to the welding, with just a touch of rubber cement on top of

Tired, exasperated, and thoroughly shocked by the speed with which hed converted his home into a bunker, Howard set about
climbing the stairs that led back to his fortified computer room. Midway up the stairs, he took a break; such was the extent of his
exasperation. He closed his eyes and began to think about the victory that was soon to come. He thought about the enjoyment that
he, his wife, and their kids would get out of this mid-eighties sports vehicle, and about how hed&

A loud alert-sound blared from Howards computer, and at that very moment, a lump formed in Howards throat. Hed been so busy
prepping the house that hed forgotten to check back on the auction, and someone had placed a higher bid.

Looking over the housethe nailed-shut doors; the melted, cemented, rubber-cemented garage doorHoward began to understand
what it takes (and doesnt take) to make a winner.

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