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This is Not an Essay

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					This is Not an Essay!
This essay by its very nature couldn't possibly be an essay. I've studied
this, researched it to the wee hours of the morning and my conclusion is
always the same. It just doesn't work. An essay must tell the truth, it
simply must be honest and show both sides of whatever it happens to be
arguing. The problem here is that there is only one side on this
argument. So by saying that this isn't an essay it would have to be lying
for it to be one, therefore it is not one. Though if it is not one then
it can lie and say that it isn't one, which makes it one.
Its a logic circle that you can never find a hole out of, so let's take a
look at a few other things that makes an essay. I will draw my
information from my English classes in high school and go from there.
First an essay must sound smart. This is always what got me marks back in
high school. Being confused does not sound smart; therefore this is not
an essay. Next the essay must not have a single spelling error or
grammatical mistake. I have intentionally made mistakes in this one and
don't have any plans to fix them. Therefore not an essay. Lastly it must
have an interesting topic to argue. As you can see, this one isn't
interesting at all. This tells me that this is without a doubt not an
essay.
I know some people are going to say that it doesn't have to follow the
rules set by high school teachers and that essays could be freeform. I
intend to hit these people with tennis balls until they shut up. This is
because I have nothing better to go on and I refuse to do any more
research. So let's continue my list from high school.
An essay must be 5 paragraphs long and only 5 paragraphs. It must start
with a thesis and end with a conclusion, the middle paragraphs must
support the thesis. I intend to make this "written work" 6 paragraphs
just because I can, and the last paragraph will have nothing to do with
the first, therefore it will not be a conclusion. This is NOT an essay.
People are reading over my shoulder, telling me that this is a pretty
funny essay, I've flicked each one in the ear. This cannot be an essay.
Essays are boring, filled with long words that no one knows the meaning
of and make you sleepy as you read them. This "written work" contains
none of these characteristics. Some might go as far to say that this
essay is entertaining...THIS IS NOT A ESSAY!
In conclusion...wait a second; I thought I said I would write 6
paragraphs.... This is not an essay and I stand by that. I have included
spelling errors, almost didn't follow the paragraph format, the simple
logic says that this essay, is not an essay.
http://www.kolemcrae.com
Kole McRae - Style, Wit and Results. Kole is a creative writer with a
unique view of the world.

				
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posted:10/15/2010
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