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Family Circus Cartoon Provokes Mass Rioting


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									Family Circus Cartoon Provokes Mass Rioting, Violence
(UNASSOCIATED PRESS) Widespread rage over recent Family Circus cartoons
erupted violently into the streets of America yesterday, when angry
protestors violently displayed their disapproval of the patronizing comic
strip by looting and firebombing local stores.
Beyond the United States border, equally livid international protestors
demonstrated their violent discontent as several U.S. Embassies on
European soil were stormed and those inside were dragged into the street
and beaten to death.
Over 17 fatalities have been reported as of printing, and the violence
has shown no signs of dissipating.
An estimated 50,000 strong crowd gathered on the Washington National Mall
in the early afternoon, ballooning earlier estimates of no more than
3,000. At least 3 protestors were trampled to death during the
The restless crowd threw bottles and debris at police guards in riot gear
while chanting “Death to Keane, Death to King!” for over an hour. It was
is a reference to Bil Keane, Family Circus cartoonist since 1960, and
King Features, the company that syndicates the comic strip to over 1500
newspapers worldwide.
"I just don't understand," said Keane. "I'm sorry if I offended anybody.
I just want to express my views."
National leaders have expressed shock and dismay at the recent violence.
White House spokesman Scott McClellan reiterated the president‟s stance
on the cartoon and the riots.
"Although the president understands how many might consider the mindless
inanity of Billy, Dolly and Grandpa to be beyond reproach. But that is no
excuse for torching your city‟s newspaper headquarters or publicly
hanging their editors.
"President Bush reaffirms his dedication to upholding the first
amendment which specifically allows such denigrating images to be
produced and viewed.”
Critics claim the cartoon has a mind-numbing affect on the millions that
read it every morning, and it is demeaning to anyone with half a brain.
Jeremy Higgins, president of Americans for a Strong Society, spoke at the
Washington protests-
“Nobody talks or acts like Jeffy or any other character. A family like
that is a myth, and every strip is an insult to real human beings like
us. Look at this one. Jeffy says to the other kids, „I heard that out of
the corner of my ear.‟ What the f*ck? The cartoon‟s patent cuteness is
beyond nauseating. We declare a jihad on Family Circus and anyone who
supports such insipid filth!.”
Violence against cartoonists unrelated to the publishing of Family Circus
has officials up in arms. Dik Browne, cartoonist responsible for Hagar
the Horrible, was found bound and gagged in an abandoned warehouse.
Marcus Hamilton and Ron Ferdinand, both the present caretakers of the
Dennis the Menace strip are reportedly missing. Dean Young, cartoonist
hired to continue the Blondie comics was beaten senseless with a tire
iron before being run over repeatedly with a Hummer.
Experts like Harvard English professor Charles Thomasen believe the
controversy is not settled.
“Cartoonists who perpetuate idiotic comic strips well beyond their prime
just to make a buck will continue to be hunted down and killed. There
will be riots, and more innocent people will die. It‟s really the fault
of the artist. Keane should have retired Family Circus years ago; instead
he insists on demeaning the American public daily.”
Sources say Keane is considering going into hiding due to the Fatwa put
on his head, similar to the one put on Salman Rushdie in 1989. “We‟re hot
on his trail, the bastard,” said a protestor. “We‟ll just follow that
dotted trail he leaves wherever he goes!”
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