it's hard today

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					When I am free to write, I can’t. When I’m not free, I burn to. I make it my life objective. I criticize other stories when I haven’t even managed to make any significant ones myself. III tell myself I don’t know how to go about it. I have a big capacity for imagination; I imagine stories and details for other things all the time but not very often for this. how much do i want to play game think in present, not future or past priorities how much di i feel like it play with ideas i dont want to-why not? so much time passed without anything to mark it Doped with entertainment and addicted to this dope. Like sleeping, I say I can’t do it or don’t know how to go about it. Like sleeping, must slip into it. While writing, consider it as learning. Imagine a person who is verbally storytelling and making up the story as he goes. Fear what would happen in case of failiure. Remember to write even when I don’t want to. Don’t be critical while writing at this point. Is my desire to play games a desire to experience something different? This may indicate that I feel like living a life I like better, meaning I feel inadequate about my own. If this is true, maybe it will get better once I get onto writing. The problem is there when I have the lost feeling. When it’s gone, then I am probably at least on the ball. I already have much of what I want. TV, games, comfort, a limited amount of love, and other things. I need to go Buddha. Remember how the sculptor said that the statue is already in the stone, and he just needed to get rid of the rest. Happy enough with what is going on, motivated by desire to toy with

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