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The Bitch Is Back_ - UK News and Events Reviewed

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The Bitch Is Back_ - UK News and Events Reviewed Powered By Docstoc
					by: Michael Knell

Well darlings,

How was it for you? The holiday season, I mean. What else? If there was anything else for me
then I must apologise, I don't remember it - I guess if it wasn't the drink, then I must have
thought it insignificant at the time! Oh, dear! Did I just hear someo ne shout: "Bitch!"?

As expected Blackpool celebrated the New Year like crazy, with the extra drinking hours giving
rise to some problems. However it seems we fared better here than in many other places
throughout the country. We're told the police forces in Wiltshire, Surrey, Cheshire, Thames
Valley, Lincolnshire, Greater Manchester and (would you believe it?) even in north Wales all
reported hectic nights, whilst in London the emergency services were left reeling and wondering
what had hit them. There the ambulance service reported receiving a record number of
emergency calls, with thirty-five people requiring urgent treatment for stab wounds and the calls
for assistance at one point coming in at three times the normal rate. Grimsby too had a bad time
with 650 emergency calls and the police there describing the Saturday night as one of the worst
nights of violence they had ever seen, and in Bristol the Avon and Somerset police complained
that "people seemed to be out celebrating for longer than usual", as they too found their abilities
were being stretched to the limit.

Strangely, and bucking the trend, the number of incidents that had to be dealt with by the Devon
and Cornwall police were down by around 20%. That's the magic of pixies for you! Or could it
be the beauty of cider that gives one better things to do than to partake in violence? Only ribbing
folks, as Adam would say - and he liked apples too, didn't he?

Staying with the evils of alcohol, the Charles Kennedy revelations beggar belief! "I was an
alcoholic," he is reported as saying, as he struggled to hang on to his position. Two points here,
darlings: Firstly, there is no such being as an ex-alcoholic - alive, that is! Alcoholism is a
medical condition that is, for anyone with the condition, with them for their lifetime. It can take
as little as one drink, "just a wee nip to help with the pressure", to put an alcoholic back on the
path to oblivion. Secondly, to not know or to acknowledge this fact is to not have correctly
addressed the problem. It is ludicrous to even think that a man who leads a political party, and
one who aspires to perhaps being Prime Minister of the country one day, could be an alcoholic
and still be a safe person to entrust with such a position. Like being a pub manager, this is a job
he should not consider.

I have little doubt that Charles is an admirable man and of good character (many alcoholics are)
but he must accept his limitations. In return we must not blame him or despise him for his
problem. Unlike most of the binge drinkers that we hear so much about these days, if he is an
alcoholic then he is unable to change his ways - he can only fight his condition on a day to day
basis. Every day that he stays "dry" is a victory for him and he should be commended for it, but
in this battle of his there is every likelihood that there will be times, and they could come weeks,
months or even years apart, when he will not win the day - or many days. I know, I have held the
hand of one who walks the same path - and I certainly wouldn't want that finger on the big red
button!
Before leaving the holiday season and the drink-related, I must thank The Alabama Showboat in
Blackpool for the excellent free (and full) Xmas Show that they put on for us "VIP's" (their
description of us, not ours). AstaBGay took twenty places, many of them for BAG's hotelier
friends, and the event was appreciated and thoroughly enjoyed by one and all. The show,
performed to a packed house, simply wallowed in professionalism with the compere / host, Leye
D Johns undoubtedly on top form! When Leye is on, with a wit as sharp as a razor (and a manner
as camp as Christmas!) you don't dare even move, let alone visit the loo! It was a truly
spectacular night. If you get the chance to see one of the award winning shows at this venue - do!
They are open to the public (it's usually best to book!) and come highly recommended! Check
out their package deals which include a pre-show meal in their Kennedy Restaurant.

Now, what does "0" mean to you? Nothing? Well, it means exactly that to some in Holland,
those who see the sixth of June (6/6/06) as 666 - a figure referred to in Revelations as "the
number of the Beast". Oddly, there are Registry offices in Holland that are reporting they are
being flooded with requests from couples who want to get married on this day. The Dutch city of
Enschede claim they already have five times the normal applications for that specific date,
Rotterdam claim double the usual amount, with Utrecht, Groningen and Nijmegen all claiming
their numbers are up significantly too. In Amsterdam, one couple even asked to be married at 6
minutes past 6 on that morning, but it seems the officials have refused to get up that early.

I've always liked Holland - especially Amsterdam - and I know they freely do a lot of things
there that some over here see as being a little "naughty", but I've never seen it in an evil light
before. Apparently there's been no such rush to tie the knot on this date in the UK - so what's
with Holland? Am I missing something here? It's certainly a hell of a date to get hitched, isn't it?
Although, I guess, some will tell you that any day you get hitched is a hell of a day! By the way,
the sixth of June falls on a Tuesday. It's been predicted the world will end on a Tuesday - I just
thought I'd throw that one in!

But if you think these Dutch 666 chasers are idiots, think again. When it comes to idiots, here in
the UK we seem to number them at 5 million. According to a survey that's the count for adults
across Britain that have been fooled into responding to scams. Scams like having to dial a
premium rate telephone number to claim a worthless, if not fictional, prize, or other scams like
sending money in order to "release" some (fictitious) winnings - commonly from an international
lottery that hadn't even been entered! In one case somebody sent them 75,000! How daft is that
on the idiot scale?

So, I won't criticise those comparatively few people in Holland who have this beastly 666
number addiction. Instead I'll merely give them a few words of advice: Skip the reception,
darlings. Go to bed directly after the ceremony and get straight on down to it - you never know,
it might just turn out to be THAT Tuesday! I mean, you wouldn't want to miss out, would you?

See you all next week...

"The Bitch!" 6/1/06.

This article was posted on January 09, 2006

				
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