Server resume by jimanelka

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									Server resume

You would think that past and/or current restaurant employees would make the best,
the coolest, the easiest tables to wait on! Sometimes that is very true. But most of the
time, that is tragically false. Honestly? I've got to the point where I cringe inwardly
when one or more people at the table announce that they are or used to be a server (or
cook, or manager, or bartender) at a restaurant. In no particular order, here are the
things that really bite about waiting on other restaurant employees.

A.) You expect them to have a little understanding, at least more than the average RC.
They walk in to a full house, and they had a 30 minute wait at the door. This is an
indication to anyone with half a brain that the place is jumping. The kitchen may be
running a tad long, and it may take your server a few extra moments with drink refills
and more bread. As a Past or Present Restaurant Employee (PPRE for the sake of this
website), you should be able to grasp this immediately. After your initial, expert
assessment of the situation, you have three choices.

Choice # 1. Leave, and find an establishment that is experiencing less of an influx of
business. If it's Friday night, good luck with that.

Choice #2. Stay, realizing that things may be a little slow, and make the best of it,
while being polite and kind to your server, who is doing their absolute best to take
care of you and the rest of his/her customers.

Choice #3. Stay, and berate and criticize your server every step of the way, making
sure that the rest of the people in your group, and in fact everyone else in your server's
section realizes how much you think s/he sucks, and what a much more masterful job
you would be doing under the same set of circumstances. I hate to say it, but most
PPREs go with Choice #3.

B.) PPREs always want to tell you how they do it (or did it) at their restaurant.
Girlfriend (or dude if your a guy), this is not your restaurant! I'm sure your restaurant
Burgers and Boobs, or Bros and Brews is the greatest, most magical eatery on the
planet, mostly because you have graced them with your employment. If you no longer
work there, I'm sure they've never recovered. But, let me reiterate, this is not your
restaurant. Which means we don't do things the way you always do them there.
Maybe Burgers and Boobs always makes smiley faces out of the mustard on the
burgers. Maybe Bros and Brews brings out a sampler plate of every single sauce,
soup, salad dressing, marinade, coleslaw and any other condiment or side dish the
customers want to sample, just a smorgasbord of cups and ramekins and saucers of
this that and the other thing. We don't do that at my restaurant, where you happen to
be dining right now. And if your cooks can half butterfly, half Pittsburgh char a strip
steak like nobody's business, that is definitely one of the coolest tricks any cook could
possibly hope to aspire to, and I'm sure our cooks, and all cooks in America go to bed
every night dreaming that they can one day duplicate that extraordinary feat. But they
aren't going to attempt it for you today, because our cooks don't do that at this
restaurant. Sorry.
C.) This is similar to the discussion in point A, but I have a particularly annoying trait
that needs further clarification. Carrying on a running conversation about how I'm
screwing up, and how you would never this and you always that- while I'm at your
table delivering things to you is trifling. I can't say anything rude to you in return
because I'm a child of God and I need this job, but people are going to catch me one
day on my last week, and I pray to God He helps me keep my tongue then. And just to
let you know? The owner of my restaurant gave me permission to stick my tongue out
at people who deserve it! He said he would strenuously and vehemently deny the
possibility of that ever happening if the table chose to complain. So keep your running
commentary to yourself!

D.) People who are dining at the restaurant that they work at, or recently stopped
working at are the absolute worst. They insist on asking for all kinds of special
preparations and substitutions with their meal. They know that we can do it, but they
also know that the restaurant prefers not to. Not only that, they hate it when their
tables ask for the same thing they're asking for, but they'll go ahead and ask me for it
anyways. Knowing I have to go to the far storage room behind the back storage room
and climb a ladder to pull down all kinds of heavy boxes; then I have to microwave
and sift and simmer and whisk before I give the concoction to the cook who is going
to cuss me out- and I thought you liked me! Employees from your job will send
something back 35 times. And don't think that you don't have a reputation at the job.
Everyone hates waiting on you. No matter how much they smile in your face. Your
20% tip doesn't make up for the five miles worth of running you forced them to do,
and everyone in the back is talking about you.

If you are such a superstar server, so far above me in the waitstaff stratosphere, then
don't torture yourself with my sub par service. Wait on yourself (and your friends) and
that way you all will never be disappointed.

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