1 Get Your Ex Back by qfc10548

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									1   Get Your Ex Back




         Get Your Ex Back
2    Get Your Ex Back




                        Table of Contents:
    Chapter 1: Why you bought this book:

    Chapter 2: Jealousy

    Chapter 3: Still together, or broken up?

    Chapter 4: Aggressive Review
3    Get Your Ex Back


    Chapter 1: Why you bought this book:

    Your wife or girlfriend left you.
    There’s a famous conversation in the show “Seinfeld” in which
    Jerry and Elaine both decide that the breakup is the most important
    part of any relationship, and I completely agree.

    Cuddling, sex, conversation, politics, and religion are all secondary
    when it comes to the reason that couples break up.

    Sometimes it’s a hard and quick break, like a band-aid…or a new
    wave band. And we’ve all been through a breakup that quite
    possibly could have dragged on for over a year, or maybe it just
    felt like a year.

    The first step is identifying whether you want to repair your
    breakup or not. If the girl doesn’t mean much to you than it’s
    probably best to move on, because the only way to salvage a
    relationship after a breakup is to be very committed to the
    other person.

    If you have no deep desire to be with her, than you will not have
    the energy to climb the mountain back into her good graces. For
    the people desperate enough to read this book, I will assume your
    primary objective is to reconcile with the woman who has
    recently left you.

    Do not be angry for being desperate either, you need to be
    desperate sometimes in order to achieve certain things in life.
    Desperation has lead to many feats of greatness including the
    Great Wall of China, the United Nations, the west coast offense,
    and Rocky.
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    So don’t worry about that horrible feeling inside of your stomach
    telling you that you are hanging by a thin thread. That’s a good
    thing and it will be very important in this process.

    Once you understand that your main goal is to get your girl back,
    you have to decide whom you are going to take advice from.
    When going through a breakup, every friend and family member
    in your phone book is going to have “great” advice for you.

    Be selective about who you listen to. If it’s the drunken Eagles fan
    who hasn’t kept a girl for over three months, it might be a bit
    smarter to listen to that Uncle who has been married for twenty-
    five years.

    The point is, people will be talking to you about your breakup
    whether you like it or not, so try to be around ones who actually
    know and understand relationships.
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    Chapter 2: Jealousy

    Jealousy is one of my favorite human emotions – simply because
    of the amount of power it can wield over an individual’s mind.

    What is most destructive about jealousy is how hard it is for
    people to admit to themselves when they are jealous while it is
    very obvious to everyone else.

    The best example is the character Fredo from “The Godfather”
    trilogy. Fredo was insanely jealous of his brother Michael and
    could never come to terms with the fact his younger brother was
    more intelligent and a better leader than him.

    The results of this were Fredo turning on the family and ultimately
    lead to his demise. Jealousy leads to anger and madness, which in
    turn produce poor decisions and irrational behavior.

    It is never good to be the Fredo of any situation, so what you are
    going to have to do is look at yourself from an objective point of
    view.

    Are you jealous? Is it because your ex is seeing other men? Or are
    you jealous that she seems to be taking the breakup better than you
    have?

    Maybe you are jealous of all your friends who still have
    healthy romantic relationships. No matter what the case might
    be, admitting jealousy to yourself is going to be paramount in
    achieving the correct state of mind for reconciliation.

    This is one of the toughest early steps in the post-breakup
    syndrome. Some people can become lost in jealousy for years and
    always blame others for their shortcomings instead of simply
    admitting the truth to themselves.
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     Jealousy is so powerful it caused the Trojan War, East vs. West rap
    feud, Kobe Bryant refusing to play with Shaq, and the Monica
    Lewinsky scandal. So it’s safe to say that when under the grasp of
    jealousy, disaster is not far around the corner and that’s what
    makes this step so dangerous.
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    Chapter 3: Still together, or broken up?

    This seems like it should be a black and white question, but as we
    all know, relationships are covered in gray areas.

    Maybe your girl stormed out of the house and you haven’t heard
    from her in a few days. Perhaps you were involved in an argument
    over the phone leading to an abrupt hang up. These situations are
    very common and you shouldn’t let such an incident drive you to
    panic. If the status of the relationship is unclear to you, you’re
    going to have to open some type of communication with her.

    Maybe just send an e-mail letting her know where you stand on
    things. If worst comes to worst, you may have to resort to very
    blunt questions and simply ask if the break up is official or not.

    It is never healthy to stay in this gray area where neither party is
    exactly sure what the other is thinking. Chances are, if you are in
    this situation, communication was never all that great between
    the two of you anyway. This could be an opportunity to show
    how well you can listen to her and make your own points.

    Think of it like a union strike. Two parties need to discuss terms to
    come to an agreement. Sometimes concessions and apologies can be
    made and the relationship will grow even stronger than before.

    The longer the strike lasts though, the less likely a conclusion will
    be met and sometimes the workers will even start looking for other
    jobs.

    This is not what you want. Do not let this shady, unknown period
    drag on for more than maybe a week. If you cannot reconcile with
    her by then, it will be better to break it off and let her realize that
    she might be being unreasonable.
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    It will be healthy for you as well to stop worrying about a situation
    that at the moment is impossible to fix.

    The following are aggressive ways to “Woo” your ex back!
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    Chapter 4. The GYEB “Aggressive Methods”


    1. What are some of the biggest mistakes I ever made:

    a. Crowding my ex never worked. The way I see it, you are
    broken up for a reason. If you are there as much now as you were
    when you were together, then there will be no solution.

    b. Ultimatums. “If/Then” ultimatums can end any chance of
    getting back together. For example, “IF you don’t return my
    call, THEN we are finished.” Your relationship is already shaky.
    This can be the final straw.

    c. Turning Away Completely. If you are spending time apart, this
    does not mean that you have to spend all your time apart. You need
    to make sure that your lack of presence doesn’t make you
    expendable. Show up occasionally and call every other night or so.

    2. You feel as if you are "pushing your lover away."

    a. I would step back, grab a notebook, and write down every
    instance in which you have felt this way. Look into the
    causes, your actions and reactions, and don’t make the same
    mistakes again.

    b. When this happened to me I would tell the person about it.
    Tell them how you feel, that you are pushing them away, and
    that this is the last thing you would ever want to do. Then, ask
    them how you can do better.
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     c. I would Talk to the ex’s relatives that you are still friends with.
     Tell them that you love your ex and that you would do anything
     to get them back, but you feel as if you are pushing them away.
     Ask if they know what you should do. Odds are that they have
     spoken to your ex and she/he has talked about your problems.

     3. There is a way to get your ex to think about you all the time.

     a. Be present. Run into them on the street (making it seem like
     an accident.) “Accidentally” ring their number by mistake.

     b. Make friends with their friends. Hang out with them. Talk, and
     just be a pal. If his/her friend is always talking about you, then
     you will always be on his/her mind.

     c. When you move out, make sure that you DON’T change your
     postal address. This way you can be sure that every time the mail
     runs, you will be thought of. Also, you will have to come by
     daily to pick up the mail.

     4. Reverse the roles so that your ex feels rejected instead of
     you feeling that way.

     a. This is tricky and must be handled carefully. When the
     suggestion of a divorce comes up, don’t fight it. Simply say,
     okay, no problem.

     b. If you ask your ex to meet you somewhere and they say
     no, reply with, “Oh, good. I really had some important stuff
     to do today anyway. I just figured I’d be nice and offer.”

     c. Seem like the important things don’t matter anymore. When they
     cannot meet you or call you, play it off like it’s no big deal at all.
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     5. How to handle a commitment phobic

     a. Tell him or her that no commitment is necessary. You just
     want to be with them. They can leave at any time. Though it
     would break your heart, you won’t stand in their way. This
     releases the pressure of commitment.

     b. Don’t mention anything that involves commitment. It’s the
     spoken word of commitment that they fear. Just be with them
     and make them want to be with you.

     c. Turn the tables. I told my girlfriend that I was afraid of
     commitment too. She began to feel as if she might lose me, and
     be more willing to make a sacrificial commitment just to keep me
     there.

     6. When your ex "Just wants to be friends."

     a. Tell them that, though it hurts you deeply, you will give
     them time to think it over, but you will wait forever if that is
     what it takes.

     b. Find out what the real story is. No one wants to be just
     friends for no reason. There is something else going on.

     c. Tell them to give you two weeks to change their mind. In that
     time, do absolutely everything that you can to convince them that
     they need you. Sometimes things like this are spur of the
     moment decisions. Time might change everything.
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     7. Your ex does not answer your calls

     Help your partner to INCREASE a call or two a week, write down
     possible avenues of communication (If you need to) so that your
     partner will call you more! According to your chart, right now
     you are both not calling each other.

     a. First, leave a message on the answering machine, where you
     tell them that you were just thinking about that first meeting. Go
     into details and just recall it to them.

     b. You can get them to answer if there is a child involved by
     coming up with something about the child, such as medical
     records, that you need to discuss with them. That will give you
     an opening.

     c. Find one of their friends that liked you and tell them that you
     are heartbroken. Don't tell them to pass it along, as this is too
     obvious. Friends always gossip, so it will get back to them.

     8. When your girl’s family & friends are strongly against
     you getting back together

     a. Go to them and tell them that you love him/her more than
     anything in the world, and ask them why they would want your
     ex to lose the love of his/her lifetime?

     b. Go to them and confront them with what you’ve heard coming
     from them. Then, when they try to explain, accept it, but make it
     known that you are going to confront them again every single time
     that they interfere. People hate confrontation.
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     c. Go to your ex and tell him/her that the family/friends have been
     talking about him/her behind his/her back. Don’t tell the ex that
     what they have been saying is about you. Be vague. The ex will
     get mad, confront them, and they will not do it again for fear of the
     ex jumping on them again.


     9. How one word is pushing her away from you!

     a. No! This is an ultimatum. If you tell someone they cannot
     do something or will not, they will be tempted to do it just to
     spite you. They may do something that will ruin your chances.

     b. Leave! Telling someone to leave is out of the question. You
     may think that it will all be okay when you both calm down, but
     they may not come back.

     c. Any name-calling. If you call someone a name, you can’t
     withdraw it. Not only that, but it will make you seem childish
     and petty.

     10. You and your ex are separated, and things have made a
     turn for the worst.

     a. Make time for her. Get together and spend some quality time
     with each other. Absence really does not make the heart grow
     fonder, but hurts a relationship.

     b. Tell him/her that you want to start over. Do this by showing up
     with flowers, a knock on the door, and without giving them a
     chance to talk, say (Name), my name is (your name), and I think
     you are the most beautiful woman I've ever met." Basically, really
     start over.
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     c. Start reminding the ex of all the truly great times that you had
     together. Don't talk about disagreements, arguments, etc. Only
     talk about the best memories.

     Tell your partner that remaining friends is fine for the time being,
     you need the time with your partner to mend & heal.


     11. Romantic ideas and places

     a. A picnic in a remote scenic location is always nice.

     b. A date night where you take the person everywhere you went
     on your first date, and do the same things.

     c. Though it may sound a bit cheesy, serenade your spouse with
     her favorite love song. When you are willing to humiliate
     yourself to make them happy, they notice.


     12. Long distance relationships

     a. Communicate by phone. Make sure that just because you are a
     long distance away, you need not be apart. Treat it as if you
     were there and calling occasionally just to let them know that
     you still care, several times per week.

     b. No communication, a few letters, but that's it. If this is the case,
     you need to write the person back and let them know that you
     would give anything just to hear the sound of their voice, that you
     don’t want to pressure them, but it would make life easier for you
     to hear them.
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     c. Utilize the relatives to let them know that you miss them.
     Call someone in the family, preferably of the same sex as they talk
     to each other more, and ask them to make sure that your ex is okay
     occasionally. Tell them that you just worry about them and miss
     them. It WILL get back to the ex.


     13. Arguments erupt

     a. Don’t be the source of the argument. Never put the first
     harsh word in and never lose your temper!

     b. Don’t respond in an argumentative way. If a voice is raised, try to
     calm the situation and ask them if you can talk to them in a calm,
     rational, adult way. Say it in a manner, however, that doesn’t sound
     like you are saying that they are irrational or childish.

     c. Allow yourself to be the one at fault. This means swallowing
     your pride. If your ex says you do something that is mean and
     selfish, tell them that you are very sorry and you will try your
     best not to do it again.


     14. How to get that 2nd chance when your ex says that
     the relationship has been dead for some time.

     a. Tell them that you want to start all over, that you have been
     trying to be someone you are not and assure them that they don’t
     really know you. Then, be someone that they want to spend
     forever with.

     b. Tell them to think before they make a final decision. Consider
     how much of their life that would be wasted if they threw you
     away.
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     c. Ask them what they loved about you and how you have
     changed. Assure them that you can go back to what you need to be.


     15. Simple statements that you can use to get your ex to open
     up to you.

     a. I’m sorry, I think that I have failed you in some way. I’m
     so sorry.

     b. I’m scared. I love you with all my heart, and I feel like
     I’m losing you.

     c. Is something going on? I just don’t feel like we’re connecting
     like we used to.

     16. How to write an incredible love letter

     a. Start the letter with their first and middle names; this will make
        it extremely personal. Only those closest to them usually know
        this. “Dearest Mary Kate,…”

     b. Before writing, think back to the happiest moments you have
     had together. This will put your mind in the right set to write an
     effective love letter.

     c. End the letter with: “P.S. – My life would never have
     been complete without you.”
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     17. Cheaters!

     A. If your spouse is cheating on you, ask yourself if you can get
     over it. In five years, will it still matter? If you can get over it, then
     use it. Tell your spouse that you don’t know if you can get over it.

     B. Give them a taste of their own medicine. Tell them that you
     are going to show them what it feels like, that you are going to
     cheat on them. Don’t actually do it. When you mention it, they
     will beg for forgiveness and beg you not to do it.

     C. Let your spouse know that you have started keeping a diary or
     a journal. Write in it that you have discovered that they are
     cheating and you are considering leaving them. Leave the diary
     where they can find it. They will be overcome with guilt.


     These aggressive methods mentioned above will surely aid you in
     getting your ex back in no time!
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                 Get Your Ex Back

								
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