Seven Types of affairs

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					Seven Types of affairs
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              ?(When the affair was discovered, the couple's relationship
deteriorated rapidly)


Author: Huang Weiren
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To survive, some women prefer to endure a marriage in name only, turn a blind eye on
the husband's affair.
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Seven types of extramarital affairs
Analysis of the type of affair, more or less can help us understand the motives of an
affair. In addition, we also know that many of the affair is not purely one type,
sometimes mixed causes of many kinds.
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One-night stand type:
One-night stand type of affair, more often than not deliberately so, but a run into the
opportunity to test, what just happened. For example, a lady and a good relationship
with Mr., could never have dreamed he would have had affairs.
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Once the need for work, Mr. was sent to China, go there with several men, including
his head has always been respected. Colleagues proposed two young Having fun
hanging out together, this President is able to control their own originally, but when
he saw the noble character who on weekdays, good character into an affair in charge
of all situations, he would give up armed surrendered, and after the fall has been very
sorry to go.
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Such one-night stand type of affair, as less emotional on the third party who, it is
relatively easy to handle.
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Love affairs type:
This type is usually because of personality defects, the need to constantly manipulated
by, when the psychological and the desire to conquer a third party on the excitement,
being calm in mind that strong feeling dry and uncomfortable.
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For example, there is a case in the growth process, the records of their fathers had an
affair, so that he can not easily trust others, believe that life is just a game, he means
to pursue girls to control their heart in their hands, catch up with a abandoned shortly
after, to continue to pursue another, would like to make up their own sense of
emptiness, to meet their own can never be filled, the perceived value of grip.
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Contract type:
Three men have four wives concubines of ancient concepts of marriage. His first wife
and the third party may be a tacit understanding on both sides agreed that the
conditional, switched marriage (for example, how much benefit the man on a regular
basis to the first wife, first wife condoned his relationship with the third party ... ...
and so on), this affair a traditional type contract.
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Repair Type:
Gradually withered when the marriage when one party intentionally or unintentionally,
would like to take an affair to stimulate the flat boring husband and wife, face detect
their spouses need each other, to what extent? Side hopes the affair
"electrotherapy" to revive marriage. But playing with fire like
this is kind of a very dangerous approach.
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Long-term love affair type:
This is an affair of one of the most difficult type. Usually only the beginning for
friends, and later became friends and co-pity, and further development down on
sexual relations with each other Nanfennanshe. At this point both of the first wife or
the affair, have had a difficult problem: in the end should not end this marriage? If you
are in this predicament, the more need to get counseling to help you analyze with your
walk.
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Revenge type:
"If the spouse has ill-treated me, I intentionally look for an affair to
retaliate." Of course, this problem-solving approach is not good, because it
will cause greater harm to the possibility of more increases marital breakdown.
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Exit type:
This type usually occurs in the last year before the end of marriage. You know that
marriage has no cure, but to stay in it, you cut the Gordian knot, to make a more
exciting thing to completely undermine it. At this time, there is an affair of the party
usually is well prepared for the outside third party has been arranged for him, one
hung a "safety net", took off from the original marriage.
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Male and female differences in reaction to the affair
1. Most women are looking for spiritual unprecedented texts affair partner, while men
affair than "long-term emotional affair type", the then mostly
for sexual satisfaction. A recent empirical research indicates that: 40% of men in an
affair, without any emotional investment, only to meet the requirements of nature, the
fun of it. At the same time, but only 11% of women said she did not emotional affair
into play with men only.
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2. Women have an affair If you want to rationalize it, often emphasized for
love's sake, when the affairs of men wishing to reduce their own guilt, are
more likely to use "I do not love that woman" statement to
appease the wife.
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3. Men can not stand his wife and the others have a more fiery sexual relationship, the
women could not take her husband to another woman as a lover.
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4. Men more easily to an affair with his former life separate, as only a small part of
life in the home, there is also the cause of having an affair outside. But for most
women, the affair will be all her life, like marriage, like all of her life. Therefore,
under the male relative having an affair when women do not seem so heavy
psychological burden.
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5. Woman found husband had an affair usually want to save the marriage, but the men
found his wife having an affair with another man, the more likely to divorce the road.
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6. Women often felt her husband was having an affair is the losers emotional, while
men involved in an affair when his wife consider themselves often lack in sex appeal.
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7. Women husband had an affair although angry, but more often very frustrating for
men when his wife was having an affair mostly trapped in the strong anger.
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8. Woman found husband had an affair, a more detailed look into every detail will
want to find out the causes. But the men found his wife was having an affair, the most
unable to face the pain, will try to avoid thinking about this matter. He may use to buy
another car or a sudden relocation, jobs ways to transfer their attention.
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Injured Pilgrimage
American clinical psychologist Dr. Janis Abrahms Spring in accordance with their
clinical experience and empirical research, seven affairs sorted out injured Pilgrimage,
I have clinical experience based on their own seven supplementary and comments on
this.
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1. Loss of self-identity.
For example, a woman has always been very good at managing the household with
their own pride, but now once in the past this advantage in the eyes of her husband
having an affair into a disadvantage, suddenly, he did not know what is right? What is
wrong? I do not know who his in the end? How can we be called good wife, good
lover? Get clear of their roles in the end be? Life seemed normal kite line broke, do
not know where to go.
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2. Suddenly no longer felt to be cherished.
That he is of no value, who can be abandoned at any time.
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3. Loss of self-esteem and self-esteem, so life is not worth that.
A wife, for want of a third party rivalry, in a department store best buy a very sexy
clothes, come back tears aspect of a mirror can not help but remorse, I do not know
why his loss to this lattice point.
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4. Sudden loss of control over physical and mental ability.
Often abandoned the party at this time are two completely opposite, completely
physiological state of the conflict during the same time. On the one hand forced
located in a highly excited state, are apt to be disturbed, very nervous and anxious,
like Gaomusihui general indifference on the other hand, will not lift a bit awkward too,
worry and frustration.
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An injured woman, said: "My husband only once having an affair, I can
not stop it because of constantly invade my mind that makes me sad scenes, but
experienced a thousand times, thousand times the pain." Physical and
mental suffering that Chang the victim into a depression, or even from the attempts of
suicide.
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5. Some of the basic assumptions of life began to falter.
American psychologist Ronny Janoff-Bulman in 1992 pointed out: There are three
core values in life people often experience significant changes in his and began to
falter after the loss.
First, the tragic loss of future generations are no longer trust that the world is kind and
merciful, I feel safe everywhere, at any time will be killed.
Second, this world is no longer a rule-based, meaningful place. That is not necessarily
rewarding hard work, good deeds might have been home to roost.
Third, no longer thinks he is lovely, good value. On the abandoned, the affair like a
bolt from the blue.
When the three basic assumptions have been shaken when the parties are often in
great pain, confused state of mind.
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6. Often ask: "Why will face this?"
People of faith, and sometimes questioned God, even to the faith began to doubt.
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7. Have strong feelings of loneliness.
State in the affairs of the people most need the support of others, but many people at
this time is sad because no one can understand this deep-seated pain and loneliness of
the torment suffered.
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Even more frightening is that some people did not know how to listen not to
understand, only random ideas and say, "Never mind it!"
"End of the World where no Fangcao it!" This kind of thing.
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Some of the lack of emotional intelligence (EQ) of people even said:
"Congratulations, God chose you! He highly of you will give you such
suffering." This sort of language, although from a good motive, while the
injured person Introduction Quewu different from the fuel, add to wound injury.
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In lonely grief, injuries were most needed, is someone in the next patient to listen, to
truly understand the heart felt experience, keen to enter the emotional world, in their
deepest, most painful place to go with them to come to identify with. Can no
judgments, listened patiently gentle, healing process is very important part. Just listen
to the injured feel understood, supported, it has been able to bring a very important
help.
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Huang Weiren, internationally renowned marriage experts, top-Chinese psychologists,
graduated from Purdue University, Department of Clinical Psychology, is now
teaching at Northwestern University School of Medicine, while working in Chicago,
marriage and family clinic. Good marriage, family, group and cross-cultural
psychotherapy. "Western Dobson, the East has Huangwei Ren"
in Chinese circles, known as the "messenger of love." The
lecture will be "spectacular, suddenly enlightened," is known,
so it went, blowing "Love Storm", aroused a strong reaction.
His major works include: "still have the blue sky outside the
window,"          "love       is    another     treasure,"
"holistic health counseling and family", "break up
the analysis and reconstruction," "Love from the depth of
Psychology," "affair be saved? "" Against
marital violence "," original family ","
marriage, family, personality, "" love of exploration,
"and so on. In May 2000 from the Ministry of Civil Affairs 4 consecutive
invited keynote lectures; in October 2004, was invited as the United Nations family
on the theme of the World speaker; in May 2002, U.S. President George W. Bush met
with three prominent Chinese , one of them is Mr. Huang Weiren.
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