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Humorous essay 8

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									Humorous essay 8
Wide variety of computer language programmers often confuse us which one you are
using. Following a small meeting will help to clarify your doubts.
Task: shooting your own foot
c: shoot your own foot.
c + +: Accidentally you generate a bunch of your own examples, so I had to shoot
their feet one by one. Emergency rescue is
Impossible, because you do not know which is your true copy, which is only to point
your pointer.
fortran: You shoot your toes one by one, has been circulating to the radio without all
the toes, and then you read the next one leg and repeat. If you're not a
bullet, then you have to shoot, because you do not accidentally mechanism.
pascal: the compiler does not allow you to do this.
ada: you carefully packaged in your feet, you try to parallel the way shells, pulled the
trigger, scream, and shoot your own foot. However, when you tried it and found that
the type of your right foot.
lisp: your limbs with a gun holding the gun shoot your gun in the limbs.
forth:. Since you have been shooting foot
prolog: you tell the program you want to shoot your own foot. Program will
automatically find the specific plan, but the syntax is not allowed to tell you these
programs.
basic: you use water gun shoot your own foot. If it is in large systems, repeat until
your lower body is not flooding.
visualbasic: You really just pretended to shoot as if your feet look. But do you think is
more interesting to do this so do not care they going to shoot no shoot.
unix:
% Lsfoot. cfoot. hfoot. otoe. ctoe. o
% Rm *. o
rm:. onosuchfileordirectory
% Ls
%
paradox: not only you can shoot your own foot, your users can.
access: you point a gun at your own feet, but the bullet next to all the confused words
marked borland floppy play the hole.
assembler: You try to shoot your own foot and found you have to start to create their
own firearms, ammunition, sights, and your feet.
modula2: When they finally understand the language used could not do anything, you
shot your forehead pierced.
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? Not long ago, the field of modern information technology, the Big Three -
Microsoft's Bill. Gates, INTEL Corporation William Grove, and with
IBM's Lou Gerstner came to the Middle East, held secret meetings at Yalta,
a total business of the 21st Century
Map of the world division problem.
It is understood that the negotiations were difficult, the surface of a friendly
competition for conceal utilitarian. How long the negotiations have not started,
Gates, who suddenly heard the issue of BP machine. Gates rushed sorry to say:
"Sorry, I have an emergency call to return, just that I rang the emergency
call system." Then, Gates raised his wrist, the watch close to the ear, and
began
Peripheral spoke, and the tie. After the finish, Gates explained, not without pride:
"This is my latest installation of emergency call system, headphones with
the watch, the microphone is pointed at my tie. So that I could with my hands at any
time to
To keep in touch. Very 'cool' is not it? "
The meeting continued. Soon, Dr. William Grove, who also issued a BP machine
sounds. William Grove, also explained: "Sorry, I rang the emergency call
system, there must be an important matter discussed." Dr. touched his ear
lobes, then the air began to talk in front. After much talking, he quickly explained:
"I have configured an emergency call system, but my headset is in my ear
lobe in the plant, while the microphone on the stone embedded in my teeth inside. You
see, is enough ' cool '? "conference continues. Gates
and William Grove, from time to time with regard to smile, thinking that this time the
big boss destined to make IBM's thunder pressure any longer.
The meeting finally ended the negotiations, the Big Three are preparing a few
pleasantries, Gerstner who suddenly heard, "Wow, Wow" sound.
"Sorry, my body started emergency fax system ......" said, from
his West Gerstner
Sandwich a piece of paper loaded in the out years, the lips showing a smile,
"my staff monitor the entire session in New York, you see, it is coming
from the minutes of meeting today."
  -------------------------------------------------- ----------------------
Microsoft announced today that the company will change the name of
"Moft", to save the user's disk space. It is estimated
that a typical installation of Windows 95 in about 2,840,002 1 000 5 100 97 places to
repeat the "Microsoft" word, such as copyright tips, end user
license agreement, "on the Windows 95" and so on.
In the renamed after the installation of Windows 95 users can save 14MB of hard
disk.
This news release, the stock price on the hard drive manufacturers fell slightly.
    Moft CEO Bill Gates said: "The significance of this is that it can not
How much hard drive to save the user, but can be installed in 13 Windows 95 disk
Shipped to the user, instead of the previous 14. Annual savings of medium alone
Costs as high as 5 million U.S. dollars. We will also shorten the names of other
products, such as
"Microsoft Exchange" will be renamed "Moft
Pit" and so ". Bill Gates
Refused to recognize the name change because the so-called Windows 95 support
long file names
Actual or use 8.3 file names caused. But he acknowledged "MICROSO ~
1"
Does seem a little strange.
    Mr. Gates said, that found a small hard disk space to save programmers have free
access to a set of "Moft off for Moft Win 95"
  -------------------------------------------------- ----------------------
PCMCIA: People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms (one can
not remember the computer industry)
ISDN: It Still does Nothing (It also did not do anything)
APPLE: Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity (arrogance out of waste)
SCSI: System Can't See It (The system can not find it)
DOS: Defunct Operating System (operating system does not exist)
BASIC: Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control (Bill crawl corporate
control (bar) in an attempt)
IBM: I'll Bounce Microsoft (I removed the Microsoft)
DEC: Dot't expect Cuts (do not expect price cuts)
CD-ROM: Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in
Months (consumer-type devices, was declared abolished in a few months)
OS / 2: Obsolete Soon, too (also will soon be abolished)
WWW: World Wild Waite (global, etc)
MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System
Hangs (paralysis of most applications, or else the system hangs)
  -------------------------------------------------- ----------------------
When you find that you have the following position, so you have mixed too long in
the WWW.
- When someone asks you where the post office, you will say .... to http:// post office.
Wanshoulu. Beijing. / Go and see.
- When your wife told you: Hey! Why our daughter always wore dirty clothes with a!
You said ....
You probably forgot to cache cleared away instead.
- When you tilt the valley side of the road car, was found to go any further when the
certain death ....
You also sweating profusely he finds 'back' back button.
- When you read the newspapers in the magazine, when I see the title picture in the
bottom line ....
Do you have an urge to want to press it.
- When friends come to your home to see your dog, you say .... they have their own
HomePage, you can go and see
? - When you at the beach enjoying the spectacular sunset views, you are trying to
find in the sky ....
One cloud on whether to use the "Netscape strengthen
grammar."
- When you subscribe to the delay in receiving your magazine, you say .... damn the
Press, using up too much "embedded graphics" (inline image)
of the.
- When you want others to believe you, you will get used to say .... "open
parenthesis brackets EM off," I'm serious!
"EM off brackets slash open parenthesis"
- When you re not at home call a friend and he is not, you complain and say .... really!
Error 404 can not find ....
  -------------------------------------------------- ----------------------
The following is a Novell network systems companies in the real story:
Customer: "Hello, technical service, please?"
Technician: "Yes. I can do for you?"
Customer: "I have computer cup holder is broken. This computer does not
the warranty, ask me how to repair what you are there?"
Technician: "I'm sorry, you said that you want to repair the cup
holder?"
Customer: "Yes. It originally installed in the front of the
computer."
Technician: "I'm really sorry. If I let you feel confused, then it is
because I am really confused. That is not your cup holder received gifts at the fair?
Above is a trademark? How did you get?"
Customer: "I do not know of any gifts. Then with the computer itself, with
only a '4 X 'words."
The technician then had to hang up, he can not go and talk each other any longer. This
has taken the original CD-ROM drive (CD-ROM) CD-ROM tray on the pull out as a
cup holder.
  -------------------------------------------------- ----------------------
Eight new features WIN98
1, an increase of the Properties dialog box for a walk in the boulevard.
2, start the Welcome screen text replaced by: resistance is not sterile, and got into
windows it!
3 files on the hard disk will be issued a variety of odors.
4, buy genuine WIN98 user will receive a Gates look like a doll.
5, General Protection Fault GPF reduced the level of lieutenant colonel by the
colonel.
6, WIN98 startup sound into dollar coins issued by the collision of metal sound.
7, shows the wealth of Bill Gates wealth ownership in the task bar on pressure gauge
violent shock.
8, if you use a browser other than IE, type in the address bar of any web site, will
enter MICROSOFT homepage.
WIN98 in the "98" mean?
Recently, someone made a poll to see if the user in mind, WIN98's
"98" What is the meaning of the following is the question in the
10 most frequently answer:
1, the new version of WINDOWS If the floppy disk to install, exactly 98.
2,98% of the purchase of WIN98, you must upgrade the hardware of the new
operating system to run properly.
3, WIN98 minimum hard disk space to install just take up 98M.
4, WIN98 installation instructions exactly 98.
5, after WIN98 installed, 98% of the original system, the application can not run.
6, WIN98 the entire installation process takes 98 minutes.
7, before you successfully run WIN98, at least 98 times to give Microsoft a
consultation call.
8, 98% of do not want money or to upgrade the operating system.
9, WIN98 above 98MHZ CPU must run.
10, WIN98 only 98MB or more memory to run smoothly on your computer. WIN98
WIN98 reasons for delay in release time-delayed release of the outside
world's talking about this recently, Microsoft's headquarters, a
senior official at last reveal the truth, to say the reason for the delay WIN98:
1, has just released Netscape Communicator 4.05 in pre-release version of WIN98 to
run too smoothly, it also requires the dynamic link library on the WIN98 for some
minor "adjustments";
2, Bill? Gates has recently been busy playing his electronic machines, no time to
supervise the progress of R & D WIN98;
3, the reason why the new operating system named WIN98, not 98 years of
publishing's sake, but to the reliability of the system, 98%, 100 per start, is
bound to collapse 2. At present, the reliability of the new system only 97%, had to
take the time to increase 1%;
4, complete WIN98 system compression has 777M, CD-ROM simply not hold, only
the other DVD widespread, WIN98 can be introduced;
5, the WIN95 platform development WIN98 often crash, seriously affected the
progress of R & D WIN98.
  -------------------------------------------------- ----------------------
Fax
User: "I just bought a your computer. You do not say that the computer can
send a fax? I have tried for almost an hour, and yet unable to pronounce the
go?"
Engineer: "Your modem connected yet? Open it?"
User: "mode - on behalf of - wood? What is the model on behalf of the
wood? Oh, is not the modem? That I received well, has opened."
Engineer: "Well, you can use it dial you? Modem ringing?"
User: "ring! I can hear the fax machine connected to it after the
squeak!"
Engineer: "The file you ready?"
User: "Of course ready."
Engineer: "Then you press send button it?"
User: "according to the. They not written in the manual on it? I am fully in
accordance with the instructions on the steps to do step by step."
Engineer: "it should be able to send a fax, and should not be a problem ah!
Ah ... ... ah, is not your file format is not it?"
User: "File format is not it? File is written on paper is not it?"
Engineer: "paper? You say that your steps?"
User: "I first I want to pass the file on the screen in front, and then use a
modem dial-up, hear the sound connected, press send button. Also, I felt I send a fax
using the computer quite strenuous, document the whole the screen are blocked, I
have to stand up to see the screen from the above things ... ... "
Engineer: "... ..."
  -------------------------------------------------- ----------------------
IBM's Tragedy
OS / 2 Why is no match for Windows Many experts believe that, IBM's OS
/ 2 operating system than Windows, but OS / 2 has always been the enemy can not
Windows, so that IBM had to renounce the promotion of OS / 2 as the product
exchange program . Many computer enthusiasts trying to find the OS / 2 defeat of
contrast the two operating system interfaces, performance, compatibility, but also
analyzes the marketing strategies of IBM and Microsoft, as well as company
management, but the conclusions are not convincing force.
Recently, a master is given a metaphysical argument that the fundamental reason is
that Big Blue to take the wrong name. Look, IBM's willing what: I Beg
Microsoft (I beg Microsoft) I Beat Myself (I beat myself)
Industry Biggest Mistake (the largest industrial error) ... ...
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