The Butler

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					                       The Butler

                           A Monologue


                           Simon Paul

Simon Paul
196 Wimbledon Park Road
London, SW18 5RL
+44 (0) 7803 906131

(C) Simon Paul, 2010
The Butler - an elderly but cognisant gentleman.

Somewhere within Alexeivich Towers, Surrey - a telephone rings
and slow, heavy and deliberate footsteps are heard approaching.

The Butler
(Short pause after each paragraph to reflect the caller’s
Hello, Alexeivich Towers, Brantson speaking, how may I be of
service to you this morning?
Oh, I am so sorry, you just missed the master.
Pardon, it’s a bad line.
No, missed the master. He’s gorn!
No, gorn, went away, left home, exeunted, along with the lady of
the house and several cronies.
No, not ponies, cronies!
I can’t tell when he’ll be back I’m afraid. He’s left me all
alone in this phantasmagorical palace that he calls home. Home,
alone with nothing more than a pack of baying hounds and a wild
kestrel to keep me company.
Pardon. No kestrel, not kettle!
As I say, I do not know when he’ll be back. Not for some time
Pardon. Methinks, not stinks.
Well, he’s gone to inspect his wells.
No. Not smells, wells.
No. Oil wells, not the Cathedral city. Mr Alexeivich is not one
for sight seeing you know. So, may I take a message for the
One moment, let me just get some writing implements.
(Sound of walking away and then returning. Then speaks slowly as
if writing at the same time.)
Okay, fire away. Mr Robertson, local tax office. Telephone
number uh, uh, uh,...670.
(Talking normall
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Description: A short monologue wherein the butler to a Russian oligarch takes a call from someone his master would rather went away. For production details and licensing, please contact me.
PARTNER Simon Paul
The time I spent in my younger days exposed me to writing, acting, directing, stage managing, sound, lights, set building etc. So when a man in Southfields SW London suggested setting up a local theatrical group, I joined. The first show of the Southfields Theatre Group was Cinderella by moi. It was performed in Janaury 2009 over three performances to c500 people of all ages, from babes in arms to octogenarians. It was directed by me as well, so anyone purchasing it may contact me for any advice on producing it. My second pantomime has taken nearly a year to write - somewhat longer than the three weeks for Cinderella! It is Ali the Barber and the Forty Thieves and is now available here at Production Scripts. My latest pantomime, The Frog Prince was first performed in January 2012 by Southfields Theatre Group, again directed by myself. I have now finished and uploaded four short monologues, 'The Butler' , 'The Professor, 'The Secret Agent' and 'The Terrapin'. They are suitable for either radio or stage as part of a sketch show or review. Hopefully, you'll find them as amusing as I intended them to be! Each of my scripts have been written with performance in mind. The key benefit to producers is that they are easy to stage with as little or much in the way of sets, props etc as your budget will stretch to. I would be very pleased to provide advice to any group that wishes to produce any of my scripts. Enjoy!