20% CASH DISCOUNT by bud19087



            11   I NOVEMBER-1970 I
CARPETS                              81f1'"I _ ••
                                                                 20% CASH DISCOUNT 

    O#IJP ~
                                                                    to members of C. &:      E~ P"s.A.

                   In W{ocgartens' nc-w
                                                                                   showroom building
                                                                                   there is II comprelleu­
                                                                                   sive di-.play of the
                                                                                   Winegart.,ns' Speclali·
                                                                                   ties,    viz.,   Predsioo
                                                                                   Watches. Jewellery,
                                                                                   Ensagement Rjng~,
                                                                                   Signet lind Weddmg
Wilton. ·Axmlnster,. Orientals. Tufted                                             Rings, Silverware, Gilt·
                                                                                   lery,    C]o{:ks,    BaNl­
                                    on display                                     meters, E.P,N,S., Pew·
                                                                       j~~-,,\il': tel', Cut Glallll, Leather
                                                                                   and      Gilts,     Sports
                                                                                   Trophi~,       Cups and
                                                                                   Medals, elC.
                                                                                   If unable to call PC-f   o

                                                                                   ~ona1!)'" urdu by pll~t
                                                                                   on fuii cash retuoJ
                                                                                   basis Write for cata­
                                                                                   logues stating anic!n
                                                                                   of interest lind lJP~ia\
                                                                                   C. &; E. P.S,A, Pn"l­
                                                                                   Je:;e Tickel.

                                                               WINEGARTENS Ltd
                                                                 186.8 B1SHQPSGATE. LONDON. E.C.2
LOIU)(iJl: i" $11f niI~f, E.e,,,, Ttl: 01·248 7971 (II liut)              Tekp;lime: 01 • 283 6622
JlEWCltTLt-UPDIHYI£:: II.HY Illnkl!1 51. T~: NllIJ2HlI         HOURS OF BUSINESS! Monday. Tuu<:!ay.
IIAleMUTE'1; n ...1 tmr $IINt 11.1; UIl-Zl6 m7illJt            Wednesday, 9 a.m.·6 p,m,. Thu~day. 9 a.m.~
hUIlIIEMOUTH: mI 01:1 OIII\\tliIm 'kid. Td~ 21%48              "I p.m.; Friday, 9 a.m.'::UO p.m. Closed all

                                           DISCOUNTS               STAFFORDS 

 Eledtiul Appll.,I'u::t:l"S: RefrigeMtOrs,
 deep free.-ers. w<Ishing machines,
 food mixers. fason, spin drye,s, etc.
 up to                                 31t%
                                                                   21% CASH
                                                               FULL AFTER-SALES SERVICE
 Projectors, Caftul''''', Screens, En!"rg~!1s,
  Binoculars up to                                 371%
 Carpets, HI Fi up to                                30"<.     ALL TYPES Of FURNITURE
 Radio, T.V.           20% to 25'-'"                           21 % off manufacturers' recommended
 Centraf Heating EquIpment up to 20'\:,
 Cutlery Venetian Blinds             25%                       retail prices
 Tape    Ret:orders.   Rilcord    Players,
 Watches, Clocks liP to              10"*                      CARPETS AT HUGE SAVINGS
 Power Tool$.      Elechk     Fires,   Oil
                                                               * Free delivery In U.K. mainland oniy
 Heaters, Type:writen, Cycles. Sew-iJut
 Er Knitting Machinfl' up to
 Gin Appllal'ltes, Mowers- liP to
                                                               * C"editstorage
                                                               * F'ee nQ problem
  furniture up ~                                     25%       * Poval
                                                               *   Di~ta"1ce
                                                                            raC,lTles zvWi;;b:e

                                                                           bu~ine$$ we!c:>me
 Almost anything can be supplied at
 most favourable di~counts apd deLve"y
 arranged anywhere in tho country,                             * Export enquiries invl':d
                                                               * Al g;:;o::b gUilr.?n-;-ced
                                                                   Open 5j ·day week
 Ail goods. brand new; fully guaranteed.
 SpeciaJ faci!iti~s avaHable :0 all                            '* All brand;;:d
                                                               * Ail goods bHy irtw111 c.urlng translf
 Customs officials.
 For ANY of your requ!fements write to                         WrIte, Phone or Cell

 Inl:f:fnlrw~                                                      STAFFORDS               FURNISHERS
                                                               Dept. 4/11
     Dept. Cj .. N<:'w Road, Tadfey 

 Basingstoke Hants. Tel. TtI(fhry 3704. 
                      3 Horn Lane, Acton, London. W.3
                                                               Tel. 01-992 6851 (10 Hne.)
NOVEMBER                                                                        NUMBE.   121"

1970                                                                            VOLUME

             The Customs Jou rnal

             276     CCRRE.'\T COMMENTS

             277     CS    &;     POST OfFICE LlfEwIWA"/ n"ND

             278     STAFF CHA:-;CE.s

             279     "EW SAL FORD CUSTOM HOUSE
                                                      aud photo, 279, 280, 281

                     LO:-.:DO;,>; AJRPORT
       I     283 	   LEITH

        S    286 	 GRl~1SB;             &:   I~MI;"CHAM 


       hot   287     ENN[S~JltEN

       o     28&     lSI 	 x\rrox .. t          WIGD BRIOCE CO\1PEIlTJON
       N                                              am!      {'Ill!.   form

       T     289'    LElll:.RS:
                                         R. R.    f)iIl   is

             293     CARIOO;" 


             293     HEel         !O~   OF COl::SClLLORS 

             294     13TH" OLD GUARD" REt::-"IO:-'
                     DlREC lORY
276                             C1JSTOMS )01JRNAL                      November 1970
                                              ~HIFT   WORKIN(;
                                                 A reply is stiH awaited from the Civil
  Current Comments 
                          Service Department on the NSS claim
                                              for radical improvemenfs in the pay­
                                              ment of shift aliowances. The terms of
                                              any favourable reply will immediately be
                                              communicated to the membership.

                                              DAY SUBSISTENCE ALLOWANCES
FIVE-DAY WEEK                                    rt is expected that an jmproved offer
   The scheme for the implementation          covenng day subs:stence allowances will
of the 5-day week (Monday to Satur~           shortly be received.
day) until next spring nearly foundered          The last increase in this field was in
recently, and it was not until 2.50 pm        1%8 when the new certificate was jntro~
on the afternoon of Friday, October 23,       duced which mi!itated against subsis­
that official permission was received for     tence being paid to those who ate jn
the ' I go ahead" after Divisions had         Government canteens,        The NSS is
been informed by lGW's Office ~hat the        asking the Official Side to modify the
arrangements made would have to be            terms of cert:frcation.             ­
   The position wHl be reviewed early         LANGUAGE ALLOWANCES
:0 the new year and it is hoped that
eventually the innovation will become            Since the implementation of the mul~
permanent.                                    tipie rates overtime award in Janua,y
   The, Staff Side team dealing with Re"      :ast Preventive Officers holding language
organisation matters has jnformed the         allowances have suffered financially
Official Sjde that it should be the aim to    when overtime has been paid because of
introduce a 5-day Monday to Fridav            the ceiling imposed, ie, the hourly rate
week, as now enjoyed by most general          paid must not exceed the rates applic­
Civil Service grades, for all staff in the    able to an EXecutive Officer (induding
Department with monetary compensa~            an inner and outer London Weighting
tion for Saturday work.                       if payable), even if the officer's salary
                                              plus aGowances is above the EO maxi·
                                              mum. We feel this to be unfair and
LIAISON WITH OTHER WATER­                     takes no account cf POs having quaH­
     GUARD ASSOCIATIONS                       fied-~with an that the word "qualified"
   Regular meetings with representative-s     conjures up in t':le mlnd~tQ render a
of the WCGA and the (POA are being            s:gnal service both to the Board and the
held in order that a united Waterguard        public. To this end, the matter has been
point of view may bc presented at all         raised again with the Customs and
meetings held in connectIon With De­          Excise Group Committee which has
pa,tmental Remganisation.        Special      agreed that It be brought to the atten­
meetings with the other Waterguard            tion of the National Staff Side.       No
staff associations are proving to be of       APOs are affected and they should still
inestimable value.                            be enjoying an enhancement of their
                                              hourly Qve::time rates if they are holders
                                              of language allowances.
SUPERANNUATION                                    As an aid to Preventive Officer5 to
   As a consequence of the General            determine. .at a glance, when they are
Election the previous Government's ad·        likely--ccmmensurate with the value of
vanced plans for a reform of the super­       the language allowances which they hold
annuation legislation affe-cting Civil Ser­   _··-to go " over the top" (PO salary max)
vants were dropped. The National Staff        the {onowing information is given:­
Side put in a lot of work on its own
account in this matter and a new              The allowance is:
National Staff Side document concern­             French or German, £48 per year.
ing pensions has been issued to staff            Other languages, £75 per year.
associations on a confidential basis, The         Maximum allowance normally pay­
document will be studied to see how far       able. £150 per year.
it accords with our own thinking on the           ExceptIonally, an allowance may be
subject.                                      paid fer three languages, and in this
November 1970                   CUSTOMS JOURNAL                                         277

case the maximum allowance payable               MACHINERY OF GOVERNMENT
will not exceed £198.                                           CHANGES
  It is possible therefore to hold language           White Paper Proposals for
allowances to the value of-                             Major R.eorganisation
         Group 1              £198               The Government's proposals for a
         Group 2              £150            major reorganisation of the machinery
         Group),              £123
         Group 4               £96            of central go....ernment are announced in
                                              a White Paper published last month,·
         Group 5               £75               The changes involve the re~ordering
         Group 6               £48            of responsibility for functions between
   (Add London Weighting if applicable.)      the departments.
PO', SALARY SCALE                                The aims of the reorganisation. which
      NAnO~AL RATE                            follows a review set in hand as soon as
                                              the Government took office, reflect the
   Min. £1426.                                Government'S overall policy of reducing
   Min. £1527.                                the burden placed on industry and the
   Min. £1578.                                people of the country at large. reducing
   Min. £1630, lowest pOlnt .In scale to      the consequent overload on the govern·
hold language allowances to the value         ment machine itself, and increasing the
of GROUP 1 without exceeding max. of          efficiency of Government operation by
scale.                                        improvements in the methods and
   Min. £16&1, lowest point in scale to       machinery for policy formulation and
hold language allowances to the value         administration.
of GROUPS 2 AND 3 without exceed~                The White Paper states; .. This re~
ing max. of scale.                            view differs fundamentally both in the
   Min. £1732, lowest point in scale to       depth of its aims and in the breadth at
hold language allowances to the value         its scope from previous piecemeal
of GROUPS 4 A:-.ID 5 without exceed~          changes in the pattern of departmental
ing max, of scale,                            responsibilities. It has been concerned
   Min. £1783, lowest point [n scale to        not merely With departmental boun­
hold language allowances to the value         daries. but with the central mechanism
of GROUP 6 without exceeding max, of          by which public policy is made and
.scale.                                       carried ou!':, The results witl therefore
  Max. £1835.                                 be longer lasting and will remove the
                                              need for continual changes for a con~
RECENT DEATHS Of COLLEAGUES                   siderable period in the future. The pro~
  :-.Iotification has been received of the    duct of this review will be less govern­
deaths of three colleagues recently with~     ment. and better government. carried
in one week, None had elected to pay          out by fewer people. Less government,
the £3 premium necessary for their de~         because its activities wHI be related to
pendants to qualify for the £1.000 grant      a 1ong~term Strategy aimed at liberating
from the PRFS, This is a tragedy, and          private lniriative and placing more
once again members are asked to make          responsibility art the individual and less
certain that their families are covered       on the State. It will be better govern~
in this respect                               ment because the tasks to be done will
                                              be better defined and fewer in number.
                                              requiring fewer Ministers and fewer
                                              Civil Sen'ants to carry them out."
          LlFE.BOAT fUND
                                              The main cbanges
  The following subscriptions have been         The main features nf the changes in
received and are acknowledged with            ministerial responsibilities and depart­
thanks:                                       mental organisation are:
  Waterguard Superintendent, Aber~
deen. £1 175. Od,; Waterguard. Grange­            (i) Merging the Ministry of Tech·
mouth, fJ 45, Od.; Waterguard. Grimsby          nology (less the Aviation Group) with
and lmmingham. £4 14s. Od,; Water­              the Board of Trade in a new Depart­
guard. Milford Haven. £1 11s. Od,;              ment of Trade and Industry headed
Waterguard, Training Centre, 65. Od.            by the Secretary of State for Trade
                1, R. MCCORMACK.               ." Th~ Re!)rl!:ani~alion of Cenlral Govern·
          Principal, Sun:eyors' Branch.       ment." Cm:1..1 4'ifl6, HMSO. price 2,>; 6d net.
278                             CUSTOMS JOURNAL                            November 1970
  and Industry, who will also hold the       tlfy and discuss alternative policy
  historic office of the President of the    options which can then be explored in
  Board of Trade,                            greater depth before final decisions are
     (ii) As an interim stage of a long­     taken on the expenditure programmes'"
  term reshaping of all defence re­
  search. development and procurement        Review of tasks
  (including aerospace), the Aviation          The White Paper states the Govern~
  Group of the former Ministry of            ment's intention to ensure that aU the
  Technology will become a separate          functions and activities that depart­
  Ministry of Aviation Supply under its      ments are now carrying out are appro­
  own Minister with responsibility for       priate to the role of central government.
  all the aerospace fUnctions of the         Each individual Minister will put in
  former Ministry of Technology. both        hand a review of the whole range of his
  civil and mHitary. This stage wiU last     existing responsibilities to decide
  no later than April, 1972, by ",hleh       whether they are necessary functions of
  date aU defence research, develop­         central govCTnment and if so whether
  ment and procurement will be inte­         they are correctly articulated in his
  grated under the responsibility of the     department's organisational framework.
  Secretary of State for Defence.
     (iii) A new Department of the           Location of work
  Environment will be created by inte~         There will also be .. a fresh look at
  grating three~ existing: departments:      the location of government work. and in
  the Ministry of Housing and Local          particular at the possibilities of dis­
  Government. the MInistrY of Trans~         persing more of it from London."
  port, and the Ministry of Public
  Building and Works. under a Secre~         Wales
  tary of State for the Environment.           As announced in The Queen's Speech.
   (iv) Ministerial responsibility for the   responsibility for primary and secondary
  Ministry of Overseas Development           education in Wales is being transferred
  will pass to the Foreign and Common~       to the Secretary of State for Wales.
  wealth Secretary, and the Department         The White Paper announces that
  will become a self~contained wing: of      responsibility for child care functions jn
  the Foreign and Commonwealth               ""ales is also being transferred to the
  Office under a Minister of S!ate desig­    Secretary of Sta.te,
  nated Minister for Overseas Develop·         Administrative arrangements will en~
  ment with delegated authority from         sure that jn future the Welsh Office will
  the Foreign and Commonwealth               share in the administration of the urban
  Secretary,                                 programme of grants to areas of acute
     (v) Ministerial responsibility for      social deprivation.
  child care functions in England and
  Wales will be transferred from the         Scotland
  Home Secretary to the Secretary of           The functions of the Scottish Office
  State for Social Services in respect of    are not affected by any of the changes,
  England and to the Secretary of State
  for Wales in respect of Wales on
  January 1, 1971, so as to unify minis­              STAFF         CHANGES
  terial responsibility for the personal
  soc1al serv[ces-welfare, child care        Reversion 

  and some aspects of health-at the          PREVENTIVE OFFICER TO APQ: Brackenbury, 

                                              I. R., d! d Northampton to Liverpool
  same time as these services are
  unified at local authority level.          Retirement 

     (vi) Responsibility for primary and     PREVENTIVE OFFICER: Raw, S"             Dover. 

  secondary education in Wales. as           Resignations
  promised in the Government's Elec~         f'REVEATIVE OFFICER.' Bell, L E., Leith.
  tion Manifesto. wHI be transferred to      ASS]' PREV OFFICERS: Baxter. T. H., Hull;
  the Secretary of State for Wales from        Rudd~ A. K.. ,Harwich; Spindler, T., Hull;
  the Secretarv of State for Education         Wntace, R. S. L.
                                             WOMAN SEARCH OFFICER; Haberfield, C.
  and Science:                                 (Miss). ,Hull.
  The Government propose to streng·          Deaths
then further the public expenditure           .Holdemess, R. A, PO, London; Hopkins.
survey system so as        $Ito provide       W, E., AWS, London. 

Ministers with an opportunity to iden-                'denot4 !It!perunnuated officer 

November 1970                 CUSTOMS JOURNAL                                     279

                    THE OLD ORDER CHANGETH , , .

    New Salford Custom House
On October 8; 1910. the Chairman of         chester and Salford will be accommo­
the Board. Sir Louis Petch, KeD, for~       dated in the new building.
mally opened the new lwowbul1ding              For the Waterguard the move is from
Custom House at Salford Docks. A            old-time Salford as depicted in TV's
large company of distinguished guests       .. Coronation Street" to this modern
induded Mr C.M. Porter, IGW. staff re­      building, complete with new furniture
presentatives and loca1 dignitaries.        and fixtures.
   The two buildings consist of a six­         In spite of these modern Improve­
storey office block linked at first-fioor   ments, a tinge of regret was felt at leav­
level with a two-storey annexe housing      ing the old place, complete with its cells
the Long Room, Queen's Warehouse            and mortuary, relics of its one~time use
and other storage.                          as a police station.
                                                Our staff had been in residence some
   The Custom House is part of a de­        weeks in advance of the formal opening,
velopment of the dock estate by Man­        and iocal ., integration" has thus gone
chester Liners. Ltd" and the landscaped     on apace.
site includes Manchester Liners House.          The top floor has canteen and recrea­
 The architects were Leach. Rhodes and       :ional facilit:es. and outside, on what
 Walker.                                    was once a veritable maze of railway
   Two hundred and eighty staff at          sidings, is a wen·laid-out and adequate
 present scattered in offices in Man­       car park.

The new Custom House. COnslst£ng of the office block to the rt'ght with the 

 Long Room left foreground. To the left and 'flear is Manchester Liners House, 

280                          CUSTOMS JOURNAL                             November 1970

                            The old place, 1894/1903

  It is not perhaps generally realised
that Manchester Collection has been           GORDON !lAIN APPEAL FUND
unique jn having retain.ed two separate
offices fOT Customs and for Excise under   This Appeal received the expected
one Collector. Attempts were made in       generous response frem Wat~rgua:d
the past to concentrate the two offices    Divisions and from the CollectlOns 10
                                           which Gordon served.       At the audit
in Manchester, but such proposals in       date of September 23, 1970, the Fund
1924-25 resulted In a public enquiry       stood at £1,284 18s. 5d., and this sum
and were not pursued because of strong     has been handed to ~"irs Patrlcia Baln.
opposition from      civic and trade       The CC'mmhtee sincerely thank aU con­
interests.   A similar fate befell an      tributors and helpers.     AU donations
attempt :0 combine the offices in 1959~    have been formally acknowledged. Mrs
60, and i: was then decided to seek a      Bain's Jetter is opposite.
she for the merger in Salford.                The Committee: R. Linford, HWS;
   The land on which the new Custom        G. N. Madgen, Hr Coltr; S. H. Sumner,
House now stands was once the pro~         CPO: L D. Hulme, Officer lVC LW):
petty of Lord Egerton. one of the prime    G. T. Hickey, PO (Treasured; L. Hickey.
movers in the construction of the Man~     PO; I, H. Hughes, PO (Secretary): C.
                                           Mansour, APO; J. Cawley, Watcher.
cheste:- Ship Canai It at one time         F. Coaker, DWS (Chairman).
formed part of the site of the Man~
chester Racecourse-it 1-:; not therefore   WATF.RGUARO DIVI:;ION,'l, ETC,
inappropriate that the new Quilding is       Aberdeen, £21 5~. OJ.:. Belfast, £51 5s. Od.;
the Betting Duty Control Unit's home!      Bristol. £21 (Is. 1M.: Cardiff, £)6 4~. 6d.; Dover,
November 1970                             CUSTOMS JOURNAL                                                 281

At the operling ceremony (l to r)~ Mr C. M. Porter, IGW, AIr R. F. A. Webber.
Collector, Matlchester, Sir Louis Petch~ Mrs Dorothy Johnstone (Commissioner)
                      and Mr E P. Braum, Chief Inspector.

£69 (h. Od.; Glasgow, 04 145. O,L; Harw:cll,               £288 151 3d.' Pnvale and n;l;er           Donatbn"
£4[ 5... Od,; Hull. £42145. 6d.; l.eith, £15 II).;, Od.;   £121 tn. 00. To!al !J.29() 6~. 3d.
Liverpool, £188 His. Od.: London Airporl.                  EXI'f."<SES 

£41 frL Od,; Gatwlck Airport, £31 lOs. 611.;
Londou POt:. ilB 65. f)d.~ Gravesend, iIiI 12~. 60;1.;       Slal;ooery. Po~~agl' e:.c. 15 7:,. Hid. 

MauchesLer, £44 16., tid.; t-iewcastle, £40 7s, 61.;         aaiMce in a6:!\.::. 11.284 J8s. Sd. 

Office uL IGW, f.15          155. Od.; Plymouth.              Audited and found correct: A. F.
£24 17s. OC.; ['SA HQ, II lOs. Od.; Southampton.
£35 141. 6j.; Wgd. Trainlug Centre. £5 1s. Od.;            Reid, W. Griffiths, September 23, 1970.
Revenue CutlN"L £16 Os. OIl. Total: f8lW 4s. &1.                                      3 Keble Drh-e,
C()l!U,lONS, £1'('.
   Belfast. £44 14~. Od.; Che-<ler. £13 19;:. 6<1.;                                         CheJhfre.
Liverpool. 1;97 Us. 6<1.; London Airport.                                           October 3, 1970.
£67 lOs. 3d.; ManclJe~ler, £47 6s. tieL; Pre~1on.          Dear ,\fr C'p«ker,
£I'7 l2L 6d. Tot::d: £288 155. 3d.
   H.M. I:nmigratmn, £6 5~. Od.; Lil'eqmol pno[~'             I ackl1.l)vfedgr sale r{'ceipt ol the
AMhx;ation. DB 12s. Od.: Lverpool PSS & S                  cheqm:_ W fluId you please convey my
Club, £20 iX. OJ, Total: £64 n~. Od.
                                                           most grafe/ul thanks to all Gordon's
PRIVATI" DONATIONS,     ETC.                               colleagues who .w generously contri­
  Mr A. F. Eni.., £J 1'1. {XL; Mr ,A. A. Forre~kr.         buted to the tJPpeal. I, and my two
£5 Os. Od.; Mr W. H. Hobbs, £1 Os. Od.; Mr S               boys, appreciate this wtfltdcrlu.l gesture
Lyons, fI 9&. Oct.; Mr R. G. Mde~, flO (h:. Od.;           ol help more than 1 can find words 10
Mr A. Ned, £1 Os. Od.; 'YJr H. G. t>Jnmmer,
£5 Of_ 011.; Mr P. L. SCOlt. £25 tb. Oct.; MI C. F.        express, tJnd £/ hos comlorred us to kNOw
Shaw lOs, Od.; Librarian, lo!', Od.; Anon.                 of the friel/dship and f'S(eem his friends
£4 6~. 6d. Total: f5f. :1.i. 6d.                           anJ collcagues had for Gordon, and
TOTA1.S                                                    that they should remember him in fhis
  W4~erguard    Divj;iony" £8804$. 6d_: Col!ectior;s,      way.
282                             CUSTOMS jOURI>iAL                        November 1970

    I would also like to thank you alld       Chas. Wyness. Chief Clerk, Treasurer.
(lll (hose prrsonaJly concerned with          and the members of the Committee­
organizing (he appeal, for all the work       Messrs Bob Busby, DCa. and W. L.
and rime given,                               Tohill, PO, who inaugurated the appeal,
              Yours sincerely,                and also to the Hon Auditor. Mr Len
               (,gd) PATRICIA BAIN.           Howe, EO.
                                                Mrs Kennedy writes. "1 cannot find
                                              words which would full:r express my
ROBERT KENNEDY APPEAL FUND                    gratitude for the magnificent gift from
                                   BELFAST    Bob's colleagues throughout the Service.
                                              1 will never cease to marvel at this ges­
                      October 10, 1970,       ture of friendship to Bob and sympathy
  Subscribers to the above fund will be       to me and my daughter. When Carolyn
pleased [0 learn that the Appeal Fund         is a IIt:-Ie older she will understand the
yielded £1,865 lis. 6d.                       kindness which promoted such an out­
  Mrs Kennedy would like to record            standing response."
her appreciation to the Chairman. Mt                       E. M, McCABE,
R, F. Moumjoy, Assistant Collector; Mr                                District Organiser,

 HEATHROW HIEROPHA"ITS                        the most unexpected places. One PO,
                        LONDON AIRPORT
                                              a little late in arriving at an incoming
                                              a:rcraft, was stopped and told that he
Pass flashing or .. I'll show you mine if     cou~dn't go on board as it was leaving
you'll show me yours." This game with         for Tel Aviv. «Oh; no, it isn't," he
slight variations is being played all over    retorted, i< at least nt)t until I've cleared
:-he airport----cr was at the time of wrk     :l in from Park"
ing--perhap:s by now some of the con·            The mammoth operation of photo­
testants have worn themselves out. Let        graphing everybody for the above­
us take the case of BJoggs, APO; he js jo     men~ioned Identification Document is
an official car which is adorned with an      almf)st complete. In glorious Techni~
Official Airside Pass, plus an Official Tax   color the good~looking female faces
Exempt Di,>c and Bloggs is wearing his        glow on one, but we poor males all
official unlform. PC Snodgrass: waves         appear to stine::- from the five o'clock
the car to a halt at an e~trance to the       shadow.      But what happens if YOu
tarmac a'1d demands a s~ght of his            actually want to grow a bea:·d·~or take
Identification Document. Bloggs obliges,      one off? Apply in trjplicate to the
bu t tc keep the game in perspective          authcrities?
demands a look at the Co~stab:e's War~           DOIng things in threes reminds me
rant Caed. Snodgrass demurs and only          that Mike (the shins) ""'jlson was photo­
produces it !o preclude himself being         graphed tha~ often without success··­
arrested for imperscnating a police           the final effort turned out with a Pak
officer.                                      Air backg:'ound which 1 suppose is
   You can imagine some of the varia­         bet:er than others of OJ:- staff who
~ions on this theme when you consider         finished up as Acme cleaners.
that. apart from us and the Police, the
BAA has :itS own band of pass peerers"        Sad and sorry shirts
BOAC has bired Securicoe; other air~            The issue shi:ts are causing more
Jjnes make do with gue.:-rilla guards in      problems than just the ironing thereof.
plajn clothes who leap Olit on one from       One wife shoved her hapless husband's
November 1970                  CUSTOMS JOURNAL                                       2B3
              ~--                                 ~--
sbirt in the washer complete with           away a joint decision is made. Open
epaulets. yet another forgot to remove      the board! The" acid" pours out. The
Daddy's Commission, and I've heard of       owner? He'd taken a trip to the cinema
many cases of (olding-type money being      to pass the time away and was collected
boiled whiter than white-which isn't        later.
what happens to the shirts-and a slight
touch of bleach turns them a peculiar       Apocalyptic APOs
yellow colour.                              . They':'ve Seen the writing on the waH.
Ave-day fiasco                              If not In black and white and they are
                                            unhappy about Reorgani~atjon. Many
  A short while ago our 'Whitley Repre~     have    forsaken     .. Peanuts,"  " Fred
sentatives carried oul a survey to find     Bassett II and the like for the Sits. Vac.
what we wanted from the Szday week;         columns in the daily Press. So beware.
they gol it quickly,S X 8 = 40. and if      Mr Reorganisation, whoever you are­
we couldn't have that we might settle       many of the old guard APOs are looking
for the little bit extra every day, but     for pastures new, and this will leave a
the 9-hour watch was out. Commuting         big gaping hole in the lower echelons of
couldn't cope, Told to draft a scheme       your Reorganisation ladder which we
incorporating this wicked watch. Pat        don't think you will be able to shore
Rei:ly and his appointing artefacts did     up-no matter how clever you thLlK
a superhuman job. Then five days before     you are.
the off-it was called oft! As we go                                       jWK, RN
to press we have orders. counter orders
= disorder.
  Then the 5-day week is imposed
administratively and retrospectively.                       DIARY
Somebody wants reorganising and
quickly.                                    September 21: Learned today that Bill
                                            Reid, PO, of Currie, was the winner of
Soccer                                      fouF golf dubs. a matched set of Lilly~
   \Ve break in h ere with an oracular      whtte Froud woods, having won second
outburst from Paul S. Harris. "LAP          place in an Evening New";, Kame the
will beat Harwich 00 November 2."           Golfers Contest.
Unde: Paul's secretaryship both our            September 23: Following upon the
teams are almost invincible.       ~eil     offer from the IGW anent the 5-dav
Heath captains the 1st {earn, with          week, members met the 'Whitley Repre­
Dave Bradfield as his vice-captain.         sentatives and :-esolved to sive [he pro­
Sandy Kerr is the 2nd Team captain.         posa} a trial. Since then the proposed
and the seJection committee consists of     scheme has gone into orbit and np~h]'1~
Heath~ Bradfield and Graham Buck.           has happened.                             '
                                               September 28: Andy Howard carne
Double immunity                             to the office today and right glad we
    Passenger, asked by Pert Health fo:­    were to see him again.
h;s smallpox immunisation card, :;eplied,      October 8; This is the Ktorv of   w

•• I don't requ~re one of those~I'm         James H. Brown. ex-PO, who has for­
diplomatically immune f:;om smaHpoxl"       saken the Ware;:-guard and now seeks bv
                                            training at Moray House, Edinburgh, fowr
LSD = £2 million                            tbree years to become a school teacher,
   When information was received that       Some 60 or sO friends gathe:ed i:} th.e
a large consignment of LSD was to be        LeJth office to pay tribute to JaITt'~ upon
imported inside a surfboard, a gathering    his retirement-resignation. One looked
uf the great took place inside the T\VA     around and saw staff from Leith, Gran­
freight shed, where such a beard had        ton, Grangemouth, Rosyth, Kirkcaldy,
been found.      This Super rummage         Finart and Tyne, plus CPMs from South
crew consisted of one Senior Collector.     Queensferry and Kirkcaldy, along with
a couple of Assis:ants. one Waterguard      retired members and representatives
Supertntendent. one CPO and assorted        from Immigration, shipping and :lgents,
Officers, tarmac and baggage crews.         and the boatmen. Mr B:;ack, the Col~
\Vhilst they confer. along comes the        lector. started the speeches and many
owner to collect: Stalling for time, they   spoke of Jimmy's great qualities, his
send him to the bank to obtain the cash     persever;lnce, courage, leadership. self­
to pay extra freight charges; while he is                     {Continued orr page 286
286                             CUSTOMS JOURNAL                        November 1970

LEITH-from page 283                           organisation, Several speakers, while
                                              voicing their confidence in the PSA
lessness, energy. argumentativeness,          Secretariat, felt that with our whole
honesty and zeal; likewise of his excel«      future at stake mOfe information was
lent work in PSA matters as a Coun­           required. A resolution was carried call·
cillor and Whitley Representatlve and in      ing for the PSA to seek further informa­
tutoring. The presentation was made           tion from the Board on specific ques­
by Mr McLaren, Waterguard Superin~            tions regarding Reorganisation.
tendent. who could remember Jimmy                During the past two years attention
joining the Waterguard at Grangemouth         has been drawn in this column to the
in 1938. The gifts chosen were a              increase in work at Immingham. Not
Grundig tape recorder for lames and a         only is there a new multi-million pound
handbag for Eileen. There was a sur·          oil terminal in full operation. but by the
plus which has provided Jimmy with a          end of the year it is expected that a
portable typewriter. Jimmy's reply was        new coal export jetty and an offshore
first class, full of wit and humorous         buoy for supertankers will be receiving
anecdotes and compietely entertaining.        ships from foreign.       Despite various
We then adjourned to the messroom,            verbal promises that additional statt
where a splendid Danish·style cold            would be available to help with the
buffet was laid out and suitable refresh­     burden of this extra work the total in~
ment was available. Good luck to you,         crease in Waterguard staff at ImrningM
James, and on your behalf thanks to all       ham is niL The PSA members at the
those who helped so generously.               meeting felt that this situation could no
   October 14; Our Supedntendent              longer be tolerated and accordingly
addressed us on Reorganisation today          passed a resolution to have the matter
and did his best to answer questions.         placed on the agenda at the next Hull
but it was apparent that there was still      formal WhitIey meeting.
a consjderable amount of anxiety,                APO Divisional Training has been re~
   At the PSA meeting that followed           sumed ailer the summer break and,
there was overwhelming support for a          thanks to the determination of Mr
resolution calling for a special Confer­      Dixon, CPO, Grimsby, and the co~opera·
ence as asked for by Dover and Cardiff.       tion of the Surveyor, Grimsby. the
   October 15: We certainly have been         APOs in this area noW have the benefit
getting our fill of Reorganisation, fOl       of a first~class lecture room in the
today we were addressed by the Chair­         Grlmsby Custom House.
man of the Board, Sir I~ouis Petch. KCB.                                          JRT
on the subject. There was a very good
tu;nout from Leith Division, and though
the address was brief, Sir Louis did his               ALL TOGETHER
be;;t to deal with doubts and questions.                                           TYNE
He appears to be a very fair-minded
man who is genuinely itnerested in a          This summer saw the closure of the
fair deal for the staff, but one wonders      Middle Station office at Tyne Street,
how bng he would be kept in his               and n(1W all North Side staff are housed
present position if ;t did not sult hjs       at Borough Road. North Shields.
superiors to have someone there who              Assc:ciated Lead, whose p:emises all
could be classed as p:o-staff.                but surrounded the o:d Tyne Street
   Changes: Ian Kirkbride has gone to         office, had been t:;ying for quite a few
Benson, and Eddie Box is in his place;        years to buy the bu;lding, but the
Bill Fc-rsyth is back for the winter, and     MPB & W, who spent severa] thousand
30 is our youngest, M~ke Nolan.               pounds on modernising, the ex-police
                                   CPR        statIon a few yearS ll.I{O. held Ollt until
                                              this year. Now that the ::-.lorth Shields
                                              office has been extensive1y modernised
              CONCER1\;                       and :e-decorated, we must be due to
                                              move to another bu!Jding if establhhed
                 CRIMSBY & IMMINCHAM          pattern :s followed:
At a local PSA meeting held on Octo­             We recently welcomed back to the
her 13 concern was expressed ,egarding        fold Mr Mclaughlin. CPO, and Mick
career prospec!:$ and .retention of :-ights   Mason, PO (Mick has been preaching
of preSi:1'it Waterguard staff after Re·      the Geo:die g03pel to the Peg,welJ Bay
November 1970                  CUSTOMS JOURNAL                                           287
staff this summer). We bade farewell in      include any development or refinement
the time honoured manner to Dave             of hurling 'or throwing) which, as is_
Parker APO, who got wed before mQV~
      j                                      well known, is one of the oldest of Irish
in~ to Gravesend, and to Johu Rowe.          sports.
APO. OB Newry.                                  There has been some stirring of staff
   Congratulatjons to Marilyn and Derek      recently. Steve Wallace, APO, has re~
Bolam on the birth of their son. It is       signed to join the ~orthern Ireland Civil
rumoured that grandfather Ray Ruther­        Service, WHly HamHton. APO, is mov~
ford is stm celebrating 1                    iog to Leith. and Doug. Pearce is leas­
   Jack Barkess excelled himself in          ing CastJederg for Southampton. Arriv­
organising a dom:'no, darts and cribbage     ing shortly will be Brian James from
tournament held at the "Salutation,"         Hanvich. In the meantime there is con·
Tynemouth on September 16, Twenty­           siderable acti vily in the way of classes
eight of the Shields staff turned out and    and mock orals for APOs " up " for the
enjoyed a very pleasant evening. IT is       next examination.
now hoped to make this a regular event          There is considerable concern about
--Barkess wiUing!                            the future in the Waterguard, particu~
   OUf mobHe recently visited a smaH         lariy in the APO grade, which will take
British vessel at Amble and seized 5,000     much to assuage.       The feeling is far
cigarettes and a gallon of spirits. The      from being me::ely local.
owner made his own bit of history in            I think i; can now be said that there
being the central figure in Amble            is some disillusionment about the­
Court's first smuggling case. He paId        vaunted uniform shIrts. Although they
£30 for the privilege.                       bear the name of a well·known manu­
                                             facturer, they have the appearance of
   As we have returned to winter             " Commonwealth" manufacLUre. It is
staffing, we now have two sttn:on rum­       well known that Hong Kong made gar­
mage crews operating again, and no           ments look aU dght when new, It be~
doubt they are looking forward to shar·      Comes apparent after the first wash that
ing night guard duty-keeping an eye          inferior or shriuking thread is used in
on the official cars, which seem w           the stitchbg, causing at the least con~
attract ,he close atteution of the           siderable puckering on the epaulet
" jungle" rejects.      {For those not       straps and the pockets. Also they appeaT
familiar with the "jungle "·-ask a            to be partially •• see~through," which
seaman! J                                    means that officers are having to di"ra'l'(t
                                   IRS       their more psychedelic·hued under­
                                             garments. After aU. we do not wish to
                                             bemuse the public any more than they
     CERTAIN ACTIVITIES                      normally are on :eturn from the Costa
                                             (·f their choice,
                             ENNISKILLEN         A funny, but perhaps not unusual.
Through Olher news channels readers           thing happened t;:> me this yea, with a
will be aware of certain activities in the   new uniform wrich 1 had" sprung" to
BOTder areas. The local SurveYDf and         appear bcbre the GBP at Aldergrove.
his staff were unseated from their road      17 locked fairh smart l'ntll I tcok a
post by means of clandestbe explosives.      deepish b:eath. whe::cupcn all the
The staff have since been Qpe;at~ng          buttOClS excep: one :lew off the jacket~
from a sert of caravan on the site                                             THB
while the Surveyor is accommodated
tempor.uHy in the Waterguard office,
One result of this may well be that                 .••.•••........... , 

plans fer a new combined office may be
expedited. More :'ecently the borde::­
post at Mullan was eyen mere wrecked
III a cheeky daylight raId, and to add
                                                  ELECTION OF 

insult the perpetrators made off In the
LPM's private car, which they finally             COUNCILLORS 

abandoned in a nearby hiUarea. The GAA
arerumcured to have- issued a disclaimer
that this is the beg:uning of a new sport                  See page 293
 under their aegis, chiefly because in
contrast to Gaelic fcotball it does not                      .. ".   " " ..   .   ." ,
288                           CUSTOMS JOURNAL              November 1970


                     A TWO·SESSION PAIRS EVENT 

                    Ranking as an EBU Closed Congress 

                                  for the 

                         Richard (Dicky) West Cup 

                               to be held at 

                  THE .. MERRY MAKERS." LANGLEY, 

                      on THURSDAY, MARCH 18, 1971 

    Presented by the Heathrow Waterguard Bridge Club on behalf of
the National Preventive Staff Sports and Social Club.
    T()urnament Director: Mr Percy Charters.
    Sessions commence at 2.30 pm and 7.15 pm.
    A steak dinner will be provided at the end of the afternoon S€ssion.
The bar will be open during normal licensing hours.
    Visitors please note that there are no facilities for luncheon at the
•. Merry Makers."
    Entries, together wi th fee of 25/· per pair, to F. CAWLEY. PO,
Queen's Building, Heathrow Airport, Hounslow. Middlesex, by
January 27, 1971.
    Please mark enveJopes .. Bridge."
    No restriction on number of pairs entering. but late entries will not
be accepted.
    Master Points Secretary: F. Cawley.



    We wish to enter the above competition and endose fee of 25'·
1"'r pair.
Port of
Pair No.                      Pair No.2              Pair No.3,

      PleaS€   print names.
      No of pairs entered            @ 25.'· per pair. £    s.
   Cheques. etc" to be made payable to LAP Preventive Staff          Sports
   A receipt and a location map will be issued to the first person   named
on the entry form.
   Please indicate if overnight accommodation is required.           Every
endeavour will be made to provide accommodation for visitors         at the
homes of the Heathrow staff.
November 1970                 CUSTOMS JOURNAL                                             28'1



Indecorous                                    SERVANTS 

haste                                    gel more fortheirmoney... 

                                              when thFI' Insuro wi:r\ {heir own SOCIB'Y

                                        Preferential terms for all types of
                                        insurance.    Premiums for life
The Editor,                             assurance deducted from pay, free
THE CUSTOMS JOURNAL                     of charge. Your dependants quali­
SIR! One is reluctant to put pen to     fy for aid through the Civil Ser­
paper again on the subject of Reorgani­ vice Widows and Orphans Fund,
sation as events are likely to overtake at no extra cost to yourself. For
words written before publication of immediate attention write to :
   The present ones are written with
some reluctance, principally because it
may be that I am misunderstanding or
misconstruing the intentions of both
                                                  [-I#J @r·"CPl
my masters and representatives. If in TIlE CIVIL SERVICE INSURANCE SOCffi'IT
any instance such should be the case
bear with me.                             33 Birdhurst Rise. South Croydon. CR1 JYH
   I do not consider that it is possible
to scate that no changes should be made
in the organisation of the Department!
and I so trust that to some extent these
comments may be considered as con­                         Letters
structive, though it may be necessary to
criticise the hrain children of my in~
tellectual and official superiors,     My two.      Possibly there are political or
excuse for so doing is that 1 consider economic reasons which prevent advan­
thlrty~five years in the Department iIl~    tage being taken of either.
spent if 1 have nothing to offer on this      Although it is said that complete in~
subject. Your readers, Mr Editor, wlll tegration will be spread over ten years
be able to make their own dedsion prO­ or more, there is no doubt that the
vided I succeed in retaining their effect will be felt greatest by members
interest.                                   of the Outdoor Service (landing and
   After the first few years of my service shipping) and Waterguard Service. and
I formed the opinion that the demarca~      it appears from what is known,
tion between landing and shippIng rumoured and feared that this aspect of
officers and Waterguard staff was too integration :s heing attempted w;thin a
rigid and wasteful. but as the Official similar period of months rather than
Side failed to take advantage of two years. The amount of committee work.
obvious oppor',unities for remedying release of documents, etc., cannot be
this situation. the fJrst at the time of ab30rbed by Staff Side Representatives,
the Import Duties Act, 1932, and the who in the two Services are only part~
second at the time of Reconstruction time negotiators.           In the case of the
intake afler the last war, I consider the Preventive Staff Association the negotia­
present indecorous haste to introduce tors have no mandate to accept the
such changes uniustified. Indeed it can majority of proposals submitted to
be argued that similar opportunities. eg, rhem, and so far as can be judged. their
introductIon of Value Added Tax or own Association policy proposals are
membership of the European Economic not receiving favourable reaction from
 Community, may arise within a year or the Official Side.
290                               CUSTOMS JOURNAL                     November 1970

   Assurances of sympathetic considera­      obsolescent. nor need any CPO. Natural
tion and vague statements at staff con­      wastage and promotion can allow re­
ferences and .. meet-the..people" tours      placement of the requisite number of
that nothing need change for older staff,    Officers by EO-level staff and subse­
specialisation can continue, JUSt do not     quently HEO as quickly as is envisaged
stand comparlson with recent Official        by the revolutionary poHcy we are asked
Side publications and proposals. The         to accept. The Waterguard expertise
last Chairman of the Board stated some       can be retained and graduallly passed
years ago" the Waterguard as we now          on to the new recruits. Landing and
know it may well disappear," and there       shipping expertise can be gradually ab..
can be no doubt in many minds that           sorbed by POs, EOs and newly pro~
that statement was a statement of in­        moted Assistant Officers. Training can
tent and not a vague generalisation.         be given at a steady pace rather than as
   And flOW 1 propose to cease being         crash courses which appear to be in~
destructive and offer constructive           evitable under the present proposals.
advice which I dare to suggest may even      The proper allocation of additional pro·
offer some solace to those members of        motion posts can be more realistically
the Outdoor Service on landing and           managed and. 1 dare suggest, the staff
shipping duties who do not relish rapid      concerned will more willingly accept
obsolescence,     During the service re­     Reorganisation.
ferred to earlier I have experienced
gradual transfer of landing and shipping     Indoor excluded
work to Preventive Officers. The pace           The criticism can be levetJed that this
has been funereal.       Now it is being     proposal excludes the Indoor staff and
raised to a headlong gallop by the           Headquarters. 1 accept this. I con~
Official Side, with many side effects of     sider that it is sufficient of an exercise
doubtful value to them and of posit:ve       to sort out the above two Services. But
disadvantage to the staff.                   do not turn down my suggestions on
  1 submit that the desired result can       that ground. The new entry grade will
be effected relatively painlessly, more      inevitably! If slowly. ensure that in
efficiently and more economically by the     twenty years or so complete integration
regular transfer of landing and shipping     will be virtually acheved painlessly, The
work. that assessed at EO level, to the      present Executive grades in the service
PO at both seaports and airports.            already enjoy much better promotion
   Remove the Waterguard labels and          prospects than others, so it should be
Preventive titles if it is considered that   no great hardship if additional posts are
they are at variance with an ultimately      few. [do not doubt that Staff SIde
integrated Department, but follow my         agreement could be reached to improve
outline plan and no Officer need be          the present lot of Departmental Execu­


      OIPN'''' You KNow? - 1"'5
      THe. FIRST DA"{ OF THE
      srEEP\..ECHAsE. SEASON,!
November 1970                                    CUSTOMS JOURNAL                                        291

tive grades. Do not let the simplicity                             The presentation came as a complete
of the scheme cause you to doubt its                            surpnse. and I'm afraid my feelings
efficiency, Simple as it appears. it will                       were too deep at the time to adequately
need lengthy discussion and negotiation.                        express my thanks to all concerned.
Ii it causes only the former in the larger                         I shall treasure it for the rest of my
context of the Board's schemes, 1 will                          life for it will help to keep alive my
consider my labours not to have been                            memories of many very happy tImes. J
in vain.                                                        can honestly say I've enjoyed every
                                                  MEMOR         minute spent with friends and col­
                                                                leagues both during and after the
The Editor,                                                        May I also take this opportunity to
THE CUSTOMS JOURNAL                                             say a grateful" Thank you .' to all those
SIR: May I through your ca~umn                                  colleagues during the past thi:ty-stX
express my sincere thanks to all my                             years who have .. held the fart" while
friends who so generously subscribed to                         I was away enjoying myself,
the silver salver presented to me after                                             R. R. DAl/[S.
the London~Dover cricket match.                                               21 Woadvale Avenue, 5E25


 2 I 25     %•
                       MEMBERS on
                                  % DISCOUNT 

                                  to.n C.&E.P.S..t.

 GOLD - Wedding and Signet Rings.
 GOLD AND SILVER-Clgar.... C....,
 Powder Boxes. Bra«lets. Neeklaces.
 Charm.. Brooches, Earclips. Llnk.$, etc,

 10 20%
 SILVER AND E.P.N.S.-T_.u, etc.

            %                            OISCOUNT
               -       to.n c... E.P,s.A.
 o......d.d Ooodo-A1.L SWISS WATCIIEI,
 Clockt, Cutlerr, PH., Lighte...., elc., and
 OIl _d·h.nd           "",.oner,.
 GEORGES &. 00.
       of Hatton Garden
   88/90 Hatton Garden, E.C. J
 Showroom OFHIn 9~6. Satl. 9-12 noon
 It.modell." &/ld rtp.lrs to aU              1.1. 0I-40S 0700
 l._!le~r   and watch repaln.                     01·4056431
 £p.a·oJ   aU.h.t/{m   ,t)   CTJIlI'$   by   PO.' Of phQ~

  sHOP ftlOM HOME AT SUBSTANT1AL                                 STREET, LONDON, W.l (Man Only). and
  DlSOOUNrS All BrlWded Ouaruteed mU:a                           47 OSWALD SlREET. GLAS:OOW. C.l.
 only: ~. Housebold, Hatdw~. Fur­                                'PM"e! Clasg.w 041~2.21 %111. LIOt\doR
 Iliture. Cupou, ek. Cornpieu rat:lIM "l"1                       OJ~14Z 2345". Birmi"lfI1ant 021~643 8333,
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  wpcd.al discount D1'icOI with hall deailI.                     Liver!)"f 0;1.709 .3132, Leeds 3..4433,
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  South&l4J. Loudon. N.W.4 COl ~ 20) 312$).
292                              CUSTOMS JOURNAL                        November 1970

          roundabout                                               by
            .. ....
                ,   ....
                    ,     "         ... .. " "
                                          "     '"

IN SEARCH OF SOPHISTICATION                     sophisticated, vulgar garbage 1 have
   .. What are you writing? ,.                  ever heard, It's full of archness • . ."
   H A humorous piece for Portcullis."
                                                   .. Which they don't want?"
   OJ Good show.       They've been scream­        .4 Right again!"
ing for humour, What sort of humour                .. What about THE CUSTOMS JOURNAL?
are you wrlting?"                               Are they worried about archness and all
   .. II'S a limerick, actually,"               that? .,
   .. Ioliy good! Try it out on me:'               .. Not a bit. That Waterguard crowd
   .. It starts off like this. 'There was a     are very broadminded. They have a
young lady named Suki , • • Who was             very unsophisticated outlook on life, I
extremeJy fond of her . . ."                    think it comes of mixing with all those
   .. Stop!      For heaven's sake, stop!       passengers. They see the seamy slde~
Portcullis is a very sophisticated maga­        you know. Yes, they'll take it."
zine, I'm sure they're not interested in           "Thanks for your advice. By the
your pitiful verse.         Sophistication is   way. I'm writing a thesis. between.
what they're after."                            limericks, about environment and the
   " Well. I can easily alter it. How about     pattern of human behaviour,"
this? There was a sophisticated young              "Good show! Keep it clean, don't
lady named Suki . . . Who has ex·               take the mickey, and remember, be·
tremely fond of her • . ."                      sophisticated! ..
   .. No, no. no! You must give it a
Departmental touch. Keep it in the              DRAMA CRITIQUE
job. so to speak."                                 last night I attended a shattering per.
   •• Ah. yes, I see what you mean. How         formance by the Waterguard Amateur
about this? There was a very sophisti~          Dramatic Society of •• Son of Little
cated Departmental Clerical Officer lady        Nell."     The role of the Squire was
named Suki . . . Who was terribly               played by D. Ditchwarer. CPO. and his.
fond . . ."                                     portrayal of this evil character was con~
   .. Wait! Is this going to be vulgar,         vincing enough to keep the audience
because 1f 1t lS, forget it! They don't         hissing and booing long after the cur·
want vulgarity I can assure you,"               tain fell. Johnny (Butch) CHnkworthy
   .• Can I take it as read that vulgarity      gave a touching performance as Nell,
is out? "                                       which was somewhat degraded by a
   .. Yes, definitely out!"                     young APO in the aud:ence who kept
   .. What about archness? Can I give           shouting, .. Get 'em orf!" Handsome
it a touch of archness?"                        Fred Cringe made the difficult role of
   "They don't wish to know about               Nell's husband seem easy. and he will
archness! "                                     long be remembered for his astonishing
   H No taking the mickey out of the top        performance in the bedroom scene.
brass r suppose?"                                  The silver collection totalled 17 !4d,
   .. You suppose right."                       50 drachmas, 100 old French francs aIld
   .. No vulgarity. No archness. No             6 uIlidentified foreign coins.       Next
mickey taking. What's left?"                    month the company will perform •• Son-.
   .. Humour, that's what's left. Plain.        of Henry IV. Part 1 Addendum."
common or garden humour,"
   "You don't think they'll consider my
stuff? ..                                       LATE fOOTBALL RESULTS
   .. Accept that rubbish? Not a snow~            Supers' XI 7: Potential CPOs O•
ball's chance in helL It's the most un~             Boacd's Xl Q: Failed CPOs 32,
November 1970                                     CUSTOMS JOURNAL                                                                293


                                    ELECTION OF COUNCILWRS

'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''' ,,,,,.,,,,,,,,.,,,,,,,,,,,.,,.,,,,.,,,.DISTRICT,
We, the undersigned. nominate Mr.".""""""""."""."."."""".".""""."."."."""".".""""."."."'"
                                                                 ( 1),"".,," "',",,.,,'''''''' ",.".".,.."."" ",. ",.,.,"'"., ",,',.,,'
                                                                 (2),,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,.,,,,.,,,,,,,,,,,,.,,.,, • . ,,,,,.,,,,,,,

I accept nomination,...."."......"...."...."..""..."'''".....,,........................,,,...,....,, ..,,

                                                                                                   District OtgaJtiser.

This form to be returned to the Organising Secretary on or before
                       JANUARY 15, 1971.
                        N.B.-L1ST "B" APPLIES-See Constitution.

                                            LIST "B" COMPRISES
        One CPO Councillor from and by CPO members in each of the 

                              following areas: 

                  LONDON AIRPORTS 

   WESTERN: Compr's'ng Plymouth and South Wales Districts 

NORTHEiRN: Comprising Northern Ireland and Scottish Di&tricts 

   EASTERN: Comprising Grimsby, Hun and Tyne Districts 

        One PO or APO from combined PO/APO membership in each
                       of the following Districts:
         ABERDEEN                         LAND BOUNDARY
         BRISTOL                          LIVERPOOL
         GATWICK AIRPORT                  LONDON
         HARWICH                          MIDDLESBROUGH
         HOLYHEAD                         SOLTHAMPTON
         HULL                             SWANSEA
              One APO Councillor by and from APOs in the District:
                           LONDON AIRPORTS
294                                 CUSTOMS JOURNAL                             N overnber 1970

   THIRTEENTH .. OLD GUARD"                        is high; of the sixteen who attended our
             REUNION                               first gathering on March 3, 1963, only
  Our luncheon on Friday. October 9­               eight were among the twenty~three
the twe~rth at the Press Club -was 
               t:Hesent. Time; personal and domestic
indeed an •• Occasion," for we had as 
            illness are taking a heavy toll, however.
guests the" Top Brass" as they say in 
            Morgan J. Griffiths is making a good re­
the North: we were honoured by the                 covery from a serious operation and
company of Sir Louis Petch, Ken, Chalr~            hopes to rejoin us, and the irrepressible
man, E. P. Brown. Chief Inspector. and 	           Freddy Hit! :8 improving in health after
C M. Porter, inspector-General. The                his tragic accident and is enjoying the
Chairman met a number of .. old­ 
                 sunsh:ne in Greece with relatives.
timers," the Chief Inspector and Inspec­              Our thanks are again tendered to 

tor-General renewed a.cquaintance with             Monty Lacey for his support and in:flu~
old friends and colleagues.                        enre which ensures our continued use
  We were pleased to again welcome                 of the Press Club.
George Binks, Maurice Knockles and                    We hope to hold our next meeting
Bob Lo\'ie, who are still in office, and 
         on Friday, May 21, noon for 1 pm. All
hope that in retirement they will not 
            retired members of the Waterguard and
desert us.                                         friends of the Waterguard still serving
  A new recruit, George Rkharcis, is               are we:ccme, if they wm please advlse
most welcome, and we trust that he will 	          me at .. Wyncroft," 12 Town Lane,
be followed by others of all ranks who             Mobberley, Cheshire, of their intent:oo
have or are shortly retiring. 
                    to attend, if possible. by May 1,
  It is inevitable that our wastage rate                                              FJH 


PEEK HOUSE, 10 EASTCHEAP, LONOON, EClM IEP 	                                 Telephone: 01·£26 $010

                                      preeiclent: J. F. OOUGLAS
Ge"ual Secretary: R. J. LOWE                       Deputy Cenut!! Secretary A Treasuren G. A. SMITH
Organitit'tg Se-cretary: R, W. £LL1NCHAM                            Aubtant SecAtary: C. G. MOORE

                        THE CUSTOMS JOURNAL
                                     Editor: R. C. RODERTS
Addren to: The Editor, .. The Customs I()url"lal;' HM Custom$ Waterglol;nd, The Harbour,
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Single ecpies: 10d, each, potlf"ge extra. 

VIEWS .EXPRESSED by contributors atfl not necessarily enderse4 by the Associ<!Uot1 or otherwise.
e  Copyright 191Q. Customs and ban Preventive Staff Asscciation.

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