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1. INT: ESTATE AGENT. MORNING-PRESENT DAY
MIKE CHONG (of oriental descent) has a job selling
properties for an estate agent. He is in his mid
thirties, sporting a suit.
MIKE‘s swigging whisky out back in the kitchen. His
boss (who is not unlike Italian Mafia) enters.
Ah Mike, good there you are.
I‘ve been looking for you.
MIKE nearly chokes on his drink and quickly hides it
You alright. Good.
How‘s the new sale coming along?
Not much interest. I can‘t find
anyone stupid enough to buy that
heap. It‘s cramped, dilapidated
You see stop right there.
You need to be more creative
with your choice of description,
it‘s easy. You don‘t mean cramped,
Boss leans suggestively forward
Right, and dilapidated roughly translated
means bags of potential.
So you see cramped & dilapidated
- cosy with bags of potential.
Mike a word of advice; if you
wanna remain sane, don‘t grow
a conscience, grow some balls &
not the small type either, I mean
the big sweaty type that hang, ay.
Boss slaps him on the bottom. He feels the flask
in the back of Mike‘s jeans. He pulls out the
flask, tucks into his trousers and leaves.
2. INT.ESTATE AGENT-EARLY EVENING
MIKE grabs his coat, on his way out the door his
Hello. Oh Al,
How are you my friend.
Good my friend good.
what are you doing later?
3. INT: MUSIC PROMOTERS OFFICE-EARLY EVENING
Al, Mike‘s best friend works in PR music
promotions. He‘s sat at his desk in a trendy
We see Al‘s lips only.
I‘m staying in tonight.
I‘m not feeling to good.(croaky voice)
Yeah I think it‘s flu.
You‘re joking. That‘s a shame man
‗cause I‘m taking out Jenny tonight and
she‘s bringing a friend, but if you‘re
busy I‘ll just have to ask Andy instead.
Well I suppose I could.. er you know?
Gotcha you lying bastard. Never
try to do me again I‘ll see you
later, there‘s someone you need to
Bastard.(under his breathe)
He puts the phone down, smiles then gets back to work.
We pull back & see Al for the first time. Al is quite
unassuming laid back soul.
Al‘s incredibly camp boss JAMES, enters the room.
Alright handsome. How‘s that proposal coming
along for our darling new boy band.
Ah you mean Take 2.
It‘s coming along just fine.
That‘s funny ‗cause I just spoke
to Nigel and he says & I quote
―he ain‘t done shit‖.
Hey that‘s a good ―Nigel‖.
Listen it‘s in the bag. Trust me.
I wouldn‘t lie to you‘re the only
one I like round here.
Ok that‘s enough arse kissing.
When you‘ve got a mo I wanna see
what you got.
JANICE, from accounts walks in. JANICE is a down to
earth unassuming soul. She has a pin striped suit on.
I can‘t work on this shit.
JANICE holds his head comforting him.
Yes you can. It‘s what you get
paid for. No shit no pay.
She pats his head.
She picks up picture of band.
You know there not a bad
Of course they‘re not bad looking,
they are a boy band. That‘s the
main ingredient when creating the
ultimate iconic image. Get four or
five wannabes, one rugged, one pretty,
one ethnic, one gay, rehash a catchy pop
tune, toss in a few cheesy dance moves and
voila, bobs your uncle fannys your aunt.
You got a boy band.
I Thank you.
We‘re quiet the cynic today
Al holds the Take 2 CD in his hand
I remember when you had to play
an instrument to be in a band…
4. INT: THE ROCK GARDEN. NIGHT-1982 FLASHBACK
The place is a hive of activity. There are three
different bands playing that night. We follow through
from the bar where there is a curious mix of; new
romantics, pale faced Goths & 80‘s soul boys milling
round; to the dance floor just in front of the main
stage where there‘s a mass of people pulsating to the
rhythms of the band on stage, Sunstone.
Sunstone comprises of Al (guitarist) 18 & MIKE
CHONG(Chinese bass player) 19, JAZ (the pretty lead
singer)17, PHIL, (drummer) 20. They are an extremely
good acid jazz band playing retro funk.
They are dressed in 70‘s funk garments.
They are doing turns (16 bar solos) on the outro to
their final number.
Jaz is centre stage making love to his microphone
and the audience. His energy outshines the rest of the
band‘s lack lustre performance.
Thank you – goodnight.
The band are still playing as Jaz exits –
5. INT.ROCK GARDEN BACKSTAGE-NIGHT
Backstage. The Goth & New Romantic bands are packing
up their gear. Sunstone is in the changing rooms,
smoking & drinking. Jaz is in
the corner getting intimate with a couple of groupies
taking every opportunity to check
himself in the mirror. There are some posters
on the walls of eighties icons covering up the flaky
smoke stained paintwork.
Their manager Mr C. strolls in. Mr C is a slick fast
talking manager. He has a very confident air about
him, but is essentially a good for nothing low-down
rat. He has a stockbroker look. He is dressed in a
striped suit and braces.
That was great guys.
Al grimaces at Mr. C.
Did that guy from the
record company turn up?
I‘m sorry guys.
I tried to get him down but he
couldn‘t make it .
Why do all your sentences start
out with ―sorry guys‖?
Mr.C walks off to make a phone call.
No you listen. Bands like that-
Al points to a large poster of cheesy new romantic
band (flock Of seagulls type) on the wall on which
Mike is drawing an erect penis.
Mike looks up nonchalantly as Al shoots him a
Mike takes a swig from a big whisky bottle.
Bands like that are arse.
Phil takes his massive Afro wig off.
It‘s all image, look at them, bunch of
Paled-faced pretty boys.
They can‘t sing, they can‘t play
& yet, they get all the sodding
deals. It‘s toss & I‘m fucking sick of it.
Mr. C. talks on the phone. Al grabs the receiver and
slams down the phone.
You aren‘t doing your job man.
I mean not wanting to be brutal
about things but what the fuck
are you doing for us? We‘ve
been with you two years now and
nish. All you can say is ―sorry‖
That‘s a very heroic speech.
Are you done?
I‘m clinching a deal for you
with ROB Smith, the Head of
A&R at W.A.C records tomorrow
The band are elated and slapping high fives, hugging
Alright. You‘re the man!
Didn‘t I tell you, he is the man?
Thanks. That‘s just the beginning,
by the time I‘m through you won‘t
have just one deal you‘ll have five fucking
deals to choose from.
You are the livin‘ Don..
They make their way out.
Jaz points to a picture of Madonna on the wall (early
Madonna ―like a virgin‖).
Ah it‘s just a fad,
she‘ll never catch on.
Mr. C continues out of the room.
6. INT: MUSIC PROMOTERS OFFICE-EARLY EVENING (CONT.PRESENT DAY)
…Now all you need is a pair of
baggy trousers and a trip to
local stage school.
We make the shit, promote the shit
and little girls all over the world hand
over their pocket money to buy
He shrugs his shoulders
That‘s a lot of shit.
I wish I had the bottle to
leave, one day I‘m gonna do
God, please someone put some
Cue Jimi Hendrix intro. To Voodoo Chile
7. EXT. POSH CITY STREETS-EVENING
Al pulls away from his workplace in his white Porsche
911 Turbo Jimi Hendrix‘s Voodoo Chile
is blaring out the stereo. Al goes mental bopping his
head whilst singing along. passers-by look on in
He pulls up at Mr C‘s flat. Mr.C. lives in a fancy set
of apartments in muswell hill.
8. INT. MR. C.‘S APPARTMENT (MUSWELL HILL)-EVENING
Jimi Hendrix still playing. Mr.C turns the track off
on his stereo we see his hand. He answers the door. We
see Mr.C. for the first time he looks exactly the same
only balder, fatter & sporting a ―Village People‖
Mr.C. Here are the pics we‘re
thinking of using.
Yeah, Jaz is too central stealing the
limelight as usual. They‘re supposed to be a
Don‘t worry about it. It‘s good to stir it
up a little.
He hands the Take 2 pictures over and leaves.
Mr. C. hands it back. Al leaves
I‘ll leave it up to you.
Al stops on the way back to his car & looks at the
pictures he stops at one & smiles. Camera zooms in on
9. INT.PHOTOGRAPHIC STUDIO-DAY-FLASHBACK
--Picture becomes live action. T-BONE, a member of
Take 2 is on set in front of a white backdrop. He‘s
messing around pulling goofy faces, not really taking
the photographer seriously. The photographer, an
extremely, sexy, wacky female is giving directions.
She pouts her lips as she approaches T-BONE.
She paces round T-BONE in slow circles.
I don‘t think you‘re taking things seriously
She lets her hair down, unbuttons her top to reveal
You want it, You want me,
you wanna fuck me. Come on say
it big boy. Stick it up me hard
give it to me good.
T-BONE is getting worked up playing with his crotch.
The photographer is clicking away
Yeah, I got it baby right here.
You want this. Is this want you want,
you want this?
He grabs his crotch.
(Shaking her head)
Al walks in clapping he pecks photographer on the
lips. They flirt with each other with their eyes.
You are the shit.
Am I? Ah ain‘t you a sweety?
JAZ walks in to break things up. He French kisses the
photographer whilst looking at Al.
Al, hi I see you‘ve met our photographer.
She‘s you‘re photographer?
He puts his hand to his temple in contemplation.
Oh I‘m sorry I thought she was you‘re sister.
Huh, Al you are so funny.
Photographer laughs in admiration.
Al & JAZ gaze at each other facing off.
Ok boys back to work.
I‘ll see you around, Al!
JAZ walks off.
Al there‘s an after show party
tommorrow night why don‘t you
I don‘t know, what about Jaz?
Why do you think I asked you?
We hear the camera click & freeze frame the picture. We
zoom into the picture --
10. EXT. Mr C‘c FLAT .DAY
--Out of the picture above Al. Al walks off into
11. INT. PINEAPPLE DANCE STUDIOS-NIGHT
SLOW MOTION SEQUENCE
Boy band, Take 2 are rehearsing, walking around like
demigods. They each pose and we freeze frame for model
type photo shot‘s.
They‘re names flash up on screen as we freeze
frame.(JAZ, INDIGO, T-BONE, BEN-JAMIN).
The band are very trendy, good-looking lads with the
classically chiselled profiles and washboard
stomachs. They are busy practising dance moves for
there new single. It‘s a very cheesy cover of an old
Osmonds tune done boy band style.
Lead singer (JAZ) is in the centre dancing badly as a
Jaz you‘re doing a splendid job darling but
I think maybe it would work better if you
were to just.. well try not to be too
They start again. JAZ drops the dance steps and
LEAD SINGER (JAZ)
And they call it puppy love…
They give longing looks to the camera.
BACKING SINGERS(BEN-JAMIN, INDIGO,.T-BONE)
(in discordant harmony).
Manager, Mr.C walks in after they finish.
That sounds great. You have no idea
how much I love you guys. You are
gonna have it all.
They all smile and nod in agreement.
Right you got it all ready for the shoot. I
tell you the hype is phenomenal on this one.
I haven‘t felt this excited for ages.
It‘s insane. Listen I got a surprise
for you. Well after your last single
went platinum Roland from Too Good
called me they want you to open for
them at Wembley.
Aah (scream). No not Too Good. I just love
Roland he‘s so cute.
Listen I told you Indigo you can‘t
go around saying things like that.
You‘re in a boy band. Girls are not
gonna support you if they think
But I am gay.
I don‘t give a shit. As long as
you‘re with us you‘re straight.
Look if you can‘t handle it say so,
you‘re free to go.
Indigo tugs at the straps of his leotard.
Look it‘s not that bad. Give it a few
years & you can come out.
Infact I insist you come out.
Yeah it‘s quiet trendy to come out
at the moment. Jaz maybe you could
come out too.
Ok forget that. Listen I‘ll be honest
That makes a change.
I‘m not God. I can‘t promise
world peace & everlasting happiness.
but if you stick with it you‘ll get
money, flash cars and untold shags.
They all cheer.
Now lets go for it. Oh by the way
MTV are doing a series on boy
Anyway they need an interview. I‘ll
send the limo round for you in the AM.
Remember say anything you like
keep it light, funny & don‘t slag anyone
Remember the golden rule on camera
―make no enemies lose no friends‖
You love everyone and everything right?
12. INT. DOMINATRIX CENTER
Al approaches the receptionist. She is scantily clad
in a studded leather suit equipped with whips &
Hi ya. He‘s in three.
Al navigates through the maze of corridors. We
can hear the groans of pleasure and pain.
He reaches number three and peaks round the corner.
Mike is on all fours dressed in nothing
but a leather thong. The dominatrix leads MIKE round
a Pearly King and Queen by dog collar and lead.
The Pearly couple, an elderly pair are singing
―The Lambeth walk‖. The dominatrix is whipping
the couple demanding they sing and dance with
Mike looks up when the door opens.
Al just give us a sec.
Al quickly shuts the door shakes his head puzzled.
13. EXT. STREETS OF ISLINGTON-NIGHT
Al and Mike are in the car driving towards
How was it?
It‘s better with the guide dog.
You need to get out more.
You need to get in more.
You‘re a prisoner ‗till you
break from convention.
One day you‘ll see.
So who‘s this bird we‘re gonna
see. What‘s she like?
She‘s a friend and this is strictly business
mate. If you‘re clever you‘ll keep it that
Oh I see she‘s a dog. You‘re not
―boning‖ her are ya?
No I‘m not ―boning‖ her.
Yeah that‘s what I thought
Jus behave alright.
Ah you‘re a bit protective.
(like a five year old)
Do you wove her?
No, but I love your sister
and your mum ahh…man
Alright alright you win.
MIKE pick‘s up mobile.
What pizza do you want?
Thin crust Hawaiian cheers.(pause)
14. INT. SHIRLEY‘S FLAT-EVENING
SHIRLEY lives on a council estate in Hackney. She is
a single mum mid thirties. She‘s cute like Meg Ryan.
SHIRLEY is ―getting down‖ to a Jive Bunny medley.
She‘s doing all the proper dance steps. Suddenly
there‘s a knock at the door. She quickly turns the
volume down to zero, scurrying around frantically
tidies the place up; expecting MIKE & Al to be at the
door. She opens the door it‘s the pizza delivery guy.
Oh, sorry I didn‘t order a-
MIKE & Al arrive. MIKE grabs the pizza.
Pizza. Hello Mike.
MIKE hands pizza to Al.
MIKE pecks SHIRLEY on the cheek then delves into his
pockets for money but comes up empty.
MIKE(to pizza guy)
I have no money.(PAUSE) Is that a problem?
AL you got some ―moola‖.
Al searches his empty pockets & shrugs his shoulders.
SHIRLEY slips a ―tenner‖ into his hand.
Men, What are you like?
She closes the door.
Hi SHIRLEY, This is Al, the guy I talked to you
SHIRLEY looks up. Her eyes meet AL‘s. They exchange
Al picks up the Jive bunny CD cover.
You have interesting taste..
Shirley lifts up the pizza box cover and looks
at the Hawaiian Pizza.
So do you. So I hear you‘re on a moral
crusade to save the world from bad
Yeah. And what do you do?
Let‘s just say that I may have something
to help you on your crusade.
SHIRLEY motions towards a door. MIKE nods at Al and
then at the door. Al follows her into-
15. INT. SHIRLEY‘S FLAT-WORKSHOP
She opens a door to her workshop. It‘s a dimly lit
room crammed with computers & equipment flashing away
making whirring noises. It looks like the control room
Welcome to C P Thirty(CP30).
So what‘s new?
Well have a seat.
She logs in to the program. An exciting colourful
screen is displayed.
The word CP30 COMPRESSION SOFTWARE appears.
SHIRLEY is facing a stack of cd‘s
Right choose one.
Al chooses a brightly painted rock CD. We hear some
loud rock music, a blistering heavy metal intro.
We see a close up on Al‘s face. He is instantly
Great. So what‘s the big deal.
SHIRLEY taps him behind on the shoulder.
He turns round. Al is spooked.
What the fuck?
He falls over & slowly climbs to his knees completely agog.
He slowly looks up, his face is illuminated by
a bright light.
Son of a bitch.
16. INT. LIVING ROOM.
Al is on the couch shaking, drinking whisky.
You played him the Metal?
This is, this is seriously weird.
Al creeps towards the door of the computer
room & peaks in.
A bright light shines out Al quickly slams
SHIRLEY pulls him away & sits him down.
So what do you think?
pretty neat uh?
Al catches his second wind.
How many people know of this?
How did you do this?
I was working on the project
with my ex. before he died.
We had a development complex
in Notting hill.
So what happened?
There was an accident. My husband
was a casualty. It almost wiped
the project out, then I met Mike who got me
the gear and helped me put it back together.
It‘s a beta version,
not perfect yet, but with a little
more work it‘ll be ready for the NET.
So Al just exactly how pissed do you think
the majors will be?
Mega pissed I think. This is beautiful.
Hold on. Exactly what do you need me for?
I thought you guys might wanna
take this thing & bust the industry wide
So are you in?
Mike and Al exchange smiles as I FEEL GOOD by James
Brown starts to play.
17. INT. BANK MANAGER‘S OFFICE-(MONTAGE)
MIKE & Al meet with a bank manager to get some
venture capital. He says no shaking his head.
18. EXT.USED CAR LOT
Al sells his beloved Porsche. He has a look of dismay
on his face.
He looks at the Porsche then he looks at an atache
case full of money.
He takes the money.
19. INT. DESIGN STUDIO
Al is selecting a logo for the new company. The
designer flicks through the various choices as they
come up on the computer screen.
Al shakes his head disapprovingly until they come
across the one he likes. He gets involved and gets
him to combine two ideas.
They print out the logo. They look at it smile & nod
in agreement. It reads ―URBAN SOUNDS-music for & by
20. INT. MIKES ESTATE AGENT
Al is flicking through pictures of disused
warehouses. He sees one he likes.
MIKE, SHIRLEY and Al pull up at the warehouse.
The industrial warehouse is cavernous with a high roof
and lots of glass panels letting natural daylight in.
The equipment has been installed.
The whole set-up looks a lot more professional
& is on a much bigger scale.
Al, MIKE & SHIRLEY walk through the warehouse in slow
motion. They stop
Do you fancy a brew?
Mike fixes everyone a cup of tea.
They are standing around a breakfast bar in the
SHIRLEY sits at the control panel & powers up the
system. We see URBAN SOUNDS come up on screen.
Al selects the same rock CD he places it into
We see a beam of light from the ―holo-emmitter‖
We trace the beam of light to the images. In the
middle of the warehouse we see holographic
images of the rock band performing. The images
are translucent in appearance and flicker on
and off occassionally.
Al paces round them inspecting the figures.
He puts his hands through one.
(Shouts over the loud music)
I‘m working on the backgrounds.
Sorry I can‘t hear you.
I said I‘ll put in the background.
I still can‘t hear you.
MIKE switches the system off.
I‘ll put in the background.
Ok. What would you like?
What you got?
Anything you want.
I can have them perform on the M25
infront of a crowd of pigmie marmosets.
Would you like to see that?
No it‘s ok.
Well I would love to see it.
What? I wanna see.
Ok stand back.
We see the parameters tapped in to the computer
the picture of M25 comes up on screen. We see them
perform. The background is put in .It
is basically a fragment of the M25 cut into
Isn‘t there something missing?
He looks behind him and down and there are the
Pigmies, hundreds of them. MIKE is ahead of the game
already ―getting down‖ with the pigmies.
We hear the whistle as the kettle boils.
23. EXT. WINEBAR/CLUB NIGHT.
The party is in full swing. People are drinking
chatting, dancing upstairs at the private party.
Take 2 are there. JAZ & JAN, his photographer
girlfriend, are in the back smooching.
Al & MIKE enter.
Jaz would you mind if
I had a word with
Before JAZ has time to reply AL whisks JAN off &
shuffles her downstairs to the lower bar. JAZ is agog.
Boy you get straight in there
Al is drunk
I‘m sorry I‘m celebrating.
for once in my life things
are going my way.
Al burst quietly into song Frank Sinatra
―for once in my life‖. He takes JAN in his arms and
sings to her.
For once in my life I got someone
who needs me someone who understands……
What are you on?
No don‘t be. This is the most
fun I‘ve had all night.
So what you celebrating?
You really wanna know? Well I
can‘t really say It‘s top secret,
but I can Say it will totally
redefine the pissing industry as
we know it. It‘s a revolution.
He thrust his fist into the air like ―Citizen Smith‖
Power to the people!
He grabs JAN and kisses her on the mouth.
Jaz has just come downstairs. He looks on.
24. INT.WAREHOUSE TOILETS – NIGHT (FLASHBACK)
JAN & JAZ are peering into the warehouse
perched on a lavatory seat. JAZ has a video recorder
in his hand.
I can‘t see.
Shhh. They‘ll hear us.
Do you fancy a brew?
The system starts up, we hear the music
JAZ & SHIRLEY look at each other stunned. JAZ
struggles to turn the recorder on.
25. INT. MR. C.‘S FLAT – EARLY DAY
I tell you it‘s incredible
breakdancing pigmies on the M25, hundreds of
them in a warehouse.
Pigmies hundreds of pigmies.
I told you Jaz you gotta stop
shoving that shit up your nose.
Don‘t patronise me. I know what
I believe you think you saw them.
Jaz hands him a video tape.
Put this on and tell me what I
think I saw…
26. INT. ROB‘S OFFICE W.A.C. RECORDS COMPANY - AFTERNOON
MR.C stands over ROB‘S desk. Rob now has a very long,
palatial office with fluted columns lined with
gold/platinum discs & other rock n roll memorabilia.
..Pigmies. Hundreds of the little
Blighters. I‘ve seen them.
Pigmies in the warehouse on the
Tom what the fuck are talking
He inserts a video into the recorder & plays
back. We hear the music.
ROB‘s cigar falls out his mouth.
PA (ON INTERCOM)
John wants you in his office right
I can‘t see him right now.
PA (ON INTERCOM)
You want me to tell John to wait?
Rob hangs up the intercom without answering her.
So what do you wanna do?
If they release this all
the control we have left
What do you think I should
I don‘t know. Maybe buy them
Will they sell?
Everyone has there price.
27. INT. SHIRLEY‘S FLAT
SUSAN, SHIRLEY‘s daughter is dancing around on her
bed to a Take 2 track, Susan, 16 is sweet & innocent
looking, she has two ponytails & a puffy floral dress
Her bedroom is a shrine to Take 2. The walls are
covered in posters- T-Shirts; her bed has a Take 2
cover on it. She is their number one fan.
Her rocker friend DEE, 18 sits in the corner. Dee is
a wild, out spoken, reckless, independent girl. She
has wild coloured hair and wears an AC/DC t-shirt,
leather studded jacket and ripped jeans. Dee turns
the music off suddenly.
What are you doing?
Trying to salvage what little
dignity you have left.
SUSAN looks at the life-sized poster on the wall.
Look at Indigo. He‘s so cute, he‘s
my favourite. Isn‘t he great?
He‘s a ponse.
Well I think he‘s cute. Maybe
one day he‘ll see me at a gig and
and pick me out sit me down and
tell me how much he likes me,
We‘d talk for hours.
Yeah while he‘s popping you‘re
He wouldn‘t do that he‘s the perfect
That‘s so not true. I heard he
has wild groupie sex after every gig. To get
back stage all you have to
do is flash your tits at security.
SUSAN looks down at her breasts. She cups them.
Do you think they‘re big enough?
SUSAN takes DEE‘S hand and places it on her breast.
Just then SHIRLEY walks in. They quickly turn round.
DEE‘s hand remains on Susan‘s breast.
Susan your dinners ready. Maybe
Dee would like to join us.
OK! We‘ll be through in a mo.
SHIRLEY walks out the room. They kiss full on the
lips and fall back onto the bed smiling and giggling.
28. INT. W.A.C. RECORDS-AFTERNOON
We pick up from the end of Mr.C‘s meeting. He exits
the building while dialing out on his mobile.
This is an unexpected pleasure.
29. EXT. CITY STREETS
Mr. C. walks into a café across the road on the high
30. INT. CAFÉ
So how‘s tricks? What you
Al (on phone)
Same shit. Why?
Rumour has it you‘re working
on something big.
Al (on phone)
What are you talking about?
I‘m talking about CDs that
that come to life.
Al (on phone)
(Under his breath)
You shouldn‘t believe all you hear.
Look if you got nothing else to say
I‘ll be going.
It‘s too late Al I‘ve seen the
Al (on phone)
Have you been spying on me?
So what‘s the angle?
Come on Al.
Ok if you‘re not prepared to listen maybe
the press will.
Al (on phone)
No.OK. So what do you want? Tired of the
talentless Take 2?
Mr.C gives his mobile the ―finger.‖
Al (on phone)
Ooh that‘s not very nice.
Mr.C looks behind him.
Al‘s sitting in the same café a few tables down. He
waves to him.
Mr. C approaches Al.
Mr C. pulls up a chair. Lights up a cigarette.
I never knew you were a computer
Well there‘s a lot you don‘t know
Well you know me Al. I‘ve always
been for the cause.
Well Al my friend If this is the
way forward I want in.
He raises his glass.
I can help you in a big way.
Bring some class and prestige
to the thing.
Sorry. Anyway must dash.
Al gets up to leave, Mr.C. grabs his arm.
What you want me to beg?
A mischievous smirk develops on Al‘s face
Yeah I do.
Al points with his head to the floor. Mr C.
reluctantly gets on his knees. Other customers look
Now say you‘re sorry for
being such a obnoxious twat.
Mr.C looks extremely unimpressed with his suggestion.
Sorry for being such an obnoxious
Admit on the weekends you like
to dress up in womens‘ clothing.
What! Ok, ok..
I admit on the weekends I like
to dress up in womens‘ clothing.
I didn‘t quiet hear that.
I admit, I Love to dress up
in women‘s clothing.
Other customers look round
Finally beg like a dog &
make it good.
Uh now now.
Mr.C raises his hands and hangs them like paws.
(panting with tongue out)
Appalled customer looks at him.
(at the customer)
The customer jumps
Ok. I‘m sorry Mr C. we‘re only
offering the service to decent
Very funny Al. Can I get up now.
Don‘t cross me Al. You‘d be making
A big mistake.
Now I can spearhead the thing
for you for say a forty percent stake.
You must think I‘m a fucking
idiot. You think I‘ll trust you
again after you shafted us.
Is it a hobby of yours?
Wrecking my life.
Wrecking you‘re life? Come on Al.
That band was all I had, but you
split it up. We had something new
I thought we were ok about this.
Why don‘t you go &…
A train shoots by drowning out Al‘s string of
So you‘re not interested then?
You catch on quick.
Why is everything so personal
with you. You‘re missing the bigger
picture. You need backing, clout.
I can get you all you need.
You‘re really trying.
Ok I can get you fifty thousand
upfront against UK. rights,
recoupable over five years in
fazed increments of course starting
Will you listen, It‘s not for sale.
Al makes a hasty exit.
31. INT. WAREHOUSE TOILET - NIGHT
JOHN ALLCOCK, ROB, meet Mr C. outside The
Warehouse. John is an elderly distinguished
looking gent. It‘s raining heavily.
Tom I want you to meet
John Allcock. He owns
B.F.T. who owns majority stakes
I hope this is worthwhile.
I haven‘t got time to waste
Oh it‘s not hearsay. It‘s reality.
Isn‘t that right Tom?
It‘s huge. No not huge,
What‘s that word when somethings
bigger than huge.
Yeah that‘s it. It‘s really huge.
Well let‘s not stand around jaw jacking.
They enter the Gents Lavatory & perch themselves onto
the loo sit to get a view.
32. INT.WAREHOUSE – NIGHT
MIKE walks in with Al.
MIKE is dressed in camouflaged army assault kit.
Mike is eating fruit.
Yeah it‘s a bananocumber across
between a banana and a cucumber.
MIKE lets Al take a bite.
The guys from the
(Points to his badge spelling out)
Liberation for Genetically Modified food
are crazy for it.
You should taste the chocachoc.
Mike hands one over to Al.
Made from reconstituted fish bits.
Al spits it out.
I tell you it‘s the future of food.
Shirley calls out.
Guys over here. I‘ve been making
modifications. If I tweek the
image demodulator I can switch
performers. All I need is a
CP30 jpeg and you could be Elvis
doing ―My Way‖ at Las Vegas.
I‘m sure we can do be better
He looks over at the wall. There‘s a poster
of Pinky & Perky hanging.
SHIRLEY brings the program up. We are on stage
in Las Vegas. Pinky is performing ―My Way‖ with Elvis
Presley‘s voice and mannerisms and clothing. It then
changes to Sadam Hussein; then wonder woman.
ROB, Mr.C & JOHN are still watching. They can hear a
sound as if someone‘s taking a leak.
They look behind them & there‘s a tramp
urinating in the bowl below them.
Mr.C & ROB, JOHN sit in John‘s car, they spy on Al &
Shirley as they exit the warehouse. Al and Shirley
say goodbye to MIKE.
35. INT. JOHN‘S CAR
Who‘s the girl?
The way in.
We see SHIRLEY from the car.
Mmmm very nice.
John‘s car pulls off and drives past them unnoticed.
36. EXT. STREET INFRONT OF WAREHOUSE
AL and SHIRLEY walk down the street.
How is it you‘re still single?
Not many guys are interested in
A single mum.
You have a daughter!?
See what I mean?
No I didn‘t mean it like that.
I meant you look too young to
have a daughter.
How old is she?
She‘s sixteen, the age where
she doesn‘t know what she wants,
grown ups (and that includes me)
are the enemy.
Still that‘s a good age.
You‘d think so wouldn‘t you?
She‘s ok! But she‘s obsessed with
these infernal, boy bands. Before
Take 2, it was BoyRus and before
that Too Much, then there was
Too Good. I mean it‘s ok most
of the time, but when these bands
split up it breaks my heart to
see her so upset.
Yeah, that must be a real pisser.
Her hormones are jumping all over the place,
I don‘t know she‘s out of control. She
thinks more of that damn Take 2 than me.
Have you heard of them?
You could say that.
I can‘t abide anyone who promotes
such drivel. They warp little girls minds
feed off their insecurities & all for money,
greed. It‘s just plain evil you know?
Al looks guilty & hastily changes subject.
Ok, You need an ―Al special.‖
An Al special, what‘s that?
Come on I‘ll show you.
Al grabs SHIRLEY‘S hand. They start to run.
37. EXT. FINSBURY PARK - NIGHT
Al stops at a break in the park fence.
What are you doing? It‘ closed.
Al manoeveurs through the hole in the fence into the
park. He reaches his hand through the railings &
grabs SHIRLEY from the other side. It‘s pitch black
apart from the amber park lights.
He leads her by the hand & runs towards a romantic
hideaway, (possibly a bandstand). They sit there
gazing up at the stars. Al puts his arms round her.
Don‘t worry It‘s just a faze.
SHIRLEY is dazed.
Your daughter, it‘s just a faze.
They gaze up at the stars.
Oh I nearly forgot.
He produces a bottle of wine and two glasses from his
rucksack. He pours for two.
Would you like some wine?
She takes a sip then puts her glass down. She takes
his glass and puts it down. She grabs him slowly
behind the neck and kisses him passionately passing
the wine from her mouth to his.
38. INT. SHIRLEY‘S BEDROOM - MORNING
SUSAN (SHIRLEY‘s daughter) bursts into her mum‘s
bedroom SHIRLEY & Al are in bed together. They
both look incredibly embarrassed.
You must be Susan.
39. INT. SHIRLEY‘S KITCHEN - NIGHT
They‘re sitting at a dining table having cereal.
There‘s an embarrassing silence.
So Susan I hear you like
Yeah they‘re the best.
More embarrassing silence.
I can get you their autograph
if you want?
Are you gonna marry my mum or
are you just bonking?
Susan don‘t be so rude.
I should be going.
That‘s what I thought. Bonk.
bonk, bonk, bonk.
AL quickly grabs his coat and walks towards the door.
I‘ll call you.
40. INT.HOTEL BEDROOM - NIGHT
The guys from the band are they‘re preening
themselves in the mirror for the MTV interview.
Check my ears. How are they?
are they sticking out, my ears stick out
With a nose like that I‘d say you‘re
ears are the least of you‘re problems.
You‘re such a bitch.
Calm down man. I didn‘t mean anything by it.
Just stay away from me man before I
lay one on you.
Just stay away from me man before I
lay one on you.
Yeah, big ears.
INDIGO lunges for BEN-JAMIN. A fight ensues, they
wrestle each other to the ground. The Interviewer
T-BONE steps in to break it up.
Guys, guys it‘s time.
Boys get up they are dishevelled, hair unkempt a
complete mess. Interviewer walks in they both look
41. INT. HOTEL LIVING ROOM – LATER THAT NIGHT
The boys are sitting on the couch, now glamourous.
RICHARD BLACKWOOD, an MTV Presenter sits opposite
them with his camera crew. Mr.C. stands in the far
corner of the room.
Shall we start? Welcome to
―The Zone‖ Take2. Jaz,
Indigo, T-bone & Benjamin.
That‘s Ben - Jamin‘.
Oh sorry. Word on the street is
that you are the new Duran Duran.
How does that grab you?
Well we love Duran Duran. It‘s one
of my favourite bands. So we are
very flattered by that comparison.
Mr C smiles & gives them the thumbs up.
T-Bone makes a modest interjector giving a short
burst of Hungry Like A Wolf.
Hungry like a wolf.
Ben-Jamin joins in.
You‘ve had some pretty bad press
lately. Teen Pop magazine say
you‘re a glorified covers band, your last
track was reminiscent of a group of whaling
alley cats slamming against
sheet metal. What do you think off that?
Well we love Teen Pop they‘ve been
good to us. We know those guys are just
kidding. So no offence taken.
Rival boy band Too Much say, ―You‘re a
bunch of talentless cocksuckers and should
make way for some real talent.‖
Mr.C clocks Jaz & wags his finger to prevent Jaz from
blowing a fuse.
Eat shit arshole.
Sorry I didn‘t quite catch that.
You heard me.
That‘s not very PC now is it?
Mr.C. puts his hand over the camera.
Stop filming. Interview over.
I‘m only kidding, I made that last
bit up, sorry. Don‘t worry we‘ll cut that
Mr.C. takes his hand away and shoots Richard a
Cool, It was just a joke.
They don‘t look amused.
Alright, can we just get the end.
(To the director)
We can come back and finish up later?
Take2 nodds and sighs.
OK roll camera again.
Ok that‘s it guys but before you go
maybe you can sing us out.
The guys sing accapella a very wobbly harmonious
rendition of ―Let It Be‖ by the Beatles.
Come on Jaz lets do it.
Let it be, let it be, let it be,
Let it be, there will be an answer
Let it be.
JAZ finishes with a long winding soul run. They all
look at him agog ‗cause he can really sing.
MR. C. (TO RICHARD)
You‘re gonna cut the rest out right?
There are masses of screaming teenagers outside
waiting for the fab four.
Susan & Dee are there at the back.
This is crazy.
(in American teen accent)
Correction, this is way cool.
You want to meet them don‘t you ? If you‘re
not prepared to get you‘re tits out
backstage you‘ll have to follow me. Now put
the gear on.
They put waitress hats & aprons on.
They push & shove their way through the crowd,
there‘s a lot of resistance.
GIRL IN CROWD
Fuck off bitch!
She knocks her to the floor with a right hook. They
approach the barrier.
Can we get through please?
We work here.
BLACK SECURITY GUARD
Nice try girls.
OK. You could move out the way or I could
tell them their little birthday surprise has
Dee opens her coat, she has a extremely saucy
waitress uniform on.
BLACK SECURITY GUARD
Damn! you better go through.
43. INT.HOTEL LOBBY
DEE and SUSAN scramble through to the lobby. Susan
grabs Dee‘s arm and pulls her towards the lift.
You think I‘m obsessive don‘t you?
It‘s your god given right to
express your teen angst in whatever
way you feel necessary. As long as you‘re
doing this, you‘re not fucking married men
or shoving coke up your nose.
Right. So I‘m normal?
Yeah you‘re normal.
Lift bell rings. Dee pulls Susan‘s hand, which she
has been chomping at, away from her mouth.
DEE pulls SUSAN into the lift.
44. INT. HOTEL LIVING ROOM - SLOW MOTION SEQUENCE
The boys are leaving the interview heading towards
the lift. The girls are going up in the lift. Finally
the lift bell rings, they reach
their floor , the door opens and standing there
directly in front of the girls is Take 2.
45. INT. LIMOSINE
INDIGO and BEN-JAMIN‘ are snorting lines of cocaine in
full view of the girls. JAZ and T-BONE are getting
friendly with a couple of female groupies, Dee looks
You wanna line?
DEE snorts it up her nose.
SUSAN regains consciousness she wakes up next to DEE
Oh – my- god. I don‘t believe it.
This is incredible.
Whatever. You Ok? Good.
We‘re just gonna drop you home
now. Remember this was all a dream
& you haven‘t seen anything
They drop them off at SUSAN‘s house, Susan‘s still
slightly dazed DEE can‘t stop smiling. SHIRLEY
answers the door. Mr.C steps out the car & escorts
the girls to their door when he sees that SHIRLEY has
answered the door.
What‘s going on here?
She met Take 2 & fainted.
Their manager gave us a lift
A likely story, & who‘s he?
MR. C. steps infront of DEE and kisses SHIRLEY‘s
Hi, Take 2‘s manager.
MR.C. steps aside to reveal Take 2 standing on the
pavement next to the limo.
Take2‘s mana….. ahh.
SHIRLEY faints. Manager turns to the band.
You guys go on. I‘ll catch up
with you later. I got some business
to take care of. Dee can I have
MR. C. puts his arms around DEE‘s shoulder.
He turns his head round & smiles mischievously.
46. INT. HOTEL RESTAURANT – LATE NIGHT
It‘s the evening sitting. Shirley has taken a job
as a waitress to make ends meet. It‘s
very busy People are shouting orders through the
serving hatch. She tries to serve up a spoonful
of trifle to a diner but drops the bowl into the
You stupid woman!
She tries to clean the diner up.
She runs out crying. She bumps into Al.
Shirley? Are you ok?
Yeah, It‘s nothing.
What are you doing here?
I got an MTV presenter
to meet,& you?
I work here.
Oh right. Then where are
She wipes her tears.
I dropped a bowl of trifle
into that guy‘s lap.
AL starts laughing and SHIRLEY looks hurt. AL
laughs harder and SHIRLEY begins to laugh with
Listen I better dash. Hang
in there, the way things
are going pretty soon you‘ll
own this hotel.
Al grabs a waiter‘s towel & drapes it over his arm
like a wine waiter. He walks over to the angry diner
who is returning from the toilets. The diner goes to
Let me get that for you.
Al pulls the chair away & the angry diner falls
On his arse.
I‘ll have your job.
AL ditches the towel.
I don‘t work here.
SHIRLEY sees it all & smiles fondly at her
―Knight in shining armour‖.
47. INT. HOTEL LIVING ROOM – MOMENTS LATER
JAZ is talking to RICHARD. He looks up abruptly when
AL enters the room.
How‘s it going?
Jaz this is a pleasant surprise.
What are you doing here?
This & that. RICHARD Can you give us a
No problem, I‘ll just wait in the bedroom.
How are you?
Not too bad.
What brings you here?
Your press release.
So you gonna put us on?
Mr.C told me about your venture
Why don‘t you let us launch
the thing for you?
Oh he sent you round to soft
Soap me. Well like I said to him
Al come on. Let me help you.
They start to argue shouting at eachother.
Are you still pissed at me?
You left us to crash & burn man.
I gave you a chance, took you in
‗cause I thought you were one of
us. Boy was I ever wrong.
I think you‘re being unfair.
It wasn‘t my idea to go solo…
48. INT. POSH RECEPTION W.A.C. RECORDS-DAY 1982 FLASHBACK
We track Mr.C as he glides through reception. He
greets the glamorous dumb receptionist.
Clicks his tongue & winks at her.
49. INT. ROB‘S OFFICE W.A.C. RECORDS -DAY
Plate on the door says ―Head of Everything.‖
ROB, A&R GUY AT W.A.C.RECORD, a fat grubby Scotsman
with ginger hair. He sits behind his desk in a modest
office smoking a fat cigar. The room is cluttered with
books & boxes of discarded demo tapes. The bookcase is
full of 12‖ vinyls.
Two dumb brassy blonds are sitting there popping
gum. They‘re pitching for a deal. ROB is purveying
So what do you think?
You want the honest truth?
BLOND 1 and 2
I think you suck, but If
you‘re prepared to get naked
and do the nasty I‘m sure I could
offer you something big.
Mr.C is here to see you.
ROB ushers the girls to the door.
So I‘ll see you two
They seem more than interested. Mr.C enters as the
girls walk out.
Ah Mr. C welcome. Have a seat.
So what you got for me you scheming
Mr.C hands Rob a band photo.
Yeah it‘s crazy shit like jazz on acid.
Acid jazz ay.
Who‘s the pretty boy?
Rob studies Jaz‘s portrait & smiles schemingly at
Mr.C. He places Jaz‘s portrait on his desk.
Oh, that‘ll be Jaz. He‘s great,
So do you wanna hear the tape?.
Mr. C hands over the tape Rob drops the tape in the
That won‘t be necessary.
50. INT. HOTEL LIVING ROOM PRESENT DAY(continued)
…Yeah yeah, change the record. Unfair,
that‘s rich. Three years together man. We
were tight like brothers. We‘d talk about
what we‘d do when we made it.
Talk, that‘s all it was. How many
people who talk about it actually
make it Al? You tell me that.
We could have made it together.
What happened to you? We use to
talk about how we‘d make a
difference, shake things up,
You use to have soul man. Now
you sing that Euro pop shit.
Listen I had my chance to be
Yeah you‘re somethin‘ alright
Listen can‘t we bury the past
I‘m sorry how it turned out.
I‘m a cunt alright. I know it,
but so many guys like us fail.
They fail all the time. Nobody‘s interested
in the music anymore.
All they want is the dream, the
image, the glam.
You‘re wrong man & I‘m gonna
prove it too you. Given the choice
I know the people will choose us.
Listen I‘m on your side. Put us
on your system & we‘ll make it
work for you.
What and clutter up the highways
with pretentious shit?
You won‘t let it go will you?
AL walks towards the window and puts his back towards
JAZ begins to leave. He stops at the door.
Do you still write?
AL nods his head without turning around.
Good I always liked your stuff.
You ready Al?
Yeah sorry about that.
51. KINGS ROAD - DAY
BREATHE AND STOP by QTIP is playing. There are
beautiful girls strutting their stuff. MIKE is
walking a guide dog. He is dressed as a women
with a wig and hat, high healed shoes, a skin tight
black dress, dark glasses and a white stick. He is
accompanied by the Dominatrix.
52. CEMETARY -DAY
They arrive at a funeral for MIKE‘S Pearly King. They
stand next to Al and MIKE‘S Pearly Queen. There‘s a
mass of Pearly King & Queens come to see him off.
Let us join hands
and in doing so remember
what a clean and decent
man Alf was.
He nods to the pianist. The crowd sing a chorus of
Lambeth Walk. The dominatrix starts to cry. MIKE
consoles her. Al and MIKE walk off for a chat and a
So how‘s it going with Shirley?
Yeah it‘s coming along.
We should be on-line anyday now.
Al seems miles a way.
Yeah I went round to Shirley‘s
last night & she seemed distant.
Well why should that bother you?
Hold on we‘re not mixing business
with pleasure are we?
You dirty git. Did you… ?
(raises eyebrows to suggest he had sex)
I don‘t believe it. Is it serious?
Yes, very. She‘s so cute, she‘s
gorgeous, but soon as I get close
she backs off.
Have you said you love her yet?
What & kill it.
Well there you have it
Do you love her?
What like John & Yoko?
More like Sonny and Cher.
You should tell her. That‘s why
she‘s so aloof. She needs the reassurance.
She hasn‘t let anyone
get close since her husband died.
To be honest with you I‘m surprised
you got this far. One thing man.
I know you‘re my mate but so is she,
so please don‘t fuck her about.
53. PUBLIC HOUSE INT. – LATER (FUNERAL WAKE)
Al and MIKE are in the back playing a game
of pool. The dominatrix is in the corner
handcuffed to the radiator.
Guess who I met last night?
Yeah, When he heard about
the business he came running.
It was nice to see him crawl.
I think you‘re too hard on him.
Whose side you on?
Here me out. I know you were
close to Jaz but you wrote the
music, you could have carried
He takes his hat and wig off.
You know I‘ve never told you this
but Phil & me were more upset
with you than him. He done
it to you, but Al, you did it to us.
What do you mean?
We never cared much for the deal,
the dream you were chasing. We were happy
just to play. You wrote some incredible
stuff. You were doing it
for us. When you ditched us because
of him it hurt. You always talked
about the music how it was bigger
than us and then you totally rubbish
the whole thing.
I‘m sorry I didn‘t realise. I was
So wrapped up in my own grief I
I did believe in you. I‘m sorry man,
really. I suppose I thought I was making
some sort of noble gesture.
I realise I was wrong and I apologise to you
both but I‘ll be damned if I‘ll forgive that
sell out bastard.
Al composes himself
Now I got some chocolates
& flowers to buy. Catch you later.
54. EXT.ISLINGTON STREETS - NIGHT
MIKE is strolling along streets with his band of
freedom fighters chewing ―chocachoc‖ fly posting
―Freedom for G.M. Foods‖. Across the street he spots
Mr.C & SHIRLEY sitting at a restaurant. Mr C.
reaches across to grab SHIRLEY‘s hand.
55. INT. RESTAURANT.
So what do you think?
SHIRLEY looks pensive.
Look let me put things into perspective
for you. You‘re thirty-eight, you‘ve been
struggling most of your life. You had a kid when
you were too young, but you fought back, you have
You struggle to make ends meet & it‘s
all for your daughter ,‖ she‘s not gonna make the
mistakes you made, she‘s not gonna struggle the
way you did‖.
Listen the struggle is over you‘ve made it.
Don‘t you deserve to win.
You can stop hurting.
SHIRLEY starts to cry.
Let it out, it‘s ok.
You deserve better don‘t you?
Yes, yes. I deserve it.
Come on. How many people get
this chance. You‘re not gonna
make it with Al. He‘s a dreamer.
I‘m the one who can make it happen.
You leave Al out of this.
Ok sorry. Did he tell you I use to manage
him? The guy hasn‘t got a
clue. I know how to play the game.
So many guys like him think they‘re
in control, but I‘m the one in control.
People like us control the game. We hold all
the cards. I played him like a fiddle.
Are you playing me?
You may think I‘m a complete bastard but I‘m
offering you hard cash. Two hundred thousand
pounds to be exact.
She chokes on her water.
Think about it. No more struggling
dreaming of that big day.
So what do you say?
56. EXT ISLINGTON STREETS - NIGHT
MIKE is still watching. He sees them get up & leave.
He picks up his mobile.
I think I know why Shirley‘s so
distant. Al you gotta get over to Shirley‘s.
57. EXT. AL‘S HOUSE – NIGHT
AL gets into his spluttering Cortina Mk1.
58. EXT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT
Slimy Mr.C gets into his car with SHIRLEY. He
strokes SHIRLEY‘s shoulder as he starts the car.
59. INT. AL‘S CAR – NIGHT (MONTAGE)
AL speeds through the streets. Black smoke spewing
out the exhaust.
60. INT. MR. C.‘S CAR
MR. C. and SHIRLEY cruise through the same streets.
MR.C. massages SHIRLEY‘S shoulder now.
61. INT. AL‘S CAR
AL speeds up to SHIRLEY‘s house. He races out of his
car tripping over his seatbelt.
62. INT. MR. C.‘S CAR
MR. C. now has his hand on SHIRLEY‘s knee. They pull
into MR.C. driveway.
63. EXT. SHIRLEY‘S HOUSE
Al rushes up the stairs, tripping up on the way. He
knocks on the door. SUSAN comes to the door.
Hi, is you‘re mum here?
No she said she was at Mr C‘s.
Al runs off.
(shouting after him)
And she‘ll be back later.
64. INT. Mr.C‘s FLAT
Mr.C answers the door.
Ah, Al we we‘re just
Al barges Mr.C to one side.
Yeah I know what you‘re
AL grabs SHIRLEY‘s arm and pulls her off the sofa.
Come on we‘re going.
Al you‘re so assertive when you‘re
SHIRLEY pulls free of AL.
Shirley(raised voice) What‘s going on?
SHIRLEY shies away sheepishly.
I think what she‘s trying to say
is you‘re history mate. Now do
us all a favour & go home.
Is that what you want?
SHIRLEY eyes tilt to the floor feeling guilty.
Ok, fuck you all.
Al slams the door.
65. EXT. BACK ALLEY
AL enters a strip bar.
66. INT. STRIP BAR
Al is at the bar we see him knock back whisky shots,
several in quick succession. We get
glimpses of the stage show, girls stripping
to the heavy pulsating rhythm. Al gets up &
starts to jeer at the girls. One of the girls comes a
cross collecting money for her act. Al puts his arm
around her & tries to kiss her. The bouncer
intervenes pushes the girl aside.
I‘m sorry is she you‘re mother?
67. EXT. BAR - NIGHT
Al is ejected from the bar. He stumbles into the
nearest chemist and buys his own bottle of whiskey.
He wanders the streets aimlessly toward the
embankment. He comes to rest in cardboard city under
68. EXT. ARCHES EMBANKMENT - NIGHT
It‘s cold & wet Al is very drunk. He‘s still
clutching his whisky bottle. He sits on a cardboard
box across from a man.
Why does everything I touch turn
to shit. As soon as I get a chance
to make good, someone comes along
and shits on it.
He stares seemingly at someone sitting across from
You think I hate Jaz don‘t you?
Well I don‘t.
I‘m jealous of him.
huh, me jealous?
There I said it. I said it; Hallelujah
praise the lord, I have seen the light. Let truth
We see the wino he‘s been talking to, smiling
back. AL takes a swig from his bottle.
Here my good friend.
He passes bottle to the WINO. WINO grabs the bottle
Al passes out. Other WINOS close in.
One of them vomits on him, the others steal his
clothes & money. Al passes out…
69. INT. OTR REHERSALS STUDIOS (HACKNEY)1982 FLASHBACK
(SLOW MOTION SEQUENCE)
Mr. C makes his way down the lift. Along the corridors
we can hear various bands rehearsing. Mr C pauses
takes a deep breath & walks into the bands rehearsal
He approaches Al as the band rehearses behind him.
―LOVE DON‘T LIVE HERE ANYMORE‖ by ROLLS ROYCE drowns
out their voices. Mr. C gestures apologetically at the
band. The band stops playing. Al smashes his guitar
against the wall and knocks Mr.C to the floor with one
punch. Jaz stands holding his microphone smiling.
70. INT.ESTATE AGENT – MORNING
Al walks into MIKE‘s estate agents straight from the
embankment. He‘s pretty beat up; no shoes, clothes
are ripped and torn. MIKE is at his desk
with a couple of clients.
…It‘s a cosy semi with bags of potential!
He looks up gobsmacked to sees Al at death‘s door.
What the fuck happened to you?
Al shrugs his shoulders. He trips over a box on the
floor & falls over.
I‘ll be back in two ticks.
He takes Al into the back. MIKE wets his
Handkerchief with some antiseptic and dabs it on AL‘S
Who did this to you man?
No one. I did it to myself.
Well you gave yourself a good whipping.
Listen have you got some change.
I seem to be a bit short.
Where are you going?
I got to sort my life out.
MIKE looks on in despair.
You are crazy man.
Al holds his hand out, MIKE hands over the money.
71. INT.AL‘S OFFICE – EARLY DAY
We hear military ―going to war‖ drums. Al marches
into his office. He starts cleaning out his desk.
JANICE walks in.
Where have you been?
James is on the warpath.
I think you should go in
I think you‘re right Janice.
He kisses JANICE full on the lips & marches into—
72. INT. BOARDROOM – EARLY DAY
There is a meeting in full swing. JAMES sits in the
middle of one side of the table addressing the rest
of the suits.
We‘ve got a marvellous idea
For Take 2‘s new promo.
Al bursts in still looking mucky from this morning.
He‘s still very hung over.
JAMES sees AL and looks around at the other suits. He
stands up and smiles at them. He stammers over his
Ah Al maybe you could
shed some light on the
Yeah the new promo. I got it.
Here‘s the idea. Picture this,
the boys are on a sunkist beach
in the Maldives.
JAMES lets out a sigh and sits back down.
We have a couple of bars intro
and then we drop a giant turd
on them to symbolically represent
the putrescent stench that is
JAMES gets up and moves towards Al and begins to
usher him out.
Always kidding around
I‘m sorry about this ..
James, James it‘s ok.
He‘s not feeling
too well, he‘s had toxic flu
poor thing, effects the
nervous system you know.
Thanks James but it‘s not
necessary I‘m not ill, infact
I‘ve never felt better. I‘m
thinking clearer than ever
I just wanna say one thing
I don‘t believe in pushing
stuff I don‘t believe in it &
if you take the time to think
why you got involved, what
made you so excited about this
business; I know you feel
exactly the same way I do.
So why don‘t you take your
head out your arses ; you might
actually do something you‘re
They look astonished at his kurt & brash words.
Thank you for your time.
Al makes his exit and slams the door behind him.
73. INT.JAZ‘S FLAT - DAY
Al still dressed in his ripped clothing
approaches the apartment door. He rings the bell. JAZ
opens the door.
What the fuck happened to you?
Come in. Do you wanna drink?
Yeah, water please.
Jaz prepares the drink.
So what‘s up.
Well I just wanted to see
how the interview went?
Your office rang earlier,
Al looks down at his shoes.
Listen why have you really come round
is it bad news, has Indigo been
` outted? I knew he‘d get found out..
No, it‘s nothing like that really.
Al whispers reluctantly
I‘ve come round to say I‘m sorry.
What I said the other day.
I was jealous. All that stuff
I said, I didn‘t mean a word
Oh I see.
This doesn‘t change the situation
with the thing.
No of course.
I just thought you should know.
I‘m the one who should be
apologising. You we‘re right.
I sold out at the first
opportunity. I‘m not
happy doing this, I know it‘s
garbage, you we‘re right
and now you got something
to fight back with.
My partner got a better offer.
Well maybe you should put in
an even better offer.
Stop being such a wimp man.
If some one deals you a blow
don‘t give up. Fight.
It‘s no use.
You know Al I never forget our
first gig. I was awful. I swear I wanted to
die right there & then.
I sounded crap didn‘t I?
Come on admit it I did didn‘t I?
You were nervous.
Exactly you realised that and encouraged me
to go on. You gave me a second chance.
Now maybe she will too.
Listen I can‘t compete with Mr.C.
He‘s got backing, money, resources.
Listen you got more than he could
ever have. You got heart my dear friend.
It just doesn‘t add up.
How do you mean?
I got a confession to make.
There‘s something you should
MIKE is on the system dressed up like 70‘s Pimp
from the Blaxploitation era. He thinks he‘s George
Clinton from Funkadelic. Al walks in.
Hey bad boy. How is my
Not to good. It‘s all gone a bit
So that‘s the way it go down ay bro.
Don‘t sweat it. Just Chill the fuck out.
You don‘t understand it‘s over.
Jus chill baby chill. It ain‘t over till I
say, ―It over.‖ Now we need to
free up that white boney ass of yours.
We gonna need something special. Yeah.
MIKE is running through a selection.
(muttering to himself)
No rock, too country.
MIKE finds something.
Hold on bitch. Shit nigger, it‘s jus‘ too damn
You‘re wasting you‘re time.
Chill the fuck out, bitch.
Oh you are gonna love this.
Ok who is it?
Can‘t tell you, but I say this they
are a freaky bunch of baddass muthers
who‘ve had more costume changes than Wonder
Woman, far out.
Al is walking along the warehouse corridors.
We hear the track start. He looks on
from a distance.
76. INT. WAREHOUSE
Al is dancing along side a famous diva. They are
playing a Funkadelic track.
The track plays softly at first.
That‘s it free your mind,
jive ass turkey.
MIKE selects a button on screen. It says
―Mood Enhancement.‖ MIKE becomes holographic
his clothes become funky 70‘s garments.
Al closes his eyes and gets in touch with
his inner-self. He moves closer to the diva. He
starts grinding his pelvis against hers. He
becomes totally enveloped by the experience.
Getting freaky on your ass.
Yeah man bitching.
If there‘s a remedy I don‘t want
Jaz starts to groove to the rhythms outside.
Bootsy Collins is on Bass. He approaches
Baddass muther fucker.
Bootsy gets in front of the diva and
Sandwiches her between Al.
(James Brown take off)
Get back with your bad self.
Then the rest of the funksters join in. The track is
now in full swing.
Everyone‘s running round in a frenzy like Earth Wind
and Fire. The music is fast furious and deliciously
77. INT. RECORDING STUDIO – LATER THAT DAY
We cut straight to Indigo‘s bland out of tune vocal
Baby give me one more
Chance, Baby baby.
The PRODUCER & ENGINEER are in the control room
recording backing vocals to their latest track.
Ok lets take it from the 4th bar
of the chorus.
In english please.
Ok when I do this.
He raises his hands and drops it.
INDIGO repeats the previous line
completely out of tune.
PRODUCER looks at ENGINEER in disbelief.
How was that?
PRODUCER leans towards talkback microphone & presses
button on mixing desk to switch it on.
Yeah that was great. Perfect.
PRODUCER looks at ENGINEER and covers talkback
Can we time-stretch & pitch shift
(leaning back into microphone)
Can we just go one more time?
I thought you said it was perfect.
Yeah it‘s totally my fault. I have
to ―re eq‖ you. The settings were all
wrong, sorry. So once again thank you.
78. INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE RECORDING STUDIO-AFTERNOON
BEN-JAMIN and T-BONE sit waiting in the corridor. T-
BONE‘s rolling a joint.
Don‘t you ever get sick of it?
No it‘s good shit?
No, don‘t you get sick of the whole
You know, the scam. We‘re just con artists.
deceiving innocent gullible souls. Ripping
off artists pretending to give a fuck.
Ah, I‘m zoning like a fucker?
I‘m gonna be a rasta man, yes sa,
(Singing Bob Marley's one love)
One love, One heart.
BEN-JAMIN shakes his head & pushes him over as
he walks past. He walks down the corridor and stops
at a door when he hears someone singing behind it.
79. INT. RECORDING STUDIO LOUNGE
JAZ is playing acoustic guitar. He is playing an old
Sunstone track. He sings a beautifully melodic
original song that takes him back to the old days.
BEN-JAMIN walks in.
I heard you down the corridor. That‘s pretty
Yeah it‘s an old tune.
We‘re gonna have a laugh
watching Indigo sing. You comin‘?
No I think I‘ll stay here.
JAZ reflects on the old days. Playing another
track. He calls BEN-JAMIN back.
I‘m leaving the band.
I‘ve had enough.
You enough? That‘ll be the
day. You love it.
Not anymore it‘s time
I got real.
Nice one man. I can never
tell when you‘re kidding.
JAZ holds BEN-JAMIN‘S head & gives him a brotherly
kiss on the lips.
JAZ Slings the guitar over the shoulder and smiles.
You‘re beautiful man.
I love you, take care.
He walks out through a swinging door.
80. INT. WAREHOUSE - NIGHT
AL, JAZ, are celebrating their
new found friendship, getting drunk on beer.
So if you tell her what he
said you‘re back in.
MIKE walks in his face is masked with a arabian
Oh look it‘s Laurence of Arabia
MIKE pulls away the mask to reveal his blotchy
No more bananocumbers for me.
Ok It‘s time we got
down to business.
There‘s plenty of time
Mike we ain‘t…
MIKE shoots him a glance and starts to yawn.
Don‘t worry we‘re all set
MIKE starts messing around with the system.
Ok. Lets have some fun.
Name someone, someone typically
British. A british icon.
No stupid, Billy Sir..lag.
We hear the first few chords of a classic tune. JAZ
is on piano. MIKE switches off the system. Al and MIKE
walk across pickup real instruments and join in. They
play a classic track (Jealous Guy) to the end.
Anyone wanna see the Beatles reform?
81. INT.W.A.C.OFFICES.BOARDROOM - DAY
We see executives from all the Major labels pull up
in their limos. The receptionist greets them.
Tell John Mr. Lamond from
Time records is here.
Certainly sir. If you‘d
like to take a seat.
Tell John Mr. Stitch from Stitch
Records is here.
The two executives meet in the lobby. There then
follows a procession of reps from all the top majors.
The receptionist can‘t cope &
gets buried under coats which she has tried to
82. W.A.C RECORDS INT BOARDROOM
The boardroom is long & narrow. It has a long
Boardroom table in the middle.
The table is lined with executives from all the major
record companies including ROB. JOHN ALLCOCK,(Mr.
Big) at W.A.C is at the head of the table.
Gentlemen you‘re probably wondering why
I called you here. I‘m sure you all recognise
each other so I‘ll dispense with
the introductions. This is quite an historic
meeting, we have all the top names in the
industry here. Ordinarily we are at each other‘s
throats but today we have to unite against a
common enemy. Yes my friends we have a problem
looming on the horizon.
Now I‘m gonna hand over to Rob, the person
responsible for bring this to our attention.
Well it‘s nothing really. It‘s just that
some girl has developed software to
broadcast Music & 3d images down the net
The executives gasp anxiously and backchat
amongst themselves. We hear the word ―free‖
bounced around a lot.
If successful it spells certain disaster
and immediate cessation of the industry
as we know it.
(whispers to Rob)
There is a but right?
But (pause) of course I happen to have someone on
the inside who even as I speak
is acquiring the rights to this
Good. Very good. Now it‘s in all
our interests to bury this technology,
They all agree.
Good. We‘ve done our sums as you can see from the
ROB‘s secretary passes out the leaflets.
My friends in three years we will be
as extinct as the dinosaur.
All conventional means of distribution
will disappear. Essentially this technology cuts
us out, the middlemen; consumers choose & get
what they want instantly. They won‘t need us to
slip the nose bag on anymore.
So what you gotta ask is how much is
It worth to you.
Ok how much?
Well let‘s not get into figures
Anyway what‘s to stop this
girl from selling to someone else. I mean
what guarantees have we got.
She could modify & sell on a different product.
There‘s only one way to be sure.
Snub her out right.
ROB gives him a befuddled stare.
No we win her confidence. Ensure that
we will develop & promote her product.
once she signed the contract transferring
all rights to us. We pay her off kick her out &
prevent anyone from using it. Then it‘s business
How far away is she from signing?
Any day now. Once we have your support and money,
she‘s as good as signed.
I‘m sure you appreciate gentlemen this is in all
our best interests. Any questions?
There follows a barrage of question, Rob slips
out in the hiatus.
83. INT.ROB‘S OFFICE W.A.C.
ROB reaches for the phone & starts dialling.
84. INT. MR. C‘S FLAT
Mr.C. is listening to take2‘s current single
He smiles, humming along in his head,
desperately trying to like it then shudders
realising that he hates it and takes the track
85. INT.ROB‘S OFFICE W.A.C.
Has she signed?
86. INT. MR. C‘S FLAT
No. Not yet.--
ROB (through reciever)
What do you mean not yet. Now
listen don‘t fuck me around.
I got a big problem with this.
My arse is on the line. It‘s getting
fucked. Now I haven‘t got the type of arse
that likes to be fucked. Do you understand?
Now tell her we‘re behind
her & the moneys all set.
Be a good boy and
Get that contract signed.
Mr C. calls up SHIRLEY on his mobile
Shirley Hi. It‘s John. The money‘s
All set, I got the papers ready
Can you come round to sign?
At mine. Perfect.
See you then, bye.
87. EXT STREETS ISLINGTON-MUSWELL HILL
SHIRLEY leaves her house & gets in her car.
88. INT. SHIRLEY‘S STREET IN ISLINGTON
SUSAN and DEE are walking towards DEE‘S flat.
So your mum‘s really into this Al guy?
Yeah. He‘s pretty cool.
You fancy him don‘t you?
Don‘t be stupid. Still he is kinda cute.
89. EXT.HIGH RISE BLOCK OF FLATS-DAY
SUSAN & DEE arrive at DEE‘S HOME. They say
goodbye to each other.
Al pulls up next to SUSAN.
She looks over.
Susan. Hi where‘s your mum?
Oh hi Al. I think she‘s gone
to see Mr.C she said something
about a contract.
Al speeds away from the girls.
90. EXT.ISLINGTON STREETS
SHIRLEY again drives along at a leisurely pace down
Holloway rd on her way to Mr C.‘s.
91. EXT. ISLINGTON STREETS
Al‘S CAR races along in his new burnt out jalopy.
Smoke is pouring out. He is completely thrashing the
92. INT.Mr C‘s FLAT
Mr.C waits anxiously, pacing up & down.
He pours a drink.
93. EXT.ISLINGTON STREET
SHIRLEY‘S car is stuck in traffic.
Al is stuck in traffic behind SHIRLEY. He sees her
and pulls out of the traffic & turns off to try and
cut her off.
94. EXT.Mr C‘S FLAT.
SHIRLEY pulls up at Mr.C‘s she steps out the car
& into Mr.C‘s flat.
95. EXT. NARROW STREET
We see Al pull up into a narrow street. There is
a dump truck blocking his way.
He looks behind & there‘s a line of cars.
He blows his horn & slams his fist on the
steering wheel in frustration. He gets out of the
car and starts running.
96. INT. Mr C‘s FLAT
SHIRLEY sits down. Mr.C. brings the contract
over & shows her the money.
She‘s just about to sign the contract.
97. EXT.Mr C‘s FLAT
Al runs up the street infront of MR.C.‘s flat
sweat pouring down his face.
Al sees SHIRLEY through the window. SHIRLEY‘S pen
is poised; it draws closer to the page. AL starts
to run faster but he‘s not gonna make it. Just as
she‘s about to sign AL hurls a rock through the
SHIRLEY & Mr.C turn around startled.
98. INT. Mr.C‘s FLAT
What the fuck‘s that!
The front door swings open.
Al is standing there like Clint Eastwood.
You know you really ought to
lock your door. It‘s very
dangerous out there.
You really are beginning
to irritate me.
Don‘t worry the feeling‘s mutual.
You‘re wasting your time.
Shirley has already made
her mind up. What have you
got. You‘re nothing.
You‘re a born loser.
I‘m surprised you even showed up. I
mean what can you offer her ay?
The truth. You see I‘ve
been having a little
word with my friend Jaz.
Mr C looks surprised.
Yeah that‘s right Mr.C
We‘re mates again, just
like we we‘re before you
split us up.
Do you know what he‘s planning
to do with your work?
Now hold on.
Buy it & shelve it indefinitely.
Once he has the patent he‘ll prevent
its use. ‗cause we like the way things
are don‘t we Mr.C?
Is that true?
Of course not. He‘s lying.
Al you are really desperate.
Go one why don‘t you tell
Her who your backer is.
Well that‘s not important.
The same guy that shafted us.
Don‘t you see Shirley. He‘s
not behind us. He just
wants to bury the whole thing.
All you worked for, all your
husband worked for dosen‘t
mean anything to them,
but it means a lot to me, you
mean a lot to me.
Shirley gets up she and approaches Mr.C
I‘m sorry Al.
She puts his arm around Mr.C‘s shoulder & smiles.
Mr.C smiles back. She knees Mr.C
In the groin.
Sorry that I ever listened
to this prick in the first place.
Come on lets go.
Al grins at Mr.C
And you can stop grinning.
Al stops grinning. Al and SHIRLEY exit.
Mr C still reeling from pain picks up his mobile.
You wanna earn ½ million big ones.
Good I need you to lift that CD we talked
99. INT. STAIRWELL BLOCK OF FLATS.
DEE is being mauled whilst speaking on her
No problem. I‘ll – ( to guy)get off.
No not you Mr.C. I‘ll drop it off
She continues kissing her male friend.
100. INT. SHIRLEY‘S FLAT. NIGHT
I bet you‘re really pleased
He puts his arm around her.
I just love happy endings.
The doorbell rings.
SHIRLEY releases his arm from her.
Well I hope you got a plan.
You owe me two hundred thousand
She gets the door.
OH Hi Dee. Go through she‘s
in her room.
SHIRLEY waves her CD-ROM in the air.
I don‘t know all this
fuss over this. It hardly seems
SHIRLEY puts the CD on the table. Dee looks at
CD before she enters SARAH‘S room.
So Al what‘s the plan.
I‘ll show you come on.
101. INT SUBTERRANIA NIGHT CLUB. NIGHT
SHIRLEY walks through the door to the main stage. She
is totally in awe. There‘s a banner over the stage –
Urban Music- ―Music by the People for the people‖.
There are cameras
around shooting her as she enters. The paparazzi
are snapping away. We hear Jaz‘s voice in the
distance. JAZ is the M.C. on stage.
For too long your voice has been silenced.
Shout Yo if you have have a million pound to
develop you‘re image.
No one. Ok shout Yo if you had airplay
on a national radio station. Ok no one.
Ok shout yo If you are tired of this
oppressive bullshit system that‘s holding
The crowd shouts YO. They cheer & go crazy.
It‘s all for you.
Here‘s the guy responsible.
Al is pulled up on stage.
May I present the future
Of Music distribution.
The curtains part behind him to reveal
A fragment of the Woodstock stage. Classic rock Icon
(maybe Jimi hendrix) is beamed down.
Playing a live from Woodstock (Jimi Hendrix).
(Jimi) plays the American national anthem.
102.INT SHIRLEYS‘S FLAT
DEE grabs the program CD on her way out.
See ya tomorrow.
Ok see ya.
103. INT. BLOCK OF FLATS
DEE hands over the CD to Mr. C
Mr.C hands over the money.
104. INT SUBTERRANIA NIGHT CLUB - NIGHT
Things are in full swing. Musicians approach
We got all the big names. They have all
pledged their support. I got radio Ad‘s
going out nation-wide. We got TV interviews.
It‘s ok slow down. I‘m back to stay.
They kiss. A group of hippy musicians encircle her.
Hippy Musician #1
I really think what you‘re
Doing is great man.
Hippy Musician #2
You‘re giving us a real chance.
Hippy Musician #3
Yeah power to the people man.
They all cheer, raise her onto their shoulders
& carry her off. She waves to
Al before getting lost in the crowd.
105. INT. SHIRLEY‘S KITCHEN. MORNING.
We see the sun set & rise.
Al & SHIRLEY are chatting. The phone rings.
She puts it on loud speaker.
106. INT . WAC RECEPTION
Mr C is outside on the mobile. He has the program in
Morning guys. I just thought
you should know that I have
patented your software, and
sold the rights to the corporation.
Now what should I spend the
Money on, let me see maybe,
I know I‘ve seen a lovely white
Porsche down the road..
I do hope I haven‘t spoilt your
Mr.C lets out a wicked laugh .
107. INT. W.A.C. BOARDROOM.
The same AR reps from the previous meeting are
present. There is a screen at the head of the table
hooked up to the computer.
There‘s a lot of background chit-chat
Excuse me gentlemen if I could
have your attention for a moment.
We have delivered the prize as
We have of course arranged a little
demonstration for you. Gerry if you please.
GERRY takes the CD out and places into the drive
bay.The words CP30 ―Real time Audio/Image compression
software comes up on the main screen
JOHN & ROB & Mr.C smile.
Then a bug comes up on screen.
You have performed a program
Warning all data will be
GERRY is busily trying to counteract the warning.
ROB, Mr. C & JOHN smiles turn to frowns.
Al, MIKE & SHIRLEY take their trousers down
and do a ―moony‖ on screen.
Rob pushes Mr.C Mr.C pushes him back, a fight ensues
108. INT.SHIRLEY‘S FLAT.
STEAL MY SUNSHINE BY LEN plays.
Al, SHIRLEY, SARAH, JAZ, MIKE & DEE sit around the
table laughing SHIRLEY is waving the real disk in her
hand, DEE is holding the case containing the ½
million pay off.