West Side Story Visits New York City Press Junket by ezw15872


									The Student Newspaper of the North Carolina School of the Arts                                                                       Established 2005

Monday, March 12, 2007                                      http://www.kudzugazette.com                                             Volume 3, Issue 5

             West Side Story Visits New York City
                       Press Junket Promotes Production, School
      By Elizabeth Brashier                 Held in Times Square, the          Mauceri and Freedman spoke,           how he feels to be playing Tony
     In the fall of 1957, the origi-   conference event was very well-         and students Jordan Brown, Billy      in the approaching performances,
nal production of Leonard Bern-        attended, including representa-         Magnussen, Nathaniel Mendez,          Brown giddily replied that he is
stein’s West Side Story opened in      tives from Playbill, American           Nicholas Galbraith, and Jenna         "ecstatic", and excited to work
New York City. Fifty years later,      Theatre, National Public Radio,         Fakhoury were interviewed. A          with Mauceri and Freedman.
only a few states south, Chancel-      and E! television network. Both         press packet was also distributed     It is a process "two years in the
lor John Mauceri and School of                                                 to promote the production.            making" he explains, reminiscing
Drama Dean Gerald Freedman                                                          The students performed in        on his sophomore year, when he
prepare lead the NC School of the                                              an early showcase, singing songs      initially began to work on songs
Arts in a much-awaited anniver-                                                from the show, and Jordan Brown,      from West Side. Though he was
sary celebration of the acclaimed                                              who will play Tony, enjoyed the       not quite the star then that he is
show. Starring students on the                                                 opportunity to work with Mickey       becoming today, he is quick to
stage, in the pit, and behind the                                              Calin, who played the role of Riff    remind me that his vocal growth
scenes, this realization of a dream                                            in the original show.                 didn’t happen overnight, and
years in the making will be per-                                                    Brown, a senior at NCSA          without acting teacher Freedman
formed entirely by students of                                                 called the experience "humbling"      and voice coach Greg Walter, who
all departments, truly making the                                              and spoke reverentially of Calin.     systematically guided his vocal
musical a campus-wide affair. As                                               "He was just wonderfully gra-         development, he wouldn’t be the
with any professional production,                                              cious," Brown said a few days         musical performer he is now.
however, there must be public-                                                 after the trip, obviously still en-        Fakhoury, though on the
ity, and, last week, Mauceri and                                               raptured by the encounter. Call-      cast list for West Side, was actu-
Freedman toted a group of stu-         Michael Portantiere for Theatre Mania
                                                                               ing Calin a "gentleman’s gentle-      ally in New York promoting the
dents to New York for a full press                                             man", Brown enjoyed a peek into       PLUCK project. She joined her
                                       Jordan Brown will play
event, advertising not only the                                                living history of the show, while     fellow castmates on Monday for
show and performers, but NCSA          Tony in NCSA’s revival of               also catching the attention of ob-           ______________
itself.                                West Side Story                         servers at the event. When asked            continued on page 4

There is an Old Saying...
        By Felix Ventouras             the Department, two people were         heavily on accountability, few        would fill in the gap to insure the
     There is an old saying, "The      "riffed" (a reduction of force) in      people within the NCSA commu-         school maintains its strong con-
new broom sweeps cleaner, but          Public Relations, and four others       nity are willing to be held public-   nection to loyal, local donors.
the old broom knows where all of       in Development. Additionally,           ly accountable for their opinions          To the people at NCSA who
the dirt is."                          two administrators resigned and         about it.                             are willing to share their views
     Recent changes in the struc-      one retired from Development.                One such person contacted        on record, these concerns are le-
ture of the Advancement Depart-        The reduction in staff was accom-       the Gazette directly to question      gitimate, but always an issue. To
ment of NCSA, are giving what          panied by the transfer of Career        whether or not the goal for fund-     them, the answer to the nameless,
some consider a much needed            Services from Advancement to            raising would be met, and how         skeptical inquisitors’ questions,
face lift to the schools main fund-    the Office of the Chief Academic         much of that would go to create       is the new appointment of John
                                                                                                                     Mauceri as Chancellor of the
raising mechanism. For others,         Officer, and the search for a new        new scholarships.
the changes are raising concerns.      Vice Chancellor of Advancement,              Another nameless person,
                                                                                                                          Vanessa Butler, who worked
     The Department includes the       Development Director, and Major         concerned about the retirement
                                                                                                                     with Chancellor Mauceri to create
Offices of Development, Public          Gifts Officer, to name a few.            of Sarah Turner, one of Develop-      the brand of the Hollywood Bowl
Relations, Alumni, and the Foun-            The issue of how the school        ments longest staff member who        Orchestra, is now the Senior Di-
dation.                                raises money is truly sensitive,        "knows just about everyone in                 ______________
     According to sources close to     and for a Department which relies       Winston-Salem," wondered who                 continued on page 2
2                                                The Kudzu Gazette, Monday, March 12, 2007

                 A Second Path:                                                                       There is an
                Edmund Melville                                                                       Old Saying...
      By Crashonda Edwards               ourselves and then perform in the                              ______________
      For Edmund Melville, it all be-    evenings. We were very fortuitous                                 continued from page 1
gan in Brooklyn, New York at the         young people, I guess! And then          rector for Communication, Mar- ibility to craft the best package
Martha Graham School of Dance.           one summer, I was at home and I          keting, and Development. Ac- customized to students with the
For a young man who knew that all        was watching television and Martha       cording to her, the recent changes most need." He is also initiating
he wanted to do was "Dance like          Graham was going into the hospital       in the Department were to consol- a program, in coordination with
Martha," everything was unfamil-         because she had bad arthritis - this     idate the "separate silos" within I.T., to help teach the financial
iar territory. But to be the best you    was a big news clip. I was curious       the division, converting it into a people from each division of the
have tackle the worst, so Edmund         and called the school and asked how      "whole office" where each part of school how to read their budget
just considered his beginning tem-       I can learn to dance like Martha Gra-    the Department can become more analysis, and access their foun-
porary.                                  ham. They said, "You can’t actually      "collaborative."                      dation accounts over the internet
      At sixteen years old, without      learn to dance like Martha, but we            Is this a common practice "in real time." This brings them
an ounce of formal dance training,       have a special teen scholarship that     towards re-shaping, in order to one step closer, "to manage their
he did not know how far his talent       you might be interested in." I never     address issues, as one sees on a foundation and state funds."
would take him. He quotes the late       had any formal dance training but        national scale?                            Thompson sees that "a more
Mrs. Melissa Hayden with the all         I decided to go to the audition and           It is not only Ms. Butler who streamlined team… can work
too familiar saying "A Dancer is a       two weeks later I got a full scholar-    sees the potential in developing more closely together" on fo-
Dancer is a Dancer." Dancing has         ship - that’s how I started dancing.     the concept of, "1 school" un- cused activities such as: upgrad-
taken Edmund all around the world                                                 der the guidance of an "Artist as ing "corporate sponsorship", "the
                                         KG: Did you come from an arts            Chancellor" to help build commu- design of the school’s website",
and he is now back where he start-
                                         background?                              nication, create opportunities, and and "a new logo." Carpenter ac-
ed; he is now an unshakable force
that has had a long and admirable        EM: I’m the only artist in my fam-       consolidate resources. George knowledged that Public Relations
career.                                  ily. Dance was a very foreign idea       Burnette, Interim Chief Operating is "here for the students" and, fo-
      Education is what has brought      for a young male coming from a           Officer, Lee Thompson, Director cused on getting "people involved
Edmund back to NCSA – he gradu-          family with no money; and if I said      of Marketing and New Business in the school both emotionally
ated with the class of ‘96 with an       I wanted to dance, it would be un-       Development, and Marla Car- and financially" giving them the
arts diploma and is now graduating       heard-of. It wasn’t until I started      penter, Associate Director/News opportunity to "fall in love with it
with the class of ‘07 with a BFA.        working in the profession that some      Bureau, are speaking the same (the school), just like we did!"
Edmund, at the age of 32, is begin-      of my family members began to            language.                                  For the time being, all doubts
ning a second life and in a field that    fully accept it as a valuable career          Burnette is working with Fi- and questions will have to stand
many would consider far from the         choice. It was really out of the ordi-   nancial Aid to research incoming up to the test of time, and accord-
world of art. But to Edmund it’s         nary but I enjoyed it a lot. I enjoyed   and existing scholarships, and ing to Butler, "the Chancellor is
right next door.                         it so much that after a year and half    discover if any limitations are here to stay."
      Social work and Education          at the Graham School I came to au-       applied to them. According to              This gives the "new broom"
are his next pieces of choreography      dition at NCSA’s college program. I      Burnette, "scholarships without a plenty of time to find the dirt, and
which he hopes to add to his reper-      think it was February of ‘92. At that    limit, give Financial Aid the flex- sweep it away.
toire. Not only does he hope to gen-     time there was a big Graham influ-
erate a wave in the arts world, but he   ence with the professors that were
aspires to generate a wave into the      here. It was a perfect fit.
next generation.
                                         KG: Was it a hard transition?
                                         EM: I always liked coming on cam-
Kudzu Gazette: What led you to
                                         pus because I felt I was in a big
                                         community of artists. I was able to
Edmund Melville: That’s and inter-       immerse myself into the arts thing
esting story. I started dancing at a     and found out what it’s about and
public high school and I had friends     who I am. However, being at NCSA
that were cheerleaders and they          for the first time in high school, col-
would always have a stretch class        lege or grad school is a major transi-
after school. So one day I decided       tion for anybody. The first fall term
to go and stretch with them. The         was my awakening to what was
cheerleading coach was also a dance      happening here. I have to say it’s a                                                        Photo by Allen Aycock
coach, so I started doing little after   whole new school from the time I                  A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
school performances. We would                     ______________
dance and choreograph everything                 continued on page 3                                                     Review on page 7
                                                  The Kudzu Gazette, Monday, March 12, 2007                                                                      3

                 A Second Path:
                                                                                   It’s really that simple, you can make     KG: You were all over the place!
                                                                                   excuses but if you really want it you     EM: Beautiful country and beautiful
                                                                                   have to make your place.
                Edmund Melville
                                                                                                                             people. I ended up staying for three
                                                                                   KG: Well you went through that ex-        years. Traveling is the best teacher;
                             ______________                                        perience, but you ended up staying        it’s knowledge you can’t learn in
                           continued from page 2                                   the full four years.                      any institution
was there. Right now I find it very       ready and I wasn’t really interested      EM: Yeah. I left in 1996 and ended        KG: At what point did you decide
conservative in comparison to what       in staying here for four years. In        up realizing that I was going to have     that you wanted to come back and
it was. People were really search-       fact, each year that I came back was      to come back. I had been consider-        receive your degree?
ing for an answer and a majority         a surprise to me. After my second         ing coming back for a long time but
                                                                                                                             EM: After my travels I realized that
of those students were searching to      year I thought, "Well maybe it’s time     the nature of the beast is that one
                                                                                                                             social work and education are im-
break a mold.                            for me to go start auditioning!"          gig leads to another. As soon as I
                                                                                                                             portant. Now I need to speak about
                                                                                   thought I would definitely be com-
KG: Were you one of those stu-           KG: You felt ready?                                                                 contemporary social issues without
                                                                                   ing back, I would get a gig some-
dents?                                   EM: I don’t know if I was ready, but                                                putting a mask on them. We live
                                                                                   where – Tokyo, for example.
EM: That’s a hard question. I don’t      in my mind, at that time, I thought I                                               in a society where, at the end of
                                                                                   KG: When you left you went over           the day, we’re all the same- that’s
know if I really thought about that. I   was ready. But I came back because
                                                                                   seas?                                     what people fail to accept. By go-
                                                                                   EM: No. I went back to New York           ing into social work and education,
                                                                                   for three years and danced a lot of       I want younger black dancers to re-
                                                                                   concert dance. My first job out of         alize that they have worth, and that
                                                                                   school was with a choreographer           they don’t have to fit into a larger
                                                                                   that is very dear to me- a man by         scheme to be appreciated. Because
                                                                                   the name of Douglas Dunn; Brenda          of all of the psychogenic pain pres-
                                                                                   Daniels also danced with him. It          ent in their minds as a result of rac-
                                                                                   was because of her training that I        ism, poverty, and low self esteem, I
                                                                                   was able to get that job! I was also      would like to play a role to enable
                                                                                   teaching dance at a public school af-     them to see themselves clearly, and
                                                                                   ter school program. In fact, in ‘97 I     think clearly. A couple of years ago
                                                                                   brought that group here and we did        I changed my mind. I had done as
                                                                                   a performance in The Well.                much as I wanted to do in the arts. I
                                                                                   KG: So after three years you picked       wanted to speak in a different way.
                                                                                   up and went to Greece. What was           KG: Speak in what way?
                                                                                   the justification for that drastic
just knew that I wanted to dance and     I started to realize that I didn’t just                                             EM: Speak as far as communicat-
I knew that NCSA was an excellent        want to dance. So I had the opportu-                                                ing. Essentially through the arts; a
                                                                                   EM: In 1999 I auditioned for a            medium of communication, wheth-
training institution. A career was al-   nity to complete the work I had been
                                                                                   Greek choreographer, who did cho-         er it’s dance, drama, or music, you
most a guarantee because before I        doing to work towards receiving
                                                                                   reography for famous Pop singers          want to have your voice heard.
came here I wanted to find out what       my bachelor’s degree. My first two
                                                                                   in Athens. I got the job so I went for
products the alumni of the school        years I was so busy trying to figure                                                 KG: But in a different light?
                                                                                   sixth months as a backup dancer.
were producing. So I saw Michael         out where I fit in the arts scheme that                                              EM: Yes. But I since found another
Thomas who used to be with the           I didn’t give thought to the academ-      KG: That must have been amazing.
                                                                                                                             route in social work and education.
Ailey Company and his movement           ics; it was a draining experience. I      How did you hear about auditioning
                                                                                                                             I find that it needs to be a bit more
was so exciting that I felt I wanted     came from a place that wasn’t ex-         for a Greek Pop singer?
                                                                                                                             direct because in the arts it could be
to be trained in that way. I had never   posed to all of the arts, and this was    EM: I was cleaning Zvi Gotheiner’s        a bit esoteric. For example: whether
seen anything like that, ever! I be-     a very classically based institution.     ballet studio in order to receive free    or not somebody understands or
gan to learn about other alumni and      The reality for people of color is        ballet classes. I saw a sign up, called   interprets the piece that one choreo-
I began to see my place in that and      that the classical ideal may not fit       the guy and then it happened. I went      graphed.
how I might be able to make my           with their body type. This includes       there for six months and enjoyed it
way into a similar training scheme.      experiences of your cohorts that          so much that I started dancing for        KG: So you want the resources to
                                         surrounded you everyday and many          other Pop singers. One thing led to       be available so understand it?
KG: Where you admitted under the
BFA program?                             of them have been more familiar           another and I started choreograph-        EM: Absolutely, because there’s too
                                         with the arts than you have been.         ing for the Pop singers all through-      much to be said and that can be lost
EM: Actually, I was admitted under       But it’s a process of finding where
the Diploma program because at                                                     out Greece.                               if it isn’t said directly!
                                         you fit. Lynn Jackson, who was the
that time I wasn’t really interested     rehearsal director for Alvin Ailey,

in school - I just wanted to dance.      said, "There’s a place in the dance
I was going to train here until I was    world for everybody if you want it."
4                                            The Kudzu Gazette, Monday, March 12, 2007

                                                                                   Photos by Bruce-Michael Gelbert for Q on Stage.com
From left to right: Jordan Brown, Jenna Fakhoury, Chancellor Mauceri, Nate Mendez,             Jamie & Alexander Bernstein,
Gary Nicholas Galbraith, Dean Gerald Freedman, Billy Magnussen, Mickey Calin                   daughter & son of Leonard
(Original Riff)                                                                                Bernstein

       West Side Story Travels
              to NYC
                         continued from page 1
a warm-up with Freedman before nal show, has decided to modify
they were to perform scenes from portions of dialogue, though he
the show. She expected the atmo- won’t ruin the surprise by saying
sphere to be "relaxed", and it was which. He has wanted to so this
-- until a "media frenzy, includ- for some time, and now has the
ing NBC, CBS, and NPR repre-
                                      opportunity to see his alterations
sentatives" swarmed upon them.
                                      in action. Mauceri will conduct
Mauceri and Freedman sent the
student performers off to various the pit orchestra, which will begin
interviews, attempting to "guide rehearsals soon, and Freedman
the ship" through what could have will direct the performers on the
been a stressful, nerve-racking stage.
situation for the students. At the        As NCSA students prepare
event, Natasha Galiano performed for final exams and the upcoming
"America" from the score, a slide spring-break, something much
show which focused on the audi- bigger is capturing the thoughts,
tion process at NCSA was on dis- energies, and attention of the
play, and the crowd of performers, campus, proving that the classic
professionals, and media enjoyed
                                      musical translation of a Romeo
a showing of the prologue to the
                                      and Juliet romance will remain
     Though this production is a timeless. Already, the familiar
fiftieth anniversary celebration sounds of snapping fingers and
of the original, it will not be in familiar melodies pervade the at-
any way identical. Writer Arthur mosphere, only to grow stronger
Laurents, who authored the origi- as April quickly approaches.
                                           The Kudzu Gazette, Opinion, Monday, March 12, 2007                                                              5

                      What a Ride                                                 I go to an Arts School because
       By Elizabeth Brashier
     In the midst of the daunting
                                         promised myself an early bedtime.
                                         Unfortunately, a few friends wanted
                                                                                      I’m a little unbalanced
and seemingly endless quest to find       to hang out in my room – well past                By William Davis              football team), complete with
the "perfect" college, ridiculous re-    my ideal "lights-out"-- and I didn’t          If you look around NCSA you       bonfires, and I even found a pic-
quests, pointless requirements, and      have the heart to ask them to leave.     see students running on too little     ture of a pig (yes, a full pig) be-
time-consuming questionnaires are        At 3:00 AM, with the room to my-         sleep, drinking too much coffee,       ing roasted outside over an open
a constant presence. As a prospec-       self, I set my alarm and crawled         scrambling for time for their art,     fire during Beaux Arts. However,
tive music performance major, I’ve       into bed.                                and always on the verge of mental      the biggest impression I got was
found myself wheedling away hour               An unbelievably short period       breakdown. Arts students are by        that students were just having fun,
after hour of something which I          of time lapsed, and suddenly my          nature unbalanced, but that isn’t      and sometimes it seems like fun is
certainly don’t enjoy in abundance       alarm was blaring obnoxiously, at        always a crucial thing to being        missing from NCSA nowadays.
– time – to painstakingly complete       6:30, relative to the sound of an        an artist- or a good thing. There’s         When I talked to Joey Rug-
fifteen-page applications, legibly        overzealous soprano saxophone.           an adage that goes, "Just because      gero, a trumpet player who has
printing my mother’s maiden name         Actually, more like that quick brass     nobody understands you doesn’t         been here 6 years, he said his most
and place of birth, and writing yet      chord during the third movement of       mean you’re an artist." This quote     enduring memory of high school
another essay about exactly why I        that one piece in Wind Ensemble,         is true, but I think the brunt of      here was the people. "Everybody
am so darn fabulous. Some of my          "From a Dark Millenium". Any-            our problems here at NCSA lie in       knew each other," he said. "Today
personal favorites include: "De-         way, I made a quick judgment call,       the fact that, well, nobody under-     the school is very cliquish, but it
scribe the full extent of your talent"   sacrificing my shower, and reset          stands artists.                        used that everybody knew every-
(in 250 words or less) and "How          the clock for 6:50. My twenty extra           Before I get too much into it,    body else. [Before the connector
could you enlighten us?" Nonethe-        minutes passed, and the alarm was        I should preface by saying that I      building,] there used to be a gi-
less, it is not any of the aforemen-     screaming again. As I whacked it to      am not trying to blame or rail on      ant field behind the high school
tioned examples which have left          stop the cacophony, I made a fatal       anyone, as this entire article could   dorms, and, when it was warm,
me with a truly engaging adven-          error, and lay back on my pillow,        probably be taken as a personal        there would always be people
ture to share. It is Rice University’s   with the intent of counting to fifty      attack on any particular person        outside either playing or watching
standardized testing requirement:        before I rolled out of bed. While I      or department of this school if        other people play sports. Every-
two SAT II’s, regardless of ma-          consciously remember reaching            someone decided to read into it        body just hung out and had fun."
jor, which have baffled, and now          seventeen -- my memory is foggy          enough. No, I’m not trying to rain          One of the biggest shortfalls
amuse, me. You may want to find a         after that -- the next thing I recall    the mighty wrath of Will down on       I feel this school has as far as not
comfortable seat for this one.           was sitting up in bed and glancing       residence life or pick on Aramark      offering a conducive environment
     When I sent in my applica-          at the clock: 7:40!                      because they don’t cook the piz-       has to do with the campus. As far
tions for college back in December,            I leapt out of bed, and with one   zas all the way; all I am trying to    as college campuses go, NCSA’s
I did notice Rice’s testing require-     leg tied up in sheets, I jumped to the   do is offer a few tips to make this    isn’t bad. However, over the past
ment, although I brushed it off at       floor, only to trip on my roommate’s      school a more conducive environ-       couple years much of the school’s
the time. I decided that, surely, an     desk. Perhaps the subsequent som-        ment for artists.                      greenery has been rapidly disap-
oboist would have no need to prove       ersault across the room was what              I spent a bit of time recently    pearing. In addition, the slopes of
her knowledge of U. S. history or        definitively woke me; after pulling       going through old pictures of the      the school are not natural looking,
physics. It’s the audition that re-      myself off the cold floor – under         campus, talking to old students,       and the mass amount of fertil-
ally counts, right? When I received      my roomie’s bed, I might add, I re-      and thinking back on my first year      izer used on the flower gardens,
a letter from the university during      alized that the test was scheduled to    at NCSA. I realized that NCSA          shrubs, and trees, in addition to
the Christmas holidays, however,         start in eighteen minutes, forty-five     has changed pretty drastically         being ascetically unpleasing,
I learned that not only must I pat       minutes away. Well, shit. My life,       even during the three years I’ve       smells awful. This is part of a big-
my head, but rub my tummy too,           or at least my collegiate, musical,      been here. While our current time      ger problem of trying to make the
and I signed up for the SAT II’s, in     professional life, seemed to be over     at NCSA is an exciting one- a new      students feel accepted and at home
Literature and history, a mere two       (in a totally not-at-all-melodramatic    chancellor, West Side Story, Our       while on campus- a place where
days before the deadline. Because        way!).                                   Town, etc.- I still miss what I used   they can shed all their problems,
I had signed on so late, though,               The only other thought running     to love most about this school.        relax, and be artists.
there were no testing centers avail-     through my head concerned my                  If you look through the old            As a whole, the students
able near NCSA. Instead, I took the      ride to Greensboro. Was there any        yearbooks, you see pictures ga-        of NCSA have lucked out. Our
closest option, Greensboro, and lat-     way that, forty-three minutes later      lore of students hanging out,          campus is fairly spacious, has
er begged a friend to drive me over      than planned, she’d still be waiting     playing music together, or goof-       relatively nice buildings (save
at 7:00 AM on test day.                  in the lobby downstairs? Opting for      ing around. NCSA used to have          a few recent additions) and our
     The weekend finally arrived,                    ______________                a homecoming (in which NCSA                     ______________
and the night before the test, I                  continued on page 11            played against the Wake Forest                continued on page 10
6                                       The Kudzu Gazette, Opinion, Monday, March 12, 2007

            God vs. Darwin                                                       Whence do we Come?
                     By Kaylin Davison
     "Within the community of Christian believers there                              What are We?
are areas of dispute and disagreement, including the proper
way to interpret Holy Scripture. While virtually all Chris-                      Whither are we Going?
tians take the Bible seriously and hold it to be authoritative                By Michel Berta                   Everybody is facing the "absolute" the
in matters of faith and practice, the overwhelming majority            Becoming Like God - Kabbalah             best they can, including those, who do
do not read the Bible literally, as would a science textbook."    And Our Ultimate Destiny will touch           not believe in God, Christ, Muham-
This is the beginning of a letter sent to many church lead-       a sensitive nerve because it will ap-         mad, Buddha, Lucifer, but that evolu-
ers around the United States in 2006. Over 10,000 of them         peal to most readers interested in three      tion is the answer.
signed it- 362 of them were from North Carolina.                  questions already brought to light by              Yet the Bible supports the theory
     This letter was introduced when a biology professor          Paul Gauguin in 1897: Whence Do We            of evolution. Several of my colleagues
from Indianapolis had the idea of having churches hold an         Come? What Are We? Whither Are We             consider Cain as an incestuous man
"Evolution Sunday" during the month of February in hon-           Going? People went as far as to cre-          because only one woman inhabited
or of Charles Darwin who was born February 12th, 1809.            ate an obsessive myth of eternity in          "The Creation." Another will tell you
"In Durham, a Sunday school class is holding a four-week                                                        that Cain must have had a relation with
                                                                  literature, in filmmaking, in society.
Christian education series devoted to the subject of evo-                                                       one of his sisters not mentioned in
                                                                  Young Balzac and The Old Man And
lution. In Raleigh, a church holds monthly dialogue on                                                          the Bible. One of my friends, a catho-
                                                                  The Lamp (the old man who kisses
the intersection of faith and science." (Charlotte Observer,                                                    lic priest, will simply declare that the
                                                                  young virgin females in order to take
Feb. 24th, 2007)                                                                                                story is a mystery of the Faith. One
                                                                  away their breath by force); stories of
     Why are so many churches holding Evolution Sun-                                                            wanders sometimes if all these people
                                                                  vampires who suck the blood of their
days? Bill Goodnight, the pastor at Lillington Presbyte-                                                        know how to read, or if they just see
                                                                  victims; Duncan MacLeod and the
rian Church in Lillington, NC, says, "To me, the Bible is                                                       whatever they wish. One cannot over-
                                                                  immortals; the 40 "Immortals" of the          look the fact that Cain went out from
not scientifically accurate; but it’s accurate in all matters of
faith." He also said, "God doesn’t have to be protected."         French Academy, are a few examples            the presence of the Lord, and dwelt in
While we don’t have to protect God, we do have to defend          of mankind trying to cope with death;         the land of Nod, on the east of Eden.
the integrity of His word.                                        and the Bible demonstrates through                        ______________
     "Michael Zimmerman, the Butler University professor          the resurrections that there is no death.               continued on page 10
who initiated "Evolution Sunday," said that after appearing
as a witness in several court cases in which school boards
tried to block the teaching of evolution, he concluded that
congregations need to talk about the issue.
                                                                                   To Bee, or Not to Be?
     "We’re not trying to change the views of creationists,"                by Thomas O’Keefe                   ers had to import Bees for overseas for
Zimmerman said. "What we’re trying to do is educate the                Imagine $14,600,000,000.00 worth         the first time since 1922.
broad group of people in the middle who don’t realize that        of food.                                           While these are big percentages and
religion and science can be compatible." (Charlotte Ob-                14.6 billion dollars worth of food       significant changes, most of the Ameri-
server, Feb. 24th, 1007)                                          seems like a lot, right? Well, it is a lot.   can public is unaware them. This is be-
     In a sermon Daniel H. Kuhn, Jr., of Elon Community                According to researchers at Cornell      cause the beekeepers who still operate
Church, United Church of Christ, titled, Can Evolution and        University, that figure represents the         are migratory, meaning that they take
the Bible live Together? he states: "I grew up with a love        amount of food in the United States that      their hives on the road to whatever farms
for God and a love for science, and I never considered the        depends on the Western Honey Bee for          and orchards are in need of pollination.
two to be in conflict with each other. I have, since early         its existence. I guess that would make        For now, this keeps American agricul-
years, believed that God created me through and evolution-        the Honey Bee a pretty important little       ture on track, but if beekeeper migration
ary process. The more I studied science, the more awe-            animal.                                       were somehow suddenly stopped or re-
struck I became with the wonder of God’s creation." The                The population of U.S. West-             duced, we would feel these deficiencies
Bible clearly states how the world came about. Genesis            ern Honey Bees living in the wild has         in a brutal way.
1:1 says, "In the beginning God created the heavens and           dropped around 90% in the past 50                  This is what makes Colony Col-
the earth." It doesn’t say anything about evolution. No           years. They are in trouble, and because       lapse Disorder so frightening.
where in the Bible does God say anything about evolu-             this Honey Bee is such an important pol-           Colony Collapse Disorder, or CCD,
tion.                                                             linator for crops off all kinds across the    is an mysterious disease that results in
     I am a Christian and I take the Bible literally; so for      country, it looks like trouble for us, too.   the complete and sudden elimination of
a Christian, especially a pastor, to say the account of cre-           To a certain extent, beekeepers          an entire colony of bees (usually 50,000
ation in the Bible is not true, is amazing to me. If we can’t     can counteract this phenomenon, called        to 70,000 individual insects). It is linked
believe all of the Bible, then how much of it can actually        "pollinator decline." Unfortunately, the      to the massive decline in the North
be true? John 1:1 says, "In the beginning was the Word,           amount of colonies under human man-           American honey bee population, and its
and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." The             agement has dropped as well (by about                     ______________
Bible is the Word of God.                                         two-thirds). In 2005, American beekeep-                  continued on page 8
                                        The Kudzu Gazette, Reviews, Monday, March 12, 2007                                                               7

                            The Beauty Myth                                                                           TMNT
             By Abigail Howard                     in the workplace, are no longer widespread,                        By Owen Broder
     Two supermodels died of complica-             everyday threats. There have been definite               In 1990, they trashed the leader of the Foot
tions resulting from anorexia this year dur-       improvements in the past 15 years; however,       Clan. In 1991, they met their match when the
ing Fashion Week. An article in the March          Wolf’s main argument still rings true: wom-       Foot Clan uncovered the secret of the ooze. In
1 New York Times hypothesized that plastic         en are still dehumanized and dissected in the     1993, they got caught in the past in search of
surgery is the new orthodontics. The Febru-        media; "The flawless beauty" is still upheld       a scepter. And on March 30th of 2007, they’ll
ary, 2007, issue of Vogue featured an article      as the ultimate pinnacle of success. We are       emerge from the sewers of Manhattan and into
entitled, "Taking Control of Your Look and         told that if we only work hard enough, or         theaters once again. Finally, after a 14-year hia-
Life," which stated that every woman’s "Job        buy the right product, we will succeed.           tus, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles will be
One" was the quest for "your own dressed-               But this "success" is impossible: "When      featured in their fourth film, completely com-
in-five-minutes formula so you can go out           women adapt too well to the strictures of         puter generated and ready for action. With their
and beat the world."                               the industries, the weight or age that defines     turtle hormones raging, they’ll be out in full
     These recent events demonstrate the           grace merely adjusts by plummeting: The           force when yet another opportunity to save the
relevance of Naomi Wolf’s 1991 book, The                                                             day presents itself, and if you’ve seen the trailer,
                                                   models descend another ten pounds, the sur-
Beauty Myth: How Images of Beauty Are                                                                you’ll be out in full force as well, to see the long-
                                                   geons lower the "preventive" age for a first
Used Against Women. Wolf’s believes that                                                             anticipated return of the Manhattan Mutants.
                                                   face-lift by another decade." In the past de-
"the beauty myth" has replaced the feminine                                                                TMNT will take the Turtles’ training to a
                                                   cade, the average weight of a supermodel
mystique; that "the gaunt, youthful model                                                            whole new level. It is obvious from viewing the
                                                   has decreased from 120 pounds to 110-115
[has] supplanted the happy housewife as the                                                          teaser trailer that they’ve all pretty much become
                                                   pounds, while the average height has re-          Jacky Chan with a shell. The new moves the film
arbiter of successful womanhood." Thankful-        mained 5’10. The Harvard Eating Disorders
ly, many of Wolf’s more extreme examples,                         ______________                     will depict are everything Superman wished he
especially those dealing with discrimination                     continued on page 9                 could’ve done before kryptonite rolled around.
                                                                                                     They can roof-hop like Spiderman, run like For-
                                                                                                     est Gump, and flip like that hot lifeguard on the
                                                                                                     diving board at the pool. The kids are going to
                     "A Comedy, Tonight!"                                                            love it.
                                                                                                           Of course, this movie is going to be nothing
               By Mara Driscoll                    be overlooked is Erronius, an elderly neighbor    but utter disappointment.
     Courtesans, captains, slaves and eunuchs      played by a special guest, Dr. Bill Tribby, who         The kids this movie is directed at are way
graced the Performance Place Stage on Satur-       searches for his long lost children who were      too young to remember the classics and for those
day, March third to entertain a sold out audi-     kidnapped by pirates at infancy.                  of us that really know what Teenage Mutant
ence with an outlandish comedy. Drama Studio            The actors of Studio IV were convinc-        Ninja Turtles is all about, we know that noth-
IV’s "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to         ing. John Clavier in the role of Pseudolus        ing can beat the original. Sure, the image might
the Forum" was a great success. A musical by       carried the show with his energy and mischie-     be clearer and their stunts might be better, but
Stephen Sondheim that is based on a book by        vous smile. Also notable were Rachael Kruk        the true Turtles fans—myself included—simply
Burt Shevelove and Larry Gelbart, the produc-      as Philia, with her naïve sweetness, and Matt     want to see the puppets and men in suits we all
tion was a display of farce, ridden with puns      Lauria who had every making of young Hero,        know and love. We’re not interested in the in-
and sexual innuendos.                              struck by true love. Some of the show’s best      tegration of Jacky Chan and Michelangelo. We
     A twisted plot and witty songs sent the       moments included the opening song "Comedy         don’t want the Turtles jumping like Spiderman.
audience into peals of laughter. Set in ancient    Tonight," sung by the whole cast, Hero in his     We don’t care if they don’t run as fast as For-
Rome, it tells the story of a slave named Pseu-    solo song, "Love, I Hear," the antics of the      est Gump. And, as hot as she may be, we don’t
dolus, who wishes more than anything for           Captain’s three footsoldiers, as they hastened    want the mutants flipping like the lifeguard at the
freedom. His young master Hero, promises to        about the stage, and the occasional and unex-     pool. The fact of the matter is, it just won’t be the
grant Pseudolus his wish on the condition that     pected entrances of Erronius, who, encour-        same.
the slave will find a way to unite him with the     aged by Pseudolus to make seven trips around            So if you’re an inexperienced Turtles view-
girl he has fallen deeply in love with, and who    the hills of Rome, might announce "Second         er, you will undoubtedly enjoy this pathetic ex-
happens to be a virgin courtesan of the neigh-     time around!" While it could, at times, be        cuse of a sequel. Go and see it, just don’t let it out
borhood brothel owner, Marcus Lycus. Unfor-        sensed that it was not a cast of voice majors,    in front of your peers who truly understand the
tunately the girl, Philia, has already been sold   the singing was spirited and generally impres-    films, for a cold and bitter blanket of awkward
to the egotistical Captain Miles Gloriosus. The    sive. The costumes were based upon the Ro-        disdain will overwhelm and haunt your for the
plot quickly thickens, but, as complications       man period, colorful and elaborate. However,      rest of your days. The true Teenage Mutant Ninja
arise, it becomes apparent that Pseudolus will     the costumers made embellishments, adding         Turtles fan will never be fooled by a phony com-
go to any lengths of trickery in order to unite                   ______________                     puter recreation and knows that pizza will never
Hero and Philia and gain his freedom. Not to                    continued on page 9                  taste as good as it did in 1990.
8                                              The Kudzu Gazette, Monday, March 12, 2007

             The Kudzu Gazette:
                           Editor in Chief:
                           Felix Ventouras

                     Co-Executive Editors:
                   William Davis, Haley Dreis
                             Michel Berta
     Layout: William Davis              Advertising: Haley Dreis
    Editors: Kaylin Davison, Kelley Stark, Katherine Mount
    Staff Writers: Elizabeth Brashier, Kaylin Davison, Abi-
    gail Howard, Tom O’Keefe, Crashonda Edwards, Mara
                     Driscoll, Owen Broder

                          Established 2005
                  Please send press releases to:
The views and opinions expressed in the opinion pages of the Kudzu
Gazette are not necessarily those of the staff, faculty, or students of the
North Carolina School of the Arts.
All the back issues of the Kudzu Gazette are available online at http://
www.kudzugazette.com. Plus, special features like polls, online-only              Difficulty:
content, and video. Sign up for our mailing list to receive the Kudzu
Gazette via email as soon as it comes out!
                                                                                      How to play Sudoku
           To Bee, or Not to Be
                                                                              Sudoku, also known as Number Place, is a logic-based placement puz-
                                                                              zle. The aim of the canonical puzzle is to enter a numerical digit from
                         continued from page 6                                1 through 9 in each cell of a 9×9 grid made up of 3×3 subgrids (called
effects have been even more pro- are in danger, and so is the balance         "regions"), starting with various digits given in some cells (the "giv-
nounced in 2006-2007. You may of the ecosystem that relies on                 ens"). Each row, column, and region must contain only one instance
have read about it in the news or them so heavily.                            of each numeral. Completing the puzzle requires patience and logical
heard about it on NPR. So far, it         The situation is not hope-          ability.
has been limited in scope to West- less, however. Africanized Honey           From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.
ern Honey Bees living in the US Bees, commonly known as "Killer
and Canada.                           Bees," are flourishing in the south-
     The causes of CCD are so far western U.S., and seem resistant to
unknown, and under heated debate many ailments that are killing off
                                                                               Last Issue’s Answer:

by the scientific community. The their Western cousins. While they
leading theories involve such di- are more aggressive than other
verse agents as harmful pesticides, types of Honey Bee, they are also
nutritional or environmental stress, good honey producers.
and an HIV-like immunosuppres-            For the layperson, there is
sive virus.                           only so much that can be done, but
     CCD isn’t the only threat to there is one important thing that
Honey Bees, either. Common bee anyone can do: communicate. By
parasites such as mites and the increasing public awareness about
small hive beetle, and diseases like these issues, and by counteracting
American Foul Brood are preva- paranoia, fear, and the common
lent in America as well. With all of perception of bees as pests we can
these forces acting together, there all help to ensure their survival;
can be no question: Honey Bees and perhaps ours, too.
                                        The Kudzu Gazette, Reviews, Monday, March 12, 2007                                                       9

                            The Beauty Myth
                                     continued from page 7
Center estimates that over 5 million women         blinded by the myth, seduced by the seem-
and girls and 1 million men and boys suffer        ingly benevolent and beautiful ads. But then
from eating disorders in the United States.        I flipped through a second time; I studied the
Wolf’s meticulously researched and persua-         cosmetics ads, I really read the articles. And
sively written work seeks to explain why this      I felt sick.
is so, examining the rhetoric promoting di-             L’Oreal tried to convince me that I was
ets, cosmetics, and cosmetic surgery.              "worth" their product: the "Age Perfect Pro-
     Wolf believes "The tone of diet books         Calcium" skin cream that magically "Re-
and features is dogmatic and unequivocal.          densifies" my skin with its "Anti-Sagging"
‘Experts’ direct the endeavor and always           formula is part of their "Dermo-Expertise"
know best." Diets use motivational, ostensi-       line. Then they tried to convince me that
bly supportive language, suggesting that if        their "Colour Riche Nuturing and Protec-
you have sufficient will power and motiva-          tive Lipcolour" would give me confidence.
tion, you, too, can look like Kate Moss – all      "When I wear it, I can do anything. Which
in just 30 days. Beauty ads cite "scientific        shade makes you feel this sure?" their celeb-
evidence" and unquantifiable statistics: "In 4      rity endorsement asked. Olay told me that
weeks, 100% feel firmness return, 84% see           "Regenerist" was the best way to "reactivate
brighter eyes!" How exactly does one mea-          your skin...and your life." Avon said their
                                                                                                                        Photo Source: tonterias.com
sure the feel of firmness? The brightness of        "Anew Alternative Intensive Eye Cream"
an eye?                                            contained "Eastern Healing Herbs" and            An Anorexic Model, like the kind
     Wolf is most persuasive when she ar-          "Anti-Aging Science."                            referenced in The Beauty Myth, by
gues against cosmetic surgery: "To undergo              Ahh, the pseudo-scientific and fraudu-       Naomi Wolf
cosmetic surgery, one must feel and society        lent French language of beauty advertise-
must agree that some parts of the body are         ments! Out of context, these ads are laugh-
not worthy of life, though they are still liv-
ing." Plastic surgery is based on the "correc-
                                                   able and clearly ridiculous. But when you’re
                                                   enveloped in the myth, flipping through page
                                                                                                    A Comedy, Tonight!
tion" of physical "flaws"; flaws which are           after page of 6-foot-tall, 115-pound, sultry-                continued from page 7
utterly unrelated to health or physical well-      eyed and air-brushed icons, suddenly you’re
being; flaws that are defined by the current         the ridiculous one.                              their own wit to the production. Included
standards of "perfection." "Women choose                But I don’t want to be remembered as        was a Nike themed courtesan, complete with
surgery when we are convinced we cannot            part of the "the anorexic generation." I want    "You Can Do It" plastered across her rear. The
be who we really are without it."                  to be remembered as the generation that end-     sets, which colorfully reconstructed a Roman
     Although this issue may seem trivial or       ed the culture of obsessive and narcissistic     neighborhood, brought the show to life. Over-
inconsequential, it is important to consider       physical "perfection;" as a member of the        all, "A Funny Thing Happened On the Way to
that $50 billion dollars is spent yearly on cos-   brilliant generation; the creative generation;   the Forum" was highly entertaining, the kind
metics, diet programs, and cosmetic surgery        the compassionate generation.                    of performance that an audience is sorry to see
in the United States alone. But perhaps it is           This isn’t about burning bras or throw-     end.
even more important to notice the millions         ing away every single cosmetics product you            Students should watch for upcoming
of men and women that waste their time and         own. Wolf believes "The problem with cos-        Drama productions, including Studio III’s
energy on intangible, industry-driven and          metics exists only when women feel invis-        "Trelawny" of the Wells, showing March 7-
self-destructive anxieties. In Wolf’s words,       ible or inadequate without them." If women       11, Studio IV’s "Romeo and Juliet," showing
the beauty myth "does to young women’s             and men are aware of the underlying, fab-        April 19-28, and Studio III’s "The Sea Gull,"
minds, so much more free, potentially, than        ricated messages that magazines, TV shows
any ever before, what corsets and girdles and      and diet ads impose, we can conquer this
gates on universities no longer can... By sat-     myth-induced society. So if you buy a tube
uration in imagery, the potential explosive-       of "Colour Riche Nurturing and Protective
ness of this generation is safely diffused."       Lipcolour," don’t do it because you want to
And while in 1991 the beauty myth was al-          feel nurtured or protected or confident. Do it
most entirely restricted to women, it has in-      because you want some "Lipcolour." Or lip
creasingly targeted men in recent years. We        color.
are "the anorexic generation."
     After buying the February issue of            The Beauty Myth, by Naomi Wolf, is avail-
Vogue, to investigate Wolf’s arguments, I          able through Harper Perennial Publishing
flipped through the glossy, glamorous pages.        for a suggested retail price of $14.95. It is                             Photo by Allen Aycock
At first, I didn’t really notice anything; I was    368 pages.
10                                      The Kudzu Gazette, Opinion, Monday, March 12, 2007

I go to an Arts School because                                                        Whence do we Come?
    I’m a little Unbalanced
                                                                                                    continued from page 6
                                                                            And Cain knew his wife; and           the third of The Ten Command-
                          continued from page 5                             she conceived... If Cain found        ments: Thou shalt have no other
campus is just about to hit that of the dorms was a tight-knit              women outside of the presence of      gods before me and Thou shalt
magical time when all the flowers community, where everybody                 God, there were women in other        not take the name of the Lord thy
and trees burst in to full bloom. knew each other. In order to hang         creations. But I wonder if "The       God in vain; for the Lord will not
What I’m talking about here is out, students had to go to the com-          Creation"/"The Presence of God"       hold him guiltless that taketh his
that chance NCSA has to go the mons, where they would not only              is not, sometimes, a convenient       name in vain. His interpretation
extra mile, and the little subtle- hang out with others from their          hideaway for self-righteous peo-      of the Scriptures seems very per-
ties that make this place actually studios or classes, but students         ple.                                  sonal as one reads: Noah lacked
feel like home. For one thing, the from different art forms; high-               I would like to follow the       the ability to feel the pain of oth-
older buildings on this campus schoolers and college students               example of Mr. Michael Berg           ers. He neither prayed nor cried
have carpeted floors and low ceil-                                           who preaches the total abandon        out as his fellow humans died in a
                                       were one and the same. Now, such
ings, a point that my dad made                                              of his possessions and wealth in      global apocalypse. Mr. Berg cer-
                                       tightknit relationships between      order to ‘become like God.’ Does      tainly remembers that Noah fol-
on when he visited the school
                                       such wide age groups are highly      he have any recommendations,          lowed God’s instructions. Should
last month (Specifically first floor
gray). However, the areas of the discouraged. When the connector            to whom the transfer of funds         they be argued? Not my will, but
campus that should actually ap- building came along, it prompted                                                  thine, be done, said Jesus; also
pear intimate, like the commons the elimination of greenery, and                                                  Love your enemies, instead of
and the dormitories, give off also provided a way for students                                                    Mr. Berg’s: Why is our devo-
about as much of a friendly vibe to ignore one another.                                                           tion to ego so unswerving? The
as the women’s prison the HS                While I promised myself not                                           simple answer is, we don’t hate
dorms were modeled after. For to make this into an article bash-                                                  it enough. In the name of shar-
example, my sister (visiting with ing the administration, I find it                                                ing, charity turns into martyrdom
my dad) noticed the high ceilings imperative to say that the envi-                                                and then masochism, in the story
in the commons and the connec- ronment created by some of the                                                     of the wedding, Zushya and the
tor building, and remarked on the stricter rules is one of the biggest                                            dowry. Again, to whom shall one
primary school colors used on challenges facing a student try-                                                    give? For 2000 years the hagio-
the second floor of the commons, ing to have a positive experience                                                 graphs have followed Jesus’ life
saying she "…felt like [she] was at NCSA. At a school where the                                                   example. Does the Zohar – the
back in preschool."                                                                                               chief repository of Kabbalah’s
                                       turnover rate from year to year
     Another point mentioned was is approximately 75%, the newer                                                  wisdom – tell us to disregard
that it seemed like the internal de-                                                                              God’s omnipotence?
                                       students should not be blamed for                                               In Becoming Like God Mr.
signers of NCSA sometimes went
                                       mistakes made by the old. Stu-       should be done? Shall we give to      Berg introduces himself as a re-
for style over comfort. For ex-
                                       dents can feel when they are not     those from a not-so-distant past      porter entrusted to bring the Zo-
ample, in the connector building
the sofas are rather hard, though being trusted, and this school is         who stole from their own flock?        har to light. Instead of praying to
very futuristic and stylish. And above all else, an arts school. We         Emile Zola reports in Rome that       God, says Mr. Berg, obeying God,
the benches on first and third floor should not be censored, scared,          Leo XIII once said: Charity. Love.    fearing God, we become like God
gray, though spacey, are hard as uncomfortable, depressed, or               Who will help us to keep our dig-     when we follow the creator of the
rocks.                                 have the feeling in any way of be-   nity? Who will take care of our       universe to its source. The Zohar
     A massive oversight on the ing institutionalized. The number           needs when we are left with noth-     not only expresses the energy of
part of the school was the con- one initiative should be to make            ing wandering in the streets? It      God, it embodies the energy of
struction of the connector build- a great place for students to learn       seems that reason over faith will     God, adds Mr. Berg. His book, Be-
ing. Before its construction, each their art.                               save us from predators, and that      coming Like God, is a fine exam-
                                                                            faith should be the only answer       ple of energy shared perhaps with
                                                                            to spiritualize one’s thinking, and   humility, perhaps for his name ‘s
                                                                            to come closer to God. Here, of       sake, or even that the son of man
                                                                            course, I am concerned about Mr.      hath power on earth to forgive
                                                                            Berg’s ideas, especially regard-      sins, after all Mr. Berg declares his
                                                                            ing the concept of "becoming like     fidelity to the Bible..
                                                                                 In Becoming Like God Mr.         Original article posted on Al-
                                                                            Berg tells us that he is faithful     ternativeApproaches.com since
                                                                            to the Scriptures to the letter,      July 19, 2005; modified in March
                     HS Dorms before the Connector Building                 yet he overlooked the first and        2007.
                                          The Kudzu Gazette, Opinion, Monday, March 12, 2007                                                                 11

         What a Ride                                        "Ok. Where you be?"
                                                            "S. Main Street."
                                                                                                             entirely functional, auditorium. On the stage was
                                                                                                             a round, older janitor type, with a long white po-
                  ______________                            "No, I mean where you be?"                       nytail. I explained a, well, "slightly altered" ver-
               continued from page 5                        "NC Arts."                                       sion of my story, one which didn’t involve me
an affirmative, I raced out of my room and down              "NO. A, B, C, D, E, Sanford, Moore – where       sleeping too late, and he offered to walk me over
to the dorm entrance, in my pj’s, without glasses     you be?"                                               to counseling to straighten everything out. After
or a One Card. Unable to see much, I was only               "Oh, sorry. Sanford"                             swaying a room of several annoyed counselors
downstairs for a few seconds before I saw a large           "Ok, well, den we go have a cab for yuh at       sporting the "I-got-up-at-six-on-a-Saturday-for-
blur approaching from behind me, on my right.         dee Sanford dorm on S. Main St."                       SAT-registration" expression to feel some com-
"Hey honey," it drawled, in a crackly yet warm              "Sir, wait...!"                                  passion for me, I was taken down the hall to see
cleaning lady’s voice. "What’s you doing at this            You see, Sanford isn’t on S. Main.               the SAT coordinator. She agreed to let me take
hour dressed like dat (I usually sleep in shorts            I wasn’t sure where he meant for me to go,       my tests, but with one stipulation: I had to finish
and a tank), when dee cold weather’s a’brewin         but I grabbed all the cash I could find and headed      at the same time as the other students, leaving
da way it is?"                                        down to the Sanford parking lot, where I waited        me half the time to prove my standardized test-
      "Has anyone been waiting around down            for approximately six minutes and thirty-eight         ing intelligence.
here?"                                                seconds before deciding that maybe the cab guy               No matter – I was saved.
      "Well, now dats you ax, there waws a girl,      actually meant the S. Main entrance. After sprint-           When the time was up, a short hour and five
she’s been waiting since ‘bout 7:00 or so. She        ing over to the other side of campus, I waited for     minutes later, I left the room, and realized that
jes’ went out to huh car, only a moment ago."         a few minutes. Nothing. I sprinted back to my          the full content of my jacket pocket added up to
      Seizing this new information, I made my         dorm, to find a dirty white cab waiting; I slid into    a bobby pin, a tube of lip balm, and roughly, eh,
next move to the parking lot, in the hopes that       the back seat when I was greeted with a nause-         five pennies . As I was debating how on earth
my friend might be sitting comfortably in her         ating, overtly sexual "Hey, baby" followed by "        to get back to Winston on no cash, I opened my
car, waiting on my sleepy self to arrive. Without     So, do you always dress like that?". Ignoring my       phone to find a missed call – from my friend. As
my glasses, however, I’m basically blind, and so      (at least) fortyish cabbie, I directed him to Page     I headed outside, I called her back to see if she’d
while I could scantly make out two cars in the lot,   High in Greensboro, at which point he informed
                                                                                                             been able to get back to sleep, practice, etc.
I certainly couldn’t see their inhabitants. I went    me that he’s "never been to G-town". He called
up to a white SUV first, but no one was inside.                                                                     "Hey, girl," she answered on the first ring.
                                                      one of his "connections", though, and quickly
To the right was a red Honda-ish vehicle. As I ap-                                                                 "Hey! So, how’s your morning been?"
                                                      we were on our way. After an uncomfortable
proached, I still couldn’t tell who, if anyone, was                                                                "Alright. The funniest thing happened,
                                                      forty minutes of forced conversation and double
in the driver’s seat, so I got close and pressed my                                                          though."
                                                      entendres, we reached the school. "That’ll be
face against the window – to find what looked                                                                       "Yeah? What’s that?"
                                                      $71.00 even."
like someone’s very surprised middle-aged fa-                                                                "Well, I took a drive, and ended up at this ran-
                                                            I gathered together all the money in my
ther blinking back at me. A bit awkward, but I                                                               dom school…oh, it’s called Page High School,
                                                      purse: $70.50, and thrust it into his hands, apolo-
didn’t have time to stay and chat, much less ex-                                                             in Greensboro."
                                                      gizing for coming up short. He assured me it was
plain. I turned to head back to my room when                                                                       "Are you kidding me? I’m at Page High in
                                                      fine, gave me his card, told me to call "whenever
I reached into my pocket and found… no One            I want", and I rushed into the building.               Greensboro!"
Card. I chased the friendly cleaning lady down              It was, at that point, 9:05, and SAT registra-         "Yes, I know, you’re the girl over there in
(she was veeerrrrryyyyy slowly on her way to          tion was most assuredly over. Unsure of where          front of the flowery bush, in the red jacket, look-
the Pickle) and begged to borrow hers for just a      to go in a foreign school, I spotted a strapping       ing like a total idiot. Come on, I’m in the silver
minute, after which I ran up to my room and sat       young fellow at the end of the corridor, sporting      car. Let’s go home."
at my desk to do the only reasonable thing which      the always fashionable "pants around the knees"              As we merged onto the interstate, I leaned
came to mind: bawl. I had no earthly clue how         look.                                                  my head back on the seat. Musing over the two
to contact my friend, who’s cell number I had so            "Hey, do you know where the auditorium           tests on which I had most likely just performed
intelligently never written down; unsure of any       is?" I called.                                         quite poorly, I realized something strengthen-
other option, I turned on my laptop and logged              "Yeah, you go through dem does, den              ing, something gratifying, and exciting. Just as
on to my lifeline: Facebook.                          through anotha set of does, and den you go come        the outcome of those SATs didn’t matter in the
                   "OH MY GOD                         to a doe marked "Drama", and den you go’ go            slightest when stacked up against each of the ob-
                 CALL ME NOW"                         through the secret passageway."                        stacles I had overcome to even make it through
      I frantically typed onto my friend’s "wall",          WHAT? Whatever. I followed his instruc-          the morning that Saturday, it is not the extent of
following that message with my cell number. I         tion though the doors, where, lo and behold, I         our accomplishments in life which measure the
sat for about a minute and a half, debating the       found another set of doors. Past them was a door       value of the life we’ve led. It is not the merits
extent to which I’d completely screwed myself,        marked "Drama", beyond which was a very at-            we’ve won, the earthly possessions we’ve ac-
when she called. After succeeding to calm me a        tractive student working on a costume of some          quired. Our lives are measured in growth and in
bit, she convinced me that calling a cab would be     sort. Hey, why not; I asked about the secret pas-      gall, in passion and in perseverance. It’s how we
my only chance, so we hung up and I dialed Blue       sageway.                                               handle our journey on the roller coaster called
Bird Cab Company.                                           "Yeah, right over there."                        life that shows us what’s important, and of what
      "Blue Buhd Cab."                                      Go figure. I opened what looked like a tor-       we’re really made.
      "Um, yes. I need a cab NOW, to Greens-          nado cellar door, and proceeded down a rather                So what if I don’t get into Rice? I’ve got a
boro, from NC Arts. Is that possible?"                dank, dark set of stairs into a musty, although        helluva story.
12   The Kudzu Gazette, Monday, March 12, 2007

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