Editor Dan Trevarthen speaks to real life former FBI

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                              Editor Dan Trevarthen
                              speaks to real life former
                              FBI agent Joseph Pis-
                              tone, inspiration for the
                              film Donnie Brasco.




satellite                            mag 2004




   Issue 9, 2004. ISSN: 11735180
             editor’s note
           editor’s note                                                As I write this, I have just turned 22 years    Ah, I ramble a lot. Anyway, back to my
                                                                        old. Getting old sucks.                         birthday. I’m going home now. I’m going to go
                                                                                                                        ice-skating with my friends soon. I can’t wait.
                                                                        I always liked Peter Pan, how he never          It will be awesome, and by awesome, I mean
                                                                        grew up. I never wanted to grow up. My          totally sweet.
                                                                        parents told me that if I never wanted
                                                                        to grow up, I never would. Maybe they           Send me a birthday email, and include a letter to
                                                                        meant this in a loose sense, but I like to      the editor. Better yet, write for Satellite, that’d
                                                                        think they were right. One day I decided I      make my day: satellite@satellite.ac.nz
                                                                        didn’t want to be a kid forever - and look
                                                                        where I am now - a freaking adult.

                                                                        Birthdays are so strange. I’m actually not
                                                                        excited by them anymore. Scared might
                                                                                                                               Contents
                                                                                                                         4-5
                                                                                                                         45
                                                                        be the word. Life is short, is the saying
                                                                        coined by this generation. Of course, it is                  Satellite news
                                                                        the longest thing that you’ll ever do, so
                                                                        by that measure, that saying is ridiculous.
                                                                        What they really mean is life is fast.
                                                                                                                             Way of the Wiseguy
Dan Trevarthen
                    ac.n
            tellite.ac.nz
satellite@satellite.ac.nz
                    editor
                                                                        Well, it’s still slower than everything else
                                                                        you’ll do, but you know what I mean. I
                                                                        know there’s a lot to go, but I can’t help
                                                                        but be frightened by how fast the years
                                                                        go by. Whatever happened to Smokey,
                                                                                                                            6-7
                                                                                                                         Interview with real life FBI
                                                                                                                                   agent
           tt
Vanessa Evetts


                                                                                                                          3
                                                                        adventures in the yard, dressing up as
teched@satellite.ac.nz
   hed@satellite.ac.nz
    ed@satellite.ac.nz                                                                                                          Politics: Soapbox
      technical ed.
Private Bag 102 904
                                                                        superheroes? (ok, maybe I still try to do
                                                                        that sometimes) Finding out a girl likes
                                                                        you, and thinking about her for weeks
                                                                                                                               Universal Allowance
North Shore Mail Centre                                                 on end, without actually doing anything
Auckland
Ph: 09 4439740, Fax: 09 4439745
                                                                        about it.

                                                                        But growing is hard, as Ben Folds put
                                                                        it, ya’ll don’t know what it’s like, being
                                                                        male, middle-class and white. And it’s
                                                                                                                           10-11Lil’ bits of humour
                                                                                                                                   Brain Teasers


                                                                                                                        12-13
website: www.satellite.ac.nz
                                                                        true, particular the male part. What does        Article: Vernon God Little
Editorial policy                                                        it mean to be a guy in this world today?
Satellite will aim to provide a forum for the free exchange of ideas,
                                                                        The lines are blurred, with this whole
                                                                                                                                - DBC Pierre
opinions and information for all students and inform students of
ASA activities. Editorial staff will attempt to present balanced        metrosexual craze and everything. Male



                                                                                                                            6 7
                                                                                                                           16-17    Student news
coverage of all news and issues covered. While Satellite will work      suicide statistics are ridiculously high,
to discourage blatant prejudice and discrimination, Satellite will
                                                                        although they’re also relatively high for
promote healthy debate.
                                                                        females in New Zealand. There’s a lot of                   Hot off the Prez
Pornographic images will not be considered for publication.             pressure, and you can’t talk about stuff as
Contributions are encouraged. Contributions may be edited or            much. It’s not cool, it’s not done. It’s a


                                                                                                                         8 19
                                                                                                                        18-19        AIR GUITAR
abridged and will be accepted at the discretion of the editor.
                                                                        struggle to fight against the independence
Letters                                                                 of maledom and find some accountability.
Letters to the editor are encouraged. Letters are published at the      This place is fleeting, you need to find
editor’s discretion. All letters should be no more than 200 words and
                                                                        people to talk to. I digress. Every advert


                                                                                                                           20-21
may be edited, abridged or discarded. Letters will not be published
unless the writer provides contact details and their full name. ASA     on television makes guys look like morons            Satellite Reviews
staff and members of the executive are entitled to immediate right      or just plain silly. I have nothing against
of reply. Letters are considered property of Satellite. Sections not    feminism, but is the shoe switching to the        Music, Movies, Literature
intended for publication should be clearly labeled as such.
Pseudonyms are acceptable when furnished. Satellite staff will          other foot? I sense a feature coming on.
ensure confidentiality from other ASA staff, the executive and           I’m sure it’ll be slightly controversial, but
                                                                                                                               Letters to the Editor

                                                                                                                         2 23
                                                                                                                        22-23
students.                                                               yeah, it’s hard being a guy too. Anyone
Complaints
                                                                        out there want to be a part of my feature.
Complaints over the appropriateness of material appearing               You just have to tell me why it’s hard
in Satellite should be directed in writing to the editor. If the        being a guy in today’s world. I’ll let you
complainant is unsatisfied with the response, a complaint may            be anonymous if you like, so no guys kick
be made to the Press Council c/o the Secretary: PO Box 10-879,
The Terrace, Wellington. Phone 04 473 5220 or view website at           your ass. Maybe you disagree totally, I
                                                                        need to talk to those people too.
www.presscouncil.org.nz                                                                                                                                              02
                   Why do we need
                 Universal Allowances?
Student debt is currently at 7 billion and
rising, this is largely because of the loans
students are forced to take out for living costs.
                                                    prospects.
                                                                   SOAPBOX
The current allowance/loan system needs a           At the end of the day the Allowance is an
huge overhaul urgently to allow students to         integral part of study, not all students have
study without the financial pressures they           parents that can pay for all expenses. The
may incur while studying. To force students         universal allowance would give all NZ
to work and study is not an option, many find        citizens and permanent residents the chance
this burden reduces the marks. This can work        to study. They are not restricted as to where
for the exceptional student but does increase       they can study or what they can study.
stress. To miss a day at work could mean you
get fired but to miss a lecture or assignment        Peter Knight
means you can still eat.
                                                                                                        •    Write off parts of loans in a targeted
                                                    Universal Student Allowances: A Better
If a student comes from a lower economic                                                                     way. For example, a chunk for every
                                                    Solution
background, they have the right to be able                                                                   year spent working in New Zealand,
                                                    By TM
to study, but do not have the means without                                                                  for every year spent working in
                                                    ASA continually pushes for a “universal
an allowance. Sure they could get a loan to                                                                  rural areas, or for each year that
                                                    student allowance”, but let’s examine this
live, but that would make it harder to pay off                                                               you serve on a Board of Trustees.
                                                    idea, and consider a better one:
on the long run. This would hardly be helping                                                                The list is as long as the list of work
them. The same applies for students of middle                                                                that needs doing, but doesn’t have
                                                    Some problems with a universal student
income families and mature students, they                                                                    people to do it.
                                                    allowance:
also do not always have the means to support                                                            •    Adjust the repayment rates so that
                                                        •   Why support those who can get
themselves through the course of their choice.                                                               the loan is paid back over a longer
                                                            support elsewhere?
To live at home with your family is definitely                                                                period, so paying it back is less of a
                                                        •   This barely helps the loan scheme
the cheaper option but restricts where you can                                                               strain.
                                                            (unless you spend $4B to fully
study and what courses are available.                                                                   •    Increase scholarships (“bursaries” /
                                                            support everyone).
                                                                                                             “NCEA Awards”) to suitable levels.
                                                        •   There’s no reward for success, either
What about scholarships, I hear you say?                                                                     For example, have an A average =
                                                            in earlier education, or in tertiary
Well the simple fact is there is simply not                                                                  a year’s fees, a B average student
                                                            studies. There is no penalty for
enough out there to cater for all students. The                                                              = half a year’s fees, scholarship
                                                            failing, either, unless you manage to
Government would also not be able to cater                                                                   average students = double a year’s
                                                            fail half of your papers.
to all students wishing to study. I could be a                                                               fees (the extra goes towards living
                                                        •   It doesn’t encourage students to
“C” student at school but decide on returning                                                                costs).
                                                            attach value to their education.
as a mature student for an academic career                                                              •    Have these scholarships last for
                                                        •   It will be abused, no matter how
that I happen to excel at. A scholarship would                                                               3 years, not ‘2 years, or, if your
                                                            well policed. Everyone knows
be hard to obtain in these circumstances. To                                                                 birthday just happens to be at the
                                                            someone on an allowance with
expect the private sector to invest in this                                                                  right time of year, 3 years’.
                                                            wealthy parents.
prospect to cover all students would be ideal                                                           •    Adjust scholarships to tertiary
                                                        •   It hurts those with high-income
but not very realistic.                                                                                      grades, so that the amount of money
                                                            parents who are not willing to
                                                                                                             you receive in your second and third
                                                            financially support their children
Loans, oh yes the loans. This, quite simply is a                                                             years reflects the previous year’s
                                                            (unless you give everyone the same
joke; the unfortunate part is that students past                                                             study, not your pre-tertiary study.
                                                            amount of money, which has other
and present are the butt of it. The Government              problems).
is making large amounts of money from the                                                           Costs
                                                        •   It hurts low-income married
students while crippling them for the future.                                                       So about what would this cost? We’d save
                                                            couples.
It is of no surprise to most that the brightest                                                     $413M in allowances, but spend $110M
                                                        •   There’s only one abatement level for
prospects have left our shores to earn the                                                          more in scholarships, earn about $404M
                                                            personal income, which discourages
greater dollar. This enables them to have a life                                                    less from loan interest, and write about
                                                            working, and even means you can
while paying off the loan faster.                                                                   $275M off loans each year. This means a
                                                            end up with less in the hand after a
                                                                                                    total increase of spending of about $376M
                                                            pay rise.
The big contributing factor here is the interest,                                                   – not much in government terms. A universal
if this was a fixed low interest that was written                                                    student allowance would be similar or
                                                    A better solution:
off while a student was studying and also had                                                       more. Importantly, note that most of the
                                                        •    Get rid of all allowances.
portions of the interest subtracted from the                                                        cost difference between this and the current
                                                        •    Fix loan interest at inflation.
total for prompt and continued payment, then                                                        system comes from the student loan interest
                                                        •    Increase the amount available
the loan scheme would be more viable. Even                                                          lost; the fix would have an effect on past
                                                             for loans. Has anyone looked at
better would be no interest on loans at all, this                                                   students as well.
                                                             how much it costs to rent a flat in
would give students the opportunity to pay                   Auckland these days? Or how much
for their education and not hinder their future              textbooks cost?
                                                                                                    See also: http://tinyurl.com/2a2g9        03
   satellite news
 satellite news
NZ News                                                says Fleur Fitzsimons, Co-President of NZUSA.           before investing.”
                                                       “With total student debt now over $7 billion, fee
                                                       cuts for all students at public tertiary institutions   Big Nelson drug haul
Albany mower shop heading back to world                are well overdue,” says Fitzsimons. “It this can be     A New Zealand-wide blitz on cannabis has seen
stage                                                  achieved on the West Coast and in Southland, it         Nelson police recover drugs worth hundreds of
Albany’s little shop of mowers is entering             can be done in our richer, big cities.”                 thousands of dollars from the region.
another international invention competition.
                                                       “The Government surplus is huge, student debt           In the Nelson Bays area, 5000 plants had been
In 2002 the shop created Black Thunder, a              is higher than ever before and young people are         found, 40 people arrested and up to 13.6kg of dry
hydraulic vehicle that starred in Britain’s top        leaving the country in droves. The time is right for    cannabis plant recovered.
rating Full Metal Challenge television series.         Government to tackle student debt by scrapping
                                                       tuition fees.”                                          Operation Ella, the wider campaign, was focused
Black Thunder, the McCoid unique, beefed up                                                                    on removing as much cannabis as possible.
lawnmower, snatched cult status as the only            She says student numbers and local economies            New Zealand police seized an estimated 15,000
entry to be built from the ground up and finished       grow when student fees are dropped.                     cannabis plants in the entire operation.
at the solid spot of 4th equal.
                                                       “Students are hopeful that the no-fees message
This year they are building the Black Dragon,          will come further up the country and that               International News
an even more powerful V8-powered offroader             decision-makers in Wellington will decide against
bound to rip up the Chinese countryside playing        more student debt and for a decent future for New
host to the inaugural International Strange                                                                    Yo-yo comeback? Again?
                                                       Zealand students.”
Vehicle Games in October.                                                                                      A representative from Duncan Yoyos, one of the
                                                                                                               biggest yo-yo makers in the US says sales are
                                                       Affinity fraud reaps $60 million in last five
As with Full Metal Challenge, teams from the                                                                   expected to be up over 100% from 2003.
                                                       years
around the world are invited to build outrageous                                                               The last yo-yo craze hit New Zealand seven years
vehicles and race and bash them against each           Criminals have cheated trusting New Zealanders          ago with thousands of players around the country
other over a series of events.                         out of more than $60 million over the past five          learning how to “walk the dog”.
                                                       years in “affinity fraud” investment scams, says         Nina Stevenson, product manager for toy
Their British success earned Team McCoid               the Securities Commission.                              company Hasbro, says retro toys like the yo-yo
automatic entry to the televised Chinese event                                                                 come back in cycles of about seven years. “The
which organisers plan will be bigger and               Affinity scams target members of close-knit              Yo-Yo is one of the world’s oldest and most
bouncier than anything permitted under the             groups and communities, often church or cultural        favourite toys,” she says. “The popularity of retro
safety regulations which governed FMC.                 groups and work to “exploit our tendency to trust       toys peak approximately every seven years as a
                                                       people who belong to the same group as we do”,          new generation of players emerge.”
The first sight of Black Thunder on US                  says Commission chairman Jane Diplock.
television generated 600 emails in one day. The                                                                Space race still alive
Albany store now gets local autograph hunters                                                                  A US aviation pioneer has been celebrating after
looking for a taste of Kiwi inventiveness.             There have been five serious cases over the past         his spaceship became the first privately owned
                                                       five years.                                              rocket to fly to the edge of space and back.
“We always happy to invite the kids in for a                                                                   SpaceShipOne, built by Burt Rutan, went over
look,” says team boss Trevor McCoid.                   “In each case millions of dollars have been stolen      space’s 62 mile boundary, reports the BBC.
                                                       from people who belong to church or cultural            Pilot Mike Melvill says the view from space
“I worry about how many New Zealanders are             groups,” Ms Diplock said in a statement.                was “spectacular”, and he was only sad that Mr
losing the talent to do this sort of stuff. It’s all                                                           Rutan, his “best friend in the whole world”, could
very well their old dads being able to tinker, but                                                             not have been there, too. Mr Melvill is 62 years
                                                       The scam worked by convincing members of                old. Steve Bennett, chief of the British civilian
your modern man can’t even change the tyre on
                                                       close knit groups to put money into an investment       space project, Starchaser Industries, says it was
his ride-on mower.”
                                                       scheme. Often the crooks will say some profits           a “marvellous achievement”, but that he was
                                                       will go to a charity or other worthy cause. In          slightly envious. “This just proves that you don’t
To meet the harsh demands, Team McCoid have
                                                       some cases the victims are paid “interest” from         have to be Nasa or a government organisation,”
fitted a monster 6.2L Chevrolet diesel engine to
                                                       money obtained from new investors giving the            he says. The journey to the edge of space was
the chassis of a Nissan Safari. Once covered by
                                                       illusion that the investment is successful.             the latest part in a competition known as the
a roll cage and body beaten into a giant metal
dragon, the completed truck will be shipped to                                                                 Ansari X prize which is being held to encourage
China for its first race on October 26.                 “Eventually, people discover that most – if not all     entrepreneurs and aviation specialists to help
                                                       – their money is gone.”                                 develop viable commercial space travel. Up to
NZUSA calls for widespread zero-fees                                                                           26 teams are vying for prize money of US$10
The zero-fees initiative of Tai Poutini                                                                        million ($16 million) that will be awarded to the
                                                       Ms Diplock said affinity fraud, like most                first team to send a three-seater aircraft 100km
Polytechnic has the New Zealand University
                                                       investment scams, could be avoided by using             into the skies and repeat the feat within two
Students’ Association calling on the government
                                                       common sense and asking a few questions.                weeks. The three-seat requirement demonstrates
to scrap tuition fees for all institutions.
                                                                                                               the capacity for paying customers and the
“With more and more tertiary institutions              “In particular, people should always ask for an         quick turnaround between flights demonstrates
choosing the no fees path, it calls into question      investment statement for any investment they are        reusability and reliability.
why huge fees are necessary for any students,”         offered, and they should seek independent advice                                                      04
Wanted: Tiger sperm                                     at www.cokefridge.co.nz                                Zagorakis, who made just 45 starts in two-and-a-
London Zoo is creating a sperm bank to save                                                                    half years with Leicester, was released on a free
the Amur (or Siberian) tiger, Amur leopard and          Ice-T to produce Hasselhoff rap album                  transfer to AEK Athens in June 2000. However,
Sumatran tiger and is putting out a worldwide call      Ice-T is to produce David Hasselhoff’s first hip-       on the day that he equalled the record as his
for donations.                                          hop album. The pair are neighbours in Los Angeles      country’s most capped player, the 32-year-old
The intention is to freeze the sperm and have           and have struck up a close friendship. Hasselhoff      Werder Bremen midfielder held aloft the European
it ready for zoos and others to use for artificial       has had some success as a singer, releasing seven      Championships trophy after their 1-0 victory.
insemination as the species near extinction.            albums. He’s said to be very popular in Germany.
Estimates put the number of Amur leopards in            Ice-T, who was one of the first real hip-hop stars in   Zagorakis, voted the man-of-the-match, declared:
the wild at just 30 and Amur tigers at 400. The         the late 1980s, said: “The man is a legend. And we     “My mind was completely blank, the only thing
World Wide Fund for Nature puts the number of           are going to show a whole new side of him.”            that I wanted to do was to lift the cup.
Sumatran Tigers left in the wild at 400 to 500.         The rapper is said to be convinced that the 51-year-
In captivity, there are believed to be as many as       old former Knight Rider and Baywatch actor can         “I have no words to describe how I feel right now.
400 to 500 Amur tigers, about 200 Amur leopards         take on the biggest names in rap, reports The Sun.
and 400 to 500 Sumatran tigers.                         Ice-T added: “He’s gonna come out as Hassle The        “We have just proved once again that the Greek
The sperm bank is the first of its kind set up by        Hoff - I promise you. The Hoff will surprise people    soul is, and always will be, our strength. It is the
London Zoo.                                             with his rap skills and humour.”                       greatest gift that God ever gave us.”
“The situation for big cats is critical and we need
to act now to safeguard them for the future,” says      Brunettes new album                                    “Just getting to the finals was already a great
Sarah Christie, the Zoological Society of London’s      Lil’Chief Records have recently released Edmund        achievement. What we have done here in Portugal
big-cat boffin.                                          Cake’s (formally of Flying Nun band Bressa             was even greater,” added Zagorakis.
“The zoo is working out in the field to protect          Creeting Cake) great lost masterpiece, “Downtown
these animals in their natural habitat, but given the   Puff”. This album was compared to Brian Wilson’s       “You can’t imagine what is going on in the
small number of Amur leopards, Amur tigers and          legendary “Smile” LP by Matthew Bannister in an        dressing-room, with all the joy in there. Of course,
Sumatran tigers left in the world, we need to do all    overview of of the Auckland pop scene in Metro         we dedicate this cup to Greek people all over the
we can to ensure the continued survival of these        two years ago. 95bFM is currently playlisting          world.
magnificent animals.”                                    the song “Gunga” from the album. Copies of the
Some samples have already been taken at London          popular Tokey Tones albums “Caterpillar” and           “I think we have given then something more than
Zoo, which employs a technician to collect sperm.       “Butterfly” have been repressed after selling out       joy. We have given them a great pride, which they
“It’s a job not many people would fancy,” a society     their first run, and are once again available from      will be able to carry with them for the rest of their
spokeswoman conceded.                                   the Lil’Chief Records online store. The label is       lives.”
                                                        set to release full-lengths from Alec Bathgate and
Imran Khan gets divorced                                Shaft in the next few months.
Pakistan’s most famous couple, cricket legend                                                                  Tahu likely to leave Newcastle
Imran Khan and his British socialite wife Jemima,       Ramones guitarist losing cancer fight                   Test winger Timana Tahu admitted last week he
have divorced. Khan has become an extremely             Johnny Ramone, real name John Cummings,                was leaning towards leaving Newcastle at the end
strong voice in opposition to President Gen.            is fighting a losing battle with cancer in a Los        of the NRL season.
Pervez Musharraf’s government as a member               Angeles hospital. He was diagnosed with prostate
of parliament. His name is often brought up on          cancer four years ago and the guitarist is now 55      Tahu has received offers from several clubs
a short list of up and coming future Pakistani          years old.                                             including Parramatta and Manly. The Kangaroo
leaders. Jemima Khan had spent more and more            “Johnny’s been a champ in confronting this, but        flier is one of the most highly-sought players on
of her time in England in recent months, sparking       at this point I think the chances are slim,” says      the market.
rumours that the couple’s relationship was on the       Ramones drummer Marky Ramone in a report on
rocks.                                                  www.rollingstone.com                                   He has an offer on the table from the Knights but
                                                        The band’s singer, Joey Ramone (Jeff Hyman),           is understood to be ready to follow teammate Ben
                                                        died in 2001 of lymphatic cancer, while bassist        Kennedy out of the club next season. Kennedy will
                                                        Dee Dee Ramone (Douglas Colvin) died from a            play with Manly in 2005.
                                                        drug overdose the following year. The Ramones
                                                        rose to fame in New York City, 1974. Their             “It’s up to the Knights if they want to keep me or
                                                        three chord anthems played at breakneck speed          not,” Tahu told ABC Radio.
                                                        pioneered punk rock and continue to influence
                                                        bands today.                                           “I want to know by the end of the week. If I do
                                                                                                               have to go I have got no problem.”
                                                        Greek heart and soul was the matchwinner
                                                                                                               “I think it’s turning towards me leaving the
                                                        Greece captain Theo Zagorakis declared that the        Knights at the moment.”
                                                        heart and soul which had carried his side, who were
                                                        80-1 pre-tournament outsiders, to success were the     Tahu’s decision is likely to have implications for
Entertainment News                                      “greatest gifts that God ever gave us”. The Euro       several other players on the market.
Launchpad Round 1                                       2004 underdogs won a shock final victory against
The first round of the Coke Launchpad competition        hosts Portugal. Having defended for all their worth    If he elects to join Manly, the Sea Eagles are likely
was due to close on July 16. Mumsdollar, Beatrootz      against a Portugal side devoid of inspiration,         to drop Canberra’s Joel Monaghan - apparently
and The Rabble were selected as finalists for the        Greece completed one of the competition’s              considering leaving the capital.
first round and have been subject to a round of          greatest ever shocks as Angelos Charisteas headed
public voting.                                          the winner from their only corner.                     If Tahu stays in Newcastle, Manly try harder to
The act with the most votes will have a music video                                                            sign Monaghan, also been linked with the Sydney
produced, make a live appearance on Top Of The          Greece had not previously won a game at a major        Roosters.
Pops, get a day in a recording studio to re-record      tournament before their 2-1 win against Portugal
the track for radio, feature on the Edge Playlist and   in the opening match set them on an amazing path
appear at Edgefest 2005, as well as featuring in        to success, via further victories against France and
                                                                                                                   www.asa.ac.nz/forum/
Rip It Up magazine. The competition promises to         the Czech Republic.
change the future of some bands. Readers can vote                                                                                                             05
Johnny Depp played
                                                   the wiseguy
him in the blockbuster
film Donnie Brasco, he’s
a former FBI undercover                                  Real life former FBI AGENT
agent and a best selling
author. Dan Trevarthen                                         Speaks to Satellite
speaks to Joseph D. Pistone.                 - like a piece of furniture.                 Brasco was one of them. The obvious
                                                                                          dramatic quality of the story saw
Donnie Brasco, AKA Joseph Pistone.           But wasn’t life in the mob exciting?         Johnny Depp play Joseph Pistone in the
The man is world famous; he’s one            Day to day, the answer is no, although       1997 Mike Newell film Donnie Brasco,
of the most well-known FBI agents            it does sound somewhat fascinating           which also starred Al Pacino. And the
ever. You can bet he’s had an array          in some respects. He’s written a book        big screen portrayal is something the
of interesting experiences. Enough           about it, called Way of the Wiseguy.         mobsters really enjoyed.
to fill two books, in fact. Born in
a tough part of New York, Pistone            Pistone says in Way of the Wiseguy that      “I noted [in Way of the Wiseguy] that
joined Naval Intelligence before taking      for the most part, the life of the wiseguy   they enjoy watching gangster movies
the FBI entrance exam. He made it            is routine. Albeit a routine of petty        about the mob because it’s like ‘oh
through, and went on to spend six            crime, racketeering and discussing           that’s my character’, in some perverse
years undercover in Mafia circles. At         the like, but a routine nonetheless.         way that character was patterned after
its conclusion, the operation was the        The Sopranos, with its depiction of          me,” says Pistone.
largest Mafia bust in history. No other       mobsters sitting around talking a lot of
undercover FBI agent has ever been           the time is close to the mark, he says.   “The first time I saw it I got a weird
proposed for membership in the Mob.                                                    feeling because there are a lot of things
As a result the Mafia changed their           “In some aspects, as far as the violence you did in your life in front of tonnes of
initiation rules. New recruits now need      and the petty crime and the petty people. [You are] baring your soul, so
two members to vouch for them before         jealousies it s pretty much the way it
                                                         it’s                                                       g
                        de”
they can become a “mad man.                  is. They don’t get everything right.
                                             They’re pretty much on the money It’s been more than 20 years since the
But on the phone, he’s unremarkable.         though. They hang around all day undercover operation ended. And he’s
Boring, perhaps. U      Understandably,      discussing pretty much nothing and feeling a bit more relaxed. Is he still a
he can’t give away a lot of detail,          discussing the petty jealousies and little scared? “Nah, you can’t live your
considering the half-mil llion US$ open      their crime, that’s pretty much what it’s life like that.” “If I go out I just wear a
                        ad
bounty placed on his hea by the Mafia,        all about.”                               pair of sunglasses.”
but you’d expect speak  king to an FBI
super-agent to be more exciting. He          Despite the routine, the general idea        But after his first book, Donnie Brasco:
sounds blasé about the bounty and he         of Pistone’s story is one that sparks        My Undercover Life in the Mafia, you
has such a freaking All-American vibe        the imagination. The FBI sends an            have to question whether Way of
about himself. He doesn’t crack jokes;       agent from a tough neighbourhood             the Wiseguy offers anything new, or
he’s a serious FBI agent. Or maybe he’s      undercover to infiltrate the freaking         whether it is an attempt to cash in
a robot? But one thing that is instantly     Mob. He befriends them, gains their          on the popularity of The Sopranos.
recognisable in this part of the world,      trust and then, as they’re about to make     Pistone disagrees.
of course, is a thick New York accent.       him a member, he disappears, only to
In terms of pure tone, he sounds every       testify against the mobsters in court.       “It basically answers a lot of questions
bit a wiseguy. But vocal aesthetics          Up until the minute Pistone testifies,        from all the lectures and speeches that
aside, maybe all undercover agents           the Mobsters are telling their attorneys     I’ve given. I figured that it might be a
are like this. Agreeable, unremarkable,      the threatened testimony is a bluff -        good idea to put the questions in the
and slightly forgettable - he’s just there   they continued to believe that Donnie        book for people that can’t attend the
lectures,” Pistone says.                   the neighbourhood. It wasn’t like you       the Wiseguy and decide to become a
                                           knew they were involved in murders,         mobster?
“[I wanted] to give the public a real      you didn’t get to know their inner          “I don’t think so. If I read it for the
inside look on what the Mafia’s about       workings so you really had no feelings      first time, no. They’re not nice guys.
and how the FBI was able to conduct        about them one way or the other.”           I suppose it would be for some people
an undercover operation.”                                                              but I don’t think any normal person
                                           “I kept my own personality and just         would read it and say, ‘that’s a good
“It dispelled some myths that they were    stayed who I was and I think that was       life, how do I get into it?’”
upstanding citizens.”                      why I was successful, because I didn’t
                                           try to be something I wasn’t.”              Did the experience change Joseph
But delve into Way of the Wiseguy                                                      Pistone, law-abiding citizen and
and readers of Donnie Brasco: My           The biggest lesson learnt from the          former undercover FBI agent? “I don’t
Undercover Life in the Mafia, will not      book appears to be that wiseguys aren’t     think so. It just made more aware of
find much more value. Chapters are          nice guys. But Pistone writes with a        how things are done in that world.
as short as a few pages, and there’s       certain fondness of his memories. You       There’s asset of rules and if you don’t
a lot of repetition in them. Still, for    can’t help but get the feeling that he’s    abide by them they handle things
the uninitiated, Wiseguy is a decent       trying to convince himself as much          themselves, they don’t go to the local
read. Pistone says he isn’t particularly   as others. Although he’s admitted           police station.”
surprised by the success of the books.     to an emotional attachment in other
                                           interviews, today he’s adamant he had       But he admits he did learn a thing
“People are fascinated with the mob.       no trouble testifying against people he     or two from the wiseguy approach
I think anything that’s well-written       befriended for years.                       to problems. He says a wiseguy will
with the Mob as the topic is going to                                                  never back down to anyone, no matter
do well.                                   “It wasn’t that hard at all. That was       the situation. No way, no how.
                                           my job to put them in jail. That was
Where the book is most fascinating is      my job, they chose their job being          “Not in my lifetime, even if they’re
when Pistone is close to danger. One       gangsters, and I chose my job, being        wrong they’re wiseguys, so in their
incident, which is related repetitively    an FBI agent, so it doesn’t bother me       mind they’re never wrong… that
throughout the book, sees Pistone taken    at all.”                                    same attitude of don’t back down from
to a room and grilled by the Mafia                                                      stuff.”
over his credentials. A “sit down” as      “These guys are gangsters. They rob,
such a meeting is called, often results    they cheat, they steal, they kill, so       “You’ll get more stuff accomplished if
in a bloody end. It’s tense reading.       whatever person, I don’t think that         you hit it head on.”
If Pistone had failed to convince his      anyone can be sympathetic. They
interrogators they would have killed       chose to live in this world and they        Check back for a review of Way
him.                                       have to deal with the consequences.”        of the Wiseguy in the next issue of
                                                                                       Satellite
“You have to keep your cool and            He roughly defines the “way of the
stick to your cover story and have         wiseguy” in the first chapter by relating
confidence that you can convince them       a conversation with his mentor in the
of your story. You have to be confident     Mafia. A man called Lefty.
that you can outwit them.”
                                           “Hey Lefty, what’s the advantage for
“If I didn’t convince them I was going     me in being a wiseguy?”
out of there one way, and that was         Lefty looks at me like I’m the world’s
death. I didn’t want that to happen.”      biggest moron. He gets excited and
                                           jumps out of his chair and starts yelling
He says he was able to get by being        and waving his arms. “What are you,
himself. Pistone grew up in a tough        fucking crazy?” he says, “are you
neighbourhood     where    wiseguys        fucking nuts? When you’re a wiseguy
resided. Although he says he didn’t        you can steal, you can cheat, you can
know much about the mobsters in his        lie, you can kill people – and it’s all
area.                                      legitimate.”

“Not much, they were just guys in          So nobody’s going to pick up Way of                                           07
08
STUDENT LEARNING CENTRE SUPPORT CLASSES FOR SEMESTER 2
          These classes are held every Wednesday in QB5
      TOPIC                                    DATE               TIME
                                                              12:00 – 12:50pm
      Understanding Assignment Questions     14th July
                                                               1:00 – 1:50pm
      Reading – Skimming & Scanning          14th July
                                                              12:00 – 12:50pm
      How to Reference                       21st July
                                                               1:00 – 1:50pm
      Referencing from Electron Sources      21st July
      Taking Notes in Lectures and from                        12 – 12:50pm
                                              28th July
       e tboo s
      Textbooks
                                                               1:00 – 1:50pm
      Paraphrasing                            28th July
                                                              12:00 – 12:50pm
      Writing a Paragraph                    4th August
                                                               1:00 – 1:50pm
      Essay Writing                          4th August
                                                              12:00 – 12:50pm
      Organising Essays and Transitions     11th August
                                                               1:00 – 1:50pm
      How to Write a Report                 11th August
                                                               12 – 12:50pm
      Analysing a Case Study                18th August
                                                               1:00 – 1:50pm
      Writing a Critique                    18th August
                                                              12:00 – 12:50pm
      Editing and Proofreading              25th August
                                                               1:00 – 1:50pm
      Giving a Presentation                 25th August
      How to Design PowerPoint                                12:00 – 12:50pm
                                           8th September
      Presentations
                                                              12:00 – 12:50pm
      Memory Skills for Exams              15th September
                                                               12 – 12:50pm
      Exam Preparation                     22nd September
                                                              12:00 – 12:50pm
      Answering Exam Questions             29th September




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                                                                                09
Brain Teasers                                               One was wearing a red baseball cap. The other was
                                                            wearing a blue baseball cap. The police didn’t know
                                                            which one was the criminal. Luckily, Jake saw the


    1
What’s Next?

Here are three series of letters. Each letter in each
series is the first letter of a word. The words in each
series are related.
                                                            robbery and could tell the police what color hat the
                                                            robber was wearing. Jake’s brother Joe later told their
                                                            sister, Jenny, what happened. “Jake said the robber
                                                            was wearing a red hat,” he said.

                                                            Letter Perfect


                                                                4
What are the next three letters in each series?
    O, T, T, F, F, . . .
    S, M, T, W, . . .                                       Here is a set of letters that makes no sense:
    D, N, O, S, A, . . .
                                                            umboet
Rising Tide

    2
The rope ladder of a boat hangs over the side of the
boat and just reaches the water. Its rungs are 8 inches
apart.
                                                            If you insert a j at the beginning of the set and then
                                                            insert a word space and another j within the set,
                                                            you will get a two-word phrase that is an English
                                                            expression: jumbo jet

How many rungs will be under the water when the             Figure out the letter that, used twice (once after
tide rises 4 feet?                                          a word space), will make a two-word English
                                                            expression out of each of the following sets of letters.



    3
Colorful Crime

Read this story. Then figure out what color hat the
bank robber was wearing. But remember one thing:
one of the brothers always tells the truth, and the other
                                                               erriblewos
                                                               tudykills
                                                               astood
                                                               oubleate
                                                               ogays
always lies — and we don’t know which is which.
After a bank robbery, two guys ran out of the bank.
                                                                            See answers on page 14

U   U   H   O   K   O   W   H   I   T   U   Z   P   Y   F
N
I
    A
    E
        J
        H
            S
            O
                N
                C
                    O
                    S
                        I
                        A
                            N
                            R
                                I
                                B
                                    P
                                    E
                                        O
                                        I
                                            R
                                            N
                                                K
                                                N
                                                    T
                                                    O
                                                        L
                                                        D
                                                                   satellite’s
                                                                    time waster
                                                                    ti      t
V   T   L   E   H   R   W   R   C   M   U   E   L   P   S
E   I   T   E   T   N   U   E   E   F   G   I   L   R   W   AIR GUITAR                 LIFESTYLES
                                                            ASA FORUM                  MUSIC
R   L   B   T   H   O   B   M   I   I   D   R   I   E   E
                                                            BRUNSWICK                  NEWS
S   L   G   R   M   G   I   U   L   V   A   I   H   S   N   CYPRESS HILL               OPINIONS
I   E   D   U   U   N   N   L   T   T   E   M   S   I   O   DEBATE                     OTEHA
T   T   H   E   I   N   E   I   I   L   U   R   S   D   I   DONNIE BRASCO              PRESIDENT
                                                            EVOLUTION                  PRIME MINISTER
Y   A   N   S   B   T   S   U   S   S   E   S   E   E   T
                                                            FUNKY                      RAISING HELEN
W   S   T   G   N   A   G   W   I   I   V   R   R   N   U   HOKOWHITU                  RECREATION
L   E   N   I   B   R   T   C   I   Y   A   M   P   T   L   HUMOUR                     REVIEWS
R   I   N   O   I   T   A   E   R   C   E   R   Y   B   O   INTELLIGENT                SATELLITE
                                                            JOHN BUTLER                UNIVERSITY
K   A   S   A   F   O   R   U   M   Q   K   F   C   Z   V
                                                            KING
L   I   F   E   S   T   Y   L   E   S   Z   Z   A   Z   E
                                                                                                                     11
 VERNON GOD
    LITTLE
Staked out in the Irish mountains, Vernon
God Little author DBC Pierre was living in
a house with no number, on a street with
no name, working on his second book. Life
was peaceful for the guy. Then his book
won the 2003 man Booker Prize for the best
                                                 some way, paying off some of the money, he
                                                 remains remorseful. “You can’t replace the
                                                 past, some people got burnt, and you can’t
                                                 really redeem that in a way.”

                                                 “I’ll always have regrets from that time and
                                                                                                      “I used up all my youth with all types of
                                                                                                      distractions, got into every type of drug and
                                                                                                      all sorts of problems. And didn’t really come
                                                                                                      out of it, I had to sit quietly for ten years to
                                                                                                      rebuild myself.”

English novel of the year.                       maybe that’s what drives the writing, maybe          One of the things that make it so easy to write
                                                 I’m trying to write it out of me, but I’m not        about his fascinating past is his willingness to
The media       turned   up    in   freaking     there yet.”                                          talk about it. He addresses his indiscretions
helicopters.                                                                                          as matter of fact. You can imagine it would
                                                DBC Pierre                                            be painful to speak of some of the incidents,
“Now people stop on the road and take                                                                 but Pierre acknowledges the need to set
pictures of my house which is very weird                                                              the scene for the reader, whether that be in
for a writer. I wake up and wonder if                                                                 a novel or an interview. The author spent
I’ve turned into Britney Spears. It’s very                                                            much of his early days living in Mexico.
strange.”                                                                                             His Father was diagnosed with brain cancer
                                                                                                      when Pierre was 16, and travelled to New
“I’ve been numb all year. That kind of                                                                York with Pierre’s mother for treatment. He
thing doesn’t just sink in. It’s unreal.”                                                             died three years later.

And quite deserving of all the hype is                                                                “He basically left the house and the servants,
Vernon God Little. It’s a hilarious, clever                                                           left all of that to me. Within a week, as a
and tellingly realistic tale of a 15 year old                                                         16 year old, within a week of him leaving,
boy caught up in a high school shooting                                                               all my mates had moved in and we started
he wasn’t responsible for. In a quiet Texas                                                           a party that lasted for probably 12 years.”
town, he finds himself suddenly surrounded
by ravenous media eager for a scapegoat.                                                              “One of my friends, his dad was the president
It’s ironic then, that DBC Pierre is now                                                              of a pharmaceutical company and he brought
in amidst a flurry of media. “My writing                                                               his physicians desk reference, which is sort of
about an idiot who suddenly finds himself                                                              like the yellow pages of drugs.”
in the centre of a media vortex has taken
me to the centre of a media vortex.”                                                                  “We’d just order prescription things by
                                                                                                      phone and he’d show up with a box of
The debut novel had sold 16,000 copies                                                                dexedrine and a carton of Marlboro and
leading up to making the Booker Prize                                                                 we’d stay awake for days and went crazy.
shortlist. By the month after the shortlist,     He’s got a varied CV that screams for feature        We had very powerful cars and we’d go on
it had sold 200,000, he told Paul Holmes         writers to spin all the clichés of rags to riches,   adventures and do mad shit.”
on the Holmes show. Amongst all the              redemption, and a man not quite ready for
attention, his real name, Peter Finlay,          all this exposure. Of course, as a writer, he        “I had a circle of seven mates that I grew
emerged, along with the fact he’s been a         has a nice way with words. This man, decked          up with and only two of them are alive
gambler, cocaine addict, car smuggler,           out in a “Rehab is for quitters” t-shirt under       now. Most of them didn’t make 24 years old
conman and cartoonist. He’s also hundreds        a jacket, is an addictive listen. “It was my         because there was nothing we couldn’t do
of thousands of dollars in debt, although        last throw of the dice, artistically and as a        and because it was Mexico you could buy the
he can now begin to make amends in               person.”                                             law.” “We were literally untouchable. And as



                         DBC PIERRE
                                                Speaks to Dan Trevarthen                                                                        12
a sixteen year old that’s very, very potent stuff      document what they do, it’s very strange.”            comedy it’s only because the boy himself is
to get a grip on and it doesn’t give you a sense                                                             kind of dark and ironic and has humour himself.




 VERNON GOD
of reality,” Pierre says.                              “In the end I couldn’t really drive [Vernon], I       I thought it was quite a sad and bitter and dark
                                                       could just put obstacles ahead of him and see         work myself.”
The nationalisation of Mexico’s economy saw            how he’d respond to them.”
his parents lose all their money stored in the                                                               “They’ve called it a satire and I even argue with
bank. Cue many years of illegal activities.            The title character in the book, Vernon Little,       that because there’s some true facts about the
He owed $70,000 to American painter Robert             comes across as a rare individual of sanity in        setting which Vernon lives in which if I had




    LITTLE
Lenton, whose Spanish house Pierre sold                a world of crazy people. He’s cast in a similar       included them in the novel they would have
without informing him, before pocketing - or,          mould to JD Sallinger’s Catcher in the Rye            been too ridiculous and too implausible.”
to be precise, snorting - the proceeds. Pierre is      protagonist Holden Caulfield, a disaffected
reported to have mailed the first cheque.               youth amazed at the stupidity of those around         One incident he calls to mind concerns a man
                                                       him. Vernon also features an almost unreachable       named Larry White, who was on death row
Despite his background, he’s refreshingly              love interest, with the beautiful Taylor Figueroa     during the 90s. He was famously refused a
normal. Charming, even. He asks if I mind              taking the place of Catcher’s Jane Gallagher.         cigarette on the grounds that it was bad for
him smoking. I say no. “I should also let you          But Vernon Little’s approach to the love interest     his health. And just last year, he tells me,
know I’m a chronic masturbator too,” he jibes.         sums up his skewed outlook. In contrast to the        prosecutors were finally stopped from wearing
How polite. Although he’s Australian-born, his         complex, almost erotophobic Holden Caulfield,          joke ties to death sentence trials. They were
parents, originally from England, appear to            he’s complex to a point, but far more immediate.      showing up with ties featuring images of
have passed down very English self-effacing            He wants to jump Taylor’s bones. He didn’t            swinging nooses or grim reapers.
humour that helps make him extraordinarily             write Vernon’s character with himself in mind,
good company for the 45 minutes I have. DBC            but he’s seen some similarities between himself       “That is such a lurid, caricature thing to do, but
Pierre, the initials standing for “dirty but clean”,   and his creation.                                     if I put it in the novel people would think it’s
is an interviewer’s delight.                                                                                 over the top.”
                                                       “There’s certain wisdom, I’ve brought a lot of
These 45 minutes are part of the last leg of           trouble on others in my life so the dynamic of        “Satire is wrongly attributed… it’s only
the promotional tour. He’s looking forward to          the book is a sense of running and guilt. I have      comic because there’s tragedy running in the
getting home. The novelist has been to the UK,         been able to give him some of the wisdoms that        background.”
Norway, Germany, Mexico, the US, Australia             he comes up with.”
and, finally, New Zealand, to promote his book.                                                               And one can imagine Pierre’s debtors being in a
The tour has everything to do with selling books       And just like in Vernon God Little, DBC Pierre        state of disbelief when he informs them that he
and nothing to do with art and he’s obviously          has had some trouble convincing the media of          can finally begin to repay age-old debts. Pierre
quite tired. He manages to quietly scoff down a        the truth.                                            himself is incredulous towards his astonishing
plate of eggs in between questions.                                                                          change in fortunes. “I’m sure there was some
                                                       The BBC thought the setting of the book, Texas        wishful thinking there when I was writing it.
“You get so knackered that you don’t have any          and Mexico, was exaggerated, so the British TV        Because in the act of writing it I was trying to
original ideas.”                                       channel flew him back to Mexico for the first           come out of the darkness and into the light.”
                                                       time since his Father had died. After hearing that
“I haven’t had a month to sit and savour the           he used to smuggle cars across the border, they
year, but I’ll get that. New Zealand is sort of the    went to the extent of buying a classic American                   Competition
cherry on the cake and after this I’ll go home         car so that they could film Pierre back up to his
and think about the year.”                             old tricks. Pierre describes the experience as
                                                       “a real buzz” and shows me some snapshots             Satellite has three copies of DBC
“It certainly changed the landscape of my              of the car and his mansion. They’re both very         Pierre’s excellent award-winning
future.”                                               nice and very, very expensive looking. The little
                                                       house on the beachfront looks just like you’d
                                                                                                             novel Vernon God Little to give
And he’s already churning out another book.            imagine.                                              away. To go into the draw to
“I’d broken its back going into September of                                                                 win a copy, just tell us the name
last year. I’m hoping when I get back I’ll knock       And with a book that begs comparison to other
it off and start work on the next one.”                works, reviewers have had a categorisation field
                                                                                                             of Vernon Little’s love interest
                                                       day. But where a foot may often have been put         in the book. All correct answers
With 21 books he would like to do, he’s going to       wrong is in the definition of the approach. Many       received before July 23 will go in
have to do better than 18 months each. But he’s        have labelled Vernon God Little a work of satire.
happy to be doing it. After all the jobs that he’s     The back of the book bears the words “A twenty-
                                                                                                             the draw.
done, writing books is what he was meant for.          first century comedy in the presence of death”.
                                                       It’s obviously quite a humorous book, but from
“It’s such an extraordinary odyssey to write a         its commentary can be gleaned a large portion
book, you get so lost in it. I definitely want to       of truth. It’s full of caricatures, admittedly, but
do it again and again and again. It’s like putting     these characters convey accurately a country
out to sea, you just don’t know necessarily            that spawns these kinds of people. That they’re
where you’ve headed but you’re going to reach          all congregated in one place at the same time is
somewhere. It’s very mysterious. You take the          what’s slightly unbelievable, although anything
journey yourself internally and just describe          is possible in America. Pierre is quick to agree.
it.”                                                   He calls it a portrait of the way America tells its
                                                       story through television.
“I thought it would be a very intellectual job but
in fact it’s very emotional, the characters tend to    “When I was writing it I thought it was a photo-
drive the story themselves and you just have to        realistic account of where we live and if it has
                                                                                                                                                         13
brain teaser                                               reation
                                                        Recreation Centre
      answers
S, S, E (for six, seven, eight)
                                               Meal Timing
                                                                    Snack Attack                 Or if you want to be really indulgent snack on
                                               The timing of meals and snacks is important for these low-fat Peanut Brownies any time of the
T, F, S (for Thursday,               Friday,   those of you who regularly exercise and/or are day!
                                               involved in sport.
Saturday)
                                               Before Training                                   ¾ cup plain flour              ¾ cup self raising
J, J, M (for July, June, May)                  Around 45 to 60 minutes before training aim to flour
                                               eat foods rich in carbohydrates. Foods containing ⅔ cup cocoa                             ⅓ cup
When the tide rises 4 feet, the boat and       less protein, fat, and only moderate amounts of peanuts, crushed
its ladder will also rise. So no rungs         fibre decrease the risk of stomach upsets during 1½ cups castor sugar                      1 cup
                                               exercise. Also try to include 300-600mL of fluid natural yoghurt
will be under the water.                       with your pre-training meal.                      1 tsp olive oil                         4 egg
                                               During Training                                   whites
The bank robber was wearing a blue             Aim to keep up your fluid intake. Water is ideal 2½ tsp vanilla essence
hat. Say Jake is the liar and Joe is the       for exercise of less than 60 minutes duration.
truth-teller. That means Jake actually         A sports drink is a good option for exercise of Pre-heat oven to 180˚C. Line a shallow 20 x
                                               greater than 60 minutes, as sports drinks provide 30cm baking pan with tin foil.
did say that the robber was wearing a          carbohydrates and electrolytes as well as fluid.
red hat. But whatever Jake says is false,      After Training                                    Sift flours and cocoa into a large bowl, add
so the robber’s hat was blue.                  Within approximately 30 to 60 minutes following sugar and peanuts, and mix with a wooden
Now let’s say that Joe is the liar and         training, aim to eat a meal or snack providing spoon. Make a well in the centre. In a separate
Jake is the truth-teller. That means that      high carbohydrate (50-100g) and moderate bowl, beat together egg whites, yoghurt, oil, and
                                               protein levels. Your post-training meal or snack vanilla essence, and then add to dry ingredients.
Jake really told his friends that the          is required to restore muscle glycogen, increase Stir until just combined.
robber was wearing a blue hat. And             muscle protein synthesis and repair, and decrease
since Jake always tells the truth, the         muscle protein breakdown. Also ensure you Spread into baking pan with a spatula, and
robber’s hat was, indeed blue.                 drink enough fluid to adequately rehydrate your smooth surface. Bake for 30 minutes or until
                                               body after exercising.                            inserted skewer comes out clean.

The answer is blue — either way.
                                               Try low fat creamed        Keep up your           Try 2-3 muesli or         For a little more
                                                rice as your pre-        fluid intake while       breakfast bars as          protein, try a
    terrible twos                                training snack.            exercising.          your post-training       fruit and yoghurt
    study skills                                                                                       snack.             smoothie as your
    fast food                                                                                                            post-training snack.
    double date
    dog days



 Book now to participate in a study
 group reading The Purpose Driven
 Life by Rick Warren.

 Cost is $15 & includes book &
 refreshments. Meetings will be in SC2,
 Wednesdays 12-1pm, Aug 4, 11, 18,
 25, Sept 8, 15, 22, & 29.

 Open to entire Massey community!

 Register your interest by emailing alb
 chaplains@massey.ac.nz or phoning
 ext. 9224.

 Sponsored by Massey Chaplaincy Services.
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All public are welcome to attend the following       williamchong@hotmail.com                                        Student Assistance
events. Unless stated otherwise Admission is
FREE                                                 Massey Meat Club - masseymeatclub@hotmail.com                       Program
 14th                                                Te Roopu Kapa Haka o Oteha
 July      CHANCELLOR’S SEMINAR
                                                     Rachel.Snowden.1@uni.massey.ac.nz
           SERIES                                                                                                    If you are struggling
                                                     Fight Club - natty@paradise.net.nz
           14th July: Phil Broadhurst – Against
           All Odds – The Life & Music of French     Student Life - yohan.ahn@studentlife.co.nz
                                                                                                                    with funds while stud-
           jazz pianist – Michel Petrucciani.
                                                     Alpine Adventure club - natty@paradise.net.nz
                                                                                                                      ying at Massey. SAP
           An illustrated talk on the French
           jazz pianist and composer with an
                                                     Korean Students Association - seula83@hotmail.com               provides a hardship
           international following whose keyboard
           virtuosity earned him comparisons to
                                                     MICF - (Massey International Christian Fellowship) - popedic        fund for you.
                                                     kthe1st@yahoo.co.nz
           Art Tatum and Bill Evans. Study Centre
           Staff Lounge from 12noon to 1pm. Free     MADSODS
           entry.                                    (Massey @ Albany Drama, Singing, Operatic and Dance
                                                                                                                    For more information




                                                                                                                     s.a.p
                                                     Society) - secretary@madsods.gen.nz
           To Register ph Wilna on 09 4140800                                                                             contact :
           Extn 9228                                                  Classifieds
 14th                                                Conservation Volunteers Needed
 July      e-centre Innovation Open Day              Join “Friends of Three Streams & Kauri Grove Inc” to
                                                     participate in conservation of native bush in Albany.
                                                                                                                        Peter Knight
           An exhibition of e-centre tenant
           innovation & Massey University
                                                     Only $5 for a year. Check out www.threestreams.org.nz
                                                                                                                        Education &
           Product Dev, Robotics &
           Mechatronics Exhibition
                                                     Purpose-driven life
                                                     Book now to participate in a study group reading The
                                                                                                                         Welfare VP
           2pm – 6pm, e-centre, Gate 5, Oaklands
           Rd, Old Albany H’way.
                                                     Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. Cost is $15 &
                                                     includes book & refreshments. Meetings will be in SC2,
                                                                                                                        09 4439750
            Register on-line at www.e-
                                                     Wednesdays 12-1pm, Aug 4, 11, 18, 25, Sept 8, 15, 22,
                                                     & 29. Open to entire Massey community! Register your
                                                                                                                     edwelvp@asa.ac.nz
           centremassey.org.nz, or contact           interest by emailing albchaplains@massey.ac.nz or
           Suzanne Newson (09) 4439791               phoning ext. 9224. Sponsored by Massey Chaplaincy

COMING EVENTS WINTER MUSIC 2004
                                                     Services.
                                                                                                                    or visit www.asa.ac.nz
The Masters & Their Music IV
                                                     New fonefill service
                                                     Fill up your Vodafone mobile at the Atrium office.
                                                                                                                         (look under
‘A Tribute to Duke Ellington’
Saturday 24th July
                                                     Top ups available in $20, $25, $30, $35, $40 and $50
                                                     increments.
                                                                                                                           archives.)
Jazz Workshop Sessions: 10am & 1pm                   Reading this?
Concert Dinner: 6.30pm
Concert: 8pm
                                                     So are others, Satellite classifieds are a free service
                                                     provided for students. Email satellite@satellite.ac.nz
                                                                                                                        Need food???
                                                     with your student ID number to place your ad today.
For information about Winter Music 2004 and costs,   Other interested parties can also place classifieds at a
contact June Clewett                                 nominal charge.
                                                                                                                           Cash???
                                                                                                                               s.a.p.s.a.p
09 4140800 Extn 9553
                                                     Wanted: Tiger sperm
                                                     The London Zoo needs submissions from any of these
 VETERINARY, EQUINE, MEDICAL
 LABORATORY SCIENCES
                                                     big cats: Amur (or Siberian) tiger, Amur leopard and
                                                     Sumatran tiger. If you happen to be one of these animals,
                                                                                                                     Not getting student
 Information Evening – Thurs 29th July Study
                                                     contact the London Zoo. Email: tigerjack@hotmail.com
                                                                                                                        allowance???
 Centre Auditorium, Gate 1, Albany Expressway.
 Attention all Year 11, 12 & 13 students, parents    Write for Satellite you dirty pirate!
 and teachers.                                       People that write for Satellite are awesome, and
                                                     by awesome, I mean totally sweet. We want your                   S.A.P is for you!!
 If you are interested in careers working with       contributions. Get in touch with the editor, Dan. He’s
 animals then this information evening is for        super friendly and promises to be nice: satellite@satel
 you! Academic staff will tell you all you need to   lite.ac.nz or 09 443 9740. If you don’t, robot tigers will
 know about studying any of the animal sciences      maul you!
 including the equine studies degree and the
 veterinary science degree from a NZ university.     Social scene reporter
 No need to register – just come along!              Do you want to report on the Massey social scene?
                                                     Satellite is looking for someone to attend the parties
 Contact Jo Ramsay (College of Sciences)             here at Massey and write biting, sharp critique of the
                                                                                                                               s




 (09) 4140800 extn 9522,                             social scene. Kind of like an About Town for Massey
 email J.Ramsay@massey.ac.nz                         University. Party gossip is fun. satellite@satellite.ac.nz
                                 student news
                              student news     Little Man (a name give to him by
                                               Jennet McDonald at the Graduation
                                                                                          and lots of other cool stuff happening,
                                                                                          so look out for us (The Albany Students’
              e
          Mayn t
                                               Dinner). Well he is the new Deputy         Association - ASA) during reorientation.

     Nick residen
                                               Vice Chancellor, and he is in charge of    Also the bar would be open every night
                                               the Albany Campus. And I must say I        during reorientation, so sit back, kick off

       dent P
                                               am pleased with his ambition for the       your shoes and enjoy the ride. See you in

    Stu                                        campus. He wants to see Albany grow,
                                               and he recognises that to do that we
                                                                                          the next issue, for now, signing off.

                                               need to invest in infrastructure such as   Your Administration VP,
                                               new lecture space, new library space,      Ranjeeta Bhavnani
                                               on site student accommodation, and
                                               best of all a student services centre.
                                                                                                          ght
                                               The discussion forum on the ASA
                                                                                                Pete r Kni fare VP
                                               website (www.asa.ac.nz/forum) is                          Wel
                                               active and alive; and it’s not just Rev           ti on &
                                               and his friends who are posting. One         Educa
                                               of the topics that I would love to hear
Welcome back for another semester of                                                      Hey Peoples, how did
                                               everyone’s opinions on is the Massey
politics, religion, and study. For those of                                               the exams go? All ready
                                               ID cards. Should they have ASA and
you who are new students, welcome to                                                      for another semester?
                                               TWONAM on them or should they
Massey - run now while you still have a                                                   What! I can’t hear
                                               stay the way they are. Another topic
chance. And for those returning students                                                  you. Well I hope you’ll
                                               just for BBS students is whether
I hope you did well in your exams and                                                     had fun over the break and didn’t over
                                               your major should be put on your
enjoyed your break.                                                                       indulge. And for those that are here for
                                               graduation scroll. So let us know
                                                                                          the first time, welcome in, you may
                                               what you think so we can lobby the
Our       new        campaigns      website                                               never leave. Just joking. Any problems,
                                               university on your behalf.
(www.revolt.ac.nz) is up and running. If                                                  just ask someone that’s standing around,
                                                                      ni                  no one bites or at the ASA office in the
                                                                havna
you want any information on anything to
                                                                                          Atrium Building. Well just to get you
do with the student allowance campaign
                                                          eta B
why not visit the site. Even if we don’t             Ranje stration VP                    in the mood we have got more fun stuff
                                                             i                            with Re-Orientation, for more check out
                                                     Admin
have the information on the site put your
question on the discussion forum on the site                                              the website www.asa.ac.nz or it will be
and see if anyone else knows. The site also                                               somewhere in this issue.
has standard letters which you can e-mail to
politicians to let them know your thoughts                                                You can buy tickets at the ASA Atrium
on current policy.                                             Hi Massey, Welcome         office or at the bar on the night. The bar
                                                               back, hope everyone        is that building with the fence around
ASA is currently reviewing our policy. If                      had a great break and      it over at Oteha Roe. If you’re near a
you have anything you should be in our         are now ready for Reorientation.           computer check out www.revolt.ac.nz
policy in terms of political policy or maybe   For all those new comers, welcome          for what we’re doing on this whole mess
even an organisational policy why not drop     to Massey University, feel free to         the Govt calls the Student Allowance.
me an e-mail and let me know. My e-mail        contact your students’ association if      We have some big ideas on what we can
address is president@asa.ac.nz If you want     you need any help or information, we       do about changing the minds of Aunty
to read current policy you can view it on      are located in the Atrium Building on      Helen and Co to give us a better go at
our main website (www.asa.ac.nz) in the        level one, A1.27, on the main campus       studying.
archives.                                      and in building 90 on the Oteha Rohe
                                               campus, or you can email me on             As always if you have any problem,
Some of you may have noticed the new guy       avp@asa.ac.nz We have free diaries,        and I mean any, email me at
working out of the old principal’s office       pamphlets and other give a ways to         edwelvp@asa.ac.nz Let the fun and
in the Study Centre. The short dark haired     hand out, various day time and night       games begin.
guy who has earned the nickname the Cute       time events being held on campus,
                                                                                                                               16
                                                Healthy Lifestyles Week
                                                   Don’t miss out on the combined Health &
                   nor                          Counselling & Recreations Centre’s Annual Event &
           e i - An Officer
     Joe Os reation
                                                             once in a lifetime offers!!
              ec
  Sports & R                                          Stalls & Giveaways & Static Displays

Hey all semester two is upon us. Hope            Check out all your CPR skills on the Mannequins
you had a great break.

ASA has so much for you to get involved
in especially for first year students now                          Competitions
that you know what the academic side                        Fat Kit & Nutrition Advice
is all about. Resolve to do your best                             Soup Kitchen
academically first then take the time to
add a bit of fun to the mix. Start with
                                                                 Geddes Dental
reorientation events at evolution.                           Auckland Sexual Health
                                                                Weight Watchers
The new rec centre is now open and                                  Free Food
pumping. I have been using it over the
holidays and I think it’s a great asset
for the campus. Go for a workout or get
                                                    don‘t miss out
                                                                 NZ Blood Service
into the sports. Go for it. Its Olympic
year after all so get in the olympic citius,              (See what your Blood Group is)
altius, fortius, spirit. On that note healthy                     Quit Smoking
lifestyle week is next week with a range                   Drugs & Alcohol Information
of thing for you to get involved with like
competitions free food, blood pressure
                                                                Peak Flow Reading
checks, rec centre have a go vouchers. As                     Blood Pressure Checks
well as information to help you take care
of yourself like drug and alcohol advice,                 Albany Pharmacy will provide:
sexual health, nutritional advice. Did I say    Zinc Testing, Vitamin C Tests, Protein Bars Testing
free food?
                                                                 & Vitamin Testing
Make the most of this semester. You only
get one chance at it. Make it a semester to         Recreation Centre – Have-A-Go Vouchers!!
remember. See you.
                                                   Ceroc Dance Demo with FREE class!!


                                                                19th-23rd July
                                                                Noon – 2.00pm
                                                                    Atrium



                       www.asa.ac.nz/forum

                                                                                                   17
                                                                           For those
                                         about to air rock...
                                     we salute you
                                     By Kelly Schischka

                                     Satellite special reporter Kelly Schischka           impromptu performances from people in the crowd
                                                                                          for $10 bar tabs; Nick and Rog from radio station
                     Daizy Vicious




                                     checks out the New Zealand air guitar
                                     championship and finds there’s more to                The Rock were co-MCs, and Jono even came on
                                                                                          half-way through to have a passport, an English guy
                                     rock and roll than meets the eye.
                                                                                          and a packet of chips stapled to his ass (I’ve never
                                                                                          seen this done before, and was amazed at how well
                                      The ancient art of air-guitar was being English guys stay on asses when stapled).
                                      showcased at the dirty old Poenamu, so me and
                                      some friends from Wellington decided to go for The first round was an open round, contestants had
  The Tarkness




                                                                                             air
                                      a laugh, but it turns out it was the best time I’ve chosen their own song and performed for about 45
                                      had since the mighty Retro Night. There were seconds to a minute, and there was a very memorable
                                      eight contestants from all over New Zealand; show from ‘Bradley Boy Holmes’, wearing nothing
                                     all vying for                                                                      but a long, well-
                                     the chance                                                                         placed sock. He
                                     to represent          “I really recommend going to the finals next                  was     very     much
                                     our       fine                                                                      from       Hamiltron,
                                                         year, it’s as rock and roll as throwing a TV out
                                     country in                                                                         and is probably
                                     Finland                              of a hotel window.”
                                                                                                                        responsible for the
                                     (maybe the                                                                         STD problem there.
                                     air-guitar capital?), all hoping to go on from All the tricks were pulled out, air guitars being
                                     there to command the respect of the world.            played upside down, on the ground, with teeth and
Bradley Boy Holmes




                                                                                           feet and behind the head. The second round was a
                                     The contestants, ‘Young Davo’                         compulsory song round, a piece from ‘Motherfucker
                                     (Auckland), ‘Bradley Boy Holmes’ (H-Town), from Hell’ by Kiwi boys The Datsuns was chosen,
                                     ‘The Tarkness’ (Tauranga), ‘International and the contestants were told this about ten minutes
                                     Terrorist’ (The ‘Naki), ‘Ivor Biggun’ (Welly), before they went on for another minute show. The
                                     ‘Furious Fingers’ (Invercargill), Andrew ‘The guys were hot, the girl was hot, but there must be
                                     Axe’ Gouldie from Christchurch and a lovely only one to take the prestigious title and the plane
                                     lady from South Auckland called ‘Daizy ticket to Finland, and in the end ‘The Tarkness’
                                     Vicious’ all possessed world-class talent and (AKA Tarquin Keys or The Tarkinator) took home
                                     performed their little hearts out. They were the trophy.
                                     judged on showmanship (charisma, originality,
                                     artistic impression) and technique (chord and This was such a rad night. It had all the mania of
                                     strum syncronisation); air roadies were allowed NZ idol, but with more talent and beer and less
                                     and were used to their full potential.                flaming dickheads. I’m not sure if the Air Guitar
                                                                                           World Champs are being broadcast over here, but
                                     It was a really wicked rumbling loud night; they’re on in August so keep an ear out for how
                                     there was heaps of excitement buzzing through ‘The Tarkness’ does. I really recommend going to
 Ivor Biggun




                                     the medium-sized audience, some of who came the finals next year, it’s as rock and roll as throwing
                                     from as far away as Invercargill. There were a TV out of a hotel window.


                                                                                                                                        18
                                                                                                                                        18
                            First, check the rules
The Air Guitar World Championships any way he/she desires.                                    The citizens of countries where no official
                                                                                              qualifying competitions are arranged
and all the qualifying competitions An Air Guitar player may use a real pick or
                                                                                              can enter the qualifying competition
organised within its authority will play by strumming or finger picking.
                                                                                              arranged in Oulu by sending in an entry
comply with the following rules:                                                              form and paying an annually determined
                                              7. Judges
                                              The jury of the Air Guitar World                participation fee by an announced deadline
1. The instrument of an Air Guitar player                                                     date. On the basis of the qualifying
must be invisible, i.e. air.                  Championships is selected by the Board
                                              of the Oulu Music Video Festival. The           competition in Oulu, 12-20 best Air Guitar
                                              organizers give the following directions to     players get to participate in the final of the
2. An Air Guitarist may play an electric                                                      World Championships.
guitar or an acoustic one - or both.          the judges before they begin their work:
                                              Criteria for evaluation: originality, the
                                              ability to be taken over by the music, stage    The competitors take part in the
3. Each competitor must participate in a
qualifying round (excluding the Champion      charisma, technique, artistic impression and    competition at their own risk.
of the previous year and the winners of       airness. The performances are scored with
                                              the figure skating scoring method, i.e. the      9. National qualifying competitions
official qualifying countries, who have
                                              judges give points on a scale from 4.0 to       There can only be one official national
direct access to the final) to compete for a
                                              6.0. The scores from the judges are added       qualifying competition per country. This
place in the final.
                                              together and the person with the most points    status is granted by the Oulu Music Video
                                              wins. If two or more competitors reach the      Festival through an agreement with the
4. The winner of the previous year has direct
                                              same points, these competitors will take        organiser. The national competitions may
access to the final, should he/she wish to
                                              part in a replay round for which they will      include qualifying rounds for example in
defend the Championship title.
                                              receive a new score.                            different states. The winners of national
In the qualifying competition the competitors
                                              The jury evaluates the competitors              competitions are guaranteed direct




     guitar
perform a one-minute-long song of their
                                              according to their own judgment and taste.      access to the final of the Air Guitar World
own choice. The judges select the best
                                              The decisions of the jury are final.             Championships without qualifying. The
competitors from the qualifying competition
                                                                                              body organising the national competition
into the final, so that a total of 12-20 Air
                                                                                              commits to honouring the ideology of
Guitar players play in the final (including 8. Participation
                                                                                              the Air 21. Guitar World Championships
the previous Champion and winners of Participation in the Air Guitar World
                                               Championships is open to the citizens of all   along with this declaration as well as
national qualifying competitions).
                                               countries. If an official national qualifying   spreading it in its own competitions.
5. In the final the competitors perform two competition is arranged in the Air Guitar
                                               player’s home country, the competitor must     10. Prizes
one-minute rounds:
                                                                                              The main prize of the Air Guitar World
- Compulsory song (1 minute), which is the participate in it.
                                                                                              Championships is a genuine electric
same for all the competitors and which the The organisers of the official national
                                                                                              guitar.
competitors will not hear until right before qualifying competitions will pay for the
the final.                                      winner of the competition to travel to
                                                                                              11. The obligations of the World
- Song of own choice (1 minute). The Oulu and represent his/her country in the
                                                                                              Champion The Air Guitar World
competitors must bring their personally Air Guitar World Championships. The
                                                                                              Champion selected annually in Oulu must
selected song with them on a CD. The winners of the official national qualifying
                                                                                              carry the joyful tidings of the Air Guitar
competitor may edit the song beforehand so competitions have direct access to the final
                                                                                              forward and thus promote world peace.
that it lasts one minute, or alternatively let of the Air Guitar World Championships,
the organisers know the point from which to i.e. they do not participate in the qualifying
start playing the song.                        arranged in Oulu.                              Rules from www.omvf.net/2004/
                                                                                              ilmakitara.php
6. Personal Air
Roadies are
allowed.
Backing groups -
real or Air Groups
- are not allowed.
The dress code
for an Air Guitar
player is free and
he/she may use
additional props in                                                                                                                  19
Elephant
             satellite reviews
            satellite reviews
                                              Elephant will hit you with a shotgun slug
                                              to the heart.
                                                                                            touch your emotions on many levels, and
                                                                                            leaves you thinking outside the square of
Director: Gus Van Sant                                                                      your normal perimeters. I suggest you put
Reviewer: Dan Trevarthen                                                                    aside a box of tissues and a whole day
                                                                                            before you get comfortable; you won’t be
                                              A Beggar At The Gate                          able to put it down!
Starring: Eric Deulen, Alex Frost,
                                              Author: Thalassa Ali
John Robinson, Timothy Bottoms, Elias
                                              Reviewer: CJ Clarke
McConnell and Matt Malloy                                                                   Raising Helen
                Rating: 4/5                                  Rating: 4.5/5                  Director: Garry Marshall
                                                                                            Reviewer: Vanessa Evetts
                                              Superbly written, easy to read novel laden
                                              with 19th Century history spreading from
                                                                                            Cast: Kate Hudson, John Corbett, Joan
                                              Calcutta in East India, across to Lahore
                                                                                            Cusack
                                              within the border of Pakistan and up to
                                              Kabul, in Afghanistan. To imagine the
                                                                                                            Rating: 4/5
                                              courage and strength of character to tackle
                                              this journey on foot, with camels, horses
                                                                                            For starters Kate Hudson looks absolutely
                                              and unknown foes sets an exhilarating
                                                                                            stunning! Her character Helen is an up
Haunting and poignant, Elephant is a          scene. Ali’s writing style manages to
                                                                                            and coming assistant in a very high profile
true cinema experience. The setting is a      tantalize your senses and emotions with
                                                                                            modelling agency. Her wild lifestyle, love
peaceful looking school, underlined by a      vitality and culture. Courtyard proprieties
                                                                                            affairs and career are put on hold after
melancholy score and slow narrative. The      and overwhelming indecencies offer a
                                                                                            she loses her sister and brother in law in
viewer is there as an observer, sometimes     diverse view of two religions and multi-
                                                                                            a horrific car accident. (Being that I am a
to agonising lengths. Activities such as      culture in another era.
                                                                                            self confessed sook I was choking back
walking from the field into a classroom
                                                                                            the tears here!) But the biggest shock is
sometimes occur in real time.                 Inspirational, heartwrenching, and soul
                                                                                            yet to come. Her sister’s three children
                                              searching! This is the story of a young
                                                                                            aged 15, 10, and 5 have been left in her
But there’s a method to this slow madness.    English woman who lost her heart first
                                                                                            care.
It serves to build huge anticipation,         to the Muslim three old son of a monarch
particularly since most viewers will          of Lahore, and then to his father. She
                                                                                            This is a beautiful film. From the




      es
                                    bout to   married in haste, followed by a two-year
                                              m
                                                                                            beginnings of a new romance - not too
                            tting. Y
                              ing
happen to this serene setting. You will       st
                                              struggle between her English family




    vi
                                                                                            illicit being that her new beau (John
                   ng whe ell
sit there wondering when hell is going to      nd
                                              and Christian mores, and the pull of her
                                                                                            Corbett) is a pastor and principal at the




   o
           se, me       e
break loose, meanwhile the edge of your       hear to all things Eastern. Gossip makes
                                              heaart
                                                                                            kids new Lutheran school (who in his own
 eat
seat is getting a good workout. Echoing       h
                                              he
                                              her an outcast with her own people and
                                                                                            words is a “sexy man of God and knows




  m
        ps
footsteps are false alarms and the first       differences of culture make her a foreigner
                                                                                            it”), to the semi-realistic transformation
                          int
                          interru
shot of the killers is interrupted by a       in a land she continually felt drawn to.
                                                                                            from successful funky aunt to a mother of
 witch          viewpoint of several other
                viewpoi
switch to the viewp
                                                                                            three not afraid to hear ‘I hate you’ from
   aracters. Th
             The
characters. T multiple plot lines are put     A refreshing look at the ethnicity of
                                                                                            her new 15 year old ‘daughter’.
 ogeth
  ge
together slightly obliquely at times, and     Muslims that portrays an informative
the result is more challenging than the       and receptive view of a culture that is not
                                                                                            This film is undeniably a chick flick, and
slightly more conventional multiple plot      widely accepted by the West. Well worth
                                                                                            I admit it is probably a love it/hate it film,
devices of Pulp Fiction, for example.         a read to get a more balanced perspective
                                                                                            but I thoroughly enjoyed it. Well worth
The camera work is beautiful, with a lot      and a heart for a completely different way
                                                                                            a viewing, but probably on video… big
of stylistic focus changes and interesting    of life. Ali has done well showing insight
                                                                                            screen is not a necessity.
cuts. The actors, mostly inexperienced,       into the emotions of cultural diversity
have a delightfully untarnished air about     without diminishing any of the characters
them – this is America’s youth.               in the story.

When the    shooters begin their rampage,     There was only one reason this novel
it’s hard   not to feel somehow sorry         has not been given 5/5...and you will no
for them.   They’re so screwed up, yet        doubt find that out! A real page-turner,
painfully   normal for kids their age.        especially for women, Ali is well able to
          satellite reviews
        satellite reviews
Chapter and Verse
Author: Colin Bateman
                                                 slams the American way for what it really
                                                 is, and yes, we have this in New Zealand
                                                 too. Read it and feel the fear.
                                                                                               John Butler Trio
                                                                                               Sunrise over Sea
Reviewer: Dan Trevarthen                                                                       Reviewer: Sean Dillon

                 Rating: 3/5
                                                 The Kid
                                            Author: Kevin Lewis
Chapter and Verse is a novel about a Genre: Autobiography
struggling novelist faced with the changing Reviewer: Michelle Vollemaere
times and tastes of readers. Main character
Ivan Conner is a good writer, but his books                     Rating: 4/5
sell tiny amounts compared to those of
marketable romance writer Francesca              This book bothered me. Deeply. It raised
Brady. Thankfully Colin Bateman’s story          more questions than it answered and
is neither boring nor overly lightweight.        left me with lingering feelings of guilt
Admittedly, publishing sounds like a boring      and sadness about a futile world where
subject, but Bateman’s wit and plot twists       children, and their parents, are abandoned
make this entertaining stuff. This isn’t the     in an inescapable cycle of poverty,
deep literary work of the protagonist, this is   ignorance and violence.                                      Rating: 3.75/5
a fun fling of romance and humour, closer         Kevin Lewis’ frank recollection of his
to the description of Francesca Brady’s          brutal childhood on a London council-         Armed with an 11-string guitar, a group of
books. Twists and turns abound and it’s          estate in the 1970s, and his lonely           double bass, djembe, darambukka, conga,
hard to put this down. Despite all the good      adolescent struggle to succeed despite        and tikky tak electric guitar wielding
laughs and accessible writing, Chapter and       the odds makes for compelling and             musicians, and a brain full of hippy earth-
                                                                                               loving lyrics, John Butler has released the



              literature
Verse is but a fling, and won’t stick in your
                         w                           c
                                                 discomforting reading.
mind past nex week.
              xt                                 Living in squalor and chaos; openly hated
                                                                         cha                   ultimate winter girlfriend album.
                                                   y                       ly
                                                 by his mother; regularl and viciously
                                                 beaten from an early age; verbally abused;
                                                                       age                     The album’s sound screams Ben Harper in
         f Fear
Kingdom of F                                     starved; unloved; unwashed and unhealthy.     my book but his lyrics are far more focused
                                                 Home life is intolerably stressful and        on respect, especially towards yourself,
Hunter S Thompson                                                                              friends, family and mother earth. Oh
                                                 school offers no respite.
Reviewer: Peter Knight                           Some life-saving time spent in the care of    yeah, did I mention mother earth? These
                                                 Social Services gives him some experience     guys give the words “dirty hippy” new
                 Rating 4/5                                                                    meaning, and with basically every song
                                                 of normality and the inspiration to achieve
                                                 a better life.                                on this album somehow relating to saving
Once again Hunter gives us a book that                                                         the planet (that’s what I think anyway) this
                                                 The story is full of gaps in detail and
is living on the edge, with a dialogue that                                                    puppy will have you hugging trees in no
                                                 chronology and is, of course, a one-sided
pulls you into a world like no other, Hunter                                                   time. I especially dig the song Old Man,
                                                 version of events. It’s worth remembering
S Thompson’s mind. Sex, drugs and rock                                                         and with its powerful guitar solos I could
                                                 this is an autobiographical account written
n roll is an understatement - add bikes,                                                       imagine dancing in front of the fire with a
                                                 from the memory of an abused child and
crazed trips and the law and we’re getting                                                     winter girlfriend for hours of happiness to
                                                 not a finely crafted tale by an experienced
close. “It may be that every culture needs an                                                  that one.
                                                 novelist. Despite all this, Lewis writes
Outlaw god of some kind, and maybe this
                                                 well. The text and imagery are tight and
time around I’m it”. A man that has taken                                                      Overall it’s a pretty solid effort from Mr
                                                 compelling. So realistically are the scenes
more LSD-25 than Timothy Leroy knew                                                            Butler and his posse. The diversity in his
                                                 drawn that many times I wanted to reach
existed knows the kingdom of fear. This is                                                     songs show some extreme talent but I
                                                 into the pages and pluck this small boy to
the life story of an insane hedonist, which                                                    guess it’s the type of album that you love or
leaves many in awe. Not because they are         safety.
                                                                                               hate so if you’re into the lyrical violence of




                                                 music
jealous, they just don’t know how he has                                                       Eminem or the images of Marilyn Manson
survived, let alone remained so precise of                                                     on stilts, getting this album ain’t gonna be
mind. Anyone that has ingested acid knows                                                      doing you no favours. But if you’re into
the risk of never coming back and yet HST                                                      Ben Harper, Donavon Frankenreiter or
seems never to have gone in the first place.                                                    simply the freedom of growing armpit hair,
With a viewpoint on life that is so clear,                                                     this my friend - is an album for you. Power
HST tells us of the injustice that befalls                                                     to the peaceful.
many and how nothing is done about it. He
                                                                                                                                       21
    letters the editor
letters toto theeditor
Anti Protesting                             the fifty that turned up at the protest        although I was certainly not a saint I
                                            they had the time or made the time to         have seen his many blessings, hence
Dear editor,                                make their stand.                             why I believe.
Yeah I agree with that guy that wrote
                                            The demands of the current system             Back to the point though... Nick
last time, kinda. I do however, think
                                            means that more students have to              Mayne. I am not proud that I do not
that he’s wrong to say that students
                                            work as well as study which puts more         talk about God... how many seeds have
think that a universal allowance is a
                                            pressure on quality education and             I planted for the Kingdom? Probably
silly thing, because it’s not. It would
                                            time. I have been approached by many          not too many. I love helping people, I
be cool. Is it going to happen? Not
                                            students since that want to attend the        love having fun, and I love living life,
a chance. I think that’s why students
                                            next protest. I fear you have made an         but evangelism is just not for me.
don’t protest, just because it’s not a
very good use of time.                      assumption based on your own beliefs.         But in saying that I don’t believe that
                                            Is it a silly idea to have an Allowance       Nick has been pushing his faith on
I do have way better things to do then      available to all domestic students            anybody. He is just being honest about
protest for something that’s never          regardless of age?                            who he is. We need that in our society.
going to happen. The exec should set                                                      We need people (especially politicians
a realistic goal and then maybe people      Peter Knight, Education & Welfare             - however big or small) to stand up for
would come.                                 Vice President                                what they believe in. Too many people
                                                                                          sit back and just let things happen
Ben                                                                                       thinking they could not possibly make
                                            Proud of Faith
                                                                                          a difference.
Response to Issue 8                         Almost every issue I have been sitting
                                            back reading the frequent arguments           Well I am glad that people of our
Protest Letter
                                            about whether Nick Mayne (AKA                 generation are not afraid to face a bit of
                                            Student President) should be telling          rejection to be strong and honest about
Dear Anadelonbrin,
                                            people of his faith or not. And it has        their faith. Good on you Nick.
In response to your letter “Not
interested in Protesting” and your          caused me to think of my own faith.
                                                                                          People like me don’t come out of the
misconstrued logic, I know for a            I guess you could say I am also a
                                                                                          woodwork very often but we are here
fact that a vast majority of domestic       ‘Christian’, although I don’t put much
                                                                                          and we do appreciate your honesty.
students agree with “A Living               weight on labels. I absolutely believe
Allowance for All”. I have spent huge       in God and Jesus as his son, and have         I guarantee if the student president
amounts of time talking to the students     faith that he is guiding me through this      was advocating sex or alcohol in his
about what concerns them the most and       life.                                         columns it would not even be an issue.
one of these is the increasing number
                                            I also believe that I have a purpose. I       VIE
of students forced to get a loan to cover
                                            am not just here on this earth to wander
rent and food costs. Of the International
                                            around aimlessly just living day to day
Students they know little of the issue,
                                            with no idea of what I am here for. I am      Harrassed over beliefs
but once the time has been taken to
                                            here for a reason; I was created for a
explain the issues to those interested,
                                            reason. I refuse to believe that there is     Dear members of the Albany Students’
once again they agree.
                                            no purpose to life, it is far too precious.   Association Inc
                                            But in saying that, I am certainly not an
I have spent a year and a half now in
                                            evangelist. As much as I believe in God       As many of you will be aware, there
the ASA and have been the one that
                                            in my own life I find it really difficult to    have been many discussions recently
collects most of the signatures for the
                                            talk about him to other people.               about my Christianity and whether I
petitions and protest cards. Of all the
students I have spoken to only about                                                      have acted appropriately as President
                                            I guess there is an underlying fear of
five (that’s right five) domestic students                                                  of the ASA. These comments have
                                            rejection. People often have negative
have disagreed with the concept. That’s                                                   been fielded in this magazine and on
                                            reactions to hearing about God, I was
five out of thousands that disagree, of                                                    the ASA website forum. They were
                                            brought up in a Christian home and
started by one student going by the Cheers,
pseudonym “the Disappointed Atheist” Piratecore                                   LETTER OF
but have since included comments
from several other students.             No, girls don’t actually talk to me,
                                         perhaps you could ask the exec for
                                                                                  THE ISSUE
Personally, I feel none of this advice. Or your Mum. Or the guy at              Editor pushing buttons
discussion has been conducted in a the dairy. Optimus Prime has given
constructive manner; however I have advice before but he doesn’t appear         Hey Danny Boy,
done nothing to stop it as I feel you to be in the office this week. No
                                                                                I’ve been getting your magazine
should be entitled to publicly criticise seriously, here’s some advice. Grow
me as an elected official. However, a Magnum PI-styled moustache.
                                                                                through work, and you’re doing
now things have gone too far. Many Seriously, that would be totally sweet.      a really good job! It’s SO much
of the recent comments have been in a If you have a sweet mo, you don’t         better than stupid Debate (AUT
form that is both harassment and libel. need women, the whole freaking          mag). And your photo always
In addition I have received testimony world is at your feet - Dan               looks so hot!
from Islamic students who have been                                             Nic
coerced into signing a petition for a
motion of no-confidence in me based                                              You rule - Dan
on the allegation that I oppose an          WINnext issueWIN
Islamic prayer space.

I am highly disappointed with the
action of the students who have
conducted themselves in this manner,
and I would like to plead with them
to stop. Your actions are not helping
anyone. Please, by all means, go ahead
with your motion of no-confidence in
me, but keep your comments truthful.                                             Congratulations, you have
In fact, I look forward to your motion                                          won yourself the His ‘n’ Hers
as we will finally be able to resolve this                                        book promotion including:
issue one way or another. I would also
ask that you stop harassing me about
                                                                                 Kyle Millls - Storming Heaven
this on the ASA forum.
                                                                                  Fiona Walker - Lots of Love
Finally I would like to make a public
declaration that although I have                                                     Please collect from:
been hurt by the comments of these
students; I do not want to hold any                                                    Satellite Office
animosity towards these students. I           Best letter to the editor next         Building 90, Gate 5
forgive you for your actions but ask                   issue wins:                      Old Campus
you to please stop.
                                                 A Million Little Pieces         Or if you are not on campus
Nicholas Mayne                                      by James Frey.              flick us a line and we will send
                                                                                       them out to you.
Advice: How do I get a girl?                Satellite has two copies to give
                                            away.                                        09 443 9750
Hey editor,
I’m hoping to get some mack at              This book was reviewed last is-
orientation. 48May are a “pretty-           sue. Well worth a read, so get        Have your say, email
boy” band so there should be some
hot mamas there. You seem to obsess
                                            writing!!                            satellite@satellite.ac.nz
about girls a lot. Can you give me any
advice? (aside from growing an afro         For a chance to win another
like yourself, ya bloody gollywog)          great book see page 12-13.                                       23