Tina Fey to Speak at MMC by xwj18813

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            IN THIS ISSUE: NEW COMM CLASS,PAGE 3; MADOFF UPADTES, PAGE 5




MARYMOUNT MANHATTAN COLLEGE’S STUDENT NEWSPAPER                                                                VOLUME 12, ISSUE 12, APRIL 2009

Tina Fey to Speak at MMC
   Jessica Bennett                 recession it may be difficult to    this April. Members of both
                                   find work, or like us under-        Nutz ‘n Boltz as well as
    MMC has had the great          classmen, are considering           MMC’s sketch comedy
fortune to have had some           switching majors,” said             group, Poptards are ecstatic.
excellent guest speakers in        Campbell.                           Member and freshman Alex
years past. Mary Higgins               “My aunt is all about the       Edelman shares his excite-
Clark, Walter Mosley, and          arts and when I told her that,      ment.
arguably at the peak of notori-    she offered to come speak               “I still can’t believe it.
ety among them all, Sen.           some words of encourage-            She is one of those people
Hillary Clinton at the 2005        ment to the student body.”          that made me pursue comedy.
commencement ceremony.                 In addition to encouraging      It was Richard Pryor, George
    Well, as fate would have it,   MMC students to continue            Carlin and Tiny Fey!”
MMC will soon be adding            pursuing their dreams, she              He continued “I’m doing
another important name to          will also bring news of audi-       improv with her too? This is
that roster; SNL and 30            tions for SNL. Jazmine elab-        unreal!!!”
Rock’s very own Tina Fey!          orates, “She’s still a writer for       Yes, it certainly seems so.
    The 6 time Emmy winner         SNL, and said if any actors         It’s hard to grasp but Tina Fey
was SNL’s first female head        are interested they should          herself will be speaking at
writer and has written, co-pro-    bring their headshots, resume,      MMC and performing with
duced and starred in such          maybe even some written             your fellow students within
films as “Mean Girls” and          sketches and she’ll have some       the next month. Fey has not
“Baby Mama.”                       people review them here on          picked a date as of yet, as her
    How did this happen? As        campus.”                            schedule is ridiculously full.
it turns out, Fey has a niece in       It all sounds too good to be    She has confirmed via
attendance,         sophomore      true, but believe it of not Mrs.    Twitter however that she will
Jazmine Campbell. Jazmine          Fey has one more surprise for       surely be here. This is a
explains how she convinced         the mighty griffins. She will       woman some people would
Aunt Tina to pay a visit.          join MMC’s very own Nutz ‘n         kill to meet, but I guess
    “I told her that my school     Boltz improv troupe for their       MMC students are just                                                                          AP
was full of actors, many of        next performance. It will be        spoiled like that.



Two Additional Elevators to be Included in the Master Blueprint
whom feel that because of this     held in the Regina Peruggi




                                                      Everyone knows how much of a hassle
   Danielle Desmond                months,                                                                             at school can      ond elevator will be construct-
                                   students                                                                            be”         said   ed near the other ones in the


                                                       the elevators at school can be. .
    In addition to the construc-   will    be                                                                          Junior Ella        black and white hall.
tion of “The Commons,” a last      able    to                                                                          Vader,         a      Bill Lowney, a member of
minute installation in the 2006    enjoy less                                                                          dance major.       the board of trustees said “We


                                                                        -Ashley Temple
Master Blueprint will allow        crowded                                                                                 One eleva-     are extremely excited for this
for two new elevators to oper-     elevators                                                                           tor is intended    addition to the college. This is
ate in the both the Main and       and short-                                                                          to be installed    an improvement that has been
Nugent buildings.                  er    wait                                                                          where the cur-     discussed, but pushed off for
    With two additional eleva-     time.                                                                               rent security      some time now.
tors being incorporated in the        Many students can be             on time because of the eleva-
school-wide construction tak-      heard among the halls com-          tors. “Everyone knows how         desk is on the 72nd street          Continued on page 2
ing place over the next several    plaining about getting to class     much of a hassle the elevators    entrance of Nugent. The sec-


     NEWS IN BRIEF, PAGE 3; OSAMA LEAKS SELF, PAGE 5; PERSONALS, PAGE 12
PAGE 2                                                                      THE MONITOR                                                            APRIL 2009

                                       Dear Readers,
 The Monitor
                                       As the semester comes to a close, a sigh of relief can be heard school-wide. Therefore, The Monitor wanted to do
    Staff                              something special for all of its avid readers. We know it is the middle of April already, but we also wanted to be
                                       sure to bring you an issue filled with information and facts so that you might take them with you throughout the
     EDITOR IN CHIEF                   rest of the semester—April Fools!
        Kat Piracha

   MANAGING EDITOR                     On a serious note, be sure to look through the stories in this issue with care and consideration and, as always, send
      Abigail Lacey                    in your thoughts, questions and concerns so The Monitor can continue to produce quality work for those who have
                                       been so supportive to us.
   FEATURES EDITOR
      Jessi Ballard
                                       Yours Truly,
   EDITORIAL EDITOR                    The Editors of The Monitor
    Kelly M. McInerney




                                       Elevators to Come Influenced Mother
 CONTRIBUTING EDITOR
     Jessica Bennett




                                                         Lets Twelve Year Old
      PRODUCTION
         MANAGER
   Jessica “JD” Dragonetti




                                                         Drive
                                          Continued from page 1       school because elevators
      PHOTO EDITOR                                                    here are always crowded
     Stephanie Makowski
                                           The MMC community          and take forever to
                                       is expanding and growing       arrive,” said sophomore
CONTRIBUTING WRITERS                   rapidly. We believe it is      Liz Onnia.
                                       exceedingly necessary for         Freshman Ben Spitz, a       Danielle Desmond                 manage to drive herself to
  Zachary “ZD” Dragonetti
                                                                                                                                      talk to police after the com-
       Annie Vaccari                   the students and staff to      theatre major said “It will       A Montana woman is fac-       plaint was made.
      Zachary Morris                   be able move about cam-        make going to and from         ing misdemeanor changes             Parenteau was charged
     Michael Wheeler
                                       pus quicker and more           class a lot less stressful.”   for letting her 12-year-old      with four counts of endan-
                                       efficiently.”                     The elevators are           daughter drive her three         gering the welfare of chil-
      STAFF ADVISOR
                                           The elevator construc-     expected to be installed       younger siblings from Sun        dren and one count of allow-
        Chris Mosier
                                       tion will not affect current   along with the rest of the     Prairie to a day care facility   ing an unauthorized minor to
                                                                                                     about five miles away in         operate a motor vehicle, all
                                       student and staff traffic      construction when stu-         Great Falls. The drive was       misdemeanors.
                                       for the current spring         dents arrive for orienta-      about five miles each way.          The three younger sib-
                                       semester. Students are         tion and the fall 2009            Police were alerted by day    lings range from one to four
                                       saying nothing but good        semester.                      care employees who saw the       years of age. It has not been
                                       things about the proposed         “The elevators will         pre-teen girl drive up to the    said what kind of medication
                                       added-extras.                  help ease heavy student        day care. Angela Parenteau,      Parenteau was on or what her
                                           “I am so happy that        and faculty traffic, espe-     32, told police she didn’t       sickness was. Family servic-
                                                                                                     want to take the kids herself    es officials within the state
 The Monitor is the student            more elevators are com-        cially during the rush         because she was sick and on      were notified.




                                                                      Manhattan Magic Presents:
 newspaper of Marymount                ing to Marymount. I think      hours of the day”, said        medication.
 Manhattan College.                    it will be great for our       Lowney.                           However, She did drive
 It is published bi-monthly from
 September to May, with the




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APRIL 2009                                                                 NEWS                                                                           PAGE 3

                                                                Facebook Course offered from
  NEWS IN BRIEF                                                 Communications Department
                                                                   Kat Piracha                                     but as a person who’s interned for a company
 Local                                                                                                             that has an official MySpace page, I understand
 Whoever Said Politicians got Special Treatment                    In an effort to stay on top of the validity behind it at the same time,” said
                                                                Communication in an increasingly technologi- Senior and Communications major Jenny
  State Assemblyman Greg Ball R-Patterson
                                                                cal world the Communications department has Douw.
  woke up to a dead goat outside his Putnam
                                                                decided to offer a class studying the social net-     The class has already picked up a reputation
  Lakehouse. Thursday, March 7. Ball has con-                   working sites and the effects of this kind of net- as an easy A class.
  demned the cruelty towards the goat and has                   working and communication among people.               “I have no interest in the Comm arts, or
  stated he will not be intimidated by this cow-                   “The class will be offered probably next Facebook as a serious subject, but I do waste a
  ardly act. A note was tied to the goat embrac-                spring semester as we’re still trying to figure lot of time on Facebook, and my GPA is pretty
  ing Mara Salvatrucha a Central American                       out what the educational aspects of these sites pathetic, so I’m hoping I can take this course
  gang in Brewster.                                                                                                                     and use it as a way to boost

                                                                          I do waste a lot of time on Facebook, and Ashley Ella.
                                 Courtesy of the Journal News                                                                           my GPA,” said sophomore

                                                                     my GPA is pretty pathetic, so I’m hoping I can
 National
                                                                  take this course and use it as a way to boost my perceived by students. We
                                                                                                                                           “We are well aware of
 Dow Soars for First Time in 2 Months                                                                                                   the way this class might be

                                                                                                 GPA.
 Investors are buying stocks above the 8,000
 mark for the first time in about two months.                                                                                           are still coming up with

                                                                                             -Ashley Ella
 Financials stocks are of the first to feel the                                                                                         ways to prevent students
                                                                                                                                        from taking the class as a
 boost after the Financial Accounting
                                                                                                                                        joke. We may put a dis-
 Standards Board Relaxed accounting rules
                                                                will entail,” said Communication professor claimer in the course description that this class
 making it mandatory for banks to sell assets at                Connie Kayshun.                                    isn’t so easy, or make a upper level comm.
 current prices.                                                   “We’ve agreed on a few things that I can tell class a pre-requisite so that only serious stu-
                                           Courtesy of the AP
                                                                you as of now, there will definitely be a section dents can take it,” said Kayshun.
 Woman Caught for Prostitution by Slang                         on Wall posts, poking, and the effects this has       “I hope they don’t make this class specific
 A 32 year old prostitute was caught in action                  acquaintance relationships,” said Kayshun.         for Comm. Arts students because I think it
 last March, 25 when police caught a 77 year                       The three credit course will most likely be a could benefit anyone who may work in PR and
 old man giving her a ride home. The police                     twice a week class, with lots of online projects Comm. students aren’t the only ones who do
                                                                and selected readings from newspapers and that,” said Junior Ginger Zpiyz.
 were targeting the neighborhood, that was



                                                                MMC Ranked #2 Party School
                                                                online journals.
 well known as a place of prostitution. The man                    “I feel like this class is a little far fetched
 was under the impression he was giving the
 woman a ride home, not understanding her
 slang offerings for oral sex. She has been
 charged with prostitution.                                         Jessi Ballard                   prestigious honor after a          Bob      Jones     University,
                               Courtesy of the NWFDaily News
                                                                                                    Princeton Review employee          Maharishi University of
  International                                                     It’s that time of year again.
                                                                Princeton Review has pub-
                                                                                                    posed as a student and visited
                                                                                                    some of the most highly antic-
                                                                                                                                       Management, Life University,
                                                                                                                                       Philander University, Slippery
  Don’t Try this at Home, Seriously                             lished its annual college and       ipated parties on and off cam-     Rock University, St. Olaf
  A Swedish Children’s television host acciden-                 university rankings. Each year      pus. This unnamed informant        University, Minnesota State
  tally chopped his finger off, on Thursday, April              Princeton Review ranks col-         regaled the Princeton Review       University at Moorehead, and
  2. While demonstrating how to cut a potato                    leges and universities on a         with stories of runway walk        Cape      Fear    Community
  with a sharp knife, the host warned “don’t try                variety of topics and for the       offs, Liza Minnelli impres-        College.
  this at home” only to cut through the tip of his              first      time     Marymount       sions, robot dance competi-           When asked why MMC
                                                                Manhattan        College     has    tions and intense high stakes      only received the number two
  middle finger of his left hand. The
                                                                reached #2 on the List of Top       games of pin the tail on the       slot despite our impressive
  broadcaster was on the Swedish show                           Party Schools.                      Griffin.                           party scene Princeton Review
  “Bobster.” And the episode has already aired.                     Coming in just behind UC            However, the clincher was      said they couldn’t divulge
                                        Courtesy of The Local
                                                                Berkeley, MMC was cited at          our Greek Life. The Princeton      what happened on other cam-
 Weird                                                          the 2nd best school to go to if     Review informant said he had       puses. However, we were told
  Nude man places drive-thru order at Tim's                     you are a hardcore partier.         never been at school where         that UC Berkeley “made use
                                                                Citing the school’s swinging        “the fraternities and sororities   of a rubber chicken, toilet
  Workers at a Tim Hortons in New Brunswick                                                         could keep their parties, and      paper, green slime and a lamp
                                                                cast parties for its multitude of
  had to do a double-double take after a drive-                 performances as well as the         existence, in such secrecy.”       shade in the most creative way
  thru customer placed an order in the nude.                    intense tailgating at the sport-        The parties were almost        ever.”
  Police officers were called to the coffee shop                ing events; Princeton Review        impossible to be invited to or        One can only hope that
  in Saint John’s north end today after reports of              stated “parties don’t get much      crashed, and he imagined only      next year MMC can climb that
  a naked driver. The women working at the                      more flamboyant and outra-          the most advantageous partier      final rung and claim the top
  drive-thru window were not impressed.                         geous than this.”                   was bestowed such an honor.        spot. Party hard Griffins.
                               Courtesy o The Canadian Pressf       MMC was chosen for this             The top ten party schools
                                                                                                    included (in ascending order)
PAGE 4                                                                    NEWS                                                               APRIL 2009

Pizza Restaurant Named Restaurant of the Week
   Zachary “ZD” Dragonetti                  Naturally, the combination was
                                         to die for, and was gone before I
    Spoons, Apples, and Tan Uggs         knew it.
bringing you the new “Restaurant            Instinctively, I knew I had to get
of the Week”!                            more. However, the voice in my
    Portofino is the newest and          head yelled “THICKNESS”, and I
hottest place for MMC students! It       decided to pay and leave.
is classy to say the least, offering a      On my way out, I was mesmer-
wide selection of pizza, wraps, and      ized by the plentiful and tantalizing
buffalo wings. De-Lish!                  dessert spread, and as expected I
    Since I love to travel and I know    ordered a Popsicle… to-go!
my readers do I decided to take the         Eating things on the go burns
M15 downtown for an exquisite            more calories and I could not be
dinning experience. Arriving, I was      late to see I Love You Man!
overwhelmed with options, and the           The combination of movie and
aroma was FAB!                           dinner was utterly bangin’!
    Sitting down in the comfy seats         As you can tell this experience is



                                                                                 Economy Turnaround
really helped me make my decision        one I will never forget. Every time                                                                            AP
to order a hefty slice of BBQ            I walk down Second Avenue, my
Chicken Pizza (I am from the             heart will start to beat a little bit
South… Obvi.) I decided to pair          faster, and I will know.
this choice with a thirsty quenching
can of sparkling Sprite.                                                            Abigail Lacey                        everyone from the ages of 16-24 to
                                                                                                                         Cancun, Mexico every spring
                                                                                    In more good news for the            break. Concerns of overcrowding
                                                                                 United States economy, Monday           have been posed, however Obama
                                                                                 marked an all time high igniting an     seems confident that not all spring
                                                                                 850-point surge in its stock index.     breaks would correspond with each
                                                                                 With consumer confidence up and         other, leaving just enough space for
                                                                                 job opportunities soaring, experts      the kids to enjoy fun, sun and sand.
                                                                                 say this is the time to consider           But parents—don’t feel too left
                                                                                 investing your life savings into wall   out just yet! Obama has just
                                                                                 street and sending your resume to       announced his “Plan for a Cultured
                                                                                 every available employer—you’re         Elder” program, which will offer
                                                                                 bound to receive offers for at least    older generations a slew of loca-
                                                                                 half due to a desperate need for        tions in Europe that they can
                                                                                 workers (they’re almost begging to      choose from. They will be attend-
                                                                                 hire you!)                              ing these countries twice a year and
                                                                                    Since President Obama took           will be fully compensated for their
                                                                                 office in January, the economy has      days off of work and all travel
                                                                                 exceeded China and Asia making          expenses.
                                                                                 the United States the forerunner for       Obama believes, “Travel is
                                                                                 wealth, health and happiness.           important and students should be
                                                                                    Former economical concerns           able to enjoy their Spring breaks. I
                                                                                 have included external debt, social     want them to be able to engage in
                                                                                 security, corporate debt, mortgage      binge drinking, sunburns and one-
                                                                                 debt, a low savings rate, falling       night stands. These are the things
                                                                                 house prices, a crashing market and     that stick out in young peoples
                                                                                 a large account deficit. However,       memories and prove for a unforget-
                                                                                 the United States has recently paid     table college experience.”
                                                                                 off its 14.2 trillion dollar debt by       With this being said, don’t both-
                                                                                 fundraising money through the help      er saving that work check—go out
                                                                                 of the Green Society of America.        and spend lots on clothes for your
                                                                                 By selling reusable water bottles       travels. Also be sure to enjoy your
                                                                                 and shopping bags, the U.S. has         paid vacations and if you come
                                                                                 managed to pay off all of its debt      back and find you hate your job,
                                                                                 and even save some.                     just quit! Who needs money any-
                                                                                    President Obama recently             way?
                                                                                 announced his “Plan for a Cultured
                                                                                 Youth” program, which will send
APRIL 2009                                                            EDITORIALS                                                                      PAGE 5

Government Tracks Osama Via Twitter and Facebook
   Jessi Ballard                        team of facebook and twitter con-        were friends with him they were           tuses hoping to use them to embar-
                                        noisseurs have been employed by          able to ascertain photos of him           rass Osama in to confessing all his
    In a real life version of cat and   the CIA to track Osama Bin Laden.        swimming in a pool full of money          wrongful acts from the past as well
mouse the US government has             Step one, friend Osama Bin Laden.        as well as witness his status change      as his future plans when he is
resorted to new tools to help them      Currently all friend requests are        to “Bernie Madoff is Ponze                caught.
catch Osama Bin Laden. After            pending despite evidence that            Scheming it up.” His arrest and               Investigators say their favorite
searching the last spider hold          Osama has updated his facebook           subsequent guilty plea soon fol-          Twitter update so far has been
Afghanistan has to offer, two new       account, including a new status          lowed.                                    “Osama hopes Hiedi and Lauren
task forces have been set up to track   yesterday which stated “Osama Bin           As for the twitter team they           will be biffles again someday…”
down America’s most wanted man.         Laden is a material girl in a materi-    received a lucky break when last          One investigator, Jack Schitt, said
The best part, the task force doesn’t   al world.” The hope is to friend         week Osama Bin Laden joined               “It’s interesting information but all
even have to leave their own couch-     Osama and be able to monitor his         twitter and allowed it to be public.      it really tells us is that he is watch-
es.                                     photo albums, status, and the types      Investigators have been following         ing TV or reading Perez Hilton.”
    With social networking sites        of quizzes he takes.                     his status updates since and hope         The Monitor wishes investigator
becoming more and more common-             This tactic was first employed        that he will soon be putting in some      Schitt and all his comrades luck in
place everyday the government are       when looking for proof of the            relevant      information        soon.    this endeavor and thank them for




Bernie Madoff Bejewels His Ankle Monitor
beginning to channel its power for      Ponze Scheme masterminded by             However, investigators are also           dedicating themselves to our coun-
the good of the country. A special      Bernie Madoff. Once investigators        compiling a list of their favorite sta-   try.




   Abigail Lacey                        alarms should he try to flee.               Some of the guards have been           divorced my wife and I still love
                                            Madoff apparently sent his wife      complaining about the way Madoff          her so Bernie has been really sup-
   According to inside sources,         out to an arts and crafts store to buy   bosses them around and makes              portive and has been playing
Bernie Madoff, the mastermind of a      the most expensive jewels she            them do arts and crafts projects          matchmaker. He has been calling
60 billion dollar Ponzi scheme, has     could find so that he could start his    with him so he won’t feel awkward.        my wife every day to try to get us
become so bored he has decided to       “project.” It was reported by one of     Anita Mandahugankiss said, “I             back together.”
bejewel his electronic ankle            the guards that was watching the         never knew the softer side of                Regardless of whether he is
bracelet. After his December 11th       closed circuit televisions that him      Bernie Madoff. He loves to color          doing arts and crafts or giving love
arrest, the 70-year-old has been        and his wife brawled over this but       and watch cartoons, if people only        advice, Madoff has been trying to
confined to his $7 million dollar       she eventually gave in and got the       knew who they had investing their         keep himself busy while in waiting
East Side penthouse until his June      materials. They made up by deco-         money with…he’s kind-of an                for his sentencing. Another guard,
                                        rating the monitor together and then     idiot.”                                   who would rather remain nameless,
16th sentencing. He is under 24-
                                        enjoyed a night of cartoons and tel-        Another guard, Bob Dwyer,              says, “he is very nervous to see how
hour watch by armed guards who
                                        evision. The children’s movie            commented, “Bernie Madoff is the          long he will be sentenced to, how-
are also monitored on closed-circuit
                                        “Wall-e” has been said to be a           most loving man I’ve ever met, he         ever, he is confident that the
television and has been ordered to
                                        favorite in the Madoff household as      is caring and will stay up all night      bracelets he made for all of the
wear an electronic ankle monitor,
                                        well as “Pocahontas” and                 with me gossiping and giving me           inmates will be a hit and help him
which has been designed to trigger



                   I Joined The Monitor and all I got was
                                        “Madagascar”.                            advice about women.          I just       makes friends.” Good luck Bernie!




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PAGE 6                                                               EDITORIALS                                                        APRIL 2009


Fashion Do’s and Dont’s
   Marymount Manhattan College, nested in one of the fashion capitals of the world boasts some
fashion dos and don’ts.




                                                   When you get up in the morning decide
                                                   on one pair of pants and stick to it, this
                                                   outfit is a Don’t!

                                                                                                    Be daring but don’t be too daring, wearing a plain
                                                                                                    sweater and plaid pants with a scarf is lazy. This
Don’t be afraid to mix animal prints                                                                outfit is a Don’t!
with florals! Short choppy pieces do
wonders for a girls figure. Do!




You can
never have
too many
bright col-
ors, and if
they’re so
bright you
blind peo-
ple that just                                                                                                                         You can
means                                                                                                                                 never repre-
you’re                                                                                                                                sent too
making                                                                                                                                many things
lasting                                                                                                                               at once.
impres-                                                                                                                               World
sions, a                                                                                                                              peace, your
Do!                                                                                                                                   favorite
                                                     Throwing on a red coat to add life to your
                                                                                                                                      team, pink
                                                     ensemble isn’t going to fix everything, this
                                                                                                                                      plaid, a def-
                                                     outfit is a Don’t!
                                                                                                                                      inite Do!
APRIL 2009                                             FEATURES                                                               PAGE 7




 Prints and solids are so passe. Mixing young    Bright, fun dresses when it’s getting warm are
                                                 great when you’re thirteen, but once you’re eight-
 accesories and fun prints is always a Do!
                                                 een you just look childish, Don’t!




                                                                                                      Clothes are expensive. Mixing
                                                                                                      your pjs into your ensemble is not
                                                                                                      only efficient but a Do!


                                                                                           Once a princess,
                                                                                           always a
                                                                                           princess.
                                                                                           Showing people
                                                                                           that you’re a
                                                                                           princess by sport-
                                                                                           ing your tiara and
                                                                                           a fuzzy coat,
                                                                                                                  All pictures courtesy
 Showing your MMC pride in addition to a home-                                             Do!                    of Stephanie
 made hat, always a Do! You go girl!                                                                              Makowski
PAGE 8                                                                      FEATURES                                                               APRIL 2009


Students Speculate a Ghost of Main Building
   Annie Vaccari                           of this story and that every now and    a performance.”                            this article took place states, “It’s
                                           then there seemed to have been              The student continues to state, “I     strange, I have always heard that story
    There are no reports of a student      reports of spirit like presence experi- swore that I had heard someone start-      but never fed into it,” said Junior
or any faculty members who have            enced by some students over the         ing down the stairs case – only when       Ashley Temple, “There is a general
died at Marymount Manhattan                decades.                                I looked I saw just this blur, I don’t     creepiness walking down those stairs
College so there should be no worries.                                                                          know how      when most people have gone home.

                                                   There is a general creepiness walking down it, but I just
    However there is a story involving                                                                          to describe   Weird noises leading people up the

                                             those stairs when most people have gone home. saw some-
a young student who accidently                                                                                                stairs only to find you’re alone.”
tripped down the now carpeted stair-                                                                                              These stories could be a fun con-

                                             Weird noises leading people up the stairs only to quickly
well of the black and white lobby in                                                                            thing going   tinuation of a generation of girls who


                                                                   find you’re alone.
the early 70s.                                                                                                                were interested in spicing up their
    The College was established as an                                                                           through the   College or an exaggeration of the one

                                                                      -Ashley Temple
all girl’s private college which operat-                                                                        doors.”       student who fell.
ed in the 1970s.                                                                                                    Upon          Other reports state that the student
    The young woman student had                                                                                 going up      did indeed fall but made a full recov-
been looking at the college when sup-          There have not been any actual      the stairs to make sure no one was         ery, leaving absolutely no room for a
posedly she slipped and fell. The stu-     sighting of a ghost, however quick      lost at that late hour, the dancer saw     haunting, whereas others claim that
dent of course was not killed, but had     apparitions and strange noised have     no one and quickly grabbed her bag         the poor student sustained a head
to proceed to the hospital to take care    been documented through the             and exited the school.                     injury causing an untimely death. So
of some minor injuries.                    College’s history.                          “I think I left so quickly I might     whether this is fun story to keep up or
     Upon returning home to rest it is         A dancer who was warming up         have forgotten some items, but it was      some truth in the eerie feelings felt on
reported that because of her weakened      near the stairs one night, remembers    worth it. Just don’t be alone around       that staircase, a call to Ghost Hunters
state she easily caught strep becoming     seeing something at the top of the      there at night, I just don’t like it.”     should be on hold.
ill and subsequently passed away due       stairs.                                     Some students have even sent in
to the illness.                                “We dancers always do stretches     photo’s with questionable guest that
    Whether fabricated or not, as a        by those stairs and I have never heard had made its way into the picture.
student whose mother actually attend-      or seen anything until one night I was      One student who sent in the ques-
ed the college back in the 70s told me     alone stretching and packing up after   tionable photo while the writing of
APRIL 2009                                                                    FEATURES                                                                           PAGE 9

Theresa Lang Theater to Close for the 09-10 School Year
   Zachary Morris                            quently rented out to companies and         dents from higher income families and      response to Spano’s remarks on the
                                             groups that need a speaking platform,       charge them a fixed tuition as they        lack of student space.
    The famous Theresa Lang Theater          as well as used for performances for        won’t feel an extra impact in their            “If there is no theater they might as
will be temporarily shut down for the        private groups.                             tuition bills. These are all things edu-   well take out theater related majors. I
2009-2010 school year as part of the             The lack of revenue from the the-       cational institutions in Europe have       can’t be expected to not have a theater
construction in the Master Plan.             ater may cause a dilemma in the             been doing for decades,” said Belding.     space for a year as a Theater major. It’s
    “The Theresa Lang Theater will           school’s expenses for the 2010-2011             “I think the loss of the Lang          a ridiculous decision to use that big
serve as storage space for the school’s      school years.                               Theater is a major loss for the entire     space to hold computers and desks for
equipment and supplies until construc-           “We will definitely feel a hole in      school. Not only will they take away a     an entire year. I’m looking into schools
tion is over and the school has more         our revenue when we close off the the-      space for us to perform but they are       to transfer to because of this travesty,”
use for them,” said Dean Richard             ater, however we feel the lack of clut-     neglecting students of tools they need     said Freshman Samuel Powers.
Belding, Dean of Student Issues.             ter will be worth it and appreciated by     to learn. If a school took away books          Despite student oppositions the
    The Master Plan in effect as of the      our students, staff and faculty,” said      from English majors they would have        school stands firm on using the theater
Act Now Campaign, the campaign to            Dean Belding.                               nothing to work with, it’s the same        as storage space.
improve almost all aspects of                    “To compensate for the lack of          with us,” said Musical Theater major           “Students will feel a loss for a year
Marymount Manhattan College, is the          funding from the Theater it is likely we    and Junior Jessica Spano.                  but when they come back and see how
construction portion of the campaign.        will start up side projects that will           “How and where am I supposed to        much more functional the school is I
Aimed to improve and raise the func-         bring in money to the school such as        practice my craft without the 8th floor    think they’ll understand our decision
tionality of the school’s campus.            install meters in the bathrooms, and        space and now the Theater?”                better,” said Miss Bliss a campaign




Snuggie Injures Student
    The Theresa Lang Theater serves          charge for lockers, and chalk for the          “That’s why we put heaters in the       chair.
many priorities for the school. It is fre-   professors. We may also target stu-         Lowerre Terrace,” said Belding in




   Kelly McInerney                               everyone.
                                                     “It was pretty big, but there was a little
    Snuggies, they are comfortable, they         girl on the infomercial so I just figured it
keep you warm, and they could almost kill        wouldn’t be that big of a deal,” says
you. According to Marymount Manhattan            Biddich.
College Sophomore, Chris Biddich, that               It was those super long sleeves that gave
last statement is actually true.                 Biddich the weirdest near-death experience
    “It was a freak accident,” recalls           and an incurable fear of snuggies.
Biddich, “I just went to stretch my arms             “I made my roommate [Hugh] throw it
and yawn and the sleeves got tangled with        out, I wouldn’t touch it after it almost killed
the shelf above my chair and I couldn’t get      me,” says Biddich.
it loose and started strangling myself. It           “Yeah he was pretty freaked out by it


                 All this drama from a Snuggie that cost
was the scariest thing ever!”                    after it almost choked him to death,” claims
                                                                                   DeMann.

                $19.95 plus shipping and handling, who
            knew? All I know is I am never trusting infomer-
                              cials again!
                              -Chris Biddich
    Who knew a snuggie could cause so                It was also those super long sleeves that
much harm? Biddich actually blacked out          sent Biddick to the Sloane Kettering
from the strangulation and if it wasn’t for      Emergency Room and a pretty doctor’s bill
his roommate and MMC Sophomore, Hugh             to go along with it.
DeMann, who knows what would’ve hap-                 “That ER trip cost me over $250!” states
pened to him.                                    Biddich, “I want to sue the hell out of those
    “Weirdest picture ever,” DeMann says         snuggie creators!”
trying to describe how he found Biddich, “I          And Biddich plans to if they don’t pay
thought he was joking at first because,          for his medical fees. So far he tried to con-
come on, it’s a snuggie they were suppos-        tact them via phone and email and nobody
edly harmless. But after he didn’t move for      has responded. Biddich says if nobody
like ten minutes and was sweating a lot I        responds soon he will have to take legal
had to wake him up.”                             action.
    “Snuggies do actually keep you warm,”            “All this drama from a Snuggie that cost
Biddich says responding to the sweating          $19.95 plus shipping and handling, who
comment.                                         knew? All I know is I am never trusting
    According to the Snuggie infomercial         infomercials again!” claims Biddich.
and website one size is supposed to fit all.         And neither will we, Chris, neither will
But maybe one size is not enough for             we.                                                          This could be you.                      Stephanie Makowski
                                                                           Octo-Mom Pregnant Again
PAGE 10                                                                   FEATURES                                                                     APRIL 2009


                                                                              Kelly McInerney                               much happiness to my life.”
                                                                                                                                Suleman has decided to raise it up a
                                                                               Nadya Suleman or the “Octomom” to            notch though and get seven embryos
                                                                           most of the world is pregnant…again. The         implanted into her this time. “Mainly
                                                                           Octomom recently became famous in                because I would like to have 21 children,”
                                                                           January for birthing eight children via in-      says Suleman, “21 was the best year of my
                                                                           vitro fertilization, in case you have been       life and my favorite number.”
                                                                           living under a rock the past few months.             And if the embryos don’t all work again
                                                                           Suleman began IVF treatments in 2001 and         like they didn’t in the years from 2001 to
                                                                           implanting herself with six embryos each         2007, she will try again…and again…and
                                                                           time.                                            again.
                                                                               These treatments resulted in her having          “She can’t just give up on this thing, it’s
                                                                           six more children, having one child almost       crazy,” says Suleman’s mother, Angela,
                                                                           every year. Just this January she hit the lot-   “Just like when she was a child, she would-
                                                                           tery and actually gave birth to eight chil-      n’t give up collecting Polly Pockets
                                                                           dren, two of those six embryos split into        because she was so into Polly Pocket. Now
                                                                           twins. So, if you are keeping track,             she’s into having kids thanks to that
                                                                           Suleman has a total of fourteen kids and         Angelina Jolie. The problem is though,
                                                                           out of those fourteen, three sets of twins,      there isn’t a ‘set’ of children, so I don’t
                                                                           but again you probably know and are sick         know when she’s going to stop, maybe it
                                                                           of her already.                                  won’t be until her ‘cooter’ breaks.”
                                                                               So why in the world would a single               Hopefully that won’t be the case for the
                                                                           mother who hardly has enough money as it         Octomom but we’ll have to wait another
                                                                           is to raise fourteen kids and who’s own          nine months and find out, maybe after this
                                                                           mother even states she’s not capable of          next litter she’ll be over her baby-breeding
                                                                           raising this children, why would she decide      obsession, or you know, there is always
                                                                           to have more?                                    adoption.
                                                                               “I just love them,” Suleman tells ONN,




Aliens Abduct Singer Bjork; Say They’re Returning Her
                                                                           “The more the merrier. They just bring so
                                                  Courtesy of the AP




to Her Home Planet
   Michael Wheeler                          Naturally, people were amazed.
                                            According to an eyewitness, one
    Reykjavík Iceland - Icelandic cit-   of the aliens took a “microphone-
izens ooohed and ahhhed as dozens        looking object,” and spoke to the
of bright white lights flashed in the    crowd. “You didn't really think the
sky last Tuesday.                        one who wrote the song
    No, there was no fireworks show.     “Wanderlust” was from your planet,
Instead, aliens from the planet          did you?”
Kra’app, or so the extraterrestrials        Several sources say there were
called it, made contact with our         nods and sounds of agreement from
human race, the first contact with       the mass of stunned people.
interstellar life Earth has ever expe-      The U.F.O. took off into outer
rienced.                                 space a mere four minutes after it
    Among the giant gathered crowd       landed.
was popular         singer/songwriter       Professor Herbert Tinklebaby of
Björk Gumundsdóttir.                     Princeton University's astronomy
    Upon landing, Björk joyfully         department was lost for words after
screamed something incomprehensi-        hearing of the event. “I am lost for
ble, most likely something in the        words,” he told reporters.
language of the Kra'appers.                 Björk Gumundsdóttir has been
According to reports, Björk ran up       nominated for the Grammy award
the ramp into the U.F.O, hugging the     several times since 1994, usually for
aliens as she went in.                   her videos and albums.                                                                           Courtesy of the Wiki Commons

 Disclaimer:

 The majority of this issue is an April fool’s joke! The contents, people, and some of the journalists are entirely made up. Only the Following stories are true:
 New in Brief, on page 3, and Influenced Mom let’s 12 year old drive on page 2. All of the content besides those stories are fake!         April fools! -The Monitor
APRIL 2009   Personals and Classifieds   PAGE 11
PAGE 12                                                          PERSONALS                                                              APRIL 2009
   For information on how            Man Seeks Owner           Chanel Sunglasses for                   Massages                  Man Seeks Woman
                               Healthy man in 20s. Seeking               Barter               Massage Therapist Student          I want a woman that
to contact the sponsor of                                                                                                       won’t drive me crazy.
each ad contact:               F to teach me to obey. Have Student to barter Sunglasses      seeks clients to practice on.
                                                                                                                                No nagging, no using
Monitor@mmm.edu with              no diseases. My mother     for books. The sunglasses       Specializes in Swedish mas-       your menstrual cycle as
the reference number on          recently moved south. I’m are worth $350, Chanel. The       sages. Must be available to          an excuse to be the
the bottom of each adver-       looking for someone to take book is worth $100, so it’s a    come to my place. Not will-         devil, no borrowing
                                      charge of my life.     great steal. I’m pretty sure            ing to travel.             money from me. I just
tisement.                                                                                                                        want a partner that’s
                                           #78654                     they’re real.                     #30207
                                                                                                                                sane. If you think you
                                                                        #27698                                                 can handle that contact
  Nursing Nurse Wanted                                                                            I miss you, stranger
Man seeks a nurse that is lac- Vintage Gucci Pumps for          Desperately Seeking           I am looking for a man that      me. Also, I live with my
                                                                                                                                        mother.
tating. Needs her to already                 Sale            Woman from 125th Street         I will miss when he leaves. I              #88766
be lactating. Compensation         I’m selling my vintage              Encounter               want someone I can call a       Woman Seeks Personal
can be discussed at inquiry.   Gucci Pumps for $30. They It’s the Yankee fan from the        million times a day, that will            Worker
           #38765               are a size 14, Ladies, Circe                                   be happy to hear my voice
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                                1980s. They are a bit worn,                                   on the other line every sin-
                                                              from last Monday. After                                         personal assistant to help
 Colonial Style Potty Seat but the vintage look is really                                    gle time. He has to have the
                                                             you left I regretted not get-                                     with occupational, edu-
          for Sale             in right now. One heel tends ting your number and invit-         time to read my emails,.
                                                                                                                                cational and personal
34” H 22” W Makes a great to fall off, but stays put for                                        doesn’t go on vacations,
                                                             ing you to a nice dinner at                                        projects. Not able to
  conversational piece, or       a while if you hot glue it.                                    because being with me is
                                                             Popeyes. Contact me, you                                          compensate in money,
 planting pot. $200 or best        Serious inquiries only.                                    enough. Someone that will
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                                                                        #15429                           #76399                        #19194




   C
   a
   v
   e
   m
   e
   n


    by
   Mike
  Wheeler

								
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