Case Statement Even good, smart men can use help with their lives sometimes. You’re a good guy, and you’ve got the smarts to help yourself most of the time.You’re able to ﬁx problem situations when they arise, but sometimes there are issues that come up that you can’t think yourself through. You might feel helpless or powerless, especially in your relationship. The problems in your relationship have become more troublesome, and you and your wife or girlfriend ﬁnd that you ﬁght constantly over the smallest things - over and over (and over) again.You’re frustrated, confused, and don’t know how to be happy again with her.You want to stop bickering and ﬁghting for good this time. There’s got to be more than this. Life can be better for you, and for your relationship. The things that you are doing over and over again keep producing the same ineffective results. What would you tell a friend who found himself creating this situation? That’s exactly what is happening in your relationship now. So, what if you could change the outcome of a ﬁght for good, and extinguish it all together? Wouldn’t life be great? When you’re not ﬁghting or avoiding each other, life opens up.You get to spend all that time and energy on other things, like creating a more solid, loving relationship with your woman.You are happier, and so is she. She comments to you that you are changing for the better, and she likes the new you. It becomes hard to think that you both once fought over your emotional distance, because that’s not how it is for you now. Life is good, and its getting better. “I don’t even know how we ended up here to begin with.” Times have changed since you both ﬁrst started dating. Maybe you didn’t quite catch it or see it coming. Where the relationship “honeymoon” stage ends, where everything was great, there are now the ups and the downs. But lately, maybe the downs have started to last longer than the ups. The stress or tension is slowly building walls between you both. You ﬁnd yourself craving more of those up times again, and think back to a better, easier day. It’s becoming harder to create that fun and magic like it used to be. As Led Zeppelin once pronounced, there’s a “communication breakdown.” Maybe she has started to take you for granted, or vice versa.You slowly begin to feel invisible, or not appreciated in your relationship or marriage. It’s hard to say when things started to take a turn for the worse.You feel confused and hesitant about doing marriage or couples counseling with your wife, for fear of hitting on the truths that the counselor might reveal.Yet you know something needs to be done, and fast. That’s where I come in. The man that men will talk to. I dedicate my work to helping out men like you. I’ll be there to counsel you, coach you, give you feedback, tips, strategies for success, and point out what I see may be the problem. But mostly, I’m there listen and to understand you, when you ﬁnd yourself repeating the old adage, “my wife just doesn’t understand me.” Mens’ counseling has become my passion, and my mission, and there’s really nothing better than to see a client not need to return - because they have found renewed relationship and personal success. They just don’t need to see me anymore. At that point, I know my job has been done. My commitment is to ensure you a quick, safe path to get to a struggle-free zone - whether it be in your relationship, in your work or in your other life’s pursuits. Professional counseling for men that gets results. I’ve been helping men for nearly a decade now, and have the experience - both personally and professionally - to be able to see your problem through to its end. I’ll help give you tools and third-party observation about the things that you may be doing to unknowingly add to the problems in your relationship. We’ll work together to identify the problems and change them to create the kind of life and relationship that you always really wanted. I invite you to call me at 602.309.0568 to learn more about my services, and ask about my free consultation.You can also visit my website at www.phoenixmenscounseling.com to learn more. How Counseling For Men Is Different From The Rest As a men’s counselor, I specialize in working just with the issues that matter most to men. Many others therapists don’t specialize in working just with men, as you might ﬁnd when you’re researching getting counseling. I have a much clearer understanding about you and your troubles because men are only who I counsel. Also, I have personally been through many of these struggles myself (see “How I Started Out” section). You’ll get an experienced clinician who spends all of his clinical time with men who are dealing in the same issues as you are. I treat all of the guys that I counsel as whole people, not simply diagnoses. Many times, counselors will peg you into a mental disorder diagnosis, and that’s not the way I work. I’ll treat you as a whole person. The experience with me won’t give you the feeling that I stay in my role as a “counselor.” I’m right there with you. Here’s how I’ll help: we’ll sit down together, work to clarify the issues that are most pressing to you, deﬁne your goals, and hammer out a plan of treatment to get you better faster. Many times, I offer my clients insights, feedback, strategies and tips about how to stop doing what doesn’t work in their lives, and start doing what does work. I counsel men in a unique way: I use the present moment as a vehicle for change. This is important, because I don’t just give you cognitive (thought- based) strategies that might help for a little while, before the problem comes back in the future. Many times, just getting cognitive-based therapy is not the permanent solution to the problem. Using the present moment, we work together to help you get “out of your head” and thoughts and into your feelings. I know that from my experience, many men tend to “live in their head”. My counseling promises a lot of long-lasting relief and solutions to your suffering, and helps against this problem. Many times, clients will bounce from counselor to counselor, often with similar results. Many of my clients state that they have tried other counselors with some positive results. But, the problem has ultimately crept back into their lives over time. What I do is go for the “root,” because if I can work with you to uproot the problem, then you won’t have to keep suffering from its interference later. I try to get clients to ask “how” they are doing what they are doing, instead of “why.” The problem becomes much less problematic, and less intrusive into your life. So, you might ask, how do I do that? I’d like to tell you a story about that. First, I want you to imagine yourself stuck in trafﬁc on a freeway of a major city.You’ve come to a dead stop, and don’t know what’s causing the jam.You’re angry, frustrated, and want to get moving again, but don’t know what it will take to free up the problem. Trying to sneak a peak does you no good, and you don’t know what is causing it. You’re blinded to own progress. But, from another perspective, the news chopper circling the city has a much greater perspective than you do on the same trafﬁc jam. The newscasters look down on that same problem at the freeway level, and videotape some footage of a ﬁve-car pileup that you wouldn’t have known was blocking your commute, until you pass it an hour and a half later. They see what you cannot because they have a greater perspective on the problem. My counseling is a lot like that. I work with you to gain a higher perspective on your relationship’s “trafﬁc jam.” Unfortunately, sometimes you have to drive through the wreckage to see what really happened to slow you down. But next time, you’ll have greater awareness of alternative routes to take to bypass any potential hazards that come your way. We’ll work together to create those routes, and ensure you a safer journey the next time. My Ideal Client: Mark’s Story I designed a composite of my ideal client, who is a ﬁctitious man named Mark Osterman. Mark is 34 years old, has been married to Marie, his wife of ﬁve years. Marie is 31. Mark is a computer engineer for Intel, and Marie owns and runs a small, urban bistro in central Phoenix. They have a black lab named Sadie. Mark has been married before. In his previous marriage to Sarah, Mark couldn’t take the stress of their marriage. She ended up divorcing him after three years, reacting to his depression and constant withdrawal from their marriage. Sarah would often get mad at Mark, and withhold her own anger at him. Sometimes, she would criticize and judge Mark constantly, and then would blow up at him. Mark sunk deeper into his depression and avoidance of conﬂict with her. He was uncomfortable with the thought of couples counseling, as he was unsure if the counselor would take Sarah’s side. He feared that the therapist would tell Sarah to leave him. Now, in his marriage to Marie, the same types of patterns are arising again. Again, Mark gets depressed and withdraws from Marie. She really doesn’t know how to read Mark. “You seem really distant, and you never tell me how you’re feeling,” pleads Marie to Mark. “It’s like you’re always mad at me.” Marie doesn’t know what is going on with him because he doesn’t open up with her about his feelings, but doesn’t know how. He wished he could. “I feel like you don’t love me anymore,” Marie says, in reaction to his withdrawing and pulling away from her. It’s the only way she knows how to get through to him. The more Marie tries to get closer, the further away Mark gets. It’s a vicious cycle that keeps getting worse. Mark is doing the same things now that he was doing with Sarah. “I feel like a failure, and I’m afraid I might be failing again,” says Mark. “I’m going to lose Marie, and I’ll be alone. And you know what? I’ll have created this all over again, and done it all to myself.” He really is terriﬁed, because after he lost Sarah, he fell into depression. So, ultimately Mark fears that getting angry will lead him to explode, and will end up chasing Marie away. He’s convinced that she will leave him if she sees how much rage and anger he holds in. He’ll drink alcohol several times a week to cope with those feelings. Mark hires me because he thinks that I can help him get happier in his marriage. He desperately wants to better understand what is going on, both in his confused head and in his relationship. Mark wants to prevent the same thing from happening with his marriage again. He needs an outlet for his feelings, including his deep anger and fear. “I may not know how to express everything that I am feeling,” says Mark, “but I know that I want to be closer to my wife and don’t know how to do that.” Mark wants to stop being depressed, and learn how to communicate with Marie in a way that reduces conﬂict and tension, and improves their relationship. His true desire is to know how to make Marie happier, because the idea that he is contributing to her unhappiness is killing him. It’s making him even more depressed than he already is. What Mark wants to learn are skills or new techniques to stop doing what he is doing in his relationship. Beating his head against a wall when they are ﬁghting together has become old already, and he needs something new. A lot of the men that work with me report increased awareness, better relationships, less anger, and more mental clarity. They tell me that they relate better to their wives and girlfriends, and that they stop doing the things that they didn’t even know that they were doing with others. They stop unconsciously pushing people away from them. They no longer need to silence themselves in an attempt to not create conﬂict with others. The guys I work with get noticed more by their women, report feeling more loved and understood and are happier husbands. The men I work with, like Mark, become more aware of their feelings and can put names to them and communicate them a lot more clearly to their women. And, as a result, their women don’t feel threatened like they used to; that feeling is replaced with deeper satisfaction. These guys are starting to get their needs met for the ﬁrst time, in a way that opens up the relationship instead of shutting it down like before. My Story: How I Started Out Counseling Men In order to explain what I do, I’d like to tell you about a struggle that I once had. For years, I felt uncomfortable in my own skin and uncomfortable around women. I was stressed, ate poorly, and generally didn’t take very good care of myself. I was not a good communicator, and generally didn’t express what I wanted. I stuffed a lot of what I wanted and needed inside of me. When and how those needs ﬁnally came out, they ended up creating a lot of problems for me and my relationships. Because I didn’t know how to express those needs effectively, I ended up frustrating other people, making other people angry at me, creating depression for myself. Women didn’t want to hang out with me, because they sensed that I didn’t really want to hang out with me. Life was not so good. So what I did was begin to change those things that didn’t work. I worked with a counselor who helped me to express myself clearly, and get my relationship needs met. I learned how to communicate more effectively and assertively, and stopped creating the relationship problems that I used to have. And you know what happened to me? A major transformation changed my life. I made some big changes in my thinking and my behavior, and, as a result, my relationships with others turned around. I began to like myself a whole lot more. I felt much more comfortable in my own skin, and more at ease with myself. I stopped creating many of the problems that I accused others of creating and doing to me. I started to get happy. My friends and family noticed, and my relationships reﬂected these new changes. People liked the new me! I liked the new me! And it was at that point that I realized that I needed to help other men to do the same thing that I did for myself. I really wanted to work with men who were struggling in their relationships, and in their lives in general. I wanted to help give men their voice back from where they lost it before, or never knew that they had it. I wanted to show men that they don’t need to suffer in silence, and that they can have happy and successful relationships. My mission and work with men is something that is important to me, because I was one of those unhappy men before I learned what worked, and what didn’t work, to make myself happy. And I want to work with men who want that happiness in their lives, too. As a counselor for men, I am committed to helping men overcome the challenges of relationships in their lives. I work towards getting men where they really want to be - in good relationships, fulﬁlling careers and as happy people. I want them to say to themselves: “life is good.” I work with men because I am one myself, and know the particular struggles that men deal with day to day. So, I invite you to talk with me about how I can help you ﬁnd the life that you want, and to stop struggling in your life and in your relationships. Call me today at 602.309.0568, or visit me at www.phoenixmenscounseling.com. Service Offerings I offer clients both individual counseling and couples counseling services. I also speak and present workshops to groups or organizations on mens’ and couples’ mental health issues and on issues related to well being and stress management. Individual and couples sessions typically run 50 minutes in length, or 110 minutes for an extended session. Couples sessions are designed for long-lasting relationship success. Couples sessions promote better communication, less ﬁghting, increasing mutual understanding and overall happier relationships. They are designed to quickly identify the causes of the problems within the relationship, and change them. Working with couples, I go to work on identifying the issues between each couple as they manifest currently. I also seek to weed out the deeper individual messages and issues that every partner in a relationship brings to the current relationship from previous ones. My work with couples is very experiential, and not just limited to changing thoughts, behaviors and attitudes. My speaking engagements cover a wide variety of topics that are focused on mens’ issues, including: healthy and successful relationships, effective communication for men, social/cultural messages that affect men, the role of food and mood, and powerful stress management programs. My two most popular talks - “The Balanced Male: Healthy From the Inside Out” and “Understanding the Male Psyche” - have drawn positive reviews and enthusiasm. My talks and workshops run from one hour to four hours, and typically are fun, interactive, and thought provoking experiences. I am available to speak to your group or organization. Here are what some participants have said about previous workshops: “Practical, fresh ideas” “Lots of useful information and varied information” “AWESOME DISCUSSION!!” “Good speaker and involved audience” “Very informative” “He was engaged with the audience.” “ Interactive, which created a personal feeling” “Good questioning techniques” Lastly, my monthly e-newsletter, “Mentality”, offers free educational and therapeutic advice, tips, ideas and strategies for men who want to improve their lives and relationships. It’s available at www.phoenixmenscounseling, and after signing up, a free “Top Ten Tips for Men to Help Your Relationship” guide is available to you for download. Case Study - Scott When Scott ﬁrst came to see me, he was coming out of a relationship with a woman that was just not right for him. It was not the best relationship Scott could have had, and he wanted some help ending it. The woman he was dating had problems of her own, and, as Scott’s relationship with her was ending, he understood that he didn’t want to recreate that relationship again in the future. “I seem to keep getting into the same kind of relationship, and I don’t know how to stop,” says Scott. “I need some advice or tips about how to break the cycle.” He wanted to gain some insights and clarity about what he was doing wrong in his relationships, and, more importantly, to learn how to turn those behaviors around. He also wanted to connect emotionally to other people, and to speak his mind to get what he wanted without worrying about rocking the boat and upsetting others. A “nice guy,” Scott found himself not being able to say “no” to people, like his parents, and not being able to stand up for himself when it was appropriate. “I felt like people were starting to take advantage of my kindness. I felt like a human doormat, and the word ‘no’ just couldn’t come out from inside me,” Scott told me during our interview. I remember Scott later telling me a story about poor customer service that he received at a restaurant while out on a date with his current girlfriend, and how he stood up for himself to get what he wanted. He was assertive and conﬁdent, and he knew our time together was working. He told me: “I ﬁnally stood up for myself, and it felt great!” Scott felt that he was becoming more conﬁdent, emotionally aware, and assertive and was ﬁnally getting what he wanted in life. Throughout our time together, we worked on expressing feelings and emotions with more ease, and learned how to communicate with his new girlfriend and parents. Throughout our sessions, we shared experiences, insights and lots of laughs. Part of my solution for Scott was to provide objective and constructive feedback about what I was seeing in his life that needed some adjustments. I constantly offered that up that feedback to him. I challenged him to take risks in communicating with other people in a new way, to gain the results that he really wanted. I worked with him to identify where he was “emotionally stuck” in his body, and how that was related to fear of conﬂict and of taking risks in speaking with people. Our counseling time together yielded some impressive results for Scott. He began to learn how to ﬁnd the woman that was right for him, and found her soon after making some internal changes in himself. Scott started his own landscape architecture business with two of his friends, and he got married to his love. He and his wife are now expecting their ﬁrst child, a baby boy. “Powerful and transformative,” is how Scott describes his experience when we talk about our work together. Scott feels that he has gained a better understanding and clarity about the things in his life that were previously problematic for him. He now speaks comfortably, assuredly and with clarity. He has managed to create the types of relationships that he wants with others, including his wife, his family, his clients and his business partners. I love the work that I do, because it’s clients like Scott that remind me why I got into counseling in the ﬁrst place. It’s success like Scott’s that I wish for all of my clients to have and enjoy. See What Others Have To Say About Counseling With Jason What solution were you seeking when you hired Jason? “I was looking for someone to guide me and help me with my anger issues. (I wanted) a professional who knows about anger issues and how to diffuse them.” - Brent, Phoenix “To help overcome distress associated with friends, family, and work.” - Jonathan, Phoenix “Understanding and clarity.” - Marc, Scottsdale “We initially inquired about counseling services to help eliminate detachment and communication issues within our relationship.” - Eric, Tempe “I felt lost in my own thoughts before I worked with Jason. I was overwhelmed by some feelings and didn’t feel others. Generally, I sought a solution to live a more balanced and meaningful life as well as gain perspective on my ideas of personal and professional growth.” - Stu, Scottsdale What did Jason provide that you value the most? “Helping me build my conﬁdence through my actions.” - Brent, Phoenix “The Gestalt techniques. I had already done a whole bunch of talk-only therapy.” - Jonathan, Phoenix “Objective and constructive feedback.” - Marc, Scottsdale “Jason provided a neutral and compassionate environment that encouraged us to articulate concerns and essentially clear the way toward our goals. His professional expertise quickly identiﬁed speciﬁc sources that were the root of our concerns.” - Eric, Tempe “Through Jason’s process of questioning, I gained a crucial understanding of my own value system. Hearing my own voice speak of this insight was extraordinarily exciting and valuable. Jason became a conﬁdant to my inner thoughts and feelings and helped me to uncover and articulate these into actionable ideas.” - Stu, Scottsdale What has been the result of working with Jason? “Being able to effectively communicate with others about a problem, and working thru it together.” - Brent, Phoenix “A heightened sense of inner peace and clarity.” - Marc, Scottsdale “Less daily frustration, more in touch with what's going on inside and better ability to communicate, a lot less situational depression.” - Jonathan, Phoenix “Working with Jason has provided a new perspective on our relationship. Utilizing methods that he recommended, we are now able to work together as a couple to balance the needs of our relationship.” -Eric, Tempe “Working with Jason allowed me to deconstruct what I thought to be a ‘brick wall’ in front of me. In the end, I have torn that ‘brick wall’ down and am focusing on the mountain ahead… of which I believe I now have the tools necessary to conquer.” - Stu, Scottsdale What would you tell others who are considering hiring Jason? “Jason is a wonderful listener who helped me resolve issues I had in solving my anger problems. (He provided me) with answers to many questions.” - Brent, Phoenix “Jason has the ability to identify with and validate my concerns while leading me towards peace and understanding.” - Marc, Scottsdale “That Jason is a knowledgeable and very talented therapist.” - Jonathan, Phoenix “The process of ﬁnding a counselor was at ﬁrst complicated and overwhelming. We were extremely fortunate to have found someone as empathetic and knowledgeable as Jason. Jason took the time to get to know and understand us as individuals and as a couple. Regardless of the situation I feel we can always turn to Jason for guidance that we can trust.” - Eric, Tempe “Anyone can beneﬁt from working with Jason. He creates an open, unbiased and comfortable environment where one can explore their own thoughts and uncover some greater truths.” - Stu, Scottsdale Frequently Asked Questions What does therapy look like with you? Therapy (or counseling) lasts for 50-minutes, and identiﬁes the problems that you struggle with most. We will seek out and start to create solutions that have long-lasting effects. We’ll also set a treatment plan to design our course of action together. Typical sessions will include feedback from me and homework assignments. I encourage clients to take some risks in session and generally be open to self-exploration. I’ve been diagnosed with depression. Do you work with conditions of anxiety and depression? Yes I do. I conceptualize problems as being more holistic than just as a diagnosis (e.g. anxiety or depression). The symptoms of those diagnoses are part of a bigger whole, and, although I address those symptoms, I strive to work with you as a person. Some of the reasons that we stay trapped in anxiety and depression have to do with behaviors, feelings and thoughts that we continue to create. I can help you to become aware of and change that cycle inside of you. What are the risks to working with you? One risk is exposing your emotions and feelings in counseling sessions with me. Exposing your emotions and feelings can sometimes lead to feeling worse initially, but have long lasting beneﬁts. These adverse feelings are temporary, and, if processed properly in counseling, will lead to greater happiness.You won’t have to be burdened with them in the same way in the future. How often do I need to come? My clients generally visit me once a week or every other week. This way, the counseling stays continuous, and you can get better sooner. I’m a woman. Will you work with me? Of course. I work with women individually and in couples, and am happy to talk with you about your individual concerns. I think that the problem is my wife or girlfriend, but she doesn’t want to come in.What should I do? That may be true, and ultimately, if the problem is hers, she may want to seek counseling when she is ready. For now, if you’re interested in helping your relationship, you are probably struggling with the effects of her problems, which we can work on in counseling together. Relationships are always two-way streets - both partners create their own share of issues in a problematic relationship. My relationship is ending. Can you save it? Although I can help, I cannot guarantee that working with me will save your relationship. Sometimes, clients contact me when it is too late for a relationship to survive, let alone thrive. If we cannot save your relationship, we can work together to help you so that you can create a different type of relationship next time. How long will it take to see results from counseling with you? This is hard to say, because it is based on how strong your commitment is to change, and how open you are to making some changes. Often times, clients who work with me report improvements in a few sessions. More difﬁcult issues take longer, as there is deeper work to be done. This can sometimes take weeks, or months. Questions That Should Be Asked What are your credentials and training? I have a Master’s degree in Psychology, with a counseling emphasis. I am licensed through the State of Arizona Board of Behavioral Health (AZ-11914). I have extensive graduate and post-graduate training. My orientation is in Gestalt Therapy, which stresses seeing the client as a whole person and working through problems experientially. I’m on medication for depression.Will being on medication interfere with our work together? No, it won’t. Taking an antidepressant and doing therapy are both recommended in the treatment of depression. There is no conﬂict in doing both, and is encouraged. Continue to communicate with your doctor or psychiatrist about your antidepressant or anti anxiety medication. How do I pick the right counselor for me? This is a difﬁcult question to answer. In researching, it’s important to make sure that your therapist is licensed through the State of Arizona. It’s also important to know what their “style” or “orientation” is to therapy, as the approaches to counseling are varied and effective for different people. It’s important to ask that professional how they are able to help you, and if they specialize in working with your unique problem. It’s really important to have the right “ﬁt” with the counselor you choose, because you will be opening yourself up and developing a relationship built on trust and conﬁdentiality. Sometimes, like in life, relationships work because they “just ﬁt” for you. When it feels like too much work, or that your counselor doesn’t understand you, maybe it’s time to look elsewhere. How will I know if the counseling is working? You should start to see marked improvements in your mental well-being, and may not experience the same types of problems that you had previously been dealing with.Your loved ones may comment to you that you seem improved. Maybe your having less struggle or conﬂict with your wife or girlfriend.You’ll have an inner sense that something is different, and better. Articles What Single Guys Need To Be Doing (And Aren’t Yet) October 13th, 2008 (This article appears in the Jewish News of Greater Phoenix, October 10th edition) Every good general has a battle plan, and, if you’re like my former self, you’ve spent enough time alone waiting for the right date to come around. My friend Jay used to call me the hardest-working dater he knew. (Now I have bestowed that title on him.) Although I really wasn’t sure how to feel about that honor, I did learn volumes about the dating process, and about myself, in the experiences that I had before I found success. Although there are forces that are sometimes beyond our control (the mysterious and cosmic powers of chemistry, for example), there are things that you can do in preparation for getting a date to improve your chances of ﬁnding the partner that you want. What is essential to consider is this: Do you know exactly who you are looking for? Could you write a ﬁctional proﬁle of the woman that you are looking for, down to the name of her dog and her favorite ﬂavor of ice cream? This may seem extreme, but until you have honed and reﬁned your ideal mate, you widen the gap and allow for a lot of ambiguity and indecision to ﬂow in. What you’re doing is creating the idea of your mate in your mind. Take some time to consider this invitation to create a proﬁle of the woman you want. Identify her personality traits, values, physical features, professional aspirations and hobbies or interests - everything that you can think of. I’ll bet that when you put your ideas on paper, you’ll ﬁnd out much more than you thought you would, and the results may surprise you. Second, how is your networking “presence”? Do you set yourself up to meet as many ideal women as you can? The Internet - whether that’s JDate, Match.com or any other Web site - can be a great tool, but if that’s the only place you’re looking, you’re limiting yourself. Once you have done the ﬁrst step of writing your proﬁle, you’ll familiarize yourself with the places and settings where your ideal date will be, whether that’s at a ﬁlm club, at Papago Park doing some hiking or at a yoga class. (Hint: Guys, go do yoga right now - if you’re not already.You’ll get a great workout, ﬁnd tranquillity and meet women all at once). Third, and this is important because it’s the hardest, how will you convey interest in her when you meet her socially? Will you walk the plank and take the risk of approaching her when you ﬁnd her? I will share with you my philosophy about kamikaze dating: Act fearless and summon the strength to go over to her even though your fear tells you not to (the girls without the wedding bands, of course).Your kamikaze mantra will become this: “There is nothing that I can say or do now that will kill me,” to borrow from Friedrich Nietzsche. Unless you are a total bumbling idiot and drool or speak incoherently, she will appreciate your summoning the strength to go over to her, even if she doesn’t show interest back. Let me ask you this way: Do you want to live with the regret of not approaching her and the fantasy of “what if it did happen?” What could you be missing out on because you colluded with the fear inside of yourself instead of taking the risk? For those less brazen souls, be everywhere you can where there is the possibility of meeting someone special. Don’t be shy if you really want it, and if you want it, you need to place yourself where you have better odds. Being at home obviously lowers the odds quite a bit more than being out where your date will be. Next article, we’ll talk about how to create success while on “The Date” itself, and how to get her interested in you and on your side in no time. Stay tuned.
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