Skills Change ProjectJournal

							A Brief Overview of the Skills Change Journal: See Website for Details

Part I. Documenting your usual performance of the skill. Due 10/23

Introduction:
         State skill and describe your reasons for choosing it. Section worth 2 points.
A. Monitoring
         6 examples of Monitoring. Record no more than one "good performance." This
          section is worth 6 points.
B. Models
         4 examples of Models. Record 2 examples of person(s) performing your skill well
        and 2 examples of person(s) performing poorly. This section is worth 4 points.
C. Patterns
         3 examples of Patterns. This section is worth 3 points.
D. Self-talk
         1 example of Self-talk Analysis. This section is worth 3 points.



Part II. Changing your skill. Submit both Part I & Par t II together when you submit. Due
11/13

E. Goals
          3 examples of specific Goals. This section is worth 5 points.
 F. Covert
          1 example of Covert Rehearsal. This section is worth 2 points.
 G. Behavior
          1 example of Behavior Rehearsal. This section is worth 2 points.
 H. Implement
          1 or more examples of rehearsal/implementation in actual situation (rehearse
          until successful) This section is worth 4 points.
Conclusion:
          Reflect on your performance in the skill change journal. How did the skills
          change process work for you? What worked best, least well? This section is
          worth 4 points.



Dreams Journal and Dreams Rehearsal: Submit on 11/13. Additional points will reflect
the quantity and quality of your entries. Up to 4 points.
Journal



Interpersonal Communication

Communication Goals

To obtain some further ideas for communication goals, refer to the following list of skills
frequently chosen by students in the past.
This list is certainly not exhaustive. It was adapted from a similar project developed by
Paul Freedman at the University of
Kansas.

   Initiating Interaction, Widening the Scope of Your Interaction:

   Meet and get to know people; overcome shyness; begin new relationships.
   Relate to people from different social religious, racial, political, age, or educational
   groups.
   Relate to members of the opposite sex.
   Make conversation or small talk in informal social situations or with strangers.

   Asserting Yourself:

   Initiate ideas and actions forcefully; give orders or instructions when the situation
      calls for you to do so.
   Assert yourself when you are right; argue well; logically defend your point of view.
   Say "no" to requests, offers, dates, or salespeople.
   Ask for a favor, a date, a loan, or inclusion in a group, or for information about ideas,
    techniques, or personal matters of other people.
   Be independent; differ from others in a group; refuse to conform or go along.
   Complain about bad treatment; rebel against an injustice; speak up about prejudice,
    rudeness, and unfairness.

   Managing Interaction:

   Give and receive compliments; express and receive warmth or friendliness; show
    caring, admiration, or love.
   Keep conversations going; listen actively; manage interruptions; end conversations
    comfortably when you want to.
   When you disagree or when someone's comments make you uncomfortable, express
    your feelings in a manner that does
   not damage your relationship.
   Compromise in a dignified way; avoid dominating a conversation; resist the
    temptation to take control or interrupt; allow
   others to disagree amiably with you.

A. Monitoring your skill

State Your Skill:
See the handout for identifying a skill to work on for this assignment.

Specific Situation:
This section should briefly give the date/time of day/place/others present (the basic data).

Specific Behavior:
This section should describe the specific behaviors you manifested during the situation.
What did you do when you attempted your
communications skill? What did you say?

Preferred Behavior:
This section should describe what you would have preferred to say or do in the described
situation.

*Be sure to include specific verbal and nonverbal examples in both Specific and
Preferred Behavior sections*

Monitoring example:

Skill:
My general skill is to be more assertive with my friends.

Specific Situation:
September 26, 1999

Marylou came into my apartment at 9 PM. I was in my bedroom sitting on my bed. She
was standing in the doorway with her
hands on her hips. She asked me to go to Duffy's.

Specific Behavior:
Although I did not want to go I said, "Hmmm. I don't think so." I did not look at her. I
stayed on my bed and said quietly, "I really
should not go because I really need to get some rest." Marylou said, "you really need to
get out and meet people." I couldn't think
of anything else to say, so I went with her.

Preferred Behavior:
I would have rather have said, "You're right. I really should get out to meet people, and
I'd like to go tomorrow; but tonight I feel
tired and want to get some rest." I would have looked directly at her and give her a sly
smile.

Monitor at least __ instances for Part A.

PART A is due __

TOP

B. Modeling

Learning from Others: What Will It Look Like When I'm Doing It Well?

Modeling means watching other people who perform effectively. Observing others who
can perform the skills we are learning
provides us with some effective behaviors we can borrow. Choose a person or several
people who perform your skill well.
Observe the specific aspects of their verbal and nonverbal behavior. What do they say?
How do they say it? What behaviors
would be useful to incorporate into your own repertoire? Also, find negative models,
people who perform the skill ineffectively.
Watching these can be very useful. What behavior do these people exhibit that you would
like to avoid? Using your skill, observe
people for the next few days.
Record __ effective examples and __ ineffective examples of your skill.

Modeling example:

Skill: My goal is to be more assertive with my friends/family

Modeling: Observing and Recording Effective Examples of My Skill.

Specific Situation:
My room, 6pm, 1/22. My roommate and I were studying on the bed.

Specific Behavior:
My roommate was studying when her friend came in and asked her to go out to dinner.
My roommate replied, "It sounds like fun,
but I really must study tonight." She looked at him directly.

Evaluation:
I liked the eye contact and her verbal emphasis on "must." She sounded firm in her vocal
tones.

Modeling: Observing and Recording Ineffective Examples of My Skill.
Specific Situation:
1/24 - At school, Sam, my friend, and I ran into his sister after interpersonal class.

Specific Behavior:
My friend's sister asked to borrow his car. He said, "I wish I could lend it to you but I
have to go grocery shopping." When his
sister said she would drop him off and pick him up at the supermarket, he just said,
"Okay" When he said it, he twisted his ring and
shuffled his feet.

Evaluation:
He should have said, "Sorry, I already have plans, so not today." He might have stood
still and looked directly at her while talking.

Make sure you record at least __ effective examples and __ ineffective examples.

PART B is due __

TOP

C. Patterns

Describing Communication Patterns

After you have monitored your communication skill for about ten days, review your
entries and look for patterns.

Where, when, and with whom did you perform your skill most effectively? Least
effectively?

The following questions can help you locate patterns:
1. At what time did you perform your skill most effectively? Least effectively?
2. In what places? With what people?
3. What other recurring communication behaviors did you manifest when you did not
perform your skill?

Remember that these patterns should come from the monitoring data you recorded. When
you make a statement about an
observed pattern, be sure to document it with specific data from your monitoring.

Patterns example:

Skill: My general skill is to be more assertive with my friends/family.

  1.I say "no" most effectively with my children when they ask for junk food. In these
situations I give a firm "no" without
   hesitation or excuses.

   Specific monitoring data that indicate this pattern: 1/26, 1/28, 2/1.

  2.I perform my skill least effectively with my husband and close friends. When my
friends or husband ask me to do
    something I don't want to do, I usually begin by saying 'no" but then, if they try to
change my mind, I usually feel guilty and
    then give in.

   Specific monitoring data that indicate this pattern: 1/18, 1/20, 1/21.

When I say "no" ineffectively, I often do the following:

   Make excuses - "I’d really like to drive you to the store, but I have to start dinner."
   In this case, I didn't really want to drive to the store and I didn't have to start dinner.

   Specific monitoring data that indicate this pattern: 1/19, 1/22.

   I often begin my "no saying" with phrases such as: "Oh, I don't know"; "I really
shouldn't"; 'It sounds nice, but..."
   These phrases seem to urge others to persuade me out of my position.

   Specific monitoring data that indicate this pattern: 1/23, 1/24, 1/26, 1/30.

Look for a minimum of __ patterns.

PART C is due __

TOP

D. Self Talk Analysis

This analysis identifies and disputes negative self-talk that can lead to poor skill
performance. The format parallels monitoring,
except that self talk sections are added to the "specific behavior" and "preferred behavior"
sections.

Format:

SS:
Time, place, people, and situation.

SB:
Describe verbal and nonverbal behavior. Add section describing your internal d ialogue or
self-talk before or during the situation.
Self- Talk:
Describe your self-talk during the specific behavior.

Analysis and Dispute:

Discuss what your self-talk may or may not mean. How accurate is it?



PB:
Describe verbal and nonverbal behavior you might have used. Add section on how you
might have disputed any fallacies - based
negative self-talk, i.e. provide positive self talk examples. State which self-talk
statements are fallacies and name the fallacies
being used. Describe positive self-talk and disputation that you would use to overcome
fallacies and negative self- talk.

Self- talk Example:

Skill: Be more assertive with friends and family.

SS:
Wednesday; 04-30-97; 6:45am; interacting with "R"; I had just woken up and went into
the bathroom. "R" had been up for an hour
taking a shower and doing other morning-type things.

SB:
As I went into the bathroom I couldn't help but notice a hairball that our cat had coughed
up in the middle of the floor. "R" had
been using the bathroom for the last hour and had not bothered to clean it up. He was out
in the kitchen getting some food so I
called out to him "Thanks for cleaning up the hairball", he apparently did not hear me and
asked, "What?" I repeated myself again
with the addition of a big sigh at the beginning, he again replied 'What?" I felt my
stomach tighten and rolled my eyes, "Never
mind" I shouted back. He did not respond after I said this.

Self- Talk:
He's pretending like he didn't hear me. He never helps me. If I clean it up he'll never
learn. If I push him about this it will make
him angry. I should not give in so easily.

Analysis and Dispute:
Thinking that he was pretending to not hear me, saying that he never helps me, and
saying that if I don't clean up that one hairball
he would never learn his lesson are all fallacies of over generalization. Saying that I will
make him angry by pushing him about
cleaning up the hairball is a fallacy of causation. Finally, I feel that saying that I should
not give in so easily is not a fallacy at all,
it's true.

PB:
Instead of shouting to "R" from the bathroom I should have gone into the kitchen and
simply asked him to clean up the mess,
remembering to keep good eye contact and not to use an accusing tone of voice. I think
just saying "Can you please clean up the
hairball?" would have been sufficient. Some positive self-talk might include; He might
not have seen the hairball. There is no harm
in asking politely for his help. Don't give up. Just go and confront him with your request.
The best way to teach him is to gently
remind him how to help you.

Monitor at least __ instances of your self- talk

PART D is due __

E. Goal Analysis
The communication skill you selected earlier in this project is not stated in specific
behavioral terms. For example: "I want to overcome shyness and meet new people" gives
you little direction. Some questions you might want to ask yourself are: What new
people? Where will I meet them? When will I meet them? How many do I want to meet?
How often? What will I say when I meet them? What do I typically do in these situations
that I want to avoid?
In Goal Analysis, Robert Mager (1972) offers a procedure for changing poorly defined,
ambiguous goals into specific behavioral performances. The following is a summary of
Mager's method for analyzing and specifying goals:
Do not show your work through the five steps. In the journal only record step 5, the
fully developed goal.
Step Write down goal. Example: Listening actively.
1:
Step Jot down the performances that describe the goal. Write down those which seem most
2:   relevant or comfortable to you (operational definition). Example: Must nod and use
     intermittent eye contact. Must reflect nonverbal, i.e. smile when the partner is happy and
     smiling. Must paraphrase. Must ask questions.
Step Go back over the list and tighten it up. Cross out duplications. Carry out Steps 1 & 2 on
3:   any remaining ambiguous terms.
Step Describe each important performance. Do this in a statement that identifies the manner (or
4:   extent) of the performance you require to be satisfied the goal is achieved. Example: I
     want to listen actively to my roommate's stories; I will sit down with her, face-to-face, and
     use eye contact for a few seconds at least twice a minute. I will ask her questions abo ut the
     content of her story.
Step Modify these statements until you can answer "yes" to this question: If someone
5:   performed the behaviors I have outlined, would I be willing to say that person had
     achieved the goal? Example: When my roommate comes in on Saturday night and begins
     to tell me about her date, I will put down what I am doing and sit down near her, facing in
     her direction. While she is talking, I will glance at her several times (6 times a minute). If
     she is telling a funny story, I will smile and nod. I will ask questions to encourage her to
     talk; I might say "So then what happened?"
TOP
F. Covert Rehearsal
A Program for Behavior Change
Now that you have carefully monitored your communication and designed a specific
goal, you are ready to actually begin changing your behavior. We can view this procedure
as a shaping process, beginning with small approximations of your goal behavior and
concluding with the actual implementation of your goal in the real situation.
Covert Rehearsal: Practicing Your Imagination.
Covert rehearsal (or imaginal practice) is an effective way of trying out new
communication behaviors. As you imagine yourself practicing your new skill, focus hard
on specific interactions.
Actually think about dialogue - what you say, and how the other person responds. Don't
just go through the motions. Really see yourself asking specific questions, making
specific comments, and hearing the other person replying. As you imagine the sequence,
practice precisely what you want to say and how you want to say it. Experiment with
what feels to be the most effective and comfortable way. Use the oral skills we practiced
in class in your rehearsal when applicable. By covertly rehearsing in this manner, you
make it much more likely that you will be actually performing the behavior comfortably
and effectively in real life situations. This surprising effect of covert rehearsal has been
shown in numerous recent studies.
What makes covert rehearsal particularly useful is that you can carry it around and do it
anywhere - in the shower, walking to class, riding on a bus, washing your dishes. The
more you vary covertly rehearsing a particular episode, the more likely you will be to
perform well in the actual situation.
For example, if you're planning to initiate and maintain a conversation with your
neighbor, you should think through a number of possible topics and questions before
finally choosing what you perceive to be the best.
Covert rehearsal can be used both to prepare for an upcoming communication event, and
to evaluate and revise an event that has already occured. Both of these increase the
probability that you will perform your new skill effectively. Note that some people
initially find it difficult to imagine specific conversations with other. Keep with it if you
have difficulty. You will eventually succeed with practice, and when you do you will be
amazed at the effect.
Covert Rehearsal: Some Practice
Choose a communication event that you would like to prepare for covertly. Then, in a
quiet place, begin thinking about the conversation as you'd like to see it evolve. When
you hit rough spots, try a variety of options until you find a response that pleases you.
When you're satisfied with your imagined scene, describe it in script form.
My general skill is to be more independent; differ from others in a group; refuse to
conform.
Specific Situation
Describe the setting, time, people involved (you should be one of them)
Specific Behavior
Pat (my roommate): Hi Chris! What's up?
Me: (Looking up and smiling) Hey Pat. I'm just trying to finish up this assignment.
Pat: Assignment? Yuck! I was thinking of going to Sparky's for a drink. You've just got
to come along! (Hands on hips, frowning at me)
Me: Wow! (Put down my pen and turn towards Pat) Thanks for thinking of me (smile),
but I've got to finish this paper tonight.
                                (CONTINUE THE SCRIPT)
Scripts should show dialogue, plan for about 2-3 minutes: a sample of your skill
performance.
PARTS E & F are due______
In order to get credit for Part G, you must complete Part F.


G. Behavior Rehearsal
Practicing Your New Skill
Behavior rehearsal is also known as "role playing."
This course favors the term behavior rehearsal because it suggests that an individual is
not playing the role of someone else but rather is rehearsing his or her own behavior.
Rehearsing communication behavior is useful both before and after and event. Practicing
before an event allows you to enter a communication situation in your most prepared
state. Rehearsing a disappointing situation after it occurs gives you a chance to discover
and remedy aspects of your own behavior that were less than satisfactory.
Your behavior rehearsal assignment should be carried out in class. You will form small
classroom groups of five to six people. Small groups are advocated for this activity
because that format provides each participant with a substantial amount of observer input.
You will perform your rehearsal based on the script you have written. Describe or read
the script to your group. Pick your partner(s) from the group to rehearse with you. Your
partner is not to read the script, but will use the script as a basis for the rehearsal. You
and your partner will spontaneously create a dialogue based on your script, adding or
changing materials so that you will be challenged to think "on your feet." At the same
time the group will be aware of the (goals) you are trying to achieve, they will provide
feedback.
If there is time after all have rehearsed, re-rehearse using feedback.
To write up this section of your journal, include the following:
   1. Surprises, script samples that were different from your imagined script (your
      covert rehearsal)
   2. Feedback from your group
   3. Your comments, evaluation and thoughts about the feedback yo u received
H. Implementation
Performing Your Skill in Real World Situations.
Without actually implementing your new skill in real life situations, this entire course is
nothing more than a theoretical exercise.
You should be satisfied with nothing less than real change in real situations, which means
that you will need to choose and plan specific situations in which you want to use your
new skill.
Plan particular times, places, and people with whom to try your new behavior. Of course
when an unplanned opportunity arises, you obviously should use it. The important thing
is for you to get into the pattern of planning your communication behavior. Almost any
behavior can be planned: compliments, questions, agreement statements, or requests. The
more frequently you plan communication behavior, the more skilled you will become at
managing what you do and at having an impact on the system in which you participate.
Remember to evaluate your performance each time you attempt your new behavior in
actual situations.
For PART H, answer the following questions.
What seemed to work for you?
What did not seem to work?
In what situations were you most successful?
What will you do differently the next time?
What behaviors would you perform again?
Final thoughts?
PART G is due __
PART H is due __