Ask Yiayia SM PROBLEM SOLVING THROUGH PURPOSEFUL COMMUNICATION A by somuchinlove

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									                                “Ask
                                   Yiayia”                           SM




          PROBLEM SOLVING THROUGH PURPOSEFUL
                    COMMUNICATION


A couple of ways we can change to meet our child’s needs and to improve their
behavior is:

  Avoid lecturing. As adults we don’t appreciate our bosses or
  anyone endlessly lecturing us, so why should children enjoy being
  lectured? Lecturing seldom gets results. The mere fact that we
  have to lecture should tell us that they’re ‘not processing’ our
  lectured words. Otherwise we would see the benefits. Instead, we
  need to use only two or more sentences to say what we are upset
  about; what we expect to happen differently; and what will happen
  if there is no improvement.

           Example: Alice, I’m only going to say this once. I accept
           your feelings but I will not accept your angry behavior.
           Here is a mad pillow to hit (or a newspaper to tear up, or
           clay to pound on) to release your anger. Acting out your
           anger on anyone else will result in a 1 hr. anger
           management course with me and/or your father.
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                                                                       SM
                          “Ask
                            Yiayia”                     SM




                              And

Make the consequences fit the misbehavior. Children can read
us pretty well and when the consequences they receive are not
related to the behavior, they tend to feel we aren’t being fair.
No consequence is ever acceptable to our kids but they respect
us for our fairness and consistency. A simple strategy of
having our children pay back in labor or time is when that
amount of time spent solving their problem becomes the
consequence. Example:

“I’ve had to spend 5 hrs. of my time in trying to undo your bad
choices; therefore I’ll need 5 hrs. of your time to [“whatever I
need done, that will make up for loss of my time].”
                                OR

“You were 30 minutes later than your curfew without calling
me first, so now you’ll have 30 minutes taken off your next
night out.”
Then, STICK TO IT!
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                                                          SM
                                            “Ask
                                                Yiayia”                                       SM




As always, I welcome your comments.
Ask Yiayia (grandmother in Greek), aka Becky Kapsalis, Certified Parent Coach, specializing in character
education and development for parents, educators and children, is a mom, grandmother, Current in Carmel
columnist, speaker, educator and child advocate. She can be reached by phone @317-810-9358 or email:
askyiayia@indy.rr.com




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                                                                                                  SM

								
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