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Hash Booklet


  • pg 1
         ...30 Years On On The Trail

 Hash Beano - 1979-2009

                           Founded In 1979
                               Wot Fancy Dress            Sniff & Scoff

Who’s eaten all the Pies

                                                         Hollybush Clipboard
 Hippy Lilly the Pink
                             Bah Humbug ‘Bob Cratchet’

     Cinderella                                           Harlequinn Pixie

                           SANTA CLAUS PANTO
                             Sir Walter Tyrell
                                                           I’m not Grumpy
      Ugly Sisters

        Hi Ho...               Te he ‘Max Wall’            Mince Wot!
                       W essex H ash H o u se H arriers
                                                                                               O n o n th e tra il sin ce 1 9 79

    G ran d M aster                                         M artin "M r B eak y" S im m s
    H ash G o d fath er                                     A lan "G ates" R eyn o ld s
    Jo int M aster & D u stm an                             C o lin "S n o rk el" S h earin g
    Jo int M aster                                          S teve "Fu rsty Ferret" M cG u in ess
    Jo int M aster                                          P au l “O ran ge B o llock ” G avin
    Jo int M istress                                        M argaret "U p fro n t" L au rie
    Jo int M istress & H are R azo r                        Jack ie "A rseab o ut" V in cen t
    Jo int M istress                                        P am "P o p p et" R eyn o ld s
    O n O n S ec                                            A n d rea "R atarsed " C h id ley
    H ash C ash                                             A n gie "In sid e O u t" S im m s
    H ash H ab erd ash                                      A llan "G retel” K in gslan d
    H ash IT                                                N ick "S tu d ent" G avin

                                                                     Changing the venue of the mid-summer to Princetown
This special anniversary year compiling the third edition            on Dartmoor was a great success. It gave us some
of our hash trash Beano gives me the opportunity to recall           great trails and Gretel put a new meaning into a sub
30 glorious years of hash frolics.                                   sixty... The food was scrumptious and the entertainment
A hash weekend to celebrate our ‘Posh Nosh’ combined                 was in true hashing fashion with Banjo Billy and Stoker
with our first Wessex ‘Red Dress’ Run from the                       entertaining the masses superbly. Both the Main & Mini
Springfield Country Hotel, Wareham raised £301 for the               enjoyed the trails up and over the Tors, around the
local Mayors charity. The Santa Claus trail at Sir Walter            reservoir and back to the ice cream van! Well done the
Tyrell pub was well attended and raised a further £219               Mismanagement for their efforts.
from Xmas Cards.                                                     With our donation the Wessex H3 has now become
We celebrated our 30th Anniversary with a ‘Pirates &                 part of the hash dream to preserve the hash heritage
Wenches Night’ in ‘Olde Poole Town’. The evening was                 by helping to rebuild the Hash House and in 2011 the
a sumptuous and lavish occasion and a night to remember              1st World Heritage Hash will take place in Melaka.
with a gourmet feast, dress and entertainment. In                    The mismanagement takes no responsibility for the
attendance were founder members Ram Seegar and                       articles or pictures in this edition but only ask you to
Penny Fairclough, making this a truly special occasion.              take it in the spirit intended!
Some 80 hung-over hashers in true hashing tradition
attended the run next morning from the Royal British                 And for the next 30 years...Remember no matter what
Legion, Verwood, and a well laid trail by a devious                  ‘shit happens’ and usually on the best trails..
Bumhugger & Wheeze.                                                  On On Mr Beaky
Another good turn out enjoyed the Hursley & R2D2                                              P a s t G ra n d M a s te rs
combined 1500 th Anniversary camping weekend at                       1 9 7 9 -1 9 8 2                 R am S eeg er
Winchester. We continued the camaraderie over the year                1 9 8 2 -1 9 8 4                 T o n y " B a d g e r " W e d la k e
with a few joint runs with the Hardy hash, a visit to                 1 9 8 4 -1 9 8 6                 A n th o n y "S h a rk y " W a rd
Eurohash in Turkey and later in August the Wessex ‘On                 1 9 8 6 -2 0 0 3                 G o r d o n R a g g e tt
Tour’ will be visiting Perth for the Nash Hash. Is it time            2 0 0 3 -2 0 0 6                 C liv e " C lip b o a r d " E n g la n d
for the Wessex to host a future Nash Hash again?                      2 0 0 6 -p re s e n t            M a r t in " M r B e a k y " S im m s


Another very successful year for the Wessex ably led by our Grand Master. There has of late been one or two near misses
of Hashers, by cars, running on both sides of tarmac roads. While it is appreciated that it is doubtful that Hashers notice
such collisions amidst the overall pain, considerable damage and insurance problems can be caused to the vehicles.
May I ask all Hashers to run on the right-hand side of the road facing the traffic. Otherwise not only will you not have
a leg to stand on legally, but also possibly physically!!                          GATES

                         This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6)
                          Annual Grumblers Meeting
                            Wessex Hash House Harriers Annual General Meeting
                                        Sunday 9th November 2008
                                    At the Bryanston Estate Club, Blandford

Present:     Martin “Mr Beaky” Simms                 -      Grandmaster & Chairman
             Colin “Snorkel” Shearing                -      Joint Master
             Steve “Fursty Ferret” McGuiness         -      Joint Master
             Paul “Orange Bollocks” Gavin            -      Joint Master
             Pam “Poppet” Reynolds                   -      Joint Mistress
             Jackie “Arseabout” Vincent              -      Joint Mistress
             Margaret “Upfront” Laurie               -      Joint Mistress
             Angie “Inside Out” Simms                -      Hash Cash
             Andrea “Ratarsed” Chidley               -      On Sec
             Alan “Gates” Reynolds                   -      Godfather
with 84 hash members present.
The Grand Master (GM) welcomed members to the AGM, and in particular Penny Fairclough (formerly Seeger) who
was one of the original founder members of the Wessex Hash. The GM gave a short review of the year and in
particular the excellent hashing reputation of the Wessex which has spread all over the world whilst attending events.
He personally thanked the hashers who helped sell regalia at the Interhash 08 in Perth. He also thanked all who had
made donations received in memory of Nigel Webb and the total was an incredible £750.
Apologies: Jon ‘’Circus Boy’’ Smallwood, Derek “Von” Harker, Dawn “Cuddles” Lyndene, Cindy “Cinders” and
Tony “Badger” Wedlake, Pat “The Dragon” Lewis, Wendy “Wheeze” Bowers, Belinda “Avon Queen” Charlton
Minutes of 2007 AGM:
The minutes were distributed prior to the AGM and were unanimously approved, without comment, by a show of
Annual Accounts and Subscriptions 2007-2008:
The Grand Master invited the Treasurer Inside Out to brief and comment on the accounts. Inside Out stated that the
accounts were very healthy. This was due to various factors, including the sale of regalia at the Interhash in Perth
earlier in the year and monthly raffles. As a result the hash annual subscriptions would not have to be increased for the
coming year. Mr Beaky invited questions from the membership on the accounts, there were none. The GM thanked the
Treasurer for her hard work and support over the year.
Proposed by:     John Polk Polkinghorn                    Seconded by: Fred The Bastard Barker
Approval of the accounts was unanimous.
Resurrection of Hash House
Alan Gates Reynolds spoke of the entry in the Hash Year book of the project to rebuild the Hash House in Kuala
Lumpar in order to preserve for posterity the hash history and heritage and as a resource for the enjoyment of hashers
worldwide. The Hash Heritage Foundation (HHF) was set up in 2000 which drew up plans for the rebuilding project.
In 2005 the Malaysian Government gave one acre of ground to the HHF to be used as the site for the new hash house,
and the development of two hash bars, library etc was approved. As large numbers of the Wessex Hash now regularly
go “On Tour” to Interhash, Eurohash and Nash Hash’s, Gates felt we should ensure the Wessex HHH name is among
those listed in the new Hash House as having supported and contributed money to the new building. He proposed
several fund-raising functions over the next five years to raise money for this purpose. Barry Bumhugger Bowers
suggested that if there is money already in the Wessex hash bank account that it should be given to the HHF now if
needed rather than over the next five years. Tom The Grocer Sainsbury raised questions regarding the business plan
for the venture and Alan Gates Reynolds told him all this information could be found on the Hash Heritage Foundation
website. Members agreed it was preferable not to give a lump sum now but to support the project over the next five
years and the GM would register our interest with the Hash House Foundation committee.
Proposed: Alan Gates Reynolds                       Seconded:      Brian Wiggy Harwood-Butler
It was proposed that money raised should be reviewed at every AGM and that the period for fund raising should not
exceed five years.
Proposed: Martin Mr Beaky Simms                     Seconded:      Peter Spud Taylor
Membership – Honorary Member(s)
Mr Beaky briefed members that this coming year would see the Wessex celebrate 30 years of hashing and that Derek
‘Von’ Harker was one of the original 20 runners at the first Wessex HHH run on 7th January 1979, along with Penny
Fairclough. He had also been On Sec for many years. Mr Beaky recommended to members that in recognition of this
at the Anniversary run 2009 he should be made an Honorary Member and be presented with a certificate and an
engraved Pewter tankard to mark the 30 years on the trail.

This was unanimously approved by a show of hands.
Approval Of A Charity Donation:
Mr Beaky invited John Frostbite Herbert to explain why the RNIB would be a worthy charity to support. Frostbite
said that since he had retired he spent a couple of hours a week driving the blind or partially sighted to various events.
The Dorset Blind Association is a local charity that supports at least 6,500 registered blind or partially sighted. They
receive no government funding and rely entirely on voluntary contributions. Mr Beaky suggested the Dorset and
Somerset Air Ambulance would also be a worthy recipient of the Wessex hash charity donations. Like the RNIB it is
not government funded and is 100% dependent on voluntary contributions. Jim Hashcake Joint felt we should not
donate to this charity as it should be funded by government. Bill Y Nam Im Honeyman stated that the Dorset and
Somerset Air Ambulance had been a contributing factor in saving the life of Teresa’s son and the service had also
attended Nigel Howard Webb following his untimely death whilst on the hash.
It was proposed that this year’s charity donation of £100 should go to the Dorset Blind Association. The approval was
In addition, money received from the ‘Red Dress’ run on 7th December at Wareham to be split between Wareham
Blind Club and Dorset and Somerset Air Ambulance.
Individual donations made in memory of Nigel Howard Webb would be collected by Mr Beaky and forwarded to the
Dorset & Somerset Air Ambulance.
Proposed: Martin Mr Beaky Simms                   Seconded: John Centurion Lyndene
This was unanimously approved by a show of hands.
Any Other Business
Christmas Day: Tricia Hansel and Alan Gretel Kingsland said they are planning to provide Christmas dinner for
elderly, lonely people in Winton area, having been given the use of the Scout Hall. They said if members had any time
to spare on Christmas day, help collecting the elderly people or serving the meal would be appreciated. Mr Beaky &
Inside Out volunteered their assistance and Alan Sinbad Gittins commented that he was elderly, lonely and grumpy he
would like to come along for the meal.
Christmas cards: Glenda Slender Huckle has again kindly offered to coordinate the collection of money in lieu of
Christmas cards. A voluntary contribution of £3 per person was agreed, the money raised going towards supporting
the Christmas Day dinner.
Next AGM: The next AGM will be on Sunday 8th November 2009 at the Hurn Sports Club.
Thanks: Ancient hasher Phil expressed his thanks to Frostbite and Anita Forget me Knot Herbert for bringing him
along to the hash every week and to everyone for making him feel so welcome.
Down Downs
    1.      Slackarse - for hash gossip and spreading news faster than BT.
    2.      The Bastard - for 1050 runs
    3.      Penny Fairclough - for posting an advert in the Echo 30 years ago.
    4.      Memsahib, Mama Cass and Navigator (for Student) – birthdays.
    5.      Sinbad and Gates for contravening Euro Rules (Union Jack symbols on their car registration plates).
    6.      Nell Gwynn - for lost socks last year.
    7.      Poppet for being registered as obese at her recent hobbit medical.
    8.      Bumhugger- for being on TV’s Autumn Watch as ‘Barry the Big White Buck’.
    9.      Sex Slave- for sexism, by leaving at home Chippendale to look after the children.
    10.     Bogman- for being late for the run again.
    11.     Hash Cake and Clipboard - as the hares and for a rubbish trail.
    12.     Virgin hasher – for whining.
    13.     All of the mismanagement – for being the worst offenders over the year.
    Three cheers were given to Penny Fairclough for coming to the Annual Grumblers Meeting.
    The meeting was brought to an end at 2.20pm.
    Andrea Ratarsed Chidley
    On Sec

   If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island. If you don’t have sea all round you, you are incontinent. (Wayne age 7)
                 If you can find and keep on dust when all about you are not
          Losing their teddies and trail, blaming everyone, including you for what
               If you can remember the trail when all the Wessex doubt you
              And not make a Big Issue of it when some Wessex, turn on you
            If you can skilfully wait at checks and let the others find the route
          Craftily let the others run the false trails some considerable way to boot
                      And when the pack comes back you take the flack
           Then welcome to the Wessex, a rare elite Hasher who has great tact.

              If Hashers can dream a Badgers lust of lovely bums running fast
           And if Harriet’s fantasize about young male thighs in times gone past
            If you can bear to receive Lord Avon’s criticism of your trail bravely
                  And think of him and others as odd, peculiarly and nasally
                   If you find old Wiggy’s trails always missing a huge link,
                 Because the main always run them twice around in a blink
         Ignore Snorkel’s tantrums because some of the hash has gone all snobby.
            Then welcome to the Wessex Hash House Harriers, most probably

         If, you are long gone and past it, sit with the coffee hash drinking it white
            If you wonder about Slender Glenda’s Gender & Snow Whites tights
         Footstuck tales to Lily’s crusades all combine in their mutual reminiscing
        With their cigarette smoke and their long lost sex lives wafts up the chimney
             Then after the down downs they go out and the Pub finally empties
        With the Hobbits they reconvene in a shop with the Taylor cream tea yetties
               If this is the hashers fate that waits at the end of our life’s trails
                  Then welcome to the Wessex membership that never fails

                If to be punished for misdemeanours with down downs a lot
           If everyone’s fate is with the Mismanagement & Grand Masters plot
                The accolade every Hasher fears which always ends in tears
                  Is to be presented monthly, with the Genuine Pig’s Ears.
               From cocked up trails to Domestic strife and passing the buck
           To be presented the trophy of shame means you have run out of luck.
          From the Grocer, the Greek God, to Acctic Ken, Stoker and Capt Oates
           Then welcome to the Wessex, you extremely iffy odd peculiar blokes.

                           If you can lay a perfect trail without any fault
                       If the main and the mini all doing what they ought.
               If following dust, if not crossing bars and if checking circles out
            If answering the call of nature in bushes without showing your clout
              If giving and receiving the hashing insults with gracious humour
                       Then Hashing friendship is your bountiful bloomer
                     If when on a Wessex trail you will find unexpected fun
            Then welcome to Wessex Hash House Harriers, daughter and Son

              If Sharky, Boots, a Sloppy Greek God and Gates can lose their Ragget,
      If Inside Out, Arse a Bout, Pixie and Poppet can’t remove Graffiti off the Avon Queen
       If Oddsocks fell over Chippendale with a Jockstrap to contain his Orange Bollocks
    If iPod texts 02 about Hands Free squeezing Tits in a Trance gazing at her Ginger Pussy
      If Taking the Pith about a Pierced Nipple gets Squiffy and Ratarsed Cream Crackered
If Miss Perfect used Soap Suds after fomdomg Cobblers Three beans, in the Alcatraz Bogman
 If Mr Sheen throws a Wobbly about Rice Crispy’s Hashcake a Milky Bar Kid with Mr Chips.
              If you can cope with all that nonsensem then Welcome to Wessex Hash
  Look at her....   God Marie, feel how stiff this is!    Help the Aged.


She’s my sister                                          Town Cryer Seized

                              Wessex HHH

                       Students got the Trots

 Odd Couple                                                 On on Tar Mac

        Red Dawn                                           Betty Boob
    The Wessex Running Weak Ends...                              she would use a silver one so he would come second for a
Many of the more effluent members of the Wessex Hash
House Harriers assembled at the Springfield Hotel and Once Gentle Gretel said grace the bread rolls disappeared
Leisure Centre on the Saturday around Midday to enjoy before wine was served and the starters appeared. The
the benefits of the facilities available. Remarks were Hashers who ordered soup were really soupped off.
passed how many looked like contenders for the future The very skilled table seating plan craftily kept peace by
coffee hash. For a few hashers it was the only opportunity placing all the Pikeys together, all the Kilties together, the
to enjoy a free hot bath or shower, which included all the Lytchett Minster Striders together, which included the
Parkstone Pikeys camped in the hotel car park. The athletic East Wick witches, the Graffiti grope, sorry group’
Wessex Hash House Harriers have now received a huge together. On the ‘Honourable’ table, they all watched the
bill for removing and clearing out all the old washing ma- very Reverend Waters hoovering up the entire excess
chines and fridges left behind, and replacing the copper roast and boiled potatoes, whilst clearing out all the veg
piping stolen from the lavatories.                               tureens much to Snow White’s amusement. The CTC
Other early arrivals, other than Grandpa Graffiti, made table with Chairman Turner, Reg ‘Huckle’ Harris and other
for the swimming pool, gymnasium, via the bar in an ever peddler’s all displayed their stainless steel matching cycle
decreasing circle all ending up permanently in the bar. The clips and cuff links together.
oval ball game appreciation society tried to get the rugby The Skiing table gradually got piste together and as Little
matches on the Sky television which the hotel did not sub- Trish (Tit in a Trance) was wearing magnetic drawers,
scribe to. That was too much for Mr Beaky who disap- all the cutlery on her table kept flying and sticking to her
peared to the swimming pool to enjoy a good sulk. Other exotic quarters.
more genteel hashers just sat in the lounge drinking, eating,
greeting and continually moving furniture and enlarging the The aloof H.O.V table does not warrant a mention; these
settee circle.                                                   dual hashers with their divided loyalties felt they could not
                                                                 associate themselves with the riff raff. Once again the
Polly Pianist Parker, who arrived early, greeted every- Jockstraps left early although it could have been Polly’s
body with a lengthy hand shake and a sneeze, then went potion working effectively quickly.
around the Springfield Hostelry infecting every roomwith
the Haunch of Venison salisbury trits - including room 219 During the after eight and dancing period the ‘Cats refu-
allocated to Mr & Mrs Bowers! Having accomplished his gee home quartet’ put on an interesting sketch about
chemical warfare mission he fled                                                         pussies, whilst others just danced
back to Wiltshire ensuring that the                      Wessex Belles                   and drank the night away.
red dress run on the Sunday turned                                                       On Sunday morning the Pikeys
into a desperate run for the toilets                                                     were spotted in the breakfast room
for the majority of hashers on Mon-                                                      helping themselves to everything
day. Some people have a lavatorial                                                       before being chased out by
vendetta sense of humour. Was it                                                         Bumhugger.
the Wessex he was after ? Or, was
it just some vendetta against mem-                                                       The Hash assembled for the Mayor
bers of the Haunch of Venison.                                                           of Wareham charity red dress run
Slackarse was loitering in the                                                           send off and a handbag fight im-
lounge area insulting any and every-                                                     mediately erupted between Oxfam
body that came within hearing dis-                                                       and Hansel as they had the exact
tance aided and abetted by the big-                                                      same Primark dress on. One or two
ger and louder Graffiti. It is a won-                                                   down downs were given from the
der how many hashers appeared not to be offended, al- previous night but Poppet achieved a 1,000 runs free drink
though Oxfam looked decidedly pissed off. Other early ar- and size 20 polo shirt (in view of her obesity).
rivals included Artic Ken, The Greens, the Reynolds, and After the short speeches the Mayor sent us all off with a
a very thin looking Pissy & Pussy, (little did they know few kind words, we did not understand either of them, so
what was coming their way courtesy of Polly). The bar we ran like lightening to get away on a very cold and
area soon filled up with the ‘Boy Lost’ group, the Gavin’s, frosty morning, frightening all the locals, ramblers, dog
plus many others, and a festive atmosphere prevailed.            walkers, motorists, Dorset peasants and gentry alike. The
It was noticed that 3 very frustrated Harriet’s known as route weaved its way towards the River Frome where
the Witches of East Wick released so much spent up emo- we all stopped to pose for photographs, then along the
tional sexual tensions by constantly running the treadmills tow path to Wareham.
that another bill landed on the Hash Cash mat for replace- Once across the bridge the Town-crier in all her regalia,
ment machines.                                                   using the same hand bell her ancestors used to warn the
The Evening festivities started fairly early with all the Jocks, good residents of Wareham that the Black Death or the
conversing in Jock-a-nese, dressed in kilts, with poncey Vikings had arrived, informed the astonished population
and paunchy shirts, surrounding the bar preventing others the Wessex HHH with their collecting tins were in town.
from obtaining any beverages, while admiring and display- Again another photo stop. Through the town, past the
ing each others weapons, dirks and alike. Apparently Stoker Church, and around the old battlements and back to the
qualified as a reject Jock. Fortunately the Anglo-Saxon Springfield and as usual the main and the mini all met
hashers conveniently forgot to tell them the other bar was Captain Oates following the trail on his way out. Colo-
selling Ringwood, and they were left to their own devices. nel Gates was also in trouble as he had not put the Rolls
As the Hash assembled the transformation from sagging Royce car keys in the box and Poppet was left shivering
boobs and waist lines was stunning. The Hash ‘Scrub- till nearly blue before he returned.
bers’ all scrubbed up, most notably the East Wick Witches; After the customary down downs and thank you’s the
take a look at the Wessex web site. However Arctic Ken’s Pirates Night tickets went on sale, with no one getting
dress ‘stars and stripe’ shirt had lost it stripes since last killed in the rush, giving us all yet another excuse to dress
year, so much for eco washing powder. The Mad Cyclist up and act like three year olds with the exception of the
returned from his travels with a Beijing chairman Mao din- East Wick Witches who will be casting their sexy beady
ner jacket complete with pockets for chop sticks and Olym- eyes over the younger hashers, beware.
pic condoms, gold, silver and bronze; Sex Therapist hoped                                                      The Slasher
                  POSH NOSH 2008

 Poor Sod                             Mutley Crew                         Wheeze

                           Henry                     Pissy
                           & OB                       &

 Centurion                         French Mistress                       Dillys
     &                                                                    &
Parcel Force                                                             Gerry

                Hansel                                  Sox & Rob
                & Gretel

                                        Good, Bad
Coffee Hasher                            & Ugly                         Smart Arse

                Sniff-Blow-Sox                           Male Escorts
                                                                  Atrick enjoyed his so much that he left his front tooth on the
WESSEX PIRATES & WENCHES                                          side of his plate as a tip. The Godfather made a speech
                                     Harry Paye, or Arry as he    reminiscing the past thirty years and proposed a toast to Penny
                                     was known would have         and Ram. In reply, Ram spoke of Wessex Hash being a credit to
                                     been proud to witness the    its officials, helpers, and members,” it is a special organisation,
                                     siege of the old coaching    a touch of eccentricity that was needed in this uniform world,
                                     inn, The Antelope on         I never expected the hash to
                                     Saturday evening of the      last in my wildest dreams but
                                     3rd day of the 1st month     it has, and is going from
                                     of the year 2009 by the      strength to strength”.
                                     Wessex Hash House
                                     Pirates and Wenches.
Who’s Arry? you may well ask, he was a notorious Poole pirate,
sailing the high sea’s 600 years ago plundering the French
and Spanish cargo ships, so incensed by his pirate activities
the French and Spanish attacked the Port of Poole in revenge
leaving it burnt and pillaged, with many poor souls dead.
Arry set sail again capturing one hundred and twenty French
and Spanish vessels full of valuables and wine to recompense
the folk of Poole, his name sake being, Old Harry Rocks
                                                                  It all started at the High
Eighty Pirates and Wenches, celebrating                           Corner Inn said Penny, we
the 30th anniversary of the formation of                          advertised in the echo on the
the Wessex Hash House Harriers took siege                         Friday evening and Brian James immediately contacted us, on
of the Antelope, hostages were taken;                             the Sunday he brought along some of his sports club members,
namely Ram Seeger, and Penny                                      snow was on the ground and we had mulled wine., we ran off
Fairclough, there was little resistance from                                                      with a pack of about thirty.
them, as they realised what an enjoyable
evening was to come with the Pirates and                                                               At the end of the formal
Wenches who had sailed to the event from                                                               proceedings,        Poppet
far and wide. The Irish contingent, O2, and                                                            presented Penny with a
Ginger puss sailed into port on the good                                                               bouquet of flowers.
ship O2Pussy.                                                                                          Surprise, surprise, down
Did you notice the Parrots?, or perhaps the Robins as sported                                          downs were on the agenda,
by Ratarsed and Angela, the oversized blow up job of the Milky                                         free drinks were awarded to
Bar Kid, the only one that could squawk on the hand of            Cream Crackered for enhanced boobs, Rattle Bones for being
Clipboard and that was a crow, or perhaps the home made cut       a tart and hot totty, David for his mode of transport, Sex Slave
out and colour me on the shoulder of arseabout.                   for just being a wench, and The Grand Master for loosing his
                                                                  voice, how convenient. After raiding hash funds Mr Beaky
                    An arsenal of weapons was on prominent        proposed a toast to past and present Grandmasters and
                    display from Dragon Swords, Cutlasses,        hierarchy in the form of a tot of rum, amidst calls for” drinks
                    daggers, and pistols, as you would expect     for the boys.”
                    Stoker displayed his huge Cutlass that
                    kept finding itself in nomansland. The        Rattlebones looked huge, had he eaten so much this evening?
                    wenches knew how to get their men, just a     Was he the barrel in a barrel rolling contest? no, he was just
                    mention of the word cleavage and all          wearing thirty hash tee shirts. The shirts were torn one by one
                    pirates heads turned ,thanks must go to       from his fine torso by his harlot; Rattlebones filled the air with
                    Footstuck, Fancy Pants, Nell Gwynne,          nostalgia as he reminisced as to the origins of the shirts over
                    Sniff And Scratch, and Jackie Purkiss for     the past thirty years.
                    being so uplifting.                           The evening continued with
Rattlebones transformed into a wench, just looking at her, or     music, dancing, and mayhem
was it him?, made Cream Crackereds false nipples look             with vocals from the lovely Tracy.
genuine. Snorkel made an excellent effort in his modern pirates   What a start to our celebrating
dress, looked more like a motorcyclists outfit to me, or was it   thirty years of hashing, thank
The Stig from Top Gear.                                           you Mr Beaky and your
                                                                  mismanagement for organising
Before we ate, Snorkel                                            such a successful evening , and to the members that attended
said grace in the form                                            for making it the success that it was. Long John ...
of the hash lord’s
prayer, especially
written for this most
auspicious occasion.
We all the tucked into
an excellent three
course meal that expanded the belly’s of all.                           Oysters’ balls are called pearls. (James age 6)
                        On Tour - TURKEY
                                       ZZZ o
                    !                        h Gl
               te s                               enda
            Ga                                         !
                        Hash Life

 Odd Soxs                                                 Gretel



Mr Chips
                           See Bee &                  OB & Graffiti

              Spud &                     Hash Cake

Jammy &                                                Chip ‘n’ dale
Avon Lady

             Wheeze &                   Rattlebones

                           Upfront                         Chips

                                                      Pierced Nipples,
                                                        Big Issue &
                           Inside Out                   Ginger Puss

             Polk &
             Bastard                       Pissy
                                Hash Life

                                   Inside Out &
                                      Hansel                      Virgin
Rice Crispie                                                      Expert

                 Dragon &
                                                  Badger &


   Poppet &                                                   Ratarsed
  Miss Perfect



   IH Perth                                                     Mr Beaky

                 Clipboard                           Ragget
                   & 02

                                   1000 Run
March 1st 2009 - Antelope Pub, Hazelbury Bryan Run.
The St David’s day run was celebrated with hares and hashers dressed in all manner of leeks, daffodils and funny hats with some
very phallic bulges in some hasher’s shorts.
The pre-hash entertainment was provided by a brown horse trying to mate with Inside Out’s Ka car in the relief car park, with the
Harriet’s marvelling at the size of the horse’s dong. Snow White passed out mumbling ‘Oh Thomas’. The down downs included
the Grocer ‘Pigs ears’ for advanced motoring parking by re-streamlining Bum Huggers brand new car, and Oxfam’s birthday down
downs’ of creamed beer and chopped leek.
The bemused locals watched as the hashers set off and a little later the hardened hashers complaining that the hare had became a
moving mini and main sign board by continually popping up in front time of them time and time again. The only sign that was
missed was ‘the end of world is nigh’ as the main strung out into the extremely long, silage sprayed fields, with shiggy wet bog
filled fields. ‘Some Frog’ went off trail, over a barb wire fence looking for water, croaking about lack of sawdust. There is conjecture
within the hash that if someone kissed him he might turn into a Walt Disney Princess. Is he A.C. or D.C. ?
At the parting of the ways at the first leek stop, the mini got lost, straying off course, fortunately G Attric, the mini hare rounded
them up and held a field study class on how to look for dust and the basic principles of hashing. At this point Angela had an
unhealthy, or healthy, helping hand over a style from the Greek god along with other advances behind Pavarotti’s back. Angela
smiled in delight.
The main then ran around the fishing lakes with one stealing a freshly hooked trout, and then they hit the hamlet of Mappowder
being fooled by some very crafty false trails, with the Parkstone Pikeys short cutting at every available opportunity. From this point
on the main strung out to the one and only check at Canning’s Court Farm. Some of the rear end caught up here. Woods, rivers
and bogs back to the road and the second leek stop where they met Oxfam once again, and were given ample nourishment of
sweets, chocolates, licorice allsorts.
One of the mini hashers emerged from the newly collapsed farmhouse outside privy muttering ‘it must have been something I ate’
and as a result the main, the mini and all the farmhouse animals fled from the toxic, curry flavoured cloud with the Parkstone Pikeys
detouring to the pub getting back before the shagged out front runners.
The down downs were given to Tulip for being deleted from the Oxford dictionary, Up Front for providing a cycle rack with her
backside, Mr Chips and Sinbad for exchanging Oriental experiences. Gretel claimed to have run just over 8.4 miles, so Oxfam
demanded that Gretel’s instrument be recalibrated. Hansel remarked that was not all that needed recalibrating after gazing at Henry
the Navigators huge phallic bulge. Penelope Pit Stop put her right and boasted that you should see the real thing, as it is much
more eye watering that that, and bigger than a horse’s dong. Which is where we all started before we set off.

                                     “Blast from the past”
Halcyon Days
 1979 - 2009
                                                  Mr Beaky and Inside-Out’s organising
                                                  Made the whole weekend worthwhile
                                                  on that windy hill.
                                                  Rattlebones’s tent was a palace com-
                                                  pared to all the rest;
                                                  Erecting it in the stormy wind put him
                                                  to the test.
                                                  Gretel’s sub-sixty trail was long but
                                                  otherwise quite fun;
                                                  The weekend was a great success
                                                  when all’s said and done.
                                                  The egg-throwing, cherry-spitting and
                                                  ski-board races
                                                  Were a challenge to put most of us
                                                  through our paces.
                                                  The orienteering got many running
                                                  round and round
                                                  But Student was the only one who all
                                                  the markers found.
                                                  The Plume of Feathers was splendid ~
                                                  after our evening meal
                                                  We acted the fool with Stoker, singing
                                                  with great zeal.
                                                  Sunday’s run was wonderful, the scen-
                                                  ery a dream;
                                                  When we finished, hot and tired, we all
                                                  had an ice-cream.
                                                  Barbecue, raffle and down-downs, with
                                                  half-yards of beer,
                                                  Laughter and fun all helped create
                                                  another splendid year.
                                                  To all the Wessex committee, I have to
                                                  “thank you” say.
                                                  (Did Snorkel admit, in the end, the
                                                  venue was OK?)
                                                          Arseabout & Inside Out

  My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes back with crabs. (Millie age 6)
H&S Notice To All Wessex Hobbits                               Dear Sir,
The time has come to point out to you all the dangers
                                                               It has been brought to my notice that you wish to have
involved in:
                                                               a scurrilous report published
1. Regularly going on the Main.
2. Following false trails without due care.                    alleging that three members of the Hash, taking part in
3. Following Pete Taylor’s short cuts.                         your good lady’s trail last
4. Enthusiastic trail seeking checks.
                                                               Sunday, were guilty of ‘Shortcutting’.
5. Continuous running for distances of more than 100m.
6. Attending midweek meetings of HOV(MRC) or DH4               I would refute this accusation and say that the three
Regular indulgence in any of these practises can be            members accused, were displaying
harmful. Over indulgence affects the genes, hormones,
DNA and other similar bits and pieces, and leads to the        more than a modicum of common sense. I can appreci-
emergence of hybrid creature – part Athlete, part Hobbit.      ate that a ‘Grunt’ is conditioned
A sad example of this phenomenon is Graffiti Pete by
now barely recognisable as the portly ‘Fat Bellied’            to follow orders blindly no matter what the circum-
waddler we once all knew.                                      stances, but we wot
Let this be a warning, if you need help to overcome such
problems or find you are becoming hooked, contact the          have served in the technical arms of Her Majesty’s
GM or Meerkats,                                                (God Bless Her!!)Armed Forces,
Remember – delay can be dangerous!
                                                               have been encouraged to exercise our
                                                               initiative whenever possible.

                                                               On this occasion when one was sodding sodden soaked,
                                                               I feel that using

                                                               one’s initiative and heading for the warm hills(poetic
                                                               speak for the pub)

                                                               smacked of a great deal of common sense.

                                                               I did say that it was a very good trail and would love to
                                                               do it again in clement


                                                               Yours aye,

                                                               Jim Joint.

                                                               Ex Royal Corps of Electrical & Mechanical Engineers
                                                                                        Wessex Witches

       Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She’s not my friend no more. (Kylie age 6)
hash hash
                                                                      unwary. Fursty Ferret made a good attempt at trying to poke his
          The Trail of Hissing Sid                                    expensive bionic eye out - missing it by half an inch. Swathes of
                                                                      wild garlic were trampled down by swathes of wild hashers as
     The bravest animals in the land are Captain Beaky
                                                                      the miles clocked up.
                         and his band
 That’s Timid Toad, Reckless Rat, Artful Owl and Batty Bat.           On across and then downward to a stream with a perfect little
      They march through the woodlands singing songs                  bridge across it - barred, of
           that tell how they have righted wrongs.                    course - though that did not stop
The picturesque setting of the Oak at Dewlish, like manner from       some from blatantly ignoring the
heaven for hashers, has hills and dales, wood and field, stream       bar.
and shiggy. What a perfect place to lay a trail. And in such          ‘Flipping’ Trails.
experienced hands, what could possibly go wrong?
                                                                    Round the field edges and into
In the Circle down-downs were awarded for minor and major           a field where the combine
achievements. Memshaib for her victory over M&S for their boob      harvester was at work. The                Up front SCB
tax. Gates, who had been discovered as a ‘closet Jock’ in a         FRBs were able to sprint across in front of the machine and this
newspaper photograph. Pee Pee & Wobbly as representatives of        was their undoing as they could not be called back. Into the
the Hobbit breed that a report had                                  next field they lunged from where a mass of mini hashers could
revealed have chimp-sized brains.                                   be seen to the left, temptingly close, surely heading for a nip
Dragon, for not having ‘flipped’                                    and a nap. Clearly, the mini was already ‘on-inn’ and no FRB
her second home, or even owned                                      wants a second-hand shandy mug. Fursty Ferret was first across
one. Jock Strap for avoiding down-                                  the field to the track. After stumbling in front of a tractor he
downs, and Snorkel for acting like                                  picked himself up and was soon passing the mini walkers.
a child and fitting rather well into a                              Amongst the mini hashers was Batty Gates holding a ‘mini’ sign
kiddies slide.                                                      - this was to remind him of which trail he was on, although its
Finally, and notably, Greek God            Hobbit Dual              original purpose had been to inform the FRB’s, especially the
Ralph Huckle got the ‘potty’ for 850 runs, having originally run at SCB’s that they were on the wrong trail! This information was to
the Parthenon.                                                      prove to be vital evidence at the post hash inquest.

Today, the Memorial Hash, we remembered those hashers now                                            The FRB-main could now scent
hashing up above. This year the list was added to with the sad                                       shandy and they were soon
loss of Paul Hart, Nigel Webb (Harold) and ‘MJ’ (Stripper). We                                       upping the pace to make the run
are poorer for losing them, but enriched to have known them.                                         in a bit of a race. The Lytchett
                                                                                                     Stumblers (SCB’s) were now in
The hares Poppet (Timid Toad), Ratarsed (Reckless Rat), Wobbly                                       the vanguard, oh how pleased
(Artful Owl) and Gates (Secret Batty Bat Hare) proceeded to tell                                     with themselves they were as they
us what a wonderful hash this was and how false trails were                    Chip ‘n’ dale         reached       the    pub       and
marked with bars, and little wooden signs would help us find our      congratulated themselves with a celebratory shandy. “Where’s
way. Nothing had been left to chance.                                 the rest of the main, how come they are so far behind - they must
Reckless Ratarsed warned that a local lady resident would be          have got lost, the fools”. Eventually the mini arrived at the pub
watching early on that we followed the footpath accurately across     and the rest of the Remnant-main some time after that having
the field near her house. We were assured that if we followed the     following the true trail and covered another 3 mile.
laser-beam especially set-up by the hares that we would not be        Much recrimination then ensued as the Remnant-main accused
                               shot or molested. Thereafter we        the FRB-main of shortcutting and crossing a bar. The SCBs
                               could roam freely, a phrase that       were having none of it, pointing out that there had been as
                               was later to be taken too literally    much dust on ‘their’ trail as there had been at any other part of
                               by some. Sure enough the old mare      the trail i.e. very little. Wobbly Owl ventured that the FRBs had
                               was watching with three friends as     missed the ‘mini’ sign and that was the cause of the problem.
                               we strolled across the grassy field.   “What mini sign?” - then Batty Gates walks in holding said item.
                               She was grey and dappled with a        In his effort to clean-up the
                               nice mane and stood about 16           countryside Gates had removed
      Bravest Animals          hands.                                 the sign before even the FRBs
After walking discreetly through the field the trail entered a        could reach it. In reality the FRBs,
pathway that rose up the hill steadily for some distance. Finally     seeing the mini, were attracted to
unfettered, the pack broke into a stream of racing stallions, until   them like moths to a light but the
50 yards later the incline took effect and we settled back to a more  former explanation was easier for
sedate pace. Up and up we went, long and straight, relentlessly       the hash to comprehend and
onward. Over a style where the press-pack barged through so           Gates was by now a familiar old          Lytchett Stumblers
that defenceless harriers could be snapped stepping inelegantly       (scape)goat.
over the obstacle.                                                   The thing that mitigated against Gates was that he had prior
Along the trail and the obstacles changed from man-made to knowledge of the trail – he had told everyone before the run
natural, with both tree roots and branches catching out the “watch out for the stingers”. So he was a secret hare, hedging
                                                                     Fortunately the weather was
                             his bets. If the hash turned out well
                                                                     warm and sunny, so the après-
                             he would reveal himself as one of
                                                                     hash was able to sprawl around
                             the hares, nay as architect even of
                                                                     the pub garden. Just as well,
                             this wondrous creation. If the hash
                                                                     since the pub was not big
                             had problems then he would shrink
                                                                     enough to swing a cat, a rat, a
                             into the shadows leaving his hobbit
                                                                     bat, an owl or a toad … though
                             cabal to face the music with their
        Batty Gates                                                  we wanted to!                                 Athlete
                             chimp-sized brains. Such
shenanigans won’t wash with the hash - so a fiendish                  The bravest animals in the land are Mr Beaky and his band
Machiavellian plot was schemed so that even the Godfather could       That’s Timid Toad, Reckless Rat, Artful Owl and Batty Bat.
be humbled in the down-down circle. Not that the Godfather                  They march through the woodlands laying dust
seems to mind, he appears to quite like his beer!                                   that depicts a trail, but only just.

 Nigel John ‘Howard’ WEBB
                                                                     Nigel (Howard) tragically died on Sunday 2nd Novem-
 Nigel loved all sport but was never competitive, never              ber 2008, doing what he loved, hashing, from Inn In the
 caring whether he won or lost, he just                              Tin, Ferndown, over Holt Heath. He will be sadly missed
 enjoyed actively taking part with his wife                          by his family and his many, many friends at the hash.
 Margaret (Hilda) and daughter Karen.
 He was an active dinghy sailor com-                                                MJ ‘Stripper’ BUDDEN
 peting with his Albacore in National                                MJ passed away peacefully at Forest Holme Hospice
 Championships since 1966. In 1981                                   on Friday 30th January 2009.
 Margaret introduced him to ‘Hashing’
 this was a first, as he had always been                             A hasher for many years MJ and
 the one to introduce the family into other                          ‘Pepper’ her faithful Jack Russel
 sports like tennis, ski-ing and sailing.                            were regular Wessex hashers.
                                                                     ‘Stripper’ was well known within
 This association for hashing led to Nigel                           the hashing fraternity at home and
 running four London marathons and half marathons his
 first being the London marathon in 1984. Along with                 abroad. Often seen at Eurohash and
 Karen and friend John Herbert they set off trying to                the African hash, she also regularly
 break 4 hour mark.                                                  ran with the HOV (MRC) and Dorset Hospitality H3,
                                                                     besides the Wessex.
 Nigel had many qualities introducing new hashers was                MJ was named ‘Stripper’ whilst on a Wessex run she
 one of his best. He trawled the yacht club for potential
 victims some of the finest Brian Ainsworth (Mr Bunn),               came across a river obstacle and ‘thought no one’ would
 Ches Allen (Legover), and many others, but sometimes                see her strip off to swim across...
 he had a blip and he was also responsible for introduc-              MJ was responsible for introducing ‘Bumhugger’ to the
 ing John Herbert ‘Frostbite Willy’ to the Wessex HHH!               hash, a misdemeanour if ever we saw one!
                                        They will be sorely missed. On On

              When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin age 6)
     Those guilty of being truly prolific hashers may be afforded the dubious honour of becoming
                                 Honorary or Life Honorary Members:-

                           H o n o ra ry M e m b e rs
Ram Seeger                              Founder                                                 Life Honorary Members
P e n n y F a irc lo u g h              Founder
                                                                                        Steve Dawson "Ho Chi Minn"
A n th o n y ‘’S h a rk y’’ W a rd      E x G o dfa th e r
                                                                                        Kath Mackie “Domestos”
T o n y "B a dg e r" W e d la k e       G ra n d D u s tm a ste r 2 7 y e a rs
D e re k “V o n” H a rk e r             O rig in a l R u n n e r                        Phil Davies "Ancient Hasher"

                                                      h Hash Chumpions                                 Hash

                                                                                 September - Y Nam Im
                                                                                 October - Mr Beaky

                                                                                 November - Odd Sox

                                                                                 December - Rattlebones

                                                                                 January - Capt Oats

                                                                                 February - Lilly the Pink

                                                                                 March - The Grocer

                                                                                 April - Odd Sox

                                                                                 May - Gates

                                                                                 June - Squiffy

                                                                                 July - Gates

                           Gates                                                 August - Half a Mind

                                  A dolphin breaths through an arsehole on the top of its head. (Billy age 8)
I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. How do mermaids get pregnant? Helen age 6)
                          HASH REGALIA

                                                                                    Lanyard &
                                         Windscreen Sticker
                                                                                    Key Ring

                    FR57 Drill Shirt                           FR52 Drill Shirt

                                             Hash Mug

Ladies FR77 Rugby
                                                                              FR2 Rugby Shirts
                            Polo Shirt
                                                              Classic Vest

                        He’s looking at us for a down down!

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