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WESSEX HASH HOUSE HARRIERS ...30 Years On On The Trail Hash Beano - 1979-2009 Founded In 1979 Wot Fancy Dress Sniff & Scoff Who’s eaten all the Pies Hollybush Clipboard Hippy Lilly the Pink Bah Humbug ‘Bob Cratchet’ Cinderella Harlequinn Pixie SANTA CLAUS PANTO Sir Walter Tyrell I’m not Grumpy Ugly Sisters Hi Ho... Te he ‘Max Wall’ Mince Wot! W essex H ash H o u se H arriers O n o n th e tra il sin ce 1 9 79 G ran d M aster M artin "M r B eak y" S im m s H ash G o d fath er A lan "G ates" R eyn o ld s Jo int M aster & D u stm an C o lin "S n o rk el" S h earin g Jo int M aster S teve "Fu rsty Ferret" M cG u in ess Jo int M aster P au l “O ran ge B o llock ” G avin Jo int M istress M argaret "U p fro n t" L au rie Jo int M istress & H are R azo r Jack ie "A rseab o ut" V in cen t Jo int M istress P am "P o p p et" R eyn o ld s O n O n S ec A n d rea "R atarsed " C h id ley H ash C ash A n gie "In sid e O u t" S im m s H ash H ab erd ash A llan "G retel” K in gslan d H ash IT N ick "S tu d ent" G avin SUMMARY OF GROUCHO MARXS .... Changing the venue of the mid-summer to Princetown This special anniversary year compiling the third edition on Dartmoor was a great success. It gave us some of our hash trash Beano gives me the opportunity to recall great trails and Gretel put a new meaning into a sub 30 glorious years of hash frolics. sixty... The food was scrumptious and the entertainment A hash weekend to celebrate our ‘Posh Nosh’ combined was in true hashing fashion with Banjo Billy and Stoker with our first Wessex ‘Red Dress’ Run from the entertaining the masses superbly. Both the Main & Mini Springfield Country Hotel, Wareham raised £301 for the enjoyed the trails up and over the Tors, around the local Mayors charity. The Santa Claus trail at Sir Walter reservoir and back to the ice cream van! Well done the Tyrell pub was well attended and raised a further £219 Mismanagement for their efforts. from Xmas Cards. With our donation the Wessex H3 has now become We celebrated our 30th Anniversary with a ‘Pirates & part of the hash dream to preserve the hash heritage Wenches Night’ in ‘Olde Poole Town’. The evening was by helping to rebuild the Hash House and in 2011 the a sumptuous and lavish occasion and a night to remember 1st World Heritage Hash will take place in Melaka. with a gourmet feast, dress and entertainment. In The mismanagement takes no responsibility for the attendance were founder members Ram Seegar and articles or pictures in this edition but only ask you to Penny Fairclough, making this a truly special occasion. take it in the spirit intended! Some 80 hung-over hashers in true hashing tradition attended the run next morning from the Royal British And for the next 30 years...Remember no matter what Legion, Verwood, and a well laid trail by a devious ‘shit happens’ and usually on the best trails.. Bumhugger & Wheeze. On On Mr Beaky Another good turn out enjoyed the Hursley & R2D2 P a s t G ra n d M a s te rs combined 1500 th Anniversary camping weekend at 1 9 7 9 -1 9 8 2 R am S eeg er Winchester. We continued the camaraderie over the year 1 9 8 2 -1 9 8 4 T o n y " B a d g e r " W e d la k e with a few joint runs with the Hardy hash, a visit to 1 9 8 4 -1 9 8 6 A n th o n y "S h a rk y " W a rd Eurohash in Turkey and later in August the Wessex ‘On 1 9 8 6 -2 0 0 3 G o r d o n R a g g e tt Tour’ will be visiting Perth for the Nash Hash. Is it time 2 0 0 3 -2 0 0 6 C liv e " C lip b o a r d " E n g la n d for the Wessex to host a future Nash Hash again? 2 0 0 6 -p re s e n t M a r t in " M r B e a k y " S im m s GODFATHER COMMENTS Another very successful year for the Wessex ably led by our Grand Master. There has of late been one or two near misses of Hashers, by cars, running on both sides of tarmac roads. While it is appreciated that it is doubtful that Hashers notice such collisions amidst the overall pain, considerable damage and insurance problems can be caused to the vehicles. May I ask all Hashers to run on the right-hand side of the road facing the traffic. Otherwise not only will you not have a leg to stand on legally, but also possibly physically!! GATES This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6) Annual Grumblers Meeting Wessex Hash House Harriers Annual General Meeting Sunday 9th November 2008 At the Bryanston Estate Club, Blandford Present: Martin “Mr Beaky” Simms - Grandmaster & Chairman Colin “Snorkel” Shearing - Joint Master Steve “Fursty Ferret” McGuiness - Joint Master Paul “Orange Bollocks” Gavin - Joint Master Pam “Poppet” Reynolds - Joint Mistress Jackie “Arseabout” Vincent - Joint Mistress Margaret “Upfront” Laurie - Joint Mistress Angie “Inside Out” Simms - Hash Cash Andrea “Ratarsed” Chidley - On Sec Alan “Gates” Reynolds - Godfather with 84 hash members present. The Grand Master (GM) welcomed members to the AGM, and in particular Penny Fairclough (formerly Seeger) who was one of the original founder members of the Wessex Hash. The GM gave a short review of the year and in particular the excellent hashing reputation of the Wessex which has spread all over the world whilst attending events. He personally thanked the hashers who helped sell regalia at the Interhash 08 in Perth. He also thanked all who had made donations received in memory of Nigel Webb and the total was an incredible £750. Apologies: Jon ‘’Circus Boy’’ Smallwood, Derek “Von” Harker, Dawn “Cuddles” Lyndene, Cindy “Cinders” and Tony “Badger” Wedlake, Pat “The Dragon” Lewis, Wendy “Wheeze” Bowers, Belinda “Avon Queen” Charlton Minutes of 2007 AGM: The minutes were distributed prior to the AGM and were unanimously approved, without comment, by a show of hands. Annual Accounts and Subscriptions 2007-2008: The Grand Master invited the Treasurer Inside Out to brief and comment on the accounts. Inside Out stated that the accounts were very healthy. This was due to various factors, including the sale of regalia at the Interhash in Perth earlier in the year and monthly raffles. As a result the hash annual subscriptions would not have to be increased for the coming year. Mr Beaky invited questions from the membership on the accounts, there were none. The GM thanked the Treasurer for her hard work and support over the year. Proposed by: John Polk Polkinghorn Seconded by: Fred The Bastard Barker Approval of the accounts was unanimous. Resurrection of Hash House Alan Gates Reynolds spoke of the entry in the Hash Year book of the project to rebuild the Hash House in Kuala Lumpar in order to preserve for posterity the hash history and heritage and as a resource for the enjoyment of hashers worldwide. The Hash Heritage Foundation (HHF) was set up in 2000 which drew up plans for the rebuilding project. In 2005 the Malaysian Government gave one acre of ground to the HHF to be used as the site for the new hash house, and the development of two hash bars, library etc was approved. As large numbers of the Wessex Hash now regularly go “On Tour” to Interhash, Eurohash and Nash Hash’s, Gates felt we should ensure the Wessex HHH name is among those listed in the new Hash House as having supported and contributed money to the new building. He proposed several fund-raising functions over the next five years to raise money for this purpose. Barry Bumhugger Bowers suggested that if there is money already in the Wessex hash bank account that it should be given to the HHF now if needed rather than over the next five years. Tom The Grocer Sainsbury raised questions regarding the business plan for the venture and Alan Gates Reynolds told him all this information could be found on the Hash Heritage Foundation website. Members agreed it was preferable not to give a lump sum now but to support the project over the next five years and the GM would register our interest with the Hash House Foundation committee. Proposed: Alan Gates Reynolds Seconded: Brian Wiggy Harwood-Butler It was proposed that money raised should be reviewed at every AGM and that the period for fund raising should not exceed five years. Proposed: Martin Mr Beaky Simms Seconded: Peter Spud Taylor Membership – Honorary Member(s) Mr Beaky briefed members that this coming year would see the Wessex celebrate 30 years of hashing and that Derek ‘Von’ Harker was one of the original 20 runners at the first Wessex HHH run on 7th January 1979, along with Penny Fairclough. He had also been On Sec for many years. Mr Beaky recommended to members that in recognition of this at the Anniversary run 2009 he should be made an Honorary Member and be presented with a certificate and an engraved Pewter tankard to mark the 30 years on the trail. This was unanimously approved by a show of hands. Approval Of A Charity Donation: Mr Beaky invited John Frostbite Herbert to explain why the RNIB would be a worthy charity to support. Frostbite said that since he had retired he spent a couple of hours a week driving the blind or partially sighted to various events. The Dorset Blind Association is a local charity that supports at least 6,500 registered blind or partially sighted. They receive no government funding and rely entirely on voluntary contributions. Mr Beaky suggested the Dorset and Somerset Air Ambulance would also be a worthy recipient of the Wessex hash charity donations. Like the RNIB it is not government funded and is 100% dependent on voluntary contributions. Jim Hashcake Joint felt we should not donate to this charity as it should be funded by government. Bill Y Nam Im Honeyman stated that the Dorset and Somerset Air Ambulance had been a contributing factor in saving the life of Teresa’s son and the service had also attended Nigel Howard Webb following his untimely death whilst on the hash. It was proposed that this year’s charity donation of £100 should go to the Dorset Blind Association. The approval was unanimous. In addition, money received from the ‘Red Dress’ run on 7th December at Wareham to be split between Wareham Blind Club and Dorset and Somerset Air Ambulance. Individual donations made in memory of Nigel Howard Webb would be collected by Mr Beaky and forwarded to the Dorset & Somerset Air Ambulance. Proposed: Martin Mr Beaky Simms Seconded: John Centurion Lyndene This was unanimously approved by a show of hands. Any Other Business Christmas Day: Tricia Hansel and Alan Gretel Kingsland said they are planning to provide Christmas dinner for elderly, lonely people in Winton area, having been given the use of the Scout Hall. They said if members had any time to spare on Christmas day, help collecting the elderly people or serving the meal would be appreciated. Mr Beaky & Inside Out volunteered their assistance and Alan Sinbad Gittins commented that he was elderly, lonely and grumpy he would like to come along for the meal. Christmas cards: Glenda Slender Huckle has again kindly offered to coordinate the collection of money in lieu of Christmas cards. A voluntary contribution of £3 per person was agreed, the money raised going towards supporting the Christmas Day dinner. Next AGM: The next AGM will be on Sunday 8th November 2009 at the Hurn Sports Club. Thanks: Ancient hasher Phil expressed his thanks to Frostbite and Anita Forget me Knot Herbert for bringing him along to the hash every week and to everyone for making him feel so welcome. Down Downs 1. Slackarse - for hash gossip and spreading news faster than BT. 2. The Bastard - for 1050 runs 3. Penny Fairclough - for posting an advert in the Echo 30 years ago. 4. Memsahib, Mama Cass and Navigator (for Student) – birthdays. 5. Sinbad and Gates for contravening Euro Rules (Union Jack symbols on their car registration plates). 6. Nell Gwynn - for lost socks last year. 7. Poppet for being registered as obese at her recent hobbit medical. 8. Bumhugger- for being on TV’s Autumn Watch as ‘Barry the Big White Buck’. 9. Sex Slave- for sexism, by leaving at home Chippendale to look after the children. 10. Bogman- for being late for the run again. 11. Hash Cake and Clipboard - as the hares and for a rubbish trail. 12. Virgin hasher – for whining. 13. All of the mismanagement – for being the worst offenders over the year. Three cheers were given to Penny Fairclough for coming to the Annual Grumblers Meeting. The meeting was brought to an end at 2.20pm. Andrea Ratarsed Chidley On Sec If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island. If you don’t have sea all round you, you are incontinent. (Wayne age 7) If. If you can find and keep on dust when all about you are not Losing their teddies and trail, blaming everyone, including you for what If you can remember the trail when all the Wessex doubt you And not make a Big Issue of it when some Wessex, turn on you If you can skilfully wait at checks and let the others find the route Craftily let the others run the false trails some considerable way to boot And when the pack comes back you take the flack Then welcome to the Wessex, a rare elite Hasher who has great tact. If Hashers can dream a Badgers lust of lovely bums running fast And if Harriet’s fantasize about young male thighs in times gone past If you can bear to receive Lord Avon’s criticism of your trail bravely And think of him and others as odd, peculiarly and nasally If you find old Wiggy’s trails always missing a huge link, Because the main always run them twice around in a blink Ignore Snorkel’s tantrums because some of the hash has gone all snobby. Then welcome to the Wessex Hash House Harriers, most probably If, you are long gone and past it, sit with the coffee hash drinking it white If you wonder about Slender Glenda’s Gender & Snow Whites tights Footstuck tales to Lily’s crusades all combine in their mutual reminiscing With their cigarette smoke and their long lost sex lives wafts up the chimney Then after the down downs they go out and the Pub finally empties With the Hobbits they reconvene in a shop with the Taylor cream tea yetties If this is the hashers fate that waits at the end of our life’s trails Then welcome to the Wessex membership that never fails If to be punished for misdemeanours with down downs a lot If everyone’s fate is with the Mismanagement & Grand Masters plot The accolade every Hasher fears which always ends in tears Is to be presented monthly, with the Genuine Pig’s Ears. From cocked up trails to Domestic strife and passing the buck To be presented the trophy of shame means you have run out of luck. From the Grocer, the Greek God, to Acctic Ken, Stoker and Capt Oates Then welcome to the Wessex, you extremely iffy odd peculiar blokes. If you can lay a perfect trail without any fault If the main and the mini all doing what they ought. If following dust, if not crossing bars and if checking circles out If answering the call of nature in bushes without showing your clout If giving and receiving the hashing insults with gracious humour Then Hashing friendship is your bountiful bloomer If when on a Wessex trail you will find unexpected fun Then welcome to Wessex Hash House Harriers, daughter and Son If Sharky, Boots, a Sloppy Greek God and Gates can lose their Ragget, If Inside Out, Arse a Bout, Pixie and Poppet can’t remove Graffiti off the Avon Queen If Oddsocks fell over Chippendale with a Jockstrap to contain his Orange Bollocks If iPod texts 02 about Hands Free squeezing Tits in a Trance gazing at her Ginger Pussy If Taking the Pith about a Pierced Nipple gets Squiffy and Ratarsed Cream Crackered If Miss Perfect used Soap Suds after fomdomg Cobblers Three beans, in the Alcatraz Bogman If Mr Sheen throws a Wobbly about Rice Crispy’s Hashcake a Milky Bar Kid with Mr Chips. If you can cope with all that nonsensem then Welcome to Wessex Hash Look at her.... God Marie, feel how stiff this is! Help the Aged. SPRINGFIELD COUNTRY HOTEL WAREHAM She’s my sister Town Cryer Seized Wessex HHH Students got the Trots Odd Couple On on Tar Mac Red Dawn Betty Boob The Wessex Running Weak Ends... she would use a silver one so he would come second for a change. Many of the more effluent members of the Wessex Hash House Harriers assembled at the Springfield Hotel and Once Gentle Gretel said grace the bread rolls disappeared Leisure Centre on the Saturday around Midday to enjoy before wine was served and the starters appeared. The the benefits of the facilities available. Remarks were Hashers who ordered soup were really soupped off. passed how many looked like contenders for the future The very skilled table seating plan craftily kept peace by coffee hash. For a few hashers it was the only opportunity placing all the Pikeys together, all the Kilties together, the to enjoy a free hot bath or shower, which included all the Lytchett Minster Striders together, which included the Parkstone Pikeys camped in the hotel car park. The athletic East Wick witches, the Graffiti grope, sorry group’ Wessex Hash House Harriers have now received a huge together. On the ‘Honourable’ table, they all watched the bill for removing and clearing out all the old washing ma- very Reverend Waters hoovering up the entire excess chines and fridges left behind, and replacing the copper roast and boiled potatoes, whilst clearing out all the veg piping stolen from the lavatories. tureens much to Snow White’s amusement. The CTC Other early arrivals, other than Grandpa Graffiti, made table with Chairman Turner, Reg ‘Huckle’ Harris and other for the swimming pool, gymnasium, via the bar in an ever peddler’s all displayed their stainless steel matching cycle decreasing circle all ending up permanently in the bar. The clips and cuff links together. oval ball game appreciation society tried to get the rugby The Skiing table gradually got piste together and as Little matches on the Sky television which the hotel did not sub- Trish (Tit in a Trance) was wearing magnetic drawers, scribe to. That was too much for Mr Beaky who disap- all the cutlery on her table kept flying and sticking to her peared to the swimming pool to enjoy a good sulk. Other exotic quarters. more genteel hashers just sat in the lounge drinking, eating, greeting and continually moving furniture and enlarging the The aloof H.O.V table does not warrant a mention; these settee circle. dual hashers with their divided loyalties felt they could not associate themselves with the riff raff. Once again the Polly Pianist Parker, who arrived early, greeted every- Jockstraps left early although it could have been Polly’s body with a lengthy hand shake and a sneeze, then went potion working effectively quickly. around the Springfield Hostelry infecting every roomwith the Haunch of Venison salisbury trits - including room 219 During the after eight and dancing period the ‘Cats refu- allocated to Mr & Mrs Bowers! Having accomplished his gee home quartet’ put on an interesting sketch about chemical warfare mission he fled pussies, whilst others just danced back to Wiltshire ensuring that the Wessex Belles and drank the night away. red dress run on the Sunday turned On Sunday morning the Pikeys into a desperate run for the toilets were spotted in the breakfast room for the majority of hashers on Mon- helping themselves to everything day. Some people have a lavatorial before being chased out by vendetta sense of humour. Was it Bumhugger. the Wessex he was after ? Or, was it just some vendetta against mem- The Hash assembled for the Mayor bers of the Haunch of Venison. of Wareham charity red dress run Slackarse was loitering in the send off and a handbag fight im- lounge area insulting any and every- mediately erupted between Oxfam body that came within hearing dis- and Hansel as they had the exact tance aided and abetted by the big- same Primark dress on. One or two ger and louder Graffiti. It is a won- down downs were given from the der how many hashers appeared not to be offended, al- previous night but Poppet achieved a 1,000 runs free drink though Oxfam looked decidedly pissed off. Other early ar- and size 20 polo shirt (in view of her obesity). rivals included Artic Ken, The Greens, the Reynolds, and After the short speeches the Mayor sent us all off with a a very thin looking Pissy & Pussy, (little did they know few kind words, we did not understand either of them, so what was coming their way courtesy of Polly). The bar we ran like lightening to get away on a very cold and area soon filled up with the ‘Boy Lost’ group, the Gavin’s, frosty morning, frightening all the locals, ramblers, dog plus many others, and a festive atmosphere prevailed. walkers, motorists, Dorset peasants and gentry alike. The It was noticed that 3 very frustrated Harriet’s known as route weaved its way towards the River Frome where the Witches of East Wick released so much spent up emo- we all stopped to pose for photographs, then along the tional sexual tensions by constantly running the treadmills tow path to Wareham. that another bill landed on the Hash Cash mat for replace- Once across the bridge the Town-crier in all her regalia, ment machines. using the same hand bell her ancestors used to warn the The Evening festivities started fairly early with all the Jocks, good residents of Wareham that the Black Death or the conversing in Jock-a-nese, dressed in kilts, with poncey Vikings had arrived, informed the astonished population and paunchy shirts, surrounding the bar preventing others the Wessex HHH with their collecting tins were in town. from obtaining any beverages, while admiring and display- Again another photo stop. Through the town, past the ing each others weapons, dirks and alike. Apparently Stoker Church, and around the old battlements and back to the qualified as a reject Jock. Fortunately the Anglo-Saxon Springfield and as usual the main and the mini all met hashers conveniently forgot to tell them the other bar was Captain Oates following the trail on his way out. Colo- selling Ringwood, and they were left to their own devices. nel Gates was also in trouble as he had not put the Rolls As the Hash assembled the transformation from sagging Royce car keys in the box and Poppet was left shivering boobs and waist lines was stunning. The Hash ‘Scrub- till nearly blue before he returned. bers’ all scrubbed up, most notably the East Wick Witches; After the customary down downs and thank you’s the take a look at the Wessex web site. However Arctic Ken’s Pirates Night tickets went on sale, with no one getting dress ‘stars and stripe’ shirt had lost it stripes since last killed in the rush, giving us all yet another excuse to dress year, so much for eco washing powder. The Mad Cyclist up and act like three year olds with the exception of the returned from his travels with a Beijing chairman Mao din- East Wick Witches who will be casting their sexy beady ner jacket complete with pockets for chop sticks and Olym- eyes over the younger hashers, beware. pic condoms, gold, silver and bronze; Sex Therapist hoped The Slasher POSH NOSH 2008 SPRINGFIELD COUNTRY HOTEL Poor Sod Mutley Crew Wheeze Henry Pissy & OB & Pussy Centurion French Mistress Dillys & & Parcel Force Gerry Hansel Sox & Rob & Gretel Good, Bad Coffee Hasher & Ugly Smart Arse Sniff-Blow-Sox Male Escorts Atrick enjoyed his so much that he left his front tooth on the WESSEX PIRATES & WENCHES side of his plate as a tip. The Godfather made a speech Harry Paye, or Arry as he reminiscing the past thirty years and proposed a toast to Penny was known would have and Ram. In reply, Ram spoke of Wessex Hash being a credit to been proud to witness the its officials, helpers, and members,” it is a special organisation, siege of the old coaching a touch of eccentricity that was needed in this uniform world, inn, The Antelope on I never expected the hash to Saturday evening of the last in my wildest dreams but 3rd day of the 1st month it has, and is going from of the year 2009 by the strength to strength”. Wessex Hash House Pirates and Wenches. Who’s Arry? you may well ask, he was a notorious Poole pirate, sailing the high sea’s 600 years ago plundering the French and Spanish cargo ships, so incensed by his pirate activities the French and Spanish attacked the Port of Poole in revenge leaving it burnt and pillaged, with many poor souls dead. Arry set sail again capturing one hundred and twenty French and Spanish vessels full of valuables and wine to recompense the folk of Poole, his name sake being, Old Harry Rocks It all started at the High Eighty Pirates and Wenches, celebrating Corner Inn said Penny, we the 30th anniversary of the formation of advertised in the echo on the the Wessex Hash House Harriers took siege Friday evening and Brian James immediately contacted us, on of the Antelope, hostages were taken; the Sunday he brought along some of his sports club members, namely Ram Seeger, and Penny snow was on the ground and we had mulled wine., we ran off Fairclough, there was little resistance from with a pack of about thirty. them, as they realised what an enjoyable evening was to come with the Pirates and At the end of the formal Wenches who had sailed to the event from proceedings, Poppet far and wide. The Irish contingent, O2, and presented Penny with a Ginger puss sailed into port on the good bouquet of flowers. ship O2Pussy. Surprise, surprise, down Did you notice the Parrots?, or perhaps the Robins as sported downs were on the agenda, by Ratarsed and Angela, the oversized blow up job of the Milky free drinks were awarded to Bar Kid, the only one that could squawk on the hand of Cream Crackered for enhanced boobs, Rattle Bones for being Clipboard and that was a crow, or perhaps the home made cut a tart and hot totty, David for his mode of transport, Sex Slave out and colour me on the shoulder of arseabout. for just being a wench, and The Grand Master for loosing his voice, how convenient. After raiding hash funds Mr Beaky An arsenal of weapons was on prominent proposed a toast to past and present Grandmasters and display from Dragon Swords, Cutlasses, hierarchy in the form of a tot of rum, amidst calls for” drinks daggers, and pistols, as you would expect for the boys.” Stoker displayed his huge Cutlass that kept finding itself in nomansland. The Rattlebones looked huge, had he eaten so much this evening? wenches knew how to get their men, just a Was he the barrel in a barrel rolling contest? no, he was just mention of the word cleavage and all wearing thirty hash tee shirts. The shirts were torn one by one pirates heads turned ,thanks must go to from his fine torso by his harlot; Rattlebones filled the air with Footstuck, Fancy Pants, Nell Gwynne, nostalgia as he reminisced as to the origins of the shirts over Sniff And Scratch, and Jackie Purkiss for the past thirty years. being so uplifting. The evening continued with Rattlebones transformed into a wench, just looking at her, or music, dancing, and mayhem was it him?, made Cream Crackereds false nipples look with vocals from the lovely Tracy. genuine. Snorkel made an excellent effort in his modern pirates What a start to our celebrating dress, looked more like a motorcyclists outfit to me, or was it thirty years of hashing, thank The Stig from Top Gear. you Mr Beaky and your mismanagement for organising Before we ate, Snorkel such a successful evening , and to the members that attended said grace in the form for making it the success that it was. Long John ... of the hash lord’s prayer, especially written for this most auspicious occasion. We all the tucked into an excellent three course meal that expanded the belly’s of all. Oysters’ balls are called pearls. (James age 6) On Tour - TURKEY ZZZ o ! h Gl te s enda Ga ! ZZ oh ZZ Hash Life Odd Soxs Gretel Henry Sharky Mr Chips See Bee & OB & Graffiti Swampy Spud & Hash Cake Sinbad Jammy & Chip ‘n’ dale Avon Lady Wheeze & Rattlebones Bumhugger Upfront Chips Pierced Nipples, Big Issue & Inside Out Ginger Puss Polk & Bastard Pissy Hash Life Guy Wheese & & Ben Oxfam Inside Out & Hansel Virgin Rice Crispie Expert Dragon & Badger & Cinders Ragget Frostbite Poppet & Ratarsed Miss Perfect Ancient Stoker Phil iPod IH Perth Mr Beaky ‘06 Clipboard Ragget & 02 1000 Run March 1st 2009 - Antelope Pub, Hazelbury Bryan Run. The St David’s day run was celebrated with hares and hashers dressed in all manner of leeks, daffodils and funny hats with some very phallic bulges in some hasher’s shorts. The pre-hash entertainment was provided by a brown horse trying to mate with Inside Out’s Ka car in the relief car park, with the Harriet’s marvelling at the size of the horse’s dong. Snow White passed out mumbling ‘Oh Thomas’. The down downs included the Grocer ‘Pigs ears’ for advanced motoring parking by re-streamlining Bum Huggers brand new car, and Oxfam’s birthday down downs’ of creamed beer and chopped leek. The bemused locals watched as the hashers set off and a little later the hardened hashers complaining that the hare had became a moving mini and main sign board by continually popping up in front time of them time and time again. The only sign that was missed was ‘the end of world is nigh’ as the main strung out into the extremely long, silage sprayed fields, with shiggy wet bog filled fields. ‘Some Frog’ went off trail, over a barb wire fence looking for water, croaking about lack of sawdust. There is conjecture within the hash that if someone kissed him he might turn into a Walt Disney Princess. Is he A.C. or D.C. ? At the parting of the ways at the first leek stop, the mini got lost, straying off course, fortunately G Attric, the mini hare rounded them up and held a field study class on how to look for dust and the basic principles of hashing. At this point Angela had an unhealthy, or healthy, helping hand over a style from the Greek god along with other advances behind Pavarotti’s back. Angela smiled in delight. The main then ran around the fishing lakes with one stealing a freshly hooked trout, and then they hit the hamlet of Mappowder being fooled by some very crafty false trails, with the Parkstone Pikeys short cutting at every available opportunity. From this point on the main strung out to the one and only check at Canning’s Court Farm. Some of the rear end caught up here. Woods, rivers and bogs back to the road and the second leek stop where they met Oxfam once again, and were given ample nourishment of sweets, chocolates, licorice allsorts. One of the mini hashers emerged from the newly collapsed farmhouse outside privy muttering ‘it must have been something I ate’ and as a result the main, the mini and all the farmhouse animals fled from the toxic, curry flavoured cloud with the Parkstone Pikeys detouring to the pub getting back before the shagged out front runners. The down downs were given to Tulip for being deleted from the Oxford dictionary, Up Front for providing a cycle rack with her backside, Mr Chips and Sinbad for exchanging Oriental experiences. Gretel claimed to have run just over 8.4 miles, so Oxfam demanded that Gretel’s instrument be recalibrated. Hansel remarked that was not all that needed recalibrating after gazing at Henry the Navigators huge phallic bulge. Penelope Pit Stop put her right and boasted that you should see the real thing, as it is much more eye watering that that, and bigger than a horse’s dong. Which is where we all started before we set off. “Blast from the past” Halcyon Days 1979 - 2009 MIDSUMMER - PRINCETOWN Mr Beaky and Inside-Out’s organising skill Made the whole weekend worthwhile on that windy hill. Rattlebones’s tent was a palace com- pared to all the rest; Erecting it in the stormy wind put him to the test. Gretel’s sub-sixty trail was long but otherwise quite fun; The weekend was a great success when all’s said and done. The egg-throwing, cherry-spitting and ski-board races Were a challenge to put most of us through our paces. The orienteering got many running round and round But Student was the only one who all the markers found. The Plume of Feathers was splendid ~ after our evening meal We acted the fool with Stoker, singing with great zeal. Sunday’s run was wonderful, the scen- ery a dream; When we finished, hot and tired, we all had an ice-cream. Barbecue, raffle and down-downs, with half-yards of beer, Laughter and fun all helped create another splendid year. To all the Wessex committee, I have to “thank you” say. (Did Snorkel admit, in the end, the venue was OK?) Arseabout & Inside Out My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes back with crabs. (Millie age 6) MIDSUMMER - PRINCETOWN H&S Notice To All Wessex Hobbits Dear Sir, The time has come to point out to you all the dangers It has been brought to my notice that you wish to have involved in: a scurrilous report published 1. Regularly going on the Main. 2. Following false trails without due care. alleging that three members of the Hash, taking part in 3. Following Pete Taylor’s short cuts. your good lady’s trail last 4. Enthusiastic trail seeking checks. Sunday, were guilty of ‘Shortcutting’. 5. Continuous running for distances of more than 100m. 6. Attending midweek meetings of HOV(MRC) or DH4 I would refute this accusation and say that the three Regular indulgence in any of these practises can be members accused, were displaying harmful. Over indulgence affects the genes, hormones, DNA and other similar bits and pieces, and leads to the more than a modicum of common sense. I can appreci- emergence of hybrid creature – part Athlete, part Hobbit. ate that a ‘Grunt’ is conditioned A sad example of this phenomenon is Graffiti Pete by now barely recognisable as the portly ‘Fat Bellied’ to follow orders blindly no matter what the circum- waddler we once all knew. stances, but we wot Let this be a warning, if you need help to overcome such problems or find you are becoming hooked, contact the have served in the technical arms of Her Majesty’s GM or Meerkats, (God Bless Her!!)Armed Forces, Remember – delay can be dangerous! have been encouraged to exercise our initiative whenever possible. On this occasion when one was sodding sodden soaked, I feel that using one’s initiative and heading for the warm hills(poetic speak for the pub) smacked of a great deal of common sense. I did say that it was a very good trail and would love to do it again in clement weather. Yours aye, Jim Joint. Ex Royal Corps of Electrical & Mechanical Engineers (R.E.M.E.) Wessex Witches Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She’s not my friend no more. (Kylie age 6) haswWESSEX HASH RUNS haswWESSEX hash hash unwary. Fursty Ferret made a good attempt at trying to poke his The Trail of Hissing Sid expensive bionic eye out - missing it by half an inch. Swathes of wild garlic were trampled down by swathes of wild hashers as The bravest animals in the land are Captain Beaky the miles clocked up. and his band That’s Timid Toad, Reckless Rat, Artful Owl and Batty Bat. On across and then downward to a stream with a perfect little They march through the woodlands singing songs bridge across it - barred, of that tell how they have righted wrongs. course - though that did not stop The picturesque setting of the Oak at Dewlish, like manner from some from blatantly ignoring the heaven for hashers, has hills and dales, wood and field, stream bar. and shiggy. What a perfect place to lay a trail. And in such ‘Flipping’ Trails. experienced hands, what could possibly go wrong? Round the field edges and into In the Circle down-downs were awarded for minor and major a field where the combine achievements. Memshaib for her victory over M&S for their boob harvester was at work. The Up front SCB tax. Gates, who had been discovered as a ‘closet Jock’ in a FRBs were able to sprint across in front of the machine and this newspaper photograph. Pee Pee & Wobbly as representatives of was their undoing as they could not be called back. Into the the Hobbit breed that a report had next field they lunged from where a mass of mini hashers could revealed have chimp-sized brains. be seen to the left, temptingly close, surely heading for a nip Dragon, for not having ‘flipped’ and a nap. Clearly, the mini was already ‘on-inn’ and no FRB her second home, or even owned wants a second-hand shandy mug. Fursty Ferret was first across one. Jock Strap for avoiding down- the field to the track. After stumbling in front of a tractor he downs, and Snorkel for acting like picked himself up and was soon passing the mini walkers. a child and fitting rather well into a Amongst the mini hashers was Batty Gates holding a ‘mini’ sign kiddies slide. - this was to remind him of which trail he was on, although its Finally, and notably, Greek God Hobbit Dual original purpose had been to inform the FRB’s, especially the Ralph Huckle got the ‘potty’ for 850 runs, having originally run at SCB’s that they were on the wrong trail! This information was to the Parthenon. prove to be vital evidence at the post hash inquest. Today, the Memorial Hash, we remembered those hashers now The FRB-main could now scent hashing up above. This year the list was added to with the sad shandy and they were soon loss of Paul Hart, Nigel Webb (Harold) and ‘MJ’ (Stripper). We upping the pace to make the run are poorer for losing them, but enriched to have known them. in a bit of a race. The Lytchett Stumblers (SCB’s) were now in The hares Poppet (Timid Toad), Ratarsed (Reckless Rat), Wobbly the vanguard, oh how pleased (Artful Owl) and Gates (Secret Batty Bat Hare) proceeded to tell with themselves they were as they us what a wonderful hash this was and how false trails were Chip ‘n’ dale reached the pub and marked with bars, and little wooden signs would help us find our congratulated themselves with a celebratory shandy. “Where’s way. Nothing had been left to chance. the rest of the main, how come they are so far behind - they must Reckless Ratarsed warned that a local lady resident would be have got lost, the fools”. Eventually the mini arrived at the pub watching early on that we followed the footpath accurately across and the rest of the Remnant-main some time after that having the field near her house. We were assured that if we followed the following the true trail and covered another 3 mile. laser-beam especially set-up by the hares that we would not be Much recrimination then ensued as the Remnant-main accused shot or molested. Thereafter we the FRB-main of shortcutting and crossing a bar. The SCBs could roam freely, a phrase that were having none of it, pointing out that there had been as was later to be taken too literally much dust on ‘their’ trail as there had been at any other part of by some. Sure enough the old mare the trail i.e. very little. Wobbly Owl ventured that the FRBs had was watching with three friends as missed the ‘mini’ sign and that was the cause of the problem. we strolled across the grassy field. “What mini sign?” - then Batty Gates walks in holding said item. She was grey and dappled with a In his effort to clean-up the nice mane and stood about 16 countryside Gates had removed Bravest Animals hands. the sign before even the FRBs After walking discreetly through the field the trail entered a could reach it. In reality the FRBs, pathway that rose up the hill steadily for some distance. Finally seeing the mini, were attracted to unfettered, the pack broke into a stream of racing stallions, until them like moths to a light but the 50 yards later the incline took effect and we settled back to a more former explanation was easier for sedate pace. Up and up we went, long and straight, relentlessly the hash to comprehend and onward. Over a style where the press-pack barged through so Gates was by now a familiar old Lytchett Stumblers that defenceless harriers could be snapped stepping inelegantly (scape)goat. over the obstacle. The thing that mitigated against Gates was that he had prior Along the trail and the obstacles changed from man-made to knowledge of the trail – he had told everyone before the run natural, with both tree roots and branches catching out the “watch out for the stingers”. So he was a secret hare, hedging Fortunately the weather was his bets. If the hash turned out well warm and sunny, so the après- he would reveal himself as one of hash was able to sprawl around the hares, nay as architect even of the pub garden. Just as well, this wondrous creation. If the hash since the pub was not big had problems then he would shrink enough to swing a cat, a rat, a into the shadows leaving his hobbit bat, an owl or a toad … though cabal to face the music with their Batty Gates we wanted to! Athlete chimp-sized brains. Such shenanigans won’t wash with the hash - so a fiendish The bravest animals in the land are Mr Beaky and his band Machiavellian plot was schemed so that even the Godfather could That’s Timid Toad, Reckless Rat, Artful Owl and Batty Bat. be humbled in the down-down circle. Not that the Godfather They march through the woodlands laying dust seems to mind, he appears to quite like his beer! that depicts a trail, but only just. HASHBITUARY BRHASHBITUARY Nigel John ‘Howard’ WEBB Nigel (Howard) tragically died on Sunday 2nd Novem- Nigel loved all sport but was never competitive, never ber 2008, doing what he loved, hashing, from Inn In the caring whether he won or lost, he just Tin, Ferndown, over Holt Heath. He will be sadly missed enjoyed actively taking part with his wife by his family and his many, many friends at the hash. Margaret (Hilda) and daughter Karen. He was an active dinghy sailor com- MJ ‘Stripper’ BUDDEN peting with his Albacore in National MJ passed away peacefully at Forest Holme Hospice Championships since 1966. In 1981 on Friday 30th January 2009. Margaret introduced him to ‘Hashing’ this was a first, as he had always been A hasher for many years MJ and the one to introduce the family into other ‘Pepper’ her faithful Jack Russel sports like tennis, ski-ing and sailing. were regular Wessex hashers. ‘Stripper’ was well known within This association for hashing led to Nigel the hashing fraternity at home and running four London marathons and half marathons his first being the London marathon in 1984. Along with abroad. Often seen at Eurohash and Karen and friend John Herbert they set off trying to the African hash, she also regularly break 4 hour mark. ran with the HOV (MRC) and Dorset Hospitality H3, besides the Wessex. Nigel had many qualities introducing new hashers was MJ was named ‘Stripper’ whilst on a Wessex run she one of his best. He trawled the yacht club for potential victims some of the finest Brian Ainsworth (Mr Bunn), came across a river obstacle and ‘thought no one’ would Ches Allen (Legover), and many others, but sometimes see her strip off to swim across... he had a blip and he was also responsible for introduc- MJ was responsible for introducing ‘Bumhugger’ to the ing John Herbert ‘Frostbite Willy’ to the Wessex HHH! hash, a misdemeanour if ever we saw one! They will be sorely missed. On On When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin age 6) Those guilty of being truly prolific hashers may be afforded the dubious honour of becoming Honorary or Life Honorary Members:- H o n o ra ry M e m b e rs Ram Seeger Founder Life Honorary Members P e n n y F a irc lo u g h Founder Steve Dawson "Ho Chi Minn" A n th o n y ‘’S h a rk y’’ W a rd E x G o dfa th e r Kath Mackie “Domestos” T o n y "B a dg e r" W e d la k e G ra n d D u s tm a ste r 2 7 y e a rs D e re k “V o n” H a rk e r O rig in a l R u n n e r Phil Davies "Ancient Hasher" h Hash Chumpions Hash September - Y Nam Im October - Mr Beaky November - Odd Sox December - Rattlebones January - Capt Oats February - Lilly the Pink March - The Grocer April - Odd Sox May - Gates June - Squiffy July - Gates Gates August - Half a Mind A dolphin breaths through an arsehole on the top of its head. (Billy age 8) I like mermaids. They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails. How do mermaids get pregnant? Helen age 6) HASH REGALIA Lanyard & Windscreen Sticker Key Ring Trackster FR57 Drill Shirt FR52 Drill Shirt Hash Mug Ladies FR77 Rugby Shirt FR2 Rugby Shirts Polo Shirt Classic Vest He’s looking at us for a down down!
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