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Negative summary Twilight blurb pale

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Negative summary Twilight blurb pale

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									               Focus on Writing – Cutting out unnecessary information

                        Negative summary of the Twilight blurb

Instructions

Below you will find the blurb to the novel Twilight. It is not the original blurb, however, but
an adapted version that is 205 words long.

Your task is to delete words, phrases and sentences so that the blurb is only 85 – 100
words long.



Twilight blurb adapted – lengthened

When Isabella Swan moves to the gloomy town of Forks, a small overcast town with
constantly rainy weather situated in the far North West of the United States of America
and meets the mysterious, alluring Edward Cullen, her life takes a thrilling and terrifying
turn. As a small town Forks doesn’t usually have much excitement but when Isabella
gets there, her life becomes very exciting indeed. With his porcelain pale white skin,
golden sunshine yellow eyes, mesmerizing voice that you can’t take your attention away
from, and supernatural gifts, Edward is both irresistible and impenetrable. Up until now,
he has managed to keep his real true identity hidden, and almost nobody in the small
town of Forks knows who he really is, but Bella is determined to uncover his dark secret.
She is desperate find out what he is hiding.

What Bella doesn't realize is that the closer she gets to him, the more time they spend
together in class and out of class, and the more she feels for him, the more she is
putting herself and those around her at risk. All of their lives are becoming more
dangerous every day for a variety of reasons. And it might be too late to turn back...

                                                                 (205 words)




                                                     Focus on Writing 2010 – Thinking Writing
One option

The gloomy town of Forks, a small overcast town situated in the far North West of the
United States of America doesn’t usually have much excitement, but life becomes very
exciting indeed. With his supernatural gifts, Edward has managed to keep his real true
identity hidden; almost nobody in the small town of Forks knows who he really is. All of
their lives are becoming more dangerous every day for a variety of reasons. And it might
be too late to turn back...

                                                                (85 words)



A second option

When Isabella Swan moves to the gloomy town of Forks, her life takes a thrilling and
terrifying turn. When Isabella gets there, her life becomes Edward: irresistible and
impenetrable. Almost nobody in the small town of Forks knows who he really is, but
Bella is determined to uncover his dark secret. What Bella doesn't realize is that the
closer she gets, the more time they spend together, the more she is putting herself at
risk. And it might be too late to turn back...

                                                                       (85 words)



A third option

When Isabella Swan moves to the gloomy town of Forks and meets the mysterious,
alluring Edward Cullen, her life takes a thrilling and terrifying turn. With his porcelain
skin, golden eyes, mesmerizing voice, and supernatural gifts, Edward is both irresistible
and impenetrable. Up until now, he has managed to keep his true identity hidden, but
Bella is determined to uncover his dark secret.

What Bella doesn't realize is that the closer she gets to him, the more she is putting
herself and those around her at risk. And it might be too late to turn back...

                                                                (95 words)


                                    Over to you!
                                                    Focus on Writing 2010 – Thinking Writing
Adapted Twilight blurb with deletions – one possible option

When Isabella Swan moves to the gloomy town of Forks, a small overcast town with constantly rainy
weather situated in the far North West of the United States of America and meets the mysterious, alluring
Edward Cullen, her life takes a thrilling and terrifying turn. As a small town Forks doesn’t usually have
much excitement but when Isabella gets there, her life becomes very exciting indeed. With his porcelain
pale white skin, golden sunshine yellow eyes, mesmerizing voice that you can’t take your attention away
from, and supernatural gifts, Edward is both irresistible and impenetrable. Up until now, he has managed
to keep his real true identity hidden; and almost nobody in the small town of Forks knows who he really is,
but Bella is determined to uncover his dark secret. She is desperate find out what he is hiding.

What Bella doesn't realize is that the closer she gets to him, the more time they spend together in class
and out of class, and the more she feels for him, the more she is putting herself and those around her at
risk. All of their lives are becoming more dangerous every day for a variety of reasons. And it might be too
late to turn back...

Adapted Twilight blurb with deletions – another possible option

When Isabella Swan moves to the gloomy town of Forks, a small overcast town with constantly rainy
weather situated in the far North West of the United States of America and meets the mysterious, alluring
Edward Cullen, her life takes a thrilling and terrifying turn. As a small town Forks doesn’t usually have
much excitement but when Isabella gets there, her life becomes very exciting indeed. With his porcelain
pale white skin, golden sunshine yellow eyes, mesmerizing voice that you can’t take your attention away
from, and supernatural gifts, Edward, is both irresistible and impenetrable. Up until now, he has managed
to keep his real true identity hidden, and almost nobody in the small town of Forks knows who he really is,
but Bella is determined to uncover his dark secret. She is desperate find out what he is hiding.

What Bella doesn't realize is that the closer she gets to him, the more time they spend together in class
and out of class, and the more she feels for him, the more she is putting herself and those around her at
risk. All of their lives are becoming more dangerous every day for a variety of reasons. And it might be too
late to turn back...

Adapted Twilight blurb, with deletions – a third possible option

When Isabella Swan moves to the gloomy town of Forks, a small overcast town with constantly rainy
weather situated in the far North West of the United States of America and meets the mysterious, alluring
Edward Cullen, her life takes a thrilling and terrifying turn. As a small town Forks doesn’t usually have
much excitement but when Isabella gets there, her life becomes very exciting indeed. With his porcelain
pale white skin, golden sunshine yellow eyes, mesmerizing voice that you can’t take your attention away
from, and supernatural gifts, Edward is both irresistible and impenetrable. Up until now, he has managed
to keep his real true identity hidden, and almost nobody in the small town of Forks knows who he really is,
but Bella is determined to uncover his dark secret. She is desperate find out what he is hiding.

What Bella doesn't realize is that the closer she gets to him, the more time they spend together in class
and out of class, and the more she feels for him, the more she is putting herself and those around her at
risk. All of their lives are becoming more dangerous every day for a variety of reasons. And it might be too
late to turn back...




                                                            Focus on Writing 2010 – Thinking Writing
Guidelines for use and adaptation - Cutting out unnecessary information

(Please contact Thinking Writing thinkingwriting@qmul.ac.uk with any feedback/comments if you do use
or adapt these materials)

Outline and aims
This activity aims to show how the focus of a text can be changed through editing choices. The goal is to
encourage students to identify and eliminate certain information in this passage (and ultimately in their
own writing) and to be able to recognise and/or motivate why particular information might be
(un)necessary. It has been designed by taking an original text in a genre with which the students are
familiar (in this case a blurb to a popular novel) and adding additional and arguably unnecessary
information.


Students are given the adapted, lengthened text and work alone or in pairs to score out words and
sentences to reach a goal length (the length of the original). A fat felt tip pen is useful here. They should
discuss and explain their choices with each other or with the larger group/class before considering the
versions offered. It is useful to copy the second and third pages together to give to the students only after
they have worked on the first page.


How to reproduce this activity in your subject:
    1. Choose a good example of a text type in a subject that you want students to focus on (a sentence,
        a paragraph, a leaflet, a report conclusion, etc).
    2. Add plenty of extra detail that is plausible but possibly unnecessary for that particular text type or
        that subject focus.
    3. Give students the longer text to edit to reach a specific word length, then compare their versions
        with each other and with the original version, and discuss the choices that have been made in
        each.
Additionally, choose an genuine example that is already repetitive and too detailed, ask students to edit it
to a specific word length, and compare and discuss resulting versions.


Important to note
It is important to emphasise that while version 3 is the original, it is not the only or necessarily the best
option – students may have chosen to delete and keep different parts of the blurb for good reasons.
Stress that what a writer keeps or deletes will change depending on the aspects of the writing that they
want to highlight, be that style, elements of an argument, the focus of a story, etc.


Over to you activities
Encourage students to edit a section of their own writing to reach a specified word length, as here, to
eliminate unnecessary repetition, to focus it to just one main point, and so on. We have found it more
helpful to set specific editing goals for this activity rather than to leave it as an open editing process.




                                                                Focus on Writing 2010 – Thinking Writing

								
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