Emma and the Vampires
Author: Wayne Josephson
What better place than pale England to hide a secret society of gentlemen vampires? In this hilarious
retelling of Jane Austen's Emma, screenwriter Wayne Josephson casts Mr. Knightley as one of the most
handsome and noble of the gentlemen village vampires. Blithely unaware of their presence, Emma, who
imagines she has a special gift for matchmaking, attempts to arrange the affairs of her social circle with
delightfully disastrous results. But when her dear friend Harriet Smith declares her love for Mr. Knightley,
Emma realizes she's the one who wants to stay up all night with him. Fortunately, Mr. Knightley has
been hiding a secret deep within his unbeating heart—his (literal) undying love for her... A brilliant mash-
up of Jane Austen and the undead.
Emma Woodhouse - handsome, clever, and rich, with a comfortable home and happy disposition - had
lived nearly twenty-one years in the world with very little to distress her. Until the vampire attacks began.
Emma resided with her affectionate, indulgent father at their estate, Hartfield, in the village of Highbury.
She had been the mistress of the house ever since her sister Isabella's marriage seven years past. Her
mother had died too long ago for Emma to have had more than a vague remembrance of her caresses. In
her mother's place, an excellent woman named Miss Taylor had served as governess.
Miss Taylor was less a governess than a friend - their relationship had more the intimacy of sisters. Miss
Taylor imposed hardly any restraints on Emma, living together as mutual friends, and Emma doing just
what she liked. The real evils, indeed, of Emma's situation were the power of getting too much her own
way and a disposition to think a bit too well of herself.
These were disadvantages that would lead to dangers which were presently unperceived - everyone in
Emma's village was pale, this being England, so the vampire gentlemen of Highbury blended in quite
nicely. Emma was blithely unaware when she found herself in their presence. And especially when she
found herself attracted to them.
A gentle sorrow came when Miss Taylor married. The wedding had every promise of happiness for
Emma's former governess. Her new husband, Mr. Weston, was a vampire of exceptional character, easy
fortune, appealing scent, and eternally suitable age. He had the pale blue-coloured eyes of a vegan who
feasted only on animal blood. Emma thought it slightly odd that Mr. Weston requested the wedding be
held at midnight. The guests struggled to stay awake, but since Mr. Weston never slept, he was quite
alert throughout the ceremony.
How was Emma to bear the loss of Miss Taylor? With whom would she now share an intimate
acquaintance? She dearly loved her father, but he was no companion for her. He could not equal her in
conversation, and the disparity in their ages was much increased by his having been a hypochondriac all
his life. And with the recent vampire attacks, he was quite fearful of leaving home.
Emma's sister Isabella, being settled in London sixteen miles off, was much too distant for daily contact.
Many a long October and November evening must be endured at Hartfield before Christmas brought the
next visit from Isabella, her husband, and their little children to fill the house and give her pleasant
Highbury, the large and populous village in which Hartfield was located, afforded Emma no possibility of
new friends. The Woodhouses were the grandest family in town. All looked up to them. She had many
acquaintances, but not one among them who could be considered a replacement for Miss Taylor.
It was a melancholy change losing Miss Taylor, and Emma could only sigh over it. But she needed to act
cheerful for her father. He was a nervous man, easily depressed, hating change of every kind. He was still
not reconciled to his daughter Isabella's marrying, when he now had to part with Miss Taylor too.
"Poor Miss Taylor! I wish she were here again."
"But Papa, Mr. Weston is such a good-humoured, pleasant, and excellent man that he thoroughly
deserves a good wife. We shall often visit with them. We must pay a dinner visit very soon."
"But - "
Wayne Josephson received his BA from Emory University and his MBA from Wharton. After twenty years
on Wall Street, he decided to pursue his long-delayed desire to write, becoming a successful
screenwriter. Emma and the Vampires is his first novel. He resides with his wife and three children in
More vampires in our Austen coming our way. This time, its Austen’s handsome, clever, and rich Emma
Woodhouse, with a comfortable home and happy disposition with very little to distress or vex her except
her vampire neighbors.
Emma and the Vampires is full of wonderful little witty remarks that have you chuckling to yourself if not
outright laughing out loud at Emma’s ‘cluelessness’, Harriet’s sweet trusting nature and the
ridiculousness of fighting off hoards of vampires that seem to follow the upper set around town on their
Emma’s best and most heart fluttering scenes are still intact if not slightly blood enhanced for the horror
thirsty. I would recommend giving this to your teen as an introduction to Austen if she wouldn’t give her
the time of day otherwise.
I remember loving the original and I equally loved this version. There were a number of times I roared with
laughter at the turn of events...I absolutely loved this book.
A highly enjoyable romp
I was smitten with Emma and the Vampires. Mr. Knightley as a vampire is most swoon-worthy and the
heart of the story remains intact. The writing is also quite good, and stays true to form of the work.
Josephson adds a soupçon of the paranormal to spice up Austen’s tale of romances gone awry, and
achieves a work that is eminently readable and more than apt to produce laughter...A delightful romp that
fits neatly into the recent craze of parodying the Austen canon via the supernatural world, Emma and the
Vampires is light but engaging reading for anyone interested in Austen or her work seen from a slightly
EMMA AND THE VAMPIRES is Wayne Josephson's first novel and an engaging froth of a read. It never
takes itself too seriously and is entertaining in the same way as a good long gossip with a clever and
cutting maiden aunt. It's the perfect book to pair with hot tea and biscuits on a rainy afternoon. I hope
there are plenty more of Josephson's books to come!