Domestic Violence

Domestic Violence: A Training for Service Providers Over the course of their lifetimes . . .    1 in 4 women will experience some form of abuse in their relationship DV occurs in both heterosexual relationships and same-sex relationships. DV is perpetrated by both men and women, though 91 to 95% of all reported adult domestic violence assaults are perpetrated by men against their female partners. The Dynamics of Domestic Violence Domestic Violence is not . . .  Random or arbitrary  ‚mutual‛ fighting  ‚high conflict relationships‛ Domestic Violence is . . .  purposeful and systematic  involves a fixed imbalance of power  driven by a sense of entitlement that says…. Entitlement ‚I have a right to a relationship that is centered around getting my needs met.‛ ‚I have a right to do what it takes to control my intimate partner to ensure that this relationship stays focused on me and my needs, my wants, my desires, my dreams, my goals.‛ Domestic Violence is . . .  Dynamic it tends to get worse and is always adaptive continuous movement: tactics change Example: an incident of sexual abuse followed by a honeymoon - both are tactics DV involves Bottom Line . . . Domestic violence is a pattern of abusive behavior that one person uses to obtain and maintain power and control over their intimate partner The Dynamics of Power & Control  Domestic Violence is about power and control not just physical abuse  While the threat of physical/sexual abuse is always present, physical and/or abuse may not be present The Dynamics of Power & Control: An Example He never hit her once . . . Power and Control Wheel: Unwound Some Tactics Used to Obtain/Maintain Power  Isolation  Financial  Verbal,  Contradictory Emotional, Psychological  Intimidation  Coercion and Threats  Using Children statements/beliefs  Minimizing, denying, blaming  Physical  Sexual  Privilege Some Tactics  Non-inclusive  Tactics list change  Tactics used are determined by context Isolation Attitude: I am entitled to have a relationship that is centered on getting all my needs, my wants, my desires, my wishes met.  I am the only person you need in your life.  My partner’s needs, wants, desires, wishes do not matter Goal: Establish power and control over a partner by limiting /eliminating any support network by centering the relationship on own needs, eliminate any challenges to authority Isolation: Behind Closed Doors  Harassing family, friends, co-workers  Controlling who a person sees and talks to  Controlling when a person can do something  Controlling what a person does  Controlling where a person can go  Controlling family transportation Financial Abuse Attitude: I am entitled to have a relationship that is centered on getting all my financial needs, wants, desires, wishes, impulses met Goal: Making a partner economically dependent, isolating a partner Financial Tactics: Behind Closed Doors  Controlling the money  Not putting a partner’s name on accounts  Preventing a partner from getting individual bank accounts, credit cards  Running up debt on partner’s credit card      Making all the financial decisions Preventing a partner from getting or keeping a job Not paying the bills Not paying child or spousal support Sabotaging attempts at financial independence Verbal, Emotional, & Psychological Tactics: Behind Closed Doors       Name calling Playing mind games Making a partner feel guilty Putting a partner down Making fun of a partner Denying partner’s reality     Humiliating a partner Harping on a partner’s shortcomings Ridiculing a partner’s strengths Manipulating a partner with lies and false promises Physical & Sexual Abuse: Behind Closed Doors  Punching  Hitting  Slapping  Strangling  Kicking  Biting  Coercing sexual contact  Forcing partner to participate in sex or sex acts against her/his will  Withholding sex  Using sex or sexuality to blackmail victim Substance Abuse & Domestic Violence    Substance abuse and DV are separate but similar problems Substance abuse is a disease characterized by a loss of control DV is not a disease  it is characterized by the abuser choosing to be abusive in order to maintain power and control over an intimate partner  Substance abuse and DV interact and exacerbate but do not cause each other.  Abuser is always exercising power and control, but might only become physically violent when drunk or high. “Why Don’t They Just Leave?”  Tactics used by abuser have made it extremely difficult for a victim to get out  Most victims attempt to leave up to 7 times before succeeding  Leaving and up to 10 years after leaving is the most dangerous time  Victim is expert in survival – her or his decision about what to do deserves respect What Options Do Victims Have?  Staying vs. Leaving   Give victims support and validation Never force a victim to leave – it can be very dangerous  Safety planning  Victims should talk with trained hotline specialists or advocates to plan how to keep themselves and loved ones safe Note: Couple’s therapy is never appropriate in situations of domestic violence  Speak with a counselor or social worker    Seek advocate’s help to establish self-sufficiency Get legal advice and representation Resources Available for Victims of Domestic Violence Resources Available: Criminal Justice System & Civil Court  Orders of Protection Court vs. Family Court  Criminal  Domestic Incident Reports  Domestic Violence Police Officers  Arrests & Prosecution Resources Available: Domestic Violence Shelters      Confidential, hidden domestic violence shelters throughout all five boroughs DV shelters open to victims of DV and their children, no matter their immigration status Victims may stay up to 135 days Services delivered over the course of victim’s stay in shelter Victims who stay in shelter for 42 days and who have some form of status in the US will be eligible for Advantage programs Resources Available: Housing     Section 8: Domestic violence priority status New York City Housing Authority (NYCHA): Domestic violence priority status Emergency transfers Requirements:   Documentation of two separate domestic violence incidents Must be incidents that fall under the category of ‘arrestable offense’ Advantage Programs HUD Programs  Other programs:   Resources Available: Immigration  U-Visa   Petition with the help of an attorney Victim must have cooperated in the prosecution of domestic violence crime(s) perpetrated by the abuser Self-petition Victim must have been in a ‘good faith marriage’ with abuser Physical battery or extreme cruelty  VAWA     Prosecution of Immigration Fraud Resources Available: Public Assistance  Public  Food assistance rental assistance  Cash, stamps  Debit-type system in which money is deposited onto a card for the purchase of food  Troubleshooting  On-site P.A. HRA representatives at the FJC Resources Available: The Family Justice Center  One-stop shop for criminal justice and social services  District attorneys, DV police officers, counselors, case managers, civil attorneys, and advocates  Services provided:        Crisis intervention and counseling Self-sufficiency programs HRA & help with public assistance Legal services Safety planning Spiritual and cultural support Food and clothing pantry “How Can I Help?” Ask Direct Questions . . . . . . and Be Prepared to Hear the Answer Safety Planning  No couples counseling or mediation  No telling them to leave abuser  Most importantly, let the victim decide what is safe for them – collaborate with them and provide ideas, but only victims intimately know the batterer and the batterer’s tactics Support & Validation  Believe and empathize with the victim  Support victim’s decisions and offer a positive message familiar with resources, hotlines, etc.  Become  Link patient/victim with those services Resources  24 hour, all-language NYC hotline: (800) 621-HOPE (4673) Justice Center hotline: (718) 875-5062  Anti-Violence Project, for LGBTQ victims (212) 714-1141 One, for teens (800) 214-4150  Day  Urban